The next day, Frank or Ernest wakes up the Baudelaires to give them blindfolds for the trial since “justice is blind” as well as tea without sugar. I know this literal interpretation doesn’t make sense like the constitutional interpretations from conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. In fact, everyone in the court has to wear them save the judges. And it’s not long the manager comes to collect the kids for trial. Justice Strauss begins the proceedings at noon, letting everyone know that the authorities are standing outside the hotel to apprehend the guilty party. And that they meant to hold the trial on Thursday but Dewey’s untimely death pushed it up. Anyway, Olaf doesn’t see himself as guilty mostly because he wants to avoid the authorities and erase his crimes. The Baudelaires are less so, but they know they’re more innocent than the count and just want to live their lives. Anyway, after the pleas and occupations are submitted, various volunteers and villains submit pieces of evidence which may or may not have anything to do with the case at hand. Yet, once the Baudelaires are called to testify, they recognize something odd about Justice Strauss. So risking contempt of court, they peek from their blindfolds and find that the kindly judge isn’t there as Count Olaf bundles her away toward the elevator. Not to mention, the other judges consist of the Man with a Beard But No Hair and the Woman with Hair But No Beard who are clearly in league with Olaf.

Since it’s a court scene, I couldn’t think of a better number like “The Bells of Notre Dame” from Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame. Of course, the original has Clopin tell the prologue on Quasimodo’s origins with Frollo killing his gypsy mother. And yes, he’s a cold-hearted bastard who thinks he’s better than anyone else and incapable of seeing fault within. Which would make him perfect for the Trump Administration. In this version, I basically have the trial at the Hotel Denouement to Justice Strauss’s abduction.

“The Trial at Denouement”

Justice Strauss:
High noon in city, V.F.D. awaits
The trial at Denouement
We’re trying Count Olaf and the Baudelaires
At the court of Denouement
Justice is blind, so put on your blindfold
As I start the proceedings at once
So we can bring these folks to justice
Now let us begin
The trial at Denouement

Listen, I call this court to order
We were going to schedule this trial for tomorrow
But Dewey Denouement’s death bumped it today
We have authorities standing outside to arrest the guilty party when the trial is done.

Esme:
By the way, you can join Olaf and me for a cocktail party then.

Count Olaf:
Wealthy women are especially welcome.

Justice Strauss:
State your occupation and how do you pleas?

Count Olaf:
Impresario. Innocent.

Violet:
Volunteer.

Klaus:
Concierge.

Sunny:
Child.

Count Olaf:
I object. Their occupations should be “orphan” or “large fortune inheritor.”

Klaus:
We’re comparatively innocent.

Justice Strauss:
Now we’ve begun, please come submit evidence
For the trial at Denouement

Geraldine:
My Daily Punctilio articles

Sir:
Shoddy employment records.

Charles:
Environmental studies.

Mr. Remora:
Here are some grade books with their test scores
For the trial at Denouement

Mrs. Bass:
Bank blueprints

Vice Principal Nero:
Administrative records

Hal:
Some paperwork

Mr. Poe:
These financial records

Justice Strauss:
Anyone else, do I have any more takers?
Take your time, don’t be shy, won’t be long
Since what you contribute
Can either release or condemn

Mr. Lesko:
Some V.F.D. rulebooks

Mrs. Morrow:
V.F.D. constitutions

Justice Strauss:
The trial at Denouement

Crowd:
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

Jerome:
Here’s my brand-new book
On Olaf’s crimes
Of vice and sin

Crowd:
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

Frank:
And my own notebook
For this hotel
For use within

Freaks:
Here’s a drawing, books and carnival poster.

Esme:
Some ruby-encrusted blank pages

Justice Strauss:
Okay.

Crowd:
Dies irae, dies illa (Day of wrath, that day)
Solvet saeclum in favilla (Shall consume the world in ashes)
Teste David cum sibylla (As prophesied by David and the sibyl)
Quantus tremor est futurus (What trembling is to be)
Quando Judex est venturus (When the Judge is come)

Carmelita:
And a book telling of how wonderful I am

Count Olaf:
And my poem proclaiming my innocence which should be spelled “O-L-A-F.”

Justice Strauss:
Very well.
Onto opening statements

Stand, Baudelaire children
Let the High Court listen to your story

Violet:
Since Mr. Poe told of our parents’ fiery deaths
On the shore of Briny Beach

Count Olaf:
I am guiltless. They ran, I pursued.

Klaus:
Each moment, our story’s been a long dreadful yarn
Of sins and dastardly deeds

Count Olaf:
My conscience is clear

Violet:
Justice Strauss, why do you seem so silent?
Remove blinds, something must’ve gone wrong
Jesus Christ, where’s Justice Strauss?
For her seat is now bare at the trial
At the trial at Denouement

Crowd:
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

Klaus:
Olaf’s got her bound and gagged
And with that harpoon gun

Chorus
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

Man with Beard But No Hair and Woman with Hair But No Beard:
We hold you in contempt of court
Removing your blindfolds

Klaus:
What must we do?

Violet:
Take off your blindfolds, this trial’s a joke
Run by notorious villains.

Man with Beard But No Hair:
Please don’t, these Baudelaires are tricking you

Woman with Hair But No Beard:
Justice Strauss is out enjoying saltwater taffy.

Klaus:
That’s bullshit.

Violet:
Let’s get out
Towards the elevator where
Olaf’s keeping Strauss

Man with Beard But No Hair:
Everyone, go after them

Woman with Hair But No Beard:
They’re headed toward the elevators.

Trying to get good folks
Arrested like ourselves
Go after them

Violet:
Don’t tell me there’s another mob.

Klaus:
And they have blindfolds on, too. Let’s get out of here.

Sunny, keep the elevators open for now
We flee the trial at Denouement
Now lets us save Justice Strauss once and for all

Baudelaires and Crowd:
In the trial, trial, trial, trial, trial
Trial, trial, trial, trial
Trial at Denouement