O Tannenbaum, on the Christmas Tree


The scrawny little Charlie Brown Tree, made infamous by the Peanuts Holiday Special, A Charlie Brown Christmas. However, unlike the cartoon, giving a little love to this tree won’t make it the Christmas tree of your dreams.

Of course, the Christmas tree is one of the pinnacle Christmas decorations which entails taking an evergreen and decorating it with lights, ribbons, ornaments, and fancy doodads. Of course, Christmas trees were of pagan origin once used to celebrate a winter solstice holiday in the Germanic region before crossing over to Christianity. And even then, they were only a German tradition until the reign of Queen Victoria, especially after her marriage to Prince Albert who helped popularize the tradition worldwide, (especially in areas controlled by the British Empire). Ever since, the Christmas tree has become a definitive symbol of Christmas as well as one erected every public place in America during the holiday season. Of course, while many Christmas trees are beautiful and spectacular to behold, others are not so much. So without further adieu, I’ll show you pictures of some of the tackiest trees of the season as well as give you tips on how to get the perfect Christmas tree.

1. Either chop down an evergreen or get an artificial tree that looks like one (if you either don’t want to or building regulations won’t let you).


I know that making a Christmas tree out of used beer bottles may be more environmental friendly than the two traditional routes. Yet, no matter how eco-friendly such an idea is, people are going to see it as only appropriate for a frathouse.

a. If artificial, make sure your tree is green.


Sure I may be dreaming of a White Christmas. A white Christmas tree? Not so much.

b. If live, make sure it looks like a Christmas tree and fits in your house.


This apparently does neither.

2. Stand your Christmas tree upright on a stand (Upside down trees are impossible to water and difficult to put ornaments on).


Upside down Christmas trees may seem funny but they look utterly ridiculous, especially when used as a chandelier.

3. Choose a decent tree topper (a ribbon, angel, or star will do).


Flamingos may be appropriate lawn ornaments, but they are overwhelmingly tacky tree toppers for this very reason.

4. Don’t be a sloppy decorator.


I can’t see how this could be a nice tree which seems so crappily done. Of course, they don’t call it “Christmas Craptackular” for nothing.

5. If you’re doing a theme, choose a decent one.


I’m not sure if a clown pez-dispenser theme cuts it. For God’s sake, it’s creepy.

6. Make sure your tree isn’t buried in ornaments that people could see it.


A Christmas tree that can only be seen in a Liberace fever dream.

7. Go easy on the tinsel.


Seriously, this is too much tinsel. I mean way too much tinsel.

8. There are some things that won’t look good on a Christmas tree.

christmas tree 09

Bird feathers make this tree especially hideous.

9. Keep it as PG as possible (Christmas is for family after all).


I’m not sure if this makes the cut depending on the audience.

10. Make sure the tree doesn’t take over your house.


Seriously, how does this guy get around that thing?

11. Remember to take proper care of your tree, especially if live.


Apparently this tree’s owners didn’t. Makes a Charlie Brown Tree look vibrant by comparison.

12. Use bows and ribbons in moderation.


That’s way too many bows. Seriously, way too many bows and they look so gaudy.

13. If artificial, don’t use one from a designer.


Seriously, this is one of the most hideous trees I’ve ever seen. It just looks terrible and you know this was done by a professional. People are better off decorating their trees themselves.

14.Make sure your tree isn’t scary looking.


Merry Christmas from Transylvania where our trees are among the creepiest you’ve ever seen.

15. Make sure your Christmas tree looks as symmetrical as possible.


Dr. Seuss called, he wants his Christmas tree back for one of his children’s books.

16. Make sure you can see the ornaments if you choose to use other decorations.


With the amount of multicolored tinsel streamers here, it’s easy to picture this tree standing in Elton John’s living room.

For More:


Worldwide Christmas Tree Contest: http://treecontest.worldwidechristmas.com/