Useful Relationship Deal-Breakers You Wouldn’t Find in a Relationship Manual

Sure we know the kind of deal breakers that most relationship experts tell us such as cheating, abusive behavior, financial deadbeat, or what not. Here is a list of dealbreakers that you don’t find in those manuals or other things either because they’re too obvious, don’t happen in real life, or don’t seem to cross other people’s minds. Also, these deal breakers are much more interesting to read about. And by the way, though I may use he or she, these apply mostly to both sexes.

1. If his previous relationship had ended with his significant other’s mysterious disappearance, especially if she was last seen with him. (Okay, she might not be murdered nor he may not have killed her, but still.)

2. If his last significant other died under mysterious circumstances which may or may not be due to natural causes, an accident, or suicide. (If her cause of death even remotely seems to be murder, you might want to head for the hills. And if it was murder and they never found who did it, that’s also a deal breaker.)

3. If he’s on the Megan’s Law database. (Which means he’s a registered sex offender.)

4. If he’s appeared on the Dateline during To Catch a Predator moments. (As seen on 30 Rock. Actually any show like that, really.)

5. If she planned her dream wedding almost to a T before you even propose to her or even started dating her. (This might mean that she doesn’t value your opinion or possibly cares more about the wedding than the marriage. Gaston sort of falls in this as well who basically set up a wedding before he even proposed to Belle and they weren’t even a couple.)

6. Works for an organized crime syndicate.

7. If she’s a little too much into 50 Shades of Grey.

8. Has an arrest record that can be its own epic.

9. Has a bad case of amnesia.

10. Has killed your family, friends, and/or previous significant other. (Also, applies to his own friends, family, or previous significant other. Many ancient and medieval rulers did this quite frequently.)

11. If he expresses any desire for a dream wedding that includes getting married in a Nazi uniform, especially if you’re Jewish. (And for any reason.)

12. If he’s brainwashed by his mother who uses him as an enemy spy. (As you can guess this is from The Manchurian Candidate and you can guess what happened to Janet Leigh in this one.)

13. If he’s been caught trying to elicit gay sex, especially from an undercover cop in a public restroom. (I’m looking at you Larry Craig.)

14. If he has had a history of dumping his previous significant others for their serious illnesses. (a.k.a Gingrich clone.)

15. If he goes hiking on the Appalachian Trail. (And I don’t mean actually hiking on the Appalachian Trail. I mean disappearing without notice for a certain amount of time to carry on an extramarital affair {or some other act of infidelity}. Derived from the Mark Sanford scandal who used “hiking the Appalachian Trail” as an excuse for his disappearance while he was actually was seeing a woman from Argentina.)

16. If he has a sexual discretion that won’t make him able to have sex with you and he doesn’t tell you about it until your wedding night. (And by discretion, I don’t mean erectile dysfunction either or anything that can be treatable and also don’t mean being gay either. Also, this is from The Barefoot Contessa. Also, applies if he has an STD and never tells you about until after you have sex.)

17. If he plans to move after getting married and doesn’t tell you until shortly before the wedding.

18. If he is of comfortable income and/or has a decent paying job but doesn’t pay child support or wants nothing to do with his kids. (This only applies if he has kids to a previous partner  and he’s not raising them. Not to mention, this also applies to deadbeat dads {or moms} who can afford child support and take the time to see their kids but chooses not to. This doesn’t apply to deadbeat dads {or moms} who don’t play a role in their kids lives under the mother’s {or father’s} discretion, those who can’t afford to pay child support or have other legitimate reason, men who have no knowledge of their child’s existence, and women who had given up their children for adoption.)

19. If she works in the “adult” entertainment business or sex trade. (By this, I mean occupations like stripper, “exotic” dancer, porn actor, porn model, or prostitute. Also applies to men who can also be in these professions as well as people of both sexes involved in the business and administrative side of things. Sure going out with someone in that line of work might make your friends jealous but most of us would have a problem with being in a relationship with one. I mean would you want to let your parents know you were dating a porn star? Also, some pimps tend to use dating as a recruiting tool. And ditto, if he or she is a sex trafficker.)

20. If he is just going out with you only because the person he wants to be with is unavailable or won’t date him. (This only applies to those people who don’t have much interest in their current partners.)

21. If he’s a clergyman or is closely related to one that isn’t of your denomination. (Of course, for those dating Catholics who aren’t of the faith, only the latter applies since most priests aren’t permitted to marry {except in the Eastern Rite and permanent deacons}. Also, monks and nuns can be considered as clergymen as well but they’re also known to be celibate mostly. However, this doesn’t apply if the clergyman in question is of the extended family and a different religion than the rest. While I wouldn’t have much problem with dating or marrying someone outside my religion, I would definitely reject a guy if I found out he’s a minister or related to one.)

22. If his personality reminds you of a leading male character of a Hitchcock movie. (Trust me, most major male characters in Hitchcock films tend to be evil, crazy, in trouble, aren’t particularly nice once you get to know them, or are a combination of a few. Still, even the good guys aren’t particularly men you’d want to date like Max de Winter {killed his first wife and wasn’t willing to talk about her}, John Ballantyne {suffers from amnesia brought on by PTSD and is suspected of murder}, Barry Kane {suspected of terrorism}, Richard Hannay {suspected of murder}, Guy Haines {cheats on his wife and may not have the best social skills}, L. B. “Jeff” Jeffries {peeping tom}, Roger Thornhill {suspected of murder as well as being used as a decoy}, John Robie {ex-con but still has notoriety}, and John “Scottie” Ferguson {crazy, obsessed with a woman he’s never met [because she’s dead], and kind of a creep}. The villains are much worse, naturally.)

23. If he is a religious fanatic or an obnoxiously religious person. (I’m not bashing religious people here for as a liberal Catholic in Pennsylvania, I know plenty of nice religious people throughout my life. I have nothing against them though I may not always agree with their views. I’m just bashing religious people who are either willing to commit violent acts in the name of God, use their religion as an excuse to subject their crazy beliefs on everybody, or tend to discuss their faith in a way that seems so self-righteous and egotistical that they just become a major pain in the ass {like Tim Tebow}. I have no problem with religion or religious people in general. I just have a problem with religious assholes who think they’re right about everything just because their faith says so. This also applies to atheists and other non-religious people as well.)

24. If he’s in a cult. (Could also apply to Scientology to some extent.)

25. If he’s a professional athlete. (Seriously, if you hear what kind of assholes pro-athletes can be since many tend to have big egos, a history of alleged criminal behavior, and multiple kids to a bunch of different women, at least male ones, that is. As for female athletes, many of them tend to be lesbians. Also, many professional athletes have never grew up.)

26. If he has absolutely no sense of humor.

27. If he frequently posts pictures of his junk to random people on the internet. (Like Anthony Weiner. Seriously, I don’t know why people would do such a thing when they really shouldn’t.)

28. If he has a problem with women who are smarter and more successful than him. (Men, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with women who are smart and successful in their own right. Anyone who has a problem with a woman’s success is an asshole.)

29. If he’s a gambling addict. (Or someone who can’t be trusted with money, not necessarily someone who doesn’t have any.)

30. If he’s a regular on a reality show. (Honestly, you two will have no privacy in this department.