When it comes to music, sometimes an album cover can make all the difference in marketing. Some of them are awesome and iconic that people remember the artist and album forever like the Beatles Abbey Road and others, Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and The Wall, Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and others. However, we’re not going to focus on the albums of legends here. Instead, I’m focusing on some of the tackiest of the trade (within reason) so you all can laugh at them. So without further adieu here are some terrible album covers that should never have been created. (Warning content may not be suitable for children and there may be offensive content but of course, these are terrible album covers we’re talking about).
1. Ken: By Requests Only
Sure I’ll be taking requests, just not by this guy. Apparently I have no idea who Ken is.
See all your 1970’s fashion horrors all on one album cover. I mean the guy has a 1970’s porn stache and leisure suit which kind of suggests his day job.
2. I Aint Into That!: The Rappin’ Reverend Dr. C. Dexter Wise III
This guy is sure ain’t looking gangsta in that picture.
That portrait is highly inappropriate for a rap album. Seriously, the title may be make it seem like a rap title but the presentation seems to remind me of the 1960s R&B Motown.
3. Manowar Anthology
Either that or in a 1980s fantasy porn movie.
Okay, somehow this album image reminds me of a 1980s hair band on a Harlequin romance novel cover.
4. Orleans: Walking and Dreaming
Of course, these guys don’t keep any secrets from each other and may even have orgies.
Actually their chests don’t look that bad but the guys seem to be too close and personal, suggesting that they may be more than friends.
5. Freddy Gage: All My Friends Are Dead
This would’ve been better if it featured a dinosaur instead. At least we would know why all his friends are dead.
So give this album to police so they would know where he hid their bodies.
6. Junior Parker: Love Ain’t Nothin’ But a Business Going On
Scantily dress woman near car in an ugly apartment background: seems like a prostitute to me. Sorry, NAACP, but it just does.
Of course, this album cover is very suggestive on what kind of business his love may be: a prostitution ring. Unless “Junior” is the girl in the picture, then she’s probably a hooker.
7. The Simmons: “Touch of God”
Of course, these ladies may need the touch of God since their sense of fashion is going to doom them to Hell.
And the loss of fashion sense. God, the pattern of the women’s dress is more appropriate for a couch.
8. Joyce
Also, has worse fashion sense than I do with that awful looking dress and old lady hair.
Or your dad’s third grade teacher like you’ve never seen her before.
9. “Jesus Use Me” by the Faith Tones
Is that Peter Sellers in drag? I’m thinking of the woman in the glasses.
Or the old CVS employees with 1960s hair that use more hair products than the cast of Hairspray put together.
10. The Ministers Quartet: Let Me Touch Him
Feel free to break in shits and giggles over this one. Still, I hope “Him” refers to God, please.
Is it just me, or do 1970s Christian labels have bad album cover designers. Also, any album with “Ministers” and “Let Me Touch Him” sounds very, very wrong.
11. The Hollywood Playboys Orchestra: Music for Playboys to Play by
I mean the guy’s Satan and is up to no good. The girl is obviously drinking and has loose inhibitions. Perhaps this is an album featuring “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”
So you can be the devil to the woman at the party. Is it just me or does cover seems to suggest date rape or something?
12. Bruno Maltise: Heaven’s Hitman
Repent, sinner, or this guy will make you swim with fishes. Seriously, he’s here to show us that God’s grace is an offer we can’t refuse.
And by looking at his picture, I can certainly believe it.
13. Brainstorm: Smile a While
This is wrong. Really wrong. Then again, they probably got the clothes from Victoria’s Secret since they look good on the models. Perhaps this album is a tribute to them.
While I have no qualms of guys in women’s clothes, I’m not sure about seeing guys in women’s underwear. Also, is the person on the far right an actual woman?
14. Svetlana Gruebersolvik: My Lips Are for Blowing
And, boy, do her lips blow hard on wood, too. Just look at the cover.
From my years of playing clarinet in high school and college, I can guess anything related to blowing wood can carry a double meaning. I remember that old chant from my high school years: “Who are we?” “Yough woodwinds!” “What do we do?” “We blow wood hard!” “Louder!” “We blow wood hard!”
15. Limbo Party
Because limbo isn’t limbo unless you have to go under a rope set on fire so your hair doesn’t burn to a crisp.
When going under the limbo stick may result in first degree burns or hair singing when you touch it.
16. John Graas: Jazz Labs 2
Of course, he probably keeps his acid stashed in that French horn of his.
Didn’t know jazz artists made their own acid or played French horn.
17. Mike Crain Karatist Preacher: God’s Power
Because the cement blocks aren’t just going to break with his hands alone.
Perhaps this is the 1970’s way of appealing to a younger demographic.
18. Chanukah Carols
Now I know what Hanukah Joe looks like and he’s kind of freaky like Santa. Also, where’s the menorah?
Perfect if you’re a Jew who wants to get the kiddies excited in the Chanukah festivities without them asking you why you don’t celebrate Christmas.
19. Tex Williams: Smoke, Smoke, Smoke
Of course, side effects include: cancer, emphysema, COPD, stroke, heart attack, loss of lung, rapid aging, and all kinds of health problems probably leading to an early demise. Not to mention, smoking kills 1/3 of its users.
Later retitled: Croak, Croak, Croak.
20. Hey, Mr. Banjo
Get this creepy blackface guy outta here before the NAACP sees this since they’d rather perish in a pit of fire before seeing an image that even remotely reminds them of the offensive blackface minstrel show. Perhaps the most racist and offensive album cover I’ve seen yet.
The sight of this album is sure to start race riots, especially in the South. Sad to say but this album would’ve looked a lot better if the guy didn’t wear blackface. And everyone would be a lot happier, too.
21. Music for Big Dame Hunters
Of course, I wonder how many innocent animals had to die to get this hideous album cover. Also, what’s with the arrows in the safari hat?
Of course, a cover like this would make PETA scream in horror and then use the ad pitch in one of their commercials.
22.Geraldine and Ricky: Trees Talk, Too
Of course, ents and the Lorax may know that but I think they’d still be freaked out by woman and dummy sex pairings.
And so do dummies, apparently. Tell me this is an album and not a horror movie.
23. Tijuana Brass: Whipped Cream & Other Delights
So much whipped cream, so needlessly wasted on that lady. Of course, if it’s shaving cream, at least she didn’t have to shave her legs.
I’m sure no one wants a naked woman in their topping, no matter how sexy she may be.
24. The Braillettes: Our Hearts Keep Singing
Those poor ladies. Why do record labels subject them to such cruelty for those aspiring in the music business.
This is a very terrible form of abuse to blind people, especially putting them in pastel dresses and 1960s hairstyles.
25. Erick and Beverly Messegee: Amen!
Seriously, Christians, what’s with the attractive women and dummies on your albums? Look, I know many of you think homosexuality is unnatural but at least gays want to have relationships with actual people. Methinks you protest too much.
This is probably a heartwarming album by an elderly dummy and his hot trophy wife.
26. Count Your Blessings by Willie Sutherland
Of course, for those who don’t know what The Night of the Hunter is about note that the Reverend Powell is a bluebeard preacher who’s willing to kill women and children just to get a hold of their money.
It seems that this adorable little girl is standing on a pew with two ministers dressed like the Reverend Powell from The Night of the Hunter.
27. God Isn’t Dead!: By Gertrude Bethanna
Apparently God doesn’t seem to help this woman’s substance abuse problem. Seriously, Christians, what’s with the pretty woman and the booze bottles and hypo needle?
God may not be dead but he may be wondering why there are a bunch of booze bottles and hypodermic needles in the background.
28. Xavier Cugat and His Orchestra: Bread, Love, and Cha Cha Cha
Apparently, he loves his bread a lot more than he loves women. Doesn’t seem much interested in her. I sense he seems to go for the French loaves, doesn’t he?
Guess he’s kind of “pansexual” meaning he’s into bread.
29. John Bult: Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday
Either this is about something regarding the age of consent or her driver’s license. Let’s hope it’s her driver’s license.
Look, buddy, just because she’s at the age of consent doesn’t mean you can’t be subjected to Megan’s Law. Seriously, this is a terrible album cover.
30. Forsaken Doll by Maria Leonora
Perhaps she’s the ex-girlfriend of Chucky using the Taylor Swift model of therapy. I think Chucky may have had a good reason to dump her though since she’s creepy as hell.
Nothing like a creepy doll on an album to give you nightmares.
31. Ritchie Family: Bad Reputation
At least the Ritchies know how to pick up hunky guys to pose for their album covers. Of course, there’s a chance all those guys are gay.
No wonder Lionel went solo.
32. Orion: Reborn
Of course, he just might be Mr. Fantastic embarking on a music career and Orion may just happen to be his stage name. He’s wearing a mask so his family doesn’t recognize him in this embarrassing photo from the 1970s.
I’m sorry but carnival masks and blue leisure suits just don’t mix.
33. Boned: Up at the Crack
I don’t know how this guy got his guitar in his pants but I sure don’t want to find out.
Most unintentionally inappropriate album art ever.
34. Rat on!: Swamp Dogg
Of course, rats like the one on this album were probably once fed to Godzilla at one time as a midnight snack.
Featured on the cover with his giant genetically mutated rat.
35. Scorpions: Lovedrive
You’re probably better off throwing your chewed up gum out the window. Besides, the lady is so not wearing a bra.
Of course, this guy would’ve fondled his girlfriend’s breast until he found out she was using her chewing gum to keep her dress covered.
36. Foster Edwards’ Orchestra: What’s Next?
Of course, the mop top elephants probably ended up smashing a lot of the instruments so the orchestra had release this album to pay for repairs.
Of course, they had to make another album after the elephant Beatles cover band experiment failed horribly.
37. Mr. Bat Sings
Behold, the international singing sensation of your nightmares. Seriously, this clown is creepy.
Scary clown sings songs to keep you up all night or make your pants brown.
38. Satan Is Real by the Louvins Brothers
Apparently these two guys certainly know it because they’re probably burning in hell right now in their white suits. Yet, they don’t seem to be upset in the fiery hellscape.Of course, Satan is apparently not amused.
And he clearly doesn’t seem to enjoy your taste in music.
39. Shut Up and Dance!: Dance before the Police Come
Of course, I don’t think people would be scared of two shirtless black dudes with big ass machetes and numchucks. Because they’d be more scary with guns as far as some white people are concerned.
Sure but what’s with the all the crazy weapons? I mean two machetes and numchucks?
40. Fire Down Under: Riot
Of course, you don’t want to club this cute and terrifying baby seal. Or else it will kill you. Beware the baby seal of vengeance.
Apparently this cover was designed on behalf of baby seal protection because one of them may return for revenge against humanity.
41. Heino: Liebe Mutter
Sure the guy may love his mother but he looks rather creepy as well as more suited for some kind of Dieter inspired music video they seem to have in Germany.
From the guy who looks like an Andy Warhol stand-in holding roses.
42. I’m God’s Child by the Cooper Family
You’d think they’d know better and shop for a decent pair of clothes and get a sensible hairdo but no. Also, I hope they’re actually in their house for I kind of fear for them getting pursued by evil spirits.
Wholesome Christian family with no fashion sense standing in front of their medieval dungeon fireplace.
43. Devastatin’ Dave: Zip, Zap, Rap
Let’s just say, no one would think this is a rap album if you dress like Bruce Springsteen on the cover. Also, a pink and black polo shirt for men?
Is this a rap or exercise album? Seriously, that 1980s Tom Selleck look doesn’t seem to remind me of something a rapper would wear.
44. Johnny Guitar Watson: A Real Mother
Seriously, why have an baby carriage built for adults? Surely this guy’s street cred is ruined.
Sorry, but I don’t think the man sized baby carriage resembling a classy car sort of kills it for me.
45. Songs for Gay Dogs by Paddy Roberts
Of course, dogs basically hump anything that moves, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Still, there are probably some gay dogs around that enjoy music so maybe he’s providing a service.
Guess there’s something for everybody.
46. Dickie Harrell: Drums and More Drums
Either she’s the daughter of Shiva or this is photoshopped (probably more likely). Still, this is pretty freaky.
Of course, since this is an album by a six armed drummer, it’s no wonder.
47. The Electric Amish: A Hard Day’s Work
They seem to consider a donkey as a member of their band. Of course, I hope they don’t cause any offense with the actual Amish who probably never heard of this. Not to mention, I don’t think these guys are Amish.
Didn’t know an Amish group released a Beatles cover album. I thought they wouldn’t be into that sort of thing since they don’t care much for technology past the 18th century.
48. Lots of Love & Peace from Happy Louie, Julcia, and the Boys
Still, the designer was probably on some kind of brown acid from Woodstock. Also, whenever I see a psychedelic font, I want to see a psychedelic rock group, not a freaking polka band which this appears to be.
From the font, you may think this is a psychedelic rock album but it’s actually nothing of the sort.
49. Expose Yourself to Cajun Music and Johnny Janot
Sure he may do some shocking things to get people to hear his music but at least he’s not showing his junk. He has a long coat to cover that up not that he’s wearing anything underneath it.
Apparently, this cover makes me want to avoid the latter. Still, this flashing Cajun musician is probably the Naked Cowboy’s father.
50. The Addicts Sing
Look, I don’t know about you but if I want to hear the music of former drug addicts, I’d listen to a greatest hits compilation album of almost any genre. I mean drug addicts have done rock, R&B soul, country, classical, jazz, and others. Of course, this is a Christian album but still addiction is very common in the music industry.
Well, that’s nice there’s an album of former addicts singing but they hardly seem like addicts to me. However, the musical art form is no stranger when it comes to featuring artists with drug addictions so this is not even a novelty. Also, what’s with the skyscraper and the disembodied heads?
The Lone Girl in a Crowd 
Who would buy albums with covers like there? Pretty crazy stuff.
You know that gay used to mean happy, right?
The Louvin Brothers are a national treasure, you philistine.