Along with it being a month when most people take vacations, August also is prime time for back to school season or as the guy from that old Staples commercial, “the most wonderful time of the year.” So after family vacation, is back to school shopping where parents take their kids to buy the things they need for the new school year. So I thought a great way to commemorate the occasion would be a post on what students say on their tests and assignments. Sure you may have to wonder whether these kids are taking school seriously since most of these answers are wrong as far as the teachers are concerned. Yet, these are wrong in ways that they’re kind of funny. Some of them may be by students who’ve made honest mistakes like the younger kids. Some of them may be by complete smartasses or people who might’ve taken the question way too literally. But at any rate, I hope parents and teachers may enjoy these answers. So for your viewing pleasure, I show them to you.
- Explain how zookeepers use food to help the lives of animals.
Seems like this kid is trying to see what these zoo animals are like on the inside. Not sure if that’s right though.
2. Of course, some people still write in the section when they’re told not to.
Yeah, you may only live once. But that’ doesn’t mean you should write “YOLO” where you shouldn’t.
3. Guess acronyms are harder to figure out than you originally thought.
No, I don’t think PEMDAS means “Pleas Excuse My Dope Ass Swag.” It’s more like “Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally” or parenthesis, equation, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction. It’s a formula in algebra.
4. Explain the temperature and how it relates to the football and basketball.
Then again, I wouldn’t blame the kid for the answer. Then again, it would be funnier if the kid drew anything relating to the New England Patriots and deflated footballs.
5. Seems like a Dalek exterminated a child’s math homework answer.
Yeah, if I could figure out the area of the rectangle, I could’ve solved for x. Then again, the kid was probably watching too much Doctor Who.
6. Moving on to history on Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech, what was his dream?
No, I don’t think his dream had anything to do with working at Taco Bell. It had more to do with racial equality as well as ending segregation and other racist policies.
7. Seems like this kid didn’t even bother to answer the physics question.
No, I don’t think the problem has anything to do with Bruce Wayne being Batman. You don’t need calculus to solve that.
8. Apparently, Frankie is an honest child, maybe too honest.
Funny how this kid already knows what the world “freeloader” means. They grow up so fast. Or his parents are Ayn Rand libertarians.
9. Sometimes a student really wants extra credit when there is none.
Sorry, but this teacher doesn’t negotiate with terrorists. And no, intimidation is no way to get extra credit.
10. Apparently, the octopus seemed to come out of nowhere.
So the kid couldn’t answer the question due to the octopus being in the way. Don’t think the teacher bought it.
11. I believe this question was framed in a scientific context.
Besides, Communism only benefits everyone on paper. In practice, however, not so much as demonstrated with Russia.
12. No, I don’t think sex ed is an ideal place to draw a cougar.
Even freakier is how the kid drew the eyes at the ovaries and used the rest of the uterus as a snout. Yeah, have to wonder about that kid.
13. In geometry, all lines and shapes have meaning.
Sorry, kid, that’s not how geometry works. But at least they got the line names right.
14. Don’t judge and elementary school kid by their lack of grammar and spelling.
Yeah, I know it sounds dirtier than it should be. But the kid was talking about riding their bike for God’s sake.
15. In a student paper, you might find an occasional curse word.
I believe the term is “apeshit” in this case. Not sure what this question is really about anyway.
16. Okay, that’s a bit too graphic for a presentation.
Hey, the kid’s right. But that doesn’t mean they should show it in graphic stick figure detail.
17. I believe it’s < or >, not “or.”
Someone doesn’t seem to be following directions. Or just doesn’t seem to care at any point.
18. Someone doesn’t seem to understand their chemistry or pop culture.
No, that’s not how thermodynamics or enzymes work. But the teacher did say, “nice try.”
19. So what happens to a boy going through puberty, according to this kid?
No, I don’t think a boy enters adultery during puberty. But that’s a nice plot summary to The Graduate.
20. Apparently, science hasn’t been on this kid’s mind at the moment.
Sorry, but a science essay question isn’t the place for such a personal insight. Still funny though.
21. Looks like a walrus found its way into this kid’s homework book.
At least this kid believes that global warming is real unlike a lot of Republican congressmen. Also, that’s a nice walrus drawing.
22. No, I don’t think the Eye of Sauron has anything to do with wearing a seatbelt.
Seems like Alex might be a little too into Lord of the Rings. Teacher is not amused.
23. Sorry, kid, but this is science class, not English Lit.
I believe the correct answer is the electromagnetic force since it’s stronger than gravity. But that’s just relating to the laws of physics.
24. Sometimes one kid unscrambles the wrong word.
I believe the word is supposed to be “this.” But it does have the same letters as “shit” just in a different arrangement.
25. Apparently, one student couldn’t get past their perception of Asian stereotypes to answer.
The correct answer is “D” the monthly car payment. Because it’s at a fixed rate. Besides, a lot of Asians do drive. Get a grip, kid.
26. Once again, spelling errors should be taken into consideration here.
I think the right word is “pencils” not “penis.” Cora probably doesn’t know what the latter term means by this point in her life. Because she’s only in kindergarten.
27. Describe a plant cell.
No, I don’t think an imprisoned flower is what the teacher had in mind. Perhaps they should think of what they saw in their science book.
28. List 4 ways people communicate other than through mail.
Well, all answers are technically correct. However, the Grindr one is pretty disturbing since it’s a gay male dating site. Wonder where this kid learned about that.
29. The answer relating to the differences between the February and October Revolutions is simple.
The correct answer was that the February Revolution overthrew the Russian Royal family (which actually took place in March but Russians still used the Julian Calendar). The October Revolution saw the rise of the Bolsheviks (which actually took place in November). So the kid is dead wrong either way.
30. What’s the highest noise frequency a human can register?
Not sure if Mariah Carey is right. But seems like this kid might feel that way.
31. Someone doesn’t seem to like doing their math homework.
Not sure what some of this is supposed to say since it’s written differently. But the hangman picture speaks for itself.
32. Sorry, but algebra isn’t a place for opinions.
Man, this kid is a real smart ass. And seems to get a lot of answers wrong in the process.
33. I don’t think the teacher was thinking about that kind of transformer.
Then again, some people could only name such transformers like Optimus Prime. This teacher was thinking about something used at a power station.
34. How long does it take a jumping armadillo to land on its feet?
Sorry, kid, but armadillos do jump when startled. But not 18 feet unlike what the problem says.
35. Describe hidden curriculum.
Well, that’s one way of answering the question. But not exactly what the teacher was looking for.
36. Name one measure to prevent flooding in the Mississippi River Valley.
No, I don’t think “big dames” is going to solve that problem. Then again, the kid might’ve meant, “big dams.” But that didn’t protect against Katrina in 2005.
37. List 3 ways on why removing hedges is a bad idea.
1. Farmers keep cows in through fencing. 2. It’s very unlikely cars would run into the fields unless it was under an enchantment or driven by a drunk driver. 3. Why do you care?
38. Describe a vibration.
Unfortunately, the Beach Boys hit, “Good Vibrations” has nothing to do with the science of sound. Was a great catchy song though.
39. When this girl grows up, she wants to be like her mommy.
Like how the mother added a letter explaining that she works at the Home Depot, not at a strip club. But I’m not sure if I really buy that because stripper moms do exist. And the picture seems to suggest the mother works at a strip club.
40. Sketch a human body and locate the following glands.
Guess this was not what the teacher had in mind when it came to the endocrine system. But this kid sure has a talent for drawing.
41. In case I get this test wrong, here’s a picture of a giraffe.
Seems like the teacher appreciated it. Nevertheless, it probably didn’t matter much.
42. I believe this kid is talking about horses not whores.
Yes, it reads very funny in an adult’s eyes. But this child just doesn’t know how to spell horses and is not talking about prostitution.
43. How do you identify athlete’s foot?
In a way, yes. But athlete’s foot is a fungal foot disease which doesn’t look pretty.
44. Deserts are hot and cold so name a hot one and a cold one.
I believe the word was “desert” not dessert. But this kid doesn’t seem to know the difference, apparently.
45. Describe what an antonym means.
Antonym means opposite. It doesn’t describe a person’s name for crying out loud.
46. How did the Romans transport water?
The correct term is “aqueduct” not an “aqua duck.” But I can see what the student might’ve gotten the idea.
47. Why did Archimedes shout “Eureka” while in the bath?
No, it had something to do with buoyancy, kid. But I give some points on creativity.
48. Apparently, this kid views the uterus as some monster from a horror movie.
Sorry, but I don’t think the female reproductive system works that way. But great drawing, though.
49. You have to wonder what children are learning from their parents these days.
I guess the teacher will be writing to this child’s parents sometime soon. Because I don’t think that’s a word that should be on a reading assignment.
50. Hope the teacher doesn’t fail this kid thanks to Borat.
Don’t think Borat in his trademark swimsuit will have any effect here. Do the work.
51. Sometimes students can be quite mean in their answers.
Just leave it with the water and trash thing, kid. Don’t need to talk about the boy being chubby.
52. Looks like someone has no idea about the states of matter.
Guess this kid wasn’t entirely wrong when it came to New Jersey. Given what Bridgegate had to teach us. As for California, well, LA is not known for having a lot of movement on the freeways.
53. No, I don’t think this kid has any idea about bestiality.
Still, they got the question wrong at any rate. But it’s still pretty funny if you’re an adult.
54. Honestly, the kid wants to eat cake. Seriously.
Please give these students slack here. They don’t seem to spell words right or have the best handwriting. So sometimes the words may come out wrong.
55. When it comes to US Capitalism, sometimes students can have rather interesting theories.
This was written by a college student. Apparently, he describes how America was ruled by Prince Charles and how Osama Bin Laden killed Tupac and how Saddam Hussein killed Princess Di. Yeah, it’s that bad.
56. He may be good at chemistry but he has other things on his mind.
At least this guy doesn’t neglect his studies by goofing off. However, the bonus one, kind of pushing the envelope.
57. Apparently, stick figure violence doesn’t intimidate this teacher.
Well, I would give him credit on the Pacman answer even though the correct answer is a solid. However, not sure about the stick Indian.
58. No, I don’t think Pikachu’s thundershock will make you ace this test.
However, it does look pretty good even if it’s not finished. But the teacher won’t be amused.
59. Seems like Aaron Rodgers might want to stay out of the woods until his career’s over.
According to this kid, bears eat Green Bay Packers. So Rodgers better watch his back.
60. No, I don’t think El Nino is that dramatic, but Jeremy’s essay would make a great disaster movie.
This guy talks about El Nino like it’s Clash of the Titans. No, Jeremy, that’s not how it works.
61. Explain the Madisonian model of government.
No, that’s not quite it. Seems more like Stand Your Ground to me. Perhaps they should elaborate more.
62. Well, at least the kid isn’t failing health class.
Sure the correct answer might be 2. But it’s super hard to argue that this kid is wrong. They did the math.
63. Sorry, Matthew but Charizard is no match for Blastoise.
Teacher knows what they’re talking about. Guess calculus isn’t Matthew’s thing.
64. Seems like someone has been watching too much of the History Channel.
No, aliens aren’t responsible for everything. Seriously, it’s bullshit on the History Channel which hasn’t been known for its educational programming.
65. I have to agree this kid has a point.
Sure they may know the right answer. But they added it may not be the case since amputees exist.
66. If your answers aren’t correct, you can always count on Perry the Platypus.
And it seems like Perry helped. Then again, it was probably due to the student’s own efforts.
67. At times you kind of wish you’d answer an essay question like this.
Yeah, I kind of feel the same way when it comes to stories I had to read that I wasn’t emotionally invested in. But that’s what school is like sometimes.
68. Sorry, but Darth Vader is from Star Wars not Star Trek.
Sure Vader has a deep voice but he’s not a Star Trek character. Saying he’s from Star Trek will result in a sci-fi convention in furor.
69. Apparently, this diagram doesn’t show the nice side of giraffes.
You kind of get the idea that this kid saw how giraffes were heartless creatures. Then again, maybe the short neck giraffe should’ve found another tree.
70. Could a man still reproduce with one ball?
While not entirely wrong, this answer isn’t entirely right either. Because even if a guy has a testicle, he could still reproduce. (as long as it’s functional).
71. Describe hard water.
I don’t think that’s what the teacher had in mind. It probably has to do with mineral content.
72. Sorry but I don’t think Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite.
Hope Lady Gaga doesn’t get offended. Then again, I could see why that kid came up with that conclusion.
73. Write about a Chinese immigrant’s experience in the 1870s.
Well, that’s one way to answer the question. However, not sure what my Chinese viewers will think about this.
74. I think many adults would say the same thing.
Kid seems to know their history, particularly what happened to Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre. Yeah, I could see where they ‘re getting at.
75. Sometimes driver’s ed could have interesting characters.
Actually, night would be more appropriate. But this is still funny to read if you ask me.
76. No, that’s not how you describe a graph.
This kid seems to describe a graph like it’s a work of art. It’s not, it’s way to display information.
77. Any Harry Potter fan would recognize the mark of the Deathly Hallows.
I might’ve said the same thing had I grew up with such a test. Still, Harry Potter doesn’t have much place in geometry.
78. Fill in the solution about falling down at the playground.
Well, at least that kid has a point. But they probably haven’t heard about First Aid.
79. Is Steve speeding? Yes or no.
Yes, Steve could find out on his speedometer but that’s beside the point. Do the math.
80. I’d have to wonder about this child.
I don’t think a teenage death match on reality television is going to cut it. It may not be ethical.
81. This bacterium is about to get funky.
Sorry, but bacteria don’t break dance. Pretty hilarious though.
82. Sorry, I don’t think this teacher is amazed by rainbows, ponies, and turtles.
Still, those are great illustrations. But this is a biology test for God’s sake.
83. Unfortunately, Jesus was not a Civil War hero.
Jesus lived in 1st Century Palestine during the Roman Empire. The American Civil War took place in the 1860s. And it wasn’t between China and Pakistan.
84. Mr. Gibson, I’m afraid that your child isn’t doing well in American History at the moment.
Like how the teacher said, “Are you crazy? See me.” Yeah, that should be a red flag.
85. I believe the correct term is “dwarf.”
This answer is quite crazy. I know you’d laugh if you heard something like that, too.
86. Guess this kid couldn’t brainstorm verbs.
Guess this kid couldn’t get that song out of their head. You’ve probably read it like that, too.
87. Seems like someone doesn’t like failing a test.
I know a teacher would be freaked out by that image. Seems like someone is going to notify their parents.
88. I don’t think those were the heavy metal symbols your teacher was looking for.
This is chemistry class, not music class. Those heavy metal symbols are wrong. They should be element letters.
89. This ninja will not tolerate a bad mark on this test.
The other ninja has a red pen. And the red pen is more powerful.
90. Seems like this kid didn’t understand the question.
The correct answer is a park because it’s an outdoor venue. But yes, you can’t circle a tornado.
91. Sometimes asking kids to write a story to the problem is going way too far.
Yes, the answer is correct. But if a guy has more than one girlfriend at the same time, that’s a problem.
92. The panda will cry if this kid gets a bad grade. Teacher doesn’t care.
Love the picture of the panda eating bamboo. But the kid should’ve studied their math before the test.
93. No, I don’t think he got fired over something like that.
I guess the guy got fired because he got his science wrong such as warm air rises but cold air sinks. Not because he banged his boss’s wife.
94. Guess someone sees themselves as a cool bird.
Well, at least the kid is better at drawing than I am. But I don’t think that’s the right answer.
95. Sorry, but this is chemistry not the Lion King.
But I can see where they got their answer. However, this doesn’t mean the phrase means no worries for them.
96. Ninja asks to give 100%.
And it seems like the kid got the grade plus 2 bonus points. The ninja did it.
97. In this kid’s world, bacon is always the answer.
Unless if it’s referring to Jupiter. Because bacon has nothing to do with it.
98. Why use milk when a child’s been poisoned?
No, I don’t think so. But that’s a close answer. It might have something to do with the poison’s chemistry.
99. This kid is almost there on this long test.
And Gandalf seems to appear out of nowhere in red pen saying, “You shall not pass!” Poor kid.
100. Do not write your essay on this space.
There always seems to be that one student who breaks that rule. Hope it doesn’t lead to getting points deducted.