Here’s a picture of me with my sister and cousins at my grandparents’ house during Christmas of 1994. Here I am pictured between my cousins Frank and John while my sister Molly is seated near my cousins Kerry Ann and Josh. Thank God, my parents got rid of that big ugly couch.

I’m sure whenever this woman’s child sees this picture, he or she’s going blush in deep embarrassment and wonder what the hell she was thinking. Still, I don’t think these kinds of photos are a great idea. An expectant mother has a whole life ahead of her to embarrass her child.

Okay, now I understand why my dad doesn’t put up Christmas lights. Also, kids, can’t you just help your daddy and hold up the ladder? I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.

Looks like Santa Claus has stopped listening to that girl a long time ago. I mean he’s basically dreaming of a white Christmas at this point.

“I didn’t wear the pajamas because I don’t sleep in pajamas. I sleep in my underwear like this.” Of course, who’d want to send this picture in a Christmas card? Seriously, I’m sure nobody wants to see the dad’s man boobs here.

Santa Claus: “Great, now I have to pose in this photo with these metal fan kids and their kids. I need a vacation.” Love Santa’s expression in this.

Rebellious children, sometimes hating your parents gets started when they’re young. Of course, I’m surprised it isn’t the daughter in the kimono like dress that seems to be made from a shower curtain.

Never has going to Santa land seem oh, so horrifying, but I’m sure the kid’s not scared. Still, what the hell is the Easter Bunny doing here? Also, what’s with the clown?

So I guess this is what the crew members from the Enterprise receive from their relatives around the Christmas season. I would think this one came from LaForge’s family but he’s black and probably not married. Then again, maybe he was adopted.

Now while Jake is certainly reveling in the Christmas spirit with a bow on his head, I’m sure Tony is trying to disguise his embarrassment and hope nobody at school finds out.

Now I wonder who’s idea it was for everyone to be photographed wearing the same set of ugly pajamas. Not to mention, what the hell is the Timberland boots doing here?

I’m sure the younger one is less than a year old but she seems to have murder on the mind. I’m not sure about the older boy though.

This would be the perfect way to embarrass a NASA astronaut during the Christmas season. Also, what the hell do astronauts have to do with Christmas anyway? Then again, they probably thought it would be awesome but didn’t think it through.

Wait a minute, doesn’t the Last Supper pertain to the moment of Jesus celebrating Passover right before he’s about to be crucified? Seems more appropriate for Easter than Christmas.

Well, maybe not quite a family nativity scene but I’m sure they didn’t have safari hats or bright blue robes in Palestine during the Roman Empire.

I’m sure the dripping paint from “Merry Christmas” doesn’t seem to bring in the holiday cheer. Also, the mom seems to resemble Tim Curry’s character from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Actually, maybe this family should’ve stuck with reindeer antlers. Bunny ears either reminds me too much of Easter or Playboy.

Yet, I sure hope the “lift” part was in the figurative sense. Still, how did this guy ever get a hold of such machinery?

Soon little Nellie will have her revenge once the adults leave the premises. Julie will pay for what she did to Nellie’s poor baby doll. Oh, yes, she will.

Man, some kids just don’t know how to share the spotlight. Then again, other kids must not care as much. Still, sibling rivalries do start out young, do they?

Now I’m sure this family isn’t setting a great example. Of course, those kids will soon die young in the hospital with their lungs all full of tar.

I especially feel bad for the boy who seems to have to wear a speedo. Man, I don’t know about you but swimsuits don’t seem to have anything to do with Christmas for me.

Nothing makes a grandfather feel old than getting a new toilet seat for Christmas. Still, pretty funny though.

Boy, Carly is going to have a very hard time pinning her dad for this year’s Festivus. Also, I’m sure this picture was taken way before 1997.

Looks like somebody really doesn’t want to get her picture taken. “Look away from the light, I tell you. Look away from the light.” Still, family doesn’t seem like an enthusiastic bunch.

Then again, I think many rednecks might find it very offensive if you really think about it. Still, you have to admire how this couple recycles beer packaging and cigarette cartons. Also, pregnancy is a great time to quit smoking, seriously.

Seems like everyone here’s in the Christmas spirit save Leslie in the lower left corner who thought this photo op was a stupid idea from the get go.

Maybe she shouldn’t have drank all that juice this morning. Now she has to change her blue jeans. Still, I wonder if anyone noticed the little accident.

I don’t know why anyone would want to tie their kid up in Christmas lights for a photo. That’s really messed up.

Now I’m very sure that’s from the 1970s because I think the chances of a man standing with pride in his short shorts nowadays would seem very unlikely today.

In all fairness, this seems to be the kind of Christmas card you’d see from The Wire. Seriously, the man with the money seems to reflect a lot of negative African American stereotypes if you know what I mean.

For some reason, I can’t help but wonder whether this family picture is from a commercial. Yet, they do seem like they could all be related.

Now this is one of those Christmas photos that makes me scratch my head and wonder, “What the hell were these parents on to think that this was a good idea?” Also, the parents look as if they’ve just stepped out from a tanning salon.

However, it seems like the photographer’s focus in this picture isn’t so much the baby as it pertains to Mommy’s huge lactating milk sacks. Seriously, you have no idea that this is a family portrait until you see the baby’s face being obscured in the parents’ arms.

I don’t know about you but if I saw people popping out of my presents, I’d freak out. I’m sure they either used photoshop or a very big box.

I’m sure little Scotty is afraid of Santa Claus and his older brother Billy is reveling in it as we speak.

I’m sure these parents weren’t familiar with rap music to notice that the word, “ho” has another meaning. Still, seems that the youngest had other ideas.

Okay, I think it’s really just a homeless guy in a fur coat carrying a sack, not Santa. I mean Santa wears a read suit. Then again, the beard is pretty clean.

Well, Mommy had to pay through college somehow back in the day. Amazing her outfit still fits all these years. Nevertheless, not something you’d wear for a family Christmas picture.

Then again, from how that girl looks in the picture she could be either getting ready to cut down a Christmas tree or kill her family. I mean she seems a bit eerily terrifying in this.

Because what other family would you expect to stack up their kids to pose as a Christmas tree? Yet, they seem to be very happy about it though.

Don’t look, now but I think something very bad went down in this room. Not to mention, there’s an arm coming out from the box.

Seems like the Dos Equis guy is traveling the world so much that he doesn’t get to see his grandchildren very often. Also, I didn’t know he had a wife. Hope she puts up with his peccadilloes since he’s the Most Interesting Man in the World.

Okay, so they may be on a Hawaiian vacation but still. I’m not sure if I think taking a Christmas card picture in a hot tub is a good idea.

Before Quentin Tarantino started directing very violent movies, he had wanted to become a dancer but his parents wouldn’t allow it.

I wonder who thought having shirts like that was a testament to fashion sense. Probably someone on drugs at the time.

Of course, this tree was decorated in that if Tanya did anything naughty, the doll heads would haunt her in her dreams. Really creepy stuff.

Of course, there are some things families shouldn’t do together like going to an outhouse. Still, pretty hysterical.

I wonder if this mall ever does a background check on any prospective Santas. I’m not sure if this one belongs on the “Nice” list if you know what I mean.

Now telling your kids not to twerk is one thing. Telling your parents not to twerk, well, there’s no way they’ll listen to you.

Now perhaps putting Dad near the gun display wasn’t a good idea. Seriously, seems like some invisible person is about to shoot him in the head.

Now I’m sure wearing those gift boxes can’t be comfortable. Also make them look pretty idiotic if you really think about it. Also, what’s with the Mickey Mouse Santa hats?

Or from the family who thinks they’re too cool for the rest of the neighborhood with their fashion sense still stuck in the 1980s. I mean one of the boys in the back has a mullet.

I bet that baby’s thinking, “Jesus Christ, Dad, why the hell did you have to dress up as the New Year’s baby? What are the kids in daycare going to think about this when they see this picture? I don’t want to dwell on it.”

Can anyone please explain to me how they thought dressing up as Christmas light bulbs was a good idea? Because they seem to be some kind of rendition of Fruit of the Loom characters.

Now I’m sure the leopard print doesn’t come from real fur. But still, such a family photo op is bound to make PETA furious.

Also, I’m sure those two aren’t wearing anything under the towel and that they’ll make love under it after the photo shoot is over.

Then again, a more plausible explanation for her orangeness probably has to do with being John Boehner’s sister. Yeah, that orange tan runs in the family. Must be a genetic disorder of some sort.

Actually for the love of God, don’t ever give your children guns for Christmas, let alone assault rifles. Still, these children seem like they’re out to cause a neighborhood shooting spree.

Now I’m sure he may be drug free now but boy do those tattoos tell you that he’s done the time. Nevertheless, I think concealer would be a great Christmas present for him.

What Jenny really wanted was an alligator purse, not an actual gator in the stroller. You can see why she’s very upset right now. Then again, the stuffed alligator might’ve been for one of the parents but it got mixed up.

I’m sure I sometimes feel that way, too when I have to stand for pictures, especially if they have to do another take.

I don’t know about you but they could also seem like they’re members of a cult in these outfits. Still, doesn’t seem very flattering.

Face it, folks, it was either this or the sugar plum fairies. And Dad really didn’t want to dress as a sugar plum fairy.

Now the Christmas lights expectant mother was one thing but this? How in the hell did anyone think it was a good idea? Hope that baby never sees this picture.

Holy shit, that’s Stephen King with his family. Certainly explains a lot there. Nevertheless, hope he’s not writing The Shining at this point.

I’m not sure if Grandma knows what Taebo is or if anyone at the high rise does either. Still, she probably never took it out of the packaging.

Some girls just want to rub it in on Santa. Man, this girl must not like the new cleaning trolley Santa sent her this year. Then again, would anyone?

“Okay, so after you’re done taking pictures of me on the rocking horse, can we be done here? Also, I just pooped in my diaper.”

Sure their clothes may seem like they’re made from the table cloths you’d find at Bob Evans. Yet, they really don’t seem to be down on the farm so to speak.

Let’ hope he doesn’t burn down the tree like Uncle Lewis did in Christmas Vacation, which led to that iconic squirrel scene.