Up on the Housetop, on Christmas Inflatable Decorations

What the hell is the jack-o'-lantern doing here? Halloween's over.

What the hell is the jack-o’-lantern doing here? Halloween’s over.

Now the tradition of having Christmas inflatables on lawns is a relatively recent phenomenon but they are nevertheless popular enough for onlookers to spot them. Of course, some people tend to go all out on them as well. So like them or hate them, they are here to stay. Nevertheless, I don’t participate in this tradition but many do so here’s a post on them. And believe me, there are many you can choose from according to the online listings. Yet, while I can go on and on about all the wonderful inflatable decorations out there, you might find it boring so I’ll put up the ones that don’t seem that glamorous but deserve extra attention for sheer tackiness. Not to mention, there are some inflatables that for some reason seem to make absolutely no sense whatsoever. So without further adieu, enjoy these blow up lighting lawn ornaments that might have some disturbing implications.

1. In honor of A Christmas Story, here’s a 6 foot inflatable leg lamp to show your neighbors.

As most of us have seen A Christmas Story, we all know that Ralphie's dad received a leg lamp after winning a sweepstakes contest. Still, despite A Christmas Story being a family film, this leg lamp is certainly an R-rated decoration.

As most of us have seen A Christmas Story, we all know that Ralphie’s dad received a leg lamp after winning a sweepstakes contest. Still, despite A Christmas Story being a family film, this leg lamp is certainly an R-rated decoration.

2. Santa Claus likes to ride on his motorcycle with his reindeer in the sidecar.

Wait a minute, isn't Santa supposed to be using his reindeer as transportation for his sleigh? I thought that reindeer were means of getting there, not passengers.

Wait a minute, isn’t Santa supposed to be using his reindeer as transportation for his sleigh? I thought that reindeer were means of getting there, not passengers.

3. Tyrannosaurus Rex receives a bone for Christmas as he always wanted.

I understand that dinosaurs are cool kid appeal animals, but still, they haven't roamed the Earth in 65 million years. To have a dinosaur in Christmas regalia is about as anachronistic as The Flintstones Holiday Special.

I understand that dinosaurs are cool kid appeal animals, but still, they haven’t roamed the Earth in 65 million years. To have a dinosaur in Christmas regalia is about as anachronistic as The Flintstones Holiday Special.

4. This snowman seems all dressed up and ready to get himself a buck.

Well, this does make a good decoration since deer hunting season starts on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Still, this has unfortunate implications if you know that Santa's sleigh is pulled by reindeer and the message of

Well, this does make a good decoration since deer hunting season starts on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Still, this has unfortunate implications if you know that Santa’s sleigh is pulled by reindeer and the message of “Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men.”

5. For those who love Christmas and Ernest Hemingway, then this is a great inflatable decoration for you.

When you take the Christmas stuff off of this decoration, you have yourselves an inflatable lawn decoration of Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea.

When you take the Christmas stuff off of this decoration, you have yourselves an inflatable lawn decoration of Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea.

6. Looks like Santa is climbing in the pool for a swim with a reindeer, penguins, and a polar bear.

Knowing that Santa lives in the North Pole, then he must be a member of the Polar Bear Club. Still, what the hell are these penguins doing here? They live in Antarctica, not the North Pole for God's sake.

Knowing that Santa lives in the North Pole, then he must be a member of the Polar Bear Club. Still, what the hell are these penguins doing here? They live in Antarctica, not the North Pole for God’s sake.

7. Merry Christmas from Santa’s trailer.

Looks like Santa and Mrs. Claus might need to go to marriage counseling or aren't on great terms right now.

Looks like Santa and Mrs. Claus might need to go to marriage counseling or aren’t on great terms right now.

8. While most of Santa’s reindeer are guys who pull the sleigh, their mates stage their own roller derby night.

Still, at least this decoration gets it right that female reindeer do have antlers during this time of year. And in many species, they are the only ones with antlers in December since the males have shed them since mating season. Still, I'd rather not recommend roller derby to anyone since it's a very violent sport.

Still, at least this decoration gets it right that female reindeer do have antlers during this time of year. And in many species, they are the only ones with antlers in December since the males have shed them since mating season. Still, I’d rather not recommend roller derby to anyone since it’s a very violent sport.

9. Santa and his friends travel the world in their hippie van encouraging kids to be nice, not naughty.

So if Santa Claus is an aging bohemian, does this mean that smoking pot, taking drugs, and engaging in free love won't get you put on the naughty list? Also, does this mean that soldiers get coal this year?

So if Santa Claus is an aging bohemian, does this mean that smoking pot, taking drugs, and engaging in free love won’t get you put on the naughty list? Also, does this mean that soldiers get coal this year?

10. Man, it’s so cold outside that even a snowman is shivering in his igloo.

Wait a minute, snowmen are made of snow and shouldn't be shivering in the cold. If they get warm, they melt. Simple is that. So why is this snowman getting the chills?

Wait a minute, snowmen are made of snow and shouldn’t be shivering in the cold. If they get warm, they melt. Simple is that. So why is this snowman getting the chills?

11. For the kids, celebrate Christmas with an inflatable lawn Noah’s Ark.

As a practicing Catholic, I need to say that this inflatable decoration makes no theological sense whatsoever. I mean most Christians usually celebrate Christmas to honor the birth of Christ. Well, Noah's Ark is recorded in Genesis so there's no reason why it shouldn't have any Christmas decorations on it.

As a practicing Catholic, I need to say that this inflatable decoration makes no theological sense whatsoever. I mean most Christians usually celebrate Christmas to honor the birth of Christ. Well, Noah’s Ark is recorded in the Old Testament Book of Genesis so there’s no reason why it shouldn’t have any Christmas decorations on it. What’s next, Moses dressed as Santa or Adam and Eve wearing elf costumes? Because both such decorations would just be as ridiculous as this.

12. Looks like Frosty the Snowman and his penguin friend are enjoying a long vacation at the beach sipping coconut drinks.

Seriously, what the hell is that snowman doing here next to a palm tree? Snowmen basically melt and evaporate in warmer, tropical climates. So there's no reason why Frosty should be near a palm tree in the first place.

Seriously, what the hell is that snowman doing here next to a palm tree? Snowmen basically melt and evaporate in warmer, tropical climates. So there’s no reason why Frosty should be near a palm tree in the first place.

13. Here’s Santa Claus relaxing in his palm tree hammock after making his Christmas Eve rounds.

Now I don't know about you but doesn't it seem a bit odd that Santa is still in his red suit? I don't mean to be rude, but if Santa doesn't strip out of that big red winter suit anytime soon, he might as well be rushed to the hospital for heatstroke. That, or sweating like hell.

Now I don’t know about you but doesn’t it seem a bit odd that Santa is still in his red suit? I don’t mean to be rude, but if Santa doesn’t strip out of that big red winter suit anytime soon, he might as well be rushed to the hospital for heatstroke. That, or sweating like hell.

14. Seems like the gingerbread man and his girlfriend have enjoyed a great time in the witch’s oven from Hansel and Gretel?

Gingerbread people seem surprisingly nonchalant about being baked alive! Seriously, what kind of sick and twisted person think this would make a great Christmas decoration? It seems more likely to give kids nightmares.

Gingerbread people seem surprisingly nonchalant about being baked alive! Seriously, what kind of sick and twisted person think this would make a great Christmas decoration? It seems more likely to give kids nightmares.

15. Merry Christmas from this Cowboy Penguin.

Now cute as this decoration may be, we must understand that penguins usually live in the Southern Hemisphere with the northernmost ones residing in the Galapagos Islands. And I'm sure that cowboys have little-or-nothing to do with Christmas either. So a penguin cowboy Christmas decoration would more or less make better sense in Chile where it's summer.

Now cute as this decoration may be, we must understand that penguins usually live in the Southern Hemisphere with the northernmost ones residing in the Galapagos Islands. And I’m sure that cowboys have little-or-nothing to do with Christmas either. So a penguin cowboy Christmas decoration would more or less make better sense in Chile or Australia where it’s summer.

16. Looks like it’s Casino Night at the North Pole.

Sorry, kids, but none of you are getting presents this year because Santa's got a gambling problem and needs to pay his loanshark bookies.

Sorry, kids, but none of you are getting presents this year because Santa’s got a gambling problem and needs to pay his loanshark bookies.

17. Santa Claus enjoys his vacation with a penguin in a hula skirt?

From the Huffington Post,

From the Huffington Post, “Surprisingly, global warming is welcomed by Santa and his… hula penguins.” Need I say more. Also, at least Santa has his shirt on.

18. Santa’s ability to withstand chimney fires made him the perfect recruit for the fire department or something.

Then again, there are a lot of firefighters out there who do look like Santa Claus. I mean a lot of firefighters I've seen do tend to be obese and may have white beards.

Then again, there are a lot of firefighters out there who do look like Santa Claus. I mean a lot of firefighters I’ve seen do tend to be obese and may have white beards.

19. My, my, so Grandma did get run over by a reindeer after all. Except that Santa wasn’t responsible.

And when we mean

And when we mean “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” we mean she was run over by one operating a steam roller. Still, first vehicular manslaughter and now this? What’s Santa doing to these reindeer?

20. Seems like Santa Claus is a badass biker dude on his motorcycle.

Keep in mind that a motorcycle holds way fewer presents than a sleigh and the insurance is higher. Also, wasn't there a Six Feet Under episode in which a mall Santa got hit by a truck while riding a motorcycle? The biker funeral episode is perhaps one of the best of the series but those kids will be in therapy for life.

Keep in mind that a motorcycle holds way fewer presents than a sleigh and the insurance is higher. Also, wasn’t there a Six Feet Under episode in which a mall Santa got hit by a truck while riding a motorcycle? The biker funeral episode is perhaps one of the best of the series but those kids will be in therapy for life.

21. Man, it seems that these penguins are certainly getting along with the polar bear.

Still, we have to acknowledge that penguins don't live in the North Pole and even if they did, they'd certainly not get along with polar bears. In fact, the polar bear would certainly eat them.

Still, we have to acknowledge that penguins don’t live in the North Pole and even if they did, they’d certainly not get along with polar bears. In fact, the polar bear would certainly eat them.

22. Seems like Santa has ditched the sleigh and replaced it with a chopper.

Man, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the reindeer being out of work. Also, what's Rudolph to do with his red nose now that he's unemployed?

Man, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with the reindeer being out of work. Also, what’s Rudolph to do with his red nose now that he’s unemployed?

23. Think of it as Christmas meets Stagecoach.

So does this mean that Santa is taking these penguins back to the Southern Hemisphere where they belong? If not, then where?

So does this mean that Santa is taking these penguins back to the Southern Hemisphere where they belong? If not, then where?

24. Man, Santa should really watch where to put that big ass of his.

Still, I hope that elf gets better by next Christmas in the North Pole hospital's intensive care unit. He's going to need it as well as go to the North Pole physical rehabilitation center afterwards.

Still, I hope that elf gets better by next Christmas in the North Pole hospital’s intensive care unit. He’s going to need it as well as go to the North Pole physical rehabilitation center afterwards.

25. Ahoy, mateys, step right aboard on Santa’s pirate ship.

Wait a minute, Santa gives presents to children, not take away cargo and other items from merchant ships! Then again, Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors. Still, why does this even exist?

Wait a minute, Santa gives presents to children, not take away cargo and other items from merchant ships! Then again, Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors. Still, why does this even exist?

26. Merry Christmas from the 9 foot mutant penguin spreading holiday cheer.

Wait a minute, isn't the idea of a 9ft tall penguin something from a nightmare? Still, why does this thing exist?

Wait a minute, isn’t the idea of a 9ft tall penguin something from a nightmare? Still, why does this thing exist?

27. Looks like this reindeer is hunting from a tree with a ladder.

Since December is deer hunting season, it's hard to tell whether this one is hunting for his own kind, trying to protect himself, or both. Either way, there's something very wrong with this.

Since December is deer hunting season, it’s hard to tell whether this one is hunting for his own kind, trying to protect himself, or both. Either way, there’s something very wrong with this.

28. Okay, so maybe Santa Claus can’t withstand all chimney fires.

Santa should be lucky that Dasher was able to get a hold of the sleigh fire extinguisher and put out the flames in time. Sadly, Santa didn't have a spare pair of pants and had to spend the rest of the night giving presents to kids with his rear end exposed.

Santa should be lucky that Dasher was able to get a hold of the sleigh fire extinguisher and put out the flames in time. Sadly, Santa didn’t have a spare pair of pants and had to spend the rest of the night giving presents to kids with his rear end exposed.

29. Just two reindeer roasting marshmallows at the campfire while Santa sleeps in his tent.

Since how does Santa ever have time to go camping with his reindeer? Also, isn't he supposed to be making toys this time of year?

Since how does Santa ever have time to go camping with his reindeer? Also, isn’t he supposed to be making toys this time of year?

30. So to commemorate the holiday season, Spongebob Squarepants decided to through some disgusting mutilation to make himself look like a Christmas tree.

Now this is bound to give Spongebob's youngest fans nightmares. Yet, I hope he gets back into shape after the holidays.

Now this is bound to give Spongebob’s youngest fans nightmares. Yet, I hope he gets back into shape after the holidays. Still, he doesn’t seem remarkably disturbed by looking like a Christmas tree.

31. Hello, and welcome to Santa’s Snack Shack.

Well, if you want a new Xbox for Christmas, Santa has to pay for it somehow. Those presents don't pay for themselves, kiddo.

Well, if you want a new Xbox for Christmas, Santa has to pay for it somehow. Those presents don’t pay for themselves, kiddo.

32. Seems like Santa really enjoys riding on his quad runner ATV.

Seriously, those things are basically gas guzzing four wheeled motorcycles. Besides, I'm sure they're not cheap either and make lots of unnecessary noise. Not to mention, Santa seems just way too cool for those.

Seriously, those things are basically gas guzzing four wheeled motorcycles. Besides, I’m sure they’re not cheap either and make lots of unnecessary noise. Not to mention, Santa seems just way too cool for those.

33. Fuel up, elves, because Santa needs to take a pit stop.

Santa, this seems too dangerous for you! You don't want to wreck on the racetrack don't you? Still, why does this thing exist for God's sake?

Santa, this seems too dangerous for you! You don’t want to wreck on the racetrack don’t you? Still, why does this thing exist for God’s sake?

34. During the summer, Santa and Rudolph take gigs as lifeguards on the beach.

From Huffington Post:

From Huffington Post: “We get that sometimes people have to take lifeguarding gigs in the summer, but SANTA? Really?” Still, I could understand Rudolph but I’m not sure if reindeer know how to swim.

35. Looks like Frosty the snowman has opened up a new popcorn stand.

So how does Frosty manage to scoop up the popcorn from the machine without melting his hand? I mean it takes a lot of heat to make popcorn pop doesn't it? Perhaps Frosty should just stick to selling ice cream instead.

So how does Frosty manage to scoop up the popcorn from the machine without melting his hand? I mean it takes a lot of heat to make popcorn pop doesn’t it? Perhaps Frosty should just stick to selling ice cream instead.

36. Frosty the Snowman takes his penguin pal for a ride on his new ride.

Uh, doesn't it get hot when you turn on a motorcycle? I mean people wear leather jackets on them for a reason. Still, it's a wonder Frosty is able to retain shape while riding one.

Uh, doesn’t it get hot when you turn on a motorcycle? I mean people wear leather jackets on them for a reason. Still, it’s a wonder Frosty is able to retain shape while riding one.

37. Nothing says Christmas like your very own Christmas cactus.

Wait a minute, cacti live in warm desert climates, not in places with snow. Also, they aren't things you want to decorate because of their needles. Not to mention, I'm not sure if a cactus has anything to do with Christmas whatsoever.

Wait a minute, cacti live in warm desert climates, not in places with snow. Also, they aren’t things you want to decorate because of their needles. Not to mention, I’m not sure if a cactus has anything to do with Christmas whatsoever.

38. Of course, even Santa has times when you gotta go, you gotta go.

For God's sake, Santa, pull your pants up, will you? Nobody wants to see your naked ass this holiday season! God almighty, why does this even exist?

For God’s sake, Santa, pull your pants up, will you? Nobody wants to see your naked ass this holiday season! God almighty, why does this even exist?

39. Behold, a neon dancing Santa Claus.

Man, Santa seems to have lost a lot of weight since he started working out more at the North Pole gym.

Man, Santa seems to have lost a lot of weight since he started working out more at the North Pole gym.

40. Since his sleigh is now in the shop on Christmas Eve, Santa now delivers presents on his new 8-wheeler trailer truck.

Of course, there are plenty of truckers who look like Santa Claus so maybe Saint Nick is onto something here. Still, I bet the reindeer aren't too happy being unemployed though.

Of course, there are plenty of truckers who look like Santa Claus so maybe Saint Nick is onto something here. Still, I bet the reindeer aren’t too happy being unemployed though. And I’m sure that truck is a gas guzzler for sure.

41. Looks like the sleigh has run out of gas.

Wait a minute doesn't reindeer transport prevent the need for Santa to stop at a gas station? Also, even if the sleigh were powered, wouldn't run on some kind of alternative fuel source like magic?

Wait a minute doesn’t reindeer transport prevent the need for Santa to stop at a gas station? Also, even if the sleigh were powered, wouldn’t run on some kind of alternative fuel source like magic?

42. Of course, Darth Vader knows what you’re getting for Christmas since he can feel your presents.

Now I'm not sure Darth Vader would make an appropriate Christmas decoration mainly because he blew up his daughter's planet and froze her boyfriend in carbonite before handing him over a bounty hunter, cut off his son's hand, killed his mentor, and force choked his employees. Yeah, I'm sure this Star Wars villain is on the Dark Side of the Force.

Now I’m not sure Darth Vader would make an appropriate Christmas decoration mainly because he blew up his daughter’s planet and froze her boyfriend in carbonite before handing him over a bounty hunter, cut off his son’s hand, killed his mentor, and force choked his employees. Yeah, I’m sure this Star Wars villain is on the Dark Side of the Force and you wouldn’t want this man to be your father. Definitely not a character who fits the Christmas spirit.

43. Looks like Santa had a little accident with his sleigh.

Perhaps we should concede that Santa Claus probably isn't the best driver as far as reindeer pulled sleighs are concerned. Still, I wonder if he has accidents every year or just once in a blue moon.

Perhaps we should concede that Santa Claus probably isn’t the best driver as far as reindeer pulled sleighs are concerned. Still, I wonder if he has accidents every year or just once in a blue moon.

44. Looks like a polar bear got his tongue stuck at the North Pole during the ugly sweater party.

Of course, we should all know that the elf talked the polar bear into it. Guess he ain't getting any presents this year. Still, I'm sure the bear isn't going to be happy once Santa sorts things out.

Of course, we should all know that the elf talked the polar bear into it. Guess he ain’t getting any presents this year. Still, I’m sure the bear isn’t going to be happy once Santa sorts things out.

45. Since reindeer tend to be too much trouble, Santa decided to deliver presents via dump truck.

I'm sure this doesn't bode well with the quality of toys this year. Still, I think he should give the reindeer their jobs back before they go on strike for higher pay.

I’m sure this doesn’t bode well with the quality of toys this year. Still, I think he should give the reindeer their jobs back before they go on strike for higher pay.

46. Man, it’s so cold out, I swear the snowmen and penguins are shivering.

I can understand the penguins since they might freeze to death during Antarctic winters. But the snowman? C'mon, it's made out of snow.

I can understand the penguins since they might freeze to death during Antarctic winters. But the snowman? C’mon, it’s made out of snow.

47. Merry Christmas from your local neighborhood Spiderman.

Sorry, that Santa couldn't go on his rounds this year. So you'll have to make do with Spiderman. Sure he has no sleigh and reindeer, but he can swing house to house with his web.

Sorry, that Santa couldn’t go on his rounds this year. So you’ll have to make do with Spiderman. Sure he has no sleigh and reindeer, but he can swing house to house with his web.

48. It’s great fun at the North Pole on Santa’s party barge.

Let's hope nobody drinks too much eggnog, especially Captain Santa. Then again, I might watch out for the polar bear, too.

Let’s hope nobody drinks too much eggnog, especially Captain Santa. Then again, I might watch out for the polar bear, too.

49. Some fish wants to give Santa a present.

Now this absolutely makes no sense to me. I mean Santa was about to catch that fish wit intent to have it for dinner. But both seem quite cheerful for some reason.

Now this absolutely makes no sense to me. I mean Santa was about to catch that fish wit intent to have it for dinner. But both seem quite cheerful for some reason.

50. Merry Christmas from Spiderman as he scales up his wall.

Uh, spidey, are you sure you're going to do fine with that sack? Looks a bit heavy. Hope you don't break your back. Also, you might want to give the job to Superman. Or Ironman.

Uh, spidey, are you sure you’re going to do fine with that sack? Looks a bit heavy. Hope you don’t break your back. Also, you might want to give the job to Superman. Or Ironman.

More Underrated, Overlooked, Forgotten, and Ignored Historical Heroes Who Need More Love

While some people have their names enshrined on a plaque, a statue on a public square, a biopic, and are remembered for generations in the history books, others get barely a footnote in some long history academic encyclopedia. Whether they’re ignored for their race, gender, or other feature that doesn’t fit in the historic narrative or are overlooked in other ways, we have these people who the history books just don’t do justice to. Last October, I compiled a list of forgotten and not so forgotten figures and this time I have an assortment for your pleasure. I’ll only list people who are now dead.

William_Parker,_4th_Baron_Monteagle_and_11th_Baron_Morley_by_John_de_Critz

1. William Parker, 13th Baron Morely, 4th Baron Monteagle

His Feats: English noble and member of the House of Lords. He’s best known for the discovery of the Gunpowder Plot in which a group of 13 Catholics conspired to blow up the Houses of Parliament with 36 barrels of gunpowder in the cellar directly below it during the 1605 opening. Before the fateful 5th of November, he received a mysterious letter, presumably from a fellow Catholic (most likely his brother-in-law Francis Tresham) who wanted to spare his life from the upcoming scheduled terrorist attack. After deciphering the letter, he rushed to Whitehall, showed it to the 1st Earl of Salisbury Robert Cecil. He then joined Thomas Howard where they found a stash of Gunpowder and explosives which resulted in Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators arrested, tortured into confession, and executed through being hung, drawn, and quartered. He was rewarded with £500 and 200 acres of land

Why He’s Ignored: Parker was a lifelong recusant Catholic who was in favor with court despite having a checkered past of being linked to Catholic terrorist plots as well as a stint in prison as well as a £8,000 fine. Of course, given the status of English Catholics as a persecuted minority since Elizabethan times (as well as the fact that acts of Catholic terror caused Protestant pressure to crack down on them), putting him in the history books wouldn’t fit with the historical narrative most 17th century English Protestants wouldn’t be happy with. Also, despite the Stuart monarchy being too Catholic friendly for their own good, things wouldn’t get better for the English Catholics in Great Britain after the Gunpowder Plot as priests continued to be expelled, fines were taxed, and the recusant Catholics worshiped in secret. So in spite of Parker basically saving Parliament and the Stuart royal family, his actions didn’t help the persecuted English Catholics in the PR department (then again, Catholic terrorists blowing up Parliament might’ve made things worse). Not only that, now since we have the film V for Vendetta, Guy Fawkes now has his own fanbase (and souvenir mask) despite only functioning in the group as the explosives expert as well as being the first guy caught who ratted out all his fellow collaborators while under torture. Nevertheless, whether Parker wrote the Monteagle Letter or not, he certainly knew about the Gunpowder Plot and acted accordingly. Yet, when it comes to Fawkes and Monteagle, it’s very clear which one should be seen as the hero in the story of the Gunpowder Plot.

a98988_640px-Philo_T_Farnsworth

2. Philo T. Farnsworth

His Feats: A self-taught American physicist and child prodigy who built a motor and produced the first electric washing machine his family ever owned when he was 12 years old. At 14, he figured out a way to transmit images electronically. In 1921, he diagrammed and described television in a school science paper. 5 years later he built his first television camera and receiving apparatus. He would build the electronic transmission of television, using a carbon arc projector to send a single line to a receiver in the next room of his apartment.

Why He’s Ignored: Unfortunately for him, the Radio Corporation of America (RCA) owned a patent for television by another inventor. He would spend years embroiled in lawsuits, defending himself from infringement claims, and seeking to guard his own patent rights. In 1939, RCA would finally license Farnsworth’s patents and paid him $1 million. Nevertheless, despite that TV has basically has had a major impact on the lives of billions of people who tune in every day, most people don’t really know the man who invented it. In many ways, just being the inventor of TV alone, Farnsworth should be a household name.

a98988_wills

3. Frank Wills

His Feats: Nighttime security guard at the Watergate Hotel and Office Complex who while on his rounds in the summer of 1972, found a strip of duct tape preventing a door latch from closing all the way. He removed it and continued on his way. 30 minutes later, he returned to the spot and saw that someone reaffixed the tape to the latch. Feeling something suspicious was going on, he promptly called the cops. What he discovered would become front page news as the late night burglary of the Democratic National Convention Headquarters which would lead to a major coverup as well as a series of scandals that led to the resignation of a US president.

Why He’s Ignored: Well, despite being held a hero with a few talk show appearances immediately after the Watergate break-in, he died broke and in obscurity. Once his 15 minutes of fame were up, he had constant trouble finding employment and was unsuccessful. Even Howard University wouldn’t hire him because they didn’t want the government to withhold their funds in retribution. In 1983, he’d be arrested for shoplifting a pair of $12 shoes which led to a year in prison. Still, if he’s ignored for anything, it’s because he was just an ordinary guy doing his job and a reluctant whistleblower, which doesn’t go well with the Watergate narrative. Yet, there are plenty of people who’ve made history every day and Wills is one of them.

4. Aryabhata

His Feats: Indian astrologer and mathematician. Said by many to have invented zero and narrow down the value of pie to the correct four decimal places. Studied both lunar and solar eclipses as well as the Earth’s rotation on its axis as well as measured the Earth’s circumference to 99.8% accuracy.

Why He’s Ignored: Well, since history is basically told in the our euro-centric point of view in most western countries, his Indian nationality is certainly an obvious factor. That and imperialism has basically promoted the notion of European supremacy bias. The fact that this Indian mathematician and astronomer existed at all doesn’t suit that narrative.

1920_subhash_chandra_bose_as_student

5. Subhas Chandra Bose

His Feats: Leader of the Indian National Congress who sought full, immediate independence for India from Great Britain in contrast to Mohandas K. Gandhi’s “passive resistance” methods (though he was a great admirer and called him, “father of our nation” while Gandhi plotted against him). As a statesman and rebel leader, he was jailed as well as wore various disguises while traveling to India and beyond to bolster support for the cause. Was known in India for his decorum and respect as well has had mysterious death in 1945 with rumored sightings of Elvis-like proportions.

Why He’s Ignored: While he’s certainly revered in India, he’s seldom known anywhere else mostly because he courted the Axis Powers during World War II and the fact that Gandhi’s means of peace makes a far more better story in the PR department. Yet, like it or not, Bose’s more aggressive techniques (as those of other freedom fighters) did a far more to bring India’s independence than Gandhi ever did.

rosalind-franklin

6. Rosalind Franklin

Her Feats: British Jewish scientist who unraveled the structure of DNA with the double helix as well as was part of her team that won the Nobel Prize of 1962. Also helped unravel the structure of the Tobacco Mosaic Virus and RNA.

Why She’s Ignored: Well, three reasons. First, as a female scientist, she wasn’t acknowledged for her work by her male colleagues until 1968 and even since, she’s just a footnote in a high school biology textbook. Second, working in x-ray crystallography that helped her that famous discovery, also lead to her early death from ovarian cancer in 1958 at the age of 37. Third, the Nobel Prize isn’t awarded posthumously, though you’d think they’d make an exception with her. Still, with her work in unraveling DNA, Franklin is possibly the most important female scientist in history.

7. Elijah McCoy

His Feats: Canadian-American inventor notable for 57 U. S. patents most to do with lubrication of steam engines. Born to runaway slaves in Canada and moved to Michigan at the age of 5, he studied as a mechanical engineer in Edinburgh, Scotland. Though he only could find work as a fireman and oiler at the Michigan Central Railroad, he invented an automatic lubricator for oiling steam engines, locomotives, and ships. Also invented the folding ironing board and a lawn sprinkler. Produced more patents than any other African American inventor up to the 20th century.

Why He’s Ignored: To make a short story short, despite having all those patents and debate on how much he revolutionized the railroad and machine industries with his devices, he’s not well known outside of industry and the African American community. This is mostly because he was black as well as the fact he didn’t have the money to manufacture his lubricators in large numbers until close to the end of his life and usually assigned patent rights to his employers investors. Not only that, but racial prejudice in the day was the main reason why he could only find work as a fireman and oiler in the first place, which is why he’s barely mentioned at all in any early 20th century literature at all relating to lubricators.

8. Norbert Rilleaux

His Feats: 19th century Creole African American inventor and engineer. Born in Louisiana and cousin of Edgar Degas, was the youngest teacher at the Ecole Centrale (an engineering school in Paris) at the age of 24 instructing in applied mechanics as well as a competent blacksmith and expert machinist. Best known for inventing the multiple-effect evaporator which was an energy efficient means of evaporating water as well as an important development in the sugar industry. When a yellow fever outbreak plagued New Orleans in the 1850s, he proposed a plan to the city that would eliminate the moist breeding grounds for the mosquitoes that carried the disease by addressing problems in the city’s sewer system and drying swamplands in the area. Though rejected, it was addressed several years later.

Why He’s Ignored: Well, despite helping to revolutionize the sugar industry with his refining contraption, the fact he was black and a Creole of color certainly doesn’t give him much recognition in the history books as well as those of other African American engineers, scientists, and inventors. Also, for many white Southerners of the day, giving credit to a black guy for making a device that helped the growth of the sugar industry is kind of an embarrassment.

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9. Oscar Micheaux

His Feats: Born to a former slave father in Illinois and to a family of 13 children. Moved to Chicago at 17 in which he had several different jobs from working in stockyards and steel mills to setting up his own shoeshine stand and working as a Pullman porter. He then became a homesteader in South Dakota with all white neighbors who wouldn’t let him eat at their tables and started writing articles for the press. Wrote 7 novels based on his experiences and the failure of his first marriage as well as had his stories revolve around the theme of African Americans realizing their potential and succeeding in areas from which they were previously excluded. When his 1918 book The Homesteader was being planned for a feature film, negotiations between him and producer, he decided to form his own book and film company in Chicago and made the adaptation himself. He would go to collaborate in over 40 films focusing on contemporary African American life, black and white racial relationships, and blacks trying to achieve the American Dream in a larger and segregated society. He’d also use his films to counter white portrayals of African Americans and inferior black stereotypes. He was perhaps the most successful black filmmaker in the early 20th century and gave a lot of opportunities to African Americans in the film business. Once said, “My results…might have been narrow at times, due perhaps to certain limited situations, which I endeavored to portray, but in those limited situations, the truth was the predominate characteristic. It is only by presenting those portions of the race portrayed in my pictures, in the light and background of their true state, that we can raise our people to greater heights. I am too imbued with the spirit of Booker T. Washington to engraft false virtues upon ourselves, to make ourselves that which we are not.”

Why He’s Ignored: Outside of film buffs and the African American community, most people don’t really know who he was. Of course, the fact that Hollywood and mainstream US History tends to downplay the achievements of African Americans so we shouldn’t be surprised. Not to mention, the fact that Hollywood tends to take movies made by blacks less seriously than whites is also a factor as well as the fact that some of Micheaux’s films are now lost. Yet, as his tombstone reads, this pioneer in African American cinema was certainly, “A man ahead of his time.” Still, when it comes to the history of film and Hollywood, you can’t really ignore this man who’s certainly a historical hero indeed.

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10. Mary Anning

Her Feats: 19th century British fossil collector, dealer, and paleontologist known for the important finds she made in the Jurassic marine beds in the cliffs along the English Channel at Lyme Regis. Discoveries included the first correctly identified ichthyosaur skeleton she found at the age of 12, the first two plesiosaur skeletons, and the first pterosaur skeleton located outside Germany, and important fish fossils. Her observations played a key role in the discovery that coprolites were fossilized feces and that belemnite fossils contained fossilised ink sacs like those of modern cephalopods. All this despite having almost no formal education and barely enough money for journal subscriptions as well as collected fossils during landslide season which was very dangerous and killed her dog.

Why She’s Ignored: As a woman from a poor family of religious dissenters who lost her cabinetmaker dad at eleven, she was screwed by the British scientific establishment from the get-go. Also, she was only published once in the scientific press in which she wrote a letter to the Magazine of Natural History disputing the “discovery” of a new genus prehistoric shark based on her own findings. Still, this didn’t stop other British scientists from wanting to talk shop with her.

11. Rabban Sauma

His Feats: 1200s Turkic/Mongol Nestorian monk turned diplomat who traveled in places such as Mongol controlled China, Baghdad, and Europe where he met with many of the monarchs and the Pope. He then chronicled his lifetime of travel which is of unique interest to modern historians giving a picture of medieval Europe at the end of the Crusading period painted by a keenly intelligent, broadminded, and statesmanlike observer as well as provides a viewpoint of East looking West.

Why He’s Ignored: Let’s just say that people may find it hard to believe that a Turkic/Mongol managed to write anything about the Crusades and medieval Europe. Yes, Western Eurocentric history, indeed.

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12. Nicholas Steno

His Feats: Danish Catholic Bishop and major figure in the Catholic Counter-Reformation (enough to make him headed for sainthood) as well as tutor to the de Medici family and scientific pioneer in both anatomy and geology (that a device is named after him). In 1659, he resolved not to accept anything simply written in a book and decided to do the research himself. This self-study led him to become the father of geology and stratigraphy. Responsible for the recognition of geological strata and the theory that successive layers of geologic transformations (strata) contained a fossil record of life in chronological order.

Why He’s Ignored: Despite his many great achievements, he’s largely unknown which may be due to his religious zeal and the fact that the Catholic Church in the 17th century is best known for the Galileo Affair. Yet, even when his theological studies and religious duties caused him to put his natural science studies in the back seat, he never totally abandoned them and no one in the Catholic Church saw anything wrong with it. Still, his story doesn’t go well with some people’s point of view with the science vs. religion debate because Steno didn’t see such a conflict at least when it came to the his relationship with the Catholic Church in his later years. Was said to be a decent bishop though.