The Eggscellent World of Easter Egg Dioramas

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 23, 2016

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While I was looking for stuff pertaining to Easter craft projects, I came across some Easter egg dioramas. For many years, the idea of making little Easter scenes has been some sort of tradition since the Victorian Era. So much so that there are now egg dioramas that now pertain to Christmas and other occasions. And I’m not kidding on this one. Nevertheless, most of these egg dioramas don’t use real eggs. Because obviously, opening real eggs make a mess and eggshells break very easily. In other words, they’re terrible for craft projects. Also, many of the bigger eggs are illegal like those of ostrich. So most opt for other materials like sugar, paper mache, etc. That way, people are able to work with something that’s dry both inside and out, doesn’t make a mess, or breaks easily. Also, with such materials, the egg can be any size you want. And as you see, many of these egg dioramas come in a variety of sizes and openings. However, unlike the pumpkin dioramas I showed you back in October for Halloween, these eggs usually contain a rather small space for decorating. Yet, as with a lot of craft projects and dioramas, there are plenty that can get rather elaborate. Don’t ask me how that is. In this post, I’ll introduce you to the world of these kinds of projects by showing ones I’ve found in places like Pinterest or Google Images. So without further delay, I bring you to the eggscellent world of these dioramas for Easter.

A hollow egg can always serve as an abode for a fairy princess.

Not sure how they got those kind of windows in this one. But it really lets the light in for you to see.

2. What better place to build a nest than near a birdhouse?

This is a cute diorama. Love the little birds and flowers. Not sure whether the birds are supposed to be babies though.

3. Sometimes an egg can be more than what it seems when you look inside.

Yes, this egg might seem pretty outside. But inside, it’s a world full of flowers with 2 bunnies facing each other.

4. So that’s what Tinkerbell’s home is supposed to look like.

For the record I’m not a fan of Peter Pan and think it’s overrated as a Disney movie. Still, this diorama is very well done.

5. In this egg, you will find a fairy on a beautiful unicorn.

So it doesn’t have much to do with Easter. But neither does Tinkerbell. But I think this one is cool. So it goes on the post.

6. Didn’t know an egg diorama can bring you under the sea.

Looking at this, you have to wonder how on earth could anyone pull this off. Because it just looks amazing.

7. Springtime is always seen as a season of new life.

These chickies are so adorable in this. Look like little puff balls. Then again, they are little puff balls.

8. Sometimes an Easter egg diorama can never have too many trimmings.

This one is from a few decades back. And it’s embellished with flower, eggs, and other fancy things.

9. To protect your egg dioramas, sometimes it helps to encase them.

Some of these decorations come from vintage Easter cards. A couple have fake flowers in them.

10. A white egg like this always presents Easter greetings.

I wonder if this was handmade or mass produced. Because it looks like it’s straight out of Hallmark to me.

11. In eggs like these, sometimes it’s all about the flowers.

These eggs seem so rustic that they can almost be real. Still, love the purple flowers in these, by the way.

12. For Lord of the Rings fans, this egg won’t disappoint you.

Well, this is of Arwen in Rivendale but you get the drift. Still, if I found an egg diorama of Gandalf the Fellowship, Gollum, or any hobbit, I’d gladly show it.

13. An Easter egg diorama like this could always use a couple of chicks.

And by that, I mean fluffy baby birds you want to hold in your hand. Because after all, they’re a common motive for Easter.

14. 3 chicks seem to fit rather snug in this yellow egg.

Yes, they seem to fit in this yellow sugar egg. And they’re so adorable in it, too.

15. Sometimes the subjects of an Easter egg diorama depend on the egg’s size and color.

Most of these consist of bunnies. But only one of them has a pig. What that has to do with Easter, I have no idea.

16. Seems these rabbits are celebrating Easter as a family.

I’m sure the rabbits here were cut out from some kit. And it looks crowded. But it’s adorable.

17. Sometimes a sugar egg is just as lovely outside as inside.

A lot of these eggs are made from sugar with icing decorations. But that doesn’t mean that you should eat them, though.

18. A lamb in grass always seems like a welcome sight.

On Easter, the lamb has a sacred tie to Passover as a sacrifice. And since Jesus died on the cross to redeem our sins, one of his nicknames is, “Lamb of God.” Also, lambs are adorable.

19. Never thought I’d see a lavish Victorian home and carriage inside an egg like this.

Okay, the egg is probably dinosaur size from what I can tell. But it still looks quite amazing like it has its own miniature garden.

20. Seems like these two are out and about on a lovely spring day.

And if they live in the American South, their furniture probably has slipcovers. Because lovely furnishings need protection from people’s sweat due to wearing heavy outfits unsuitable for warm weather.

21. Why use Easter grass when dried flowers and moss would do just fine?

This looks very pretty. Nevertheless, I like how it opens from the side. And how the flowers and moss give it an authentic touch.

22. Those wanting to be someplace warm might enjoy this egg diorama of Hawaii.

Sure many people might view tropical islands as paradise. But to me, I see it as a hotbed of tropical diseases and mosquitoes. Still, love the tiki statue and shell though.

23. Didn’t know you’d find a squirrel in an Easter egg.

Yes, I know squirrels don’t show up a lot in Easter stuff. Nevertheless, it’s cute and cuddly for anyone to enjoy.

24. Who’d expect to find anything in a golden egg but a singing angel?

Not sure if this egg is for Christmas or Easter. Then again, since both are Christian holidays, it really doesn’t matter either way.

25. As everyone knows, spring is always a time of flowers and butterflies.

The flowers might be made out of paper and flowers might be fake. But it still looks as if you’re close to the scene, doesn’t it?

26. I guess this is an egg meant for fans of Alice in Wonderland.

The card suite shell is rather fitting for the story. But what you see inside can make you curiouser and curiouser.

27. This young woman seems to be trying to get out of her shell.

No matter how you look at it, you have to think it’s pretty darn clever. Seriously, it’s like a scene like this came to life before your very eyes.

28. These chicks appeared covered in so many colors in this egg.

Yes, this one was made by a company. But you have to admire the craftsmanship and artistry. Besides, the chicks are adorable.

29. Who knew that an entire village can fit inside such a small egg.

To be fair, the egg is probably not that small. But it’s still quite baffling to see an entire village fit in this.

30. In an egg like this, you’d think the trees were made from jellybeans.

Granted, this one is an egg shaped like a basket. And it features mice. But it still counts.

31. Sometimes what comes out of an egg can be a beautiful swan.

I know this was probably made from some company and is being sold as a collectible. But I love how it’s covered in roses and painted inside with butterflies.

32. While growing up, who can remember hearing the story of the princess and the pea?

Of course, they could’ve saved a lot of trouble to determine whether she was a princess and just do a bit of a background check. Or consult a genealogist. Also how could feeling a pea make you unable to sleep? Doesn’t make sense.

33. In an egg like this, you’ll find a bunny selling ice cream.

Yes, I know it’s not really a diorama per se. But it uses an egg shape and it’s so cute.

34. In some egg dioramas, you wouldn’t know how they open.

This one has 3 openings and has a girl wearing a white dress. Nevertheless, like the painted flowers.

35. As we all know, chicks always hatch from eggs.

And this one is a pom pom chick that’s guaranteed to melt your heart. Yes, it’s that adorable that you just want to hold it.

36. In an egg like this, you’re bound to find an eagle of gold.

Yes, I know that eagles aren’t necessarily Easter creatures. But they’re majestic, especially gilded ones like this.

37. Seems like someone is having an outdoor wedding of some sort.

There are plenty of egg dioramas to commemorate weddings. In fact, this one might’ve been used as a cake topper even.

38. An egg diorama like this is bound to be pretty in pink.

And here’s a cute little bunny surrounded by flowers. Also there’s a cross in the background, too.

39. Never thought I’d find a chocolate bunny inside an egg before.

Let alone be it a pink egg. Still, I’m sure it would fit quite well on your Easter mantle.

40. Seems like this bunny has found itself in the conifers.

I’ve probably shown you a lot of bunnies in eggs so far for Easter. Still, I think this one gives you a more naturalistic feel if you ask me.

41. Seems like this bunny wants to keep an egg nice and warm.

Yeah, I know this one was commercially made due to the tag. But you can’t help but love it.

42. Had no idea that this large egg was part of a castle.

Yes, this is a big egg that encases a large bedroom. But you have to admit this is pretty clever and creative.

43. Have you ever heard of an egg carriage?

Well, you’ve probably heard of a pumpkin coach. So I guess you had to have an egg on wheels like this one.

44. You might not know this but some egg dioramas come with doors.

Open this one up, and you behold a beautiful nature scene. A lovely surprise for Easter.

45. This egg diorama is called, “The Storyteller.”

I know it’s a rather unconventional egg diorama subject. But I think it’s an interesting work of art in any case.

46. For you godly types out there, here is an Easter egg diorama for you.

This is a beautiful Easter egg diorama. Love the dove on the purple cross. Lovely.

47. This bunny has popped through the shutters.

I’m sure anyone would like to see a little bunny popping out of a window. This is especially true if it’s out of an egg.

48. Anyone who loves Tolkein’s Middle Earth will like this egg diorama for Easter.

Yes, this is another Arwen and it was apparently made by someone with too much time on their hands. Yet, it’s sure pretty if you ask me.

49. If you love all things French, then you’ll love an egg with an Eiffel Tower.

Seems like this one is crafted. And the Eiffel Tower model seems to be from a souvenir shop. Love the laurel leaves.

50. Nothing makes a great Easter egg diorama than one with gold trim.

The rabbits are cut outs but the basket and eggs aren’t. Still, this is very pretty.

51. Sometimes all you need in an Easter egg are flowers and trees.

This one has flowers, a tree, and a basket of eggs. It’s also decorated with lovely yellow flowers.

52. For anyone who loves Disney princesses, this Cinderella egg is for you.

This is a lovely egg that’s decorated with flowers and ribbons. Wish they had one for Beauty and the Beast.

53. If you’re dreaming about wedding bells, consider having this egg coach on your cake.

Not sure if I’d want this on my wedding cake. But it’s sure very pretty.

54. Didn’t know there’s an egg trailer.

Sure this is more of a camper than a trailer. But it’s still rather clever. Love the bird feeder.

55. I know that birds laid their eggs in nests. But I never heard them building their nests in an egg.

This is a rather ingenious if you really look at it since it’s supposed to be a nest in a tree. Still, like the twigs on this.

56. This egg is as lovely as the princess that’s in it.

If you have a little girl who likes Elsa from Frozen, she’d adore this. Sure she’s not Elsa but it’s close enough.

57. Nothing makes your heart melt more than a bunny surrounded by chicks.

This is perhaps the pinnacle of Easter cuteness. And they’re all made from pom poms.

58. If you go for white, this dove egg is the one for you.

I’m sure this egg is used for either Easter or weddings. Then again, probably depends on the time of year.

59. Nothing brings in spring like a fairy and dragon files.

Not sure if it pertains to Easter. But it’s definitely in the spirit of springtime.

60. This little bunny can’t get enough of this egg umbrella.

Sure this is probably commercially made and sold as a gift. But it’s so adorable.

61. For Easter, a chick can’t go out without an Easter bonnet.

Sure they may be in their Sunday best at the nest. But you can’t help to love this.

62. Of course, an Easter Bunny has to hold a classic carrot in hand.

Well, this is supposed to be Peter Rabbit. And I guess the carrots are Mr. MacGregor’s. Still, this is adorable.

63. Sometimes an egg can have simple things like a little bird inside.

This is a lovely little egg with just cute bird. Love the outside of this, too.

64. Out of sugar eggs came these Easter baskets.

These are lovely with flowers and colored eggs. And these handles are ribbons.

65. Seems like these birds are eyeing this little bunny family.

I know this egg has a some paper cut outs in it. But I like the nest with flowers in it. So pretty.

66. When it comes to egg dioramas, some could have a lot of decorative flowers.

These are so lovely that I wonder how people could create stuff like this. I especially love the purple one though.

67. For a more naturalistic look, go for a bird nest on a branch.

This looks almost real. The finch looks pretty and the branches seem lovely.

68. If you don’t like pink eggs, purple and green might suit you just fine.

This one has a cross with 3 purple flowers. The little chick is so cute. Like the other flowers, too.

69. Didn’t know that there was a swamp in an egg diorama.

This is a beautiful egg of an ecosystem that’s very much at risk. Still, you got to love the water lilies on this.

70. When it comes to flowers, you can’t go wrong with daffodils.

These daffodils are quite lovely on this egg. Also like the bunny and other creatures.

71. Only in an egg could you ever find a jeweled fish.

Now this has to be a craft project. The fish is probably a pin. Yet, I like the shells.

72. When it comes to decorating egg dioramas, stuff you find at a craft store will do.

I think this came from Etsy which isn’t Fabrege. But these are still quite lovely to behold.

73. Open the door to this egg and you’ll find a place of wonders.

I’m sure this was made by a company. Because I don’t think a homemade egg could be as elaborate as this from the inside.

74. In an egg like this you can have all kinds of things.

Not sure why the skull and cross bones is doing here. But the rest of it is lovely.

75. Wonder if an owl in this egg will be of any hoot.

This one even has doors. Nevertheless, this owl is so adorable in its own little way.

76. You’ll never know what you’ll find coming out of an egg.

This one has all the flowers and a bunny coming out of it. Wonder who’s the genius to think this up. This is pretty.

77. If you like the slopes, this egg should suit you nicely.

Yes, I know it’s a winter egg. But I want to show how creative these egg diorama people could get.

78. For Easter egg diorama, you can’t have too many sparkles.

Yes, this is a vintage egg. Okay, they were into that craft stuff at the time. But the rabbit is adorable.

79. This egg takes an intimate look at a winter home.

Okay, this is a Christmas egg. But it’s not as Christmasy as the other eggs I’ve seen on Pinterest. And yes, they have Christmas ones, too.

80. These little chickies reside in their own little abodes that are fully furnished, too.

Seriously, who can ever resist pom pom chickies like these? Absolutely nobody. I mean these are adorable.

Easter Greetings from the Days of Yesteryear (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 23, 2016

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As we all know, Easter is the season in which motifs of eggs, lambs, chicks, bunnies, and other cute stuff pertaining to spring. And it was not much different back then as it is today as you might see from vintage cards like this one above. Well, this one has a religious theme but that’s beside the point. However, last year I did a post on vintage Easter greeting cards which was quite successful. I know it’s not really a thing nowadays, but that doesn’t mean people don’t send greeting cards for holidays. Because according to Hallmark’s figures, there’s a following that certainly does. Nevertheless, since my post on vintage Easter cards was relatively popular, I decided to go ahead with another edition. Yes, these cards contain chicks and bunnies. But that doesn’t mean you’d want to send them to your loved one. For if you’re looking for an Easter greeting card to send to your loved one, try Hallmark because this isn’t the place for you. In fact, you wouldn’t send cards like these to anybody, other than to someone you hate. These cards aren’t warm and fuzzy with sentimental stuff on them. Rather they’re ones that make you scratch your head thinking why the hell did they think it was a good idea? Some of them might be inappropriate, offensive, creepy, or just plain weird. So for your viewing pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of vintage Easter greeting cards.

“Rosalie, will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Bunnykins?”

Yes, the forbidden love affair between Rosalie and her mutant bunnyman was one of utter devotion, passion, and garden vegetables. Luckily he was a snappy dresser.

2. Ever tried to get around on an egg bike?

I don’t think an egg bike is a good idea. For one, eggs aren’t circular. Second, they’re easy to break.

3. There’s nothing on Easter like smoking a pipe that blows out colored egg bubbles.

Now this seems like some card designer had spent too much time on the brown acid. Also, doesn’t help that these are kids and one of the eggs has a bow.

4. “Mind if I pop in at your birdhouse?”

Sure this is a French Easter card. However, it seems like the guy in this is kind of a creep of the future sex offender sort.

5. For Easter, this little angel is responsible for taking care of the flower children.

Okay, this gives a whole new meaning to the word “flower children,” which seems were created by someone who’s had too many psychoactive drugs at the time. And let’s just say, these make hippies look normal.

6. “Row faster, I think they’re still on to us.”

Seems like these 2 rabbits have stolen some colored eggs from the chicken coop. No wonder the hens are after them.

7. “How would you like your egg, Peter Cottontail?”

I’m sure the artist’s intention was of bunnies dying eggs. But looking at this, I can’t tell whether they’re dying eggs or cooking them.

8. Nothing captures the spirit of Easter than a couple rabbits harassing young children.

What the hell did the bunnies just do to make the kiddies cry? Man, they must be very mean to pick on little kids.

9. Happy Easter from the kids in the eggshell car.

I don’t think that kid’s even legal to drive. Then again, it’s not like they had a driving age at the time.

10. It’s not Easter until you get a visit from the egg people.

And I thought the little Santa kids were creepy. These are incredibly terrifying.

11. There’s nothing on Easter like seeing 2 chicks drinking a beer.

Man, these chicks sure drink a stein of beer. Wonder what goes on with drunk chicks. I mean baby chickens, not girls gone wild.

12. “All right, girls, hand over your children.”

I know that the Easter Bunny is taking the eggs to decorate. But still, this image is disturbing.

13. If you sing in a choir, don’t forget to put your eggshell costume on for Easter.

I’m sure they thought these outfits were cute at the time. Now they just look incredibly stupid.

14. Now, little bunnies, sit down and behave yourself for your instructor Mr. Hooter.

Okay, I think the school made a very big mistake hiring the guy. I mean he’s a certified predator. And I don’t mean a sexual predator either. I mean he’s an owl which is a bird of prey. And is known to eat rabbits.

15. On Easter, it’s not unheard of for a witch lady to emerge with a clutch of colored eggs surrounded by dancing bunnies.

“Yes, dance, dance, my pretties. Soon, the midnight hour will be upon us. And I will make you clean my house.”

16. When a chick can’t hatch on its own, it’s up to babies with hammers to break the eggs and help them.

For one, babies shouldn’t have hammers for obvious reasons. Second, what if banging on the eggs actually kills the chicks? Seems more like the reality to me.

17. Of course, Easter wouldn’t be without an angel bestowing good wishes.

I guess this is the kids guardian angel. And I think she has her work cut out for her. I’m sure nothing good can come out of that one harassing the Easter Bunny.

18. Aww, little kitty cat wants to play with the chickies.

Wait a minute, this cat wants to play with these chicks before it kills them. Not a settling thought but a biological fact.

19. Seems like there’s a croquet tournament among the woodland creatures on Easter.

And it seems like Mr. Owl is eyeing the squirrel lady as she takes a swing. He’s thinking about taking her into an isolated location and devouring her.

20. Of course, you can’t celebrate Easter without an Easter bonnet.

Bunny is like, “Bitch, chicks, this hat is mine. All mine. And if you try to take it, I’ll whack you with this mirror.”

21. There’s nothing on Easter than a parade of naked babies with flowers.

Yeah, I can totally identify with the rabbit here. That’s just totally messed up. Who the hell thought this was a good idea is beyond me.

22. “You’re always welcome into my eggshell home.”

I’m sure this woman works as some part time prostitute or something. Also, why is the winged cherub in an egg cart being pulled by a rooster?

23. Nothing makes Easter than a baby standing on an egg carriage pulled by sheep.

From Cheryl Pierson: “Okay, my mother instincts are yelling, screaming, “GET OFF THAT EGG!” (I have to confess, this reminds me of something my son would have tried.) Notice the body of water that they’re racing toward? This can only end badly.”

24. “The best thing about kidnapping chicks is that they come with their own shell.”

I’m sure that doesn’t help that he doesn’t have his hands on the goat he’s riding. That can’t be good.

25. Of course, chicks can be tamed by a fairy with a flute.

Wonder if this fairy Pied Piper of Hamelin is leading these chickies to certain doom. If so, then perhaps these fairies should’ve been paid.

26. “Soldiers, get on your chickens for today we ride.”

Now that’s the craziest Easter parade I’ve ever come across.That’s not including the Bunny on a rooster with a sword in its hand.

27. “So how much for the pink egg there?”

Seems like this grocer chick hates his job selling these colored eggs. Shopper chicks think he’s a shyster and aren’t so fond of him either.

28. Since spring is here, then it’s perfectly all right to egg Jack Frost on Easter.

Okay, rabbits, can you cut it out throwing Easter eggs at Jack Frost? Why do you pick on him out of all people?

Okay, rabbits, can you cut it out throwing Easter eggs at Jack Frost? Yes, he brings winter, but that doesn’t mean you should harass him.

29. Easter greetings from the winged cherub with a large egg on his back.

I don’t know about you but I think this endeavor is setting this kid up for a lifetime of back problems. Ever heard of rheumatoid arthritis?

30. Of course, even bears love the taste eggs on Easter.

Of course, anyone who knows about bears will be quick to point out that the chicken doesn’t have long to live. Seriously, what do you expect would happen in this situation?

31. Ladies and gentleman, this Easter I present to you a juggling frog.

So this frog is juggling Easter eggs. And these chicks are eagerly watching him. Does anyone see how fucked up this is? Seriously, why?

32. For bunnies nothing makes a happy Easter than with a good old fashioned bloodbath.

Okay, why the hell did anyone think traumatizing children on Easter was a good idea? For God’s sake these bunnies are injured and one is lying bleeding in a wheelbarrow, possibly dead. This is the most fucked up Easter card I’ve ever seen in my life.

33. Since spring is baseball season, I can’t see why a baseball Easter card wouldn’t hurt.

So the bunnies are playing baseball with Easter eggs. And the stands are filled with chicks who aren’t rioting. Now that’s just crazy if you ask me. I mean why did they think this was a good idea? Why?

34. Oh, no, the gnomes are stealing eggs again.

I’m sure if they get caught, then it’ll be the end for them. Still, these guys are pretty creepy.

35. May Easter joy attend you.

Apparently, some little bunny isn’t happy with his new adopted siblings getting all the attention. Definitely not basking in any Easter joy here.

36. Of course, you can’t imagine Easter greetings without a sweet little girl and her lamb.

I don’t know about you but there’s really wrong with this girl. It’s like she’s possessed by some demon, has no soul, or is dead inside. Quick, call an exorcist!

37. Awww, look that sweet little girl holding the bunny.

I bet this girl is like, “I’ll hug em’ and squeeze em’ and keep em’ forever and ever. Mwahahaha!” Yeah, I really fear for the rabbit with this little girl.

38. It’s said that an eggshell boat can withstand practically anything.

Okay, this makes Life of Pi seem like a way less desperate situation. Seriously, does that kid have any supplies or know what the hell he’s doing?

39. Nothing makes a rabbit more at home than a nice cooked meal after a day out from hunting.

Wait a minute, rabbits are vegetarians. So why would the rabbit have a gun? Also, why is his chick wife serving him eggs?

Wait a minute, rabbits are vegetarians and don’t hunt. So why would the rabbit have a gun? Also, why is his chick wife serving him eggs?

40. Seems like these chickies are going to battle.

To be fair, this is a WWI card. Still, seeing a bunch of chickies in doughboy gear is kind of disturbing. Wonder if it became the subject of All Quiet on the Poultry Front.

41. Have an egg cart? Nothing pulls it faster than bunnies.

Okay, I’m sure anything pulled by rabbits at that size and weight wouldn’t go very far according to the laws of physics. That, or the rabbits would tire out sooner. Poor things.

42. On Easter, a couple of gnomes always enjoy a good game of egg tossing.

It’s a wonder why these eggs don’t seem to break. Because some are bound to. Also, I don’t understand why they use gnomes in Easter cards either.

43. A Happy Easter is great to greet the coming of spring.

From Popthomology: “After attending church on Easter, apparently it is the tradition to ride around in a dinosaur eggshell in a cart pulled by two bummed-out sheep that you whip with a branch.”

44. When it comes to Easter, beware of gnomes bearing eggs.

From andiepants: “Yes, the Easter Bunny brings treats to good boys and girls, but beware
the evil Easter gnomes who steal treats and bite children on the ankles.”

45. On Easter, you haven’t heard of bunny riding have you?

And it seems like these two are about to clash because someone wants an Easter basket. Also, this is just plain freaky.

46. Oh, great, someone just got knocked off and had their Easter eggs stolen.

Yes, these are the same kids from the last card. And yes, it seems like the kid in red is a douche and is going to get away with stealing from the kid who’s now crying. What a jerk.

47. “Now, now, kids, breakfast won’t be ready for awhile. So hold your horses.”

And it seems like these chickens have come around to eating their old kind lately. Man, this is just sick if you really think about it.

48. Of course, any chick needs to recharge during a day at the office.

Okay, is that an egg? Looks like it, Still, did anyone who thought this was a good idea ever think this through?

49. Sure it’s just getting out of its shell but you can’t start them too early.

Someone’s getting a bit presumptuous here since the chick is just being freaking born right now. Maybe the rabbit should find another chick to ride on instead.

50. Apparently, the children have taken over the nest.

Now this is just messed up on so many levels. Seriously, what kind of bird had to be in there is my question. Or are the kids really tiny.

Spring Into These Easter Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 20, 2016

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While Easter isn’t as widely celebrated as Christmas in regards to the commercialization, it’s still a big holiday, especially in places where there are a lot of Christians. And while Easter is widely seen as a religious holiday to most Christians around the world since it denotes the resurrection of Christ, there are plenty of people who celebrate the holiday who aren’t religious at all. Not only that, but there are Christian groups who don’t observe the holiday either. For instance, the Puritans didn’t celebrate Easter and nor do the Quakers. Then there are Orthodox Christians and other Eastern sects who celebrate Easter at a later date since they go by a different liturgical calendar. While my family tends to celebrate Easter as a low key affair, there are plenty of people who go all out, not just including parents with kids. And retailers are happy to indulge, which you’d notice every time you go to a store. Not to mention, schoolchildren in the US usually have projects pertaining to Easter as well. Still, while there is a big market for Easter decorations, there are plenty of people who’d rather make their own. As I’ve seen on Pinterest in researching for this post, I have become well aware of it. But in blog posts, I can only show so much. Yes, there will be some religious content as well as bunnies, chicks, and other adorable stuff. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of Eater crafts to adore.

Pardon me, but has anyone heard of an egg shelf?

It’s a shelf that’s shaped like an egg. And it’s all decked out for the spring for all your desires.

2. Bring the spirit of Easter into your home with this bunny wreath.

As Saint Patrick’s Day uses shamrocks and Valentine’s Day uses hearts, so shall Easter use bunnies. Still, I really like the bow on this.

3. As we all know, Easter is the time when birds hatch the next generation.

The birds may be fake as far as I can tell. But I’m not sure about the spring grass in the pails. Or is it moss?

4. If your kids love Easter, then they’ll adore these flower pot animals.

These consist of a lamb, chick, and bunny. Sure they could be made by kids and are so cute.

5. Grace your front door to celebrate the Resurrection with this cross of white flowers.

This is a lovely cross to put on one’s door. Not just on Easter, but also in spring and for funerals.

6. Stuffed Easter bunnies like these are always hard to resist.

I’m sure these would make great Easter toys whether for a small child or a dog. Depending on whether it has a squeaker.

7. If you love fuzzy chicks, these pom pom cuties are for you.

Yes, these are adorable and kids could make them. Come in a variety of colors.

8. No Easter home could ever be complete without these Easter egg candle holders.

The eggs are probably as wooden as the other parts. Nevertheless, I do love those colors.

9. If you love marshmallow peeps, you’re bound to adore these.

These are plush peeps which don’t make as much of a mess as their sugar coated marshmallow counterparts. And they’re just as adorable.

10. An Easter wreath always has to include flowers and colored eggs.

The flowers may be small and the eggs are of pastel colors. But all in all, it’s a beautiful wreath for any front door.

11. For Easter egg hunts, kids would sure find these crocheted bunny totes handy.

When I was a kid, I gathered eggs in plastic bags. They weren’t nearly as sturdy as these. Nor as charming.

12. If you have a lot of plastic eggs around, it doesn’t hurt to make a wreath out of them.

Plastic Easter eggs can always be recycled, especially after the kids have no need of them. Still, I think this one is so pretty.

13. Got any old wine bottles lying around, make a light out of it.

This bottle has a glittery purple bunny peep as well as donned with a polka dot ribbon and fake gems. Wonder what it looks like lighted up.

14. For a more rustic look to your home, these wooden Easter eggs are just the thing.

Come in pink, blue, and yellow. Some are decorated and some are not.

Come in pink, blue, and yellow as well as differing heights. Some are decorated and some are not.

15. What better way to celebrate Easter than to hang a bunny in a basket at your front door?

The bunny and the flowers aren’t real. But they’re sure lovely. Also, really like the bow.

16. For those aiming for simplicity, perhaps hang some carrots instead.

Of course, you wouldn’t be able to do these with real carrots. Because before long they’d either be rotted or eaten by critters. And you don’t have to take my word for it.

17. An Easter bouquet is never complete without jellybeans in the vase.

Well, any fake flower bouquet, that is. Still, not sure if any of these flowers would be blooming around Easter. Yet, they’re pretty.

18. Easter eggs don’t have to be Faberge to be bedazzled.

Not sure if these are real eggs or not. But either way, they sure are sparkly to behold.

19. A bouquet of peeps and flowers always make a fine Easter centerpiece.

Vase is also filled with jellybeans and marshmallow bunnies, which are candies better for decorating than eating. Also love the flowers.

20. For those who observe the liturgical seasons, these crosses are for you.

As a practicing Catholic, I’m aware what these colors mean. Purple denotes Lent, red denotes Holy Week, and white pertains to Easter.

21. Nothing can get more festive this Easter than this tree of ribbons.

It’s mostly purple deco mesh but with crazy polka dot ribbons. Not sure if it’s in my taste since it reminds me of something you’d see in Wonka’s factory.

22. Brighten up this Easter by gracing your house with this Easter egg block light.

Unlike other block lights, this one is turned on its side for the Easter stuff. Then again, not sure if it does the trick in this situation.

23. If you want a rustic mantle for Easter, this moss picture frame will suit you quite nicely.

Well, it has a picture of a rabbit as well as a bird’s nest in the corner. Also, I don’t think the moss is real. Well, it better not be real or that might be a problem.

24. Of course, you can’t go wrong with an Easter birdhouse.

However, I certainly don’t approve of using peanut M&M’s on such a project. That’s a waste of great chocolate and peanut candy. Best use jellybeans instead.

25. If you prefer a more nature looking wreath for Easter, look no further.

This one seems to have a more natural look in some ways. Except that the eggs are different sizes and colors. Most birds don’t lay eggs like that.

26. For those who want to be reminded of Jesus’s death and resurrection, this palm crown of thorns is just the thing.

However, if you want to make this, try to find some place where they do have palms besides your church on Palm Sunday. Because nobody likes a palm hog.

27. You can’t have a better Easter centerpiece on your table than a box of spring flowers.

This one consists of tulips, lilacs, and lilies. I suppose they’re not real because lilies and tulips don’t bloom around the same time.

28. A bird’s nest with flowers is sure to delight your Easter visitors.

This is more of an outdoor decoration as you can see. But it sure seems rather interesting to look at to make a great conversation piece.

29. Nothing brings the spirit of Easter like a bouquet of colored eggs.

This one has flowers and eggs. Yes, I’ve seen stuff like this from time to time. Yes, it defies what we know about eggs. But they’re probably fake so who cares.

30. If you don’t like bright colors and flowers, I suppose you’d adore this rustic Easter display.

This includes a leaping bunny, a bird’s nest, and a birdhouse. Guaranteed to make a nice centerpiece.

31. Children are sure to delight in this adorable crocheted chick family.

Wait a minute, chick family? Sure they’re cute. But the concept of a chick family doesn’t adhere to the basic rules of biology.

32. Those who aren’t fond of wreaths might enjoy this spring umbrella on their front door.

One side contains tulips while the other has blue eggs. And then there are some eggs with flowers on them.

33. Who knew you could have an Easter wreath for a ceiling lamp?

This is for a chandelier. How they managed to decorate that thing I have no idea. But it’s sure pretty.

34. This Easter bring the spirit to your home with this bunny block light.

Yes, I know bunnies don’t have block heads. But this one is adorable that you don’t even mind.

35. How about an Easter bunny in your basket?

I don’t mean a real one. I mean a crocheted basket with a bunny peeking from it. So cute that it’s bound to melt your heart.

36. Those who like string eggs might delight in a wreath like this.

I think you wrap some string dipped in glue around the egg. Not sure how you get the eggs out. Still, like the bow.

37. An bouquet of flower branches with Easter eggs is sure to delight anyone who sees it.

Some people do this as I found out on Pinterest. Not sure if those flowers are real or not. Sure to make a good centerpiece.

38. How about some wicker carrots for a wicker basket?

You could see how these carrots are wrapped with straw and aren’t exactly orange. Not sure what those green things are either to tell you the truth.

39. Didn’t know that the Easter Bunny carried eggs in a wheelbarrow.

Nor did I have any idea that his Easter eggs could be so huge. Then again, this was probably made on a large scale.

40. If you don’t like wreaths, feel free to grace your front door with this bunny hanging this Easter.

This bunny almost looks real even if it’s not. Still, love the purple deco mesh on this though.

41. If you’re not fond of bunnies, may I suggest you go with chicks instead?

The chicks may seem like yellow fluff balls but they’r cute. Also, love the flowers as well.

42. On Easter, it helps if you take bare branches and make them into multicolored pussy willows.

Not sure how someone made this thing. But I sure looks lovely nonetheless.

43. This setup will help kids understand the way of the cross.

I guess you move Jesus around as the Lenten season progresses by week until he hits red. That’s how I look at it.

44. For those who think Easter decorations are too old fashioned, this Easter egg wall hanging is for you.

At first, I thought this was a clock. Until I realized it wasn’t because I couldn’t find 2 distinct hands or symmetrical design.

45. Remember the meaning of Easter with this Calvary flower box.

As you know, Jesus was crucified on the cross yet would rise within 3 days, according to the Gospels. Still, I like how the flowers overtake them as life overtakes death.

46. Of course, you can’t celebrate Jesus’s triumph over death without a crown of thorns.

If you think a migraine is torture, wearing this makes it seem like nothing. Because the thorns dig into your head and cause bleeding. Hey, Easter isn’t all about bunnies, chicks, and colored eggs.

47. On an Easter egg wreath, you can’t go wrong with speckled eggs, pussy willow, and tulip bulbs.

This seems like what you’d see outside during Easter. At least when it’s in March.

48. On Easter, a bird’s nest always has to be surrounded by flowers.

No, I don’t think birds would be stupid enough to lay their eggs in someone’s flower garden. But this is very pretty.

49. Those who grew up with The Runaway Bunny might enjoy this Easter sampler.

The Runaway Bunny is a story about a little bunny that wants to run away. But its mother tells it that she will go after her baby no matter where it goes. It was a story from my childhood.

50. Make your home more festive for Easter with this Easter egg tree.

Kind of reminds me of something I’ve seen in Dr. Seuss. Still, it’s very colorful to say the least.

51. Nothing reminds you more of spring than a bird’s nest in an egg basket.

This looks quite simple and not as loud as some of the other decorations. Still, love the shade of blue on the eggs.

52. Sometimes gardens can’t grow unless someone has a watering can in their hand.

This one uses the same scheme as the umbrella hanging. But for some reason, I think this one is better.

53. I guess this one is what I consider an Easter forest.

I think this one was constructed for a restaurant or a hotel. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t recommend anyone do something like this at such a large scale.

54. Put the spring in Easter with these decorative jars.

These consist of a bunny, chick, and flower. And some of them have decor on the top as you see.

55. This bunny candy dispenser can store whatever delights you desire.

This is a perfect decoration for Easter, for obvious reasons. Still, wish I could get a better picture of this because the background is too dark.

56. Easter can’t be complete without this bunny wreath at your front door.

Hey, I had to include a bunny wreath somewhere in this post. Couldn’t do an Easter craft post without one.

57. Hang these wooden Easter tags and you won’t be forgotten by Peter Cottontail.

All you have to do is get tags like these and paint them with Easter stuff. Simple as that as far as I’m concerned.

58. Got any empty flower pots? Make bunnies out of them.

This is a family of bunnies made of flower pots and other attributes. And they’re all wearing the same straw hat as well as seem ready for the garden.

59. Nothing says Happy Easter like a colorful wreath of tulle.

Like a lot of craft projects I've shown, this one was made by a business. Still, I do think it's very cute and brightens any front door.

Like a lot of craft projects I’ve shown, this one was made by a business on Etsy. Still, I do think it’s very cute and brightens any front door.

60. There’s nothing like a bouquet of flowers at your front door that capture the spirit of spring.

Yes, the flowers seem like they’re straight from a cemetery. But they’re still lovely in their own way. Also like how some of them are purple.

61. Decorate your Easter table with these Easter egg spreads.

I suppose these are more suited for a large living room or buffet table. Because they don’t seem long enough for the dining room.

62. Kids are sure to have fun coloring with these Easter Bunny crayons.

I suppose the mold for these crayons also does chocolate bunnies. Yet, these are certainly adorable in many different colors.

63. If you like peeps, then this is the wreath for you.

Yes, this is a peep wreath which is great for Easter. Better these peeps be used for decorating than eating. Because they’re disgusting and inedible.

64. This Easter wreath decoration has a little bit of everything.

This one has eggs, flowers, and other stuff. What else could you say. Nevertheless, makes a great Easter centerpiece.

65. Nothing brings the spring into Easter like a pussy willow nest.

Yes, I know you might giggle or cringe at the word “pussy willows.” But that’s what they’re called by many people. Seriously.

66. Celebrate the Resurrection with this empty tomb miniature garden.

This seems easy. Just requires some moss, sticks, rocks, and small flower port for the empty tomb.

67. This Easter don’t forget to welcome your peeps.

There’s always something about peeps that makes them quite endearing. That is despite how they’re inedible sugar marshmallows being sold as food.

68. Instead of putting flowers in a vase, use a bird’s nest instead.

Well, as long as the flowers are fake like these. Still, these are pretty if you ask me.

69. Grace your home this Easter with these wooden bunny dowels.

Sure they seem like they’re made from leftover wood in a garage. But these are so adorable beyond anyone’s imagination.

70. For your Easter table, you can’t go wrong with these crocheted Easter egg cloths.

Come in 4 different colors such as yellow, green, pink, and purple. Wonder if these are used as pot holders.

71. When it comes to egg bouquets, it helps that the Easter eggs are shiny.

Yes, I know it’s another Easter egg bouquet. But these eggs are shiny. Like the bow.

72. A potato masher is a nice place for little chicks.

Not sure who uses potato mashers these days to mash potatoes. But this is so adorable if you ask me.

73. If you love Easter flowers, then you’ll love a wreath like this.

I know sunflowers aren’t in season at the moment. But this doesn’t make the wreath like this less beautiful.

74. A wreath with a row of chicks is guaranteed to melt your heart.

And it helps that it’s shaped like a heart, too. Still, the row of perching chicks are so adorable.

75. Nothing makes a better spread on your Easter than a doily of Easter baskets.

And they seem to be of all kinds of colors and design. Nevertheless, it’s very pretty.

76. It’s not Easter until you hang an egg shaped Easter basket of flowers and eggs on your door.

This one even has moss in it and flowers on the handle. And the pink flowers are tied up with a pink polka dot bow.

77. An egg wreath is never complete without some ribbon decorations.

It helps that these plastic eggs have patterns. Nevertheless, I like the flower and ribbons on top.

78. Of course, you can’t celebrate Easter without hangin’ with your peeps.

As candies, marshmallow peeps are utterly inedible. But as decorations, they’re forever endearing. And I can’t help but love this.

79. Relish in the Resurrection this Easter with this purple deco mesh cross with lilies.

Now this is a lovely cross to hang on your front door. And it’s even better because it’s purple as well as has flowers.

80. Nothing makes a better Easter decoration than having flowers in eggshells.

Not sure how people managed to put the flowers in eggshells. Because they’re very delicate things and break very easily.

81. For a floral Easter centerpiece, it helps if you put a bunny smack dab in the middle.

Well, a bunny surrounded by eggs. Nevertheless, I think this would be perfect for any living room or dining room table centerpiece.

82. It’s not an Easter wreath unless it’s shaped like an egg with a bunny at the center.

Even without the bunny, this is an incredibly gorgeous floral wreath. Still, the bunny is so cute.

83. For young girls at Easter, it can’t hurt for them to have a tutu Easter basket.

I’m sure any little girl would be happy to have it. Hell, I would at that age because it’s purple with flowers.

84. If you’re a fan of Alice in Wonderland, this Easter wreath will suit you just fine.

This kind of reminds me of the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. He’s the one who’s always running late for a very important date.

85. Grace your home for Easter with this deco mesh tree.

Now this also reminds me of something you’d see from Dr. Seuss. Still, love how the tree is in so many different colors.

86. If you love butterflies, then it won’t hurt to have this Easter wreath on your front door.

Has a few flowers and a butterfly settling near the top. But I think this one is pretty, mostly because it’s purple.

87. For a nighttime Easter egg hunt, these glow in the dark eggs are just the thing.

I’m sure if you put candy in these, you’ll see it in these eggs. These would be better used as decoration.

88. A tiny girl can’t celebrate Easter without her special pair of bunny shoes.

And they’re for baby girls because they have bows on the bunny ears. Nevertheless, they’re so adorable that they’ll make your heart melt.

89. This Easter, you can’t go wrong with placing a sock bunny hanging on your front door.

This sure seems a rather inviting door hanging decor. And the purple bunny is so cute.

90. For a great outdoor Easter decoration, you can always use a large planter.

I’m sure the flowers are fake but they sure are vibrant and beautiful. And it has a bird nest in it, too, for blue.

91. It’s not a cozy Easter home until you have some of these sock bunnies.

Yes, these are sock bunnies like the sock snowmen I showed you around Christmas. And some of them even have clothes. So cute.

92. Bring in the spirit of Easter with this Easter egg tapestry.

There’s a pink one that’s just like this but it’s plainer and uses different colors. Yet, you have to love the hatching chick on this.

93. Moss covered Easter eggs could always use some flowers.

This seems like an interesting idea. And the purple pansies are tied with string. Great for any table large or small.

94. You’re not basking in the Easter season unless you’re carrying a bunny purse around.

Sure this might be more suited for a young girl than a young woman. But it’s a rather cute purse if you ask me. I wouldn’t mind having one.

95. This Easter wrap yourself up in this Easter egg quilt.

Not sure if I care about the green. But I really like the lovely eggs on these. So lovely.

96. Got some wine glasses you don’t use? Make some Easter candle holders out of them.

Now this is a clever idea. Still, I love the bows on these. And the flower on the center one.

97. For an Easter decoration, fill some old wine bottles with Easter grass and paint them.

This is another clever idea. And it seems they’re of all different sizes and colors. Love the purple one the best.

98. Eggshell flowers always do great over moss.

Again, not sure how the eggshell planting thing works. But I sure love these flowers.

99. Wish everyone a happy Easter and welcome spring with these blocks.

On one side, it says “Happy Easter.” On the other, it says “Welcome Spring.” They’re reversible.

100. You can make a great Easter display with a box of glass and wood.

The inside of this is filled with tiny decorated Easter eggs. The outside has a quality Easter bow and flowers.

To Catch a Leprechaun

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 18, 2016

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While I was looking for Saint Patrick’s Day craft projects, I came across a specific craft project called a leprechaun trap. While I’m familiar with the idea about catching a leprechaun so he’d lead you to his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (or 3 wishes in exchange for its freedom), I’ve never seen such contraptions in my life. Still, contrary to popular belief, leprechauns were only prominent in later Irish folklore for they barely appeared in mythology. However, as far as I know, many of these traps are made by children and families according to Pinterest and other sites. And some of these can get rather elaborate and creative. Yet, no matter how ingenious such trap ideas are, they tend to have one critical flaw: that each one is designed without accounting the notion that leprechauns have magical apparition powers that make them very tricky and hard to catch in the first place. In other words, these guys can So while these traps could manage to capture a leprechaun, it probably won’t stay in the trap for long. However, as long as making one is fun and brings out creativity in the classroom or anywhere else, who cares? They have contests for these things. After all, in the world of Harry Potter, catching a leprechaun for a pot of gold is a worthless endeavor anyway. Because leprechaun gold is known to disappear after a period of time. So for your viewing pleasure, I present to you the multitude of ways people try to catch a leprechaun.

There’s nothing more irresistible to a leprechaun than a large pot of free gold.

Not sure if it’s going to work. Because to a leprechaun, free gold seems a little bit too good to be true.

2. Toadstools are just the things that make a leprechaun feel at home.

For some reason, this kind of reminds me of something you’d see in Super Mario Bros. Maybe it’s because the toadstools look so flat.

3. Those who construct mazes for lab rats can always devise a way to capture a leprechaun.

Man, someone must’ve had a lot of time on their hands to construct a trap maze like this one. Still, even if it doesn’t work, it’s very well done.

4. Of course, you can always go with the diorama option.

Whoever made this trap is also using reverse psychology as well. Yeah, they totally don’t want the leprechaun in there (not really).

5. If you can, make sure the trap resembles a leprechaun’s natural habitat as closely as possible.

I guess this is a miniature garden option. Like the little trunk cage with the wooden steps.

6. When in doubt, you can always use a hat trap.

This is a common type of leprechaun trap. The leprechaun is supposed to climb up the ladder and fall into the hat.

7. When it comes to trapping leprechauns, you can always try to make them feel at home.

Well, this one seems rather unassuming since it’s seems more like a Saint Patrick’s Day decorated house. Then again, I can be wrong.

8. What leprechaun can’t resist a visit to the Gold Coin Inn?

Now this seems like a cozy bed and breakfast just for leprechauns to lodge at. Of course, appearances can be deceiving.

9. Sometimes to get a pot of gold, you’d have to leave out a pot of gold.

This is a gold coin trick trap in which the leprechaun sets off a trap by taking advantage of the free gold. This one also depends on reverse psychology, too.

10. To make a leprechaun trap more enticing, it helps that you add rainbows, clouds, and flowers.

Because sometimes free gold isn’t enough to lure a leprechaun in. Still, this one kind of gives you a feel of a flower garden.

11. When it comes to luring leprechauns, sometimes a rainbow box and goodies are all you need.

This one contains a pretzel rainbow treat and some white Oreos inside. The box is made from popsicle sticks.

12. Got an old birdhouse? Make a leprechaun trap out of it.

Not sure how this works. But I do like how this is decorated and painted. So cute.

13. Leprechauns, check into the Leprechaun Inn and stay awhile.

It’s said that while many tend to check in, they don’t check out. I wonder why.

14. For a place to stay, all the leprechaun needs to do is follow the rainbow road.

This looks like the kind of house a leprechaun is sure to love. Still, little does an unsuspecting leprechaun know what’s in there.

15. Sometimes leprechauns can’t resist the rainbow path to riches or ruin.

This one just has the leprechaun walk right in under the box. Not sure if one will manage to run into the stick.

16. When rainbows won’t do, you can always go with a shamrock shape.

In this one, the leprechaun lust walks to get the gold under the hat before upsetting the stick. And it seems like this boy is proud of his creation.

17. Sometimes the pot of gold has to be seen as clear as day.

Because sometimes you have to get the leprechaun to want to climb the ladder. So transparent containers are one way to do it.

18. When it comes to leprechaun traps, some can go all out.

This one has 2 castle towers, a road of stones, a background filled with flowers, and more. Not sure what the triggering mechanism in this is though.

19. A wired cage provides a well secure holding place.

I guess the leprechaun has to climb the rainbow ladder before falling in from the top door. Still, I like the stop signs on this one.

20. Occasionally, a leprechaun might be tempted to enter a large, green box.

This seems like something a leprechaun would love. Yet, I really like the rainbow bow the best.

21. A bug cage is just as capable of trapping leprechauns if you customize it properly.

This one has a rainbow on the side and offers free gold in. However, little do leprechauns know, kids use these to trap bugs, too.

22. Some may put gold in a box while other use baskets.

Leprechaun just has to climb up the twig ladder to get in the wicker basket. Still, at least those inedible candy hearts are put to good use.

23. Any leprechaun should be able to make themselves at home in Leprechaun Lane.

And it’s all covered in shamrocks and yellow butterflies for a leprechaun’s delight. Not to mention, the gold coin inside.

24. When making a leprechaun trap, sometimes towel rolls and boxes come in handy.

This one uses a shoe box, some cardboard slabs, and a paper towel holder. Yes, I know cardboard is flimsy as a building material, but this was made by a child for God’s sake.

25. Leprechauns are happy to stop by the End of the Rainbow Motel.

Once again, the bug cage is employed. But it sure looks like a very nice place to stay. Don’t mind the trap door as you pass through it.

26. If you can only use a small space, use a can.

Well, as long as you have a big enough can. Still, this one is decorated with a felt rainbow, a felt shamrock, and a cloud in the back.

27. Seems like another Gold Coin Inn is open for business.

Then again, this one has more tasteful decor as the other one. But still contains gold coins so leprechauns won’t care.er Gold Coin Inn is open for business.

28. A leprechaun trying to get gold coins in this contraption might not want to look up.

Yeah, once that leprechaun gets a hold of the gold, the mechanism will trigger and the can will drop. Works like a lucky charm.

29. When in doubt, sometimes it helps to use hospitality.

Hmm…”Welcome to Rainbow Valley.” Wonder where that is. Sounds very suspicious.

30. Never underestimate the power of Lego engineering technology.

Oh, Lego, is there nothing you can’t do? I’m sure the leprechaun about to be captured hasn’t seen nothing yet.

31. C’mon, leprechauns, go in for the gold.

Just don’t mind the door closing as you fall in. Also, don’t bet on getting out right away either.

32. Sometimes a leprechaun trap can be made from the simplest materials.

And here is a description to show you. Let’s hope that Batman doesn’t mind lending his ladder for awhile, okay?

33. To lure a leprechaun, sometimes offering a big cash prize helps tremendously.

Yes, get them hooked on the pennies if you can. They won’t know that they’re worthless pieces of US currency.

34. Just remove the stick and the cloud collapses over them.

Wonder how they got this one to stand up. But I’m sure the leprechaun would find the plastic coins irresistible.

35.Of course, making a leprechaun trap isn’t always child’s play.

This one is made from a series of Rube Goldberg devices. But nevertheless, it had to be made with some degree of adult supervision.

36. Sometimes it helps if you put the pot of gold up a notch.

Because when the leprechaun tries to reach the gold, the cage will fall on it. Still, love the shamrock decorations on this one.

37. The Gold Inn is open and ready for business.

Of course, a leprechaun can check in as long as it likes. But it can never leave. Still, love the bling on this.

38. For leprechaun traps, you can do a lot with a shoe box.

If IKEA designed a leprechaun trap, who’s to bet that it would look like this? Yet, there would be some assembly required.

39. Get your pot of gold and don’t mind the cloud above.

Because once the leprechaun gets the gold, the cloud would fall. But at least it’s fluffy.

40. Sometimes a large space will do the trick.

This one seems to be made on a planter and has an umbrella like cage. But at least it’s green.

41. That’s right, leprechauns, step right up and follow the glittery gold path.

Of course, the leprechaun will fall through and won’t be able to get out for awhile. But you have to account for these things.

42. Who knew that Luck Charm marshmallows can be good for garden paths?

Leftover Mardis Gras beads also help, too. Particularly the green ones. But you have to love this set up.

43. Sometimes it helps to make a big impression.

Yes, leprechauns, enter this humble abode. They have free gold. Don’t miss this offer.

44. Sometimes a small trap compartment is all you need.

Yes, it might not look like much. But they sure put a lot into advertising. Like how some parts of this trap shine.

45. Keep in mind that some leprechauns prefer more naturalistic surroundings.

Seems like this leprechaun trap was made from a shoebox and some stuff you might find in the woods. Not sure if they used gold as bait.

46. There are many leprechauns out there who can’t resist a gold mine.

Who knew you can make stuff like this with only cardboard and popsicle sticks. This is amazing. if you think about it.

47. When it comes to trapping leprechauns, sometimes a small trash bin can be very effective.

Not sure if chartreuse is a great color for this. But I do like the pipe cleaner rainbow and the cotton ball clouds on this.

48. I bring you the cake trap.

I actually showed this cake before in last year’s Saint Patrick’s treat post. It was a just a cross section. But I didn’t know is was a leprechaun trap at the time.

49. When gold isn’t available, it doesn’t hurt to use Barbie as bait.

Apparently, some kid understands how sex sells in this line. Yet, does Barbie set a good example for young girls in this situation?

50. If you can, it helps to go big and all out.

Seems like this boy spared no expense constructing this leprechaun trap. Still, it won’t do well for leprechauns who are afraid of heights.

51. This hat trap puts the pot of gold below the hat.

Kind of reminds me of something I’d see on some Saint Patrick’s Day miniature golf course. Yet, by design the sticks aren’t very sturdy.

52. Sometimes the use of a backdrop can really come in handy.

Of course, if I were that leprechaun, I’d proceed with caution with that pot of gold. I guess one might be stuck there for awhile.

53. This leprechaun trap seems to give me spots, white ones, too.

Yes, leprechaun, just follow the polka dot road to the polka dot box. There will be a pot of gold there but you won’t get out for some time.

54. Sometimes a plant trap is enough to seal the deal.

I’m sure the foliage in this is fake. But I’m sure any nature loving leprechaun would be duped by this, especially if baited with gold coins.

55. What leprechaun can ever resist a sparkly green house?

Of course, this house will be full of surprises. Some of them pleasant, some not. Still, love the shamrocks.

56. What leprechaun can ever resist a large gift wrapped in green?

Yes, I’m sure whoever made this never wanted anyone to open this box. Well, anyone who isn’t a leprechaun anyway.

57. Guess this leprechaun trap is a literal gilded cage.

A leprechaun may know seeing this. But since leprechauns are so drawn in by gold, they may not even care.

58. Sometimes putting a rainbow on top of the trap is a great way to advertise.

Because it’s said that there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Not sure how many leprechauns fall for that trick.

59. For some extra greedy leprechauns, you might need a bigger pot of gold.

Man, that looks like a very big pot of gold for a trap like this. Still, love the rainbow and clouds though.

60. Leprechaun house or trap, you decide.

Either way, it’s supposed to be made from recycled materials. Still, I like the flowers on this one as well as the fence.

61. A small hut and fake turf shall do it.

This one has grass made out of tissue paper. And the hut is of some green construction paper. Of course, it was made by a child.

62. When in doubt, go with a house with all the green and gold you can muster.

This one is a green house with a gold roof. And it has all the Saint Patrick’s Day decor any leprechaun desires.

63. You can make a suitable shack with popsicle sticks.

Yes, this might not look like much with the sticks and shamrocks. But I’m sure gold is bound to be found inside.

64. Aside from Legos, Lincoln logs are also a suitable building material.

Not sure if this is one trap or two. But both somehow take Lincoln log construction to a whole new level.

65. When in doubt, go with a bigger cage.

This one is a wooden cage with shamrocks. And it even has a rainbow in back to signal that there’s gold inside.

66. Sometimes printable decorations make everything look better.

Well, this one seems to be designed by Hallmark. Nevertheless, it’s quite cute.

67. Got net? Perhaps trap some leprechauns with it.

I’m sure the leprechaun is in for a surprise once it tries to get its hands on those gold coins. Sometimes net traps can be tricky.

68. Don’t have a box to trap a leprechaun? No problem.

I guess the net is a trap mechanism. Still, you have to like how this person made a trap like this without using a box. Like the decorations.

69. A cage can be a rather homey place with the right decorations.

Not sure how big this one is. But I think it’s rather well done if you ask me.

70. Sometimes it helps if you attach the gold to the box.

I’m sure that will lure those little leprechauns in like a charm. Still, this is a rather clever idea.

71. It’s always said, leprechauns are real suckers for gold as seen here.

This one has “Gold” in big golden letters. Not to mention the golden ribbons at the edge of the box.

72. A trap of gold, green, and rainbows, is one a a leprechaun can’t seem to resist.

This one has rainbow paths made from beads, coins, and green stuff to any leprechauns delight. Of course, it’ll only enjoy it for a limited time.

73. As leprechauns know, a rainbow can always help advertise for free gold.

But as we all know, sometimes offers of riches are too good to be true. This is especially for leprechauns in this case.

74. I’m sure a leprechaun trap like this has the Midas touch.

This one seems to be decorated with shamrocks and shiny paper. And it has a rainbow on top for good measure.

75. Leprechauns, enjoy your stay at the Happy Patrick Hotel.

The place where leprechauns can stay as long as they like. But keep in mind, their stay might be longer than expected.

76. If a hotel doesn’t work, try a bank.

Of course, this is just a box that just says “Gold Bank.” But I’m sure leprechauns won’t know the difference.

77. When it comes to leprechaun traps, sometimes decorations serve to entice them.

This one has a table, rainbow, cage, and others. And I’m sure the cage is bound to contain some gold.

78. C’mon, leprechauns, have a drink at Sham Rogue’s Pub.

Guess someone has a few ideas about Irish stereotypes. Still, I guess leprechauns love to hang out at their pubs, too.

79. To make the gold stand out as bait, sometimes a green backdrop is required.

This one seems to go for the green in a big way. Still, like how they used a strawberry basket as a cage.

80. For leprechauns, all that glitters for them is gold.

Now this one seems rather enticing to a leprechaun. Still, not sure if any of them would be familiar with palm trees.

Top of the Morning with These Lucky Saint Patrick’s Day Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 16, 2016

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While I’m not the kind of person who goes all out for Saint Patrick’s Day, there are plenty of people who do. And yes, there are people who do put up Saint Patrick’s Day decorations like the person above. Nevertheless, when Saint Patrick’s Day rolls around, you can bet that plenty of grade school children will be doing some type of craft project on the holiday. Decorating motifs usually consist of shamrocks, leprechauns, pots of gold, a Celtic cross, booze, green stuff, rainbows, and other things. And while there are Saint Patrick’s Day decorations available in stores, there are some people tend to make on their own, which I’ve seen on Pinterest. However, sometimes it was hard for me to find some of the DIY decor since a lot of Saint Patrick’s Day craft projects are aimed for children. This doesn’t surprise me. Yet, it kind of frustrates me because the craft projects I usually show are aimed for adults and consist of stuff one can make but use forever. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you a treasure trove of craft projects for Saint Patty’s Day.

Grace your front door with this shamrock wreath of green.

Seems like you take a regular wreath and put some fake foliage and shamrocks on it. And you’re good to go.

2. These 4 leaf clover necklaces are bound to give you good luck.

These two have some newsprint and a 4 leaf clover encased in a glass pendant. Appear to come in gold and bronze.

3. With this wreath, you can have both shamrocks and rainbows.

This one appears to be made from burlap and felt. And the rainbow appears in a banner.

4. Got some empty green bottles? Make some shamrock candle holders out of them.

Not sure whether these came from a craft store or beer case. Either way, they’ll be in the Saint Patrick’s Day spirit with shamrocks on them.

5. Spare flower pots always make great leprechaun hats.

Seems like this would be a great project for kids. But these nevertheless look quite cute if you ask me.

6. If you don’t want to get pinched on March 17, this headband is for you.

This one seems rather simple to make. Just put some green shamrocks on it and craft stones and you’re good to go.

7. Curl up on the couch this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock pillow.

Now your furniture won’t get pinched this Saint Patrick’s Day. Even if it’s a bright orange couch in your living room.

8. Cover your wreath with green and shamrock ribbons.

This is a yearn ribbon wreath of green. It has gold shamrocks at front. Still, it’s pretty.

9. If you aren’t a wreath person, you can always go with flowers.

Well, fake flowers that you might find in a cemetery anyway. Because most of the spring flowers aren’t out yet at least in my neck of the woods.

9. Store your Saint Patty’s Day decorations in this one of a kind crate.

Not sure if I could do that design. But as long as the crate was prebuilt at the store, I think I could paint it green.

10. A leprechaun hat bouquet always makes a great Saint Patrick’s Day centerpiece.

Yes the flowers are fake. And I’m sure that’s a cut out flower pot. But if you’re someone who’s a repressed art major, this a great project for you.

11.For extra luck, grace your door this Saint Patrick’s Day with this rainbow wreath.

This one is covered as a rainbow in ribbons. And covered in shamrock garlands. All in all, I think this is beautiful.

12. Nothing goes better in your home this Saint Patrick’s Day than this shamrock tree.

And the best part is, you don’t have to water it. Also. the shamrocks on this are so shiny.

14. Of course, you can always go with the conifer option.

Yes, this is another shamrock tree. However, this one has shamrocks all over it in a different variation.

15. If you want more leaves on your Saint Patrick’s Day wreath, this is the one for you.

Sure the foliage may be fake and seem it’s straight from a cemetery. Yet, I do love the wooden shamrock on this one.

16. For a simpler Saint Patrick’s Day wreath, one won’t need to look further than this.

This one is just a plain white wreath with some ribbon and shamrock decorations on them. Looks pretty doable compared to some of the other ones.

17. A shamrock hair clip like this is bound to have the luck of the Irish.

This shamrock clip is made from different shades of green ribbon and a fake pearl. Nevertheless, it’s very pretty.

18. A shamrock wreath like this will always bring you luck at your front door.

This one is a 4 leaf clover wreath which is said to be made from cloth and coat hangers. Not sure what else.

19. Sometimes a cushion and ribbon wreath is all you need.

Well, not sure if these were scraps or cut out that way. But at any rate, it sure looks soft and cozy even if it’s not.

20. A green wreath of tulle like this is bound to give you luck.

This one even has Luck spelled on here. And in a banner of shamrocks, too. Not sure if it would give you the luck of the Irish.

21. When in doubt a green wreath of spots will always suit your fancy.

You might have noticed that I have a lot of wreaths on this post for Saint Patrick’s Day. That may be so, but so does Pinterest.

22. Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day than wearing a green bow and a rainbow necklace.

Yes , these things are meant for little girls. But it’s in the spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day so it goes on. Besides, they’re cute.

23. They say that a bag of gold at your front door is bound to give you good fortune.

Well, this one is filled with shamrocks and plastic gold coins. However, I doubt the leprechauns would be fooled by this one.

24. Those who don’t care for a shamrock wreath can always go with flowers.

Well, as long sa the flowers are green, white, and yellow. Oh, and the foliage consists of English ivy. Still, pretty.

25. For Saint Patty’s Day kisses, this sign will show everyone that you’re Irish.

And this sign has plenty of kisses to go around. I’m sure this was painted on wood and put on a stand.

26. Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day than gracing your home with some wooden shamrocks on stands.

And they seem to come in different colors and patterns. The sparkly green one is my favorite out of these 3.

27. For Saint Patrick’s Day wreath, green and white always make a wonderful contrast.

This one is covered in white with flowers and shamrocks. And it’s held by a green polka dot ribbon. Great for any door on Saint Patrick’s Day.

28. If you want to get even more lucky on Saint Patrick’s Day, it helps if you put some shamrocks in a frame.

Because you can never have enough shamrocks in shades of green for one frame. Some of these even have glitter on them.

29. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day with this leprechaun wreath.

Sure it doesn’t show the whole leprechaun but it has a hat and legs. Wreath is also in the shape of a heart.

30. Add color to your Saint Patrick’s Day table with these rainbow wands.

These make great toys for kids. And it also makes a great table centerpiece that you can use for years even when they get older.

31. Luck will always come this Saint Patrick’s Day when you have a large shamrock at your door.

This one is said to be covered in green cloth scraps. But it has the word, “Lucky” at the center. Still, I like it.

32. When it comes to Saint Patrick’s Day wreaths, a rainbow one can’t go without shamrocks.

Yes, this is another rainbow wreath for Saint Patrick’s Day. But this one has shamrocks on the side unlike the previous one.

33. This Saint Patrick’s Day wreath is guaranteed to bring you luck in stripes.

I bet whoever made this used a lot of green and white ribbon. Still, I like the shamrock in the center though.

34. For the more rustic type on Saint Patrick’s Day, these blocks will suit your home just fine.

These consist of shamrocks, leprechaun beard and coat, leprechaun hat and shoes, and a pot of gold. And they’re all painted a dark green and white.

35. A tulle wreath like this on Saint Patrick’s Day will bring you a lot of luck.

Well, it’s my second tulle wreath of green on this post. But it’s made in a different variation than the previous one.

36. Celebrate this Saint Patrick’s Day with your very own leprechaun hat.

Has a headband to help you put it on and keep on your head. Yet, it’s touched with a green shamrock and a shiny belt buckle.

37. There’s bound to be a pot of gold on this rainbow wreath.

Sure the rainbow on this one is neverending. But at least there’s a pot of gold smack dab in the center.

38. A leprechaun hat like this comes in wooden blocks.

Nevertheless, it looks great on anyone’s table. But depending on whether these might be glued on together, some assembly may be required.

39. Those wanting the leprechaun’s pot of gold might want to set up a trap like this.

However, if you live in the Harry Potter universe, keep in mind that it’s a worthless endeavor. Because even if you do catch a leprechaun that leads you to his pot of gold, the gold will just disappear in a few hours anyway.

40. A golden shamrock is always a fine addition to any home on Saint Patrick’s Day.

This shamrock is made from thumbtacks on a green background. However, before you do any thumbtack art, make sure it’s on a thick flat surface.

41. Store your golden goodies this Saint Patrick’s Day in this rainbow glitter vase.

Sure the gold in here is candy. But I do love the glittery rainbow on this thing. However, glitter glue does make a big mess as I remember correctly.

42. Be extra lucky this Saint Patrick’s Day with this lucky charm bracelet.

Because on a holiday like Saint Patrick’s Day, this kind of stuff has to exist. Includes horseshoes, rainbows, Irish flags, shamrocks, pots of gold, and a leprechaun.

43. If you got empty green bottles, put some green flowers in them.

Of course, you’ll have to make the flowers first. But these ones look very lovely.

44. This Saint Patrick’s Day, turn some old toilet paper rolls into leprechauns.

Sure this is more of kid’s project. But these are nevertheless adorable. I especially like the beards.

45. Grace your front door this Saint Patrick’s Day with a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Well, it’s decorated with plastic coins and shamrocks. However, I think the rainbow is the best part of this.

46. Proclaim your Irishness this Saint Patrick’s Day with these blocks.

Well, I have to but block stuff somewhere in this post. And I might as well go with these.

47. Welcome visitors to your humble home this Saint Patrick’s Day with this block decoration.

Might not light up like previous ones I showed you on other posts. But it sure looks pretty to put on a mantle or buffet table.

48. Adorn your hair this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock clip.

The button is made from wood while the other shades of green are made from felt. Still, it’s cute.

49. An empty bottle of Irish cream always makes a great place for flowers.

And I’m sure this decoration would make a great centerpiece. Love the glitter and the shamrocks on this one though.

50. You can’t attend a Saint Patrick’s Day parade without a pair of pot of gold earrings.

I’m sure this isn’t for weak lobes like mine (as I learned the hard way). Still, you have to like the pots of gold on these.

51. A lucky lass on Saint Patrick’s Day always has shamrocks in her hair.

Yes, these are shamrocks on barettes. But these do look adorable even when not on someone’s hair.

52. Green flowers always go great near any fireplace.

For some reason, I usually don’t see flowers as green. Probably because I’m more used seeing the green on the leaves and stems.

53. Show your love for the Irish this Saint Patrick’s Day with these shamrock heart hair clips.

Sure they may be better suited for young girls. But you have to admit, these are pretty adorable to say the least.

54. Nothing makes Irish eyes smile more than a green bauble wreath.

Just to warn you, baubles are delicate things so be very careful not to drop any while handling them. Still, I do love the shamrock ribbon on this thing.

55. A sizeable hat makes a great trap for a leprechaun.

Not sure what the hat is made of (which is possibly felt or construction paper). Still, I do like the twig ladder and the sign.

56. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day this year wearing a light up tutu of an Irish flag.

If it weren’t for the shamrock waistline, I’d swear this would be great for wearing at a football game at my old high school. Not that I would.

57. For Saint Patrick’s Day ceiling decorations, you can’t go wrong with a rainbow cloud.

Well, I know this is more or less advertised as a birthday decoration. But since rainbows are associated with Saint Patrick’s Day, it goes on the post.

58. Nothing brings you in the spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day than a tulle leprechaun wreath at your door.

And to capture Irish gingerness, the wreath is primarily orange. But it does have a green hat and pipe.

59. Keep warm this Saint Patrick’s Day with this leprechaun hat beanie.

Not sure what size this is supposed to be. But at any rate, I have to like the buckle on this one.

60. For those who view Saint Patrick’s Day as a sacred holiday, this wreath is for you.

Well, I had to put some religious imagery on this post with a Celtic cross. Because it is seen as a religious holiday in Ireland because Saint Patrick is their patron saint.

61. You can’t attend the Saint Patrick’s Day parade without the appropriate top hat.

Now this is a fancy hat to wear to a parade. Not sure if I’d want to wear that during a mugshot though.

62. Bring the lucky spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day to your home by hanging this shamrock tapestry.

Made of felt with 4 shamrocks on them and the words “Luck” with a horseshoe “U.” Still, you have to want to hang this on your wall.

63. If you’re lucky this Saint Patrick’s Day, then say it with pennies.

Pennies: the only form of US currency you can use for craft projects. Because they’re totally worthless as US currency.

64. Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day like rainbow trees.

Sure rainbows might not lead you to a pot of gold. But I sure like these trees. Bet they’re fertilized with unicorn poop.

65. The best spot to put a pot of gold is on a rainbow table runner.

If it were me, I’d just go with the runner that’s made of felt. After all, who doesn’t love rainbows?

66. For some Saint Patrick’s Day fun, you can’t do without a leprechaun peg doll as well as his rainbow bunting and pot of gold.

Yes, this leprechaun is just chilling on his log with his pot of gold and rainbow. So cute.

67. Light up your home on Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock glass block lamp.

Well, the shamrock is a little lopsided if you look at it closely. But the border is nice.

68. With this costume, your little one will be the perfect little leprechaun.

Sure it might lead to some embarrassing photo ops for your kid in the later years. But right now, they can’t really remember anyway.

69. On Saint Patrick’s Day, a wee Irish lass can’t go without her own pair of shoes.

This is a pair of baby booties for baby girls for Saint Patrick’s Day. And yes, they’re adorable enough to make your heart melt.

70. Don’t like wreaths? This leprechaun door hanging is just for you.

Well. it only shows the hat and legs. And the flowers are fake. But still, looks quite festive.

71. It’s not Saint Patrick’s Day unless you see a leprechaun on a wooden panel.

Well, it might require some nailing a board to get the hat. But the leprechaun seems to have a smile on his face.

72. Got old wine bottles? Decorate them for Saint Patrick’s Day.

Well, while one bottle is unchanged, the other ones are painted green and decorated for Saint Patrick’s Day. One has a leprechaun belt.

73. Keep your little leprechaun warm this Saint Patrick’s Day with this little stocking cap.

Yes, it comes with a fake beard to keep your baby’s chin warm. Still, it’s incredibly adorable.

74. For Saint Patrick’s Day, you can’t raise a better glass than this one.

Like the saying on this, “Kiss me, I’m drunk. I mean Irish.” Not sure if you’d want to drink with this one.

75. Nothing says Saint Patrick’s Day than a potted rainbow.

Well, it’s a pot of gold with a rainbow and cloud on top. This is so clever, creative, and cute.

76. On Saint Patrick’s Day, cuddle up with this little leprechaun doll.

This is a knitted leprechaun doll which is derived from a pattern. Nevertheless, this is adorable.

77. Go to the Saint Patrick’s Day this year with a feather in your hat.

Now this hat looks rather snazzy. Like the shamrock bow on this one. Wouldn’t want to be drunk wearing it though.

78. A glass block lamp like this can bring out a shiny shamrock.

Yes, I know this is another glass block light. But this one has a ribbon and a shinier shamrock.

79. Bring the spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day without this tulle rainbow cloud wreath.

Now I wouldn’t mind having a wreath like this for Saint Patrick’s Day. Also, like the shamrock in the center.

80. For a little boy and girl, these leprechaun hats are perfect match.

Yes, one might have a beard and another with braids. But either way, these are so cute.

81. Grace your door this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock hanging.

Not sure what the shamrock hanging is made out of. But I do like the rainbow ribbon, the gold, and the felt cloud.

82. For extra luck, it can’t hurt to have a shamrock wall hanging with coins and watches.

This is a wooden hanging of a dark green shamrock. The coins and watches are plastic, but they go well together.

83. Didn’t know you can make a leprechaun from a flower pot.

Sure it may not have a beard and is wearing a knitted hat. Still, it so adorable that it makes your little heart melt.

84. A leprechaun hat is a great place for flowers.

Sure the carnations are fake and the pot is felt. But I think this is a nice Saint Patrick’s Day arrangement.

85. This rainbow extends to the top of the door.

Sure it has a pot of gold at the end. But I really that rainbow of ribbons.

86. Keep your little one warm this Saint Patrick’s Day with this shamrock golf hat.

Now I wonder whether this little baby has a set of tiny golf clubs. That would be cute.

87. For a Saint Patrick’s Day bunting, you can’t do better than shamrocks.

Yes, I know it’s a green bunting with shamrocks. But this would be great for any Saint Patty’s Day party.

88. Put some of your gold nuggets in a rainbow pot this Saint Patrick’s Day.

Those gold nuggets are actually Hershey’s chocolates. But they’re filled with golden deliciousness.

89. With this shamrock owl, the wind will always be at your back.

It’s made out burlap. But this one is so cute that it’s a hoot.

90. Show your love for the Irish this Saint Patrick’s Day with this heart shaped wreath.

Well, the foliage and flowers might be akin to what you see in a cemetery. But I sure love the rainbow ribbon.

91. Your little leprechaun always has to dress in her own little outfit for Saint Patty’s Day.

Sure the get up is made out felt. But this little lass seems to love how she looks. Doesn’t she?

92. Grace your home on Saint Patrick’s Day with these leprechaun shoes.

If you have small children, make sure that they’re not upturned at the side of the house. Because the little one’s might get upset if they’ve seen the Wizard of Oz.

93. For Saint Patrick’s Day, you can’t be unlucky with a shamrock of ribbon.

I think this might be a little ornament. But you have to love the artistry on this. Not sure if I can do one.

94. Bring the spirit of Saint Patrick’s Day to your neighborhood with a wreath containing an nice big shamrock on it.

Now this wreath certainly goes all out. Nevertheless, I do love the shamrocks on this.

95. No matter what age, no lass should go without her Saint Patty’s Day booties.

Yes, it’s another pair of baby girl shoes. But these have little shamrocks on them and are so cute.

96. I guess this Saint Patrick’s Day pillow was a patchwork effort.

Guess it’s made by the same person who did the wreath earlier in this post. Still, I like it even if it might hurt Irish eyes.

97. For your little Irish lad, I suppose this suit should suit him well.

This one has a tie and felt shamrock patches on the knees. Any baby boy is bound to look adorable in it.

98. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day by gracing your home with this shamrock sampler.

This is a wall decoration that contains seashells. Got this from Etsy, but it’s pretty.

99. These wine bottle decorations will guarantee that you’ll feel lucky this Saint Patrick’s Day.

Spelled out, these bottles say “Lucky.” Also have different toppers on them, too.

100. You can’t celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day without a fuzzy wreath like this.

Not sure if this is DIY. But it looks so fuzzy that I just want to touch it.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Ads (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 10, 2016

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Advertising is all around us that’s it’s almost impossible to avoid it. And I’m sure many of you saw some dumb ads while watching the Super Bowl, too. Nevertheless, I tend to do a lot of posts on vintage ads. But I haven’t done one on vintage ads in general for a very long time, possibly since last May. Yet, I’ve done ads pertaining to holidays, underwear, food, alcoholic beverages, and celebrity endorsements. Still, as we’ve seen before, advertising has been with us for a very long time as you see here. This is an ad for Coca Cola from the turn of the century in the United States. You can tell because of the woman’s outfit. It’s a rather well made ad as you can tell from the attention to detail. However, while I can show you ads like this all I want, you’d probably be bored to tears. So instead, I’ll focus on vintage ads that haven’t aged well, are inappropriate, or are unintentionally funny. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you another installment of vintage ads from the days of old.

To encourage more quality time with dad, we bring you the Daddy Saddle.

Guaranteed to give children loads of fun as well as fathers loads of back pain and humiliation. Also known as the daddle.

2. Ladies, when at a party, it always pays to be uh, sociable.

Sure it helps to be sociable. But we should also helps if you just put some freaking clothes on, lady. Seriously, exposing yourself at a party like that is just asking for trouble.

3. And remember, kids, don’t forget to look both ways because bike boners kill.

Sure I understand this is a PSA from the Boy Scouts of America on traffic safety. And I understand that “boner” means mistake in this context. However, when most people think of boners, they think of something a little different.

4. At Dow Chemical, this little guy is a “scientist” in his own right.

Not sure what they did to this lab mouse. But whatever it is, I wouldn’t be surprised if he experiences delusions of grandeur with dreams of world domination.

5. “How come I enjoy smoking and you don’t?”

Hey, man, you might enjoy smoking now. But when you end up with respiratory problems, cancer, and heart disease, you won’t. Seriously, I’m glad I’m not you.

6. For the latest in lawn mower technology, get Gay Blade.

When I hear the word, “gay blade,” I don’t think about anything to do with landscaping. Rather many people my age tend to think of offensive gay stereotypes. But to each his own.

7. “You dirty boy, why don’t you wash yourself with Vinolia Soap?”

Okay, this is just flagrantly racist on so many levels. I mean it’s implying that this black kid is dirty on account of his skin color. How more offensive can you get?

8. Be a living doll and give him a pick of Dr. Grabow’s pipes.

Because Dr. Grabow’s pipes all the rage these days in Stepford. You know, the place where all the women are living dolls for their husbands since they’re basically fembots replacing the real housewives who were murdered for not being perfect enough. Okay, I think I might’ve spoiled the plot.

9. With Antron III, slips are truly anti-cling. Permanently.

Maybe, but that I’m not sure if slips can protect you from being struck by lightning. Because I think that woman is really putting herself in a very unsafe situation.

10. “Even rain can’t hide that microsheen shine.”

And I’m sure rain can’t hide the fact that she’s wearing practically nothing under her see through rain coat either. Makes you wonder whether she’s on her way to a nudist colony.

11. To prevent sunburns, ladies, you can’t go wrong with this sun helmet.

Hmm…a helmet with a glass shield to protect against sunburn. Still, you wonder why they didn’t come up with a whole hazmat suit to go with it in the process.

12. Tired of Paulie shitting all over the house? Well, it’s time you solved that problem with parakeet diapers.

Yes, I’m sure putting a diaper on your parakeet will keep it from shitting on your furniture. Comes with a leash for walking. Still, not sure if Paulie would like being strapped into something like this.

13. Want to take your dog on the road but don’t like it in the car? This sack and running board has got you covered.

Well, as far as canine safety is concerned, it’s probably better than tying it to the car (like in Vacation). But I think this pet get up seems to make the dog-on-roof method seem rather humane.

14. Remember, don’t go without a Norelco portable tape recorder.

Sure this guy might seem to be flirting with a stewardess on the plane. But I’m sure he’s going to regret getting that tape recorder when she sues him for sexual harassment.

15. With Cricketer, anything you do out in a suit, you can do in a suit.

Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you should risk doing somersaults in a suit. This is especially if he has his hands placed in a spot that’s a little too convenient to suspect.

16. Remember, children always enjoy a big glass of Florida Orange Juice.

Actually, I think these little demon moppets are more interested in drinking the blood of the woman who’s serving them orange juice. Seriously, these kids look utterly terrifying to behold and may be evil incarnate.

17. Carter’s Trigs are always great for the whole family.

Yes, I know this is supposed to be a father and son lounging around. Still, looking at the man’s face, I have a bad feeling on where this situation might be headed to.

18. Even O. J. Simpson can testify that Jogger roller skates are the best thing in outdoor recreation.

Not sure about Jogger roller skates as a product during the 1970s. However, if this ad appeared in a magazine during the mid 1990s, I’m sure it would miserably flop. Seriously, we all know that if O. J. needs to make a getaway, he uses a white Bronco.

19. Tired of burning dinner? Well, it’s time you use a pack of Asbestos Baking Sheets.

Sure they might make eating your food put you at an increased risk of mesothelioma, asbestosis, and other nasty infections that could kill you. But at least you’d no longer burn your food.

20. Anti Nervous Dyseptic Tobacco gives you a clean lasting chew and a cool, sweet smoke.

I don’t think there’s a tobacco that does either. Still, that is just one creepy baby who seems to possess some kind of infantile evil on its mind.

21. Want to feel like a man? Join the Army.

Because there’s nothing more manly than traveling to far away places, meeting new people, and launching some nuclear missiles on unsuspecting civilians. Oh, wait a minute, that’s just insane!

22. University Row’s Chart Stripes will help you put a tiger in a cage.

Not sure about what people think of putting women in cages. However, I think this ad just seems to show the kind of sexism that I simply won’t stand for.

23. Clear your driveway this winter with your very own mail order flame gun.

Man, why spend so much time shoveling when you can clear your driveway with a flame thrower. Oh, wait, because it might set your house on fire if you try to clear your wooden porch with this thing.

24. With Drano, you can clear your drains and improve your marriage.

Yeah, I’m sure Drano might help clear your drain. But it’s strongly corrosive and one of the most hazardous household products available to the public. Sorry, but a clean drain isn’t worth the risk of explosion related injuries.

25. This Shirred French Purse by Lady Buxton is an elegant place to store things.

However, if you’re a squirrel, then may I suggest you store your peanut in anything other than a woman’s purse. Because you’re not getting that back.

26. The economical Kiddie-Coop is a crib, playpen, and bassinet all in one.

Because why shouldn’t your baby be denied the same comforts as your pet rabbit? Seriously, why don’t you just install a crib dribbler while you’re at it?

27. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Texaco kid.

This little boy hopes you use Texaco gas to fill your tank before you crash and burn in some terrible accident that he’s eager to watch with great pleasure. Yes, this kid has a sadistic streak a mile wide.

28. Douglas DC-8 gives you the happiest flying from the ground up!

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I don’t know about you. But did anyone notice how it seems that the viewer is looking up a little girl’s skirt? Seriously, that’s disturbing.

29. Captivate your audience with this Playboy bunny hand puppet.

Warning: Playboy hand puppet is for adult use only and shouldn’t be used for adult-child contact. Also, might make you seem like an enormous perv.

30. Score Liquid Hair Groom will help men get what they’ve always wanted.

I don’t know about you, but I think this product’s ad is setting rather unreasonable expectations. Also, I think the women might want to cover up, just so they won’t get malaria.

31. Dishwashy hands scaring your man away? Switch to Ivory.

Basically this ad says, “I’m a fussy and lousy housewife but that doesn’t matter since my hands are good after I use Ivory soap.” Oh, for God’s sake give me a break.

32. Fat is folly so use Le Parle Obesity soap to shed the pounds.

Yes, a soap that helps you lose weight. I’m sure that’s totally bullshit because losing weight doesn’t work that way. Seriously, it doesn’t.

33. Kids just can’t resist the taste of Quick Frozen chicken pie.

I’m sure this boy is bound to be very disappointed when he finds out that pie doesn’t adhere to Mrs. Lovett’s famous meat pie recipe. You can guess what kind of meat he’s hoping for.

34. Support musicians, because recorded music tramples art for profits.

Wait until they find out that recorded music makes their stuff more accessible to the masses. Seriously, musicians have benefited tremendously through the record industry as far as I recall.

35. “Male makes it exciting….Male makes pure man stuff!”

Sure it does. But does this mean you should photoshop people on the crotch area of a pair of pants? You make the call.

36. “Gas…the magic of instant hot water!”

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Maybe, but this terrifying baby doesn’t seem to like it that much. In fact, it seems like it’s melting which is kind of horrifying if you ask me.

37. Baer’s paint is great for all interior surfaces. Don’t take our word for it? Then let a bear paint your house.

Let a bear paint my house, right? Wonder what can go wrong with that. Oh wait, everything. Still, it’s pretty silly.

38. Want what’s best for your baby? Try Mennen’s Borated Powder.

Not sure what I find weirder about this one: the picture of the baby in the lightbulb or the toddlers swinging. For some reason, either seems rather messed up.

39. Motorola color TV gives you more to enjoy.

I bet this kid is like: “Mom, can I please change the channel? Because there’s a creepy clown on TV that’s scaring the crap out of me! And seeing him is sure to give me nightmares!”

40. So many good things come from DuPont cellophane.

Again with the babies in plastic wrap, DuPont? Seriously, do you realize how messed up that is? Because that’s insane!

41. For MacGregor’s flame retardant shorts, look for the burning boy label.

Now that’s pretty freaky if you think about it. Still, when this boy grows up, I’m sure he’ll end up starting a summer concert series like “Burning Man.”

42. For house painting, Carter’s white lead is absolutely pure.

Sure it might make your kids shorter and dumber as well as kidney and reproductive problems. Also causes other health problems like lead poisoning. But I’m sure it will cover more surface and last longer.

43. On Army day, soldiers always dry with Cannon towels.

Who knew that army bath time on the Pacific front was an ultimate sausage fest? For some reason, these stark naked guys don’t seem to just be bathing to me. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t ask or tell.

44. Don’t let bad breath ruin your love life, ladies. Try Colgate.

Yes, ladies, use Colgate toothpaste because men are incredible douches who’ll avoid you if you show signs of halitosis. And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. What a sexist message from a toothpaste company.

45. Remember, ladies, you’re in a beauty contest every hour of every day. So use Camay soap.

Okay, that’s rather frightening to think about it. Seriously, it seems like these ads are telling women that they should look beautiful all the time or else they’ll lose their man. Fortunately, women, if he really loves you, he’s not going to dump you for not keeping up appearances.

46. “Tank Corps…welcome, too, is the brisk rub-down with a good towel.”

I guess this is toga party time for Tank Corps. And I’m sure they they tend to stick to the idea, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.”

47. Remember, ladies, one zit can ruin a romance.

Yes, women, getting a zit is a horrifying experience that almost always ends in a break up. Seriously, one zit on her face is hardly going to be noticed. Even if it is, there are plenty of teenage girls who have steady boyfriends as well as problems with acne.

48. Don’t let B.O. break your engagement, use Lifebuoy deodorant.

Yeah, because whatever goes wrong in a relationship, it’s always because the woman fails to practice good hygiene. Seriously, did Jessie ever consider that her previous boyfriends were superficial assholes? That might have something to do with it.

49. She was a one date girl because she didn’t take some Kellogg’s All-Bran for her bowels.

Okay, so this ad is saying this woman wasn’t having a great love life because she was having trouble shitting? Seriously, that was her problem? You know how ridiculous it sounds.

50. If lack of muscle is your problem, try working out with Thrush.

Because women always love a man with a massive phallic car part in his hand. Wonder if any of them know what it is.

51. For daring gift for married couples, try a set of matching jail jamas.

So what do prison PJ’s say about marriage? Really doesn’t give a nice social commentary about it. Still, maybe these two are just prisoners of love, blue skies above, leaving their hearts in jail.

52. With After Six, why just have a party, when you can have a ball?

From Buzzfeed: “She’s holding a phallic symbol, two oranges, and a carton of white fluid. Any questions?” Yeah, you kind of figure where this is going.

53. Chiquita bananas are the most flavorful.

I’m sure this is just an innocent ad depicting a boy and a girl sharing bananas. Then again, maybe it’s not so innocent as it initially appears to be. Seriously, were the parents even consulted on this one?

54. Feeling cranky with menstrual cramps? Try Midol.

Because having your period should be no excuse for being cranky at social engagements. Seriously, seems like women at the time couldn’t really catch a break.

55. Married? No reason to neglect stockings.

Because men always hate it when their wife’s stocking appeal is spoiled by constant runs, holes, twisty seams, and wrinkles. And women must keep their stockings absolutely perfect. Seriously, this is madness! Madness!

56. Aunt Jemima always chases those pancake hungry blues away.

Man, this isn’t the Aunt Jemima I remember from my childhood. She seems to resemble some racist Mammy caricature, which is kind of offensive to African Americans.

57. At a time of war, it’s his yen against your dollar.

Yest, this was made in WWII by Texaco. But still, this is depicting the Japanese as money grubbing devils, which they were not. For the love of God, do they have any idea that Japanese Americans existed at the time? Oh, wait, we know what the US government did to them.

58. Rough on Rats always clears vermin, which only a Chinaman would eat.

Unlike in The Big Lebowski, the Chinaman is the issue here. I mean they’re saying that Chinese people eat rats, which is very offensive. Seriously, who the hell would even allege that?

59. Quaker State Motor Oil is as pure as certified milk.

Maybe, but that doesn’t mean your baby could drink it for God’s sake. Seriously, motor oil isn’t the kind of fluid that’s safe for human consumption.

60. Carter’s will always make your kids look sharp.

Then again, it might make your kids look like a bunch of mindless lobotomized Ralphies who might devour your brains. Might want to reconsider.

61. There are big reasons for better roads like nuclear weapons.

Really? But if an atomic bomb were to go off, we’d all be annihilated. So why we’d need better roads then? I’m just saying.

62. Don’t sun starve your baby, give them a G-E sunlamp for the bathroom.

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Because why should you deny your baby from experiencing the power of dangerous UV rays? Seriously, couldn’t they just put the baby in a play area outside?

63. Remember, ladies, Balls candy gives you courage.

Sure there have been plenty of women who’ve had courage throughout the ages. But I’m sure most women don’t get it from Balls candy. Seriously, why?

64. Lucky tigers always get the gals.

In his case, this tigerman prefers them stuffed and mounted on his wall as hunting trophies. Tigerman is an incredibly messed up individual who should probably be put in some maximum security prison.

65. Duke of Durham will sure keep those kiddies quiet.

Maybe, but is giving your kids tobacco a good idea? No way in hell. Also, baby Tweedledee and Tweedledum are really freaking me out right now.

66. Thanks to Monsanto, it’s plastics picking time down South.

Really, Monsanto? You know if cotton picking was pleasant as you depict it, then why did white plantation owners hire black slaves to do it? And why did they commit unspeakable atrocities against them and treated them less than human? Think about that.

67. It’s a known fact that more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.

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I have 2 uncles who are uncles. And we should know that not all of them have great health habits. So if your doctor smokes, doesn’t mean you should.

68. Asbestine stove lining cures stove troubles.

Sure Asbestine might cure stove troubles, but prolonged exposure might result in asbestosis and possibly mesothelioma. So maybe it’s not worth it. And they made these in Pittsburgh? Jesus Christ!

69. For winter wear, you can always trust Spring Maid Fabrics.

And from how I look at this one, this woman appears to having something going on with her legs. Still, let’s just hope she’s wearing pantyhose and not going commando.

70. And remember, nursing moms, nothing perks you and baby up like a glass of beer.

This is for a beer company in France as you see. Still, new moms need to know that drinking the wrong beer might make your baby not want to nurse from your teat.

Great Blunders in Auto Aesthetics

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 3, 2016

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I may not drive a car or have a driver’s license for that matter. But this doesn’t mean that I can’t talk about cars, particularly auto aesthetics. Sure cars were made to get us from point A to point B, but that doesn’t stop people from wanting one that matches their style. Since the time when rich people wanted fancy cars to show off their wealth, it wasn’t long until the ordinary folk wanted their own cars to fit their style as well. Some of these have become icons of their era like the muscle cars of the 1950s. I can go on and on about the great looking cars out there. But I know you’d be bored to tears and tell me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So instead I’ll do a post on some of the biggest automobile eyesores to ever grace the road. Some might just fire for function but not effect. Some might’ve seen good ideas at the time and their designs just haven’t aged well. While others, well, make you want to scratch your head and wonder what the hell they were thinking when it was being design. Nevertheless, at any rate, I hope you enjoy these ugly cars for your reading pleasure.

Volkswagen Thing

Because calling it the Volkswagen Cardboard Box Convertible wouldn’t fly and the guys at Volkswagen couldn’t think of any good ideas for names. Seriously, when a car is called, “Thing” it kind of shows that the automaker doesn’t think much of it.

2. Tatra T603

Made in Czechoslovakia between the 1950s and 1970s, this was said to be “Communism’s Finest Car” that was driven by officials and factory owners. Nevertheless, why it’s designed like the kind of sedan a Batman villain would be too embarrassed to drive, I have no idea.

3. Nissan S Cargo

In France, escargot is a snail dish that’s considered a delicacy. This is a retro style commercial van that was sold from 1989-1992 to carry small cargo. Not sure if it got the job done in terms of hauling stuff. But in France, I can bet that this car surely lived up to its name at any rate.

4. 1957 Multipla Marinella

The kind of car that resembles a cross between a retro looking minivan and a golf cart. Seems more appropriate for driving around an amusement park or the links than going to work.

5. Bond Bug

While it certainly looks like a bug without a doubt, but I don’t think it’s a car I’d see James Bond driving by any stretch of the imagination. Or anyone else during the 1970s when this car was made. And your parents thought the AMC Gremlin was hideous.

6. Trabant

The East German answer to the Volkswagen Beetle, this seemed to combine the beetle’s design with a something the Joker might drive. Nevertheless, to say it was a failure in East Germany is an understatement.

7. AMC Pacer

When it came out in 1975, it was the toast of the automotive press as it was called, “futuristic,” “bold,” and “unique.” Keep in mind that they viewed the same thing about polyester pants.

8. Pontiac Aztek

Best known as the Walter White’s signature ride in Breaking Bad when he’s a teacher and not a meth cook. Keep in mind, people tend to make fun of Walter White for his minivan that seems like a Gobot mutant meets a space shuttle. Possibly designed by a front team and a back team who never spoke to each other.

9. AMC Gremlin

With the Pacer and the Ford Pinto, it’s the epitome of bad 1970s car design. Almost makes you want to apologize to those small creatures who caused problems in WWII planes.

10. Nissan Cube

I can guess where it got its name due to its geometric design. Nevertheless, you tend to wonder whether this is it or the box it came in.

11. Ashton Martin Lagonda

Yes, a 1970s luxury car that boasts the elegance on the road akin to a funeral home. The kind of car that’s expensive enough for James Bond to drive yet, one nobody would miss if it happens to explode.

12. Subaru BRAT

Keep in mind that “BRAT” is an acronym for Bi-Lateral Recreational All-Terrain Transporter. Still, the name is pretty appropriate for this obvious Japanese ripoff of a Ford El Camino. And it wasn’t sold in Japan either.

13. Corbin Sparrow

Sure it’s a compact vehicle that runs on electric that was made in 1999. However, when I see it, I tend to think of it as the latest thing in clown car technology. And a car even clowns would be too embarrassed to drive.

14. Ford Pinto

One of the big auto eyesores of the 1970s, it was about as bad to drive in one as it looked. Let’s just say you were lucky that it didn’t explode in a rear end collision, which gave it a shady reputation.

15. Citroen 2CV

No, it’s not an antique PT Crusier, but good guess. Still, this is a French car that was in production from its postwar years to the 1990s. Nevertheless, it’s not much to look at but was a rather dependable car. Was also known to be used by hippies during the 1960s.

16. Lotus Europa

Or what you get when you cross a hearse with a 1970s Batmobile. Seriously, that’s what it looks like.

17. Mohs Ostentatiene Opera Sedan

This is a strange car and a rather expensive and hideous one, too. Only one of these was ever built. Still, it included a refrigerator, a butane furnace, and a TV. And you could order to have it customized with Ming Dynasty style rugs.

18. Bricklin SV-1 (Safety Vehicle 1)

Seems to look a bit like a Delorean but uglier. Didn’t come equipped with a lighter or ashtray because as the sales brochure said, “We don’t think smoking while driving is safe; we don’t want you dropping a hot cigarette in your lap and driving our beautiful car into a tree.” But their 99 lb doors were known to come crashing down when the support struts failed. Talk about skewed safety priorities.

19. Toyota Yaris Verso

From the Telegraph: “The Yaris Verso might well have its loyal followers, but there’s no denying that this little car, which is a cross between a supermini and a van, is a challenge to behold. Useful, yes, attractive, no.”

20. Fiat Multipla

For many, this is new age car appears to be made on another planet. But it was actually made in Italy, believe it or not. Can fit 6 in 2 rows.

21. Ssangyong Rodius

It’s a minivan from South Korea. Yes, it’s rear end is a monstrosity to behold. Nevertheless, doesn’t surprise me why this is a less known company than Huyndai.

22. Ford Fairlane

A muscle car from the 1950s which seems to resemble a retro convertible Batmobile. Not that Batman would drive one anyway. Kind of disappointed that it doesn’t have rocket blasters. That would’ve been cool.

23. Lincoln Continental Mark VI

From RMF: “The car’s mishmash of seemingly random “retro” styling elements included non-functional fender air extractors, barely functional “porthole” windows, fins, a trunk-mounted spare and worst of all, that weird vinyl top that rises far above the sedan’s roofline in a very awkward center section. With the 1960s-era Continental one of the most beautiful cars of all time, what the heck happened?”

24. Davis D-2 Divan

When I hear the name, I imagine a rather cool car you’d see James Bond or Batman drive. And then you see this rolling toasting piece of crap that resembles those 25 cent plastic rides for kids outside certain retail stores. And I’m being generous.

25. Jeep Compass

Hmm…guess this is what you get when you mate a Jeep with a minivan. And I hate to be honest but that union didn’t turn out well. Because that is one ugly ass baby.

26. Sebring-Vanguard Citicar

This car is just a combination of a golf cart and a tent. Made in the 1970s it was one of the first electric cars in the world. But I’m sure nobody would want to waylay an energy crisis with that thing.

27. Plymouth Prowler

Guess this is the perfect car for any Batman villain to drive. And as far as the color scheme goes, Harley Quinn comes to mind.

28. Ford Scorptio

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Has a sleek sedan design as well as a face of a big mouthed frog. Wonder why it doesn’t eat the bugs that come veering toward its windshield.

29. Citroen Ami

France may be known for its fashion. But this nightmare seems to be part car and part giant insect. Also, the top doesn’t look great either.

30. Lamborghini Veneno

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As Edmunds’ John Pearley Huffman wrote, “Every supercar cliché and every bad idea Lamborghini ever had, stuffed into one overpriced show car. It’s the worst thing out of Italy since fascism.” Besides, $41 million is a high priced to pay for a life sized Hot Wheels.

31. Suzuki X-90

Supposed to combine the features of the Japanese economy car to the American pickup truck. As you see from its appearance, it didn’t turn out so well.

32. Nissan Juke

Bulbous headlights sure make this car resemble some freaky 4 eyed monster. Wouldn’t want to see that at night.

33. Chrysler PT Cruiser

Thank you, Chrysler, you have finally come up with a car that’s suitable for the Joker to drive in. I’m sure he will either love it or want to blow it up. Maybe both.

34. Lada Kalina

Made in Russia, this auto eyesore is part SUV and part robomonster. Not sure if it runs on gas or human flesh.

35. Chevy City Express

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Now this is a rather sleek car design, for a windowless van your parents never told you to get into. Guess General Motors is bringing the latest in creeper car technology. If you see someone in your neighborhood driving one, check if they’re a registered sex offender.

36. Kia Amanti

From Your Car Is Ugly: “They had clearly intended to make a car that had class and style, since it’s the most expensive Kia. Instead, it looks like an adorable elementary school art project which got way out of hand.”

37. Tata Nano

Made in India and said to be the cheapest car in the world at $2,500. However, driving this jelly bean car will make onlookers less likely to take you seriously. Nevertheless, while it was India’s attempt for their Volkswagen Beetle, it’s now starting to become the country’s equivalent of the Ford Pinto.

38. Toyota Scion IQ

Think of it as having the features of a jelly bean and a bulldozer combined into one sedan. The fact that it’s in a bright chartreuse only makes it worse.

39. Subaru Baja

It’s the kind of auto that can’t decide whether it wants to be a car or a truck. Might be fitting for an African Safari. But that’s a huge maybe.

40. Skoda Roomster

I guess this is the kind of car suitable for the American soccer mom who also makes a living as a funeral director. Then again, I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard of Skoda before or whether it’s even sold in the US.

41. Lamborghini LM002

I guess Lamborghini was trying to cater to the Hummer and Land Rover crowd at one point. Because it sure looks like it since it resembles an army vehicle like a overloaded jeep or a tank. Also called “the Rambo Lambo” for obvious reasons.

42. Toyota Van

From Odometer: “This van looks just like something Clark Griswold would drive on one of his many dysfunctional family road trips. That’s not a compliment!”

43. Mini Paceman

If the Volkswagen Beetle is called “the Bug,” the Mini Paceman can be called, “the Cockroach.” Another car more suitable for a Batman villain like the Penguin.

44. Daimler SP250 (Dart)

When I see this muscle car, I tend to imagine a brightly colored big mouthed fish from the deep. Or a car well fitting for the Creature of the Black Lagoon. I’m not sure which.

45. Ford Edsel

Resembling a really ugly fish with pursed lips, the Ford Edsel was released in 1958 and named after Henry Ford’s son. However, it would later become one of the biggest auto flops in history that its name is now synonymous for failure.

46. Reliant Regal

This 3 wheeler was produced in the UK between 1953-1973 and could be driven on a motorcycle license. Nevertheless, despite the name, it neither looks reliant nor regal at all.

47. Chevy Avalanche

This car is supposed to be a combination of the pickup truck and an SUV. Either way, many would say that this is an insult to an actual avalanche.

48. Honda Element

Because something like the “Honda Elephant” wouldn’t fly. Seems to be the product of a union between an SUV and a U-Haul.

49. Nissan Murano Cross Cabriolet

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This was supposed to be a convertible approach to an SUV. Still, for cars that serve no purpose, they could’ve made it look pretty like the old muscle cars. Instead, it just looks idiotic. Was pulled after selling less than 1,000.

50. Volkswagen Vanagon Westfalia Camper

From Rant Cars: “If you gave money to the PBS pledge drive, listened to John Denver, referred to hostels as “hotels”, and thought Birkenstocks count as dress shoes — this was the vehicle for you. The rest of us knew that it was a confused, mixed up, error from start to finish. The roof popped up for no apparent reason and the camping hookups did no good in suburban university towns. Who really wanted a car that looked like a suppository?”

51. Mercedes-Benz Sprinter

For a car that’s called “Sprinter” it looks like a rather bulky, scaled down RV. You’d think Mercedes-Benz would make a better looking car than this monstrosity.

52. Isuzu VehiCROSS

Now when you hear the name, you’d assume it was the coolest car ever built. Then you see this wretched thing that resembles a brightly covered termite and are so disappointed that all you can do is stare.

53. Chevrolet SSR

This car was supposed to appeal toward people who liked classic cars and wanted a truck or a roadster. To me, its short run is unsurprising since it resembles the kind of car that’s driven by a cartoon character.

54. Yugo GV

Made in the former Yugoslavia and released in the US in 1986 at the low price of $3,990, the Yugo was marketed as basic, reliable, transportation in the tradition of the VW Beetle and the Ford Model T. However, it was one of the most unreliable cars ever built that it was nicknamed the “Yugo Pushing” for how often it left owners stranded. And it has become the prime example of the shitbox economy car. Its looks aren’t worth writing home about either.

55. Mitsuoka Orochi

From Gearheads: “While the Mitsuoka Orochi does have a touch of uniqueness to it, it is overall one of the ugliest rigs ever built. It’s tiny grille looks like a miniature whale’s mouth and its headlights look like they were inspired by Sloth from Goonies. The silhouette of the Orochi isn’t bad at all. Actually, it is kinda supercar-like. Once you get to the back end, however, the obscene curves return to ruin it.” Also, seems to be painted by someone on acid.

56. Plymouth Fury

When the Plymouth Fury was being made, the designers were kidnapped by aliens and forced to design it to their specifications. This was the result.

57. Packard Hawk

Because calling it the “Packard Catfish” wouldn’t have gone so well. And for an osprey, it looks delicious. Only 588 were sold in 1958. And after that, Packard was gone.

58. Ferrari California

Oh, my God, this bug eyed convertible appears to have come to life. And it looks like it’s meant for a children’s show. Guess the people of California aren’t impressed.

59. Ferrari Enzo

Yet, another life sized and overpriced Hot Wheels car. Others may say it resembles a permanently baffled cod. Not paying $650,000 for this monstrosity.

60. Datsun F10

From a standpoint, its bug eyed headlights tend to make it the Peter Lorre of the auto world. Would later be known by the even less appropriate moniker the Nissan Cherry.

61. 1971 Mercury Cougar

To call it thus is just an insult to cougars. But this is a car from the 1970s with a monstrous grill. Perhaps a cougar attack might improve its looks.

62. Mercedes-Benz G-Class

Man, Mercedes sure does make a lot of fancy looking Humvees. Wait a minute, it’s for civilian use at $135,000? Yikes.

63. Ford Mustang II

You know how some movies have shitty sequels? Well, in the car world, the Ford Mustang II was this in the 1970s. Basically consists of a Ford Pinto with a mustang emblem on the grill.

64. Buick Electra 225

From Edmunds: “All the 1950s styling clichés fight each other to the death on a relentlessly tasteless car. You could slice ham with those tail fins.” Sort of resembles some 1950s Batmobile.

65. Mercury Turnpike Cruiser

From Edmunds: “It features a ridiculous front bumper, radio antennas shooting forward from the roof, silly side trim and a rear window that goes down. What’s not to love/hate?” Kind of unsightly if you ask me.

66. Subaru 360

From Edmunds: “It looks sort of like concrete that’s been left to harden in a wheelbarrow, only less comfortable.” One of the first Japanese cars sold in the States, it didn’t go well.

67. Hummer H2

I’ve seen these and in that color. And let me say, the world would be a better place if we wipe that car off the face of the earth. Seriously, it’s an unreliable atrocity as well as a notorious gas guzzler. What more can you say?

68. Aurora

Designed by a Catholic priest with construction partially funded by his parishioners, this car was made to be the ultimate safety vehicle. Still, its sea ray design made its debut a disaster that the designer ended up in financial trouble and was forced to leave his order. Unsurprisingly.

69. Buick Limited

Described by a critic as, “Dreadful styling, high thirst, gargantuan size, and barge-like handling: There’s no bigger or flashier example of the best and worst in late-50s American cars.”

70. Mitsubishi i-MiEV

From Edmunds: “An egg that can’t be cracked open and scrambled for breakfast. Exactly the misery module we feared we’d end up driving in the future.”

71. Jaguar XJ-S

– From Edmunds: “Successor to the lovely E-Type, the XJ-S is Jag’s version of the Chevrolet Monte Carlo. Massive flying buttress roof concludes in huge taillights that together look like red plastic salad tongs.” At least the Chevrolet Monte Carlo was cheaper.

72. Subaru B9 Tribeca

From Edmunds: “Subaru’s legendary oddness, swollen up in size and then cursed by a Venusian nose and a Martian tail.” This car was incredibly offensive to the eyes and wasn’t on the market for long.

73. Oldsmobile Dynamic 88

Sure is dynamic all right as you’d see in 1950s muscle cars. But it sure looks like a monstrous beast you wouldn’t want to mess with on the road.

74. Overland OctoAuto

Designed by the guy who invented the muffler, this 1911 car’s main feature is having 8 wheels for a smoother ride. In reality, all 8 wheels on a car gets you are more tire changes and being the joke of the neighborhood.

75. Fiat S76

Called “the Beast of Turin” this 1912 steampunk gas guzzler was built specifically to beat a land speed record by Blitzen Benz. Possibly one of the largest Fiats ever built.

76. Sbarro Autobau

This is a concept car that was based on a spacecraft someone’s kid designed with Legos. It’ll probably never go into production. But serves as a warning that just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

77. Ferrari Conciso

According to one critic, “A collaboration between Ferrari and a posse of clowns tripping on LSD.” Makes sense.

78. Fiat Aquila

Another concept car that probably has never been produced. Resembles some kind of transport from another world designed by an alien with poor taste in cars.

79. 2008 Lexus SC-400

Lexus is known to make nice cars. But this one seems to be made out of an overturned bathtub made into a convertible. Not a pretty sight by any stretch of the imagination.

80. Oldsmobile Omega

From Wheels.Ca: “Much like the X-90 (which could be a code name for a new member to the X-Men), the Omega also had a kickass name. Sadly, that was the only kickass thing about it. Manufactured for only decade, each update looked uglier and uglier; it eventually resembled a brick cosplaying as a car. The grill was so hideous that it looked like a cheese grater on steroids. There was a rumor that stated once you got behind the wheel, you instantly aged 15 years and developed arthritis. It’s fitting that Oldsmobile was the manufacturer of the Omega.”

81. Scion XB

It’s a cross between a U-Haul and a snow plow truck in minivan form. To onlookers, it’s horrendous as can be.

82. Peel P50 Trident

A 3-wheeled small car made in the 1960s. This one is light, compact, and fuel efficient. Unfortunately, it won’t get you laid.

83. Scion Hako

Another concept that was probably never put into production. Mostly it’s because it resembles a mini 18 wheeler.

84. Ford Taurus

A bug-eyed flying saucer on wheels. Except that it doesn’t fly which is disappointing.

85. Brutsch Mopetta

From Listoid: “Words cannot describe the shame one feels when seen driving this ‘thing.’” On the bright side, it’s guaranteed to prevent teen pregnancy.

86. Toyota FJ Cruiser

Guess this is Toyota’s answer to the Hummer. Possibly more fuel efficient but sure to make people think any male owner is trying to compensate for something.

87. Bufori Geneva

It’s a high class luxury vehicle made in Australia that’s suitable for the up and coming supervillain with wads of cash. I’m talking to you, Lex Luthor.

88. Lightburn Zeta

From Bloomberg: “This Australian car was designed by a maker of cement mixers and washing machines, but that might be obvious. There are two grilles, both in a fence-like pattern, with protruding headlights on either side.” Looks like something’s that straight out of Dr. Seuss.

89. Talbot Matra Rancho

A British made car, it was one of the first SUVS. But to me, it’s what you get when you cross a pickup truck with a rusty Popemobile. No offense, your holiness.

90. Nissan Leaf

From Rant Cars: “The nature-friendly Leaf is all electric, and like other things found in nature, looks like it has eyes on top of its head. It sure makes a statement though – nobody will ever mistake it for a lowly gasoline car.”

91. Marcos Mantis

From About Autos: “This four-seat British sports “car” appears to have been designed by three different people, at three different times, all suffering from three completely different emotional disorders. It’s as if someone discovered a scrap-heap of bad design ideas and decided to assemble them as some sort of Christmas party joke, which was then discovered by a mentally deficient middle manager who put the resulting mess into production.”

92. Rolls Royce Camargue

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From Edmunds: “Pininfarina proves that with a little provocation it can design a clumsy and ridiculous coupe. It’s a Rolls-Royce that looks like a Fiat.” Said to be one of the most expensive cars at the time. But money can’t always buy taste.

93. Reva Electric Car

Sure it runs on electric, but it’s said to be Top Gear’s “Worst Car of the Year.” Still, kind of resembles a car you’d see on a children’s show.

94. Weber Sportscar Faster One

From Jalopnik: “What can you say about the Weber Faster One that hasn’t already been explained to a court-appointed psychiatrist at the war crimes trail for the designers behind the Swiss monstrosity? Though fast, wicked fast, the Faster One looks like an angry Frenchman whose head has been bashed in and has taken revenge on the world that has made him an outcast. Hide the children when this car is around.”

95. Cadillac Escalade

It’s supposed to be a SUV luxury vehicle. But its looks rank about as high as its resale value.

96. Tata Magic Iris

When I see this, I think about a sci-fi robot on wheels. Nevertheless, why they named it after a magical flower is beyond me. But that’s India for you.

97. Ford Ka Series 1

From Bt: “It looked like the face of a Hello Kitty character but without the ‘cute’. And the front of the new one looks like it’s shouting obscenities at you. Horrible.”

98. Messerschmitt KR200

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I think this might be the ugly stepsister of the Volkswagen Beetle. And it shows.

99. BMW Isetta

Small, compact, and fuel efficient. Nevertheless, resembles the Volkswagen Beetle without its charm and pizazz. And is probably more expensive, too.

100. Chevy Chevette

From Marooned: “let’s see… ugly headlight assembly borrowed from the Pacer? Check. Odd, “melted” looking rear hatchback? Check. Crappy whitewalls and economy hubcaps? Check. This is one ‘Vette you don’t want Prince to sing about…”

Valentine’s Day Gifts That Really Kill the Romance

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 30, 2016

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For some couples, it’s not unusual to buy gifts for each other to express their mutual love. As for a perpetually single woman like me, I usually receive gifts of candy from my parents. Nevertheless, unless it pertains to expensive jewelry, most Valentine’s Day gifts shouldn’t be too expensive. For women, candy, roses, and a possible stuff toy will do. Jewelry is fine,too. For men, well, candy and whatever they like because Valentine’s Day isn’t the best holiday for guy gifts. Now I can talk about the best Valentine’s gifts to give your significant other all I want. But I know that you would find it boring that you’d avoid me like the plague. So instead, I’ll show you a treasure trove of possible Valentine’s Day gifts you want to avoid. Some of these are rather inappropriate. Some are just tacky beyond belief. Some are sexist. And some will more than ensure a Valentine’s Day breakup. And Valentine’s Day is the worst day for breaking up isn’t it? So for your reading pleasure, here are some stuff you want to avoid giving your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day. Some of these aren’t safe for work by the way.

Deluxe Comfort Girlfriend Body Pillow

Because there’s no gift on Valentine’s Day that says “I love you, but I’m not big on giving you affection.” That or “if your’re starved for hugs, don’t come to me.”

2. Deluxe Comfort Boyfriend Body Pillow

It’s the kind of Valentine’s Day gift you’d expect Spock to give Uhura in the Star Trek movies. You know to show that he cares.

3. Luxury Plush Body Wrap/Blanket

Things are sure to heat up on Valnentine’s Day wen your girlfriend puts on a dress made out of a sleeping back. C’mon, look at that sexy lady. She looks totally hot in this sexy uh, thing.

4. Control a Woman Remote Control

Okay, I know this is supposed to be a gag gift. But it’s just so wrong on so many levels. For one, it’s incredibly sexist toward women. Second, it doesn’t work. Trust me.

5. Romantic Sweetheart Mini Garden Planter

Well, “romantic sweetheart” for those who are members of the Munsters or the Addams Family. Still, this is incredibly creepy.

6. The Sweat-heart Sweet-shirt

From Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva: “It’s a sweatshirt built for two! So whether you want to take a walk in the park, go tailgating at a football game, or just to snuggle on the couch, the Sweat-Heart Sweet-Shirt will make sure your honey can’t escape.” Okay, that’s a little too close for comfort. Love that guy’s face though.

7. Smittens

From Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva: “Smittens are perfect for the couple who loves to hold hands, but want to have their skin touching (and probably sweating) as long as they are bound together by fabric. ” I think I’ll pass on this one.

8. Cigarette Holder for Two

Because why should it just be one of you who comes down with lung cancer? With this you can fill your lungs with tar together. And look ridiculous doing it.

9. His and Her Furniture

Not recommended for couples with children. Or couples who entertain a lot. Or couples who have elderly parents living with them. Or anyone who doesn’t have their home decorated like a strip club.

10. His and Her Bikini Jeans

Okay, some people might like denim and bikinis as much as the next person. However, this doesn’t mean the two things should be combined into one product. This just guarantees you to look stupid together.

11. Trouser Expander

Because nothing says “I love you” on Valentine’s Day than making your boyfriend feel inadequate about his penis size. Ladies, you might want to avoid giving your man this. Seriously, don’t do it.

12. Oyster in a Can Pearl Necklace

I’ve heard of homemade necklaces but this is outrageous. Seriously, guys, as far as homemade necklaces are concerned, give your girlfriend a plastic pearl one instead.

13. Brief Jerky Edible Meat Underwear

Personally, I don’t like the idea of edible underwear at all. However, these sure give a new meaning for the word, “man meat.” Seems more like a gift to give for the beef jerky in your life.

14. Cork Pants

Yes, these are homemade and this guy is a very brave man to pose for them. Nevertheless, just because you can craft something doesn’t mean you should. And these prove it.

15. Anti-Wrinkle Bra

Yes, it’s a bra that’s supposed to keep your cleavage smooth and attractive as well as fight vertical boob wrinkles. Still, don’t buy a woman this ever, unless you’re looking for a break up.

16. Hug Me Jacket

That’s a cute name for something that seems to appear from straight out of your darkest nightmares. When I look at this, I don’t think of hugs. I think of horror.

17. Love Life Calendar

This calendar allows you to record exactly how you feel about the state of your relationship every single day. Not sure if that’s a Valentine’s Day worthy gift.

18. Pizza Hut Proposal

When it comes to proposal dinners, this probably falls along the lines of what not to do. Unless she really likes Pizza Hut, you might want to stick to a fancy restaurant or cook the dinner yourself.

19. Elephant Poop Paper Roses

Because there is nothing more romantic on Valentine’s Day than presenting your sweetheart paper roses made of what came out of an elephant’s ass. Sure they may be eco-friendly, but that doesn’t mean you should buy them for your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day.

20. His and Her Tongue Scrapers

The Valentine’s gift that says, “I love you but your oral hygiene stinks.” Still, are tongue scrapers really necessary? Because for cleaning tongue, I usually use a toothbrush. It’s cheaper.

21. Fundies

I know in relationships you and your partner share a lot of things like a life together. However, underwear shouldn’t be one of them.

22. Chocolate Covered Scale

The kind of Valentine’s gift that says, “Heard you like chocolate and you’re fat.” The kind of gift given by some unrepentent jerk who wants to entice and ruin his girlfriend’s self-esteem at the same time.

23. Hooters Valentine’s Day Dinner Surprise

Because there’s nothing more romantic on Valentine’s Day than a dinner date at a place known for its scantily clad, big boobed waitresses. Seriously, Hooters is the worst place to have a dinner date on Valentine’s Day for very obvious reasons.

24. 2-Carat Mug

Sure it might come in a nice box. But don’t be fooled, ladies. He’s not proposing. He’s just giving you a Valentine’s Day gift mug. Sorry to disappoint you.

25. Diamond Ring Keychain

I’m sure presenting your girlfriend with a keychain diamond ring won’t go well at all. She will not think it’s funny. In fact, she’ll probably be furious.

26. Man Crates Jerky Heart

Ladies, want to please your man while sending him to an early grave to high blood pressure? This is Valentine’s Day gift you’ve been waiting for. While you’re at it, have him wash them down with some Campbell’s soup. Or just give him a carton of cigarettes.

27. “You’re My Favorite Thing To Do” Mug

From Refinery 29: “Yes, it does look like that’s one person mercilessly strangling another. And yes, that will happen to you if you gift this to your S.O.” Also, might look a bit like rape.

28. Willie Egg Fryer

Guess this is used as a part of an R-Rated breakfast. And I see the yolks are standing in for balls. Seriously, this is just crazy!

29. “Be Brave & Keep Going” Bracelet

From Refinery29: “The subtext is, ‘Just keep riding until you drop off that cliff up ahead, because I never want to see you again.'” Yeah, you might be headed for a breakup after Valentine’s Day.

30. Valentine’s Day Controller

From Refinery29: “Nothing says ‘stunted adolescence’ quite like un-ironically gifting someone milk chocolate. Oh, and the fact that it’s shaped like a PlayStation controller makes it that much worse.”

31. Papi Jock Strap

From Refinery29: “If every kiss begins with ‘K,’ then every breakup begins with ‘performance jock strap.'” Ladies, if you love your man, avoid giving him this. Will save you a lot of trouble.

32. Shot to the Heart Pencil Holder

From Refinery29: “This unintentionally macabre ‘shot to the heart’ desk accessory is just what the witch doctor ordered.” Yeah, that’s incredibly creepy if you ask me. Best gift for someone who’s into office work and voodoo.

33. Heart in Hand

Sure it might seem touching. But keep in mind that this is a kitschy, disembodied hand. Probably the kind of gift that says, “I don’t know you at all.”

34. Monna Candle

From Refinery29: “A candle that looks like if Georgia O’Keeffe designed a massive dildo for The Lord of the Rings — sign me up!”

35. Sex Checks

From Huffington Post: “The description boasts, ‘Who says money can’t buy you love?’ which we’re pretty sure was the original slogan for prostitution.” Also, I’m sure they’re not worth anything, unlike cash.

36. The Fifty Shades of Grey Toy Collection

Unless you and your partner are into BDSM or the E. L. James Trilogy, this says, “I have terrible taste and I’m even worse in bed.” Best to settle with flowers and candy.

37. Sex Scratch-Offs

Compared to this, scratch off Lotto tickets are more desirable. And your chances of winning the lottery are less than being struck by a meteor. Or a satellite.

38. “Fresh Balls”

I’m sure Valentine’s Day is a perfect occasion for you to tell your boyfriend that he has sweaty balls and you don’t like it. Ladies, avoid this like the plague.

39. Massage Chair

A nice little way to tell your partner that you’re dumping a lot of money on a gift that’s clearly for you. Just another example of your failure as a partner. Cooking a romantic dinner is much cheaper and your partner is more likely to appreciate it.

40. Bliss Fat Girl Six Pack

Okay, another way to tell your girlfriend that she’s fat and needs to lose weight. Really not something to tell her on Valentine’s Day. Also, I don’t think this works.

41. Love Message Disc Shooter

From Village Voice: “Ow! Oh, that’s cute, honey, I love you too. Ow! I said I love you! Okay? Ow! It’s not funny anymore! Cut it out! OW! Okay, fucker, give me that thing….”

42. Don’t Forget Ring

What you think this gift says about you: “I gave this to you so you won’t forget that I love you and enjoy life.” What it really says about you: “I didn’t know what to get you for Valentine’s Day so I wasted $7 on this piece of crap.”

43. Cleopatra Clamp

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Because nothing says “I love you” on Valentine’s Day than telling your partner that their looks aren’t good enough. So they gave you a way to get a dirt cheap nose job in one of the most painful ways possible. I also call this one, “the fastest way to get dumped by Adrien Brody.”

44. Bald Guyz Head Wipes

From Inventor Spot: “This great product can remind him that he’s not only bald, but that he’s disgustingly sweaty too. Hooray for destroying your lover’s self confidence!”

45. Mangroomer

I guess this gift says, “Honey, I love you, but I’m rather turned off by how you look like a gorilla. So I gave you an electric shaver for back hair.”

46. Eau de Pizza Hut Perfume

Just because someone might like the smell from Pizza Hut doesn’t mean that they want to smell like Pizza Hut. Still, I can’t believe this actually existed and was only made for promotional purposes.

47. Naked Bacon Cooking Armor

Because nothing says “I love you” on Valentine’s Day than a gift to your man suggesting how you want to see him cook breakfast without much on. If you want to see that, being naked in an apron works just as well.

48. Bitch Perfume

Not sure what it’s supposed to smell like. But I don’t think many women would want their man giving them something with the word, “Bitch” on it. Then again, maybe that’s just me.

49. Adjoining Toilets

For one, I think this might require a big bathroom since you just can’t prop this to a wall. Second, ever heard a thing called “privacy?” It’s the reason why public toilets are in stalls.

50. Penis Pasta

Because nothing makes a great romantic dinner for two on Valentine’s Day than a pasta dish full of dicks. Yeah, I’m sure they’re serving that for dinner at some high end whorehouse.

51. Whiskey and Tobacco Cologne

Because nothing makes a man more attractive on Valentine’s Day than smelling like he’s just came out of a bar. It’s the kind that makes you wonder whether he might have a problem and think about getting a divorce.

52. T’s for 2

I’m sure making love in a T-shirt built for 2 isn’t as fun as it looks. Again, there are things couples might share in relationships. But I don’t think T-shirts should count.

53. Touch and Know Drug Test

Because nothing says Valentine’s Day than telling your partner that you suspect that they might have a substance abuse problem. And that you have issues of trust.

54. Candy Nipple Tassels

Nothing says Valentine’s Day than a gift telling your girlfriend that you want her to do a stripper routine while wearing inedible candy. Seriously, why?

55. Sex Bell

Because there’s nothing more romantic on Valentine’s Day than treating your partner the same way Pavlov treats his pooch. So if they’re good in bed, do they get any treats?

56. Single Shot Garter

From Cracked: “Here’s a gift that has some honesty behind it. The garter says “Hey baby, I wanna see you in your underwear” and the flask says ‘But you’re gonna need to be drunk for this to work.'” Okay, I think any woman receiving this might think of seeing other people.

57. Jane Seymour Open Hearts Jewelry

Show that you love her this Valentine’s Day with this overpriced mall necklace that resembles 2 butts in an ‘S’ shape. She’ll totally love it.

58. Plush Love Rat

Because nothing says “I love you” than presenting your sweetheart with a plushie of a heart spotted vermin. You might want to stick with a teddy bear instead.

59. Sex for Dummies by Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Because nothing says Valentine’s Day like receiving a manual from your sweetheart that suggest that you aren’t as great a lover as you initially thought. Or that you’re suspecting that your partner might be a virgin if you hadn’t done it already.

60. Bliss Poetic Personal Waxing Kit

Nothing makes a more romantic Valentine’s Day than a gift to your girlfriend telling her that she needs to remove her disgusting body hair. And you don’t think anything not involving self-administered torture.

Beyond Future Imperfect – Part 6: Arts and Entertainment No One’s Going to Be Interested

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 28, 2016

We’re down to the final installment as we speak. Luckily, for us this is the fun post in this series since it pertains to the arts and entertainment, which is a pretty big range. You have sports and games, which is a rather unpredictable realm since people tend to bet on sports. And you never know which game is going to be popular. You have media like newspaper and magazines as well as radio, TV, and Internet. You have TV which is used for news, shows, and seeing the world as your heart desires without leaving your living room. You have literature and books that have shaped the course of generations. You have movies that are among the most popular forms of entertainment for generations which explains why TCM appeals to multiple demographics. And finally, you have music which always existed but with the Edison phonograph, it’s huge business. Nevertheless, these art forms always had their critics and people who thought such breakthroughs were fads that’ll be gone in a short time. But they were wrong. So for the last time this series, I bring you my final installment of Beyond Future Imperfect.

Sports? You’ve Been Hit in the Head Too Many Times

Yes, basketball is just another new game. Of course, never mind that it’s one of the most popular sports in the world with professional leagues. And the fact that people do brackets on March Madness every year.

“Poor build. Very skinny and narrow. Ended the ’99 season weighing 195 pounds and still looks like a rail at 211. Looks a little frail and lacks great physical stature and strength. Can get pushed down more easily than you’d like. Lacks mobility and ability to avoid the rush. Lacks a really strong arm. Can’t drive the ball down the field and does not throw a really tight spiral. System-type player who can get exposed if he must ad-lib and do things on his own.” — Tom Brady’s scouting report for the 2000 NFL Draft (Guess who helped the Patriots win 4 Super Bowls. Nevertheless, he’s still a jerk.)

“Possesses minimal football knowledge and lacks motivation.” – early scouting report on NFL coach Vince Lombardi. (Today the Super Bowl trophy is named after him.)

“Taking the best left-handed pitcher in baseball and converting him into a right fielder is one of the dumbest things I ever heard.” — Tris Speaker, baseball hall of famer, talking about Babe Ruth, 1919. (Apparently, Babe Ruth’s batting record made him a larger than life figure in the 1920s. And his record stood for 34 years until broken by Hank Aaron.)

“Huh. Another new game.”—-Frank Mahan, upon hearing of Basketball (You mean a game that will become one of the most popular sports on the entire planet?)

“Just so-so in center field.” – New York Daily News, after the premiere of Willie Mays, 1951. (Willie Mays is one of the best baseball players of all time.)

Games? Got No Time for That

“Why would anyone want to play a game that has no winner?” –Publisher who rejected Dungeons & Dragons (which is a rather popular game among fantasy nerds.)

“People won’t want to play these electronic games for more than a week, not once we start selling pinball machines for the home,” – Gus Bally, Arcade Inc., 1979. (Uh, newsflash, video games are now a multi-billion dollar industry in the 21^st century.)

Print Media? Who Cares?

“A short-lived satirical pulp.”– TIME, writing off MAD magazine in 1956. (MAD Magazine is still around and is about half a century old.)

“Come on, Stan, people hate spiders. They’re creepy. And everybody knows that teenagers are sidekicks, not superheroes. This Spider-Man idea just won’t sell.” — Martin Goodman, founder of Marvel Comics (paraphrased by Stan Lee), 1962. (Spiderman would become one of the most famous and popular Marvel superheroes ever. Cue 54 years later, and he’s still enormously popular around the world.)

Web Media? Seriously, There’s an App for That?

“The subscription model of buying music is bankrupt. I think you could make available the Second Coming in a subscription model and it might not be successful.” Steve Jobs — Rolling Stone, Dec. 3, 2003 (Uh, Steve, have you ever heard of Netflix? So maybe the subscription model doesn’t work for music.)

“Think about it: You cannot pay the rent posting videos on YouTube.” — Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone, 2007. (Maybe not, but it’s made a shitload of money for advertisers.)

Books? Who Reads Them?

Seems like children weren’t very into witches and wizards. So how JK Rowling managed to publish a series of books about a kid in a wizarding school that attracted a generation of fans is beyond me. Actually it’s not.

“If you believe it is a work of genius, then you may lose a thousand pounds.” — Stanley Unwin, giving permission to publish a work that everyone in the publishing house feared would lose money. (His son believed the same thing but wanted to publish it anyway. The work was Lord of the Rings.)

“Children just aren’t interested in witches and wizards anymore.”-an anonymous publishing executive to J.K. Rowling in 1996. (Yeah, despite that what this executive just turned down is the first book in the Harry Potter series. A series which consisted of 7 books, 8 movies, and millions of merchandise and royalties.)

“The style of his tale is in places disfigured by mad (rather than bad) English; and its catastrophe is hastily, weakly, and obscurely managed…We have little more to say in reprobation or in recommendation of this absurd book…Mr. Melville has to thank himself only if his horrors and his heroics are flung aside by the general reader, as so much trash belonging to the worst school of Bedlam literature — since he seems not so much unable to learn as disdainful of learning the craft of an artist.”— Henry F. Chorley, reviewing Moby-Dick (Boy, did this guy underestimate one of the greatest works in American literature.)

“I’m sorry, Mr Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.” – The San Francisco Examiner, rejecting a submission by Rudyard Kipling in 1889. (Kipling is one of the most famous authors of the English language of all with works like The Jungle Book, Kim, “Gunga Din,” “Rikki Tikki Tavi,” and The Man Who Would be King.)

“You’ll never make any money out of children’s books” – Advice to JK Rowling from Barry Cunningham, editor at Bloomsbury Books, 1996. (She made a shitload of money off Harry Potter.)

Television? Just a Box of Plywood and a Screen

Some said that television was impossible. Others said it was only a fad that wouldn’t last. So how did we get from those old fashioned TVs to this then? My point.

“While theoretically and technically television may be feasible, commercially and financially I consider it an impossibility, a development of which we need waste little time dreaming.” — Lee DeForest, inventor. (Commercially and financially it’s the ultimate juggernaut.)

“Television won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” – -Darryl Zanuck, movie producer, 20th Century Fox, 1946 (Today TV is very much alive and well as we all see.)

“TV will never be a serious competitor for radio because people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen; the average American family hasn’t time for it.” from the New York Times, 1939. (Logical, but completely wrong.)

“Television won’t last. It’s a flash in the pan.” — Mary Somerville, pioneer of radio educational broadcasts, 1948. (Uh, some flash in the pan television turned out to be since it’s still around.)

“Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.” C. P. Scott. (Oh, yes it can.)

“I will believe in the 500-channel world only when I see it.” – Sumner Redstone, Chairman, Viacom and CBS, 1994. (Man, does he have any idea on how many channels there are nowadays?)

Movies? Just a Fad

Sure Gary Cooper is happy that Clark Gable got the lead in Gone With the Wind and not him. Still, why MGM didn’t ask Gable to play Rhett Butler first is my question since he was born to play that role. Nevertheless, this film earned millions at the box office, won several Oscars, and is seen as movie classic people still watch multiple times. You have to love this movie.

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” — H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. (Ironically, Warner Brothers was the company that released The Jazz Singer later that year, which changed the motion picture industry forever. Sound movies have been made ever since. Nevertheless, the transition wasn’t as easy as most people think it is.)

“I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.” — Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With the Wind.” (To be fair, Cooper was right to turn down the role of Rhett Butler but not for the reasons he thought at the time. Most people agree Clark Gable was essentially born to play Rhett Butler, a role of a lifetime that gave him everlasting fame that he’s still remembered to this day. As for Gone With the Wind, well, it’s one of the most successful and critically acclaimed movies of all time that continues to be adored by people all over the world over generations.)

“Can’t sing, can’t act, slightly bald – can dance a little.” – Talent agent on Fred Astaire. (Astaire had that guy’s report framed and put over a fireplace in his mansion. Yes, he became an iconic song and dance man as well as one of Hollywood’s biggest stars.)

“While Daniel’s reportedly making close to three hundred thousand dollars for the first movie, it’s been speculated that he’ll rake in close to fifteen million dollars, if the sequels are successful.” – Katie Couric on Daniel Radcliffe’s earnings on the Harry Potter franchise. (Keep in mind that Radcliffe made $53 million on the last two movies alone.)

“Time travel movies don’t work. They just don’t work.” – Executive who passed on Back to the Future (which is a 1980s classic, by the way.)

“No Civil War movie ever made a nickel!” — Louis B. Mayer to David O. Selznick on Gone with the Wind. (Boy, was Mayer wrong, especially since he was alive when Birth of a Nation came out {which was a huge hit, but it’s a racist piece of shit}.)

“You better get secretarial work or get married.” –Emmeline Snively, advising would-be model Marilyn Monroe in 1944. (Later she’d be an actress and the first woman to pose nude for Playboy. Today she’s an American cultural icon.)

“Movies are a fad. Audiences really want to see live actors on a stage.”—Charlie Chaplin (Pretty good guess for what would become an incredibly important medium of entertainment for generations to come as well as an industry earning millions of dollars. And yes, you helped create that.)

“If we put out a screen machine, there will be a use for maybe about ten of them in the whole United States. With that many screen machines, you could show the pictures to everyone in the country — and then it would be done. Let’s not kill the goose that lays the golden egg.” — Thomas Edison on movie projectors (At the time, Edison had a thriving business making viewing devices called Kinetoscopes, which showed movies to one person at a time. Other people will improve this invention and would soon make full fledged movies.)

“I wouldn’t give a dime for all the possibilities of [motion pictures with sound]. The public will never accept it.” — Kodak founder George Eastman (Oh, yes, the public will. And they did.)

“…[S]ound is a passing fancy. It won’t last.”— MGM exec Irving Thalberg, after seeing “The Jazz Singer” in 1927. (They’re still with us in 2016. In fact, most movies made are talkies that sound departments are now the most underrated people in Hollywood. Some passing fancy that turned out to be.)

“I do not believe that black and white will disappear entirely. It will still be the ideal medium for certain subjects, not merely for newsreels and shorts, but for full-length pictures.”— Rouben Mamoulian, director of one of the first three-strip Technicolor movies, “Becky Sharp” (Nowadays most movies are in color because it’s cheaper. However, some films are made in black and white for artistic purposes.)

“Films made expressly for theatrical distribution should not be funneled into television, nor should big-name personalities be encouraged to appear too frequently on video, because the public will tire of seeing them and thus their pictures will suffer at the box office.” — A group of thirty Hollywood producers and cinema owners, 1951. (Turns out that putting celebs on Leno, Letterman, or Conan actually helps ticket sales. And then there’s the teleplay that was later made into a movie called Marty that won a slew of Academy Awards. Not to mention, nowadays, they even have movie networks like TCM which is fairly popular. Also, a movie has to be out on home media long enough to be broadcast on TV where it’s edited for commercials and censorship {save on TCM, PBS, and Premium Cable}.)

“I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone.” — Jack Valenti, 1982. (Within a decade of that statement, studios were making more money from home video than from movie ticket sales. So if your indie film didn’t do well at the box office. Just hope it comes out on DVD.)

“…[W]ithout even knowing what’s happening, audiences might gradually absorb that the digital images they’re watching in theaters are no different than what they see at home, that they’re actually just watching TV with more people. And that could be the end of movies as we know them.” — Variety film critic Todd McCarthy, writing about digital projection in 1999. (Nowadays, everything’s digital).

“…Digital technologies can enable a level of piracy that would undermine our capacity to produce films and entertainment, undermine deployment of broadband networks, undermine the digital television transition, and ultimately result in fewer choices and options for American consumers.”— Disney chairman Michael Eisner, speaking to Congress in 2002.(Eisner neglected to note that digital technologies can also radically reduce Disney’s costs of distributing content to consumers and to theaters. Also: at the time, Disney movies were not available legally on the Internet, and today, most of the Disney catalog is still available only on DVD. Who exactly is presenting consumers with fewer choices and options? Hint: It’s not Disney.)

“There are great cinematographers who’ll shoot on film for the next twenty years.” — Bob Beitcher, chief executive of Panavision, 2006. (Though Panavision has been a pioneer of digital cinematography with cameras like the Genesis, its bigger business is renting high-end film cameras.)

Music? That’s Not Going to Last

So Decca turned down these 4 Liverpudlian mop tops because they hated their music and guitar stuff was on the way out. Meanwhile these guys signed with 2 other companies, produced a shitload of albums and songs, appeared in 3 movies and Ed Sullivan, and experienced a dramatic break up.

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” — Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. (This is probably the worst business decision Decca ever made, which certainly went back to bite them in the ass. Columbia and Apple were I bet the person who made the decision was fired over this.)

“It’ll be gone by June.” – Variety Magazine on Rock n’ Roll, 1955 (Sorry, but Rock n’ Roll is here to stay and shows no signs of fading out anytime soon.)

“The phonograph is not of any commercial value.”— Thomas Alva Edison, 1880 (Edison has no idea what he just invented like a way to record sound that can be listened to later. This would lead to all kinds of developments as well as the birth of the recording industry.)

“Far too noisy, my dear Mozart. Far too many notes.”— Emperor Ferdinand of Austria, 1786 (Obviously, he knew nothing about music.)

“”Weird Al” Yankovic, your fifteen minutes are up.” – a review of UHF, 1980s. (Nevertheless, Weird Al is one of the most enduring and popular musical artists because he continues to parody music. He’s never went anywhere.)

“Stick to driving a truck, because you’ll never make it as a singer.” – Eddie Bond rejecting Elvis Presley, 1954. (Elvis would release his first few hits a month later.)

“Guitar is a good hobby, John, but you’ll never make a living of it.”—John Lennon’s Aunt Mimi when he was a teenager. (In 1964, a group of fans had that quote on a plaque and sent to her.)

“He’s not going to go far, is he? He’s just not star material.” – Rock journalist Judy Willis on David Bowie. (I’m sure she eventually underestimated the power of Ziggy Stardust and Major Tom.)

“Male vocal in the 1968 feeling—thin, piercing voice with no emotional appeal…dreary songs…one-key singer…pretentious material.” — A panel review of a BBC audition in 1968 of Sir Elton John to promote his first single, “Lady Samantha.” (He’d get much better after a few years.)

“I’ve heard they have beautiful lights but they don’t sound like nothing.” – Jimi Hendrix on Pink Floyd. (Boy, would he be wrong about them. I mean the group’s The Wall and Dark Side of the Moon have become iconic albums in their own right.)

“Home Taping Is Killing Music” — A 1980s campaign by the BPI, claiming that people recording music off the radio onto cassette would destroy the music industry. (No, it wouldn’t since it’s kind of impossible since the music changes so often. My parents just recorded stuff on cassette from records and CDs during the 1980s and 1990s.)

“The singer [Mick Jagger] will have to go; the BBC won’t like him.”— First Rolling Stones manager Eric Easton to his partner after watching them perform. (Sorry, but Mick Jagger is still the lead singer for the Rolling Stones and shows no sign of slowing down.)

“The Beatles have no future in show business.”— Dick Rowe, Decca Records executive, rejecting The Beatles (Makes me wonder whether he ended up fired sometime after this. I mean he’s basically made one of the worst decisions in music history.)

“Next Christmas the iPod will be dead, finished, gone, kaput.” – Sir Alan Sugar, 2005. (It’s still around and was a massive success.)

Beyond Future Imperfect – Part 5: Politics, War, and Medicine What Are They Good For? Absolutely Nothing

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 28, 2016

We now move on to politics, war, and medicine which kind of go together in regard to subject matter. For one, politics is essential in governing a nation, especially when it pertains to starting or preventing a war. In fact, most conflicts in history usually have economic or political causes, if not all. And since wars usually have a shitload of people killed or injured, medicine will be essential. Not to mention, it’s usually the part of the government to decide whether a nation should have universal healthcare. If you live in the United States, then the answer is no which is so fucking unfair because healthcare is a basic human right and nobody should be denied medical treatment for being poor. Call it Socialism but I call universal healthcare a basic human decency and morally non-negotiable. Healthcare is not a commodity, America. Okay, sorry about that, but I have very strong opinions on this subject. Same with war and guns which I hate because they tend to inflict carnage that preventable and unnecessary. Anyway, without further adieu, I give you my fifth installment of predictions that never came true in the realm of governing, war, and health.

Politics? Quit Your Whining

And they said this guy wouldn’t win a single primary against Hillary in 2008. Man, that guy must be quite a long shot, whatever happened to him? Oh, wait, he became President.

“It will be years — not in my time — before a woman will become Prime Minister.” — Margaret Thatcher, 1974. (Thatcher would become Britain’s first and only female prime minister 5 years later and would remain so until 1990.)

“Reagan doesn’t have that presidential look.” – United Artists executive after rejecting Reagan as lead in the 1964 film The Best Man (Apparently, the Republican party and legions of voters thought otherwise in 1980.)

“Democracy will be dead by 1950.”–John Langdon-Davies, A Short History of The Future, 1936. (Democracy still exists though it exists with a lot corruption. But it’s here.)

“Our country has deliberately undertaken a great social and economic experiment, noble in motive and far reaching in purpose.” -– Herbert Hoover, on Prohibition, 1928. (Yes, noble in motive. But far reaching in purpose, not so much. Besides, Prohibition was an economic heyday for moonshiners, bootleggers, speakeasies, and organized crime. Also led to an explosion of alcoholism in women, which wasn’t a big problem before Prohibition since women then were mostly social drinkers.)

“Read my lips: NO NEW TAXES.” –George H. W. Bush, 1988. (Of course, he later had to do the fiscal conservative thing for a war that he had to raise taxes. At least he was sensible.)

“This is the second time in our history that there has come back from Germany to Downing Street peace with honor. I believe it is peace for our time.” -– Neville Chamberlain, British Prime Minister, September 30th, 1938. (To be fair, Chamberlain knew what he was getting into and that peace between Britain and Germany wasn’t going to last since he started planning for war {on Baldwin’s advice}, just to stay on the safe side. And he certainly didn’t underestimate Hitler {and knew he was a danger since 1935}. It was the public who did and they didn’t want to go to war. He just went for appeasement in order to buy more time, look good for the media, as well as the fact it was the only acceptable political option. This was more or less a speech for the cameras and he knew it. But he also knew if he wanted to sell the war later, he couldn’t reject diplomacy. The Brits fell for it.)

“Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.” –Grover Cleveland, U.S. President, 1905. (Uh, yes, they do you sexist prig who married a trophy wife you raised, which is incredibly creepy. Yes, sensible and responsible women do want the vote. That’s why Wyoming granted universal suffrage in the 1880s.)

“Anyone who thinks it is going to run the government of South Africa lives in cloud-cuckoo land.”- Margaret Thatcher on the African National Congress, 1987. (This party has run the South African government since the 1990s.)

“When the president does it ,that means it is not illegal.”— Richard Nixon, 1977 (Nixon, you still haven’t learned from Watergate, have you?)

“Left-handed incumbents have never been re-elected…so look for a one-term Clinton Presidency.” – TIME, 1992. (Clinton served two terms and so did Obama. So your argument is invalid.)

“If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she’s going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her, then. Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.” – William Kristol, Fox News, Dec. 17, 2006. (Okay, for one, Gore didn’t run for president in 2008. Second, Barack Obama was elected president that year, which I think explains how that Democratic primary turned out.)

War? Please, Stop Overreacting

Apparently, some expert in explosives says that the atom bomb will never go off. Excuse can anyone tell me why an image of this scares the hell out of people? Should we tell him what happened at Hiroshima and Nagasaki?

“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.” — Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project. (Guess this guy spoke too soon, didn’t he? Because the atomic bombs did go off in Hiroshima and Nagasaki and it basically annihilated them in the process. This is nuclear war is so scary. Some expert in explosives Admiral Leahy turned out to be.)

“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.” — Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre. (Tell that to the Red Baron and all the other WWI pilots in their Fokkers and Sopwith Camels.)

“No, it will make war impossible.” – -Hiram Maxim, inventor of the machine gun, in response to the question “Will this gun not make war more terrible?” from Havelock Ellis, an English scientist, 1893 (Havelock Ellis was right because machine guns have made war much more horrific. Hiram Maxim had no idea what his invention would entail.)

“The idea that cavalry will be replaced by these iron coaches is absurd. It is little short of treasonous.” — Comment of Aide-de-camp to Field Marshal Haig, at tank demonstration, 1916 (Modern militaries no longer use cavalry which were already on their way out after the American Civil War.)

“Four or five frigates will do the business without any military force.”-– British prime minister Lord North, on dealing with the rebellious American colonies, 1774. (Uh, I think you might need some more frigates and a military force.)

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist-“ — Last words of Gen. John Sedgwick, spoken as he looked out over the parapet at enemy lines during the Battle of Spotsylvania in 1864. (Spoke too soon, didn’t you?)

“You will be home before the leaves have fallen from the trees.” -– Kaiser Wilhelm, to the German troops, August 1914. (Seems like the Kaiser was way off since WWI lasted for 4 years. Then again, he didn’t say which year.)

“The Americans are good about making fancy cars and refrigerators, but that doesn’t mean they are any good at making aircraft. They are bluffing. They are excellent at bluffing.”–Hermann Goering, Commander-in-Chief of the Luftwaffe, 1942. (Uh, Goering, you might want to take that back.)

“There is no doubt that the regime of Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction. As this operation continues, those weapons will be identified, found, along with the people who have produced them and who guard them.” –General Tommy Franks, March 22nd, 2003. (This one never gets old. Seriously, there were no weapons of mass destruction. And the US came into Iraq and overthrow Saddam Hussein for nothing.)

“Has there ever been danger of war between Germany and ourselves, members of the same Teutonic race? Never has it even been imagined.”— Andrew Carnegie, 1913 (Guess who the US went to war with 4 years later. Also, in 1941.)

“War between Japan and the United States is not within the realm of reasonable possibility. …A Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor is a strategic impossibility.”— Major George Fielding Eliot, 1938 (Thanks, you just gave Admiral Yamamoto a way to bomb Pearl Harbor 3 years later.)

“The machine gun is a much overrated weapon; two per battalion is more than sufficient.”— General Douglas Haig, 1915 (Two machine guns per battalion isn’t enough for WWI.)

“I do not consider Hitler to be as bad as he is depicted. He is showing an ability that is amazing and he seems to be gaining his victories without much bloodshed.”— Mahatma Gandhi, 1940 (Uh, Gandhi, we don’t consider Hitler that bad because he gains victories without much bloodshed. It has more to do with the rounding up of millions of Jews and other undesirables to concentration camps and having them killed for no reason. You know, genocide.)

“I also lay aside all ideas of any new works or engines of war, the invention of which long-ago reached its limit, and in which I see no hope for further improvement…-“- Sextus Julius Frontinus, governor of Britania, 84 C.E. (I see plenty since I no longer live at a time where most people fight with swords, spears, and shields.)

“…transport by railroad car would result in the emasculation of our troops and would deprive them of the option of the great marches which have played such an important role in the triumph of our armies.”– Dominique Francois Arago (1786-1853) (As we found out in the American Civil War, railroads actually made moving supplies and troops much easier.)

“I do not myself think that any civilized nation will torpedo unarmed and defenceless merchant ships.”–Charles Cooper Penrose-Fitzgerald, Admiral Royal Navy, Strand Magazine, July, 1914, page 20. (Guess what happened in both world wars. Also see what happened to the HMS Lusitania.)

“Atomic energy might be as good as our present-day explosives, but it is unlikely to produce anything very much more dangerous.” Winston Churchill, 1939. (Uh, Winston, you might be shitting your pants upon seeing a mushroom cloud in the movie newsreels 6 years later.)

“No matter what happens, the U.S. Navy is not going to be caught napping.” – U.S. Secretary of Navy, December 4, 1941. (So what were you doing at Pearl Harbor 3 days later? You know, before the Japanese surprised you by bombing it?)

“Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction.” – Dick Cheney August 26, 2002. (Really, Cheney? Because US Intelligence never found any. Iraq was a mistake.)

“[The Joint Intelligence Committee] concludes that Iraq has chemical and biological weapons, that Saddam has continued to produce them, that he has existing and active military plans for the use of chemical and biological weapons, which could be activated within 45 minutes, including against his own Shia population, and that he is actively trying to acquire nuclear weapons capability.” – Tony Blair, 2002. (For one, Saddam had no weapons of mass destruction by then. Second, how could he have plans to use them if he didn’t have them in the first place?)

Medicine? Sorry, There’s Nothing We Can Do About That

So, Lord Kelvin, you tell me that X-Rays are a hoax. Nevertheless, can you tell me what this is and how it was produced? I think x-rays have something to do with it but I’m not sure.

“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.” — Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872. (Someone get this guy a microscope. Because Pasteur’s theories on germs are scientific gospel.)

“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.” — Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873. (Obviously, he had no idea that 20^th century would see development in chest splitting and brain surgery that we have a board game based on it.)

“If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” – -W.C. Heuper, National Cancer Institute, 1954 (“Minor” in that smoking is the #1 cause of lung cancer that has killed millions of people. Nevertheless, tobacco is known to kill a third of its users each year.)

“That virus is a pussycat.” -– Dr. Peter Duesberg, molecular-biology professor at U.C. Berkeley, on HIV, 1988. (HIV is the farthest thing from a pussycat as we speak since it destroys your immune system before it kills you.)

“The abolishment of pain in surgery is a chimera. It is absurd to go on seeking it today.”—Dr. Alfred Velpeau, surgeon professor, Paris Faculty of Medicine, 1837 (Obviously, hasn’t seen the development of anesthesia and my Uncle Marty’s profession, anesthesiologist.)

“X-rays will prove to be a hoax.” — Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society, 1883. (Apparently, some scientists didn’t think so and they were right.)

“A certain Liquor which they call Coffee…which will soon intoxicate the brain.” — G. W. Parry (1601) (Coffee is a caffeinated drink. It’s not a liquor. Unless you’re talking about Four Loko which has alcohol and caffeine.)

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

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