As the Baudelaires rummage into Madame Lulu’s tent, they discover that she’s no psychic at all. Just a fraud. The magical effects are the stuff of a machine consisting of cables, ropes, pulleys, mirrors, switches, and smoke. And how does she get her information? Well, she relies on an archival library under the table of her crystal ball. So if anyone wants to know something, she has them close their eyes before she goes under the table to find what she needs. Disturbingly, she’s been keeping track of the Baudelaires since she has a picture of them at Damocles Dock, a student listing from Prufrock Prep, and an article of V.F.D. taking the kids in. Obviously, the children are freaked out. But they decide to take whatever has their names on it. Then they displace the crystal ball which falls the floor and smashes.

The song I selected for this moment is “Stage Fright” by The Band. Of course, the original version is about a guy experiencing stage fright as well as the pitfalls of fortune and fame. In this version, I have the Baudelaires discovering the truth about Madame Lulu.

“Stage Lights”

Sung by Violet and Klaus Baudelaire

Violet:
We’re here inside Madame Lulu’s tent
Got to find where she gets her content
Need my ribbon with me just to think
Thank you, Klaus, this will do the trick

Seems like our seer uses stage lights
Her fortune tricks with this mirror device
Which can only work with the sunlight
That means she’s a big fake
Yet, Olaf trusts in her anyway

Klaus:
There’s a library under that crystal ball
Seems like she has lots of documents on us all
So this is how Count Olaf goes to see
To find out wherever just where we’ll be

Seems like our seer uses archives
She gets to under her table lights
While her clients close their eyes
But when they open again
She has an answer ready for them

My pockets are filled to the brim
Snicket File page
I got some Quagmire notes that we’ve saved
Better get stuff that has our names, oh, ooh ooh ooh

Violet:
Best we shouldn’t pull on the table cloth
Crystal ball might fall off
If that crystal falls on to the floor
It’s Madame Lulu who’ll be at the door

Seems like our seer uses stage lights
Magic effects with a lightning device
Best not get caught in the spotlight
Don’t pull onto that cloth
Or you’d just piss Lulu off, hmm hmm
Don’t wanna to piss her off, hmm hmm
Please don’t piss her off, hmm hmm
Don’t let that glass ball fall off, hmm hmm
It’s Madame Lulu at the door