The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Friend Like Me”

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 19, 2015

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Now winning the Hunger Games is a very rare achievement in itself that victors are always guaranteed food, riches, and fame. They even get a nice house in the Victor’s Village in their district, which really helped Katniss and Peeta a great deal since they won the 74th Hunger Games in the first book. This is especially for Katniss since she grew up in dire poverty and spent her adolescence hunting for critters since her dad died in a mine explosion. They also got to live near their mentor, former Hunger Games victor, and broken alcoholic Haymitch Abernathy. Yet, a lot of victors don’t have nice lives, especially since they have to train future tributes who have a 23 to 1 chance of making it out alive. This is especially bad for Haymitch because virtually all the kids he’s mentored have died in the arena until Katniss and Peeta show up. However, fame and fortune isn’t nearly as exemplified than with former Hunger Games victor from District 4, Finnick Odair. Introduced in Catching Fire as a tribute for the 75th Hunger Games and third Quarter Quell (which reaped from the existing pool of victors that year like their All-Stars edition), he won his Games at the age of 14 thanks to being irresistible to audiences which brought him sponsors galore and merciless to his competition. His ornate trident that he used to single-handedly destroy his opponents was said to be the most expensive sponsor gift ever. After his win, he’s been very popular with the Capitol and had a reputation as a pretty womanizer who’s left a string of broken hearts (it’s actually not like that). And let’s just say his initial get up had to be a little more conservative for the movies to retain a PG-13. However, he’s actually a nice, fun guy when you get to know him as Katniss did.

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Now I thought an appropriate song parody would be “Friend Like Me” from Disney’s Aladdin. You know, the song where the Genie introduces himself in the cave and tells Aladdin that he’s his master and he could ask him 3 wishes (one of which Aladdin reserves to set him free). Still, in the Hunger Games version, I had Finnick asking Katniss to be her ally at the third Quarter Quell in his true, fun-loving, public persona. This makes Katniss think that he’s a shallow pretty boy. Little does she and Peeta know that Haymitch has already taken care of that by arranging an alliance with half the Quell’s victors. Now let’s just say the Capitol must be pretty stupid to reap tributes from the pool of victors since a lot of them are good buddies with each other and have major issues with Panem’s totalitarian regime. Yeah, sure to have that end with a big arena escape.

“Friend Like Me”

Sung by Finnick Odair

Well, I won my Games at a mere 14

And hail from fishing District 4

I’m handy with a trident as you’ve seen

When I’ve used one to wipe the floor

I was a teenage heartthrob as you know

Attracting as many sponsors and broken hearts

I’ve got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how

But I’d rather not talk about that part

And I say

Miss Katniss Everdeen

What will your pleasure be?

Just watch me eat

These sugar cubes

You ain’t never had a friend like me

No no

I have a knack of knots

See me hang myself for free

Just let me join you in the Games

You ain’t never had a friend like me

Yes, I’m my district’s youngest victor

I’m a hunk

A champ, a star

Say what you wish

I sure can fish

As well as disembowel with these prongs

Do you find me quite distracting

Stripped to my underwear

I’m in the mood to help Peeta, too

You ain’t never had a friend like me

Can your friends make hooks?

Can your friends make nets?

Can your friends do CPR near an electric fence?

Can your friends make knots?

Well, looky here

Can your friends stab a Career right through the guts

And then excuse himself to take a pee?

So don’t cha think I’m a shallow pretty boy

But I can be a very merciless nightmare

You got me bona fide, certified

Better not mess with my trident if you dare

I got a powerful urge to help you out

So what-cha say? I really wanna know

Remember who the real enemy is, no doubt

But now’s let’s try to put on a show – and oh

Miss Katniss Everdeen, become my ally please

I’m on the job, you big nabob

You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend

You ain’t never had a friend like me

You ain’t never had a friend like me, hah!

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Master of the Games”

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 19, 2015

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A noteworthy and popular character in the Hunger Games is Seneca Crane, the Head Gamemaker of the 74th Hunger Games in the first book. Now in the books, he’s not mentioned by name until Catching Fire, when he’s good and dead for quite some time as we speak. Mostly because he let Katniss and Peeta live when they threatened to commit suicide together instead of kill one another. However, for him it was either having to choose between two victors or no victor at all. He went with two for a happy ending even if it didn’t end happy for him. But he play a major role in the first book in the behind the scenes, because after all, he’s the Head Gamemaker who’s in charge with what goes on in the arena. And yes, kids have died in the name of entertainment under his charge like from poisonous plants, monstrous creatures, and natural disasters. Still, according to Suzanne Collins, he doesn’t know the true purpose of the Games and is only in it for the show biz and furthering his career. And he only kills teenagers in order to put on a good show. Nevertheless, he became rather popular when the first movie came out since his role was expanded and his awesome facial hair.

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For his number, I decided to have him explain his own occupation to the tune of “Master of the House” which is from the Victor Hugo based musical Les Miserables. Now the original talks about how the Thenardiers cheat their customers at their ramshackle inn which is about as filthy as what you’d expect from 1820s France. Yes, they may be quite entertaining but they are awful people who treat Cosette like shit and they’re even worse in the book. Of course, I’m not sure if they’re as bad as Seneca Crane. Yet, then again, Seneca Crane has a job in which killing teenagers is sort of part of the deal. And the Capitol is very insensitive to such teen violence that they see as entertainment. Yes, a reality show with a sick premise indeed.

“Master of the Games”

Sung by Seneca Crane

Seneca Crane, I have the beard

I am the man whom all tributes fear

I orchestrate stuff in the Games

Setting the scene and help entertain

Seldom do you see

Any men like me

Controlling the arena

Who’s content to be

Master of the Games, putting on a show

Overseeing the arena for the Hunger Games

Put some killer squirrels, make them shit their pants

Wait until you see the bullet ants

And we’re sure to have muttations

After some of them are through

But you haven’t seen nothing

You’ll see more disasters soon

Master of the Games, keeper of the zoo

Let’s unleash a killer bird or two

Add a little fire, sure to smoke them out

Sorry, a fellow tribute has just killed them now

Everybody loves a rookie

When everyone’s entertained

I do whatever pleases

The Capitol so nobody complains

Master of the Games, quick to catch yer eye

God help the tribute who avoids a fight

Add a little storm, add a little fog

Make it poisonous so they won’t last long!

Let’s have some tracker jackers

Don’t want to approach the nest

They’re deadly and persistent

So there’s not much to fight back

Show beyond compare, show beyond belief

Some won’t last a bloodbath and their time is brief

Fighting for supplies, fighting for a pack

Being attacked by Careers in the big bloodbath

Tributes are more than welcome

Cornucopia has supplies

Everybody loves

A catfight with two girls wielding knives

Make it pour blood rain, make it sunny bright

Mess with them by switching from day to night

Here’s a little blight, there a killer mutt

Hope you aren’t there when they all go rut

Some plants may be poison

Some tributes don’t have a clue

Don’t you eat the nightlock, it’s real deadly

Jesus! Shame they hadn’t knew!

I hope Snow is pleased with all my schemes

But God Almighty, hope the kids don’t form close teams.

Master of the Games? Is it worth my spit?

Go wrong, then Snow will surely lose his shit

Hope there’s just one left, hope they don’t make pacts

If they threaten suicide, then I’ll get the ax

What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a boss

God knows how I’ve lasted working for this bastard before I’m lost!

Master of the Games!

Keeper of the beard

Capitol lapdog whom

All tributes fear

Keep them entertained so they won’t complain

Don’t know why we have them but they sure are great!

Hope to have career advancement

Hope the Games go well this year

Everybody raise a glass

Hope Snow doesn’t nail my ass

Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the Games!

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “President Alma Coin’s Song”

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 17, 2015

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Warning: This song is a sung by a walking spoiler from the series. So if you haven’t read the books or see the movies up to Mockingjay Part 1, you might want to not read this post.

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Now President Alma Coin is the leader of District 13, which specializes in graphite, nuclear power, and weapons before the Dark Days war. However, before the Hunger Games this place was a major center of rebellion that managed to take control of a nuclear arsenal. It was supposedly bombed and destroyed before the first annual Hunger Games. But in the last book, it’s confirmed that District 13 just moved underground as a military state with residents living in bunkers with a subterranean livestock and vegetable farms to help them survive when the Capitol destroyed everything above ground. Also, the Capitol and District 13 agreed to leave each other alone under the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction because the latter had more nukes. And the Capitol basically spread the story of District 13’s destruction. However, when you get into Mockingjay, it’s revealed that District 13 is the center of the new rebellion but the residents lead very regimented lives having to wear gray uniforms, sleep in identical living quarters, follow a personalized schedule each day, food rations, and being trained for the military once you hit 14. So, yes, life there basically sucks.

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Now for a parody song pertaining to Alma Coin, I went with “King Herod’s Song” that’s also from Jesus Christ Superstar. The original is about King Herod Antipas telling Jesus to demonstrate his divinity in front of him to so he can bail him out of a crucifixion. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the memo that Jesus’s divinity doesn’t work that way. And the great Jesus Christ keeps silent neither admitting nor denying whether he’s God, the Messiah, or has any penchant for miracles. But in the Hunger Games version of the song, I have Alma Coin virtually requesting Katniss Everdeen to help recruit rebels from the other districts as the “Mockingjay” which is the rebellion’s poster child.

“President Alma Coin’s Song”

Sung by President Alma Coin of District 13

Katniss Everdeen, nice to meet you face to face.

You’ve been getting quite a name all around the place.

Defy the Capitol and win the Hunger Games

We might just have a job for you

For our movement just the same.

So, you are the Jay, you’re the great Mockingjay

Do some propos with us please: be our mascot in our scheme.

Help districts rebel, tell Snow go to hell.

Just be the Mockingjay please.

Katniss, you just won’t believe the hit you’ve made around here.

You are all we talk about, the wonder of the year.

Oh what a pity if you don’t comply.

Still, I’m sure that you can rock the cynics if you tried.

So, you are the Jay, you’re the great Mockingjay.

Prove to me that you’re no fool; wear this outfit and we’re cool.

If you do that for me, then I’ll let you go free.

Just be the Mockingjay please.

I only ask things I’d ask any superstar.

What is it that you have got that puts you where you are.

I am waiting, yes I’m a captive fan.

Be the revolutionary symbol that it takes to free Panem.

So, if you are the Jay, yes the great Mockingjay

Tell Snow that he’s good as dead.

You can do it on your head.

Or has something gone wrong? Why do you take so long?

Just be the Mockingjay please.

Hey! Will you work with me, Kat?

Show Snow where it’s at?

Give me a list of your demands.

Yes, we’ll save your victor friends.

Is that all okay?

I’ll let you kill Snow if you say…

C’mon, be the Mocking-

Come be the Mockingjay,

Oh, just be the Mockingjay Please!

C’mon, Katniss,

The rebellion needs you,

Please join us in District 13.

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Revolution on Their Minds”

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 17, 2015

Of course, a franchise usually has to have a good villain. And in The Hunger Games, the resident baddie is none other than President Coriolanus Snow who’s the autocratic ruler of the Capitol and all of Panem. At first, you might find him a seemingly laid-back, polite gentleman saying all the right words. But his demeanor hides a sadistic and psychopathic mind. So don’t be surprised if he’s smiling politely and engaging in friendly conversation before he makes a remark or threat reminding you of the evil lurking underneath. He wasn’t directly responsible for initially organizing the Hunger Games (they had been held years before he took power), but he uses the Games to show the Districts who’s boss just the same. Still, Snow serves as the prime mover behind all the horrific events that happen within the story. Murder is basically his go-to solution to virtually every problem that he needs a compelling reason not to have someone killed. And he has secret cameras everywhere, much to everyone’s discomfort. Oh, and he reeks of blood and roses. Nevertheless, despite that he had a huge role in the first movie, he doesn’t appear much in the first book other than giving the official welcome for the 74th Hunger Games and crowning Katniss and Peeta as its winners. But he doesn’t have a key scene until Catching Fire when he meets Katniss face-to-face (more on that later). However, since the first movie needed scenes beyond Katniss’s perspective, expanding his role was necessary.

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As for a good parody song for him, I went with “Heaven on Their Minds” which is the intro song from the Andrew Lloyd Weber Broadway musical, Jesus Christ Superstar. It’s sung by Judas Iscariot whose betrayal of Jesus for 30 pieces of silver leads to our Lord and Savior’s arrest and crucifixion. However, in Jesus Christ Superstar, he’s basically a star of the show. Yes, Judas betrayed his friend which is very bad, but his vileness has been heavily debated among scholars, theologians, and authors for centuries. Now as a Hunger Games parody, I have set it at about the beginning of Catching Fire when Fascist Santa Claus visits Katniss’s house and first meets her face-to-face. At this point he’s absolutely pissed that she and Peeta were allowed to survive the Hunger Games, as their act of defiance (like preferring a joint suicide to one killing the other) has ignited rebellion in several Districts. However, Snow knows that despite being well aware that Katniss and Peeta’s relationship is a ruse (at least on paper), he lets it continue to avoid further rebellion because killing her would make her a martyr. So he tells her that convince the Districts that she’s just a love-crazed teenager during the Victory Tour who had no intention to defy the Capitol whatsoever or he will have Gale and her family killed.

“Revolution on Their Minds”

Sung by President Coriolanus Snow

My mind is clearer now

At last all too well

I can see where you all soon will be

If you strip away

The myth from the maid

You will see where you all soon will be

Katniss! I’m not sure to believe

The things they say of you

Can you really say

Your love for Peeta’s true?

Cause I saw you in the woods

Kissing another man

Did you defy the Capitol

With those berries in your hands?

Listen, Katniss I don’t like what I see

All I ask is that you listen to me

And remember, my threats are never empty all along

You have set Panem on fire

But please, don’t be a new Messiah

Or your family’s sure to not last long

I remember when this whole thing began

Just a volunteer taking her own sister’s stand

And believe me, my admiration for you hasn’t died

But everything you do today

Gets reported round some other way

And I’ll kill your loved ones if you’ve lied

District 12’s most famous gal

Should have stayed a great unknown

Like her father mining coal

Would’ve made good

Pick axes and dynamite

Would have suited Katniss right

She’d have caused nobody harm, no one alarm

Listen Katniss, do I make myself clear?

Play your part and you’ve nothing to fear

And convince me, your pact with Peeta was of a lovestruck teen

Several districts have rebelled

And they all know you far too well

But I’ll crush you if you go too far, if you go, go too far

Listen, Katniss to the warning I give

Please remember that I want you to live

But it’s harder not to martyr you with every hour

Signs of defiance you will find

Revolution on their minds

So don’t anger me or you will fall

And you don’t want to fall

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Be Our Guest”

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 17, 2015

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As you might be aware, The Hunger Games isn’t about a lot of nice stuff since it pertains to a dystopian society in which their biggest annual televised event pertains to children fighting to the death. Normally such gloomy material usually doesn’t translate well into a light weight musical. But it doesn’t seem to stop some fans on Youtube from trying. Not to mention, there are plenty of musicals that don’t deal with nice stuff like Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Jesus Christ Superstar, and others. And before we had musicals, we had opera with lyrics containing about as much sex and violence as gangster rap. Nevertheless, I thought it would be a good idea to have fun with the Hunger Games through the art of musical parody. After all, fans tend to do such stuff all the time as I’ve seen online whether it be Star Wars, Harry Potter, Dr. Who, Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, Breaking Bad, and other franchises. Not to mention, parody tends to be a sincerest form of flattery.

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Note: These songs are parodies. And no, I don’t have permission. But screw them since I think it’s funny. But feel free to make videos of these if you wish, but for God’s sake just give me credit. Some of the lyrics might not be original since I usually copy and paste them before I add my own additions. And I sometimes leave them in if I think it might go well with the song. Nevertheless, the songs chronology won’t be conforming to the sequence of events in the books.

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Now this number is set in the first book when Katniss and Peeta first arrive to the Capitol as tributes for the 74th Hunger Games. I thought an appropriate song for this part would be a Hunger Games spoof of “Be Our Guest.” Of course, it’s a pretty upbeat song. But still, you have to understand that Belle is being held hostage in a castle with a ferocious Beast everyone wants her to date as well as his singing inanimate object staff. All because the staff don’t want to stay inanimate objects forever and the Beast needs a girlfriend for that to happen (and they’re running our of time). And since the Beast can’t venture out of the castle without being chased by a mob of torches and pitchforks, kidnapping a village girl (or her dad) might be the only option available. Still, it’s not nearly as bad as being a teenager whisked away from home to the Capitol and being forced to fight to the death on national television. But Effie Trinket and many in the Capitol seem to have rather sunny dispositions about it since Capitol residents see the Hunger Games as a form entertainment like a reality show with a very sick premise.

“Be Our Guest” (Hunger Games Edition)

[Effie Trinket:]

Mr. Mellark and Ms. Everdeen

It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure

That we welcome you tonight.

And now, we invite you to relax,

Let us pull up a chair

As the Capitol proudly presents –

Your quarters!

Be… our… guest!

Be our guest!

Please don’t be so depressed

It’s an honor to be a tribute

For our teenage slaughter fest

Try the pig

It’s divine

Why, you’re only here to fight

Make the most of

Two weeks training.

So you won’t be

Felled by maiming.

Here’s your stylists

They’ll be fast

After all, Katniss, you need waxed!

And Cinna’s outfits are never second best!

Come in and welcome tributes

Settle in and then you’ll

Be our guest

Be our guest!

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Here’s your rooms,

Enjoy your stay,

Before you’ll soon be forced to slay

[Effie Trinket:]

Be prepared and dressed with flair

For the televised parade!

You’re alone

And you’re scared

But the arena’s all prepared

No one’s gloomy or complaining

While the murder’s entertaining

Wow the crowds,

Show your skills!

Meet your peers and future kills

[Capitol Chorus:]

And it’s all in perfect taste

That you can bet

Come on and lift your glass

Before you’ll have to kiss your ass

To be our guest

[Effie Trinket:]

Don’t be stressed

For the teen carnival of death!

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Be our guest!

[Haymitch Abernathy:]

Life is so unnerving

For a victor’s who’s mentoring

Two more tributes without a chance to take upon

Since sixteen, I’ve taught Twelve’s tributes

And now all those kids I’ve trained are gone

Twenty-three years I’ve been drinking

Forced to teach tributes who’ve been stinking

Before they’re in the arena and promptly killed!

Most days I just lay about in liquor

Flabby, fat and lazy

You walked in, and I’ve gone crazy!

[Cinna:]

It’s a guest!

Sakes alive, well I’ll be blessed!

Clothes designed and thank the Lord

I’ve had the fabrics freshly pressed

District 12

Coal country

And my dear that’s fine with me

While the tributes do their training

I’ll be stitching, I’ll be sewing

Make them black

Make them hot

Heaven’s sakes! Is that a spot?

Clean it up!

We want the Capitol impressed

[Prep Team:]

We’ve got a lot to do!

[Cinna:]

Is it Size 8 or 2?

For you, our guests!

[Prep Team:]

They’re our guests!

[Effie Trinket:]

That is mahogany!

[Prep Team:]

They’re our guests!

[Capitol Chorus:]

Be our guest

Our command is Snow’s request

You’ve been reaped to entertain us

At our televised blood fest.

Give us drama

Give us gore

And happy Hunger Games by the score

Give us violence that we’ll savor

And may the odds

Be ever in your favor!

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Corpse by corpse!

One by one!

Till there’s twenty-three fallen done

Then we’ll crown the sole survivor our next champ

Soon it’s to the arena

And we’ll hope to see ya

Be our guest!

Please, be our guest!

Pass the Drumstick with These Thanksgiving Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 16, 2015

Of course, back when we were in school, we all should remember doing some sort of Thanksgiving craft project. I know I have. I mean we all should have some idea about drawing turkeys with hands. Still, craft projects have always been associated with elementary school children in art class, in one way or another. However, contrary to what a recent immigrant might see on the TV screens or around the block, Thanksgiving is a holiday and Americans do celebrate it with food and family. Yes, it denotes the time when the Indians helped a bunch of religious puritanical separatists (and others) survive after they lost nearly half their group during their first New England winter. And we know that some of those Indians would later regret that act of kindness in the long run when later settlers decided to seize their landholdings. Oh, and the fact the Indians didn’t appreciate the gifts the Pilgrims had in store for them like small pox. But we don’t tell little ones that much. No, we try to sanitize it to fit a more elementary school audience because they might be traumatize by the idea of Native American genocide. Still, many of the craft projects that I’ll present aren’t the appropriate kind for elementary school kids in art class. Rather these are for people like parents, party hosts, and repressed art majors. So for your reading pleasure, here is an assortment of craft projects for Thanksgiving.

There’s never enough tulle to make a turkey wreath.

From what I’ve seen, turkeys aren’t usually red, orange, or yellow. They’re usually brown and black. Well, at least the wild ones are.

2. Bring in the autumn spirit this Thanksgiving with these hanging acorns.

Now these are adorable. Hope they don’t go on any Christmas tree. That might not be appropriate.

3. Get your hair in the Thanksgiving mood with these Pilgrim hair clips.

Now these are so adorable. Makes you want to forget how bad things got between the Massachusetts settlers and the Wampanoag in later decades.

4. Set your place at your Thanksgiving dinner with this turkey place mat.

Now you can put all your utensils inside the turkey’s feathers. Still, wonder why anyone would need to eat a meal with 3 different forks and 2 different spoons is beyond me.

5. Grace your Thanksgiving table with this pine cone turkey.

Now this is something kids could make. Just need feathers, pine cone, pipe cleaners, and googly eyes.

6. Any balls of yarn can be a turkey if you add some cloth attributes.

Now this is a cute turkey. But it seems to have weird blue eyes that makes it look dazed for some reason.

7. For garland decorations, how about try Indian corn?

As I found out while doing my movie history series, Indian corn didn't look like this in the 1620s. The kernels were said to be much smaller.

While this was indeed the corn used by Native Americans during the first Thanksgiving. However, its texture doesn’t resemble corn as we know it.

8. Deck your home for Thanksgiving with these autumn leaf samplers.

Now these come in so many colors and shapes. Still, not sure what kind of leaves they are from the looks of them.

9. When making a decorative turkey, it helps if you stick feathers in a pumpkin.

Actually, it would look better with some darker feathers. Then again, the turkeys I usually see are usually brown or black anyway.

10. This turkey hair clip would make anyone’s hair festive this Thanksgiving season.

Now this was made from ribbon. Still, the googly eyes make this turkey seem dazed or cross eyed for some reason or another.

11. For a more autumn look, it helps if you use leaves to hang them by your window.

However, you might want to get the leaves when they’re still colorful and on the trees. Because by November, they’re brown and fall off.

12. Grace your Thanksgiving table this year with this flower turkey centerpiece.

Now I’m not sure about putting turkeys on flowers. Just seems a bit weird for me. But to each his own.

13. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” on your doorstep than this burlap turkey wreath.

Not sure if it looks like a turkey to me. But I see it has feathers, legs, and a Pilgrim hat.

14. For a more harvest feel on your front door, this tulle harvest wreath will do quite nicely.

Now this is pretty and it’s all in fall colors. Love the autumn decorations on this, too.

15. Keep your little one warm this Thanksgiving with this crocheted turkey cap.

Now this is adorable. Sure it might look ridiculous on an older child. But I don’t think a toddler is going to remember wearing something like this.

16. For a more festive Thanksgiving, this burlap turkey wreath might serve your fancy.

Yes, I know it’s another burlap turkey wreath. But this has a brighter disposition wit the vibrant orange bow.

17. For a more colorful and 3-dimensional turkey, you can always make one from paper machete.

Now this looks well done and certainly not made by a kid. At least not a kid without exceptional art skills.

18. Cuddle up this Thanksgiving with these crocheted Pilgrim plushies.

Now these are cute. Love their clothes though they’re more suited for Pilgrim Sunday dress than anything.

19. Keep warm while watching the parade this Thanksgiving with this turkey quilt.

Now the feathers are in a variety of fabrics to make it look rustic but colorful. But each feather uses fall colors despite the pattern.

20. Grace your Thanksgiving table with a fall floral centerpiece like this.

Now I’m sure the flowers are as fake as the ones on grave sites. Because most flowers are dead by November. Still, it’s pretty.

21. Bring the Thanksgiving spirit to your home by stuffing your own cornucopia this year.

Now this looks like it was stuff with stuff you’d see at someone’s grave. But at least they have a turkey feather in there.

22. Now this turkey quilt has feathers of all different colors.

Of course, I kind of find it strange why they dress turkeys a Pilgrims in Thanksgiving art. I mean it’s an American native bird. Then again, dressing it as an Indian might have unfortunate implications.

23. Nothing makes Thanksgiving look more festive than this tulle turkey wreath.

Yes, I know it’s another tulle turkey wreath. But it’s quite adorable just the same, especially with those ping pong ball eyes.

24. For those who like to decorate with flowers, these Pilgrim hat bouquets will simply stun any table.

The Pilgrim hats seem to be made from flower pots and construction paper. The flowers appear to be of plastic as far as I can tell.

25. Create a rustic Thanksgiving atmosphere with these tree trunk candles.

You can tell this is a Thanksgiving arrangement because of the wooden turkeys. Still, let’s hope the trunks don’t catch fire.

26. Nothing is cuter on Thanksgiving than this crocheted stuffed turkey.

Kind of reminds me of the peacock from my amigurumi post of last year. Still, it’s just as adorable.

27. Why burn a tree branch in your fire this autumn while you can make it to hold candles?

Then again, I’m not sure if it’s a tree branch or a trunk. Still, you have to think the candle arrangement is clever.

28. This owl wreath is charming fall decor for any front door.

Personally, I kind of prefer owls to turkeys. Maybe it’s because owls are cool birds of prey with big eyes. Turkeys on the other hand, really don’t have as much coolness.

29. Nothing makes a great Thanksgiving centerpiece than this pumpkin bouquet.

Of course, for the fall feel the flowers has to match with the pumpkin’s exterior. Thus, I’m sure most of these flowers came from a craft store.

30. For a more fall feel, wrap a big candle with some ears of Indian corn.

Indian corn is also called “Flint corn” since its kernels are said to be hard as flint and leave no dents. It’s also said to be rather durable.

31. Since Thanksgiving is associated with football, perhaps nothing can emphasize such spirit than a football turkey.

Yes, it’s a paper kid project. But it’s adorable and clever to say the least. Seriously, who ever thought of football feathers is a genius.

32. Be in the Thanksgiving spirit this turkey day in this turkey shirt.

Then again, it’s probably one for a young girl as I can see it. I mean it has a bow and some feathers at the bottom.

33. For the cold ride to grandmother’s house, you might want to wear this knitted turkey hat.

Now this is different from the other turkey hat. Then again, you might not want to wear this in front of your relatives for fear that they might think you’re nuts.

34. Of course, you can make a turkey from a gourd and tissue paper.

Seems like kids might do in art class. Still, these do look cute if you ask me.

35. This Pilgrim hat will certainly make a great Thanksgiving centerpiece.

Interesting how it has to be in festive fall decoration to be considered Thanksgiving appropriate. It could just be a Pilgrim hat and be Thanskgivingy enough.

36. Of course, a pumpkin bouquet doesn’t have to be in fall colors.

Now I like these bouquets better than the other ones I featured. Seems to have more vibrant colors.

37. Nothing makes your Thanksgiving more like autumn like a fall flower wreath.

Now this mostly consists of Black-Eyed Susans with some leaves and a plaid bow. Still, it’s quite warm and lovely.

38. Let guests know their places at the table with these turkey place holders.

Seem to come in 3 different sizes. But they seem rather easy and adorable.

39. Nothing brings the Thanksgiving spirit to your front door than this bauble autumn wreath.

Not sure if I like the colors on these. Not sure if baubles and earth tones go together.

40. Celebrate Thanksgiving with these Indian and Pilgrim flower pot figures.

Now these are so adorable. However, after Thanksgiving, you can use these to play Colonial Indian Wars. Yay!

41. It’s not Thanksgiving until you make your own sock turkey.

Now this turkey seems to have a dark tossel hat instead of a Pilgrim hat. Does that mean this turkey is a thug? Not sure.

42. To express the Thanksgiving spirit, this walnut turkey pin will do nicely.

Looks like this was made in some elementary school art class. Still, it’s quite cut if I say so myself.

43. This fall garland will certainly look rustic on anyone’s front door.

Now this doesn’t seem in vibrant fall colors. But has a lot of flowers, strands of wheat, nuts, and other trimmings.

44. Make this Thanksgiving memorable wearing this turkey dress.

Then again, this one might be for a young girl. But it is quite adorable and creative just the same.

45. Now this is a very colorful turkey hair clip.

Now this one has all kinds of ribbons with all kinds of colors from pink to blue. Still, it's quite cure.

Now this one has all kinds of ribbons with all kinds of colors from pink to blue. Still, it’s quite cute.

46. Now these pinwheel turkeys are sure to make the perfect outdoor Thanksgiving decoration.

Now these are cute. Then again, they’ll certainly stand out in a front lawn with bare trees and fallen leaves.

47. Your guests will sure gobble up over this wooden turkey.

Now this is just adorable. Love the wooden and the autumn leaf feathers on this one.

48. These turkey hair clips will sure bring the thankful spirit.

Now these are so adorable with some ribbons and felt. Still, probably worn by kids.

49. Nothing brings the Thanksgiving spirit to your home than an autumn leaf wreath.

Now the leaves are fake. However, the yellow ones seem to have names on them for some reason.

50. Show the harvest mood with this wheat wreath on your front door.

Now I’m sure the wheat is fake. If not, then don’t hang it outside since it might attract crows.

Happy Thanksgiving Greetings from Yesteryear

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 14, 2015

You may not know it from the media landscape. But a long time ago, Americans celebrated (and still do to some extent) a holiday known as Thanksgiving where everyone had the day off, nearly every workplace was closed, school children had the day off, and families got together for one big turkey dinner. Some even watched football, the Macy’s parade, or the National Dog Show. Yes, we tend to honor a nice moment of friendship between Pilgrims and Indians before it all resulted in rampant Colonialism, genocide, and the French and Indian War. Oh, and New England Puritanism that led to the Salem Witch Trials. But we don’t talk about that. Now if you go further back in time, people didn’t communicate much through phone or internet. Thus, people usually wrote letters to each other to keep in touch. And on special holidays, they tended to send greeting cards. Thanksgiving was no exception to that as seen here. Now we tend to see vintage Thanksgiving cards a cutesy with turkeys and fall scenery. I can go all I want with all the great Thanksgiving cards out there. But I know you’d be bored to tears, so I go with the greeting cards that might make you scratch your head or guts churn. So without further adieu, here is a lovely assortment of Thanksgiving cards from the distant past.

Thanksgiving Day greetings from the kid who just killed his first turkey.

Is it just me or is this kid a little way too excited about killing a turkey? Not sure if he’s feeling pride or an inordinate amount of bloodlust.

2. Great wishes for this Thanksgiving from your little neighborhood Washington Redskins fan.

Yeah, because if anything pisses Native Americans off, it’s white people wearing Indian costumes. And I’m sure that kid’s not wearing an Algonquin costume.

3. Nothing makes great transportation than turkey pedal power.

Well, Gobblekins might be whipped for going too slow now and then. But at least he knows he’ll survive his next Thanksgiving as long as he puts the pedal to the metal.

4. “Thanks to him who spared our living. We’re here, we’re here till next Thanksgiving.”

These terrifying turkeys may be gobbling now. But little do they know about turkey season, which might be sooner than they think. Then again, they might be domestic.

5. “I’m the popular birdie. All right! All right!”

Unfortunately, this turkey doesn’t realize why he’s popular. I mean does he even know those are menus? Also, why is he in a top hat smoking a cigarette?

6. This turkey wishes you a joyful Thanksgiving.

Yes, the turkey is a Thanksgiving mascot. But you know why? Because we eat them. Kind of disturbing if you think about it. Still, it’s probably “final hours” in this turkey’s case.

7. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than turkeys discussing the contradictions of human nature.

Didn’t know how perceptive and insightful turkeys can be in their observations. Too bad it’s not going to save one of them from being decapitated.

8. Don’t worry, this turkey is just going for a “change of climate.”

Kind of reminds me what you tell children who are upset about eating a dead animal. Yeah, “change of climate” indeed.

9. Best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving and one last look at yourself, Mr. T.

Guess a turkey needs to look his best before he goes on the chopping block. Still, the girl should know not to be that close to a turkey.

10. Nothing says “Thanksgiving Greetings” than a turkey attacking an ax-wielding Pilgrim child in self defense.

“You gonna’ cut my head off, pluck off my feathers, and stuff me, are you? Not if I can help it, murderers.”

11. On Thanksgiving, a turkey should always be dressed in his best.

Yeah, but dressing in most turkeys’ case usually doesn’t apply to formal attire. Also, why the hell is he wearing pants?

12. May we wish you some Thanksgiving joys.

From Buzzfeed: “Here is a child wielding an impossibly large knife that his parents think is OK for their kid to use.” Now that’s bound to scare any parent or the turkey under him.

13. Abnormally large turkey wishes you a merry Thanksgiving.

Yes, if you saw a turkey as big as you, you’d be scared, too. And you’d be even more freaked out if it’s talking to you.

14. Happy Thanksgiving from the kids who are riding the turkey and waving the American flag.

From Buzzfeed: “Children! No! Clearly, the parents of all the kids in these cards are off drinking mead and playing grown-up leapfrog.”

15. Happy Thanksgiving and by the way, try some corn, Gobblers, and don’t look behind the pumpkin.

Man, that kid with the ax is freaking me out. I’m sure he’s killing the turkey because he’s the only one in his family with the potential of most likely becoming a serial killer.

16. “Oh, yes! I’m starred on the bill all right!”

Must be hard to be a high class city turkey on Thanksgiving. Always have to be reminded on how people spend this day eating your fellow turkey brethren.

17. Nothing makes a turkey pull the wagon better than a large knife and tongs.

It’s supposed to provide motivation for what will happen to the turkey if he doesn’t do its job properly. Still, those large utensils are freaking me out.

18. Nothing says Thanksgiving on a turkey trying to avoid his own mentality by defending his inalienable rights.

From Buzzfeed: “What this turkey is trying to say probably won’t have much effect on the outcome of his future.” Yeah, I’m sure the kid’s going to decapitate you no matter what you say.

19. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey who’s freaking out a child.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the child is just terrifying for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m more freaked out by the child in this. I mean the kid is just so terrifying for some reason.

20. Happy Thanksgiving from the kid in the turkey costume.

Now I know people might’ve thought it was cute. But to me, it’s terrifying. Quick, can someone give me a picture of Paul Simon from that old Thanksgiving episode of SNL?

21. Happy Thanksgiving from the turkey running from the creepy kid.

Yes, I know this is supposed to look cute. But that little kid is beyond terrifying. Seriously, I want that turkey to run for his life with that thing behind him.

22. For Thanksgiving night, don’t be surprised if the turkey you ate came to your bedside beyond the grave.

Oh, yes, Gobbles would like to wish you a happy Thanksgiving by haunting your dreams. Sleep tight, suckers.

23. Uncle Sam wishes you Happy Thanksgiving greetings.

Because he is eating his Thanksgiving dinner all alone at a restaurant and desperately seeks company. So he’s eating a burnt turkey with a side of cranberries and a bottle of wine to numb his lonely feelings.

24. “May glad Thanksgivings crown your days and years.”

Yeah, nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than a card with a turkey in a wooden crate about to be slaughtered. Seriously, why?

25. Nothing says Thanksgiving than a kid carrying a turkey dinner on a tray.

Now that might look adorable. However, there's a very strong chance she's going to trip if she continues her foot like that.

Now that might look adorable. However, there’s a very strong chance she’s going to trip if she continues skipping to her destination like that.

26. “Here’s to a rough and ready Thanksgiving!”

Didn’t know they carved turkeys at the kids’ table. Don’t you think that’s a bit of a safety hazard? Seriously, you don’t let kids do that.

27. Thanksgiving greetings to all the turkeys who were smart to remain skinny.

Now come on, a Thanksgiving card with turkeys watching two of their friends get it? Seriously, that’s just fucked up.

28. “Thanks to him who spared my living, For I’m a victim of Thanksgiving.”

Okay, those kids are clearly carrying a dead turkey. Seriously, how do I explain such images to young children?

29. “Smile for the camera, Gibblets.”

Yeah, just one more picture before the turkey gets put on the chopping block for Thanksgiving dinner. Isn’t that nice.

30. Have a glad Thanksgiving courtesy of William Bradford from 1621.

And there’s a Pilgrim shooting a turkey with a blunderbuss. Well, I guess it could be worse. Could be an Indian on that end. Oh, shit.

31. May I wish you sincere Thanksgiving greetings.

Okay, the dead turkey is disturbing enough. Also, that woman doesn’t look like an Indian. She looks more like a white woman in black braids wearing an Indian costume.

32. While turkeys are often killed for Thanksgiving dinner, some go on the warpath.

Kid: “Help! Help! The turkey’s attacking me!”
Turkey: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

33. Happy Thanksgiving from one young turkey rider to another.

Now that turkey has to be huge for that kid to ride on it. Of course, I know what he’ll end up when he’s old and gray.

34. “May yours be a Happy Thanksgiving.”

Let’s just say if a dog was hungry, then it made a huge mistake going after a live turkey. Seriously, turkeys aren’t as dumb and docile as they’re depicted.

35. May you have a peaceful Thanksgiving.

Apparently, the turkey didn’t have a peaceful end as far as I can see. And I sure wouldn’t call it peaceful on what’s going to happen to his body next.

36. May you have a festive Thanksgiving this year.

Is it just me or does anyone think the pumpkin pie had too much wine? Also, why is almost everything in this picture have such freaky faces?

37. Happy Thanksgiving from a turkey that’s clearly going to die soon.

Now this is just messed up. Seriously, why stick a knife and pronged fork into a living turkey? That’s just sick.

38. Have a joyful Thanksgiving to you from a scary veggie man.

Now this guy looks like he could scare more crows than a scarecrow. Also, what’s with the turkey feather headdress? Okay, I don’t want to know.

39. “May you catch him in time for dinner.”

I’m sure the turkey is running for his dear life right now. Still, this woman should be happy it’s domestic. But her knife is real scary.

40. “I killed this one all by myself.”

I think I’d rather stay away from this kid. Seems like he’s a future psychokiller in the making. And it’s said they always seem to start with animals.

41. “Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.”

I don’t know about you. But there’s something really wrong with that girl. She looks like she’s plotting something like killing somebody in their sleep.

42. Thanksgiving greetings from the jerky turkey standing over the kid.

Kid: “Let me go! Let me go!”
Turkey: “Fat chance, boy. Either your dad spares my life or you’re history.”

43. We wish you a hearty Thanksgiving greetings.

Now how that terrifying kid’s looking at that turkey just gives me the creeps. I don’t know but it doesn’t look good.

44. Happy Thanksgiving and may your turkey not go to the dogs.

Seems like this turkey dinner is gone to the dogs. Reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story. Boy, those kids’ parents are going to be so mad when they see this.

45. Happy Thanksgiving greetings from up above.

“Shit, now they’re doing aerial hunting. Really hate what this world’s coming to.”

46. Looks like Tom Gobblers is going on a vacation this time.

Or may I say, he’s going into hiding until Thanksgiving blows over. Why wait for a pardon? Just get out an dodge.

47. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, now say your prayers, turkey.

Sure the turkey might take down that kid in a heartbeat. But that terrifying nightmare tot has an ax to swing. Yeah, this turkey’s minutes are numbered.

48. Happy Thanksgiving greetings, from all of us at the kids’ table.

Okay, now those soulless kids are certainly to tear that turkey to shreds and bring it a most painful death. Also, is that wine? Don’t think kids should be drinking that.

49. Thanksgiving greetings from all the turkeys in your neck of the woods.

Okay, now this has a turkey pulling a hansom cab, driven by another turkey and transporting another turkey. Does anyone see anything freaky about this?

50. “Good wishes for this Thanksgiving Day.”

I don’t know about you. But I sure as hell wouldn’t trust this little girl with a knife if I were you. Seems like she’s planning to kill somebody with it.

Feel the Power of the Force in These Star Wars Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 10, 2015

Unlike the Hunger Games, Star Wars doesn’t really focus a lot on food since it’s not as important as other pressing matters like destroying Death Stars, the Force, or what not. Of course, Luke Skywalker grew up as a farm boy on a water farm. Granted it was a desert planet called Tatooine and water is still essential for growing food, but still. However, Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi meet Han Solo and Chewbacca at Mos Eisley’s Cantina which is sort of the Star Wars equivalent of a dive. Actually it’s more like those nightclubs you see in film noir movies where there’s music, everyone talks to each other, there are incidences of violence, and it’s filled with dritbags and crooks. Kind of like Rick’s Cafe Americain in Casablanca if you want to think of it but that place also had dancing, gambling, refugees, and Nazis. But still, the Panem Capitol would basically make the Mos Eisley Cantina look like a wholesome family restaurant. Yes, sentient beings get killed there but when it comes to a place where they force teenagers to kill each other on live television for entertainment, there’s no comparison. But at the Cantina, the four make a deal over providing transportation for Luke, Obi Wan, R2-D2, and C-3PO to Alderaan (which they’ll never get to). It’s also where Han Solo shoots Greedo and meets Jabba the Hutt (well, in the Special Edition VHS, anyway). Nevertheless, we know that Star Wars has a legion of fans all over the world and it’s not unusual for them to hold Star Wars themed parties for their kids. Sometimes they even old Star Wars weddings for themselves. Either way, it’s not unusual for them to have Star Wars fare, especially cakes. In this post, I’ll cover all the kinds of Star Wars treats and goodies fans have created. Some of them might be ingenious culinary creations. Some might be cute and adorable. And some might make your head scratch. So for your reading pleasure, this Nerdvember, here are some Star Wars delights inspired by the events in a galaxy far, far away.

Nothing makes a Star Wars fan go gaga than a cake of a little Chewie spilling milk.

Now I think this was for a small child’s birthday party. Still, it’s so adorable isn’t it?

2. Eat like a Jedi master with a Yoda ice cream dessert.

Now I think this might be an ice cream sundae with Yoda’s head on a green ice cream scoop. Still, it’s quite clever.

3. If you liked The Empire Strikes Back, then you’ll love this Wampa cake.

I’m sure this is the kind of cake suitable for anyone freezing on Hoth. However, its major downside is that it’s covered in coconut.

4. Be the ultimate galactic host with these Star Wars cake pops.

Even comes with a Rice Krispie Death Star. Still, this display includes descriptions on which character each cake pop is supposed to be.

5. Grace your table this Christmas with this gingerbread AT-AT.

I know this isn’t meant for eating. But you have to like how this Imperial walking tank is wreaking havoc among the candy canes. It’s pretty funny.

6. To make TIE fighters, all you need are graham crackers, marshmallows, and peanut butter.

Now whoever thought of this is a genius. Didn’t know that Imperial fighters were so easy to make in the kitchen.

7. It’s not a Star Wars party until you have some Wookie cookies.

Now there are plenty of wookie cookies in all shapes and sizes. But I like this one because it doesn’t use icing for fur.

8. Nothing says true love than seeing two Stormtroopers on top of a Death Star.

Because nothing celebrates true love than sitting together on top of a space station that blew up a planet. Then again, these are Imperial Stormtroopers, but still.

9. For healthier options, you can always make lightsabers from grapes.

All these require are just grapes on a skewer with some foil on the bottom. But they only come in two colors.

10. Nothing makes your Star Wars party a hit than an Imperial Stormtrooper cheese ball.

Now that doesn’t look quite like a Stormtrooper. But I’ll give this person an A for effort since it’s pretty creative.

11. If you don’t like Imperial smores, then you can always go with cheese.

Now these cheddar Imperial fighters might make great appetizers. And they’re fairly easy to make, too.

12. Nothing makes you the ultimate Star Wars party host than cookies like these.

Now these cookies look professionally made. Yet, the consist of Yoda, an X-Wing, Padme Amidala, Darth Maul, Boba Fett, lightsaber duel at Cloud City, and Princess Leia.

13. If you love candy, then these Star Wars chocolates will do nicely.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, the Millennium Falcon, a Stormtrooper, and Han Solo in carbonite. You might have to buy the molds, but these look awesome.

14. Relive the events of the original trilogy with a cake of Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie trying to get out of the Death Star’s garbage disposal.

Now I have to admit, this is a very creative cake. Love the use of chocolate graham crackers. Also like how Leia and Han are trying to stop the walls narrowing by using a pretzel stick.

15. Wake up this morning for a Kessel run with a Chewbacca donut.

I’m sure any cop Star Wars fan would appreciate something like this. Well, stereotypically speaking, that is.

16. Nothing shows the power of the Dark Side than a cake of Darth Vader rising from the flames.

I have to admit, this is a very awesome cake. However, it also reminds me of why Darth Vader is on life support in the first place. Cue to Episode III.

17. If you love C-3PO and R2-D2, then this bento lunch is for you.

Now this has C-3PO in peppers while R2-D2 is a hardboiled egg. Still, it’s really a work in food art if I say so myself.

18. Nothing makes an Imperial Galactic Empire party better than these Stormtrooper cupcakes.

Now these cupcakes look very easy to decorate. Just put white icing and a marshmallow decorated like a Stormtrooper helmet.

19. If you loved Star Wars, then your party will certainly rock with this Han Solo in carbonite cake.

C’mon, with all the Han Solo in carbonite products out there, you knew this was coming. This is especially since there’s a Han Solo in carbonite chocolate mold.

20. If you have young children, an Ewok village makes a great birthday cake.

However, I think this person made an Ewok village cake for themselves due to being a repressed art major. It even includes a Death Star. But you have to like this, though.

21. Make your Star Wars party worthwhile with these Han Solo in carbonite cookies.

Of course, this might require using a chocolate Han Solo in carbonite. But I’m sure you can get the molds off Amazon.

22. Celebrate the holiday season in the galaxy with this Millennium Falcon cake.

Love how Han and Chewie decorated the ship for Christmas. Also like seeing Han on that candy sleigh. Brilliant.

23. Nothing says Christmas like Rudolph the Red-Nosed AT-AT.

Yes, I know that AT-AT is decorated like a reindeer. Yes, I know it’s ridiculous. But still, it’s funny.

24. Grace your galactic salad bowl with this watermelon Death Star.

Not sure if it’s partial or a complete. Either way, it’s pretty ingenious.

25. For all bounty hunters in the galaxy, feast yourselves on this Boba Fett pizza.

Now this seems to have peppers, pesto, tomato sauce and cheese. If you order it, it’s said that the delivery boy gives it to you from a jetpack. Okay, I was just kidding on that one.

26. If you like Wampa cake, then you might want to try these cupcakes from Hoth.

Of course, they also use coconut which I hate. But they also come in 2 different sizes.

27. For appetizers, these Imperial fighter hot dog rolls will do quite nicely.

Now these are pretty clever. But as far as health content goes, it probably falls on the Dark Side.

28. You can’t have a Star Wars party in this part of the galaxy without these cupcakes.

Now I don’t think this selection includes Han Solo, even when he’s frozen in carbonite. But it does include Greedo whom he shout first.

29. Nothing makes a Star Wars party better than a sarlacc bundt cake.

You know the pit monster that devoured Boba Fett and nearly ate Lando in Return of the Jedi? Well, there’s a cake for that.

30. Put your appetizer platter on the Dark Side with this Death Star cheese ball.

Now that’s a pretty good Death Star. And I see they included X-Wings and Imperial fighters, too.

31. For your Wookie lunch, this Chewie bento is just what the doctor ordered.

Didn’t know they could make noodles to look like Chewie over rice. Still, it’s quite creative if you think about it.

32. Feast on your wookie appetite with this Chewbacca burger.

Sure it might not have a lot of toppings. But this double decker is way healthier than whatever you get at McDonald’s.

33. For your Jedi salad, carrot lightsabers make a nice addition.

Yeah, stick some carrot slices into cucumbers. That might work. Nothing like a lightsaber salad fight if there was one.

34. If you’re not in the mood for Wookie cookies, may I suggest Wookie gobs?

As you can see, these are gobs. They’re sandwiches that are a mix between a cupcake and a cookie. But are neither.

35. Feed your path to the Dark Side with this Darth Vader pizza.

Most of Darth Vader’s face is covered with mushrooms and black olives. Thus, mushrooms and olives are evil.

36. Harness the power of the Empire with these Death Star cupcakes.

It’s a wonder that Death Stars require a lot of resources they the Empire could only build two of them. Imagine if there were as many Death Stars as these cupcakes.

37. For your Wookiee berry snack, help yourself to this basket.

Now this has some banana Imperial fighters as well as Chewie in peanut butter and Nuttella. And it's quite realistic, too.

Now this has some banana Imperial fighters as well as Chewie in peanut butter and Nuttella over blackberries. And it’s quite realistic, too.

38. For your Star Wars party, it is the Yoda pizza you seek.

Toppings of green bell peppers, broccoli, mushrooms, and olives it has. So healthy for a Jedi master, it is.

39. Start your galactic day with this pancake AT-AT.

Wonder how they got the pancakes to stick up like that. Does maple syrup work like glue?

40. For your Jedi veggie tray, celery and mini carrot lightsabers should be sufficient.

All you need is to cover one tip of celery and carrots with aluminum foil and you’re all set. Talk about having sword fights on a veggie tray.

41. Sure you’ve heard of Darth Maul from Episode I. But how about some hummus in his likeness?

Actually that kind of looks like Darth Maul’s face in tomato soup. But since this is clearly being used as a dip, I’ll let it slide.

42. Who knew that pretzel sticks make great lightsabers?

Now these Jedi lightsabers are covered in icing and are in two colors. But they sure look cool.

43. For your breakfast on Endor, wake up to some Ewok cereal.

Or more like a cereal bowl made to look like an Ewok. Then again, I think it just looks like a demented squirrel on LSD.

44. Speaking of Ewoks, perhaps munch on these cookies.

Now these are simply adorable even armed with spears. Of course, these are store bought cookies covered in icing.

45. For your lunch on Tatooine, you can’t go wrong with these Jawa burgers.

Yes, these burgers are supposed to resemble the droid robbing aliens of Tatooine. Still, I have to admit they’re pretty adorable and didn’t deserve to be killed by Stormtroopers.

46. Take your Imperial meal to the Dark Side with this bento lunch.

Now this includes a Darth Vader and Stormtrooper sandwich. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend it to people who have to aim for targets. They won’t hit anything.

47. May the Force be with you in this Star Wars lunch.

Now this includes a Princess Leia sandwich with a Death Star orange. Still, I like how they used Oreos for Leia’s hair.

48. If you love candy or Endor, then you’ll certainly love these chocolate Ewoks.

Yes, they look like teddy bear chocolates with hoods on them. But you have to admit they’re so adorable.

49. If you prefer to fight for the Rebel Alliance, then chow down on these Princess Leia cupcakes.

And they even have Oreo cookies on the sides for Leia’s distinctive sticky bun hairstyle. Luckily, she wears it for one movie.

50. If you loved R2-D2, then you’ll certainly love a droid cake like this.

Now this is an adorable cake. But it was probably done by either a professional or someone with too much time on their hands.

51. For all you R2-D2 cheese lovers out there, I’m sure this will strike your fancy.

Never before has R2-D2 ever looked so cheesy. And I mean that in a literal context.

52. For an easy recipe, you might want to go with Han Solo in carbonite jello.

Okay, this looks less like Han Solo frozen in carbonite, than of Han Solo being found dead in the pool. Then again, they don’t make gray jello so blue will have to do.

53. Feel the power of the Force in these Star Wars cookies.

Now these were probably professionally made. But they do contain an assortment of familiar characters that we all know and love.

54. Nothing makes a Star Wars party worthwhile than a Death Star cake.

Of course, if you wish upon a star, it better not be the Death Star since it’s a space station. And it’s known to blow up a planet.

55. Those who love the desert planet Tatooine will certainly crave whatever’s in this Jawa bento.

As you can see, the two suns are tomatoes. The Jawa is of roast beef and black beans. And the sand consists of refried beans and bread.

56. Of course, this bento makes for a complete Imperial Empire lunch.

Now this consists of an Imperial Stormtrooper cheese, an apple Death Star, and a background of black beans. Of course, you won’t hit anything with this lunch.

57. For you Wookiee appetite, feast upon these Chewie chocolate chip cookies.

Now these are nice looking cookies. Still, Chewie does look like a teddy bear who’s capable of ripping your arm out of your socket.

58. Feel the power of the Dark Side on your appetizer platter with this Darth Vader meat dip ball.

I find the abundance of heart attack risk in this dip ball disturbing. Okay, don’t tell Darth Vader I said this. Don’t want to be choked.

59. For those in the mood for a more foreign cuisine, these Ewok sushi will do nicely.

Now these are certainly cute little rice balls. Of course, they have pretzels as spears and lettuce as foliage.

60. Nothing makes a great Star Wars dessert than these galactic macaroons.

Consists of R2-D2, Death Star, and Chewbacca. Nevertheless, the R2-D2 ones are adorable.

61. May the Force be with you with these Star Wars mini cookies.

Now these consist of many of the characters from the movies as well as lightsabers. Still, they’re quite cute if you ask me.

62. For those who like The Empire Strikes Back, may I present this Wampa severed arm cake.

I don’t know about you but this is kind of disturbing if you ask me. Seriously, this is a severed arm on a platter.

63. Grace your table with this AT-AT sushi.

Well, it’s a sushi garnish. But still, it looks like it was created by a repressed art major who happens to be a major Star Wars geek.

64. You’ve seen Han Solon in carbonite. How about Han Solo in guacamole?

Now I wouldn’t suggest anyone do this. However, this is so funny that I had to put it in.

65. Greet your baby girl with this special Darth Vader cake.

Yeah, nothing makes a touching moment than Mr. I-Blew-Up-My-Daughter’s-Planet-and-Froze-Her-Boyfriend-in-Carbonite holding a little baby girl in his arms. But then again, that’s just me.

66. Nothing makes a great Star Wars dinner than a Tauntaun bun and pasta guts.

Now this looks tasty. However, it reminds me of a scene where Han Solo put Luke Skywalker in one of these so he wouldn't freeze to death. Gross.

Now this looks tasty. However, it reminds me of a scene where Han Solo put Luke Skywalker in one of these so he wouldn’t freeze to death on Hoth. Gross.

67. If you liked the Empire Strikes Back, then you’ll love this cake of Luke Skywalker in the Wampa’s cave on Hoth.

Now this is when Luke is stuck on the cave ceiling and right before he cuts the Wampa’s arm off. Still, this is pretty hilarious and clever.

68. Those who liked Return of the Jedi will like this Endor Stormtrooper sushi garnish.

Just wait until he gets toppled and killed by a bunch of Ewoks. Yeah, pretty embarrassing to be killed by a bunch of tribal teddy bears with spears.

69. Star your day as a Jedi master with these Yoda pancakes.

Part of complete breakfast it is. Comes with berries it does. Need pancake cutters for these, you may.

70. For more nutritious options, try this Yoda watermelon.

Yoda melon it is. Green with attributes it has. Almost exact likeness, it might have.

71. Use the Force and serve this lightsaber cake at your Star Wars party.

Now that’s about as big as a lightsaber. Yet, it’s not transparent. However, it’s still cool.

72. If you like the desert landscape of Tatooine, then you’ll like this Jawa cake.

Yes, it’s a cake of a droid robber who sells them for money. Still, I like the glowing eyes though.

73. Be a real Jedi master and serve your Star Wars party guests with Yoda cake.

Immense it is. Almost life size. But undermined by Simpson mouth it is.

74. For your Rebel Alliance dessert, this R2-D2 jello will do.

Now since R2-D2 has blue on him, this jello is blue. Apparently gray and white jello don’t exist. Oh yeah, white jello does but it’s disgusting.

75. If you’re a rebel and not a fan of jello, then these Princess Leia cookies will do nicely.

Now these use chocolate mini sandwich cookies for her distinctive sticky bun hairstyle. Still, these are adorable that you can just eat them up.

76. For an easier Star Wars cake, there’s this cake depicting Obi Wan and Darth Vader’s duel at Mustafar.

Because nothing denotes a happy occasion like Obi Wan and Anakin engaged in a lightsaber duel that will result in the former cutting off his limbs and leaving him for dead on a volcanic planet. Yeah, good times.

77. Nothing makes a better Star Wars lunch than in this bento.

Now this includes a C-3PO cheese sandwich, a Stormtrooper egg, and whatever R2-D2 is. Still, seems rather healthy than some of these treats.

Now this includes a C-3PO cheese sandwich, a Stormtrooper egg, and an R2-D2 cookie. Still, seems rather healthy than some of these treats.

78. Nothing makes a great cake than seeing Luke, Leia, Han, Obi Wan, and Yoda on a rainbow star cake.

Sure it might be a cake for very young children or girls. Still, it’s so adorable if you ask me.

79. Nothing brings more balance to the Force than this Star Wars mini golf cake.

Now having Star Wars being reduced to a golf course. I like Star Wars but hate golf so not sure what to think about this.

80. Turn to the Dark Side with these Darth Vader sausage rolls.

Now these were made with a mole and look like some calzone. Still, it has a potential to cause a heart attack which I find disturbing.

81. Come to the Dark Side and feast on these Imperial Stormtrooper cookies.

So it is true, then. The Dark Side does have cookies. Too bad you won’t be able to hit anything with them in your stomach.

82. For your Rebel Alliance party, nothing can be more the star attraction than this Millennium Falcon cake.

Man this almost looks like the real thing. Thus, it is the perfect birthday cake for Han Solo.

83. For those who like droid stealing aliens, here are these Jawa cupcakes.

Wonder why they have so many Jawa treats out there? Guess that’s due to being easy to make?

84. Of course you can always make Imperial fighters with chocolate.

Now these are about the same for the Imperial fighter graham cracker and marshmallow treats. Except that they use chocolate grahams and nutella.

85. Use the Force and feast your eyes on these Star Wars sugar cookies.

Now these consist of Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Still, quite creative, are they not?

86. Thest Star Wars cookies will certainly show a path to the Force.

Now these consist of some of your favorite and not so favorite characters. And they even have the Millennium Falcon, Imperial Crusier, and Imperial fighter craft.

87. Now this R2-D2 cake is certainly the one you’re looking for.

Now that cake certainly looks like R2-D2 encased in wires. Still, he was such an ornery little droid who saves everyone’s ass and won’t give up.

88. For your Star Wars party, perhaps feast on these Wookiee cookies.

Man, there seems to be a lot of recipes for Wookiee cookies. out there. Wonder why.

89. Celebrate the season with these Star Wars Christmas cookies.

I have to admit, these are pretty clever. Like the one with R2-D2 covered in Christmas lights.

90. For your Star Wars party, may I recommend some C-3PO cake pops?

Yes, these are C-3PO cake pops. Yes, I know he’s a prissy droid but he and R2-D2 do seem fond of each other. And he did save everyone when the Ewoks saw him as a god.

91. Take the healthy path to the Dark Side with this carrot Darth Vader.

Whoever thought up making a carrot Darth Vader was s genius. Still, hard to imagine him as orange though.

92. Start your day with a wookiee breakfast with this bacon Chewbacca.

Now this is pretty clever if you ask me. However, it might give you an increased risk of heart disease if you’re not careful.

93. Go to the Dark Side in your Star Wars party with this Imperial star destroyer cake.

You know the kind of ship Darth Vader travels in? There’s a cake for that.

94. May the Force be with you with these lightsaber cupcakes.

Yes, these cupcakes form a lightsaber. Unfortunately, they’re all vanilla, which is too light for my taste.

95. If you liked Return of the Jedi, then you’ll like this Endor lunch.

Contains an Ewok sandwich and a Stormtrooper egg. Nevertheless, it is adorable.

96. Be your own Jedi master at your Star Wars party with Yoda guacamole dip.

Guacamole green, it is. Dip for nachos it’s for. But forget face, do not.

97. Start your day as a real Jedi master with these Yoda donuts.

Only needs donut, ears, green icing, and sprinkles, it does. But nutritional value, it does not.

Only needs donut, ears, green icing, and sprinkles, it does. But nutritional value, it has not.

98. For your Dark Side snack needs, these Death Star caramel popcorn balls will do.

Yes, these are Death Star popcorn balls with black icing on them. And yes, they might get stuff stuck in your teeth for awhile. But at least they won’t blow up a planet.

99. Nothing brings the spirit of Tatooine better than a Mos Eisely Cantina Rice Krispie treat.

Now this was definitely created by some Star Wars fan with way too much time on their hands. Don’t you agree.

100. Turn to the Dark Side at your Star Wars party with these Imperial fighter cupcakes.

And yes, they look like Imperial fighters that will destroy you if you try to blow up the Death Star. But since the creator didn’t have silver icing, they’re white.

The Force Is Strong with These Star Wars Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 8, 2015

When Star Wars was first released in 1977, it was a science fiction movie that had a groundbreaking special effects (which previously hadn’t been advanced since the 1950s), partly based on computers and partly not. But they helped make science fiction movies a blockbuster genre. And it didn’t hurt that it had an engaging story with compelling characters that could appeal to all ages. Still, much of the original film’s sets and props were created on a lower budget than you’d expect of science fiction films of the time which led the production team to use unconventional methods and materials to achieve a desired look. It also helped that George Lucas wasn’t bent on making a flashy space movie anyway. In fact, he wanted it to look real and used. So a lot of the spacecraft you see were models created from scrap parts, particularly from jet aircraft. And boy, did it work big time. Of course, there are plenty of fans who also tend to create their own homage to Star Wars with their own craft projects. Yet, they don’t share George Lucas’s reasons since they tend to be stuff they might like around the house like clothes, decorations, toys, or what not. But you get the idea that they’re also honoring the legacy of George Lucas by creating their own Star Wars stuff by using unconventional methods and materials (even if it’s for their kids). In this post we’ll look at some of the great Star Wars craft projects out there. Some of them might be ridiculous as with the Hunger Games. But some of them will be creative as well as cute. And some might seem that they were created by someone who had way too much time on their hands. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of Star Wars craft projects courtesy of the Force and from a galaxy far, far, away. Many of these aren’t licensed by Lucasfilm or Disney by the way, but they can just shove it.

Snuggle up this winter with this adorable Wampa plushie.

From what I can recall, the Wampa is a ferocious creature on Hoth. And it doesn’t look nearly as adorable as this little plushie you want to cuddle with.

2. This Christmas, decorate your tree with your own Death Star ornament.

Because nothing says “Peace on Earth” than an ornament of a large space station that could obliterate a whole planet. Seriously, remember what happened to Alderaan.

3. Look wookiee chic in fur in this Chewbacca dress.

Of course, this dress is way less fuzzy than Chewie. I’m sure Chewie sheds like a shaggy dog.

4. Of course, a wood panel is the perfect kind of surface to paint an AT-AT.

I don’t know about you. But I don’t think this image of sci-fi technology seems to go well with the rustic surroundings.

5. Map out your model of the galaxy by making a Star Wars mobile.

I don’t think the planets are that close to each other in the galaxy, according to the movies. Still, I do recognize a partial Death Star and an Imperial cruiser.

6. Keep your rooms lit by the power of the Dark Side with this Darth Vader lamp.

Now this is just clever. Like the construction paper Vader lampshade. That paint job with the base is cool, too.

7. There’s nothing a kid would want more than their own Chewbacca teddy bear.

I think this was inspired by Wookiee the Chew which is a mashup of Star Wars and Winnie the Pooh. Still, this is adorable but he’d rip your arm out of your socket if he loses a chess game.

8. Make your hair look pretty on the Dark Side with this Darth Vader hair bow.

Show your peers that you’re not the person to mess with. And you’ll force choke anyone who disobeys your orders.

9. Light up your yard with this winter with this Death Star fire pit.

On one hand this looks really cool, especially in a picture like this. On the other hand, it’s a Death Star which might be capable of blowing up a planet.

10. Kick back and relax in your patio with this R2-D2 lounge chair.

Says at the base: “These aren’t the chairs you’re looking for.” Whoever made this was brilliant.

11. Keep your head warm this winter with this crocheted Stormtrooper cap.

Of course, I wouldn’t go hunting in that in this cap. Shoot all you want but you won’t hit anything.

12. Color your pictures with these Han Solo in carbonite crayons.

Available in 8 different colors. Still, not sure if I want children coloring pictures with a guy who’s in a life and death limbo.

13. Make your Star Wars party groovy with this Death Star disco ball.

I don’t know about you but I’m sure Alderaan ain’t stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. C’mon, it’s a disco ball, for Christ’s sake.

14. Rest your head on this felt Ewok pillow.

Now this looks quite easy to sew up. It’s also quite adorable like a little teddy bear. Just like Ewoks.

15. Keep your head warm this winter with this crocheted Tusken Raider hat.

Of course, Tusken Raiders live on Tattooine which is a desert planet. So this hat wouldn’t work much for them.

16. Cook in your Imperial kitchen wearing your very own Darth Vader apron.

I don’t think a Sith Lord of the galaxy would wear an apron like this. I mean it looks like a ladies’ apron and most Sith lords are men. Still, I like it.

17. Grace your front door this Christmas with this Star Wars action figure Christmas wreath.

Now this involves a shiny Christmas wreath, Star Wars action figures, and green spray paint. Definitely not made by someone with too much time on their hands there.

18. Throw your things away in this R2-D2 trash bin.

Because why buy an R2-D2 trash bin when you can make your own. It’s much cheaper and only requires a plastic trash bin, printouts, a bottle cap, and felt.

19. Receive your snail mail from the Dark Side with your very own Darth Vader mailbox.

Now this is a pretty cool mailbox. Too bad I live in a neighborhood where there was a mass mailbox smashing when I was 16.

20. Curl up on your couch during a Star Wars marathon with a Boba Fett fleece pillow.

Warm and fuzzy might not describe badass bounty hunter Boba Fett. But it might describe this.

21. Keep your little one warm with this crocheted Star Wars blanket.

Contains many of the stuff you’d see from the original trilogy. And makes them all look adorable in the process.

22. Keep your cookies fresh in this R2-D2 ceramic cookie jar.

Just get a cookie jar from the craft store and paint it like R2-D2. It’s simple really.

23. Of course, nothing is cuter in your Star Wars home than this stuffed little Ewok.

Yes, Ewoks may be among the most adorable creatures in the galaxy. But keep in mind that they do have a vicious streak and almost devoured our heroes if it wasn’t for Princess Leia and C-3PO.

24. Yes, you may love Star Wars. But you’re not a real Star Wars fan until you make a C-3PO and R2-D2 sculpture from shiny pipe cleaners.

Yes, it might look tacky and more appropriate for a Star Wars Christmas display. But still, you have to admire the craftsmanship on this.

25. Keep warm this winter with this crocheted R2-D2 beanie.

Now this is so cute. Wonder what size it comes in. Do they make these for adults?

26. That’s no moon. That’s a Death Star comfy chair.

Yes, I know it resembles a space station capable of blowing up an entire planet. But it looks so comfy to sit on.

27. Curl up on your couch during a Star Wars marathon with these mini pillows.

From what I can tell, these consist of Yoda, Luke, and Princess Leia. Still, these are so adorable that I wouldn’t mind having them.

28. Use the Force to keep your feet warm with these crocheted Yoda slippers.

As Master Yoda would say, “Wear or wear not. There is no try on.” Wise words if you think about it.

29. Keep yourself warm in the Space Shuttle with this LEGO Star Wars quilt.

Yes, someone was actually in space with this and had their picture taken. Guess you make stuff like this when you have too much time on your hands. Astronauts can be such geeks.

Yes, someone was actually on the Space Shuttle and had their picture taken. Unfortunately, the person wasn’t an astronaut and the shuttle was on Earth.

30. Step out in style with this one of a kind Star Wars dress.

Yes, this is a Star Wars dress. Yes, it's laced with ribbons. Can a guy wear it? I'm not sure.

Yes, this is a Star Wars dress. Yes, it’s laced with ribbons. Can a guy wear it? Maybe a short and skinny one.

31. Cuddle up on your couch with this Chewbacca fleece pillow.

Sure it may not be a walking carpet. But you have to admit, this is adorable.

32. As this sampler says, “Home is where the Force is.”

Who knew there were Star Wars fans who know how to do embroidery. Still, you have to like the crossed lightsabers.

33. To keep warm this winter, may I suggest this crocheted Jar Jar Binks hat?

Actually, this would be a more appropriate gift for the obnoxious Star Wars fan in your life you really don’t care for. I mean I know that there aren’t a lot of Star Wars fans who’d want this anyway.

34. The Force is strong in this Star Wars quilt purse.

Now you’ve probably seen a purse like this for the Hunger Games if you’ve been following my blog. Still, this is a very appropriate Star Wars patchwork indeed.

35. Now you can bring balance to the Force with this crocheted lightsaber.

Yes, it’s an elegant weapon. But it’s a great toy because you won’t have to worry about cutting people’s limbs with it.

36. This crocheted Boba Fett comes complete with his own blaster.

Yes, the most badass bounty hunter in the galaxy is a crocheted stuffed toy with at plastic gun and a nerf antenna. But still, he’s out for that scruffy headed nerfherder.

37. Keep your hands warm this winter with these knitted R2-D2 mittens.

Of course, you might wonder why they didn’t have these on Hoth. Still, these are simply adorable to say the least.

38. Cuddle up during your Star Wars marathon with this amigurumi of Queen Padme Amidala of Naboo.

You know, the Queen of Naboo in Episode I who married Anakin Skywalker and had Luke and Leia before dying of a broken heart. Yeah, that Padme who had the extensive wardrobe.

39. I’m sure this Chebacca holder will keep your cutlery safe and secure.

And like Chewbacca, this cozy looks awfully fuzzy. But it’s adorable nevertheless.

40. Now you can snuggle up with an amigurumi of Greedo.

Now this guy is the bounty hunter whom Han Solo shot first at the Mos Eisely Cantina full of dirtbags. Yes, good times.

41. Bring the Force in your Christmas tree with these Star Wars stuffed ornaments.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, Yoda, Chewbacca, and Princess Leia. Nevertheless, they’re all so adorable and will be good for any Christmas tree.

42. Now getting drinks will never the same again with this AT-AT liquor cabinet.

Now this was certainly made by someone who had too much time on their hands. And probably by a guy in his garage.

43. May the Force be with you in these lightsaber Jedi/Empire lamps.

Now which will you choose: the Empire or the Jedi? Well, the Jedi has a nice lampshade design. But decisions, decisions.

44. Relive some great known moments in Return of the Jedi with this Jabba the Hut/Slave Leia amigurumi set.

Yes, I’m sure plenty of young men will fondly remember seeing Princess Leia in that skimpy outfit. And I’m sure plenty of women will remember when she saved herself by strangling Jabba the Hutt to death with the chain around her neck.

45. Deck the halls this Christmas season with these Star Wars ornaments.

Man, they seem to have quite a painted collection here like Slave Leia and Han Solo in carbonite. Still, you have to admire the pant job on these.

46. For your little Jedi, this Star Wars mobile will do just nicely.

Is it just me or is that one of the cutest renditions of the Death Star I have ever seen. Still, have you got the impression that someone had too much time on their hands for this one?

47. Celebrate this Christmas by hanging one of these Star Wars stockings.

Now these consist of Chewbacca, Darth Vader, a Stormtrooper, R2-D2, and an Ewok. Still, there seems to be a lot of Star Wars Christmas stuff for some reason. Oh yeah, the fans.

48. Know to distinguish both sides of the force with this Luke and Darth Vader light switch.

I don’t know about you but I still like that one better than the one with Han Solo in carbonite. Still, looks pretty easy to make.

49. Keep your head warm and support the Rebel Alliance with this crocheted X-Wing helmet cap.

Now this may not protect your head while you’re piloting spacecraft. But it will keep you warm during the winter.

50. Why not catch rats than with this Admirak Ackbar mouse trap?

Now this is funny. But still, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect than having someone paint a mouse trap for him.

Now this is funny. But still, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect than having someone paint a mouse trap of him.

51. Nothing makes a Star Wars home better than a sampler of, “Bless this Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy.”

Not something you read from a sampler very often. But still, that’s quite good if I do say so myself.

52. Of course, you aren’t the ultimate Star Wars fan until you have this Chewbacca bird feeder.

Now this looks quite doable. Just get a milk carton, glue it with a bunch of ripped up popsicle sticks, paint it brown, and add some googly eyes and teeth.

Now this looks quite doable. Just get a milk carton, glue it with a bunch of ripped up popsicle sticks, paint it brown, and add some googly eyes, belt, and teeth.

53. Look like a little Endor teddy bear this winter with this crocheted Ewok hat.

And this even goes down to the chest to keep your neck warm. Still, this is pretty adorable if you ask me.

54. Keep your iPhone standing with your very own R2-D2 tree stump stand.

Now this not only makes you look like a big Star Wars fan, but it has a great rustic feel. Perfect for any sci-fi hunting lodge.

55. Make your bathroom a real Star Wars sanctuary with this R2-D2 rug.

Now this is a way better rug than the Chewbacca skin one which is disturbing. But this R2-D2 one is adorable.

56. Keep yourself warm with these Star Wars droid beanies.

Sorry, but these aren’t the droid beanies you’re looking for. However, it’s too late for me to change the picture so there you go.

57. When it comes to bicycle safety, this R2-D2 helmet will do quite nicely.

Actually this woman painted her helmet to make it look like R2-D2. Still, she’s bound to get a lot of guys at Comic Con with it.

58. Put your fashion sense squarely on the Dark Side with this Darth Vader pin-up dress.

Who knew the fashion of the 1950s and the power of the Dark Side can go so well together? Of course, I tend to find your lack of fashion sense disturbing.

59. Keep your little princess’s head warm this winter with this crocheted Princess Leia hat.

Now doesn’t this little girl look like a little princess in this. Oh, yes, she does. Oh, yes, she does.

60. If you’re more into the Imperial style, this Stormtrooper pinup dress is right for you.

Yes, it’s a Stormtrooper pinup dress. Still, ladies, you’re guaranteed not to hit anything in this dress.

61. If you’re lonely in a desert land, perhaps this Tatooine Bantha amigurumi could keep you company.

Now this is so adorable. Still, I wonder how these creatures can take the heat on a desert planet like Tatooine. It would be more understandable to see them on Hoth.

62. Shimmer on the Dark Side of the Force in this Darth Vader dress.

Now this has some buttons and shimmering pieces. And with a long skirt, too. Vader would be proud.

63. Of course, you can always use the Force with these felt Star Wars characters.

Now they have most of the characters from the original trilogy plus Darth Maul. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

64. Keep warm this winter on the Dark Side with this Darth Vader wood stove.

Because nothing sets the mood like Darth Vader’s flaming eyes staring at you in anger. Seriously, I like the design, but doesn’t seem like the kind of fireplace I’d cozy up to.

65. Plant some flowers in this AT-AT planter.

Kind of funny how an Imperial Galactic Empire artillery weapon can be positioned as a planter. All thanks to some disposable materials and duck tape. Lots of duck tape.

66. Choose your Jedi weapon wisely before you jump in the pool.

Now these lightsabers are made from duck tape, Sharpie marker, and pool noodles. Won’t sever limbs but won’t make you look like a badass either.

67. Cuddle up on your couch with this R2-D2 fleece pillow.

Now I know I’ve put pictures of fleece pillows before. But this is simply adorable regardless. And yes, R2-D2 is a cute droid.

68. Be a Jedi or Sith Kitchen master in these Star Wars aprons.

Now these are more suitable for the male cooks in the kitchen. Comes in Darth Vader and Jedi master.

69. Relive the events of the original trilogy with this Star Wars gold lamp.

Now this consists of some of the craft used in the movie like the Millennium Falcon, Imperial fighters, X-Wings, and an AT-AT. Still, pretty cool and ingenious.

Now this consists of some of the craft used in the movies like the Millennium Falcon, Imperial fighters, X-Wings, and an AT-AT. Still, pretty cool and ingenious.

70. Of course, every home must have a sampler of the “Serenity Prayer.”

Yes, I know some might think seeing Slave Leia and Jabba on this might be a bit off. However, it kind of fits when it comes to Slave Leia’s situation.

71. Keep warm this winter with this crocheted Twilek hat.

I think Twileks are supposed to be those scanty clad women from Tatooine. Still, they seem quite popular for some reason.

72. Step in style with these R2-D2 pumps.

Well, I’m sure they might be better on your feet than those Dark Side stilettos. Still, you have to admire how these were decorated.

73. This crocheted Boba Fett cap will make you look badass as well as keep you nice and warm.

Sure Boba Fett may not be a warm fuzzy soul. But that doesn’t mean a warm, fuzzy hat like this can’t capture his badass spirit.

74. Keep the birds warm this winter with this R2-D2 birdhouse.

Yes, I’m sure the birds in your neighborhood would find R2-D2’s adorable face on this as an inviting place to nest in. Then again, I’m sure birds don’t give a shit and are bound to defecate all over this after some months outside.

75. This Imperial Stormtrooper cat statue would make a purrfect addition to your living room decor.

Now this Imperial Stormtrooper cat is about as intimidating as it’s adorable. Still, you have to love the paint job on this.

76. Plant your flowers this year in these Star Wars flower pots.

Now these include R2-D2, an Imperial Stormtrooper, and Boba Fett. Also had Darth Vader, C-3PO, Yoda, and Jabba the Hutt, but I couldn’t find a picture with those together.

77. Keep warm and snug this season with your very own knitted R2-D2 sweater.

Might make you look nerdy. But it’s not as atrocious as many of those Christmas sweaters.

78. Grace your fireplace wall with your very own Wampa head.

I wonder if Luke Skywalker had a Wampa head on his fireplace later in life. Then again he was freezing to death on Hoth so he probably didn’t have the time to collect a trophy.

79. Keep your ears warm this winter with these Princess Leia ear muffs.

Of course, since Princess Leia’s iconic hairstyle resembles sticky buns, having earmuffs like this is to be expected. Still, it’s pretty clever.

80. Train your little one to be a real Jedi master with this fleece Yoda cap.

Now this is so adorable isn’t it? Love those little button eyes. Wear this hat, you sure would.

81. Show your love for Star Wars with these embroidery samplers.

Now these consist of 2 for Chewbacca as well as one for a maimed Wampa and another for an Ewok. Nevertheless, these are clever and adorable if I say so.

82. Use the Force to carry your things with this Jedi master Yoda tote bag.

Make this bag you will. Requires to sew and cut felt, it does. Button eyes it has. Cute, you think?

Make this bag you will. Requires to Usew and cut felt, it does. Button eyes it has. Cute, you think?

83. Re-enact the events of the original trilogy with these Star Wars finger puppets.

Now these consist of Yoda, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, and Chewbacca. Still, these are so adorable.

84. If you love Star Wars than you’ll love this set of these nesting dolls.

Now these include in descending order: Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Made by the same company who did the Hunger Games ones.

85. Use the Force to tend your baby’s needs with this Star Wars diaper bag.

Though I know it’s a Star Wars diaper bag, I find Darth Vader’s image on here ironic. Let’s just say his approach to parenting falls squarely on the Dark Side since he cut off his son’s hand and blew up his daughter’s planet.

86. Now you can reenact the original trilogy with these Star Wars peg dolls.

Can’t believe they included Han Solo in carbonite. Still, these figures are quite adorable if you ask me.

87. Make your Christmas in the Galactic Empire spirit with this Imperial fighter mistletoe.

Now I'm aware that the Galactic Empire are the bad guys in Star Wars. But still, you have to admire the craftsmanship on this.

On one hand, you want to kiss your loved one under this. On the other hand, you wonder if the Imperial fighter might think you’re one of the rebels and might shoot you.

88. Strap yourselves in with this R2-D2 corset.

Now since I majored in history in college, I find corsets so 19th century. And I find the idea of an R2-D2 one baffling.

89. Make your Christmas star on your tree the Death Star this holiday season.

Because nothing represents the spirit of Christmas like a space station that can destroy an entire planet with a laser beam. Still, I don’t think a Death Star makes an appropriate tree topper for this reason.

90. Experience the events of the original trilogy with this Star Wars tapestry.

Clearly this was made by someone with way too much time on their hands and is probably not for sale. Still, as a history major, I can appreciate this form which is similar to the Bayeux Tapestry of 1066.

91. Take some time and relax on this Imperial Stormtrooper lawn chair.

Now this project probably required a regular wooden lawn chair and some power tools. Still, even without paint, it’s still pretty awesome.

92. Show your support for the Empire with this Death Star globe.

Now this is quite ingenious. But I’d recommend you use one that’s dated from at least the 1980s for this since it doesn’t have accurate borders and is probably not worth a lot of money.

93. Keep your neck warm in the Rebel Alliance with this scarf.

Now this has the Rebel Alliance symbol as well as an X-Wing fighter. Could’ve used these on Hoth, especially Luke Skywalker.

94. Introduce your little one to the Force with this Star Wars pillow and blanket set.

As you see here, this is a perfect gender neutral baby gift. And Yoda’s even on the pillow.

95. Curl up during a Star Wars marathon with this crocheted Death Star cushion.

Now sure if I’d recommend you sit on it. But it will certainly be great for resting your head and elbows on.

96. Curl up on your couch with this Chewbacca pillow.

Now this one does give him fuzz like he has in the movies. And it’s so cute, too.

97. Seems that Darth Vader finds your lack of faith disturbing in this sampler.

I know many won’t think of Star Wars embroidery samplers exist. But still, many of these are pretty good. This Darth Vader one especially.

98. May the Force be with you with this lightsaber bubble wand.

With a plastic tube and some duck tape, lightsaber duels will now have bubbles. And no one loses a limb.

99. May the Force be with you this Christmas season with this Star Wars wreath.

Now I think this one is better than the other one I just shown. Just have a regular wreath and some Star Wars action figures. Perfect for this December.

100. When it comes to recreating Star Wars, these jar terrariums can’t be beat.

These include Luke Skywalker watching the suns set on Tatooine, Han Solo on Hoth, and Princess Leia on Endor. Still, you have to admire the creativity on this one.

Star Wars Merchandise from a Galaxy Far, Far Away

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 7, 2015

You may have noticed that I’m on my second part of Nerdvember with Star Wars, despite that Star Wars: The Force Awakens won’t be out until December 18th. As you see, I’ve just finished with Star Wars costumes, mostly showing the fans since it’s more fun that way. Nevertheless, we’re all aware that Star Wars is known to make millions from merchandise sales whether it be toys, costumes, T-shirts, and what have you. I mean if you have a franchise with a fan base like this, you know that people will buy it. And this was the same throughout its history as I’m well aware of. But like all major franchises out there, there are plenty of stuff that might make you scratch your head. Now I’ve seen plenty of this pertaining to Star Wars while I was compiling a blog post on action figures. But unlike the Hunger Games, the Star Wars merchandising only seems to get a tad inappropriate when it pertains to selling Darth Vader stuff for Father’s Day. And even then, most fans wouldn’t mind since there are plenty of dads who bond over Star Wars with their children anyway. But that doesn’t mean that Star Wars merchandising can’t get relatively ridiculous because it certainly can. And it does, even back when they had the Star Wars Holiday Special. Believe me, I’ve looked. I know it doesn’t make sense but don’t ask me. Still, there are a lot of Star Wars products that you wouldn’t think existed. So for your galactic reading pleasure, I give you some crazy merchandise from a galaxy far, far away.

Hope your bathroom is in the spirit of the Force with this Han Solo carbonite toilet seat.

I see a lot of Han Solo in carbonite stuff all the time. But this has to be the most ridiculous by far. Seriously, why would anyone want to sit on that thing?

2. For the galactic holiday season, keep warm in this Star Wars Christmas sweater.

Because nothing brings in the spirit of Christmas more than having your legs stuck in a Wampa cave on Hoth and dismembering it with a lightsaber. Yeah, how festive.

3. Hold your ear of corn like a Jedi with this lightsaber cob holder.

Yeah, what great way to cause sword fighting at the dinner table. Still, an ear of corn doesn’t look as badass as a laser.

4. For children, there’s nothing like a game of “hot potato” with a thermal detonator.

Uh, does anyone at Disney have any idea what a thermal detonator is? Well, it’s a heat sensitive grenade. Let that sink in.

5. Use the Force for the great outdoors with this Star Wars fish tackle kit.

From GeeksterInk: “Gimmie a break. Star Wars fishing rods? When I think sci-fi action, I for sure think, “watching my dad pound eleven beers at six a.m. in the middle of mosquito infested farm run off lake.”. For sure.”

6. Enjoy the music from the Dark Side with this Darth Vader CD player.

From Gizmodo: “So let’s get this straight. He commands an army of genetically engineered clone troopers, is capable of building a working lightsabre, and has a super weapon the size of a small moon at his disposal. But this Darth Vader-themed radio can only play CDs and tune in AM or FM stations? Come on, even being able to play WMA files — arguably just as evil as Vader — would have been better than this.”

7. Be a whiz in your kitchen with this R2-D2 spatula.

From Gizmodo: “… at first glance this R2-D2 themed spatula looks like a whimsical addition to your kitchen. But there’s a reason spatulas are made with a boring rounded shape. All the extra details on R2’s silhouette are going to tear your pancakes to shreds when you try to flip them. So we can’t help but wonder if this was actually designed by a Sith who’s laughing at us maniacally from a galaxy far, far away.”

8. Keep warm this December with these Star Wars blends.

Now these consist of Vader’s Dark Side Roast, Hoth Cocoa, and Yoda Dagobah Green Tea. Yeah, I know it’s pretty ridiculous. But you can’t make these things up.

9. Use the Force on your night with the boys with this Star Wars poker set.

Because nothing says a sci-fi adventure like boozing, losing several hundred bucks, and brawling with your friends. Good times, (not).

10. Show your undying love and devotion with this R2-D2 engagement ring.

Call me old-fashioned, but unless you and your girlfriend really like Star Wars, I’d stick with the traditional diamond ring. It’s much easier.

11. Be a Jedi master in the bathroom with a Millennium Falcon toilet seat and a lightsaber plunger.

Now at least the Millennium Falcon toilet seat is better than Han Solo in carbonite. However, I’m not sure about the lightsaber plunger. That’s just hard to take seriously.

12. For breakfast, wake up in the morning with Han Solo Pop Tarts.

While Han Solo may be frosted in carbonite, these are frosted with chocolate icing. Not sure how I feel about that one.

13. May the Force be with you and enjoy some Star Wars Giant Lightsaber Pocky Sticks.

This is a candy from Japan. Comes in grape, green tea, and strawberry. Disgusting.

14. Bring your toast to the Dark Side with this Darth Vader toaster.

Basically burns half your toast with an image of the Sith lord himself. So if you love Star Wars and don’t mind that, this is for you.

15. Tempt your Fido to the Dark Side with their own Darth Vader dog dish.

Now with this dog dish, you and Rover can rule the galaxy together. Then again, Rover’s probably not going to give a shit on what his dish looks like.

16. Bring your room to life with this Han Solo in Carbonite woven throw.

From Odyssey: “What better way to spruce up a room than Han Solo frozen in carbonite on your bed?” Now that’s a good point, unless you’re Jabba the Hutt.

17. Get comfy around the TV with this Jabba the Hutt beanbag chair.

From Odyssey: “Because we all want to fall asleep to a warm hug from this gross, slug-like crime lord of Tattooine.” Seriously, why the hell would anyone think this is a good idea? Jabba the Hutt is disgusting.

18. Store gumballs in this Yoda dispenser using the power of the Force.

Is it just me or do you have to get gumballs from this by pressing Yoda’s crotch? I’m just saying some parents might have a problem with that.

19. Step outside your yard with a pair of R2-D2 crocs.

For God’s sake, R2-D2 basically saves everyone’s ass in the original trilogy, and this what he gets? Surely the droid deserves more respect than that.

20. Wake up in the morning with some Kellogg’s C-3PO’s.

Yes, they had this in the 1980s. No, I don’t think it’s available now. Still, when I think about droids, I don’t think about munching on them with their nuts and bolts.

21. For your intergalactic delicacies, these lightsaber chopsticks will do just nicely.

And if I actually got these, I’d have another way to embarrass myself at an Asian restaurant. How they manage to eat rice with these things, I have no idea.

22. Now you can be your own master with these Jedi and Sith bathrobes.

From Oddee: “Ever wonder what Jedis wear when they are just lounging around the house? As it turns out, their bathrobes look almost the exact same as their street clothes, only they come in soft terrycloth.”

23. Bake your own dishes with this Space Slug oven mitt.

You know that asteroid creature that ate up the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back? Turns out, the Exogarth’s appetite now allots for pizza rolls. Just don’t mistake it for a cave.

24. Keep warm out in the woods this season with this Tauntaun sleeping bag.

Now this piece of ridiculous merchandise was created as an April Fool’s prank. Makes a lot of sense because I sure wouldn’t want to sleep in the entrails of a frozen dead animal.

25. Show your disco moves all night long to Meco’s Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk.

From Oddee: “Sure the Star Wars soundtrack is pretty bumping on its own, but just imagine the complete and total level of awesomeness that occurs when you mix the cantina song with some sweet disco and funk beats.” Seriously, did they have to make disco covers for everything during the 1970s?

26. Keep your fish happy and your home spruced up with your very own R2-D2 fish tank.

From GeeksterInk: “You know what is probably the last thing a robot wants? A fish tank shoved up his ass.” Think I would agree with that, especially R2-D2.

27. Cook some of your favorite galactic recipes with these Star Wars cookbooks.

And I thought the Hunger Games cookbook was ridiculous but at least that series paid some attention to food. Wonder what kind of recipes are in this one.

And I thought the Hunger Games cookbook was ridiculous but at least that series paid some attention to food. Wonder what kind of recipes are in these two.

28. Put your things in this mesh C-3PO backpack.

You mean the part when he was torn apart that Chewbacca had to carry and put him back together again. Oh, and he put the protocol droid on backwards?

29. This Darth Vader china plate will always be a splendid addition to your dining room.

Hmmm….for some reason I don’t see Darth Vader being surrounded by flowers. Guess I picture him to be a bit on the Dark Side.

30. When it comes to cleaning car windows during the winter time, this Wampa snow scraper mitt always comes in handy.

Now this one actually might be effective. Still, using a disembodied arm to clear your windshield might freak out your neighbors. And it doesn’t help that Luke cut off a Wampa’s arm with a lightsaber.

31. Keep snug and warm this winter in these Star Wars adult onesies.

Now these consist of Stormtrooper, Boba Fett, Darth Vader, and a Rebel Fighter. I don’t know about you, but there’s just something wrong with adult men wearing something you’d normally see on babies.

32. Freshen your breath and feel the Force with Minti-Chlorians.

Yes, let the Force take care of your breath with minty freshness. Still, this is pretty hilarious.

33. Serve beer to your galactic friends with this R2-D2 beer keg.

Okay, R2-D2 is one of the most useful and resilient droids in the galaxy. And yet, he’s basically used as a beer keg to a bunch of frat boys. Something’s wrong with that.

34. Speaking of beer? Keep it chilled in your very own Han Solo in carbonite minifridge.

That way, your beer will be as fresh as Han Solo was when he was thawed out. Then again, this is just crazy for some reason.

That way, your beer will be as fresh as Han Solo was when he was thawed out. That way, you’ll always be ready for some galactic drinking games. Fortunately, it doesn’t induce hibernation sickness.

35. On a cold day, you can always warm yourself up with some Star Wars Campbell’s soup.

Now I’m sure eating these soups will put you squarely on the salty side of the Force. Because Campbell’s Hmmm….salt.

36. This Christmas celebrate the season in full Star Wars glory with Christmas in the Stars.

Seriously? Star Wars had a Christmas album? Do they even celebrate Christmas in that galaxy? And yet, you see C-3PO and R2-D2 in Santa’s workshop.

37. Be the best smelling nerfherder in the galaxy with Eau Lando Colonge and Slave Leia Perfume.

Not sure if the Star Wars saga is a great franchise to have its own perfume line. Still, love how they accessorize the bottles.

38. Become the beauty of the galaxy with the Cover Girl Star Wars Collection line. Which side will you choose?

Guess the Cover Girl Hunger Games campaign was successful. Still, this is just crazy. So now you want nerds to use your products. Nice.

39. Choose your own side of the Force with a Darth Vader or Jedi Burger.

This was an ad campaign from a French burger chain for Episode I in 1999. Still, while one will give you green poop, both will give you coronaries.

40. Use the Force to patch up some broken pipes with some Star Wars duck tape.

The adhesive Force is strong with this one. Will certainly make you the most handy Jedi in the galaxy.

41. Help your little one’s sleep with this C-3PO nightlight.

Because nothing gets a child to sleep than C-3PO's soulless, lit-up face. Odds of successfully navigating a good night's sleep with this are 3,720 to 1.

Because nothing gets a child to sleep than C-3PO’s soulless, lit-up, and disembodied face. Odds of successfully navigating a good night’s sleep with this are 3,720 to 1.

42. Spice up your love life with your very own Chewbacca gimp suit.

If you’re an avid Star Wars fan who’s into BDSM and/or Furries, this might be for you. Still, at least they don’t have a gimp suit of Finnick Odair. Now that would be bad.

43. Decorate your tree this Christmas with an ornament depicting the showdown at the Cantina.

Because nothing says Christmas like a smuggler shooting a bounty hunter in the middle of a crowded Cantina full of dirtbags. Yeah, maybe “Han shoots first” is not an appropriate Christmas slogan.

44. Decorate your bathroom in the Star Wars spirit with It’s a Crap! toilet cover.

From GeeksterInk: “Admiral Ackbar’s famous line, “It’s a trap!” lovingly rendered into a toilet pun that allows you to shit into a Star Wars character’s mouth.” Seriously, Admiral Ackbar deserves more respect and dignity than this.

45. Decorate your bedroom in the Force with these lightsaber lava lamps.

Now this might make people think that you’re on the trippier side of the Force. Also, might lead some suspect that you have weed, if your place smells bad enough.

46. Preserve your food with this Han Solo in carbonite refrigerator.

Now this is guaranteed to preserve your food for a long time like carbonite preserved Han Solo. But this is without the hibernation sickness after thaw.

47. Send your letter in snail mail with these Star Wars stamps.

Now these are only available in Great Britain. Features some new characters as well as some of the old classics.

48. Keep dry with this lightsaber umbrella.

Not sure what to think about this. To me, I don’t think you’re supposed to have a lightsaber umbrella. Probably because I’ve seen people dismembered by them in the Star Wars movies.

49. Make your work space better with your very own Han Solo in carbonite desk.

Also can be used to intimidate underlings as a reminder of what would happen to them if they don’t cater to your wishes. Yeah, wouldn’t want to mess with anyone who owns a desk like this.

50. Turn lights on and off with your very own Han Solo in carbonite light switch.

Now you can switch lights on and off by flipping the lever on Han Solo's crotch. Seriously, does anyone see what's wrong with this? I mean did the designers think this through?

Now you can switch lights on and off by flipping the lever on Han Solo’s dick. Seriously, does anyone see what’s wrong with this? I mean did the designers think this through?

51. Step out into the theaters this December in a pair of lightsaber high heeled shoes.

Still, given the chance that there will be icy roads and snow on the ground, I wouldn’t recommend women wear these. Seriously, you might want to opt for something more comfortable.

52. Now you can decipher R2-D2’s speech with How to Speak Droid with R2-D2.

Yes, R2-D2 speaks in beeps but is this really necessary? I mean he’s not that hard to understand since he communicates with the other characters just fine.

53. Celebrate this Christmas on the Dark Side with your very own Darth Vader Christmas inflatable.

Because nothing personifies the spirit of Christmas like a Sith Lord who force chokes his underlings, blows up his daughter’s planet, and cuts off his son’s hand. Yes, true Christmas spirit, indeed.

54. Sleep tight like Han Solo in this Millennium Falcon bed.

From QZ: “For $4,000, your child can sleep in a crib shaped like the cockpit of Han Solo’s ship, complete with painted-on dials and levers. It’s unlikely to be able to do the Kessel Run, but it’s perfect for sleepy children with no imagination.”

55. Now you can play dirty galactic strip poker with the Ladies of Star Wars playing card deck.

Okay, how many women in Star Wars are there. Certainly, there aren’t a lot with speaking roles. Will probably mostly consist of minor characters or examples of Padme Amidala’s unlimited wardrobe.

56. Use the Force to open a pint a beer with your very own lightsaber bottle opener.

Sure it may be handy. But I don’t know if carrying it around with you will make you a darling at the Star Wars convention.

57. Make it happy hour in your galaxy Cantina with this Star Wars pewter bar ware set.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, Yoda, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Still, wouldn’t trust a drunk person with the C-3PO knife or the Darth Vader corkscrew.

58. Once they pop, the fun won’t stop with these Star Wars Pringles.

Comes in Chewbacca Cheddar Cheese, Skywalker Sour Cream and Onion, Han Solo Salt and Vineger, Boba Fett BBQ, and Darth Vader Original. Yes, I’m just as baffled as you are.

59. Grace your bathroom with this Star Wars: The Force Awakens shower curtain.

From QZ: “Was a regular wall poster of the film you haven’t even seen yet just not cutting it? How about a shower curtain? For $20 you can be greeted by a cast of characters who currently mean nothing to you, every time you use the bathroom.”

60. If you love Star Wars, then play Operation with R2-D2.

You know because R2-D2 tends to be a stubborn little droid that has all kinds of shit happen to him. Yeah, saving everyone's ass is bound to get you busted a few times.

You know because R2-D2 tends to be a stubborn and adventurous little droid that has all kinds of shit happen to him. Yeah, saving everyone’s ass is bound to get you busted a few times.

61. Bottoms up with your very own R2-D2 hip flask.

Hmm…so they have Star Wars hip flasks you can get drunk on or sneak alcohol in. Interesting. Might mean that AA and rehab could be your only hope.

62. Give your frog the Star Wars treatment with this Dagobah Frog Habitat.

I’m sure pet frogs everywhere will love hanging around Yoda’s planet. Then again, I don’t think your frog gives a shit about Star Wars.

63. Study ants with the Force with your very own Felucia Ant Farm.

From Huffington Post: “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an ant farm is approximately 3,720 to 1.” Also, the odds of buying one are similar as well.

64. Now you can be the grill meister of the galaxy with your very own Death Star grill.

Now this product does exist as I’ve looked on Ebay. However, this might be an idealized computer representation. But you see why it’s funny.

65. Now your cat can enjoy the Star Wars franchise with these Star Wars catnip toys from Petco.

These consist of Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Yoda, and a Stormtrooper. And they look like rats. Lovely.

66. Have lots of fun in the spud galaxy with none other than a Star Wars Mr. Potato Head.

This one is Darth Tater. They also have one of Chewbacca and R2-D2, but they didn't seem as iconic.

This one is Darth Tater. They also have one of Chewbacca, Yoda, and R2-D2, but they didn’t seem as iconic.

67. The Force is strong with this Star Wars self-stirring mug.

Wonder what it’s like drinking something from a self-stirring mug. Maybe I don’t want to find out. Still, the slogan seems appropriate.

68. Speaking of coffee, stir it with the Force this year with some Nestle Coffee Mate.

Now these seem to consist of R2-D2 French Vanilla, Chewbacca Spiced Latte, C-3PO Hazelnut, Boba Fett Italian Creme, and Darth Vader Espresso Chocolate. Yeah, I don’t think “Italian Creme” best describes Boba Fett either. But I didn’t come with these. So don’t blame me.

69. Use the power of the Dark with these Star Wars golf bags.

Of course, if you’re Darth Vader’s caddy, God help you. Seriously, caddying for that guy runs a serious risk of being force choked if he has a terrible game.

70. Be a Jedi grill master on the barbecue with a pair of lightsaber barbecue tongs.

I can imagine this conversation. Obi Wan: “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.” Luke: “What is it?” Obi Wan: “Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

I can imagine this conversation. From QZ:
Obi Wan: “Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.”
Luke: “What is it?”
Obi Wan: “Your father’s lightsaber tongs. This is the utensil of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a spatula. An elegant utensil, for a more civilized age.”

71. Roast your Rebel Alliance burgers on your very own R2-D2 smoker grill.

Now this looks like a big grill with plenty of room for fuel. Is this gas or charcoal? Still, like the wheels.

72. For your office paper tears, this C-3PO tape dispenser is at your disposal.

Now I know that C-3PO has nothing down there, genital wise. Nevertheless, this is one of the most vulgar scotch tape dispenser I’ve ever seen.

73. Now you can ask Jedi Master Yoda a question with this.

And if you want to know the answer, just shake him and look under his but. Just do that. There is no try.

And if you want to know the answer, just shake him and look under his butt. Works like one of those magic 8 ball things. Just do that. There is no try.

74. Fasten your seatbelts and in case you need to vomit, feel free to spew into these lightsaber barf bags.

These were used by Virgin Airlines to promote one of the prequels. Yeah, I know it’s ridiculous, but I didn’t come up the idea. So don’t blame me for it.

75. If you liked Episode I, then you’ll certainly enjoy this Jar Jar Binks candy tongue.

As if anyone would fantasize French kissing Jar Jar Binks, who's one of the most obnoxious and annoying characters in the franchise. From GeeksterInk:

As if anyone would fantasize French kissing Jar Jar Binks, who’s one of the most obnoxious and annoying characters in the franchise. For me, that’s a nightmare scenario. Who the hell thought this was good idea ought to be filled with shame by now. From GeeksterInk: “Great idea. As if people didn’t hate Jar-Jar enough after The Phantom Menace, now he’s making children suck his tongue? Not on my watch.”

76. Spread the Christmas spirit this year with these Star Wars nutcrackers.

Now these consist of Darth Vader, R2-D2, Yoda, regular Stormtrooper, and Christmas Stormtrooper. Christmas Stormtrooper is wearing a Santa hat and carries a candy cane.

77. Make your Star Wars marathon a pizza party with this talking R2-D2 pizza cutter.

Cuts your pizza while giving R2-D2’s signature beeps and blips. Yeah, I don’t know why they thought this was a good idea either.

78. Make bath time so much fun with these Pond Wars rubber ducks.

From Oddee: “There’s nothing quite as relaxing as a nice long bath, unless that bath happens to be the center for an intergalactic war between the ultimate evil republic and the freedom fighting rebels. Did I mention these guys glow in multiple colors thanks to sweet LED lights?” At least they don’t have rubber ducks of Hunger Games characters….yet.

79. Cool off this summer with one of these Star Wars misters.

From Gizmodo: “Probably invented before the days of MovieTickets.com when sweaty fanboys had to line up in the sweltering summer heat to actually buy tickets at the box office, these handheld misters provide a refreshing blast of mist with every pump. Now we can understand why Yoda would be coming to your aide on a hot day, but Vader and Boba Fett? It seems highly unlikely. They’re more likely to let you die of heat stroke and then feed your corpse to a Rankor for fun.”

80. If you love Star Wars and classic horror movies, then you’ll find these Star Wars monster bobbleheads a scream.

Because one of the most menacing movie villains of all time can’t be scary enough without being mashed with Frankenstein’s monster. Also has Yoda as a zombie and Chewbacca as a werewolf.

81. Feel the Dark Side of the Force with this one of a kind collectible Star Wars watch.

Now that’s a massive wrist watch inspired by Darth Vader and his Imperial fighters. It’s a limited edition in Britain and said to cost $28,500. You’re better off buying a car with that money.

82. Keep your possessions safe with this interactive R2-D2 money bank.

Courtesy of Apple. Requires iPhone activation. Not sure if I’d keep my keys and credit cards in there.

83. For your Star Wars marathons, watch these movies in this customized home theater.

Now I like Star Wars since it has a great story and characters. But still, I think this is just going way too far. Yeah, that’s ridiculous, all right.

84. Keep warm this winter with this one of a kind R2-D2 wood stove.

Because if there’s anything that hurts a droid it’s having to deal with being fired upon. Now someone thought it was good idea to set his insides in flames. Nice.

85. Those who think gnomes are too earthbound will certainly love this Jawa lawn ornament.

Okay, I don’t quite see Jawa as the gardening sort. For one, they inhabit Tattooine, a desert planet. Second, don’t they kidnap droids and sell them?

86. Keep your desk tidy with this Darth Vader pencil holder.

Yes, stick your pens in to Anakin Skywalker’s brain. Still, Games Radar says it looks kind of like an S&M hedgehog.

87. Keep your TV antennas in place with the Dark Side with this Darth Vader antenna topper.

Of course, now that we have switched to digital, this item is now rendered obsolete. Still, would you want Darth Vader’s head on your TV? Not me.

88. Set the evening atmosphere to your liking with this Darth Vader mood light.

From Entertainment Unlimited: “Love is in the air. And what better to spread the atmosphere of mushy love; a Darth Vader Mood Light! A perfect ‘Force’ to bring in intimacy and increase sexual desire. Bloody, red eyes on the disembodied head of Darth Vader staring back at you and your partner, while you both do your thing. It’s positively terrifying and nothing close to being romantic. Unless, of course, you are a fan of Jack, The Ripper.”

89. Now you can listen to your favorite Imperial Empire soundtrack with this Death Star Bluetooth speaker.

Of course, it might be appropriate when I’m playing Star Wars soundtrack. But when I’m playing music by Billy Joel, not so much.

90. Dispose your garbage in your very own R2-D2 trash bin.

Yeah, this might be a good idea. But then again, I don’t think R2-D2 would appreciate having you throw stuff away into his body. That’s not what an R2 unit does.

91. Spread holiday cheer this Christmas with this Darth Vader figurine of him in a Santa hat and red cape.

Apparently, Lord Vader finds your lack of Christmas cheer disturbing. Of course, he should give it a break since it’s November for Christ’s sake.

92. Make R2-D2 your beer butler with this R2-D2 moving beer fridge.

Yes, have R2-D2 keep beer cold for you. Even when he has other things on his mind like saving his friends from Darth Vader.

93. Cook delicious recipes with the Force with your very own R2-D2 measuring cup set.

Disassembles into 4 cups and 4 measuring spoons. You can also reassemble it after you’ve washed them. Still, not sure what to think about this.

94. Use the Force to roll your smokes with these lightsaber rolling papers.

I suppose that these would be a hit for the Star Wars fans living in Colorado where pot’s legal. Sure to make any pothead feel like a Jedi.

95. For those Star Wars football fans, this R2-D2 pigskin might just strike your fancy.

Sure there may be Star Wars fans who like football. But does that mean an R2-D2 football is a good idea? I kind of beg to differ.

96. Step in stride with a pair of your very own furry Chewbacca crocs.

Now R2-D2 crocs are one thing. But these, seriously, I have no idea what the designer was thinking. Besides, the fur just makes these look worse.

97. Curl up on your living room floor with this furry Chewbacca skin rug.

From CNET: “On the surface, this Chewbacca rug looks cozy and fun. You just want to lay on it and dream about taking out the Death Star. But let’s look closer. To make this rug, someone would have to skin a Wookiee, poach its bandolier and then have the gumption to display it in a home, flaunting the horrifying act.” Doesn’t help that the girl in this picture is dressed as Princess Leia.

98. Make a Star Wars fashion statement with these Han Solo in carbonite rings.

I don’t know but you. But there’s just something a bit insensitive about wearing a frozen guy on your finger. I’m not sure what it is.

99. That’s no moon. That’s a Death Star tea infuser.

The ad for this says: “Have a cup now and worry about the thermal exhaust port later.” As if the rebels are going to blow it up and kill everyone inside it. Oh, they did.

100. Keep your kitchen knives neatly arranged with this Rebel X-Wing knife block.

Yes, chop veggies knowing that your X-Wing knife block can destroy the Death Star if need be. Comes with 5 stainless steel knives. Still, I think the blade direction on this might pose a hazard for children.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Author Archives: historymaniacmegan

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Friend Like Me”

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Master of the Games”

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “President Alma Coin’s Song”

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Revolution on Their Minds”

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Be Our Guest”

Pass the Drumstick with These Thanksgiving Craft Projects

Happy Thanksgiving Greetings from Yesteryear

Feel the Power of the Force in These Star Wars Treats

The Force Is Strong with These Star Wars Craft Projects

Star Wars Merchandise from a Galaxy Far, Far Away