A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical – “Dinner Scene”

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After the Baudelaires prepared the pasta Puttanesca dish, Count Olaf goes into the kitchen to tell them to bring roast beef. The children remind him that he didn’t request it. But Olaf’s pissed and lifts Sunny up to “discipline” them, or a word which here means in this context, “threaten or intimidate.” Yet, he eventually puts her down and accepts to eat their “disgusting sauce” anyway. After dinner, he orders the kids to clean up and “go to their beds.” However, given his inability to keep his mouth shut when he should, Klaus reminds Olaf that he only gave them one bed and can’t use their fortune to buy another until Violet turns 18. Olaf smacks Klaus in the face so hard he falls on the floor. In the books, while the troupe laughs and applauds at him, the children languidly wash the dishes before going to bed, quietly weeping due to the situation they’re in.

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I think a good song for the occasion is “Joseph’s Dreams” from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The original version entails Joseph talking about his dreams in which his prestige rises above his brothers’ that make him sound rather arrogant and stuck up. Sure he can’t help it, but like Klaus, he might want to keep his mouth shut. Because his dream talk just pisses them off so much that his older brothers resolve to get rid of him. In this version, the Baudelaires decide to see Mr. Poe about the matter.

 

“Dinner Scene”

Count Olaf:
Orphans, bring the roast beef dinner.

Klaus:
We didn’t make roast beef
Try this pasta Puttanesca dish
We had made instead

Violet:
You didn’t even specify the dish
You wanted us to make
We only thought this recipe
Would be easy to pull through
We worked so hard, we tried our best
To cook you up this meal
So perhaps it’s best you eat this up
And don’t give us a squeal

Count Olaf:
As your dad, don’t trifle me
Serve the roast beef now
Else I drop your baby sister
From high up in the air

Klaus:
Puttanesca’s all we made
Please be satisfied
Now put our sister Sunny down
Since she’s now begun to cry

Count Olaf:
Fine, serve your lousy pasta dish
Along with that disgusting sauce
But clean the kitchen afterwards
Then it’s straight up to your beds

Klaus:
You only provided us with one bed!

Count Olaf:
Then why don’t you buy one

Klaus:
You know we don’t have any money!

Count Olaf:
But you do, of course
You inherited a fortune
Your folks have left behind

Klaus:
That money’s not to be used
Till Violet turns eighteen

Violet:
Oh, God, he’s struck Klaus across the face!

Troupe:
That’ll sure show this ungrateful brat
Who should know better than talk back
This boy deserves all he gets!

The Bald Man:
You better be polite or Count Olaf will
Rearrange your pretty face

Hook-Handed Man:
If I know you, Olaf, you’ll figure
How to get their cash

Violet:
Count Olaf is a monster
There is one thing we must do
First thing, tomorrow morning
We must go see
Mr. Poe

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