Violet eventually decides that she’s going up to Mount Fraught and talk to Count Olaf himself to get Sunny. Sure it’s kind of outlandish and unlikely to work out but she’s just planning to get to the peak and intends to figure what to do once the 4 get there. Luckily Esme hasn’t figured how to get there to the surprise of no one. Though Quigley says that Violet will invent a way without saying her name. And invent Violet does by saying how they can still used the forked shoes. Esme gets on the toboggan as the children pull it all the way up the frozen waterfall as she calls, “Mush!” to go faster. At the top, they find Count Olaf waiting with his two mysterious friends and Esme having to break that they missed a few volunteers.

For the song, I had to include Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell’s duet “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough,” which is about how the couple will always be there for each other no matter what the circumstance. And for God’s sake, since this book is focused on a mountain, I had to include it somehow. In this version, I have Violet and Klaus sing this to Esme about their sister.

“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
Listen, Esme
Ain’t no mountain high
Ain’t no valley low
Ain’t no river wide enough, Esme

I’ll climb up and ask Olaf
To get young little Sunny back
No matter how far (don’t worry, Sunny)
I just climb up
I’ll be there in a hurry
She don’t have to worry
Cause you know there

Violet and Klaus:
Ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to Sunny

Violet:
We’ll climb the falls
With my forked shoes
We’ll pull your sleigh and see the climbing through
Do not expect an easy climb
But we’ll get you up there
Some way, some how
Cause you know there

Violet and Klaus:
Ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to Sunny

Violet:
Oh no, Esme

No wind, no rain
Nor winter storm
Can’t stop us to her

Klaus:
No no, Esme

Cause she is with us

If she’s ever in trouble
We’ll be there on the double
We’ll climb for her

Yes, Esme!

Violet:
We want her alive
If you break her heart
I’ll go after and tear you apart

If she ever needs a helping hand
I’ll be there on the double
Just as fast as I can

Don’t you know that there…

Violet and Klaus:
Ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you
Ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
Ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough

Just as Esme reaches the bottom, Violet grabs a mask, steps forward, and warns her that she’s about to walk into a trap. When Esme asks who she is, she tells the woman that she’s a volunteer. This comes a bit of surprise to Esme thinking that there were no other volunteers at V.F.D. headquarter ruins. But Klaus grabs a mask to point out that V.F.D. doesn’t need headquarters to survive because another generation will always step in for the battle against evil. Though Esme steps forward to threaten the kids, Quigley dons his mask, telling her that if she steps in, she’ll fall into a trap. And if she does, they can’t feel bad because they did everything they could to warn her. But Esme doesn’t fall, she does uncover the trap and congratulates them on doing a good villainous job. The children then break to explain they planned to train her for Sunny, prompting a moral debate over the “greater good” and a slew of insults.

Once again, I turn to Steely Dan with “Fire in the Hole,” taking its title American soldiers used during the Vietnam War and alludes to how many students evaded the draft during that time (Walter Becker and Donald Fagen included). In this version, the elder Baudelaires and Quigley warn Esme not to fall in the trap they set for her.

“Fall Into a Hole”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire and Quigley Quagmire

Violet:
Hold on here
I’m a volunteer
You might find that surprising
Please stand back
It’s a trap
Unless you want to be inside
A woman’s voice reminds me
To serve and not to speak
So I kindly ask you to retreat

Please don’t go
And fall into the hole
And nothing left to burn
You might as climb up now
There’s nowhere left to turn

Klaus:
Base is burned
But we have learned
That we don’t need a headquarters
Net gen nigh
To stand and fight
Against the evils that you concur

Quigley:
Don’t approach any closer
And heed me as I warn
Don’t say we didn’t caution you before

Please don’t go
And fall into the hole
And nothing left to burn
You might as climb up now
There’s nowhere left to turn

But as Esme is on her way down the frozen waterfall, the elder Baudelaires and Quigley begin to have second thoughts. Quigley realizes the smoke is driving away the snow gnats which will starve the salmon and the eagles. After having her memory triggered by a line on the V.F.D. Library sign, Violet decides that the whole plan is a mistake. Because if V.F.D. is a fire fighting organization, then fighting fire with fire will only put the whole world in smoke. Klaus later concurs that the hole is an abyss, which makes it monstrous. So now they have to come up with a backup plan and quick.

I decided to go back to Les Miserables with “Valjean’s Soliliquy” in which Jean Valjean is instantly regretting stealing the bishop’s silver but is struck by the man’s kindness. Because he was put in prison for years over stealing a loaf of bread and that nobody treated him like a human being. In this version, the elder Baudelaires and Quigley have second thoughts and decided to scrap the plan to trap Esme.

“What Have We Done?”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire and Quigley Quagmire

Violet:
What have we done?
Sweet Jesus, what have we done?

Quigley:
The smoke has scared gnats
So there won’t be salmon
The eagles will die
They’ll have nothing to eat

Klaus:
“The world is quiet here” under V.F.D.’s library

Violet:
I vaguely remember that I heard it before
Our parents sang it to me before Klaus was born

If there’s another way to go
Since this is the only plan we know
We need backup and we need it right now
To save Sunny but I don’t really see how
Since Count Olaf took her and left us for dead
Just to steal all of our wealth and bread

I think we made a big mistake
If we know what V.F.D. stands for
As it’s Volunteer Fire Department
That fight out fires
They do not start them
Trapping Esme’s so insane
It is not right
We don’t want to be like Olaf
Or descend to his evil heights

Take an eye for an eye!
Set the world up in smoke!
If we fight fire with fire!
Then V.F.D. is a joke!

Klaus:
I think we have built a dark abyss
And that is something monstrous
This brings us to a dilemma
Do we go ahead with a bad plan
For God’s sake we have souls!
What do we know?
Is there another way to save Sunny?
Is there another way to go?

Quigley:
She is coming down quite fast
We must think up something quick
If you don’t think this is right
Give us some alternative

Violet:
Let us take up a fencing mask
And prevent her falling in
Tell she’ll walk into a trap
So we won’t fall into sin

While Count Olaf suggests that Esme send Sunny for the green cigarette she craves, she doesn’t really trust the youngest Baudelaire. But he’s nonetheless excited to see the Hotel Denouement in flames. Even so, he doesn’t allow Sunny to see his preparations so he sends her back to the casserole dish in his car. Nonetheless, the show highly hints that aside from the freaks, Olaf’s henchmen don’t really seem to care about her. Hell, the Hook-Handed Man even calls her “Yoko” at one point in reference to the prolific scapegoat of the Beatles breakup.

The song I chose here is the Eagles’ “Witchy Woman.” The original version is about a very seductive but dangerous woman any guy with common sense should stay away from. In this version, I have Count Olaf talk about Esme as she’s making her descent while the troupe members complain about her.

“Bitchy Woman”

Sung by Count Olaf and his Troupe

Count Olaf:
Raven hair and ruby lips
Got to get her green stick fix
Sunny could just as well descend
But she doesn’t trust her and hops in a sled

Troupe:
Woo hoo bitchy woman,
Sledding down Mount Fraught
Woo hoo bitchy woman
Though she’s more of a cunt

Count Olaf:
She lives for fashion with her styles
Quite vivacious as she is vile
Though she shot down what I suggest
As she’s riding the toboggan for a green cigarette

Troupe:
Woo hoo bitchy woman,
Sledding down Mount Fraught
Woo hoo bitchy woman
Though she’s more of a cunt

Count Olaf:
I know that you don’t like her
Think she’s quite a bother
As she’s sleeping in the Devil’s bed

Well, she’s my girl sleeping in my tent
So if you cross her yet
She can rock you in the nighttime
‘Til your skin turns red

Troupe:
Woo hoo bitchy woman,
Sledding down Mount Fraught
Woo hoo bitchy woman
Though she’s more of a cunt

Since the next day is False Spring, preparations are ahead. As Sunny plans to cook a dinner as well as eavesdrop, Count Olaf and Esme dress in all their finery. Olaf dons a suit decorated with eyes which is tacky but not far from what he’d wear. But Esme’s wearing her iconic fire dress which Lemony Snicket thinks is one ghastliest things ever. However, thanks to the Hunger Games where Katniss Everdeen wears a few fire dresses and branded as the “Girl on Fire,” you kind of question Snicket’s judgement. Though to be fair, you don’t expect the world of ASOUE to have the kind of technology to simulate fake flames either. Nonetheless, once she sees a green cigarette giving off smoke, she’s on the toboggan and down the slippery slope.

Of course, I had to go with a song for Esme donning one of her more famous outfits. So I decided to go with “Rainbow High” from Evita where Eva is getting a all dolled up in preparation for her and Juan’s Rainbow Tour of Europe. By the way, this is after Juan’s elected to the presidency of Argentina. In this version, I have Esme getting ready for False Spring and getting in her fire dress. Because she wore it first, Katniss Everdeen.

“False Spring High”

Sung by Esme Squalor

Esme:
I don’t really think we need
The reasons why we won’t succeed
We haven’t started
Let’s get this show on the road
Let’s make it obvious
Our plan is off and rolling

Troupe:
Eyes, hair, mouth, figure
Dress, voice, style, movement
Hands, magic, rings, glamour
Face, diamonds, excitement, image

Esme:
I’m exceeding wealthy, you need to adore me
So Christian Dior me from my head to my toes
I need to be dazzling, I want to be False Spring High
They must have excitement, and so must I

Troupe:
Eyes, hair, mouth, figure
Dress, voice, style, image

Esme:
I’m important, it’s vital you sell me
So Machiavell me, make a fire dress rose
I need to be thrilling, I want to be False Spring High
Just make me like Katniss, don’t ask me why

Troupe:
Eyes, hair, mouth, figure
Dress, voice, style, movement
Hands, magic, rings, glamour
Face, diamonds, excitement, image

Esme:
Olaf can’t wait to see Hotel Denouement go down in flames, the last safe place
So don’t disappoint him
I’m an icon, that’s what they call me
So Lauren Bacall me, anything goes
To make me fantastic, I have to be False Spring High
In all flaming colors

You’re not decorating a girl for a night on the town
And I’m not a second-rate queen getting kicks with a crown

Next stop will be Denouement
The diva’s gonna burn, dressed up, somewhere to go
We’ll put on a show

Look out, mighty Denouement
Because you oughta know whatcha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of
Just a little touch of
667’s brand of star quality

Naturally, the idea of trapping Esme to use as a bargaining chip to get Sunny back is a rather villainous idea. But as far as Violet, Klaus, and Quigley are concerned, there doesn’t seem much alternative. Besides, Klaus insists they must “fight fire with fire.” So they decide to lure her with the Verdant Flammable Device since she thinks they’re rather “in” cigarettes. Then trap her by digging a hole in the ground with their hands which they’ll cover. Quigley also has them use his rope for them to get out. Still, none of the kids are comfortable with the idea which is viable but not necessarily right. Yet, they spend digging the hole all night.

Anyway, I couldn’t think of a better song for this sequence than “Rock the Casbah” by The Clash. The original version revolves on a ban of Western rock music by an Arab king and his failed efforts to get the population to stop, including sending jetfighters to bomb them. But even the pilots aren’t listening. Anyway, the song was inspired by Iran’s rock music ban after its 1979 Islamic Revolution. In this version, I have Quigley and the elder Baudelaires set up a trap for Esme and not feeling happy about it.

“Let’s Trap Esme”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire and Quigley Quagmire

Quigley:
Use Verdant Flammable Device
For some kind of handy bait
Esme sees as “in” cigarettes
So we won’t have long to wait

Violet:
The easiest trap plan I have
Involves digging a deep dark pit
Which we’ll apply a cover on
As she stands falling in

All:
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme

Klaus:
We’ll dig it with our hands
Use a pitcher for a scoop

Quigley:
We can use my climbing rope
So we won’t be trapped in, too

Violet:
Though this plan’s within reach
Doesn’t means it’s right
But Olaf’s got Sunny
He won’t give her at a slight
So we must capture
Somebody else
Just to get her back

All:
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme

Klaus:
We must fight fire with fire
And we better dig the pit
But this won’t be a pleasant task
While we’re feeling like shit

Violet:
But there’s no backup plan
We must get Sunny back
Though we feel like villains
We must set up a trap

All:
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme

Violet:
We’ll be digging a hole all night
Since we only have our hands
Though Count Olaf is a psychopath
Trapping Esme is our plan

Klaus:
When she comes down here
She’ll try to sate her fix
Then she’ll fall in
To be our bargain chip

Quigley:
We’ll take her to Olaf
At the top
Then we’ll have a trade

All:
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme
We really don’t like it
Let’s trap Esme
Let’s trap Esme

We think it’s not kosher
Fundamentally we can’t take it.
You know we really hate it.

While Violet and Quigley climb the mountain via frozen waterfall and meet Sunny, Klaus works on deciphering a coding system called “Verbal Fridge Dialogue.” Since he’s working with a fridge and ashes and holding a flashlight over his head, he doesn’t have a very easy task. Yet, by the time Violet and Quigley return, he does manage to figure out the code. After getting the lowdown, Klaus tells the two how he figured out the Verbal Fridge dialogue. Inside a boysenberry jam lid, he finds that the message is addressed to J.S. From a jar of olives, he figures that the gathering at the “last safe place” is scheduled for Thursday. Then there’s the coded label referring to volunteers on a spice-based condiment label. Luckily, he finds a scrap of an Algernon Swinburne poem in the V.F.D. Library ruins. Though Violet discovers the word “Sugar Bowl” on it, too. But how to rescue Sunny? Klaus suggests that they capture Esme and use her in an exchange for his baby sister. Still, the message could also mean that V.F.D. headquarters was destroyed on Thursday while a brave volunteer threw the Sugar Bowl out the window.

The song I went with for Klaus here is “Come Together” by the Beatles, from the Abbey Road album. While the originally was John Lennon’s original effort to write about Timothy Leary’s campaign for governor of California against Ronald Reagan and his marijuana arrest, yet he couldn’t pull it off. So he decided to go with gobblegook. Though a Beatles historian has theorized that it’s another Lennon self-portrait. In this version, I have Klaus sing about the Verbal Fridge Dialogue, because it’s pretty weird. Though I was thinking to go with “I Am the Walrus” instead.

“Verbal Fridge Dialogue”

Sung by Klaus Baudelaire

Verbal Fridge Dialogue
Is a communication system
For emergency moments
With esoteric fridge stuff
Darkest jams of three
Contains the initials of the addressee

When necessary
Uses fruit-based calendar
For weekdays on meeting
Five olives in this jar
Spice condiments, coded labels
Referring volunteers to their encoded verse
Come together right now over me

Verse by Algae Swinburne
On Persephone’s garden
How do pickles factor
Or the lemon juice here
Words sugar bowl inscribed
Even I’m not really sure what all this shit means
Come together right now over me

Right!
Come
Come…
Come…
Come…

Need rescue Sunny
Find out the last safe place
Maybe we can exchange
For what Olaf most loves
Though it’s mostly fire and money
How we hold Esme hostage until Sunny goes free
Come together right now over me

Oh!
Come together
Yeah
Come together
Yeah
Come together
Yeah
Come together
Yeah
Come together
Yeah
Come together
Yeah
Come together
Yeah
Ahh
Come together
Yeah
Come together…

Still, none of what Sunny said about her ability to spy on Count Olaf convinces Violet. For one, she doesn’t think the Baudelaires should be separated. But considering that Klaus is still at the foot of the mountain, this seems rather moot. Second and more importantly, Sunny is only a baby. However, Sunny rebukes her sister with her longest sentence yet, “I’m not a baby.” Of course, the youngest Baudelaire has grown up quite a bit during the last several books. She’s learned to walk, talk more intelligently, and even cook. Thus, Sunny wished to be seen as a young girl. But all the same, you still wouldn’t want to leave her with Count Olaf and his crew. Nonetheless, Violet and Quigley reluctantly leave her and go down the mountain, but not without puncturing one of Count Olaf’s tires.

The song I decided to go with is “Gigi” from the eponymous musical. In the original, Gaston sings by how Gigi has grown and how she has feelings for him. And he might feel the same. Yes, I know it’s supposed to be a love song but considering Gaston is a grown man and Gigi is a teenager (despite being trained as a prostitute), this kind of comes of as, well, creepy. In this version, I just have Violet singing on how much Sunny has grown from a baby to a young girl.

“Sunny”

Sung by Violet Baudelaire

There’s a self-assurance in her eyes, isn’t there?
A different stride within her small feet, isn’t there?
Could I be wrong, could it be so?
Oh where oh where did Sunny go?
Sunny, am I a fool without a mind?
Or have I merely been too blind?
To realize.
Oh, Sunny!
Why, you’ve been growing up before my eyes
Sunny!
You’re not at all that helpless
Tiny baby girl I knew
Oh Sunny!
Overnight, there’s been a breathless change
In you.
Oh, Sunny!
While you were kidnapped by the Count
Klaus and I were down below
Blinking at a star?
Oh, Sunny!
Have I been watching you too little?
Or gone too far?
When did your crying turn to cunning?
And your fear become resolve?
Oh what miracle has made you the way you are?
Sunny!
Sunny!
Sunny!
Oh no!
I was mad not to have seen the change
In you.
Oh Sunny!
While you were standing…are?

Violet and Quigley reach Mount Fraught’s summit and who should greet them but little Sunny Baudelaire. After all, she sent the signal from the peak in the first place with her salmon cooking. There’s a hushed reunion between the Baudelaire sisters as Sunny asks about Klaus and Violet introduces her to Quigley. She then went on to explain how Count Olaf made her do chores while humiliating her at every turn. As Olaf’s calling for “Babylaire,” Violet and Quigley hide under his car while he gives Sunny instructions to make False Spring dinner for tomorrow. They listen in to Count Olaf and Esme’s conversation with the two mysterious figures which seems to be about a recruitment drive regarding the net as well as the location of the Sugar Bowl which wasn’t found in the V.F.D. ruins. But just as Violet and Quigley are all set to take Sunny down the frozen waterfall, Sunny steadfastly refuses. Because she wants to stay around to spy on Count Olaf and his crew and gives the lowdown on what she knows. Besides, she’s already got a plan for her False Spring meal.

The song I decided to go with is “The Room Where It Happens” from Hamilton, which I wanted to do for this parody musical for quite some time. The original version focuses on Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison meeting for dinner discussing the matter of putting the US capital and settling their debts with Hamilton’s centralized financial system. Meanwhile, Aaron Burr is curious about what’s going on and then decides that he wants in. So he decides to challenge Alex’s father-in-law for his US Senate seat. In this version, I have Sunny give the lowdown about what’s going on with Count Olaf, his crew, and the two mysterious figures with “an aura of menace.” And how Sunny insists on staying along to spy on them. Though since Sunny’s speech doesn’t translate well into song, I have Violet mostly translate for her.

“The Tent Where It Happens”

Violet:
Oh, my God, Sunny!

Sunny: (translated babble)
Violet, where’s Klaus?

Violet:
Trying to figure out Verbal Fridge Dialogue, I’m sure

Sunny:
Oh

Violet:
You know Quigley Quagmire?

Sunny:
Yeah

Violet:
He’s survived after all
Helped me climbed a waterfall

Sunny:
Him?

Violet:
And all we had to do was climb

Quigley:
That’s a lot of work

Violet:
We’ve really gave it a try

Sunny:
Ha

Violet:
So, Sunny, what has been going on with you?

Quigley:
Well, Sunny, it’s a pleasure finally meeting you

Sunny: (translated babble)
Lox

Violet:
Talk less. Smile more.

Count Olaf:
Babylaire!

Violet:
Guessing we must go under Count Olaf’s chaise floor
Now, Count Olaf and his troupe are merciless

Quigley:
Well, hate the sin, love the sinner

Violet:
Quigley!

Quigley:
I’m sorry, Vi, we gotta hide

Sunny:
Yep.

Quigley:
Decisions are happening over dinner

Violet:
A bunch of villains all meet on top of Mount Fraught
Along a couple that we don’t know

Quigley:
They emerge with a fangled scheme, having opened a tent that was

Violet and Quigley:
Previously closed

Sunny:
Oh.

Violet:
Count Olaf receives the bulk of the long-sought after Snicket File
A document he can use however he wants
The arsonists get a scorching carnival fire
And here’s the pièce de résistance:

Violet and (Quigley):
No one else was in
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened
No one else was in
The tent where it happened (The tent where it happened)
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened (The tent where it happened)
No one really knows how the game is played (Game is played)
The art of the trade
How the groundwork gets laid (How the groundwork gets laid)
We just assume that it happens (Assume that it happens)
But no one else is in
The tent where it happens (The tent where it happens)

Quigley:
Sunny claims

Violet:
Two arsonists were at Olaf’s campsite one day
Struck fear in Olaf’s face

Quigley:
Sunny claims

Violet:
Arsonists said

Man with Beard but No Hair:
Hope you’re pleased to learn!

Woman with Hair but No Beard:
We basically set fire to the V.F.D. base

Violet and Quigley:
Sunny claims

Violet:
Olaf approached his troupe saying,
“I know you hate them, but let’s hear what they have to say.”

Violet and Quigley:
Sunny claims

Violet:
Olaf arranged the meeting
She arranged the menu, the venue, the seating
But!
No one else was in

Violet and Quigley:
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened

Violet:
No one else was in

Violet and Quigley:
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened

Violet (Quigley):
No one really knows how the
Parties get to yes (Parties get to yes)
The pieces that are sacrificed in
Ev’ry game of chess (Ev’ry game of chess)
We just assume that it happens (Assume that it happens)
But no one else is in
The tent where it happens (The tent where it happens)

Violet and Quigley:
Meanwhile

Violet:
Sunny cooked and arranged a continental breakfast which Olaf threw a very petty fit

Quigley:
Meanwhile

Violet:
Esme complained about Sunny’s “ghastly service”
It isn’t pretty
The arsonists reward him with most of the Snicket File
And a green cigarette thing that makes Esme smile

Esme:
Smoking is bad for your health but these green cigarettes are so fashionable these days, anyways

Count Olaf:
Oh-ho!

Man with Beard but No Hair:
A quid pro quo

Count Olaf:
I suppose
Yet, we might want to read it in our tent though

Esme:
Actually, we would

Count Olaf:
Since we really don’t, you know

Esme:
Should we tell them before we go?

Count Olaf:
Well, we’ll see how it goes

Esme:
Let’s go

Sunny:
No!

Quigley:
…one else was in
The tent where it happened

Violet and Quigley:
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened
No one else was in
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened
The tent where it happened

Violet:
My God!

Violet and Quigley:
In God we trust
But we’ll never really know what got discussed
Click-boom then it happened

Violet:
And no one else was in the tent where it happened

Violet and Quigley:
Little Sunny Baudelaire!

Violet:
Used Verdant Flammable Device signaling us to climb up the high mountain.

Violet and Quigley:
Little Sunny Baudelaire!

Violet:
Said she has to cook up a False Spring Dinner
Told me they want to set the last safe place on fire

Violet and Quigley:
Little Sunny Baudelaire!

Woman with Hair but no Beard:
We sort through the wreckage so it doesn’t matter
Where the hell they put the Sugar Bowl

Count Olaf:
Cause they burned the base
We’re in a great spot

Man with Beard but No Hair:
You got more than you gave

Count Olaf:
And I wanted what I got
When you got skin in the game, you stay in the game
But you don’t get a win unless you play in the game
Oh, you get love for it
You get hate for it
You get nothing if you…

Troupe:
Wait for it, wait for it, wait!

Violet:
God help and forgive me
But Sunny, you honestly have to go with me

Violet and (Quigley):
What do you want, girl? (What do you want, girl?)
What do you want, girl? (What do you want, girl?)
If you stand for nothing (What do you want, girl?)
Girl, then what do you fall for? (What do you want?)

Violet:
She
She wants to be in the place where it happens
The place where it happens
She
She wants to be in the place where it happens
The place where it happens

Violet and (Quigley):
She (She wants to be in the place where it happens)
Wanna be (The place where it happens)
In the place where it happens (The place where it happens)
She (She wants to be in the place where it happens)
She wants to be in the place… (The place where it happens)
Oh (The place where it happens)
Oh (She wants to be in the place where it happens)
She wants to be (Where it happens)
She wants to be (Where it happens)
She got to be, she got to be (She wants to be in the place where it happens)
In that place (The place where it happens)
In that big ol’ place (The place where it happens)

Troupe:
The art of the compromise

Violet:
Hold your nose and close your eyes

Violet and Quigley:
We want our adults to save the day

Violet:
But at the end we save ourselves anyway

Violet and Quigley:
We dream of a brand new start

Violet:
But we dream in the dark for the most part

Violet and Quigley:
Dark as a tomb where it happens

Violet and (Quigley):
She got to be in the place… (The place where it happens)
She got to be…
(The place where it happens)
She got to be…
(The place where it happens)
Oh, she got to be in
The place where it happens… (The place where it happens)
She got to be, She gotta be (The place where it happens)
She gotta be
In the place (She wants to be in the place where it happens)
Click-boom! (Click-boom!)

At some point, Violet and Quigley stop at a ledge where they eat some carrots. They discuss how Sunny loves carrots and how their parents were in a secret fire-fighting organization without them knowing about it. And the fact it’s possible that they’ve been preparing the children for their respective roles in it during their entire lives. Violet then admires the scenery and says how beautiful it is. Quigley agrees but he’s looking at her. Though it’s clear that the two at least kissed and professed their feelings for each other, Lemony decides to give Violet some privacy since the Baudelaires didn’t have much of it aside from the usual bathroom breaks, apparently. Though we still get a picture of the pair on the ledge. Not to mention, they flirted and held hands at the foot of the mountain before then.

However, while Snicket is willing to give Violet privacy during a romantic interlude, you can’t really do that in musical. Because most musicals revolve around some kind of romance or at least have some romantic number at some point. That’s just how musicals go. So I’m going to milk it as much as I could with “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” from The Lion King. Of course, the original version has Simba and Nala getting reacquainted with one another as adult lions. But there are still problems like Simba’s guilt over Mufasa’s death due to Scar’s insistence that it was his fault and Nala’s frustration over Simba’s reluctance to return to Pride Rock and take his rightful place as king. Sure they’re on the ledge in the afternoon. But you know how winter days have shorter hours. So I’m keeping a lot of the song as is. However, in this version, I have Violet and Quigley professing their feelings for each other.

“Can You Feel the Love Tonight?”

Sung by Violet Baudelaire and Quigley Quagmire

Klaus:
I can see what’s happening
And they don’t have a clue
They’ll fall in love, around the uphill climb
I’m not sure what to do
Ze sweet caress of twilight
There’s magic everywhere
And with all this romantic atmosphere
Disaster’s in the air

Violet:
Can you feel the love tonight?
The peace the height provides
The view, for once, the lovely scenery
From up this mountainside

So many things to tell him
But how to make him see
We make this moment last? Impossible
We have to find Sunny

Quigley:
She’s holding back, she’s hiding
She’s such a stunning sight
Why can’t I resist to kiss her freezing lips
To pull her by my side?

Violet and Quigley:
Can you feel the love tonight?
The peace the evening brings
The world, for once, in perfect harmony
With almost everything

Can you feel the love tonight?
You needn’t look too far
Steeling through the night’s uncertainties
Love is where we are

Klaus:
And if she falls in love tonight
It can be assumed
But Sunny’s gone and there still are mysteries
Still, can’t they just get a room?