The Wacky World of Wish.com Merchandise

screenshot-wish

A rival to Amazon and eBay, Wish.com is an online retailer that has gained quite a following in recent years. Founded in 2010, it began as an app where users would create wish lists for their desired items and the company would approach merchants to order that product’s particular amount. They also earned revenue with Pay-per-click model by advertising on Facebook. In 2013, Wish became an electronic commerce site after asking merchants to host their products directly on the app, with Wish taking a 15% sale cut. Nonetheless, as with its merchandise, Wish is basically Spencer’s with Dollar General prices. But order something and you’ll have to wait for a few weeks since the products were made in Asian countries. And you’ll find plenty of crazy weird stuff on there which you didn’t know existed. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of ridiculous products from the site. Some of these might not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Rock your car with these fuzzy seat covers.
5a1fdfbf7972f914d3b78f2d-0-large

Available in 4 different colors. Yet, might make people think you’re strange.

2. Defend yourself with these decorative keys.

5a5da6f1f707ed29c67c6df9-0-large

The kind of switchblades for the girly gang members out there. Might leave a wound in your enemies. But open doors? Not so much.

3. Improve your lady libido with Hergasm.

5a6b4c391696096e08055be0-large

Because why should men get the boner pills? Then again, I don’t think these actually work.

4. Like coloring books? Behold, The Big Adventures of Tiny Dick.

5a9c65b6f3bcca544d6d3990-large

Just because it’s a coloring book, doesn’t mean it’s for kids. As this coloring book certainly isn’t.

5. Relieve your sphincter with Comfortably Numb Anally Desensitizing Cream.

5a0185d7b4b8d96c9424e1bb-large

Yes, they actually have cream for your asshole. And this one smells of spearmint.

6. Heard of a mechanical bull? Well, you can get the floating bull.

5a1366e17298d90951a44921-large

It’s something you can ride on when you’re in the pool. Hope it doesn’t put you underwater.

7. Apparently, the Cinnamon Toast Crunch is getting into pot.

5a17945d7482a321f8010a6e-0-large

Actually, this is just a T-shirt. But those cereal bits are totally baked.

8. There’s something fishy about these shoes.

5a9790561e520e2dcb7f1bb9-large

Since they resemble fish. Available in 4 sizes and 3 colors.

9. Have you just died? This book is for you.

5aa6f0b4a69e6605e6ae491e-large

Actually, I don’t think this book is useful. Since the dead can’t read.

10. Always look sharp with metal claws.

5aa61f0899cd1453649e5a2c-0-large

Consists of 10 pieces. Not sure if they qualify as weapons. Probably.

11. Eat Asian cuisine in style with a pair of metallic chopsticks.

5aa673ee0b432170a1286469-large

Available in 4 different colors. Still, I think wooden ones would do just as well.

12. Discover your faith with The Catholic Hipster Handbook.

5aa6df0fd6339d5e76f92b59-large

Because sacred imagery and incense is so out of the mainstream. Still, it might be interesting to read.

13. Perhaps you want more manly fishing lures.

5ab22bff0c1d9072aeb475b7-large

What are these lures used to catch? Piranhas? Not recommended for the father/son fishing trips.

14. Any girl would like a pair of fish earrings.

5acdbb94414de2376c803e32-large

Though ones with fish in a bag, I’m not so sure. Comes in 2 varieties.

15. Get your Cage pants on.

5ae148b2d6339d6d8cb14873-0-large

Yes, these pants have a picture of Nicholas Cage all over them. And yes, it’s pretty creepy.

16. Get  a light on from this Chinese dragon ashtray.

5b1ac342be42dd180aff397b-large

I actually don’t approve of smoking. But you can light up the dragon by pushing its tail.

17. Show love to your princess with this Zelda engagement ring.

5b51b42800c26230250a37d4-0-large

Zelda is a Nintendo RPG video game. Nonetheless, I’m sure guys might like to propose to their girlfriends with a ring like this. Though I don’t recommend it.

18. Now you can turn your bike in to a motorbike.

5b56c002a942be3d2909dce1-0-large

This is a bike motor set. However, I kind of advise against it unless your unusually mechanically skilled. Seriously, a regular bike is fine for me.

19. Don’t leave for a hike without a survival bracelet.

5b56ce50d4456b2e4b10f2d0-large

Includes a knife, compass, whistle, and Firestarter. Available in several different colors, too.

20. Care to give your campfire a little color?

5b90fbe8e52e37391addc903-large

These can turn a fire into the colors of the rainbow. But I’m not sure about their safety record.

21. Feel free to attract with some magnetic slime.

5b837a801596b502f1051b96-large

You can see the image above how it gravitates toward metal. Available in 6 colors.

22. Keep things behind your car with these organizers.

5bb3cdfaa0b94f168985ccf2-large

I’m sure any driver would need these. Has a place for tech, drinks, and napkins.

23. You might find these food earrings quite stylish.

5bbc22f783cb841912feed96-large

Consists of donuts, cake pieces, pastries, and kitchen utensils. Not sure what I’d wear any of these with.

24. Defend yourself with this invisible blade ring.

5bc1c4a21f12fb4c327ae538-large

They’re basically rings containing knives you can use to stab attackers. Though mace also works, too.

25. Always have a toothpick crossbow in handy.

5bc3f663e9a40533df0e9ef4-large

Good for finger archery contests. If such events even exist.

26. These gem earrings will light up your night.

5bc699cd86531c51e0d9828d-large

Yes, they’re light up earrings while the stones aren’t real. Available in 6 colors.

27. Wear a masterpiece on your feet.

5bdc6c827bf081169778d697-large

Each pair of socks shows a famous painting or sculpture. And all in vibrant colors.

28. Listen to the music with this car MP3 player.

5c21ee371a8937274447e032-large

Is that something you’d put on your dashboard? Think you’re better off just hooking your MP3 player to your car.

29. Now you can go undercover with this hidden camera.

5c496d432c25722b70951e3f-large

Great for spying on neighbors, family, and friends. Not meant for those with restraining orders.

30. Lose weight with this magnetic weight loss bracelet.

5d2ec147dec9c111195e5ebb-large

I don’t think this works. But at least it makes a great piece of jewelry.

31. Don’t let your bad eyesight get in the way of poker night with these large cards.

5d1428e7d0441c6bef60b17a-large

And yes, these are very big cards. But at least you won’t have trouble seeing them.

32. Clear your ears with this cleaning kit.

5d07649d21b3470ca681fec1-large

On second thought, if you have clogged ears, better see a specialist. Seriously, these tools look pretty dangerous.

33. Perhaps you’d like a Nic Cage T-shirt to go with those pants.

56dc1138281eb31aba9d3b55-large

Yes, this Nic Cage T-shirt also exists. And yes, the expression is quite unsettling. Wonder why anyone would buy it.

34. These skeleton hair clips will be perfect for Halloween.

56f4ff172fc4131d97882e47-0-large

Goes with any scary costume. Or if you plan to dress up as a character from a Tim Burton movie.

35. A pole dancing sloth will always amuse.

57b17de28643995ed01e6c95-large

And it seems the sloth is making it rain. Nonetheless, this shirt is hilarious.

36. You have to be crazy to get this jacket.

57fcc0bf210e8d210d73ed7f-large

Since they used to put a jacket like this on crazy people. Before they were put in a padded cell.

37. You might have an appetite for one of these food hoodies.

59a02be4cf936f6f2044a1ff-large

Each comes in several different colors. And all are equally ridiculous.

38. Got clogged ears? Try ear candling therapy.

59a2549d1b220132c24907e8-large

Please don’t. For one, I don’t think it works. Second, since it involves burning, I suspect it’s quite dangerous. No cure is worth setting your house on fire.

39. A handy Scotsman always wears a cargo kilt.

59ad95ff0415f84682b603f1-large

Includes large pockets to keep tools and other essentials. Let’s hope a guy wears underwear underneath.

40. Feel free to take one of these pills.

553af1710b733422f192d1c6-large

Just don’t eat one because they’re not meant to be eaten. Yet, each one has a rather unique expression.

41. Keep your home lit with these LED mushroom night lights.

556ea43ec4783e1a12d20f9f-large

Come in several different colors. Perfect to put near houseplants.

42. Do you snore? These snoring cones can help.

5c17e1b32bca702264fcc165-large

You can just put it up in your nose and it’ll expand your nostrils. Not sure if it really works though.

43. Get rid of pimples and blackheads with this extractor kit.

5bf377941e4f0275a865fe9c-large

Because you can’t get rid of zits if you can’t bear the pain. Still, this kit seems to resemble what you’d keep in a torture chamber.

44. Brighten up this winter with this fur coat.

597ee6401b75d97345a43b24-large

Great for any ugly sweater party around Christmas. Though I hope the fur is fake. Yet, you’ll piss PETA off either way.

45. Say goodbye to zits with this vacuum acne cleaner.

5d36a0cde29bac0ac7f92f71-large

Not sure if it actually works. Since once zits and blackheads are removed, they’ll appear again.

46. Soak in this inflatable gold bathtub.

5732f3ff4d1c695d33d7598d-large

I’m sure you’ll have use a hose to fill it up. And I don’t think the experience is as pleasant as it’s portrayed to be.

47. Recharge with these blood energy drink bag.

5796c286fdd13f539c5d5b2c-large

Also doubles as a Halloween decoration. Available in several different colors.

48. Even skeletons have to use the bathroom sometimes.

55781eb6a205583100217d5a-large

Though I have no idea why they’d use a toilet. Since they have no organs.

49. If you need a big umbrella, this is the one for you.

58cf7103444165535b2e6e1c-large

You can have a whole meeting underneath this. Yet, you must have a designated holder.

50. Never get locked out again with this lockpicking kit.

59549c6322cf5e7b2f2fcc0c-0-large

Great for break-ins, home invasions, and bank robberies. Will probably get you arrested.

51. Didn’t know toys had to contend with the zombie apocalypse.

574511d14fc188608e7b170e-large

This is a mashup T-shirt between The Walking Dead and Toy Story. Yet, the blood on Buzz’s helmet is disturbing.

52. No one will mess with your tiger backpack.

578231d5591e4a7685a5ad6c-large

Available in orange and white. No real tigers were harmed in the making of this so the fur’s fake.

53. These reusable wedding party straws are a much have.

23794965_920826094755104_3207439100639022562_n

Those aren’t straws. Those look like crack pipes. Seriously, I think they can get confiscated as drug paraphernalia.

54. Keep your pooch sharp with these dog undies.

26169825_1395123757287328_7122418463025929456_n

Are these even necessary? Seriously, most dogs don’t wear undies. Why do these exist?

55. Who says men can’t wear frilly undies?

40045453_1642544792545222_5787421959813857280_n

Yes, these are lace bikini briefs for men. Because what can make tidy whites more embarrassing than black lace?

56. Instead of a gun, why not give the NRA person in your life this rifle pen?

40053784_1642546095878425_18794806952067072_n

Hey, at least this won’t kill you. Available in gold with a silencer lid.

57. Tone your face with this slim mask.

40161383_1642548349211533_2769787755939495936_n

Yes, that’s used to tone wrinkles. I don’t think it works. Unless you use it as a Halloween costume.

58. Brighten up your life with these dual purpose table lamps.

41712113_1661533977312970_6067390691493806080_n

Yes, they resemble spilled paint cans. Except they light up when you turn them on. Available in 4 colors.

59. Pierce your own ears with this contraption.

41925144_1661530463979988_93008135270170624_n

On second thought, I wouldn’t advise it since it looks dangerous. Seek a professional instead.

60. There are boxers, briefs, and boxer briefs. Then there are these.

41946204_1661528283980206_1528397368213372928_n

This men’s underwear has a pocket for his uh, special appendage. Available in several different colors.

61. Now you can have this collectible gold and silver dogshit coin.

41991623_1661534503979584_7670219202996731904_n

The coin depicts a dog shitting. Seriously, I have no idea who comes up with such ideas.

62. How a moose hunting decal like this on your truck?

48948217_1741575415975492_4566837815303733248_n

Okay, that’s really disturbing. Seriously, why would a moose do that to a hunter? He has antlers. And yes, I said, “he” because female moose don’t have them at all.

63. This summer, get yourself a shower curtain depicting Jeff Goldblum with an ape.

48975176_1740148259451541_146355670650716160_n

Apparently, Goldblum has become quite popular. Not sure why he’s with an ape in this picture.

64. If the doorbell’s broken, use this rug.

58369358ad5c8b1ec7e1f15f-large

It instructs you to yell “Ding Dong” really loud. Though you can just knock.

65. Need to do your business in the woods? Use these pee bags.

60097621_1851151395017893_8030770622185340928_n

You just put them on when you need to answer the call of nature in the outdoors with no bathroom in sight. Still, at least they’re disposable.

66. Remove security tags with this device.

85908806

Perfect of shoplifters. Though I’m not sure if I’d recommend it. Since I think they do it for you in checkout.

67. Capture your world with this wi-fi mini camera.

85908807

Uh, is this guy stalking that woman. Since he seems to view her from his phone. Creepy.

68. Need to pee on the go? This contraption can help.

85908810

Just put it up to a bottle and go ahead. Though women might find this a lot more complicated.

69. Behold, the Kim Kardashian human centipede.

85908812

Yes, they have a T-shirt of that. And yes, it’s as disturbing as the fact that she’s famous for being famous.

70. Protect yourself with these stun gloves.

85908813

Touch someone with these and they’re in for a literal shock. Make sure you’re not wearing them among friends and family.

71. With these undies, your man will come howling to you.

85908814

Okay, that’s really unsettling. Seriously, the wolf’s snout is where the guy’s dick is supposed to be.

72. Nobody will steal your make up if you put them in a fish purse.

85908820

After all, the fish looks pretty realistic like it’s been caught. So no one will probably bother with it.

73. Love The Office? Get a load of this Michael Scott T-shirt.

85908822

This one features Michael Scott in all his character itineration’s Not as disturbing as any clothing with Nicholas Cage.

74. Instead of using a disposable plastic straw, use this.

85908825

It’s a folding metal straw you can use on the go. Available in pink and black.

75. Got a pot business? Wish has got you covered on hempseed.

85908826

Available where pot’s legal. Because I’m sure they’ll confiscate it otherwise. Seriously, these are marijuana plants.

76. Hold your smartphone and enjoy some snacks with this bowl.

85908830

Has a shelf where you can set your phone. Though you can just use a shelf and regular bowl.

77. This T-shirt will take you straight to Flavortown.

85908831

This one is incredibly fitting. Includes pizza, hotdog, and Fieri in his flaming shirt.

78. Feel free to look at yourself with this laptop mirror.

583547107daa371bcfcb163f-1-large

It’s basically a compact for computer nerds. Yeah, it’s pretty weird.

79. Be prepared for the apocalypse with this gold gas mask.

587381197e374e4ef28d1063-large

I think this is more of a fashion accessory than anything. Also includes spikes.

80. See Kim Jong Un as you’ve never seen him before.

58329146764f48040dbb35d8-large

Someone better mail this one to Donald Trump. Sure Kim Jong Un is a brutal dictator, but this Mona Lisa T-shirt of him is hilarious.

81. Keep your head dry with this umbrella hat.

Camouflage-Umbrella-Hat

Available in a wide variety of colors and patterns. Nonetheless, guaranteed to make you look like an idiot.

82. Work out in this codeine track suit.

Codeine-Pants

By the way, codeine is a narcotic and shouldn’t be taken without a prescription. And certainly not something you’d want in a cough syrup.

83. Grow your plants with these beads.

crystal-mud-soil-beads-030418

They’re plant soil beads you can put in a transparent flower pot. Don’t ask me how it’s supposed to work.

84. Get your hair dry with this hair drying bonnet.

Hair-Dryer

From Slapped Ham: “Are you sick and tired of looking sensible while drying your hair? Is waving a blow dryer over your head just too much hassle? Well thanks to Wish, you can wear this ridiculous contraption and look like a complete goon for no apparent reason at all. Finally you can get that much sort after ‘exploded rats nest’ look at home for a fraction of the cost you’d pay at the salon.”

85. Love Shrek? Get this 3D Shrek head.

image18

From My Favorite Daily Things: “The perfect night light for people who sleep better with a futuristic Shrek head staring at them all night.” Okay, that’s horrifying.

86. Bind your legs with leg plastics.

image111

From My Favorite Daily Things: “We can’t really figure out if these are for cellulite, weight loss or leg strength, so we’re just calling it leg plastic.” Neither can I.

87. Ingrown toenails? Try this corrector.

image121.png

Yes, this looks incredibly crazy. But will it work? Who knows.

88. Hairy armpits? Use these hair removal sponges.

image151

For use when you run out razors. Still, shaving armpits is incredibly tough.

89. Keep your toilet on during the night with this LED light.

image161.png

For when you’d like to party on the toilet. Why anyone would do that, I don’t know.

90. Shut your dog up with this duck bill muzzle.

image211

For when you want to keep your dog quiet and subject it to humiliation. Available in 4 colors.

91. Get bigger knockers with this breast enhancement vacuum.

image271

For the love of God, please don’t put this on your body. Just don’t. It’s not worth it.

92. Get down and dirty with this gardening glove with claws.

image281

Looks rather impractical and unnecessary. Seriously, how will it help you garden? I have no clue.

93. Keep your home warm with this wall space heater.

image321

Of course, if your way of heating the house is burning it down, by all means. Otherwise, you might want to stay away from this one.

94. Need an eyebrow touch up? These brow stamps are for you.

image331

Brows come in 3 colors. Great for those bushy mornings.

95. Keep an eye on your people with this spy cam pen.

image101

For the paranoid sort who thinks everyone is out to get them. Perfect to put in your shirt pocket.

96. Have your home smell nice with this mermaid incense burner.

Mermaid-Smokey-Teets

I guess the incense comes from the mermaid’s boobs. Now I have so many questions on how they reproduce.

97. Insecure about your tiny penis? Use this enlargement oil.

original

From The Daily Edge: “For just €3 you can get this ‘Men sex products enlargement extender oil sex oil male’ which is pretty comprehensive. I can foresee no problems with this at all.” I think it’s a bottle of snake oil.

98. Bendy toes? Get the toe straightener.

original2

From The Daily Edge: “Bendy toes are the worst and for just shipping you can sort out that problem immediately with this toe straightener. No comment on how painful or medically safe the actual process will be but we’ll just casually ignore that.”

99. Scared of the dentist? Use this home dental kit.

originalGAB4AA25

From The Daily Edge: “Have you ever felt the urge to examine your own teeth? Maybe you want to give your housemate with bad breath a check up. For just €8 plus shipping you can get a set professional dental trays to do what you want with. Not creepy at all.” On second thought, better to see a dentist.

100. Want your home to look straight from Dr. Seuss? Plant a blue bonsai seed.

originalBL0DCXFD

From The Daily Edge: “You can buy seeds for a blue bonsai tree whose existence is actually disputed by gardeners. Order them, plant them and see what happens. Also they can’t be that rare because you can buy a lot of them on the internet apparently.”

One response to “The Wacky World of Wish.com Merchandise

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s