Away in a Manger, on the Nativity Scene

Image

Disclaimer: This is a post purely for entertainment and no more. Sure I may put on tacky nativity scenes but I do the same when it comes to any Christmas decorations. If you’re a diehard Christian and think any of the nativity displays offend you, please don’t take your offense in the comment section. I’m not trying to offend anyone’s religious affiliation since I’m a Catholic who attends regular mass as well as a political liberal who believes in separation between church and state. Besides, I don’t find humor or tackiness in any way sacrilegious and neither should anyone else.

As a practicing Catholic, I’ve always considered the nativity scene as one of the more important Christmas decorations since it depicts the birth of Christ which is one of the reasons to celebrate the holiday (though not the only one). Sure it carries religious symbolism but Christmas is a religious holiday for many people (and let’s just not have church and state politics get in the way). You have the baby Jesus, his mother Mary and stepfather Joseph (though “official father” on his birth certificate), a shepherd, the the 3 Wise Men, a donkey, some sheep, an angel, and other farm animals in the stable. Of course, the nativity scene isn’t a historical reenactment nor one as depicted in the Bible (since the shepherds appeared in Luke and the 3 Wise Men in Matthew). Yet, while some nativity scenes are works of art as the result of divine inspiration, others not so much. Whereas, some of them may avoid divine inspiration entirely. Nevertheless, even the nativity scenes of divine tackiness deserve some recognition, if not serve as something to amuse us. So without further adieu, here are some of the tackiest nativity scenes for your appreciation.

1. Nothing says “Peace on Earth” than having the Holy Family depicted as shotgun shells.

shotgun-shell-nativity-1024x732

A homemade project sponsored by the NRA.

2. A nativity scene that will bring you joy as well as clog your arteries.

a98019_manger_2-bacon2

A nativity scene most likely to give you a heart attack and kill you.

3. A great nativity set to go with your Dogs Playing Poker.

dognativity

Seriously, the Jesus pup looks a little like Joseph while Mary is a dalmatian. How does that happen when Jesus is supposed to be the Son of God?

4. A nativity scene which has risen from the dead, literally.

zombie-nativity

So does this mean Christ was born already undead?

5. The nativity scene of the modern art museum.

nativity-color

Sure looks like it. But it also could be a bunch of colored blocks.

6. Someone must’ve gotten their Bible stories mixed up to design this.

nativitycookie

Seriously, is the old guy supposed to be Joseph or Noah? Also, is that structure a stable or an ark?

7. No better way to put the “Christ” in Christmas than right above your crotch.

nativitybelt

Also, I doubt that tall evergreen trees even existed in Bethlehem during the early Roman Empire.

8. A futuristic minimalist take on the birth of Christ.

cathart2

Looks more like a gold disc lighting up EPCOT to me.

9. So whoo is born the king of Israel?

owlnativity

Well, Jesus Christ that’s whoooo!

10. Taxidermy: can make a touching scene into one much more terrifying.

50d33bd7cb7e9

So all the critters and the old lady scared all the adults away while the baby Jesus remained.

11. Glory to Gouda in the highest, and cheese to his people on Earth.

cheese_nativity_gallery_05-gt_full_width_landscape

Blessed are the cheese makers for they are the children of God.

12. Hark! the herald angels sing. Glory to the newborn…kitten?

catnativity1

Only a crazy cat person could appreciate this. I find this set purr-fectly creepy if you ask me.

13. Of course, no Irish Christmas can be complete without a visit from St. Patrick and a couple of his drinking buddies.

irishnativity

Giving him three casks of whiskey which they all drank into the night and trashed the place to an Irish jig by the Irish harp playing angels.

14. So as Christ was born in a manger he was given fleece from the shepherds, gold, frankincense, and myrrh from the magi, and a private concert from Metallica.

enhanced-buzz-11807-1355860271-2

And everyone had their eardrums blasted that they were afflicted with tinnitus the next morning which the baby Jesus cured thus performing his first miracle.

15. So Jesus was born in an igloo in Bethlehem as God’s snowman incarnation on Earth.

igloonativity

Of course, I’m still wondering how Frosty the Snowman fits into this.

16. Jesus was born before the quack of dawn.

goosenativity

Still, I wonder if the Mary and Joseph geese are taxidermy or not for they certainly look hideous.

17. A nativity scene that doubles as a set of bowling pins.

355E8720

Seriously, I wonder if God is supposed to be the bowling bowl that comes with the set. Oh, well, so we can only play 9 pins with it.

18. So Jesus came to free us from sausage and deliver us from bacon.

Pig_Nativity

Seriously, even the animals are pigs. Doesn’t look kosher at all.

19. Silent night, spooky night.

nativity-halloween

Would be the perfect nativity scene for Nightmare Before Christmas fans and can also be used as a Halloween decoration.

20. The nativity scene for stoners in which baby Jesus will grant you eternal life as a 7/11 burrito.

folk-nativity1

And I’m not sure what Mary and Joseph remind me of. Wizards’ hats?

21. O, little town of Bearthlehem.

bear-nativity-set

Of course, the three wise men brought stolen picnic baskets instead of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

22. A moose holy night.

nativity-moose

Seriously, why does the Virgin Mary have antlers? Female moose don’t have them.

23. A nativity cookie cutter set. I wonder what could go wrong with that.

bakenativity

Reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm Christmas episode when Larry David ate the cookie nativity scene, including the cookie Baby Jesus.

24. So Mary and Joseph stayed at a stable in Bethlehem Hawaii, where she gave birth to her firstborn tiki.

nativity1

For God’s sake, why does Saint Joseph have a Hawaiian shirt on?

25. Never before has the Nativity of Jesus has been so sweet as on cupcakes.

cupcake-topper-nativity

Won’t be able to resist those, no way. And they’re chocolate, too.

26. So the baby Jesus was hatched and lay in the manger on the polar ice.

penguinnativity

It’s like a nativity scene meeting March of the Penguins.

27. Let’s just face it, live nativity scenes are really for the dogs.

images1

Admit it, no matter how sacrilegious this is, you’d still see a live dog nativity scene in your neighborhood. I mean who can resist this much cuteness?

28. A nativity scene only fit for a bar.

hq-dar-28-600x450

Of course, you got to give some kudos on the creativity.

29. Glory to God, the newborn chick.

chickennativity

Joseph is probably worried about having to wake everyone up in the morning after all the clucking the angels have been doing.

30. Joy to the World, the Smore has come.

smorenativity

The marshmallow figures can also be imagined as snowmen for there are similarities.

31. Even Santa Claus bows to the manger scene in adoration.

71034

For God’s sake, I think Santa is planning to eat the Holy Family as part of his snack. Run, Mary and Joseph, run for your lives and take Jesus with you! Santa’s hungry!

32. Christ was born to absorb all the suffering from sin and redeem the world. So maybe a tampon manger scene is on to something.

nativity-tampons

Okay, I may be crossing the line there. Still, despite what a tampon is for, this doesn’t look that family unfriendly at all.

33. Rubber Duckie Nativity set: teaching the meaning of Christmas through making bath time so much fun.

images3

Seriously, rubber duckie farm animals? How crazy is that?

34. No wonder the Holy Family couldn’t get any rest.

enhanced-buzz-26472-1355786882-8

Donkey must’ve been annoying the crap out of them all night.

35. The Holy Family under the sea.

mexican-mermaid-nativity

The Holy Family as mermaids, never heard that one before.

36. If Jesus was born in a barn in Bethlehem, Texas, the Bible Belders wouldn’t shut up about it.

yeehaw1

Seriously, why do all the wise men look like ranch hands?

37. This chocolate nativity scene is good enough to eat.

chocolatenatiivty

Note to self: Must not eat until January.

38. Santa goes down on one knee to behold the Lord on the living room table.

F0195

Seriously, this Santa is giving me the creeps.

39. The baby Jesus is visited by the Wizard Gandalf and his unicorn.

funny-nativity-scenes-22

Hey, I was joking. Still, sorry Lord of the Rings fans.

40. Let this Holy Family fiber optic nativity scene bring you back to the disco years.

opticnativity

The person behind this must’ve been stoned out of his mind to design this. Probably on brown acid or something.

For more:

http://www.goingjesus.com/cavalcade.shtml

http://whyismarko.com/2012/the-42-worst-nativity-sets/

From Buzzfeed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/fjelstud/the-most-awesomely-inexplicable-nativity-scenes

http://www.holytaco.com/25-ridiculously-awesome-nativity-scenes/

O Tannenbaum, on the Christmas Tree

Image

The scrawny little Charlie Brown Tree, made infamous by the Peanuts Holiday Special, A Charlie Brown Christmas. However, unlike the cartoon, giving a little love to this tree won’t make it the Christmas tree of your dreams.

Of course, the Christmas tree is one of the pinnacle Christmas decorations which entails taking an evergreen and decorating it with lights, ribbons, ornaments, and fancy doodads. Of course, Christmas trees were of pagan origin once used to celebrate a winter solstice holiday in the Germanic region before crossing over to Christianity. And even then, they were only a German tradition until the reign of Queen Victoria, especially after her marriage to Prince Albert who helped popularize the tradition worldwide, (especially in areas controlled by the British Empire). Ever since, the Christmas tree has become a definitive symbol of Christmas as well as one erected every public place in America during the holiday season. Of course, while many Christmas trees are beautiful and spectacular to behold, others are not so much. So without further adieu, I’ll show you pictures of some of the tackiest trees of the season as well as give you tips on how to get the perfect Christmas tree.

1. Either chop down an evergreen or get an artificial tree that looks like one (if you either don’t want to or building regulations won’t let you).

beer-bottle-tree

I know that making a Christmas tree out of used beer bottles may be more environmental friendly than the two traditional routes. Yet, no matter how eco-friendly such an idea is, people are going to see it as only appropriate for a frathouse.

a. If artificial, make sure your tree is green.

2210

Sure I may be dreaming of a White Christmas. A white Christmas tree? Not so much.

b. If live, make sure it looks like a Christmas tree and fits in your house.

ugly-tree-thumb

This apparently does neither.

2. Stand your Christmas tree upright on a stand (Upside down trees are impossible to water and difficult to put ornaments on).

xmasupsidedown

Upside down Christmas trees may seem funny but they look utterly ridiculous, especially when used as a chandelier.

3. Choose a decent tree topper (a ribbon, angel, or star will do).

50c65cd6d7e97

Flamingos may be appropriate lawn ornaments, but they are overwhelmingly tacky tree toppers for this very reason.

4. Don’t be a sloppy decorator.

Christmas-Craptackular

I can’t see how this could be a nice tree which seems so crappily done. Of course, they don’t call it “Christmas Craptackular” for nothing.

5. If you’re doing a theme, choose a decent one.

tree-DF8vQZF4

I’m not sure if a clown pez-dispenser theme cuts it. For God’s sake, it’s creepy.

6. Make sure your tree isn’t buried in ornaments that people could see it.

tree-UvhHqQi6

A Christmas tree that can only be seen in a Liberace fever dream.

7. Go easy on the tinsel.

sandra-lee-cuomo-christmas-tree

Seriously, this is too much tinsel. I mean way too much tinsel.

8. There are some things that won’t look good on a Christmas tree.

christmas tree 09

Bird feathers make this tree especially hideous.

9. Keep it as PG as possible (Christmas is for family after all).

ugly-christmas-tree-5

I’m not sure if this makes the cut depending on the audience.

10. Make sure the tree doesn’t take over your house.

108

Seriously, how does this guy get around that thing?

11. Remember to take proper care of your tree, especially if live.

lens20013838_1353424275a

Apparently this tree’s owners didn’t. Makes a Charlie Brown Tree look vibrant by comparison.

12. Use bows and ribbons in moderation.

tree-G6GJQieM

That’s way too many bows. Seriously, way too many bows and they look so gaudy.

13. If artificial, don’t use one from a designer.

poinsettia-damask-tree

Seriously, this is one of the most hideous trees I’ve ever seen. It just looks terrible and you know this was done by a professional. People are better off decorating their trees themselves.

14.Make sure your tree isn’t scary looking.

xmastree1

Merry Christmas from Transylvania where our trees are among the creepiest you’ve ever seen.

15. Make sure your Christmas tree looks as symmetrical as possible.

cheap-christmas-tree-3

Dr. Seuss called, he wants his Christmas tree back for one of his children’s books.

16. Make sure you can see the ornaments if you choose to use other decorations.

tree-Lxgcf6Wh

With the amount of multicolored tinsel streamers here, it’s easy to picture this tree standing in Elton John’s living room.

For More:

http://www.holytaco.com/25-hideous-christmas-trees/

Worldwide Christmas Tree Contest: http://treecontest.worldwidechristmas.com/

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/80453966/

Decorating with Christmas Lights

Image

My family has been one of the few in my neighborhood who doesn’t decorate the house with Christmas lights since we’re kind of low maintenance and don’t think having a festive house is worth a trip to the emergency room (as my dad says “No way in hell”) or the money and time. However, there are plenty of people who look forward to the Christmas season so they can decorate their houses like this. Perhaps Christmas is an excuse for people to use such outlet for artistic expression and draw attention to onlookers. Some are spectacular and tastefully done while others can make you wonder if the person has more Christmas decorations than he or she knows what to do with. Of course, I can go on with bringing you light displays tastefully done but since this is the internet, no one wants to see nice Christmas light displays because well, because good yuletide lighting is so subjective so I’ll show pictures of the garish looking houses while giving you do’s and don’ts on lighting decorations even though I’m no expert on these things.

Do: Have plenty of light bulbs to spare.

Don’t: Use all your Christmas light bulbs at once.

christmas-lights

Chances are, this guy did use them all at once.

Do: Try to please everyone.

Don’t: Just try pleasing yourself and the power company.

boston

I’m sure the local power plant workers drive by this house knowing that its energy usage will pay for their Christmas bonus.

Do: Aim for the minimum.

Don’t: Be too minimal.

pole-of-christmas-lights-611x493

Could barely see this, even with it all lit up. Seriously, these people need a better display than that.

Do: Try to blend in with the neighbors.

Don’t: Turn decorating into a competition.

SantaHouse

I sense a decorating war going on here.

Do: Try to be as organized with storing your light strands as possible.

Don’t: Leave your strands in a tangled mess, especially on the roof.

bad-christmas-decorations

I guess some people don’t know when to keep going.

Do: Try to stock on Christmas light decorations.

Don’t: Have more Christmas light decorations than you know what to do with.

bricks

Seriously, I think these people have that problem.

Do: Spend time perfecting your Christmas light display.

Don’t: Do a sloppy job.

BzidY

Either these people were too lazy to fix it or their light display was knocked up by the storm. Nevertheless, doesn’t look right and very sloppy.

Do: Accessorize.

Don’t: Accessorize to excess.

Sierra Exif JPEG

Jesus, how do the owners manage to get in or out? Hope they have a back door.

Do: Try to create a proper arrangement with your decorations.

Don’t: Place your decorations inappropriately.

humping-deer

This may be funny to look at but parents will complain if their kids see it.

Do: Be creative.

Don’t: Go beyond a G or PG rating. (Honestly, there will be kids in some of those cars.)

peeing-santa

Santa Claus taking a whiz. I’m sure parents will complain about that. Still, pretty funny.

Do: Try to make it visible during the daytime.

Don’t: Bury your house or yard in the decorations.

noroom

Seriously, there doesn’t seem to be any room on the yard and the house is nearly buried in blow up figures.

Do: Decorate your outside trees.

Don’t: Do it without adhering to standards of decency.

UxOKx

Please don’t ask me what this palm tree reminds me of. Please don’t.

Do: Try to improvise if you can’t find what you’re looking for.

Don’t: Use a beer case for a manger.

nativity-beer

Where making do with what you have doesn’t apply.

Do: Try to stand out.

Don’t: Be a distraction to drivers.

p_christmas-lights_1548584c

Certainly will be a distraction to drivers since it stands out so much.

Do: Express yourself.

Don’t: Have your display contain violent imagery.

reindeer

A hanging reindeer from a tree with blood spurting out of it. Not a good idea.

Do: Shine and be festive.

Don’t: Blow the power grid.

101217_tch_xmaslights_house_7.grid-6x2

This will cause a power outage for sure.

For More Tacky Light Displays:

Ugly Christmas Lights.com: http://www.uglychristmaslights.com/ – A whole site devoted to tacky Christmas displays.

One from Fairfax, VA called Holly’s Tacky Christmas Lights: http://www.fairfaxchristmaslights.com/

From Huffington Post which also has tacky Christmas Trees: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/08/tacky-christmas-lights-photos-videos_n_2260824.html

The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide on What Not to Buy for Kids

Image

On my last post I wrote about what not to give adults for Christmas in the wake of the holiday season. This time I focus on the kids since they are a whole different category to themselves and are much easier to buy for. For one, Children usually know what they want for Christmas and you can always consult their parents on what would make a good gift. Not to mention, you can be consulted on what’s safe for them. Besides, even if you don’t give them exactly what they want, the good ones usually get over it. Nevertheless, Christmas is a holiday that usually markets to children anyway. However, there are plenty of toys out there that I’m sure no parent would want their kids to have or children wouldn’t want in the first place. Here is a list of some of the worst toys one should never buy for children.

1. My Cleaning Trolley

slide_3563_50450_large

Of course, I’ve never been into cleaning and I don’t think a toy would ever encourage me to do that. Nevertheless, I think this wouldn’t be a bad toy to give a child if this product wasn’t marketed to just girls as well as didn’t take the form of a janitorial set. I don’t see anything against promoting household chores in the toy world but even toy kitchens can still be more gender neutral. Yet, this doesn’t seem very gender neutral to me as well as resembles something more associated with a public, commercial, or industrial building than what anyone would have in their home. Encouraging girls how to clean is fine, encouraging girls to be cleaning ladies, well, I’m not sure if that’s going to bode well especially if it’s in stores in ethnic and racial minority communities.

2. Lil’ Monkey

slide_3563_50451_large

This is just racist, plain and simple. Anyone who’s black and/or knows anything about American history would see why this toy shouldn’t be on the shelves. Comparing blacks to monkeys has always had negative connotation in one of the worst racist forms. And this didn’t just happen in America, but also in much of western civilization, especially during colonization. This isn’t cute, it’s insulting. I mean really who makes this kind of shit?

3. Playmobil Security Checkpoint

slide_3563_50453_large

This is disturbing. I mean a security checkpoint toy set? Really, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I guess this is something to desensitize them when they go to an airport, school, or some government building. Seriously how can you encourage creative play with that without worrying about your child’s imagination? Look, how much real security has their minds run wild. Still, at least it doesn’t have a full body scan that they used after the Underwear Bomber. Also, it’s $60.

4. Pole Dancer Doll

slide_3563_50456_large

Yikes! How did this doll ever get to be made? Sure being a stripper is a career choice for many parents but that doesn’t mean there should be a doll to encourage it. Even stripper parents don’t want their kids becoming strippers because they have awful lives. Not only that but it also sexualizes young girls in ways I can’t even describe especially since the doll looks like a little girl herself.

5. Gasoline Powered Audi Two Seater Car for Kids

slide_3563_51723_large

Really? A gas powered car for kids? Unbelievable. I have nothing against toy cars but there’s absolutely no way in hell I’d buy that for any kid. For one, it’s about $14,000, which is more than many real life cars as well as many other more important gas powered products like lawn mowers. Second, it uses gas for energy which means it will probably pollute the skies. Third, it’s an accident waiting to happen with its maximum speed of 13 MPH and as street legals as a lawn mower.

6. Lightning Reaction Extreme

slide_3563_51714_large

I had a lot of games when I was a kid. However, I don’t think I’d like playing this one but it might have been useful for me if my parents knew I was ever going to do Quiz Bowl. Still, I don’t think this game could translate into family fun unless it’s in a sado-masochistic way if you know what I mean. Otherwise, what you’d mostly hear are kids screaming by the end. There are two versions of this game, one in which only the slowest player gets shocked and the other where everyone else but the fast player gets shocked. I don’t know but I don’t see electrocution as anything fun to endure and maybe border around child abuse. Seriously, what sadistic bastard would think otherwise?

7. Pro Thumb Wrestling Ring

slide_3563_51732_large

Or according to the Huffington Post: “Way to take a game that is ages old and barely fun and add unnecessary plastic.” Couldn’t said it better myself.

8. Breastfeeding Baby Doll

slide_3563_50459_large

Though this doll doesn’t really promote sexualizing young girls and uses flowers instead of nipples, perhaps it’s disturbingly a little too close to home. Well, other than the girl wearing the halter top over her outfit but still little doll babies suckling and moving its mouth seems a little disturbing. Girls, I get that you want to feed your baby doll like your mommy feeds your baby siblings but this is ridiculous. Tagline reads “Because you shouldn’t have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby.” Many parents would think otherwise.

9. Tongue Kissing Pops

slide_200200_525804_large

Sure there are plenty of candy toys but this one is downright inappropriate enough which consists of animal heads with a tongue shaped lollipop coming out. Even more disturbing that these have animal heads which not only may encourage your kids try getting to second base but perhaps experimenting with bestiality. And lord knows how that could go wrong.

10. Video Girl Barbie

slide_200200_525808_large

This is a toy in which the Barbie doll has a video camera placed between her breasts which is capable recording about a 30 minute video. Sure there’s nothing wrong about trying to foster a young girl’s interest in filmmaking, especially with the lack of female Hollywood directors and cinematographers out there. However, before you get this, take heed from the FBI that in the wrong hands (think pedophile) this doll can be used as “a possible child pornography production method.” Of course, so could any video production product.

11. McDonald’s Drive-Thru Playset

slide_200200_527203_large

As if McDonald’s isn’t trying to corrupt kids’ appetites with Happy Meals already. Now they market these so your kid may be willing to work for them sometime in the future. Yet, as HuffPo said, “You have to give them credit for trying to secure their workforce as early as possible.” Still, doesn’t capture the reality of working for McDonald’s, yet at least it’s not like encouraging kids to be strippers or anything though not by much. Actually this goes for any McDonald’s toy product.

12. Play-Doh Dr. Drill n’ Fill

slide_200200_527379_large

Of course, this might encourage your kid to become a dentist and promote a healthy and active lifestyle. But teaching them this by associating fun with gouging out cavities? Really, that’s disgusting. Then again, I’m sure real dentists may feel the same way except that a mouthful of cavities may equal a trip to the Bahamas.

13. Barbie and Her Dog Tanner

slide_200200_527693_large

Perhaps it’s about time Mattel used Barbie to teach young girls how to care for your dog. However, as someone who lives in the country, I don’t think a pooper scooper is necessary in my neck of the woods. When a dog craps outside where I live, you just leave it where the plops where they lay. Still, since I played with Barbies as a kid, I bet I would’ve gotten one of these (since my Uncle Mike and Aunt Rosemary gave us a jellybean pooping reindeer one year, don’t ask.)

14. Roadkill Toys

roak-kill-doll

Really? Is this a joke? Sure stuffed animals may be a good gift for kids but a plush dead animal shouldn’t even be considered. Besides, I think these toys are more for adults since they can leave kids traumatized, especially very young ones.

15. Playskool in the Night Garden Goodnight Friend Upsy Daisy

nightgardendoll

The product’s description says, “Her working daisy light gives off a gentle glow to encourage your little one to settle down for bed, too.” Of course, I’m not sure if she’ll do that or give your little one nightmares in the process since this monstrosity looks like she’s crawled from a demonic fever dream with her glow powered by the souls of unsuspecting children. And she’s supposed to be cute and cuddly? More like terrifying even by the Addams Family standards. Your kid may have one eye open if he or she is interested in self-preservation.

16. Baby Alive Whoopsie Doo Doll

babyalive

Basically a baby doll that constantly craps itself and brings your little girl all the disgusting parts about parenthood. I’m sure your daughter will enjoy having to change the baby doll’s diaper but please they may want to put lemonade and beef for more realistic effects (she probably won’t.) Still, I couldn’t imagine having a baby doll like this as a kid and think that a doll which urinates and defecates is more or less suited for boys than young girls. Also, when it comes to baby dolls, some things are just best left to the imagination.

17. Stuffed STD’s

stuffed-std-toy-044

Look, just because it’s a plush toy, doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for children and these toys sort of show the reason why. For one, these toys make a terrible thing seem so cute and cuddly, well, not really. Second, they could potentially traumatize them into a lifelong virginity. I’m perfectly fine with educational toys but I don’t know in this context, which kind of makes me gag.

18. My First Tattoo Gun

first-tattoo-gun-redneck-toy-0

My sister has designed tattoos in the past and this might’ve come in handy if this was available when we were kids. Still, it’s pretty innocent compared to the real thing since the tattoos are easily removable with some hot soapy water. However, not many people are perfectly fine with little kids having a product like this especially since the tattoos are associated with rednecks, sailors, punks, and Neo-Nazis.

19. Doggy Doo

doggy doo

This is a game about watching a dog crap which you’d have to clean up after. Really? A game to teach kids how to clean up after a dog? Of course, this may serve purpose in more populated areas with such ordinances whereas people where I live would just laugh and laugh because there no one ever cleans up after their dogs going outside. Just take the dog out, let it do its business, and leave. And on a walk, just give a dog a break and go on your way. You just let Mother Nature take care of disposal methods. Seriously, who comes up with these ideas?

20. Her First High Heels

enhanced-buzz-10843-1352489555-5

Really? Sure I like a cute baby in a pretty little dress but still, not high heels please. Seriously can you imagine trying to stand up in high heels? I may wear them but I’m an adult and making little babies wear high heel shoes is just one of the most irresponsible acts a parent could do. I mean who the hell put these on the market?

21. Playmobil Hazmat Figurine Playset

hazmat

Seriously, are the people at Playmobil are on drugs or something? I mean how can playset around cleaning hazardous waste be fun? It’s not fun, it’s awful since people have to wear hazmat suits. I mean the possibilities are endless here with letting kids imaging a nuclear meltdown, a toxic waste dump, a Superfund site, or pollution of hazardous chemicals. Please can’t we not have playsets relating to something like Chernobyl or Bhopal?

22. Shape-Shifter Punisher

shape-shifter-punisher

Of course, many comic book superheros have their own merchandise like action figures that sometimes transform into something else. There may not be anything objectionable about The Punisher other than his use of violence but this is an inappropriate character design that I don’t think boys should have. Apparently he’s not the only action figure who has this problem.

23. Shave the Baby Doll

Shave-the-Baby-Doll-200s2

This one is from Japan but the designer must’ve been on some strong brown acid from Woodstock to come up with this. Really? First off, babies aren’t really that hairy. Second, the baby doll has hair in places like an adult person would have which is gross and more appropriate for Eddie Munster’s 3 year-old-sister if he ever had one. This freakish thing looks like the result of a female leprechaun mating with Bigfoot. Still, at least it’s a girl doll. Would more or less resemble a leprechaun Sasquatch if it were a boy. Yet, in this case, at least doll hair never grows back.

24. Remote Control Lederhosen

yodel2

Just what a kid needs, a pair of dancing and yodeling ghost pants controlled by a knockwurst bound to give any child nightmares. Really who the hell comes up with the idea? Or was this made for adults? Still, children are going to get freaked out on this. I’m kind of terrified of it now.

25. She-Male Dolls

penisdolls

These are from Russia which have the male genitalia combined with the long flowing hair associated with females. Seriously, who the hell thinks of such ideas like this. I don’t think hermaphrodite baby dolls are what a little girl wants since they may make them feel a little confused about why their cute little blond doll has a schlong. Are they just doll versions of hair band musicians from the 1980s? Or are they just little boy dolls being raised as girls since their mother wanted a daughter so badly? Or are they just hermaphrodites? Man, this can go on for ages. Besides, anatomically correct dolls are never a good idea, especially on dolls that may be intersex hermaphrodites or just plain transvestites. Nevertheless, looks so creepy. Seriously, Russia, you have some serious issues.

In case I missed any:

From the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/12/worst-christmas-gifts-for-kids_n_1143639.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/02/worst-toys-for-girls_n_701063.html?ref=stupid-products#s133018title=Princess_Maid

From Student Beans.com: http://www.studentbeans.com/picture/look-at-his-lovely-little-moustache-aww-.html

From Heavy: http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2012/12/the-20-worst-kids-toys-ever/

The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide on What Not to Buy

Image

Now that Thanksgiving has come upon us, I now feel free to write my posts pertaining to the Christmas season and I have plenty of ideas. I will devote the first in my holiday series on Christmas gifts, in particular what not buy for your loved ones for Christmas. Of course, I must confess I am not a great gift giver. I’m not the most socially adept, hate shopping, and tend to be stingy with my money when it comes to others. Not to mention, I’m not sure how the gift card thing works either. Then again, I mostly shop for adults who are basically hard to buy for and aren’t really sure what they want anyway. Still, despite being a socially awkward cheapskate, I try my best to please or at least not make anyone upset with me. Still, I could do worse than some people and there are some things I know not to buy for my loved ones or for anyone else really. So here is a list of gifts I’d deem inappropriate, offensive, impractical, inexcusable, and sometimes downright Christmas gifts anyone could give someone. Don’t buy these for anybody if you dare.

1. Banana Bunker

banana-bunker-worst-gift-lg

I could never think of a plastic container so useless, so much of waste of good plastic, or good money as this. Sure it’s made to protect your precious banana from turning into mush in your backpack, but could cost as much as like $10-$16 to protect something that costs about 25¢. Also, bananas already come in a protective casing called a peel which does rather nicely. And it’s not like you can use this for other products unlike tupperware containers which kind of does the same thing. Besides, it’s such a ridiculous product that Stephen Colbert devoted a segment of his show on one of these.

2. Mourning Stones

mourning-stones-worst-gift-lg-22218759

I don’t think buying a bunch of mourning stones so the receiver can pay tribute to a dearly departed loved one’s gravestone and mark visitation, especially if made out of stone quartz. Besides, mourning stones aren’t very much into the festive spirit of the holidays. Also, not everyone uses mourning stones while visiting graves and if so, they usually use regular stones where you can find basically anywhere like your driveway, garden, the ground, or any other place you could think of. And they’re usually free.

3. Exotic Toad Skin Purse

toad-coin-purse-worst-gift-lg-63927086

All right this one comes from Australia but it’s one you can customize whether to have the legs on or off. As to why anyone would want one, I don’t have the slightest idea. Still, these come from the skin from actual cane toads which makes me want to puke. Seriously, it’s one thing that people once made purse from alligator skin before it became those animals became endangered. And toads aren’t really the most attractive creatures and I don’t think any woman will buy one, let alone a guy who doesn’t use a purse. This concept is disgusting.

4. Lunar Legacy

lunar-legacy-worst-gift-lg-93750661

How would you like someone to give you this which someone gives your photo and a message of your choice to put on the Google Lunar X Prize space shuttle to deliver to the lunar surface among a community of other moon bound objects and photos? And this all at $10. Really? You can’t see it, read it, or touch it. I mean it’s just as bad as not getting anything. So even though you may feel more comfortable rocketing your emotions into a vacuum of space doesn’t mean you should. The receiver will not be happy, and if it’s your significant other, well, that relationship may be over.

5. Little Joseph Candle Holder

esq-littlejosephcandleholder-2009-de

Basically this is a porcelain baby head candle holder which costs $115. Seriously whoever came up with such an idea must’ve had something terribly wrong with him or her. Sure babies are cute but these holders don’t really inspire cuteness or warm feelings of joy. In fact, they’re not only creepy but incredibly terrifying like they’re lifeless vessels in some kind supernatural horror. Personally they kind of freak me out and may even give me nightmares. I mean would you want these in your house? Neither would I. To even buy these for yourself is crazy, let alone for somebody else.

6. The Face Bank

esq-facebank-2009-de

Another gift sure to give anyone nightmares. This incredibly creepy and eyeless contraption vaguely resembling a face is said to “chew” your money when you insert it into its mouth slot. Just the though of doing this makes me want to cringe. I don’t want to put my money in that. Seriously, how did this thing ever get made? Please don’t buy this.

7. Belly Button Brush

a98006_silver_belly_button_brush

Seriously? How is this in anyway practical? Besides, how does anyone need this useless piece of crap? I mean does anyone have crap in their navels? If so, you can always use a shower. It does the job pretty nicely. I can’t find any purpose with this grooming product. Not to mention, the concept is kind of gross.

8. Civet Crap Choice Coffee

a98006_d60c_civet_coffee

Don’t get me wrong, coffee does make a great gift (since I’ve given my Uncle Frank coffee on many occasions). Coffee made from beans fermented from a civet’s digestive tract, well, it’s disgusting even if it does taste as good as on the label. And I don’t think it’s going to matter if it’s the rarest coffee in the world with only 500 kgs extracted per year. I mean these beans were pulled from shit. Perhaps this is the perfect way to tell someone to eat shit or drink it literally.

9. Chum Bucket Mints

a98006_Chum-Bucket-Mints_1106-l

Of course, candy doesn’t make a bad gift either. However, candy that will give you a breath smelling of assorted fish parts? I think you’d want to pass. Seriously, you might want to go with Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Jellybeans. At least they’re from Harry Potter.

10. Care4Less

a98006_care4less.preview

Any fan of Seinfeld would remember the episode when George made up his own charity to get away with buying a gift in the office. Of course, for those not clever as George, there’s a website called Care4less.org which allows you to select one of the site’s six fake charities, enter your name and e-mail as well as the recipient’s and the imaginary amount you’d want to send. The recipient will be notified of the donation made in their name through an e-mail. Among the imaginary charities you have Adopt-A-Banker, Make a Sandwich Foundation, Fathers 4 Mosquitoes, Costume a K9, Leprechaun Leprosy, Lost Geriatric Glasses Fund, Foreskin Restoration Society, and Organ Donation. Still, don’t try this, especially if the recipient is a Seinfeld fan like my mother.

11. Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

NoseCropped_2428160k

Well, of course, there may be some gifts that are useful and it wouldn’t be terrible to get someone a shower gel dispenser. However, one shaped like a nose, well, I don’t think it’ll go with the decor or shows any good taste. Might be better to get this for yourself if you truly think it’s funny or part of a frat house. Otherwise, I think this is just plain gross and rather juvenile. I mean who wants to use shower gel stored in a giant nostril? Am I right?

12. Blood Bath Shower Curtain

resized-9

Well, let’s don’t even think about getting this because this is pretty disturbing. I mean your friend may be into horror films and may have his or her house look like a haunted mansion. However, blood stained shower curtains aren’t a good idea even in that respect. Besides, even if the recipient likes it and uses it, chances are that someone in the house guest is probably going to call the police if he or she uses the bathroom. Believe me, no good can come of this gift.

13. Old Man Purse

resized-1

Seriously, even if this doesn’t really resemble and old guy, this is pretty sick and twisted to even consider manufacturing. Seriously, no woman wants a head purse, let alone one resembling an old man. I don’t know why anyone would even buy one. Sick, sick, sick.

14. DVD Rewinder

worst2

Of course, many people do like getting gadgets for Christmas as long as they work. However, I’m not sure if a DVD Rewinder is anything other than a waste of money. I mean, unlike VHS tapes, DVDs don’t need re-winded after you’re done playing with them. If you put them in the next time, they’ll just start at the beginning. Really shitty gift.

15. Fruitcake

Deluxe_Fruitcake_tin

Of course, this is a well known bad Christmas gift nobody likes. My parents once had this with my Uncle Mike and Aunt Rosemary, and even they would wouldn’t eat it unless accompanied with booze. And I guess they woke up with serious hangovers the next morning. Seriously, it may look colorful and you might have baked it yourself, but no one in their right mind would eat it unless they’re drunk or starving.

Links in case I missed any:

From Marie Claire: http://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/trends/bad-holiday-gifts#slide-1

From Esquire: http://www.esquire.com/the-side/worst-gifts/

From Telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/christmas/christmas-picture-galleries/9745586/Worst-Christmas-gifts.html

From Gawker: http://gawker.com/5871383/these-are-the-years-worst-christmas-presents

From NY Daily News: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/bad-holiday-gifts-gallery-1.1220560

Words and Meaning Through Time

Image

If I ever offended any gays with this picture, I completely apologize since this is just a good picture for this post. Besides, it’s an old-timey advertisement for cigarettes (probably in Britain) and not meant to offend any one. The word “fag” as the short form of an offensive homophobic slur is a more recent development.

While I discussed how certain sayings don’t always translate well in different cultures, in this post I will devote to certain words and their acquired meanings through time particularly in English, especially those with certain unsavory NSFW connotations attached since many of them are fun to trace. Though many words have lasted for centuries, some of them could be considered offensive in one generation while totally harmless the next and vice versa. Misplaced context might incite in giggles, shock, or a “Huh?” followed by “Oh, okay.” Others may have certain dirty little etymologies. So without further adieu, let me show you the amusing little way words have changed meaning through time.

1. Gay- we all know that its present meaning refers to someone who’s of homosexual orientation but this definition dates to the 1930s and before then was only used in gay and theatrical subcultures, at one time it was described as “happy, carefree, joyful” but this was only dating to the late 1800s and was used only among New York criminals before that, it’s original meaning is actually prostitute (and yes, it was used in 1900 to describe a gay male prostitute but only briefly before it started meaning homosexuals in general.)

2. Queer- of course, this is now seen as a slur directed against gay people though it’s the “Q” in the LGBTQ community and perhaps used among themselves (like how blacks use the N-word). Before then, it meant “strange, odd.”

3. Idiot, Moron, Imbecile- these started as clinical terms to describe someone as dumber than Forrest Gump. As they fell into the general insult terms of today they were replaced by a kinder, gentler term: “retarded.”

4. Retarded- a former clinical term once used as a political correctness measure to describe someone who’s mentally handicapped, has nowadays evolved to the worst possible word to describe a person with this condition that it’s now almost considered hate speech.

5. Lesbian- before it became to mean a woman with a homosexual orientation  due to is association with the ancient Greek poet Sappho as well as her sexual behavior, it just meant “someone from Lesbos.” Actually anything associated with Sappho will be associated with lesbianism because she’s known more for that than her own poetry, sad to say.

6. Making Love- now a more discreet euphemism for sexual intercourse, this has meant everything romance and courtship to making out and PDA.

7. Faggot- once meant a bundle of sticks tied together and used for a fire before it became a homophobic slur. How it came to be a anti-gay slur, no one knows.

8. Weird- before it meant “sort of generally eccentric,” its original definitions were “scary” or “supernatural.”

9. Shag- once meant a tobacco product, now just means sex.

10. Boner- originally meant “embarrassing and/or major blunder” now it’s just something old guys get for four hours after taking Viagra.

11. Violent- at onetime this was defined as “overly emotional” yet we still associated with “blood, guts, killing, as well as psychological and bodily harm.”

12. Straight- though still means “totally linear” or “less funny guy in a comedy act” it also used to denote “law-abiding” and “clean,” now it means “heterosexual.”

13. High- though it still means “upward” it also used to mean “happy” before it obtained its current definition “in a drug influenced haze.”

14. Boob, Boobie- used to mean “dummy” before it took on it’s current definition of “breast” in the 1970s.

15. Hung- when used as an adjective, it used to be “hungover,” “executed through strangulation,” or “lynched.” Now it just means something sexual.

16. Glory Hole- once meant “a mineral rich trench pit.” Now it’s something else entirely.

17. Pleasure- has a lot of multiple meanings like “getting enjoyment out of doing something,” or “pleased.” Now it’s almost always used in a sexual context.

18. Ecstasy- used to mean “happiness” or “pleasure,” now refers to an illegal recreational drug.

19. Molest- once meant “disturb” or “bothered” now used as a term referring to unwanted sexual contact, particularly with a minor.

20. Fondle- used to refer to innocent or affectionate touching, now it pertains to touching in a sexual or erotic context.

21. Tranny- in British slang it was “transistor radio” while in American slang it was, “automobile transition.” Today it refers to either “transgender” or “transvestite.”

22. Fetish- back in the day it meant something like “totem object associated with a spirit.” Nowadays it refers to an erotic fixation to something that shouldn’t be.

23. Inter-Sexual, Bisexual- both used to mean “unisex,” now the former describes a “hermaphrodite” while the other just pertains someone who “goes both ways” in sexual orientation. (Bisexual has also meant “hermaphrodite” as well.)

24. Courtesan- once meant “courtier” or “court lady” now means “high class prostitute,” “mistress,” or “kept woman.”

25. Intercourse- used to mean “communication between individuals,” now refers to “copulation.”

26. Conversation- once meant “sexual intercourse or intimacy” now pertains to, “social communication involving two or more individuals.” Could also have meant “sexual harassment.”

27. Naughty- once meant “ill-behaved” but though it retains the meaning, it also refers to wayward sexual behavior.

28. Fanny- in more innocent times was a nickname for Frances. Now refers to “rear end” in the US and “female genitalia” in the UK and Australia.

29. Knock Up- at an earlier time it meant “to wake up” (by knocking on the door). Nowadays “to impregnate.”

30. Come Out- in olden days “to be considered an adult who frequents social gatherings” particularly to young women when it came to finding a husband. Now it means “to acknowledge one’s homosexuality to the world.”

31. Titillate- in the early days it might have meant “to tickle” but now means “to excite sexual arousal.”

32. Pussy- though originally used in reference to a cat, can also be used today in referring to either “cowardice” or “female genitalia.” (The latter part usage goes way back since there’s a 1930s song called “My Girl’s Pussy” and I don’t think the guy’s talking about a cat here.)

33. Ejaculate- originally meant “to exclaim or interject” now means something a guy does during sexual intercourse.

34. Abstinence- usually has retained it’s original meaning “to refrain from” but while it was originally used to give up alcohol it now pertains to refraining from sexual intercourse.

35. Cute- used to mean “shrewd and perceptive” but now means “adorable.”

36. Diddle- at one time it meant “to swindle” or “to waste time over trifling.” Can now be a vulgar term “To copulate.”

37. Ass- once meant “donkey” but can be used for “bum” or as a common insult.

38. Thong- originally pertained to strip of leather usually on the sandals, later came to designate a flip flop, and is now referred to as a sleazy and very uncomfortable type of underwear or swimsuit bottom. (Please don’t wear one.)

39. Dick- has always been a nickname for Richard as well as referred to “detective,” but has come to be a slang term for “penis” as well as a common insult term toward a guy.

40. Orgy- originally this described any kind of gross indulgence, but nowadays it mostly describes those of a sexual nature, especially when it refers to groups.

41. Prick- originally meant either “something sharp” or “getting hurt by something sharp” but now could be used in slang for “penis” as well as a common insult term toward a guy.

42. Making Whoopie- in the early 20th century this meant “living luxuriously” now means about the same as “making love” in the dirtiest context.

43. Hypochondria- this word’s meaning has changed dramatically over the years. Though nowadays it refers to unusually excessive concern for one’s health or tendency to fear or imagine having illnesses you don’t actually have but this usage dates back to Victorian times. In ancient Greece, this referred to describe the pain arising from a malarial infection on the liver and spleen. Centuries later its meaning changed to “depression.” And in the mid-20th century was used as a euphemism for other more serious mental illnesses like borderline personality disorder and hebephrenia.

44. Douche- derived from the French word for “shower” and has been described as a cleansing flood of liquid rushing into an orifice. Nowadays, well, it’s a liquid which a woman squirts to wash her privates (and that’s all I’ll say) as well as a common insult term. In usage could mean “an abrupt shock to nerves, emotions, or awareness.”

45. Dyke- originally derived from the Dutch term for “ditch” now means “lesbian.”

46. Yiffer- originally meant “a stout pole used in scaffolding” until the furries came along. (Don’t ask.)

47. Nuclear- used to mean just “central” like in a nucleus before the Atom Bomb, nuclear energy, nuclear weapons, or nuclear disasters.

48. Toilet- used to describe one’s dressing, cleaning, and grooming process. Nowadays it refers to the essential fixture used for relieving oneself which flushes to expel one’s bodily waste.

49. Hump- at one time meant “to exert oneself” or “move swiftly” now is just used as a sex euphemism referring to dog mating rituals. (If you’ve seen what some dogs do with one another, you’ll know what I mean.)

50. Slut- used to refer to a woman who’s “messy looking” now it’s a derogatory term for a sexually promiscuous woman.

51. Sexy- used to describe someone as “obsessed with sex” before it was used to denote someone as “sexually attractive.”

52. Rusty Trombone- while Oscar the Grouch actually meant an oxidized brass instrument, it can also refer to a sex act.

53. Spunk- though it nowadays means “courage, spirit, and determination” it used to be associated with lewd feminine behavior.

54. Fag- once used as a slang term for “cigarette.” Nowadays it’s short for the famous homophobic slur.

55. Vibrator- used to describe a couple of gadgets, one used in a barbershop to foam shaving cream, the other as a massage device to relax, cure headaches etc. Nowadays it’s a gadget that does something completely different.

56. Incontinent- in Shakespeare’s day meant “cease from sexual abstinence.” Now it’s defined as “losing control of one’s bowels.”

57. Butt- once meant “boat.” Nowadays means “rear end” or “end of a cigarette.”

58. Mistress- used to mean the boss’ wife, a female boss, or “Mrs.” in general. Nowadays it refers to the “other woman” in an adulterous tryst.

59. Aroused- used in the past tense to “arise.”  Now it’s just sexual excitement.

60. Condom- was once used as a short form for “condominium.” Now it’s referred to as a contraceptive.

61. Naz, Nazi- in Germany, this was a nickname for Ignaz (Ignatius), until the 1920s.

62. Jap- used to be a nickname for Jasper, but please don’t call anyone this nowadays especially a Japanese person or a Jewish woman. Still, it has a lot more definitions than that.

63. Negro- was once the only decent term to describe blacks until the late 1960s. Now it’s just either a racist or political incorrect term, with the possible exception in Latin America.

64. Spastic- originally it meant “frantic” or “manic” as it still does in the US. But in the UK it’s the equivalent of the R-word.

65. Sod- used to mean “clod of earth” but is now another British insult.

66. Nothing- though usually a harmless word meaning zero, in Shakespeare’s day it referred to a woman’s naughty bits or her virginity. (As in Much Ado About Nothing).

67. Nunnery- let’s just say that when Hamlet told Ophelia “Get thee to a nunnery” he may have meant a different kind of house full of women but not of piety and chastity kind. Also, with Anti-Catholic sentiment growing in England, “nunnery” became an euphemism for “brothel.”

68. Fishmonger- though it could mean “someone who sells fish,” it could also be referred to in Shakespeare’s time as a “pimp.”

69. Dude- though it just means “guy” from the 1960s, it’s older meanings ranged from “city slicker,” “fancy boy,” or “gay blade.” Definitely don’t want to call a guy from the 19th century that because it was considered an insult.

70. Hobby Horse- though it now refers to a child’s plaything, in 1700s, it could either mean “obsession” or “prostitute.”

71. Horns- though it could mean the protuberances of an antelope or reference of sexual arousal (like horny), it could be used as an Elizabethan reference pertaining to a guy getting cheated on signified by a bunny ears gesture.

72. Dork- though since the 1980s it’s a another term for “nerd,” before then it was a slang term for “penis.”

73. Schmuck- its original meaning is “fool” though it allegedly meant “penis.” Of course, it’s probably safe to say it means “dick” which can mean both. Still, you don’t want to call a Jew this.

74. Minion- though we associate with “henchman” it’s originally derived from the French “mignon” referring to certain attractive courtiers of the male specialty.

75. Gunsel- while we may associate it as “gun-wielding hoodlum” but before The Maltese Falcon, it referred to either a young boy kept for sexual purposes or a passive partner in anal intercourse. (And yes, I think one of The Maltese Falcon characters either has or is a gunsel in its original context.)

76. Punk- though it now means someone who’s either a juvenile delinquent, unfriendly homeless kid, or someone from the Punk Rock subculture in much of history it had many unsavory meanings. In Shakespeare’s time, it meant “prostitute, in the 1890s, it was slang to something similar to the original meaning of gunsel.

77. Orchid, Avacado, Testify- all these have a word origin which meant “testicle.” Now these are an exotic flower, a fruit used in guacamole, and to give legal testimony.

78. Funky- though most of us under fifty associate it with the Disco Era or something upbeat you can dance to, it was originally referred to the smell of a woman’s vagina.

79. Rape- though we’re more used to it referring to “sex with an unwilling partner,” there was once a broader context that meant “kidnapping” or “assault.” Could have also meant “kidnapping for sex,” or “marriage” in ancient times whether or not the actual sex was consensual afterwards (though it was probably questionable to say the least.) Also, Alexander Pope’s Rape of the Lock is about a girl getting an unwilling haircut, not actually being raped as we know it. (Seriously it is.)

80. Hooker- though today and for much of history has meant “prostitute” in the old studio wrestling days it meant to describe wrestlers of legitimate wrestling backgrounds so was used as a compliment.

Advertising Lost in Translation

Many time we don’t realize that we live in a world of globalized markets where products are sold all around the world. In some ways this is good for business. Yet, in other ways, it gets really hard to advertise, especially with the certain cultures and languages are involved, often with rather funny and disturbing results. An advertisement in one country will not always have the same effect in the other. And sometimes some slogans may be a country’s equivalent to something offensive or negative and won’t waste the time. So here’s a list of advertising gone lost in translation. (Viewer discretion is advised and it might not be safe for work.)

1. Any time there’s an advertisement with a before and after picture going left to right in the Middle East. Middle Easterners usually read from right to left so presenting an ad like this is telling them your product sucks or cause what it’s supposed to alleviate. Thus, it’s like diet pills and weight loss plans make you fat, medicine makes you sick, and cleaning products make everything dirty to someone in Saudi Arabia.

2. The origin of Exxon was a move to prevent this during a planned consolidation of the Enco and Esso brands of Standard Oil of New Jersey. It was originally going to be Enco until it was learned “enco” means “stalled car” in Japanese.

3. Any product containing the word “mist” and sold in Germany. In that country, it means manure. Interestingly, the word “mist” actually comes from the Old German word originally referring to the steam rising from a fresh pile of dung. Also, Clariol’s Mist Stick bears some similarity to the German “mistuck” meaning “bitch” or “piece of manure.”

4. The Japanese have a popular milky soft drink named Calpis (sounds similar to “cow piss”) and energy drinks named Pocari Sweat and its spin-off Pet Sweat.

5. The case with a port called Cockburn’s Dry Tang. Of course, this may have funny implications already in English. Yet, in Sweden “tang” is a term used for seaweed and as an obscure term for vagina. Also, didn’t help matters when it was changed to “Cockburn’s Dry Cock.” Also, the Cockburn name is said to be pronounced “co-burns” and is said to derive from an Old English personal name meaning “warrior with black sword.” Still, doesn’t help inciting shits and giggles though.

6. Any product with “vic” in it and sold in Germany where it sounds like “fick” meaning “fuck.”

7. Sega has two cases in Italy and Sweden. In Sweden it means to procrastinate, do something slowly, and tough when it comes to food. In Italy, it means “to masturbate.”

8. There is a Latin American bread brand named Bimbo after its mascot a bear. Of course, call any feminist a bimbo in America and you’d get a very different reaction.

9. There is a German vitamin-boosted hot chocolate mix named Scho-vit. It’s obvious why it’s not popular in English-speaking countries.

10. The Polish piano maker Calisa sells under a different name in Finland since it’s similar to the Finnish word for “long underpants.”

11. I wonder if the light bulb company Osram ever knew that their name meant “I will shit (on something)” in Polish.

12. There is a shaving cream in Norway called, “Barber Skum.” Kind of an insult to English-speaking barbers.

13. There is a Barf Detergent in Iran with “barf” meaning “snow” in Persian. Of course, in English it pertains to why someone might need detergent.

14. A literal translation of a men’s underwear brand in Taiwan means “little yellow pansy.”

15. There is a bus company named Fucker in Germany and one in Switzerland named FART (listed on a travel guide as “that’s the company name, not the means of propulsion.”)

16. There is a South African truck line named Tata, a slang for breasts in the US.

17. It’s always been hard to translate a brand name into an acceptable one in foreign countries, more difficult if it’s from a different writing system:

a. Some Coca Cola mistranslations in Chinese range from “bite the wax tadpole” to “bite the wax-fattened mare.”

b. A Pepsi slogan that said “Come alive! You’re the Pepsi Generation!” was allegedly mistranslated in Chinese as “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead!”

c. The Ben and Jerry flavor “Chunky Monkey” was mistranslated in Japanese as “Chunks of Monkey.”

18. Cars have a similar problem as well with names, especially marketing in Latin America:

a. Originally the Ford Cortina was going to be the Ford Caprino until the company learned that “caprino” means “goat-like” or “goaty” in Spanish. Though they didn’t know that “cortina” is Spanish for “curtain.”

b. Honda once introduced a model named “Fitta” until they learned it was crude term for female genitalia in Norwegian and Swedish. Was also going to be used with the slogan, “It looks small on the outside, but is huge once you get in.” Was renamed “Jazz” and “Fit” according to market.

c. Strangely the Buick Lacrosse was renamed the Buick Allure in Canada since “crosse” is Quebecois slang for “fraud, swindle, rip-off” as well as “to jerk off.” It was later restored to its original name and GM began offering replacement nameplates.

d. No one wanted to buy the Chevy Nova in Spanish speaking countries since “nova” means “doesn’t go.”

e. The Nissan Moco and Mazda Laputa could be seen in Spanish as the Nissan Snot and Mazda Whore.

f. The Mitshibishi Pajero was marketed the Montero or Shogun because “pajero” was Spanish slang for “wanker.”

g. The Toyota MR 2 failed to sell in France because it’s similar to “est merdeux” meaning “shitty.”

h. Chrysler did significant poorly when trying to sell in China because its company’s name was translated in Mandarin Chinese to “about to die.”

i. Bad marketing naming could be in English speaking countries as well. For instance, take the Nissan Cedric. “Cedric” was said to be an Australian slang term for homosexual. To which a Nissan exec said, “Australia has many homosexuals, therefore we shall sell many cars!”

19. While KFC’s slogans are “We do chicken right” and “Finger-Lickin’ Good” is translated to Chinese “It’s right that we become prostitutes” and “Eat Your Fingers Off.”

20. There is a major canned vegetable company named Sodd in Norway. Of course, it’s an archaic word for soup.

21. Taco once sold the chili cheese burrito as the “Chilito” until they learned it was Hispanic slang for “small penis.”

22. Though Sharwoods Bundh is a curry sauce, “bundh” is Punjabi slang for “backside.”

23. Though we know it as the appliance company BEKO, it’s actually named Arcelick in its native Turkey.

24. While Pixar may seem a clean name in English, in Catalan it means, “to urinate.”

25. The location bookmarking app Rego got publicity in Brazil after it was found, “rego” means “drain” or “gutter” in Portuguese.

26. The Perdue Farms’ slogan “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” was once said to be translated in Mexico as “It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.” And it may not be a mistranslation.

27. IKEA has plenty of these since they don’t relabel their products for foreign markets, no matter how stupid they sound in local languages. A few examples:

a. While Gutvick is a town in Sweden and a decent name to brand a bunk bed, in German it bears similarity to “guter fick” meaning “good fuck.”

b. While “Frak” is a mirror brand, in the US it is a  name for a set of mirrors in Battlestar Galactica as well as used as a verb describing as a gas and oil extraction process and short for “hydraulic fracturing,” “hydro-fracking,” or “fracking.” (Contrary to what oil and gas companies say, hydraulic fracturing has never been proven as a clean technology. Rather, it’s a controversial practice getting a lot of opposition from environmentalists and scientists alike.)

c. People in Finland were angry when IKEA named a toilet brush “Viren” also happening to be the last name of a legendary Finnish runner. Not to mention, it means viruses in German.

d. While “Kimme” may be a name of an IKEA chair, it also means “ass crack” in German.

e. While in Sweden “Jerker” may be a male name, “Farfull” means “speedy,” and “Lessebo” is a name of a town, all these sound funny in English.

f. Though “Sarna” is a name for an IKEA chair, it means “scabies” in Spanish.

g. Though “Hoven” may be a Swedish town and a perfectly fine name for a carpet, in Czech it’s the plural genitive form of the word meaning “shit.”

h. In IKEA “Trampa” is a doormat while it means “crap” in Portuguese and “trap” in Spanish.

28. Marketers of Colegate ran into problems when initially advertising in Latin America as “colgate” translates to “hang yourself” in voseante varieties in Spanish.

29. The slogan for vacuum company Electrolux “Nothing sucks like Electrolux” with very negative connotation in the US.

3o. The logo of German ball bearings company reads FAG.

31. There was once a security firm named Wackenut, named after its founder.

32. In Iceland there is an apartment company named “Fagmenn” (professionals), and there are advertising signs saying “Krap” (promoting slushies).

33. A Korean games company once launched a dictionary video game named “Touch Dic.”

34. There was once London nightclub named “Huje” which means “dicks” in Polish. (And it wasn’t one of those places.)

35. There was once a German auto-parts company named KKK that shares initials with the American racist hate group and a Philippine revolutionary group.

36. A proposed tourism slogan in Ireland was “Come for the Craic.” (And yes, it’s pronounced like crack which is Irish slang for fun but wouldn’t go well with Americans if you’ve seen The Wire or Canadians if you’ve seen Rob Ford.)

37. It’s said there’s a Spanish business named “Servicio de Hosteleria Industrial de Terrassa” (Terrassa’s Industrial Catering Service) which uses the acronym S.H.I.T. in its sign.

38. The animation studio, “Studio Khara” was named after the Greek words for “happiness” and “joy.” It also means “shit” in Arabic.

39. There was an Irish pub in Australia called Pug Mahones which is Irish Gaelic for “Kiss my arse.”

40. An Australian tourist ad saying “Where the bloody hell are you?” was banned in Britain and the US.

Love and Relationships According to the Movies

bogart-casa-1

At twenty-three, I’ve never had a boyfriend for some reason or another. Of course, for someone like me living in the country, you don’t have many options and most people at my age have other priorities like school or career. Yet, I’ve had guys who were interested in me as well as had my own crushes but these were few and far between. But even in the best of circumstances, something usually goes wrong. Still, though I’ve never really been in a dating relationship in my life, I know enough about the subject to figure out that romance in the movies doesn’t necessarily hold to the real thing in very obvious ways. And in some cases what could be a gesture of true love in the movies can translate as disturbing behavior in real life or even get you arrested. So here is a comprehensive list:

1. Women always have to be pretty and young to get the guy while men don’t need to be either. (There are plenty of ugly and older women who do find husbands and have longer marriages than many Hollywood celebrities. Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and looks only go skin deep. An attractive woman may have more options but her looks won’t necessarily guarantee that she’ll find true love or happiness or even make a good partner. Not to mention, most men usually marry women close to their own age anyway even in their thirties. So if a woman is still single and in her 30s, it doesn’t put her in a relationship dead zone. Still, almost every actress you see portrayed as a love interest is a young and attractive actress while the guy doesn’t need to be so.)

2. No woman is happy with a man who isn’t less successful than she is. (Though there are some women who do go after so-called “alpha males” most women would rather be with men who love and respect them for themselves as well as are nice people in general. Financially, most women are more concerned with a guy’s relationship to money than what he makes. More marriages have ended in divorce over poor money management than lack of income. Besides, these days most women aren’t really looking for a man who can financially provide or support them anyway. A financially trustworthy beta male will do just fine.)

3. A woman’s career success will hurt her relationship with her man. (Many guys may not be comfortable dating or being married to someone more successful than them, but most of them will try and learn to adjust. Sometimes a woman’s successful career can help her in relationship or perhaps save her marriage. Plenty of men are happily married to women more successful than they are. And there are plenty of famous examples of successful women having happy marriages like Margaret Thatcher, Margaret Mitchell, Annie Oakley, Nancy Pelosi, Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, and the list goes on. So, ladies, despite what Hollywood says, career success won’t cost you your man, in most cases. And if it does, then he probably wasn’t good enough for you to begin with or you just got too caught up in it which could happen to men, too. Also, a lot of career women lose their men but not always because of it.)

4. A damsel in distress will fall in love with the first guy who rescues or tries to help her while he reciprocates her feelings. (If this was true 100% of the time I bet male rescue workers, cops, and medical personnel would have girls and women swarming at them. Though this might happen sometimes, for many people, saving others is their job and a lot of them usually already have a significant other or a family while others may not make good partners to begin with. Those who are rescued may also have a significant other as well. Still, no one should expect these people to fall in love with them or vice versa. Being saved from danger doesn’t lead to romance most of the time, especially if the rescuer is an obese cop with a wife and family.)

5. Hooking up under the influence is a good way to meet someone. (A drunken hookup with a stranger may be a good way to have an “accident,” yet it’s a terrible way to meet someone, especially if it’s the future co-parent of your child who may be the unexpected result of such encounter. For one, the stranger you sleep with may have issues with alcohol, which isn’t a good sign at all. Second, drunken hookups aren’t 100% consensual since anyone intoxicated is in no condition to give any consent. So having sex with someone who’s drunk is will less likely lead you true love and more likely to jail as a sex offender. Even more so if roofies are involved. Yet, in movies, drunken hookups seem to happen all the time and no one seems to feel violated and no one gets arrested. Drunk sex in real life just don’t work that way. So if you see someone who’s drunk, don’t have sex with them because it’s rape.)

6. Women like men with plenty of sexual experience while men prefer women with none. (Sexual experience is mostly irrelevant in relationships and while there are many who marry as virgins, there are plenty who don’t. So having pre-marital sex isn’t going to hurt anyone’s chances, as long as it’s in a monogamous relationship, even if it doesn’t lead to marriage. And there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin either, even if you’re a guy. However, having a sexual history like Casanova isn’t an attractive quality for either sex. Of course, we all know the kind of stigma against women having pre-marital sex and slut shaming so I don’t have to go into detail. Yet, women don’t really like players either, at least as husbands anyway and for good reason. After all, what woman wants to marry a man who may have a bunch undiagnosed STDs and a closet full of paternity suits? Nobody.)

7. No matter how much of a jerk he is, if he’s charming, handsome, likeable, and dresses nice, chances are he’ll end up with the leading lady by the end. (Of course, Cary Grant from His Girl Friday comes to my mind for no matter how much he tortures Ralph Bellamy to get Rosiland Russell back, you just can’t hate the man. And Cary Grant was such an awful person in that movie like trying to get his ex-wife’s fiance arrested with a hooker. Still, no guy can get away with all that in real life no matter how irresistible he is.)

8. No matter how crazy she is, if she’s pretty, fun-loving, rich, and/or sweet as can be, chances are she’ll end up with the leading man by the end. (In this, I’m talking about Katharine Hepburn in Bringing Up Baby who basically acts however she pleases like stealing other people’s cars, teeing off on other people’s golf balls, and shanghaiing Cary Grant to Connecticut with the help from a leopard named Baby. She also takes his clothes as well as make a further mess of things sometimes by accident and sometimes not. And all in a span of two days with one being a day he’s set to marry someone else. Nevertheless, she ends up with him in the end and they live happily ever after while the brontosaurus skeleton just falls apart {then again, brontosauruses never really existed}. Still, in real life, she’d probably get away with at least some of her antics anyway since she’s rich, but I don’t think most guys will pick a girl who puts them in a possible life-threatening situation. Girls who do that usually get restraining orders.)

9. Love means never having to say you’re sorry. (Most bullshit relationship advice ever. People who love each other always say they’re sorry when they’ve been wrong. It’s common courtesy, dammit!)

10. If you love someone, don’t give up the chase even if the object of your affections repeatedly rejects you and/or is seeing someone else. If you persist, chances are he or she will fall for you eventually. (This is only okay if you’re fully aware that the object of your affections is actually interested in you. In this case, your love interest is only rejecting you as a way of playing hard to get or other reasons so persistence isn’t going to hurt you, which he or she will encourage. And the person will let you know if he or she is into you {which won’t be hard to figure out}. However, this is the only scenario in where persistence  is okay since it’s giving what the other person wants, even if he or she’s going to reject you anyway. Yet, if you’re not sure the other person is interested beyond reasonable doubt, best not to persist, especially if he or she is seeing someone else. Yet, if you think you have a reasonable chance, it’s all right to ask again, but if he or she rejects twice without showing any apparent sign of interest, best leave it be. Everybody falls victim to mixed signals now and then. But if the other person has made it clear he or she isn’t interested and/or is with someone, don’t press it or try to do anything to get him or her to fall in love with you. In fact, repeated persistence in this situation won’t help your chances and may result in a restraining order or other law enforcement action. However, Hollywood keeps perpetuating this myth.)

11. It’s only natural for nice guys to feel entitled to date women they want, especially if they’re willing to be their friend and treat them with respect. And if their desired women reject them for someone else, it’s their fault. (Sure some nice guys may finish last in the dating world but a guy who feels entitled to any girl he wants just because he’s nice to her isn’t a nice guy. He’s just another kind of asshole and complete phony only pretending to be nice to get into a girl’s pants. Genuine nice guys aren’t like this. Sure they may be flawed but a genuine nice guy is a decent person who treats everyone with respect and doesn’t feel he needs a prize in basic decency. Also, a genuine nice guy respects women’s decisions even if they’re not in his favor or suit her best interest. And they don’t befriend women in order to date or sleep with them either. Real nice guys don’t care if they finish last.)

12. Women are drawn to bad boys, especially younger women and teenagers. (Of course, the Hollywood “bad boy” archetype who girls tend to be attracted to doesn’t win girls just by being bad and doesn’t really turn out that bad to begin with. For instance, James Dean’s characters in East of Eden and Rebel Without a Cause are troubled teenagers with serious issues at best but turn out as fundamentally decent people. So maybe it is true to some extent that girls like the bad boys, just as long as they’re attractive and aren’t total jerks. However, there are plenty of bad boys out there who aren’t attractive and aren’t so nice. And by “bad,” I mean like criminally inclined, not good as friends, maybe not too mentally stable, abusive/physically violent, might have trouble keeping a legal job, and will more likely interested in the physical {sexual} aspect of a relationship than anything else. And probably not concerned with fidelity either. So even if the bad boys get the girls, they’re more prone to divorce, prison, or a restraining order. So to say that women want bad boys is to be badly mistaken in some ways.)

13. The love of/for a good person can reform someone who’s bad. (Well, maybe loving another person can make someone terrible not seem so bad but it’s not going to him or her change right off the bat if at all. In most relationships, if they were bad people when you met them, they’ll be bad when you marry them. And most people who believe this have a good chance of getting divorced, filing for a restraining order, as well as other legal actions.)

14. It’s all right to sacrifice everything for the one you love (like your career, friends, values, and/or sense of identity.) If your beloved doesn’t like a certain thing about you whether it be in appearance or what not, change it. (Really? How many movies have I seen this in? Look, this has been done time and time again in both Grease and Vertigo and such notion is utterly full of crap. Sure love requires some sacrifice but you shouldn’t be willing to sacrifice everything you hold dear for another person’s love. No one is worth that. And if your partner is unsatisfied with a certain aspect of yourself {that isn’t a problem}, just tell him or her to accept it or leave it. Those who truly love you, will usually accept while those who leave it didn’t really love you in the first place. Love may entail sacrifice and growing up to some extent but you should also think for yourself, too. Don’t sacrifice or change everything.)

15. Stalking, withholding sex, kidnapping, forcing yourself, isolating your beloved from others, exhibiting high levels of jealousy and possessiveness, breaking and entering, exhibiting controlling behavior, threatening with violence, and other forms of abuse are acceptable relationship behaviors. (For God’s sake, some of these things will earn you a prison rap sheet or restraining order. Oh, why Hollywood, why do you portray such behavior as romantic? It’s not!)

16. It’s perfectly all right to marry someone you’ve known for less than a month. (Happens a lot in movies before the 1960s for two reasons. For one, the wretched Hays Code and a quick elopement is probably the most acceptable way to get the couple having a sexual relationship {unless if the plot revolves around having an out of wedlock baby which in this case, the bio dad will be killed, lost, reunited with family, or having to assume care over a kid he didn’t know he had}. Second, helps drive the plot faster since most movie couples rush to the altar quicker than couples in real life. However, a whirlwind romance is something that shouldn’t be advised even if he or she is The One and you two are perfectly compatible. No need to hurry, just wait for a few months or even a year to make sure you’d really want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Let me just say that an unmarried couple living for 5 years is less likely to get divorced than a couple who’ve gotten hitched after knowing each other for like an hour.)

17. Playing hard to get will surely land you the object of your affections. Being open and forward about your feelings may cause the other person to lose interest. (Maybe, but please don’t make it impossible and don’t go too far, don’t hurt the other person’s feelings, and don’t give the other person unnecessary crap. And if the other person knows you’re playing hard to get and doesn’t like it, you might want to stop and admit it flat out. And even if you do, the other person will probably not lose interest and may even be happy you did. Also, playing hard to get may have a tendency to backfire since it might cause the other person to pass you aside in frustration, be deeply hurt, assume you’re not into him or her and move on, decide persistence isn’t worth it since you’ll reject him or her every single time regardless of feelings, may be afraid to ask again in fear of rejection, or even lose interest in you. Honestly, you don’t want to go too far with it.)

18. When things don’t work out in a relationship, run to the nearest airport where your estranged partner will realize his or her mistake minutes before the plane takes off, jump into a taxi, and despite post 9/11 security provisions will make it to the gate to stop you from taking your flight and profess his or her undying love for you. (You’ll be gone by the time your true love makes it to the gate, especially with the post 9/11 TSA provisions. If you don’t want your estranged partner to leave you forever, call before he or she ever decides to board that plane.)

19. To begin a stable relationship with a person who is ready for commitment, interrupt his or her beautiful ceremony to another person and declare your love. Running away with them also helps. (Sorry, Benjamin Braddock, but ruining a wedding is the last thing you want to do, even if your beloved is marrying someone else. Besides, calling off a wedding is emotionally harrowing and those who experienced this may need time to sort out their feelings before embarking on a new relationship. This is especially true if one of the couple dies before the wedding. If you want to declare your love for someone who’s marrying someone else, declare your love for him or her before the wedding, preferably when the wedding is in the planning stages. If he or she’s planning to marry in a Catholic Church, you’ll have at least 3 to 6 months time when the banns are posted so don’t waste any time.)

20. Becoming accidentally pregnant by a relative stranger will result in you bonding and falling in love with the person who knocked you up and inevitably you will have the family of your dreams. (Jesus Christ, Judd Apatow! Look, ladies, just because the guy may be your kid’s biological father doesn’t mean you should marry him. And just because he fathered the kid doesn’t mean he should raise it with you. In fact, he may not be a good partner to you or a good father to your kid. It’s said unplanned pregnancies outside of marriage are probably the single biggest way not to guarantee a happy ending with that person. Besides, you or the other person may already be married anyway. Still, a great stepdad or no dad is better for your kid than a shitty biological one.)

21. Some hookers have hearts of gold and are very much relationship material. (I’m not so sure about that, Richard Gere. What I can say is that though there may be some hookers with hearts of gold and that it’s possible to find true love with a prostitute, doesn’t mean pursuing a relationship with one is a good idea. Of course, many prostitutes and johns use condoms but many of them do have their share in STDs. Is true love with a hooker worth getting something like Hepatitis A-C, genital herpes,  crabs, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, syphilis, trichomoniasis, and AIDS? On a side note to parents, if your son ever thinks of being involved with a hooker, please get them the HPV vaccine or at  least talk to them about the possible risk. Still, anyone who’s been in a high school health class can tell you that pursuing a relationship with a prostitute is a bad idea.)

22. Good sex cures all relationship issues. (Good sex be important in a relationship but it’s not going to save it if you or your partner are unsuitable for such a relationship or downright abusive, especially if he or she’s anything like Stanley Kowalski.)

23. If you want your love back, do a grand romantic gesture like secretly filling her office with roses or standing in the rain with a boombox. That way the object of your affections will realize that he or she loves you, too. (This may seem romantic in movies, but in real life, this comes off as desperate and pathetic, if you’re lucky. If not, then actively deranged, idiotic, or obnoxious. This is especially a bad idea if he or she’s not attracted to you in the first place. In this case, you’re just wasting your money and don’t understand how relationships work in the real world. And if he or she doesn’t like you, chances are the object of your affections will be filing a restraining order or be calling the cops. If he or she does like you, then perhaps you should try something called talking or spending time with that person, especially if you make that grand romantic gesture. If you don’t make any effort to spend time with that person or communicate or try playing hard to get, you might risk breaking the other person’s heart.)

24. If you’re dating a terrible person, it’s okay to have a once in a lifetime romance in a random hookup with a stranger while on vacation. (Well, it’s not like Kate Winslet had any choice marrying a complete bastard but still, hooking up with Leonardo DiCaprio is probably not a good idea. Then again, at least she wasn’t like Paul Henreid doing the same with Bette Davis and he was married with two kids. Then there’s An Affair to Remember where you have Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr hooking up despite both of them being in a relationship with someone else who aren’t terrible or even make them unhappy. Still, even if you’re in a terrible relationship with someone, cheating on him or her while on vacation is perhaps the worst dating advice of all time. For one, it can lead to STDs, unplanned pregnancies, or paternity suits. Vacation adultery isn’t a good idea at all. Bad enough hooking up with a random stranger while single.)

25. Dressing up in drag might make you attractive to people within your own sex. (That is, if you’re in gay bar or pull off the disguise convincingly. Still, though I could believe Charles Durning’s attraction to Dustin Hoffman’s Dorothy in Tootsie, I can’t see how any straight man would hook up with Jack Lemmon  or Tony Curtis in Some Like It Hot. Really, they don’t look any more like women than John Cleese wearing a dress and wig.)

26. There’s nothing illogical with making the life altering decision to spend the rest of your life with a total stranger who doesn’t know exist. (Really, Meg Ryan? Flying across country to be with the one you love is one thing, but a life-altering decision nevertheless. Flying across country to meet a total stranger you hear on the radio who doesn’t even know you exist? Are you out of your fucking mind? Not only is it stupid, it’s also dangerous and basically makes you a stalker.)

27. Women are man crazy hellions with a ticking biological clock and urge to rush in a committed relationship with a man. (Some women don’t want to get married and/or have kids while others are lesbians. Also, no, real women don’t act like women in romantic comedies. Really? Hollywood, I may love romantic comedies {when well done anyway} but please don’t portray women like this. It’s sexist, honestly. We’re not all wedding or baby crazy bitches or obsessed with clothes or shopping.)

28. It’s not creepy to have feelings for a stepsibling or an adopted sibling. (Just because you’re not blood relatives doesn’t make it less creepy. Besides, I don’t know if the latter is legal.)

29. If your love interest is gay, you can always win them over and get them to switch teams. (Uh, no you can’t unless they’re bi. But, do you really want to go there?)

3o. When men get into a relationship, it’s usually to get into a woman’s pants. (Really? Sure some men may be perverts, but there are plenty of guys who actually want to have a relationship with women and like them as people. Not to mention, a lot of them have emotional needs to and many actually want to get married. Seriously, Hollywood, most guys don’t really want to remain single all their lives.)

Halloween Costume Tips for Children

Image

For those who remember my last post for inappropriate Halloween costumes, I was mainly setting certain standards that applied to a more general audience, particularly of the teen and adult variety (especially those in college). However, when it comes to Halloween costumes, not all standards are created equal especially if they pertain for children under the age of 14. For this I have a special set of rules to make sure your child can dress in a safe and appropriate costume and you don’t have to be accused of bad parenting. Of course, I don’t have any kids but I understand that the FCC standards of decency are much different for children’s programming as well as am the oldest of 23 grandchildren so those kind of count. Also, it’s not difficult to figure out and I’m just writing this post for laughs and using it to post bad costume pictures like the one of kids dressed from The Jersey Shore.

1. Make sure the costume idea is age appropriate- Okay, if you don’t want to be seen as a bad parent, you need to pay attention to this. Of course, there are certain costumes that shouldn’t be worn by anyone but sometimes there are certain costume ideas which are perfectly all right for adults but absolutely not suitable for children. Sexy costumes are a perfect example but there are age inappropriate examples for both boys and girls like these:

ImageImage

2. Make sure the costume is obtained from G or PG rated material- Or from any source in which you’ll let your kid watch. Of course, many superhero movies are PG-13 and so are the later Harry Potter films but these are perfectly fine. And I wouldn’t object from any parent dressing their kid as a hobbit if they’re Lord of the Rings fans. You can dress your kid as a stormtrooper for all I care. But, please don’t have your kid be dressed from a source material that’s rated R and strictly for adults like Hannibal Lecter. I mean children aren’t going to know who he is but parents probably will and they might get freaked out. See here:

Image

3. Don’t be gross or gory- Of course, on adult costumes grossness and goriness are perfectly all right since Halloween is supposed to be scary and most violence and gross out comedies are catered to adults anyway. For kids, not so much since there are plenty of debates about how much violence in the media influences children’s likeliness to commit violence themselves. As for grossness, you don’t want other parents to be disgusted by your kid’s costume. Of course, this one takes the cake:

Image

4. Make sure the costume sets a decent example- By this, I mean make sure it’s appropriate enough not for people to get offended by it or accuse you of bad parenting. Of course, if your son wants to dress up as his favorite character from My Little Pony, that is fine. If your son wants to dress up in a girly costume, that’s fine as well. Also, if your girl wants to dress in boyish costume, it’s all right, too. After all, this is Halloween where cross dressing is common among people who wouldn’t do so otherwise. Also, cross dressing is perfectly G rated. However, I wouldn’t advise any parent to have them wear costumes of political figures, controversial celebrities, reality TV stars, convicts, or any TV character known for doing very bad things (like Dexter or anyone from The Wire). Just don’t let your kid wear anything disturbing.

570

5. Make sure the costume is appropriate enough to wear in school- Of course, if your kid goes to a public elementary school, there’s a good chance that he or she will wear it in school on the last Friday in October. Make sure your kid’s costume fits into the guidelines of his or her school such as not having sharp edges as well as leave the weapons at home (I mean high schools don’t even have plastic knives in the cafeteria). Still, I wouldn’t recommend your kid wearing this for the same reason (and that it’s offensive):

mty

6. Make sure the costume doesn’t have anything to do with drugs or alcohol- This is a biggie since such content might be perfectly all right for an adult to wear, it’s unsuitable for children, especially if they’re elementary school age. Any child going as Walter White, Jesse Pinkman, Don Draper, or anyone else in a costume depicting drugs or alcohol will certainly not be allowed to wear it for school. As for the alcohol and cigarettes, use the idea with your spouse, not your kid. Also, I wonder what this parent was smoking when he or she thought this was a good costume idea for a baby:

pot

7. It’s all right to be scary but not too scary- It’s all right if your kid wants to go as something scary for Halloween. After all, Halloween is a holiday associated with ghosts, witches, ghouls, and monsters. However, there are some scary kid costumes that are very disturbing for adults and would certainly give little children nightmares, especially if they’re from horror movies aimed at teens and adults. Tim Burton film inspired costumes also fall into this camp. Such an example here:

the-8-most-inappropriate-children-s-halloween-costumes-04-350-75

There are some costumes that are unintentionally scary such as this Pinocchio costume. Avoid this one like the plague:

pinocchio

8. Make sure the costume passes political correctness- Of course, with adult costumes it’s okay to allow a little political incorectness now and then, just as long as it’s not outright offensive. For kids, you have to be a little more careful since while some costumes might be okay on and adult, they may not be for kids, especially if it insults someone who might give them candy. For instance, this Blind Ref costume might be a funny idea for adults and teenagers but for kids, this might end up insulting blind people. Thus, political correctness must be emphasized:

435-768-FW90164

9. Don’t make your kid wear a costume that would embarrass them- Listen, you might want your kids to dress in a costume you might think is funny but if your kid carries the kind of expression akin to Ralphie in pink bunny pajamas, you might want to take a pass. Not to mention, there are some costume ideas that are just too cruel to instill on your kids. The boy who’s wearing a toilet costume is certainly going to get teased or beat up at school shown here:

4-Toilet

10. Naughty is fine, sexy is not- Of course, the terms “naughty” and “sexy” almost mean the same thing when it comes to Halloween costumes for adults. However, you don’t want your daughter to dress in a sexy costume but that in kids costume “naughty” doesn’t necessarily carry the same connotations. For instance, take this Naughty Leopard costume for toddlers:

Inappropriate-Kids-Halloween-Costume

While it may say “Naughty Leopard” on the label, look closely ans see that it’s just a normal little girl’s costume that carries no sexual connotations whatsoever. This is fine. However, if a girl’s costume seems to resemble something off Toddlers & Tiaras or anything resembling child prostitutes, then it’s not okay. See here:

278177391_9fb4838a04_o

11. Make sure the costume is something your kid can go trick or treating in- A child’s costume needs to be practical such as allowing them to see and move around. Also, you want to emphasize safety in the equation such as having your kid’s costume not be something they could injure themselves or other kids. This baby Minecraft costume isn’t a real practical one to wear since it doesn’t have anything to see through. But it’s okay since it’s a baby costume. If this was worn by an older kid, it would’ve been worse:

a97942_kid-halloween_12-pixel

12. If it’s inappropriate for adults, then it’s inappropriate for kids- Last but not least, I’d like to note that if a costume idea is deemed inappropriate and offensive to adult audiences, then it will certainly be the case if a kid wore it. And I don’t think it could be any more emphasized than with me posting a baby pimp costume:

091710_halloween_costumes_baby_pimp

Of course, I might have missed a few criteria here and there but if you want to see which costumes your kids shouldn’t be wearing I have a few links at your disposal:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/15/the-most-inappropriate-kids-halloween-costumes-photos_n_1967382.html

http://www.babble.com/home/25-totally-inappropriate-halloween-costumes-for-kids/

http://www.parentsociety.com/news-2/inappropriate-kids-halloween-costumes/

What Not to Go (For Halloween)

costume1

Warning: This post shows content that may or may not be safe for viewing, especially in front of young children. Some images may be guaranteed to offend racial, ethnic, and religious groups as well. Viewing discretion is advised.

Of course Halloween is around the corner which is a time for spooky decorations, pumpkin carving, ghost stories, trick or treating, parties, scary movies, and tick tacking houses. Another thing people like to for Halloween is dress up into costumes either for a party or trick or treating. Some are reserved for kids, others for adults. Still, there could be some controversy on a person’s choice in costume or how inappropriate it is. However, there are certain things for Halloween that no one should go out as regardless of age, gender, demographic, or whatever. Whatever you do, don’t go as these for Halloween.

1. Nudist

Pro: This is perhaps the easiest costume to make and the cheapest costume to buy since it doesn’t really require much of anything. Just go as you are in your birthday suit. It’s as simple as that.

Con: However, to dress up as a nudist for Halloween is perhaps one of the worst ideas. For one, you will be arrested for indecent exposure if you’re going out anywhere since public nudity is against the law. Also, there’s a good chance that you’ll offend everyone with your nakedness so much that they’ll probably call the police on you. If you’re at home, expect to frighten the trick or treaters and their parents when you emerge from your door out in the buff and they’ll never stop at your house again. If your kid’s a nudist, expect him or her to get no candy and be subject to severe criticism on how bad a parent you are. Then there’s the fact you’ll be shivering whenever you go outside.

Verdict: For God’s sake, make sure your Halloween costume is one that includes clothes. No one wants to see your private parts. Perhaps one of the worst costume ideas ever. Streaker isn’t a good idea either.

sigh-5-300x450

2. A Black Person (for people who aren’t black)

Pro: Well, this might be difficult to say since I really can’t think of any pros without sounding too racist or offensive.

Con: It’s one of the most offensive costume ideas since it requires the use of blackface, especially in the United States. Not only that, but you run the risk of projecting a derogatory stereotype. You may think that dressing up as a black person  may be a way to show esteem or mock them, it’s not. Rather it’s extremely insulting to a whole demographic and one of the most anti-black things you can do. If you show up in blackface in a predominantly black neighborhood, expect to never get out of there alive. I’d say the same to those who go around wearing an Obama mask since they’re no better. Look, it’s okay not to like Obama but it’s not okay to dress up as him to mock him, especially if you’re not black for you may run a tendency of insulting almost every black person in town.

Verdict: Unless you’re a black person, don’t go as a black person. And if you don’t like Obama, go as Joe Biden instead. I know it’s no fun to be politically correct and Obama’s the president but still, it’s a terrible idea that will warrant you sensitivity training. Actually don’t go as anything that projects a derogatory racial, ethnic, or religious stereotype.

3. Feminine Hygiene Products

Pro: Well, they may be easy to make and can be made pretty cheaply. Also, you’ll be a hit with the ladies at the Halloween party.

Con: Oh, did I say hit with the ladies? I actually mean hit by the ladies. Not to mention, dressing up as a bleeding tampon or napkin is just so disgusting as well as offensive to women. Look, none of us ladies would ever consider dressing up as one of our feminine hygiene products. That goes the same with female sex organs. All dressing up in these Halloween costumes is going to do is give us ladies an impression that you’re a total douche who deserves to be slapped in the face. I understand you guys go as condoms, semen, and male sex organs and though they’re as offensive as they may be, at least they’re costumes of your respective gender. However, how would you men feel if we women went out as a condom, semen, or penis? I don’t think you’d like that.

Verdict: Oh, fucking hell, no! Just, no please. I don’t care who you are just no. Also, eeeew.

4. Pedophile Priest

Pro: Well, easy to make and cheap. Other than that, I can’t find anything.

Con: As a Roman Catholic, this is probably a costume that that is guaranteed to personally offend me since the priestly child sex abuse cases just put a stain on the Roman Catholic Church (though child molestation is just as prevalent in any organization). Not to mention, this costume is guaranteed to get a person kicked out at a Catholic school, college, church, or hospital. Look, this probably the easiest costume to offend about a billion people with regardless of church attendance and religiosity. Not to mention, you never know where you’re going to meet someone who’s Catholic. You may even know someone who’s Catholic, maybe not particularly devout but still, once a Catholic always a Catholic right? Heck, any depiction of pedophilia in Halloween is just as offensive and shouldn’t be mocked at. I mean how would it feel if you saw a costume like pedophile minister, pedophile rabbi, or Jerry Sandusky? I rest my case.

Verdict: Congratulations, you just got a billion people praying the rosary in hopes that you’ll be sent to hell. Hope you find it warm down there when you die. Oh, and I see that all those sweet nuns did a number on you and tied you to a pole. And there’s the local priest encouraging the little children to throw rocks at you. Hope you’re happy and I just don’t feel sorry for you. Should’ve gone as sexy priest instead.

5. Klu Klux Klansman

Pro: Well, easy and cheap to make. Also, more creative than a ghost.

Con: Strictly put, this costume is blatantly racist and offensive to blacks since the KKK is a terrorist organization and hate group notorious for lynching and intimidating blacks in the South. It was even revived with the release of Birth of a Nation, perhaps the most racist film to date. I don’t care if you’re going as one for laughs, you’ll be seen as an angry white supremacist wherever you go. In a black neighborhood, you might as well just pick up those white robes and run like hell because chances are, you will be lynched.

Verdict: Don’t go as a Klansman under any circumstances. You will never see the light of day with this costume on, you virulently white supremacist bastard. Hope you get killed by your own burning cross.

1350781683986900

6. Nazi

Pro: Well, they seem to have the nicer uniforms in all those World War II movies.

Con: You know Prince Harry got in a lot of trouble for wearing one, right? Also, you know that the Nazis were responsible for making Germany a totalitarian dictatorship, starting a world war, committing mass genocide that included 6-9 million Jews. That costume is sure going to make you look very anti-Semitic.

Verdict: Unless you’re doing a production of The Producers in which you sing, “Springtime for Hitler,” don’t go as this, period. On second thought, just don’t even if you do play a Nazi in your professional life or are just in WW2 reenactments. I mean you never know where you’ll meet a Jew or somebody whose grandma survived the Holocaust. And I’m sure a Holocaust survivor is certainly going to have plenty of ideas of what to do if you if yo happen to just don that Nazi uniform. Plus, wearing a Nazi uniform is certainly going to get you arrested in Germany since the Germans practically banned anything associated with Nazism. Same goes for Hitler.

mty

7. Muslim Terrorist

Pro: Might be a way to show off your creative talents and doesn’t cost much to make.

Con: It’s one of the most offensive Halloween costumes out there, especially in a post-911 world. Muslims already have a hard time in this country after all the shit they’ve been through like being racially profiled and stereotyped as terrorists. This kind of stereotyping has been very detrimental for Muslims living in America who also died on 9/11, fought in our wars, lived in our country as law-abiding citizens, and supported our country through thick and thin. And it still sparks controversy if a group of Muslims want to build a mosque in a community so they can practice their faith in this country as they please. Besides, Islam isn’t as much a violent religion as Christianity, historically speaking and most Muslims are just regular people who live their own lives. Nor does it encourage anti-Western or anti-American ideology as  a matter of fact.

Verdict: Almost nothing can inspire jihadist action among Muslims than seeing a person in the West wearing that highly offensive costume. Might inspire real hatred for your country if an Islamist terrorists sees you in that. And you don’t want to be an inspiration for terrorism right?

Picture 10ku-xlargeNotRight

8. Sexy Kids Show Character

Pro: It’s a nice way to look cute at a Halloween Party and pay homage to your favorite character from your childhood.

Con: Actually makes that particular kids show character be suitable for a pornographic film. Not to mention, many of these sexy kids show costumes are marketed toward women which is also part of a disturbing trend of making women’s costumes seem sexy. Can I just go as regular Elmo? Really? Besides, most of the sexy Sesame Street costumes are those that feature male characters like Bert an Ernie. Yes, there’s a sexy Bert and Ernie costume. Not to mention, those kind of costumes might kill a child’s innocence.

Verdict: Making kids show characters as sexy costumes is just plain, well, wrong. There are some costumes that shouldn’t be made sexy and I think kids show characters should be one of them. Besides, no one wants to see a sexy Cookie Monster. That little 3-year-old may not see Elmo in the same way again.

9. Depraved Sex Maniac

Pro: There are so many ways to get creative with this costume, with many of the results being hilarious. There are just so many variations of this costume.

Con: Dressing up as a depraved sex maniac is not only an unsuitable costume to greet trick or treaters in, but also very offensive even in front of mature audiences depending on the material. Perhaps the only occasion I can ever find this kind of costume being appropriate in is an adults-only Halloween party, especially if its venue is a frat house. Still, would you want people to post pictures of you in such a costume on Facebook? Think about it.

Verdict: Would you want to be known as the guy who dressed up as a man banging a sheep? I wouldn’t think so. I mean they post pictures of that on the internet, you know. Besides, you don’t want to be in that kind of costume when trick or treaters come to your house. I mean think of the children and parents.

ku-xlarge1

10. Asian Doll (for Non-Asians)

Pro: These are fairly popular among non-Asian women. Not to mention, Asian women are said to be rather desirable.

Con: The  reason I put for Non-Asians is that no self-respecting Asian woman would want to wear one (maybe geisha but I’m not so sure). For one, these are sexy costumes which is kind of sexist toward women. Second, the take-out costume is just begging for gross jokes about “eating out.” Not to mention, it’s a stereotype of an Americanized version of what “Chinese” is. Also, the hyper-sexualization of this costume feeds into the all to prominent stereotypes of Asian women. Yikes!

Verdict: Actually, any sexy ethnic girl costumes shouldn’t be worn on Halloween, period. They’re offensive regardless of nationality.

11. Geisha Girl (also for Non-Asians)

Pro: Hmmm, this is a challenging one. I wonder if it’s because of Memoirs of a Geisha having something to do with it. Maybe it’s just a symbol of Japanese decadence or the female equivalent of the samurai costume.

Con: For one, in many circles geishas are considered high-end prostitutes, which is a cause for concern. Second, a geisha girl is a racist and sexual stereotype thrust upon Asian women which paints them as submissive, doll-like, and existing only to sexually gratify others. In turn this harms many Asian women since many non-Asians tend to defend geisha girls on a pedestal even though it’s considered a fossilized archetype in modern day Japan. So nostalgia’s probably not always a good thing.

Verdict: This costume has a lot of grey area depending on the variation but still, many Japanese women can get offended by that regardless of costume scheme. Still, I think I’d suggest maybe you go as Murisaki Shikibu, one of the world’s earliest known women writers and perhaps the world’s first novelist. Of course, The Tale of Genji isn’t one that’s necessarily suitable for children but people still read it. Yet, at least she’s a better Japanese female figure than a geisha girl. At least many Japanese women would be impressed if you know who Murisaki Shikibu was. In fact, dress up as any famous Japanese woman even it’s Yoko Ono. Also, a character from anime and manga is a viable option.

12. Anything with an Erection

Pro: Can make a boring costume hilarious.

Con: Not suited for younger children and the erection might depend on the kind of costume. If you’re dressing as a Viagra salesman, then it’s uniquely appropriate (though I don’t know why you’d want to dress as a Viagra salesman). If you’re dressing up as like a prisoner, teacher, or priest, then it’s deeply offensive. Also, most of the time having an erection in your costume makes other girls think you’re too dumb to have a creative costume idea.

Verdict: Can’t you come up with some original costume idea that doesn’t involve any form of crude frat boy jokes? Seriously, guys, sometimes you’re just too obsessed with your sex organs.

13. Abortion Themed Costumes

Pro: This might help get the pro-choice and pro-life sides agreeing with something.

Con: Actually you’ll get them to agreeing that your costume is inherently offensive since abortion is such a serious issue and isn’t an issue you want to address on Halloween. This will certainly result in you getting attack in some way or another like a pipe bomb stuffed down your pipe or acid thrown in your face type.

Verdict: Just stay away from doing an abortion themed costume. Just stay away if you don’t want a gang of torches and pitchforks going after you. Abortion is absolutely not the kind of topic people should joke about. It’s a deadly serious issue and I’ll just leave it at that.

508181865a966142_4215

14. Catastrophe Victims or Disasters

Pro: This might be a tough one.

Con: Obviously, these costumes revolve around moments of great tragedy and heartbreak that it goes without saying that they would be highly inappropriate for a Halloween costume. I mean all these costumes are going to illustrate is how an insensitive jerk you are.

Verdict: Please don’t wear these costumes, whatever you do. Otherwise, I hope you receive a well-deserving slap or punch in the face. Insensitive jerk, indeed.

pocahottie-and-warrior-costumesku-medium

15. Indian Princess

Pro: You might be able to wear this costume on Thanksgiving which would especially help if you’re an elementary school teacher supposing if the costume is decent enough.

Con: The sexy version of this costume is highly offensive especially if it’s know as a “seductive squaw.” The term “squaw” is a very derogatory name for an Indian woman which the First Nations certainly won’t take too kindly. A sexy Pocahontas costume would be even worse since she was about 12 at the time when she saved John Smith and sexualizing pre-adolescents is never a good idea. Also, a political incorrect depiction might be deemed fairly offensive. I mean this costume has the potential to offend American Indians at different levels. Actually most Native American costumes do.

Verdict: This costume is probably most likely better left for children to wear since adults who wear this to work will probably receive a certain amount of sensitivity training (or just be fired). Actually almost any Native American costume can fit into this even in a mascot capacity (sorry, Redskins fans). Still, I’d stay away from this costume if I were you.

16. Poop

Pro: May be and cheap to make. As to any explanation why anyone would do this costume, I don’t have the slightest idea.

Con: For one, this is a disgusting and poor taste idea for a costume that seems to be thought up at the last minute. Second, it might make many people at the party think you’re No. 2 (and not the first runner-up kind either). Third, I’m sure you’re not going to pick up any chicks with that kind of costumes.

Verdict: Seriously, you went as that for Halloween? Honestly, you have to go as that. Some things should never be costume ideas, plain and simple. Also, eeeeew.

6a0105349ca980970c013487fcbc52970c-500wihalloween_jesus

17. Jesus Christ

Pro: Well, what better costume for a CCD or Sunday School Halloween party than dressing up as the Prince of Peace?

Con: Except that he’s a religious figure, which is always controversial no matter what the depiction. Secondly, there are also certain Christian groups who don’t celebrate Halloween based on false claims that it promotes things like paganism, witchcraft, sin, and devil worship. I mean the holiday basically offends them to this degree already so dressing up like Jesus is certainly going to piss them off and somewhat confirm their beliefs about the holiday when they see you twerking on the dance floor or making out with a witch in a car.

Verdict: Only dressing as Muhammad would be worse since you’re not even allowed to depict a picture of him.

images117251091710_halloween_costumes_baby_pimp

18. Pimps and Ho’s

Pro: Well, its a good excuse to get dolled out and slutty.

Con: Some costumes may have some people mistake you for the real thing and God help you if those are the police pr a serial killer. Also, they are highly inappropriate and tend to somewhat glamorize certain folks who aren’t just committing illegal acts (at least in the US) but also don’t live nice lives (prostitutes are always highly susceptible to violent crimes during their work hours). Not to mention, pimps aren’t nice people (I mean they’re sex traffickers) as well as the kind who should never be idolized in rap lyrics. Not only that, but not all pimps dress like that (some of them just dress in plain normal clothes in order to get girls into the business). And another thing, wearing either has the potential to offend African Americans who are said to be frequent depictions of either.

Verdict: If you watched what happened to Kramer when he tried to get to the pink Cadillac. Take it as a word of caution. Also, you might have the potential to be mistaken for a stripper.

19. Recently Deceased Public Figures

Pro: Chances are people will recognize who you’re dressed up for Halloween since their death has been on the news.

Con: It’s perhaps way too soon since the person who died may still have friends and family in mourning, especially if they died under untimely and tragic circumstances. You might want to wait a year, or fifty.

Verdict: Perhaps you should stick to celebrities who are either still alive or been dead for at least a decade.

20. Santa Claus

Pro: If your seasonal job is being Santa at the mall, this might be pretty convenient.

Con: Some is little kid is going to wonder why Santa answered the door to your house on Halloween during trick or treating. I mean Santa Claus is very closely tied to Christmas and that’s only a couple months away. Also, might kind of remind people what’s coming up next commercialwise so they don’t want to see anyone in a Santa suit until after Thanksgiving.

Verdict: As a holiday mascot, you might want to avoid dressing up like Santa to avoid confusion or anger.

Conclusion:

Of course, there are plenty more costume ideas you shouldn’t try on Halloween and I’ll just leave you at that.

For intentionally offensive costumes:

http://www.holytaco.com/25-intentionally-offensive-halloween-costumes/

Here’s a satiric article on politically incorrect costumes:

http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages/costumes.htm

Here’s some more offensive costumes:

http://happyplace.someecards.com/11102/the-most-inappropriate-halloween-costumes-of-all-time

Here’s some costumes gone horribly wrong:

http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/24-embarrassing-homemade-halloween-costumes