The art of wax sculpture has existed longer than we care to know. With roots in European royal funeral practices in the Middle Ages, people have been trying to capture the likenesses of any famous person in a waxwork and place it in a wax museum for the public to see. I know this is an odd tradition but it’s been around since the 1700s from Dr. Philip Curtius’s ‘Moving Wax Works of the Royal Court of England’ that featured 140 life sized wax figures of court notables to Madame Tussaud’s which you can find almost anywhere in the world. Of course, most of these would be life sized, wear real clothes, and sometimes have real hair. Still, there are many normal museums that do use wax figures such as the Heinz History Center in Pittsburgh and others. And some wax museums have a chamber of horrors where some of the most gruesome stuff are displayed such as wax medical models or a surgery conducted during the American Civil War or earlier. Not to mention, there was even a movie called House of Wax in which Vincent Price owns a wax museum before going completely crazy after it burns to the ground. Nevertheless, I can go on and on about the great wax works in these museums but I know you probably wouldn’t want to see that. So instead I’ll show you some of the less impressive wax works that fail to capture the true spirit of the person they’re based on. Thus, for your pleasure here are some wax figures to laugh at to your heart’s content.
1. Harry Potter
He may belong in Griffyndor but he seems more appropriate for Slytherin to me. Seriously, Daniel Radcliffe didn’t seem to have a personality disorder when I saw him in the first Harry Potter movie. And I was 11 years old at the time.
2. Pope Benedict XVI
Well, the former Pope was creepy enough in real life. Seems less like a “Repent and Accept Jesus Christ as Your Savior” than “I’ve come here to eat your brains.” Yes, that’s Benedict XVI as a zombie. Seriously, I’ve never seen a pontiff that looked so terrifying.
3. John Wayne from True Grit
Now I have a passionate hatred for John Wayne who’s one of my least favorite actors and think he should’ve never won an Oscar for any of his movies. However, unlike his movie portrayals, this John Wayne actually looks quite intimidating as Rooster Cogburn striking fear in the hearts of fugitives as a spirit back from the dead.
4. Ronald Reagan
Sure as a liberal I’m not a big fan of Reagan at all. However, even so, I don’t think this wax work seems to capture his warm personality that got a lot of idiots to vote for him. Seriously, he seems like he’s had a few face lifts and a spray tan.
5. Ray Charles
Well, I sure hope Georgia is not on his mind. I mean that does so not look like Ray Charles and I hope he just hit the road and don’t he go back no more, no more, no more, no more. Seriously, he scares me.
6. Cameron Diaz
If Cameron Diaz looked like that in real life I’d be very concerned by how she’s aging so rapidly or whether she’s had some plastic surgery disaster. Seriously, she looks so soulless in this wax incarnation.
7. Napoleon Bonaparte
I don’t know about you but I think he doesn’t seem very comfortable sitting in his chair. Seems like he has hemorrhoids. Oh, wait a minute he actually did at Waterloo, really. That’s why he couldn’t get on his horse and see the battle. Of course, this leads to surrender and exile on Saint Helena.
8. Tom Hanks
This is supposed to be him from Castaway. Looks more like a young Russell Crowe after a drunken bar fight. Seriously, how in the hell can it be Tom Hanks?
9. Don Knotts
Seems like Barney Fife didn’t age too well after serving as Sheriff Andy Taylor’s deputy. Also, what’s with that horrendous outfit?
10. Charlie’s Angels
Of course, I had no idea that Cameron Diaz was suffering from demon possession until I see her soulless and terrifying face. Guess she could afford the best exorcist money can buy.
11. Leonardo DiCaprio
Okay, I remember how he managed to capture women’s hearts in Titanic. Yet, looking at this waxwork I have no idea what so many teenage girls from the 1990s saw in him. However, he seems like he’d make a great villain in a horror movie.
12. Robert Pattinson
More like Edward Norton after botox injections than anything else. Seriously, if Robert Pattinson looks like that in 10 years then I question his lifestyle choices.
13. John F. Kennedy
And so my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you–ask this wax museum why the 35th president of the United States looks like he’s spent too much time in a tanning salon and why his hair looks so unnatural.
14. John Lennon and Yoko Ono
Despite the bed in protest honeymoon, looks like John and Yoko are already experiencing problems in their relationship. Doesn’t seem like they’re giving peace a chance here. Yoko seems especially angry and giving John the silent treatment.
15. John Lennon
Let’s see unnatural hair color and tan. No wonder John is wearing sunglasses here. Hate to see what his eyes look like under there.
16. Princess Diana of Wales
I don’t know about you but I think this wax statue makes it seem that Princess Diana was a real stuck up bitch during her lifetime. I mean she has such an ugly scowl on her face as if her secretary won’t take her coat off and put it on the mud puddle so she can walk over it without damaging her Prada shoes.
17. Pope John Paul II
Seems like the Roman sunshine doesn’t do any wonders for the already leathery skin on this Polish pontiff. Also, he kind of seems pretty terrifying to me.
18. Eddie “the Eagle” Edwards
Or as I call it, “a really bad rendition of Walter White from Breaking Bad or as if Martin Mull had played him in the 1980s.” I don’t know who the hell this guy is but whoever he is, he sure seems creepy.
19. Ian Botham
Man, David Bowie looks very atrocious in that ascot and V-neck sweater with a shirt collar sticking out. Also seems to be aging really badly and I really think he should lose the mustache. Seriously, his years after Labyrinth haven’t been very good for him.
20. Noel Edmonds
Guess this is an idea of what Mark Ruffalo will soon look like give or take 20 or 30 years. Yeah, doesn’t seem to have any prospects of aging gracefully according to this wax work.
21. Elvis Presley
Perhaps this is what happens to you after you’ve spent too much time taking drugs, lounging in the Las Vegas sunshine, and eating too many peanut butter and banana sandwiches. No wonder this guy was found dead in his bathroom.
Or as I call it, Whoville’s version of One Direction. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind the Grinch robbing them of their presents around Christmastime for these guys are just plain creepy and probably a real pain in the ass.
23. Benito Mussolini
Hey, I didn’t know that US Speaker of the House John Boehner was a huge fan of Il Duce. Sure doesn’t look too happy as usual but perhaps he might need to explain the Italian Fascist uniform.
24. David Hasselhoff
Man, he must’ve spent way too much time being a lifeguard on Baywatch. Seriously, he bears a closer resemblance to Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy than anyone else in this due to skin color alone.
25. Donald Trump
Now this seems to resemble comedian Louis Anderson after losing a lot of weight than Donald Trump. Nevertheless, this does retain Trump’s iconically bad hairstyle which seems quite tame in this. Still, I really hate Donald Trump just for being an obnoxious jerk and having an enormous ego. You can see why he’s been through 3 wives who only wanted him for his money.
26. Jimmy Carter
And I thought the Reagan and Kennedy wax figures were bad. This one seems to bear no resemblance to the former president who is now in his 90s and looks a hell of a lot better than this idiot who seems to have a few brain cells missing.
27. Tom Cruise
I can imagine a little kid looking up at this in its museum and say, “Mommy, why is Steve Jobs flying and not holding an Ipod? And why is he short?”
28. Daley Thompson
Probably an obscure Sacha Baron Cohen character who offended the people of India so much that he couldn’t do a movie around him or use him on Da Ali G Show.
29. Michael Barrymore
For God’s sake, what’s the hell with this guy’s humongous head? Seriously, I’ve never seen anyone with a forehead that high. Not to mention, that smile is terrifying.
Hey, I didn’t know they had a wax rendition of Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner from Keeping Up with the Kardashians. They even nailed his plastic surgery disaster, well, somewhat.
By looking at these terrifying waxworks of Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer, I dread seeing the one depicting George Costanza. That one must be the most horrifying of them all.
32. Sean Connery
Seems like Miami and LA don’t really help Sean Connery’s skin too much do they? Of course, he’d claim, “That’s not what your mother said.” Also that tuxedo is hideous.
33. Cliff Richard
Looks like Bill Clinton’s Attorney General Janet Reno on a bad hair day to me. Seriously, there’s no way that’s a man for what I see.
34. Prince William, Duke of Cambridge
Seems like it’s Prince William as if he’s a lame but very aristocratic vampire who wants to say “Cherrio, old chum,” before he proceeds to suck the life out of you.
35. Adolf Hitler
Seems like Der Furher doesn’t really like spending his weekends on the beach doesn’t he. Guess he kept forgetting to put on his sunblock and kept getting his face burned.
This waxwork makes the movie’s iconic scene less romantic and much more terrifying. Seriously, Leonardo DiCaprio seems to resemble a psychokiller about to push Kate Winslet off the ship.
37. Lucille Ball
Whatever is in that bottle, I really don’t want to drink it. I suspect this might be poison according the terrifying look on Lucy’s face. Seriously, she looks so creepy in this waxwork.
38. The Beatles
Now I like the Beatles. Yet, these guys bear almost no resemblance to the real thing. In fact, I think these guys basically resemble lifeless zombies after your brains while singing. “All you need is brains,/All you need is brains,/All you need is brains, brains, brains are all you need.”
39. Jennifer Lopez
I don’t know about the butt but her face kind of reminds me of Jennifer Lawrence from The Hunger Games. Yet, smaller and with a really bad makeup job.
40. Justin Bieber
Somehow I can’t help looking at this and see how it resembles my cousin at Penn State, which is really insulting to my cousin who really doesn’t like Justin Bieber, doesn’t have light brown hair, and doesn’t even dress like that.
41. Austin Powers
Looks as if he’s a pervy guy on some kind of 1960s hallucinogenic drugs. Surely not groovy in the least, baby. Makes the fembots seem tame by comparison.
42. Eddie Murphy
Seems less like the comedian who appeared in family films and more like the guy appearing on SNL who wrote a poem on killing his landlord.
43. Meryl Streep
Man, I didn’t know she was nominated for an Oscar for Death Becomes her. I didn’t know that kind of film would even get Academy Award nominations. Not to mention, the hair straightener doesn’t do any favors for her.
44. Lady Gaga
I don’t know if Lady Gaga was Born This Way, but this wax figure doesn’t depict her as aging gracefully, especially since she’s actually only a few years older than I am. Seriously, she doesn’t look 28.
45. Mel Gibson
Okay, now this one makes Mel seem like a really crazed psychokiller on the run to satisfy a hunger for human flesh. Seriously, this one seems to scare me for some reason. And it’s not because he directed Braveheart or The Passion of the Christ.
46. Michelle Obama
Now if the First Lady of the United States looks like this in her wax rendition, either the designer doesn’t like her or she’s really not aging gracefully. Seriously, this incarnation seems rather terrifying to me.
47. Fred Rogers
I know this is from the John Heinz III Historical Center during its American History display. Nevertheless, looking at his waxy soulless face, I’d sure wouldn’t want to be his neighbor.
48. Ronald Reagan
Yes, old President Ronnie seems to have two really creepy waxworks in his image. This seems like it comes straight out of shining. Now please, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall or else Mr. Reagan will come over to your house and murder you and your family in a bloodbath only comparable to a slasher horror movie.
49. Fatal Attraction
Michael Douglas should be utterly terrified in this scene. Instead, he just seems a little perturbed as if she flushed the toilet while he was taking a shower. Not the kind of face you’d have if a woman you had a fling with killed your daughter’s pet bunny.
Seems like Rihanna is in her German barmaid outfit to celebrate Oktoberfest. Nevertheless, I just hope Chris Brown doesn’t turn out at this location if she has a restraining order against him (like she should.)
51. Queen Elizabeth II
Seems that Her Royal Majesty has had some trouble with her hair stylist lately. Not to mention her make up artist doesn’t seem to do her job too well either. Must be going through a Barbara Striesand phase.
52. Luciano Pavarotti
Seems less in the mood for singing opera and more in the mood of eating something crunchy like bones. Still, this is actually kind of terrifying if you ask me.
53. Anne Frank
Of course, I’m sure being subjected to hiding in your dad’s office building during the Holocaust could age you a few years. However, Anne Frank died at 15 and certainly didn’t have the skin composition of someone who’s over 30.
54. Liza Minnelli
From looking at this wax rendition of Liza Minnelli, those unfamiliar with Cabaret may think that she was a character from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Seriously, she seems like she wants to kill you after she’s completed her dance routine.
55. Leonardo DaVinci’s Last Supper
Looks like all the apostles seem to peering at some weird mole on either Jesus’s neck or hands while the Roman soldiers are in the back waiting for them to leave. That one on the far left seems as if he wants to go to the bathroom to wash his hands for some reason.
56. Audrey Hepburn
By the look at those sullen big brown eyes, you’d think Holly Golightly might have murder on the mind for George Peppard. Seriously, this wax figure seems to make Audrey Hepburn seem miscast for Breakfast at Tiffany’s on account of being too sinister.
57. Mr. Bean
I wonder if those unfamiliar with Mr. Bean would look at this wax figure and assume he was in the same league with Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger. Perhaps they’d be relieved he’s actually a Rowan Atkinson character who acts like a complete idiot.
58. Tiger Woods
Seems like Tiger’s debacles with his extramarital peccadilloes and divorce proceedings have really aged him as well has hurt his golf game. Seriously, Tiger’s not an old decrepit man yet, folks.
59. Margaret Thatcher
I don’t know about you but it seems that the Iron Lady has developed some sort of terrible skin problem on her face. Also, it’s probably fair to say that she’s had some disastrous plastic surgery as well.
60. Ellen Degeneres
Now I know that Ellen is a comedian and talk show host who’s not supposed to scare me. However, this rendition makes me want to look the hell away from her soulless eyes and her evil smile.
61. The Wizard of Oz
Well, to be fair, The Wizard of Oz has managed to traumatize a lot of kids even without the dark lighting. Nevertheless, I don’t suspect that Dorothy just wants to go home. And I wouldn’t want to be around the Scarecrow or Tinman either.
62. Hugh Jackman
Now you’d think any wax museum could have an impression of Hugh Jackman would be wise to depict him as Wolverine from X-Men. However, this one seems like it depicts an evil Dr. Who in BDSM attire.
63. Michael Jackson
Yes, his majesty the King of Pop during the 1980s does carry a rather sinister demeanor. Of course, I wonder how many people my age could ever imagine that he’s supposed to be Michael Jackson. I’d rather hang out with the zombies from the “Thriller” video than this guy.
64. Rowan Atkinson
Okay, this wax figures in now way, shape, or form resembles Mr. Bean. Seriously, it’s as if this artist had no idea who this guy is or even saw his picture. I mean, we all know that Rowan Atkinson doesn’t at all look like that in real life. Never has.
65. Joan Collins
I know she’s a famous prime time soap star from the 1970s and 1980s Dynasty. However, that make up job makes her seem like she’s either Spock’s sister or related to Tim Curry from Rocky Horror Picture Show.
66. Michael Jordan
How in the hell does this look like Michael Jordan? Seriously, he looked about the same in 1990s as he does now, facial wise. That, my friend, is a basketball playing zombie who just has the same complexion.
67. Richard Nixon
Man, this waxwork of Tricky Dick makes him seem like he’s a ventriloquist dummy or some creepy character from The Muppet Show. Seriously, that jowl and those eyes are utterly creepy.
68. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Seems they got the chiseled chest proportions right. However, this basically bears practically no resemblance to Ahnold from Conan the Barbarian. Not to mention, he seems to spend too much time in the sun which is taking a toll on his delicate skin.
69. Jimmy Carter
Good News: Actually looks better than the last Jimmy Carter waxwork I posted on here.
Bad News: Seems to have a real great need for an exorcism. Seriously, he really looks evil.
70. Star Trek
While Spock seems okayish, the once of Kirk and McCoy just seem to be among the men you’d see on Cracked.com’s “Guys That Look Like Old Lesbians” article. Seriously, Kirk’s hair is just too long while McCoy seems like he’s been using way too much of “the Botox.”
71. Jay Leno
Since his retirement (for good) from The Tonight Show, it seems like Jay Leno has had a face lift that has basically stretched his face in a way many people find so unrecognizable. Seriously, his wax figure looks so atrocious.
72. Snoop Dogg
You’d think Snoop would be taking better care of himself now that he has millions of dollars. Yet, this waxwork makes him seem like he’s emaciated for some tasty human flesh. I mean, that face sure don’t look right at all.
73. Will Smith
Okay, this waxwork looks less like a big box office star, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and happily married man and father of 3. And more like the kind of guy who’s either a bouncer at some crime syndicate owned bar from The Wire or the kind of man a lot of white people wouldn’t entrust with their car keys or wallets.
74. Clint Eastwood
Now I’m sure he’s certainly angry. Still, though this is supposed to be Clint from Unforgiven, I don’t think this waxwork resembles him. Yet, the “Get Off My Lawn” message is clear.
75. Johnny Cash
Jesus Christ, I thought Johnny was supposed to turn his life around in the1960s. Seriously, an orange spray tan and unkempt hair seem to suggest otherwise.
76. Marilyn Monroe
No, kids, Marilyn Monroe wasn’t a famous actress whose claim to fame was playing sexy blood sucking vampires. That would be Robert Pattinson. Totally different person.
77. Humphrey Bogart
Okay seems like Bogart needs to get off the booze and cigarettes looking like this. Also, I’d stay away from the tanning salons just for good measure. Still, here’s not looking at you, kid.
78. Abraham Lincoln
With his orange spray tan and his sinister gray eyes, it seems that the Great Emancipator has a score to settle. Seriously, this is basically the most evil Lincoln I’ve ever seen and his waxworks are usually not that bad.
79. Sir Elton John
I know he’s supposed to be singing something and I really don’t want to know. Not to mention, the closed eyes and the coke bottle glasses make him seem even more terrifying with his mouth hanging out.
80. Hank Williams Sr.
Looks like the late country music legend Hank Williams is back from the dead as a Satanic puppet that sings his country ballads and has people sell him their souls. Seriously, this wax rendition is just creepy as hell.