Of course, A Series of Unfortunate Events wouldn’t be the memorable young adult series we know and love without its remarkable narrator Lemony Snicket. In real life, he’s merely a pseudonym for the books’ real author, Daniel Handler who also uses it to write children’s books. But in the ASOUE books and the prequel series All the Wrong Questions, he’s also a character. Though in public, it’s said that Handler is publicly alleged to be Snicket’s “legal literary and social representative.” In A Series of Unfortunate Events, he’s a wanted fugitive who’s charged himself with chronicling the lives of the Baudelaire orphans. He’s a very depressed man who’s mourning for his deceased love Beatrice whom he dedicates every book to along with his previous life being framed for a series of crimes he didn’t commit. His outlook on life is darkly humorous. In his narration, he can be brutally honest and sometimes savage. His constantly definition of words and sometimes condescending and patronizing way of speaking is likely a parody and satire of how kids’ books are dumbed down and treat readers like idiots. In the books, you never see his face in his About the Author blurb photograph. Though you can see him in full view on the TV show as portrayed by Patrick Warburton.

As an introductory song for him, I thought Steely Dan’s “Deacon Blues” would be more appropriate. It’s a jazzy but sad tune about an aspiring jazz musician struggling to make it big characterized by the late Walter Becker as a “loser” as the subject was meant to reflect, “… a broken dream of a broken man living a broken life.” In A Series of Unfortunate Events, Lemony Snicket is certainly a broken man living a broken life. He’s a wanted man who has to constantly go on the lam for crimes he didn’t do. While he still carries a torch for the love of his life who he could’ve and should’ve married. But she ended up with another man and later died. Perhaps he sees researching and writing about the Baudelaires as a way to redeem himself or perhaps honor the memory of an ex-girlfriend he never really got over. Nonetheless, this is a song that’s perfect for a man like Lemony Snicket.

“Deacon Blues” (ASOUE Version)

Sung by Lemony Snicket

This is the tale by the expanding man
That shape is my shade
There where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday
I gazed through the glass
At ramblers, wild gamblers
That’s all in the past

You call me a fool
You say it’s a crazy scheme
This task is sad
But I’m already on the team
So useless to ask me why
Throw a kiss and say goodbye
I’ll find out this time
I’m ready to cross that fine line

Chronicle the Baudelaires
I’ll find just what I need
Conduct research all day long
And cry myself to sleep
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

My back to the wall
A victim of laughing chance
This is for me
The essence of failed romance
Sharing the things I know and love
With those of my kind
Libations
Sensations
That stagger the mind

I play my accordion
Through each depressing scene
Fantasize about Beatrice
Of what our lives could’ve been
I leave when the sun goes down
Avoiding every cop in town
I’m now on my own
I’ll drive these kids’ story home

Chronicle the Baudelaires
I’ll find just what I need
Conduct research all day long
And cry myself to sleep
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

This is the tale by the expanding man
I take one last drag
As I go on the lam
I cry when I write these books
Sue me if I get it wrong
There’s so much to see
You’ll probably not see me

I chronicle the Baudelaires
I’ll find just what I need
Conduct research all day long
And cry myself to sleep
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues