The Unforgivable Sins of Fox News

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I know what I have to say is controversial but I don’t care. I’m a political liberal and I know that many people won’t agree with me on my political views (well, many people I know anyways). So it goes without saying that I don’t get my information from Fox News or rely on any source that uses it, except if it’s a fake news show on Comedy Central. I don’t hide my disgust for a so-called 24-hour “news” network which I think functions more as a right-wing propaganda machine than a proper news organization. Yet, just because I may criticize Fox News doesn’t mean that I don’t think other media outlets have problems for the state of the American media is a very sorry one indeed. It’s just that Fox News is a very special case in which the very principles of journalistic integrity like objective reporting and commentary are thrown out the window in exchange for using appeals to emotion to get their message across.

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This basically sums up what I think about Fox News. “Fox News. Fair and Balanced. Unless you have read a book or anything ever.” Yeah, that’s basically it.

Is the media biased? Well, that’s without question since all news outlets are run by humans but whether many of our TV news networks are liberally biased or not is anyone’s guess but apparently Fox News believes this. Of course, while Fox News’s motto is “Fair and Balanced,” everyone should know that it’s certainly biased toward the right and bases it’s whole existence on being the Republican Party’s mouthpiece (though claiming they’re an unbiased primary source of information) when most news outlets are just out to attract viewers and sponsors as well as make a profit. Sure MSNBC may have some liberally biased programming, but Joe Scarborough has his own show there and Pat Buchanan tends to drop by sometimes. Oh, and when Fox News is owned by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., they’re also owned by a conglomerate called Comcast who doesn’t support net neutrality. In fact, most American media outlets are by corporate conglomerates and many have corporate sponsors who may want to use a news program to push their own agenda. And that the Republican Party has absolutely no problem attracting big corporate donors since they are the party of big business. So to be fair, while MSNBC may be a liberal version of Fox News it is only more or less left-of-center one since there is a limit to how liberal they can be yet they do have a tendency to copy some features from it. You can’t say the same with other networks who may be deemed “liberal” just because they tend to say things that Fox News disagrees with.

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Fox News has often been the butt of late night comedians especially under Jon Stewart’s tenure on The Daily Show. And with Stephen Colbert, Stewart has harshly criticized the network and reduced it to the kind of destructive joke it actually is.

Another thing which irks me about Fox News is not just their politics but how they tend to politicize everything to the point of absurdity. Look, criticizing the President, politicians you don’t agree with, or social policies are one thing. Though I may not be comfortable with Fox News putting down major demographics with hateful slander but I understand they do that to pander to a certain audience since politics and prejudices tend to go hand in hand (and history has a lot of examples of this). Sometimes it’s hard to disagree with a social issue without insulting a whole demographic (with or without intention). However, sometimes they tend to politicize things that really shouldn’t be like the Muppets. Really, the Muppets? Not only that, but they address anything they disagree with in the most juvenile way possible like yelling or screaming until the other person shuts up. While I do think people have a right to disagree with each other, I don’t think adults should attack people through utter childishness as well as inciting unreasonable anger and fear, which has created a hostile political environment where the rational thinking conservative is rarely ever seen and you can’t even disagree with one who doesn’t lash out at you. For instance, I may say rich people and corporate heads need to pay more in taxes and be held more accountable, but that doesn’t mean I hate rich people for simply being rich (I don’t). But someone who may take Fox News seriously may think otherwise.

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This graphic from Talking Points Memo shows a rough sketch about Fox News. Most of its viewers are over 65. Yet, strangely 25% of them think that everything they report is true. They’ve also been said to be more misinformed than from other stations.

Look, I know many people might be calling this blog post liberally biased or as inspired by the “liberal media” or my liberal views. But since the 24 hour cable news network’s advent in 1996, Fox News has been among the most popular and one of the most trusted sources among Americans, according to some studies. However, it’s well known that Fox News one of the most prolific conservative news outlets with a staunch loyal following. Yet, if anyone thinks I’m bashing Fox News because of their political slant, you’re sorely mistaken. In fact, it’s not just Fox’s status as a conservative news station that roils me. It’s much more than that. For its duration, Fox News has been harshly criticized not just by liberals and programs like the Daily Show and other late night shows, but also by highly regarded experts. As for me, I see Fox News as way less trustworthy than sites like Wikipedia. Seriously. As far as I am concerned, Fox News is not a legitimate news source as well as been a major disgrace to our country. And here I have a list explaining why.

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It’s no secret that Fox News is a conservative propaganda machine. But they’ve been known to mix in their conservative editorial content in their news reporting doesn’t adhere to journalistic principles. They’ve also been openly promoting Republican candidates.

  1. Political Ideologized News Coverage– Despite their slogan being “Fair and Balanced,” everyone knows that Fox News has a strong conservative political bias that it doesn’t even try to hide. We know its reputation as a strongly conservative news outlet is a major reason why their viewers tune in. Network employees noted how executives exert a degree of control over its daily reporting content. As former producer Charles Reina explains, “The roots of Fox News Channel’s day-to-day on-air bias are actual and direct. They come in the form of an executive memo distributed electronically each morning, addressing what stories will be covered and, often, suggesting how they should be covered. To the newsroom personnel responsible for the channel’s daytime programming, The Memo is the Bible. If, on any given day, you notice that the Fox anchors seem to be trying to drive a particular point home, you can bet The Memo is behind it.” However, it’s one thing for a news outlet to have a political ideological slant. Putting conservative editorializing within news stories neither fair and balanced nor ethically responsible journalism. Neither is having network executives coach reporters on how report the news. Look, I may not like how the mainstream media does journalism, but I think striving for objectivity and being open to all viewpoints are worthy media endeavors. Fox News doesn’t even try to hold up to journalistic principles and resorts to ideological based reporting. Otherwise known as propaganda. Even when Fox tries to make seem like it’s “fair and balanced” with having people like Alan Colmes on the network, the so-called “liberals” aren’t really that liberal. This opens the doorway for all other misuses in journalism.
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Fox News has relied and popularized a lot of conspiracy theories throughout its run. Here is Glenn Beck using his blackboard conspiracy theory illustrations which depict involving ACORN, Obama, and Woodrow Wilson. Yes, it’s crazy. Also, Jon Stewart would mercilessly parody this.

2. Promoting Unsubstantiated Conspiracy Theories– As a conservative political media network, Fox News has had major role in hosting, promoting, and repeating conspiracy theories. Fox News has endorsed numerous unsubstantiated claims about democratic politicians and other people they don’t like. Featured unsubstantiated claims have revolved around Obama being a Muslim, Obama not being born in the US, Hillary’s role in Benghazi, the “liberal” mainstream media, “liberal” Hollywood, 9/11 Trutherism, Hillary’s declining health, the murder of Antonin Scalia, global warming hoax, Obamacare “death panels,” the “gay agenda,” FEMA detention camps, Spongebob’s homosexuality, anchor babies, Google censoring Clinton body counts, war on Christmas, war on Christianity, anti-capitalist Muppets, gun confiscation, moon landing hoax, Planned Parenthood abortion factories, ACORN voter fraud operations, big government and unions destroying everything, and much more. They’ve even featured a lot of conspiracy theorists like Orly Taitz, Alex Jones, and many of their news hosts like Glenn Beck. Still, trying to pass off conspiracy theories as factual information is irresponsible and not becoming of any credible news organization. Because a lot of them are based on speculation, personal bias, gossip, and urban legend. And most of them have been thoroughly debunked, sometimes through a process known as simple logic as well as research supported by facts. Yet, since Fox News cares more about their conservative agenda, it all depends on whether these theories suit them.

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Fox News has reported the news by perpetuating very harmful stereotypes that pertain to race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, income, and culture. Here Obama is calling Fox News on saying how it makes an effort to suggest that poor people are sponges, leeches, and lazy. Well, turns out that Obama is right. However, their racial crime coverage is appalling, especially with how they slander Black Lives Matter.

3. Perpetuating Offensive Stereotypes– Whether it pertains to all Muslims as backward and violent religious fanatics who are all suspected terrorists by default even if they’re American, blacks as promiscuous gangbanging deadbeat dads and drug addled welfare moms, illegal border crossers having anchor babies, Hispanics as undocumented criminals, LGBT people as depraved pervs, spoiled millennial brats, poor people being unemployed moochers on welfare, and feminazis, Fox News never misses an opportunity to disparage a person they don’t like, particularly if they’re not white, rich, Christian, or male. It doesn’t help that most of their reporting staff is white. Fox’s coverage of racial crime is particularly appalling which doesn’t hesitate to include racial overtones. Not that general racial crime coverage isn’t racist because it certainly is if you watch the local news. But racial crime coverage on Fox News stands out since the racism doesn’t seem accidental or just consist of daily showings of black mugshots. In fact, Fox seems to perpetuate racial crime stereotypes with stories they choose to cover and their frequent use of racial identifiers. They even actively exploit the race angle by speculating that otherwise non-racial events are examples of racist hate crime. Case in point focuses to the network framing the murder of an Australian teen in Oklahoma as a racist hate crime by three young black men. In reality, the guy was twenty-three, the murderers were teens, one of the killers was white, and the kids admitted to killing him just for kicks. Sure it was cold-blooded murder and these kids were sick but it’s far from a racist hate crime. More like the white victim just having to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Not to mention, the local District Attorney told Greta Van Susteren there was no evidence the crime had anything to do with race. On that same program, Fox featured the murder of a white WWII veteran by two black suspects in Spokane. Though a reporter said the murder looked more like a “random beating” or “possible robbery,” Van Susteren asked whether it was racially motivated. It wasn’t. Later, Pat Buchanan would use this story to say that “racial hate crimes [are] 40 times more prevalent in the black community than the white community, and nobody talks about it” with dubious statistics to boot. Sorry, Pat, but white racial hate crime against blacks is far more prevalent. You can find that out in your American History book. But it’s not the only case Fox has tried to question whether a crime with a black killer and white victim was racially motivated. By contrast, the network would swear that George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin in self-defense when race certainly played a role. Even worse, Sean Hannity tried to connect Martin’s killing to the New Black Panther Party while Geraldo Rivera blamed Martin for his own death because he was wearing a hoodie. Another incidence of Fox News racism revolves Peter Doocy describing Department of Justice findings of racial bias where he emphasized that then Attorney General Eric Holder “floated the possibility” of dissolving Ferguson’s police department as a result. Steve Doocy linked the DOJ’s report and Holder’s response the shooting of two Ferguson police officers and added, “a new wave of violence comes one week after Attorney General Eric Holder vowed to dismantle that city’s police department,” questioning whether it was “what he wanted.” In a way he seems to blame Holder for the police shootings even though nobody at DOJ had any plans to dissolve Ferguson’s Police Department. No wonder Jon Stewart criticized Fox News of ignoring the realities of systematic racism those in Ferguson were protesting. Though we all know that Fox News refers Black Lives Matter as a bunch of lawless and violent thugs they’re clearly not. They even go as far as saying that BLM advocates cop-killing when the group promotes nothing of the sort. They also say that the unarmed black victims were violent thugs and that the cops’ actions were justified. Doesn’t help that the network has Bill O’Reilly commenting how life under the infamous dehumanizing institution of slavery wasn’t really that bad (newsflash: it was). It’s clear Fox News thinks that racism doesn’t exist anymore when it surely does. Let’s just say if you believe that, then you’re a racist. Look, I know that Fox might be playing to an audience that’s probably full of racists to begin with. But Fox News’ propping of offensive stereotypes has misinformed countless white viewers and made race issues much more controversial.

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This is James O’Keefe. He made a video depicting a sting on ACORN dressed up as a pimp for interviews. He showed a video that was deceptively edited to show the negative to show negative responses in an effort to conduct character assassination against the community organizing nonprofit. He’s been sued by one of the employees for defamation.

4. Creating Scandals Through Unethical Practices– Fox News has been particularly insidious in trying to demonize liberals and Democrats as well as other people they don’t like, especially Barack Obama and his administration. During the 2008 election as well as Obama’s presidency, the network has tried to smear the president as a scary black man out to get white people. They have done so through taking quotes and videos out of context as well as ramming so-called scandals down viewers’ throats no matter how twisted the story may be. When the NAACP charged the Tea Party of racism, Fox and their friends aired a two minute clip of Shirley Sherrod talking about an incident with a white farmer from decades ago who’d later become a close family friend. What she told was a story about overcoming prejudices and reconciliation. But Fox only aired part of the clip and branded it as racism. She was fired. Another insidious case concerns how Fox News demonized ACORN, an agency that works for poor and minority interests. This involved a young man named James O’Keefe who dressed up as a pimp and went to several ACORN offices asking for advice and recorded the visits. The videos were edited only to show negative responses and make it seem like O’Keefe was actually dressed as a pimp for the interviews. He has since been arrested and convicted of breaking into a government office on false pretenses. As of 2010, he’s also being sued by ACORN employee, Juan Carlos Vera for being falsely portrayed in a heavily edited video to be conspiring with O’Keefe to transport undocumented immigrants as prostitutes. Then there’s Fox News taking small clips of Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s sermons and twisting them into making him an anti-American, anti-white madman. In an impassioned speech, Wright referenced comments from former U.S. Ambassador Edward Peck on Fox News who referred to 9/11 as chickens coming home to roost, which Fox News used to make him look like an Al-Qaida supporter. In other sermons, Wright would criticize the US on several fronts including nuking Japan during WWII, the Vietnam War, support of apartheid, the Tuskegee experiment, Iran-Contra, the Iraq War, and AIDS. Save for Wright’s claim about the government starting AIDS, most of them are thoroughly backed up. Furthermore, unlike most Fox News pundits and GOP politicians, Wright is a former Marine who’s also served as a cardiopulmonary technician in the US Navy. In fact, he worked for the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland and was part of the medical team charged with caring for President Lyndon B. Johnson. If you need proof, there’s a photo depicting him tending to LBJ right behind an I.V. pole and standing in front of then White House Press Secretary Bill Moyers. There’s also a thank you letter. So it’s fairly pointless and shameful to attack this man’s patriotism. But you wouldn’t know that from how Fox News depicts him. What Fox News did to Sherrod, Wright, and ACORN was not journalism but deliberate attempts at character assassination through dubious means. What Fox has considerably hurt their reputations and earned them notoriety they didn’t deserve.

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With his heavily right-wing militia buddies, Cliven Bundy squared off in an aggressively anti-law enforcement standoff against federal agents. This was over that the Feds were ordered to confiscate his cattle due to his refusal to pay $1 million in grazing fees and fines for public land use. Fox News championed his cause as him standing up to big government. Never mind that Bundy was staging domestic terrorism against law enforcement. Disgraceful.

5. Defending and Glorifying Terrorists and Criminals– Now it’s one thing how Fox News denigrates minorities blacks and Latinos as criminals and Muslims as terrorists. However, if there’s a story that concerns a conservative who’s in trouble with the law, well, they might cover it quite differently. When the story about Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy’s showdown with the Feds broke, Fox News flaunted its disdain for law enforcement in order to champion him. Never mind that the Feds were there in the first place to legally confiscate his cattle because Bundy refused to pay over $1 million federal grazing fees and fines for using public land. Nor the fact the rancher was supported by heavily armed militia men and women and the stand-off was aggressively anti-law enforcement. Nor how the Southern Poverty Law Center described it as “Militia snipers lined the hilltops and overpasses with scopes trained on federal agents.” In other words, these guys basically threatened the Feds with violence. Or how the SPLC noted that these people taunted the Feds with insults denouncing various officers as a “terrorist,” “loser,” “chickenshit,” and a “fucking pussy.” Would it be rude to call Bundy an insurrectionist? How about domestic terrorist? But there you have Fox News acting as his publicist with Bill O’Reilly, Todd Starnes, and Sean Hannity calling him a hero sticking up to government overreach. For a network to treat a criminal with no respect for authority like Bundy is beyond disgusting. Luckily, Fox News got their comeuppance for their inexcusable stance when Bundy publicly remarked how blacks were better off as slaves. Another good example would be the case with George Zimmerman who fatally shot unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin in a Florida gated community. Martin was clearly a victim of racial profiling since he was on his way to visit his father and minding his own business while Zimmerman followed him. The fact Zimmerman got away with it on Florida’s infamous “Stand Your Ground” law is an utter disgrace. However, when Sean Hannity had a panel on race that included a black minister Pastor Marcus Jarvis and lawyer Eric Guster, Hannity asserted that Zimmerman was absolutely in the right for fatally shooting the black teenager. The black men were rightly pissed off. Hannity would later interview Zimmerman who’s admitted that he doesn’t regret killing Martin and that he felt it was all God’s plan. He’d later give an account that Martin had beaten him and he shot the kid out of fear for his life. Fox had clearly framed the Trayvon Martin’s murder as an act of self-defense when the actual tapes illustrate that it was not the case. Moreover, Zimmerman has had other encounters with the law such as a 2005 arrest for shoving an undercover alcohol agent, an ex-fiancee filing a restraining order against him on domestic violence, a 911 call from his estranged wife citing that he threatened her and her dad with a gun as well as punched the latter in the face, a 2013 arrest for aggravated assault with a weapon, domestic violence, battery, and criminal mischief against his girlfriend, a 2015 arrest for aggravated assault with a weapon against his ex-girlfriend, and being punched during a Gators’ game for bragging about Trayvon Martin’s murder. The fact Fox News stood by this man is appalling.

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When it comes to black activists who protest police brutality like Black Lives Matter, Fox News is always quick to portray them as violent, lawless thugs who support cop-killing. However, when it comes to right-wing and anti-government cop killers, Fox News tends to either ignore it or make them seem like isolated incidents that have nothing to do with politics. Because at Fox News, white supremacist and right-wing anti-government terrorism doesn’t exist.

6. Blatant Hypocrisy and Double Standards– Fox News has an astounding record on hypocrisy and double standards when covering the news. And the network would always take the side that best suits their conservative ideology. Over the years, the cable news channel has been quick to label protests against police brutality as lawless thugs promoting cop-killing such as the people of Black Lives Matter. Yet, when it comes to cop killings by right-wing and anti-government gunmen to deliver their warped political messages, they ignore it, say it has nothing to do with politics, or blame political and community leaders who’ve spoken out about the troubled relationship between the blacks and the police. While Fox News is quick to treat a mass shooting or bombing involving Muslims as a terrorist attack to promote radical Islam, when it comes to white supremacist and anti-government attacks, they treat them as isolated incidents having nothing to do with politics with perpetrators being portrayed as wacko lone wolves not representing any cultural or political movement. In one instance, they even treated an anti-government terrorist as a hero despite that he and his supporters staged an armed stand-off against the Feds. In reality, the rise of right-wing and anti-government domestic terrorism has become an increasing concern. And there are incidents in which such the attack had a lot to do with politics. For instance, the guy who killed worshipers at a Wisconsin Sikh Temple was a skinhead. For some reason, Fox News doesn’t believe that right-wing domestic terrorism even exists. Another example has to pertain to music and entertainment when Fox News blasted the rapper Common for setting a terrible example to young people by recording songs about killing cops (which really wasn’t the case). They also criticized Beyonce and other black recording artists for the same thing, using offensive black stereotypes no less. Meanwhile, there’s Ted Nugent who’s said very disparaging remarks about Obama and Hillary at a concert and his song “Cat Scratch Fever” contains very sexually explicit lyrics. On Fox News, he’s seen as an honored guest. Then there’s Fox News commentators criticizing on how certain women dress and liberal politicians doing morally dubious things in their personal lives. However, Fox & Friends once had Hooter Girls on their show and the network mandates their on-air talent to wear short dresses. As for conservative politicians in their private lives, well, note that they undergo damage control like labeling disgraced Republicans with a D to their names. They may even ignore the scandal entirely. Or they may even defend them. After all, you might see Newt Gingrich appear on the network from time to time. You know the former House Speaker who tried to crucify Bill Clinton over his sexual proclivities who also cheated on and later dumped two wives for getting sick. Rudy Giuliani is another familiar face. He was the former thrice-married New York City mayor who used local resources to conduct an affair with his mistress (and later Wife #3) while still married to Wife #2. Not to mention, Bill O’Reilly’s personal conduct toward women. As if these people pride themselves for not being politically correct….

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Fox News has been a major contributor to the rise in climate change denial. This despite that there’s a 97% scientific consensus that human caused climate change is real and it’s a serious problem that can’t be ignored. This has very much hindered the US from passing any real climate change policy. Clearly, whenever it comes to global warming, Fox is clearly misrepresenting the facts.

7. Misrepresenting Facts– According to a 2015 report from the Independent Journalism Review, Fox News has an astonishing 61% of claims rated Mostly False or worse compared to MSNBC with 44% and CNN with 20%. Nothing illustrates Fox News so consistently misinforming the public whenever the topic is climate change where it has disproportionally represented climate contrarian views. This despite the fact that there’s a 97% expert consensus on human-based global warming. According to a 2012 report by the Union of Concerned Scientists, 93% of Fox News’ global warming coverage was misleading. Statements identified in the report included, “…dismissals of human-caused climate change, disparaging comments about individual scientists, rejections of climate science as a body of knowledge, and cherry picking of data.” Fox News’ influence in climate change denial is extensive and undeniable. And their influence has resulted in very negative consequences for the US as well as the world. It’s well established in the scientific community that climate change is real, is manmade, is happening, and is a very serious global problem. Yet, Fox News’ endorsement of climate change denial has greatly hindered efforts to prevent climate change and adapt to a warming climate as well as undermined the public’s trust in climate science and led to low levels of public concern. Furthermore, it’s also said their distortion is a big reason why Republicans continue denying climate change. Thus, climate change has become a highly partisan and controversial issue in American politics when it shouldn’t be. This is very troubling especially since the Pentagon has ruled climate change denial as a national security. Of course, climate change isn’t the only thing Fox News lies about, but their misleading climate change coverage shows how their misrepresentation of facts has drastically hurt this country. This is inexcusable.

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In 2008, Fox News took revenge on two men from the New York Times for a so-called, “hit piece” on the network. Fox proceeded to alter their photos while superimposing their faces to a photo of a man with his poodle. This is just photoshop antics you’d see on the Daily Show. But on Fox News, this is just irresponsible.

8. Photo Manipulation– On July 2, 2008, Fox & Friends co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Killmeade aired photos of New York Times reporter Jacques Steinberg and TV editor Steven Reddiccliffe that appeared to have been crudely doctored in order to portray them unflatteringly. This during a discussion of a piece in a Times piece on June 28 that pointed out what Steinberg called “ominous trends” in Fox News ratings which Doocy called a “hit piece” Reddiccliffe ordered. On the show Steinberg was depicted with yellowed teeth, “his nose and chin widened, and his ears made to protrude further.” Reddiccliffe was portrayed with yellow teeth as well as “dark circles … under his eyes, and his hairline has been moved back.” The broadcast later showed an image of Steinberg’s face superimposed on a poodle while Reddiccliffe’s was over a man holding the poodle’s leash. Times editor Sam Sifton called the photo aired on Fox “disgusting” and the criticisms on its reporting a “specious and meritless claim.” The manipulation was probably no accident.

9. Video Manipulation– Fox News has a long record of selective editing, withholding content, and using video clips for their own deceptive purposes. On November 10, 2009, Sean Hannity misrepresented video footage purportedly showing crowds at a Rep. Michele Bachmann orchestrated protest. On the Daily Show, Jon Stewart showed inconsistencies in alternating shots according to sky color and tree leaves showing footage from Glenn Beck’s much larger 9/12 rally spliced in. Hannity estimated that 20,000 were in attendance. Luke Russert and the Washington Post guessed somewhere between 4,000-10,000. Stewart has also periodically accused Fox of playing video footage out of context. Another instances was when Sean Hannity played footage of Obama stating the DREAM ACT couldn’t be passed by executive order to make him seem like a hypocrite. Even though the full footage shows Obama going on to clarify the president can stop deportations. Of course, Fox News can make excuses such as when it was found the network used footage from a 2008 McCain/Palin rally for a Sarah Palin book signing at Grand Rapids, Michigan as Greg Jarrett told viewers that there was a massive turnout. Senior vice-president Michael Clemente issued a statement saying, “This was a production error in which the copy editor changed a script and didn’t alert the control room to update the video.” They also like to splice quotes such as when they aired a clip of Michelle Obama saying that she’s proud of her country now that her husband was running for president around the 2008 election. What she actually said that she’s very proud of her country.

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Fox News has been extremely sexist both in its on-screen rhetoric which show a strong opposition to women’s rights and to its female employees. For instance, Fox’s female on-air talent have to wear short skirts and can’t wear pants. And this is Andrea Tantaros who likened Fox News’ workplace culture, “like a sex-fueled, Playboy Mansion-like cult, steeped in intimidation, indecency, and misogyny.” She was also among many women at the station harassed by then CEO Roger Ailes and claimed that former Senator Scott Brown and Bill O’Reilly harassed her as well.

10. Showing No Respect for Women– Sexist stereotyping, feminazis, and Hillary Clinton comments aside, Fox News has remained a cesspool of sexism both on and off screen. Fox News isn’t necessarily in line with notions of conservative womanhood but they’re nonetheless has a legendary disdain for women. Sure they’re antagonistic to women’s rights, bemoan the rise of female breadwinners, think female brains aren’t great for business executives, shame rape victims, and that feminism is a cause of women high school teachers sexually abusing students. Yet, when it comes to notions of female wholesomeness like modesty, you can bet Fox isn’t going for that. Mostly because it’s owned by an Australian man who’d use tits to sell a newspaper. Just look at Fox’s female on-air talent who mostly have to be highly attractive and mostly blond and white as well as comparatively young or be yanked off the moment they age. They’re also required to abide to a stringent dress code consisting of sleeveless short dresses, some with cleavage revealing peekaboo cutouts (with few exceptions) or tight cleavage revealing shirts with short skirts. These are outfits that could barely pass a high school dress code and it’s definitely not something a conservative Christian would want their daughter to wear. But it’s very much implied female broadcasters are expected to use sex to sell. Then there’s the case with former Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson who played a total ditz who gets the wrong context for terms like “ignoramus” and “czar” even when she googled both terms. This despite that she’s a high school valedictorian, a Stanford graduate with high honors, a former student abroad in Oxford, and able to play Zigeunerweisen on the violin. It’s clear she was deliberately playing dumb so her viewership could see her as more identifiable and less intimidating. She’s even had to put up with a barrage of sexist jokes from her male colleagues which culminated in a 2012 incident where she walked off the set. Her demeanor sets a very terrible example to girls and projects very sexist standards on feminine behavior that many people encourage. Off-screen, it’s just as bad as former newscaster Andrea Tantaros described the workplace culture as “like a sex-fueled, Playboy Mansion-like cult, steeped in intimidation, indecency, and misogyny.” According to Tantaros, Fox News had a yearly “trunk show” where female employees are forced to dress and undress in front of staff. Workplace sexual harassment at the network is rampant. Roger Ailes has a well-known record of sexually harassing women even before he became the network’s CEO. It’s a major reason why he wasn’t offered a job in the Nixon administration despite helping Tricky Dick win in 1968. Anyway, Carlson alleged that Ailes told her, “You and I should have had a sexual relationship a long time ago, and then you’d be good and better and I’d be good and better.” This during sexual harassment meeting! He also may have told a woman “you might have to give a blowjob every once in a while” for him to help with her career. Carlson claims her contract wasn’t renewed as direct retaliation about the pervasive harassment and sexism she faced. Megyn Kelly has said Ailes has sexually harassed her as well. So has Tantaros. Yet, a lot of women at Fox News have non-disparaging clauses in their contracts and may not be able to come forward for fear they’d lose their job. Not only that, but according to Tantaros, Fox has numerous “sock puppet” accounts on its talent which are fake identities to promote or trash someone through seemingly independent blogs or social networking sites. In other words, Fox spends a lot of time looking for dirt on talent employees which they use for leaking baseless and harmful information about them in order to discredit and cause reputational harm. Thankfully, Ailes resigned and is now working for the Trump campaign. However, this doesn’t mean that Fox News’ problems with sexual harassment have necessarily gone away. Bill O’Reilly has been subject to sexual harassment, extortion, and domestic abuse allegations. And this sexual creep still has a show on the network. Let that sink in.

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The fact Fox News has a loyal following of fans yet lacks any form of class has contributed greatly to this nation’s increasingly polarized and hostile environment. Here Fox News has a headline calling Michelle Obama as Barack’s “baby mama.” Racist? Yes. Offensive? Of course. But a lot of viewers are racist and will buy it.

11. Contributing to a Hostile Political Environment– Since the advent of Fox News, the American public has become more politically polarized. Sure the rise of social media has something to do with it. But we should remember that a lot of Fox’s audience is over 65 and is less likely to have a computer or internet. Now being a conservative news station is one thing. Yet, Fox has taken it much further with supporting Republican stances and politicians without question. No matter how wrong those stances would be or how hypocritical it makes them seem. They also breaking news stories that embarrass the GOP as well as labeling prominent Republicans who’ve upset the public as Democrats. As for liberals and their causes, they’ve been unrelentingly hostile with heinous insults, slander, character smears, cheer when one of their initiatives fails, and just plain bullying. Even when it pertains to liberals standing up for basic decency and especially if they’re non-white. Case in point the Black Lives Matter movement. Since Fox has such a loyal following, these people accept their commentary as gospel. Many of them have become vociferously hostile like the Tea Party members and Trump supporters. Fox News has had a hand in perpetuating climate change denial, increasing racial tensions, increasing legislative gridlock, and others. Not to mention, recent Republican politicians have increasingly become more partisan and less willing to compromise, especially in Congress. It’s very clear that Fox News has played a role in our political dysfunction in our democratic society.

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Here is Bill O’Reilly’s producer Jesse Watters ambushing Vermont US Senator Bernie Sanders. O’Reilly sends employees to do this a lot, mainly for revenge and to humiliate his targets. This is a terrible method of journalism and is clearly an intimidation tactic.

12. Using Intimidation Tactics– Now I may have discussed some intimidation tactics on how Fox News tries to silence female employees who’ve been sexually harassed by their male bosses and colleagues. However, sexual harassment situations aren’t the only times Fox has resorted to intimidation. For a time on The O’Reilly Factor, it wasn’t unusual for Bill O’Reilly to send employees to stalk, harass, and ambush people who didn’t want to appear on his show. Or people O’Reilly doesn’t like. One major case was in 2009 when O’Reilly’s producer and crew to ambush Think Progress blogger Amanda Terkel on vacation in order to asking why she was hurting rape victims and demanding that she apologize. This was in an attempt to humiliate her and depict her as fearful, agitated, and incoherent on national TV. Why did he do this? Because Terkel was one of many people who called out the hypocrisy of O’Reilly being a speaker for It Happened to Alexa Foundation, an organization dedicated to helping rape victims. And Terkel was totally justified to call him on it. Because O’Reilly is a flat out pig who once famously said, “Now Moore, Jennifer Moore, 18, on her way to college. She was 5-foot-2, 105 pounds, wearing a miniskirt and a halter top with a bare midriff. Now, again, there you go. So every predator in the world is gonna pick that up at two in the morning. She’s walking by herself on the West Side Highway, and she gets picked up by a thug. All right. Now she’s out of her mind, drunk.” Definitely not a guy you’d want to speak in front of rape survivors. Not to mention his reputation as an uniformed, creepy, loudmouth who’s been accused of sexual harassment and domestic abuse. But camera crews to follow people in order to ambush and humiliate them is just unethical and possibly illegal. Yet, somehow O’Reilly gets away with it. Another case from 2008 centers around the legendary Bill Moyers, a former press secretary and then PBS broadcaster who refused to appear on O’Reilly’s show. Moyers made him look like a fool. Vermont US Senator Bernie Sanders was another during his presidential candidacy. Sanders blew the producer off. Others include Arianna Huffington, former Bush press secretary Scott McClellan, Tim Robbins, Jane Fonda, Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, and even Barack Obama during his Senate days (where O’Reilly did it himself). O’Reilly has had a long record of ambushing and threatening journalists, politicians, religious officials, activists, celebrities, and even judges. O’Reilly has suggested that the “ambush journalism” conducted by his producers is limited to targeting “public servants” and stated prior to these “ambush interviews” subjects would either be asked to appear on his show or explain their actions. In reality, they’re just O’Reilly’s way of getting revenge.

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During his time on Fox News, Glenn Beck’s ridiculous madman rants gave the network high ratings. Unfortunately, it inspired 3 violent criminals to commit acts of domestic terrorism. One of whom, killed 3 cops in Pittsburgh with an AK-47. He was later fired from the network after 296 sponsors dropped him.

13. Encouraging Extremism and Violence– As I said Fox News has a horrible record of handling cases pertaining to right-wing terrorism and white-on-black crime. But it’s even more disturbing whenever Fox defends men like George Zimmerman and frame Cliven Bundy as a hero. Fox’s Bundy glorification is particularly disgraceful because it makes it seem like staging an armed militia stand-off against the Feds is perfectly okay because these domestic terrorists are standing up to big government. Uh, excuse me, but when is domestic terrorism ever acceptable? Apparently whenever the perp is a right-wing nutjob, according to Fox. It doesn’t help that Fox has had plenty of conspiracy theorists on their network. But they’ve also engaged in some rather violent rhetoric about people they don’t like. There’s Glen Beck’s saying, “To the day I die, I am going to be a progressive hunter.” Bill O’Reilly’s comments on the late Dr. George Tiller are especially awful: “[I]f I could get my hands on Tiller — well, you know. Can’t be vigilantes. Can’t do that. It’s just a figure of speech.” He repeatedly called him, “Tiller, the baby killer” and even said that Tiller was an evil man with blood on his hands who had to be stopped and that anyone who doesn’t stop him has blood on their hands as well. He said all of this shortly before the Kansas abortionist was murdered in his church. Still, publicly calling for someone’s death, abortionist or not, is unconscionable regardless of whether you’re pro-life, pro-choice, or pro-anything. Then there’s Ralph Peters on then Taliban-held Pfc. Bowe Bergdahl, “[W]e know this private is a liar; we’re not sure if he’s a deserter.” He later added that if he was a deserter, “the Taliban can save us a lot of legal hassles and legal bills.” An NBC correspondent later reported the Pentagon claimed Peters’ comments “could endanger” the captured soldier. To be fair, I know most Fox News viewers aren’t violent. And I know that Fox News never intends to inspire violence either. But knowing that a lot of Fox’s fanbase supports Donald Trump, such rhetoric could explain a lot since they probably hear it a lot and think it’s entertaining. However, that’s the problem for there may be extremist Fox News fans out there who might take those words out of context and might be inspired to carry out acts of violence. Like the right-wing terrorists that Fox News believes don’t exist. In 2010, Byron Williams traded gunfire with 10 California Highway Patrol Officers after they stopped him for erratic driving. After his arrest, Williams said he intended to start a revolution by traveling to San Francisco and killing important members of the Tides Foundation and the ACLU. He also claimed that he was inspired by Beck’s chalkboard conspiracy theories on liberal groups and described himself as a “progressive hunter.” Another avid Glenn Beck fanboy was Richard Poplawski who fired upon 5 Pittsburgh cops with an AK-47 and killed 3 of them. According to a friend, Poplawski loved Glenn Beck and was reportedly obsessed with Beck’s theories of an imminent food crisis, that paper money would soon be worthless, and that the government planned to intern dissidents in concentration camps. A third is Kenneth B. Kimberly who discussed bombing a bridge and made threatening statements about Obama. Little did he know, he was talking to an undercover federal agent who led investigators to seize 20,000 of ammunition rounds and several firearms from his property. He and other suspected militia members also gathered at his home to make grenades. Kimberly also claims to be a leader of the extreme right-wing militia called the Brotherhood of American Patriots whose mission is to “resist in the event the government started rounding up the patriots” and to stand up in the face of foreign invasions and societal breakdowns. Gives you an idea how Fox’s violent rhetoric could go.

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Bill O’Reilly’s time at Fox News has consisted of allegations of sexual harassment, extortion, domestic abuse, calling for an abortionist’s murder, and pathological lying. On that last part, O’Reilly has lied about his past as well as written a series of books based on dubious historical research. Any other reporter with a rap sheet like that would’ve been fired. But Bill O’Reilly still has a show and the network has jumped to his defense. Shame.

14. Failing to Hold Newscasters Accountable– Yes, working at Fox News isn’t really nice since newscasters are coached on what to report and female on-air talent are subject to harassment and confined to a skimpy outfit dress code. But when it comes to some really awful stuff among its talent, Fox News doesn’t seem to do anything about it or at least until there’s a big public scandal or the newscaster has become an increased liability to the network. And a lot of Fox newscasters get away with shit that their mainstream media counterparts wouldn’t. Yes, I know the bit about Roger Ailes being booted out as Fox News CEO for sexual harassment. But if it wasn’t for Gretchen Carlson filing a high profile lawsuit, Ailes would be network head today. Besides, other Fox executives and newscasters have had sexual harassment allegations as well. One of them is Bill O’Reilly whose show is still on the air and has also been accused of extortion and domestic abuse. O’Reilly also repeatedly denounced Kansas abortionist Dr. George Tiller for 4 years before his murder and may have called for his death. But he responded to such allegations saying, “no backpedaling here … every single thing we said about Tiller was true.” Maybe, but that’s absolutely no excuse for inciting violence against him and such comments are very irresponsible, especially for a public figure. Then we have O’Reilly’s long list of lies. He’s lied about winning two Peabodys for hosting Inside Edition in the 1990s which is a tabloid show. He’s claimed to be an average guy who came from nothing when he spent his childhood growing up in an affluent New York suburb, attending private school and college, taking regular vacations in Florida, and lucking out of the draft during Vietnam. Furthermore his father was a currency accountant for an oil company and I’m sure he earned more than $35,000 a year unlike what O’Reilly claims. He’s lied about knocking at the front door at George de Mohrenschildt’s daughter’s home at the moment de Mohrenschildt committed suicide. Audio files made by Gaeton Fonzi indicate he wasn’t there. He even lied about surviving a combat situation covering the 1982 Falklands War, even though there were no American journalists in the islands during the conflict. And that O’Reilly had arrived to Buenos Aires shortly before the war ended. He later said the situation was a riot in Buenos Aires after Argentina surrendered. Former CBS colleague Eric Engberg said the riot they covered wasn’t a combat situation where he heard no shots fired and saw no ambulances or tanks on the street. Furthermore, the sound guy and cameraman with O’Reilly at the time have backed up Engberg’s claims. At any rate, archived video of the incident shows that O’Reilly might’ve been right about the Falklands War riots being combat situations. However, his other claims regarding his reporting in El Salvador and Northern Ireland were questioned. In 2013, he stated: “I’ve seen soldiers gun down unarmed civilians in Latin America, Irish terrorists kill and maim their fellow citizens in Belfast with bombs.” He’s even claimed that he saw nuns gunned down in El Salvador. Later it was clarified that O’Reilly had been shown images of murdered nuns and Irish bombings but wasn’t an eyewitness in either case. Then he’s said to lie about being attacked by protesters while reporting the LA Riots which has also been disputed by former colleagues at Inside Edition. In the mainstream network news, you have NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams who lied about witnessing a helicopter being shot down in Iraq and got canned for it. O’Reilly lied about witnessing events several times and is still working. Not to mention the Daily Dot has a list of 99 of his lies and his history books have been charred by historians for being off-based and weakly researched. His books have even been bashed by conservative news outlets. His Killing Lincoln book was banned at the Ford’s Theatre bookstore for historical inaccuracies by the National Park Service which included a claim that Lincoln’s War Secretary Edwin Stanton was involved in his assassination plot. A claim in which he and co-author Martin Dugard failed to provide evidence. They also claim that Lincoln worked in his Oval Office which was actually constructed in 1909. In fact, his office was actually what we now call the Lincoln bedroom. Meanwhile, when respected CBS News anchor and 60 Minutes correspondent Dan Rather couldn’t supply any tangible proof on George W. Bush skipping out on his military service in 2004, the network fired him. O’Reilly still has his job despite that he’s been widely seen as a pathological liar. Yet, the fact he hasn’t been fired for things most journalists got canned for is just very disturbing as far as the media landscape goes.

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This is Wayne Simmons who was a Fox News resident “terror expert” claiming to be a former CIA agent. He was later sentenced to 33 months in jail for decades of fraudulent claims about being a CIA agent. He’s also had a rapsheet of swindling and firearms violations. You have to wonder what Fox News’ background check system is like.

15. Failing to Fact Check Sources and Background Check Experts– Like I said, Fox News cares more about their conservative agenda than it does about facts. And it doesn’t really care where they get their information from. So fact-checking sources isn’t really in vogue at the network. A lot of Fox’s sources usually come from the Heritage Foundation think tank but they also rely on conspiracy theorists and websites like Infowars which is owned by radio host Alex Jones who’s listed as an extremist by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Now Jones is notorious for his epic rants about “New World Order” plots for world government enforced eugenics, secret internment camps, militarized police, and behind the scenes control by a global corporate cabal. According to him, the only way to avert this dystopian future is if true patriots resist before it’s too late. His hundreds of thousands of acolytes are taking heed, building bunkers, hoarding food, and investing in precious metals. You might’ve seen Glenn Beck promoting these things whether on Fox News or on Comedy Central. In some cases like with Richard Poplawski and Jared Loughner, they’re resorting to violence like killing 3 cops with an AK-47 or killing 6 people and shooting a US Congresswoman in the head. He also believes that some of the nation’s worst mass shootings and terror attacks were government-led “false-flag” operations and even suggested that 9/11 was an inside job. Another SPLC extremist luminary Fox News has had on their network is self-proclaimed historian David Barton whose book The Jefferson Lies was recalled by the world’s largest Christian publishing company for too many serious errors. You know the kind of gross factual mistakes that would end a real historian’s career. Barton has promoted the false notion that our Founding Fathers never intended a separation between church and state but rather sought to build a Christian nation. His Wallbuilders group sells lots of books and DVDs pushing his fun-house vision of religious patriotism. However, despite being among “one of the 25 most influential Evangelicals” he’s an utter fraud whose version of American history is filled with flagrant omissions and distortions that bend reality to his own fact-free vision. Even among conservative Christian history scholars who’ve refuted his claims think he’s a crackpot. He was a regular guest on Glenn Beck’s “Founders’ Fridays.” Sometimes Fox would feature experts with sketchy credentials or sketchy ties. Many of the climate-denying “scientists” on the network don’t have a scientific background. One time, Bill O’Reilly had a “national security analyst” Ryan Mauro who claimed that Muslims were forming “no-go zones” in the US where they would train and launch domestic attacks. Not only they were never substantiated by credible sources in law enforcement, but he’s actually a national security analyst for the Clarion Project which has been classified as an anti-Muslim hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Fox News has invited him back numerous times to spread his false and inflammatory smears that give Fox News viewers the wrong impression of Islam along with an unwarranted fear of peaceful fellow citizens. There’s also Milwaukee sheriff named David Clarke who delivered a keynote address to a New York chapter Oath Keepers meeting, a right-wing militia terrorist group who believe in a wild set of conspiracy theories. These people were best known for their controversial presence during protests and unrests in Ferguson, Missouri during which members were armed with semi-automatics. The SPLC lists its founder as an extremist while the Anti-Defamation League describes them as “heavily armed extremists with a conspiratorial and anti-government mindset looking for potential showdowns with the government.” There was even a Fox News commentator Wayne Simmons who claimed to be a former CIA agent and had appeared numerous times on the network since 2002. He would later be sentenced to 33 months due to his fraudulent claims about being a CIA agent for decades and actually had neither military nor intelligence background. He also defrauded a woman out of $125,000 in a bogus real estate investment, defrauded the government several times, and illegally possessed two firearms around his arrest (due to being barred from having prior firearms violations at both the state and federal level). In other words, the man was a con artist. So I guess Fox News doesn’t do background checks on their experts either.

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Here’s a picture depicting the people whom Fox News sees as the most dangerous people on earth. One is the first black president they’ve talked shit about for years. The other Pope Francis whom Fox News labeled a Marxist who just bashed their brand of journalism. Oh, wait, what Fox News does isn’t really journalism. They just try to pass it on like it is. No wonder The Daily Show and late night comedians make fun of them.

The National Security Threat of Domestic Terrorism (Depicted by the News Media)

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When Americans think about terrorism, they usually imagine 9/11 and other attacks perpetuated by people who aren’t from this country and who aren’t like us. Groups like Al Qaida and ISIS usually come to mind. Yet, while foreign terrorist attacks like 9/11 are enough to make us frightened and willing to send troops to Afghanistan, there’s a national security threat more pressing that most people don’t pay much attention to. It’s called domestic terrorism which refer to terror acts carried out by US citizens or permanent residents on US soil. Domestic terrorists have committed 80% of attacks since 9/11 and killed more Americans on US soil than their foreign counterparts. Under current US law enforcement, the USA PATRIOT ACT defines acts as domestic terrorism those in which:

  • involve acts dangerous to human life that are a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any State;
  • appear to be intended –
    1. to intimidate or coerce a civilian population;
    2. to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion;
    3. to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination, or kidnapping;
  • occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the United States.
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Accurately referred to as “America’s Favorite Domestic Terrorist,” legendary abolitionist John Brown has become a highly controversial figure both for his anti-slavery ideology as well as his violent tactics. But he perfectly illustrates why Americans may have a hard time recognizing domestic terror even in their American history books.

But when it comes to identifying domestic terrorism in contemporary culture, a lot of Americans struggled since the perpetrators may look like them and may share ideas that they kind of agree with. A good case in point is American abolitionist John Brown who’s known for participating in Bleeding Kansas and trying to overthrow the institution of slavery through staging an unsuccessful raid on Harper’s Ferry in 1859 that killed 7 and injured 10. Brown’s raid on a government arsenal in present day West Virginia clearly fit USA PATRIOT ACT’s definition of domestic terrorism. Brown’s raid involved acts dangerous to human life that violated US and state criminal laws, were clearly intended to intimidate civilians and influence government policy, and definitely occurred on US soil. The fact he believed himself an instrument of God’s wrath in punishing men for the sin of slavery certainly proves that his extremist beliefs had a religious dimension. But since Brown’s motivation behind his attack on Harper’s Ferry was to overthrow the institution of slavery, well, he’s rarely seen as such even by modern day academics. Mostly because Americans agree that slavery was a very terrible sin and the fact it divided the country as well as took 4 year civil war to outlaw it. So in hindsight, Brown’s idea of destroying the institution of slavery through violence isn’t really that crazy (though to a point). And it’s mainly because of Brown’s abolitionist views no matter how extreme they were that he’s often seen as a heroic martyr and visionary to many people. Nevertheless, Brown’s actions prior to the American Civil War and the tactics he chose still make him a very controversial figure today. But Brown’s life and our perception of him illustrate why a lot Americans have difficulty identifying acts of terror by our fellow countrymen in the nation. This is a problem as I explain in this post in FAQ and list format.

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This is a photoshopped picture that advocates gun control. However, it also illustrates the problem the media has with identifying domestic terrorist attacks.

If law enforcement has a clear definition on what domestic terrorism is, why is the term used so subjectively as a media and political term?

It’s mainly because when it comes to domestic terrorism, law enforcement and the mainstream media live in two different realities and have very different motivations for identifying what constitutes one. And the latter usually has more influence on the American people. Since American law enforcement’s main priority is ensuring public safety, their criteria for identifying terrorists acts is based on criteria defined in the USA PATRIOT ACT. So when it comes to defining domestic terrorism, all law enforcement care about is whether the act was criminal and endangered human lives, whether it was intended to promote a political agenda through coercion or intimidation, and whether it was committed by someone who lived in the US on US soil. That’s it. By contrast, the media defines domestic terrorism quite differently through the following criteria:

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One of the most significant factors in how the media determines whether a violent attack is domestic terrorism is the suspect’s identity. If they’re Muslim, chances are that they’ll be labeled as a terrorist is very high.

  1. Perpetrator’s Race and Cultural Identity – If the perpetrator is a Muslim American, their chances of being seen as a domestic terrorist are extremely high regardless of motivation. If it’s a non-Muslim white American with a conventional name, their chances of being seen as a domestic terrorist are usually dependent on other factors. As for the likelihood of non-Muslim blacks and Hispanics perpetrators, it’s very hard to say since both groups are often associated with criminal stereotypes though neither are widely perceived as terrorists.
  2. Perpetrator’s Motivation– Any American Muslim perpetrator who commits an act of terror in the name of Islam will be automatically be labeled a terrorist in the media as well as linked to foreign Islamic terrorist groups like Al-Qaida or the Islamic State. Black and Hispanic perpetrators will only be identified as such if they’re connected to known terrorist groups or embrace an extremist ideology. But when it comes to non-Muslim white terrorists, it can vary considerably depending on their motivation. White violence against women, racial and religious groups, LGBT people, disabled people, and immigrants will usually be seen as hate crimes at best but not always and not without controversy (if the incident is covered at all). Yet, many hate crimes usually qualify under the USA PATRIOT ACT’s definition of domestic terrorism anyway. Anti-abortion and ecological extremists are less likely to be seen as domestic terrorists since a lot of people hold anti-abortion and environmentalist views. So like John Brown, labeling them as such is controversial though they’ll certainly be seen as nuts regardless political ideology. Then you have the anti-government perpetrators whose acts of terror may cause controversy if ever labeled domestic terrorism. This is especially the case when you’re talking about right-wing extremists or the open carry crowd (though open carry may be legal in some states, carrying a gun in public is an act of intimidation and coercion so it qualifies).
  3. Nature of the Attack– In the media, the nature of the attack matters considerably such as the method and body count. Perpetrators who stage bombings that kill lots of people will most likely be seen as domestic terrorists. So would any attacks that involve hijacking, bioweapons, mass poisoning, hostage taking, chemical weapons, kidnapping, and property destruction. Shootings may depend on whether the perpetrator is either Muslim or clearly committing a hate crime. At any rate, they have to involve violence and/or fatalities. Despite causing hundreds of millions in property damage and having a sheer volume of crimes, eco-terrorists aren’t really seen as such since a lot of their crimes don’t get people killed. Same goes for left-wing Communist and anarchist terrorists. Merely using guns to intimidate people based on political ideology may not be labeled as domestic terrorism when it clearly is. Cyberterrorism may get some attention even though it’s not considered such while paper terrorism doesn’t get much attention at all.
  4. Location– Attacks that take place in major cities are more likely to be labeled as domestic terrorism than ones in less urban areas, especially if they take place near places of great significance. In some ways, this makes sense but also ignores a lot of other terror incidents that take place around the country.
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Meanwhile, if the perpetrators in question are white, right-wing, and stage a heavily armed takeover of a national wildlife refuge in Oregon, you might expect headlines like this. Since AP is held to very high journalistic standards, this headline tweet is appalling. These guys aren’t peaceful protesters. They have guns with them and they took over a national wildlife refuge in order to intimidate people and influence government conduct. It’s domestic terrorism, plain and simple.

If you watch TV news, you might get the impression the media is more likely to label a violent incident as domestic terrorism based on a biased set of criteria which gives Americans the impression that terrorists tend to be Islamic extremists. When in reality, Muslim terrorist attacks aren’t a very big threat to national security, even after 9/11. Why the media decide does this:

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Contrary to what you might be accustomed to on the news, anti-government, racist, and other nonjihadist extremist killed nearly twice as many people as those by Islamic jihadist since 9/11. Many Americans don’t realize this, especially if they’re on a steady diet of Fox News. Maybe that’s because most nonjihadist terrorists are white.

  1. Desire to Avoid Controversy– Domestic terrorism is a loaded word. And while the mainstream media likes sensational news stories, they also take great aims to avoid offending people. This is particularly true when a terror incident involves right-wing extremists since a lot of mainstream media outlets are owned by large corporate conglomerates. Some like Fox News even have a right-wing ideology. That’s not to say leftist terrorists exist since they certainly do since Occupy Wall Street might qualify since they have a long list of property crimes, rampant drug use, rape, murder, and assaults. But when Janet Napolitano brought up the threat of right-wing domestic terrorism in 2009, Republicans were furious.
  2. Public’s Unwillingness to Identify with Terrorists– Like I said about terrorists, people are more comfortable to label a terrorist act as such if the perpetrator is different from them. And since a lot of people don’t know anyone who’s Muslim, Muslim perpetrators are more likely to be seen as terrorists than their non-Muslim counterparts. But when a terror incident involves white supremacists and other right-wing extremists, a lot of conservative politicians hesitate to declare it as such. Many of them even downplay dangers posed by right-wing extremism altogether. This is especially when Fox News glorifies a Nevada rancher who engaged in an armed standoff against the feds over grazing rights and a bunch of armed men for occupying a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon and the fact the current GOP presidential nominee has been endorsed by white supremacists. When it comes to right-wing domestic terrorism, most conservatives are like Draco Malfoy. Sure they may be totally comfortable having racist, xenophobic, homophobic, sexist, and anti-government views. And yes, they may not be happy with the political and cultural landscape these days as well as nostalgize about a past that never was. But like Draco Malfoy on Muggle-borns, most of these conservatives are neither extreme in their viewpoints nor are willing to resort to violent terrorist acts for them. On the other end, I may believe that this country should do more to protect the environment and stop climate change but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to bomb an animal testing facility because that’s crazy. But when someone commits an act of violence on behalf of their political agenda, it makes a lot of people who may share that perpetrator’s view to some extent very uncomfortable and reluctant to address it as an act of terror. So they don’t.
  3. Sensationalism– We should understand that sensationalism sells and the media does everything it could to exploit violent terror incidents. The more violent it is and the nuttier the perpetrators seem, the more attention it will get and more ratings the media outlet will have. This is especially be the case if the perpetrator is Muslim.
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According to a local law enforcement survey the Triangle Center on Terrorism and Homeland Security, anti-government terrorism was seen as the top terrorist threat in their jurisdictions. And that percentage is far more than those who listed anything relating to Islamic terrorist threats. The media doesn’t really pay attention to this because most anti-government terrorists are white.

Unfortunately, the way the news covers domestic terror attacks has very negative repercussions in the country. Now it’s one thing to call a mass shooting in San Bernardino and at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando as domestic terrorism. Same goes for the Boston Marathon bombings. But it’s another when both these attacks are seen as acts of domestic terrorism while the mass shootings at Pittsburgh, Tucson, and Charleston are not. Rather as far as the media was concerned, these were attacks made by violently mentally ill white men. Sure it was an accurate assessment, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. For one, the man who fired an AK-47 at 5 cops in Pittsburgh was a white supremacist who believed Jews secretly ran everything and that Obama wanted to take away his guns. But as far as the media is concerned, he was just a crazy nutjob who killed 3 cops after his mom called police over a domestic dispute concerning a dog peeing on the carpet. Second, the Tucson shooter who tried to assassinate Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was a conspiracy theorist who believed in a New World Order to brainwash people. Third, the shooter who killed 9 people at the Emmanuel AME Church in Charleston was a white supremacist who donned a pro-apartheid jacket on his Facebook page, had a Confederate flag license plate, told racist jokes, advocated segregation, and went on a racist rant on how blacks are raping white women and taking over the world. Furthermore, he specifically chose to fire upon blacks at the church due to its long association with civil rights activism. Yet, these terror incidents were reported. Most aren’t covered by major news outlets at all. Negative repercussions of inadequate and sloppy coverage of domestic terrorism include:

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The heavy attention on Islamic terrorism in the US media outlets had perpetuated rise and acceptability of Islamophobia as well as led to American Muslims being targets of everything from harassment to outright deadly violence. Featured here are American Muslims Yousef Abu-Salha, his brother-in-law Deah Barakat, and his sisters Yusor and Razan. Save for the Yousef, three people would later become victims of an anti-Muslim hate crime in a Chapel Hill condominium by one of their former white neighbors who was banned from the building. The man basically broke into Deah and Yusor’s condo and killed them and Razan in cold blood. Yousef would later say, “It’s a shame that you turn on a major news channel and you see a news story about ISIS and then they’ll cover our story and they do an okay job, but immediately after it will be another story about these radical groups. I think it sends US citizens a bad message that these Muslims are all the same.”

  1. Legitimizes Discrimination– The media’s coverage of Islamic terrorism since 9/11 in the US and abroad has contributed so much to Islamophobia that Muslims in American pop culture have been nastily stereotyped as fanatical Islamic terrorists who hate our country and our western values. Each terror attack since then have been filtered by the media and consumed by the public as wrongdoings of Muslims around the world. Muslims have been further vilified and dehumanized in Hollywood movies like American Sniper. Because of this, American Muslims, Middle Easterners, and South Asians have become acceptable targets for profiling, oppression, and even terrorist attacks. For many Americans, just looking like a Muslim makes them an automatic terror suspect by default as well as someone to be feared. This is a major reason why welcoming Syrian refugees in the US has been so controversial even though it shouldn’t. Around the country, mosques have been fired on, defaced, or burned. Muslims have been shot and killed execution style in their living rooms, fatally stabbed on their way home as well as been beaten in their stores, schools, and on the streets. They’ve also been kicked out of planes, egged outside Walmart, scorched with hot coffee in a park, shot in cabs, and punched while pushing their children in strollers. They’ve had clothes set on fired and their children bullied in school. They’ve been threatened by neighbors who’d burn down their house if they didn’t move away as well as had their cemeteries vandalized and Quran desecrated. They’ve been fired for wearing hijabs and for praying. A Muslim congressman has received death threats. In Irving, Texas, heavily armed right-wing gunmen blocked entrance of a mosque and held banners reading, “we are the solution to Islamic terrorism.” Other armed anti-Islam demonstrations and “Muslim-free” businesses raise deep concerns. Civil and human rights advocates are challenging the use of “domestic terrorism” believing that it’s doled out in a racially-discriminatory manner that merely exacerbates hate they and law enforcement are trying to prevent. Exacerbating hate on a group of people who just happen to have the same religion as terrorists is not a solution to Islamic terrorism and just makes it worse. The fact that 55% of Americans hold an unfavorable view of Islam makes Islamophobia not just the biggest threat to American religious freedom, but also a potential threat to national security since Muslim communities play a crucial role in alerting law enforcement to terrorist threats.
  2. Does Not Represent Reality– While the American public rightfully sees Islamic terrorists as a threat to safety, the reality of terrorism exists in all forms and that terrorists come from all racial and cultural backgrounds as well as embraced a wide range of extremist political and religious ideologies. For law enforcement officials, the biggest terrorist threats aren’t jihadists. Rather it’s far right wing extremists that have carried out well over half of the deadliest US terrorist attacks since 9/11, committing 93% of all extremist murders in the last 10 years. Most of their extremism is homegrown as well as pose a very real danger to this nation’s character such as pluralism, tolerance, and equality, which form the basis of a liberal democracy. Though jihadist terrorism is often reported on the news, the US has seen very little violent extremism by Muslims. On the other hand, white supremacists are among the most lethal since they’ve committed 83% of all right-wing extremist murders and 77% of all extremist killings in the past decade as well as were involved in 52% of shootings with police. They also regularly engage in various terrorist plots, acts, and conspiracies as well as other traditional forms of crime. Anti-government extremists, right-wing militias, and sovereign citizens are among the most common. But no matter what their ideology, right-wing extremists are also more numerous, cover a larger geographic range, and are more likely to live in your neighborhood. Not representing these groups in the media as the terrorists they are that we should condemn is very irresponsible, even if the station is Fox News.
  3. Promotes Cultural Profiling– How the media has reported domestic terrorism can also lead to real but ineffective policies that have resulted in cultural profiling, particularly of Muslims and people suspected of being one. Those charged with plotting terrorism for the Islamic State faced more severe charges than militia members, “sovereign citizens,” and other anti-government extremist who’ve been prosecuted for similar activity (even though many more terrorist attacks in the US are carried out by non-Muslims). After 9/11, many American Muslims, South Asians, and those of Middle Eastern descent found themselves being subject to harsher security checks as well as are more likely to be on a no fly list or subject to surveillance. As a result, trust between law enforcement and Muslims has been strained. In recent years, anti-Islam bills became laws in 10 states. Florida and Tennessee passed laws revising the way they approve textbooks for classroom use as a direct result of anti-Islam campaigns. Don’t get me wrong, Islamic terrorists do exist in this country and do pose a threat to national security. But profiling Muslims as suspected terrorists by default is never excusable since the vast majority of them are regular people like us who just want to live their lives in peace and mind their own business.
  4. Fails to Hold Public Figures Accountable for Their Rhetoric– The media is a huge influence in the American public but we should be aware what many public figures may say could be taken out of context by some nutjob who’d use it in a terror attack. It’s been widely suggested that political rhetoric may play a role in fueling hate crimes, especially since Donald Trump started running for president as well as said very hateful things about almost every demographic imaginable. But since he started running and calling on Muslim bans, anti-Muslim hate crimes dramatically increased to its highest levels since the aftermath of 9/11. It doesn’t help that Trump has been endorsed by white supremacist organizations whom he’s consistently failed to denounce. A lot of what’s said on Fox News has probably led to a lot of terror attacks and it doesn’t help that they have glorified anti-government terrorists like Cliven Bundy as heroes as well as inspired many nutcases to do horrible things that have killed people. Not to mention, a lot of conservative special interest groups have said similar things as well as many Republican politicians. I know there are liberal groups and Democrats who might inspire some degree of terror violence. But I single out conservatives since right-wing terrorism has become much more of a problem in recent years, according to terror experts and government organizations.And yes a lot of these radical right-wing extremists consume conservative media outlets like Fox News.
  5. Ignores Very Real Threats– While Muslim terrorism in the news stirs fear and hatred for even the most ordinary Muslim Americans, the far more serious threat of the radical right has received relatively little attention. But bring that fact up in front of Republican politicians, expect outrage and even offense as an attack to demonize the right. The media seems to be just as deft to these threats, especially if it’s Fox News. Such response leads to downplay to take such threats as seriously as they should be by the public. Radical Right-Wing terrorists present a more deadly threat given their affinity for hoarding weapons and explosives. Not paying attention to these terrorists has consequences such as emboldening these people to carry out mass casualty attacks. Americans are much more likely to live near a white supremacist or anti-government sovereign citizen than a jihadist (A nearby town in my area had its own Klu Klux Klan chapter). When we’re talking about racial and religious minorities, living near a radical right-wing terrorist can put them in very real danger.
  6. Compromises Public Safety for Vulnerable Populations– Whenever domestic terror incidents aren’t reported and treated as the heinous acts they are, people are left very vulnerable to attacks. This was very apparent in the South during segregation when countless African Americans were subject to lynchings as a way to control black communities and retain white supremacy. During the Civil Rights Movement, African Americans and other activists were frequent targets of white supremacist violence. Though white supremacy is no longer as acceptable as it was, the hateful ideology and violence hasn’t gone away. Recent incidents including a white supremacist firing on Black Lives Matter activists in Minneapolis, a NAACP building bombing in Colorado, and a black church shooting in Charleston. In every terror attack involving Muslims since 9/11, hate crimes against Muslims in America have become alarmingly high. A study from Georgetown University has reported 174 incidents of anti-Muslim violence from 2015 consisting of 12 murders, 29 physical assaults, 50 threats against people and institutions, 54 acts of vandalism, 8 arsons, and 9 shootings or bombings. Contrary to what the media might say, Muslims are far more likely to become terror victims than terror perpetrators. However, Muslims and blacks aren’t the only group in the country vulnerable to domestic terrorism in the nation even by white supremacists. White supremacist groups also target immigrants, minorities, Jews, LGBT people, and sometimes Christians. Targets for anti-government and sovereign citizens are law enforcement and other authority figures. Still, not recognizing clearly politically motivated attacks by non-Muslim perpetrators leaves many Americans especially vulnerable.
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It is no secret that now GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump has been endorsed by the Klu Klux Klan over his racist remarks on Mexicans, blacks, immigrants, and Muslims. However, Trump hasn’t distanced himself from this white supremacist terrorist organization which has a long history of violence against blacks since its formation during Reconstruction. If a presidential candidate from a major party can’t denounce a terrorist endorsement, then that person isn’t fit to be president. Seriously, the KKK are beyond deplorable.

As you can see the state of how the news media depicts domestic terrorism is appalling. Excessive coverage of one group of terrorists has led to disproportionate fear, suspicion, and unjust discrimination against a religious minority and other others. But significant less attention of a far more serious homegrown terrorist threat has gone under the media radar and has neither been sufficiently challenged by our political culture nor law enforcement. Not only this disproportionate rate of media coverage lead to increased profiling and discrimination, it also makes the US less safe as a whole. Furthermore, it makes public figures less likely to take responsibility for their rhetoric that could inspire many of these nutjobs to commit heinous acts. Now while the government may be slow to act on domestic terrorism, the media doesn’t have to. In fact, if the media just got it together and report domestic terrorist attacks in a way they should, then it might actually encourage leaders to come up with policies combating it. After all, people didn’t take lynchings as serious acts of terrorism meant to intimidate black people during segregation in the South until Ida B. Wells investigated them in the 1890s and began an anti-lynching campaign to spread awareness about the atrocity. Today she is turning in her grave. If the news media should cover domestic terrorism correctly, then it must be depicted in a way that’s represents the reality. By that I mean showing that domestic terrorism can take many forms, be motivated by different ideologies, and committed by people of many different backgrounds. And that all these domestic terrorists should be treated as a national security threat to be taken seriously.

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Here we come to a bunch of heavily armed open-carry activists “protesting” at a mosque in Phoenix against “Islamic Radicalism.” In reality, they’re just a bunch of armed terrorists who are using their guns to intimidate the Muslims who worship there. This isn’t peaceful protesting, it’s domestic terrorism and should be treated that way. This should neither be tolerated nor encouraged by anyone. It’s utterly disgraceful anyone there with a gun wasn’t arrested. Because the country needs to know that armed protest rallies are never ever acceptable.

Live Breaking TV News Headlines Gone Awry

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Whether it be your local news affiliates or the national and cable news shows, chances are that you might be familiar with them. And that you might be familiar with their use of captions through graphics to help you identify things as well ranging from story, location, or whoever’s being interviewed. Unlike the TV shows you watched which were taped and aired for an audience later, TV news is usually done live which leaves little room for mistakes. However, sometimes it doesn’t turn out that way. What I have to present to you are a series of news stills that contain their share of errors as well as crazy captions that go with them. I found these on sites thanks to Google as well as in places like Buzzfeed, Funny or Die, Fark, and others. Some of these captions may present a case of misindentification, spelling and grammar errors, redundant captions, and more. So for your reading pleasure I present to you stills of news captions gone wrong. Some of these might not be safe for work by the way.

  1. A big racked 5-point horse was killed today before being sent to a taxidermist and served as venison.
How did anyone think it's a horse? That's a deer. An antlered deer. Know the difference.

I don’t expect much from people who do these captions. But if they can’t distinguish between a horse and a deer, that’s a big problem for me. Seriously, it’s a deer. An antlered deer. Get a clue.

2. A violent sexual predator is on the loose.

Yeah, his name is Sparky who has been humping almost every other pooch in the neighborhood. Make sure your pets are spayed and neutered.

Yeah, his name is Sparky who has been humping almost every other pooch in the neighborhood. Make sure your pets are spayed and neutered.

3. Millions of Blackberry messages on hold throughout the galaxy.

Now even the Klingons can't get their Blackberry messages now. Unfortunately, the real world isn't Star Trek, CNN.

Now even the Klingons can’t get their Blackberry messages now. Unfortunately, the real world isn’t Star Trek, CNN.

4. “Man in Boxers Leads Police on Brief Chase.”

Well, this headline seems actually appropriate. Still, the image of police chasing a guy in his underwear is hard not to laugh at anyway.

Well, this headline seems actually appropriate. Still, the image of police chasing a guy in his underwear is hard not to laugh at anyway.

5. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting former President George Clinton.

Uh, he's actually former President William Jefferson Clinton or Bill for short. And his wife is running for president. Get a grip.

Uh, he’s actually former President William Jefferson Clinton or Bill for short. And his wife is running for president. Get a grip.

6. Norway leads the medal count in the Sochi Winter Olympics.

Save for Norway and Austria, the flags don't seem to match the country. Seriously, the stars and stripes is the US flag, not the Netherlands.'

Save for Norway and Austria, the flags don’t seem to match the country. Seriously, the stars and stripes is the US flag, not the Netherlands.’

7. Today Fox News is Live with former Republican Arizona Congresswoman J.D. Hayworth.

Okay, he may be a congresswoman in a man's body. But that's beside the point.

Okay, he may be a congresswoman in a man’s body. But that’s beside the point.

8. Here we are with Tiger Woods who’s just played his first golf tournament after his sex scandal.

Man, HLN did not use a good choice of captions here. Yes, he's talking about golf. But the caption makes it sound so dirty.

Man, HLN did not use a good choice of captions here. Yes, he’s talking about golf. But the caption makes it sound so dirty.

9. The Associated Press is now with a guy who peed in a reservoir.

It's funnier that his name is Josh Seater who most likely peed standing up. Unfortunately, he answered the call of nature at the wrong place such as a water supply.

It’s funnier that his name is Josh Seater who most likely peed standing up. Unfortunately, he answered the call of nature at the wrong place such as a water supply.

10. Today on Fox News: Is Lowering the Minimum Wage Better for Workers?

I know that Fox News is a conservative cable news channel. However, even an idiot would say that lowering the minimum wage isn't better for workers. Because there have been so many campaigns to raise it.

I know that Fox News is a conservative cable news channel. However, even an idiot would say that lowering the minimum wage isn’t better for workers. Because there have been so many campaigns to raise it. Seriously, raise the minimum wage for crying out loud!

11. Here are live at Name Here with Name Here.

Someone forgot to add names in this caption. Now I don't know who this guy is or where he's at.

Someone forgot to add names in this caption. Now I don’t know who this guy is or where he’s at.

12. Man turns in crack dealer for charging him too much.

Now that's a really stupid thing to do. Because don't police arrest drug users, too? I think so.

Now that’s a really stupid thing to do. Because don’t police arrest drug users, too? I think so.

13. Live on CNN: So is Cap n’ Crunch not really a captain?

How about: do I give a shit? No, but this guy seems a bit disappointed about it. Why CNN? Why?

How about: do I give a shit? No, but this guy seems a bit disappointed about it. Why CNN? Why?

14. Is school too easy for kids? Stay Tuned.

Apparently, not. Since whoever did this graphic doesn't know the difference between, to, two, and too.

Apparently, not. Since whoever did this graphic doesn’t know the difference between, to, two, and too.

15. On sports today it’s Full Title Screen Goes Here.

So is this the station's default screen. Because it sure looks like it to me. Someone doesn't seem to be doing their job.

So is this the station’s default screen. Because it sure looks like it to me. Someone doesn’t seem to be doing their job.

16. Now on 8 News, Murderer Feeds Ex-Fiancee to Her Parents at Barbecue.

That's just sick. Yet, Dr. Hannibal Lecter wanted to know what the killer used on the guy's ribs as a sauce.

That’s just sick. Yet, Dr. Hannibal Lecter wanted to know what the killer used on the guy’s ribs as a sauce.

17. At Fox 12, we’re here with Jessie Lunderby who posed for Playboy.

I don't think this is the right caption because this is a teenage boy. And I don't think his name is Jessie Lunderby.

I don’t think this is the right caption because this is a teenage boy. And I don’t think his name is Jessie Lunderby.

18. Rapper Gucci Mane is uncertain of his own guilt.

Funny how they quoted the guy as "Bitch I might be" when asked if he was guilty. Then again, he might be vying for a plea deal at this point.

Funny how they quoted the guy as “Bitch I might be” when asked if he was guilty. Then again, he might be vying for a plea deal at this point unless the charges are manslaughter.

19. In the Situation Room: Where Is Obama?

I think it's supposed to be: "Where Is Osama?" Wolf Blizter might need a caption proof reader sometime soon.

I think it’s supposed to be: “Where Is Osama?” Wolf Blizter might need a caption proof reader sometime soon.

20. Today “Poopgangster” was arrested for December shooting.

I know it's supposed to be a crime story. But a guy whose nickname is "poopgangster" is hard to take seriously. So was he Public Enemy No. 1 or No. 2?

I know it’s supposed to be a crime story. But a guy whose nickname is “poopgangster” is hard to take seriously. So was he Public Enemy No. 1 or No. 2?

21. Happening now in Washington on CNN, we have former presidential candidate Sarah Palin speaking.

This is just wrong on so many levels. For one, Sarah Palin is a former vice presidential candidate and her name is spelled with an "h." Also, that's Glenn Beck.

This is just wrong on so many levels. For one, Sarah Palin is a former vice presidential candidate and her name is spelled with an “h.” Also, that’s Glenn Beck.

22. Breaking News on CNN, Titanic sank 102 years ago tonight.

Sorry, CNN, but the fact the Titanic sank over 100 years ago isn't breaking news. Or even news. It's common knowledge that everyone should know by now.

Sorry, CNN, but the fact the Titanic sank over 100 years ago isn’t breaking news. Or even news. It’s common knowledge that everyone should know by now.

23. Today in politics, Congressman Anthony Weiner is shrinking his staff.

But whether this means his staff or his penis will be revealed after the next commercial. Stay tuned.

But whether this means his staff or his penis will be revealed after the next commercial. Stay tuned.

24. On CNN tonight is an exclusive on Michael Jackson’s death.

Shouldn't CNN be paying more attention to the story of 60-80 thousand children crossing the US-Mexican border. I think that deserves more coverage than a news ribbon for Christ's sake. Because it's a bigger story.

Shouldn’t CNN be paying more attention to the story of 60-80 thousand children crossing the US-Mexican border. I think that deserves more coverage than a news ribbon for Christ’s sake. Because it’s a bigger story.

25. Live at Eleven on Fox13: Human Remains Found which Could Belong to Lori Hacking.

However, this is a very terrible time to let people know that they can find recipes on your website. Seriously, this is not the kind of story.

However, this is a very terrible time to let people know that they can find recipes on your website. Seriously, this is not the kind of story.

26. In Dunwoody, Georgia, a Santa impersonator was asked to tone it down.

Yes, evil Santa Claus, please tone it down. You're scaring the children. Hell, you're scaring me.

Yes, evil Santa Claus, please tone it down. You’re scaring the children. Hell, you’re scaring me just smiling.

27. Krem News would like to wish you a great day.

However, you're probably not if you live in that burning building. Yeah, not a great scene to end a broadcast.

However, you’re probably not if you live in that burning building. Yeah, not a great scene to end a broadcast.

28. Today we’re speaking with Don Krasin, a World War 11 veteran.

I think it's supposed to be World War II. But, the captioner had no idea of how to do Roman numerals. At any rate, Krasin always likes to talk about how he and his buddies took down the alien overlords.

I think it’s supposed to be World War II. But, the captioner had no idea of how to do Roman numerals. At any rate, Krasin always likes to talk about how he and his buddies took down the alien overlords.

29. At PIX, we’re with Gerard Jankowski who’s one angry guy.

But we don't know what he's angry about. Stay tuned for further details.

But we don’t know what he’s angry about. Stay tuned for further details.

30. The main suspect in the Dentist Assault case is Firstname Lastname.

Someone really forgot to write the guy's name. Now he's going to be known by that for a very long time.

Someone really forgot to write the guy’s name. Now he’s going to be known by that for a very long time.

31. New at 10 on 19 Action News: Are Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches Racist?

Because they always seem to be depicted on white bread for some reason. Or maybe white people are projecting their latent racism on the sandwich?

Because they always seem to be depicted on white bread for some reason. Or maybe white people are projecting their latent racism on the sandwich?

32. New at 10 on KENS 5: Teen Werewolves.

Teen werewolves? Seriously? Seems like someone has been reading too much Twilight lately. Or watching too many werewolf movies.

Teen werewolves? Seriously? Seems like someone has been reading too much Twilight lately. Or watching too many werewolf movies.

33. On Fox News we have Michael Newman who is surprisingly not dead.

Guess this guy lived a very dangerous lifestyle like go near crocodiles and such. Still, what's with the "surprisingly not dead" part?

Guess this guy lived a very dangerous lifestyle like go near crocodiles and such. Still, what’s with the “surprisingly not dead” part?

34. We’re speaking with Aaron Mishkin a “Kick a Ginger Day” victim.

So kicking gingers is a thing? For God's sake, this isn't great for the ginger in question.

So kicking gingers is a thing? For God’s sake, this isn’t great for the ginger in question.

35. Today on KXLY 4 News: Man with Bizarre Name Arrested.

Is the bottom part his name? If yes, I feel very bad that his parents saddled him with that. If no, then the captioner must be goofing off.

Is the bottom part his name? If yes, I feel very bad that his parents saddled him with that. If no, then the captioner must be goofing off.

36. From KARE News, have a safe and happy Memorial Day Weekend so buckle up, slow down, and drink and drive.

I think someone forgot to enter the word "don't" before "drink and drive." Because drinking and driving isn't something society encourages. In fact, quite the opposite since such acts kill people as well as lead to jail time.

I think someone forgot to enter the word “don’t” before “drink and drive.” Because drinking and driving isn’t something society encourages. In fact, quite the opposite since such acts kill people as well as lead to jail time.

37. Exclusive on Korina Today, the MILF speaks.

Remember, in the Philippines, a MILF is an Islamic terrorist organization. However, in America, we wouldn't call that guy a MILF for obvious reasons.

Remember, in the Philippines, MILF is an Islamic terrorist organization. However, in America, we wouldn’t call that guy a MILF for obvious reasons.

38. On BBC News Today is Dr. Tom Hart a penguinologist.

Yes, penguinologist is a real job to describe someone who studies penguins. I googled the term myself. So the term isn't a mistake by the BBC.

Yes, penguinologist is a real job to describe someone who studies penguins. I googled the term myself. So the term isn’t a mistake by the BBC.

39. On The Weather Channel is Jeff Foster who’s tired of birds.

He even has a loud bull horn with him so he could get the birds off his lawn. Yes, he's a mean old man who hates birds.

He even has a loud bull horn with him so he could tell the birds to get off his lawn. Yes, he’s a mean old man who hates birds.

40. Live on MSNBC: 8 dead and 30 killed in Chicago violence.

You can easily say, "38 dead" or "38 killed" in Chicago violence. Because killed and dead mean almost the same thing when you're talking about murder.

You can easily say, “38 dead” or “38 killed” in Chicago violence. Because killed and dead mean almost the same thing when you’re talking about murder.

41. At least the Rapist Search may be over soon according to ABC 7.

Of course, this guy isn't going to have a nice day. Hope he has an alibi. Because the rapist sketch really resembles him.

Of course, this guy isn’t going to have a nice day. Hope he has an alibi. Because the rapist sketch really resembles him.

42. Our #4 story on the Top 5 concerns Middletown’s very own Jack Goff.

No, that's his actual name. Don't ask me. I wasn't consulted. Neither were his parents.

No, that’s his actual name. Don’t ask me. I wasn’t consulted. Neither were his parents.

43. Apparently, penalizing the Pittsburgh Penguins Alternate Captain was too much according to Pittsburgh’s FSN.

Not sure who this player is from the Pens. But he doesn't seem to be too happy in the penalty box. Seems to have a face like a kid who's just been sent to time out.

Not sure who this player is from the Pens. But he doesn’t seem to be too happy in the penalty box. Seems to have a face like a kid who’s just been sent to time out.

44. The Space Shuttle Columbia was traveling nearly 18 times the speed of light before the tragedy.

I remember that crash when I was 13. However, the shuttle wasn't going 18 times the speed of light. Because that's an impossible speed.

I remember that crash when I was 13. However, the shuttle wasn’t going 18 times the speed of light. Because that’s an impossible speed.

45. Live on WBTV 3 this morning a man was killed to death.

"Killed to death" really? That really doesn't help matters. Just say the guy was killed because it's obviously a murder story.

“Killed to death” really? That really doesn’t help matters. Just say the guy was killed because it’s obviously a murder story.

46. Breaking News on Fox 5 News: Fire Destroyed by Home.

I think it's supposed to be "Home Destroyed by Fire." Obviously someone got the word order wrong. Because homes don't destroy fires.

I think it’s supposed to be “Home Destroyed by Fire.” Obviously someone got the word order wrong. Because homes don’t destroy fires.

47. On WUSA 9: J.C. McKinney goes for last minute groceries because he forgot cheez whiz.

Is a guy forgetting cheez whiz newsworthy? People forget cheez whiz all the time but they don't get to be on TV.

Is a guy forgetting cheez whiz newsworthy? People forget cheez whiz all the time but they don’t get to be on TV.

48. Today on Fox News we sit down with Holocaust winner Elie Wiesel.

For crying out loud, Fox News, Wiesel's a Holocaust survivor, not a winner. The Holocaust was a mass genocide, not a contest. This is fucked up.

For crying out loud, Fox News, Wiesel’s a Holocaust survivor, not a winner. The Holocaust was a mass genocide, not a contest. This is fucked up.

49. According to Pat Buchanan on Fox News, illegal aliens are bringing STDs into the country.

Really? Some undocumented immigrants may have STDs. But syphilis and gonorrhea aren't new STDs. Besides, it's insulting.

Really? Some undocumented immigrants may have STDs. But syphilis and gonorrhea aren’t new STDs as well as easier to avoid than others. Besides, it’s very insulting.

50. According to a Rasmussen poll on Fox News, 59% and 35% believe that scientists falsified research to support their theory on global warming.

For one, global warming does exist so the scientists aren't falsifying their research at any rate. But since it's Fox News we're talking about, global warming denial is expected. Second, the math is totally wrong because the numbers add to 120%.

For one, global warming does exist and is a very real problem so the scientists aren’t falsifying their research at any rate. But since it’s Fox News we’re talking about, global warming denial is expected. Second, the math is totally wrong because the numbers add to 120%.

51. Today in the Middle East, Secretary of Gates meats with Israeli defense secretary Ehud Barak.

Unfortunately, Fox News totally fails in geography since they forget that Egypt is in Africa and across the sea from Saudi Arabia. The country between Iran and Syria is Iraq.

Unfortunately, Fox News totally fails in geography since they forget that Egypt is in Africa and across the sea from Saudi Arabia. The country between Iran and Syria is Iraq.

52. This Fox News correspondent is waiting for President Obama’s arrival.

Not if Michelle has anything to do with it. Still, that caption is so suggestive. Yet, Fox News didn't change it.

Not if Michelle has anything to do with it. Still, that caption is so suggestive. Yet, Fox News didn’t change it.

53. According to this pie chart, here is how each GOP presidential candidate stands out.

Apparently, the person who designed this Fox News pie chart has no conception of math. Add 60%, 70% and 63%, you come up with 193%.

Apparently, the person who designed this Fox News pie chart has no conception of math. Add 60%, 70% and 63%, you come up with 193%.

54. Wednesday at 10 on Fox 8 News: we’re going to show you Making Money with Your Body.

This is just so wrong on so many levels. From what I see, this seems like "How to Become a Prostitute" than anything. Not cool.

This is just so wrong on so many levels. From what I see, this seems like “How to Become a Prostitute” than anything. Not cool.

55. In the DA murder plot, Affidavit Reveals Possible Suspect.

An old guy on a segway who's minding his own business? Don't ask me, but I think this station might've used the wrong footage for the caption.

An old guy on a segway who’s minding his own business? Don’t ask me, but I think this station might’ve used the wrong footage for the caption.

56. Homeowner burns house after setting snake on fire.

The guy could've just avoided the whole thing altogether by simply calling animal control. Seriously, they would've taken care of it just fine.

The guy could’ve just avoided the whole thing altogether by simply calling animal control. Seriously, they would’ve taken care of it just fine.

57. Today on All In with Chris Hayes is someone who studies duck genitalia.

Yes, there are people who actually do that. But still, it's kind of hard to take seriously at any rate.

Yes, there are people who actually do that. But still, it’s kind of hard to take seriously at any rate. Thank you, MSNBC.

58. According to CNN Money, Hogwarts costs more than Harvard.

This looks very wrong and probably not conducted by people who read the Harry Potter books. $123 for gloves, you got to be kidding me. Besides, they don't seem to include a cauldron, a pet, or anything else.

This looks very wrong and probably not conducted by people who read the Harry Potter books. $123 for gloves, you got to be kidding me. Besides, they don’t seem to include a cauldron, a pet, or anything else. Not to mention, gloves don’t nearly cost that much.

59. Today’s weather report on 4 WARN is by meteorologist Dagny the Dog.

Seems like the forecast today isn't calling for warmer temperatures that remain in the 20s and 30s. So wear a blanket.

Seems like the forecast today isn’t calling for warmer temperatures that remain in the 20s and 30s. So wear a blanket.

60. Apparently, CBS News can’t name that player.

His last name is Jefferson which is on the back of his jersey. He's from LSU. This is ridiculous.

His last name is Jefferson which is on the back of his jersey. He’s from LSU. This is ridiculous.

61. According to WGN 9 News, Dwayne Wade is not a hockey player.

Well, that really narrows it down. So if he's not a hockey player what is he? A basketball player? If so, then just say it.

Well, that really narrows it down. So if he’s not a hockey player what is he? A basketball player? He seems to be wearing a basketball jersey. If so, then just say it.

62. According to the BBC, nobody cares about Declan Curry.

So if nobody cares, why is he on TV? Because somebody must care what he has to say or he wouldn't be on the BBC.

So if nobody cares, why is he on TV? Because somebody must care what he has to say or he wouldn’t be on the BBC.

63. David Davis was arrested while in the middle of a haircut.

That is possibly one of the funniest mugshots ever. Bet he's going to be the laughing stock of the big house sometime soon.

That is possibly one of the funniest mugshots ever. Bet he’s going to be the laughing stock of the big house sometime soon.

64. We are now live with Name Last Name in Location.

Yet, another captioner not doing their job. Seriously, people have to know who the reporter is or where he's at right now.

Yet, another captioner not doing their job. Seriously, people have to know who the reporter is or where he’s at right now.

65. Fox News asks: How often to you think about touching other people’s private parts?

Like never. Still, I have a question for Fox News: why the fuck did you ask your viewers this? Then again, this might've been put forward by Roger Ailes who was head of Fox News at the time. And I know how often he thought about touching other people's private parts.

Like never. Still, I have a question for Fox News: why the fuck did you ask your viewers this? Then again, this might’ve been put forward by Roger Ailes who was head of Fox News at the time. And I know how often he thought about touching other people’s private parts.

66. Today BBC News sits with writer, wizard, Mall Santa, and Rasputin Impersonator Alan Moore.

Well, he certainly looks the part since he has a long beard and hair. Yet, it's kind of hard to take seriously.

Well, he certainly looks the part since he has a long beard and hair. Yet, it’s kind of hard to take seriously.

67. Today we have an exclusive on blow jobs.

Can't they just say demolitions? Seriously, blow jobs is too sexually suggestive? I mean it's an oral sex slang term.

Can’t they just say demolitions? Seriously, blow jobs is too sexually suggestive? I mean it’s an oral sex slang term.

68. Tonight at 10 on 8: The Chainsaw Chicken has been captured.

So you don't have to worry about a chainsaw wielding chicken murdering you anymore over your diet of poultry and eggs. He's now in police custody as we speak.

So you don’t have to worry about a chainsaw wielding chicken murdering you anymore over your diet of poultry and eggs. He’s now in police custody as we speak. And he did not get to cross the road.

69. Reporting on MSNBC Norah O’Donnell from the White House.

Seems like forgetting 3 letters can make all the difference. No, I don't think she's reporting from "the White Ho."

Seems like forgetting 3 letters can make all the difference. No, I don’t think she’s reporting from “the White Ho.”

70. A developing story on LEX 8 News is of a Jessamine County inmate who overdosed on underwear.

First off, how is overdosing on underwear possible? Second off, why would anyone even try?

First off, how is overdosing on underwear possible? Second off, why would anyone even try?

71. On Fox 2 a homeless man steals an EMS rig to go to a strip club.

Has anyone at the station heard the term ambulance? Because that's what an EMS rig is. Also, why couldn't a homeless man just steal a regular car to go to a strip club? Or walk?

Has anyone at the station heard the term ambulance? Because that’s what an EMS rig is. Also, why couldn’t a homeless man just steal a regular car to go to a strip club? Or walk?

72. Coming up on WTAE 4 Action News: Girl takes on Dick’s.

This one is from a news station where I live, by the way. Still, I think they mean Dick's Sporting Goods in this context. But they had to use that caption with a girl looking at her cell phone, a poor choice.

This one is from a news station where I live, by the way. Still, I think they mean Dick’s Sporting Goods in this context. But they had to use that caption with a girl looking at her cell phone, which suggests sexting.

73. KCTV 5 News says you can find great kitten barbecue recipes on My KSMO-TV at 8 a.m.

I think the word is supposed to be "kitchen" not kitten. This Kansas City station might want to apologize to local cat lovers.

I think the word is supposed to be “kitchen” not kitten. This Kansas City station might want to apologize to local cat lovers.

74. On WBRE we have continuing coverage of the serial butt stabbers.

Yes, the knife picture is quite appropriate. But while the serial butt stabbers may be serious threats, their name inspires shits and giggles. Hope they don't attack from behind.

Yes, the knife picture is quite appropriate. But while the serial butt stabbers may be serious threats, their name inspires shits and giggles. Hope they don’t attack from behind.

75. Kevin Poehner likes portable toilets as he stands near a Honey Bucket.

Nor sure what to think about that kid who may or may not have a sense a smell. Because outhouses are utterly disgusting and smelly places that I try to avoid.

Nor sure what to think about that kid who may or may not have a sense a smell. Because outhouses are utterly disgusting and smelly places that I try to avoid.

76. Live in Phoenix, a suspicious flashlight was found in a parking lot between 3rd Avenue and Jefferson.

I guess this is going to come down to a waste of airtime as reporters speculate who left the flashlight in the parking lot. Stay tuned.

I guess this is going to come down to a waste of airtime as reporters speculate who left the flashlight in the parking lot. Stay tuned.

77. New this morning on ABC 13: Cat called for jury duty.

Yes, it should come as a shock, even for the cat. Don't ask me how this happened.

Yes, it should come as a shock, even for the cat. Don’t ask me how this happened.

78. According to CNN, experts agree that Osama Bin Laden is either alive or dead.

Well, that really clears things up. Then again, if experts can't make up their minds whether someone is alive or dead, it shouldn't be news.

Well, that really clears things up. Then again, if experts can’t make up their minds whether someone is alive or dead, it shouldn’t be news.

79. Fox Toledo brings you more coverage of the Cheeseburger Stabbing.

What is there someone going around stabbing cheeseburgers? I need details for God's sake.

What is there someone going around stabbing cheeseburgers? I need details for God’s sake.

80. On Fox News, Neil Cavuto asks, can sex with underage boys be a good thing?

Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind ask that question? Hell, no, could sex with underage boys be a good thing for obvious reasons. There's a reason why people who do that get on Megan's Law for God's sake!

Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind ask that question? Hell, no, could sex with underage boys be a good thing for obvious reasons. There’s a reason why people who do that get on Megan’s Law for God’s sake!

81. On LEX 18 News a woman was glued to a toilet at a Wayne County Wal Mart.

This woman's face is like: "Why do I have to do this ridiculous story? I didn't sign up for this. Don't people have any common sense?"

This woman’s face is like: “Why do I have to do this ridiculous story? I didn’t sign up for this. Don’t people have any common sense?”

82. Breaking on Fox 40 reports Obama Bin Laden dead.

I guess this was a slip of the tongue, given Obama's reputation on Fox News. Sorry, but it's Osama Bin Laden.

I guess this was a slip of the tongue, given Obama’s reputation on Fox News. Sorry, but it’s Osama Bin Laden who’s dead thanks to Obama.

83. Fox 5 sits with actor Omar Epps.

Sorry but that's definitely not actor Omar Epps. Because Omar Epps is obviously black and doesn't have a lot of hair.

Sorry but that’s definitely not actor Omar Epps. Because Omar Epps is obviously black and doesn’t have a lot of hair.

84. According to the Greg-Alogue on Fox News, sex with robots may not be what it’s all cracked up to be.

Other than its obvious right wing biased news commentary and coverage, is there any reason why we make fun of Fox News? Probably because they air stuff about sex with robots and other stories like that.

Other than its obvious right wing biased news commentary and coverage, is there any reason why we make fun of Fox News? Probably because they air stuff about sex with robots and other stories like that.

85. On Fox 25, we’re live on the news story about a captain’s epic search for his sandwich.

How is this news? Seriously, people miss sandwiches all the time. But they move on with their lives. This is just fluff.

How is this news? Seriously, people miss sandwiches all the time. But they move on with their lives. This is just fluff.

86. Breaking news on PIX is Top Line All Caps in Bottom Line All Caps.

Seems like a crime story by the police cars. But you don't know why they're there. Because someone forgot to do the caption.

Seems like a crime story by the police cars. But you don’t know why they’re there. Because someone forgot to do the caption.

87. KATU 2 is live in Downtown Portland in our continuing coverage on the sign bandit.

And it seems that the sign bandit was just there. Just look behind the reporter.

And it seems that the sign bandit was just there. Just look behind the reporter.

88. Fox 14 News brings you coverage on the drunk driving lasw.

I think it's supposed to be "laws." But the captioner didn't have time to proofread before they were on the air.

I think it’s supposed to be “laws.” But the captioner didn’t have time to proofread before they were on the air.

89. NY 1 sits down with actor Wesley Snipes.

That's Democratic New York congressman Charlie Rangel who left office in disgrace over a corruption scandal. Jon Stewart often made fun of him on the Daily Show for awhile.

That’s Democratic New York congressman Charlie Rangel who left office in disgrace over a corruption scandal. Jon Stewart often made fun of him on the Daily Show for awhile.

90. Rodney Stanger: Cold Case Suspect?

That's a hamster with a director's board. Really not someone you'd consider a cold case suspect. This is just hilarious.

That’s a hamster with a director’s board. Really not someone you’d consider a cold case suspect. This is just hilarious.

91. Breaking on CBS Sports: Everything is back to normal.

Uh, a football player just got hurt here so the Steelers-Ravens game stopped. So no, everything is not back to normal.

Uh, a football player just got hurt here so the Steelers-Ravens game stopped. So no, everything is not back to normal. Has this captioner ever been to a football game?

92. Breaking News on KDKA 2: Many words should fit in this sentence bar. Do not try to type in a paragraph to tell the story.

Another local station where I live. Seems like a captioner wasn't doing their job at a critical moment.

Another local station where I live. Seems like a captioner wasn’t doing their job at a critical moment.

93. Today on Fox News: Will high gas prices cost your kids their edutaion?

I think it's supposed to be "education." But someone on Fox News forgot to proofread before it went on the air. Really makes them look bad. Then again, this was the network that said the Pilgrims celebrated Christmas.

I think it’s supposed to be “education.” But someone on Fox News forgot to proofread before it went on the air. Really makes them look bad. Then again, this was the network that said the Pilgrims celebrated Christmas.

94. Congratulations to to today’s winner, Byron, Minnesota’s Dixie Normous!

That has to be a joke name because I don't think that person expected to win. Then again, it's pretty funny.

That has to be a joke name because I don’t think that person expected to win. Then again, it’s pretty funny.

95. On WXYZ 7, we’re here with Sal Rizzo who took a picture of a naked guy.

Guess this guy saw the streaker while he was minding his own business. Yet, I wonder why the naked guy thing is on the news to begin with.

Guess this guy saw the streaker while he was minding his own business. Yet, I wonder why the naked guy thing is on the news to begin with.

96. A pizza delivery murder took place in East Memphis.

I don't know about you, Pizza Hut, but this isn't a great way to announce that you're hiring delivery drivers. Because I don't think many are willing to take that job at the moment.

I don’t know about you, Pizza Hut, but this isn’t a great way to announce that you’re hiring delivery drivers. Because I don’t think many are willing to take that job at the moment.

97. On Fox 8: Florence Koppin turns 1000 years old.

She turned 100 years old. No human can live to 1000 years for God's sake. So where could she be from, the Middle Ages?

She turned 100 years old. No human can live to 1000 years for God’s sake. So where could she be from, the Middle Ages?

98. Ottawa CTVNews would like to ask viewers would they prefer rain or sun in the summer: Yes or No.

Sorry, but that's no way to conduct a poll. Sun or rain should be the answers not yes or no. Because it's not a yes or no question. Get a grip, Canada.

Sorry, but that’s no way to conduct a poll. Sun or rain should be the answers not yes or no. Because it’s not a yes or no question. Get a grip, Canada.

99. Joakim Noah of the Chicago Bulls knows how to post videos on Facebook.

Knowing how to post videos on Facebook isn't a special skill. The guy is an NBA basketball player. Surely he has more larger than life talents.

Knowing how to post videos on Facebook isn’t a special skill. The guy is an NBA basketball player. Surely he has more larger than life talents.

100. Tonight, wife stabs husband with squirrel.

Sure I know it's not funny to the husband in question. But I want to stay tuned to know how she pulled it off.

Sure I know it’s not funny to the husband in question. But I want to stay tuned to know how she pulled it off even though she’s nuts.

Extra! Extra! Read All About These Breaking Newspaper Headlines

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Before the days of the Internet and TV, there was mass media called newspapers which informed the public of the day’s current events. One of their ways to catch viewers’ attention to articles was through a nice bold headlines. Of course, headlines on the front page usually got the most attention and were usually about events of historical and worldly significance. Nevertheless, newspapers continue to exist today but their glory days are very much over in this age of social media. Now I can show you all the great headlines I’ve seen before. But you’ll probably be bored by them to tears. So I’ll give you headlines by people who aren’t very good at some basic aspects associated with their job. Because unlike people on Twitter, they have to worry about things like grammar and syntax when their lines are in 124 characters or less. And sometimes they don’t come out very well. So enjoy these eye catching headlines for your reading pleasure. Some of these might not be safe for work, by the way.

  1. Oh, shit somebody squawked.
Didn't know that parrots could resort to such criminal behavior. Maybe that's why pirates kept them.

Didn’t know that parrots could resort to such criminal behavior. Maybe that’s why pirates kept them. Polly wants you to give him all your crackers or else.

2. Apparently, someone wasn’t sticking to their diet plan.

To be fair, I'm not sure if dieting works anyway. But that doesn't stop people from trying it.

To be fair, I’m not sure if dieting works anyway. But that doesn’t stop people from trying it.

3. When it comes to crime, this man probably comes as a jack of all trades.

So what do they mean by, "everything?" The term seems rather non-specific here. Like he was arrested for arson, murder, jaywalking, robbery, grand theft auto, rape, extortion, and more.

So what do they mean by, “everything?” The term seems rather non-specific here. Like he was arrested for arson, murder, jaywalking, robbery, grand theft auto, rape, extortion, torture, and more.

4. Apparently, Uranus has been acting up more than predicted.

I think someone was wanting to write that headline for years. Sound sort of like some dirty joke since Uranus is so unfortunately named.

I think someone was wanting to write that headline for years. Sound sort of like some dirty joke since Uranus is so unfortunately named.

5. When it bleeds, it leads, especially when it pertains to rhyme.

Yes, I know that moose-auto collisions are nothing to joke about. But this headline is hilarious for its rhyming scheme.

Yes, I know that moose-auto collisions are nothing to joke about. But this headline is hilarious for its rhyming scheme.

6. While some people have imaginary friends, the Dallas-Ft.Worth SWAT Team stages stand offs in apartments belonging to imaginary pot growers.

Yeah, a stand off in an empty apartment isn't going to inspire public confidence. Also, those "tomato plants" in the lead aren't really tomato plants.

Yeah, a stand off in an empty apartment isn’t going to inspire public confidence. Also, those “tomato plants” in the lead aren’t really tomato plants.

7. According to Nike, Tiger Woods plays with his own balls in golf.

Apparently that hasn't stopped him from cheating. But I think Nike was trying to say that Tiger plays with his own golf balls.

Apparently that hasn’t stopped him from cheating. But I think Nike was trying to say that Tiger plays with his own golf balls.

8. As far as “Civil War planes” go, I don’t think it pertains to America here. At least I hope so.

I know this headline refers to a civil war in another country. However, whenever Americans hear "Civil War" they usually think about something that happened nearly 4 decades before airplanes were invented.

I know this headline refers to a civil war in another country. However, whenever Americans hear “Civil War” they usually think about something that happened nearly 4 decades before airplanes were invented.

9. Guess that marks the end of that discussion.

So this was a meeting on open meetings which was closed? Interesting.

So this was a meeting on open meetings which was closed? Interesting.

10. When it comes to organizations, sometimes you don’t know what they stand for.

However, this article has something to do with a nuclear waste incineration. For me this begs the question, why do nuclear waste incinerators even exist? Seriously, you can guess the environmental harm here.

However, this article has something to do with a nuclear waste incineration. For me this begs the question, why do nuclear waste incinerators even exist? Seriously, you can guess the environmental harm here.

11. Well, finding caskets in a mausoleum is kind of expected.

Because we all know what mausoleums are for. Seriously, you're bound to find caskets in them because they are stored there.

Because we all know what mausoleums are for. Seriously, you’re bound to find caskets in them because they are stored there.

12. As far as the 10 Commandments are concerned, the courts are divided on the question.

I guess this refers to displaying the 10 Commandments in public places which is a very contentious issue. But it certainly doesn't read that way.

I guess this refers to displaying the 10 Commandments in public places which is a very contentious issue. But it certainly doesn’t read that way.

13. Sometimes gun ownership responsibility starts at a very young age.

At first, I thought the firearm in question might be a BB gun. Turns out it's a real gun which just begs the question: How in the hell did a baby manage to win this? I mean this very picture pretty much sums up why I staunchly support gun control.

At first, I thought the firearm in question might be a BB gun. Turns out it’s a real gun which just begs the question: How in the hell did a baby manage to win this? I mean this very picture pretty much sums up why I staunchly support gun control.

14. Seems like she won’t be a positive role model for girls anytime soon.

To be fair, this girl won a beauty pageant. But whoever came up with this headline has a very poor choice in vocabulary.

To be fair, this girl won a beauty pageant. But whoever came up with this headline has a very poor choice in vocabulary.

15. Apparently, despite being broke, they somehow had $250,000 laying around to advertise.

I guess this county's officials weren't known for having any dollars or sense. Yeah, spending $250,000 to advertise being broke. That'll surely go well with the citizenry who'll probably vote some of these people out next Election Day.

I guess this county’s officials weren’t known for having any dollars or sense. Yeah, spending $250,000 to advertise being broke. That’ll surely go well with the citizenry who’ll probably vote some of these people out next Election Day.

16. Utah paperboy gets attacked by a goat of the Dark Lord.

Looking at this headline, the kid being attacked by a goat isn't the most surprising thing here. My question would be: who the hell names their goat Voldemort? Seriously.

Looking at this headline, the kid being attacked by a goat isn’t the most surprising thing here. My question would be: who the hell names their goat Voldemort? Seriously.

17. Doctors never said he would walk again, they were right.

Sure it's a realistic story. But it's not what people want to read about since stories like this usually end up with the person walking again. This is a letdown.

Sure it’s a realistic story. But it’s not what people want to read about since stories like this usually end up with the person walking again. This is a letdown.

18. Sure it’ll kill you but arsenic in water is nothing to worry about.

Uh, arsenic in water is a big problem. It's poisonous. It kills people. Whoever's in charge of the Water Authority in that neck of the woods out to be fired.

Uh, arsenic in water is a big problem. It’s poisonous. It kills people. Whoever’s in charge of the Water Authority in that neck of the woods out to be fired.

19. Sometimes painting something in camouflage makes it hard to find.

Even better is that it was from Australia and cost $74,000. That can't be good, especially considering the taxpayers who paid for it.

Even better is that it was from Australia and cost $74,000. That can’t be good, especially considering the taxpayers who paid for it.

20. Unfortunately, Florida strip clubs don’t accept that kind of pussy.

This man must be nuts. I mean calling 911 after your cat's denied entry into a strip club? Who the hell does that? Most public establishments don't allow pets anyway.

This man must be nuts. I mean calling 911 after your cat’s denied entry into a strip club? Who the hell does that? Most public establishments don’t allow pets anyway.

21. Fruit truck crashes, creates jam.

So was it a traffic jam or a fruit jam? Sometimes it's hard to tell in such headlines.

So was it a traffic jam or a fruit jam? Sometimes it’s hard to tell in such headlines.

22. When there’s smoke, there’s fire. When there’s condensation, there’s no fire.

Apparently, these fire crews don't seem to know the difference between clouds or smoke. Then again sometimes it's hard to tell.

Apparently, these fire crews don’t seem to know the difference between clouds or smoke. Then again sometimes it’s hard to tell.

23. So can you be more specific?

Yes, dead bodies are found in cemeteries because that's where people put them. Then again, this grave yard seemed to have a corpse too many.

Yes, dead bodies are found in cemeteries because that’s where people put them. Then again, this grave yard seemed to have a corpse too many.

24. Man tries to rob a gun store with a knife.

Guess this guy was planning some armed robbery at some point. Still, why he'd go in there with one is a mystery.

Guess this guy was planning some armed robbery at some point. Still, a gun store would be the last place anyone would want to rob.

25. Well, sometimes mailboxes and poop boxes can have a lot of similarities in the UK.

At least that explains why his friends have been complaining about not getting in touch. Still, the poo box is marked with an obvious sign.

At least that explains why his friends have been complaining about not getting in touch. Still, the poo box is marked with an obvious sign.

26. Remember, Amish kids, practice buggy safety and don’t drink and drive.

Makes you wonder how many horse drawn accidents were caused by intoxication. Probably a lot. Also, thought Amish people didn't drink.

Makes you wonder how many horse drawn accidents were caused by intoxication. Probably a lot. Also, thought Amish people didn’t drink.

27. Earthquake damage mostly caused by shaking.

Obviously everyone knows that. Why do you think earthquakes are so destructive that California cities have to come with new construction methods.

Obviously everyone knows that. Why do you think earthquakes are so destructive that California cities have to come with new construction methods.

28. How about never talk to police because they’re dead.

The reasons why homicide victims don't talk to cops are obvious. Because dead men tell no tales. Yet, newspapers still print such shit like this.

The reasons why homicide victims don’t talk to cops are obvious. Because dead men tell no tales. Yet, newspapers still print such shit like this.

29. After morgue shooting spree, 17 remain dead.

However, I don't think "remain" is a good word choice when you're talking about those killed in a morgue shooting spree. Because most people in morgues are usually dead on arrival.

However, I don’t think “remain” is a good word choice when you’re talking about those killed in a morgue shooting spree. Because most people in morgues are usually dead on arrival.

30. Well, of course you’re going to find weapons if you raid a gun store.

Couldn't they just say the Feds raided a gun shop. You don't have to be more specific.

Couldn’t they just say the Feds raided a gun shop. You don’t have to be more specific.

31. Make lemons juicier with cow piss.

That is one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard. Then again, they might be referring to using cow piss on lemon trees, not lemons.

That is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard. Then again, they might be referring to using cow piss on lemon trees, not lemons.

32. Guess somebody in Sports had keyboard trouble.

Looks like it was keyboard trouble to me. Wonder what caused that jam.

Looks like it was keyboard trouble to me. Wonder what caused that jam.

33. Well, at least the red tape is holding the bridge.

Sorry, but the new bridge hasn't been constructed yet due to it being held up in red tape. My mistake.

Sorry, but the new bridge hasn’t been constructed yet due to it being held up in red tape. My mistake.

34. Something seems to be missing in this headline because it doesn’t paint a great picture for Belmullet.

When one hears, "Massive Blow Jobs for Belmullet," it's not a family friendly picture. In fact, quite the contrary.

When one hears, “Massive Blow Jobs for Belmullet,” it’s not a family friendly picture. In fact, quite the contrary.

35. Apparently, his pant pockets had refrigeration.

Now that's a bad place to keep an ice cream sandwich. Seriously, all that does is lead to a huge mess since ice cream melts.

Now that’s a bad place to keep an ice cream sandwich. Seriously, all that does is lead to a huge mess since ice cream melts.

36. Man assaulted by dildo in home invasion but dog killed.

Sure home invasions resulting in pets getting killed are scary. Home invasions involving sex toys though, just so hard to take seriously. But perhaps a dildo can be a deadly weapon.

Sure home invasions resulting in pets getting killed are scary. Home invasions involving sex toys though, just so hard to take seriously. But perhaps a dildo can be a deadly weapon.

37. I think this school might need to find a new mascot.

Apparently, who ever wrote this headline has no idea what "jack off" means. Hint: it has nothing to do with basketball.

Apparently, who ever wrote this headline has no idea what “jack off” means. Hint: it has nothing to do with basketball.

38. I thought it dropped off earlier than that.

Well, of course, teen pregnancy drops off significantly at that point. Because when a woman is pregnant at 25, she's not a teenager.

Well, of course, teen pregnancy drops off significantly at that point. Because when a woman is pregnant at 25, she’s not a teenager.

39. Rabid dear kicks woman in the face.

Unlike what people usually think about deer, they are not like Bambi. Also, a deer doesn't have to be rabid to attack people.

Unlike what people usually think about deer, they are not like Bambi. Also, a deer doesn’t have to be rabid to attack people.

40. Best man wounded by flying dildo at wedding.

It's one thing to be left bleeding from anything. But it's utterly embarrassing to sustain a dildo injury.

It’s one thing to be left bleeding from anything. But it’s utterly embarrassing to sustain a dildo injury.

41. Joint committee debates marijuana issue.

I think it has something to do with the government and legalization. And no, I don't think they were toking a joint either.

I think it has something to do with the government and legalization. And no, I don’t think they were toking a joint either.

42. Apparently, male Republicans have been rather insecure about their masculinity these days.

Actually, I don't think it has more with Obama's policies. But seeing how the Republican Party has been acting up these days, you have to wonder.

Actually, I don’t think it has more with Obama’s policies. But seeing how the Republican Party has been acting up these days, you have to wonder.

43. Well, isn’t anybody?

Of course, Diana was still alive hours before she died. That's not news to anybody.

Of course, Diana was still alive hours before she died. That’s not news to anybody.

44. Let’s hope this is metaphorically speaking.

Yes, I know A-Rod and Wang are baseball players. But the headline is so suggestive for some reason.

Yes, I know A-Rod and Wang are baseball players. But the headline is so suggestive for some reason.

45. Son of Westboro Baptist Church leader attacked by naked 500lb Man.

Reading it, it's almost like you're in the room. Not sure if I want to know how this went down.

Reading it, it’s almost like you’re in the room. Not sure if I want to know how this went down. Then again, it could be a joke.

46. Now what do we do about the homeless after they survived the winter?

Really? How about you know try to help them get homes. That might be a start.

Really? How about you know try to help them get homes. That might be a start.

47. I should’ve known that those Japanese scientists were a strange bunch.

To be fair, they're growing frog eyes and ears in a lab. But that's not how the headline reads.

To be fair, they’re growing frog eyes and ears in a lab. But that’s not how the headline reads.

48. Sometimes coming up with headlines can be harder than it looks.

Guess someone didn't think of a great headline at the time. And went with that. Doesn't really capture the story, does it?

Guess someone didn’t think of a great headline at the time. And went with that. Doesn’t really capture the story, does it?

49. Man shot after cops saw a suspiciously small package in his underwear. That must be embarrassing.

I guess the package seemed to contain something like drugs. Still, it reads like the guy was shot for not being well endowed.

I guess the package seemed to contain something like drugs. Still, it reads like the guy was shot for not being well endowed.

50. One armed man always appreciates the kindness of strangers.

Since he can't really carry some stuff himself. Because he has one arm and it's tough living with that.

Since he can’t really carry some stuff himself. Because he has one arm and it’s tough living with that.

51. Seems like the penis enlarger wasn’t exactly what this guy expected.

I think this guy was pranked for some reason. Then again, if he wants his junk to look bigger, a magnifying glass is perfect for him.

I think this guy was pranked for some reason. Then again, if he wants his junk to look bigger, a magnifying glass is perfect for him.

52. Chinese zoo tries to pass hairy dog as lion to save money.

Uh, excuse me, but that does not look like a lion to me. Why did the Chinese zoo think that they'd get away with this?

Uh, excuse me, but that does not look like a lion to me. Why did the Chinese zoo think that they’d get away with this?

53. Unfortunately, even muggers want the newest cell phones these days.

I find that hard to believe. I've been using a flip phone for years and I don't complain.

I find that hard to believe. I’ve been using a flip phone for years and I don’t complain.

54. Russian bears get high on jet fuel.

Sure the jet fuel isn't good for the bears. But they seem to have a great time nonetheless.

Sure the jet fuel isn’t good for the bears. But they seem to have a great time nonetheless.

55. Man kicks burning terrorist in the balls, suffers ankle injury.

It's a miracle he didn't suffer anything worse than that. This is especially when you consider that the terrorist was on fire.

It’s a miracle he didn’t suffer anything worse than that. This is especially when you consider that the terrorist was on fire.

56. Mayor to homeless: go home.

Uh, how do you expect the homeless to go home? Because they don't have one.

Uh, how do you expect the homeless to go home? Because they don’t have one. This guy’s a turd.

57. Well, you should expect that some horny ghost might be haunting places.

After all, I've seen Harry Potter and Ghostbusters. It shouldn't be an unusual thing.

After all, I’ve seen Harry Potter and Ghostbusters. It shouldn’t be an unusual thing. So I guess this Kevin is too friendly.

58. Lawyer killer receives new attorney.

Guess the guy wasn't satisfied with the first lawyer. Hope the second one works out.

Guess the guy wasn’t satisfied with the first lawyer. Hope the second one works out.

59. Apparently not at this newspaper.

For some reason, there's a reporter out there who doesn't know how to spell Mississippi. This one is missing an "s" or two.

For some reason, there’s a reporter out there who doesn’t know how to spell Mississippi. This one is missing an “s” or two.

60. Dwarf sues grocer for belittling remarks.

Somehow this paper isn't helping its case by using the term "midget." Dwarves find the term derogatory.

Somehow this paper isn’t helping its case by using the term “midget.” Dwarves find the term derogatory.

61. For a psychic, you’d think she see this coming.

Considering that it was her second arrest. Yet, she didn't seem to see beyond that.

Considering that it was her second arrest. Yet, she didn’t seem to see beyond that.

62. Looks like ninjas want their stash, too.

And to think they were attacking a medical marijuana man, too. Also, what's the deal with ninjas in California?

And to think they were attacking a medical marijuana man, too. Also, what’s the deal with ninjas in California?

63. When naming your organization, make sure it doesn’t result in an unfortunate acronym.

In this context, MILF stands for Moro Islamic Liberation Front which is an Islamist terrorist group in the Philippines. In America, "MILF" is a term that's applied somewhat differently like in porn.

In this context, MILF stands for Moro Islamic Liberation Front which is an Islamist terrorist group in the Philippines. In America, “MILF” is a term that’s applied somewhat differently like in porn.

64. Looks like someone is finally cracking down on the pigeon racket.

Gambling in pigeon races? First off, how is pigeon racing even a thing? Second, people bet on them?

Gambling in pigeon races? First off, how is pigeon racing even a thing? Second, people bet on them?

65. Squirrel causes power outage and water shortage.

Yes, I know this is a funny news headline. But it's in bold type since it caused a breach in the power lines in Tampa. It wasn't funny to the people of Tampa.

Yes, I know this is a funny news headline. But it’s in bold type since it caused a breach in the power lines in Tampa. It wasn’t funny to the people of Tampa.

66. I thought nudists would welcome this sort of thing.

Oh, they're erecting towers. But still, that's a poor word choice there. "Building" might've been better.

Oh, they’re erecting towers. But still, that’s a poor word choice there. “Building” might’ve been better.

67. Residents, keep your guard and beware of the otters.

Yes, otters are a menace so try to avoid devastation by this ravenous animal. For God's sake, I can't take this headline seriously.

Yes, otters are a menace so try to avoid devastation by this ravenous animal. For God’s sake, I can’t take this headline seriously.

68. Apparently, there are some people who think he stinks.

Yes, his name is Colon. And yes, I assume he had to overcome a lot of obstacles to get to where he is. Because he has a very unfortunate last name.

Yes, his name is Colon. And yes, I assume he had to overcome a lot of obstacles to get to where he is. Because he has a very unfortunate last name.

69. Lesbian dressed as sumo wrestler assaults ex-girlfriend.

Have to imagine what happened here. I know it's not something to joke about. But the costumes make it hard to take the story seriously.

Have to imagine what happened here. I know it’s not something to joke about. But the costumes make it hard to take the story seriously.

70. Turns out, cats understand us but don’t really care.

And for the record, neither do dogs. But dogs seem to hide it better. Still, this is pretty funny.

And for the record, neither do dogs. But dogs seem to hide it better. Still, this is pretty funny.

71. Clearly, there have been a lot of state prison breakouts lately.

Well, why they'd have easy-open locks in a prison is beyond me. Because crooks could easily break out in them.

Well, why they’d have easy-open locks in a prison is beyond me. Because crooks could easily break out in them.

72. Utah Poison Center tells everyone don’t take poison.

I guess this is something everyone should know anyway. But don't really seem to. Wonder why.

I guess this is something everyone should know anyway. But don’t really seem to. Wonder why.

73. Sorry, kids, but it turns out Pooh and the Abominable Snowman aren’t so nice after all.

Okay, that picture probably has nothing to do with the story. But since it appears below a headline, it makes one suspicious.

Okay, that picture probably has nothing to do with the story. But since it appears below a headline, it makes one suspicious.

74. Seems like this city has no idea that sewers are supposed to smell.

Once again, whoever came up with this headline should be more specific like in how the sewer smells. Because if it smells like human waste and other garbage, then it's nothing of concern.

Once again, whoever came up with this headline should be more specific like in how the sewer smells. Because if it smells like human waste and other garbage, then it’s nothing of concern.

75. Russian sex lizards die in space orbit.

Sex geckos? You have to be serious? Russians were sending geckos to explore their sex lives in space. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

Sex geckos? You have to be serious? Russians were sending geckos to explore their sex lives in space. Yeah, that’s ridiculous.

76. Deer with big rack turns out to be a doe in Iowa.

Yes, this happens but not too often that it's a big deal. My neighbor's dad caught a doe with antlers once. But I think "antlers" would've been a better word choice than "rack."

Yes, this happens but not too often that it’s a big deal. My neighbor’s dad caught a doe with antlers once. But I think “antlers” would’ve been a better word choice than “rack.”

77. Apparently, these threats are getting out of hand.

Looks like the threats are screwing up everything here. Even when it comes to talking about them.

Looks like the threats are screwing up everything here. Even when it comes to talking about them.

78. Drunk man eats underwear to beat breathalyzer.

And no, the underwear wasn't edible either. Nevertheless, please don't try this at home. It's stupid.

And no, the underwear wasn’t edible either. Nevertheless, please don’t try this at home. It’s stupid.

79. Apparently, flatulence can bring down your opera singing career.

Then again, given how opera is about tragic subjects, farting can be distracting. Still, it's pretty funny.

Then again, given how opera is about tragic subjects, farting can be distracting. Still, it’s pretty funny.

80. Seems that things have been slowing down faster than ever before.

Yes, I know that it's trying to describe some economic function. But it seems quite ironic in description.

Yes, I know that it’s trying to describe some economic function. But it seems quite ironic in description.

81. Remember, kids, don’t try to take a selfie with a rattlesnake or you’ll end up like this guy.

Let me guess, guy got bit by rattlesnake so he might lose a hand? And because he wanted to take a selfie with it. Can people be that stupid?

Let me guess, guy got bit by rattlesnake so he might lose a hand? And because he wanted to take a selfie with it. Can people be that stupid?

82. Unfortunately, angry management classes aren’t 100% effective.

Yes, a stabbing erupted during an anger management class. And it seems someone might need an intervention or be held down.

Yes, a stabbing erupted during an anger management class. And it seems someone might need an intervention or be held down.

83. Woman has been missing since lost.

Well, isn't that obvious? Don't lost people end up missing? What about a specific time frame?

Well, isn’t that obvious? Don’t lost people end up missing? What about a specific time frame?

84. Yes, the sewage killed fish, but the water is still safe to drink.

If a sewage spill leads to fish dying, then the water is surely not safe to drink. Get a freaking clue.

If a sewage spill leads to fish dying, then the water is surely not safe to drink. Get a freaking clue.

85. Sick policy now requires a 2 day notice.

So how do you plan on being sick? Oh, wait you don't. Seriously, that policy defies all logic behind the concept of being sick.

So how do you plan on being sick? Oh, wait you don’t. Seriously, that policy defies all logic behind the concept of being sick.

86. Apparently, the murderer feels like the detective ruined his good name.

Of course, the detective wouldn't have done so had the murderer not killed somebody. The only thing the detective did was gather evidence that he did it which is their job.

Of course, the detective wouldn’t have done so had the murderer not killed somebody. The only thing the detective did was gather evidence that he did it which is their job.

87. According to the Feds, fish need water.

We've known that forever. Because fish are practically swimming in it. This is not news.

We’ve known that forever. Because fish are practically swimming in it. This is not news.

88. Aren’t psychics supposed to predict the future instead of state the obvious?

Seems like these psychics aren't doing their job. Because we already know the world didn't end yesterday.

Seems like these psychics aren’t doing their job. Because we already know the world didn’t end yesterday.

89. Bullied? Act less gay, teachers say.

This is pretty insulting because how could you act less gay? Besides, what do they mean by "acting gay?" It doesn't make sense.

This is pretty insulting because how could you act less gay? Besides, what do they mean by “acting gay?” It doesn’t make sense.

90. Break your hip in a hospital? Call an ambulance.

If you fall and injure yourself in the hospital, you shouldn't need to call an ambulance. Because the hospital is right there.

If you fall and injure yourself in the hospital, you shouldn’t need to call an ambulance. Because the hospital is right there.

91. Apparently, cemetery residents are making a comeback.

So does this mean there's a zombie infestation going on? Because that does not seem quite right for some reason.

So does this mean there’s a zombie infestation going on? Because that does not seem quite right for some reason.

92. Seems like otters are finding a new taste in mini-vans these days.

Like how they make the otter look so evil in this. Still, I don't think otters would snack on cars because they're much smaller than the smallest vehicles on the road.

Like how they make the otter look so evil in this. Still, I don’t think otters would snack on cars because they’re much smaller than the smallest vehicles on the road.

93. Holy shit, how could Rover be such a monster!

Another case where the article is next to the wrong picture. And they always thought Rover was a good boy.

Another case where the article is next to the wrong picture. And they always thought Rover was a good boy.

94. Apparently, an Illinois executive is going to be away for quite some time like forever.

When saying that an executive is entering witness protection, I don't think it's appropriate to display a picture of him. I mean they guy's in witness protection for a reason.

When saying that an executive is entering witness protection, I don’t think it’s appropriate to display a picture of him. I mean they guy’s in witness protection for a reason.

95. Don’t look now, but the Chinese might be hiding their subs in the sea.

Yeah, that's about as obvious as anything else. Not exactly what I'd call news because that's what submarines do.

Yeah, that’s about as obvious as anything else. Not exactly what I’d call news because that’s what submarines do.

96. New findings suggests that chance of rain may depend where you live.

But of course, you already know that since you learned about climate. Because rainfall is heavily dependent on that.

But of course, you already know that since you learned about climate. Because rainfall is heavily dependent on that.

97. Out of options, hospitals have now resorted to hiring doctors.

Which is exactly what hospitals do. Because that's where many doctors work.

Which is exactly what hospitals do. Because that’s where many doctors work.

98. Scientists now say that starvation can lead to health hazards.

Like malnutrition and death. Because without food, you'll waste away and die.

Like malnutrition and death. Because without food, you’ll waste away and die.

99. I’m afraid tacos aren’t an acceptable form of identification.

Then again, being drunk kind of explains it. Also the setting his car on fire which he'll regret.

Then again, being drunk kind of explains it. Also the setting his car on fire which he’ll regret.

100. Guy tries to buy toy poodles, buys ferrets instead.

Okay, that picture on the right does not look like a dog at all. How this guy couldn't tell the difference between a dog and a ferret, I don't understand.

Okay, that picture on the right does not look like a dog at all. How this guy couldn’t tell the difference between a dog and a ferret, I don’t understand.