Now that I’m back from my break doing posts on Christmas in Tackyland, let’s get down to business since I know many of you come to my blog around the holidays specifically to look at my treasure trove of bad and kitschy Christmas stuff. Another well-known Christmas tradition during the season is the idea of the ugly sweater party, where people gather to celebrate Christmas bringing gifts, food, and donning their gay apparel with their poor fashion sense. Some people get their ugliest sweaters online or at the store already premade, while others get creative and make their own. As with mine, well, I basically got it from my mother. Well, it’s not exactly what I’d call “ugly” per se, but it basically consists of a combination of two styles such as tacky Christmas sweater meets the traditional robes of the Ming Dynasty. Yet, compared to the other sweaters you’ll look at in this post, this is actually pretty tame (for an ugly Christmas sweater, but as a Chinese robe, it’s atrocious). But here I open a post with me sitting on my couch near the Christmas tree as my parents watch the Pittsburgh Penguins take on the Calgary Flames. Nevertheless, I wore this sweater at the Westmoreland Mall Macy’s for Black Friday while working for ten hours as well as for my family Thanksgiving dinner afterwards. So without further adieu, here are some of the great moments in Christmas dress tackiness. Enjoy for your pleasure though some may not be safe for work, by the way.
1. For our first Christmas fashion disaster, I bring you Santa Dress.
I suppose that this woman is a kindergarten teacher. And I think this dress was designed by one of her students.
2. I call this one, “Elf Torpedo Tits.”
Of course, until I saw this picture, I didn’t know that they hired strippers at the North Pole. Guess Santa’s elves need some entertaining distraction from their lives.
3. In Mexico, they don’t celebrate Christmas wearing ugly sweaters. They celebrate Navidad wearing Navidad ponchos.
Of course, this picture was taken during Chad’s time as a foreign exchange student at the Universidad de Tijuana.
4. Of course, this sweater reminds that dogs will go where they may.
Also, the fact that Scruffy here has no respect whatsoever for Frosty the Snowman. Poor Frosty.
5. As Bob Dylan said, “The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind.”
Yes, the answer is certainly blowing in the wind and so is Frosty’s head. Or was.
6. For this Christmas season, have your hair done in the style a la Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Now this is how you style your hair for an ugly sweater party. Still, very funny. Why didn’t I think of this?
7. This lady is totally rocking it in her Frosty dress.
Of course, the kids are going to say, “What do you mean she’s Frosty? She doesn’t look like Frosty the Snowman to me!” Still, I wonder if the kids understand the concept of either “sexy costumes” or “making do with what they got.”
8. I give you the gift bow dress.
Of course, if you have all those bows in your Christmas gift wrapping supplies, what else are you going to do?
9. Here’s a great Christmas sweater featuring the Great Emancipator in his Santa hat.
Seriously, I understand that Abraham Lincoln was a great American President who led the US while it was torn apart by civil war as well as has a very important person in American history. But what the hell does he have to do with Christmas?
10. “.Fra-gee-lay. Must be Italian.”
I’m sure that reads “fragile” like easily breakable. Yet, I wonder if the guy is Italian though. Seems like he is.
11. So it’s Christmas and Hell must’ve frozen over. Or not.
Of course, when I see a picture of a skull wearing ear muffs and a scarf, I don’t think it’s a good sign. Rather, I might suspect that cannibalism was involved.
12. Ugly Christmas sweater? Nah, how about an ugly Christmas suit instead?
Now I’m sure this guy looks even more ridiculous in the ski lodge with that Christmas suit on. Looks so silly I can’t help but laugh.
13. Got a black plain sweatshirt? Well, why don’t you take a knack at decorating it like a Christmas wreath with a red bow in the center?
I’m sure this woman took a lot of time to make this sweater as she stands as if she’s proud of what she accomplished. Still, I love the wreath though.
14. Have your Christmas sweater vest light up which will make you the life of the party.
Now this girl looks very excited rocking in her lit up Christmas sweater vest. I also wonder what’s in that cup she’s holding. Still, I wouldn’t be caught dead acting like that at my Aunt Mary’s place on Christmas Eve.
15. For the little girl in your life, perhaps you can take her to the ugly sweater party dressed as a cute little Christmas tree.
Of course, this little angel is thinking, “why did mommy and daddy have me dress in this stupid tree costume? Everyone at Grandma’s house is going to laugh at me.”
16. Wake up on Christmas morning wearing Ralphie’s bunny pajamas.
Ironically, because of A Christmas Story, it’s now acceptable for guys to wear pink bunny pajamas on Christmas morning. The expression on this guy’s face is just hilarious.
17. Nothing says, “Merry Christmas” than donning a Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on your boob.
Okay, note to self: Don’t ever think of trying this idea at your Aunt Mary’s house on Christmas Eve. Your aunts and uncles might have a problem with their kids seeing this. Still, this might be great with nursing mothers.
18. Either this is Santa’s female sidekick Plinkerbell or some kind of female Christmas Superheroine called Tinseltoe.
Of course, while this is certainly a festive outfit, I’m sure that it’s one of the most atrocious Christmas costumes I’ve seen so far. Seems like this woman spared no expense whatsoever.
19. I call this one, “Santa Spring Tits.”
Of course, I’m sure this woman is another North Pole stripper elf but she didn’t want me to show her face due to privacy reasons.
20. Okay, I understand why they called him “Frosty the Snow ‘man'” instead of “Frosty the Snow ‘woman.'”
Small Child: “Why does the snowman have a carrot and coal on the bottom like that on Uncle Bobby’s sweater?”
Dad: “You’ll learn when you’re older, sweetie.”
21. Bring the festive spirit of Christmas with this Christmas tree costume.
Of course, at the Christmas Party, you might have people trying to put presents under you than giving them to you.
22. Of course, you can’t forget Jesus, since he’s the Birthday for Christmas.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if having Jesus on an ugly Christmas sweater is a great idea. In fact, it may possibly border on sacrilege, if you ask me. I mean Jesus kind of deserves more respect than that.
23. Of course, why be the only one in your family getting in the Christmas spirit while you can include your whole family?
Of course, I’m sure the whole family approved that they attend the Christmas Party at Grandma’s house by wearing sweaters containing giant green candy canes. Then again, maybe it was just the parents’ idea.
24. For couples, you might want to try this lovely reindeer sweater combination.
Of course, I’m sure the woman usually wears the top half while the man wears the other for obvious reasons. Still, reminds me of “in one end and out the other.”
25. Now this hostess certainly has all the bows and tinsel on her dress.
Yes, this is another bow dress but this one also includes tinsel and seems more Christmasy. Also, she seems to be saying, “Who wants Christmas cookies?”
26. Of course, you can always include a winter scene.
Yet, this woman seems to deck her outfit with a winter scene enclosed in a plastic bag with some cutouts for a barn and tree as well as lots and lots of cotton.
27. Christmas is always the time for joy.
Yet, when a woman is wearing a Christmas sweater reading, “Feel the Joy” and has two black hands on her chest, I don’t think you want to abide.
28. Seems like this woman is feeling festive in all her greenery.
Now this woman seems like she didn’t have much choice to wear this sweater at her Christmas Party. Mainly because she’s actually a waitress at the country club.
29. “Up on the housetop, reindeer falls. Out jumps good ol’ Santa Claus. Down through the chimney with lots of toys, all for the good little girls and boys.”
Yet, I’m sure that this guy used a creepy psycho Santa Claus foe his chimney and fireplace Christmas sweater. Still, where the hell is the guy’s face for God’s sake?
30. At your Christmas party, come as Santa Claus decorating the tree.
Of course, my question about this outfit other than sheer tackiness is how the hell does this guy manage to sit down in this? Also, I’m sure he has to take it off once in a while.
31. Of course, what’s a Gingerbread Man without his can of Bud Light?
Just what I need, a drunk Gingerbread cookie. Now the last Christmas cookie I need is one that tastes like beer.
32. Seems like Crumpet just got drunk at his RV home.
So I guess that the North Pole has it’s share of redneck elves who live in their trailers. Makes sense.
33. Deck the halls at your Christmas party by donning this sweater with a big red bow that lights.
Now I’m sure this is a very tacky Christmas sweater. Yet, at the same time it’s all so charming.
34. I’m sure dressing in pink is the height of Christmas fashion.
This Grandma is about as chic in her reindeer pink sweater as that aluminum Christmas tree in the background. Yeah, I’m sure she really stands out.
35. Show your love for the classic A Christmas Story, with this Christmas sweater featuring the legendary leg lamp.
Now I’m sure this guy is the life of the party. Yet, since it has appeared in a family film, I’m sure it’s totally appropriate for even family occasions, even if leg lamps are better suited for strip clubs and bars.
36. For your Christmas sweater, perhaps make this holiday beefcake a lovely trimming.
Now this sweater would’ve been perfectly all right. The Harlequin Romance hottie in the right hand corner just makes it seem more horrendous and in poor taste.
37. Seems that Santa just got stuck in the chimney.
Well, if Santa Claus had basically tried to manage his weight better, maybe he wouldn’t keep getting stuck in people’s chimneys.
38. Come to your Christmas Party, dressed up as Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation.
On second thought, perhaps dressing up as Cousin Eddie for your Christmas party probably isn’t a good idea.
39. Now this sweater has a stuffed reindeer that I’m sure your relatives would love.
Well, all seems quite well at the front but when you look it the back…..yeah.
40. Decorate your Christmas sweater with a lot of jingle bells.
Of course, ugly Christmas sweaters have the potential to make tough biker dudes be reduced to icons of utter ridiculousness.
41. Of course, Kris Kringle is here to mingle.
Now I’m sure that Santa Claus with a beer isn’t going to go well with a G rated Christmas party. Seriously, why?
42. Shimmer at the Christmas party house with this lovely leg lamp dress.
Yes, that’s a leg lamp costume but I’m sure that the only thing keeping it from being a strictly stripper club outfit is the fact it’s inspired by a prop from a family film.
43. I call this one, “the Santa Claus Hat Spring Boobs.”
If Madonna had an ugly Christmas sweater for a party, it would certainly look like this.
44. Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season.
Now I don’t know about you but I think putting Jesus on an ugly Christmas sweater doesn’t seem to be very respectful. Also, why is the Baby Jesus holding a present in his hand?
45. Celebrate the season with a Christmas leopard sweater?
Okay, what do leopards have to do with Christmas? They’re from India and Africa for God’s sake! Seriously, why?
46. I’m sure your nutcracker is makes your pink sweater a perfect Christmas fashion item.
Actually, like the previous one, this pepto pink sweater seems horrendously tacky if you ask me. Also, nutcrackers are kind of creepy.
47. Be sure to have your Christmas suit contain snowmen and Christmas trees.
I’m sure this guy loves to model in this suit for the Amazon catalog site. Still, he doesn’t look that bad, but he must feel embarrassed.
48. Looks like Santa Claus needs to make a pit stop.
Well, if Santa has to go, he’s gotta go. And if he doesn’t have access to a bathroom at the moment, he’ll go in the snow.
49. Of course, this guy certainly rocks in his Christmas tree suit.
Sure this guy may be modeling very ugly suits, but he can take a ride in my one horse open sleigh any day.
50. Seems that Twinkletoes has met a great reception for her North Pole gig.
Then again, seems like Santa’s elves seemed starved for entertainment lately. Looks like there’s not much you can do at the North Pole.
51. Of course, why have a Christmas sweater when you can’t include a Santa frog on it?
Seriously, what do frogs have to do with Christmas? They don’t live in the North Pole. Still, seems like this woman is proud of her creation.
52. I call this one, “Angel Boobs.”
And I’m sure the “Ho, Ho, Ho,” part of that sweater doesn’t help matters if you know what I mean.
53. Rock in your Yuletide cheer in this Christmas sweater.
I know those are supposed to be bells, but they look so much like tighty whiteys to me.
54. Seems like the Santa Police have been searching for the baby Jesus.
Wait a minute, didn’t Santa Claus came after baby Jesus? Seriously, what’s with the flashlight? I’m sure they didn’t have those during the first century BCE.
55. I call this one, “Frosty the Snow Boobs.”
I don’t know about you but this flashy Christmas sweater seems so wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why?
56. You can’t possibly go overboard with tinsel and poinsettias.
Still, I think this guy kind of overdid it on the tinsel and the poinsettias. Still, I’m sure the woman won’t have to worry about having a wardrobe malfunction.
57. During the year, Santa Claus sits on his candy cane throne watching over to identify the good girls and boys.
Now I’m sure that this candy canes make a perfect background for Santa’s chair. Still, this is quite hysterical.
58. Who needs a Christmas tree when you can dress like one?
Okay, this guy seems to look less like a Christmas tree and more like a guy who likes to deck himself in tinsel and baubles.
59. Because you can’t have too many candy cane lollipop lights for your Santa sweater.
On second thought, yes, I think there’s just too many candy cane lollipop lights here. Also, the Santa might be quite hideous as well.
60. Of course, you’d always need to have tree on your Christmas sweater that shimmers.
Now I’m sure wearing this shiny Christmas will certainly make you really stand out. Also, may attract people with ADHD.
For More: http://www.uglychristmassweater.com/
The Lone Girl in a Crowd 