Tag Archives: sports

The Interesting Life of NFL Merchandising

Posted by historymaniacmegan on
This isn't a great picture. But with the possible exception of the NFL scarf and my glasses, most of my Steeler regalia is licensed under the NFL alongside the Terrible Towel. And so is the football draft protector on top of that sailing picture.

This isn’t a great picture. But with the possible exception of the NFL scarf and my glasses, most of my Steeler regalia is licensed under the NFL alongside the Terrible Towel. I received the shirt and earrings as Christmas presents. And I bought the Terrible Towel during my time as a student at Saint Vincent College (which hosts Steelers Training Camp since the 1960s). The football draft protector on top of that sailing picture is also licensed. which has been in my family for years.

As many of you might already know, sports do a lot of merchandising. And the NFL is now exception, especially since this is the time of year that most of their items are on sale. Nevertheless, most items that go on sale have to be licensed by the organization before going on the market. Oh, and the NFL also makes millions of dollars on this as well. Still, there are plenty of NFL licensed items out there. Doesn’t hurt, that the NFL will sell just about anything. And I mean anything. Yes, you have the conventional gear like jerseys, hats, bedspreads, sweaters, jackets, tailgating stuff, or what not. However, any Sunday paper will feature ads pertaining to commemorative NFL as well with most consisting of figurines (which I can do a whole post about). Now these might feature team regalia as well as some degree of sickening sentimentality that you might see in a Hallmark Channel feature presentation. Now such items featured make me scratch my head on whoever’s willing to buy such crap. However, there’s a lot of other crazy crap the NFL license as well which I intend to show you. Some of these products might be the result of creative marketing while others might make you scratch your head. Now despite spending all four years of high school and college in marching band, I’m not much of a sports fan and usually don’t watch many games. But I understand that sports play a huge role in the Pittsburgh area that it’s something I really can’t ignore not writing about in my blog. For instance, the city of Pittsburgh has at least one statue of Mario Lemieux and Roberto Clemente (though the latter is more understandable) but despite years of discussion, they don’t even have a single one of Gene Kelly (for the love of God, people, put one up already!). But while the sports mentality eludes me, there are some sports fans out there who seem to support their team in ways that would go above and beyond what a normal fan might do. And yes, the NFL has the kind of stuff for them, to. So for your viewing pleasure, here is a trove of NFL merchandise that are either creative as well as bizarre.

  1. Grill burgers and hotdogs for tailgating with this Oakland Raiders drum smoker.
Now I understand that people grill during tailgating. But I'm not sure why anyone would take this heavy thing with them to the stadium. I mean a George Foreman grill would do just as good and is way easier to carry.

Now I understand that people grill during tailgating. But I’m not sure why anyone would take this heavy thing with them to the stadium. I mean a George Foreman grill would do just as good and is way easier to carry.

2. If you live in Wisconsin, brave the cold Midwest winters with this Green Bay Packers cheese scarf.

Now this is quite clever. After all, Packers are called Cheeseheads for a reason. It was only a matter of time before they'd come up with this.

Now this is quite clever. After all, Packers are called Cheeseheads for a reason. It was only a matter of time before they’d come up with this.

3. Nothing makes a tailgate party a bash than a football condiment set.

Now this kind of clever as well. After all, everyone needs a place for toppings and condiments for their burgers and hot dogs. Still, I think one for all occasions would be better.

Now this kind of clever as well. After all, everyone needs a place for toppings and condiments for their burgers and hot dogs. Still, I think one for all occasions would be better.

4. Go to the game in style with these Baltimore Ravens wedge heel shoes

Now NFL licensed tennis shoes and baby booties are one thing. However, if I went to a stadium game, I'd usually opt for athletic shoes. Not for these.

Now NFL licensed tennis shoes and baby booties are one thing. However, if I went to a stadium game, I’d usually opt for athletic shoes. Not for these.

5. Of course, any drinking Dallas Cowboys fan would appreciate this decanter set.

I'm sure this set won't be used for drinking beer. Those are shot glasses. Of course, this will probably be in uses for any Cowboys fan to drown in their sorrows when their team loses.

I’m sure this set won’t be used for drinking beer. Those are shot glasses. Of course, this will probably be in uses for any Cowboys fan to drown in their sorrows when their team loses.

6. For the nurse in the Mile High City, support your team with these Denver Broncos scrubs.

That way, any nurse loving the Denver Broncos can show support for their team even during the weekends on call. I'm sure being in the hospital during game day is now picnic.

That way, any nurse loving the Denver Broncos can show support for their team even during the weekends on call. I’m sure being in the hospital during game day is now picnic.

7. No man’s suit is complete without these Kansas City Chiefs cuff links.

Sure they may make a great gift for him. But when will a guy use these is the question. I don't know about you but I'm no fan of sports imagery mixing with formal wear.

Sure they may make a great gift for him. But when will a guy use these is the question. I don’t know about you but I’m no fan of sports imagery mixing with formal wear.

8. For those Peyton Manning fans out there, this might be the jersey for you.

If you like Peyton Manning but aren't sure whether to wear his jersey from the Colts or the Broncos, this solves your problems. I mean why choose when you could have both?

If you like Peyton Manning but aren’t sure whether to wear his jersey from the Colts or the Broncos, this solves your problems. I mean why choose when you could have both?

9. Make your home office the ultimate man cave with this New York Jets office chair.

Not sure if sports imagery and office stuff go together. However, when it comes to buying office stuff for football fans, I'd just stick to office supplies.

Not sure if sports imagery and office stuff go together. However, when it comes to buying office stuff for football fans, I’d just stick to office supplies.

10. Get your mail in fabulous football fashion with this Pittsburgh Steelers mailbox.

Now this is interesting. Clever how it has a helmet design. However, let's hope this person lives in a safe neighborhood because I'm sure this mailbox is made from plastic. And let's just say, plastic mailboxes don't do well against vandalism.

Now this is interesting. Clever how it has a helmet design. However, let’s hope this person lives in a safe neighborhood because I’m sure this mailbox is made from plastic. And let’s just say, plastic mailboxes don’t do well against vandalism. Believe me, I know.

11. Ladies, please your man with your very own set of Dallas Cowboys lingerie.

Now I don't get this. Yes, I'm sure there are plenty of women who love football. I can understand NFL themed underwear for either gender and all ages. But NFL themed lingerie is ridiculous.

Now I don’t get this. Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of women who love football. I can understand NFL themed underwear or pajamas for either gender and all ages. But NFL themed lingerie is ridiculous.

12. Wake up in the morning with toast from this Chicago Bears football toaster.

Yeah, having a NFL branded toast from a football toaster for breakfast. Seems more like an expensive novelty item that I don't need.

Yeah, having a NFL branded toast from a football toaster for breakfast. Seems more like an expensive novelty item that I don’t need.

13. Have a hard time keeping track of snacks? Then this Pittsburgh Steelers assorted snack helmet should make things easier.

I have to admit, this is quite clever. Now the potato chips can be on top while the other stuff is situated at the face mask.

I have to admit, this is quite clever. Now the potato chips can be on top while the other stuff is situated at the face mask.

14. Want to sparkle in the stands? Well, how about a Green Bay Packers sequins baseball cap?

Okay, I can totally understand the NFL selling baseball caps. But sequins baseball caps? I'm sure women will be perfectly fine buying the regular ones.

Okay, I can totally understand the NFL selling baseball caps. But sequins baseball caps? I’m sure women will be perfectly fine buying the regular ones.

15. Cuddle up to watch the game with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers snuggie.

Now I'm sure the NFL sells team snuggies all the time. But this one is particularly noteworthy since it has a player from the neck down on it.

Now I’m sure the NFL sells team snuggies all the time. But this one is particularly noteworthy since it has a player from the neck down on it.

16. Nothing makes you a real football fan than a Dallas Cowboys blinged helmet.

I think this is from the same company that made the ridiculous pet jewelry. And like pet jewelry, it's probably a very expensive thing nobody needs.

I think this is from the same company that made the ridiculous pet jewelry. And like pet jewelry, it’s probably a very expensive thing nobody needs.

17. Step in style with these glittery Pittsburgh Steelers high heeled shoes.

Now I know there are many female Steeler fans out there. But Steeler high heels? Seriously, I might like high heels as much as the next girl. But I'd usually wear them for more formal occasions. Besides, high heels aren't the most comfortable. Seriously, why?

Now I know there are many female Steeler fans out there. But Steeler high heels? Seriously, I might like high heels as much as the next girl. But I’d usually wear them for more formal occasions. Besides, high heels aren’t the most comfortable. Seriously, why?

18. Slip into bed with this Denver Broncos negligee.

Now lacy underwear is one thing. But sexy NFL sleepwear is a whole different matter. I'm sure there are plenty of women who love professional football. But how many of them are willing to buy an NFL negligee I have no idea.

Now lacy underwear is one thing. But sexy NFL sleepwear is a whole different matter. I’m sure there are plenty of women who love professional football. But how many of them are willing to buy an NFL negligee I have no idea.

19. Enjoy a romantic dinner with this Carolina Panthers high heel wine bottle holder.

Now I featured the high heel bottle holder in an earlier post as a bad Mother's Day gift. Make it NFL themed and it achieves a whole new level of tackiness. Why the NFL sells these, I have no idea.

Now I featured the high heel bottle holder in an earlier post as a bad Mother’s Day gift. Make it NFL themed and it achieves a whole new level of tackiness. Why the NFL sells these, I have no idea.

20. Nothing makes tailgating more fun than a San Francisco 49ers picnic basket.

It's also said to be collapsible and insulated. So this is no ordinary picnic basket. But one with all the perks of a lunchbox and/or cooler.

It’s also said to be collapsible and insulated. So this is no ordinary picnic basket. But one with all the perks of a lunchbox and/or cooler.

21. Make your bachelorette party a splash with this Miami Dolphins bachelorette party veil.

Now I have no idea why any girl would want a NFL themed bachelorette party. And even so, I'm not sure who the hell would have a veil like this.

Now I have no idea why any girl would want a NFL themed bachelorette party. And even so, I’m not sure who the hell would have a veil like this.

22. Celebrate the football season with this Green Bay Packers miniature tailgate set.

Don't really see miniature gardeners as football fans. But what do I know? Still, they sell stuff like this at SkyMall, just so you know.

Don’t really see miniature gardeners as football fans. But what do I know? Still, they sell stuff like this at SkyMall, just so you know.

23. Drink a toast to your favorite team with this Miami Dolphins artisan wine glass.

I suppose these are more or less collector's items and used more often for decoration. Not sure if anyone would use them for drinking.

I suppose these are more or less collector’s items and used more often for decoration. Not sure if anyone would use them for drinking.

24. Cool yourself off with this Pittsburgh Steelers helmet fan.

Now this is actually quite ingenious. Gives the concept,

Now this is actually quite ingenious. Gives the concept, “ultimate NFL fan” a whole new meaning. Wonder how big it is.

25. Keep yourself warm with this New England Patriots luchador mask.

It's said that amid of the Deflategate scandals, Tom Brady considered wearing one of these during his suspension. But it was later lifted by a federal judge in New York, on account that Brady was on his fantasy football team.

It’s said that amid of the Deflategate scandals, Tom Brady considered wearing one of these during his suspension. But it was later lifted by a federal judge in New York, on account that Brady was on his fantasy football team.

26. Kick back and watch the game with this Washington Redskins couch.

For some NFL fans, a team themed couch might be something they'd like to have, but will never get. Well, unless they're married to someone who's as much of a passionate football as them or very rich.

For some NFL fans, a team themed couch might be something they’d like to have, but will never get. Well, unless they’re married to someone who’s as much of a passionate football as them or very rich.

27. For babies, this New England Patriots blinky will surely show support for your team.

I have no qualms of the NFL selling pacifiers. But bling pacifiers? Seriously, why? A regular pacifier is cheap and does the job just as well. A bling pacifier is just so goddamned stupid.

I have no qualms of the NFL selling pacifiers. But bling pacifiers? Seriously, why? A regular pacifier is cheap and does the job just as well. A bling pacifier is just so goddamned stupid.

28. Make yourself at home with this Green Bay Packers coffee table.

This will probably be a good addition to anyone's man cave or bachelor pad living room. Then again, if you want a team coffee table, you could just put team decals on it and take them off whenever you want. It's also much cheaper.

This will probably be a good addition to anyone’s man cave, bar room, or bachelor pad living room. Then again, if you want a team coffee table, you could just put team decals on it and take them off whenever you want. It’s also much cheaper.

29. Help keep the garden birds clean with this Indianapolis Colts bird bath.

Of course, knowing birds, I'm sure this would be covered in bird shit once it's in use. Hope the fan doesn't take it personally. But that's what birds do.

Of course, knowing birds, I’m sure this would be covered in bird shit once it’s in use. Hope the fan doesn’t take it personally. But that’s what birds do.

30. Make some grilled cheese sandwiches and waffles with this New York Jets sandwich and waffle grill.

Now I suppose that whoever buys this would be willing to buy a generic kitchen item to show that they're more of a fan than you. I mean nobody needs a NFL team logo on their grilled cheese sandwich.

Now I suppose that whoever buys this would be willing to buy a generic kitchen item to show that they’re more of a fan than you. I mean nobody needs a NFL team logo on their grilled cheese sandwich.

31. Bring in the spirit of your team to your pizza party with a Jacksonville Jaguars edible helmet pizza print.

From Sporting News:

From Sporting News: “The perfect topping to make a football party even more football partier. Apply the helmet of this subpar team to any piping hot pizza and revel in its edibleness. Mediocrity tastes delicious.”

32. Celebrate the Christmas season with this Buffalo Bills Christmas tree topper.

From Sporting News:

From Sporting News: “What better way to bring endless cheer than this holiday reminder that your team is playing for a draft pick? Nothing says ‘the birth of Jesus’ quite like corporate propaganda.” I think I’d rather go with a generic Christmas angel and star, thank you very much. Seriously, I don’t want an NFL team logo topping my Christmas tree.

33. Show your team spirit in your closet with a set of New York Jets wooden hangers.

On NFL shop a set of 3 of these cost $12.95, which is overpriced. You can easily get a set of 5 for $6.99 at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but without the NFL logo. Actually you can get wooden hangers practically anywhere like pharmacies, hardware stores, as well as clothing and general living stores. So these aren't worth it.

On NFL shop a set of 3 of these cost $12.95, which is overpriced. You can easily get a set of 5 for $6.99 at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but without the NFL logo. Actually you can get wooden hangers practically anywhere like pharmacies, hardware stores, as well as clothing and general living stores. So these aren’t worth it.

34. Make sure your tires are fully filled and sealed with these San Francisco 49ers valve stem covers.

NFL promotions aside, this begs the question. I mean who in the hell would ever buy valve stem covers? Are they even necessary? Most cars probably don't have all 4 and their tires are most likely doing just fine.

NFL promotions aside, this begs the question. I mean who in the hell would ever buy valve stem covers? Are they even necessary? Most cars probably don’t have all 4 and their tires are most likely doing just fine.

35. Bugs bothering you? Then take care of business with these Dallas Cowboys fly swatters.

Seems like everything is bigger in Texas, even the fruit flies. Besides, fly swatters are kind of obsolete anyway. Better used by people who want to keep Tony Romo away from the chips and dip at a dinner party.

Seems like everything is bigger in Texas, even the fruit flies. Besides, fly swatters are kind of obsolete anyway. Better used by people who want to keep Tony Romo away from the chips and dip at a dinner party.

36. Clean yourself in the shower with this Chicago Bears Loofa.

For just $7.49, you can clean your entire body with Chicago pride using this loofa with an embroidered, cartoonish bear that looks like he's having a bit too much fun. Seriously, Bears fans, is cleaning your body with a cartoonish bear going to make you a better football fan? I don't want to know.

For just $7.49, you can clean your entire body with Chicago pride using this loofa with an embroidered, cartoonish bear that looks like he’s having a bit too much fun. Seriously, Bears fans, is cleaning your body with a cartoonish bear going to make you a better football fan? I don’t want to know.

37. Spend some time with your buddies during commercial break by playing cribbage with this Minnesota Vikings cribbage board.

From Sporting News:

From Sporting News: “There may be no greater reminder that the NFL will license anything than a board game that hasn’t been popular since the 1980s.” Besides, I’ve only heard about this game on M*A*S*H, and only as a reason why Major Winchester got kicked out of Tokyo General and transferred to the M*A*S*H 4077th. But still, does anyone play that game anymore? I doubt it.

38. Like football? Then I’m sure children will find delight in this New England Patriots boxing hand puppet.

Yes, this might be a fun to for WWII era children. But they're all either senior citizens or dead by now. Would love to use this against Tom Brady.

Yes, this might be a fun to for WWII era children. But they’re all either senior citizens or dead by now. Would love to use this against Tom Brady.

39. Support your team while running a busy restaurant kitchen with this Tampa Bay Buccaneers premium chef coat.

From Sporting News:

From Sporting News: “This 100 percent cotton coat is perfect for any tailgate chef looking to take their game to the next level. Nobody would doubt your grilling skills if they see you flipping burgers in this 12-button, French-cut with a thermometer pocket on the sleeve. While you won’t doubt your culinary expertise, your friends may wonder why you attend tailgates dressed like Bobby Flay.”

40. Show your team spirit in your steak with this Cincinnati Bengals meat branding iron.

Sorry, but branding your steak doesn't make it taste better. In fact, branding your steak isn't really necessary. And no, I don't think such an implement will make even the most distinguished grillmeister a better fan.

Sorry, but branding your steak doesn’t make it taste better. In fact, branding your steak isn’t really necessary. And no, I don’t think such an implement will make even the most distinguished grillmeister a better fan.

41. Travel around the golf course in this Seattle Seahawks golf cart.

Now I know the NFL sells a lot of golf stuff. But I think this golf cart is ridiculous. Seriously, I'm sure only rich golf fans could even buy this.

Now I know the NFL sells a lot of golf stuff. But I think this golf cart is ridiculous. Seriously, I’m sure only rich golf fans could even buy this.

42. Aim for comfort with this Pittsburgh Steelers bra and underwear set.

Sure an NFL team themed bra and underwear set might be quite weird if you get my drift. However, I take more an affront with the words,

Sure an NFL team themed bra and underwear set might be quite weird if you get my drift. However, I take more an affront with the words, “I’ll be your half-time show” more than anything. Of course, can you expect the NFL to be nice to women? No.

43. Style up your hair with an Atlanta Falcons hair extensions.

Yeah, I'm sure want to support my team by wearing NFL licensed hair extensions. Sure it might look cool on some women but utterly ridiculous on others.

Yeah, I’m sure want to support my team by wearing NFL licensed hair extensions. Sure it might look cool on some women but utterly ridiculous on others.

44. Go to the game in style with this Dallas Cowboy sparkly baseball hat with leopard prints.

Now an NFL licensed baseball hat is one thing. But one with a sparkly logo and leopard prints? That's just insane. Seriously, that's the tackiest baseball hat I've ever seen.

Now an NFL licensed baseball hat is one thing. But one with a sparkly logo and leopard prints? That’s just insane. Seriously, that’s the tackiest baseball hat I’ve ever seen.

45. On cold days, show friends you’re crazy for your team with this Philadelphia Eagles soup bowl.

It's even shaped like a helmet for added emphasis, too. Besides, you don't have to use it for soup. You can put all kinds of things in there like like candy, almonds, or even prescription drugs!

It’s even shaped like a helmet for added emphasis, too. Besides, you don’t have to use it for soup. You can put all kinds of things in there like like candy, almonds, or even prescription drugs!

46. Have an NFL team you particularly dislike? Then wipe your but with some Dallas Cowboys toilet paper.

I chose the Dallas Cowboy in this case because my dad hates them more than any other team in the league. However, the New England Patriots aren't far behind. Neither are the Baltimore Ravens or the Cleveland Browns.

I chose the Dallas Cowboy in this case because my dad hates them more than any other team in the league. However, the New England Patriots aren’t far behind. Neither are the Baltimore Ravens or the Cleveland Browns.

47. Look like a badass with this New York Giants fighter pilot helmet.

From Bleacher Report:

From Bleacher Report: “You don’t need to be in a plane to enjoy this pilot helmet! Wear it to the grocery store, in bed, or even to work! Don’t worry if people are looking at you funny — they’re just jealous!” Actually unless you’re in a plane, wearing a fighter pilot helmet will make you look like an idiot.

48. Give your hotdogs the big league treatment with this Dallas Cowboys hotdog branding iron.

Is branding your hotdogs really necessary? Seriously, as long as they're grilled, who the hell would give a shit if they have your favorite team on them? Besides, I really don't want to eat a hotdog that supports the Dallas Cowboys anyway.

Is branding your hotdogs really necessary? Seriously, as long as they’re grilled, who the hell would give a shit if they have your favorite team on them? Besides, I really don’t want to eat a hotdog that supports the Dallas Cowboys anyway.

49. Support your team on the open range with a pair of these Miami Dolphins cowboy boots.

Now I'd understand the Dallas Cowboys having these for obvious reasons. But there are NFL licensed cowboy boots for practically every single team. And I'm not sure if having cowboy boots is appropriate for the Miami Dolphins.

Now I’d understand the Dallas Cowboys having these for obvious reasons. But there are NFL licensed cowboy boots for practically every single team. And I’m not sure if having cowboy boots is appropriate for the Miami Dolphins.

50. Get ready for your tailgating party with this Arizona Cardinals crock pot.

Now I can understand why you'd use a crock pot for tailgating (even though I'm not sure about how they'd get the electricity). However, what I don't get is why anyone would need one with an NFL logo when just a normal one would do.

Now I can understand why you’d use a crock pot for tailgating (even though I’m not sure about how they’d get the electricity). However, what I don’t get is why anyone would need one with an NFL logo when just a normal one would do.

51. Of course, this T-shirt designer obviously thinks: “If Marilyn Monroe were alive today, she’d be a Dallas Cowboys fan.”

Okay, now it's one thing to have a sexy woman on a T-shirt wearing a Tony Romo Jersey. But a tattooed Marilyn Monroe? Seriously, Dallas, how can you possibly think that Marilyn would ever support your team? I mean she was born in California and was married to a New York Yankee and a New York playwright. So I don't think she'd be a Dallas Cowboys fan.

Okay, now it’s one thing to have a sexy woman on a T-shirt wearing a Tony Romo Jersey. But a tattooed Marilyn Monroe? Seriously, Dallas, how can you possibly think that Marilyn would ever support your team? I mean she was born in California and was married to a New York Yankee and a New York playwright. So I don’t think she’d be a Dallas Cowboys fan.

52. Now you can stage your on fantasy football tournament with your friends by winning this NFL Fantasy Football trophy.

I may not get fantasy football or have any interest in it. But I really do like this trophy since I find it so amusingly appropriate. Yeah, the happy guy standing out of his armchair with his laptop is priceless.

I may not get fantasy football or have any interest in it. But I really do like this trophy since I find it so amusingly appropriate. Yeah, the happy guy standing out of his armchair with his laptop is priceless.

53. Have your daughter look like a princess with her very own Houston Texans princess tiara and wand.

Yeah, I really think that a little girl would want a tiara and wand with her favorite NFL football team. Seriously, even little girls know that Disney is a way better place for princess gear than the NFL.

Yeah, I really think that a little girl would want a tiara and wand with her favorite NFL football team. Seriously, even little girls know that Disney is a way better place for princess gear than the NFL.

54. Get fired up this summer with this San Diego Chargers swimsuit.

Well, I have to admit at least the top is compatible with my bra size. Still, despite the lightning bolts on her outfit, she doesn't come across as "electrifying" to me.

Well, I have to admit at least the top is compatible with my bra size. Still, despite the lightning bolts on her outfit, she doesn’t come across as “electrifying” to me.

55. For your wedding, nothing goes better on a bride than a Denver Broncos garter.

Well, at least it's something blue. But still, a Denver Broncos garter? Seriously, why?

Well, at least it’s something blue. But still, a Denver Broncos garter? I really want to know why anyone would consider such item as appropriate for a wedding.

56. Nothing shows your love of football more than a bedazzled pigskin.

Now there are things that should and can be bedazzled. And there are things that shouldn't be bedazzled. A football would generally fall into the latter.

Now there are things that should and can be bedazzled. And there are things that shouldn’t be bedazzled. A football would generally fall into the latter.

57. Be the ballerina princess of the gridiron with this Washington Redskins tutu set.

Now these NFL tutus tend to be catered to young girls which is fine by me. However, they also sell these to women which makes them look like idiots.

Now these NFL tutus tend to be catered to young girls which is fine by me. However, they also sell these to women which makes them look like idiots.

58. Keep your hands warm with these Seattle Seahawks pom pom gloves.

Now I wonder how people can actually eat with those on or possibly do other things. Because I think I see the pom poms getting in the way.

Now I wonder how people can actually eat with those on or possibly do other things. Because I think I see the pom poms getting in the way.

59. Clean yourself up with your very own Saint Louis Rams shower curtain.

Now I'm sure there are plenty who'd dream of having an NFL shower curtain. However, I'm positive that few actually do, especially if your team's colors doesn't go well with the room.

Now I’m sure there are plenty who’d dream of having an NFL shower curtain. However, I’m positive that few actually do, especially if your team’s colors doesn’t go well with the room.

60. Kick back, relax, and watch the game with your very own New Orleans Saints recliner.

Of course, there are some people who might want their team logo on an easy chair. But this doesn't mean they should be in a living room. More like someone's entertainment center or man cave.

Of course, there are some people who might want their team logo on an easy chair. But this doesn’t mean they should be in a living room. More like someone’s entertainment center or man cave.

61. Snuggle up with your very own Eli Manning plushie.

Yes, this is a plushie of the New York Giants quarterback as well as 2 time Super Bowl MVP. However, before Peyton should get this to taunt his brother, he should know that they have one of him, too. Oh, and they also have Tony Romo, Jay Cutler, Larry Fitzgerald, Ben Roethlisberger, Troy Polamalu, and Michael Vick.

Yes, this is a plushie of the New York Giants quarterback as well as 2 time Super Bowl MVP. However, before Peyton should get this to taunt his brother, he should know that they have one of him, too. Oh, and they also have Tony Romo, Jay Cutler, Larry Fitzgerald, Ben Roethlisberger, Troy Polamalu, and Michael Vick.

62. Support your team and have your nails shimmer with a set of Tennessee Titans nail decals.

Also, kind of funny how Cover Girl has a feature on NFL nail designs. As if I really give a shit about what my nails look like when watching a football game (not).

Also, kind of funny how Cover Girl has a feature on NFL nail designs. As if I really give a shit about what my nails look like when watching a football game (not).

63. Keep your beverages fresh with your very own Kansas City Chiefs refrigerator.

Has their own taps. For what, I really don't want to find out. However, I think a getting a NFL themed fridge is kind of ridiculous if you get my drift.

Has their own taps. For what, I really don’t want to find out. However, I think a getting a NFL themed fridge is kind of ridiculous if you get my drift.

64. Be the ultimate fan and grace your bathroom with a Kansas City Chiefs toilet.

Seriously, why show your love for your team by buying something that usually goes with the house? I mean the only reason why anyone would buy a new toilet is if suddenly bursts into a bunch of bits. I mean why?

Seriously, why show your love for your team by buying something that usually goes with the house? I mean the only reason why anyone would buy a new toilet is if suddenly bursts into a bunch of bits. I mean why?

65. Fit into your dress with this Denver Broncos orange satin corset.

Okay, NFL lingerie is one thing. But an NFL themed corset? Please. I mean most women don't wear corsets anymore for God's sake. Seriously, why?

Okay, NFL lingerie is one thing. But an NFL themed corset? Please. I mean most women don’t wear corsets anymore for God’s sake. Seriously, why?

66. Cozy up while watching the game with your very own Washington Redskins moccasins.

I know that the NFL issues moccasins for every team. But a Washington Redskins themed moccasins is the kind that offends Native Americans. I mean for the love of God, Redskins, can you just change your freaking name?

I know that the NFL issues moccasins for every team. But a Washington Redskins themed moccasins is the kind that offends Native Americans. I mean for the love of God, Redskins, can you just change your freaking name?

67. Customize your game room with a Cleveland Browns pool table.

On second thought, don't because brown and orange are terrible colors for decor anyway. Besides, I think showing your love for your team with a pool table is a bit much.

On second thought, don’t because brown and orange are terrible colors for decor anyway. Besides, I think showing your love for your team with a pool table is a bit much.

68. Fire up the grill with these Detroit Lions grill tools.

Now I know people grill stuff for football games. But feeling that you need to buy NFL themed grill tools is just so absurd. A normal set of grill tools from Wal Mart would do just as good.

Now I know people grill stuff for football games. But feeling that you need to buy NFL themed grill tools is just so absurd. A normal set of grill tools from Wal Mart would do just as good.

69. Store your beer for tailgating with this Buffalo Bills football cooler.

Now this is quite a clever contraption. However, I wonder how big it is and whether it would fit in a sedan trunk. Also, can be dragged by wheels.

Now this is quite a clever contraption. However, I wonder how big it is and whether it would fit in a sedan trunk. Also, can be dragged by wheels.

70. Show your support for your team by painting your nails with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers nail polish.

Now NFL themed nail polish. Do you think women will find it necessary to paint their nails the team colors? I think not.

Now NFL themed nail polish. Do you think women will find it necessary to paint their nails the team colors? I think not.

71. Celebrate Christmas with this New England Patriots Christmas stocking.

Probably wouldn't want to look in there. Might contain stuff like spy cams, deflaters, and radio headsets with really bad reception.

Probably wouldn’t want to look in there. Might contain stuff like spy cams, deflaters, and radio headsets with really bad reception.

72. Light up your pool table with a Saint Louis Rams box-style billiard light.

With a lamp like this at your pool table, you can now really make your man cave look like a bar. Of course, it might even become one if you keep your alcohol there.

With a lamp like this at your pool table, you can now really make your man cave look like a bar. Of course, it might even become one if you keep your alcohol there.

73. Fire up and flip your burgers with a Philadelphia Eagles grill.

Now grill tools and meat branders are one thing. But a NFL themed grill? That's insane. Seriously, why?

Now grill tools and meat branders are one thing. But a NFL themed grill? That’s insane. Seriously, why?

74. Enjoy the big game with your Denver Broncos bling baseball cap.

Will certainly cost a lot more than a regular NFL licensed baseball cap. So I wouldn't consider it a worthy investment.

Will certainly cost a lot more than a regular NFL licensed baseball cap. So I wouldn’t consider it a worthy investment. It’s a waste.

75. Decorate your garden for game day with a Green Bay Packers garden stepping stone.

Well, that seems like an interesting idea. Of course, it might not look as nice when the elements take over, especially the bird poop.

Well, that seems like an interesting idea. Of course, it might not look as nice when the elements take over, especially the bird poop. Or the dog poop.

76. Make your alcoholic beverages look festive with this Indianapolis Colts bottle charms.

I have no idea why people would consider decorating their alcoholic beverage bottles. Such charms seem like useless decorations for me. Seriously, why?

I have no idea why people would consider decorating their alcoholic beverage bottles. Such charms seem like useless decorations for me. Seriously, why?

77. Kick back and enjoy the game in a Minnesota Vikings helmet chair.

In some ways, it looks like something only a really crazy fan may buy. But on the other hand, it looks somewhat ingenious. I can't decide.

In some ways, it looks like something only a really crazy fan may buy. But on the other hand, it looks somewhat ingenious. I can’t decide. But it’s probably not cheap so it’s not what I’d buy anyway.

78. Snack on some cheese and crackers with your very own Carolina Panthers cheese cutting board set.

And the cutting board is depicted like a football field. I wonder if this might carry some unfortunate implications like cutting the cheese at the 40 yard line.

And the cutting board is depicted like a football field. I wonder if this might carry some unfortunate implications like cutting the cheese at the 40 yard line.

79. Enjoy bath time with this Cincinnati Bengals rubber duckie.

Looking at this rubber duckie, I'm wondering why Ernie didn't get a Jets or Giants one. Oh, wait, I'm sure Ernie isn't much of a football fan.

Looking at this rubber duckie, I’m wondering why Ernie didn’t get a Jets or Giants one. Oh, wait, I’m sure Ernie isn’t much of a football fan.

80. Cuddle up at the big game with a Pittsburgh Steelers Steely McBeam pillow pet.

Yes, they make them for all teams. However, Steely McBeam isn't well loved by Steelers fans since he's terrifying as hell. So let me say just kill it, kill it with fire.

Yes, they make them for all teams. However, Steely McBeam isn’t well loved by Steelers fans since he’s terrifying as hell. So let me say just kill it, kill it with fire.

NFL Fans Dressed and Ready for Game Day

Posted by historymaniacmegan on
This is me in my Steeler gear since I live within the Pittsburgh Metropolitan area. Now I may not be a big sports fan like my dad. But since I have a Terrible Towel, a Steeler T-Shirt, Steeler earrings, and a Steeler scarf, I thought I might as well use them for this post. Besides, this is kind of tame compared to the fans you'll see in this.

This is me in my Steeler gear since I live within the Pittsburgh Metropolitan area. Now I may not be a big sports fan like my dad. But since I have a Terrible Towel, a Steeler T-Shirt, Steeler earrings, and a Steeler scarf, I thought I might as well use them for this post. Besides, this is kind of tame compared to the fans you’ll see in this.

As many of you avid sports fans may know, this Thursday is the start of NFL Football season which is opening that night in a game between this year’s Super Bowl champions the New England Patriots against my home team the Pittsburgh Steelers. Of course, we know that Tom Brady will be starting since he acted like a big baby and challenged his 4 game suspension in court over the deflated football scandal, but that’s beside the point. Now while my dad may be an avid Steeler fan as well as looks forward to watching the games week after week, he’d rather do so in the comfort of his own home on TV. At least there he can go to the bathroom during commercial break, not have to pay for food or admission, and sit in a place most comfortable to him. However, there are plenty of football fans who tend to go a bit further than my dad. Some of these might be wanting to see their team at Steeler Training Camp or going to the games themselves. And then there are people who have to go to the games all dressed up for the occasion in their full regalia. Some of these fans have very creative ways to show their love for their favorite team. Some of them even become known characters with their own blurb on the news as such. So for your reading pleasure to you NFL fans out there, I give you an assortment of pro football fans out there dressed up to show their support for their teams.

  1. I swear to you that this Oakland Raiders fan is a little on the Dark Side of the Force.
And Darth Vader is all decked in his spiked shoulder pads and bracelets to show it. Play well, Raiders, or else he might Force choke you. And you don't want that.

And Darth Vader is all decked in his spiked shoulder pads and bracelets to show it. Play well, Raiders, or else he might Force choke you. And you don’t want that.

2. Now this woman can’t leave home for the game without her Cleveland Browns hat.

Now I have to admit, she has quite a creative fashion sense as the Bone Lady. However, I'm sure dressing like that isn't going to help her team. And I know that the Browns aren't known for their winning streaks in the AFC North.

Now I have to admit, she has quite a creative fashion sense as the Bone Lady. However, I’m sure dressing like that isn’t going to help her team. And I know that the Browns aren’t known for their winning streaks in the AFC North.

3. When it comes to withstanding the cold, Packers fans are the most resilient around.

Now these guys must have been outside for hours. Then again, the icicles are only part of the costume. Or so it seems.

Now these guys must have been outside for hours. Then again, the icicles are only part of the costume. Or so it seems.

4. Now this luchador is ready to fight for his beloved Houston Texans.

Of course, I hope that guy is a Mexican because his costume is a bit stereotypical. Also, I'm sure luchadores don't use knives in the ring, let alone long badass ones.

Of course, I hope that guy is a Mexican because his costume is a bit stereotypical. Also, I’m sure luchadores don’t use knives in the ring, let alone long badass ones.

5. Sometimes a Colts fan needs to show up to the game all covered in his bling.

Now if all that doesn't make him a Super Fan, then I don't know what does. Still, I'm sure he has a tendency to put all his fellow Indianapolis Colts fans to shame.

Now if all that doesn’t make him a Super Fan, then I don’t know what does. Still, I’m sure he has a tendency to put all his fellow Indianapolis Colts fans to shame.

6. When it comes to the Alien vs. Predator ordeal, I’m fairly confident that Predator is an avid Seattle Seahawks fan.

Now I'd really hate to see how this guy's taking it after seeing the Seahawks losing to the Patriots at the Super Bowl. Let's just say he was especially not pleased with his team losing to a bunch of cheaters known to deflate their footballs.

Now I’d really hate to see how this guy’s taking it after seeing the Seahawks losing to the Patriots at the Super Bowl. Let’s just say he was especially not pleased with his team losing to a bunch of cheaters known to deflate their footballs.

7. While Darth Vader may like the Raiders, Boba Fett seems to prefer the Saints.

Of course, he might be so disappointed that he didn't have a role to play in Bountygate. If he did, then the other teams players would probably be frozen in carbonite by now.

Of course, he might be so disappointed that he didn’t have a role to play in Bountygate. If he did, then the other teams players would probably be frozen in carbonite by now.

8. Now when it comes to the big game, Kansas City Chiefs fans certainly know how to dress.

Cultural appropriation aside, I have to admit the Arrowhead is quite clever. However, I'm not sure what creature the other guy is supposed to be. Seems like a combination between a man, a ferocious dog, and a bear.

Cultural appropriation aside, I have to admit the Arrowhead is quite clever. However, I’m not sure what creature the other guy is supposed to be. Seems like a combination between a man, a ferocious dog, and a bear.

9. When it comes to supporting the Denver Broncos, it all depends on the kind of head you wear.

I don't know about you, but I find the idea of wearing a horse's head to a game as both creepy and strangely amusing at the same time. I'm not sure what other people might think of it though.

I don’t know about you, but I find the idea of wearing a horse’s head to a game as both creepy and strangely amusing at the same time. I’m not sure what other people might think of it though.

10. Of course, a true Oakland Raiders fan can’t leave home without his skulls.

And it seems that this guy has a lot of them. Of course, I wonder the ones on his belt add to any discomfort if he feels like sitting down.

And it seems that this guy has a lot of them. Of course, I wonder the ones on his belt add to any discomfort if he feels like sitting down.

11. Even the Voo Doo monsters turn out to support the New Orleans Saints.

Of course, I think this guy might frighten kid. But, seeing his beloved Saints helps get him out of the swamp now and then. Besides, he's actually quite friendly when you get to know him.

Of course, I think this guy might frighten kid. But, seeing his beloved Saints helps get him out of the swamp now and then. Besides, he’s actually quite friendly when you get to know him.

12. These two sisters traveled all the way from Whoville to show their support for their beloved Green Bay Packers.

Now I'm sure those women probably drove to the game in a convertible. Because I can't think of a car that would accommodate these crazy Dr. Seuss inspired hairdos. Then again, they could just be wigs for all we know.

Now I’m sure those women probably drove to the game in a convertible. Because I can’t think of a car that would accommodate these crazy Dr. Seuss inspired hairdos. Then again, they could just be wigs for all we know.

13. This Seattle Seahawks fan has his ungodly horns signed by all his favorite players.

Yes, he may be an evil blue monster with green horns. But when the Seahawks are in town, he still feels the need to turn up to show his support.

Yes, he may be an evil blue monster with green horns. But when the Seahawks are in town, he still feels the need to turn up to show his support.

14. You might not know it, but I hear that the Twin Cities have their ComicCon around this time of year.

Yes, this guy is dressed in his custom made Superman outfit. And yes, he's wearing it to support his beloved Minnesota Vikings. Not sure about the goofy wig though.

Yes, this guy is dressed in his custom made Superman outfit. And yes, he’s wearing it to support his beloved Minnesota Vikings. Not sure about the goofy wig though.

15. Aside from intergalactic bounty hunters and Voo Doo monsters, plenty of Voo Doo witches and witch doctors also support the New Orleans Saints as well.

And it seems that she has found the perfect skull headdress with feather to match her leopard print dress. Still, she should consider dressing like that for Halloween as well.

And it seems that she has found the perfect skull headdress with feather to match her leopard print dress. Still, she should consider dressing like that for Halloween as well.

16. Nothing shows your love for the Green Bay Packers than wearing helmets carved out of pumpkins.

Yes, they look ridiculous. And yes, it might smell in there. Oh, and yes, it might block the view of those behind them. But still, they at least showe their unique spirit for their team.

Yes, they look ridiculous. And yes, it might smell in there. Oh, and yes, it might block the view of those behind them. But still, they at least showe their unique spirit for their team.

17. Even cyborgs have to turn up to support their beloved Oakland Raiders.

Yes, he might be a fearsome cyborg employed by some maniacal supervillain. But even he needs a break so he can go to see the Oakland Raiders once in a while.

Yes, he might be a fearsome cyborg employed by some maniacal supervillain. But even he needs a break so he can go to see the Oakland Raiders once in a while.

18. Of course, there are some Denver Broncos fans that lean to the Dark Side of the Force.

Better play well, Peyton Manning. Or else this orange Darth Vader will force choke you like you wouldn't believe. And let me tell you, you don't want that Peyton. You really don't.

Better play well, Peyton Manning. Or else this orange Darth Vader will force choke you like you wouldn’t believe. And let me tell you, you don’t want that Peyton. You really don’t.

19. Of course, you always need a few holy men to turn out to support the New Orleans Saints.

Now I'm sure these aren't bishops or ordained clergy. But at a game like this, they'll do. Not sure if the Saints are a worthy enough team to bless after Bountygate though.

Now I’m sure these aren’t bishops or ordained clergy. But at a game like this, they’ll do. Not sure if the Saints are a worthy enough team to bless after Bountygate though. But that’s just me.

20. Of course, you can’t show your love for the Saint Louis Rams without wearing a hat of watermelon.

How the guy managed to clear the watermelon pulp without cutting it open, I have no idea. Then again, he always seems to hold on to it somehow.

How the guy managed to clear the watermelon pulp without cutting it open, I have no idea. Then again, he always seems to hold on to it somehow.

21. This old lady always has to look her best when she goes to see the Seahawks.

Yes, this granny has to wear her blue wig with green, her feather boas, and her sparkly frames. And now she's ready for showtime.

Yes, this granny has to wear her blue wig with green, her feather boas, and her sparkly frames. And now she’s ready for showtime.

22. Sometimes it’s a hard life being a Green Bay Packers fan.

Yes, he might be dressed like a pimp in his Green Bay Packers regalia. However, at least he's dressed for the weather because it's snowing in this picture.

Yes, he might be dressed like a pimp in his Green Bay Packers regalia. However, at least he’s dressed for the weather because it’s snowing in this picture.

23. Seems like these two south of the border fans managed to get their favorite Packers to sign their queso.

I know these two aren't Mexicans. But they're certainly dressed like them. Might be kind of offensive but what do you know? They're probably from Wisconsin and might've not seen a single Mexican in their lives.

I know these two aren’t Mexicans. But they’re certainly dressed like them. Might be kind of offensive but what do you know? They’re probably from Wisconsin and might’ve not seen a single Mexican in their lives.

24. This Colts fan always knows how to dress for the occasion.

Yes, he's sitting in the stands trying to act so chill in his goofy hat and sunglasses. Still, you have to give it to him that he really loves his team.

Yes, he’s sitting in the stands trying to act so chill in his goofy hat and sunglasses. Still, you have to give it to him that he really loves his team.

25. Straight from Seattle brings you the one and only Hawk Daddy and his sidekick Mini Hawk.

Yes, this guy is dressed as a pimp and so is his doll. However, it's such a ridiculous fan costume that I couldn't resist not putting it on here.

Yes, this guy is dressed as a pimp and so is his doll. However, it’s such a ridiculous fan costume that I couldn’t resist not putting it on here.

26. Raise up the Jolly Roger because Dead Pirate Roberts is here for his Oakland Raiders.

Yes, zombie pirates may be the bad guys in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. But even they have to reserve their fall weekends to they can watch their beloved Oakland Raiders.

Yes, zombie pirates may be the bad guys in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. But even they have to reserve their fall weekends to they can watch their beloved Oakland Raiders.

27. When it comes to the Washington Redskins, it’s always the fans who have to show up in style.

Okay, these may be dressed as raiders. But despite being fans of a team with a bad name, I kind of like their costumes.

Okay, these may be dressed as raiders. But despite being fans of a team with a bad name, I kind of like their costumes.

28. Now this Imperial Storm Trooper showed his love for the Pittsburgh Steelers by coming with his T-Shirt gun.

Of course, it's very unlikely he'll even hit anything with it. Still, he certainly feels the Pittsburgh steel.

Of course, it’s very unlikely he’ll even hit anything with it. Still, he certainly feels the Pittsburgh steel since he has his Terrible Towel with him.

29. Nothing shows your support for the San Diego Chargers than showing up to the game in your brightly colored mohawk wigs.

Yes, I'm sure it wouldn't be normal to see blue and pink mohawk on three generations. But these people sure do their best to support their team.

Yes, I’m sure it wouldn’t be normal to see blue and pink mohawk on three generations. But these people sure do their best to support their team.

30. Let me guess, these guys must be with the Minnesota Vikings.

Because the fact they're in purple suits with horned hats and yellow shirts kind of indicated that to me. Still, I'd watch it with those hats. Don't want to poke anyone's eye out.

Because the fact they’re in purple suits with horned hats and yellow shirts kind of indicated that to me. Still, I’d watch it with those hats. Don’t want to poke anyone’s eye out.

31. Now these women must dress in their best finery before attending an Oakland Raiders game.

Of course, these ladies certainly dress to impress. And yes, showing their support for the Raiders means wearing their fanciest clothes like they would at a European carnival.

Of course, these ladies certainly dress to impress. And yes, showing their support for the Raiders means wearing their fanciest clothes like they would at a European carnival.

32. As evil as this dark undead warrior may be, chances are he wouldn’t miss an Oakland Raiders game for the world.

Yes, all decked out in his chains and armor, this skeleton warrior wants nothing more than to show support for his team and enjoy the game. Seems like a lot of Raiders fans have some outlandish costumes for some reason.

Yes, all decked out in his chains and armor, this skeleton warrior wants nothing more than to show support for his team and enjoy the game. Seems like a lot of Raiders fans have some outlandish costumes for some reason.

33. Of course, to be a super fan of the Cincinnati Bengals, you must dress like a super fan.

And it seems these guys seemed to go as Superman and The Thing. Of course, the guy on the right could be just any superhero but his costume doesn't compare with the other guy's.

And it seems these guys seemed to go as Superman and The Thing. Of course, the guy on the right could be just any superhero but his costume doesn’t compare with the other guy’s.

34. When it comes to the Cleveland Browns, even Cerberus has to leave the Underworld to see them.

Always imagined Cerberus being way bigger than that. Then again, it's certainly a fan in a ridiculous costume. And he's crossing bones, too.

Always imagined Cerberus being way bigger than that. Then again, it’s certainly a fan in a ridiculous costume. And he’s crossing bones, too.

35. Of course, nothing shows your love for the New York Jets more than wearing a jet on your head.

Then again, it's a rather appropriate costume because they are called the Jets. But it still looks too ridiculous to ignore just the same.

Then again, it’s a rather appropriate costume because they are called the Jets. But it still looks too ridiculous to ignore just the same.

36. This Cincinnati Bengals fan always has his beard prepared for the occasion.

Now this guy certainly has amazing facial hair. But his wild beard in stripes? That's something I can't ignore for this post.

Now this guy certainly has amazing facial hair. But his wild beard in stripes? That’s something I can’t ignore for this post.

37. Hey, I didn’t know that Captain America was a Cleveland Browns fan.

Always thought the Captain would be a fan of the New York Jets or Giants. I mean he's from New York. Then again, he might've had Cleveland roots for all we know.

Always thought the Captain would be a fan of the New York Jets or Giants. I mean he’s from New York. Then again, he might’ve had Cleveland roots for all we know.

38. While some neighborhoods have a crazy cat lady, only the Carolina Panthers have Catman as their fan.

Now this antlered cat is utterly hideous and terrifying. But I have to admit this guy certainly has a very warped sense of humor.

Now this antlered cat is utterly hideous and terrifying. But I have to admit this guy certainly has a very warped sense of humor.

39. Nothing shows your love for the Dallas Cowboys than wearing an oversized helmet to the game.

Of course, I hope the big helmet doesn't get in the way of the view for those behind him. Then again, I'm not sure if it's guaranteed to prevent concussions either.

Of course, I hope the big helmet doesn’t get in the way of the view for those behind him. Then again, I’m not sure if it’s guaranteed to prevent concussions either.

40. Now this guy is so pimped up to cheer for his Arizona Cardinals.

Yes, he's a white guy in a pimp costume. Yes, I know it might be offensive. But it's utterly ridiculous that I couldn't ignore it. And I'm sure this guy's fairly pumped.

Yes, he’s a white guy in a pimp costume. Yes, I know it might be offensive. But it’s utterly ridiculous that I couldn’t ignore it. And I’m sure this guy’s fairly pumped.

41. Those in Indianapolis, say hello to Mr. Blue.

And yes, Mr. Blue seems to live up to his name. But all he cares about is being there to support his boys in blue, the Indianapolis Colts.

And yes, Mr. Blue seems to live up to his name. But all he cares about is being there to support his boys in blue, the Indianapolis Colts.

42. Hey, look, it’s Beetlejuice and he’s an Oakland Raiders fan.

Of course, knowing that he was played by Pittsburgh native Michael Keaton, I'd expect him to be a Steelers fan. Oh, well, to each his own.

Of course, knowing that he was played by Pittsburgh native Michael Keaton, I’d expect him to be a Steelers fan. Oh, well, to each his own.

43. Of course, the guy from Halo and Optimus Prime might be from different franchises. But one franchise they can agree on is the New Orleans Saints.

And the two seem to have the regalia to show it. Of course, Optimus had to really do more work than the Halo guy for obvious reasons.

And the two seem to have the regalia to show it. Of course, Optimus had to really do more work than the Halo guy for obvious reasons.

44. Remember that whenever you’re in Chicago during Bears season, you always have to Beware the Bear.

Now that's quite a costume this guy has on. One one hand, it's very ridiculous. But on the other hand, it's just so awesome to know the difference.

Now that’s quite a costume this guy has on. One one hand, it’s very ridiculous. But on the other hand, it’s just so awesome to know the difference.

45. Of course, this butterfly beauty always spreads her wings for her Atlanta Falcons.

And boy, does she have fancy wings, indeed. Of course, they may not have as many feathers. But they'll do just the same.

And boy, does she have fancy wings, indeed. Of course, they may not have as many feathers. But they’ll do just the same.

46. Of course, Oakland Raiders games aren’t the same without the Gorilla.

Now I've posted pictures of a lot of Raiders fans on here so far. But I couldn't miss this guy since he's known to be a character among Oakland Raiders fans.

Now I’ve posted pictures of a lot of Raiders fans on here so far. But I couldn’t miss this guy since he’s known to be a character among Oakland Raiders fans.

47. When it comes to NFL teams, this Greek Hopilite always sides with the Dallas Cowboys.

Of course, whether he's a Trojan or a Spartan warrior I don't have the slightest idea. I mean it's all Greek to me as they say.

Of course, whether he’s a Trojan or a Spartan warrior I don’t have the slightest idea. I mean it’s all Greek to me as they say.

48. Now these New England Patriots super fans are so utterly pumped to see their team.

So much so that they decided to wear their underwear over their pants in true superhero fashion. And their favorite player seems to be none other than Tom Brady, you know, the guy who thinks he shouldn't be suspended for 4 games for deflated balls. I mean deflated footballs.

So much so that they decided to wear their underwear over their pants in true superhero fashion. And their favorite player seems to be none other than Tom Brady, you know, the guy who thinks he shouldn’t be suspended for 4 games for deflated balls. I mean deflated footballs.

49. Now this guy is such a super Denver Broncos fan that he shows up with games in not even the shirt on his back.

Now this is pretty disturbing. I really don't want to know what he has under there, thank you very much. Still, couldn't ignore this one.

Now this is pretty disturbing. I really don’t want to know what he has under there, thank you very much. Still, couldn’t ignore this one.

50. Of course, it’s never a Washington Redskins game unless you have the Hogettes.

For the record, these are guys in women's clothes with pig snouts on them. But I'm sure their antics might not go so well with Miss Piggy. Yeah, real nice, boys. I mean, girls. Oh, well.

For the record, these are guys in women’s clothes with pig snouts on them. But I’m sure their antics might not go so well with Miss Piggy. Yeah, real nice, boys. I mean, girls. Oh, well.

51. On Steelers game day, it’s always customary to kneel down and receive a blessing from the Pitt Pope.

Well, I know that's not the Pope and I'm sure he's not even a priest. But still, he's a notable character among Steelers fans. And I couldn't do an NFL post without him.

Well, I know that’s not the Pope and I’m sure he’s not even a priest. But still, he’s a notable character among Steelers fans. Besides I couldn’t do an NFL fan post without including him. And I say that as someone from the Pittsburgh area as well as a Catholic. Because I wouldn’t hear the end of it from my parents.

52. Even in the winter cold, it always seems that Minnesota Vikings fans tend to stick together.

Now a KISS Vikings fan and a guy dressed as a Viking. Wonder how they thought of that. But at least one of them will certainly be warm.

Now a KISS Vikings fan and a guy dressed as a Viking. Wonder how they thought of that. But at least one of them will certainly be warm.

53. What’s better than the Terrible Towel? Well, being dressed as one, of course.

Don't ask me about the Terrible Towel and how that came to be. It's a Pittsburgh Steeler thing that was started by their onetime broadcaster Myron Cope. That's all I know.

Don’t ask me about the Terrible Towel and how that came to be. It’s a Pittsburgh Steeler thing that was started by their onetime broadcaster Myron Cope. That’s all I know.

54. Could it be? Why, it’s Seahawks Elvis!

Now this Elvis won't leave the building until the game is over. And yes, he kind of seems like he's from the Green Lantern universe or something like that.

Now this Elvis won’t leave the building until the game is over. And yes, he kind of seems like he’s from the Green Lantern universe or something like that.

55. Now this Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan really knows how to turn up the heat.

Of course, it should be obvious since his hair is practically on fire. Or so it seems. Still, the doll heads on his shoulders are creepy.

Of course, it should be obvious since his hair is practically on fire. Or so it seems. Still, the doll heads on his shoulders are creepy.

56. Sometimes football fans can be the biggest babies.

But this Broncos fan seems to take it a bit more literally than others. Yeah, I'm sure the bonnet and pacifier is going to make you look real cute (sarcasm).

But this Broncos fan seems to take it a bit more literally than others. Yeah, I’m sure the bonnet and pacifier is going to make you look real cute (sarcasm).

57. Of course, there are some New Orleans Saints fans just there to clown around.

Now this guy is dressed as an actual circus clown. Yes, he might be creepy as hell, but he's probably harmless and maybe even friendly. Of course, there are clowns who aren't so friendly and more of a joke like Bobby Jindal.

Now this guy is dressed as an actual circus clown. Yes, he might be creepy as hell, but he’s probably harmless and maybe even friendly. Of course, there are clowns who aren’t so friendly and more of a joke like Bobby Jindal.

58. Nothing shows your support more for the Atlanta Falcons than wearing a bucket hat with feathers.

Now does that guy look ridiculous or what? However, compared to some the fans you see here, he might pass for normal.

Now does that guy look ridiculous or what? However, compared to some the fans you see here, he might pass for normal.

59. Of course, a woman doesn’t prove herself a true Green Bay Packers fan, unless she wears a bra to the game that matches her cheese hat.

I think they're supposed to be "Claymates" or whatever that is. I'm not sure. I don't really follow the Packers much anyway to know anything about their fan culture.

I think they’re supposed to be “Claymates” or whatever that is. I’m not sure. I don’t really follow the Packers much anyway to know anything about their fan culture.

60. Hey, I had no idea that the Burger King was a Buffalo Bills fan.

Still, I can't really say that the Buffalo Bills are a great team because that would be telling a whopper. Nevertheless, yeah, the Burger King is pretty creepy all right. But he seems to have so much fun.

Still, I can’t really say that the Buffalo Bills are a great team because that would be telling a whopper. Nevertheless, yeah, the Burger King is pretty creepy all right. But he seems to have so much fun.

61. Of course, some people go to the games just to hang out as friends.

I don't know about you. But if I was at a Miami Dolphins game, I'd stay the hell away from these two scary clowns. Because to be honest, they're terrifying the hell out of me.

I don’t know about you. But if I was at a Miami Dolphins game, I’d stay the hell away from these two scary clowns. Because to be honest, they’re terrifying the hell out of me.

62. Nothing shows your support for the New England Patriots than wearing a large conical hat with their logo on it.

Yeah, I know the hat's a bit absurd. But at least this guy isn't wearing a Tom Brady jersey. Of course, he might bump into a door way on his way out.

Yeah, I know the hat’s a bit absurd. But at least this guy isn’t wearing a Tom Brady jersey. Of course, he might bump into a door way on his way out.

63. While painting yourself for the game isn’t unknown, some fans tend to take it to ridiculous levels.

Now this Dallas Cowboys fan seems to make the men from Blue Man Group seem a little pale in comparison. Of course, to make myself clear, the Dallas Cowboys aren't "America's Football Team." Never were in the least.

Now this Dallas Cowboys fan seems to make the men from Blue Man Group seem a little pale in comparison. Of course, to make myself clear, the Dallas Cowboys aren’t “America’s Football Team.” Never were in the least.

64. Of course, you can’t have a Green Bay Packers game without the cheese pimp.

Sure the pimp costume might cause offense. But the guy looks so good with the green and yellow coat and cheese hat that I couldn't resist.

Sure the pimp costume might cause offense. But the guy looks so good with the green and yellow coat and cheese hat that I couldn’t resist.

65. Of course, you can’t be a true Baltimore Ravens fan without ruffling a few feathers.

And it seems that these people really seem to give it to the birds. Of course, they look utterly ridiculous in their outlandish outfits, but still.

And it seems that these people really seem to give it to the birds. Of course, they look utterly ridiculous in their outlandish outfits, but still.

66. Show your dedication to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers by wearing a pirate ship on your head.

Yeah, that's a pirate ship all right. And it's on that guy's head. Not sure how it remains in good condition though. Then again, this might be the only time he wears it.

Yeah, that’s a pirate ship all right. And it’s on that guy’s head. Not sure how it remains in good condition though. Then again, this might be the only time he wears it.

67. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you Hellraiser.

While Hellraiser may look like a slasher horror movie villain, he's actually an Oakland Raiders fan. And he just dresses that way to support his team. He's really nothing to worry about.

While Hellraiser may look like a slasher horror movie villain, he’s actually an Oakland Raiders fan. And he just dresses that way to support his team. He’s really nothing to worry about.

68. Of course, sometimes painting yourself in your team’s colors works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

And let's just say, it's certainly not working with this Chicago Bears fan. Yeah, he kind of looks ridiculous. But when it comes to NFL fans, it's the thought that counts.

And let’s just say, it’s certainly not working with this Chicago Bears fan. Yeah, he kind of looks ridiculous. But when it comes to NFL fans, it’s the thought that counts.

69. Now this guy can’t enjoy football season without sporting his Indianapolis Colts horseshoe beard.

Now that's a creative way for a guy to support your team. Of course, how to explain that at work, I have no idea.

Now that’s a creative way for a guy to support your team. Of course, how to explain that at work, I have no idea.

70. Now this Pittsburgh Steeler fan is ready to rock n’ roll all night.

Now I'm sure this person is a big fan of KISS as well from the outfit and makeup. Also seems to prefer a lot of bling as well from what I can recall.

Now I’m sure this person is a big fan of KISS as well from the outfit and makeup. Also seems to prefer a lot of bling as well from what I can recall.

71. Nothing shows your love for the Jacksonville Jaguars than painting yourself with spots.

While there are plenty of crazy Raiders fans, I don't see a lot of crazy Jaguars fans on the Internet for some reason. And the Raiders and Jaguars pretty much have similar game stats. But he seems to stick out like a sore thumb.

While there are plenty of crazy Raiders fans, I don’t see a lot of crazy Jaguars fans on the Internet for some reason. And the Raiders and Jaguars pretty much have similar game stats. But he seems to stick out like a sore thumb.

72. Of course, this super Miami Dolphins fan is dressed up and ready to rumble.

Now this looks interesting. Must be some Miami based cape crusader. And I'm sure he's wearing the mask to avoid embarrassing his family.

Now this looks interesting. Must be some Miami based cape crusader. And I’m sure he’s wearing the mask to avoid embarrassing his family.

73. The Philadelphia Eagles has always been a team of birdmen, by birdmen, and for birdmen.

And yes, that guy's wearing an eagle head for the game. And yes, despite the gestures, he doesn't seem to carry on facial expressions too well.

And yes, that guy’s wearing an eagle head for the game. And yes, despite the gestures, he doesn’t seem to carry on facial expressions too well.

74. Now this Cleveland Browns fan must be a real bonehead. Literally.

Now this guy seems to have a lot of bones on him for some reason. And what's in his mouth? I really don't want to know.

Now this guy seems to have a lot of bones on him for some reason. And what’s in his mouth? I really don’t want to know.

75. Of course, this skeleton monster always has to have fringe whenever he goes to see the Seahawks.

Well, he's certainly dressed for the occasion if he wants to stick out. Still, not sure about the skulls and green grass on his shoulder pads but to each his own.

Well, he’s certainly dressed for the occasion if he wants to stick out. Still, not sure about the skulls and green grass on his shoulder pads but to each his own.

76. The Dark Side seems to be strong on this one.

Yes, this is another fan dressed as Darth Vader but from the Miami Dolphins. Of course, he's also known as "Dolph Vader" with no pun intended.

Yes, this is another fan dressed as Darth Vader but from the Miami Dolphins. Of course, he’s also known as “Dolph Vader” with no pun intended.

77. Nothing shows your support for the Saint Louis Rams than bedazzling your horns.

I don't know what's more disturbing. The ram horns or the fact she has a mustache as well as "Mom" on her chest. Also, the stars on her face don't help either.

I don’t know what’s more disturbing. The ram horns or the fact she has a mustache as well as “Mom” on her chest. Also, the stars on her face don’t help either.

78. Of course, some fans may prefer to dress like hopilites to express the true warrior spirit.

Hate to let down the Colts fan. But as wretched the Dallas Cowboys, I think the Dallas Cowboys hopilite wore it better. Sad to say.

Hate to let down the Colts fan. But as wretched the Dallas Cowboys, I think the Dallas Cowboys hopilite wore it better. Sad to say.

79. Man, Cleveland Browns fans must really have a bunch of mad dogs around.

Now this dog must look like he's high on something. And I don't mean life. Perhaps he's on something to drown his sorrows whenever the Cleveland Browns lose. Of course, that's pretty frequent.

Now this dog must look like he’s high on something. And I don’t mean life. Perhaps he’s on something to drown his sorrows whenever the Cleveland Browns lose. Of course, that’s pretty frequent.

80. Now I couldn’t do a post about sports fans without including Washington Redskins fan Chief Zee.

Yes, I know the outfit won't go well with Native Americans. But if I didn't include him, I'm sure Redskins fans won't let me hear the end of it. So there.

Yes, I know the outfit won’t go well with Native Americans. But if I didn’t include him, I’m sure Redskins fans won’t let me hear the end of it. So there.

81. Nothing shows your support for the Cincinnati Bengals more than wearing a tiger striped coat and hat.

Yes, I know I've shown a few pimp costumes on here. But this guy seems rather chill and appears to have arrived early.

Yes, I know I’ve shown a few pimp costumes on here. But this guy seems rather chill and appears to have arrived early.

82. Now this Seattle Seahawks fan is incredibly hulked up for the game.

And I'm not saying this because he's entirely green with unrealistically bulging muscles. Oh, wait. Yes, I am. Really would hate to see him if they lose.

And I’m not saying this because he’s entirely green with unrealistically bulging muscles. Oh, wait. Yes, I am. Really would hate to see him if they lose.

83. Of course, even slasher horror movie villains can be cheeseheads.

Of course, I'm not sure if I'd want to be in the same stadium with him. But still, I hope he doesn't take out his frustrations by killing somebody if his team loses.

Of course, I’m not sure if I’d want to be in the same stadium with him. But still, I hope he doesn’t take out his frustrations by killing somebody if his team loses.

84. Bald but don’t have a helmet? No problem.

I don't know about you, but I think these San Francisco 49ers fans face paint jobs are kind of unsettling. Just so you know, I'm really not used to the helmet look without the helmet.

I don’t know about you, but I think these San Francisco 49ers fans face paint jobs are kind of unsettling. Just so you know, I’m really not used to the helmet look without the helmet.

85. Of course, you can’t show your support for the Carolina Panthers without make up and a goofy blue wig to go with it.

Man, that guy looks real ridiculous with that on. Even wearing sunglasses doesn't detract from it. Yeah, clown wigs really don't make you look cool under any circumstance.

Man, that guy looks real ridiculous with that on. Even wearing sunglasses doesn’t detract from it. Yeah, clown wigs really don’t make you look cool under any circumstance.

86. Now this Kansas City Chiefs fan is there to honor the team of his tribe.

Look, I admire this guy's team spirit but I'm not sure that dressing up in Indian attire is a good way to show love for his team. Now I know naming your team the Chiefs isn't as bad as the Redskins, but still. Kind of racist and offensive.

Look, I admire this guy’s team spirit but I’m not sure that dressing up in Indian attire is a good way to show love for his team. Now I know naming your team the Chiefs isn’t as bad as the Redskins, but still. Kind of racist and offensive. Love to see this guy wear that in an Indian casino.

87. Hmm….kind of surprised that Boba Fett is a fan of the Buffalo Bills. Doesn’t really strike me as one.

And he seems really pumped up for the big game. Of course, as a Bills fan, he must expect a great degree of disappointment. I mean the Bills aren't known for winning games.

And he seems really pumped up for the big game. Of course, as a Bills fan, he must expect a great degree of disappointment. I mean the Bills aren’t known for winning games.

88. Of course, this guy is such a diehard Baltimore Ravens fan that he shows up to game day in style.

Yes, that's another pimp costume. However, for some reason he kind of reminds me of the Joker. I don't know why. Must be the purple coat and hat.

Yes, that’s another pimp costume. However, for some reason he kind of reminds me of the Joker. I don’t know why. Must be the purple coat and hat.

89. When you’re a New Orleans Saints fan, sometimes it pays to enter like a Roman centurion.

Yes, the hat is badass and so is the shield. Not sure about the makeup and the leather attire though. But it's all coordinated with the fleur de lys.

Yes, the hat is badass and so is the shield. Not sure about the makeup and the leather attire though. But it’s all coordinated with the fleur de lys.

90. If the Tampa Bay Buccaneers don’t win this time, then this zombie pirate will make sure they walk the plank.

Now this guy's kind of terrifying. Still, he seems to be reveling in the game as I see from his hands. Then again, I hope he doesn't frighten the kiddies.

Now this guy’s kind of terrifying. Still, he seems to be reveling in the game as I see from his hands. Then again, I hope he doesn’t frighten the kiddies.

91. Now I give you an example of a true Atlanta Falcons fan.

And it seems that his beak very closely resembles a football for some reason. Nevertheless, this is a clever fan costume. Wonder if he's a known character around Atlanta.

And it seems that his beak very closely resembles a football for some reason. Nevertheless, this is a clever fan costume. Wonder if he’s a known character around Atlanta.

92. Some people blow whistles. Others just wear giant ones on their head.

I think this New Orleans Saints fan might be well known in his locale. Of course, I'd like to know what he's shouting from the top of his lungs.

I think this New Orleans Saints fan might be well known in his locale. Of course, I’d like to know what he’s shouting from the top of his lungs.

93. I heard that Tennessee Titans fans are among the most resilient football fans in the country.

Because I have no idea why this guy is still cheering despite having a sword in his head. Yeah, that helmet was very ineffective.

Because I have no idea why this guy is still cheering despite having a sword in his head. Yeah, that helmet was very ineffective.

94. Marvel at these beautiful Minnesota Vikings fans in their purple hair.

And it seems that a couple of them are wearing horns for the occasion. Hope they watch where they shake their heads.

And it seems that a couple of them are wearing horns for the occasion. Hope they watch where they shake their heads.

95. As I’ve heard, it’s said that venison sausage and cheese go very well together.

Okay, now I understand these are Green Bay Packers fans. But I have to admit that their dress is pretty disgusting. Seriously, is that supposed to be blood? Gross.

Okay, now I understand these are Green Bay Packers fans. But I have to admit that their dress is pretty disgusting. Seriously, is that supposed to be blood? Gross. Also, I hope that’s not real sausage.

96. This guy has accomplished honoring his two loves: the Carolina Panthers and Tom Hanks movies.

And it seems like he's going with the movie Castaway. Yeah, I'm not sure about that either. Of course, having the volleyball named Wilson on his head is quite clever.

And it seems like he’s going with the movie Castaway. Yeah, I’m not sure about that either. Of course, having the volleyball named Wilson on his head is quite clever.

97. Let’s not mind these New York Giants fans with their coconut bras.

Now I'm sure they're wearing those to cover their man boobs. But I'm not positive. Still, the blue paint doesn't seem to do any favors.

Now I’m sure they’re wearing those to cover their man boobs. But I’m not positive. Still, the blue paint doesn’t seem to do any favors.

98. Now this Detroit Lions fan really knows how to get things going.

I wonder what his hat supposed to resemble. Is it some complex electric fan or an internal combustion engine?

I wonder what his hat supposed to resemble. Is it some complex electric fan or an internal combustion engine?

99. Now the Houston Texans better be ready for game day. Or else they’ll have to deal with this guy.

Of course, he's just a Houston Texans fan with a rather scary mask and wig. Still, some NFL fans can get quite a bit out of hand at times.

Of course, he’s just a Houston Texans fan with a rather scary mask and wig. Still, some NFL fans can get quite a bit out of hand at times.

100. Of course, this Pittsburgh Steeler fan is going all out.

Yes, Steeler fans may be kind of crazy. An I'm not sure how this guy manages to see anything. But I'm sure fans from other teams aren't far behind.

Yes, Steeler fans may be kind of crazy. An I’m not sure how this guy manages to see anything. But I’m sure fans from other teams aren’t far behind.

The Wonderful World of Regatta Floats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Every year on the 4th of July the city Pittsburgh hosts an annual Three Rivers Regatta. Well, they had it this year except they didn’t feature the boat stuff since it had rained a lot lately and the water was too high. Besides, there was a lot of debris floating in the rivers anyway. But they kept the other stuff in. Still, technically a regatta is supposed to be a series of boat races usually pertaining to sail and row boats. It’s usually a competition among amateurs. But it’s a formally structured event with comprehensive rules describing the schedule and procedures. Nevertheless, most of them are done for fun. Still, take the boats out of the Three Rivers Regatta, and it’s not really a regatta at all. It’s just a 4th of July festival. Nevertheless, there all kinds of regattas depending on the type of boat or particular area with most taking place in the summer. You might have a regatta organized by the rich snooty yacht club consisting entitled Ivy League prep school brats on their row boats. But these I’ll show will pertain to boats that have a more creative or humorous spin to them. So without further adieu, here are some lovely regatta floats you might want to see.

1. Well, at least we know that the giant whale didn’t swallow anybody.

Still, I think this float looks quite awkward with this boat not having the cover down the middle. Reminds me of a fish skeleton of some sort.

Still, I think this float looks quite awkward with this boat not having the cover down the middle. Reminds me of a fish skeleton of some sort.

2. So is this for the regatta or the air show?

Probably regatta because highly doubt that this plane could fly. But whether it will float, I'll have to see for myself.

Probably regatta because highly doubt that this plane could fly. But whether it will float, I’ll have to see for myself. Hope it doesn’t get too wet.

3. All these people wanted was a nice raft with a cottage house covered with ivy.

“People navigate along the Lielupe river as they participate in the milk carton boat regatta in Jelgava August 30, 2014. Thirty eight teams used about 40,000 empty milk tetra packs to build rafts as part of the XIV International festival of milk, bread and honey.” from Reuters. Still, I wonder if that structure or the people on it will cause some accident of sorts.

4. All you need for a regatta float are a couple of barrels and a bathtub.

And I see they gave the bathtub a paint job. Not sure if that will help. Also, hope there's nothing in the barrels.

And I see they gave the bathtub a paint job. Not sure if that will help. Also, hope there’s nothing in the barrels.

5. Guess Cinderella has to leave the pirate ship party by midnight.

Hope Cinderella doesn't share a dance with Captain Morgan. Heard that guy really has a drinking problem. Then again, most Golden Age pirates were former sailors impressed while drunk at a tavern. Seriously, it's no wonder they loved their rum.

Hope Cinderella doesn’t share a dance with Captain Morgan. Heard that guy really has a drinking problem. Then again, most Golden Age pirates were former sailors impressed while drunk at a tavern. Seriously, it’s no wonder they loved their rum.

6. Seems like we have a man overboard with the large truck on a raft.

Well, at least he has a life jacket on so I hope he lands in the water. Didn't know they had a Sweet & Low upholstery service.

Well, at least he has a life jacket on so I hope he lands in the water. Didn’t know they had a Sweet & Low upholstery service.

7. For a regatta float: If you don’t have cardboard, then barrels and a trampoline will do.

Well, I'm not sure if bouncing on a trampoline is a good idea in a body of water. Of course, they're wise to have some safety procedures.

Well, I’m not sure if bouncing on a trampoline is a good idea in a body of water. Of course, they’re wise to have some safety procedures.

8. Got a swing set in your yard? Why not build a boat out of it?

And for a patriotic touch, they painted it red, white, and blue. Sure wonder whether they're using the swings.

And for a patriotic touch, they painted it red, white, and blue. Sure wonder whether they’re using the swings.

9. Now this is a manly kind of float that’s included with studio wrestling.

I don't know about you, but I'm not sure if engaging in WWE antics will help win the boat race. Perhaps these two should just spend more time rowing than fighting.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if engaging in WWE antics will help win the boat race. Perhaps these two should just spend more time rowing than fighting.

10. Sure you can make a regatta float, but you can’t make one that might also serve as a tiki bar.

Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if this float was built in Hawaii. But, hey, at least these people have a roof over their heads. I just want to know the maximum weight.

Of course, I wouldn’t be surprised if this float was built in Hawaii. But, hey, at least these people have a roof over their heads. I just want to know the maximum weight.

11. Nothing makes a better regatta float than one of a rat over raisins.

Okay, now this is quite disturbing. Not sure why anyone would want a rat float. Rats are disgusting vermin. And a giant one is the stuff of nightmares.

Okay, now this is quite disturbing. Not sure why anyone would want a rat float. Rats are disgusting vermin. And a giant one is the stuff of nightmares.

12. Looks like it’s a job for the water caterpillar.

Unlike real caterpillars, I'm sure this one helps with landscaping and construction in Atlantis. Then again, if it did, it would've been a submarine.

Unlike real caterpillars, I’m sure this one helps with landscaping and construction in Atlantis. Then again, if it did, it would’ve been a submarine.

13. There are regattas that have races for sail boats. Yet, some tend to go on with a ship.

Seems like a boat like this can go with sails and rows. Wonder why they have rope ladders to the masts.

Seems like a boat like this can go with sails and rows. Wonder why they have rope ladders to the masts.

14. Introducing team log jammer.

Wonder if they'll get to see their photos of themselves as they go down the waterfall portion. Like they have at Splash Mountain or Kennywood in my neck of the woods.

Wonder if they’ll get to see their photos of themselves as they go down the waterfall portion. Like they have at Splash Mountain or Kennywood in my neck of the woods.

15. You heard of the Batmobile. Well, prepare to meet the Batcanoe.

I'm sure the real Batcanoe would be far more impressive. But this kid looks quite cute rowing it.

I’m sure the real Batcanoe would be far more impressive. But this kid looks quite cute rowing it and it’ll probably stand a better chance of floating, too.

16. At the regatta, it helps if you spruce up your amphibious vehicle with an umbrella and flowers to give it a nice cozy feel.

Of course, with the color scheme, I would've sworn it was more suited as a construction vehicle. And find the flowers and umbrella a very odd decorating scheme, indeed.

Of course, with the color scheme, I would’ve sworn it was more suited as a construction vehicle. And find the flowers and umbrella a very odd decorating scheme, indeed.

17. Ahoy, mateys! Get on board the ol’ pumpkinship.

I think there's an actual regatta with pumpkin boats as far as I've seen on Google Images. Still, how they managed to find pumpkins this big to carve out, I'll never know.

I think there’s an actual regatta with pumpkin boats as far as I’ve seen on Google Images. Still, how they managed to find pumpkins this big to carve out, I’ll never know.

18. Of course, even a giant pencil can make a great canoe if you put in the effort.

Hope it doesn't run into the writing paper raft. Because any marks it leaves will leave to smudges if they're ever erased. Well, in some pencil boats anyway.

Hope it doesn’t run into the writing paper raft. Because any marks it leaves will leave to smudges if they’re ever erased. Well, in some pencil boats anyway.

19. You can always build a float out of barrels and piping if you set your mind to it.

Now I wonder who the hell thought of adding a canopy like that. Just seems quite alien to me. Then again, maybe it was designed by someone from another planet or galaxy.

Now I wonder who the hell thought of adding a canopy like that. Just seems quite alien to me. Then again, maybe it was designed by someone from another planet or galaxy.

20. When it comes to regatta floats, you can always decorate it as a 1950s hangout.

Let's hope nobody falls overboard during the sock hop. Because that certainly won't be cool, especially if it's a woman wearing a poodle skirt.

Let’s hope nobody falls overboard during the sock hop. Because that certainly won’t be cool, especially if it’s a woman wearing a poodle skirt. Love the LP decorations though and the pink.

21. Yes, your boat may be cool, but does it have its own waterslide?

Okay, not this looks like fun. Sure it's not a great photo since it's shown at a distance. But sometimes you have to take what you can get.

Okay, not this looks like fun. Sure it’s not a great photo since it’s shown at a distance. But sometimes you have to take what you can get.

22. It’s been said that beer cans tend to be the best material for boats for those who want to build one.

This might be from a beer can regatta in Australia which takes place around the Christmas season or before March. Still, if I saw that many beer cans to build a boat here, I'd wonder if any of the crew members have a drinking problem.

This might be from a beer can regatta in Australia which takes place around the Christmas season or before March. Still, if I saw that many beer cans to build a boat here, I’d wonder if any of the crew members have a drinking problem.

23. Oh, look there’s a shark and it wants to eat us!

Now I know this is a regatta float with a Jaws theme and I'm sure the shark isn't real. Still, I'm wondering if these kids are going need a bigger boat.

Now I know this is a regatta float with a Jaws theme and I’m sure the shark isn’t real. Still, I’m wondering if these kids are going need a bigger boat.

24. Now this regatta float theme is, a tribute to Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.

Yes, a regatta float tribute to a great pilot of great competence and know how who became a hero of the Hudson. Still, I'm sure this won't fly though but who cares? It's the thought that counts.

Yes, a regatta float tribute to a great pilot of great competence and know how who became a hero of the Hudson. Still, I’m sure this won’t fly though but who cares? It’s the thought that counts.

25. We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine.

Of course, in a regatta float post like this, you should know that a yellow submarine float was coming. Still, I'd really would want a yellow submarine float picture from a different angle than this.

Of course, in a regatta float post like this, you should know that a yellow submarine float was coming. Still, I’d really would want a yellow submarine float picture from a different angle than this.

26. Now this regatta float was made possible by your neighborhood crazy cat ladies.

Let me guess, this float is manned by a bunch of middle aged to elderly women who are either lesbians or terminally single that they see cats like their own children. Then again, they could just be a bunch of cat hoarders who take in any feral feline they can find which is very much ill-advised.

Let me guess, this float is manned by a bunch of middle aged to elderly women who are either lesbians or terminally single that they see cats like their own children. Then again, they could just be a bunch of cat hoarders who take in any feral feline they can find which is very much ill-advised. But I really don’t want to be stereotypical here.

27. Like the ill-fated 1912 ship, this Titanic float seems headed for disaster.

But unlike the real disaster, there will probably be no major fatalities from this sinking. Of course, you have to be careful with cardboard, especially if you're on a boat made from that stuff.

But unlike the real disaster, there will probably be no major fatalities from this sinking. Of course, you have to be careful with cardboard, especially if you’re on a boat made from that stuff.

28. Of course, at any regatta event, you’re eventually bound to run into a pirate ship.

Of course, it's probably as an accurate rendition to a Golden Age pirate ship as you see in the movies. Still, because of pirate movies, I'm sure these people have no idea what real Golden Age pirates actually did.

Of course, it’s probably as an accurate rendition to a Golden Age pirate ship as you see in the movies. Still, because of pirate movies, I’m sure these people have no idea what real Golden Age pirates actually did.

29. When it comes to river transportation, you can’t do better than double decker bus.

What's surprising about this float is that it's in a Canadian competition. Which is strange to me since I always associate red double decker buses with Great Britain. Then again Canada was once a British colony.

What’s surprising about this float is that it’s in a Canadian competition. Which is strange to me since I always associate red double decker buses with Great Britain. Then again Canada was once a British colony.

30. Now your regatta rowboat always needs an intimidating figure head. I’m not sure if this one cuts it.

Reminds me of a cartoon sketch in which a Viking is trying to buy a boat with a gruesome figurehead only to find that all the boats have cute little animals on them. However, unlike that sketch, I really think this duck head was intentional.

Reminds me of a cartoon sketch in which a Viking is trying to buy a boat with a gruesome figurehead only to find that all the boats have cute little animals on them. However, unlike that sketch, I really think this duck head was intentional.

31. These two pilots seem to be flying high in the open water.

Of course, while duct tape does make a great adhesive, it's also great for decoration on floats like these. Still, wish I can see the whole thing but photos can only fit so much.

Of course, while duct tape does make a great adhesive, it’s also great for decoration on floats like these. Still, wish I can see the whole thing but photos can only fit so much.

32. Big wheel, keep on turnin.’ Proud Mary keep on burnin.’ Rollin,’ rollin,’ rollin’ on the river.

And boy, what a big wheel it is that it seems so vastly out of proportion to the boat it's attached to. Seriously, look at the thing. It's freaking huge!

And boy, what a big wheel it is that it seems so vastly out of proportion to the boat it’s attached to. Seriously, look at the thing. It’s freaking huge!

33. Well, at least during the regatta, there will be an ambulance standing by in case of a boating accident.

Of course, I'm sure this float is too small for any real medical emergencies. Still, it's pretty clever. Not sure if it's from Great Britain though. Probably not.

Of course, I’m sure this float is too small for any real medical emergencies. Still, it’s pretty clever. Not sure if it’s from Great Britain though. Probably not.

34. Show your patriotic spirit at the regatta with this American flag raft.

Whoever did a raft like this has way better drawing and painting skills than I do. Still, at least they used crates and barrels.

Whoever did a raft like this has way better drawing and painting skills than I do. Still, at least they used crates and barrels.

35. Hate to know what’s coming out of that funky trailer truck smokestack.

Now this float is said to be sponsored by the local food bank. However, I think it's just a front for Willy Wonka. Seriously, no semi discharges smoke like that. Not in a million years.

Now this float is said to be sponsored by the local food bank. However, I think it’s just a front for Willy Wonka. Seriously, no trailer truck discharges smoke like that. Not in a million years.

36. Play the guitar? How about a guitar raft?

Yeah, I think this guitar really isn't for playing since it's derived from cardboard. But it's a pretty accurate rendition, artistically speaking, that is.

Yeah, I think this guitar really isn’t for playing since it’s derived from cardboard. But it’s a pretty accurate rendition, artistically speaking, that is.

37. For their regatta float, these people decided to take their whole house with them.

Of course, this is too small to be a real house as well as much prettier than what many people could afford (as a real house, that is). Still, this team must have a very good designer or architect.

Of course, this is too small to be a real house as well as much prettier than what many people could afford (as a real house, that is). Still, this team must have a very good designer or architect.

38. Look out, here comes two girl rowers on an aircraft carrier.

Now I wonder if this event is just a regatta or some weird form of Battleship. Seems like it's made from Styrofoam which I highly advise against as a packing material.

Now I wonder if this event is just a regatta or some weird form of Battleship. Seems like it’s made from Styrofoam which I highly advise against as a packing material.

39. Well, at least the people on this float have a place for their private business.

Sure it's nice to go with the whole rustic Texas theme. But I'm not sure if it's a good idea to perpetuate possible stereotypes about yourselves.

Sure it’s nice to go with the whole rustic Texas theme. But I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to perpetuate possible stereotypes about yourselves. You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.

40. For your regatta float, you can’t go wrong with the turtle.

Now this is definitely a pumpkin float if you look inside. And I'm sure it's only made for one person. Still, wherever this guy lives, I'm sure the pumpkins there have some kind of abnormality that makes the grow excessively huge.

Now this is definitely a pumpkin float if you look inside. And I’m sure it’s only made for one person. Still, wherever this guy lives, I’m sure the pumpkins there have some kind of abnormality that makes the grow excessively huge.

41. Hey, look, is that the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine?

Just for the record, Scooby Doo is a horribly written mystery cartoon about a group of teenagers who travel in a hippie van with their oversized dog. Oh, and the villains are usually people in monster masks. Seriously, couldn't they just have the villains not wear the masks sometimes? Like real murder mysteries akin to Agatha Christie, Dashiell Hammet, Raymond Chandler, or Arthur Conan Doyle?

Just for the record, Scooby Doo is a horribly written mystery cartoon about a group of teenagers who travel in a hippie van with their oversized dog. Oh, and the villains are usually people in monster masks. Seriously, couldn’t they just have the villains not wear the masks sometimes? Like real murder mysteries akin to Agatha Christie, Dashiell Hammet, Raymond Chandler, or Arthur Conan Doyle?

42. Nothing makes a regatta float than one of a dead possum covered in duct tape.

For those familiar with Canadian Television or PBS several years ago might get this reference. For those who don't, well, it's pretty hard for me to explain.

For those familiar with Canadian Television or PBS several years ago might get this reference. For those who don’t, well, it’s pretty hard for me to explain.

43. Remember, a couch may be comfy to sit on. But it also makes a rather handy flotation device.

Of course, I have to make a special discretion for those at West Virginia University. Remember, you can do more with couches than just burn them in the event of a victory party at your sporting events. Seriously, couch burning is illegal in Morgantown. In fact, it's illegal anywhere, especially if the couch in question is not yours.

Of course, I have to make a special discretion for those at West Virginia University. Remember, you can do more with couches than just burn them in the event of a victory party at your sporting events. Seriously, couch burning is illegal in Morgantown. In fact, it’s illegal anywhere, especially if the couch in question is not yours.

44. For those hard to reach spots, a crane truck can do just fine.

Not sure if it actually works. But it seems to do quite well in the water and really stand out.

Not sure if it actually works. But it seems to do quite well in the water and really stand out. Got to appreciate the magic of cardboard.

45. Seems like this pirate ship has too many people rocking the boat.

Looks like they have to throw a man or two overboard before they could get ship shape. Either that or at least perhaps try to give the boat an equal weight distribution.

Looks like they have to throw a man or two overboard before they could get ship shape. Either that or at least perhaps try to give the boat an equal weight distribution.

46. Of course, what’s a regatta if you don’t have an old timey riverboat there?

Nevertheless, from what I've read, real steamboats weren't the safest things and were very prone to catching fire. So this cardboard cut out is probably much safer than the real thing.

Nevertheless, from what I’ve read, real steamboats weren’t the safest things and were very prone to catching fire. So this cardboard cut out is probably much safer than the real thing.

47. Introducing the one and only water dragon.

Not sure how they manage to keep this one together before it was in the water. Oh, yes, ropes. But still, will it be in one piece at the finish line? I'm not so sure.

Not sure how they manage to keep this one together before it was in the water. Oh, yes, ropes. But still, will it be in one piece at the finish line? I’m not so sure.

48. Of course, when it comes to regattas, even Disney fans want to cash in on the action.

And it seems that these people are avid fans of Aladdin. I mean they have a Genie float after plans for a magic carpet raft fell through.

And it seems that these people are avid fans of Aladdin. I mean they have a Genie float after plans for a magic carpet raft fell through.

49. Want to decorate your float but don’t want it to sink? Remember, that pool toys are just as good decorations as any.

Not sure if I share these girls' taste in decorating. In fact, I actually think this float is kind of tacky. But I'm sure it'll probably not sink as long as it's not carrying more than its capacity.

Not sure if I share these girls’ taste in decorating. In fact, I actually think this float is kind of tacky. But I’m sure it’ll probably not sink as long as it’s not carrying more than its capacity.

50. In ancient times, it wasn’t uncommon for people to build sail boats out of aluminum beer cans.

Actually, I'm just kidding about that. This is probably for a beer can regatta in Australia. But still, it kind of gives you an impression that it was used during an ancient civilization.

Actually, I’m just kidding about that. This is probably for a beer can regatta in Australia. But still, it kind of gives you an impression that it was used during an ancient civilization.

51. Now a float like this can take any spectator into the Prehistoric Era.

Well, if you imagine the Prehistoric Era akin to what you see on The Flinstones or in some stupid Creationist museum in Kentucky. Still, that T-Rex seems to come straight from some cheap theme park, not Jurassic Park.

Well, if you imagine the Prehistoric Era akin to what you see on The Flinstones or in some stupid Creationist museum in Kentucky. Still, that T-Rex seems to come straight from some cheap theme park, not Jurassic Park.

52. See the Pharaoh being rowed on his Nile River cruise by his royal attendants.

Now I don't have an issue with the boat here even if the side is in hieroglyphics. What my problem is with the guys in red hats. Seriously, those are Pharaoh hats for Lower Egypt. I'm not sure if there should be 2 of them.

Now I don’t have an issue with the boat here even if the side is in hieroglyphics. What my problem is with the guys in red hats. Seriously, those are Pharaoh hats for Lower Egypt. I’m not sure if there should be 2 of them.

53. I’m sure this Viking boat will make a grand addition at Valhalla.

Now these guys may like Vikings. But I'm not sure if they know a lot about them. For instance, real Vikings didn't wear horned helmets. Seriously, it wouldn't be practical in the heat of battle.

Now these guys may like Vikings. But I’m not sure if they know a lot about them. For instance, real Vikings didn’t wear horned helmets. Seriously, it wouldn’t be practical in the heat of battle.

54. While some race on the regatta by boat, some just take the shuttle.

And by "shuttle" I mean space shuttle. Of course, it may not take these girls to space. But it just as well might take them to the finish line, which is just as well.

And by “shuttle” I mean space shuttle. Of course, it may not take these girls to space. But it just as well might take them to the finish line, which is just as well.

55. Of course, if you’re entering a regatta with your Sunday school class, you’d probably do a float of Noah’s Ark.

Now this doesn't look like a good rendition of Noah's Ark. And believe me, I saw the Darren Aronofsky movie. Then again, these people were on a tight budget so their cardboard ark is understandable. Darren Aronofsky though.....

Now this doesn’t look like a good rendition of Noah’s Ark. And believe me, I saw the Darren Aronofsky movie. Then again, these people were on a tight budget so their cardboard ark is understandable. Darren Aronofsky on the other hand…..

56. Of course, nothing at the regatta makes your team look fierce than having a pink dragon boat.

Now I get the dragon. But I'm not sure about the pink other than to really stand out. On the other hand, there whole scheme might be about raising breast cancer awareness.

Now I get the dragon. But I’m not sure about the pink other than to really stand out. On the other hand, there whole scheme might be about raising breast cancer awareness.

57. Oh, my God, it’s the cops. Quick, let’s get out of here before they make us pull over.

My mistake, it's just a couple of people having a good time in a float that happens to be of a police car. Yeah, sorry for the false alarm here.

My mistake, it’s just a couple of people having a good time in a float that happens to be of a police car. Yeah, sorry for the false alarm here.

58. Not I’m sure this team has a real shot at winning one of the regatta races.

Now I don't know about you but sometimes a float of a hypodermic needle can be a fine line between clever and intimidating. I mean my dad squirms when he sees needles being injected onscreen.

Now I don’t know about you but sometimes a float of a hypodermic needle can be a fine line between clever and intimidating. I mean my dad squirms when he sees needles being injected onscreen.

59. Nothing makes a regatta worthwhile than having a float with a brightly colored macaw on it.

Of course, this macaw seems like a rather happy camper to many. Still, quite colorful to say the least.

Of course, this macaw seems like a rather happy camper to many. Still, quite colorful to say the least.

60. Of course, this barrel monster is sure to strike terror in the souls of competitors.

Of course, this sea monster might not be anywhere near intimidating. But I'm sure the plastic barrels will do just fine in regards to flotation.

Of course, this sea monster might not be anywhere near intimidating. But I’m sure the plastic barrels will do just fine in regards to flotation.

61. If they row any faster, I wonder if this boat will fly.

Of course, it won't fly even with the propellers spinning. But you got to hand it to them, it sure pays to be in the shade.

Of course, it won’t fly even with the propellers spinning. But you got to hand it to them, it sure pays to be in the shade.

62. When it comes to regattas, everyone should be able to float their own tree houses.

I'm not sure if anyone could fit in that house. But these kids really seem to be proud of it.

I’m not sure if anyone could fit in that house. But these kids really seem to be proud of it even if it’s made from cardboard.

63. Seems like someone wants to really hammer in the competition.

I know this is for Australia's Darwin Beer Can Regatta. Still, I can't help but wonder whether the owners may be cheating.

I know this is for Australia’s Darwin Beer Can Regatta. Still, I can’t help but wonder whether the owners may be cheating.

64. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the Ill Eagle.

Now this might be a play on words here. But I'm sure this is from an American team where the bald eagle is its national symbol.

Now this might be a play on words here. But I’m sure this is from an American team where the bald eagle is its national symbol.

65. Hmmm….not sure if I’d want fries with that or not.

Still, you have to question whether this might add on to the obesity crisis in America and abroad. Seriously, let's just say that fast food isn't for me. Nor will it ever be.

Still, you have to question whether this might add on to the obesity crisis in America and abroad. Seriously, let’s just say that fast food isn’t for me. Nor will it ever be.

66. Nothing makes a regatta like a float of a pink jeep.

Now I'm not sure whether it looks badass, clever, or tacky. May be a combination of all 3 for all I know.

Now I’m not sure whether it looks badass, clever, or tacky. May be a combination of all 3 for all I know.

67. For all I know, this Energizer Bunny float can just keep going and going.

Wait a minute, is that really an Energizer Bunny float or just a pig with sunglasses? If so, then where the hell is its drum? If not, then I'll put it on here.

Wait a minute, is that really an Energizer Bunny float or just a pig with sunglasses? If so, then where the hell is its drum? If not, then I’ll put it on here.

68. Of course, in case of a fire, we have a firetruck and other emergency vehicles standing by.

Sure it might be a bit redundant having a fire truck on the water. But still, the water could be contaminated with flammable chemicals for all we know like fracking fluid. So it pays to stay on the safe side.

Sure it might be a bit redundant having a fire truck on the water. But still, the water could be contaminated with flammable chemicals for all we know like fracking fluid. So it pays to stay on the safe side.

69. Have a duck float and pretty soon everyone is going around making duck faces.

Then again, it may be a swan or a goose for all I know. The bill doesn't seem ducklike to me for some reason. But the costumes certainly do.

Then again, it may be a swan or a goose for all I know. The bill doesn’t seem ducklike to me for some reason. But the costumes certainly do.

70. Now this hotdog float is bound to give the $5 foot long a whole new meaning.

Okay, maybe not since the $5 foot long is from Subway. But I'm sure that you wouldn't want ketchup or mustard on this thing in the very least.

Okay, maybe not since the $5 foot long is from Subway. But I’m sure that you wouldn’t want ketchup or mustard on this thing in the very least.

71. Now by Thor’s hammer, this is a Viking ship well fitting for any regatta.

Now something tells me that the crew will be wearing horned Viking helmets. I'm sure this will give the Mighty Thor and Loki a facepalm.

Now something tells me that the crew will be wearing horned Viking helmets. I’m sure this will give the Mighty Thor and Loki a facepalm.

72. For those who like motorcycles, now you can ride one on the water.

I'm sure whoever designed this float must either be in a midlife crisis or compensating for something. I'm not sure what else. Seriously, motorcycles are called by a different name in the medical field for a reason.

I’m sure whoever designed this float must either be in a midlife crisis or compensating for something. I’m not sure what else. Seriously, motorcycles are called by a different name in the medical field for a reason.

73. Seems like this guy wants to take up a foot in regards to the competition.

Now I'm sure we all wear sneakers. But how many of us have a sneaker boat? I'm sure there could only be one.

Now I’m sure we all wear sneakers. But how many of us have a sneaker boat? I’m sure there could only be one.

74. Of course, you can always seem to hop to it at the regatta with this froggie float.

Now this may not look like Kermit. Then again, it appears pretty demented as if it has no soul to speak of. Still, its tongue seems to be in the water.

Now this may not look like Kermit. Then again, it appears pretty demented as if it has no soul to speak of. Still, its tongue seems to be in the water.

75. For those who look forward to Shark Week, a float like this might be for you.

Now Jaws begins when a shark devours a woman swimming on the beach. In this case the woman is using the shark as a rowboat. Reminds us of how far we've come.

Now Jaws begins when a shark devours a woman swimming on the beach. In this case the woman is using the shark as a rowboat. Reminds us of how far we’ve come.

76. Got a rusty old farm truck? Perhaps you should make a float for it with some rusty barrels.

Now I'm sure this is probably a Deere if it's in an American regatta. Of course, at least it's carrying an appropriate load.

Now I’m sure this is probably a Deere if it’s in an American regatta. Of course, at least it’s carrying an appropriate load.

77. Now there’s nothing better than having a regatta boat of a bunny or mouse.

Okay, that's definitely a mouse. But at least these people seem to make the whole regatta sort of a family affair. Even if it's subjecting the kid to wearing mouse ears.

Okay, that’s definitely a mouse. Then again, it may be a bunny. But at least these people seem to make the whole regatta sort of a family affair. Even if it’s subjecting the kid to wearing bunny ears.

78. Why use oars to move around when you already have water wheels on each side?

Not sure if it does away with oars completely. But even if it doesn't, it still looks pretty cool. Wouldn't mind having one of those myself.

Not sure if it does away with oars completely. But even if it doesn’t, it still looks pretty cool. Wouldn’t mind having one of those myself.

79. Only at a regatta could you make a caterpillar out of a bathtub.

Now the picture in the window is obviously photoshopped. Still, you have to hand it to these ladies for their creative spirit.

Now the picture in the window is obviously photoshopped. Still, you have to hand it to these ladies for their creative spirit.

80. Well, if anyone needs a snack, there’s always Dunkin’ Donuts.

Still, you don't want to have too many if you want to look good in a swimsuit. And this goes for women and men here. Or if you don't want diabetes or other health problems like obesity.

Still, you don’t want to have too many if you want to look good in a swimsuit. And this goes for women and men here. Or if you don’t want diabetes or other health problems like obesity.

Place Your Bets for These Kentucky Derby Hats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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The first Saturday in May, all eyes are on Louisville’s Churchill Downs for the annual Kentucky Derby which is one of America’s oldest sporting events with the first taking place in 1875 with the first started by Meriwether Lewis Clark Jr. (whose grandfather was William Clark of the Lewis and Clark expedition). Seriously, it predates the Super Bowl. Now the Kentucky Derby is the first of the major Triple Crown horse races in which the horses and their riders must race along a 1 1/4 mile stretch. But unlike NASCAR, it’s just the one time and lasts for a few minutes. So no falling asleep at the TV screen there. However, the winner is usually the favorite for the other two Triple Crown races like the Preakness in Maryland and the Belmont States of New York as well as gets covered in roses. The horse winning these races wins the Triple Crown, which last happened in the 1970s. Now after the Kentucky Derby is a 2 week long Kentucky Derby festival. Still, there are a lot of traditions associated with the Kentucky Derby such as mint juleps, burgoo, gambling, and rich people. Yet, one particular tradition standing out is how many spectators tend to wear large ridiculous hats. So for your reading pleasure, here is an assortment of Kentucky Derby hats.

1. Now this guy loves flowers in his hat and seeing dollar signs.

Yes, wearing ridiculous Kentucky Derby hats no longer seems limited to women anymore. I mean this guy seems more suited for a different sporting event or night club.

Yes, wearing ridiculous Kentucky Derby hats no longer seems limited to women anymore. I mean this guy seems more suited for a different sporting event or night club.

2. Of course, you can’t kick off the Kentucky Derby Day without breakfast.

Not sure if this hat is from the Kentucky Derby. Yet, since it's a hat with a heart attack inducing breakfast on it, I'll put it on there. Fitting since obesity is a big problem in Kentucky anyway.

Not sure if this hat is from the Kentucky Derby. Yet, since it’s a hat with a heart attack inducing breakfast on it, I’ll put it on there. Fitting since obesity is a big problem in Kentucky anyway.

3. Why have a flamingo on your lawn, while you can have one in your hat?

Now this hat is outrageous enough without the flamingo. But with it, it's just tacky. Even more ridiculous is that the flamingo also has a hat, too.

Now this hat is outrageous enough without the flamingo. But with it, it’s just tacky. Even more ridiculous is that the flamingo also has a hat, too.

4. Ever get the feeling that some people have horses flying around their heads?

Now this guy has a cowboy hat on with roses and horses spinning at the top. Of course, there are only two seats on this small carousel if it is one.

Now this guy has a cowboy hat on with roses and horses spinning at the top. Of course, there are only two seats on this small carousel if it is one.

5. Since Kentucky is the Bluegrass State, it’s only fitting to have wear a hat of blue cheese.

And what better hat of blue cheese than one that almost resembles Mt. Rushmore on a platter? Seriously, it kind of does if you think about it.

And what better hat of blue cheese than one that almost resembles Mt. Rushmore on a platter? Seriously, it kind of does if you think about it.

6. When it comes to top hats, the taller the better.

If it weren't for the roses, you'd think this guy's hat came straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. But it goes great with his outfit.

If it weren’t for the roses, you’d think this guy’s hat came straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. But it goes great with his outfit.

7. If one flamingo won’t make your hat look ridiculous, more will certainly do the charm.

Flower garden flamingos: Making Kentucky Derby hats and gardens tackier since someone thought that they'd make a great decoration for their landscaping.

Flower garden flamingos: Making Kentucky Derby hats and gardens tackier since someone thought that they’d make a great decoration for their landscaping.

8. Roses, beads, and pins will certainly make this woman a spectacle at the derby.

Too bad that the Amazing Karnak was planning on wearing the same thing. Of course, most people don't know who the Amazing Karnak is since he's one of Johnny Carson's characters. Yeah, hasn't been around since the 1990s.

Too bad that the Amazing Karnak was planning on wearing the same thing. Of course, most people don’t know who the Amazing Karnak is since he’s one of Johnny Carson’s characters. Yeah, hasn’t been around since the 1990s.

9. Make sure the roses on your hat have little horseman on them.

Now I don't know what to make of that. Because little horsemen simply don't jump out of roses as far as I know. Except maybe in acid trips or something.

Now I don’t know what to make of that. Because little horsemen simply don’t jump out of roses as far as I know. Except maybe in acid trips or something.

10. In the Kentucky Derby, your hat can never have enough flowers or feathers.

Now this seems like a fancy winter hat at this angle. But it's basically made for spring. Still, it's as utterly tacky as you'd expect Lady Gaga to wear it at an awards ceremony.

Now this seems like a fancy winter hat at this angle. But it’s basically made for spring. Still, it’s as utterly tacky as you’d expect Lady Gaga to wear it at an awards ceremony.

11. Since spring is the season of flowers, why not spring into the Derby in pink?

“Oh, shit. Seems like I forgot to put on some peacock feathers on this to make it seem more outrageous. Now Cindy’s out there topped with a showgirl’s hat from Las Vegas.”

12. When it comes to derby hats, you can use almost anything, even tablecloths.

Now Now this seems like she's traveling in an exotic land, perhaps during the late 1800s. Then again, it does look like a creative arrangement of a table cloth.

Now this seems like she’s traveling in an exotic land, perhaps during the late 1800s. Then again, it does look like a creative arrangement of a table cloth.

13. Since the Kentucky Derby is a horse race, it seems appropriate enough to wear a horse’s head for the occasion.

Now that looks like a horse's head you'd get from Amazon or something. Still, seeing it eat roses is kind of creepy if you think about it.

Now that looks like a horse’s head you’d get from Amazon or something. Still, seeing it eat roses is kind of creepy if you think about it.

14. As far as flowers go, the bigger the better.

And this red flower seems to cover most of this woman's hat. Hope some bee doesn't mistake it for the real thing.

And this red flower seems to cover most of this woman’s hat. Hope some bee doesn’t mistake it for the real thing.

15. During the Kentucky Derby some people drink while others seem all corked out.

Let's hope that the corks she used on this hat came from a craft store. Because if not, she might need to go through a Twelve Step program.

Let’s hope that the corks she used on this hat came from a craft store. Because if not, she might need to go through a Twelve Step program.

16. Some people tend to be private about their boudoir while this woman as a miniature version of hers out in the open.

I'm not sure which is more outrageous having a bathroom on your head or all the blue stuff surrounding it. Seriously, it just seems so ridiculous on sight.

I’m not sure which is more outrageous having a bathroom on your head or all the blue stuff surrounding it. Seriously, it just seems so ridiculous on sight.

17. Of course, every look has to go with the right kind of curls.

Now if these curls were any smaller, I would've mistook them for wood shavings. Hope she doesn't run into low doorways.

Now if these curls were any smaller, I would’ve mistook them for wood shavings. Hope she doesn’t run into low doorways.

18. Nothing makes a nice Southern plantation home than a grand staircase.

But when it comes to this woman, the grand staircase is pink and purple as well as on her head. But I don't know if this staircase leads to heaven or nowhere.

But when it comes to this woman, the grand staircase is pink and purple as well as on her head. But I don’t know if this staircase leads to heaven or nowhere.

19. When it comes to the wild Kentucky Derby fashions, even the sportscasters like to show off.

NBC sportscaster Bob Costa looks so stunning in Johnny Weir's white hat. Not sure if it matches his suit though.

NBC sportscaster Bob Costa looks so stunning in Johnny Weir’s white hat. Not sure if it matches his suit though.

20. While some don hats of horse’s heads, others don those of jockeys.

Hope this woman didn't get that head from her job at the DMV. Then again, she seems a bit too rich to have a job there from how that hat is decorated.

Hope this woman didn’t get that head from her job at the DMV. Then again, she seems a bit too rich to have a job there from how that hat is decorated.

21. People come from all over the country for the Kentucky Derby. This woman is from Wisconsin.

And she's wearing her cheesehead coiffure in all its Greenbay Packer glory. Seriously, whenever I see a cheese head, I think of the Greenbay Packers.

And she’s wearing her cheese head coiffure in all its Greenbay Packer glory. Seriously, whenever I see a cheese head, I think of the Greenbay Packers.

22. What better hat for the Kentucky Derby than a straw bonnet of a horse?

Yes, this guy sure looks pretty with a horse bonnet that has pink lilies on its ears. Also, has a rabbit's foot on it for luck. Guess he has money on a horse.

Yes, this guy sure looks pretty with a horse bonnet that has pink lilies on its ears. Also, has a rabbit’s foot on it for luck. Guess he has money on a horse.

23. While the official Kentucky Derby drink is mint juleps, this lady prefers to wear a martini glass.

Well, I'm sure she doesn't drink out of the thing,. But if she does, then she might have a problem.

Well, I’m sure she doesn’t drink out of the thing,. But if she does, then she might have a problem.

24. Just drinking mint juleps with a jockey and horse by his sides.

Seems like the jockey and horse are chilling right by his riding helmet. Let's hope he doesn't have money on a horse and is just there for the fun of it all.

Seems like the jockey and horse are chilling right by his riding helmet. Let’s hope he doesn’t have money on a horse and is just there for the fun of it all.

25. Of course, you always need your hat to match your outfit at the Kentucky Derby.

Looks like this will be Lady Gaga in a few decades. Seriously, I can totally see her wearing something like that an awards ceremony or public appearance.

Looks like this will be Lady Gaga in a few decades. Seriously, I can totally see her wearing something like that an awards ceremony or public appearance.

26. No post on Kentucky Derby hats would be complete without one of a mint juleps.

Of course, that's not a real mint juleps. But it looks pretty crazy yet appropriate at the same time.

Of course, that’s not a real mint juleps. But it looks pretty crazy yet appropriate at the same time.

27. It helps if the fringe on your hat matches the cuffs on your dress.

And she seems to have obtained the fuzzy trim from the rare Truffula tree. Of course, she probably had to spend a fortune on it as we know from The Lorax.

And she seems to have obtained the fuzzy trim from the rare Truffula tree. Of course, she probably had to spend a fortune on it as we know from The Lorax.

28. Pink flowers and black feathers, what can possibly go wrong with that?

I'm not sure if I can call this pretty since it seems to come from something you'd see a Star Trek alien wear. Seriously, the feathers are sticking out of the flowers.

I’m not sure if I can call this pretty since it seems to come from something you’d see a Star Trek alien wear. Seriously, the feathers are sticking out of the flowers.

29. When it comes to hair extensions, you can certainly go wild.

Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat you'd see in a Lady Gaga music video or at a show in Las Vegas. Still, it's quite hideous.

Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat you’d see in a Lady Gaga music video or at a show in Las Vegas. Still, it’s quite hideous.

30. Some flowers just simply go well in a box. Some in planters. And some in hats.

I'm sure the flowers aren't real but they're certainly outrageous compared to the horse. Man, that hat is massive.

I’m sure the flowers aren’t real but they’re certainly outrageous compared to the horse. Man, that hat is massive.

31. I call this look the Las Vegas showgirl.

And the fact this hat is worn by a guy makes it even funnier. Seriously, he's bound to make Native American casino owners pissed off over cultural appropriation.

And the fact this hat is worn by a guy makes it even funnier. Seriously, he’s bound to make Native American casino owners pissed off over cultural appropriation.

32. When it comes to Kentucky Derby hats, some are bound to make other spectators a little uncomfortable.

Yeah, if I was sitting next to a guy with an old timey camera hat and wearing sunglasses, I'd assume he was working for some covert organization. Seriously, he give me the creeps.

Yeah, if I was sitting next to a guy with an old timey camera hat and wearing sunglasses, I’d assume he was working for some covert organization. Seriously, he give me the creeps.

33. Some people enjoy the Kentucky Derby so much that they have to wear Churchill Downs on their heads.

Because why have a hat of a horse's head when you can have one with 2 steeples? Of course, she might poke somebody's eye out.

Because why have a hat of a horse’s head when you can have one with 2 steeples? Of course, she might poke somebody’s eye out.

34. Of course, this woman is setting a record with her LP hat.

Hope the album in question isn't of great quality, music wise. Seriously, I wouldn't want to wast a good album on a hat if I were you.

Hope the album in question isn’t of great quality, music wise. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to wast a good album on a hat if I were you.

35. Hey, I didn’t know that you can wear giant candy wrappers.

Hmm... I know the fashion industry can churn out some crazy shit these days. But I'm not sure if I'd want to be caught dead wearing a candy wrapper hat should a horse run over me at the races.

Hmm… I know the fashion industry can churn out some crazy shit these days. But I’m not sure if I’d want to be caught dead wearing a candy wrapper hat should a horse run over me at the races.

36. Eeek! Is that a spider on her head? Oh, God, take it away!

Sure she may think she's glamorous, but her hat resembles some kind of giant spider that's just escaped from mad scientists laboratory. Wouldn't be surprised if it was radioactive.

Sure she may think she’s glamorous, but her hat resembles some kind of giant spider that’s just escaped from mad scientists laboratory. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was radioactive.

37. With a hat like this, no one will get lost or forget the time.

Unfortunately, this sundial hat isn't 100% accurate. But I'm sure you can see it from a bird's eye view. Or not.

Unfortunately, this sundial hat isn’t 100% accurate. But I’m sure you can see it from a bird’s eye view. Or not.

38. Of course, when looking at her hat, you’d swear to have seen it in a modern art museum. You probably didn’t know it was a hat to begin with.

Nevertheless, wearing a hat like this, and astronauts will be able to track your moves from space. Still, quite hideous.

Nevertheless, wearing a hat like this, and astronauts will be able to track your moves from space. Still, quite hideous.

39. Hey, I didn’t know they had a My Little Pony horse’s head hat. Guess every little girl wants one now.

Well, basically a hat for those who enjoy My Little Pony and The Godfather. Now Rainbow Sparkles will certainly make him an offer he can't refuse.

Well, basically a hat for those who enjoy My Little Pony and The Godfather. Now Rainbow Sparkles will certainly make him an offer he can’t refuse.

40. Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat I’d expect from a Tim Burton film.

From Huffington Post:

From Huffington Post: “Originally designed to be worn by Helena Bonham Carter at the Oscars, this hat has found new life startling horses at Churchill Downs.”

41. What better way to grace the Kentucky Derby than wear a hat made from the precious feathers of your pet macaw.

Of course, it was a Norwegian Blue which is know for its wonderful plumage. But they do have a tendency of pining for the fjords. What? Are you saying that there aren't any parrots in Norway? Well, you obviously haven't seen Monty Python.

Of course, it was a Norwegian Blue which is know for its wonderful plumage. But they do have a tendency of pining for the fjords. What? Are you saying that there aren’t any parrots in Norway? Well, you obviously haven’t seen Monty Python.

42. This guy seems to love roses so much that he had to have some tattooed on his face.

Doesn't stop him from looking like some bum who was hired to wear such a ridiculous hat. Yeah, seems like he's way too covered in roses to appear like a true fan.

Doesn’t stop him from looking like some bum who was hired to wear such a ridiculous hat. Yeah, seems like he’s the kind of guy who attends the Kentucky Derby during his annual day of being in civilization.

43. After the Derby one of them is going to a mad tea party while the other will celebrate Cinco de Mayo by watching The Three Amigos.

Mad tea party or Three Amigos? Oh, what the hell, Three Amigos will always win every time for me. Seriously, that movie is a classic.

Mad tea party or Three Amigos? Oh, what the hell, Three Amigos will always win every time for me. Seriously, that movie is a classic.

44. The Louisville mayor and his entourage.

Nevertheless, Louisville's mayor has an ego about a mile wide. So on Kentucky Derby day, he thinks he's the Pope.

Nevertheless, Louisville’s mayor has an ego about a mile wide. So on Kentucky Derby day, he thinks he’s the Pope.

45. I suppose this is the ice cream lady.

I don't know about you, but she's probably wearing the hat for the money. Bet the ice cream company is sponsoring this horse race, right?

I don’t know about you, but she’s probably wearing the hat for the money. Bet the ice cream company is sponsoring this horse race, right? How else could she wear an ice cream cone on her head?

46. Seems like this woman decided to wear the same outfit she had on during the gala at the modern art museum.

Because how else could her hat resemble a piece of funky colored bacon with springs on it? Seriously, bacon doesn't look like that.

Because how else could her hat resemble a piece of funky colored bacon with springs on it? Seriously, bacon doesn’t look like that.

47. Guess the ladies of the Red Hat Society aren’t wearing anything outrageous.

Oh, my mistake. Actually looks like something the Red Hat Society ladies might wear to a derby in a Dr. Seuss story for some reason. Then again, the feathers are just crazy on this one.

Oh, my mistake. Actually looks like something the Red Hat Society ladies might wear to a derby in a Dr. Seuss story for some reason. Then again, the feathers are just crazy on this one.

48. When it comes to roses at the Kentucky Derby, the bigger, the better.

And it makes you wonder how the rose can be so big and still stay on this woman's head. Seriously, I really want to know that answer.

And it makes you wonder how the rose can be so big and still stay on this woman’s head. Seriously, I really want to know that answer.

49. Some people just want to wake up and smell the flowers.

Some guys just want to wear a hat with the petals surrounding them. Sure this doesn't make you look ridiculous (sarcasm).

Some guys just want to wear a hat with the petals surrounding them. Sure this doesn’t make you look ridiculous (sarcasm).

50. I suppose that this guy is holding the cup.

Sure he may wear it on his head, but think of how many things he's carrying in that. Hopefully, he doesn't have any drugs in them. But I could be wrong.

Sure he may wear it on his head, but think of how many things he’s carrying in that. Hopefully, he doesn’t have any drugs in them. But I could be wrong.

51. Nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than wearing a hat of dangling horses.

Okay, now I don't know about you, but it seems that the horses are dangling from their necks. It's like an equine hanging tree. Seriously, that's messed up.

Okay, now I don’t know about you, but it seems that the horses are dangling from their necks. It’s like an equine hanging tree. Seriously, that’s messed up.

52. When it comes to Kentucky Derby Beer Pong, all the plastic cups have to have roses and mint juleps in them.

Of course, they may be empty for now. But after the Derby, well, I'm sure they'll be filled with booze and be used for beer pong.

Of course, they may be empty for now. But after the Derby, well, I’m sure they’ll be filled with booze and be used for beer pong. Not sure about the roses though.

53. Of course, nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than having your hat made from the feathers of your dead parrot.

Seriously, you have to wonder why people would think that using dead pets for fancy hats is a good idea. Also, this hat is beyond hideous, but here it is.

Seriously, you have to wonder why people would think that using dead pets for fancy hats is a good idea. Also, this hat is beyond hideous, but here it is.

54. Care for a bee in your bonnet?

Hey, I didn't mean literally, but what the hell. I mean it's just an expression. You don't need to take everything literally. Also, that bee is terrifying.

Hey, I didn’t mean literally, but what the hell. I mean it’s just an expression. You don’t need to take everything literally. Also, that bee is terrifying.

56. Can’t decide between 2 hats? Just glue them together and create an awesome megahat, or not.

Yeah, I think the white hat would've been better without the funky blue feathers plucked from a bird in Horton's jungle. Hey, I'm just saying.

Yeah, I think the white hat would’ve been better without the funky blue feathers plucked from a bird in Horton’s jungle. Hey, I’m just saying.

57. Finally, a hat with nothing unusual.

Oh, wait, that's Joey Fatone from the 1990s boy band NSYNC. Still, you kind of wish they had reunion at the Kentucky Derby wearing hats like these.

Oh, wait, that’s Joey Fatone from the 1990s boy band NSYNC. Still, you kind of wish they had reunion at the Kentucky Derby wearing hats like these.

58. Now the bowler hat is fine. The giant cigarette, large gemstone ring, and the fur coat on the other hand.

Seriously, if he's not doing anything illegal or killing people, he's probably a greedy corporate executive who treats his minimum wage workers like shit, is engaging in insider trading, has had a succession of trophy wives, and spends most of his time on his expensive yacht.

Seriously, if he’s not doing anything illegal or killing people, he’s probably a greedy corporate executive who treats his minimum wage workers like shit, is engaging in insider trading, has had a succession of trophy wives, and spends most of his time on his expensive yacht.

58. Who knew that the Ghost of Christmas Present was a fan of horse racing?

Guess a guy whose job is to haunt the dreams of miserly bankers on an annual basis needs some kind of pleasure in life. But still, he looked way cooler in A Christmas Carol.

Guess a guy whose job is to haunt the dreams of miserly bankers on an annual basis needs some kind of pleasure in life. But still, he looked way cooler in A Christmas Carol.

59. Knowing that it was expected to rain in Louisville during the derby, Cyndi Lauper decided to dress accordingly.

Yes, that Cyndi Lauper. Yes, that hat resembles a UFO. And yes, it also doubles as an umbrella. Any questions?

Yes, that Cyndi Lauper. Yes, that hat resembles a UFO. And yes, it also doubles as an umbrella. Any questions?

60. Of course, this gigantic pink rose doesn’t make her hat look in any way cartoonish.

Uh, yes. it does. In fact, it makes the other gigantic flower hats look normal in comparison. Seriously, you'd swear it was genetically engineered by Monsanto.

Uh, yes. it does. In fact, it makes the other gigantic flower hats look normal in comparison. Seriously, you’d swear it was genetically engineered by Monsanto.

61. May I present to you, the Green Bay Packers Ladies’ Auxillary.

Now regular cheese heads are one thing. But pink cheese heads? Now that's really fucked up. Guess they really wanted to show their love for the Packers and wear hats that matched their outfits.

Now regular cheese heads are one thing. But pink cheese heads? Now that’s really fucked up. Guess they really wanted to show their love for the Packers and wear hats that matched their outfits.

62. Now here is a hat in glorious purple.

From Huffington Post: “There was this giant purple monster with feathers and it was chasing me through my old high school.”

63. I’m sure those bright pink feathers will make any Kentucky Derby hat look gorgeous.

I'm sorry but I was wrong. It just looks like something you'd buy at a Halloween costume store, particularly if it comes with a matching pimp suit.

I’m sorry but I was wrong. It just looks like something you’d buy at a Halloween costume store, particularly if it comes with a matching pimp suit.

64. After the derby, this guy plans to take part in some secret cult ritual involving horses or something. Or maybe he’s just wearing a horse’s head.

Of course, it's bound to bring some traumatizing memories for people who woke up next to a horse's head in their beds. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

Of course, it’s bound to bring some traumatizing memories for people who woke up next to a horse’s head in their beds. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

65. Of course, when it comes to hat decorating, some people just don’t know when to stop.

Let's hope Churchill Downs has high doorways so she doesn't run into something. Still, if she was a man, you'd think she was compensating for something.

Let’s hope Churchill Downs has high doorways so she doesn’t run into something. Still, if she was a man, you’d think she was compensating for something.

66. This woman is certainly an accomplished hunter for she had to shoot a lot of birds to make a hat like this.

Of course, when it comes to pheasant shooting, this lady tends to use a machine gun by the looks of it. Still, maybe she should've stuck to something more suited for spring.

Of course, when it comes to pheasant shooting, this lady tends to use a machine gun by the looks of it. Still, maybe she should’ve stuck to something more suited for spring.

67. Nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than a hat with a horse’s head in a top hat on a platter.

I don't know about you but I'm starting to get the kind of My Little Pony meets The Godfather vibe again. I wonder why. Still, it has some pretty disturbing implications if you ask me.

I don’t know about you but I’m starting to get the kind of My Little Pony meets The Godfather vibe again. I wonder why. Still, it has some pretty disturbing implications if you ask me.

68. Of course, if it should rain in Churchill Downs, then I’m sure I’d like to get under this guy.

Nevertheless, if there be showers, this guy will certainly be very popular. I mean wearing a hat like that would make any guy a one man mobile pavilion.

Nevertheless, if there be showers, this guy will certainly be very popular. I mean wearing a hat like that would make any guy a one man mobile pavilion.

69. I see that the horses are about to leave the gates.

My mistake. That's just a guy's hat. Yeah, I know it's weird. But he really seems to be a big horse racing fan by the looks of it.

My mistake. That’s just a guy’s hat. Yeah, I know it’s weird. But he really seems to be a big horse racing fan by the looks of it.

70. Won’t you give another mint julep for this Fairy Godmother?

Seriously, she went through all that trouble to get Cinderella to the ball. So she really can use a break. And so what if she likes to bet on horses and get drunk on mint juleps afterwards?

Seriously, she went through all that trouble to get Cinderella to the ball. So she really can use a break. And so what if she likes to bet on horses and get drunk on mint juleps afterwards?

College Mascots: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Of course, another big event around this time of year other than Easter and Saint Patrick’s day is March Madness. Namely this is the time of year when the best NCAA Division I basketball teams across the United States play in the NCAA Tournament. Meanwhile fans across the nation complete their brackets and predict which team will win. Of course, owing that women’s sports don’t get much airtime (rampant sexism that even Title IX can’t remedy), March Madness usually revolves around the men’s teams. However, we’re also flooded by news reports on how college sports are such a big cash cow which profit the colleges and coaches while the players receive absolutely no compensation as pawns since they’re student athletes. Nevertheless, I used this occasion to challenge myself to find 75 more abhorrent college mascots across the land after my last college mascot post. Though it took longer, I was successful in my endeavors. So without further adieu, here are more college mascots you that make your super lame mascot seem awesome. Note that not all mascots presented here are currently competing in the NCAA tournament, especially those featured in my previous mascot post in August. Hell, some aren’t even Division I do begin with. Also, go VCU Rams since my sister attends there.

1. Sparty – Michigan State University Spartans

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

2. George Washington – George Washington University Colonials

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I've ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I'm sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I’ve ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I’m sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

3. Big Jay – Kansas University Jayhawks

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

4. Boxer – Pacific University Boxers

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

5. Thunder – Wheaton College Mastodons

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because they house a whole mastodon skeleton on the campus. However, Thunder's appearance makes him more suitable for a children's book than as a college mascot.

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because some of its faculty had excavated a mastodon skeleton on a judge’s property, which is now on display at the campus. However, Thunder’s appearance makes him more suitable for a children’s book than as a college sports mascot. In short, he doesn’t live up to his name.

6. The Gull – Endicott College Gulls

Now I don't know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn't care for photo ops for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn’t care for photo ops for some reason.

7. Gnome Ranger – San Antonio College

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school's mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What's even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn't even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school’s mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What’s even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn’t even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

8. Shuckie and Pearl – St. Mary’s University, Texas Rattlers

To be fair, St. Mary's Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don't have the slightest idea.

To be fair, St. Mary’s Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don’t have the slightest idea.

9. Willie the Wildcat – Kansas State University Wildcats

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must've said, "How about let's save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It'll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run." Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person's body rather terrifying if you ask me.

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must’ve said, “How about let’s save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It’ll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run.” Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person’s body rather terrifying if you ask me.

10. Will D. Cat – Villanova University Wildcats

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he's about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he’s about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

11. Herbie Husker – University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers

Okay, looking at him, you'd think he'd be the kind of western farmer type who'd probably run over you in a John Deere or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he's asking for another round of drinks.

Okay, looking at him, you’d think he’d be the kind of western farmer type who’d probably run over you in a John Deere or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he’s asking for another round of drinks.

12. Rip Tide – Tulane University Green Wave

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, "Pecker" but it was named "Riptide" for obvious reasons.

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Seems like he’s been to too many Mardis Gras parties in New Orleans. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, “Pecker” but it was named “Riptide” for obvious reasons.

13. Alex – Hamilton College Continentals

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can't even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can’t even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

14. The Explorer – La Salle University Explorers

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

15. Ichabod – Wasburn University Ichabods

When I hear the name "Ichabod," I don't think a badass sports time despite that Washburn's was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

When I hear the name “Ichabod,” I don’t think a badass sports time despite that Washburn’s was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

16. Bearcat – University of Cincinnati Bearcats

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn't even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn’t even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

17. John Harvard – Harvard University Crimson

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you'd think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you’d think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

18. Screamer – York College of Pennsylvania Spartans

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you'd find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he's just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC mental hospital and is out to kill again.

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you’d find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he’s just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane and is out to kill again.

19. Kingsman and Regal – California Lutheran University Kingsmen and Regals

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they're probably aliens from outer space.

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they’re probably aliens from outer space.

20. Smokey – University of Tennessee Volunteers

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

21. Bobby the Beacon – University of Massachusetts Boston Beacons

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there's something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there’s something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

22. The Green Terror – McDaniel College Green Terror

Well, he's certainly a green terror. I mean he's just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny's not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

Well, he’s certainly a green terror. I mean he’s just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny’s not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

23. Lord Jeff – Amherst College Lord Jeffs

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

24. Gompei the Goat – Worcester Polytechnic Institute Engineers

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he's been infected by some mad goat disease.

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he’s been infected by some mad goat disease.

25. Sammy the Owl – Rice University Owls

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he'd devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he’d devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

26. Albert and Alberta Gator – Florida University Gators

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should've devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they're freaking gators for God's sake.

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should’ve devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they’re freaking gators for God’s sake.

27. Andy the Ant – Missouri State University Bears

Basically he's the mascot of the college's Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter's burned out brother with antennas than anything.

Basically he’s the mascot of the college’s Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter’s burned out brother with antennas than anything.

28. Nick L. Mole –  California State University, Fresno Bulldogs

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school's chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I'll never know.

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school’s chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I’ll never know.

29. Kaboom – Bradley University Braves

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I've seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don't know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I’ve seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don’t know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

30. Builderman – Newport News Apprentice School Builders

Now Builderman may not come from a "college" per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I'd hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

Now Builderman may not come from a “college” per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I’d hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

31. Butch T. Cougar – Washington State University Cougars

While I can agree he's a cougar, I'm not sure if I'd call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

While I can agree he’s a cougar, I’m not sure if I’d call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

32. The Tiger – Clemson University Tigers

Seems like Clemson doesn't administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who's totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

Seems like Clemson doesn’t administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who’s totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

33. Big Al – Alabama University Crimson Tide

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren't crimson and don't even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children's book.

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren’t crimson and don’t even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children’s book.

34. Cosmo the Cougar – Brigham Young University Cougars

Of course, if I was a parent, I'd certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

Of course, if I was a parent, I’d certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

35. King Triton – University of California San Diego Tritons

Not to be confused with Ariel's dad from The Little Mermaid who's also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

Not to be confused with Ariel’s dad from The Little Mermaid who’s also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

36. Big Red – Dension University Big Red

Sure he's a buzzard but he doesn't seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

Sure he’s a buzzard but he doesn’t seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

37. Denver Boone – University of Denver Pioneers

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near him.

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near him.

38. Gus the Gorilla – Pittsburg State University Gorillas

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn't seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn’t seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

39. The Duke – Duquesne University Dukes

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he's a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he’s a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

40. Sammy Bearkat – Sam Houston State University Bearkats

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

41. Phlash the Phoenix – University of Wisconsin Green Bay Phoenix

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

42. Ben and John – Franklin & Marshall College Diplomats

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

43. Camel – Connecticut College Camels

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don't help his case.

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don’t help his case.

44. The Griffin – College of William and Mary Tribe

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn't make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive.

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn’t make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive. Seriously, William and Mary’s sports team is the Tribe whereas the Griffin is a Middle Eastern mythological creature. A hawk would’ve been a better choice.

45. General Herkimer – Herkimer County Community College

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there's just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can't name it off the top of my head.

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there’s just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can’t name it off the top of my head.

46. Herky the Hawk – University of Iowa Hawkeyes

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak. I don't know.

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak and the heat looks so unnatural. I don’t know.

47. Aubie the Tiger – Auburn University Tigers

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn't want anyone to make fun of him.

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of him.

48. Killian – Iona College Gaels

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would've been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who's about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school's part.

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would’ve been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who’s about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school’s part.

49. Joe Vandal – University of Idaho Vandals

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, "All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike." Also, would you trust a guy named "Joe Vandal" with your things? No.

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, “All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike.” Also, would you trust a guy named “Joe Vandal” with your things? No.

50. Kangaroo – Austin College Kangaroos

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don't frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something's not right. Third, it has a pouch but I'm not sure if it's male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don’t frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something’s not right. Third, it has a pouch but I’m not sure if it’s male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

51. Lance Lute – Pacific Lutheran University Lutes

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? Seriously, why?

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? It’s a stupid name. Seriously, why?

52. Lobo Louie and Lucy – University of New Mexico Lobos

I don't know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

I don’t know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

53. Privateer Pete – State University of New York Maritime Privateers

"Hello, I'm an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches."

“Hello, I’m an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches. Also, despite how fresh water is precious, I always shave.”

54. Chief Osceola – Florida State University Seminoles

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he's played by a white guy.

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he’s played by a white guy.

55. The Wombat – University of Wisconsin-Sheboygan Wombats

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren't known for being badass. Also, that doesn't even look like a wombat.

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren’t known for being badass. Also, that doesn’t even look like a wombat but something much creepier.

56. Lu Wolf – Loyola University of Chicago Wolfpack

"Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn't mean I'm any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am." Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

“Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn’t mean I’m any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am.” Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

57. The Patriot – George Mason University Patriots

I don't know about you but I don't think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

58. Swoop – University of Utah Utes

I know he's supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can't tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he'll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

I know he’s supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can’t tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he’ll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

59. Milo the Lynx – University of Colorado Denver Lynx

Now this cat seems like he's woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

Now this cat seems like he’s woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

60. Aztec Warrior – San Diego State University Aztecs

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle.

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle. Controversial? I’ll say.

61. Polar Bear – Bowdoin College Polar Bears

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children's book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would've made a better choice.

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children’s book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would’ve made a better choice.

62. Oswald the Penguin – Clark College Penguins

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who's also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would've been a better mascot choice here.

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who’s also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would’ve been a better mascot choice here. Still, it’s said he’s supposed to be from the Galapagos but I don’t understand what the hell he’s doing in Vancouver Washington.

63. Powercat – University of the Pacific Tigers

Or as I call him, "Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You." Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

Or as I call him, “Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You.” Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

64. The Anchorman – Rhode Island College Anchormen

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying.

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying and will make babies scream.

65. Red Raider- Texas Tech University Red Raiders

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam's estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he's unhappy that he doesn't get to shoot anyone in the audience.

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam’s estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he’s unhappy that he doesn’t get to shoot anyone in the audience.

66. Rudy Flyer – University of Dayton Flyers

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he's a mad scientist in his spare time.

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he’s a mad scientist in his spare time.

67. Molly Ann – Southern Arkansas University Muleriders

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I'm sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she's not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I’m sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she’s not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

68. Scrappy the Mockingbird – University of Tennessee Chattanooga Mocs

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn't look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn’t look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

69. Temoc – University of Texas Dallas Comets

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn't overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn't get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn’t overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn’t get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

70. Pirate – Seton Hall Pirates

Now there's nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

71. Spirit the Seawolf – University of Alaska Anchorage Seawolves

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn't mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he's supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn’t mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he’s supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

72. Matty the Matador – California State University Northridge Matadors

I'm sure this guy isn't meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

I’m sure this guy isn’t meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

73. Vili the Warrior – University of Hawaii Manoa

Okay, now I'm sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can't help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I'm not sure if he's still the school's mascot or not.

Okay, now I’m sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can’t help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I’m not sure if he’s still the school’s mascot or not to be honest.

74. Hey Reb – University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he's Yosemite Sam's virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he’s Yosemite Sam’s virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

75. Terrier – Wofford College Terriers

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Touchdown with These Super Bowl Sunday Party Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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So Christmas and New Years has come and gone, so what’s next? Of course, for me, I have my 25th birthday on the 13th and there’s Downton Abbey. Nevertheless, for those repressed culinary arts aficionados, don’t worry for though the Super Bowl is only a month away, January is playoff season so this will give you plenty of time to apply your creativity in the kitchen. Now for those who don’t live in the US, Super Bowl Sunday is the day of the NFL professional football championship in which the winning team that wins receives the Vince Lombardi trophy and a special player gets the Super Bowl MVP trophy, too. Of course, Super Bowl Sunday is sort of like an unofficial national holiday in America, in which families across the country to watch the two best football teams such as the NFC champion and the AFC champion for the ultimate Vince Lombardi trophy. Now being from the Pittsburgh area, I usually watch the Super Bowl if the Steelers are playing and I know this year, they’re in the playoffs. Of course, the bad news is that they play my Uncle Mike’s team, the Baltimore Ravens on Saturday in the Wild Card spot. Yet, if the Steelers do make the Super Bowl, I’ll certainly be torn between local loyalties and watching Downton Abbey, which is one of my favorite shows (it’s really that good). Still, I may not be into the Super Bowl party scene or sports in general (I love my Downton though, especially the Dowager Countess), but my dad played football in high school and has been watching football games ever since while I’ve spent eight years in high school and college marching band. Nevertheless, there are many who have Super Bowl parties and might be looking for ideas for food (and believe me, a lot of food is consumed during the Super Bowl, not all of it healthy). Of course, there are the traditional dishes like nachos, Buffalo wings, hamburgers, hotdogs, potato chips, tacos, pretzels, bacon, and anything else that’s not good for your arteries, all with the side of beer. However, I try to take the unconventional turn. So without, further adieu, here are some great Super Bowl treats to score a touchdown with your Super Bowl party guests. Also, this post has nothing to do with the NFL and it will probably be sponsored with brands like Chevrolet, McDonald’s, Burger King, Bud Light, Miller, Dodge, Ford, Honda, and Budweiser. Some treats might be from previous years.

1. For those from Baltimore, here are some winning cookies for the Baltimore Ravens.

Sorry, Uncle Mike, but Aunt Jane will never ever make these for you. Also, I can't believe this person has jerseys of a guy with two murder allegations and a guy caught on a security camera for knocking out his wife in Atlantic City. Yeah, the Ravens are a great team of role models aren't they?

Sorry, Uncle Mike, but Aunt Jane will never ever make these for you. Also, I can’t believe this person has jerseys of a guy with two murder allegations and a guy caught on a security camera for knocking out his wife in an Atlantic City casino. Yeah, the Ravens are a great team of role models aren’t they?

2. I think I’ll take a 30 yard pass with these deviled football eggs.

They may not be the appetizers you like, but they're a lot healthier than a lot of the traditional tailgating football fare.

They may not be the appetizers you like, but they’re a lot healthier than a lot of the traditional tailgating football fare.

3. Behold, the Mega Snackadium.

You'll see a lot of these in this post. Still, this is the largest of the snack stadiums by far. Of course, since this one is probably used by a restaurant, it doubles as an all you can eat buffet.

You’ll see a lot of these in this post. Still, this is the largest of the snack stadiums by far. Of course, since this one is probably used by a restaurant, it doubles as an all you can eat buffet.

4. To honor the late Vince Lombardi’s Italian heritage, score a touchdown with this delicious pepperoni pizza Vince would’ve wanted his mother to make.

Now I know that footballs are brown but I'm sure pepperoni will do. Also, despite that pepperoni contains lots of salt, this pizza is probably better for you than a lot of things.

Now I know that footballs are brown but I’m sure pepperoni will do. Also, despite that pepperoni contains lots of salt, this pizza is probably better for you than a lot of things. This is called the Vince Lombardi special.

5. For those in New England, here are the jersey cake pops of your favorite Patriots.

Now the New England Patriots are known for winning 3 Super Bowls in 4 years as well as Spygate. However, they lost their last two Super Bowls against the New York Giants. And one of them was when they were undefeated until then. Still, the Patriots are one of those teams you'd love to hate.

Now the New England Patriots are known for winning 3 Super Bowls in 4 years as well as Spygate. However, they lost their last two Super Bowls against the New York Giants. And one of them was when they were undefeated until then. Still, the Patriots are one of those teams you’d love to hate.

6. While you can munch on the Snackadium during the day, save room for some stadium desserts.

With cookie crusts, icing stands with sprinkles, fruit roll-up flags, and pudding turf, I'll take it. Now I'm sure those sprinkles had very expensive seats because Super Bowl tickets aren't cheap.

With cookie crusts, icing stands with sprinkles, fruit roll-up flags, and pudding turf, I’ll take it. Now I’m sure those sprinkles had very expensive seats because Super Bowl tickets aren’t cheap.

7. Since hamburgers are a staple tailgating dish, why not have them for dessert?

Sure these cookie and cream replicants don't exactly resemble cheeseburgers, but I'll have them. Besides, they're probably better for you than a Big Mac or a Whopper.

Sure these cookie and cream replicants don’t exactly resemble cheeseburgers, but I’ll have them. Besides, they’re probably better for you than a Big Mac or a Whopper.

8.  Now this 12th Man Snack Stadium is a great winning addition in a Super Bowl party for any Seattle Seahawks fan.

This one even has cookie versions of its key players on the team. Of course, they all look the same though. Still, they're the most recent Super Bowl Champions who beat the Denver Broncos last year. Steelers beat their ass in 2006 though.

This one even has cookie versions of its key players on the team. Of course, they all look the same though. Still, they’re the most recent Super Bowl Champions who beat the Denver Broncos last year. Steelers beat their ass in 2006 though.

9. Grace your Super Bowl party dessert platter with this large Cheeseburger cake.

Of course, if it's a chocolate cheeseburger cake, I'd call it a "Cheeseburger in Paradise" in the words of Jimmy Buffett. Of course, I'm sure Parrottheads know what I'm talking about.

Of course, if it’s a chocolate cheeseburger cake, I’d call it a “Cheeseburger in Paradise” in the words of Jimmy Buffett. Of course, I’m sure Parrottheads know what I’m talking about.

10. Nothing says Super Bowl party than a football shaped bread bowl filled with chili.

And if you have leftovers, chili even tastes better the second time you heat it up. Not sure about the bread bowl and cheese though. Yet, the golden brown bread almost matches the color.

And if you have leftovers, chili even tastes better the second time you heat it up. Not sure about the bread bowl and cheese though. Yet, the golden brown bread almost matches the color.

11. Now I’d sure like to intercept a cream football covered with chocolate chips.

God, I would really like to have this chocolate chip football on my Super Bowl party dessert platter. I mean who can't resist a chocolate football, or anything else chocolate for that matter?

God, I would really like to have this chocolate chip football on my Super Bowl party dessert platter. I mean who can’t resist a chocolate football, or anything else chocolate for that matter?

12. Speaking of chocolate footballs, here’s a tray of them covered with chocolate.

I think what's under those footballs has to be cake, preferably chocolate cake. Still, I'll eat them.

I think what’s under those footballs has to be cake, preferably chocolate cake. Still, I’ll eat them. Seriously, those look good. Really good.

13. Score in your Super Bowl dinner with these football calzones with tomato sauce as a side.

Now compared to the other gameday delights, these calzones and tomato sauce actually resemble something like a gourmet meal. You know, like what you'd see on a cooking show or a recipe book.

Now compared to the other game day delights, these calzones and tomato sauce actually resemble something like a gourmet meal. You know, like what you’d see on a cooking show or a recipe book.

14. These Rice Krispie football treats will make your Super Bowl Sunday worthwhile.

Now I'm not sure if you'd take to them, but I'm positive your kids will. Then again, they're made from chocolate Rice Krispies at least I hope so.

Now I’m not sure if you’d take to them, but I’m positive your kids will. Then again, they’re made from chocolate Rice Krispies at least I hope so.

15. To wet your appetite for the big game, try these nice football bites.

Now these have pepperoni shaped footballs, cheddar cheese, and Ritz crackers. Of course, I don't know what the white stuff is on the pepperoni. Probably cheese.

Now these have footballs shaped kielbasa slices, cheddar cheese, and Ritz crackers. Of course, I don’t know what the white stuff is on the meat. Probably cheese.

16. Behold, I give you the mushroom and cheese Denver Broncos tortilla pizza.

Actually that's a pretty good rendition of the Denver Broncos logo. I mean, that's pretty damn good. Still, I don't know if the mushrooms make a good substitute for a blue background. Still, the Broncos lost the Super Bowl last year.

Actually that’s a pretty good rendition of the Denver Broncos logo. I mean, that’s pretty damn good. Still, I don’t know if the mushrooms make a good substitute for a blue background. Still, the Broncos lost the Super Bowl last year, even though they had Peyton Manning.

17. Enjoy your Super Bowl party with these edible cupcake wraps.

I'm not sure whether these are manufactured or made by some repressed art student, but chocolate ones have the football while vanilla ones have the yard lines.

I’m not sure whether these are manufactured or made by some repressed art student, but chocolate ones have the football while vanilla ones have the yard lines.

18. And now, I give you all, Hoagie Snackadium, home of Super Bowl BLT!

Hey, that's the football pepperoni pizza I posted earlier. Still, to me this seems like a healthier option than the other stadiums so far, but seems to contain a lot of carbs and fat.

Hey, that’s the football pepperoni pizza I posted earlier. Still, to me this seems like a healthier option than the other stadiums so far, but seems to contain a lot of carbs and fat.

19. Of course, you can’t have any Super Bowl party without a side of football shaped beer bread decorated with bacon and cheese.

Nevertheless, this is certainly a basket of Super Bowl bread rolls fit for any man. I mean it contains all the things men would want as well as the high cholesterol content.

Nevertheless, this is certainly a basket of Super Bowl bread rolls fit for any man. I mean it contains all the things men would want as well as the high cholesterol content. Keep these away from your dog though.

20. For Super Bowl Sunday, it’s best to serve the guacamole dip as a football field.

Of course, this person couldn't afford to build a snackadium so they just stuck with a guacamole dish instead. Nevertheless, pretty clever.

Of course, this person couldn’t afford to build a snackadium so they just stuck with a guacamole dish instead. Nevertheless, pretty clever.

21. Nothing says a Super Bowl party like a red velvet football shaped and chocolate chip covered cheese ball.

Can't believe this is my second chocolate chip covered cheese football I've posted already. Guess I have a thing for chocolate. Of course, nobody can have too much of that.

Can’t believe this is my second chocolate chip covered cheese football I’ve posted already. Guess I have a thing for chocolate. Of course, nobody can have too much of that.

22. Now it seems like this person wants to honor the playoff season with hotdogs representing each team.

I wonder what the hotdog from Pittsburgh would look like. Also, why does the New York one have blue ooze on it? That can't be normal. Oh, it's supposed to represent the Giants. Also, that Green Bay hotdog looks disgusting.

I wonder what the hotdog from Pittsburgh would look like. Also, why does the New York one have blue ooze on it? That can’t be normal. Oh, it’s supposed to represent the Giants. Also, that Green Bay hotdog looks disgusting.

23. Now these are the perfect cookies for any city of Champions.

Now this person really got the team logo right on this one, which the Pittsburgh Steelers have on only one side of their helmets. Nevertheless, not bad for the 6 time Super Bowl champions, am I right?

Now this person really got the team logo right on this one, which the Pittsburgh Steelers have on only one side of their helmets. Nevertheless, not bad for the 6 time Super Bowl champions, am I right?

24. Of course, you can’t really go wrong with chocolate covered strawberries.

Still, they also make great Valentines Day gifts for men, if you know what I mean. Of course, they're also seen as a health food as well.

Still, they also make great Valentines Day gifts for men, if you know what I mean. Of course, they’re also seen as a health food as well.

25. For your Super Bowl party, why don’t you design the cupcake platter from one of your old playbooks?

I don't know about you, but I sort of wish that every football team recorded their plays like this. Seriously, it would be just all the more awesome.

I don’t know about you, but I sort of wish that every football team recorded their plays like this. Seriously, it would be just all the more awesome.

26. I’m sure this stadium cake would satisfy Green Bay Packer fan.

I actually watched that 2011 game when the Packers won the Super Bowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers. At least I got to see Adrien Brody sing in that Stela Artois commercial. Now he is a very good looking guy, my friend.

I actually watched that 2011 game when the Packers won the Super Bowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers. At least I got to see Adrien Brody sing in that Stela Artois commercial. Now he is a very good looking guy, my friend. Well, so what if he has a large nose? He’s way hotter than Channing Tatum, in my book anyway.

27. Of course, if you love seafood, here’s a football of crab spread.

Of course, this crab spread also has cheese on it, which doesn't make it kosher in some Jewish sects. This is especially true with the shellfish. Yet, if they live in Baltimore, I'm not sure that they care.

Of course, this crab spread also has cheese on it, which doesn’t make it kosher in some Jewish sects. This is especially true with the shellfish. Yet, if they live in Baltimore, I’m not sure that they care.

28. Welcome, to the Ham Sandwich Snackadium.

The stadium walls are made from ham sandwiches as I can recall. Yet, they seem to contain a lot of snack foods like Doritos, nachos, potato chips, and Ritz crackers. Still, contains lots of carbs.

The stadium walls are made from ham sandwiches as I can recall. Yet, they seem to contain a lot of snack foods like Doritos, nachos, potato chips, and Ritz crackers. Still, contains lots of carbs.

29. Now this snakadium allows you to make your own sandwich as far as I can see.

Wow, seems like there's a lot of ways you can customize your sandwich in this stadium. Unfortunately, there's only one type of bread. Yet, I'd rather have something hot instead. I don't like hoagies for some reason. Seriously, I don't.

Wow, seems like there’s a lot of ways you can customize your sandwich in this stadium. Unfortunately, there’s only one type of bread. Yet, I’d rather have something hot instead. I don’t like hoagies for some reason. Seriously, I don’t.

30. Since burgers are tailgating fare in football, why not have a football shaped burger?

I don't know about you, but I think it's pretty appropriate for a Super Bowl party. Of course, my dad would usually have some American cheese on his toasted bun.

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s pretty appropriate for a Super Bowl party. Of course, my dad would usually have some American cheese on his toasted bun.

31. Wet your appetite with these rice cake footballs.

I'm sure cheese was involved here as far as I could tell. Or do rice just brown that way? Then again, at least you can dip it in something.

I’m sure cheese was involved here as far as I could tell. Or do rice just brown that way? Then again, at least you can dip it in something.

32. Behold, the cheese pizza dedicated to Super Bowl XLVI in which the New England Patriots face off against the New York Giants.

Man, that's one amazing pizza. Still, I know quite well that the Giants won this one and Eli Manning got another MVP trophy, to his older brother Peyton's dismay.

Man, that’s one amazing pizza. Still, I know quite well that the Giants won this one and Eli Manning got another MVP trophy, to his older brother Peyton’s dismay.

33. For vegetarians and health nuts out there, here’s a veggie stadium platter for you.

A healthy options, Super Bowl party vegetable platter? What kind of NFL heresy is this? Seriously, football food needs to be at least bad enough to kill a man through heart disease.

A healthy options, Super Bowl party vegetable platter? What kind of NFL heresy is this? Seriously, football food needs to be at least bad enough to kill a man through heart disease.

34. Get your child to know the calls in football with these cupcakes.

Now some of the signs on here consist of, "False Start," "Delay Game," "Off-Side," "Pass Interference," "Face Mask," and "Horse Collar." Still, I'm surprised they don't have the call, "Unnecessary Roughness" on here.

Now some of the signs on here consist of, “False Start,” “Delay Game,” “Off-Side,” “Pass Interference,” “Face Mask,” and “Horse Collar.” Still, I’m surprised they don’t have the call, “Unnecessary Roughness” or “Excessive Celebration” on here.

35. For the Pittsburgh Steelers heading to the Super Bowl, here’s a dessert table befit for the City of Champions.

Now let's see here: Steeler jersey cookies, Black and Gold gobs, popcorn, Steeler cupcakes, Steeler cake pops, football cake, and beer. Too bad this was assembled in 2011, when they lost the Super Bowl to the Green Bay Packers.

Now let’s see here: Steeler jersey cookies, Black and Gold gobs, popcorn, Steeler cupcakes, Steeler cake pops, football cake, and beer. Too bad this was assembled in 2011, when they lost the Super Bowl to the Green Bay Packers.

36. No cheese ball is better for the Super Bowl party than a bacon and cheese ball for your crackers.

Of course, the bacon gives this cheese football its color after being ground up into tiny bits. Still, definitely not for people with high cholesterol.

Of course, the bacon gives this cheese football its color after being ground up into tiny bits. Still, definitely not for people with high cholesterol.

37. Don’t forget to kick a field goal into these cupcakes.

Of course, I'm not sure about the yardage here. Then again, take two of these and you get a football field, albeit a very small one.

Of course, I’m not sure about the yardage here. Then again, take two of these and you get a football field, albeit a very small one.

38. Now this snackadium is just epic, literally.

Now I know this one has been done quite some time ago since they have Twinkies and Ho Hos as parked cars in the lot outside. Hostess has been out of business since 2012 at least.

Now I know this one has been done quite some time ago since they have Twinkies and Ho Hos as parked cars in the lot outside. Hostess has been out of business since 2012 at least.

39. Celebrate the Super Bowl with this football cake on the grass.

Of course, the artificial turf on this cake looks more realistic than the turf on Cougar Mountain will ever be.

Of course, the artificial turf on this cake looks more realistic than the turf on Cougar Mountain will ever be.

40. Of course, this snacktadium was made for a bar and grille.

I see this one contains beer as I see it and other dishes. Still, I wonder if that grass is real. Looks like it compared to what I've seen on Cougar Mountain, that is. Also contains helmets from almost all the NFL teams.

I see this one contains beer as I see it and other dishes. Still, I wonder if that grass is real. Looks like it compared to what I’ve seen on Cougar Mountain, that is. Also contains helmets from almost all the NFL teams.

41. Grace your Super Bowl party platter with football fritters containing potato, bacon, and cheddar cheese.

Now I'm sure my dad will really love these. Yet, I know they'd be very bad for him. Contains lots of salt, seriously. Eat enough of them and you'll get a heart attack.

Now I’m sure my dad will really love these. Yet, I know they’d be very bad for him. Contains lots of salt, seriously. Eat enough of them and you’ll get a heart attack.

42. Nothing makes a Super Bowl than a football soft pretzel.

Of course, in Pittsburgh, we call this, "the Ben Roethlisberger Special." Did I spell his name right? Seriously, did I spell his name right?

Of course, in Pittsburgh, we call this, “the Ben Roethlisberger Special.” Did I spell his name right? Seriously, did I spell his name right?

43. For frozen treats, you can’t do wrong with these football ice cream sandwiches on sticks.

The great part of these is that how the plays are written on the sticks. Still, wish real football teams did this with their plays. Maybe they'll remember them better.

The great part of these is that how the plays are written on the sticks. Still, wish real football teams did this with their plays. Maybe they’ll remember them better.

44. For all you winos out there, nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a stadium cheese platter.

Of course, while the black olives are in position, the green olives seemed to have called a time out. Wonder if the green olives realize they're losing. Losing teams tend to do this near the end of games.

Of course, while the black olives are in position, the green olives seemed to have called a time out. Wonder if the green olives realize they’re losing. Losing teams tend to do this near the end of games.

45. Nothing makes great artificial turf for your snackadium than celery.

Okay, I bet this is the low budget version of the Super Bowl veggie platter. And they have an almond to act as a football. For those who have limited cooking skills, you might want to try this.

Okay, I bet this is the low budget version of the Super Bowl veggie platter. And they have an almond to act as a football. For those who have limited cooking skills, you might want to try this.

46. When it comes to snackadium walls, you might want to go with sandwiches on one end and lunch meat and graham crackers on the other.

What my question about this stadium is: How the hell did they get the ham, graham crackers, and pastrami to stand up like that? Seriously, how did they do it?

What my question about this stadium is: How the hell did they get the ham, graham crackers, and pastrami to stand up like that? Seriously, how did they do it?

47. I’m sure your party guests will delight in this one of a kind Super Bowl sundae.

And I guess this is with a sprinkles in a cone as well as chocolate chip mint ice cream. Can I have one, please? I'll take it. Seems like someone's about to score a touchdown.

And I guess this is with a sprinkles in a cone as well as chocolate chip mint ice cream. Can I have one, please? I’ll take it. Seems like someone’s about to score a touchdown.

48. Behold, I give you, the Super Bowl Taco Bowl.

Of course, while this item may be among the healthier dishes on this post, it may give you a case of gas by the 3rd quarter. I mean it's probably covered with refried beans for the other contents to stick to.

Of course, while this item may be among the healthier dishes on this post, it may give you a case of gas by the 3rd quarter. I mean it’s probably covered with refried beans for the other contents to stick to.

49. Nothing says a Super Bowl party than a team sized football burger.

Now I'm sure this was made by a restaurant. I mean burgers don't tend to be that big. Then again, this might be a close up image. Nevertheless, the top bun certainly looks like a real football.

Now I’m sure this was made by a restaurant. I mean burgers don’t tend to be that big. Then again, this might be a close up image. Nevertheless, the top bun certainly looks like a real football.

50. For the kids, I’m sure these football cookies will do quite nicely.

I don't know about you but I really like these expressions on these football. I also love the use of sprinkles for the crowds on the football stadium ones, too.

I don’t know about you but I really like these expressions on these football. I also love the use of sprinkles for the crowds on the football stadium ones, too.

51. Now these cheese potato skin footballs make a great side dish for your Super Bowl party.

Of course, I thought this was a scalped potato dish, wondering, how did they managed to get a dish shaped like that? Then I realized that was potato skin.

Of course, I thought this was a scalped potato dish, wondering, how did they managed to get a dish shaped like that? Then I realized that was potato skin.

52. Score on the big game day with this football shaped veggie platter.

Have to love how the old pig skin is made from peppers, carrots, and cherry tomatoes. The turf is represented by the broccoli.

Have to love how the old pig skin is made from peppers, carrots, and cherry tomatoes. The turf is represented by the broccoli.

53. Nothing scores bigger on your Super Bowl dessert platter than these football cake pops.

Sure these might be covered in chocolate, but, hey, I'll take a bite out of one of them. Nevertheless, cute.

Sure these might be covered in chocolate, but, hey, I’ll take a bite out of one of them. Nevertheless, very fitting for the big game.

54. Now I’m sure your guests will be delighted with these tasty football brownies.

Now these brownies look so delicious that it's making me hungry. Seriously, I really love brownies and chocolate.

Now these brownies look so delicious that it’s making me hungry. Seriously, I really love brownies and chocolate.

55. For your desserts during the half-time show, take a time out with this pull apart football cake.

Because if this doesn't distract you from looking at Katie Perry's boobs, I don't know what will. Still, love the icing, yet I wish the cupcakes were chocolate though.

Because if this doesn’t distract you from looking at Katie Perry’s boobs, I don’t know what will. Still, love the icing, yet I wish the cupcakes were chocolate though.

56. I’m sure this football shaped tortilla sandwich will make a great Super Bowl entree during the game.

Of course this may be a seven layer dip with tortillas overlapping each topping. I'd proceed this dish with caution if I were you.

Of course this may be a seven layer dip with tortillas overlapping each topping. I’d proceed this dish with caution if I were you.

57. If Rice Krispie football treats aren’t your thing, perhaps go with a superized one.

However, though this might be the size of a real football, doesn't mean you should pass it around with your guests. Seriously, don't.

However, though this might be the size of a real football, doesn’t mean you should pass it around with your guests. Seriously, don’t.

58. If you don’t want to give your guests coronaries, then perhaps cover your football cheese ball with nuts.

Of course, ingesting too much cheese may not be good for you. Then again, at least your Orthodox Jewish guest may be allowed to take part in this dish as well.

Of course, ingesting too much cheese may not be good for you. Then again, at least your Orthodox Jewish guest may be allowed to take part in this dish as well.

59. Nothing makes a Super Bowl party than an appetizer dish of sauteed mushrooms.

Sauteed mushroom dish? Seems more like something you'd serve for a Wimbledon party to me. And only rich folks attend those.

Sauteed mushroom dish? Seems more like something you’d serve for a Wimbledon party to me. And only rich folks attend those.

60. Nobody can do much wrong with these field cupcakes for their Super Bowl parties.

Warning: green icing may cause your guests to sport green lips, which are much more appropriate for Saint Patrick's Day.

Warning: green icing may cause your guests to sport green lips, which are much more appropriate for Saint Patrick’s Day.

61. Presenting the Super Bowl salad bowl.

And it looks like the salads in this arrangement is being served in tortilla bowls. Also, is that salad dressing or masking tape?

And it looks like the salads in this arrangement is being served in tortilla bowls. Also, is that salad dressing or masking tape?

62. Score a touchdown at your Super Bowl party with these football bites.

Now these bites seem to contain, Ritz crackers, kielbasa slices, and cheddar cheese. And I guess the lines are drawn with salad dressing.

Now these bites seem to contain, Ritz crackers, kielbasa slices, and cheddar cheese. And I guess the lines are drawn with salad dressing.

63. During the Super Bowl, the best way to eat fruit salad is via a watermelon helmet.

Fruit helmet? Hey, kid, football isn't the sport for queers (I'm just kidding on this, seriously). Also, that dish doesn't seem to fit the dietary guidelines for football food, which is supposed to be bad for the arteries.

Fruit helmet? Hey, kid, football isn’t the sport for queers (I’m just kidding on this, seriously). Also, that dish doesn’t seem to fit the dietary guidelines for football food, which is supposed to be bad for the arteries.

64. Nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a dish of refried dip shaped like a football.

Warning: May cause gas like in the iconic Blazing Saddles scene if this isn't seven layers. Then again, football is more of a men's sport anyway and Super Bowl Sunday more of a men's holiday.

Warning: May cause gas like in the iconic Blazing Saddles scene if this isn’t seven layers. Then again, football is more of a men’s sport anyway and Super Bowl Sunday more of a men’s holiday.

65. Oh, when the Saints go marchin’ in. Oh, when the New Orleans Saints go marchin’ in….

Of course, after winning the Super Bowl in 2010, they became implicated in a high profile scandal in which the coach issued bounties on certain players for his crew to beat up. They haven't been as good since.

Of course, after winning the Super Bowl in 2010, they became implicated in a high profile scandal in which the coach issued bounties on certain players for his crew to beat up. They haven’t been as good since. So much for living up to their name.

66. Of course, nothings honors the big day like a Super Bowl gingerbread stadium.

I don't think this display was made for eating. Nevertheless, it's going in the post anyway. Seriously, it's very good artistry.

I don’t think this display was made for eating. Nevertheless, it’s going in the post anyway. Seriously, it’s very good artistry.

67. Of course, when the Steelers are playing in the Super Bowl, you can’t do without a Terrible Towel cake.

Now the tradition of the Terrible Towel began with the Pittsburgh Steeler's announcer Myron Cope during the team's glory days in the 1970s. It's been a Pittsburgh Steeler tradition since then. Sadly, Myron died in 2008 but he'd always be remember as a local sports personality.

Now the tradition of the Terrible Towel began with the Pittsburgh Steeler’s announcer Myron Cope during the team’s glory days in the 1970s. It’s been a Pittsburgh Steeler tradition since then. Sadly, Myron died in 2008 but he’d always be remember as a local sports personality.

68. Show your support for the Green Bay Packers with this cheese head cake.

The main reason why the Green Bay Packers fans are called, "Cheese Heads" is because the team was originally founded and sponsored by a food packing company. Also, because of Wisconsin's association with dairy products.

The main reason why the Green Bay Packers fans are called, “Cheese Heads” is because the team was originally founded and sponsored by a food packing company. Also, because of Wisconsin’s association with dairy products.

69. Nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a cake of the Vince Lombardi trophy.

I'm sure this cake is professionally made and that trophy is just a replica as far as I can see. Looks very well done though.

I’m sure this cake is professionally made and that trophy is just a replica as far as I can see. Looks very well done though.

70. I now give you, Graham Cracker Snackadium.

Though the outside is graham crackers the inside tends to be aluminum foil, crackers, and guacamole. Still a great snack platter though.

Though the outside is graham crackers the inside tends to be aluminum foil, crackers, and guacamole. Still a great snack platter though.

The Pro Sports Mascot Hall of Shame

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

Doing a post on bad sports mascots got me thinking about the big leagues and how some of them don’t seem to rally the team as much as create a franchise embarrassment. Now I know many of the guys behind the costumes probably started doing this in high school and college perhaps to get in with the cheerleaders or avoid embarrassment of their jock filled family who didn’t want him in marching band. Yet, many of these pro mascots probably took their talent to the big leagues since they love the limelight and/or don’t have many applicable skills. Now the following mascots I’m listing on this post are from the Big Four Leagues based in the United States and sometime Canada as far as the NHL goes. Still, for those who feel embarrassed about your pro team mascot, this is the list for you and for those who are offended for putting your favorite mascot on the list, I sincerely apologize. So without further adieu, here is my cavalcade of the worst mascots in professional sports.

 

NFL

 

1. Steely McBeam- Pittsburgh Steelers

Now I'm from the Pittsburgh area and most Steelers fans think that Steely McBeam is perhaps the stupidest mascot from any Pittsburgh Big Four sports franchise. Seriously, Steely is creepy as hell and his eyes reveal that he's ready to whack someone with his steel I-beam. Nevertheless, why did the Steelers think that they needed a mascot that's so lame?

Now I’m from the Pittsburgh area and most Steelers fans think that Steely McBeam is perhaps the stupidest mascot from any Pittsburgh Big Four sports franchise. Seriously, Steely is creepy as hell and his eyes reveal that he’s ready to whack someone with his steel I-beam. Nevertheless, why did the Steelers think that they needed a mascot that’s so lame?

 

2. Rowdy- Dallas Cowboys

The Dallas Cowboys may be America's football team (Steeler fans: actually no way in hell), but we're sure that Rowdy isn't America's favorite NFL mascot. Also, I think he's kind of committing sexual harassment by gazing at that cheerleader's boobs. Creepy.

The Dallas Cowboys may be America’s football team (Steeler fans: no way in hell), but we’re sure that Rowdy isn’t America’s favorite NFL mascot. Also, I think he’s kind of committing sexual harassment by gazing at that cheerleader’s boobs. Creepy.

 

3. Boltman- San Diego Chargers

Though Boltman was born with phenomenally electrical powers, he couldn't get a job anywhere else than being the San Diego Chargers' mascot after he was rejected by the X-Men for simply making the team look bad and pissing off Wolverine.

Though Boltman was born with phenomenally electrical powers, he couldn’t get a job anywhere else than being the San Diego Chargers’ mascot after he was rejected by the X-Men for simply making the team look bad and pissing off Wolverine.

 

4. Edgar, Allan, and Poe- Baltimore Ravens

I don't know about you, but I think having three Baltimore Ravens mascots modeled after the racist crows from Dumbo named Edgar, Allan, and Poe would sort of send the noted author of "The Raven" turning in his grave. Sure they shall receive love from their fans, nevermore.

I don’t know about you, but I think having three Baltimore Ravens mascots modeled after the racist crows from Dumbo named Edgar, Allan, and Poe would sort of send the noted author of “The Raven” turning in his grave. Sure they shall receive love from their fans, nevermore.

 

5. Blue-Indianapolis Colts

While horses are majestic and beautiful creatures known to kick major ass, this horse mascot seemed to be designed by the creator of My Little Pony on a brown acid trip.

While horses are majestic and beautiful creatures known to kick major ass, this horse mascot seemed to be designed by the creator of My Little Pony on a brown acid trip.

 

6. T. D.- Miami Dolphins

You may not know it but dolphins are pretty aggressive creatures with some species known to kill for fun despite their cuteness. Yet, put one in a Miami Dolphins uniform and introduce it as your mascot, it doesn't seem very intimidating at all.

You may not know it but dolphins are pretty aggressive creatures with some species known to kill for fun despite their cuteness. Yet, put one in a Miami Dolphins uniform and introduce it as your mascot, it doesn’t seem very intimidating at all. Seriously, still too cute.

 

7. Raider Rusher- Oakland Raiders

Now what's worse than having a giant head person mascot ? Well, having a giant head mascot with a spike helmet and mask but no freaking torso! Imagine taking a picture of this guy with your kids. They'll probably cry.

Now what’s worse than having a giant head person mascot ? Well, having a giant head mascot with a spike helmet and mask but no freaking torso! Imagine taking a picture of this guy with your kids. They’ll probably cry.

 

8. Jaxon de Ville- Jacksonville Jaguars

Now I see nothing wrong with having a big cat mascot for your sports team. Yet, a big cat mascot in a speedo and sunglasses, well, that's not right. Seriously, I don't find speedo as anything you'd want to wear in front of kids, even on jaguars.

Now I see nothing wrong with having a big cat mascot for your sports team. Yet, a big cat mascot in a speedo and sunglasses, well, that’s not right. Seriously, I don’t find speedo as anything you’d want to wear in front of kids, even on jaguars.

 

9. Pat Patriot- New England Patriots

Now Pat the Patriot shows that just because he looks good for the logo, doesn't mean that he should have a costumed counterpart. I mean he has a sinister look in his eye as if he's about to ask for your soul.

Now Pat the Patriot shows that just because he looks good for the logo, doesn’t mean that he should have a costumed counterpart. I mean he has a sinister look in his eye as if he’s about to ask for your soul.

 

10. Sir Saint- New Orleans Saints

Now I know he's been mascot for the New Orleans Saints for years, but he's a walking and talking cartoon character. Also, he has an enormous chin, which is pretty terrifying if you ask me. Seriously, he seems he wants to beat up somebody after the game. Look at him.

Now I know he’s been mascot for the New Orleans Saints for years, but he’s a walking and talking cartoon character. Also, he has an enormous chin, which is pretty terrifying if you ask me. Seriously, he seems he wants to beat up somebody after the game. Look at him.

 

11. Captain Fear- Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Now he may seem rather fearsome all right, but for those who've seen the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, he seems to be a rather lame mascot even with the wicked scar on his face. Seems more appropriate for a children's movie with pirates in it who don't do anything, well, the good pirates anyway.

Now he may seem rather fearsome all right, but for those who’ve seen the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, he seems to be a rather lame mascot even with the wicked scar on his face. Seems more appropriate for a children’s movie with pirates in it who don’t do anything, well, the good pirates anyway.

 

12. Indian- Washington Redskins

Of course, I couldn't do a post on bad Big Four mascots without including one from the Washington Redskins. I mean this guy is a walking offensive caricature to Native Americans. Seriously, Redskins, change your fucking name for God's sake? You're projecting a highly negative stereotype many Indians find profoundly offensive. Seriously, this mascot reveals the deep depths of your highly racist soul.

Of course, I couldn’t do a post on bad Big Four mascots without including one from the Washington Redskins. I mean this guy is a walking offensive caricature to Native Americans. Seriously, Redskins, change your fucking name for God’s sake? You’re projecting a highly negative stereotype many Indians find profoundly offensive. This mascot reveals the deep depths of your highly racist soul.

 

MLB

 

1. Raymond- Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Seriously, what the hell is this thing? Well, whatever he is, he seems more appropriate for a Dr. Seuss acid trip than as an official mascot for Major League Baseball.

Seriously, what the hell is this thing? Well, whatever he is, he seems more appropriate for a Dr. Seuss acid trip than as an official mascot for Major League Baseball. I mean he looks like he could be related to the Lorax for God’s sake.

 

2. Dinger- Colorado Rockies

Now I have one good thing and one bad thing to say about this mascot. The good: despite being a cuddly perfect dinosaur, at least he ain't Barney. The Bad: he's still a cuddly purple dinosaur who belongs in Land Before Time, not Major League Baseball.

Now I have one good thing and one bad thing to say about this mascot. The good: despite being a cuddly perfect dinosaur, at least he ain’t Barney. The Bad: he’s still a cuddly purple dinosaur who belongs in Land Before Time, not Major League Baseball.

 

3. Billy the Marlin- Florida Marlins

Now I'm not a big fan of fish mascots, yet this one seems like the Creature of the Black Lagoon's embarrassing long nosed cousin from Miami. Seriously, that does not resemble a marlin in any way.

Now I’m not a big fan of fish mascots, yet this one seems like the Creature of the Black Lagoon’s embarrassing long nosed cousin from Miami who has a large collection of Jimmy Buffett music. Seriously, that does not resemble a marlin in any way.

 

4. Phillie Phanatic- Philadelphia Phillies

I guess since he landed on planet earth,as well as appreciating it much more than wherever he came from, the Phillie Phanatic signed to be a mascot for the Phillies. Either that, or his Philadelphia mascot gig is a backup line of work after he fail his audition for Sesame Street. We're not sure which.

I guess since he landed on planet earth,as well as appreciating it much more than wherever he came from, the Phillie Phanatic signed to be a mascot for the Phillies. Either that, or his Philadelphia mascot gig is a backup line of work after he fail his audition for Sesame Street. We’re not sure which.

 

5. Screech- Washington Nationals

Now I know that bald eagles are majestic creatures and is the national bird of the United States. This mascot reduces an American icon to a Nick Jr. cartoon character.

Now I know that bald eagles are majestic creatures and is the national bird of the United States. This mascot reduces an American icon to a Nick Jr. cartoon character.

 

6. Bernie Brewer- Milwaukee Brewers

Sure he may be a beloved mascot for the Milwaukee Brewers, but his bushy old timey mustache seems to bring a rather creepy vibe to him. Really, Bernie doesn't seem to be up to no good.

Sure he may be a beloved mascot for the Milwaukee Brewers, but his bushy old timey mustache seems to bring a rather creepy vibe to him. Really, Bernie doesn’t seem to be up to no good.

 

7. Southpaw- Chicago White Sox

After being rejected from Sesame Street, Southpaw traveled all the way to Chicago to make his fortune. After a comedy run on Second City, Southpaw managed to achieve fame as the mascot for the Chicago White Sox. Of course, his Twitter account says: “Hey! It’s me Southpaw, the official White Sox Mascot. I sleep, breathe, eat (well…maybe not eat..that would be weird) the White Sox.” Excuse me? What did I just hear? And they have this guy perform at birthday parties?

 

8. Sluggerr- Kansas City Royals

Seriously, is that crown his skin? Seriously, what is he? Is he an alien from outer space because crown heads like that aren't natural in large mammal predators. Still, he's simply terrifying.

Seriously, is that crown his skin? Seriously, what is he? Is he an alien from outer space because crown heads like that aren’t natural in large mammal predators. Either that or what would happen if Bart Simpson mated with a bear. Still, he’s simply terrifying and that kid doesn’t seem too happy posing with him.

 

9. D. Baxter the Bobcat- Arizona Diamondbacks

For God's sake, I'm sure that looks like something I'd see in Pittsburgh during a furry convention. That costume is simply terrifying if you know what I mean and is kind of an insult to bobcats.

For God’s sake, I’m sure that looks like something I’d see in Pittsburgh during a furry convention. That costume is simply terrifying if you know what I mean and is kind of an insult to bobcats.

 

10. Wally the Green Monster- Boston Red Sox

I'm sure the people of Boston might find this Incredible Muppet Hulk loveable for some reason. Yet, for the rest of us, this Jim Hensian monstrosity would probably make everyone else uncomfortable who doesn't live in Boston.

I’m sure the people of Boston might find this Incredible Muppet Hulk loveable for some reason. Yet, for the rest of us, this Jim Hensonian monstrosity would probably make everyone else uncomfortable who doesn’t live in Boston.

 

11. Slider- Cleveland Indians

The Good News: Despite their refusal to change their outright racist logo and send Chief Wahoo to the burning fires of Hell, you have to admit their efforts to include a mascot that doesn't offend Native Americans. The Bad News: If there was a slasher horror movie that included a cast of Jim Henson muppets, I'm sure he'd be the monster killing everybody.

The Good News: Despite their refusal to change their outright racist logo and send Chief Wahoo to the burning fires of Hell, you have to admit their efforts to include a mascot that doesn’t offend Native Americans. The Bad News: If there was a slasher horror movie that included a cast of Jim Henson muppets, I’m sure he’d be the monster killing everybody.

 

12. San Diego Chicken- San Diego Padres

Though he is known for beating up Barney the purple dinosaur during Padres games, yet let's face it, chickens make lame mascots for sports teams. I'm sure this guy seems more appropriate as a spokesman for Tyson yet he didn't want to advocate people eating his fellow poultry.

Though he is known for beating up Barney the purple dinosaur during Padres games, yet let’s face it, chickens make lame mascots for sports teams. I’m sure this guy seems more appropriate as a spokesman for Tyson yet he didn’t want to advocate people eating his fellow poultry.

 

13. Clark the Cub- Chicago Cubs

If you think going through a century without a World Series win was bad enough for Chicago Cubs fans, then you don't know the half of it. Sure Clark is a cute mascot but he's a bit creepy as if he's a spokesman for some Saturday morning PSA about adults touching you inappropriately. That or something a person drew to get into art school.

If you think going through a century without a World Series win was bad enough for Chicago Cubs fans, then you don’t know the half of it. Sure Clark is a cute mascot but he’s a bit creepy as if he’s a spokesman for some Saturday morning PSA about adults touching you inappropriately. That or something a person drew to get into art school.

 

14. Gapper- Cincinnati Reds

Let's see Gapper is either: A. Elmo's embarrassing dad who basically swindled his son's Sesame Street earnings. B. A monster chasing you in a Jim Henson horror movie. C. An alien from outer space. Or D. all of the above.

Let’s see Gapper is: A. Elmo’s embarrassing dad who basically swindled his son’s Sesame Street earnings. B. A monster chasing you in a Jim Henson horror movie. C. An alien from outer space. Or D. all of the above.

 

15. Junction Jack- Houston Astros

Let's see if Jim Henson ever did a muppet version of Deliverance, I'm sure Junction Jack would be doing unspeakable things to the muppet Ned Beatty character. Seriously, if you hear any banjo music nearby when he's around, get the hell out of there.

Let’s see if Jim Henson ever did a muppet version of Deliverance, I’m sure Junction Jack would be doing unspeakable things to the muppet Ned Beatty character. Seriously, if you hear any banjo music nearby when he’s around, get the hell out of there.

 

16. Swinging Friar- San Diego Padres

Now I know that the San Diego Padres derive their name from the Franciscan Friars and that "padre" is another thing to call a priest. Yet, I wonder how many people firmly believe that the Swinging Friar is an insulting caricature of monks? I mean they were pretty awesome guys in the Middle Ages, not fat idiots akin to Friar Tuck!

Now I know that the San Diego Padres derive their name from the Franciscan Friars and that “padre” is another thing to call a priest. Yet, I wonder how many people firmly believe that the Swinging Friar is an insulting caricature of monks? I mean they were pretty awesome guys in the Middle Ages, not fat idiots akin to Friar Tuck!

 

17. Mr. Redlegs- Cincinnati Reds

Mr. Redlegs is basically a cross between Mr. Met and the Monopoly Man. Yet, from the look in his crazed eyes, you wonder whether he's going to murder any players from the opposing team shall any of them score a home run.

Mr. Redlegs is basically a cross between Mr. Met and the Monopoly Man. Yet, from the look in his crazed eyes, you wonder whether he’s going to murder any players from the opposing team shall any of them score a home run.

 

18. The Luchador- Arizona Diamondbacks

Sure as a lucha libre wrestler, he's a racist caricature that offends many in the Latino Community. Yet, what choice did the Arizona Diamondbacks had in selecting him? I mean their other candidates to curry favor to Latinos included a giant walking burrito, a chubby pancho clad bandito with a sombrero and duel wielding pistol, a matador, and a flamenco dancer. Perhaps a Hispanic baseball player from the team would've been better.

Sure as a lucha libre wrestler, he’s a racist caricature that offends many in the Latino Community. Yet, what choice did the Arizona Diamondbacks had in selecting him? I mean their other candidates to curry favor to Latinos included a giant walking burrito, a chubby pancho clad bandito with a sombrero and duel wielding pistol, a matador, and a flamenco dancer. Perhaps a Hispanic baseball player from the team would’ve been better.

 

19. Lefty and Righty- Boston Red Sox

Dear Boston, just because your team is named the Red Sox, doesn't mean that having two giant red sock mascots is a good idea. Seriously, why?

Dear Boston, just because your team is named the Red Sox, doesn’t mean that having two giant red sock mascots is a good idea. Seriously, why?

 

20. Orbit- Houston Astros

Sure Orbit may be a cuddly alien but we're not sure what the hell the ends of his antennas are for. Also, he's not very intimidating is he? More like an alien who'd appear on some cereal box at Save A Lot.

Sure Orbit may be a cuddly alien but we’re not sure what the hell the ends of his antennas are for. Also, he’s not very intimidating is he? More like an alien who’d appear on some cereal box at Save A Lot.

 

21. Paws- Detroit Tigers

He's basically related to Tony the Tiger who's on ten years probation after a stint in the state penitentiary. We're not sure what he was in for but he did something really bad. Tony the Tiger's family doesn't really talk about him.

He’s basically related to Tony the Tiger who’s on ten years probation after a stint in the state penitentiary. We’re not sure what he was in for but he did something really bad. Tony the Tiger’s family doesn’t really talk about him. Perhaps because he has an unsettling look in his eyes.

 

22. The Sausages- Milwaukee Brewers

Think of them as a muppet version of the Village People, but 100 times more terrifying. Yeah, you don't want to stay at the YMCA when when these guys do a rendition.

Think of them as a muppet version of the Village People, but 100 times more terrifying. Yeah, you don’t want to stay at the YMCA when when these guys do a rendition.

 

23. Stomper- Oakland Athletics

Now he may appear as a reasonably intimidating elephant on the Oakland A's logo. Yet, he practically seems more suited for a kid's program in person and that's no small peanuts here.

Now he may appear as a reasonably intimidating elephant on the Oakland A’s logo. Yet, he practically seems more suited for a kid’s program in person and that’s no small peanuts here. Yeah, not very intimidating.

 

NBA

 

1. G-Wiz- Washington Wizards

Basically G-Wiz is the result of what would happen if Gonzo and Cookie Monster got together in a biblical sense. Probably designed by someone who was totally tripping on acid. Called "G-Wiz" when its fans said, "Gee whiz, what the fucking hell is that thing?"

Basically G-Wiz is the result of what would happen if Gonzo and Cookie Monster got together in a biblical sense. Probably designed by someone who was totally tripping on acid. Called “G-Wiz” when its fans said, “Gee whiz, what the fucking hell is that thing?”

 

2. Jazz Bear- Utah Jazz

Basically reminds me of what would happen if an Ewok had gotten together with Chewbacca. That or if Smokey the Bear had gotten too friendly with a lady Sasquatch.

Basically reminds me of what would happen if an Ewok had gotten together with Chewbacca. That or if Smokey the Bear had gotten too friendly with a lady Sasquatch.

 

3. Hip Hop the Rabbit- Philadelphia 76ers

Basically he looks like if Bugs Bunny worked for the Barksdale Organization on The Wire. That what would happen if Bugs Bunny had mated with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, I'm sure his swag is going to keep him from being fired. Oh, yeah, he did get fired.

Basically he looks like if Bugs Bunny worked for the Barksdale Organization on The Wire. That what would happen if Bugs Bunny had mated with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, I’m sure his swag is going to keep him from being fired. Oh, yeah, he did get fired.

 

4. Rumble the Bison- Oklahoma City Thunder

Basically he's the result of what would happen if Chewbacca had gotten together with the Minotaur. Doesn't look like an actual bison at all. Rather it's kind of offensive to American bison, particularly in Oklahoma.

Basically he’s the result of what would happen if Chewbacca had gotten together with the Minotaur. Doesn’t look like an actual bison at all. Rather it’s kind of offensive to American bison, particularly in Oklahoma.

 

5. Burnie- Miami Heat

Of course, after putting up with this horrifying cantaloupe nosed Sesame Street reject, I can see why Lebron James decided to go back to Cleveland. Seriously, he inspires nightmares not spirit.

Of course, after putting up with this horrifying cantaloupe nosed Sesame Street reject, I can see why Lebron James decided to go back to Cleveland. Seriously, he inspires nightmares not team spirit.

 

6. Stuff the Magic Dragon- Orlando Magic

Stuff the Magic Dragon is: A. Designed by a 5 year old or by some guy on acid who was a fan of Peter, Paul, and Mary. B. Originally going to be called "Puff the Magic Dragon," but the Orlando Magic was sued by the 1960s folk trio for copyright infringement. C. An alien from outer space. D. A muppet character reject from Sesame Street. Or E. All of the above.

Stuff the Magic Dragon is: A. Designed by a 5 year old or by some guy on acid who was a fan of Peter, Paul, and Mary. B. Originally going to be called “Puff the Magic Dragon,” but the Orlando Magic was sued by the 1960s folk trio for copyright infringement. C. An alien from outer space. D. A muppet character reject from Sesame Street. Or E. All of the above.

 

7. Pierre the Pelican- New Orleans Pelicans

The good news is that the New Orleans Pelicans finally managed to make a chicken mascot that's bound to strike fear and inspire nightmares in those who lay eyes on him. The bad news is that Pierre is not supposed to be a chicken.

The good news is that the New Orleans Pelicans finally managed to make a chicken mascot that’s bound to strike fear and inspire nightmares in those who lay eyes on him. The bad news is that Pierre is not supposed to be a chicken.

 

8. Go the Gorilla- Phoenix Suns

Only the Phoenix Suns could think of a mascot by dressing a guy in a gorilla suit and a Phoenix Suns jersey. However, our culture has been well accustomed to not taking people in gorilla suits seriously though gorillas are animals nobody would want to mess with.

Only the Phoenix Suns could think of a mascot by dressing a guy in a gorilla suit and a Phoenix Suns jersey. However, our culture has been well accustomed to not taking people in gorilla suits seriously though gorillas are animals nobody would want to mess with.

 

9. Coyote- San Antonio Spurs

Of course, there are two things this Arizona coyote seems to enjoy: rallying the crowd for the Arizona coyotes and smoking crystal meth. Seriously, look at his eyes, there's clearly something not right with him.

Of course, there are two things this Arizona coyote seems to enjoy: rallying the crowd for the Arizona coyotes and smoking crystal meth. Seriously, look at his eyes, there’s clearly something not right with him.

 

10. Sir CC- Cleveland Cavaliers

With Sir CC, all the dashing swashbuckling heroes of 17th century France are reduced to an idiotic caricature in this guy. Maybe the Cleveland Cavaliers should just stick with Moondog and dump him.

With Sir CC, all the dashing swashbuckling heroes of 17th century France are reduced to an idiotic caricature in this guy. Maybe the Cleveland Cavaliers should just stick with Moondog and dump him at least before Alexandre Dumas’ ghost rises out of his grave.

 

11. Thunder- Golden State Warriors

What the hell is this? Seriously, I almost thought it was either Nightcrawler's estranged brother or a guy who once tried out for Blue Man Group before finding out it wasn't a boy band. Still, I hear he was fired from the team for steroid use in 2011 and has been spotted last year in a Chinese opium den.

What the hell is this? Seriously, I almost thought it was either Nightcrawler’s estranged brother or a guy who once tried out for Blue Man Group before finding out it wasn’t a boy band. Still, I hear he was fired from the team for steroid use in 2011 and has been spotted last year in a Chinese opium den.

 

12. Grizz- Memphis Grizzlies

Grizz's dream was to be the first bear to be a chemical engineer and had a lot of great ideas for shampoo. Unfortunately, being a bear, he was unable to secure any meaningful employment and became a mascot for the Memphis Grizzlies instead.

Grizz’s dream was to be the first bear to be a chemical engineer and had a lot of great ideas for shampoo. Unfortunately, being a bear, he was unable to secure any meaningful employment and became a mascot for the Memphis Grizzlies instead. He is not happy about it.

 

13. Brooklyn Knight- Brooklyn Nets

Let's see, this is perhaps one of the worst NBA mascots ever and not because he looks as if he could be a half-brother to Skeletor or possibly Lady Gaga. I mean he's named after a porn star, has no connection to the team name or where they play, has no face, and scared children. I mean he seems more suited for a supervillain with designs for world domination in an action movie than as an NBA sports mascot. Let's just say that any knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail would've made a better mascot for the Nets. At least Spamalot played on Broadway.

Let’s see, this is perhaps one of the worst NBA mascots ever and not because he looks as if he could be a half-brother to Skeletor or possibly Lady Gaga. I mean he’s named after a porn star, has no connection to the team name or where they play, has no face, and scared children. I mean he seems more suited for a supervillain with designs for world domination in an action movie than as an NBA sports mascot. Let’s just say that any knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail would’ve made a better mascot for the Nets. At least Spamalot played on Broadway.

 

14. King Cake Baby- New Orleans Pelicans

Of course, this mascot is perhaps the last thing you'd want at any baby shower, especially if you're the pregnant guest of honor. Seriously, he's basically what would happen if Big Boy and Chucky got together. Of courses, I may owe Pierre the Pelican an apology.

Of course, this mascot is perhaps the last thing you’d want at any baby shower, especially if you’re the pregnant guest of honor. Seriously, he’s basically what would happen if Big Boy and Chucky got together. Of courses, I may owe Pierre the Pelican an apology.

 

15. Lucky the Leprechaun- Boston Celtics

Only this walking mascot that depicts negative Irish stereotypes could make the Lucky Charms Leprechaun seethe with marshmallowy disdain that he'd probably send the Stay Puft Marshmallow Guy after him. I mean Lucky from the Boston Celtics makes leprechauns appear like such douchebags. Still, this mascot also projects bad stereotypes on the Irish as well.

Only this walking mascot that depicts negative Irish stereotypes could make the Lucky Charms Leprechaun seethe with marshmallowy disdain that he’d probably send the Stay Puft Marshmallow Guy after him. I mean Lucky from the Boston Celtics makes leprechauns appear like such douchebags. Still, this mascot also projects bad stereotypes on the Irish as well.

 

16. Hugo T. Hornet- Charlotte Hornets

Hugo is: A. From outer space. B. Created by someone on acid. C. Became this way after falling victim to some nuclear accident that left him not only human-sized but also blue and purple with yellow hair. Or D. All of the above.

Hugo is: A. From outer space. B. Created by someone on acid. C. Became this way after falling victim to some nuclear accident that left him not only human-sized but also blue and purple with yellow hair. Or D. All of the above.

 

17. Mavs Man- Dallas Mavericks

Of course, the Thing never wanted his son Mavs Man to pursue a career in showbiz. Yet, because he didn't have super powers but inherited his father's skin, Mavs Man packed up and went to Dallas where he became a mascot to the Dallas Mavericks.

Of course, the Thing never wanted his son Mavs Man to pursue a career in showbiz. Yet, because he didn’t have super powers but inherited his father’s skin, Mavs Man packed up and went to Dallas where he became a mascot to the Dallas Mavericks.

 

18. Clutch the Bear- Houston Rockets

Aww, Clutch the Bear is so cute that I want to hug him and squeeze him and keep him forever and ever. Hey, wait a minute, a basketball mascot shouldn't resemble a stuffed animal you'd give a baby to. What am I thinking?

Aww, Clutch the Bear is so cute that I want to hug him and squeeze him and keep him forever and ever. Hey, wait a minute, a basketball mascot shouldn’t resemble a stuffed animal you’d give a baby to. What am I thinking?

 

19. G-Man- Washington Wizards

Good News: Well, at least he's not as bad as the G-Wiz mascot from earlier. Bad News: Looks as if he was a former member of Blue Man Group who was thrown out for steroid use.

Good News: Well, at least he’s not as bad as the G-Wiz mascot from earlier. Bad News: Looks as if he was a former member of Blue Man Group who was thrown out for steroid use.

 

20. Bowser- Indianapolis Pacers

Sure he may dunk, but he’s more appropriate as a mascot for some animal shelter or a children’s show character since he’s so cuddly. Doesn’t seem intimidating at all. Was sent to the dog pound in 2010 where he may have been put to sleep, but I’m not sure.

 

NHL

 

1. Fin the Whale- Vancouver Canucks

If keeping killer whales in captivity for shows at Sea World hurts orcas then having a terrifying Fin the Whale as a mascot for the Canucks isn’t far behind. Let’s just say while orcas aren’t cute and cuddly, Fin doesn’t seem to represent them in a good light, especially when he tries to bite off children’s heads. Boy, I hope he doesn’t do anything to that boy with cancer.

 

2. Wild Wing- Anaheim Ducks

Well, he's basically what you'd have if Jason Voorhees was played by Daffy Duck and he looks as if he's out for blood. Give him a machete and any hockey game can become a duck reenactment of Friday the 13th.

Well, he’s basically what you’d have if Jason Voorhees was played by Daffy Duck and he looks as if he’s out for blood. Give him a machete and any hockey game can become a duck reenactment of Friday the 13th on ice.

 

3. Spartacat- Ottawa Senators

At first, you'd think Spartacat would seem like a fairly badass mascot. However, noticing his cuddly demeanor and his Shaun White hair, you'd probably be disappointed. But this little girl seems to love him anyway.

At first, you’d think Spartacat would seem like a fairly badass mascot. However, noticing his cuddly demeanor and his Shaun White hair, you’d probably be disappointed. But this little girl seems to love him anyway.

 

4. Stinger- Columbus Blue Jackets

Let's see, he's not cute, he's not furry, and he's not very pleasant. In fact, he seems like he's getting ready to sting those mangy kids who won't get off his lawn. Let's just see a giant angry insect mascot is perhaps the last thing you want to see at a hockey game.

Let’s see, he’s not cute, he’s not furry, and he’s not very pleasant. In fact, he seems like he’s getting ready to sting those mangy kids who won’t get off his lawn. Let’s just see a giant angry insect mascot is perhaps the last thing you want to see at a hockey game.

 

5. Youppi- Montreal Canadiens

Youppi was actually a mascot for the Montreal Expos before moving to the Canadiens. Still, he kind of reminds me of a lovechild you'd expect between Bigfoot and Carrot Top. Or perhaps he's the product of Yukon Cornelius hooking up with the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer TV special.

Youppi was actually a mascot for the Montreal Expos before moving to the Canadiens. Still, he kind of reminds me of a lovechild you’d expect between Bigfoot and Carrot Top. Or perhaps he’s the product of Yukon Cornelius hooking up with the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer TV special.

 

6. Sparky the Ice Dragon- New York Islanders

Sparky is also an arena football mascot as well and probably should've stayed one. I mean dragons have no connection to the Islander name or New York. Seems more of a dragon for a children's show or Puff the Magic Dragon's evil twin brother. Also, he can't breathe fire, fly, and isn't a mascot for a team named the Dragons. Seriously, why New York, why?

Sparky is also an arena football mascot as well and probably should’ve stayed one. I mean dragons have no connection to the Islander name or New York. Seems more of a dragon for a children’s show or Puff the Magic Dragon’s evil twin brother. Also, he can’t breathe fire, fly, and isn’t a mascot for a team named the Dragons. Seriously, why New York, why?

 

7. Harvey the Hound- Calgary Flames

I see no problem with a dog mascot. Yet, a dog with his tongue out all the time and there is no excuse that he's the mascot for the Calgary Flames. Well, other than being a possible creation of a 6-year old boy who was told to think outside the box. But you'd think a team like the Calgary Flames would have a better mascot perhaps one relating to fire. Torch from the Fantastic Four would've been a better choice or a fire breathing dragon.

I see no problem with a dog mascot. Yet, a dog with his tongue out all the time and there is no excuse that he’s the mascot for the Calgary Flames. Well, other than being a possible creation of a 6-year old boy who was told to think outside the box. But you’d think a team like the Calgary Flames would have a better mascot perhaps one relating to fire. Torch from the Fantastic Four would’ve been a better choice or a fire breathing dragon.

 

8. Al the Octopus- Detroit Red Wings

Of course, you'd think that the Detroit Red Wings would have a more appropriate mascot than a cartoonish purple octopus? Of course, it has something to do with a team legend but still, it's a fucking purple octopus! It has absolutely nothing to do with Detroit, wings, or the color red. Also, it's kind of scary looking.

Of course, you’d think that the Detroit Red Wings would have a more appropriate mascot than a cartoonish purple octopus? Of course, it has something to do with a team legend but still, it’s a fucking purple octopus! It has absolutely nothing to do with Detroit, wings, or the color red. Also, it’s kind of scary looking.

 

9. Sabretooth- Buffalo Sabres

I thought Sabretooth tigers were badass vicious prehistoric big cats. This looks like a plush animal you'd give to your cousin. Seriously, this mascot is an insult to sabretooth tigers everywhere. Even Tony the Tiger seems more intimidating than that and he sells sugary cereal to children!

I thought Sabretooth tigers were badass vicious prehistoric big cats. This looks like a plush animal you’d give to your cousin. Seriously, this mascot is an insult to sabretooth tigers everywhere. Even Tony the Tiger seems more intimidating than that and he sells sugary cereal to children!

 

10. Thunderburg- Tampa Bay Lightning

You'd think a team called the Lightning would have a rather badass mascot, especially if its named Thunderburg. Yet, this mascot either reminds me of a man-sized but harmless insect you can trust your children with or a harmless insect-like humanoid space alien that won't frighten kids.

You’d think a team called the Lightning would have a rather badass mascot, especially if its named Thunderburg. Yet, this mascot either reminds me of a man-sized but harmless insect you can trust your children with or a harmless insect-like humanoid space alien that won’t frighten kids.

 

11. Stormy- Carolina Hurricanes

You'd think a team like the Carolina Hurricanes would have a mascot that pertained to, well, hurricanes, especially with the name Stormy. Apparently they decided to go with a pig named Stormy. Of course, North Carolina has a lot of hogs and some of them may fall victim to hurricanes, but why? This doesn't make any fucking sense! Also, this mascot seems more appropriate for children's cartoon for God's sake.

You’d think a team like the Carolina Hurricanes would have a mascot that pertained to, well, hurricanes, especially with the name Stormy. Apparently they decided to go with a pig named Stormy. Of course, North Carolina has a lot of hogs and some of them may fall victim to hurricanes, but why? This doesn’t make any fucking sense! Also, this mascot seems more appropriate for children’s cartoon for God’s sake.

 

12. Sully and Force- Vancouver Canucks

Now having a terrifying killer whale mascot was one thing. But these guys, why do they even exist? Is Vancouver getting desperate for more mascot appeal? These green men are freaky and seem rather obnoxious. Seriously, what the hell Vancouver?

Now having a terrifying killer whale mascot was one thing. But these guys, why do they even exist? Is Vancouver getting desperate for more mascot appeal? These green men are freaky and seem rather obnoxious. Seriously, what the hell Vancouver?

 

13. Bernie the Saint Bernard- Colorado Avalanche

Of course, Saint Bernards are tough dogs known for rescuing people buried by avalanches. Yet, most people would look at Bernie and think of that dog from the Beethoven movie series.

Of course, Saint Bernards are tough dogs known for rescuing people buried by avalanches. Yet, most people would look at Bernie and think of that troublemaking dog from the Beethoven movie series, you know the films most people watch because of the G-rating.

 

14. Carlton the Bear- Toronto Maple Leafs

Sure polar bears are animals you don't want to mess with since they could rip your arm off. Yet, this bear seems more appropriate for a commercial advertising toilet paper that doesn't stick to your ass. Yeah, I'm talking about the snuggly Charmin commercials.

Sure polar bears are animals you don’t want to mess with since they could rip your arm off. Yet, this bear seems more appropriate for a commercial advertising toilet paper that doesn’t stick to your ass. Yeah, I’m talking about the snuggly Charmin commercials. They say he has a history of TV marketing perhaps as the BIMBO Bread Bear in Latin America? Certainly not the kind of bear that could rip your arm off.

 

15. Boomer the Cannon- Columbus Blue Jackets

Though Boomer certainly resembles a decent mascot, there's just one problem. When he debuted as a "a kid-friendly, cushy cannon character with a friendly face and fluffy moustache reminiscent of a Civil War-era general," the fans didn't take it too well. This is mostly for his so-called phallic appearance. Still, phallic or not, I think causing such controversy makes it worthy to add in the Pro Sports Mascot Hall of Shame.

Though Boomer certainly resembles a decent mascot, there’s just one problem. When he debuted as a “a kid-friendly, cushy cannon character with a friendly face and fluffy moustache reminiscent of a Civil War-era general,” the fans didn’t take it too well. This is mostly for his so-called phallic appearance. Still, phallic or not, I think causing such controversy makes it worthy to add in the Pro Sports Mascot Hall of Shame.

College Mascots: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Soon Back to School Season would be upon us and soon college kids will be returning to their schools. Of course, this means we’ll be upon the season for college sports such as football as you’d see on ESPN. Thus, we’ll be anticipating the return of the college mascots. These are loveable characters who’ve become personified symbols for our home teams. Whether a costumed student or a live animal, they spend their Saturday afternoons and/or evenings revving the crowd, engaging in hilarious hijinks, and on some occasions in NCAA Division I sports, beating the crap out of the other team’s mascot. Of course, my alma mater Saint Vincent College is a Division III school, Vinny the Bearcat  probably didn’t have the chance to beat up some of the other teams’ mascots, though he did launch T-shirt cannons. Yet, at least he’s a decent looking mascot despite being practically a cougar. I mean he’s fierce enough to strike fear into the other team yet cuddly enough not to make kids cry in photo ops. Nor does he cause a major embarrassment in the Saint Vincent Community. Still, I could talk all day about the great mascots and sideline heroes in college sports but that would be boring. Instead, I’ll show you the college mascots that may cause a lifetime of shame and embarrassment to the students who have to don the costumes. These mascots fail to instill any pride or excitement in the fans and have gotten mocked outright. At best, they roam anonymously on the sidelines. At worst, they are uneeded distractions with their mere existence as an excuse for an exercise in stupidity. So without further adieu, here is a collection of college mascots that probably shouldn’t be on the field.

1. Peter the Anteater- University of Irvine Anteaters

Demetri Martin once said that while it's possible to make something cool uncool, it's difficult to make something uncool cool. Now you can give Peter a buff, mean faced anteater with scary markings. Yet, that doesn't change the fact he's a long tongued creature that eats ants. I'm sure if the NCAA was run by ants, he'd be very a scary creature indeed, but it's not.

Demetri Martin once said that while it’s possible to make something cool uncool, it’s difficult to make something uncool cool. Now you can give Peter a buff, mean faced anteater with scary markings. Yet, that doesn’t change the fact he’s a long tongued creature that eats ants. I’m sure if the NCAA was run by ants, he’d be very a scary creature indeed, but it’s not.

2. Cayenne the Chili Pepper- University of Louisiana at Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns

Now I understand that Lafayette, Louisiana is in Cajun country and I know a lot of Cajuns use Cayenne pepper for their cuisine. Sure it may have a face that may fend off a few competitors, too. But come on, he's a giant red pepper for God's sake. And who would be proud to have a giant pepper representing their school?

Now I understand that Lafayette, Louisiana is in Cajun country and I know a lot of Cajuns use Cayenne pepper for their cuisine. Sure it may have a face that may fend off a few competitors, too. But come on, he’s a giant red pepper for God’s sake. And who would be proud to have a giant pepper representing their school?

3. Speedy the Geoduck- Evergreen State Geoducks

In case you don't know, a geoduck is a large saltwater clam with a very long siphon. Of course, not very intimidating, especially since the costume seems to come out of a sci-fi TV show gone horribly wrong. Maybe Evergreen State should've gone with a better seafood mascot like a crab, lobster, or giant squid.

In case you don’t know, a geoduck is a large saltwater clam with a very long siphon. Of course, not very intimidating, especially since the costume seems to come out of a sci-fi TV show gone horribly wrong. Maybe Evergreen State should’ve gone with a better seafood mascot like a crab, lobster, or giant squid.

4. Artie the Artichoke- Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes

Of course, Artie would be a more appropriate mascot if he could sport fangs and have a face for human flesh. Unfortunately he doesn't and resembles more of a failed nutrition spokesman or a reject from a Fruit of the Loom commercial.

Of course, Artie would be a more appropriate mascot if he could sport fangs and have a taste for human flesh. Unfortunately he doesn’t and resembles more of a failed nutrition spokesman or a reject from a Fruit of the Loom commercial.

5. Sammy the Banana Slug- University of California-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs

Now the banana slug was adopted by this college as a commentary on the overemphasis on athletics. And it certainly mimics the school's main pillars of non-aggressiveness, contemplation, flexibility, and stepping outside the status quo. Unfortunately, such qualities a good mascot doesn't make and Sammy seems more like your friendly neighborhood space alien than anything.

Now the banana slug was adopted by this college as a commentary on the overemphasis on athletics. And it certainly mimics the school’s main pillars of non-aggressiveness, contemplation, flexibility, and stepping outside the status quo. Unfortunately, such qualities a good mascot doesn’t make and Sammy seems more like your friendly neighborhood space alien than anything.

6. WuShock- Wichita State University Shockers

WuShock is supposed to represent shock of wheat. Yet, this doesn't lead to people outside Wichita think that he's anthropomorphic electricity or a secret lovechild of the Thing from a sexual encounter with a toilet brush. Still, it's kind of creepy if you ask me.

WuShock is supposed to represent shock of wheat. Yet, this doesn’t lead to people outside Wichita think that he’s anthropomorphic electricity or a secret lovechild of the Thing from a sexual encounter with a toilet brush. Still, it’s kind of creepy if you ask me.

7. The Fighting Okra- Delta State University Fighting Okra

Of course, you can make your mascot fierce by giving it a mean expression and boxing gloves. But if your mascot is a giant green vegetable all that's going to do is make it resemble a rejected muppet character from Sesame Street.

Of course, you can make your mascot fierce by giving it a mean expression and boxing gloves. But if your mascot is a giant green vegetable all that’s going to do is make it resemble a rejected muppet character from Sesame Street.

8. Keggy the Keg- Dartmouth University Big Green

Now if your mascot is a giant anthropomorphic beer keg what does it say about your school? That it has a reputation for being party school with a lot of fraternities and sororities as well as excessive drinking. Now would you want your school mascot to represent, especially if it's an ivy league college like Dartmouth?

Now if your mascot is a giant anthropomorphic beer keg what does it say about your school? That it has a reputation for being party school with a lot of fraternities and sororities as well as excessive drinking. Now would you want your school mascot to represent these aspects, especially if it’s an ivy league college like Dartmouth?

9. Scrotie- Rhode Island School of Design Nads

Now if there was a college mascot you wouldn't want to pose in a picture with your kids or parents, then Scrotie would be it. I mean college sporting events are supposed to be family friendly activities here. A guy dressed as male genitalia is not. Now I know this is an inappropriate image but I'm posting it anyway since you can't make something like this up.

Now if there was a college mascot you wouldn’t want to pose in a picture with your kids or parents, then Scrotie would be it. I mean college sporting events are supposed to be family friendly activities here. A guy dressed as male genitalia is not. Now I know this is an inappropriate image but I’m posting it anyway since you can’t make something like this up.

10. Cy- Iowa State University Cyclones

Now seriously, why do cardinal birds make us think of tornadoes? Oh, yeah, I remember they don't. Of course, Cy was chosen for the mascot since the school thought that Walter the Wrecked Trailer epically failed to capture the ISU spirit.

Now seriously, why do cardinal birds make us think of tornadoes? Oh, yeah, I remember they don’t. Of course, Cy was chosen for the mascot since the school thought that Wally the Wrecked Trailer epically failed to win the fans’ hearts.

11. Puddles- University of Oregon Ducks

Of course, in Disney canon, Puddles Duck is remembered as Donald Duck's older brother and a rather neglectful father to Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Still, Donald always has to put up with with his parents constantly comparing him to how great his brother is representing the Oregon Ducks around Thanksgiving. This is despite the fact that Donald always has to watch Puddles' kids, has a steady girlfriend named Daisy, and works for Walt Disney.

Of course, in Disney canon, Puddles Duck is best remembered as Donald Duck’s older brother and a rather neglectful father to Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Still, Donald always has to put up with with his parents constantly comparing him to how great his brother is representing the Oregon Ducks around Thanksgiving. This is despite the fact that Donald always has to watch Puddles’ kids, has a steady girlfriend named Daisy, and works for Disney.

12. Gaylord Camel- Campbell University Fighting Camels

Now having a camel mascot is perfectly fine. After all, camels can be Yet, naming him Gaylord is just, well, lame. Guess Gaylord has become Campbell's fearsome mascot since he spent his childhood being beat up at school for being named Gaylord.

Now having a camel mascot is perfectly fine. After all, camels can be Yet, naming him Gaylord is just, well, lame. Guess Gaylord has become Campbell’s fearsome mascot since he spent his childhood being beat up at school for being named Gaylord.

13. The Tree- Stanford University Cardinals

This mascot reminds me of the singing Christmas trees I see at Rite Aid around the holidays and not in a good way. Still, for God's sake, Stanford, if your team is called the Cardinals, have a cardinal mascot! There's no need to have a poorly designed tree to represent your school.

This mascot reminds me of the singing Christmas trees I see at Rite Aid around the holidays and not in a good way. Still, for God’s sake, Stanford, if your team is called the Cardinals, have a cardinal mascot! There’s no need to have a poorly designed tree to represent your school.

14. Sam the Minuteman- University of Massachusetts Minutemen

Though the Minutemen is a good nickname for UMass, Sam seems to smile like a corrupt colonial politician than as an embodiment of patriotism. More like, "vote for me or I'll steal this baby's lollipop" than anything.

Though the Minutemen is a good nickname for UMass, Sam seems to smile like a corrupt colonial politician than as an embodiment of patriotism. More like, “vote for me or I’ll steal this baby’s lollipop” than anything.

15. Pistol Pete- Oklahoma State University Sooners

Of course, Pistol Pete only started to appear as Oklahoma State's mascot after being fired as an animatronic showman at Chuck E. Cheese's. Of course, Chuck E. Cheese couldn't stand Pistol Pete's drinking habits, anger issues, and tendency to show up to work with a firearm.

Of course, Pistol Pete only started to appear as Oklahoma State’s mascot after being fired as an animatronic showman at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Of course, Chuck E. Cheese couldn’t stand Pistol Pete’s drinking habits, anger issues, and tendency to show up to work with a firearm.

16. Goldy Gopher- University of Minnesota Goldy Gophers

On one hand, there is some good reasons to have a gopher as a mascots. I mean we've all seen Caddyshack to know that they're pretty fast, cause a lot of damage to lawns, and can be very hard to kill in a real life version of Whack-a-Mole. However, this mascot seems more suitable for a children's show than a football game.

On one hand, there is some good reasons to have a gopher as a mascots. I mean we’ve all seen Caddyshack to know that they’re pretty fast, cause a lot of damage to lawns, and can be very hard to kill in a real life version of Whack-a-Mole. However, this mascot seems more suitable for a children’s show than a football game.

17. Zippy Kangaroo – University of Akron Zips

Now don't get me wrong, kangaroos can be pretty fierce and aggressive animals. Dopey Zippy here doesn't seem to embody these qualities. Nevertheless, I have to give Akron credit for giving her a pouch and making her a female. A male kangaroo with a pouch would've been even more ridiculous.

Now don’t get me wrong, kangaroos can be pretty unpredictable and aggressive animals. Dopey Zippy here doesn’t seem to embody these qualities. Nevertheless, I have to give Akron credit for giving her a pouch and making her a female. A male kangaroo with a pouch would’ve been even more ridiculous.

18. Otto the Orange- University of Syracuse Orange

Now Syracuse is known for having severe winters and experiencing 120 inches of snow. This isn't a good climate for citrus fruits. Also, a giant dancing orange with arms and legs wearing a cap makes a rather dopey mascot indeed.

Now Syracuse is known for having severe winters and experiencing 120 inches of snow. This isn’t a good climate for citrus fruits. Also, a giant dancing orange with arms and legs wearing a cap makes a rather dopey mascot indeed. And as to how this Orange can survive in sub-zero weather probably means it was genetically modified.

19. Purdue Pete- Purdue University Boilermakers

Look, Purdue, you have another mascot called the Boilermaker Special which is a cool looking old timey train people could ride in. Why do you need an expressionless hard-hatted guy with a hammer?

Look, Purdue, you have another mascot called the Boilermaker Special which is a cool looking old timey train people could ride in. Why do you need an expressionless hard-hatted guy with a hammer?

20. Hokie Bird- Virginia Tech University Hokies

Let's face it, Virginia Tech, Hokie Bird is a turkey which aren't known to be fearsome creatures (at least the domestic "other white meat" variety). Still, you have to admit that Hokie Bird does live up to his name. I mean a turkey mascot is kind of hokey isn't it?

Let’s face it, Virginia Tech, Hokie Bird is a turkey which aren’t known to be fearsome creatures (at least the domestic “other white meat” variety though they aren’t pleasant). Still, you have to admit that Hokie Bird does live up to his name. I mean a turkey mascot is kind of hokey isn’t it?

21. Nittany Lion- Pennsyvania State University Nitany Lions

Now I know what a Nittany Lion is supposed to be and I think Penn State is perfectly fine with having a mountain lion mascot. However, whoever designed the Nittany Lion's costume thinks it resembles an emaciated bear for some reason. And let's say the footie-pajama getup doesn't seem to help.

Now I know what a Nittany Lion is supposed to be and I think Penn State is perfectly fine with having a mountain lion mascot. However, whoever designed the Nittany Lion’s costume thinks it resembles an emaciated bear for some reason. And let’s say the footie-pajama getup doesn’t seem to help. But the ladies seem to love him.

22. Big Red- Western Kentucky University Hilltoppers

What the hell is this? And exactly how does Grimace's long lost half-brother "represent the spirit of WKU?" Or is he a lovechild of Grimace and the Kool Aid Man? I can't decide.

What the hell is this? And exactly how does Grimace’s long lost half-brother “represent the spirit of WKU?” Or is he a lovechild of Grimace and the Kool Aid Man? I can’t decide.

23. Lil’ Red- University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers

Knowing he was too creepy for the restaurant business unlike his more successful cousin, Big Boy, Lil' Red traveled to Lincoln, Nebraska to be a mascot to the Cornhuskers. Still, he seems more appropriate for a mom-and-pop restaurant with a "21 and over" sign than a school sporting event.

Knowing he was too creepy for the restaurant business unlike his more successful cousin, Big Boy, Lil’ Red traveled to Lincoln, Nebraska to be a mascot to the Cornhuskers. Still, he seems more appropriate for a mom-and-pop restaurant with a “21 and over” sign than a school sporting event.

24. Brutus Buckeye- Ohio State University Buckeyes

Now hearing the name of "Brutus Buckeye" you'd think that Ohio State's mascot could be a rather fearsome mascot. Alas, this dopey guy with a nut head doesn't even live up to his rather awesome name. And as far as dumb mascots go, he appears on every list compiled by those who don't live in Columbus or attended OSU.

Now hearing the name of “Brutus Buckeye” you’d think that Ohio State’s mascot could be a rather fearsome mascot. Alas, this dopey guy with a nut head doesn’t even live up to his rather awesome name. And as far as dumb mascots go, he appears on every list compiled by those who don’t live in Columbus or attended OSU.

25. Oski- University of California-Berkeley Golden Bears

Now I see nothing wrong with having a bear as a mascot. We all know that you don't want to go near one while hiking in the woods. Yet, a cuddly bear mascot with a dopey smile and button down sweater seems like he was created due to parental complaints of his scarier predecessor frightening their small children.

Now I see nothing wrong with having a bear as a mascot. We all know that you don’t want to go near one while hiking in the woods. Yet, a cuddly bear mascot with a dopey smile and button down sweater seems like he was created due to parental complaints of his scarier predecessor frightening their small children.

26. Troll- Trinity College Trolls

Now trolls are certainly fearsome creatures but they are also annoying, dirty, ugly, unpleasant, and have very bad B. O. A school whose mascot embodies such qualities, should probably consider getting a new mascot.

Now trolls are certainly fearsome creatures but they are also annoying, dirty, ugly, unpleasant, and have very bad B. O. A school whose mascot embodies such qualities, should probably consider getting a new mascot.

27. Friar Dom- Providence College Friars

Don't get me wrong, I could see why Providence College would go with calling themselves the Friars since it's a Dominican school. Yet, there's just something about Friar Dom's hollow eyes and grimacing smile that's kind of unsettling. He kind of seems less like an austere, fear-inspiring religious figure, and more like the Angel of Death himself.

Don’t get me wrong, I could see why Providence College would go with calling themselves the Friars since it’s a Dominican school. Yet, there’s just something about Friar Dom’s hollow eyes and grimacing smile that’s kind of unsettling. He kind of seems less like an austere, fear-inspiring religious figure, and more like the Angel of Death himself.

28. Demon Deacon- Wake Forest University Demon Deacons

Look, if you want to have "Demon Deacons" as your school mascot, at least have him look like an actual demon instead of an elderly late 19th century circus ringmaster.

Look, if you want to have “Demon Deacons” as your school mascot, at least have him look like an actual demon instead of an elderly late 19th century circus ringmaster who’d probably get eaten by lions or trampled by elephants.

29. Rocky the Rocket- University of Toledo Rockets

Now there's nothing wrong with calling your team "the Rockets." But holy Toledo, to have a mascot that more or less belongs in a Saturday morning cartoon from the 1990s is another matter. Seriously, what the hell Toledo?

Now there’s nothing wrong with calling your team “the Rockets.” But holy Toledo, to have a mascot that more or less belongs in a Saturday morning cartoon from the 1990s is another matter. Seriously, what the hell Toledo?

30. The Billiken- Saint Louis University Billikens

Now s Billiken is said to be a charm doll created by a 19th art teacher that bears a cross between a kewpie and a Gringotts goblin. This one is a tamer version but is a batlike alien with hair or what would happen if Count Chocula got together with a troll doll.

Now s Billiken is said to be a charm doll created by a 19th art teacher that bears a cross between a kewpie and a Gringotts goblin. This one is a tamer version but is a batlike alien with hair, an albino batboy or what would happen if Count Chocula got together with a troll doll.

31. The Fighting Pickle- University of North Carolina School of the Arts Fighting Pickles

Now what's stupider than having a pickle as your school mascot, is having a fighting pickle mascot but no officially sanctioned athletic teams like UNCSA. Still, at least the fighting pickle knows how to embrace the spirit of the school with his French beret and goatee, paintbrush, and piano key tutu.

Now what’s stupider than having a pickle as your school mascot, is having a fighting pickle mascot but no officially sanctioned athletic teams like UNCSA. Still, at least the fighting pickle knows how to embrace the spirit of the school with his Shakespearean hat and mask, French facial hair, paintbrush, and piano key tutu.

32. Kernel Cob- Concordia College Cobbers

Now this is either an anthropomorphic ear of corn, a muppet character rejected from Sesame Street, or what would result if Bert got together with a magic tree. I can't decide.

Now this is either an anthropomorphic ear of corn, a muppet character rejected from Sesame Street, a maize monster in an alternative line of work, or what would result if Bert got together with a magic tree. I can’t decide. Still, it’s pretty lame.

33. Captain Cane- University of Tulsa Hurricanes

For one, there are no hurricanes in Oklahoma, yet Tulsa probably calls themselves on the age old belief that the tornado nickname was taken. Second, Captain Cane was a former student who transformed to this in an accident involving storm generated electricity. Yet, he's Tulsa's mascot since he couldn't go back to work as an electrician and that he was too lame to join the Avengers.

For one, there are no hurricanes in Oklahoma, yet Tulsa probably calls themselves on the age old belief that the tornado nickname was taken. Second, Captain Cane was a former student who transformed to this in an accident involving storm generated electricity. Yet, he’s Tulsa’s mascot since he couldn’t go back to work as an electrical engineer and that he was too lame to join the Avengers.

34. The Blue Blob- Xavier University Musketeers

Since what does a blue blob monster have to do with musketeers outside of Sesame Street? Seriously Xavier? If the musketeers ever faced a monster that looked even remotely like an earlier design of Cookie Monster, I'm sure Alexandre Dumas would've mentioned it in his books. Wouldn't he?

Since what does a blue blob monster have to do with musketeers outside of Sesame Street? Seriously Xavier? If the musketeers ever faced a monster that looked even remotely like an earlier design of Cookie Monster, I’m sure Alexandre Dumas would’ve mentioned it in his books. Wouldn’t he?

35. Guntson- George Mason University Patriots

Of course, this cuddly green monstrosity seems to be more suitable for Sesame Street or thought being a mascot for George Mason was a great fall back career after the famed children's show rejected him.

Of course, this cuddly green monstrosity seems to be more suitable for Sesame Street or thought being a mascot for George Mason was a great fall back career after the famed children’s show rejected him. Of course, college mascot seems to be the alternative career path for many Sesame Street rejects for some reason.

36. The Boll Weevil- University of Arkansas -Monticello Boll Weevils

Now I know that a boll weevil is a real insect known to cause a lot agricultural infestation. Its a long nosed brown beetle. This looks like an alien from outer space and thus a different life form entirely.

Now I know that a boll weevil is a real insect known to cause a lot agricultural infestation. It’s a long nosed brown beetle. This looks like an alien from outer space and thus a different life form entirely.

37. Izzy the Islander- Texas A&M -Corpus Christi Islanders

Now I'd expect a Tiki mascot at a college in Hawaii. But a Tiki mascot in Texas? Besides, isn't the whole "tiki torches, grass hula skirts, and wooden masks," thing is kind of offensive to Pacific Islanders. Seriously, not all Pacific Islanders are the bare boobed head hunters they're made out to be in the mass media.

Now I’d expect a Tiki mascot at a college in Hawaii. But a Tiki mascot in Texas? Besides, isn’t the whole “tiki torches, grass hula skirts, and wooden masks,” thing is kind of offensive to Pacific Islanders. Seriously, not all Pacific Islanders are the bare boobed head hunters they’re made out to be in the mass media.

38. Gorlok- Webster University Gorloks

Now a gorlok is a mythical creature you probably never heard of mainly because it's something Webster just made up. According to them, it's said to have a cheetah's paws, a buffalo's horn, and a Saint Bernard's. Yet, to me it reminds me of some large unknown predator on steroids.

Now a gorlok is a mythical creature you probably never heard of mainly because it’s something Webster just made up. According to them, it’s said to have a cheetah’s paws, a buffalo’s horns, and a Saint Bernard’s face. Yet, to me it reminds me of some kind of wild feline on steroids.

39. Pete the Peacock- Upper Iowa University Peacocks

Then again, peacocks kind of have a lot in common with a lot of college athletes. I mean girls love them and have a tendency for being vain, arrogant, strut around to attract ladies, and sometimes quite vicious. Yet, I'm not sure an animal whose feathers we use in women's hats is a good idea for a school mascot.

Then again, peacocks kind of have a lot in common with a lot of college athletes. I mean girls love them and have a tendency for being vain, arrogant, strut around to attract ladies, and sometimes quite vicious. Yet, I’m not sure an animal whose feathers we use in women’s hats is a good idea for a school mascot. A real peacock is much more intimidating.

40. Gladys the Fighting Squirrel- Mary Baldwin College Flying Squirrels

Seriously, this mascot seems to belong at a girls' softball team than at a college sports game. At least having her as a mascot for a girls' softball team would make more sense. Guess the school isn't into athletics very much.

Seriously, this mascot seems to belong at a girls’ softball team than at a college sports game. At least having her as a mascot for a girls’ softball team would make more sense. Guess the school isn’t into athletics very much or had their mascot chosen by 5-year old girls.

41. Joe Bruin- University of California-Los Angeles Bruins

Basically he's a ripoff from his older brother Oski from Berkeley. Though less cuddly than his older brother, he still kind of resembles a teddy bear with bad fashion sense.

Basically he’s a ripoff from his older brother Oski from Berkeley. Though less cuddly than his older brother, he still kind of resembles a teddy bear with bad fashion sense.

42. Super Frog- Texas Christian University Horned Frogs

Now a horned frog is another term for a Texas horned lizard and thus a misnomer. It's the state reptile of Texas. Yet, TCU's Super Frog seems to resemble some form of humanoid dinosaur or space alien.

Now a horned frog is another term for a Texas horned lizard and thus a misnomer. It’s the state reptile of Texas. Yet, TCU’s Super Frog seems to resemble some form of humanoid dinosaur or space alien.

43. The Leprechaun- Notre Dame University Fighting Irish

Now the "Fighting Irish" is perfectly okay for Notre Dame. A fighting Leprechaun logo is fine as well. Yet, having a mascot be a guy dressed like one sort of takes the negative Irish stereotyping too far, especially if he looks like he's fresh off from Riverdance.

Now the “Fighting Irish” is perfectly okay for Notre Dame. A fighting Leprechaun logo is fine as well. Yet, having a mascot be a guy dressed like one sort of takes the negative Irish stereotyping too far, especially if he looks like he’s fresh off from Riverdance.

44. Mr. Commodore- Vanderbilt University Commodores

Let's see, who's idea for a college mascot consisted of a crusty mutton chop old guy in 19th century naval attire? This guy is simply terrifying, especially since he's holding a big stick he intends to whack any player who doesn't play to his specifications.

Let’s see, who’s idea for a college mascot consisted of a crusty mutton chop old guy in 19th century naval attire? This guy is simply terrifying, especially since he’s holding a big stick he intends to whack any player who doesn’t play to his specifications.

45. Saluki- Southern Illinois University Salukis

Now salukis are actually fairly graceful dogs, but this mascot makes these pooches seem the essence of nightmares who might maul their opponents to death.

Now salukis are actually fairly graceful dogs, but this mascot makes these pooches seem the essence of nightmares who might maul their opponents to death.

46. Buzz- Georgia Institute of Technology Yellow Jackets

Now I don't know about you but I kind of find this insect mascot kind of creepy for some reason. Perhaps it's that he looks too much like a bug and he's human-sized. Just something about giant bugs that freaks me out especially if they could sting you.

Now I don’t know about you but I kind of find this insect mascot kind of creepy for some reason. Perhaps it’s that he looks too much like a bug and he’s human-sized. Just something about giant bugs that freaks me out especially if they could sting you.

47. The Battling Bishop- Ohio Wesleyan University Battling Bishops

Now this guy is a mascot for a Methodist college yet he seems more suited with being a mascot for the Spanish Inquisition. Except that the real Spanish Inquisition would probably burn him at the stake after being convicted of committing the heresy of being an extremely lame mascot.

Now this guy is a mascot for a Methodist college yet he seems more suited with being a mascot for the Spanish Inquisition. Except that the real Spanish Inquisition would probably burn him at the stake after being convicted of committing the heresy of being an extremely lame mascot.

48. The Penn Quaker- University of Pennsylvania Quakers

Now I know Penn probably uses a Quaker mascot since PA was founded by them. Yet, Quakerism is a religion that's founded on pacifism while many sports can erupt into fights. Perhaps the Quaker mascot should just stick to promoting oatmeal instead.

Now I know Penn probably uses a Quaker mascot since PA was founded by them. Yet, Quakerism is a religion that’s founded on pacifism while many sports can erupt into fights. Perhaps the Quaker mascot should just stick to promoting oatmeal instead.

49. Mortimer “Morty” McPestle- St. Louis College of Pharmacy Eutectics

For one, why does a pharmacy college have its own mascot? Second, this school's mascot seems to be of a guy who's been spending way to much time in the laboratory. I mean whatever is turning his skin yellow can't be good for him.

For one, why does a pharmacy college have its own mascot? Second, this school’s mascot seems to be of a guy who’s been spending way to much time in the laboratory. I mean whatever is turning his skin yellow can’t be good for him.

50. Sebastian the Ibis- Miami University Hurricanes

It's basically the Oregon Duck with a longer beak and some anger issues built in. Or perhaps it's just Howard the Duck post film career. Either way, that does not look like an ibis.

It’s basically the Oregon Duck with a longer beak and some anger issues built in. Or perhaps it’s just Howard the Duck post film career. Either way, that does not look like an ibis.

51. Benny the Beaver- Oregon State University Beavers

Now I don't know about you but Benny seems to resemble a buck toothed version of the dog from the Cookie Crisp cereal box than an actual beaver. I mean if you want your mascot to be a beaver at least have it look like a beaver, not a muskrat, groundhog, or whatever this thing is.

Now I don’t know about you but Benny seems to resemble a buck toothed version of the dog from the Cookie Crisp cereal box than an actual beaver. I mean if you want your mascot to be a beaver at least have it look like a beaver, not a muskrat, groundhog, or whatever this thing is.

52. Bucky Badger- University of Wisconsin Badgers

Badgers can be pretty tough and vicious animals that could spread rabies as well as eat your garbage. This guy seems too lame to inflict any damage whatsoever. Also, he has an enormous head which is kind of freaky.

Badgers can be pretty tough and vicious animals that could spread rabies as well as eat your garbage. This guy seems too lame to inflict any damage whatsoever. Also, he has an enormous head which is kind of freaky.

53. Lightning- Middle Tennessee State University Blue Raiders

Not to be outdone with mascot ridiculousness, MTSU basically took Tulsa’s Captain Cane and made it into a blue electric horse name Lightning. I suppose those at MTSU were either drunk or high at the time when they came up with this. Then again, MTSU’s previous mascot was Nathan Bedford Forrest so you might want to consider Lightning an improvement though he may tend to offend blue horses.

54. Willie Wave- Pepperdine University Waves

This is basically a cross between a surfer dude in a Hawaiian shirt with a large pompadour and way too much hairspray and a sea monster. Then again, he probably came to be after being struck by lightning while surfing during a hurricane.

This is basically a cross between a surfer dude in a Hawaiian shirt with a large pompadour and way too much hairspray and a sea monster. Then again, he probably came to be after being struck by lightning while surfing during a hurricane.

55. Austin Peay- Austin Peay State University Governors

Just the mascot a college needs, another old guy resembling a 19th century circus ringmaster. Not as bad like Demon Deacon but still more grandfatherly than intimidating.

Just the mascot a college needs, another old guy resembling a 19th century circus ringmaster. Not as bad like Demon Deacon but still more grandfatherly than intimidating.

56. John B. –Stetson University Hatters

Now he's probably not as ridiculous as his predecessor which was just a hat. But still, he seems to carry an unsettling expression on his face while handling a whip.

Now he’s probably not as ridiculous as his predecessor which was just a hat. But still, he seems to carry an unsettling expression on his face while handling a whip.

57. Scotty the Scotsman- Presbyterian College Blue Hose

For some reason I can't help looking at this guy and imagine what Mel Gibson would think of think of this. I mean he's basically a college mascot equivalent to William Wallace from Braveheart minus the blue paint on his face. Still, can't help imagining Scotty say, "They may take our ball and run with it to our side. They may deny us a chance for a championship but they'll never take our FREEEDOOOM!"

For some reason I can’t help looking at this guy and imagine what Mel Gibson would think of this. I mean he’s basically a college mascot equivalent to William Wallace from Braveheart minus the blue paint on his face. Still, can’t help imagining Scotty say, “They may take our ball and run with it to our side of the field. They may deny us a chance for an NCAA championship in a 50-0 game but they’ll never take our FREEEDOOOM!”

58. Gael Force One- Saint Mary’s College of California Gaels

Basically it's basically if Arnold Schwarzenegger's Conan the Barbarian did any advertising for Burger King. May not cause as much copyright infringement as Scotty the Scotsman but still.

Basically it’s basically if Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Conan the Barbarian did any advertising for Burger King. May not cause as much copyright infringement as Scotty the Scotsman but still.

59. WebstUR- University of Richmond Spiders

That's not a spider. He's basically a onetime sidekick of the Count from Sesame Street who nobody remembers. That, or a googly eyed frog with teeth.

That’s not a spider. He’s basically a onetime sidekick of the Count from Sesame Street who nobody remembers. That, or one of the muppet character rejects from Sesame Street. To call that a spider is beyond me.

60. Sparky the Sun Devil- Arizona State University Sun Devils

I'm sure the heat in Arizona can be a bit menacing. Yet, while Sparky has the menacing part down, he just seems a little creepy in photo ops, except on Halloween.

I’m sure the heat in Arizona can be a bit menacing. Yet, while Sparky has the menacing part down like a ball of fire, he just seems a little creepy in photo ops as if he’s eying his fans with malicious intent, except on Halloween.

61. The Blue Devil- Duke University Blue Devils

Now according to Duke, the Blue Devils were said to be a group of elite French soldiers during World War I. Duke's Blue Devil mascot just looks like as if the Prince of Darkness was reduced to a 1960s Batman villain.

Now according to Duke, the Blue Devils were said to be a group of elite French soldiers during World War I. Duke’s Blue Devil mascot just looks like as if the Prince of Darkness was reduced to a 1960s Batman villain.

62. The Mountaineer- West Virginia University Mountaineers

Hey, what the hell is a Davy Crockett impersonator doing here? Isn't he supposed to be a tour guide for visitors at the Alamo in San Antonio? Oh, sorry, WVU, but I had no idea that this guy was your school mascot. My bad.

Hey, what the hell is a Davy Crockett impersonator doing here? Isn’t he supposed to be a tour guide for visitors at the Alamo in San Antonio? Oh, sorry, WVU, but I had no idea that this guy was your school mascot. My bad.

63. Jonathan- University of Connecticut Huskies

Now while I see nothing wrong with the live husky Jonathan who seems quite cute the costume Jonathan seems to resemble someone you'd see at a furry convention. Seriously, it's an adult man in a husky costume, which isn't cute. It's creepy.

Now while I see nothing wrong with the live husky Jonathan who seems quite cute the costume Jonathan seems to resemble someone you’d see at a furry convention. Seriously, it’s an adult man in a husky costume, which isn’t cute. It’s creepy.

64. Testudo- University of Maryland Therapins

Now I would expect the University of Maryland to have an unconventional mascot but I don't think it should feature a slow old reptile that could live for nearly 100 years. Then again, they probably went for the turtle after realizing that a crab mascot costume would've been too complicated. Seriously, why couldn't Maryland simply go with a crab?

Now I would expect the University of Maryland to have an unconventional mascot but I don’t think it should feature a slow old reptile that could live for nearly 100 years. Then again, they probably went for the turtle after realizing that a crab mascot costume would’ve been too complicated. Seriously, why couldn’t Maryland simply go with a crab?

65. Paydirt Pete- University of Texas- El Paso Miners

Hmm. A prospector mascot with a mining pick. Unfortunately his eyes say that he has rage issues and lacks the self-restraint not to use it as a weapon. And he has no remorse as well as sees no need to seek counseling.

Hmm. A prospector mascot with a mining pick. Unfortunately his eyes say that he has rage issues and lacks the self-restraint not to use it as a weapon. And he has no remorse as well as sees no need to seek counseling.

66. Cocky- University of South Carolina Gamecocks

Now having a chicken as a college mascot is one thing. Yet, having your chicken mascot commemorate a tradition of animal cruelty is totally messed up. I mean a gamecock is a rooster used in cockfighting, can't anyone see anything wrong with that?

Now having a chicken as a college mascot is one thing. Yet, having your chicken mascot commemorate a tradition of animal cruelty is totally messed up. I mean a gamecock is a rooster used in cockfighting, can’t anyone see anything wrong with that?

67. Johnny Poet- Whittier College Poets

Despite Watergate, when I look at this I can't help being sorry for Richard Nixon. I mean he's probably the only guy in his administration who attended a college whose mascot was this guy. Seriously, poets are lovers not fighters! They get beat up at school not play on football teams. I mean what the hell Whittier? Just because your college was named after a poet doesn't mean your mascot should be one.

Despite Watergate, when I look at this I can’t help being sorry for Richard Nixon. I mean he’s probably the only guy in his administration who attended a college whose mascot was this guy. Seriously, poets are lovers not fighters! They get beat up at school not play on football teams. I mean what the hell Whittier? Just because your college was named after a poet doesn’t mean your mascot should be one.

68. YouDee – University of Delaware Fightn’ Blue Hens

Now I know Delaware's state bird is a blue hen. But really, I think YouDee seems to be more appropriate for a box of LSD laced Kelloggs Cornflakes than as a mascot at sporting events. Oh, and YouDee is supposed to be a male instead of an actual hen which is female. And that the blue hen was used in cockfighting. Seriously, Delaware?

Now I know Delaware’s state bird is a blue hen. But really, I think YouDee seems to be more appropriate for a box of LSD laced Kelloggs Cornflakes than as a mascot at sporting events. Oh, and YouDee is supposed to be a male instead of an actual hen which is female. And that the blue hen was used in cockfighting. Seriously, Delaware?

69. Ole- University of California-Santa Barbara Gauchos

This mascot reminds me of something I heard from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Something that goes along with: "Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!" Yeah, kind of a negative Hispanic stereotype here.

This mascot reminds me of something I heard from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Something that goes along with: “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badges!” Yeah, kind of a negative Hispanic stereotype here.

70. R.B. Bbhoggawact-Austin Community College Riverbats

Of course, before R. B. worked as a mascot for ACC, he was once a sidekick to the Count on Sesame Street. Of course, they didn't see eye to eye and had a big falling out.

Of course, before R. B. worked as a mascot for ACC, he was once a sidekick to the Count on Sesame Street. Of course, they didn’t see eye to eye and had a big falling out. They haven’t spoken to each other since.

71. Ace Purple- University of Evansville Purple Aces

For some reason, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to have a Wild West villain archetype as your college mascot. I mean a well dressed mascot isn't going to win you fans outside Evansville. Also, he kind of dresses like a pimp if you ask me.

For some reason, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to have a Wild West villain archetype as your college mascot. I mean a well dressed mascot isn’t going to win you fans outside Evansville. Also, he kind of dresses like a pimp if you ask me.

72. Ephelia –Williams College Ephs

Okay, apparently Williams College's athletic director was high on some strong acid and thought a purple cow mascot was a good idea. I mean this lavender bovine Dr. Seussian nightmare here. Seriously, why?

Okay, apparently Williams College’s athletic director was high on some strong acid and thought a purple cow mascot was a good idea. I mean this lavender bovine Dr. Seussian nightmare here. Seriously, why?

73. The Student Prince- Heidelburg University Student Princes

Now Heidleburg's mascot is a student prince after the silent movie The Student Prince of Old Heidleburg. This mascot is a cheesy ripoff from Gladiator. Seriously, a student prince wouldn't be caught dead in that.

Now Heidelburg’s mascot is a student prince after the silent movie The Student Prince of Old Heidelburg. This mascot is a cheesy ripoff from Gladiator. Seriously, a student prince wouldn’t be caught dead in that.

74. Petey the Storm Petrel- Ogelthorpe University Storm Petrels

Of course, what would make a better college mascot than a small bird known to into hurricanes and tornadoes? Then again, perhaps it has rivals named the Tornadoes or Hurricanes. Yet, willingness to fly into a destructive storm doesn't always make the bird seem badass. This mascot seems rather pathetic.

Of course, what would make a better college mascot than a small bird known to into hurricanes and tornadoes? Then again, perhaps it has rivals named the Tornadoes or Hurricanes. Yet, willingness to fly into a destructive storm doesn’t always make the bird seem badass. This mascot seems rather pathetic.

75. Pete and Penny Penguin- Youngstown State University Penguins

Now I know that the Pittsburgh Penguins have Iceberg as their mascot, but at least Iceberg doesn't appear to have a side arm that entails greeting kids wanting to see Santa at the mall. These two seem to. Also, they don't seem to be up to any good by the looks of them.

Now I know that the Pittsburgh Penguins have Iceburgh as their mascot, but at least Iceberg doesn’t appear to have a side arm that entails greeting kids wanting to see Santa at the mall. These two seem to. Also, they don’t seem to be up to any good by the looks of them.

Superbowl Party Tips

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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It’s becoming that time of year again when people all over the US are tuned into the biggest sports extravaganza of the year on Sunday night in February. This year it’s the Denver Broncos vs. the Seattle Seahawks playing in New Jersey. Of course, some of you big football fans actually will be watching the game in the stands but this will be a very small minority since Superbowl tickets are expensive and people like my dad would rather not spend all that money to watch something in the cold (especially if it’s not the Pittsburgh Steelers playing) while he could watch the game in the comfort in his home at the cost of practically nothing. Also, there are commercial breaks where my dad can get his snacks, beer, wood on the fire, and even use the bathroom. Still, most people in the country will be watching from home and some may use this occasion to host a Super Bowl party, which is why I’m writing this post today. So without further adieu, here is a list of do’s and don’ts for the game day party planners.

Do: Plan it around someone’s birthday party, especially if it’s your son is turning eight the same week and your team is playing. As long as you sing happy birthday and give your kid presents he or she probably won’t mind the slightest. Also, saves time and money if you just combine the two especially if they’re both family traditions. In fact, my fifteenth and sixteenth birthday parties were both planned around Steeler playoff games which very memorable and I don’t even like sports.

Don’t: Play a game of touch football during the game, especially if you’re not in your own home. You don’t want to break anything and have to pay for it do you?

Do: Use the bathroom during commercial break. Sure some of them may be funny but if the game’s more important to you, commercial breaks are better than nothing, unless there’s a line at the venue.

Don’t: Stage a drinking game during the whole thing, even if there are no kids around. For one, it’s not fair to the designated driver and the roads aren’t in the best shape this time of year. Second, this activity may lead to excessive irresponsible drinking behavior as well as make a mess for your host to clean up later. And he or she may be too wasted to clean it all up anyway which may leave your designated driver with the job.

Do: Use this occasion to show off your artistic or cooking skills. If you have some creative cooking idea for your Super Bowl party, use it even if it’s for a football field display for a snack platter. Like this:

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Don’t: Get into physical fights with each other since it will make a mess and cause injury to other guests, especially in front of the kids or relatives.

Do: Be inclusive and accommodating. After all your Super Bowl party should include family, friends, neighbors, or others like employees, for instance. After all, a lot of people treat Super Bowl Sunday as a holiday and it’s no wonder.

Don’t: Have your party outdoors if you live anywhere with colder temperatures. It’s winter so it’s not a good time to stage an outdoor party. Besides, your food will freeze and everyone will be in their winter garb. No one will have any fun there.

Do: Socialize since parties are social events anyway. You don’t even have to talk about the game or sports in general. You can even complain about the commercials or the half-time show.

Don’t: Throw your trash everywhere. Garbage disposal exists for a reason. Besides, you don’t want your host cleaning up after you.

Do: Use good manners and treat everyone graciously, even if they’re rooting for the other team to win. There’s no excuse to be rude or unfriendly.

Don’t: Drink irresponsibly, especially if you’re driving. If you have any beer, drink it when you’re actually thirsty and set limits. You don’t want to get pulled over on the way home or have your host clean up after you.

Do: Leave healthy food options for your guests since not all football snack food is actually good for you. Besides, you’ll never know if you meet a health nut or a vegetarian. For instance, you can go with this:

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Don’t: Offer just only healthy food options. Other people enjoy conventional football game fare, too, even if they do have poor health habits and diets. You might want to go with a mixed selection like this:

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Do: Wear your favorite team jersey if you’re team is playing to show some support. Other team merchandise wear and face painting is fine.

Don’t: Turn guests away just because they don’t support your team or don’t care for football at all. Treat this day as a holiday, remember? Be inclusive.

Do: Devise some indoor Super Bowl party games, especially if there are kids around who may be bored out of their minds during commercial break. They have plenty of these on the internet you can print out. Or you can devise one all on your own. Just practice safety. Bingo is a good choice:

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Don’t: Use the game as an opportunity to bet or gamble, especially if your friend is in Gambler’s Anonymous or doesn’t believe in that sort of thing.

Do: Enjoy yourself and have fun even if you don’t understand football, think the commercials are lame, or the half-time show sucks. If it’s a time to spend with your loved ones, that should be enough, even if you’d much rather watch TCM or Downton Abbey instead (which is what I’d rather do).

Don’t: Use your success on your Super Bowl party to plan a Pro-Bowl party. No one really cares about the Pro-Bowl game anyway.