The Dark Scary World of Vintage Halloween Costumes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 16, 2015

During my first Halloween on WordPress in 2013, I did a couple posts on inappropriate Halloween costumes (one for everyone and another one for children). This October I did a post on DIY Halloween costumes and runway fashions that are more appropriate for Halloween in my opinion. This time I’m going with vintage Halloween costumes or what kind of outfits your grandparents wore while they were trick or treating. Now Halloween isn’t a new holiday by any means. I mean it’s one that’s blended with customs pertaining to Celtic pagan and medieval Christian rituals. And people have been dressing up in costumes for parties and trick or treating for ages. Still, when you look at some of these old vintage photos, you get the impression of how bizarre and creepy many of these costumes were. I don’t know if it’s the black and white photography or how costumes were made back then. But the effect is pretty scary and terrifying. Other costumes are just plain weird and some aren’t nearly as wholesome as you’d expect at the time. So without further adieu, here are an assortment of vintage Halloween costumes that might scare the bejesus out of you that you might find a contemporary slasher horror movie less terrifying.

In the olden days, it was suggest that you beware of ghosts within.

On second thought, I’ll take my chances with the ghosts. The rabbit in this picture is way more terrifying. Reminds me of those old scary Easter Bunnies I posted about.

2. Looks like this devil spawn wants some more cake.

Yes, I know that’s really a harmless little kid in a devil costume. But the fearsome makeup just makes me squirm.

3. When these kids show up at your doorstep for trick or treat, you better give them candy or else.

Let’s just say that five candy bars are a small price to pay to keep them from haunting your dreams. Not so scared of the witch as I am of the clowns and the ones with skull masks.

4. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the Fly from the 19th century.

Now this is a costume from 1865. Or so I think. Still, it’s a bit too realistic for my taste. Well, except that he’s not wearing a mask.

5. This little ghost just wants some candy.

So give it out now or it will haunt your door step forever. And unlike what you see in Casper, this ghost does not look friendly at all.

6. It’s said that rabbits and hedgehogs had to be stylish gentlemen back then.

Now the suits are quite stylish. But the heads are quite freaky. Guess they had furries, too, back in the day.

7. You better not diss this witch.

You really don’t want to mess with Broomhilda. Yes, she not be pleasant. But you don’t want her to turn you into a newt. Or worse. So fork over the Crunch bar now.

8. Of course, not every dressed up as monsters, supernatural entities, clowns, or animals for Halloween. This person dressed up as a little girl with pigtails.

Now I know this isn’t a kid by any means. However, the toys and smile don’t make her less terrifying. Yeah, certainly scares the hell out of me.

9. Though women are said to be afraid of spiders, it’s not always the case.

You see, the sexy costume trend isn’t as recent as you think. Still, despite this image not being at least PG, spiderwebs are an appropriate Halloween motif.

10. Of course, Disney characters were very popular during your grandparents’ childhoods. And people did dress as them for Halloween, too.

Okay, I may not be a fan of Mickey and Minnie (nor Disney cartoons in general). But these two really give me the impression that the old Disneyland was way terrifying than I imagined.

11. Behold, the original Michelin Tire Man.

And he’s smoking a cigar, lovely. Now Michelin was founded in 1889 and the Michelin Man has been around since 1898. So it’s probably possible that such Michelin Man costume existed at the time.

12. I’d watch it with the skeleton if I were that clown.

Yeah, the skeleton looks pretty terrifying and seems to have something in his hand. Then again, the clown looks pretty freaky, too.

13. Of course, gnomes were a popular costume choice as well. And I’m sure as hell that they weren’t scary either.

I was wrong. These gnomes are terrifying. Why can’t they just look like chubby fat guys with Santa Claus beards? Seriously, it’s far less terrifying.

14. Like today, sometimes whole families would have their own costume theme.

And I suppose everyone here is dressed like ghosts in order to scar the neighbors. Then again, they were probably very easy to make. But they’re just as scary.

15. Of course, before there were cars, you couldn’t possibly go trick or treating without your horse. Well, if you had one.

And since they’re going as skeletons, the horses should follow suit as well. Still, I think it would be easier for the horses if one of them just went as the Headless Horseman.

16. Beware of the little devil in the babushka.

I would also be careful around the creepy clown, too. Not sure about the other kid in a mask.

17. When it comes to this couple, the female is deadlier than the male.

And I also get the impression that they went Dutch that year. Man went for the high class Dutch. Woman decided to be a Dutch homicidal housewife.

18. Of course, Halloween parties were quite popular. Hope none were incredibly horrifying.

On second thought, I’m kind of relieved that I wasn’t around to attend this party. This seems to be a rather terrifying photo op indeed. I guess the competition in the scary costume contest is brutal.

19. Group costumes were also popular as well. This one is of a bearkeeper, bear, and hunter.

Now we wouldn’t have a group costume like that today, just because we don’t chain up bears anymore. Still, the bear is quite terrifying and so is the kid.

20. I’d watch my step if I were that cat.

If it knows what evil that clown is capable of, it would know to keep away. Seriously, that clown gives the Joker a run for his money.

21. Costume Theme: Where the Wild Things Are as a horror movie.

Okay, these costumes are quite horrifying to say the least. Wouldn’t want to take a walk in that forest if you ask me.

22. Don’t want to know what this person has up their sleeve.

Let’s hope that this person doesn’t wear this costume when kids come over for trick or treating. Wait a minute, it was probably made just for the occasion.

23. Halloween parades were said to be quite popular and it was no exception in the olden days.

Strangely, the kid going as Peter Pan is the least terrifying thing in this picture. And he’s known for creeping into houses and kidnapping children. Yeah, I don’t see any appeal of that story.

24. For Halloween, this woman is going as a Sopwith Camel.

The Sopwith Camel was a British fighter plane during WWI. Don’t see any reason why it should be made into a sexy costume. That’s just crazy.

25. Say cheese, and don’t mind the black shadowy figure behind you.

After this picture was taken, the children in the foreground were never seen again. This was no surprise as you see how the Grim Reaper decided to pose with them for Halloween.

26. Guess C-3PO has seen better days.

Yeah, I know it’s supposed to be an alien and the picture was taken before Star Wars. But still, the person really looks like a ragged C-3PO.

27. Back in the day, nothing won a costume contest than dressing up as a pig’s insides.

This was for a fancy dress ball in London, which took place in April. But it would’ve been better if he wore it on Halloween. He even designed it himself. What a sick and demented man.

28. Of course, a spider web dress was seen as the height of 1920s Halloween fashion.

This is the 1920s silent film actress, Louise Brooks. She’s best known for playing Lulu in the 1929 Pandora’s Box. Her best known moves were heavily censored. She didn’t last in movies for long.

29. Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

Somehow, I don’t feel that this dog is doomed for a bad end. I’m sure the wolf is bound to make it his dinner. Just have a feeling.

30. “For Christ’s sake, who are you calling chicken?”

Now that’s the most realistic rooster costume I’ve ever seen. Guess this was for a costume contest. Still, looks like someone you don’t want to mess with.

31. Of course, witches are known to show great hospitality to trick or treaters.

The fact some trick or treaters are never seen again has nothing to do with it. After all, why would an old lady like that would want to prey on children? You think she might put them in a cauldron or oven.

32. It’s said that some skeleton ladies were known to be quite stylish back in the turn of the century.

Of course, they intended to make a grand entrance to the Halloween party. Didn’t mean to terrify anyone in the process.

33. Let’s hope these adventurers don’t mind the dancing skeleton in the background.

I don’t know about you but that skeleton is very terrifying to say the least. Maybe it’s the photography but I’m not sure.

34. Seems like she has found herself between a goat man and a satyr.

Let’s just say, I’m not sure which guy is more terrifying. Also, that’s a very skimpy and unflattering satyr costume if you ask me.

35. When making Halloween costumes, sometimes you have to go with what you got.

Guess these two are either space aliens or inspectors at some nuclear power plant. Not sure which. Probably the former.

36. Sometimes wearing a mask can change your whole personality.

Strange that the least scary kid in this is the one with devil horns. The girl in the donkey head is particularly terrifying to say the least. The ones in masks aren’t much better.

37. Sometimes sibling Halloween pictures are adorable, especially when the kids are young. Not sure about this one.

Okay, seems like these two kids have succeeded in haunting my dreams. Seriously, what was it about the creepy masks?

38. Yes, a masked jester can be quite terrifying to say the least. Best keep the mask off.

On second thought, he might want to keep the mask on since he’s pretty terrifying without it. What was I thinking?

39. “Hello, we want to play with you.”

I know the kids are real little in this. But still, their costumes are simply terrifying beyond all reason. Maybe it’s the masks. Maybe not.

40. May I present to you, Castle Tower Man.

Wonder if this was a rejected character from Beauty and the Beast. Sure seems like it. Then again, it’s a pretty crazy costume if you ask me.

41. Of course, you should know better than to cross the pig butcher.

Looks like this porker is through with bringing the bacon at the expense of his fellow swine. What I wonder is why this pig thought being a butcher was a good career path in the first place.

42. Is this kid supposed to be a hobo clown? Wait, I may not want to know.

Now that’s pretty terrifying to say the least. Makes me want to go pale and run away in fear.

43. “All hail the powerful Pumpkin king.”

I’m sure what they’re doing here is harmless and nothing to be afraid of. Honestly, I’m sure it’s not some type of evil spirit worship. Then again, you might want to run.

44. This clown really wants you to give him candy.

And no, you really don’t want to see him in the moonlight. As Lon Chaney says, “A clown is never funny in the moonlight.” He had a point.

45. Hey, look, a scarecrow family. Sure they’re just as rustic as all the scarecrows you see in fields.

Actually I was wrong. These scarecrows can really scare crows and other creatures. Hell, they can scare the hell out of people like me.

46. Now she’s just a little girl in the pumpkin patch. Hope there’s nothing scary to see here.

Okay, this little girl is creepy as hell. I mean just look at her face. Really something that gives people nightmares.

47. Didn’t know that the Prince of Darkness had his own office in Hell.

Then again, it seems likely that Satan is a top executive in some major hedge fund company on Wall Street. Not sure why. Then again, the place is filled with scum and villainy that never get prosecuted or put in jail.

48. Of course, in the olden days, we have to be aware that some people dressed up as racist caricatures.

Yes, many of these costumes are terrifying. But if you’re black and/or Native American, only the clown and witch won’t offend you. Also, I think the Indian princess might work for the Washington Redskins or Cleveland Indians.

49. Seems like we have a dangerous psycho killing horror villain on the loose.

Yes, he does kind of remind me of some slasher horror movie villain for some reason. Hope he just says out of my town. Guess there might be people in his neighborhood who won’t see the light of day when he’s through with them.

50. I see the skeleton preferred to come in a nightgown this time.

Talk about creepy as hell. Still, I’m sure the third one in this picture is bound to offend some people of color. Not sure what the other two women are, not that I want to know.

51. Nothing is more creepy on Halloween than seeing a little kid with a head like this.

Now that costume is bound to win the Scariest Costume Award at the Halloween kiddie party. Of course, it’s sure to scare the living shit out of everyone. I’m sure it this child will make playmates wet their pants or beds.

52. Sometimes a tune won’t let the old goat down.

Don’t usually think goats as scary. But this one looks horrifying enough to haunt my dreams. And no, I really don’t want to hear any tunes from that horn.

53. Remember that some ghouls might walk the street in quite stylish attire.

For some reason, this guy reminds me of Jim Carrey’s character from The Mask. Well, if he gained a few pounds anyway. Also bears some resemblance to a character from Ghostbusters.

54. Here we have a clown with a couple of dolls. Hope nothing goes wrong with that.

Is it just me or are these people seem like they can kill you in their sleep in the middle of the night? Just a thought.

55. Always remember to put on your best face this Halloween season.

Now I’ve seen people in sexy and scantily clad costumes before. But this is just ridiculous and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, this is something you’d see on a very bad acid trip.

56. For some reason, giant eyes scare me. Not sure why.

Okay, I can see why this time. Yeah, eye heads really can be terrifying. This is especially in black and white photography.

57. Oh, look, the astronaut kid wants you to hold his jack o’lantern.

On second thought, thanks but no thanks. Yeah, I know this isn’t supposed to be a scary costume. But the kid creeps me out just the same.

58. Don’t make the Devil get his pronged fork out. I’m just saying.

Now I know devil is a popular costume choice. But it seems that a lot of these vintage devils can sure scare the hell out of you.

59. Now this witch may fly with a broom but her preferred ground transport is bicycle.

Yeah, really don’t want to see her riding around during the night. Still, at least she can’t kidnap children with it. If she wanted to, she should’ve bought a windowless van.

60. This Halloween, this group decided to go as a Texas couple with two oil derricks.

Is it just me or do I find the idea of oil derrick costumes a bit too strange? Then again, it must be the arms sticking out of the derricks that’s disturbing.

61. Now I’m sure this circus clown is up to no good.

After all, what circus clown doesn’t have the face of Rip Taylor? Like all of them.

62. Sure this bug can fly but he would rather ride his bike in the countryside.

Now this would be the beginning of a terrific horror movie. I’m sure this guy would be the one who kills most of the characters.

63. Sure a bunny can be a popular but not scary costume for kids this Halloween.

On second thought, I was wrong. In fact, those rabbit ears look suspiciously like devil horns. Looks like this is a job for the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. But since you must likely don’t have it, run away. Run away!

64. Clowns are also popular kid costumes as well. Little kids always look so cute in ruffles and a pointy clown hat.

Sorry, but I think your granma’s creepy old dolls have just come back to life. You might want to evacuate the premises for your own good. Yeah, you’ll have nightmares but nothing you can do about that.

65. “Okay, folks, seems like the gang’s all here.”

“Now let us all just take one picture of ourselves before we go out sucking the souls out of people. We want to remember this occasion, don’t we?”

66. Hey, did I just see a ghost?

Yeah, sometimes the heavy urban pollution can make some people look scarier than they appear. The kid in a ghost costume is one of them.

67. Of course, when it comes to scaring the crap out of people, always start them while they’re young.

From Huffington Post: “What if we told you this wasn’t a costume? And that this baby is in your house? And you’re in a Spanish horror film?”

68. Say hello to the pumpkinhead girl and her friend.

Actually I really don’t. Now I don’t find jack o’lanterns particularly scary. But this one is utterly terrifying for some reason.

69. A Japanese scarecrow? Never seen that before.

Man, didn’t know that could actually scare crows, critters, and people. Certainly don’t want to see that wandering the streets at night.

70. Didn’t know that anteaters could be so romantic.

Okay, this picture sure won’t make me look at anteaters the same way again. Are you sure these guys eat ants? Because these two are certainly bound to scare me to death.

71. Of course, fairies are a popular Halloween costume that’s not scary. At least I hope so.

Now I really don’t want to mess with these two. Yeah, the masks really makes them seem quite menacing and real terrors in their own right.

72. “I told you we should’ve done Alice in Wonderland this year.”

Now that gnome is as creepy as hell. The women dressed as mushrooms is just freaky. Sure this wasn’t a hallucinogenic drug trip? Because it sure looks like it.

73. Seems like this little pumpkin is excited to go trick or treating.

Now this is freaky if you ask me and sure to scare the hell out of me. Then again, this might be just the black and white photography here.

74. Of course, sometimes it pays to be original in regards to Halloween costumes.

Now this woman is supposed to be lettuce. Yes, lettuce. However, she more or less looks like you’d expect to marry the Jolly Green Giant. Then again, I’m not sure if he’d approve of that outfit.

75. “Let’s be phones for Halloween by taking a couple old ones and putting it on our heads.”

Don’t pictures like these make you glad that we have cell phones today. Because these look quite freaky. Yeah, that can’t be good.

76. Didn’t know a long shawl can make a great ghost costume.

Seems quite simple and scary but it works. Let’s hope she can see through it though. And that she doesn’t spill anything.

77. Looks like this boy’s parents are going out for a party.

And I’m sure this photo will make him always remember what to tell his therapist some years down the line. Yeah, that kid is certainly screwed up for life.

78. Guess all horror movie villains always have to start small.

And I’m sure this little boy will grow up killing and scaring a lot of teenagers some day. Yeah, just you wait until he becomes a holy terror.

79. “Come along here, little children. Come get some candy. I won’t bite.”

Okay, kids, you might want to stay the hell away from this person. You don't want to be put in a brew, oven, fireplace, or worse.

Okay, kids, you might want to stay the hell away from this person. You don’t want to be put in a brew, oven, fireplace, windowless van, or worse.

80. These people prefer to haunt more high class Halloween parties.

Now the guy certainly has a real vibe I’d identify with the Joker. However, I think the woman is more likely to scare the living hell out of me. Must be the menacing mask.

Halloween Costumes Straight from the Runway

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 14, 2015

I’m not a big fan of the fashion industry. For me, it revolves around designers selling overpriced clothes made from sweatshop workers in South Asia so they can design clothes that nobody would want to be caught dead in. I mean seriously, who the hell is going to wear the stuff you see on the runway during Fashion Week. Seriously, what these models wear on the runway is simply ridiculous that you’d have to be crazy to wear such clothes on the street. Now I understand the need for designers to express themselves but c’mon, the whole point of fashion is to design clothes for people to wear. The stuff you see on the runway nowadays just makes the fashion industry a joke. The designer label clothes cost too much and are too impractical for normal people to wear. And don’t even get me started on body image and women. Besides, when it comes to buying clothes, I really don’t give a shit about the designer or brand. Designer labels have no relevance on my life. I just care whether it comes cheap and whether it’ll last me a long time. And I can care less whether any designer brand items I own are knockoffs or not. Not to mention, I’ve known quite well that higher prices don’t mean better quality products. Just look at a Consumer Reports manual on cars. Last year, I had this idea of using runway fashions as Halloween costumes but for various undisclosed reasons, I didn’t go through with it. However, this year things are different since I already did a post on costumes and my Halloween posts haven’t done as good as I thought, save the one on pumpkin dioramas. That one did better than I expected. Still, we can spend this October having a little fun with high fashion by seeing them as inspirations for Halloween costumes. Here are some Halloween worthy runway fashions you might not want to miss. Costume names will be subject to my observations.

The feline dominatrix from the anime version of Cats

Of course, she wasn’t allowed to bring her cat o’ nine tails and handcuffs with her. Yeah, runway policy is strict about these things.

2. The Mad Hatter on Casual Friday

Now the top is fine and something I can actually wear. Not sure about the bottom though. But still, looks like something you can picture the Mad Hatter wearing on his day off.

3. Vibrator/Video Game Console

Yeah, having an outfit resembling male genitalia won’t get my mind out of the gutter on this one. Seriously, I think whoever designed this must have a substance abuse problem.

4. Escaped inmate from a mental hospital

Let’s just say the straitjacket is really not a good sign about her personality. Seriously, she’s likely to be dangerously insane as far as we know.

5. Pencil

Sure hate to know the effectiveness of that eraser. Still, she looks more like a No. 2 from the waist down.

6. Renaissance Painting

Wonder what artist she’s wearing. You’d think she’d go with the easy choices like Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, or Donatello. I mean those guys have Ninja Turtles named after them.

7. Fancy feather duster

For only dusting the finest shelves and china thank you very much. Still, not sure if I like this costume set up.

8. Emojis

Of course, she has a face for every look. But if you want to know how she really feels, just check her social media.

9. Lion

For some reason, this doesn’t remind me of the ferocious king of the savannah. Also, I’m sure lions aren’t black. But I see you have to go with what you have.

10. Pink, fluffy cloud

Now this looks exactly as I see it. Guess this outfit was video game inspired, perhaps in the Nintendo fashion.

11. Clothes Frankenstein

Because it looks like she stitched that skirt up from a bunch of pieces in the dumpster. Not sure about the jacket.

12. Rapunzel

Apparently, Rapunzel liked to experiment with her ridiculously long hair. Well, at least before her prince wanted her to let down her hair.

13. Snakes having sex

If you want to know how snakes have sex, this is only a mild representation. But if you see any photos, it’s exactly a bunch of males getting on top of each other in order to mate with a female.

14. WWE character reject

Apparently this guy was too outrageous for professional studio wrestling. Then again, studio wrestling’s fake as they say.

15. Knight of Ni in the rain

Seems like he’ll wait for a shrubbery for as long as it takes. Oh, I forgot they don’t like the word “it.” Still, didn’t know they had plastic ponchos in the Middle Ages.

16. Brooklyn lady knight

Too bad the Brooklyn Nets no longer have the knight. Because I think she would’ve made a great companion mascot for him.

17. The “one size fits all shirt”

You know those shirt you might see at a store that stretch a lot? This is what her outfit reminds me of for some reason.

18. Major Tom from David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”

If they made music videos in the 1970s like they do now, I can imagine someone in the “Space Oddity” one wearing an outfit like this. I mean that looks very much Ziggy Stardust era if you ask me.

19. Grumpy Sun

Just because she’s the sun doesn’t mean she’s all rainbows and sunshine. Also what the hell did she do to her lips?

20. Mesoamerican Christmas tree

So they didn’t celebrate Christmas in Pre-Columbian Mesoamerica. But c’mon, if they did, I’m sure you’d see trees like this in their paintings.

21. Modestly dressed Lady Gaga

Then again, almost any of these costumes can be of Lady Gaga in one variation or another. Of course, seeing Lady Gaga in this makes her look normal in comparison to the other stuff she’s worn.

22. Justin Bieber

Just because. Seriously, Bieber did model underwear for Calvin Klein. And he’s an obnoxious brat.

23. Ancient Chinese road worker

For one, because his outfit has Chinese symbols and is in that style. Second, because it’s bright yellow and orange kind akin to what PennDOT workers wear.

24. African insect goddess

Because I’m not sure what else this reminds me of. Besides, deities can look like just about anything.

25. Frog lady

Hmm..using Kermit for a top. Now as a muppet fan, that ain’t right. Seriously, why?

26. Rainbow

Seems like her outfit doesn’t have the first 3 colors in sequence. Shouldn’t they be red, orange, and yellow?

27. 1980s sci-fi villain

Yeah, kind of reminds me of that. Then again, he might also pass for a 1980s sci fi villain as well.

Yeah, kind of reminds me of that. I mean 1980s sci fi outfits tend to be incredibly ridiculous for some reason. Don’t ask me.

28. Accordion pants

Of course, his pants just look like you can use them in an accordion. They also make him look like an idiot.

29. Castaway

Now I don’t mean Tom Hanks’s character from a movie when he’s stranded on the deserted island. I mean someone actually stranded on a deserted island. Then again, I’m not sure about the striped pants.

30. Shower curtain balloon

If that were white, I’d swear she’d be a runway version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Still, you can tell she totally doesn’t want to wear the thing.

31. High couture Marge Simpson

Basically this is what Marge Simpson would look like if she changed her style and dyed her hair. Yeah, not much different.

32. Futuristic bunny rabbit

Because the head looks just like a bunny head. Not sure about the hand things though. Doesn’t make any sense.

33. High couture circus clown

Because she needs to make the audience laugh while in style. Yes, clowns care about fashion, too, you know.

34. Chic Aztec god

Because this is what the guy’s outfit reminds me of, especially around the mouth. Seems like he’s hungry for some human sacrifice.

35. NFL linebacker at a golf course

Odd that he doesn’t have his clubs with him. Then again, I’m sure NFL linebackers don’t dress this way on the golf course. I just think it’s funny.

36. Goat lady

Or as my dad calls it, “a representation of Stevie Nicks.” Of course, she does sound like a goat.

37. Knit freak with a death wish

From what his shirt says, this guy must have major issues. Then again, the outfit is pretty ridiculous.

38. Alaskan dog sledder

Please don’t be a piece of cultural appropriation. Because it sure looks like it from the animal skins. Then again, he could just as well be Norwegian polar explorer Roald Admundsen, who was the first guy to reach the South Pole and sail the Northwest Passage.

39. Slasher horror movie villain on a date

What’s surprising to me is how movie psycho killers seem to have horrible fashion sense. But don’t tell him that.

40. All-seeing eye

Now this is freaky like from some sci-fi movie. But I assure it would make a great Halloween costume.

41. Confetti

Just a guy with tape all over him. But it looks like confetti to me. Yes, I don’t get why this was at a fashion show.

42. Crazy cat man

You heard of the crazy cat lady right? Well, I think this guy makes her look normal.

43. Tidal wave

Wouldn’t want to surf on that. Can’t even see that person’s face. Still, wonder how she could move around in that.

44. Ancient warrior from Las Vegas

My apologies to any Native Americans living in Las Vegas because I don’t mean to insult your native culture. But still, the guy is wearing a hat you’d see on a Vegas showgirl and he’s certainly in warrior apparel. Just can’t ignore that.

45. Houndsooth

Yes, this is the pattern you wear for business apparel. And she has it all over her. Kind of overdoing it if you ask me.

46. Migrant farm worker

Now this looks pretty bad here and it’s pretty insulting to the farm workers who help feed our country for God’s sake. Then again, this pretty much reflects what Donald Trump thinks about Mexicans. Best to loose the trash bag dress.

47. Designer handbag

Well, at least she went with a more low key approach. Still, that hat is hideous.

48. Mexican at a disco

C’mon, she’s wearing a sombrero and a shiny outfit. What else could you expect?

49. Chest of drawers

Now this actually looks doable compared to the others. Ridiculous but doable. Still, reminds me of furniture.

50. Radiohead

I mean she has a bunch of speakers on her head. So the name fits. Yes, it’s very ridiculous but it’s funny.

51. Blond Bigfoot

Almost considered calling it, “Blond Chewbacca” but I didn’t want to insult any Star Wars fans. Nor did I want to offend Dr. Seuss fans either. But Sasquatch hunters are fair game.

52. Breakfast

Now this one speaks for itself. Her dress has a couple of eggs over easy and her hair is done like bacon strips.

53. Newest member of Daft Punk

Yeah, I’m sure I know why she’s in the group. And I don’t think it’s because of her musical talent either.

54. Hardcore Raver

Now that’s not a very appropriate trick or treating costume. Guess you might want to aim for modesty and go as Slave Leia.

55. Champion polo player from the dead

Guess she shows us that polo was a lady’s game in the 18th century. How she was able to play in that dress, I don’t have the slightest idea.

56. Pineapple head

Now that definitely looks like a pineapple head. Still, her outfit would’ve been totally fine without it.

57. Frankenstein’s wife

Guess they’re referring to Dr. Frankenstein’s wife here. The monster’s mate ‘s costume is probably much cooler. I mean have you ever seen Bride of Frankenstein?

58. Effie Trinket from The Hunger Games

Or Effie Trinket if she appeared in a Dr. Seuss story. Then again, a lot of these outfits could be in Effie’s wardrobe.

59. Killer Queen

“She’s a Killer Queen/Gunpowder, gelatine/Dynamite with a laser beam/Guaranteed to blow your mind/Anytime…”

60. Flock of doves

Wonder how many dead doves it took to make this dress? More than I want to know, I guess.

61. Anaconda

Yeah, she kind of does look like she’s wearing a skimpy snakeskin outfit. Yes, it’s pretty ridiculous and certain to earn the ire of PETA.

62. Steering wheel

Seems like someone’s idea for a tribute to auto safety. Still, one steering wheel would’ve done fine.

63. Joker bride

Because even the most evil Batman villain shouldn’t have to die alone. Yeah, I know he’s shipped with Harley Quinn. But that’s beside the point.

64. In the spotlight

Now that’s an original idea. Wonder how she could move around with having lights over her. Man, this outfit is ridiculous.

65. Sexy harlequin

When it comes to clowns, I really don’t want stuff like this. Clowns were never meant to be sexy by all means.

66. Sexy Tinker Toys

Tinker Toys at a Victoria’s Secret fashion show? Now that’s just wrong. Just wrong. Really they’re kids toys and were never meant to be sexy. My childhood is ruined.

67. Tree

Well, at least she looks more like a tree than the Stanford University mascots. But still wouldn’t be surprised if bird happened to build a nest on her.

68. Zipper

Now that’s a very big zipper. I wonder whether he’d be able to breath if I zip his outfit all the way up.

69. Space Age Bride

Let’s just say if this is a chic wedding look in the 22nd century, God help my descendants. It’s ridiculous in my opinion.

70. Hot tiger

I think this would’ve been better if she was wearing an actual tiger costume. And not a sexed up one at that.

71. Roulette wheel

Of course, this costume is oddly appropriate for a Halloween in Las Vegas. And it doesn’t hurt that it’s a sexy costume to boot.

72. Sexy astronaut

Sorry, lady, but astronaut suits don't work that way. I mean there's a really good reason why such outfits aren't sexy at all. Think about it.

Sorry, lady, but astronaut suits don’t work that way. I mean there’s a really good reason why such outfits aren’t sexy at all. And they don’t have a lot bling on them either. Think about it.

73. Tweety Bird

And you thought Tweety Bird was an insult to canaries. Then again despite the lisp, he’s actually quite funny and clever. Still, this costume is utterly ridiculous beyond the pale.

74. Punk Showgirl

Wonder which Las Vegas casino has showgirls like that. Not sure where that would be. But yeah, really ridiculous if you get my drift.

75. TV test screen

Didn’t know they had a swimsuit like this. Could’ve used it in a post this summer. But yeah, brings me memories from the 1990s.

76. Gold Man

Because he’s all covered in gold. Duh. However, he still needs to wear clothes though. Don’t want to see his gold member.

77. Sea monster

Not sure what that’s really supposed to be specifically. But I know it has absolutely no place in a fashion show. Not sure about Halloween.

78. Hawaiian businessman

Because you can’t go to a board meeting in Honolulu without a grass hula skirt. It’s just the custom there. Don’t ask me.

79. Pink powderpuff

That or possibly Lady Gaga’s wedding cake or bathrobe. Take your pick. But I certainly can’t see this woman’s arms at all.

80. Ziggy Stardust

This might be on purpose but still, looks almost exactly like 1970s David Bowie with boobs. Not sure what to think about that.

Scary and Eerily Adorable DIY Halloween Costume Inspirations

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 8, 2015

Now this might not be quite DIY but it's good enough. This is my Hogwarts school girl costume that I wore for Halloween all 4 years in college. Now the scarf, knee socks, and shirt were a gift I received from my uncle and aunt in Florida. The black tights, black skirt, and white polo shirt are straight from my wardrobe. And the quill is a turkey feather from my neighbors, I think. Still, I decided to go with a sexy costume pose for this post.

Now this might not be quite DIY but it’s good enough. This is my Hogwarts school girl costume that I wore for Halloween all 4 years in college. Of course, this one is Gryffindor, Harry Potter’s house in the books. But I’ve had people think that I was Hermione Granger. Now the scarf, knee socks, and shirt were a gift I received from my uncle and aunt in Florida. The black tights, black skirt, and white polo shirt are straight from my wardrobe. And the quill is a turkey feather from my neighbors, I think (not a quill you’d see at Hogwarts, but then again, Hedwig is a snowy owl, which is from North America anyway). Still, I decided to go with a sexy costume pose for this post.

As we all know, it’s always been customary for people to wear costumes for Halloween, especially if it’s for parties or trick or treating. However, trick or treating tends to start getting awkward when you’re a teenager. Still, there are plenty of costumes out there you can choose from if you look for the ready made ones online. For a 25 year old woman like myself, you have sexy French maid, sexy genie, sexy witch, sexy Catholic schoolgirl, sexy nurse, sexy nun, sexy Sesame Street muppet, sexy Disney princess, sexy cop, sexy Hogwarts schoolgirl, sexy cultural stereotypes, and sexy, well, you get the idea. Still, ladies, if you don’t want a sexy costume, you an always go with the male counterpart. Still, sometimes store bought costumes really aren’t what they’re cracked up to be. And by that I mean tacky, unoriginal, offensive, and stereotypical. So many people resort to making their own maybe because it’s cheaper or that they’d want to have more creative control and fun. Sometimes they might go with a standard Halloween costume that’s recognizable. Other times, it might be something original entirely. For those who are thinking of making their own costumes this year, allow me to be of service by showing you pictures of people in costumes that might provide some inspiration. So for your reading pleasure, here is a treasure trove of people in the costumes they’ve made themselves.

Effiel Tower

Now this is adorable. Girl has the Effiel Tower in the back as well as is dressed like a French girl. Only the snottiest French person could hate this one.

2. Clippy

For my younger readers, Clippy was an office assistant in the early Microsoft Office programs. He was annoying as hell. Still, this is a fairly simple costume idea that doesn’t require a lot of work.

3. Sumo Wrestler

Now this is the most adorable sumo wrestler I’ve ever seen. Notice how the parents just used some brown shorts and a ridiculous baby wig. Wonder how this kid will think of this picture in later years.

4. Powderpuff Girls

The Powderpuff Girls was a cartoon series back in the day that was originally set as a parody of Sailor Moon. It’s about three crime fighting sisters whose names are Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup. Still, wonder what their costumes are made of. Duct tape?

5. Cocktail

I bet this dog’s owner is dressing up as James Bond for Halloween. If so, then it’s a martini, shaken, not stirred. Of course, kind of humiliating being in a cone.

6. Troll Dolls

These were toys that were a fad around the 1980s and 1990s. Of course, they were naked but modesty demands these women to wear flesh colored dresses. Which I think is fair.

7. Titanic Survivors

Since I’m a history major and know quite a bit about the RMS Titanic, I wouldn’t necessarily call them Titanic survivors. I mean very few survivors were actually rescued. Why? Because most of them froze to death well before the rescue boats arrived.

8. WALL-E

Now this is so adorable. I wonder if he has a sister dressed up as EVE. Then again, EVE and WALL-E are robots and don’t need to have gender.

9. Pizza Delivery Boy and Slice

Now this is a cute costume for a couple. However, she could just as easily go as a well endowed college coed or horny housewife. Or she could go as a serial killer. You know what they say about pizza boys in porn and crime shows.

10. Operation Board Game

Of course, if you pick the wrong part out, his red nose will go off like a Christmas tree. Still, you have to wonder how these parts got into his body.

11. Mac n’ Cheese

Amazing what you can do with leftover toilet paper rolls. And cardboard while you’re at it. However, unlike real mac n’ cheese, you can’t eat her.

12. Queen Cleopatra

Yes, I’m sure Cleopatra is a perfectly appropriate costume for a girl. Of course, this is a woman who married and killed two half-brothers, had her sisters assassinated, fooled around with Julius Caesar and Marc Antony, and committed suicide.

13. Abercrombie & Fitch

I am no fan of Abercrombie & Fitch. However, I have to admire this boy’s parents’ creativity with making a costume from a paper bag.

14. Medusa

Yes, this little girl is adorable. But look directly into her eyes and I swear she’ll have you literally stone dead. Of course, she needs to watch out for Perseus.

15. Humpty Dumpty

Another adorable baby costume. Of course, if he falls, let’s hope that his cracks don’t show.

16. Klimt Kiss

Now this costume was inspired by a famous painting by Austrian artist Gustav Klimt. He’s also famous for Woman in Gold which was subject to a really nasty legal battle with an elderly Holocaust survivor.

17. Crazy Cat Lady

Now this costume is as hilarious as it is cute. Love how she has all the stuffed cats dangling on her. Boy, we love to make fun of crazy cat ladies.

18. Peacock

Though the peacock is a common costume for women, it’s a dude in the animal kingdom. Trust me, peacocks are dudes. Peahens are female, but not as pretty.

19. Watch Dog

For your pets, this is a relatively simple costume. I mean at least it doesn’t take much time to put the watches on.

20. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Now the couple’s costume consists of Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King and his rag doll gal, Sally. Since it has a big fan base and is associated with Tim Burton, had to include these two.

21. Stone Warrior

Guess this guy’s girlfriend, sister, wife, or daughter is going as Medusa. Ask me how I could’ve guessed. I dare you.

22. Harry Potter and Dobby the House Elf

Now this is simply adorable. Still, I have to wonder who the dad’s going as. Voldemort? Dumbledore? Hagrid? Ron? Snape?

23. Lumberjack

He may be rugged and manly on the outside. But little do people know that his hobbies include pressing wild flowers, crossdressing, and hanging around in bars. Wishes he was a girly just like his dear papa.

24. Black Swan

Reminds me less of the movie and more of the SNL spoof sketch featuring Jim Carrey. Wonder why.

25. Hotdog Stand

Of course, I’m sure the dog is thrilled with this costume idea. Then again, it’s pretty funny if you really think about it.

26. Cindy Lou Who

Yes, I know that she’s from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But still, this girl looks so adorable in this costume.

27. Acrobats

It’s what you get when you do a nature documentary with Cirque du Soleil. Get it? Well, at least this costume makes more sense than any of their routines.

28. French Baker and Buns

Seems like this guy can’t keep himself away from her buns. Or are those cakes. Well, they look like buns to me.

29. Ace Ventura

Now if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll get this. The baby is Ace Ventura. The dad is Pittsburgh native, former Miami Dolphins quarterback, and deadbeat dad, Dan Marino,. The mom is disgruntled and crossdressing former Miami Dolphins player Ray Finkle.

30. American Gothic

Based on the famous painting by 20th century American artist Grant Wood. Yes, I know the man has all his hair, but what do you know.

31. John Lennon and Yoko Ono

Of course, I couldn’t forget these two. Didn’t know that John liked to drink Pabst. Still, it’s a shame he got killed like that so young.

32. 50 Shades of Grey

You were expecting something much more kinky. Don’t lie, honestly. Still, I don’t know about you, but I think this costume is better than the book series or the movie.

33. Johnny Cash and June Carter

I guess this was inspired by Walk the Line was it? Of course, June did help Johnny get sober. Then again, he had hit rock bottom that his only options were to either get clean or die.

34. Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan

Yes, I know that Lieutenant Dan is an amputee. But still, at least it wasn’t Forrest and Jenny. Seriously, Jenny was such a dysfunctional human being and Forrest was always saving her ass.

35. The Addams Family

If they did this any earlier than the 1990s, I bet that baby would either be Cousin Itt or Uncle Fester. Any money. Of course, at least Gomez and Morticia are better relationship role models than Romeo and Juliet.

36. Nerds

Yes, these two are nerds all right. Love how they put themselves in a candy box. And they even have different colored socks.

37. One Nightstand

And you thought he was a one night stand. Well, it could still happen as long as this Halloween party goes on. Seriously, hookup culture isn’t new, not new at all.

38. Bob Ross and Happy Little Tree

Yes, Bob Ross certainly likes his happy little trees. The bigger and happier the better. Like the squirrel, too.

39. Paula Deen and Butter

We all know that Paula Deen is a racist. However, she really loves butter which she’s said to put in everything. Still, her food is bound to clog your arteries.

40. Breaking Bad

Of course, this couples costume consists of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. Let’s just say that Jesse’s girlfriends don’t last long and Walt’s wife isn’t much liked on the show. Still, it might be time to cook for them.

41. Candyland

Now these are characters from the creepy game in your childhood. Now there’s Queen Frosty, Princess Lolli, the Candy Cane Lumberjack, and the Cupcake girl. I don’t remember the last one.

42. Clue

For some reason, Mr. Green looks like a 1920s gangster. Still, love the set up in this. And each suspect has their own weapon. Brilliant!

43. Despicable Me

Unfortunately, there are no minions in this family costume. Still, love the look on the the dad's face. Mom's supposed to be Vector by the way. He was the villain in the original movie.

Unfortunately, there are no minions in this family costume. Still, love the look on the the dad’s face. So much like Gru. Mom’s supposed to be Vector by the way. He was the villain in the original movie.

44. Struck by Lightning

Of course, she’d more likely burn to a crisp. But I’m sure applying black makeup would’ve gone badly. Still, quite funny.

45. Bonnie and Clyde

Maybe they’re not as gorgeous as Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. But still, they’re still way better looking than the real life couple. Seriously, they looked like a couple of hicks in real life. And they weren’t nice at all.

46. Milkman and 1950s Housewife

Of course, this is a couple’s costume idea for those in the family way. Still, have you ever heard of “looks like the milkman”? It’s an old saying.

47. Football

Let me guess. It appears to me this costume theme was the dad’s idea. Looks like it. Of course, coach dad and ref mom have a tendency to not always agree on the plays.

48. Roasted Marshmallow

Yes, he’s a roasting marshmallow over an open camp fire. Now that’s pretty clever if you ask me. Love the flames.

49. Beetlejuice

Now this is so funny. Not very familiar with Beetlejuice for some reason. But it’s Tim Burton, so I’ll go with it.

50. Sesame Street

Who needs to sex up Sesame Street characters when you can make tutus with their faces. Now these are great costumes for women. The sexy Bert and Ernie ones were the worst.

51. Error 404

Finally, the Halloween costume for the infamous slacker. All you need is a white T-Shirt and black Sharpie to write the words, “Error 404: Costume Not Found.”

52. Plato

Now this is quite a new spin on the famous philosopher of Ancient Greece. Of course, I’m sure this guy is a philosophy major of some sort.

53. Walt Disney

Well, they have costumes for most of the other Disney characters. So why leave out the big man himself? It would be absurd.

54. Monopoly

Then again, maybe the sexy Monopoly board is a better idea. Seems like old Mr. Pennybags is hoarding some cash. Love the dog token, too.

55. Deer and Hunter

If she’s supposed to be Bambi’s mom, then it’s a disturbing couples’ costume. Wait a minute, she has spots and antlers? I don’t think it’s legal to shoot her, at least in Pennsylvania.

56. Waldo

You know the guy in the books who travels the world but is so hard to find. Can’t tell where he is now.

57. Katniss Everdeen

Let’s just say you don’t want to mess with her when she has her bow and arrow out. I mean she had to kill people with it to survive the Hunger Games. You know the competition where 24 teenagers from Panem are selected to fight to the death.

58. Ginger Bread Man

The guy has bread hanging from him. And he’s a ginger. Get it? Seriously, it’s pretty funny.

59. Fireplace

Yeah, I wouldn’t be too happy either if my head was lopped off and put over a fireplace. Still, you have to feel for the kid.

60. God’s Gift to Women

Or so he thinks. Still, he’s not a bad looking guy. No movie star material but handsome enough for me at least.

61. Swiffer and Mud

Strange to see them getting along so well. Usually Swiffer and mud are mortal enemies. I mean Swiffer is supposed to get rid of dirt, right?

62. Crying Stone Angel

Now you’ve seen statues like this in cemeteries. But have you seen a child dressed like one? I think not.

63. Gandalf and Bilbo Baggins

I’m sure this is the parents’ idea. Kid looks too young to read The Hobbit. Still, quite cute though.

64. The Birds

Yes, she’s the Tippi Hedren character herself. And she’s being pecked by birds. Still, at least she wasn’t the Suzanne Pleshette character who got pecked to death.

65. Ghost Sluts

Finally the sexy costume all women can reasonably look good in. Still, these women are making fun of the sexy costume phenomenon in the retail industry.

66. A Christmas Story

Since TBS airs this movie on Christmas every year, we should all knows who each member is supposed to be. Love the Leg Lamp though. Yeah, pretty funny.

67. Sweepstakes Winners

Look about as what you’d expect from stereotypical winners of Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes. He’s in a tacky Hawaiian shirt and she’s in her nightgown and curlers.

68. KFC

Boy is Colonel Sanders while the girl is a bucket of coronary inducing fried chicken with 11 herbs and spices. Like how they’re using KFC buckets for trick or treating.

69. Flower Pot

Now this is simply adorable if you ask me. Love the pretty flowers on this one. Please don’t water her or she might get mad.

70. Sushi Roll

So cute. Wonder how she moves around in it. Then again, might not be as confining as it appears.

71. Bowl of Spaghetti and Meatballs

Hey, at least it’s better than the baby having spaghetti and meatballs all over them. Still, so cute.

72. Raining Cats and Dogs

Yeah, you know it’s really bad when it’s raining cats and dogs. Still, this one takes it quite literally and with maximum amusement.

73. Elf on the Shelf

Now last Christmas, I did a post on Elf on the Shelf, which was kind of tongue and cheek. Still, he may be cute on the outside. But inside, he’s downright evil.

74. Censored

Move along. Nothing to see here. Also, lady, please put a shirt on. And some pants.

75. Outhouse

Hey, kids, can you move along. This boy really needs privacy while he’s doing his business. Still, if they wanted a dash of authenticity, they should’ve went with the Sears Roebuck catalog.

76. Pinata

I’m sure she had her outfit all covered in streamers. Still, love the cone hats. Looks like she’s ready for a fiesta. But don’t beat her open with a stick.

77. Madeline

Madeline was a series of children’s books about a girl in a small Catholic boarding school in Paris. It was published between 1939 and 1961 but they’re still read because they’re so good, especially for girls. I guess the mom here is Ms. Clavel.

78. Coppertone Girl

Well, the dog hanging from her butt is stuffed. Thank God. But yes, that’s the Coppertone girl.

79. Weatherman in a Hurricane

Now this would be a very scary costume, for a weatherman in Florida. Seriously, you don’t know what those people have to deal with during hurricane season.

80. Cactus

Yes, that guy’s supposed to be a cactus. I know it’s hard to believe. But still, you sometimes have to go with what you have.

81. Minions

I know people wouldn’t make me hear the end of it if I didn’t include these guys. Yes, they’re adorable and their costumes are quite easy to make.

82. Spartan Warrior

Inspired by the movie 300, no doubt. Seriously, Spartan warriors didn’t go into battle wearing speedos for God’s sake. Still, cutest little Spartan warrior I’ve ever seen. Sorry, Gerard Butler.

83. Carmen Sandiego

I know she’s thinking of nabbing some major treasure of worldly significance. Just don’t know where in the world is she.

84. Flo and Mayhem

Seems like Flo let Mayhem happen to her. Then again, at least she has Progressive insurance. Hell, she’s the Progressive lady. And Mayhem works for Allstate. Before that he was Liz Lemon’s jerkass boyfriend Dennis Duffy on 30 Rock who appeared on Dateline’s To Catch a Predator.

85. Toddlers and Tiaras

Now I think that Toddlers Tiaras is a terrible show on the sleaziest cable network TLC. However, I find these costumes quite funny. Like the pacifiers.

86. Ceiling Fan

Yes, she seems to be really into ceilings for some reason. Not sure why. Then again, she’s probably nuts.

87. Dust Bunny

If I saw a rabbit wanting to dust my house, I’d sure let them in. Because I really hate dusting. Really hate it.

88. Pothead

No, not that kind of pothead. This guy is perfectly legal as far as I know. Still, pretty funny. Better watch his head though.

89. Fantasy Football

Now this is the kind of Fantasy Football I can get into. Let’s see, I’ll have Harry Potter as quarterback, Hagrid as linebacker, Snape as offensive tackle, Hermione as running back, and Ron as safety. I’m sure anyone with Brady on their team can’t top that.

90. French KISS

They’re dressed as the members of KISS. And they’re dressed like French. Get it? Love how one of them has a baguette and a glass of wine.

91. Energizer Bunny

Now she’s the kind of girl who keeps going, and going…. Yeah, good for a battery but for a human, not so much.

92. Professor Lorax

My guess is that he’s an environmental science teacher because he speaks for the trees. Still, I bet he wants to show his students how insatiable greed leads to environmental destruction and short-term prosperity. Just ask his friend the Oncler.

93. Chia Pet

Now this is just so clever. But I’m sure the dog is certainly not happy. But I love this. I really do. Just so funny.

94. Brawny Man

Heard that this guy is so hot that people buy his paper towels just for the packaging. Still, it’s a pretty clever costume, especially since he has a manly plaid shirt to match the wrapper.

95. Dumbledora the Explorer

Yes, this Spanish speaking old witch is off to an adventure with her backpack. And yes, she has a rather long wizard beard to prove it.

96. Saddam Hussein Bolt

Yes, he’s an Iraqi strong man dictator who’s also the fastest man alive. Also, he really has an insatiable hatred for the kurds and a batshit insane son who tortures people with an iron maiden.

97. Jersey Shore 50th Anniversary Reunion Special

Yes, they don’t look as young and good looking as they used to be. But you wouldn’t want these people in a nursing home in your neck of the woods. Guess, it’s gym, tan, laundry, prune juice, bingo, and the early bird special.

98. Ancient Aliens

The scariest thing about this guy is that people actually believe him and his theories about the origins of notable monuments. Makes me want to tear my hair out as a history major. I mean this guy is just full of shit if you ask me.

99. Captain Canada

Because it’s about time that Canada has its own superhero. Wait a minute, they already do. Seriously, Wolverine’s from that country and he’s the best known X-man ever. But you wouldn’t know it.

100. Trailer Park Avengers

Basically, these would be the Avengers if Marvel studios wasn’t making big budget movies. Also, if Thor, the Hulk, and Captain America weren’t as hot and didn’t have Ironman to pay for their gear and collateral damage.

Dress Up Fun with Fashion Dolls

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 21, 2015

Though I did play with Barbies as a girl like most out there, it was more for roleplaying than anything to do with fashion. They were a toy just like any other. The Barbies were my actors and the clothes were just costumes. I’d be the one making up the characters and voices. However, even before Barbie, there have been other fashion dolls. Hell, the first fashion doll was the French Bisque which was from the 19th century. Nevertheless, there has never been a fashion doll like Barbie and never will. And even though Barbie is seen as a toy by most, there are plenty of people who never stop playing with them and even collect them. Yeah, it’s not just adult men who collect toys, you know. For decades Barbie has been used as a model to reflect fashion trends. But she’s hardly alone. In this post, I’ll show you how fashion dolls are an art form all on their own. Some of them might be fashion plates akin to others on the run way. Some might wear outfits from an bygone era or another culture. And some might be designed and dressed to resemble characters you see from pop culture whether they be movies, TV shows, books, and what not. Others may be famous celebrities. But none of these dolls were meant for little girls to play with. So without further adieu, here I bring you some of the many fashion dolls you might feast your eyes on.

Those who like foreign films and crime would love this French gangster’s moll Barbie.

Now this might not be a Barbie. And I’m definitely sure she’s not supposed to be a French gangster’s moll. However, her outfit and facial expression suggests that she’s straight from a French gangster movie.

2. Experience late 1940s French fashion with this Christian Dior’s New Look Barbie.

Now this is the look that reestablished Paris as the capital of the fashion world after WWII. It was extremely popular in the post-war era.

3. Celebrity and historical figures are rather popular fashion subjects. This one is of Queen Marie Antoinette as she looked before the French Revolution.

Contrary, to popular belief, Marie Antoinette didn’t say “Let them eat cake.” She didn’t cheat on her husband (though I wouldn’t blame her if she did). She had no political influence on the French Court despite having a mother and brother ruling the Austrian Empire. And while her spending was very extravagant, it wasn’t unusual by French royalty standards.

4. Now here’s Barbie as Marguerite Gautier from the Greta Garbo 1936 film Camille.

Of course, we have to understand that Marguerite is the 19th century equivalent to a high class hooker. However, she does fall in love and succumb to tuberculosis during the movie.

5. All the way from Africa may I present to you Tribal Princess Barbie.

I don’t know about this one. Now I know there light skinned Africans but they mostly reside in the Sahara region. The outfit looks more like it’s from the Savannah. So my guess is that her mother was raped by a great white hunter.

6. For you Lord of the Rings fans out there, you might enjoy your very own Arwen and Aragorn Barbie and Ken.

You wouldn’t know it, but these two have a very huge age difference between them. I mean she’s like around 2800 years old. And he’s considerably younger. Then again, age may just be a number on Middle Earth.

7. Many fashion dolls depict fashion you’d see from foreign cultures. This one is from Korea.

Of course, this is a more historical dress. However, all East Asians seem to dress alike to be. Well, to an extent. Of course, I’m not as familiar with Korea as I am with China and Japan.

8. This doll looks quite captivating in her Edwardian corset, big hat, and hobble skirt.

The hobble skirt was a short lived fashion trend in 1910-1913. These greatly restricted mobility that women had to take very small steps.

9. For all you Greek mythology enthusiasts, you might be interested to see Medusa Barbie.

Yes, she might be pretty and even alluring. But you might take note that looking at her will get you stoned. And I don’t mean high. I mean literally turned into stone. Perseus had to use a mirror in order to kill her.

10. Say G’Day to this lovely Australia Barbie.

The only way you can tell she’s Australian is that she has a koala wrapped around her arm. Other than that, she can pass for either Indiana Jones Adventure Barbie or High Fashion Texas Cowgirl Barbie.

11. This Barbie is all dressed and ready to celebrate the Chinese New Year.

Now this is definitely Chinese outfit, though retrofitted for modern fashion. Of course, she also has a rather interesting hairstyle, too.

12. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Victoria’s Secret Fashion Barbie.

I’m sure this Barbie Doll was definitely not made for children. And I’m positive she’s wearing an outfit no woman would actually wear. Yes, I don’t understand either.

13. Step into fantasy with your very own unicorn princess Barbie.

It’s what you get in a fashion doll when you have a fairy tell princess employ Lady Gaga’s fashion consultant. Seriously, I don’t know why they have the unicorn on the dress. I mean that’s crazy.

14. This Steampunk Barbie is geared up and ready for action.

Steampunk is kind of hard to explain since it employs Victorian clothing and steam technology in a sci-fi fashion. However, this doll might risk arrest for wearing a slutty outfit like that in Victorian London.

15. For all you Audrey Hepburn fans out there, you’ certainly delight in this fashion doll of her from Roman Holiday.

So Roman Holiday isn’t nearly as famous as Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Yes, the latter made Audrey into a style icon but it’s a highly overrated film. Roman Holiday, on the other hand, is very charming and wonderful all the way through. Seriously. Breakfast at Tiffany’s doesn’t even hold a candle to Roman Holiday.

16. Relive the Belle Epoque of late 19th century Paris with this Can-Can dancer fashion doll.

Despite that you see can-can dancers in a lot of media geared to PG audiences, the can-can wasn’t originally considered a wholesome dance in its hey day. This was because women typically wore dresses that made it difficult to go to the bathroom.

17. This fashion doll is decked in traditional garb all the way from India.

I know this isn’t bridal attire since Indian women typically wear bright red and a lot more jewelry. And I’m sure this isn’t really Barbie either. But I’ll take it.

18. Spring Fairy Barbie always has to have glitter on her wings.

Not sure what to make of that outfit though. But it seems to go nicely with the background. Think the wings are the best thing about it however.

19. Now this fashion doll holds flowers in both hands to celebrate the spirit of spring.

Now I’m sure this isn’t Barbie. But I also have no idea whether this is supposed to be a generic spring doll or depict an actual goddess or character. I just know it has something to do with spring.

20. Relive the glory of the British Empire and the Victorian Age with this Queen Victoria fashion doll.

Now this depicts the young Queen Victoria around her coronation when she’s only a teenager. However, I have to admit, that it does get a lot of her proportions right. Still, you’d never see such realism in a Barbie doll though.

21. Play a game of croquet with your very own Queen of Hearts Barbie.

Prettiest Queen of Hearts I’ve ever seen from Alice in Wonderland. However, you should be aware that she’s a real bitch who’s willing to decapitate people for the smallest offenses. Also, has a really nasty temper.

22. Enjoy the glories of Imperial China with Imperial Chinese Princess Barbie.

Actually she should be Ching Dynasty Princess Barbie. Because her qipao outfit is clearly Manchurian. Chinese robes open in the middle.

Actually she should be Ching Dynasty Princess Barbie. Because her qipao outfit is clearly Manchurian. Manchurians aren’t technically Chinese. Chinese robes open in the middle. Also needs to wear smaller shoes.

23. Now this angelic fashion doll certainly has an heavenly presence.

While angels are represented as lovely human beings with wings, you’d be surprised what they look like in The Bible. Seriously, biblical cherubs don’t really look like cute chubby babies. Neither did Cupid in Greek mythology.

24. Now this doll wedding scene helps underscore vintage 1920s elegance.

Now this isn’t Barbie from what I can tell. However, I really have to scratch my head at people who want to throw Great Gatsby themed parties. Seriously, I wonder if these people have any idea what the book is really about.

25. Enjoy the magic of Roma with this lovely Italian Barbie.

Now she’s certainly dressed like you’d expect in Italy. And she’s carrying her own basket with yellow flowers. Kind of prefer she carry cheese, bread, and other foodstuffs.

26. You can’t understand true love without Ken and Barbie as Romeo and Juliet.

Romeo and Juliet: A Shakespearean play that depicts two teenagers getting together amid familial gang violence, getting hitched within days, and killing themselves. Yeah, really make all the wrong decisions there. Still, despite content is said to be one of the greatest love stories of all time.

27. Reenact the famous Andrew Lloyd Weber musical with Ken and Barbie as Erik and Christine from Phantom of the Opera.

Of course, it’s disturbing that everyone thinks the relationship between Erik and Christine is romantic. It’s not. It’s downright creepy. I mean the guy is selfish, controlling, manipulative, and not above kidnapping his “beloved” so he could force her to marry him. And yet, he’s seen as a sex symbol. Sorry, but Erik is a total bastard.

28. Enjoy the violet eyed splendor with this Elizabeth Taylor fashion doll in purple.

Yes, Elizabeth Taylor was one of Hollywood’s radiant stars. However, we should remember she was an alcoholic who was married 8 times. Twice to Richard Burton.

29. Love Pirates of the Caribbean? Well, you’ll adore this fashion doll of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Now that’s almost a dead ringer to the famous Johnny Depp character himself. Hope he doesn’t run into zombie pirates. Wish he had his hat though.

30. This Native American fashion doll is absolutely stunning.

Yes, she has blue eyes. But she has lots of feathers all over her. Besides, I like her better than the other Native American dolls I’ve seen on Pinterest.

31. Relive the magic of Camelot with Ken and Barbie as King Arthur and Guinevere.

This is from the Lerner and Lowe musical from the 1960s. I’m more of a fan of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But my mom likes Camelot, so it goes on the post.

32. Of course, you can’t have a tribute to Las Vegas without Vegas Showgirl Barbie.

How else can I explain seeing Barbie in a scantily clad outfit with feathers. Wonder if it comes with drunk gambling addict Ken.

33. In outfits like these Ken and Barbie seem to go where no man has gone before.

In this Ken is Captain Kirk, one of the most alien STD laden men in the galaxy. Barbie is Yeoman Rand, Kirk's main squeeze who strangely disappeared after the first season.

In this Ken is Captain Kirk, one of the most alien STD laden men in the galaxy who can’t keep it in his pants. Barbie is Yeoman Rand, Kirk’s main squeeze who strangely disappeared after the first season.

34. Now this Margot Channing fashion doll won’t be had for the price of a cocktail.

Yes, this is Bette Davis in her most famous role from All About Eve. Of course, Margot is a great star, a true star, and will never be any less. Eve Harrington, on the other hand, is a scheming two-timing bitch played by Anne Baxter. Fasten your seat belts, indeed.

35. Relive the splendor of the Napoleonic Age with this Empress Josephine fashion doll.

Basically she was Napoleon Bonaparte’s shopaholic wife, whom he later dumped to marry an Austrian trophy princess. Well, he only did it because he wanted a son and she couldn’t give him one. Still, his love letters to her read a lot like crazy texts. Seriously, they’re hysterical.

36. Experience the suspense of Alfred Hitchcock with your very own Barbie of Tippi Hedren from The Birds.

Don’t worry I’m sure the birds won’t peck her to death. That would be Susanne Pleshette’s character.

37. This 1920s flapper Barbie plans to dance the night away.

Now I’m sure she’s not going to look as stunning as this when she wakes up with a hangover the next morning. Yeah, she’s going need something for that hangover.

38. Relive the glory of the Lord of the Rings with your very own Galadriel Barbie.

Not quite like Cate Blanchett but at least they got the dress right. And the hairdo as well. Hey, why buy a Barbie princess when you can buy a queen?

39. This Japanese Barbie has the elegance and charm like a geisha.

Okay, she looks like a geisha and I know what it is in Japan. However, I hope this doll comes with Samurai Ken. Love the parasol.

40. Come fly and swing with your very own Frank Sinatra fashion doll.

Yes, Old Blue Eyes has a wonderful voice, indeed. Too bad he manage to ruin it through alcohol and cigarettes. You know, basically the two substances that have killed more people in Hollywood than anything else.

41. Of course, this couple of fashion dolls are kind of on the dark side.

Yeah, they kind of look like a cross between Poldark and Sweeny Todd. However, you have to go with what you have.

42. Of course, I can’t do a post on fashion dolls without including the one and only Marilyn Monroe.

Sure she might’ve died at home of an overdose at 36. But even so, she still remains an American beauty icon and Hollywood legend.

43. This holiday party Barbie is well dressed in a blue snowflake dress for all occasions.

Now they have a lot of holiday Barbies out there. However, this one with the dark hair, blue snowflake dress, and cameo pearl necklace is the one I liked best.

44. When it comes to fashion dolls, nobody seems to have more outfits than Scarlett O’Hara.

And this is just nine of the outfits she wears in the whole 4 hour movie. And yes, there are many more where that came from.

45. Whistle while you work with your very own Snow White fashion doll.

Okay, I’m fine with Disney lying to me about my prince coming when I’m lying stone cold in a glass coffin. However, I’m not sure if I can forgive Disney for lying about the woodland creatures wanting to clean my house. Now that’s really low.

46. Travel to wonderland with this Alice in Wonderland fashion doll.

Kind of looks like an emo Alice to me for some reason. Also, I’m not sure if she looks like the Alice from the Disney movie. Probably not. Not from the Tim Burton one either.

47. Now here is Barbie dancing as the swan princess of Swan Lake.

Let’s hope this isn’t Barbie as Natalie Portman’s character from Black Swan. Then again, for something seen as feminine, ballet seems to be shockingly tragic, creepy, and practiced more like a sport.

48. This Japanese fashion doll is rather resplendent in her flowery kimono.

I can tell this is a Japanese doll since she’s wearing a kimono or two. However, I do love the red flower in her hair. This might be a foreign doll, by the way.

49. Of course, experience the magic of the Kit Kat Club of Weimar Germany with these Cabaret Barbies.

Yes, the dancers tend to dress like that in the movie. Of course, I didn’t include the emcee since he was a guy in the film. Nor did I include Sally Bowles either.

50. Now this Spanish fashion doll is certainly a charming senorita.

Now I don’t think she’s a flamenco dancer since she lacks castanets. However, I love her beautiful black lace on her red dress, fan and veil.

51. Now this Indonesian Barbie wears a dress that makes her a perfect Southeast Asian princess.

Well, I have to remind you that all Asians don’t necessarily look alike. Besides, many of them also have their own unique culture. Also, love her crown.

52. This lovely Chinese Barbie is lovely in her red, flowery dress.

She even has a baby panda on her arm. I also really like her earrings and hairstyle, too.

53. This Ghost Bride Barbie is so beautiful that she’s doomed to haunt your dreams.

Looks like Ken really screwed her over in life. Now she’s haunting his dreams and home so she can make him pay.

54. This lovely Barbie seems like a gracious hostess for afternoon tea.

They have a lot of Victorian fashion dolls. This fashion is from the 1870s and 1880s since it features the bustle. It was supposed to enhance women’s rear ends.

55. Capture the essence of the Pre-Columbian Mexico and Central America with this Mesoamerican spirit Barbie.

Of course, I’m sure she might ask for some human sacrifices. Maybe a lot of them. You know that almost every Meso and South American indigenous culture practiced it.

56. Experience the battlefield with your very own Civil War Nurse Barbie.

Hope she has a Civil War Surgeon Ken. Now I guess he has his own surgical instruments, including his amputation saw. Bet his outfit is covered with blood that it can’t be shown.

57. Now this Queen of the Galaxy Barbie is certainly out of this world.

Now this seems like it’s straight off from Lady Gaga’s wardrobe. Then again, she kind of reminds me of some character you’d see from a 1980s sci-fi movie. Maybe she should get together with Captain Kirk Ken.

58. Relive the glory of Imperial Russia with this Russian Princess fashion doll.

Of course, if she’s a member of the Romanov royal family, I’m sure that things won’t be looking good for her once October 1917 flies in. Yeah, sad that this resplendent beauty will soon become a Bolshevik shooting target.

59. This Native American Barbie is clad in her very own fringe dress and buckskin coat.

Man, she seems to have rows and rose of fringes. But she also has a lovely trimmed buckskin coat trimmed with fur.

60. This flapper fashion doll is all dolled up for a 1920s party.

Yes, she’s in shimmering silver from her jewelry to her furs. Her gown is made almost entirely of silver lace. Probably paid a pretty penny.

61. Take a trip down the Nile of Ancient Egypt with Egyptian Queen Barbie.

I wonder if this one comes with Egyptian Pharaoh Ken, who’s most likely her brother. I mean you know what these Ancient Egyptian royal families were like. An Egyptian royal who doesn’t marry their sibling is usually killed by them. Relatives were always after the Pharoah’s throne.

62. Of course, where would a Scarlett O’Hara fashion doll be without her Rhett Butler?

There are quite a few Rhett Butler fashion dolls out there. However, none of them seem to be as good as this incarnation. And this is his signature look, by the way. Besides, frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

63. Nothing is as stunning south of the border than a Mexican Barbie.

Not sure if she’s dressed as a bullfighter. However, I can tell she’s Mexican because she is wearing a sombrero. And it’s matching with her outfit.

64. Nothing is more exquisite at a haunted house than a Dark Bride Barbie.

Now this is a lovely bridal outfit. Love the bouquet of roses. Wouldn’t be surprised if Morticia Addams wore it on her wedding day.

65. Hope Jazz Diva Barbie sounds as good as she looks.

Reminds me of the film noir jazz singers you see in smoke filled night clubs. Probably has a lot of hard boiled detectives and crime.

66. Relive the forbidden romance with this fashion doll of Anna Karenina.

Now I’m not really much of a fan of Anna Karenina. I think she was just really immature who had absolutely no idea about to have a healthy relationship. Not to mention, she was so wrapped into Vronsky that she didn’t try to get a new hobby. And then she threw herself in front of a train.

67. South Asian Dance Barbie is dressed in such exquisite attire.

Not sure which country she’s from. Certainly it’s not Nepal since that’s in the Himilayas. And she’s certainly not dressed for that weather.

68. Now this Belle fashion doll wears a gown for a romance that’s a tale as old as time.

However, we should note that her boyfriend is a total beast. I mean the guy practically kept her his prisoner until she fell in love with him.

69. Hope Diamond certainly knows how to dress for an evening.

Of course, the Hope Diamond is now in the Smithsonian. And it’s said to bring a lot of bad luck to its owners.

70. Now Russian Barbie is certainly a rare winter beauty.

Let’s hope that she’s bundled up to face the harsh Russian winter. Then again, Russia is a rather crazy country. Not to mention, there’s also Putin she might have to deal with. And the Siberian gulag if it still exists.

71. This blushing Barbie bride looks simply stunning for her big day.

You see a lot of bride fashion dolls. And it’s no wonder with how the wedding industry is like these days. But this is one of my favorites.

72. Of course, those who love Ava Gardner should get a fashion doll of her from The Killers.

Her performance in The Killers was said to make Frank Sinatra so infatuated with her that he abandoned his wife and kids for her. Of course, they were a great match made in Hollywood (sarcasm). Actually their relationship was rather tempestuous and dysfunctional.

73. All that glitters on this Barbie is golden.

Now this reminds me of something Lady Gaga would wear if she was doing the theme from Goldfinger. Of course, that would look uncomfortable on a normal person.

74. This Gypsy fashion doll shakes her own tambourine for her keep.

I’ve seen quite a few gypsy fashion dolls. But I think this one is especially lovely, especially the dress.

75. Relive the experience of Titanic with this Rose DeWitt Bukater fashion doll.

This is what she wears during the scene when Leonardo DiCaprio says, “I’m king of the world!” Of course, I’m sure the raft could fit her and Jack. Seriously, Jack shouldn’t have died. Still, Rose was a mutant born with super insulating skin that made her withstand extremely freezing temperatures. That’s why she survived the Titanic.

76. Experience the magic of Rio with your very own Brazilian Barbie.

Of course, she has a knitted blanket over her white dress. Not only that, but she’s just the right skin color of many Brazilians. A really good way to represent the country.

77. Welcome to the haunted mansion with your hostess Haunted Matron Barbie.

You might want to stay close to the candles because the stairways can be quite treacherous. Also, it might contain all kinds of things that might want to kill you.

78. Enjoy the carefree South Pacific Islands with your very own Polynesian Barbie.

Of course, being from the South Pacific, she always has to be covered in vines and flowers. Still, love her blue and flowery dress. Wonder if Polynesian Ken looks like Troy Polamalu though.

79. For those who love to laugh, this Carol Burnett fashion doll is just perfection.

Can’t do a post on fashion dolls without including this one. Love her Scarlett O’Hara curtain dress by the way. “I saw it the window and just had to have it.”

80. Experience the magical world of Harry Potter with this Harry Potter fashion doll.

Now they have a lot of Harry Potter fashion dolls out there. Still, I have yet to see a fashion doll of Yule Ball Ron Weasley. Now that would be funny.

81. Of course, when it comes to First Ladies, you can’t talk about fashion legacies without this Jackie Kennedy fashion doll.

Now this is the outfit she was wearing when her husband got shot in Dallas. Not sure what to think about the doll company who made this. Yeah, it’s kind of insensitive but it was an iconic look.

82. Join in the luau with your very own Hawaiian Barbie.

Nothing says Hawaii than a flower lei and a grass hula skirt. Comes with her own sea turtle. Hope the volcano doesn't blow.

Nothing says Hawaii than a flower lei and a grass hula skirt. Comes with her own sea turtle. Sad that she doesn’t have a coconut shell bra.

83. Those who love Mommie Dearest and Mildred Pierce certainly can’t go without their very own Joan Crawford fashion doll.

Of course, we’re not sure how much is true about Mommie Dearest since a lot of people who knew her spoke out against it. However, she certainly looks lovely in this black and white dress.

84. May the odds be in your favor with your very own Katniss Everdeen fashion doll.

This is her from Catching Fire when she had to go back to the arena for the Quarter Quell. Still, they have quite a few Hunger Games fashion dolls. Love to see how many Effie Trinket has.

85. Relive the golden days of Tudor England with this fashion doll of Elizabeth I.

Yes, she wore a lot of big dresses in her day. However, contrary to the Cate Blanchett movies, if she was a virgin when she became queen, she’d more likely remain one for the rest of her life (since she had no privacy whatsoever and knew how to keep it in her pants). Also, it’s very likely that she remained single for good politics.

86. Rule the universe with your very own Space Queen Barbie.

Looking at these Barbie sci-fi outfits makes me wonder if they have any David Bowie Ken dolls. Ziggy Stardust comes to my mind.

87. Stroll down the streets of Paris with your very own French Barbie.

Of course, French Barbie wouldn’t be French without her beret and baguette. Then again, she might also like to have a laid back European lifestyle the French are famous for.

88. Travel throughout Middle Earth with this fashion doll of Legolas.

Yes, this is the Middle Earth heartthrob that jump started Orlando Bloom’s career. And his dad isn’t bad looking either and even rides on a deer as well as has his own antler throne.

89. Commemorate the royal wedding with Ken and Barbie as Will and Kate.

Hard to believe that these two now have two little kids named George and Charlotte. Well, I think it’s nice that the royals allowed William to marry whom he wanted and when he wanted. I don’t think it was the case with his dad.

90. This Lady Liberty Barbie is clad in red, white, and blue.

Yes, it’s kind of emphasizes that Barbie might be America’s Sweetheart. However, at least she has a rather friendly disposition and tries to be accommodating to diversity. Unlike the blonde women of Fox News.

91. Vampire Queen Barbie wants to suck your blood.

One of the only Barbie dolls I’ve seen with fangs so far. I’m sure Hapless Human Ken doesn’t have much time to live. Love the hair and dress, by the way.

92. Grim Reaper Barbie shows up when your time is up.

She may look dark but she’s never good or evil. Do not resist her when she comes to collect you because you can’t.

93. Mexican Dress Barbie always travels with her little chihuahua.

Now Mexican Barbie is clad in a pink dress striped with lace and ribbons. Of course, I wonder if there’s a Mexican Ken as well. Then again, he might be dressed as a more stereotypical bandito.

94. Chinese Empress Barbie rules in Imperial splendor.

Of course, she’s clad in yellow and pink from almost head to toe. We should remember that in Dynastic China, only the Imperial family were allowed to wear yellow. Everyone else wasn’t.

95. Explore the cultures and wildlife of Africa with this African Barbie doll.

Just so you know, Africa is a nation of highly diverse wildlife, nations, and cultures. I only called this doll African Barbie since I have no idea which country she’s supposed to be from. Yet, I know it’s either from the west or the south.

96. Lead your very own Rebel Alliance with your very own Princess Leia fashion doll.

This is the Slave Leia one from Return of the Jedi. It’s one of Princess Leia’s iconic looks. Of course, Jabba the Hutt better watch out.

97. Now you can be your own superheroine with Wonder Woman Barbie.

Now Wonder Woman is one of the more definitive female superheroes. However, I don’t think fighting crime in a cape and scantily clad outfit is a good message to send to young girls.

98. Celebrate the tribal culture in Africa with South African Barbie.

Now this is a good representation of African tribes. A lot of women in Africa are actually dress like that and in a lot of different groups, too.

99. Publicity Tour Barbie is certainly ready for the experience.

Yes, she’s on her long tour with style and sophistication. Of course, she comes with an agent who’s pressuring her into this.

100. Now Hard Rock Cafe Bass Barbie has decorated her instrument with style.

Of course, she also has a lot of tattoos on her arm as well. But she seems to have a lot of good taste. Sure this doll wasn’t made for kids.

NFL Fans Dressed and Ready for Game Day

Posted by historymaniacmegan on September 7, 2015

This is me in my Steeler gear since I live within the Pittsburgh Metropolitan area. Now I may not be a big sports fan like my dad. But since I have a Terrible Towel, a Steeler T-Shirt, Steeler earrings, and a Steeler scarf, I thought I might as well use them for this post. Besides, this is kind of tame compared to the fans you’ll see in this.

As many of you avid sports fans may know, this Thursday is the start of NFL Football season which is opening that night in a game between this year’s Super Bowl champions the New England Patriots against my home team the Pittsburgh Steelers. Of course, we know that Tom Brady will be starting since he acted like a big baby and challenged his 4 game suspension in court over the deflated football scandal, but that’s beside the point. Now while my dad may be an avid Steeler fan as well as looks forward to watching the games week after week, he’d rather do so in the comfort of his own home on TV. At least there he can go to the bathroom during commercial break, not have to pay for food or admission, and sit in a place most comfortable to him. However, there are plenty of football fans who tend to go a bit further than my dad. Some of these might be wanting to see their team at Steeler Training Camp or going to the games themselves. And then there are people who have to go to the games all dressed up for the occasion in their full regalia. Some of these fans have very creative ways to show their love for their favorite team. Some of them even become known characters with their own blurb on the news as such. So for your reading pleasure to you NFL fans out there, I give you an assortment of pro football fans out there dressed up to show their support for their teams.

I swear to you that this Oakland Raiders fan is a little on the Dark Side of the Force.

And Darth Vader is all decked in his spiked shoulder pads and bracelets to show it. Play well, Raiders, or else he might Force choke you. And you don’t want that.

2. Now this woman can’t leave home for the game without her Cleveland Browns hat.

Now I have to admit, she has quite a creative fashion sense as the Bone Lady. However, I’m sure dressing like that isn’t going to help her team. And I know that the Browns aren’t known for their winning streaks in the AFC North.

3. When it comes to withstanding the cold, Packers fans are the most resilient around.

Now these guys must have been outside for hours. Then again, the icicles are only part of the costume. Or so it seems.

4. Now this luchador is ready to fight for his beloved Houston Texans.

Of course, I hope that guy is a Mexican because his costume is a bit stereotypical. Also, I’m sure luchadores don’t use knives in the ring, let alone long badass ones.

5. Sometimes a Colts fan needs to show up to the game all covered in his bling.

Now if all that doesn’t make him a Super Fan, then I don’t know what does. Still, I’m sure he has a tendency to put all his fellow Indianapolis Colts fans to shame.

6. When it comes to the Alien vs. Predator ordeal, I’m fairly confident that Predator is an avid Seattle Seahawks fan.

Now I’d really hate to see how this guy’s taking it after seeing the Seahawks losing to the Patriots at the Super Bowl. Let’s just say he was especially not pleased with his team losing to a bunch of cheaters known to deflate their footballs.

7. While Darth Vader may like the Raiders, Boba Fett seems to prefer the Saints.

Of course, he might be so disappointed that he didn’t have a role to play in Bountygate. If he did, then the other teams players would probably be frozen in carbonite by now.

8. Now when it comes to the big game, Kansas City Chiefs fans certainly know how to dress.

Cultural appropriation aside, I have to admit the Arrowhead is quite clever. However, I’m not sure what creature the other guy is supposed to be. Seems like a combination between a man, a ferocious dog, and a bear.

9. When it comes to supporting the Denver Broncos, it all depends on the kind of head you wear.

I don’t know about you, but I find the idea of wearing a horse’s head to a game as both creepy and strangely amusing at the same time. I’m not sure what other people might think of it though.

10. Of course, a true Oakland Raiders fan can’t leave home without his skulls.

And it seems that this guy has a lot of them. Of course, I wonder the ones on his belt add to any discomfort if he feels like sitting down.

11. Even the Voo Doo monsters turn out to support the New Orleans Saints.

Of course, I think this guy might frighten kid. But, seeing his beloved Saints helps get him out of the swamp now and then. Besides, he’s actually quite friendly when you get to know him.

12. These two sisters traveled all the way from Whoville to show their support for their beloved Green Bay Packers.

Now I’m sure those women probably drove to the game in a convertible. Because I can’t think of a car that would accommodate these crazy Dr. Seuss inspired hairdos. Then again, they could just be wigs for all we know.

13. This Seattle Seahawks fan has his ungodly horns signed by all his favorite players.

Yes, he may be an evil blue monster with green horns. But when the Seahawks are in town, he still feels the need to turn up to show his support.

14. You might not know it, but I hear that the Twin Cities have their ComicCon around this time of year.

Yes, this guy is dressed in his custom made Superman outfit. And yes, he’s wearing it to support his beloved Minnesota Vikings. Not sure about the goofy wig though.

15. Aside from intergalactic bounty hunters and Voo Doo monsters, plenty of Voo Doo witches and witch doctors also support the New Orleans Saints as well.

And it seems that she has found the perfect skull headdress with feather to match her leopard print dress. Still, she should consider dressing like that for Halloween as well.

16. Nothing shows your love for the Green Bay Packers than wearing helmets carved out of pumpkins.

Yes, they look ridiculous. And yes, it might smell in there. Oh, and yes, it might block the view of those behind them. But still, they at least showe their unique spirit for their team.

17. Even cyborgs have to turn up to support their beloved Oakland Raiders.

Yes, he might be a fearsome cyborg employed by some maniacal supervillain. But even he needs a break so he can go to see the Oakland Raiders once in a while.

18. Of course, there are some Denver Broncos fans that lean to the Dark Side of the Force.

Better play well, Peyton Manning. Or else this orange Darth Vader will force choke you like you wouldn’t believe. And let me tell you, you don’t want that Peyton. You really don’t.

19. Of course, you always need a few holy men to turn out to support the New Orleans Saints.

Now I’m sure these aren’t bishops or ordained clergy. But at a game like this, they’ll do. Not sure if the Saints are a worthy enough team to bless after Bountygate though. But that’s just me.

20. Of course, you can’t show your love for the Saint Louis Rams without wearing a hat of watermelon.

How the guy managed to clear the watermelon pulp without cutting it open, I have no idea. Then again, he always seems to hold on to it somehow.

21. This old lady always has to look her best when she goes to see the Seahawks.

Yes, this granny has to wear her blue wig with green, her feather boas, and her sparkly frames. And now she’s ready for showtime.

22. Sometimes it’s a hard life being a Green Bay Packers fan.

Yes, he might be dressed like a pimp in his Green Bay Packers regalia. However, at least he’s dressed for the weather because it’s snowing in this picture.

23. Seems like these two south of the border fans managed to get their favorite Packers to sign their queso.

I know these two aren’t Mexicans. But they’re certainly dressed like them. Might be kind of offensive but what do you know? They’re probably from Wisconsin and might’ve not seen a single Mexican in their lives.

24. This Colts fan always knows how to dress for the occasion.

Yes, he’s sitting in the stands trying to act so chill in his goofy hat and sunglasses. Still, you have to give it to him that he really loves his team.

25. Straight from Seattle brings you the one and only Hawk Daddy and his sidekick Mini Hawk.

Yes, this guy is dressed as a pimp and so is his doll. However, it’s such a ridiculous fan costume that I couldn’t resist not putting it on here.

26. Raise up the Jolly Roger because Dead Pirate Roberts is here for his Oakland Raiders.

Yes, zombie pirates may be the bad guys in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. But even they have to reserve their fall weekends to they can watch their beloved Oakland Raiders.

27. When it comes to the Washington Redskins, it’s always the fans who have to show up in style.

Okay, these may be dressed as raiders. But despite being fans of a team with a bad name, I kind of like their costumes.

28. Now this Imperial Storm Trooper showed his love for the Pittsburgh Steelers by coming with his T-Shirt gun.

Of course, it’s very unlikely he’ll even hit anything with it. Still, he certainly feels the Pittsburgh steel since he has his Terrible Towel with him.

29. Nothing shows your support for the San Diego Chargers than showing up to the game in your brightly colored mohawk wigs.

Yes, I’m sure it wouldn’t be normal to see blue and pink mohawk on three generations. But these people sure do their best to support their team.

30. Let me guess, these guys must be with the Minnesota Vikings.

Because the fact they’re in purple suits with horned hats and yellow shirts kind of indicated that to me. Still, I’d watch it with those hats. Don’t want to poke anyone’s eye out.

31. Now these women must dress in their best finery before attending an Oakland Raiders game.

Of course, these ladies certainly dress to impress. And yes, showing their support for the Raiders means wearing their fanciest clothes like they would at a European carnival.

32. As evil as this dark undead warrior may be, chances are he wouldn’t miss an Oakland Raiders game for the world.

Yes, all decked out in his chains and armor, this skeleton warrior wants nothing more than to show support for his team and enjoy the game. Seems like a lot of Raiders fans have some outlandish costumes for some reason.

33. Of course, to be a super fan of the Cincinnati Bengals, you must dress like a super fan.

And it seems these guys seemed to go as Superman and The Thing. Of course, the guy on the right could be just any superhero but his costume doesn’t compare with the other guy’s.

34. When it comes to the Cleveland Browns, even Cerberus has to leave the Underworld to see them.

Always imagined Cerberus being way bigger than that. Then again, it’s certainly a fan in a ridiculous costume. And he’s crossing bones, too.

35. Of course, nothing shows your love for the New York Jets more than wearing a jet on your head.

Then again, it’s a rather appropriate costume because they are called the Jets. But it still looks too ridiculous to ignore just the same.

36. This Cincinnati Bengals fan always has his beard prepared for the occasion.

Now this guy certainly has amazing facial hair. But his wild beard in stripes? That’s something I can’t ignore for this post.

37. Hey, I didn’t know that Captain America was a Cleveland Browns fan.

Always thought the Captain would be a fan of the New York Jets or Giants. I mean he’s from New York. Then again, he might’ve had Cleveland roots for all we know.

38. While some neighborhoods have a crazy cat lady, only the Carolina Panthers have Catman as their fan.

Now this antlered cat is utterly hideous and terrifying. But I have to admit this guy certainly has a very warped sense of humor.

39. Nothing shows your love for the Dallas Cowboys than wearing an oversized helmet to the game.

Of course, I hope the big helmet doesn’t get in the way of the view for those behind him. Then again, I’m not sure if it’s guaranteed to prevent concussions either.

40. Now this guy is so pimped up to cheer for his Arizona Cardinals.

Yes, he’s a white guy in a pimp costume. Yes, I know it might be offensive. But it’s utterly ridiculous that I couldn’t ignore it. And I’m sure this guy’s fairly pumped.

41. Those in Indianapolis, say hello to Mr. Blue.

And yes, Mr. Blue seems to live up to his name. But all he cares about is being there to support his boys in blue, the Indianapolis Colts.

42. Hey, look, it’s Beetlejuice and he’s an Oakland Raiders fan.

Of course, knowing that he was played by Pittsburgh native Michael Keaton, I’d expect him to be a Steelers fan. Oh, well, to each his own.

43. Of course, the guy from Halo and Optimus Prime might be from different franchises. But one franchise they can agree on is the New Orleans Saints.

And the two seem to have the regalia to show it. Of course, Optimus had to really do more work than the Halo guy for obvious reasons.

44. Remember that whenever you’re in Chicago during Bears season, you always have to Beware the Bear.

Now that’s quite a costume this guy has on. One one hand, it’s very ridiculous. But on the other hand, it’s just so awesome to know the difference.

45. Of course, this butterfly beauty always spreads her wings for her Atlanta Falcons.

And boy, does she have fancy wings, indeed. Of course, they may not have as many feathers. But they’ll do just the same.

46. Of course, Oakland Raiders games aren’t the same without the Gorilla.

Now I’ve posted pictures of a lot of Raiders fans on here so far. But I couldn’t miss this guy since he’s known to be a character among Oakland Raiders fans.

47. When it comes to NFL teams, this Greek Hopilite always sides with the Dallas Cowboys.

Of course, whether he’s a Trojan or a Spartan warrior I don’t have the slightest idea. I mean it’s all Greek to me as they say.

48. Now these New England Patriots super fans are so utterly pumped to see their team.

So much so that they decided to wear their underwear over their pants in true superhero fashion. And their favorite player seems to be none other than Tom Brady, you know, the guy who thinks he shouldn’t be suspended for 4 games for deflated balls. I mean deflated footballs.

49. Now this guy is such a super Denver Broncos fan that he shows up with games in not even the shirt on his back.

Now this is pretty disturbing. I really don’t want to know what he has under there, thank you very much. Still, couldn’t ignore this one.

50. Of course, it’s never a Washington Redskins game unless you have the Hogettes.

For the record, these are guys in women’s clothes with pig snouts on them. But I’m sure their antics might not go so well with Miss Piggy. Yeah, real nice, boys. I mean, girls. Oh, well.

51. On Steelers game day, it’s always customary to kneel down and receive a blessing from the Pitt Pope.

Well, I know that's not the Pope and I'm sure he's not even a priest. But still, he's a notable character among Steelers fans. And I couldn't do an NFL post without him.

Well, I know that’s not the Pope and I’m sure he’s not even a priest. But still, he’s a notable character among Steelers fans. Besides I couldn’t do an NFL fan post without including him. And I say that as someone from the Pittsburgh area as well as a Catholic. Because I wouldn’t hear the end of it from my parents.

52. Even in the winter cold, it always seems that Minnesota Vikings fans tend to stick together.

Now a KISS Vikings fan and a guy dressed as a Viking. Wonder how they thought of that. But at least one of them will certainly be warm.

53. What’s better than the Terrible Towel? Well, being dressed as one, of course.

Don’t ask me about the Terrible Towel and how that came to be. It’s a Pittsburgh Steeler thing that was started by their onetime broadcaster Myron Cope. That’s all I know.

54. Could it be? Why, it’s Seahawks Elvis!

Now this Elvis won’t leave the building until the game is over. And yes, he kind of seems like he’s from the Green Lantern universe or something like that.

55. Now this Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan really knows how to turn up the heat.

Of course, it should be obvious since his hair is practically on fire. Or so it seems. Still, the doll heads on his shoulders are creepy.

56. Sometimes football fans can be the biggest babies.

But this Broncos fan seems to take it a bit more literally than others. Yeah, I’m sure the bonnet and pacifier is going to make you look real cute (sarcasm).

57. Of course, there are some New Orleans Saints fans just there to clown around.

Now this guy is dressed as an actual circus clown. Yes, he might be creepy as hell, but he’s probably harmless and maybe even friendly. Of course, there are clowns who aren’t so friendly and more of a joke like Bobby Jindal.

58. Nothing shows your support more for the Atlanta Falcons than wearing a bucket hat with feathers.

Now does that guy look ridiculous or what? However, compared to some the fans you see here, he might pass for normal.

59. Of course, a woman doesn’t prove herself a true Green Bay Packers fan, unless she wears a bra to the game that matches her cheese hat.

I think they’re supposed to be “Claymates” or whatever that is. I’m not sure. I don’t really follow the Packers much anyway to know anything about their fan culture.

60. Hey, I had no idea that the Burger King was a Buffalo Bills fan.

Still, I can’t really say that the Buffalo Bills are a great team because that would be telling a whopper. Nevertheless, yeah, the Burger King is pretty creepy all right. But he seems to have so much fun.

61. Of course, some people go to the games just to hang out as friends.

I don’t know about you. But if I was at a Miami Dolphins game, I’d stay the hell away from these two scary clowns. Because to be honest, they’re terrifying the hell out of me.

62. Nothing shows your support for the New England Patriots than wearing a large conical hat with their logo on it.

Yeah, I know the hat’s a bit absurd. But at least this guy isn’t wearing a Tom Brady jersey. Of course, he might bump into a door way on his way out.

63. While painting yourself for the game isn’t unknown, some fans tend to take it to ridiculous levels.

Now this Dallas Cowboys fan seems to make the men from Blue Man Group seem a little pale in comparison. Of course, to make myself clear, the Dallas Cowboys aren’t “America’s Football Team.” Never were in the least.

64. Of course, you can’t have a Green Bay Packers game without the cheese pimp.

Sure the pimp costume might cause offense. But the guy looks so good with the green and yellow coat and cheese hat that I couldn’t resist.

65. Of course, you can’t be a true Baltimore Ravens fan without ruffling a few feathers.

And it seems that these people really seem to give it to the birds. Of course, they look utterly ridiculous in their outlandish outfits, but still.

66. Show your dedication to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers by wearing a pirate ship on your head.

Yeah, that’s a pirate ship all right. And it’s on that guy’s head. Not sure how it remains in good condition though. Then again, this might be the only time he wears it.

67. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you Hellraiser.

While Hellraiser may look like a slasher horror movie villain, he’s actually an Oakland Raiders fan. And he just dresses that way to support his team. He’s really nothing to worry about.

68. Of course, sometimes painting yourself in your team’s colors works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

And let’s just say, it’s certainly not working with this Chicago Bears fan. Yeah, he kind of looks ridiculous. But when it comes to NFL fans, it’s the thought that counts.

69. Now this guy can’t enjoy football season without sporting his Indianapolis Colts horseshoe beard.

Now that’s a creative way for a guy to support your team. Of course, how to explain that at work, I have no idea.

70. Now this Pittsburgh Steeler fan is ready to rock n’ roll all night.

Now I’m sure this person is a big fan of KISS as well from the outfit and makeup. Also seems to prefer a lot of bling as well from what I can recall.

71. Nothing shows your love for the Jacksonville Jaguars than painting yourself with spots.

While there are plenty of crazy Raiders fans, I don’t see a lot of crazy Jaguars fans on the Internet for some reason. And the Raiders and Jaguars pretty much have similar game stats. But he seems to stick out like a sore thumb.

72. Of course, this super Miami Dolphins fan is dressed up and ready to rumble.

Now this looks interesting. Must be some Miami based cape crusader. And I’m sure he’s wearing the mask to avoid embarrassing his family.

73. The Philadelphia Eagles has always been a team of birdmen, by birdmen, and for birdmen.

And yes, that guy’s wearing an eagle head for the game. And yes, despite the gestures, he doesn’t seem to carry on facial expressions too well.

74. Now this Cleveland Browns fan must be a real bonehead. Literally.

Now this guy seems to have a lot of bones on him for some reason. And what’s in his mouth? I really don’t want to know.

75. Of course, this skeleton monster always has to have fringe whenever he goes to see the Seahawks.

Well, he’s certainly dressed for the occasion if he wants to stick out. Still, not sure about the skulls and green grass on his shoulder pads but to each his own.

76. The Dark Side seems to be strong on this one.

Yes, this is another fan dressed as Darth Vader but from the Miami Dolphins. Of course, he’s also known as “Dolph Vader” with no pun intended.

77. Nothing shows your support for the Saint Louis Rams than bedazzling your horns.

I don’t know what’s more disturbing. The ram horns or the fact she has a mustache as well as “Mom” on her chest. Also, the stars on her face don’t help either.

78. Of course, some fans may prefer to dress like hopilites to express the true warrior spirit.

Hate to let down the Colts fan. But as wretched the Dallas Cowboys, I think the Dallas Cowboys hopilite wore it better. Sad to say.

79. Man, Cleveland Browns fans must really have a bunch of mad dogs around.

Now this dog must look like he’s high on something. And I don’t mean life. Perhaps he’s on something to drown his sorrows whenever the Cleveland Browns lose. Of course, that’s pretty frequent.

80. Now I couldn’t do a post about sports fans without including Washington Redskins fan Chief Zee.

Yes, I know the outfit won’t go well with Native Americans. But if I didn’t include him, I’m sure Redskins fans won’t let me hear the end of it. So there.

81. Nothing shows your support for the Cincinnati Bengals more than wearing a tiger striped coat and hat.

Yes, I know I’ve shown a few pimp costumes on here. But this guy seems rather chill and appears to have arrived early.

82. Now this Seattle Seahawks fan is incredibly hulked up for the game.

And I’m not saying this because he’s entirely green with unrealistically bulging muscles. Oh, wait. Yes, I am. Really would hate to see him if they lose.

83. Of course, even slasher horror movie villains can be cheeseheads.

Of course, I’m not sure if I’d want to be in the same stadium with him. But still, I hope he doesn’t take out his frustrations by killing somebody if his team loses.

84. Bald but don’t have a helmet? No problem.

I don’t know about you, but I think these San Francisco 49ers fans face paint jobs are kind of unsettling. Just so you know, I’m really not used to the helmet look without the helmet.

85. Of course, you can’t show your support for the Carolina Panthers without make up and a goofy blue wig to go with it.

Man, that guy looks real ridiculous with that on. Even wearing sunglasses doesn’t detract from it. Yeah, clown wigs really don’t make you look cool under any circumstance.

86. Now this Kansas City Chiefs fan is there to honor the team of his tribe.

Look, I admire this guy’s team spirit but I’m not sure that dressing up in Indian attire is a good way to show love for his team. Now I know naming your team the Chiefs isn’t as bad as the Redskins, but still. Kind of racist and offensive. Love to see this guy wear that in an Indian casino.

87. Hmm….kind of surprised that Boba Fett is a fan of the Buffalo Bills. Doesn’t really strike me as one.

And he seems really pumped up for the big game. Of course, as a Bills fan, he must expect a great degree of disappointment. I mean the Bills aren’t known for winning games.

88. Of course, this guy is such a diehard Baltimore Ravens fan that he shows up to game day in style.

Yes, that’s another pimp costume. However, for some reason he kind of reminds me of the Joker. I don’t know why. Must be the purple coat and hat.

89. When you’re a New Orleans Saints fan, sometimes it pays to enter like a Roman centurion.

Yes, the hat is badass and so is the shield. Not sure about the makeup and the leather attire though. But it’s all coordinated with the fleur de lys.

90. If the Tampa Bay Buccaneers don’t win this time, then this zombie pirate will make sure they walk the plank.

Now this guy’s kind of terrifying. Still, he seems to be reveling in the game as I see from his hands. Then again, I hope he doesn’t frighten the kiddies.

91. Now I give you an example of a true Atlanta Falcons fan.

And it seems that his beak very closely resembles a football for some reason. Nevertheless, this is a clever fan costume. Wonder if he’s a known character around Atlanta.

92. Some people blow whistles. Others just wear giant ones on their head.

I think this New Orleans Saints fan might be well known in his locale. Of course, I’d like to know what he’s shouting from the top of his lungs.

93. I heard that Tennessee Titans fans are among the most resilient football fans in the country.

Because I have no idea why this guy is still cheering despite having a sword in his head. Yeah, that helmet was very ineffective.

94. Marvel at these beautiful Minnesota Vikings fans in their purple hair.

And it seems that a couple of them are wearing horns for the occasion. Hope they watch where they shake their heads.

95. As I’ve heard, it’s said that venison sausage and cheese go very well together.

Okay, now I understand these are Green Bay Packers fans. But I have to admit that their dress is pretty disgusting. Seriously, is that supposed to be blood? Gross. Also, I hope that’s not real sausage.

96. This guy has accomplished honoring his two loves: the Carolina Panthers and Tom Hanks movies.

And it seems like he’s going with the movie Castaway. Yeah, I’m not sure about that either. Of course, having the volleyball named Wilson on his head is quite clever.

97. Let’s not mind these New York Giants fans with their coconut bras.

Now I’m sure they’re wearing those to cover their man boobs. But I’m not positive. Still, the blue paint doesn’t seem to do any favors.

98. Now this Detroit Lions fan really knows how to get things going.

I wonder what his hat supposed to resemble. Is it some complex electric fan or an internal combustion engine?

99. Now the Houston Texans better be ready for game day. Or else they’ll have to deal with this guy.

Of course, he’s just a Houston Texans fan with a rather scary mask and wig. Still, some NFL fans can get quite a bit out of hand at times.

100. Of course, this Pittsburgh Steeler fan is going all out.

Yes, Steeler fans may be kind of crazy. An I’m not sure how this guy manages to see anything. But I’m sure fans from other teams aren’t far behind.

Gather Round All Ye Lords and Ladies to Marvel at These Magnificent Costumes of the Ye Olde Renaissance Festival

Posted by historymaniacmegan on August 30, 2015

In my neck of the woods on September weekends, there’s a Renaissance Festival that goes on every year. In fact, I worked there for a season at the concession stand which meant hours and hours of standing. I didn’t mind preparing the food, but it was just the standing that bothered me. Nevertheless, it’s not an experience I want to repeat again. Still, I don’t usually go there as a participant because of how everything there is so expensive. However, there are plenty of people who do this as a thing on an annual basis. Not only that, but they dress up in costumes for the event as well. Hell, some people even get married there. Now I have to confess to my readers outside the country that these festivals aren’t aiming for historical authenticity save maybe when it comes to crafts or some of the other pageantry. It’s more for entertainment with dancing, jousting, music, processions, petting zoos, face painting, and food as well as fun for the whole family. Not to mention, its theme is usually geared more toward England and France since the Renaissance would look way different for someone in Italy. While some including the Greater Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival are short term events at fairgrounds or other large spaces, some could be permanent theme parks. As for the costumes, well, some can range from the Middle Ages to the early 18th century (which aren’t aiming for accuracy, by the way, for obvious reasons). Some could be fantasy such as fairies and wizards. And some could be, well, anything goes.

There’s a very interesting story how these festivals got started. The first one was held in 1963 by a Los Angeles school teacher named Phyllis Patterson as a class activity in the backyard of her Laurel Canyon home in Hollywood Hills. Later that year, Patterson and her husband Ron presented the first “Renaissance Pleasure Faire” as a radio station fundraiser with about 8,000 people showing up. It was made to resemble a Living History Center as a spring market fair on of the period. Commercial vendors were artisans and food merchants required to demonstrate historical accuracy and plausibility for their crafts. Reenactors were volunteers organized into “guilds” focused on specific duties like music, military, Celtic clans, peasants, etc. And both reenactors and vendors had to successfully complete workshops in period language, accents, costuming, culture, and to stay “in character” while working. Of course, other Renaissance festivals would soon spring up and become local traditions across the country. So the rest is history. Of course, Renaissance festivals as we know are more of an American thing for obvious reasons.

In this post, I intend to show you the many kinds of costumes on might see at a Renaissance Festival. Some of them may be to your liking while others might make you scratch your head. So without further adieu, here are some of many Renaissance Festival costumes for your viewing pleasure.

Keep in mind the cornucopias make great horns.

They’re also said to be a good way to store stuff, too. But you really don’t want to wear them and put stuff in them at the same time.

2. Of course, if you’re a woman stranded on a deserted island, the big clams always cover the most.

I’m sure she’s supposed to be some ocean maiden here from her outfit. However, I bet her costume cost her a lot of clams that she only had the two big ones left.

3. May I present, a gypsy fortune teller and a scarecrow.

You can guess which one of these saved money by making their own costume. However, that burlap must be itchy as hell. But I hope the costume doesn’t terrify the kiddies.

4. Of course, in this photo op, it should be blatantly obvious who isn’t going anywhere.

Now I don’t know about you, but how does the mermaid woman even move around. Seriously, she runs a very high risk on constantly tripping on her fish tail. Perhaps I don’t blame Ariel for wanting legs, even though I’d be pissed at her on why she wanted them.

5. Sometimes all you need is a peasant shirt, bodice, skirt, and a picnic basket.

Out of all the Renaissance Festival costumes I’ve seen here, I think this one is probably the least expensive and most doable. Seriously, sometimes you just need to keep it simple.

6. May I present ye olde Tudor Yeomen of the Guard.

You could tell these were the guys who guarded the Tudor royalty and the Tower of London. Of course, Henry VIII needed a lot of them so his buddies and two of his wives wouldn’t escape from there. Then again, the Tower was a luxury prison suite anyway.

7. Of course, no woman looks better in a bodice than a lady pirate.

Of course, this is the kind of outfit that would make historians shake their heads in dismay. We should remember that most Golden Age pirates were men. And even though women pirates did exist, they usually dressed in drag and for good reason.

8. When it comes to Renaissance Festival cosplay, even the very young can join in the fun.

Sure she looks so adorable in that little dress of hers. However, I'm sure a boy would've worn that outfit just as easily during the 16th century.

Sure she looks so adorable in that little dress of hers. However, I’m sure a boy would’ve worn that outfit almost just as easily during the 16th century. Well, at least until he was potty trained.

9. Now this is what I call a “deer maiden.”

Let’s hope she’s not wearing this during hunting season. Still, you have to love the makeup and flowers on the ears.

10. Of course, a pirate lass should always have a badass coat.

I have to admit, that is a very nice coat she has there. Nevertheless, I wonder if she's just either posing or really uncomfortable.

I have to admit, that is a very nice coat she has there. Nevertheless, I wonder if she’s just either posing for a photo or really uncomfortable.

11. At the Renaissance Fair, it’s not unusual to see the occasional satyr frolicking around.

Of course, satyrs in Greek Mythology weren’t nearly as pretty as this woman. In fact, many Greek satyrs are said to be quite ugly as well as men. The female satyr was a later invention of poets.

12. Remember you should never keep a pirate away from his rum.

Yes, pirates love their rum. But that’s probably because most British Golden Age pirates were impressed sailors who were put on a ship after having a few too many at a seaside tavern. Of course, they’ll never teach you that in history class.

13. Now may I introduce you to the lovely Lady Anne Boleyn in her resplendent dress.

God, she’s so beautiful that she’d make you want to lose your head. Hate to even think about what happened to her.

14. Of course, a gypsy woman always takes her essential implements with her.

On her skirt, she has all the necessary things such as her money purse, her goblet, and her wooden spoon. I’m sure the goblet isn’t made from fine metal. Else, someone might miss it.

15. Seems like the fairy queen would like to take a stroll in the village.

Yes, you see a lot of people dressed as fairies at the Renaissance Festival. Of course, I’m not sure if she’s a fairy godmother but her dress is quite elaborate.

16. Sometimes at these Renaissance Festivals you might occasionally come across a strapping young lad in the forest.

And what a strapping young lad he is. Of course, he might just be a model for this costume on eBay. But sometimes it never hurts to dream.

17. “Honey, will you take me as your evil husband and rule the evil netherworld together?”

I don’t know what’s awkward about this moment. Is it because she’s taken by surprise? Or is that he’s proposing to her in badass looking armor you’d see from a sci-fi movie?

18. Beware for the evil goat man is upon us.

Yes, you see a lot of this, too, I guess. Of course, despite that he might frighten small children, he’s probably harmless. Just some guy in a costume having fun.

19. Seems like the dark magical enchanters have descended across the land.

Now just a family at the Renaissance Festival in their costumes. But, yes, you’d expect movie fantasy villains to wear such badass outfits, especially in the 1980s. Kind of funny if you think about it.

20. Oh, no, there’s a Spanish Conquistador on the premises!

Actually, that’s just a guy at the Renaissance Festival enjoying a drink who happens to be dressed as one. Then again, this wasn’t an unusual military style during the 16th century. Or the early 17th, Let’s hope he doesn’t spread smallpox or kill any Indians.

21. While many people dress up for the Renaissance Festival, some people share costume ideas as couples.

Of course, their faces are powered in black makeup. Now while this might go well with their costumes as evil spirits, it might lead to some unfortunate implications with certain groups of people.

22. Of course, you can’t have a great Renaissance Festival with Gandalf the Gray.

Unfortunately for him, his pipeweed and pipe were confiscated at the entrance gate. But yeah, sometimes you do have people dressed up as Lord of the Rings characters there.

23. At the Renaissance Festival, costumes are worn even by the youngest lords and ladies.

Now this little princess is so adorable in her pretty little dress. Of course, I’m not sure if she’s old enough to enjoy some of the activities though. Then again, she might like the petting zoo.

24. For a lady in winter, it’s better to go in darker shade of blue.

Okay, I think this photo might be taking for advertising purposes only since most Renfests don’t take place in the winter. Then again, she might be quite warm in her dress.

25. Want to spare some change for an old wizard?

Seems like Gandalf isn’t the only wizard around these parts. Of course, you get a lot of wizards there, too. Still, like his horned staff.

26. Of course, I’m not sure about these guys coming at the Renaissance Festival with firearms. They might pose a security threat.

Oh, wait, those are pre-American Civil War weapons even if they’re working models. Let’s just say, these guns aren’t very practical as weapons anyway. You can say the same for most Renaissance firearms.

27. When you go to the Renaissance Festival, there’s a strong chance that you might run into some fairies.

I’m sure these girls aren’t nature spirits or even manic pixie dream girls. But they do seem to be having a rather good time as friends.

28. When it comes to costumes, sometimes you can tell what a person’s supposed to be, sometimes you can’t.

For instance, I can’t tell what the hell this guy’s supposed to be. Is he some kind of nature spirit, mythological creature, or witch doctor?

29. Of course, you might want to get out of this guy’s way when he’s at the concession stand.

I’m sure this guy isn’t a real bishop or clergyman in that matter. Then again, I could be wrong. Still, from a historical perspective, he could use some more bling.

30.For a barbarian, her attire appears rather sparse.

Contrary to what you see at the Renaissance Festival, Barbarian women during the Dark Ages weren’t nubile savages. In fact., they dressed in warmer clothes.

31. You might be aware that the Renaissance Festival permits costumes from all kinds of cultures.

This is supposed to be an Eastern European outfit. I’m not sure if it counts as cultural appropriation or not. Still, the guy doesn’t look that bad.

32. Sometimes knights need to relax now and then.

Now these three guys seem to keep their armor pretty squeaky clean. Still, I wouldn’t want to be in their mail or metal covered boots.

33. A drink of good rum and a badass outfit makes a pirate out of him.

Of course, his costume might look quite authentic for a Golden Age pirate if it was dirty. However, what’s even more unrealistic is that the guy is obviously middle aged. Most Golden Age pirates were in their 20s.

34. At the Renaissance Festival, you find people in all sorts of costumes with bright colors and intricate patterns.

Now the outer dress is quite intricate and beautiful. However, I’m not sure about the dress underneath. Kind of think you shouldn’t wear two patterned items of clothing at the same time.

35. You have to admit, it’s kind of shame that Renaissance festivals don’t have any restroom accommodations for centaurs.

Of course, being a guy needing to go No. 1, the lack of privacy might not be much of a problem. If he was a woman and/or had to go No.2, then the costume might be more of an obstacle.

36. Of course, this evil sorceress may have a problem with the lighting while trying her costume on.

Now I do love her outfit, especially the color and trim. However, from the look on her face, I swear that she put a curse on the photographer after the shoot.

37. Seems like this plague doctor is currently taking patients.

Love the “Bring Out Your Dead” sign. However, unless if he practices modern medicine, I’d stay away from that guy.

38. Of course, humans aren’t the only creatures to enjoy the Renaissance Festival.

Now this group is dressed in the costumes derived from the Wes Anderson play, “Sir Richard Fox the Fantastic.” That or just furries who really enjoy the Renaissance Festival.

39. There’s nothing more adorable at the Renaissance Festival than a little child in an Eizabethan collar.

Yes, she’s cute in her little dress. I’m sure Queen Elizabeth I wore the same thing when she was her age (sarcasm).

40. For couples looking for Renaissance Festival costumes, it’s help of they match.

Now though I like how their outfits coordinate each other, I’m not sure about the color. Also, I don’t know about those hats either.

41. Nothing makes a monk happier than a good brew and a tavern wench.

I’m sure these two are husband and wife in real life. But at the Renaissance Festival, nobody cares about him betraying his holy vows.

42. Nothing is more irresistible to the ladies than a wiener dog in mail.

Now Renaissance children’s costumes are one thing. But Renaissance Festival costumes for your pets? Now that’s kind of ridiculous. Besides, I’m not sure if many Renaissance Festivals even allow them.

43. When the Viking hordes arrive, they always seem to come in groups.

Unlike real Vikings, they’re not looking for a monastery to raid or a warrior death to get to Valhalla. They just want to party.

44. When it comes to Renaissance Festivals, even a turtle should be appropriately attired.

Now why would anyone take their pets to the Renaissance Festival is beyond me? I can understand wanting to dress your dog or cat. But dressing a turtle? That’s kind of ridiculous.

45. We should remember that a gypsy dog should be dressed like one.

Now I’m sure any dog love would think this is adorable. But I think a lot of dogs would see this as simple humiliation.

46. Of course, when you’re at the Renaissance Festival, keep in mind that there’s a chance you might run into some real creeps.

I’m sure he’s in this place to look for his precious. However, he won’t find it because a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins already too it. But he seems to love the camera anyway.

47. They may like separate teams and dress from different eras. But this is kind of event they can enjoy together.

He likes the Minnesota Vikings and she likes the Greenbay Packers. But at least they seem to have an activity that they can enjoy together. Love her cheese hat by the way.

48. Of course, you can’t do without mail at a Renaissance Festival.

Of course, I don’t think the women’s outfits would give them much protection from any weapons. Or the elements for that matter.

49. Sometimes there’s nothing more adorable at a Renaissance Festival than a little boy in fur.

I guess this is a little Eastern European Renaissance costume. I hope he’s not going as a little Ivan the Terrible.

50. Seems like this Renaissance Festival gives this little girl the perfect opportunity to dress as her favorite Disney princess.

She’s supposed to be Princess Merida from Brave. And she’s so adorable and happy. However, I’m not sure if that’s the costume Merida wore in the movie though.

51. Nothing looks better on a little knight than his own mail tunic.

And from what I can tell, it’s an Eastern European variety from how I can tell from that Orthodox cross. Still, it might protect him from stab wounds but not from spoiling his diaper.

52. Not everyone at the Renaissance Festival likes getting their picture taken.

Of course, this guy doesn’t seem too happy. However, he certainly does have one awesome costume that the photographers couldn’t resist.

53. Oh, my God, why if it isn’t Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yes, that’s Captain Jack Sparrow all right. Not Johnny Depp exactly, but almost spot on. Of course, I’m sure you’d see people dressed as Jack at some Renaissance Festival.

54. This Boston Terrier seems to be the king of the faire, or so he thinks.

Now he’s certainly in a resplendent robe. But all I guess he’s thinking is feasting on some of those turkey legs.

55. Nothing brings the spirit of the Renaissance Festival like a kilted Boba Fett merrymaking with Imperial Stormtroopers.

Who knew that Boba and the Stormtroopers knew how to have fun? Also, who knew that any of them were Scottish?

56. Of course, you can’t be a musketeer if you aren’t clad in leather.

He’s supposed to be a dark musketeer. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a sex dungeon in his basement. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Well, unless he doesn’t keep it safe, sane, and consensual.

57. I’m sure this man is a fortune teller who came from a distant land.

And it seems that this guy is overloaded with piercings, tattoos, and jewelry. Yeah, I think he needs to cut it down a notch.

And it seems that this guy is overloaded with piercings, tattoos, and jewelry. Yeah, I think he needs to take it down a notch.

58. Now there’s nothing better at the Renaissance Festival than a little princess leading her Viking dad by a chain.

Now this has to be the most adorable hostage situation I have ever seen. This father must be a great sport to resort to this photo op.

59. Look, kiddies, it’s Mother Goose!

Seems to have an interesting hat if I do say so myself. Then again, there might be some disturbing implications with the feathers.

60. There’s nothing better at the Renaissance Festival than an old Scottish Highlander on his Segway.

Now I understand why he’s not riding a horse. But I’m not sure a Segway makes an appropriate substitute. He’s better off getting a friend follow him banging coconut shells.

61. Of course, even soldiers of dark legions need a break now and then.

Don’t always imagine demonic soldiers sitting down for a drink. Always thought they wouldn’t have time for that. Still, that one guy’s helmet looks pretty cool.

62. As the Three Musketeers say, “All for one and one for all.”

Or as it should’ve been more accurately, “Four Guys with Swords” because of Dartagnan and the fact they usually fight with swords. Let’s just say an 17th century gunfight wouldn’t be very exciting.

63. Of course, some Renaissance Festivals tend to be fatal for certain people.

Seems like Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty have already lost Ensign Ricky. Guess they’re in a very dangerous situation. Then again, why these guys are at a Renaissance Festival is beyond me.

64. If you want to catch fairies, consult with this guy.

Of course, by “fairy” he means those winged mythological creatures. And I wonder if his net will be enough to catch them. I mean some fairies can be pretty feisty.

65. Of course, you always need the purrfect Renaissance Festival costume for your cat.

Wonder if they have a cat Renaissance Festival costume for Puss in Boots. I mean they should. Still, I think the ruff might make this kitty quite uncomfortable.

66. Sometimes Renaissance Festivals might appear receive visitors from another planet.

Wonder how the aliens from Sesame Street managed to get there. Of course, their costumes were probably easy to make.

67. When it comes to knighthood, it’s not unusual to start young.

He may not be for an armor suit yet. But this boy sure does have a knightly spirit to say the least.

68. We should all know that even a fair maiden looks resplendent in furs.

Of course, I might get called out by PETA on this. But I’m sure the fur trim is fake but nevertheless, guaranteed to keep her warm.

69. A Renaissance Festival bride should always get married in a blue dress and a tartan sash.

I bet the chances are high that whoever’s marrying her will be wearing a kilt. And he’d probably be married in that type of plaid. Still, she’s quite stunning.

70. While some fairies flutter their wings, other tend to spread them.

Of course, she’s wearing a mask to conceal her identity. She’s also wearing a leather corset. But with those wings, she looks quite magnificent.

71. Time for this mermaid to get out of her clam shell.

Nevertheless, I wonder how she manages to stay on dry land without any breathing difficulty. Or even move around with that tail of hers.

72. Seems like this gypsy woman has befriended this old hermit.

Yeah, I’m sure this is one of these couple portraits. This man has probably not sworn off civilization for a life of holy contemplation.

73. While some Renaissance Festival costumes are amazing, others can be subject to interpretation.

Now I find that the woman in this is rather stunning in her outfit. I’m not sure about the man in his. Looks like something I’d see at some underground nightclub. Then again, that’s just my opinion.

74. For this owner, this basset hound is bound to look like a prince.

However, this basset hound thinks he looks like an idiot. But he’s putting a smile for the camera because his owner has a bag full of Beggin Strips.

75. Of course, this Renaissance Festival isn’t always fun for a vampire.

For her there’s so many potential victims but so little opportunity to devour them and get away with it. Also, there’s the fact that the Renaissance festival only takes place on weekends during the daytime.

76. When it comes to the festivities, Queen Elizabeth I is the master of ceremonies.

Of course, she may be a fair queen, you really don’t want to mess with her. Believe me, so many during her 44 year reign learned the hard way such as the Earl of Essex and Mary, Queen of Scots.

77. Of course, even the German bar maids must have their fun, especially during Ocktoberfest.

Seems a little scanty for a a Renaissance Festival isn’t it. Then again, it’s a little too modest for Victoria’s Secret either.

78. Seems like Shrek and Fiona are having a laugh with the crazy witch lady.

Of course, I’d rather not know what the witch did with Shrek and Fiona afterwards. Still, you get to see characters like this all the time at the Renaissance Festival.

79. Now this young woman doesn’t mind being a peasant at the very least.

Still, unlike a real 16th century peasant, her clothes are clean and don’t smell of urine. Rather they smell of tide or dry cleaner.

80. In a dress like this, this little girl has all the makings of a lady at court.

Now I’m sure this dress didn’t come cheap in the very least. But I’m sure this girl thinks that she’s a perfect little princess in it. Or queen.

Vintage Underwear Advertising Through the Ages

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 8, 2015

Now underwear is a complex product in the advertising world. Sure most of us wear it and can’t live without it. Some wear it for comfort. Others for support or figure control. And some athletes wear it for protection. Actually we all wear it for protection as well as for comfort. Still, for a long time in history, there have been people who went without it because it simply wasn’t available or at least as we know it. But that doesn’t mean getting people to buy it is any less awkward. For instance, men might have a good time flipping through a Victoria’s Secret catalog but this doesn’t mean they’re willing to step inside an actual store, even if it’s to buy something for their girlfriend or wife. Still, when it comes to getting underwear for men, it’s usually safe to go with the tidy whitey option than go with anything too fancy. Just ask my father. Also, it’s preferable to shop for underwear for yourself or the kids if you have any. Nevertheless, while your conventional underwear ad usually had a model in the company’s undergarments, this wasn’t always the case. Now I can go on and on with all the great vintage underwear ads out there, but this would be a very boring post and I will never hear the end of it. So instead, I’ll show you some vintage underwear ads that seem a little more creative than they should be. Then again, some of them might’ve been designed by a guy who was deep in a Madison Avenue closet. So for your reading pleasure, here are some old timey underwear ads that might make you scratch your head or perhaps give you nightmares.

1. Moms, keep your child healthy and beautiful by buying them their very own corset.

Yeah, because internal organ damage as well as digestion and respiratory difficulties shouldn’t just be reserved for adult women. Also, men wore them, too by the way. Seriously, while the ideal waist was 18 inches, these constricting garments left precious little room for such necessities as internal organs. And that’s in adults. So perhaps corsets aren’t good for kids.

2. Jockey Junior Briefs have a nice comfy waistline that your kid and hold a gun in them.

Okay, say what you want about Plaxico Burress but at least he taught us that holding a firearm under an elastic waistband is a very bad idea. Of course, Plaxico Burress learned the hard way. Still, that boy has a very good chance of accidentally shooting himself in the thigh.

3. Hmmm….I wonder what Fred and Pete could be arguing about in the men’s locker room in their underwear.

Oh, they’re arguing about underwear. Still, for the many awkward situations in the men’s locker room, I’m not sure if this is quite realistic. Seriously, most guys would either be stripping down for showers or getting dressed. Not sure about the socializing in their briefs or tidy whiteys. If so, they wouldn’t be talking about underwear.

4. Back in the 1990s, Mark Wahlberg used to model for Calvin Klein. Here’s one of his underwear ads.

And it seems that Mark Wahlberg is just standing their clutching his junk. I’m sure he doesn’t want his kids to see this on the Internet. But I’m not so sure why. Still, the crotch area shouldn’t be held in any form of advertising, especially in an underwear ad.

5. Givvies boxer shorts get you off the seam! Even as you accidentally put on your shoes before putting on your pants in the men’s locker room.

Now I’m sure Bobby is just drying off the sweat after today’s golf tournament. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s about to snap the towel on Dave’s ass in order to engage in some unintentionally homoerotic horseplay.

6. As this 1950s ad implies, whatever went on in the men’s locker room stayed in the men’s locker room.

Hmm.. seems like Danny loves to see Gary dress after a practice or the big game during their wholesome conversation. Of course, they are probably talking all the manly stuff like sports, hunting, fishing, and chicks. Not sure about the last part.

7. During the 1950s, it was considered manly for two male roommates to engage in a good old fashioned pillow fight.

Yes, Bill and Henry are just roommates letting off steam by swiping pillows at each other. Nothing homoerotic about that. Just two guys getting at it in their underwear with some nice wholesome fun.

8. Wear Utica Bodyguard Briefs for the Annual Men’s Tidy Whiteys Golf Tournament of 1957.

If I saw a guy outside practicing his golf game in his underwear, I’d have to wonder about him. And that goes for men of all shapes and sizes whether they wear tidy whiteys or boxer shorts. Seriously, underwear ads tend to throw realism out the window.

9. Now with Munsingwear, even the most manly man can do the gardening in his tidy whiteys.

I’m sure this guy is digging in his tidy whiteys because he’s either too lazy to change into some proper attire like coveralls or cargo pants. Or he’s simply the neighborhood nudist who was recently told to take it down a notch.

10. Reis Scandals: So comfy that even an Army guy will publicly disrobe to show them off to his buddies at camp.

Let’s just say when servicemen spend lots of time together, privacy ceases to become an issue. Also, note the guy showering in the background. Yeah, sometimes what happens at the base, stays at the base.

11. In the olden days, it wasn’t unusual for men to talk of hunting and fishing while in their undershirts and briefs.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if I want to find out what they’re going to do with that fish. Also, they almost seem like they’re touching each other.

12. Of course, during the 1920s, it wasn’t unusual for men to hangout together for pool and strip badminton.

I don’t know about you but to me, it seems like a cross between The Great Gatsby and Foxcatcher. Must be the 1920s opulent settings and the unintentional homoeroticism.

13. Reis Scandals: So comfy that men would often disrobe themselves to show them off to their friends, even on a cruise ship.

Now men disrobing at the military camp is one thing. That I can understand with the lack of privacy in that situation. I’m not sure about the cruise ship. I don’t know it’s just that I find the idea of men showing off each other’s underwear as a bit gay so to speak.

14. During the 1950s, it wasn’t unusual for fathers and sons to engage in male bonding activities like having tea parties in their tidy whiteys and undershirts.

Okay, my dad and his brother were kids during the 1950s. And I’m sure that father-son bonding activities didn’t consist of tidy whitey tea parties. Seriously, who the hell thought this would be a great idea? It’s crazy.

15. Before the 1920s, it was fairly common for a bunch of guys to build human pyramids in their union suits.

At first, it doesn’t seem that weird since it seems like they’re in their pajamas. Then you realize that men actually wore these outfits as underwear. And you can’t help thinking such scene is hilarious.

16. 1950’s men’s locker rooms would sometimes become places of very awkward father and son conversations.

“So let me get this straight, Dad. Now after you and Mom got married, you put your who’s it in her what’s it, which was how I came about. Is that right?”

17. In France, men who wore blue speedo underwear would’ve been certainly bound to be noticed.

Of course, I’m sure the people looking at him don’t seem to be outraged at all. In fact, after he and his girlfriend leave the restaurant, they’ll all probably burst into shits and giggles.

18. For any man wanting to enhance their carpet of virility during the 1970s, there was the genuine mink jock.

Now I know that this jock pair is marked as “erotic apparel.” But I seem to find it anything but. In fact, I think it’s disgusting. Yeah, let’s assume that whoever came up with this was probably on some heavy brown acid.

19. For those awkward men’s three-legged races, try Skimpys.

Of course, these guys are just friends participating in a wholesome three legged race. And they just happen to be in their underwear. Nothing gay about that (sarcasm). Also, there’s got to be another guy in this ad and it’s kind of terrifying that we don’t see anything else than his leg.

20. “Back off, Jimmy, those are my striped boxers!” “No, Hank, but you can take my striped boxers if you can pry them from my cold dead hands.”

Still, I have to admit, these guys really seem to enjoy fighting over underwear while wearing their boxers. Not sure which one will get the upper hand or what they’ll do afterwards. Not sure where this is going.

21. Men who wear Munsingwears always have other men checking them out. But there’s nothing gay about it. Really, they just admire the comfort and stretchiness.

Now I don’t know about you, but I kind of have an idea where this is going. Seriously, I’m sure there’s no way these two guys are “just friends” or that they’re exclusively straight.

22. Be a new man with the Testosterone Radium Energizer and Suspensory.

Now that I know this is a type of underwear for men. But whether it’s for kinky sex or cold blooded torture, I haven’t the slightest idea. And I’m not sure what kind of guy would wear it.

23. “What do you mean I’m compensating for something, Larry?”

From The Advocate: “Boys! Boys! The only way this dispute can be settled is with a wrestling mat and some Wesson Oil!” Of course, I think that’s where this is going.

24. Nothing makes sexier underwear than a matching yellow mesh set of a T-shirt and briefs.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think many men would go for fancy underwear like that. Seriously, men don’t really care how they look inside. Also, that kind of fancy underwear makes these guys look as if they’ve just walked out of a San Francisco gay bar.

25. For a black man in the 1970s, there should be no reason why your underwear shouldn’t be funky and colorful.

Now these patterns are simply hideous. Seriously, these have to be the work of a men’s underwear designer going great lengths trying to justify his own job existence.

26. At Fruit of the Loom, all their men’s briefs come in a variety of fashionable colors you’d see in any football locker room.

I can imagine the black guy saying, “Dudes, why don’t you get some clothes on? I mean you two white dudes socializing while eating ice cream in your undies? That can’t be right. Not saying that’s gay or anything but…”

27. Jockey: as easy to wash as her stockings. Not sure if washing them in the bathroom is a great idea.

From The Advocate: “Sometimes I like to light up a cigar and wash my underwear at night. I try to be in the moment.” But I’m not sure if it was normal for a man to do such a thing. Besides, I’m sure the majority of men’s underwear out there is machine washable. So perhaps such scene isn’t really necessary.

28. “Hey, Roger, do you want to play a game of flag football in the locker room?”

I can imagine the football player saying, “Hey, guys, I might run across the field wearing tight pants and monstrous shoulder pads. But I sure look way less ridiculous than either of you do now socializing in your underwear.”

29. Nothing consists of quality father-son time like spending a day at the playground in their tidy whiteys.

I’m sure this ad is supposed to represent a wholesome father and son moment. However, in real life, it might result in the dad possibly being put in jail or on a sex offenders list. Yeah, fathers and sons don’t participate in male bonding activities in their underwear, especially outside.

30. At summer weddings, it wasn’t uncommon for men and boys to show up in their boxers and briefs.

Funny, I expected men and boys of that era to dress a bit more formal for such occasions. Still, they seem to have a lot of fun taking the decorations off the car and playing with a dog.

31. I’m sure this guy’s chest hair is actually a Rorschach test.

And for a moment, I thought that guy was Ted Danson from Cheers in the 1970s. Of course, you have to start somewhere. Still, not sure what to make about the chest hair.

32. Of course, there seems to be a fight about to break out between the tidy whiteys and the funky undies.

Then again, the funky undies crowd seems pretty chill. And the tidy whiteys guys really don’t want anything to do with the funky undies. Either way. I’d certainly wouldn’t want to associate with either team.

33. Now nothing brings young men together in a pool men’s locker room than a pair of swimming flippers.

Not only are these guys in obnoxiously tacky boxers, but I’m sure they’ll engage in an orgy with the flippers anytime soon. Oh, I’m sure we all experimented at that point in our lives.

34. Underwear in a tube! Well, that’s dynamite for you!

Actually “Dynamite” is a horrible name for an underwear brand. Seriously, no one wants to imagine exploding private parts. Doesn’t help that their underwear is rolled into a stick with a string. And is stored in a box.

35. Introducing the semi-brief.

Still, too be fair, there are some things that Judd Hirsch might want to keep private about his pre-Taxi days. This ad might be one of them. But the underwear he was wearing was so ridiculous, I couldn’t pass this up.

36. I’m sure an ad like this was intended to appeal to every man’s fantasy.

Because how else could you expect 3 neatly combed blond women on the beach with nothing but their underwear on? Seriously, folks, this seems way unrealistic and more or less in the realm of action movies or porn.

37. “With my new bra, I can put flowers in my hair and grab a bull by the horns.”

Yes, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Besides, I think this bull might getting a bit angry. So it’s probably best that she run for the hills. Now.

38. “I came in like a wrecking ball!”

Hate to break it to you, lady, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to swing by on a crane without wearing the proper safety equipment. This is especially the case if the crane has the potential to run into that building behind you.

39. “With my Maidenform bra, I can walk on a tightrope through the city at night.”

And I sense that this woman is well on her way to winning a Darwin Award. Seriously, does she have any idea how dangerous walking a tightrope over the city is? She would have better survival odds at the circus.

40. Back in the day, it was common for many women to get together for a masquerade, while wearing only a bra for the top.

Now I don’t know about you. But I kind of find the dancing masked bra ladies in the background to be quite terrifying. Of course, it’s one of the few instances where scantily clad women become the stuff of nightmares.

41. Be a wanted sexy gunfighter with your Maidenform bra.

Now I guess her name is “Sexy Sadie” Stripper. And I’m sure that she’s wanted for the G-String murders who allegedly forced her to dance on a table. She said the victims deserved it, however. I’m not so sure.

42. Get the natural support you need with the “nipple” bra.

Jesus Christ, if I wanted nipples showing through my shirt when I’m out and about, I’d just go with a cheaper option. Not wearing a bra. Seriously, why did this thing ever exist in the first place?

43. It’s said that a woman wearing Valentino lingerie becomes an object of her man’s desire.

Then again, there are some women who may become targets of stalkers. And some of those stalkers might be homicidal maniacs. I’m sure I wouldn’t want to be that woman the scary guy has eyes on. Really creeps me out.

44. For generations, Loveable has been selling comfort to women and girls of all ages.

Yes, but does that statement have to be surmised in perhaps one of the most awkward family photos ever. Seriously, there’s no way in hell I’d want have a picture with my mom and grandma in their underwear. I mean how could they think this was a good idea?

45. Nothing upsets the retirement home like seeing a nurse having her panties accidentally fall off.

Of course, this wheelchaired bound old man now can’t wait to tell his buddies about what he just witnessed. Yes, he’s a dirty old bastard but what can you do? Then again, some men can have a heart attack and die if such a sight excites them too much.

46. A padded bra helps distinguish a civilized white woman from a native tribal girl in the Pacific Isles.

Of course, it should be apparent to all of us that lingerie ads tend to be pretty racist. This especially goes for the past. Still, how they managed to get a topless woman on there I can’t explain.

47. There’s nothing more relaxing for a woman than frolicking in the forest with her friends wearing pink lingerie.

Of course, they’re trying emphasize that lingerie is comfortable. Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I’d frolic in the woods in that. And that doesn’t mean you should either. Might want to go with a sports bra for outdoor activities.

48. Wear your Maidenform bra so you can dance the Charleston.

Unless I’m drunk off my ass in Paris in the middle of the night, how the hell would I be able to dance the Charleston in that outfit? Seriously, the Charleston is a 1920s dance. And I’m sure these women posing for it weren’t around then.

49. Here’s some lingerie to help you look forward to Indian summer.

Of course, cultural appropriation is also prevalent in lingerie ads. And let’s just say we don’t want to offend Native Americans, shall we? Seriously, we don’t want to perpetuate the nubile savage girl, shall we?

50. When it comes to lingerie, cone bras and big hair are all the rage.

Of course, what baffles me about this ad is the fact how Cousin Itt managed to knock up a supermodel. Then again, he might give credit to the famous Burt Reynolds Cosmo centerfold.

51. Vassarette: The lingerie choice for sluts.

Basically, this ad states: “Ladies, if you wear our lingerie, you will get lucky or you’re a whore.” Note that you will never see such message on men’s underwear ads. Well, maybe not in that context.

52. Introducing the “don’t slip” slip.

Of course, this is the kind of slip women wear over their shimmering space age suits. I’m not sure why but that’s what the ad shows.

53. Apparently, back in the day, you can work out in your lingerie at the gym.

Hmmm…not sure if I agree with this ad here. Then again, they could be wearing a sports bra with an athletic girdle and garter belt with them. Not sure if the latter ever existed though.

54. After Vicky was kidnapped, she soon found herself forced to play DJ in her lingerie for the giant lady’s party.

Of course, if Vicky put on music that the giant lady and her guests didn’t like, then she’d suffer a most agonizing death by being cooked in a meat pie, ground up. Still, at least they let her eat donuts.

55. Now Liddy loves to feel the air on her breasts in the London fog.

Of course, she only has a limited time until some British policeman in a funny hat arrests her for indecent exposure. That, or distracting drivers into an accident at some intersection.

56. In the 1940s, nothing sold Formfit Life Bras than mutantly proportioned minxes uttering stupid not-too-dirty limericks.

Too bad Little Boy Blue is missing the chance for a real life dream. Yeah, you don’t get a mutantly-proportioned beauty in her lingerie like that every day, buddy. Too bad Little Boy Blue is too sleepy to notice.

57. Wearing a Maidenform bra gives you a great chance for women to engage in kinky private eye antics.

Yes, with her Maidenform Bra, handcuffs and hole punctured newspaper, Julia is ready to solve a mystery. Too bad the case at hand pertains to woman suspecting her middle aged and overweight husband cheating on her.

58. Since Beryl started wearing her Maidenform Bra, chess is now an elegant evening pastime.

My, what a big King there. Also, wonder where you can get those matching mermaid evening skirts with that bra. Still, seems like these women get their kicks above the waistline, sunshine.

59. In the 1950s, women were expected to turn a bold shoulder to summer in their lingerie.

What you see here was a rare ritual of 1950s sun worship in the sacred rite of the Stepfordian religion. Of course, they never tell you about such things. Still, the Stepfordian religion died down rather quick anyway.

60. When it’s spring, the tulips sprout as well as the tulip beauties that spring from them.

You may not know from this, but it’s well known that the mutant tulip women ate their husbands. Yes, they’re literal maneaters who are willing to kill again.

61. “Is every Movie Star this beautiful?”

My question: “Does every Movie Star even wear super conservative lingerie?” Of course, that one has an obvious answer: “No.” And I’m sure this ad wasn’t issued in the 1950s to say the least.

62. In your Maidenform Bra, you can ski down the Alps with your Saint Bernard.

Of course, she has no idea that the mountain weather can be quite chilly and unpredictable. Still, she’s certainly not dressed for the occasion by any stretch of the imagination.

63. In her Maidenform Bra, Henrietta was able to face the pool sharks who brutally beat her up and sent her to the emergency room.

Now she’s quite the hussy for a pool hustler. Of course, she tends to use her bra as a tactic against her male competitors who may be distracted by the sexy.

64. Remember, ladies, you can’t go stargazing if you don’t have the right kind of lingerie.

Since when do you need lingerie to go stargazing. I’m sure not having a nightie, girdle, or bra didn’t stop Dr. Neil Degrasse Tyson from becoming an astrophysicist. Of course, I don’t think he’s the kind of guy I’d want to see in lingerie.

65. “Oh, yes, Og, I enjoy being dragged by the hair by you. Please abuse me.”

From Buzzfeed: “Obvious cringeworthy sexism aside, shouldn’t the caveman be barefooted? What is he, a Roman caveman?” Well, yeah, because I’m not sure if they had any sandals in the Stone Age. Of course, The Flinstones isn’t a reliable source for Prehistory, but like early man, they also went barefoot as well.

66. Girls, buy a set of 6 panties and get a free record.

Of course, it’s just a lousy single that only plays a couple of songs on it. Yet, at least your granny panties will all be different colors that will match with your pastel outfits. Guess they’ll do anything to sell to teenage girls.

67. “Remember, ladies, always wear a pretty pair of panties. Because you’ll never know when you’ll get hit by a car.”

Okay, so how is a pretty pair of panties going to help you if you’re involved in an accident? Of course, it won’t. Seriously, this is just sexist on so many levels. Nobody ever tells guys to put a handsome pair of briefs in an event of these things.

68. Of course, the lady editor wearing a Maidenform Bra tends to be quite kinky with the phone.

Of course, how she won’t get tangled in the phone wire I have no idea. Still, if you look at the hats, you find out that her job has something to do with fashion. Still, kind of disappoints me as an example of female stereotyping.

69. Just a mother and daughter spending quality female bonding time together in their underwear.

Not sure what to make of this, but it’s probably not as awkward with the father-son equivalent. Then again, it seems like these two have no sense of privacy whatsoever. Also, my mother would always make sure I was dressed (or covered) before she did anything with my hair.

70. With Jantzen lingerie, women can do anything.

However, girls, remember that you can be carried away by balloons while just wearing lingerie. So perhaps you might want to cover up first. Oh, and it seems that the dog’s carrying one, too.

Not So Fun in the Sun Swimsuits

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 18, 2015

Whether used to cover up private parts while swimming or fanservice, swimsuits have always been a mainstay in our culture since modern times. Now while recreational swimming has been a mainstay of civilization public or otherwise, most people basically wore the same type of outfit they’d wear for sleeping: absolutely nothing. And this went for both genders of all ages. However, the first swimsuits weren’t made just to put on the cover for the Ye Olde Sports Illustrated swimsuit contest. In fact, they were to deter such a thing since it would’ve been improper for a woman to show her ankles. Of course, in much of the 18th and 19th century it was also fashionable to be pale, too, so nobody wanted to risk their white skin to sun exposure. They also had bathing machine cabanas on wheels that allowed women to change into their bathing suits in complete privacy during this time. Of course, early swimsuits weren’t well known for their practicality since they tended to be made of wool and took a long time to get in. It had to take the Olympics and the 1920s to have swimsuits be seen as anything suitable for the swim team, at least for women. Nevertheless, when it comes to swimwear aesthetics, most women tend to have it easy since the one piece, two piece, and the bikini have come on the scene. Men’s bathing suits on the other hand, well, a man’s ability to look good in a swimsuit is heavily dependent on his body type regardless of the outfit. Now I can go on and on about the great swimsuits you’d find at the beach, but I don’t want to put Sports Illustrated or Victoria’s Secret out of a job. Instead, I’ll feature swimsuits that you wouldn’t want to be caught dead in at the beach. Some of them might be a tad bit or borderline inappropriate as well as wardrobe malfunctions waiting to happen (which is why this is tagged NSFW). Some are plain impractical and possibly more suited for a Northern Alaska or New England chapter of the Polar Bear Club than anything. And some are just either plain ugly or tacky, possibly both. Still, the wearers I have in this post will most likely be gorgeous models these swimsuits were made for since I don’t want to shame people’s bodies in this post. This is about the outfits, not the people wearing them contrary to the purpose of a lot of swimsuit competitions or swimsuit photos which are certainly intended for fanservice. Also, if a swimsuit looks ridiculous on a gorgeous model, it’ll probably look terrible on you. Still, there are some exceptions. Not to mention, some things here may not be safe for work. So without further adieu, here are some tacky, ugly, and poor taste swimsuits for all of you to see.

1. Now I have no qualms about bikinis, but I do wish the bottoms should adequately cover a woman’s genitalia.

If you look closely, you can see this woman’s bikini bottom doesn’t quite cover her between the legs as it should. And as for posting this photo, it’s really on the borderline between PG -13 and R because I try to avoid showing pictures of exposed private parts (sans boobs). But I’ll have to make this an exception because I’m sure it happens at a pool or beach all the time, where you see people of all ages. If your swimsuit bottoms run the risk of wardrobe malfunction, it’s time to go to the store.

2. Now here is a picture of very slutty swimsuit worn by pro swimmer Annette Kellerman in 1907, which got her arrested in Massachusetts for indecent exposure (and I’m not making this up).

Of course, Kellerman wasn’t a fashion model by any means. She was a swimmer and performer who pretty much invented synchronized swimming. She wore this get up for practicality since women’s swimsuits weren’t really designed for actual swimming. But she caused such a scandal because it exposed her body form which was a Victorian no-no. Of course, today, it would seem more like gymnast attire than anything.

3. Of course, vaginal wardrobe malfunctions don’t always have to apply to bikinis or two pieces alone.

While this woman might feel sexy in this one piece bathing suit, I see this outfit as a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. Call me a prude, but I think a swimsuit bottom should be designed similar to underwear as well as cover the hips for support. Hate to see what the back looks like.

4. While the rare sight of washboard abs is a sexy and magnificent sight on the beach, a leopard print speedo is not.

Of course, I always considered leopard prints tacky for some reason or another. But still, the guy looks sexy despite it. However, I tend to recommend that most guys stick to trunks instead of speedos for obvious reasons.

5. Back in the 1890s and early 1900s, it wasn’t unusual for women to wear a 2 piece swimsuit. And by that I mean a knee length dress and bloomers. Sometimes even tights.

Now in the Victorian and early 20th century, modesty was the best policy even in swimwear. Showing too much leg or a collar bone would’ve gotten you arrested for indecent exposure. Same goes for men. However, if you were a woman who wanted to actually swim, these weren’t for you. But, too bad because as far as swimwear went, you didn’t have any legally viable options.

6. Sometimes bikinis are much easier to assemble if they have straps in the midriff.

Now this is actually a reasonably fine bikini without any need for improvement. Well, except cutting the white midriff straps with a pair of scissors because they’re so non-essential and make the outfit look ridiculous.

7. When it comes to string bikinis, sometimes there can be too many strings attached.

Leopard print aside, if that woman can’t keep her string bikini up right without the large strings at her midriff, then it’s a terrible swimsuit. Also, the look can use some scissors.

8. When buying a string bikini, make sure that you buy a top that closely corresponds with your bra size.

Now I know this is a fanservice shot. But while the bottom is fine, the top part should be below the breast, for God’s sake. This woman’s obviously doesn’t. Still, while this chest look might seem sexy on her, most people wouldn’t.

9. Nothing makes a great swimsuit pattern than of cats shooting eye lasers.

Hmm…this is an interesting case. Now this is quite funny, but would I really want to wear it at a pool party? Probably not.

10. If you think speedos are bad, you should see when they’re attached to the neck.

Okay, now this seems to be a cross between a speedo and a high school wrestling get up you’d see in Foxcatcher. As bad as speedos are in swimwear, they guy looks much better without the neck strap. Might want to give him scissors.

11. Sometimes one piece swimsuits are so skimpy for women that they seem to come with a bunch of straps to hold them together.

I’m sure she’ll run the massive risk of a wardrobe malfunction. Well, if she’s caught by the villain and her only means of escape is cutting through those straps. Also, I’m sure if enough straps break on both sides, well, it’s going to be embarrassing.

12. Now a shark bathing suit. Hmmm….wonder if anyone would take a bite out if it.

Now I know sharks play a vital role in the ecosystem and yes, they shouldn’t be killed by humans like they are right now. But since there have been people attacked by sharks, well, this probably won’t go well with them.

13. When it comes to two piece swimsuits, you can always get a bright green one with elaborate trimmings.

Okay, while the bottom is fine, the top is pretty disgusting. Seriously, it just sags from the breasts. Swimsuit tops aren’t supposed to do that.

14. Back in the day, men were just as obliged to cover their chests as women.

Now you’d think a fat guy would actually look good in one of these outfits. Turns out that’s really not the case, especially the top is a skirt.

15. When wearing a bikini, the top waistline must be below the breasts, not on them.

Now it seems this top on a string bikini is too small for this woman’s possibly plastic surgery altered big boobies. Also, please get a bikini top that corresponds to your bra size. Like I said, this pose wouldn’t be sexy if a normal woman attempted it.

16. When wearing a swimsuit, you always want to look neat and tidy, not like you’re a rescued castaway from a deserted island.

Now Melanie was a deep sea diver who was stranded on a deserted island in the Caribbean. She tore her blue diving suit into shreds just to be more comfortable. This is her when she was rescued.

17. Now with the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, there is now a dominatrix swimsuit line.

I’m sure this beautiful purple getup comes with its own cat o’nine tails. Great for the pool, beach, or sex dungeon. Featured in a movie called BDSM Beach Party Bingo.

18. Now this spiky one piece is equipped with a flotation device at its waist.

This would be a great swimsuit for those at the beach who fear drowning and sharks. However, tends to make the wearer look like a complete psycho.

19. For black tie beach parties, this tuxedo one piece is for you.

Well, assuming that you’re a girl and among the help. Other than that, I’m not sure why anyone would want to pull off a black tie beach party.

20. This swimsuit brings a concept of string bikini to a whole new meaning.

I don’t know about you but I think this model should’ve had a hell of a time putting this damn thing on. I can imagine the possibility of being tangled among the ribbons.

21. Of course, in recent trends, swimsuits have become skimpier and skimpier.

I’m sorry but this is way too sleazy as a bathing suit and doesn’t look good on anyone. Seriously, I can totally see the possible wardrobe malfunctions on this one.

22. “My infiltration into the ladies’ room was a cinch.”

I’m sure this guy forgot to shave his beard. And legs. And armpits. Still, I’m sure the guys in the county pen will get a kick out the notion of a guy being arrested in a swimsuit like this one. This might be a woman’s swimsuit even the fact he could fit one of these is kind of disturbing.

23. Fringes always tend to make a swimsuit look more festive at the beach.

But long fringes also have the potential to weight the swimmer down while they’re in the water. Yeah, long fringes on swimsuits aren’t a good idea.

24. Of course, a true Tolkein fan always wear a swimsuit of Lord of the Rings.

I’m sure this will have all the girls ogle at you, but not necessarily for what you think. Seriously, this swimsuit has more hot guys on it than what many would typically see on a beach.

25. I wonder how long it took her to be laced into a swimsuit.

Let’s just say while this might look good on a model, it won’t look good on a normal person. Also, might take a long time to get in. But if you’re into figure control or kinky BDSM stuff, this might be for you.

26. Nothing says fun in the sun like a swimsuit top made out of lifesavers. Now that gives a whole new meaning to the word, “eye candy.”

Let’s hope that these aren’t real lifesavers because odds are that she’ll probably be arrested for indecent exposure. I mean real lifesavers dissolve in liquids like water and saliva.

27. When it comes to women’s swimwear, sometimes the one piece suits have interesting areas for the breasts.

Now I can see why the straps are essential on this one. However, I’m sure it doesn’t really deter the potential for a wardrobe malfunction. Seriously, I’m not sure if any woman can wear that.

28. Now this swimsuit is guaranteed to make any woman look like a badass.

By that, I mean as if she had been wearing it while escaping from some gigantic monster in the jungle that part of it was torn while she was caught in a much of thorns. Yeah, she looks totally ripped, but I don’t mean in the usual context.

29. Think your swimsuit is missing something? Just add more fabric.

I’m sure what she has on underneath isn’t much better. But still, I think the upper part kind of weighs her neck down. Also, I’m sure it takes a long time to get into.

30. Though conventional women’s swimsuit culture always states that less is more, this isn’t always the case.

“Well, we put them in the laundry and somehow they seemed to shrink for some reason.” Still, a string bikini should cover your entire vaginal region, not just part of your pubic area. Seriously, that’s disgustingly vulgar. And for heaven’s sake, think of the children who have to see this.

31. Now this is the kind of swimsuit that begs the question, “How are her boobs covered in this?”

Now being apparent that she only covers her boobs with her long flowing hair, I’m sure that no woman should wear this swimsuit. Seriously, I think you’d be arrested for indecent exposure if you ever dare wear it in public.

32. A swimsuit like this can turn any woman into a bonafide action heroine with sex appeal.

I swear this is the kind of get up that says, “Yes, I’m a badass sexy fighter, but I still need the white male hero to rescue me so we can make sweet love in the end. And I don’t care if he’s old enough to be my dad or looks like Paul Giamatti.”

33. Seems all this woman is made of is just skin and bone.

Oh, my mistake, it’s just that her swimsuit depicts a skeleton. But still, one piece or not, it’s kind of disturbing.

34. Of course, you can’t attract all the guys on the beach without a one piece of faux black leather.

Recommended for dominatrixes and doubles as a BDSM gimp suit. Cat o’nine tails not included. Guaranteed to make you look like a goddess in the pool party or the sex dungeon any day.

35. Sure she can be all skin and bone. But inside she’s all muscle.

Yeah, I’m sure we all want to see your muscles like that. Seriously, lady, get some skin on for a change. At least a naked body doesn’t look that disturbing.

36. Thought regular speedos were bad? Wait until you see one on a guy’s shoulders.

Of course, we all remember this moment from Borat but Sacha Baron Cohen could pull this off better than a lot of men. With a man less fit than he is, you’d be much more obliged to turn away.

37. Need to fancy your swimsuit up a bit? Add a nice big bow.

I don’t know about you but something tells me that putting a big white bow on a swimsuit kind of makes it look stupid. Ditto with the green straps, too.

38. Of course, when I said that swimsuit bottoms should be similar to underwear, I’m sure multicolored tidy whities doesn’t come to mind.

Now these don’t just look like any pair of tidy whities, but ones you’d see on a young boy. Yeah, not something a grown man should wear at the beach, or anyone else.

39. Now this overstrapped bikini is well suited for the beach, swimming, karate, and combat.

Rumor has it that this was the original costume design for Leeloo in The Fifth Element. It was rejected for a more practical design as Milla Jovovich got tangled when getting in and out of it. So it was marketed as a swimsuit instead.

40. Don’t have a swimsuit? Crotchet one.

Hmm….now while crotcheting your swimsuit may seem like a good idea, remember that most old fashioned swimsuits were made from wool. And I’m sure that’s not a viable swimsuit material. Just saying.

41. Though she managed to find a suitable bikini bottom, I’m not so sure about the top.

This is known as a triangle bikini and it’s crocheted. Still, while the bottom is fine, I don’t think the top part adequately covers her nipples. Seriously, I can totally see them. Might be suitable for porn but not on the beach.

42. In Japan, men’s swimsuits tend to be designed in ways you’d never think possible.

While this swimsuit adequately covers a man’s junk, it has the unfortunate side effect of inducing a massive wedgie. Seems like someone is trying to justify their job’s existence.

43. While the male speedo may remind you of Channing Tatum from Magic Mike, this one reminds you of Channing Tatum from Foxcatcher.

Yep, that swimsuit definitely reminds me of a high school or Olympic wrestling uniform. And let me say, while Foxcatcher is way better than Magic Mike, I’m sure most fangirls would more likely flock to theaters to see male strippers than Olympic wrestlers and deranged, homicidal billionaires.

44. Of course, when getting a new swimsuit, some people tend to see themselves as better looking than they actually are. Others tend to buy swimsuits that wouldn’t look good on a model in the first place.

Yes, I think this one can leave room for a wardrobe malfunction in the nether regions. But while donning a conventional bikini would not put her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, it would’ve been at least a more modest choice.

45. We all know that Armani specializes in men’s suits. But did you know that they also design swimsuits as well?

Now I’m sure this one piece is best suited for those formal black tie pool party affairs, if they even exist. Even if they did, I wouldn’t be caught dead in that.

46. If you ever thought there was nothing in swimwear ever worse than a speedo or a thong bikini, just wait until you see this guy.

Now this is basically a combination of the speedo and the swim thong. And it’s not pretty. Seriously, I can’t even think of any reason why a guy should wear this.

47. Hmm….swimsuit or gym leotard? You pick.

Of course, this might be a good swimsuit if you’re in the Polar Bear Club, but still. Nevertheless, I’m not sure long sleeves belong on a swimsuit. I’m just saying since most people wear them during the summer.

48. “Help, help! Somebody’s groping that woman’s breasts!”

Oh, wait, that’s her swimsuit top that resembles hands on her breasts. Also, the guy’s wearing a necklace with pot leaves on it. Explains a lot about the woman’s swimsuit is picture and the fact that both of them are totally high.

49. In the 1800s, men’s swimsuits had to cover his entire body from neck to toe and tend to resemble something like pajamas in the modern day sense.

They were also made from wool like the ladies’ and were just as impractical. But if you were a man in the 1880s and dared to go topless, you could be arrested for indecent exposure. So too bad.

50. Hmmm….though it’s supposed to be a man’s swimsuit, I’m confused on whether it’s meant for swimming or semi-nude rock climbing.

It’s said to be sexy in the picture but I’m just not buying it. In fact, I think it resembles more like a harness than any swimsuit I ever saw. Also induces wedgies.

52. When it comes to mesh swimsuits, there are always limits in transparency to consider.

Of course, this person thought a mesh swimsuit should show as much of the body as possible. While the bottom is covered all right, I’m not sure about the top in which the nipple areas are covered with stars.

52. Swimsuit or get up for action movie sex object?

Whenever I look at this one piece, there’s always a question I beg to ask like, “Does it have a back?” Seriously, her ass needs to be covered, too, and not just by a G-string.

53. With this swimsuit, you’d swear this was made to elicit fanservice in lederhosen during the 1970s.

Now let’s just say, less would definitely be more with this one. Sure it may not really look like lederhosen, it’s just the word’s pretty funny. Still, either way, the paisley bottom has got to go.

54. Don’t have a swimsuit? Well, make one from a plastic bag. That will solve everything.

Of course, he’ll always have to wear underwear if he plans to actually go to the beach in that. Still, I think it would make more sense if he just buys a pair of trunks at the store. Seriously, wearing a plastic bag makes you look like an idiot. Besides, plastic bags rip apart easily.

55. Boobs too big for the top on your two piece? Cut some holes and air them out.

I think the bikini tops shouldn't have holes in them. Seriously, why would anyone want to wear something like this?

I think the bikini tops shouldn’t have holes in them. Maybe that’s just me. Seriously, why would anyone want to wear something like this?

56. Now I think this idea for a swimsuit consisted of, “So instead of a speedo, how about we make sure that the guy’s genitals are covered and supported by one hip instead of two?”

As if you didn’t know if men’s swimsuits can get worse than the speedo. Think again. Seriously, why in the hell would any guy wear this?

57. For the fan of Superman, go to the beach in some super trunks.

Sure they may be made for adults, but I can’t help thinking that these are better suited for a seven-year-old. I’m not sure why. Oh, wait, they kind of resemble what you’d see on little boys’ underwear.

58. Shimmer in this bathing suit as you venture out for your pool party.

Sure she might shimmer in that bathing suit, but can she actually swim in it? Actually I don’t think she could. Also, remind me of some scantily clad villainous queen in a sci fi movie.

59. Sometimes in string bikinis, the strings are attached where they should and should not be.

Now looking at this, she looks as if she’s wearing a swimsuit as well as some form of figure control or action outfit. Still, this swimsuit can do without a few strings to say the least.

60. Introducing: The ta-ta top.

Man, I’d sure like to see when the police arrest her for indecent exposure. She’ll certainly have an interesting conversation. Talk about a big misunderstanding.

61. For a more festive look on the beach, I’m sure a fringed two piece will do you just fine.

Of course, if it was brown, I’m sure this swimsuit would make you look like you’re playing a Native American in a porn movie. Luckily, the blue color doesn’t get one called for that cultural appropriation.

62. It seems like she has to flaunt around leaving nothing to the imagination.

Now this is seriously disturbing. I mean, this lady should really get some muscle on her and skin. Nobody wants to see that, honestly. Save maybe a few necrophiles and medical students.

63. With Muslims, they have modesty swimsuits for women which are required by law in some Middle East beaches (if allowed). Still, don’t know what to think about CGI screen green.

I’m sure if you put her in a CGI green back with a green screen and you wouldn’t see much of her. Seriously, I swear many people in CGI animation wear outfits like that in Hollywood every day.

64. Nothing brings summer in than a swimsuit depicting Jaws and The Little Mermaid.

I’m sure a swimsuit like this is guaranteed to traumatized little girls as it becomes apparent that the shark is about to devour Ariel. Then again, Ariel isn’t one of my favorite Disney princesses and was kind of an idiot to exchange her voice for plastic surgery so she can be with a guy she just met.

65. Now I’m sure this idea for this swimsuit consisted of, “How about we use some weird shaped plastic pieces and the stuff you use to hang your clothes and make a two piece out of that. The girls will love it.”

Now I don’t know about you but what are the odds that this was designed by a guy who was a bit too into action movies? Seriously, it tends to look more like male eye candy than anything. Also, I wonder what it looks like in back.

66. Hmmm….wonder if this guy is wearing that for swimming or some nude athletic competition.

Yes, it looks like something Borat would wear but this outfit doesn’t resemble an overstretched speedo. Still, I’m sure a guy wouldn’t want to wear something like this for fear that he might look like a total idiot.

67. In the 1800s, it wasn’t unusual for women to frequent the beaches wearing swimsuits of long dresses and bloomers.

Yes, these are old fashioned 1800s women’s swimsuits. Not something you’d see in Sports Illustrated by any means. And of course, they weren’t practical in regards to actual swimming. But I’m sure if you show your ankles, you’d be arrested for indecent exposure.

68. You heard of ugly knitted Christmas sweaters right? Now here is an knitted ugly swimsuit for the holidays?

Now I’m sure this is available in places like Australia and New Zealand where Christmas falls during the summer. Still, I’m not sure about the unicorn and the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

69. Now this swimsuit comes with plenty of adjustable straps for your comfort and convenience.

Now I’m sure this swimsuit was totally not designed for fetish fuel (sarcasm). Still, adjustable straps or not, this model wouldn’t look good if we added a little flab, a few stretch marks, and perhaps 10 more pounds.

70. I’m sure wearing a bikini like that, the boys will certainly go nutty for her.

However, I’m sure she might want to watch out for critters, particularly squirrels who might find her acorn breasts tasty despite not being ripe. Yeah, I’m sure she’d want to stay away from the forest and the oak trees.

71. Introducing the Mr. Nice Guy swimsuit.

Now the reason why we call him Mr. Nice Guy is that he’s very chill when he’s high on pot and tripping balls. Still, like the tie dye. But I’m not sure if this is appropriate swimwear in most states other than in Washington and Colorado.

72. Now this is what a swimsuit needs, bright colors and diamond shapes.

Now the colors consist of hot pink, reddish orange, and PennDOT yellow. Still, can’t help but think that this seems what a young woman would wear in an action movie, particularly if it was with James Bond.

73. If it weren’t for the hot pink, I’d be sure it was in some Native American style.

Now I wonder if this is a form of cultural appropriation due to the presence of seemingly Native American jewelry. Then again, I’m sure Victoria’s Secret tends to offend everybody. Also, I’m sure the pink get up is fetish fuel for sure.

74. Nothing makes it fun in the sun like a swimsuit made from body paints.

For those thinking about having a body paint swimsuit, my advice to you: don’t. Seriously, do you know why she has her hand between her legs. And I’m sure she’s a model so she could get away with it while most people would get arrested.

75. For those yearning for childhood videogame nostalgia, this Nintendo Game Boy one piece is for you.

Hmm…let’s home the guys don’t try to push her buttons too much, especially on her butt. Still, I wonder why a woman would want to subject herself to this. Then again, to each her own.

76. When it comes to swimsuits, some people want them to be clear and blue like the ocean.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sure this was made from some kind of sheet that’s supposed to wrap around her. Also, I’m not sure about the bottoms being cut around the middle. Still, makes her look like a comic book super heroine like Storm’s mutant sister Tsunami (whom I made up at the spur of the moment).

77. In speedos, some are harder to get in than others. Luckily, this one has a zipper in front.

I’m sure the zipper really helps keep the junk under wrap, as long as it’s totally zipped. Still, there’s a reason why we have buttons on top of jeans. And I’m sure this one has, “standard male grab area” written all over it.

78. I call this one the State Auto swimsuit since it has minimum coverage for minimum budgets.

However, sometimes on the beach I’m sure that minimum coverage won’t do, especially when you’re putting yourself at risk for a wardrobe malfunction. Seriously, do people have any decency when it comes to swimsuits? As far as beaches and pools go, you want to play it safe with the swimsuits.

79. For Star Wars fans, say hello to this R2 D2 one piece get up for pool parties a long, long, time ago in a galaxy far, far away…..

Okay, now when R2 D2 tends to save everyone’s ass in the Star Wars movies, I don’t think viewing R2 D2 as sexy is a good idea. Still, I’m sure the geeks will love it.

80. Now this 77 two piece is sure to bring you into the team spirit.

Hate to say this, but I’m not sure whether this is a swimsuit or a powderpuff football sex costume. Either way, you can bet that some teenage girl’s father is certainly not going to let her wear that. And not for religious reasons either.

Say, “No,” to the Dress

Posted by historymaniacmegan on May 28, 2015

I may not be married and have no boyfriend or fiance to make wedding plans with to speak of as of 2015, but I know that spring and summer tend to be high times for weddings around this time of year. So since my next opportunity for a holiday post is in July, I feel I might as well do some wedding posts since everyone tends to relate to those things. Of course, almost every young girl has dreamed of her very own special day down the aisle on her fairy tale wedding in her very own princess gown marrying the Prince Charming of her dreams. Now for the bride to be planning her nuptials with Mr. Let’s Hope He’s Right, there are plenty of dresses to choose from for her particular bridal preference. And there are even stores that sell them as well. Sure wedding dresses are expensive but if I were getting married, I’d choose one that makes me look elegant and tasteful, wouldn’t make me look like a laughing stock if my kids saw it in my wedding picture, wouldn’t make my friends and relatives question my fashion sense, and is at a decent price (like not taking half the budget). Now there are a lot of beautiful wedding dresses out there for any bride to be, but this isn’t the post for them because I’ve never been married and thus have no experience wedding dress shopping to tell you. However, when it comes to dresses brides shouldn’t wear, then I’m your girl and believe me, there some horrendously terrible wedding dresses out there. Some of them are skanky, some look too blown up, and some of them make you wonder what kind of acid the fashion designer was taking. But whatever the case, they make it to the internet so some blogger like me can compile a post on them in order to reverse her May long slump when she had a computer crash that put in a shop over the weekend. So without further adieu, I give you the kind of dresses you will never see on that famed TLC show as well as bound to turn any blushing bride into a ferocious Bridezilla. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

1. Now the bride is at the altar, I wonder how the groom is going to kiss her.

After the wedding, it’s said a dress like this is taken apart and repurposed for window drapery. Seriously, does this woman get hot from the waist down? I mean how is she going to have room in the limo or coach? Also, I think the white stuff behind it is a train.

2. In the future, it’s said that women will soon ditch the bridal veils for the intergalactic bridal dress cap during their intergalactic weddings.

Now this is the perfect wedding dress for the bride who wants her wedding on Mars or on the International Space Station. But of course, I’m not sure having a wedding in space is worth it.

3. While most women are married in a white gown, it doesn’t hurt if you go with multicolored trimmings.

Okay, now how does this woman manage to keep a straight face and not look ridiculous in this? For God’s sake the ruffles look like they’re straight out of the Tudor years. And I’m sure women in Queen Elizabeth’s day wore the kind of skirt as underwear.

4. Yes, nothing makes a wedding dress like great big sleeves.

Yeah, I’m sure big poofy sleeves on a wedding dress are so 16th century. What’s even worse about this dress is that it’s from the Sex and the City movie.

5. Origami styled wedding dress or dress inspired by large napkin holder?

Sure it might be roomy underneath. But I wouldn’t be caught dead in the type of dress that seems like it was designed from a paper accordion.

6. I’m sure after she gets out of this dress, she’ll be using it for curtains.

Yes, I suppose she saw it in the window and just had to have it. Still, I’m also sure that she’s not wearing a bra underneath.

7. Wedding dress or the Las Vegas showgirl outfit?

I’m sure this is the kind of wedding dress a young woman wears if her father’s the owner of a multibillion dollar Las Vegas casino. Yeah, I’m sure a lot of gambling addicts lost their life savings to pay for it.

8. When it comes to decorating your wedding veil, you can’t overdo it with the jewelry.

Still, I’m sure Celine Dion could totally afford looking like the White Witch of Narnia if she wants to. Of course, not sure if they played, “My Heart Will Go On,” at her wedding to a guy who’s old enough to be her father, no less.

9. You know what looks good on a wedding dress? Feathers!

Actually I stand corrected. If she had the feathers from her dress removed, she would’ve looked a thousand times better than some anime princess from a video game.

10. Sometimes less is more. But there are times when you need to cover up.

Let’s just say while beach weddings may seem romantic, getting married in your speedo isn’t. This is especially true for anyone over the age of 50.

11. While this bride has her face covered in a veil, the rest of her suggests otherwise.

Just love the look on her dad’s face as he walks her down the aisle. Yeah, I’m sure he told her time and time again to dress nice but she doesn’t seem to have listened to him one bit.

12. Not sure if she’s the bride or the stripper at the bachelor party. Maybe both.

I think this might be Mariah Carey on her wedding day. Not sure why she’s no wearing a skirt under her garters.

13. Sometimes a bride’s dress can really light up a room at her wedding.

I don’t know about you, but when I see a light up wedding dress, I tend to think of either the Hunger Games or TRON: Legacy for some reason. I don’t know why.

14. Sometime during the 1980s it became customary for some families to fashion the bride’s dress from either drapery or tablecloths.

I’m sure my grandparents decorate their windows with what she has on. Thank God, they didn’t have that tradition in their house. So my mom and my sisters didn’t have to wear outfits like that at their weddings.

15. Let’s see, by looking at the groom’s taste in fashion, I’m sure the wedding song is, “Springtime for Hitler” or something from Richard Wagner.

Okay, I know that Nazi uniform weddings are a thing in China, which is disturbing enough. Still, if I saw my fiance at the altar wearing one of these, I’d just run out of the church or just say, “I don’t.” Seriously, wearing Nazi uniforms at weddings is never a good idea. Nevertheless, I’d like to see what his Jewish bride thinks about this.

16. As soon as Glinda the Good Witch of the North boarded her carriage, her husband soon found himself suffocating just by the sheer girth of her dress.

Oh, yes, I’m sure with dresses like these, some grooms are bound to be crushed by them. Seriously, it takes an entire seating area.

17. While most wedding dresses use lace and veils, this one gives a new twist.

Okay, not only does this gown show way too much skin, it seems like the designer had absolutely no accounting for taste. Seriously, why would any girl want to be married in that? Seems like she’s on her way to some cult ritual at a hot spring resort.

18. Perhaps a more naturalistic approach is in order.

Okay, maybe the more naturalistic approach is a bad idea. Seriously, she looks like a garden vine fixture in that outfit.

19. Let’s see how they scramble as the stripper bride tosses her wedding bouquet.

Now this is known as the “Safe Auto” wedding dress since it’s bound to guarantee minimum coverage for minimum budgets. Wait, is that MTV in the background? Shit! Still, wonder how her grandchildren will react to this.

20. Of course, some people opt for fantasy weddings with their favorite woodland creatures.

Now this just looks like something I’ve seen in a bad 1980s fantasy film. And no, I don’t mean the one with David Bowie in tight leather pants. Still, loved the owl, which I’m sure is stuffed.

21. Because if you want your wedding dress to shimmer, you better use wires.

Oh, wait, this is Beyonce at the BET Awards in 2009. Okay, now I can totally understand why she wore her wedding dress like that. Still, I’m sure Jay-Z would never let Blue Ivy Carter wear that.

22. Sure most women only wear their wedding dresses once. Others also use them as tents, literally.

And this bride also seems to use her special dress as a lookout tower as she and her hubby go on their honeymoon. Still, camo wedding dresses, tent or not, need to go.

23. Of course, all girls wish to get married in a Cinderella dress. But an actual Disney Cinderella dress? Not so much.

Come to think of it, Cinderella wasn’t among my favorite Disney movies. I’m more a fan of Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin. Still, someone seems utterly stuck in their childhood. Wonder if her fiance has a shoe fetish?

24. Now this would make a great wedding decoration in the reception hall.

Wait a minute, is that a wedding dress? For God’s sake, I can’t even see the girl’s face! Seriously, how is the groom supposed to kiss her?

25. This is the wedding dress for the woman marrying the man of her dreams, if he happens to be the Michelin Tire Man.

Same goes if she’s bent on marrying the Stay Puft Marshmallow Guy. But I’m really not sure how that would work out since he’s a giant in Ghostbusters.

26. On wedding dresses, you can never have too many ribbons.

Okay, I was wrong. Still, this looks like something straight from Lolicon. I mean the Lolita inspired dresses fad that’s big in Japan for some reason.

27. Wedding dresses don’t always have to be white, but I’m not sure about this one.

Well, I’m sure if you’re planning a Hunger Games style wedding, this would be perfect. Reminds me of something Effie Trinket would wear. May the marriage odds be in your favor.

28. This dress will certainly bring the light in a really dark reception hall.

Okay, now this dress reminds me of TRON: Legacy. More appropriate if your reception hall is a disco club or a rave.

29. Nothing says wedding like a princess Barbie ballroom wedding gown from the 1980s.

Okay, unlike the Barbie movies might imply, a Barbie princess dress doesn’t hold up in real life, girls. Also, the guy doesn’t look any better.

30. “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you punk rocker and porn star.”

Now I’m sure their grandchildren will wonder what they were up to when they tied the knot. Seriously, there’s something so wrong about this picture. Like she’s a stripper and he’s a shirtless tourist in Vegas.

31. Well, at least she doesn’t have to change into something more comfortable on her wedding night.

I’m sure this is how Victoria’s Secret is trying to get in the wedding business. Wonder how that would work out. Seriously, while it might make a nice wedding nightie, not sure if I’d wear that down the aisle.

32. Sometimes unconventional can be your way to go.

To be fair, the bride is a sheep farmer. So it’s only natural for her to want a sheepskin dress. Yet, not sure if I’d want to wear a wool skirt at my wedding.

33. Now I’m sure a wedding could surely be livened up with balloons.

I don’t know about you. But I really feel tempted to stick a pin in it and see what happens. I’m sure wearing this you wouldn’t be able to sit down without hearing a few pops now and then.

34. Some couples just want to pledge their vows up in the air.

Fortunately, the brides extraordinary long train makes a dandy safety procedure in the event of an emergency. Of course, they might need to inflict some damage to tie it to a basket.

Fortunately, the brides extraordinary long train makes a dandy safety procedure in the event of an emergency. Of course, they might need to cut it off before tying it to the basket.

35. Okay, is this supposed to be wedding attire or a Victoria’s Secret photoshoot.

Seriously, I’m sure that getting married in a bikini is a very bad idea. Besides, Victoria’s Secret should never get into the wedding business.

36. Nothing says true love like a perky pink wedding dress with hearts.

Now this might not be as slutty as some other but she kind of looks like she takes the evening shift as a table dancer at the Kit Kat Club. Also, the pink is just hideous and akin to bridal wear in Vegas.

37. Nothing says wedding like a bridal gown of roses.

Let’s hope these aren’t real. But I’m not sure a rose wedding dress would be comfortable. Seriously, why?

38. I suppose this Muslim girl was determined to get married in her finest family drapery.

I’m sure part of the curtain rod is within her wedding crown piece. Still, I’ve seen nice Muslim style wedding dresses and some of them are quite nice. This one is beyond tacky. Still, kind of reminds me of what you’d see an Egyptian Pharaoh would wear in increment weather.

39. I suppose this wedding dress is more for the bedroom, I reckon.

Then again, she could just be the childish stripper hired for the bachelor party. Still, the ringlets don’t make this woman seem any more innocent.

40. Sure you might want to show some skin at your wedding, but you might want to remain tasteful as well.

Now this woman really seems to get her dress at the same place where you can get the Sexy French Maid or the Naughty Nurse costume. Also has a long train for some reason. Maybe she should’ve had a dress made from that.

41. Of course, everyone loves rainbows and weddings so why can’t the two be together?

While it’s supposed to be a wedding picture, I can’t help but see these two as possible leaders in a cult ritual. Seriously, I wouldn’t associate that kind of attire with weddings.

42. At times, there are brides who think swim wear would make appropriate wedding attire. I’m not so sure about that.

Not sure if I think this is skimpy because it’s short or that the bride isn’t wearing a bra. Either way, wouldn’t want to wear that for my wedding.

43. For those planning a winter wedding, may I suggest a bride should get a dress that’s trimmed with fur.

Unfortunately, this wedding dress has the fur trimmed the wrong way. Seriously, I’m not sure who’d hate this more: brides to be or PETA.

44. In the 1980s, when dress weren’t designed based on tablecloths and drapery, they ripped off from lampshades.

Yes, that skirt resembles the kind of frilly lampshade you’d either see in an antique shop or a little girl’s room. Not much a fan of the sleeves either.

45. Of course, when it comes to simplicity, just a plain old white dress will do.

Now I know that some brides need something old for their wedding day. But isn’t wearing your great-great grandmother’s wedding dress kind of pushing the envelope? Just saying.

46. Strut down the aisle like a pretty peacock in this peacock feather dress.

Wonder how many male birds had to die to make this dress. Also, it seems to have a very long train that covers most of the floor.

47. For a 4th of July wedding, a bride should always walk down the aisle showing her love for America as a patriotic princess.

Actually as per my American flag article, this is the kind of dress a patriotic princess shouldn’t wear to her wedding unless she’s marrying Captain America. Seriously, wearing the stars and stripes is said to be very disrespectful according to the flag code. But Americans can’t really help it. So, hello, Mrs. Captain America.

48. Don’t like wedding veils? Well, here’s a wedding hood.

I don’t know about you but as an American, I tend to associate white pointy hoods with a group known for burning crosses and lynching black people for some reason. I don’t know what. But I’d think she’d go with the Nazi groom quite nicely.

49. No bridal gown is complete without a couple of tentacles at the skirt.

Seriously, putting tentacles on a dress is a horrible idea that even the model can't hide her dismay. Seriously, no girl wants to be married in a dress that makes her look like an octopus!

Seriously, putting tentacles on a dress is a horrible idea that even the model can’t hide her dismay. I mean no girl wants to be married in a dress that makes her look like an octopus!

50. With wedding gowns, you can’t overdo the veil, especially in the 1980s.

Man, that veil reminds me of one of those shower puff balls you’d rub soap on for some reason. I’m not sure why.

51. While I see nothing wrong with brides showing some cleavage, there are times when some do go too far.

Now while this dress is more appropriate for a porno, exposed nipples are a wedding no-no. Also, she looks as if she’s prancing around in some old timey underwear.

52. If you can’t afford a veil, it doesn’t hurt to fashion one from a shower curtain.

Okay, now while this is certainly practical for a rainy day nuptial, it also seems more appropriate for either a 1980s sci-fi movie or a Lady Gaga music video.

53. Well, this is the bridal gown for the woman who has a board meeting after the ceremony.

Is it just me or does anyone think that bridal attire and business suits shouldn't go together? Seriously, is this woman being given away by her regional manager?

Is it just me or does anyone think that bridal attire and business suits shouldn’t go together? Is this woman being given away by her regional manager?

54. While some brides opt to be married in a church with a tall steeple, I’m not sure if a cathedral hat is a good idea.

While this is said to enhance her as some exotic princess in Eastern Europe, she more or less tends to remind me more of the Chrysler Building. That or a possible lady in waiting to the Queen of Hears from Alice in Wonderland.

55. Now this would be a perfect dress for any bride who’s a fan of The Tudors.

The dress may seem Elizabethan, but I’m sure the cap reminds me of what Queen Elizabeth probably wore in her later years while her wigs needed work done. Still, I’m sure this gown wouldn’t be very comfortable.

56. In the 1980s, it wasn’t unusual for women to sport big hair, big dresses, and big sleeves.

Yeah, I’m sure a dress like that took 3 hours to get in as well as 2 seats in a car. Also, probably gave a reason for the church to put on the air conditioner early.

57. Nothing makes a great wedding gown than a large big bow on the top of a veil.

With a veil like this, it would be amazing if this woman didn’t trip on it as she walks down the aisle. Anyway, still looks pretty ridiculous and more suited for mosquito bed netting.

58. With a dress like this, I’m sure the venue will certainly get Showtime during the reception.

However, I’m not sure this satellite TV style wedding dress would get any good reception among wedding guests. Still, more appropriate for a sci-fi film than anything else.

59. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Florence of Arabia.

Of course, I'm not sure a Lawrence of Arabia wedding theme would work because the movie has absolutely no female characters in it. But still, I can totally imagine Peter O' Toole wearing that thing, which is kind of disturbing in itself.

Of course, I’m not sure a Lawrence of Arabia themed straight wedding would work because the movie has absolutely no female characters in it. But still, I can totally imagine Peter O’ Toole wearing that thing, which is kind of disturbing in itself.

60. Of course, while the bride is suppose to be the center of attention, sometimes she tends to wear less than the groom.

Just because June corresponds with weddings and swimsuits, doesn’t mean you should combine the two. Seriously, a wedding bikini is a terrible idea.

61. When it comes to weddings, who needs a dress when the bride can have a floor length veil?

Now this kind of reminds me of a woman in a sci-fi film who’s entrenched in a full body bag she can walk in. Well, at least the veil would come in handy protecting her against mosquitoes during her wedding in sub Sahara Africa.

62. Screw wedding attire and get married in body paint clothes and swimwear covering your naughty bits. It’s said to be much cheaper.

Now I’m sure that people won’t know the difference between actual clothes and airbrush paint on one’s body. Oh, I forget it’s easily noticeable. Seriously, why?

63. Nothing says true love than wearing a wedding dress in support of your man’s favorite basketball team.

Let’s just say if there’s a place where sports licensed products shouldn’t have a place in, then weddings would be it. Still, at least the groom won’t feel that she’s not just thinking about herself here.

64. This woman’s wedding hat is so big that she has to get people to put sticks under it for support.

I wouldn’t advise any bride-to-be to have a dress like this since it’s totally not practical. Seriously, the hat is obviously way too big it has to be supported by 4 guys with long sticks.

65. Now if you’re marrying in a very cold place, this wedding dress will make you feel safe and warm.

For God's sake, this outfit makes her look like a giant tampon! Perhaps this dress is better suited as a Public Service mascot costume that helps teach girls about feminine hygiene than a wedding.

For God’s sake, this outfit makes her look like a giant walking tampon! Perhaps this dress is better suited as a Public Service mascot costume that helps teach girls about feminine hygiene than a wedding.

66. When it comes to a wedding gown, the train can never be too long.

Seems like this train is so long that it can be used to cover at least a dozen beds, perhaps as many as there are people holding it. Seriously, it’s way too long and probably had to be rolled out, too.

67. When choosing a wedding gown, brides should always make a selection that corresponds with their bra size.

From how I see it, the bride’s chest seems like it’s exploding with delight, to put it metaphorically. Then again if her husband’s a breast man, he probably won’t mind. Yeah, sometimes what’s off the rack doesn’t always measure to all dimensions.

68. This bride’s dress is so big that she’s probably making her trip down the aisle in a parade float.

O my God, why would think of getting a wedding dress with skirt that big? Then again, perhaps it will be used for the happy couple’s tent when they go on their honeymoon or something.

69. We’re pretty sure she’s marrying a guy who designs balloon animals.

Still, I’m sure in a dress like this, it would be very hard to sit down without ruining it. Still, doesn’t keep me from wanting to stick a pin in it.

70. Of course, if this marriage fails, I’m sure they’ll certainly lose the trailer.

This photo seems to have all the trappings of a shotgun wedding. I mean the bride is obviously pregnant but there’s nothing really objectionable about her dress. However, the groom’s only formal attire is a black vest and possibly a white collar and tie. And I suppose the plaid shirt and pants have seen better days. Seriously, a guy should look his best on his wedding day, not like he’s just marrying the girl to escape the wrath of daddy’s shotgun!

71. A short wedding dress is one thing, but I’m not sure about the snakeskin dress shirt.

Well, at least this groom has cleaned himself up a little. But still, the snakeskin dress shirt has got to go. People might get the wrong idea. Ditto, the suit coat with a black leather collar and cuffs.

72. Down the aisle a bride must learn to spread her wings and fly.

I don’t know about you but if I saw a bird like that, I’d wonder how it could ever survive a jet engine and still be able to fly. Nevertheless, there’s no way in hell I’d get married in that.

73. For all those rural redneck folks, nothing says wedding like getting married in camo and bright orange.

Let me say this and I want to be perfectly frank. Camo and bright orange are for hunting season and nothing else. It’s not for formal events. Not weddings, not proms, and certainly not funerals. Do I make myself clear? Still, at least the guy’s not wearing holes in his pants for once.

74. As the bride reaches the altar, the groom is supposed to lift the veil from her face. With a dress like this, I’m not sure how the groom is supposed to go about it.

For one, this looks the kind of wedding dress you’d see in a sci-fi movie. Secondly, that veil just looks hideous with the short dress. But I’m sure her face will be fine against the mosquitoes.

75. So if the groom wears black and the bride wears white? Can they be reversed?

Now I don’t have anything against the colors. However, it’s just that they seem to come out of some sort of some 1980s sci-fi horror fantasy film that makes me shudder. Seriously, the bride looks as if she’s from another planet. The groom looks as if he’s perhaps an illegitimate son of Lucius Malfoy.

76. For the bride who loves taxidermied doves in flight, this is the perfect bridal gown for you.

Of course, this beautiful wedding dress was inspired by the films of the legendary director Alfred Hitchcock, particularly The Birds. Of course, at least those birds in this picture are too dead to peck you to death.

77. When in doubt, go with flowers.

Oh, hell no! Seriously, having flowers on your wedding dress is fine. But walking down the aisle looking like a Victoria’s Secret model? Definitely not! I mean why?

78. On her wedding day, a bride must rise like a sun.

Don’t look now, but I think this is the kind of wedding dress you’d expect a Cardassian bride to wear, on Star Trek no less. Seriously, the wedding out of this world, literally.

79. Of course, a bridal gown should always have lace.

Okay, this might be going to far. Still, at least the groom at her wedding knows what he’s getting. Still, pretty sleazy.

80. On her wedding day, a bride must rise to the occasion like a phoenix.

But whether this is supposed to be a wedding gown or a very elaborate nightie, I don’t have the slightest idea. Seriously, it looks ridiculous if you ask me. You know most women wouldn’t wear a lot of these wedding fashions on the runway, which are used to justify a fashion designer’s existence.

Place Your Bets for These Kentucky Derby Hats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on April 30, 2015

The first Saturday in May, all eyes are on Louisville’s Churchill Downs for the annual Kentucky Derby which is one of America’s oldest sporting events with the first taking place in 1875 with the first started by Meriwether Lewis Clark Jr. (whose grandfather was William Clark of the Lewis and Clark expedition). Seriously, it predates the Super Bowl. Now the Kentucky Derby is the first of the major Triple Crown horse races in which the horses and their riders must race along a 1 1/4 mile stretch. But unlike NASCAR, it’s just the one time and lasts for a few minutes. So no falling asleep at the TV screen there. However, the winner is usually the favorite for the other two Triple Crown races like the Preakness in Maryland and the Belmont States of New York as well as gets covered in roses. The horse winning these races wins the Triple Crown, which last happened in the 1970s. Now after the Kentucky Derby is a 2 week long Kentucky Derby festival. Still, there are a lot of traditions associated with the Kentucky Derby such as mint juleps, burgoo, gambling, and rich people. Yet, one particular tradition standing out is how many spectators tend to wear large ridiculous hats. So for your reading pleasure, here is an assortment of Kentucky Derby hats.

1. Now this guy loves flowers in his hat and seeing dollar signs.

Yes, wearing ridiculous Kentucky Derby hats no longer seems limited to women anymore. I mean this guy seems more suited for a different sporting event or night club.

2. Of course, you can’t kick off the Kentucky Derby Day without breakfast.

Not sure if this hat is from the Kentucky Derby. Yet, since it’s a hat with a heart attack inducing breakfast on it, I’ll put it on there. Fitting since obesity is a big problem in Kentucky anyway.

3. Why have a flamingo on your lawn, while you can have one in your hat?

Now this hat is outrageous enough without the flamingo. But with it, it’s just tacky. Even more ridiculous is that the flamingo also has a hat, too.

4. Ever get the feeling that some people have horses flying around their heads?

Now this guy has a cowboy hat on with roses and horses spinning at the top. Of course, there are only two seats on this small carousel if it is one.

5. Since Kentucky is the Bluegrass State, it’s only fitting to have wear a hat of blue cheese.

And what better hat of blue cheese than one that almost resembles Mt. Rushmore on a platter? Seriously, it kind of does if you think about it.

6. When it comes to top hats, the taller the better.

If it weren’t for the roses, you’d think this guy’s hat came straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. But it goes great with his outfit.

7. If one flamingo won’t make your hat look ridiculous, more will certainly do the charm.

Flower garden flamingos: Making Kentucky Derby hats and gardens tackier since someone thought that they’d make a great decoration for their landscaping.

8. Roses, beads, and pins will certainly make this woman a spectacle at the derby.

Too bad that the Amazing Karnak was planning on wearing the same thing. Of course, most people don’t know who the Amazing Karnak is since he’s one of Johnny Carson’s characters. Yeah, hasn’t been around since the 1990s.

9. Make sure the roses on your hat have little horseman on them.

Now I don’t know what to make of that. Because little horsemen simply don’t jump out of roses as far as I know. Except maybe in acid trips or something.

10. In the Kentucky Derby, your hat can never have enough flowers or feathers.

Now this seems like a fancy winter hat at this angle. But it’s basically made for spring. Still, it’s as utterly tacky as you’d expect Lady Gaga to wear it at an awards ceremony.

11. Since spring is the season of flowers, why not spring into the Derby in pink?

“Oh, shit. Seems like I forgot to put on some peacock feathers on this to make it seem more outrageous. Now Cindy’s out there topped with a showgirl’s hat from Las Vegas.”

12. When it comes to derby hats, you can use almost anything, even tablecloths.

Now Now this seems like she's traveling in an exotic land, perhaps during the late 1800s. Then again, it does look like a creative arrangement of a table cloth.

Now this seems like she’s traveling in an exotic land, perhaps during the late 1800s. Then again, it does look like a creative arrangement of a table cloth.

13. Since the Kentucky Derby is a horse race, it seems appropriate enough to wear a horse’s head for the occasion.

Now that looks like a horse’s head you’d get from Amazon or something. Still, seeing it eat roses is kind of creepy if you think about it.

14. As far as flowers go, the bigger the better.

And this red flower seems to cover most of this woman’s hat. Hope some bee doesn’t mistake it for the real thing.

15. During the Kentucky Derby some people drink while others seem all corked out.

Let’s hope that the corks she used on this hat came from a craft store. Because if not, she might need to go through a Twelve Step program.

16. Some people tend to be private about their boudoir while this woman as a miniature version of hers out in the open.

I’m not sure which is more outrageous having a bathroom on your head or all the blue stuff surrounding it. Seriously, it just seems so ridiculous on sight.

17. Of course, every look has to go with the right kind of curls.

Now if these curls were any smaller, I would’ve mistook them for wood shavings. Hope she doesn’t run into low doorways.

18. Nothing makes a nice Southern plantation home than a grand staircase.

But when it comes to this woman, the grand staircase is pink and purple as well as on her head. But I don’t know if this staircase leads to heaven or nowhere.

19. When it comes to the wild Kentucky Derby fashions, even the sportscasters like to show off.

NBC sportscaster Bob Costa looks so stunning in Johnny Weir’s white hat. Not sure if it matches his suit though.

20. While some don hats of horse’s heads, others don those of jockeys.

Hope this woman didn’t get that head from her job at the DMV. Then again, she seems a bit too rich to have a job there from how that hat is decorated.

21. People come from all over the country for the Kentucky Derby. This woman is from Wisconsin.

And she’s wearing her cheese head coiffure in all its Greenbay Packer glory. Seriously, whenever I see a cheese head, I think of the Greenbay Packers.

22. What better hat for the Kentucky Derby than a straw bonnet of a horse?

Yes, this guy sure looks pretty with a horse bonnet that has pink lilies on its ears. Also, has a rabbit’s foot on it for luck. Guess he has money on a horse.

23. While the official Kentucky Derby drink is mint juleps, this lady prefers to wear a martini glass.

Well, I’m sure she doesn’t drink out of the thing,. But if she does, then she might have a problem.

24. Just drinking mint juleps with a jockey and horse by his sides.

Seems like the jockey and horse are chilling right by his riding helmet. Let’s hope he doesn’t have money on a horse and is just there for the fun of it all.

25. Of course, you always need your hat to match your outfit at the Kentucky Derby.

Looks like this will be Lady Gaga in a few decades. Seriously, I can totally see her wearing something like that an awards ceremony or public appearance.

26. No post on Kentucky Derby hats would be complete without one of a mint juleps.

Of course, that’s not a real mint juleps. But it looks pretty crazy yet appropriate at the same time.

27. It helps if the fringe on your hat matches the cuffs on your dress.

And she seems to have obtained the fuzzy trim from the rare Truffula tree. Of course, she probably had to spend a fortune on it as we know from The Lorax.

28. Pink flowers and black feathers, what can possibly go wrong with that?

I’m not sure if I can call this pretty since it seems to come from something you’d see a Star Trek alien wear. Seriously, the feathers are sticking out of the flowers.

29. When it comes to hair extensions, you can certainly go wild.

Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat you’d see in a Lady Gaga music video or at a show in Las Vegas. Still, it’s quite hideous.

30. Some flowers just simply go well in a box. Some in planters. And some in hats.

I’m sure the flowers aren’t real but they’re certainly outrageous compared to the horse. Man, that hat is massive.

31. I call this look the Las Vegas showgirl.

And the fact this hat is worn by a guy makes it even funnier. Seriously, he’s bound to make Native American casino owners pissed off over cultural appropriation.

32. When it comes to Kentucky Derby hats, some are bound to make other spectators a little uncomfortable.

Yeah, if I was sitting next to a guy with an old timey camera hat and wearing sunglasses, I’d assume he was working for some covert organization. Seriously, he give me the creeps.

33. Some people enjoy the Kentucky Derby so much that they have to wear Churchill Downs on their heads.

Because why have a hat of a horse’s head when you can have one with 2 steeples? Of course, she might poke somebody’s eye out.

34. Of course, this woman is setting a record with her LP hat.

Hope the album in question isn’t of great quality, music wise. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to wast a good album on a hat if I were you.

35. Hey, I didn’t know that you can wear giant candy wrappers.

Hmm… I know the fashion industry can churn out some crazy shit these days. But I’m not sure if I’d want to be caught dead wearing a candy wrapper hat should a horse run over me at the races.

36. Eeek! Is that a spider on her head? Oh, God, take it away!

Sure she may think she’s glamorous, but her hat resembles some kind of giant spider that’s just escaped from mad scientists laboratory. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was radioactive.

37. With a hat like this, no one will get lost or forget the time.

Unfortunately, this sundial hat isn’t 100% accurate. But I’m sure you can see it from a bird’s eye view. Or not.

38. Of course, when looking at her hat, you’d swear to have seen it in a modern art museum. You probably didn’t know it was a hat to begin with.

Nevertheless, wearing a hat like this, and astronauts will be able to track your moves from space. Still, quite hideous.

39. Hey, I didn’t know they had a My Little Pony horse’s head hat. Guess every little girl wants one now.

Well, basically a hat for those who enjoy My Little Pony and The Godfather. Now Rainbow Sparkles will certainly make him an offer he can’t refuse.

40. Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat I’d expect from a Tim Burton film.

From Huffington Post: “Originally designed to be worn by Helena Bonham Carter at the Oscars, this hat has found new life startling horses at Churchill Downs.”

41. What better way to grace the Kentucky Derby than wear a hat made from the precious feathers of your pet macaw.

Of course, it was a Norwegian Blue which is know for its wonderful plumage. But they do have a tendency of pining for the fjords. What? Are you saying that there aren’t any parrots in Norway? Well, you obviously haven’t seen Monty Python.

42. This guy seems to love roses so much that he had to have some tattooed on his face.

Doesn't stop him from looking like some bum who was hired to wear such a ridiculous hat. Yeah, seems like he's way too covered in roses to appear like a true fan.

Doesn’t stop him from looking like some bum who was hired to wear such a ridiculous hat. Yeah, seems like he’s the kind of guy who attends the Kentucky Derby during his annual day of being in civilization.

43. After the Derby one of them is going to a mad tea party while the other will celebrate Cinco de Mayo by watching The Three Amigos.

Mad tea party or Three Amigos? Oh, what the hell, Three Amigos will always win every time for me. Seriously, that movie is a classic.

44. The Louisville mayor and his entourage.

Nevertheless, Louisville’s mayor has an ego about a mile wide. So on Kentucky Derby day, he thinks he’s the Pope.

45. I suppose this is the ice cream lady.

I don’t know about you, but she’s probably wearing the hat for the money. Bet the ice cream company is sponsoring this horse race, right? How else could she wear an ice cream cone on her head?

46. Seems like this woman decided to wear the same outfit she had on during the gala at the modern art museum.

Because how else could her hat resemble a piece of funky colored bacon with springs on it? Seriously, bacon doesn’t look like that.

47. Guess the ladies of the Red Hat Society aren’t wearing anything outrageous.

Oh, my mistake. Actually looks like something the Red Hat Society ladies might wear to a derby in a Dr. Seuss story for some reason. Then again, the feathers are just crazy on this one.

48. When it comes to roses at the Kentucky Derby, the bigger, the better.

And it makes you wonder how the rose can be so big and still stay on this woman’s head. Seriously, I really want to know that answer.

49. Some people just want to wake up and smell the flowers.

Some guys just want to wear a hat with the petals surrounding them. Sure this doesn’t make you look ridiculous (sarcasm).

50. I suppose that this guy is holding the cup.

Sure he may wear it on his head, but think of how many things he’s carrying in that. Hopefully, he doesn’t have any drugs in them. But I could be wrong.

51. Nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than wearing a hat of dangling horses.

Okay, now I don’t know about you, but it seems that the horses are dangling from their necks. It’s like an equine hanging tree. Seriously, that’s messed up.

52. When it comes to Kentucky Derby Beer Pong, all the plastic cups have to have roses and mint juleps in them.

Of course, they may be empty for now. But after the Derby, well, I’m sure they’ll be filled with booze and be used for beer pong. Not sure about the roses though.

53. Of course, nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than having your hat made from the feathers of your dead parrot.

Seriously, you have to wonder why people would think that using dead pets for fancy hats is a good idea. Also, this hat is beyond hideous, but here it is.

54. Care for a bee in your bonnet?

Hey, I didn’t mean literally, but what the hell. I mean it’s just an expression. You don’t need to take everything literally. Also, that bee is terrifying.

56. Can’t decide between 2 hats? Just glue them together and create an awesome megahat, or not.

Yeah, I think the white hat would’ve been better without the funky blue feathers plucked from a bird in Horton’s jungle. Hey, I’m just saying.

57. Finally, a hat with nothing unusual.

Oh, wait, that’s Joey Fatone from the 1990s boy band NSYNC. Still, you kind of wish they had reunion at the Kentucky Derby wearing hats like these.

58. Now the bowler hat is fine. The giant cigarette, large gemstone ring, and the fur coat on the other hand.

Seriously, if he’s not doing anything illegal or killing people, he’s probably a greedy corporate executive who treats his minimum wage workers like shit, is engaging in insider trading, has had a succession of trophy wives, and spends most of his time on his expensive yacht.

58. Who knew that the Ghost of Christmas Present was a fan of horse racing?

Guess a guy whose job is to haunt the dreams of miserly bankers on an annual basis needs some kind of pleasure in life. But still, he looked way cooler in A Christmas Carol.

59. Knowing that it was expected to rain in Louisville during the derby, Cyndi Lauper decided to dress accordingly.

Yes, that Cyndi Lauper. Yes, that hat resembles a UFO. And yes, it also doubles as an umbrella. Any questions?

60. Of course, this gigantic pink rose doesn’t make her hat look in any way cartoonish.

Uh, yes. it does. In fact, it makes the other gigantic flower hats look normal in comparison. Seriously, you’d swear it was genetically engineered by Monsanto.

61. May I present to you, the Green Bay Packers Ladies’ Auxillary.

Now regular cheese heads are one thing. But pink cheese heads? Now that’s really fucked up. Guess they really wanted to show their love for the Packers and wear hats that matched their outfits.

62. Now here is a hat in glorious purple.

From Huffington Post: “There was this giant purple monster with feathers and it was chasing me through my old high school.”

63. I’m sure those bright pink feathers will make any Kentucky Derby hat look gorgeous.

I’m sorry but I was wrong. It just looks like something you’d buy at a Halloween costume store, particularly if it comes with a matching pimp suit.

64. After the derby, this guy plans to take part in some secret cult ritual involving horses or something. Or maybe he’s just wearing a horse’s head.

Of course, it’s bound to bring some traumatizing memories for people who woke up next to a horse’s head in their beds. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

65. Of course, when it comes to hat decorating, some people just don’t know when to stop.

Let’s hope Churchill Downs has high doorways so she doesn’t run into something. Still, if she was a man, you’d think she was compensating for something.

66. This woman is certainly an accomplished hunter for she had to shoot a lot of birds to make a hat like this.

Of course, when it comes to pheasant shooting, this lady tends to use a machine gun by the looks of it. Still, maybe she should’ve stuck to something more suited for spring.

67. Nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than a hat with a horse’s head in a top hat on a platter.

I don’t know about you but I’m starting to get the kind of My Little Pony meets The Godfather vibe again. I wonder why. Still, it has some pretty disturbing implications if you ask me.

68. Of course, if it should rain in Churchill Downs, then I’m sure I’d like to get under this guy.

Nevertheless, if there be showers, this guy will certainly be very popular. I mean wearing a hat like that would make any guy a one man mobile pavilion.

69. I see that the horses are about to leave the gates.

My mistake. That’s just a guy’s hat. Yeah, I know it’s weird. But he really seems to be a big horse racing fan by the looks of it.

70. Won’t you give another mint julep for this Fairy Godmother?

Seriously, she went through all that trouble to get Cinderella to the ball. So she really can use a break. And so what if she likes to bet on horses and get drunk on mint juleps afterwards?

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Costume