As we all know, Easter is the season in which motifs of eggs, lambs, chicks, bunnies, and other cute stuff pertaining to spring. And it was not much different back then as it is today as you might see from vintage cards like this one above. Well, this one has a religious theme but that’s beside the point. However, last year I did a post on vintage Easter greeting cards which was quite successful. I know it’s not really a thing nowadays, but that doesn’t mean people don’t send greeting cards for holidays. Because according to Hallmark’s figures, there’s a following that certainly does. Nevertheless, since my post on vintage Easter cards was relatively popular, I decided to go ahead with another edition. Yes, these cards contain chicks and bunnies. But that doesn’t mean you’d want to send them to your loved one. For if you’re looking for an Easter greeting card to send to your loved one, try Hallmark because this isn’t the place for you. In fact, you wouldn’t send cards like these to anybody, other than to someone you hate. These cards aren’t warm and fuzzy with sentimental stuff on them. Rather they’re ones that make you scratch your head thinking why the hell did they think it was a good idea? Some of them might be inappropriate, offensive, creepy, or just plain weird. So for your viewing pleasure, I give you another treasure trove of vintage Easter greeting cards.
- “Rosalie, will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Bunnykins?”
Yes, the forbidden love affair between Rosalie and her mutant bunnyman was one of utter devotion, passion, and garden vegetables. Luckily he was a snappy dresser.
2. Ever tried to get around on an egg bike?
I don’t think an egg bike is a good idea. For one, eggs aren’t circular. Second, they’re easy to break.
3. There’s nothing on Easter like smoking a pipe that blows out colored egg bubbles.
Now this seems like some card designer had spent too much time on the brown acid. Also, doesn’t help that these are kids and one of the eggs has a bow.
4. “Mind if I pop in at your birdhouse?”
Sure this is a French Easter card. However, it seems like the guy in this is kind of a creep of the future sex offender sort.
5. For Easter, this little angel is responsible for taking care of the flower children.
Okay, this gives a whole new meaning to the word “flower children,” which seems were created by someone who’s had too many psychoactive drugs at the time. And let’s just say, these make hippies look normal.
6. “Row faster, I think they’re still on to us.”
Seems like these 2 rabbits have stolen some colored eggs from the chicken coop. No wonder the hens are after them.
7. “How would you like your egg, Peter Cottontail?”
I’m sure the artist’s intention was of bunnies dying eggs. But looking at this, I can’t tell whether they’re dying eggs or cooking them.
8. Nothing captures the spirit of Easter than a couple rabbits harassing young children.
What the hell did the bunnies just do to make the kiddies cry? Man, they must be very mean to pick on little kids.
9. Happy Easter from the kids in the eggshell car.
I don’t think that kid’s even legal to drive. Then again, it’s not like they had a driving age at the time.
10. It’s not Easter until you get a visit from the egg people.
And I thought the little Santa kids were creepy. These are incredibly terrifying.
11. There’s nothing on Easter like seeing 2 chicks drinking a beer.
Man, these chicks sure drink a stein of beer. Wonder what goes on with drunk chicks. I mean baby chickens, not girls gone wild.
12. “All right, girls, hand over your children.”
I know that the Easter Bunny is taking the eggs to decorate. But still, this image is disturbing.
13. If you sing in a choir, don’t forget to put your eggshell costume on for Easter.
I’m sure they thought these outfits were cute at the time. Now they just look incredibly stupid.
14. Now, little bunnies, sit down and behave yourself for your instructor Mr. Hooter.
Okay, I think the school made a very big mistake hiring the guy. I mean he’s a certified predator. And I don’t mean a sexual predator either. I mean he’s an owl which is a bird of prey. And is known to eat rabbits.
15. On Easter, it’s not unheard of for a witch lady to emerge with a clutch of colored eggs surrounded by dancing bunnies.
“Yes, dance, dance, my pretties. Soon, the midnight hour will be upon us. And I will make you clean my house.”
16. When a chick can’t hatch on its own, it’s up to babies with hammers to break the eggs and help them.
For one, babies shouldn’t have hammers for obvious reasons. Second, what if banging on the eggs actually kills the chicks? Seems more like the reality to me.
17. Of course, Easter wouldn’t be without an angel bestowing good wishes.
I guess this is the kids guardian angel. And I think she has her work cut out for her. I’m sure nothing good can come out of that one harassing the Easter Bunny.
18. Aww, little kitty cat wants to play with the chickies.
Wait a minute, this cat wants to play with these chicks before it kills them. Not a settling thought but a biological fact.
19. Seems like there’s a croquet tournament among the woodland creatures on Easter.
And it seems like Mr. Owl is eyeing the squirrel lady as she takes a swing. He’s thinking about taking her into an isolated location and devouring her.
20. Of course, you can’t celebrate Easter without an Easter bonnet.
Bunny is like, “Bitch, chicks, this hat is mine. All mine. And if you try to take it, I’ll whack you with this mirror.”
21. There’s nothing on Easter than a parade of naked babies with flowers.
Yeah, I can totally identify with the rabbit here. That’s just totally messed up. Who the hell thought this was a good idea is beyond me.
22. “You’re always welcome into my eggshell home.”
I’m sure this woman works as some part time prostitute or something. Also, why is the winged cherub in an egg cart being pulled by a rooster?
23. Nothing makes Easter than a baby standing on an egg carriage pulled by sheep.
From Cheryl Pierson: “Okay, my mother instincts are yelling, screaming, “GET OFF THAT EGG!” (I have to confess, this reminds me of something my son would have tried.) Notice the body of water that they’re racing toward? This can only end badly.”
24. “The best thing about kidnapping chicks is that they come with their own shell.”
I’m sure that doesn’t help that he doesn’t have his hands on the goat he’s riding. That can’t be good.
25. Of course, chicks can be tamed by a fairy with a flute.
Wonder if this fairy Pied Piper of Hamelin is leading these chickies to certain doom. If so, then perhaps these fairies should’ve been paid.
26. “Soldiers, get on your chickens for today we ride.”
Now that’s the craziest Easter parade I’ve ever come across.That’s not including the Bunny on a rooster with a sword in its hand.
27. “So how much for the pink egg there?”
Seems like this grocer chick hates his job selling these colored eggs. Shopper chicks think he’s a shyster and aren’t so fond of him either.
28. Since spring is here, then it’s perfectly all right to egg Jack Frost on Easter.
Okay, rabbits, can you cut it out throwing Easter eggs at Jack Frost? Yes, he brings winter, but that doesn’t mean you should harass him.
29. Easter greetings from the winged cherub with a large egg on his back.
I don’t know about you but I think this endeavor is setting this kid up for a lifetime of back problems. Ever heard of rheumatoid arthritis?
30. Of course, even bears love the taste eggs on Easter.
Of course, anyone who knows about bears will be quick to point out that the chicken doesn’t have long to live. Seriously, what do you expect would happen in this situation?
31. Ladies and gentleman, this Easter I present to you a juggling frog.
So this frog is juggling Easter eggs. And these chicks are eagerly watching him. Does anyone see how fucked up this is? Seriously, why?
32. For bunnies nothing makes a happy Easter than with a good old fashioned bloodbath.
Okay, why the hell did anyone think traumatizing children on Easter was a good idea? For God’s sake these bunnies are injured and one is lying bleeding in a wheelbarrow, possibly dead. This is the most fucked up Easter card I’ve ever seen in my life.
33. Since spring is baseball season, I can’t see why a baseball Easter card wouldn’t hurt.
So the bunnies are playing baseball with Easter eggs. And the stands are filled with chicks who aren’t rioting. Now that’s just crazy if you ask me. I mean why did they think this was a good idea? Why?
34. Oh, no, the gnomes are stealing eggs again.
I’m sure if they get caught, then it’ll be the end for them. Still, these guys are pretty creepy.
35. May Easter joy attend you.
Apparently, some little bunny isn’t happy with his new adopted siblings getting all the attention. Definitely not basking in any Easter joy here.
36. Of course, you can’t imagine Easter greetings without a sweet little girl and her lamb.
I don’t know about you but there’s really wrong with this girl. It’s like she’s possessed by some demon, has no soul, or is dead inside. Quick, call an exorcist!
37. Awww, look that sweet little girl holding the bunny.
I bet this girl is like, “I’ll hug em’ and squeeze em’ and keep em’ forever and ever. Mwahahaha!” Yeah, I really fear for the rabbit with this little girl.
38. It’s said that an eggshell boat can withstand practically anything.
Okay, this makes Life of Pi seem like a way less desperate situation. Seriously, does that kid have any supplies or know what the hell he’s doing?
39. Nothing makes a rabbit more at home than a nice cooked meal after a day out from hunting.
Wait a minute, rabbits are vegetarians and don’t hunt. So why would the rabbit have a gun? Also, why is his chick wife serving him eggs?
40. Seems like these chickies are going to battle.
To be fair, this is a WWI card. Still, seeing a bunch of chickies in doughboy gear is kind of disturbing. Wonder if it became the subject of All Quiet on the Poultry Front.
41. Have an egg cart? Nothing pulls it faster than bunnies.
Okay, I’m sure anything pulled by rabbits at that size and weight wouldn’t go very far according to the laws of physics. That, or the rabbits would tire out sooner. Poor things.
42. On Easter, a couple of gnomes always enjoy a good game of egg tossing.
It’s a wonder why these eggs don’t seem to break. Because some are bound to. Also, I don’t understand why they use gnomes in Easter cards either.
43. A Happy Easter is great to greet the coming of spring.
From Popthomology: “After attending church on Easter, apparently it is the tradition to ride around in a dinosaur eggshell in a cart pulled by two bummed-out sheep that you whip with a branch.”
44. When it comes to Easter, beware of gnomes bearing eggs.
From andiepants: “Yes, the Easter Bunny brings treats to good boys and girls, but beware
the evil Easter gnomes who steal treats and bite children on the ankles.”
45. On Easter, you haven’t heard of bunny riding have you?
And it seems like these two are about to clash because someone wants an Easter basket. Also, this is just plain freaky.
46. Oh, great, someone just got knocked off and had their Easter eggs stolen.
Yes, these are the same kids from the last card. And yes, it seems like the kid in red is a douche and is going to get away with stealing from the kid who’s now crying. What a jerk.
47. “Now, now, kids, breakfast won’t be ready for awhile. So hold your horses.”
And it seems like these chickens have come around to eating their old kind lately. Man, this is just sick if you really think about it.
48. Of course, any chick needs to recharge during a day at the office.
Okay, is that an egg? Looks like it, Still, did anyone who thought this was a good idea ever think this through?
49. Sure it’s just getting out of its shell but you can’t start them too early.
Someone’s getting a bit presumptuous here since the chick is just being freaking born right now. Maybe the rabbit should find another chick to ride on instead.
50. Apparently, the children have taken over the nest.
Now this is just messed up on so many levels. Seriously, what kind of bird had to be in there is my question. Or are the kids really tiny.