Since Aunt Josephine is so taken with her new friend Captain Sham, the Baudelaires are obviously miserable. And the fact their guardian is charming and wants him to come for dinner only makes the kids feel worse. Since they know his identity is a sham since he’s Count Olaf and are terrified that he’s found his way back into their lives again. But despite their protests, Aunt Josephine simply doesn’t believe them. When Sham calls them Violet hangs up pretending that the person on the line was looking for the Hopaling Dancing School. Yet, the next time Sham rings, Josephine herself answers the phone and has the Baudelaires go up to their bedroom so they won’t listen in. What happens that night when they hear a crash from the wide window a few hours later.

The song I used to describe their frustrations is “Fakin’ It” by Simon and Garfunkel. It’s not a well known song in their repertoire. The original version has the protagonist mulling over his insecurities and shortcomings and it’s been suggested as an allegory for Paul Simon’s relationship with Art Garfunkel. Despite that Simon has become one of the most noteworthy singer-songwriters while Garfunkel has become synonymous to a partner who doesn’t contribute much of anything of importance. Because Garfunkel hasn’t been as well know after his association with Simon since their breakup. In this version, I have the Baudelaires mulling over their frustrations over Count Olaf being in their lives and Aunt Josephine not listening to them.

“Fakin’ It” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
When he goes, he’s gone
If he stays, he stays here
Count does what he wants to do,
He knows what he wants to do
We know he’s fakin’ it,
He’s not really makin’ it.

Klaus:
He’s such a dastardly soul
And a walk in the market
He’s in town
Charming off Aunt Josephine
Trying to get our green
He’s just been fakin’ it,
Not really makin’ it.

Violet:
Is there any danger?
Oh, yes certainly.
Just lean on me.
Tryin’ hard to warn
About him to Aunt Josephine.
He’s just been fakin’ it,
He’s not really makin’ it,
This seeing him fakin’ it,
I still haven’t shaken it.

Klaus:
Can be anytime now
I’m sure she wants us upstairs
Listen here

Aunt Josephine:
Good evening, Captain Sham.
Have you had a busy day?

Klaus:
She’s opened up and calling him
How she’s not afraid of him?
We know he’s fakin’ it
He’s not really makin’ it
This seeing him fakin’ it
I still haven’t shaken it.