Dig Into These Groundhog Day Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on February 1, 2015

Groundhog Day is a cultural holiday on February 2nd which revolves around a certain rodent coming out of its burrow to see its shadow, which will determine the weather conditions in the coming weeks (not really). If it sees its shadow, then it’s 6 more weeks of winter. If it doesn’t, early spring or so the legend says. If it comes out of its burrow situated on the wrong side of the road, then it’s basically roadkill (just kidding, but that one is probably true). Now I am no believer in rodent weather meteorology and I can even say that human meteorologists aren’t accurate on the local news. Hell, the closest thing I come to when celebrating Groundhog Day is basically watching part of The AMC marathon of Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray when Punxatawney Phil not only sees his shadow on that particular day but every day. Yet, in some parts of Pennsylvania, Groundhog Day is taken very seriously. In the southeast part of the state, Groundhog Lodges celebrate the holiday with fersommlinge, social events in which food is served, speeches are made, and one or more g’spiel (plays or skits) are performed for entertainment. At this event, only the Pennsylvania German dialect is spoken and those speaking English must pay a fee in a bowl at the center table. Yet, the largest Groundhog Day celebration is in Punxsutawney where crowds of as much as 40,000 gather to see Punxsutawney Phil see his shadow. This event has been a town staple since 1886 and is still going strong, especially since the move Groundhog Day. There’s also a lot of partying going on in the area as well. So if you need to make some treats for Groundhog Day, then come no further than me for some suggestions. So without further adieu, I give you some Groundhog Day treats for your viewing pleasure.

1. Nothing would please your party guests more than these adorable groundhog popping cupcakes.

I’m not sure if the groundhogs are edible. Yet, I am absolutely certain that the green icing will make your tongues green for awhile. Still, adorable.

2. See that these cupcakes depict Punxsutawney Phil coming out from his little den.

Of course, the icing seems like it’s either yellow snow or light brown dirt. Yet, at least the groundhogs are basically cuter than the real thing (which isn’t much to look at).

3. Nothing hits the spot this Groundhog day than some groundhog pudding.

Now I like how this cute groundhog looks with his face, paws, and ears being made from vanilla wafers. Still, I bet the eyes, nose, and teeth are icing.

4. Treat your kids this Groundhog Day with these tasty groundhog cookies.

Now these are just so cute. Wonder where they could get those groundhog cookie cutters. Still, would be a shame seeing them get run over by a car, wouldn’t it?

5. No Groundhog Day party is complete without a cake of Punxsutawney Phil rising from the ground.

Now this cake groundhog seems to resemble a bear with buck teeth. Or one of those animals from Whack-A-Mole. Still, this should feed plenty of your guests.

6. Nothing graces a Groundhog Day party table than acorn pretzels.

I like how these pretzels are filled with peanut butter and are half covered in chocolate. Can I take one, please?

7. Of course, you don’t always need pretzels to make acorns.

Now these are made of Hershey’s kisses, peanut butter chocolate chips, white icing, and vanilla wafers. Seem to have the same effect as peanut butter sandwich cookies from my Thanksgiving post.

8. Now you can’t make candy groundhogs without Almond Joy can you? Or at least I think it’s Almond Joy.

Now these groundhogs sure are cute. However, I think that Almond Joy bars are disgusting since they’re filled with coconut. Then again, these could be peanut cookies with nuts on top of them.

9. Celebrate your Groundhog Day with this one of a kind cake of Bill Murray.

Because if you’re Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, every day is Groundhog Day. Of course, we’ve all seen the movie have we? I mean it’s on AMC on February 2 for 24 hours, since it’s kind of the point.

10. This groundhog cake is staring right at me.

I’m not sure if Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow through the chocolate dirt. Yet, I can’t help thinking how adorable he is, which is a lot of what I can say about most groundhogs, particularly Gus who was the spokesman for the Pennsylvania Lottery.

11. For those who don’t like cake, then here is a nice Groundhog Day fruit tart.

I call this a tart because it seems like it’s on a smaller plate. Yet, I’m sure this groundhog looks as if it’s been run over or something. Somehow it looks like either a bear or possum.

12. For your Groundhog Day party, how about some groundhog pizza to make it more festive?

Now this contains tomato sauce, olives, peppers, tomatoes, and cheese. Yet, it seems to resemble a groundhog’s insides for some reason. I don’t know why.

13. Wake up in the morning to these Groundhog Day jelly donuts.

Of course you can tell they have jelly in them because there are fruit in the their eyes. Best treat you can give to your neighborhood Punxsutawney police officer. Seriously, they’ll need it.

14. Have your kid eat lunch on Groundhog Day with this one of a kind groundhog lunch sandwich.

Okay, now the ground is made from a whole wheat tortilla while the groundhog is made from bread. The grass is of lettuce and cucumber. And the white stuff of cheese. Yet, I’m sure your child will love it since it’s so cute.

15. Now let’s see if this little guy could see his shadow.

Now it seems that Punxsutawney Phil is coming out of his den as if it’s an egg shell. However, I like how they use a flower and snow just to blend both possibilities.

16. Treat your kids this Groundhog day with these groundhog cake pops.

Of course, you have sprinkles for the hair as well as M&Ms for the cheeks and ears. As for the eyes and nose, I bet you they’re candy. Still, adorable.

17. Of course, you can’t have Groundhog Day without these groundhog heart cookies.

I like how the ears are made from chocolate chips and the eyes from icing and peanut butter chips as well. Yet, I’m not sure using a raisin for a nose is a great idea. Because I don’t like raisins.

18. Will Punxsutawney Phil see his shadow over the giant wall of chocolate bundt?

Now I like how this person used flour for snow on this chocolate bundt cake. And I think the groundhog in the center is just so adorable.

19. Now you can make your Groundhog Day cupcakes with Oreos and M&Ms for the groundhog’s face.

Now these M&Ms can come in many different colors so there are plenty of groundhog kinds to choose from. I’ll take the one with the blue cheeks, please.

20. Nothing makes Groundhog Day better than a cheese ball of Gobbler’s Knob.

Sure I think the groundhog might not be edible but there aren’t a lot of Groundhog Day food ideas on Google Images. So I’ll take it.

21. As a side dish for your Groundhog Day dinner, have a helping of these little groundhog buns.

I like how they’re in these little cups as if they’re coming out of their dens. Also like their cute little ears, too.

22. Entertain your guests this Groundhog Day with these cookies of Punxsutawney Phil coming out of his den.

I like how they used the teddy bear heads and made them pop out of their holes. Also like the use of sugar and icing as if it was dirt. Still, these are adorable.

23. Now nobody should celebrate Groundhog Day without these dirt pudding bowls.

Of course, these groundhogs are made from sandwich cookies, chocolate chips, almonds, peanut butter chips, and icing. Still, the Oreo dirt can also stand in for asphalt. Just saying.

24. Wake up from your den this Groundhog Day morning with this groundhog face pancake.

He many not be able to see his own shadow, but he may be able to see yours. Still, you have to admire how this person used bananas, marshmallows, and chocolate chips for the features.

25. If you don’t like groundhog pancakes for breakfast, I’m sure these groundhog donuts will catch your fancy.

Actually these Groundhog Day doughnut treats are better suited for dessert than breakfast. Yet, they still use the same kind of sandwich cookies as the previous pudding ones.

Actually these Groundhog Day donut treats are better suited for dessert than breakfast. Yet, they still use the same kind of sandwich cookies as the previous pudding ones.

26. Experience how Punxsutawney Phil gets out of his den with these Groundhog Day push pops.

Of course, these are probably mostly made from icing and cake as well as other toppings like sprinkles for grass. Still, this is very cute.

27. Whether it be 6 more weeks of winter or an early spring, you can’t have a Groundhog Day dinner without a groundhog hotdog.

As seen here, you can use your groundhog hotdog in buns or mashed potatoes. Yet, I’m not sure how they got the ears for these though.

28. If you’re not keen with the groundhog getting out of his den, here are some cupcakes with its face on them.

Now these seem to resemble all kinds of rodents like wood chuks or beavers. Still, they’re adorable with their chocolate chip and icing eyes as well as buck teeth.

29. Come out of your den this Groundhog day with this little sausage rodent in rice.

Of course, it seems to be in with some veggies and grapes. Yet, I’m sure it’s made from ground beef. I just used “sausage” because it’s shaped that way.

30. Treat your guests this Groundhog Day with these pop up groundhog cookies.

Of course it’s fair to say that these groundhogs are made from candy bars or chocolate. Yet, they’re still quite adorable. And the cookies actually look like dirt.

31. Nothing makes a Groundhog Day dinner complete than a groundhog meatloaf.

Now despite being made from ground meat, this one doesn’t look very pleasant for some reason. Yet, you have to love its whiskers.

32. If you can’t create groundhogs, then I suppose bear cookies will do just fine.

Well, of course, some of the crumbs serve as dirt as well but light soil means clay. Also, the cupcake is covered in green sprinkles for grass.

33. Looks like there are a lot of groundhogs popping from this cake.

I like how all the groundhog cake pops are attached to this green cake, which I think is charming. Also, those groundhogs are quite cute if I do say so myself.

34. Of course, you can’t do wrong on Groundhog Day with these pop up cookies.

If these were Halloween cookies, they’d work well as tombstones. Yet, I guess chocolate covered cookies were used for groundhogs.

35. If you don’t have any chocolate pudding perhaps chocolate chips and ice cream can substitute for dirt just fine.

Of course, I’m not sure if chocolate ice cream would make this taste better. However, I do like how they used vanilla wafers as groundhogs and almond ears.

36. Of course, you don’t need icing for a groundhog cupcake if you can use a Snicker’s bar.

And I suppose the teeth are made from candy corn possibly left over from Halloween. Not to mention, the grass and snow probably consist of coconut. Yet, each setting is to highlight the 2 possible outcomes.

37. If you’re in the mood for ice cream on February 2nd, perhaps try this groundhog sundae.

This might contain chocolate ice cream, chocolate pudding, whipped cream, and a nut bar. Still, it looks pretty cute but may cause diabetes or a sugar high.

38. These groundhog donuts are certainly a real treat.

Now white donuts symbolize 6 more weeks of winter while chocolate ones stand in for early spring. Either way, the groundhogs are very adorable with the buck marshmallow teeth and chocolate chip eyes and noses.

39. Of course, these marshmallow teddy bears would make fine groundhogs for these cookies.

Of course, these sugar covered marshmallow candies are hardly edible stuff. Yet, these cookies look so adorable just the same.

40. Of course these peanut sandwich cookies should do nicely for your Groundhog Day cupcakes.

Of course, the chocolate icing is already sprinkled with green sugar that would’ve been better put to use on Saint Patrick’s Day. Still, I’m sure they’re cute enough for kids to love.

Be Mine with These Valentine’s Day Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 26, 2015

Food wise, Valentine’s Day has it’s own share of goodies but usually pertains to stuff that you’d basically make for your kids during their school V-Day party event. Of course, while there may be parties, they aren’t nearly as extravagant as what you’d see on Christmas, Halloween, or the Super Bowl even. I mean, I’ve basically found no Valentine’s Day vegetable dip tray, ever. Yet, since I’ve done previous articles on treats from almost every single big holiday since Halloween, I should probably do one. After all, even if you don’t have a sweetheart this V-Day, it’s a very big holiday for treats, especially if you’re in elementary school or have child in one, especially since kids are basically obligated to bring valentines as well as treats to the whole class. And it’s usually up to the parents’ creative juices or bank account to make that possible. Not to mention, children will have to do Valentine’s Day craft projects in art class. Nevertheless, whether you’re a parent or a repressed art or culinary person, I have some treats for you that might be up your alley. So without further adieu, here are some sweet V-Day treats you might want to make for the ones you love. Still, this article might taste like diabetes since most of them are sugary sweet and may make you gag on sight of sentimentality.

1. These arrow cupcakes will basically melt your heart.

Of course, the arrows aren’t edible since they’re made with straws and paper. Still, they’re adorable if you ask me.

2. Nothing says Valentine’s Day like X’s and O’s sugar and sprinkle cookies.

Not only do these cookies represent hugs and kisses in the days before internet emoticons but they’re also great for a cookie version of Tic-Tac-Toe.

3. Sweeten up your Valentine’s Day with these lovebird cookies.

Of course, as you know being winter a lot of them roost down south. Still, it seems that one of them hasn’t been paired off yet. Maybe he’s lonely. Or she. I can’t tell with these birds.

4. Why stop making Valentine’s Day treats for your kids, when you can make some for your dog?

Yes, these are Valentine’s Day dog treats and it’s the first time I showed anything for pets on my treats post. Still, I’m not sure whether covering dog treats in icing is actually good for the dog. Seriously, I’d consult a vet about that.

5. Nothing says Valentine’s Day than a bouquet of watermelon and grapes.

Seriously, who eats watermelon in the middle of winter? It’s a summer food for God’s sake. Also, this might be made from Edible Arrangements.

6. Show your loved one you care with this heart shaped fruit salad.

Now this contains, blueberries, strawberries, kiwis, and raspberries. Basically fruits you’d consider out of season by this time of year and probably grown in California.

7. At your Valentine’s Day party, you can’t go wrong with these hotdog and cheese toothpick favors.

However, I’m not sure that the meat is even cooked or whether it’s safe to eat. Then again, it probably wouldn’t look right if it was.

8. For your kids’ Valentine’s Day events at school, I’m sure you can’t go wrong with these lovely owl brownies.

Of course, some of these owls wink while others have purplish eyes. Then again, these could just be birds for all I know. Still, adorable.

9. Show your love this Valentine’s Day by giving your sweetheart a bouquet of cupcake roses.

Of course, the best thing about these is that they’re chocolate, which means this guy probably knows my own heart (just kidding).

10. Sweeten this Valentine’s Day by carving a heart right into these apples.

Of course, this idea not only features healthy food but also is very simple to do as long as you can draw hearts right.

11. Now these hearty bear cookies are simply unbearable.

I like how all the hearts are around the creamy part of the cookie sandwiches. Seriously, these cookies are just so adorable.

12. These Valentine’s Day penguin cookies may come from the cold but they’ll melt your heart.

I’m familiar with penguins for Christmas but penguins for Valentine’s Day is a new one to me. Still, they’re very cute and tend to be made from Oreos.

13. Now these cookies show you and your loved one belong together like peanut butter and jelly.

Of course, this would be great for Jiff and Schmucker’s new ad campaigns. Not to mention, they seem to resemble more like pop tarts than pieces of bread.

14. Stomach these butterfly pretzels this Valentine’s Day.

Eat these and you’ll literally have butterflies in your stomach as far as I could see. Nevertheless, they seem too adorable to resist, especially in pink.

15. Warm up somebody’s heart this Valentine’s Day with these heart shaped calzone.

Of course, these would be nice to make on a cold winter day, especially in the middle of a snow storm. Still, might go well with the football calzones in my last treat post on Super Bowl Sunday.

16. If you can’t say it out loud, perhaps say it with cupcakes.

Then again, maybe it’s should just be for your whole class if you’re the teacher. It might sound stalkerish if all these cupcakes are for just one person.

17. These heart shaped candy cupcakes are just as sweet as can be.

Of course, the hearts themselves are the kind of processed Little Debbie cakes you probably find at the grocery store. Yet, at least they’re better than the real ones, which are from Necco.

18. Nothing is better for Valentine’s Day than these marshmallow love bugs on a stick.

Of course, some of these bugs are so hungry for love that they have hearts in their eyes. Still, very adorable as you can see.

19. Use the heart shaped candies to decorate your chocolate cake pops.

Then again, maybe the cake pops would taste better without the heart candies. I mean those things taste like a combination of sugar, chalk, and cough syrup.

20. Wake up this Valentine’s Day with a heart egg on toast.

Or as the English call it, “Toad in a Hole” or “Egg in a Basket.” Still, I’m sure someone would love this even if a child doesn’t.

21. Wish your friends luck with these red fruit roll up fortune cookies this Valentine’s Day.

Of course, I wonder what’s written on those pieces of paper. And I wonder if anyone would get the wrong idea. Still, the fruit roll up use is pretty clever.

22. Send your love to your friends this Valentine’s Day with these messaged heart cupcakes.

I hope the ones that receive the “I Love U” cakes don’t get the wrong idea. Because that could lead to certain complications.

23. Of course, this bird house love shack is place where birds can get together.

Sure gingerbread houses are mostly associated with Christmas. Yet, this one’s a Valentine’s Day one. Oh, and this one even has a little mailbox. Still, it’s probably not for eating.

24. To honor Saint Valentine’s Italian heritage (if he ever existed) here are some heart pizzas to love.

Notice that all these pizzas have red hearts on them whether they be pepperoni, pepper, or tomato. Nevertheless, there are a lot of variations here.

25. Give your loved ones these Teddy Bear cake pops to treasure.

Of course, where would we be without teddy bears on Valentine’s Day (or chocolate for that matter)? Still, these bears look so good enough to eat.

26. All these ladybugs need is someone to love.

Yes, these lady bug cookies with candy on them are adorable. Also, it’s possible that some of these can be guys despite the name.

27. Nothing says Valentine’s Day like a nice V-Day cake of a heart with roses on it.

I don’t know about you but I think the strawberry syrup covering this cake kind of reminds me of fake blood you’d see on Halloween treats.

28. Of course, what’s Valentine’s Day without some strawberry tart hearts?

Of course, unlike Monty Python’s “Dead Bishop on the Landing” sketch, these tarts don’t have any rat in them. However, the Queen of Hearts should watch out for the knave. Or the Knave should know better than to steal them, especially if he’s in Lewis Carroll’s Wonderland.

29. If you like Japanese food, try these heart sushi out for size.

Sure this sushi has carrots instead of raw fish. Yet, contrary to the common misconception, raw fish is actually optional for sushi. In fact, you can make sushi with just about anything as long as you wrap it in rice and seaweed.

30. Of course, you can’t go wrong with a heart fruit salad on Valentine’s Day.

Of course, this salad consists of cherries blueberries and strawberries all of which are out of season in February. Still, quite colorful to say the least.

31. Need something to do with your Christmas candy canes? So why don’t you make candy hearts on a stick with them for Valentine’s Day?

Of course, I’m sure that your Christmas candy canes might obviously be stale by then anyway. So maybe it’s better to keep them in the wrappers.

32. Of course, you can’t have Valentine’s Day without a heart salad?

Of course, you have to remove the toothpicks before eating the carrots and tomatoes (which might not have any). Nevertheless, this is adorable.

33. Make Valentine’s Day special with these candy heart cookies.

Of course, these sugar cookies probably taste much better than the real candy hearts which I say are basically disgusting. Seriously who thought those candy hearts were a great idea?

34. Nothing says Valentine’s Day like red velvet cheesecake hearts.

I like how these heart cheese cakes have strings coming from them as if they’re a bunch of balloons. Now that’s quite clever.

35. Of course, you can’t have Valentine’s Day without a triple decker Rice Krispie treat heart cake.

Yes, you can be sure that you’ll see a Rice Krispie dessert on this post. It’s amazing the kinds of culinary creations you can do with them. Still, this is quite adorable.

36. Sweeten up Valentine’s Day with these heart fruit kabobs.

Of course, these consist of watermelon, cantaloupe, and a melon, I think. Nevertheless, it’s cute how these kebobs are meant to look like arrows.

37. These lip cookies are certainly worth kissing for.

I wonder if they managed to find a lip cookie cutter at some kind of sex shop or something. Well, I’ve never seen such cookie cutters in any other store like that. Seriously, I haven’t.

38. Show love for your kid this Valentine’s Day with a V-Day lunch set.

Seems like this consists of 3 heart sandwiches, 3 cracker piles, a strawberry, and a couple other things. Still, it kind of seems like a bit much for child’s lunch box.

39. You can never keep too many hearts in a cookie jar of love.

Of course, I can say this since this jar is an actual cookie. Yet, I’m sure the string on the lid isn’t edible. Well, if the hearts aren’t candy.

40. Treat your valentine with these heart lattice cookies topped with gum drops.

Of course, I’d rather just pluck off the gum drops and eat the cookies. Seriously, gum drops are disgusting. Still, I have no idea how they manage to do the lattice bit.

41. Now these cupcakes are full of X’s, O’s and hearts.

Whatever’s on these cookies seem too alike to be cherries or anything grown in a garden. So they must be candies. Also, it seems that the heart team won at Tic-Tac-Toe.

42. Give your valentine a special treat with these chocolate cake pop hearts.

Now I bet you these were dipped in chocolate before being covered with sprinkles and/or heart decorations. Some more than others.

43. Of course, these Rice Krispie treats will go straight to your heart.

Like the cupcakes above the arrows are made of paper and straws. Yet, these are also covered in icing and pink drizzle.

44. Wish your loved ones good luck with these fortune cookies.

Now these aren’t real fortune cookies as you see with one of them broken in half. They’re actually sugar cookies covered in icing and sprinkles.

45. Now with these cookies, nothing can be any sweeter.

Now while most of these are hearts, some of them are quite creative. For instance, there’s a cupcake, flower, dove, a thought cloud and 2 hearts together.

46. These 3 little monsters just need a little bit of love.

Now these are just simply adorable yet I wonder what’s underneath their thick layers of icing meant to resemble fur. Probably cake.

47. These lego candy figures must have their hearts beating.

Now these are just so creative. Whoever had the idea of using Lego figures for Valentine’s Day must be some sort of genius or wizard.

48. These pretzel and gum drop arrows would go straight to your heart.

I’d just eat the pretzels and leave out the gum drops. Seriously, gum drops are disgusting candies. Yet, really cute to say the least.

49. Nothing makes a great Valentine’s Day dinner like a heart pizza.

Now I like how they have heart pepperoni on this pizza. Yet, what’s with the olives? Seriously, why? Not to mention, the yellow and white cheese.

50. Nothing says Valentine’s Day than a heart peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Now this is a nice idea for kids on V-Day. Yet, I’m not sure that leaving the jelly uncovered is a good idea, especially if you put it in a little plastic bag.

51. These Valentine cheese, pepperoni, and crackers would make perfect party appetizer.

I like how they’re used on the butterfly crackers. Also like how they have XOX in cheese and the heart shaped cheese and pepperoni.

52. Now these heart gobs are simply to die for.

Let’s just hope the pink bit isn’t strawberry flavored. I mean it’s said that strawberry and chocolate don’t taste good together.

53. Now these heart pizzas will certainly make your valentine smile.

Of course, these are among things made for kids. Still, I think these pizzas are so cute, especially with the olive eyes.

54. These Rice Krispie heart pops are simply lovely.

Of course these are covered in icing and sprinkles. Yet, these are so cute though they may contain a lot of sugar.

55. If you can’t say it with flowers, say it with these tomato tulips.

Now these tomatoes are cut, stuffed with cream cheese, and have long onions as stems. Still, a pretty clever idea if you think about. Sure won’t have these delivered to you from Edible Arrangements.

56. Treat your dog this Valentine’s Day with this iced treat bone.

I don’t know whether it’s a V-Day dog treat or a human treat emphasizing puppy love. Still, people can be quite weird with their pets sometimes they can see them too much as children.

57. Wake up your valentine with these heart cinnamon rolls.

Okay, this is very irresistible stuff as well as addicting. Nevertheless, it’s nice how they made these rolls into hearts and fit time in a dish.

58. Show your love this Valentine’s Day with these watermelon hearts.

Of course, they have watermelon hearts and orange arrow ends as well as connected by toothpicks. Still, these are so clever and healthier than some of the arrow hearts.

59. Cool down this Valentine’s Day with this heart ice cream sandwich.

Let’s hope that’s not strawberry ice cream filling because combining it with chocolate tastes disgusting. Also, I hope the lights don’t make it melt.

60. Show your sweetheart you’re hot stuff with some hearty potato chips and salsa dip.

Of course, chips and salsa might be more appropriate for a different occasion. Say, Super Bowl Sunday.

61. Have your valentine wake up to the smell of these heart doughnuts in the morning.

Of course, this would be a great valentine for your neighborhood police officer walking the beat, stereotypically speaking.

62. Now this is a great part of a complete Valentine’s Day breakfast.

Of course, there’s heart fruit salad and heart pancakes with a heart pin through them. Not to mention, sprinkle sauce to top them. Still, seems made for a kid.

63. Make Valentine’s Day a sweet occasion with these love bug cupcakes.

Sure these are full of sugar and may cause diabetes. Yet, they’re just so adorable your kids will love them.

64. Treat your valentine to these lovely striped chocolate hearts.

I don’t know about you but these are probably cakes underneath the icing. Still, since they’re chocolate, I’ll certainly eat them.

65. Make Valentine’s Day special with this large strawberry heart cake.

Methinks, this was professionally done in some sort of bakery. Seriously, I can’t see how even a housewife can have that much time on their hands.

66. Show your love with these fruit tart heart cookies this special Valentine’s Day.

Now these may look tasty to some. Yet, to many fruit cookies are just disgusting. Then again, the filling is probably just jelly.

67. Make a nice Valentine’s Day snack with these potato heart cookies.

Now these might be more appropriate for Super Bowl Sunday than Valentine’s Day. In fact, they might be more appropriate for Saint Patrick’s Day since they’re made from potato.

68. Nothing says Valentine’s Day than a bouquet of chocolate covered cookies or something.

Of course, like the heart pops, these were covered and chocolate and decorated with sprinkles. Yet, some are more intricate than others.

69. Treat your valentine than toast with a heart made of strawberry jelly, I think.

Now I think this makes up for a sweet breakfast don’t you think? Better than a heart Toad in a Hole, in my view.

70. Nothing is sweeter for Valentine’s Day than these Oreo mini cake sandwiches.

Of course, these have not just Oreo cake, but icing and sprinkles, too. Still, these are adorable and look good enough to eat.

71. For your Valentine’s Day appetizers, you can’t do wrong with heart shrimp.

Of course, this is probably for a restaurant as it seems like. Still, I know some people might find this arrangement tasty.

72. For your Valentine’s Day lunch, you might want to go with these heart sandwiches.

Of course, I’m not sure if those are regular sandwiches or BLTs. Then again, it’s okay to look under them, is it?

73. Nothing makes a Valentine’s Day dinner memorable than having heart burgers and heart potato chips.

Of course, these might be bad for your heart if you aren’t too careful. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about that.

74. Have your sweetheart wake up to these heart waffles this Valentine’s Day.

Of course, it’s a more nutritious meal if you just add the blueberries. Still, I think these might be store bought.

75. Start your sweetheart’s day with these heart nutella and strawberry pop tarts.

Of course, these pop tarts are much better for you than those you buy at a store. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

76. Now nothing makes Valentine’s Day quite romantic than having such heart sandwiches as these.

Of course, these are caviar sandwiches as you can see with the dress one. Nevertheless, they may be too expensive to make and I wouldn’t recommend it.

77. Show your love to your children with these pink love train cookies.

Now these sweet candy/cookie trains are adorable and would make wonderful treats for a child’s school V-Day bash. Man, what you can do with pink cookies and life savers.

78. Nothing says Valentine’s Day than a fruit tray of grapes and chocolate covered strawberries in a heart.

Of course, you can dip the strawberries in the chocolate fondue fountain. The grapes, not so much.

79. Of course, you can’t have Valentine’s Day without some heart candy corn.

I know that this candy is probably home made. Yet, since it’s a controversial candy for Halloween, I wouldn’t risk making candy corn for Valentine’s Day.

80. Treat your sweetheart to these Valentine’s Day jello hearts.

Of course, these are just jello squares with hearts in them. Yet, don’t ask me how someone can pull that off because I don’t really have jello that much anymore.

Make a Wish and Blow Out the Candles for These Birthday Party Cakes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 10, 2015

My birthday is on January 13th in which I’ll turn 25 this year and since I don’t have many ideas for January that involve cakes (save maybe Martin Luther King Jr. Day but I don’t want to go there), I thought a post about birthday cakes would be appropriate. I mean I’ve done one on baby shower and wedding cakes, so why not? Nevertheless, birthdays are usually celebrated with cakes and presents for the guest of honor at parties and such. Still, when you get technical about birthdays, you basically only have one of them such as the day you were born. The rest of what we call, “birthdays” are basically anniversaries of that moment as we get older. Of course, I’ve also been to a lot of birthday parties as well, mainly for little babies since I’m the oldest of 24 grandchildren on my mother’s side (the youngest who celebrated her first birthday this year, but I didn’t go to her party since she lives in Maryland), which is why I really don’t look forward to parties in general (other reasons being booze and loud music). Still, it’s always been tradition for people to have cakes specifically designed for them whether it be homemade or ordered from the store (the main focus of this post). And I bet birthday cakes make up a large percentage of bakeries’ earnings followed by weddings, christenings, anniversaries, etc. Though I can go on and on about the cute little birthday cakes I’ve seen, chances are you’d probably be bored to tears. Instead, I’ll show you all the kinds of cakes that are, horribly done, inappropriate for the birthday person’s age, offensive, or just so bad they’re unintentionally funny. Some of these might not be safe for work just to make that clear. So for your pleasure, here are some birthday cakes, gone horribly wrong.

1. What better cake for a boy’s birthday than a Star Wars one, featuring Jedi with light sabers, Boba Fett, Imperial Stormtroopers, and the Enterprise?

Let’s hope this 7-year-old boy isn’t part of the Star Wars vs. Star Trek fandom rivalry or else he’s probably throw a tantrum. Still, we all should know that the Enterprise is from a whole different franchise! Such cake would certainly piss geeks off, at Comic Con and I’m sure this baker wouldn’t want to be seen there.

2. Nothing is better for a girl’s 21st birthday than a cake with Drunk Barbie puking in the toilet.

And I thought Barbie was supposed to be a good role model for girls, other than in terms of body image that is. Still, binge drinking is a real problem of teenagers and young adults, especially on college campuses. And it’s a behavior that should never be encouraged. Still, they have a few of these and one with Ken, too, for boys.

3. Happy Birthday to the world’s youngest dad ever.

Now I think it’s more likely that this was an inscriber’s mistake and the guy who receives this is probably 80, not 8. Still, it’s very disturbing if you think about it since a boy’s chances of fatherhood in the second grade would be highly unlikely. That is, unless some woman molested him.

4. Happy birthday to the person who might need to see a podiatrist.

I know that this foot is supposed to represent a step or something. But still, that looks disgusting. Let’s just say no to a cake pertaining to foot disease, shall we?

5. For the girl who’s just become a teenager, I suppose a cake with boobs would go quite nicely.

For God’s sake, as if sexualizing young girls and teenagers isn’t enough. Seriously, sure girls may have breasts by the time they’re 13, but that’s no reason for getting a boob cake for them on their 13th birthdays! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this girl’s parents?

6. There is a no more appropriate cake for a 16-year old than one with the Bud Light logo on it….when he or she turns 21 five years later.

Seriously, what the fuck? Putting a Bud Light logo for a 16 year old’s birthday cake? Teen drinking is illegal and anyone caught with a Bud Light gets arrested for under aged drinking. It’s even worse for adults who serve alcohol to teens. For God’s sake, why?

7. Happy 17th birthday, baby girl, and hope you don’t go into labor at prom.

Those who've seen my post on baby shower cakes would be familiar with this design. And if a pregnant torso cake is bad enough for a baby shower, then one for girl's 17th birthday is just very inappropriate. Seriously, we have 16 and Pregnant, daytime talk shows, and Teen Mom, do we have to have anything else pertaining to teen pregnancy?

Those who’ve seen my post on baby shower cakes would be familiar with this design, which I thought was in very poor taste. And if a pregnant torso cake is bad enough for a baby shower, then one for girl’s 17th birthday is just very inappropriate. Seriously, we have 16 and Pregnant, sex ed, daytime talk shows, and Teen Mom, do we have to have anything else pertaining to teen pregnancy?

8. Sure I’m perfectly fine with a castle cake for a little girl’s birthday party, especially if it has a princess theme. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Then again, perhaps this cake isn’t appropriate for Aubrie’s birthday party and perhaps more suitable for her bachelorette party when she gets older. Seriously, there’s just something phallic about those pink castle towers for some reason. Maybe the baker shouldn’t have gone with cones.

9. Happy 4th Birthday, Dylan, and by the way, we had Peanut put down.

The parents probably thought their plan was a success since their son Dylan still hadn’t learned to read. But still, if Peanut had died when Dylan turned 5, then he probably would’ve ran out of the room crying. Nevertheless, is there any birthday cake for a 4-year-old more depressing than this?

10. Happy Birthday, to uh, what’s his name again?

Of course, if you’re the person at the office who has to order a cake for a co-worker and you can’t remember his or her name, then this is the perfect cake for you.

11. Nothing makes a better birthday cake for a 6-year-old girl than one with a lot of dangerous weapons that can kill you, courtesy of the NRA.

Why the fuck would anybody order a birthday cake like that for a little girl? Now gender differences aside, I think a cake pertaining to Disney Princesses, Barbie, or My Little Pony would've been more appropriate. Also, cakes that look pink and feminine as well as catered to little girls. Any of those choices would've been much more appropriate than having a theme for a little girl's cake that advocates violence. I just wonder what's going through Mercedes' parents' minds.

Why the fuck would anybody order a birthday cake like that for a little girl? Now I have nothing against this cake being for a girl. Yet, I think a cake pertaining to Disney Princesses, Barbie, or My Little Pony would’ve done fine (same goes for boys as well). Also, cakes that look pink and feminine as well as catered to little girls (though if boys like that, that’s okay, too). Any of those choices would’ve been much more appropriate for any 6 year old’s cake than a theme advocating violence. I just wonder what’s going through Mercedes’ parents’ minds (NRA diehards who probably did this to show their support for the 2nd Amendment, assholes). This is just fucking insane!

12. Of course, what better venue could there be for a baby’s first birthday than Hooters?

Jesus Christ, can there be a worse place to celebrate a baby’s first birthday than at a restaurant known for their scantily clad waitresses with enhanced sex appeal? Then again, there are strip clubs and night clubs. Still, just E. J. is the child of one of the staff.

13. No cake theme commemorates a baby’s first birthday better than deer hunting season.

Sure the scenery may be pretty and S. J. won’t remember a thing about this special day. But, c’mon, is a cake depicting the last moments of a buck’s life an appropriate subject for a first birthday cake? Perhaps it would be better just to remove the hunter.

14. Man, turning a year old must be a big milestone in a person’s life isn’t it?

If by, Levi, you mean your pet hamster, then yes, I’m sure this will do fine since they only live for 2-4 years anyway. However, if by Levi, you mean your child, then what the hell? One year olds are still babies who might be on the verge of walking if they aren’t all ready. That isn’t over the hill at all. Not even close even for Benjamin Button. That’s barely climbing it.

15. Happy second, I mean first birthday little Ritchie. I’m confused.

Maybe the boy’s parents couldn’t get a cake shaped like a 1 so they got him a 2 cake instead. Either that, or the bakers made a mistake. Still, talk about getting your years mixed up.

16. Now this is certainly a first birthday cake with a 1 on it or so it’s suppose to be.

Okay, now that may not look like a 1. Seriously, there’s something phallic about that number for some reason. Nevertheless, if a baker can’t do a 1 properly, he or she could just have cut a straight line. This cake seems like it’s more cut out for a bachelorette party than a baby one.

17. Best wishes for your second birthday, John, courtesy of angry Big Bird.

If Sesame Street’s Big Bird was a character from the Angry Birds game, he’d look like this. Seriously, that’s such a a terrible rendition and I’m sure every 2 year old would know that Big Bird doesn’t look like that.

18. Hope your birthday is filled with high times, Tawn.

If this cake is made from hashish brownies, then it’s safe to say that it probably came from a marijuana bakery from Colorado or Washington. Still, other than the brown patch in the corner, it’s a birthday cake Willie Nelson would approve. Hope the guests manage to toke a piece from this pastry of weed.

19. Happy Birthday, Mel, from your defecating My Little Pony.

Seems that Rarity doesn't take too well to Mexican food for some reason. Either that, or she has a case for diarrhea real bad with a perhaps spastic colon. Guess she should go see the vet about that.

Seems that Rarity (and I had to look her name up) doesn’t take too well to Mexican food for some reason. Either that, or she has a case for diarrhea real bad with a perhaps spastic colon. Guess she should go see the vet about that. Yet, her shitting is a rarity, folks.

19. Of course, you can’t throw a kid’s birthday party without a cake of Cookie Monster having a beer.

Sure cookies may not be nutritious snacks, but at least they’re better for Cookie Monster to consume on a child’s birthday cake than a swig of beer. Seriously, Cookie Monster’s alcohol consumption really isn’t making him a good role model on Sesame Street. Still, I kind of wish Cooke Monster would go back to eating cookies. And is that pink spot a nipple? Gross!

20. Happy a-5th Birthday, Tony, courtesy of the 1970s porn incarnation of Mario.

Sure Mario may be wearing overalls, but this isn’t really a picture of him I’d like to see on a child’s birthday cake, especially for a 5-year-old. Still, Princess Peach must’ve thought Mario looked sexy in that outfit.

21. Happy 40th birthday, Shelley, from the Dominatrix Hello Kitty.

This is the kind of birthday cake you give to a woman who has a thing for Hello Kitty as well as the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy. What would even be funnier would be if Hello Kitty was with a grey Tomcat in this one. Nevertheless, unlike some of the other cakes so far, this is at least age appropriate and doesn’t promote bad behavior despite its disturbing implications.

22. Nothing makes a better birthday cake than one depicting a standing 2 legged horse with chainsaws.

If Leatherface wanted a pony when he was growing up, this bronco would’ve been perfect. Still, whoever came up with this idea must not have been right in the head to say the least. That, or probably thought a cake with a horse and chainsaws would’ve been cool.

23. You see, kids, unicorns do expel rainbows from their behinds.

Of course, we all know that horses shit a lot, do we? Still, unlike the boob cake, this is certainly appropriate for a 13 year old girl. Disgusting, but appropriate.

24. Nothing says, “Happy Birthday” better for a girl than a dangerous impaling unicorn on the rampage.

Still, while the other unicorn cake was probably accidental in the design, this one was probably done on purpose. I’m sure Katherine isn’t a young girl in the least. Still, despite being traumatizing to kids, it’s pretty funny.

25. Happy Birthday, Scott, from Shitting Bull.

Of course, with Scott being at least a teenager, I’m sure he’d find a cake like this hilarious. Seriously, there’s a lot of bathroom humor on Comedy Central, which is a channel popular for boys his age.

26. Of course, for a 4 year old girl, you can’t go wrong with a horse cake.

Man, that horse sure looks creepy and it doesn’t seem in the mood for sugar cubes. Perhaps it’s after little girls’ souls. Still, at least it doesn’t look like it’s from The Godfather.

27. Now this would be a perfect cake for someone in the exterminating business.

Then again, the dead hamster on its wheel kind of suggests that it wasn’t ordered by a person who had much esteem for the guest of honor. In fact, he or she is probably someone who let the other person watch their pet hamster who died while he or she was on vacation. Still, it’s possible that the hamster probably was 2-4 years old and died of natural causes.

28. Looks like somebody doesn’t like Jarman.

This cake was supposed to say, “Happy Birthday, Jarman/You’re an ace.” Guess that someone really doesn’t know the difference between “ass” or “ace” or the person ordering it just had really bad handwriting.

29. Of course, when it comes to little girl birthday cakes, you can’t go wrong with Disney Princesses.

Okay, some baker managed to make many of the Disney princesses I grew up with seem strangely terrifying for some reason. Seriously, these look so freaky looking.

30. Happy 3rd Birthday, Princess Alyssa, from drunken skank whore Belle.

Man, and I thought Belle was supposed to be one of the best role models of all the Disney Princesses, sans the Stockholm Syndrome involved. Not to mention, Beauty and the Beast was my favorite Disney movie as a little girl. My childhood is ruined.

31. Now perhaps Snow White is a safe cake idea. What can go wrong with her?

Yikes! For God’s sake what’s with the hand coming out from her dress? Seriously, that’s just terrifying if you ask me. That’s not normal at all.

32. Okay, so perhaps a princess birthday cake doesn’t need to be from Disney then.

So I suppose that this is the princess from “The Frog Prince” story transformed into a menacing evil sorceress. Then again, from what I read about it, the frog was kind of an asshole who thought she owed him sex after he found her golden ball from the well.

33. Happy Birthday, to the unemployed 34-year-old person who hasn’t moved out of his or parents’ house yet.

Even funnier is that hist cake is decorated with a pacifier and Barbie rings. Still, the message is kind of sad yet fairly funny at the same time.

35. Nothing makes a better birthday cake than one depicting a person guillotining him or herself.

Then again, Neil may just be a professor of history who's area of expertise is the French Revolution. Still, quite gory if you ask me and very likely to traumatize children.

Then again, Neil may just be a professor of history who’s area of expertise is the French Revolution. Still, quite gory if you ask me and guaranteed to traumatize children.

36. Now what better cake for a 4 year old boy than one depicting his favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? What can possibly go wrong with that?

Seems like life hasn’t been going too well for Leonardo. Yet, why try to stab himself in the head for God’s sake? Still, better call the suicidal hotline, pronto.

37. A Buzz Lightyear cake. Surely, nothing bad can happen here.

Okay, so is Buzz Lightyear supposed to be an Egyptian Pharaoh or a space explorer. Having seen Toy Story, I’d say space explorer but he looks pretty stiff like a Pharaoh’s sarcophagus.

38. I’m sure a 3-year-old would delight in this Dora the Explorer cake.

Okay, so this baker seems to have done the unthinkable. Make the adorable Dora the Explorer utterly terrifying through the motif of of Pre-Columbian art or just plain terrible artistry. Still, this cake is bound to give little Lily nightmares when she sees this. Jesus Christ.

39. Of course, clowns are often a theme of many kids’ cakes. Apparently parents seem to find them acceptable decor for some reason. Let’s see how this one figures out.

Actually I think clowns are quite freaky, lame, and perhaps scary. Unsurprisingly, I find this horrifying for obvious reasons. May lead any small child into a lifetime of therapy.

40. Now I’m sure a caterpillar is perfect for a baby’s first birthday cake. Nothing can go wrong with that.

Now I don’t know about you but that is perhaps the scariest caterpillar I’ve ever seen. Makes me unlikely to want to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar ever again.

41. Oh, boy, a baseball cake. Perhaps there may be some scandals with steroid use in the MLB but I’m sure this is a perfectly appropriate cake theme for a boy’s birthday.

Okay, that now that long phallic thing certainly looks woody but it in now way resembles a baseball bat to me. Yet, I'm not sure if this 6-year-old birthday boy seems to notice. If he does, then he might find it funny.

Okay, that now that long phallic log certainly looks woody and hard but it in now way resembles a baseball bat to me. Yet, I’m not sure if this 6-year-old birthday boy seems to notice. If he does, then he might find it funny. Not sure if it would hit a home run with the parents though.

42. Now I’m sure a bear won’t do any harm for a baby boy’s first birthday cake.

For those who’ve learned how to write in cursive, you’d know exactly why I included this cake on this post. By the way, the boy”s name in question is supposed to be, “Tucker.” Yeah. The bear is fine, by the way.

43. Happy first Birthday, Vanessa, from the homicidal giraffe.

I know that’s just red icing but it just reminds me of blood for some reason. Also, that giraffe is utterly terrifying if you ask me. Yes, he’s out to kill and he will find you!

44. Superheroes are certainly a decent party theme for boy’s birthdays at any age, even if it’s Marvel’s Avengers.

Still, if your son is turning 3, perhaps a cake depicting Thor’s hammer isn’t a good idea. I mean there’s a chance that Mjolnir might have the tendency to resemble male genitalia. Just saying.

45. If you’re kid likes marine life, a fish cake is certainly a decent choice.

Nevertheless, if you present a cake like this to little Tyler it’s very likely he’s going to cry if he knows about fish corpses floating at the surface upside down. Seriously, unless the parents turn the fish around, this is a pretty sad birthday cake for children. I mean birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions, not reminding kids of death.

46. I think it’s rather nice for 6 year old Jeff to show his feminine side.

Actually this cake is for a little 6 year old girl named Jess. Yeah, I have no idea how any decorator could make that mistake, especially on a birthday cake that’s obviously for a girl. I mean Jeff is definitely a boy’s name.

47. As I know from watching my cousins grow up, Thomas the Tank Engine is very popular. Nonetheless, he’s become a viable birthday theme for young boys.

Seems that Thomas is very keen on running somebody over right now. Seriously, his eyes have this kind of a possessed look like a serial killer intent on killing somebody for the thrill of it all.

48. Now lighthouses make great picturesque sights in photos and paintings. So it’s only natural they should be on birthday cakes.

Seems like Billy Joel wasn't the only one working with the rod and the reel in "Downeaster Alexa." And if you saw this cake, you can even say it glows.

Seems like Billy Joel wasn’t the only one working with the rod and the reel in “Downeaster Alexa.” At least you don’t need to tell this baker’s wife he’s trawling Atlantis but I’m not sure he has his hands on the wheel.

49. Happy Birthday Jamie sponsored by Chevron, the company fracking land in my neighborhood (bastards).

Of course, the person who ordered this cake, wanted a chevron shape on this cake since the recipient is in the military. Instead, they got a a Big Oil company logo that’s now causing widespread environmental damage. Not to mention, it’s known for apologizing for a devastating gas explosion to Greene County by giving them coupons for pizza and pop. Lamest apology ever. Seriously, this really happened.

50. Of course, nothing says, “Happy Birthday” better than a cake of a headless woman in a poodle skirt.

Sure this cake won’t frighten the kids, honestly. Yeah, right. Still, this woman is said to be a direct descendant of the Headless Horseman from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.

51. Now while Barney the Purple Dinosaur makes adults want to scream, he should be perfect for a child’s 4th birthday cake.

I have to admit, this ferocious Barney the Purple Dinosaur is actually kind of cool as well as an improvement to the original. However, this incarnation might make little Patrick pee his pants upon sight. But still, I can’t blame the baker.

52. Of course, when it comes to fairy tale themes on kids’ cakes, I’m sure you can’t go wrong with “The Three Little Pigs.”

On second thought, maybe “The Three Little Pigs” wasn’t a good idea for 5-year-old Phillipas birthday cake. Yes, the Big Bad Wolf chasing his bacon will probably cause little kids nightmares. Of course, in the original version, he eats the first 2.

53. Of course, nothing commemorates a boy’s first birthday than a cake with elephants.

Oh, my God, have I ever seen a first birthday cake so depressing as this? I mean the elephants on this cake look as if they’re all dead. Seriously, a first birthday cake is no platform to protest the black market ivory trade that funds terrorism and hurts the environment. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with this decorator?

54. Of course, when it comes to birthday cakes, some decorators follow order directions to perfection.

Then there are some cake decorators who write on the cakes everything they heard on the phone as well. Still, at least this one followed directions, but maybe a little overboard.

55. Of course, birthday cakes aren’t always for kids. This one is for an older guy as seen by the wheelchair.

Okay, I’m not sure why they call a wheelchair bound guy “Chucknuts” and I really don’t want to know. Then again, this could just be for a party with the guy’s friends, not his grandchildren.

56. For a 4-year-old girl, you can’t go wrong with just a standard cake with flowers.

Sure the yellow flowers are pretty, but wait a minute. What the hell is a burning house doing here for God’s sake? Still, I’m sure it won’t traumatize little Isabella. Yeah right.

57. For a young boy, I’m sure this shorts cake will do quite nicely.

There’s something rising from this cake’s shorts. And as I can see it from the candles, Eamon is at least 8 years old. And a Joe Boxer cake is certainly not appropriate for a boy that age. Basically the boy’s version of the boob cake. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking?

58. Happy 7th Birthday, Kailey, and by the way, you’re going to die.

I know we must all die someday. But is really all right to bring this up on a 7-year-old girl’s birthday cake? Sure she may have a birthday near Halloween but still. I’m not sure a tombstone cake is a good idea.

59. Looks like somebody’s holding a grudge here.

Okay, let’s just hope this cake isn’t at some party with the guest of honor surrounded by friends and family. Because that would be bad. And let’s just say, this is about as inappropriate as they come.

60. Nevertheless, you can’t go wrong with space aliens here, especially when it pertains to a 2-year-old’s birthday.

Now the space aliens on this cake are find. It’s just that the cake decorator seemed to think their faces were upside down, and thus that’s why the writing is what it is. Still, the kid’s 2 so it’s not like he’ll notice anyway.

61. Happy Birthday….or not.

Seriously, if you were going to stage an intervention about someone’s drinking problem, I’d sure as hell wouldn’t think writing it on the cake is a good idea. Just saying.

62. Seems like Kathy isn’t well liked by those who are supposed to love her. So sad.

According to the candle count, it’s possible that Kathy is 4 years old. It may not be the case, but if she is, chances are she’ll probably throw a tantrum at her party, if she’s able to read it. Still, that’s pretty cruel.

63. Some cake decorators follow directions all too well, while others not in the intended context.

Of course, who ever ordered this birthday cake severely overestimated the cake decorator’s intelligence. Seriously, the person just wrote, “the picture is on the flash drive” instead of getting the picture from the flash drive.

64. Sure a donkey birthday cake is a splendid idea. Nothing can possibly go wrong with that.

Let’s just say, you probably don’t want to invite this cake decorator to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey. I mean even if he or she doesn’t have blind fold, they still don’t have any idea where a donkey’s tail should be.

65. Of course, for ladies who enjoy sleazy Harlequin Romance novels, I’m sure a shirtless guy taking his pants off would just be the perfect cake for you.

Oh, no. Just no. Please, I’d perfectly fine if that cake was for a woman but Tracy is supposed to be a 14-year-old girl. Seriously, couldn’t her parents just order a cake with The Hunger Games theme instead? At least that would’ve been more appropriate since the books are in the Young Adult genre.

66. Now that Ashley has turned 18, she can start buying menthols for the whole family.

Seriously, just because a someone's able to buy cigarettes after they turn 18, doesn't mean a cigarette themed cake is a good idea. In fact, it's certainly not. I mean tobacco addiction is a worldwide health issue, which kills people every day from respiratory disease, cancer, COPD, emphysema. and other wonderful chronic and life threatening ailments.

Seriously, just because a someone’s able to buy cigarettes after they turn 18, doesn’t mean a cigarette themed cake is a good idea since tobacco kills a third of its users. In fact, it’s certainly not. I mean tobacco addiction is a worldwide health issue, which kills people every day from respiratory disease, cancer, COPD, emphysema. and other wonderful chronic and life threatening ailments.

67. Happy 20th Birthday, alleged teen dad.

This may either be an anniversary cake or a birthday cake with a typo. Either way, the 20th doesn't glowingly reflect his parenting skills. Seriously, most 20-year-old dads are either deadbeats or don't even know they are dads in the first place. Sure there may be some responsible dads that age, but they're a rarity.

This may either be a wedding anniversary cake or a birthday cake with a typo. Either way, the 20th doesn’t glowingly reflect his parenting skills. Seriously, most 20-year-old dads are either deadbeats or don’t even know they are dads in the first place. Sure there may be some responsible dads that age, but they’re a rarity.

68. If you have any Republicans in your family, celebrate their birthdays with a one of a kind Ronald Reagan cake.

Now I am not a fan of Ronald Reagan and don’t think of him as a great president (in truth I view him as quite the opposite). However, I understand that many Republicans view him on the same level of Jesus for some reason. Nevertheless, even if you know a Republican who has a birthday, you probably want to keep politics out of it. Seriously, such subject can really ruin a party.

69. Happy 9th Birthday, sweetie, courtesy of Pedobear.

Okay, I know Pedobear is a character used to detect and make fun of pedophiles on the internet. However, this doesn’t mean he’s the kind of character you’d want on a 9-year-old’s cake. Also, “herd” should be “heard.”

70. Now I have no problem with Spiderman being on a boy’s birthday cake since they love superheros.

Peter Parker, I know you're probably a young man. However, maybe it's not a good idea to twerk in front of kids, especially in your Spiderman suit. Okay?

Peter Parker, I know you’re probably a nice young man who the kids view as a role model. However, maybe it’s not a good idea to twerk in front of kids, especially in your Spiderman suit. Okay?

71. Of course, if you don’t think icing is a good idea for letters, maybe you should go with sugar letters seen at any grocery store.

Now seriously, that’s a really mean thing to say to a 6-year-old, especially on his or her birthday. I mean the kid’s most likely in kindergarten for God’s sake, even if that may be true.

72. When it comes to boys, I’m sure a birthday cake theme of his favorite video game will do no harm.

Unless it’s a Grand Theft Auto cake for a 4-year-old. I mean that game is rated M for Mature due to violence and adult content. Seriously, this cake is not appropriate for a 4-year-old all. Nevertheless, what does a cake like this say about Lil’ Derrick’s parents for God’s sake?

73. Now that this guy has turned 21, he can finally have a birthday cake of a stripper butt and a glass of beer.

Now just because turning 2l makes a guy legally eligible to enter a strip club or drink, doesn't mean you should commemorate that eligibility with a birthday cake. Not to mention, there are plenty of guys who are probably not into strip clubs anyway. Nevertheless, wouldn't be surprised if this cake was made for a frat boy.

Now just because turning 21 makes a guy legally eligible to enter a strip club or drink, doesn’t mean you should commemorate that eligibility with a birthday cake. Not to mention, there are plenty of guys who are probably not into strip clubs anyway. Nevertheless, wouldn’t be surprised if this cake was made for a frat boy or NCAA Division I college athlete.

74. Sure a baby picture cake seems like a cute and wholesome idea.

Okay, now that’s a baby is just creepy. And even if Kelly looked like that, she was probably cuter. This baby seems like it wants to suck the soul out every person she encounters.

75. Now I may not like Playboy, but I see nothing wrong with having a Playboy cake for a grown man’s birthday.

Jesus Christ! This is for a 12-year-old girl, which is just wrong. Seriously, now I have nothing against Holly having a bunny cake for her birthday. But a Playboy Bunny cake, well, that’s just inappropriate on many levels. I wonder why her parents would even think of ordering this.

76. Of course, when it comes to big birthday parties, sometimes 2 cakes are better than one.

You’d think this is for a mother’s 30th birthday party. Yet, when you see the other cake, turns out it’s actually for her 60th. Nevertheless, pretty mean if you ask me.

77. Happy Birthday, Dana, and if you’re scratching in your nether region, that that was me. Sorry.

Sure this cake may not be appropriate for a birthday, but at least the guy let Dana know about his STD and apologized. Also, he remembered her birthday and sent her a cake for the occasion. A lot of guys don’t even do any of that.

78. Now I’m sure a birthday cake with cars is perfectly fine for a boy.

Hmm, seems like there’s been an accident on the the intersection, which could’ve been prevented with simply installing a goddamn traffic light. Then again, it’s probably a country road. And now the birthday boy’s just wet his pants. Still, the car position reminds me of Matthew Crawley’s death scene from Season 3 of Downton Abbey.

79. Have a hairy Birthday, Emma, courtesy of 1970s Tom Selleck.

Then again, maybe Emma is a fan of Tom Selleck and his hairy chest. Still, doesn’t help that he looks like a creepy 1970s porn star on this cake. By the way, his chest hair is represented by sprinkles.

80. Of course, I wonder if birthday cakes actually look like this from The Wire.

And if it was ordered by a character from The Wire, I wonder who made the request. Was it: a. Jimmy McNulty for one of his kids. b. Bunk Moreland for his wife or one of his kids, c. Cedric Daniels for Ronnie, d. One of the Barksdales, e. Someone else from the Baltimore Police Department, or f. all of the above. All I know is, it ain’t from Omar for he doesn’t swear at all but watch out for his shotgun.

Touchdown with These Super Bowl Sunday Party Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 3, 2015

So Christmas and New Years has come and gone, so what’s next? Of course, for me, I have my 25th birthday on the 13th and there’s Downton Abbey. Nevertheless, for those repressed culinary arts aficionados, don’t worry for though the Super Bowl is only a month away, January is playoff season so this will give you plenty of time to apply your creativity in the kitchen. Now for those who don’t live in the US, Super Bowl Sunday is the day of the NFL professional football championship in which the winning team that wins receives the Vince Lombardi trophy and a special player gets the Super Bowl MVP trophy, too. Of course, Super Bowl Sunday is sort of like an unofficial national holiday in America, in which families across the country to watch the two best football teams such as the NFC champion and the AFC champion for the ultimate Vince Lombardi trophy. Now being from the Pittsburgh area, I usually watch the Super Bowl if the Steelers are playing and I know this year, they’re in the playoffs. Of course, the bad news is that they play my Uncle Mike’s team, the Baltimore Ravens on Saturday in the Wild Card spot. Yet, if the Steelers do make the Super Bowl, I’ll certainly be torn between local loyalties and watching Downton Abbey, which is one of my favorite shows (it’s really that good). Still, I may not be into the Super Bowl party scene or sports in general (I love my Downton though, especially the Dowager Countess), but my dad played football in high school and has been watching football games ever since while I’ve spent eight years in high school and college marching band. Nevertheless, there are many who have Super Bowl parties and might be looking for ideas for food (and believe me, a lot of food is consumed during the Super Bowl, not all of it healthy). Of course, there are the traditional dishes like nachos, Buffalo wings, hamburgers, hotdogs, potato chips, tacos, pretzels, bacon, and anything else that’s not good for your arteries, all with the side of beer. However, I try to take the unconventional turn. So without, further adieu, here are some great Super Bowl treats to score a touchdown with your Super Bowl party guests. Also, this post has nothing to do with the NFL and it will probably be sponsored with brands like Chevrolet, McDonald’s, Burger King, Bud Light, Miller, Dodge, Ford, Honda, and Budweiser. Some treats might be from previous years.

1. For those from Baltimore, here are some winning cookies for the Baltimore Ravens.

Sorry, Uncle Mike, but Aunt Jane will never ever make these for you. Also, I can’t believe this person has jerseys of a guy with two murder allegations and a guy caught on a security camera for knocking out his wife in an Atlantic City casino. Yeah, the Ravens are a great team of role models aren’t they?

2. I think I’ll take a 30 yard pass with these deviled football eggs.

They may not be the appetizers you like, but they’re a lot healthier than a lot of the traditional tailgating football fare.

3. Behold, the Mega Snackadium.

You’ll see a lot of these in this post. Still, this is the largest of the snack stadiums by far. Of course, since this one is probably used by a restaurant, it doubles as an all you can eat buffet.

4. To honor the late Vince Lombardi’s Italian heritage, score a touchdown with this delicious pepperoni pizza Vince would’ve wanted his mother to make.

Now I know that footballs are brown but I’m sure pepperoni will do. Also, despite that pepperoni contains lots of salt, this pizza is probably better for you than a lot of things. This is called the Vince Lombardi special.

5. For those in New England, here are the jersey cake pops of your favorite Patriots.

Now the New England Patriots are known for winning 3 Super Bowls in 4 years as well as Spygate. However, they lost their last two Super Bowls against the New York Giants. And one of them was when they were undefeated until then. Still, the Patriots are one of those teams you’d love to hate.

6. While you can munch on the Snackadium during the day, save room for some stadium desserts.

With cookie crusts, icing stands with sprinkles, fruit roll-up flags, and pudding turf, I’ll take it. Now I’m sure those sprinkles had very expensive seats because Super Bowl tickets aren’t cheap.

7. Since hamburgers are a staple tailgating dish, why not have them for dessert?

Sure these cookie and cream replicants don’t exactly resemble cheeseburgers, but I’ll have them. Besides, they’re probably better for you than a Big Mac or a Whopper.

8. Now this 12th Man Snack Stadium is a great winning addition in a Super Bowl party for any Seattle Seahawks fan.

This one even has cookie versions of its key players on the team. Of course, they all look the same though. Still, they’re the most recent Super Bowl Champions who beat the Denver Broncos last year. Steelers beat their ass in 2006 though.

9. Grace your Super Bowl party dessert platter with this large Cheeseburger cake.

Of course, if it’s a chocolate cheeseburger cake, I’d call it a “Cheeseburger in Paradise” in the words of Jimmy Buffett. Of course, I’m sure Parrottheads know what I’m talking about.

10. Nothing says Super Bowl party than a football shaped bread bowl filled with chili.

And if you have leftovers, chili even tastes better the second time you heat it up. Not sure about the bread bowl and cheese though. Yet, the golden brown bread almost matches the color.

11. Now I’d sure like to intercept a cream football covered with chocolate chips.

God, I would really like to have this chocolate chip football on my Super Bowl party dessert platter. I mean who can’t resist a chocolate football, or anything else chocolate for that matter?

12. Speaking of chocolate footballs, here’s a tray of them covered with chocolate.

I think what’s under those footballs has to be cake, preferably chocolate cake. Still, I’ll eat them. Seriously, those look good. Really good.

13. Score in your Super Bowl dinner with these football calzones with tomato sauce as a side.

Now compared to the other game day delights, these calzones and tomato sauce actually resemble something like a gourmet meal. You know, like what you’d see on a cooking show or a recipe book.

14. These Rice Krispie football treats will make your Super Bowl Sunday worthwhile.

Now I’m not sure if you’d take to them, but I’m positive your kids will. Then again, they’re made from chocolate Rice Krispies at least I hope so.

15. To wet your appetite for the big game, try these nice football bites.

Now these have pepperoni shaped footballs, cheddar cheese, and Ritz crackers. Of course, I don't know what the white stuff is on the pepperoni. Probably cheese.

Now these have footballs shaped kielbasa slices, cheddar cheese, and Ritz crackers. Of course, I don’t know what the white stuff is on the meat. Probably cheese.

16. Behold, I give you the mushroom and cheese Denver Broncos tortilla pizza.

Actually that’s a pretty good rendition of the Denver Broncos logo. I mean, that’s pretty damn good. Still, I don’t know if the mushrooms make a good substitute for a blue background. Still, the Broncos lost the Super Bowl last year, even though they had Peyton Manning.

17. Enjoy your Super Bowl party with these edible cupcake wraps.

I’m not sure whether these are manufactured or made by some repressed art student, but chocolate ones have the football while vanilla ones have the yard lines.

18. And now, I give you all, Hoagie Snackadium, home of Super Bowl BLT!

Hey, that’s the football pepperoni pizza I posted earlier. Still, to me this seems like a healthier option than the other stadiums so far, but seems to contain a lot of carbs and fat.

19. Of course, you can’t have any Super Bowl party without a side of football shaped beer bread decorated with bacon and cheese.

Nevertheless, this is certainly a basket of Super Bowl bread rolls fit for any man. I mean it contains all the things men would want as well as the high cholesterol content. Keep these away from your dog though.

20. For Super Bowl Sunday, it’s best to serve the guacamole dip as a football field.

Of course, this person couldn’t afford to build a snackadium so they just stuck with a guacamole dish instead. Nevertheless, pretty clever.

21. Nothing says a Super Bowl party like a red velvet football shaped and chocolate chip covered cheese ball.

Can’t believe this is my second chocolate chip covered cheese football I’ve posted already. Guess I have a thing for chocolate. Of course, nobody can have too much of that.

22. Now it seems like this person wants to honor the playoff season with hotdogs representing each team.

I wonder what the hotdog from Pittsburgh would look like. Also, why does the New York one have blue ooze on it? That can’t be normal. Oh, it’s supposed to represent the Giants. Also, that Green Bay hotdog looks disgusting.

23. Now these are the perfect cookies for any city of Champions.

Now this person really got the team logo right on this one, which the Pittsburgh Steelers have on only one side of their helmets. Nevertheless, not bad for the 6 time Super Bowl champions, am I right?

24. Of course, you can’t really go wrong with chocolate covered strawberries.

Still, they also make great Valentines Day gifts for men, if you know what I mean. Of course, they’re also seen as a health food as well.

25. For your Super Bowl party, why don’t you design the cupcake platter from one of your old playbooks?

I don’t know about you, but I sort of wish that every football team recorded their plays like this. Seriously, it would be just all the more awesome.

26. I’m sure this stadium cake would satisfy Green Bay Packer fan.

I actually watched that 2011 game when the Packers won the Super Bowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers. At least I got to see Adrien Brody sing in that Stela Artois commercial. Now he is a very good looking guy, my friend. Well, so what if he has a large nose? He’s way hotter than Channing Tatum, in my book anyway.

27. Of course, if you love seafood, here’s a football of crab spread.

Of course, this crab spread also has cheese on it, which doesn’t make it kosher in some Jewish sects. This is especially true with the shellfish. Yet, if they live in Baltimore, I’m not sure that they care.

28. Welcome, to the Ham Sandwich Snackadium.

The stadium walls are made from ham sandwiches as I can recall. Yet, they seem to contain a lot of snack foods like Doritos, nachos, potato chips, and Ritz crackers. Still, contains lots of carbs.

29. Now this snakadium allows you to make your own sandwich as far as I can see.

Wow, seems like there’s a lot of ways you can customize your sandwich in this stadium. Unfortunately, there’s only one type of bread. Yet, I’d rather have something hot instead. I don’t like hoagies for some reason. Seriously, I don’t.

30. Since burgers are tailgating fare in football, why not have a football shaped burger?

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s pretty appropriate for a Super Bowl party. Of course, my dad would usually have some American cheese on his toasted bun.

31. Wet your appetite with these rice cake footballs.

I’m sure cheese was involved here as far as I could tell. Or do rice just brown that way? Then again, at least you can dip it in something.

32. Behold, the cheese pizza dedicated to Super Bowl XLVI in which the New England Patriots face off against the New York Giants.

Man, that’s one amazing pizza. Still, I know quite well that the Giants won this one and Eli Manning got another MVP trophy, to his older brother Peyton’s dismay.

33. For vegetarians and health nuts out there, here’s a veggie stadium platter for you.

A healthy options, Super Bowl party vegetable platter? What kind of NFL heresy is this? Seriously, football food needs to be at least bad enough to kill a man through heart disease.

34. Get your child to know the calls in football with these cupcakes.

Now some of the signs on here consist of, “False Start,” “Delay Game,” “Off-Side,” “Pass Interference,” “Face Mask,” and “Horse Collar.” Still, I’m surprised they don’t have the call, “Unnecessary Roughness” or “Excessive Celebration” on here.

35. For the Pittsburgh Steelers heading to the Super Bowl, here’s a dessert table befit for the City of Champions.

Now let’s see here: Steeler jersey cookies, Black and Gold gobs, popcorn, Steeler cupcakes, Steeler cake pops, football cake, and beer. Too bad this was assembled in 2011, when they lost the Super Bowl to the Green Bay Packers.

36. No cheese ball is better for the Super Bowl party than a bacon and cheese ball for your crackers.

Of course, the bacon gives this cheese football its color after being ground up into tiny bits. Still, definitely not for people with high cholesterol.

37. Don’t forget to kick a field goal into these cupcakes.

Of course, I’m not sure about the yardage here. Then again, take two of these and you get a football field, albeit a very small one.

38. Now this snackadium is just epic, literally.

Now I know this one has been done quite some time ago since they have Twinkies and Ho Hos as parked cars in the lot outside. Hostess has been out of business since 2012 at least.

39. Celebrate the Super Bowl with this football cake on the grass.

Of course, the artificial turf on this cake looks more realistic than the turf on Cougar Mountain will ever be.

40. Of course, this snacktadium was made for a bar and grille.

I see this one contains beer as I see it and other dishes. Still, I wonder if that grass is real. Looks like it compared to what I’ve seen on Cougar Mountain, that is. Also contains helmets from almost all the NFL teams.

41. Grace your Super Bowl party platter with football fritters containing potato, bacon, and cheddar cheese.

Now I’m sure my dad will really love these. Yet, I know they’d be very bad for him. Contains lots of salt, seriously. Eat enough of them and you’ll get a heart attack.

42. Nothing makes a Super Bowl than a football soft pretzel.

Of course, in Pittsburgh, we call this, “the Ben Roethlisberger Special.” Did I spell his name right? Seriously, did I spell his name right?

43. For frozen treats, you can’t do wrong with these football ice cream sandwiches on sticks.

The great part of these is that how the plays are written on the sticks. Still, wish real football teams did this with their plays. Maybe they’ll remember them better.

44. For all you winos out there, nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a stadium cheese platter.

Of course, while the black olives are in position, the green olives seemed to have called a time out. Wonder if the green olives realize they’re losing. Losing teams tend to do this near the end of games.

45. Nothing makes great artificial turf for your snackadium than celery.

Okay, I bet this is the low budget version of the Super Bowl veggie platter. And they have an almond to act as a football. For those who have limited cooking skills, you might want to try this.

46. When it comes to snackadium walls, you might want to go with sandwiches on one end and lunch meat and graham crackers on the other.

What my question about this stadium is: How the hell did they get the ham, graham crackers, and pastrami to stand up like that? Seriously, how did they do it?

47. I’m sure your party guests will delight in this one of a kind Super Bowl sundae.

And I guess this is with a sprinkles in a cone as well as chocolate chip mint ice cream. Can I have one, please? I’ll take it. Seems like someone’s about to score a touchdown.

48. Behold, I give you, the Super Bowl Taco Bowl.

Of course, while this item may be among the healthier dishes on this post, it may give you a case of gas by the 3rd quarter. I mean it’s probably covered with refried beans for the other contents to stick to.

49. Nothing says a Super Bowl party than a team sized football burger.

Now I’m sure this was made by a restaurant. I mean burgers don’t tend to be that big. Then again, this might be a close up image. Nevertheless, the top bun certainly looks like a real football.

50. For the kids, I’m sure these football cookies will do quite nicely.

I don’t know about you but I really like these expressions on these football. I also love the use of sprinkles for the crowds on the football stadium ones, too.

51. Now these cheese potato skin footballs make a great side dish for your Super Bowl party.

Of course, I thought this was a scalped potato dish, wondering, how did they managed to get a dish shaped like that? Then I realized that was potato skin.

52. Score on the big game day with this football shaped veggie platter.

Have to love how the old pig skin is made from peppers, carrots, and cherry tomatoes. The turf is represented by the broccoli.

53. Nothing scores bigger on your Super Bowl dessert platter than these football cake pops.

Sure these might be covered in chocolate, but, hey, I'll take a bite out of one of them. Nevertheless, cute.

Sure these might be covered in chocolate, but, hey, I’ll take a bite out of one of them. Nevertheless, very fitting for the big game.

54. Now I’m sure your guests will be delighted with these tasty football brownies.

Now these brownies look so delicious that it’s making me hungry. Seriously, I really love brownies and chocolate.

55. For your desserts during the half-time show, take a time out with this pull apart football cake.

Because if this doesn’t distract you from looking at Katie Perry’s boobs, I don’t know what will. Still, love the icing, yet I wish the cupcakes were chocolate though.

56. I’m sure this football shaped tortilla sandwich will make a great Super Bowl entree during the game.

Of course this may be a seven layer dip with tortillas overlapping each topping. I’d proceed this dish with caution if I were you.

57. If Rice Krispie football treats aren’t your thing, perhaps go with a superized one.

However, though this might be the size of a real football, doesn’t mean you should pass it around with your guests. Seriously, don’t.

58. If you don’t want to give your guests coronaries, then perhaps cover your football cheese ball with nuts.

Of course, ingesting too much cheese may not be good for you. Then again, at least your Orthodox Jewish guest may be allowed to take part in this dish as well.

59. Nothing makes a Super Bowl party than an appetizer dish of sauteed mushrooms.

Sauteed mushroom dish? Seems more like something you’d serve for a Wimbledon party to me. And only rich folks attend those.

60. Nobody can do much wrong with these field cupcakes for their Super Bowl parties.

Warning: green icing may cause your guests to sport green lips, which are much more appropriate for Saint Patrick’s Day.

61. Presenting the Super Bowl salad bowl.

And it looks like the salads in this arrangement is being served in tortilla bowls. Also, is that salad dressing or masking tape?

62. Score a touchdown at your Super Bowl party with these football bites.

Now these bites seem to contain, Ritz crackers, kielbasa slices, and cheddar cheese. And I guess the lines are drawn with salad dressing.

63. During the Super Bowl, the best way to eat fruit salad is via a watermelon helmet.

Fruit helmet? Hey, kid, football isn’t the sport for queers (I’m just kidding on this, seriously). Also, that dish doesn’t seem to fit the dietary guidelines for football food, which is supposed to be bad for the arteries.

64. Nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a dish of refried dip shaped like a football.

Warning: May cause gas like in the iconic Blazing Saddles scene if this isn’t seven layers. Then again, football is more of a men’s sport anyway and Super Bowl Sunday more of a men’s holiday.

65. Oh, when the Saints go marchin’ in. Oh, when the New Orleans Saints go marchin’ in….

Of course, after winning the Super Bowl in 2010, they became implicated in a high profile scandal in which the coach issued bounties on certain players for his crew to beat up. They haven’t been as good since. So much for living up to their name.

66. Of course, nothings honors the big day like a Super Bowl gingerbread stadium.

I don’t think this display was made for eating. Nevertheless, it’s going in the post anyway. Seriously, it’s very good artistry.

67. Of course, when the Steelers are playing in the Super Bowl, you can’t do without a Terrible Towel cake.

Now the tradition of the Terrible Towel began with the Pittsburgh Steeler’s announcer Myron Cope during the team’s glory days in the 1970s. It’s been a Pittsburgh Steeler tradition since then. Sadly, Myron died in 2008 but he’d always be remember as a local sports personality.

68. Show your support for the Green Bay Packers with this cheese head cake.

The main reason why the Green Bay Packers fans are called, “Cheese Heads” is because the team was originally founded and sponsored by a food packing company. Also, because of Wisconsin’s association with dairy products.

69. Nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a cake of the Vince Lombardi trophy.

I’m sure this cake is professionally made and that trophy is just a replica as far as I can see. Looks very well done though.

70. I now give you, Graham Cracker Snackadium.

Though the outside is graham crackers the inside tends to be aluminum foil, crackers, and guacamole. Still a great snack platter though.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree at the Ugly Sweater Party

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 13, 2014

Now that I’m back from my break doing posts on Christmas in Tackyland, let’s get down to business since I know many of you come to my blog around the holidays specifically to look at my treasure trove of bad and kitschy Christmas stuff. Another well-known Christmas tradition during the season is the idea of the ugly sweater party, where people gather to celebrate Christmas bringing gifts, food, and donning their gay apparel with their poor fashion sense. Some people get their ugliest sweaters online or at the store already premade, while others get creative and make their own. As with mine, well, I basically got it from my mother. Well, it’s not exactly what I’d call “ugly” per se, but it basically consists of a combination of two styles such as tacky Christmas sweater meets the traditional robes of the Ming Dynasty. Yet, compared to the other sweaters you’ll look at in this post, this is actually pretty tame (for an ugly Christmas sweater, but as a Chinese robe, it’s atrocious). But here I open a post with me sitting on my couch near the Christmas tree as my parents watch the Pittsburgh Penguins take on the Calgary Flames. Nevertheless, I wore this sweater at the Westmoreland Mall Macy’s for Black Friday while working for ten hours as well as for my family Thanksgiving dinner afterwards. So without further adieu, here are some of the great moments in Christmas dress tackiness. Enjoy for your pleasure though some may not be safe for work, by the way.

1. For our first Christmas fashion disaster, I bring you Santa Dress.

I suppose that this woman is a kindergarten teacher. And I think this dress was designed by one of her students.

2. I call this one, “Elf Torpedo Tits.”

Of course, until I saw this picture, I didn’t know that they hired strippers at the North Pole. Guess Santa’s elves need some entertaining distraction from their lives.

3. In Mexico, they don’t celebrate Christmas wearing ugly sweaters. They celebrate Navidad wearing Navidad ponchos.

Of course, this picture was taken during Chad’s time as a foreign exchange student at the Universidad de Tijuana.

4. Of course, this sweater reminds that dogs will go where they may.

Also, the fact that Scruffy here has no respect whatsoever for Frosty the Snowman. Poor Frosty.

5. As Bob Dylan said, “The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind.”

Yes, the answer is certainly blowing in the wind and so is Frosty’s head. Or was.

6. For this Christmas season, have your hair done in the style a la Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Now this is how you style your hair for an ugly sweater party. Still, very funny. Why didn’t I think of this?

7. This lady is totally rocking it in her Frosty dress.

Of course, the kids are going to say, “What do you mean she’s Frosty? She doesn’t look like Frosty the Snowman to me!” Still, I wonder if the kids understand the concept of either “sexy costumes” or “making do with what they got.”

8. I give you the gift bow dress.

Of course, if you have all those bows in your Christmas gift wrapping supplies, what else are you going to do?

9. Here’s a great Christmas sweater featuring the Great Emancipator in his Santa hat.

Seriously, I understand that Abraham Lincoln was a great American President who led the US while it was torn apart by civil war as well as has a very important person in American history. But what the hell does he have to do with Christmas?

10. “.Fra-gee-lay. Must be Italian.”

I’m sure that reads “fragile” like easily breakable. Yet, I wonder if the guy is Italian though. Seems like he is.

11. So it’s Christmas and Hell must’ve frozen over. Or not.

Of course, when I see a picture of a skull wearing ear muffs and a scarf, I don’t think it’s a good sign. Rather, I might suspect that cannibalism was involved.

12. Ugly Christmas sweater? Nah, how about an ugly Christmas suit instead?

Now I’m sure this guy looks even more ridiculous in the ski lodge with that Christmas suit on. Looks so silly I can’t help but laugh.

13. Got a black plain sweatshirt? Well, why don’t you take a knack at decorating it like a Christmas wreath with a red bow in the center?

I’m sure this woman took a lot of time to make this sweater as she stands as if she’s proud of what she accomplished. Still, I love the wreath though.

14. Have your Christmas sweater vest light up which will make you the life of the party.

Now this girl looks very excited rocking in her lit up Christmas sweater vest. I also wonder what’s in that cup she’s holding. Still, I wouldn’t be caught dead acting like that at my Aunt Mary’s place on Christmas Eve.

15. For the little girl in your life, perhaps you can take her to the ugly sweater party dressed as a cute little Christmas tree.

Of course, this little angel is thinking, “why did mommy and daddy have me dress in this stupid tree costume? Everyone at Grandma’s house is going to laugh at me.”

16. Wake up on Christmas morning wearing Ralphie’s bunny pajamas.

Ironically, because of A Christmas Story, it’s now acceptable for guys to wear pink bunny pajamas on Christmas morning. The expression on this guy’s face is just hilarious.

17. Nothing says, “Merry Christmas” than donning a Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on your boob.

Okay, note to self: Don’t ever think of trying this idea at your Aunt Mary’s house on Christmas Eve. Your aunts and uncles might have a problem with their kids seeing this. Still, this might be great with nursing mothers.

18. Either this is Santa’s female sidekick Plinkerbell or some kind of female Christmas Superheroine called Tinseltoe.

Of course, while this is certainly a festive outfit, I’m sure that it’s one of the most atrocious Christmas costumes I’ve seen so far. Seems like this woman spared no expense whatsoever.

19. I call this one, “Santa Spring Tits.”

Of course, I’m sure this woman is another North Pole stripper elf but she didn’t want me to show her face due to privacy reasons.

20. Okay, I understand why they called him “Frosty the Snow ‘man'” instead of “Frosty the Snow ‘woman.'”

Small Child: “Why does the snowman have a carrot and coal on the bottom like that on Uncle Bobby’s sweater?”
Dad: “You’ll learn when you’re older, sweetie.”

21. Bring the festive spirit of Christmas with this Christmas tree costume.

Of course, at the Christmas Party, you might have people trying to put presents under you than giving them to you.

22. Of course, you can’t forget Jesus, since he’s the Birthday for Christmas.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if having Jesus on an ugly Christmas sweater is a great idea. In fact, it may possibly border on sacrilege, if you ask me. I mean Jesus kind of deserves more respect than that.

23. Of course, why be the only one in your family getting in the Christmas spirit while you can include your whole family?

Of course, I’m sure the whole family approved that they attend the Christmas Party at Grandma’s house by wearing sweaters containing giant green candy canes. Then again, maybe it was just the parents’ idea.

24. For couples, you might want to try this lovely reindeer sweater combination.

Of course, I’m sure the woman usually wears the top half while the man wears the other for obvious reasons. Still, reminds me of “in one end and out the other.”

25. Now this hostess certainly has all the bows and tinsel on her dress.

Yes, this is another bow dress but this one also includes tinsel and seems more Christmasy. Also, she seems to be saying, “Who wants Christmas cookies?”

26. Of course, you can always include a winter scene.

Yet, this woman seems to deck her outfit with a winter scene enclosed in a plastic bag with some cutouts for a barn and tree as well as lots and lots of cotton.

27. Christmas is always the time for joy.

Yet, when a woman is wearing a Christmas sweater reading, “Feel the Joy” and has two black hands on her chest, I don’t think you want to abide.

28. Seems like this woman is feeling festive in all her greenery.

Now this woman seems like she didn’t have much choice to wear this sweater at her Christmas Party. Mainly because she’s actually a waitress at the country club.

29. “Up on the housetop, reindeer falls. Out jumps good ol’ Santa Claus. Down through the chimney with lots of toys, all for the good little girls and boys.”

Yet, I’m sure that this guy used a creepy psycho Santa Claus foe his chimney and fireplace Christmas sweater. Still, where the hell is the guy’s face for God’s sake?

30. At your Christmas party, come as Santa Claus decorating the tree.

Of course, my question about this outfit other than sheer tackiness is how the hell does this guy manage to sit down in this? Also, I’m sure he has to take it off once in a while.

31. Of course, what’s a Gingerbread Man without his can of Bud Light?

Just what I need, a drunk Gingerbread cookie. Now the last Christmas cookie I need is one that tastes like beer.

32. Seems like Crumpet just got drunk at his RV home.

So I guess that the North Pole has it’s share of redneck elves who live in their trailers. Makes sense.

33. Deck the halls at your Christmas party by donning this sweater with a big red bow that lights.

Now I’m sure this is a very tacky Christmas sweater. Yet, at the same time it’s all so charming.

34. I’m sure dressing in pink is the height of Christmas fashion.

This Grandma is about as chic in her reindeer pink sweater as that aluminum Christmas tree in the background. Yeah, I’m sure she really stands out.

35. Show your love for the classic A Christmas Story, with this Christmas sweater featuring the legendary leg lamp.

Now I’m sure this guy is the life of the party. Yet, since it has appeared in a family film, I’m sure it’s totally appropriate for even family occasions, even if leg lamps are better suited for strip clubs and bars.

36. For your Christmas sweater, perhaps make this holiday beefcake a lovely trimming.

Now this sweater would’ve been perfectly all right. The Harlequin Romance hottie in the right hand corner just makes it seem more horrendous and in poor taste.

37. Seems that Santa just got stuck in the chimney.

Well, if Santa Claus had basically tried to manage his weight better, maybe he wouldn’t keep getting stuck in people’s chimneys.

38. Come to your Christmas Party, dressed up as Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation.

On second thought, perhaps dressing up as Cousin Eddie for your Christmas party probably isn’t a good idea.

39. Now this sweater has a stuffed reindeer that I’m sure your relatives would love.

Well, all seems quite well at the front but when you look it the back…..yeah.

40. Decorate your Christmas sweater with a lot of jingle bells.

Of course, ugly Christmas sweaters have the potential to make tough biker dudes be reduced to icons of utter ridiculousness.

41. Of course, Kris Kringle is here to mingle.

Now I’m sure that Santa Claus with a beer isn’t going to go well with a G rated Christmas party. Seriously, why?

42. Shimmer at the Christmas party house with this lovely leg lamp dress.

Yes, that’s a leg lamp costume but I’m sure that the only thing keeping it from being a strictly stripper club outfit is the fact it’s inspired by a prop from a family film.

43. I call this one, “the Santa Claus Hat Spring Boobs.”

If Madonna had an ugly Christmas sweater for a party, it would certainly look like this.

44. Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season.

Now I don’t know about you but I think putting Jesus on an ugly Christmas sweater doesn’t seem to be very respectful. Also, why is the Baby Jesus holding a present in his hand?

45. Celebrate the season with a Christmas leopard sweater?

Okay, what do leopards have to do with Christmas? They’re from India and Africa for God’s sake! Seriously, why?

46. I’m sure your nutcracker is makes your pink sweater a perfect Christmas fashion item.

Actually, like the previous one, this pepto pink sweater seems horrendously tacky if you ask me. Also, nutcrackers are kind of creepy.

47. Be sure to have your Christmas suit contain snowmen and Christmas trees.

I’m sure this guy loves to model in this suit for the Amazon catalog site. Still, he doesn’t look that bad, but he must feel embarrassed.

48. Looks like Santa Claus needs to make a pit stop.

Well, if Santa has to go, he’s gotta go. And if he doesn’t have access to a bathroom at the moment, he’ll go in the snow.

49. Of course, this guy certainly rocks in his Christmas tree suit.

Sure this guy may be modeling very ugly suits, but he can take a ride in my one horse open sleigh any day.

50. Seems that Twinkletoes has met a great reception for her North Pole gig.

Then again, seems like Santa’s elves seemed starved for entertainment lately. Looks like there’s not much you can do at the North Pole.

51. Of course, why have a Christmas sweater when you can’t include a Santa frog on it?

Seriously, what do frogs have to do with Christmas? They don’t live in the North Pole. Still, seems like this woman is proud of her creation.

52. I call this one, “Angel Boobs.”

And I’m sure the “Ho, Ho, Ho,” part of that sweater doesn’t help matters if you know what I mean.

53. Rock in your Yuletide cheer in this Christmas sweater.

I know those are supposed to be bells, but they look so much like tighty whiteys to me.

54. Seems like the Santa Police have been searching for the baby Jesus.

Wait a minute, didn’t Santa Claus came after baby Jesus? Seriously, what’s with the flashlight? I’m sure they didn’t have those during the first century BCE.

55. I call this one, “Frosty the Snow Boobs.”

I don’t know about you but this flashy Christmas sweater seems so wrong on so many levels. Seriously, why?

56. You can’t possibly go overboard with tinsel and poinsettias.

Still, I think this guy kind of overdid it on the tinsel and the poinsettias. Still, I’m sure the woman won’t have to worry about having a wardrobe malfunction.

57. During the year, Santa Claus sits on his candy cane throne watching over to identify the good girls and boys.

Now I’m sure that this candy canes make a perfect background for Santa’s chair. Still, this is quite hysterical.

58. Who needs a Christmas tree when you can dress like one?

Okay, this guy seems to look less like a Christmas tree and more like a guy who likes to deck himself in tinsel and baubles.

59. Because you can’t have too many candy cane lollipop lights for your Santa sweater.

On second thought, yes, I think there’s just too many candy cane lollipop lights here. Also, the Santa might be quite hideous as well.

60. Of course, you’d always need to have tree on your Christmas sweater that shimmers.

Now I’m sure wearing this shiny Christmas will certainly make you really stand out. Also, may attract people with ADHD.

For More: http://www.uglychristmassweater.com/

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on These Christmas Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 5, 2014

So far I’ve basically made fun of Christmas with horrible vintage ads, inflatables designers didn’t think through, sketchy Santas, and elves on the shelf doing very naughty things. However, this post be a hiatus from all the kitsch I featured so far for this treat article since I did a couple similar ones with Thanksgiving and Halloween (latter out of my mom’s suggestion and former just out of simply plain boredom that I couldn’t do much else). Still, as you know, like Thanksgiving, Christmas is a very big holiday for food, especially when it comes to candy and desserts. So much so that in fact, a lot of New Year’s resolutions are devoted to losing weight and January advertising features a lot of fitness stuff. Still, a lot Christmas dinner scenes are just loaded with food of almost every type imaginable that starting a diet on this time of year is impossible often brought by relatives charged with bringing something. Yet, sometimes it’s hard for people to bring a Christmas dish especially if their item wasn’t specified (though it usually is). However, we do have many items featured on the Christmas table like figgy pudding, candy canes, gingerbread cookies, and eggnog. Nevertheless, for those who want to be creative, here are plenty of dishes you may find to your liking whether it be for appetizers, salads, or desserts. So without further adieu, here are some great treats for those who want to put the festive spirit in this Christmas season.

1. For a great stocking stuffer, I’m sure a candy cane Rudolph would suit your fancy.

I’m sure reindeer don’t have red and white striped antlers. But still, very easy to make and I’m sure the kids will love it.

2. For your veggie platter why don’t go with broccoli Christmas tree decorated with peppers and cherry tomatoes?

Now I’m sure if you also include celery and carrots, I don’t think this design will work out for you. Still, very easy to make since it only requires 3 ingredients.

3. Start Christmas morning out with a Christmas tree made out of sticky buns.

I know that cinnamon rolls aren’t that good for you but what the hell, give yourself a break for the holidays. Hey, I’ll take one.

4. Instead of making conventional Christmas cookies, perhaps consider making cookies of ugly sweaters.

This goes particularly well if you have to go to an ugly sweater party. Still, I wonder who sells sweater cookie cutters?

5. For dessert, take a bite out of these Christmas tree cupcakes.

Don't worry, health nuts, those Christmas trees are actually strawberrys covered with a lot of icing. So these aren't totally bad for you.

Don’t worry, health nuts, those Christmas trees are actually strawberries covered with a lot of icing. So these aren’t totally bad for you.

6. Take a bite out of this Christmas cornflake wreath.

Okay, so maybe cornflakes don’t do well against green dye. Yet, they do bring a leafy feel to it. Yet, I can’t say whether this one is actually good for you or not.

7. Get in the festive Christmas spirit with these ornament cake balls.

Now the most complicated thing about this is making the cake batter and balls. You can just add the Reese cups and Twizzlers later.

8. For lunch, perhaps a Christmas wreath candle cheese pizza is one that Wallace and Gromit would love.

Boy, this pizza uses a lot of cheese. Yet, I wouldn’t recommend this for the lactose intolerant or those with high cholesterol.

9. With pretzels, white chocolate, and Twizzlers, you can make your own Christmas wreath snacks.

Seems like white chocolate and Twizzlers can hold almost anything together. However, I wouldn’t recommend pretzel wreaths as a stuffing stuffer. They may be too delicate.

10. Bring a little cuteness into your life with these penguin Oreos.

Maybe penguins have nothing to do with Christmas, but hey, I'll eat one of these. Also, who can't resist penguins?

Maybe penguins have nothing to do with Christmas, but hey, I’ll eat one of these. Also, who can’t resist these cute little penguins?

11. For a healthy snack for the kids, I’m sure these bread creations of Frosty, Santa, and Rudolph.

Of course, while Santa and Rudolph’s noses are from cherry tomatoes, Frosty’s eyes and mouth are made from blueberries and his body is made from strawberries. Santa might also have a strawberry hat while Rudolph has kielbasa antlers.

12. For lunch, you might want to grab some of this Christmas tree veggie pizza.

This is made from either bread or pizza dough spread over with cream cheese as well as topped with carrots, cherry tomatoes, yellow peppers, and broccoli. Still, it’s a healthier option than the cheese candle wreath one. Yet, won’t satisfy vegans.

13. Fruit lovers would love this candy cane made from strawberries and bananas.

Of course, if you want the peppermint freshness of the candy cane, this treat isn’t for you.

14. For the meat lover, here’s a wreath of mini sausage wraps.

Of course, this isn’t one of the more healthier wreaths here. But at least it brings in the festive spirit of Christmas.

15. For winter fun, consider making Christmas cookies of ice skates with mini candy canes on them.

Hey, I’m still going to post cookies on here. Yet, you have to appreciate the creative aptitude on this person’s part. Who knew candy cans can be used for ice skates?

16. Broccoli and cherry tomatoes are all this Christmas wreath veggie platter needs.

While this is the best food Christmas wreath by far, this doesn’t exhibit a lot of vegetable variety. Also, the center lacks dip.

17. Grace your Christmas party appetizers with this Christmas tree cheese platter.

Of course, this platter shows about 4 kinds of cheese and cherry tomatoes. Still, has a lot of color to it if you know what I mean.

18. Get in the festive spirit with this giant candy cane cake.

If you love Christmas like I do and have a taste in fresh baked Danishes, than this cake is for you. Seriously, it looks like a giant candy cane sticky bun.

19. Nothing makes a better dessert for Christmas than this wreath of chocolate fudge.

If this dish was featured at my family’s Christmas celebration, I would have a very hard time controlling how much I got. Boy, talk about death by chocolate, indeed.

20. Wow your Christmas dessert table with this jelly bean covered cupcake Christmas wreath.

I’m no fan of jelly beans but I have to admit, they do make good edible food decorations. But their taste is another matter.

21. Bring the joys of winter into your life with these flower covered snowmen.

Of course, these snowmen almost look real except that they’re made from dough. Yet, I’m sure you can’t really eat the arms though or else have your cheeks pierced.

22. Now these Santa crackers sure make a great snack idea.

Now I’m sure these are from Ritz crackers that contain cream cheese from a tube, celery, black olive bits, and pepperoni. Still, they are quite cute if you know what I mean.

23. Of course, you can’t forget these potato made Christmas trees.

Sure they may not be green but they sure do resemble Christmas trees. Besides, I’ll have a few of these.

24. For healthy snacks, I’m sure such cream cheese covered bread is the thing for you.

Now these are topped with long green onions and red bell peppers. Then again, I really don’t know what those green things are anyway for they could be a lot of things.

25. Make your kids’ Christmas special with these olive and cheese penguins with cherry tomato hats.

Now these are simply adorable despite that penguins actually live in the Southern Hemisphere (not just Antarctica). Still, nobody could resist these cuties.

26. As a party dessert, I’m sure these Santa hat pretzels will do quite nicely.

Now these are so cute and seem so easy to make. Man, the wonders you can make with pretzels. Also, love how they use mini marshmallows as the pom pom on the end.

27. As snowman melt with rising temperatures, these melting snowmen cookies will melt in your mouth.

Have to hand it to the person who thought of this. I mean I’ve never seemed these kind of cookies before. Yet, I don’t understand while some of them are smiling despite melting their way out of existence.

28. Grace your appetizer table with this Frosty the Snowman cheese ball or balls.

Seems like you can also do a lot with cream cheese as well over the holidays. Still, I’m sure he’ll have a lot of Ritz crackers dipped into him by the end of the night.

29. If you don’t like the ornament cupcakes, may I suggest ornament popcorn balls with candy cane hooks?

Now I also like how Christmas M&M’s are used to decorate these as well. Yet, I’m sure chocolate haters won’t like these either.

30. Deck the halls with these Christmas tree brownies.

Now these make a wonderful edition to any Christmas dessert platter. Still, no two of these brownies are alike if you know what I mean. Also, I would have a hard time resisting these treats as well.

31. Nothing makes a great lunch than this Christmas tree pizza.

Of course, this person forgot to use pesto as a sauce. Then again, there’s a specific process to making pesto. Yet, still very ornate.

32. I’m sure these Rice Krispie wreaths will bring joy to any child on Christmas.

You won’t believe how many stuff I’ve seen made from marshmallows and Rice Krispies. These are among the very best, especially since they’re dye green.

33. With some Twizzlers and frosting decoration, you can adorn this lovely large candy cane Rice Krispie treat.

Of course, this treat is one of these you may have to cut for the kids. Yet, it's a great marvel of Rice Krispy ingenuity.

Of course, this treat is one of these you may have to cut for the kids. Yet, it’s a great marvel of Rice Krispie ingenuity.

34. For those who like veggies, try these pepper and cucumber wreaths.

Now these are very adorable. However, I’m not sure if vegans would love them. Still, I’m sure they’re relatively easy to make.

35. I’m sure kids will delight in these cute Christmas cupcakes.

The cupcake with Santa being stuck in the chimney is especially hilarious. Still, why does the cake ball in the middle have eyes? Seriously, why?

36. What better holiday treat for adults than snowmen made of hardboiled eggs?

Now I’m sure the eyes and buttons are made from peppercorns. Still, these are adorable though your kids may not like them.

37. This peanut butter reindeer sandwich will make a great lunch for the kids.

Cute to add the pretzel antlers, the raisin eyes, and the red cherry tomato nose. Still, the kids would love this.

38. Now sandwiches are easy to serve this Christmas with this sandwich wreath.

Now this wreath can use some more parsley. Actually a lot more parsley. Yet, you need to see the sandwiches which I think are basically made from melted cheese and whole wheat bread.

39. With marshmallows, chocolate, and thin mints (it seems) these little snowman hats would sure delight.

These are simply adorable. Now if only if they had actual snowmen to wear them. Then again, how do we make them?

40. Nothing graces the Christmas table than a yule log cake.

This cake is from a restaurant. Still, seems like Santa is making his rounds in California’s Redwood Forest. Still, what’s with the Christmas tree?

41. This fruitcake brownie is sure better than the real thing.

Of course, gum drops may not be the best but at least the brownie part is tasty. After all, who doesn’t love brownies?

42. We’ve all heard of gingerbread men and ginger bread houses. So why not a gingerbread Christmas tree?

Sure it takes a whole plate and has a bunch of cookies stacked together. But hey, it has to be good. I also love the frosting.

43. Surely, I hope that some kids take to these Rudolph cake pops.

Sure they may not be the healthiest treats, but they’re still pretty cute if you know what I mean. Still, these use straws.

44. While we have fruit and Rice Krispy candy canes, we also have pizza ones, too.

I like how the white parts are covered with cheese and how the red part has tomato sauce. Still, I’m sure you can only have the cheese version and they’re whole wheat, too.

45. Have hotdogs? Then make these hotdog stockings on a stick.

Now these are probably made from mini hotdogs. I’m sure regular ones would be cut in smaller sections.

46. I introduce you to Frosty the Snowman cheese pizza.

Now this is perhaps the only snowman to be exposed to over 100 degrees and still survive. Still, must be tasty.

47. Melt a girl’s heart with these lovely heart shaped candy cane treats.

Because one of the best ways through a girl’s heart is through cooking and chocolate. This especially goes for chocolate. Remember that, fellas.

48. Have a frosty Christmas with this snowman ice cream treat.

Like snowmen, these treats also need to be refrigerated. Yet, I also hear they taste delicious. Nevertheless, so cute with those chocolate chip eyes.

49. Grace your dessert platter with this cookie wreath.

And I see that these cookies are holly leaves covered with green frosting. Man, I have a lot of wreaths on this post.

50. Deck the halls with these Rice Krispie treat lights.

Now these Rice Krispy Christmas lights are strung by Twizzlers. Man, Twizzlers is used in a lot of things here.

51. Make your Christmas simply heaven with this Christmas tree made from Rocky Road ice cream.

I’m sure this tree doesn’t just consist of one serving size if it’s as big as I think it is. Yet, sure looks good.

52. If you want your penguins with a soft and gooey marshmallow center, this is the treat for you.

Of course, this is a nice creative Christmas treat that your kids would certainly love. Also, it’s very adorable in chocolate and Oreo cream.

53. Make this Christmas a healthy one with this wreath veggie pizza.

Now this pizza makes a very colorful wreath I’m sure your family will love, once they get past the veggies that is. Oh, and it actually has pesto on it.

54. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a Christmas tree of spiced buns you can dip in tomato sauce.

Now I’m sure these buns taste really good. If I came across them, then I don’t know if I could resist overindulging myself. Unless these were made by The Olive Garden that is.

55. Serve your kids a healthy Christmas lunch with this Rudolph Sandwich.

Now this is quite clever with the strawberry nose, the pretzel ears, and the pea pod evergreen tree. Yet, I don’t think kids should take this kind of lunch to school. Might ruin the effect.

56. For party favors, I’m sure you can’t do anything wrong with these Santa and Christmas tree pretzel sticks.

Now I don’t know about you but doesn’t Santa seem a bit skinny on a pretzel stick. Then again, to each his own.

57. Don’t have Santa cookie cutters? Maybe you should improvise with a heart shape instead.

Maybe a bit of an unconventional choice but seems to work as long as you have the hearts face backwards. Also, quite adorable.

58. Make your Christmas ugly sweater party memorable with this ugly sweater cake.

Now this is a particularly amusing cake with the wreath, ugly sweater, and lights in all. Still, really goes well with the ugly sweater cookies.

59. I’m sure everyone would think these polar bear treats as adorable.

You especially have to like their little fruit roll up scarves. Still, even if real polar bears are slowly becoming casualties of global warming (it’s real, it’s caused by humans, and it’s happening now as we speak) and that they resemble koalas, they’re still irresistibly adorable.

60. Nothing graces your table set like these gingerbread Christmas trees.

Now I wonder if these trees were meant to eat or are just used for decoration. Either way, they seem delicious.

61. Reindeer cheese treats sure make healthy snacks for kids.

They also make great snacks for adults since cheese tends to go very well with wine and olives. Yet, beer goes better with pretzels, especially in October.

62. Nothing says Christmas like these adorable sugar coated snowmen on a stick.

Of course, while sugar gives these snowman sparkles, this doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good for you. And those dots may be stickers.

63. For health conscious folks, I give you these fruity Santa poppers.

Like the fruit candy canes, these poppers are also made of strawberries and bananas. Yet, unlike the fruit candy canes, they also have marshmallows.

64. These Christmas cupcakes are just simply adorable.

Of course, we have a lovely one of Santa and one of the gingerbread man. Also, the holly one really goes well.

65. A Christmas tree made out of sushi? Now I’ve seen everything.

Of course, this tree is for Japanese people with more traditional or health conscious diets. Seriously, they celebrate Christmas in Japan with KFC which is, well, basically heart disease on a plate.

66. Get into the spirit of Christmas with these Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer donuts.

Of course, these reindeer donuts would really make great Christmas gifts for your friendly neighborhood police officer.

67. Now Santa really seems to be stuck in the chimney with this cake.

Seems that Santa should’ve went on a diet before he decided to go down the chimney. Do you know what they used to put up in chimneys in the early 1800s? Naked school aged orphan boys.

68. Nothing encapsulates Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas, than this large cake.

Of course, this is the scene when the Grinch tries to dump the stuff at Mount Crumpitt and suddenly sees the Whos down in Whoville all singing on Christmas Day.

69. Make your own reindeer antlers from M&Ms, chocolate, and pretzel sticks.

This is perhaps the only picture in which all the ingredients are show. Still, quite easy to make, once you heat up the Dove chocolate.

70. Nothing says Merry Christmas than these Rice Krispy gingerbread candy houses.

They’re just like regular gingerbread houses with the exception of being made from Rice Krispies, not gingerbread. Still, really adorable if you know what I mean.

71. Tis the season for these Christmas tree cake poppers.

Now these may be made from cake but they certainly look a lot like little Christmas trees. But I bet they taste pretty good.

72. Nothing celebrates the season with these iced snowman cookie poppers.

How likely is it that those cookies under the icing are all Oreos? The answer is obvious. Still, they actually have snowman faces.

73. These Santa hat cake poppers certainly fit well in a box together.

I’ve seen a lot of these on the Internet. Still, much easier than Christmas tree poppers and much more popular, too.

74. I’m sure that your kids will fall in love with these reindeer poppers, especially Rudolph.

Odd, seems like these pops appear to be made for Santa’s sleigh team. Yet, I guess Rudolph is certainly the obvious one as well as the one the kids want the most. Seriously, kids are suckers for Rudolph since he has his own cartoon.

75. You’ve heard of Christmas trees and Christmas cookies. So how about a Christmas cookie tree?

I’m sure that this will be the centerpiece of the dessert platter. And I also love how the cookies are have green sugar and icing on them.

76. Celebrate the Christmas season with this cupcake Christmas tree.

I see a lot of people with green lips from all the green icing once everyone is done eating from it. Still, I totally love it though I wish the cupcakes were chocolate though.

77. For your Christmas party appetizers, I’m sure a cheese ball of a snowman wearing a wreath is for you.

I don’t know about you, but this snowman seems to remind me of a Roman emperor. Maybe it’s the wreath.

78. Remember, for Christmas, you can use cookie cutters for your pizza dough.

Now these are Christmas mini pizzas with peppers and tomato. However, I wish I had one with pepperoni. Don’t care what shape it’s in.

79. For Christmas party favors, you can’t go wrong with a chocolate Rudolph.

Just make sure that none of your child guests has a peanut allergy because this treat is made from Reese’s cups.

80. Nothing celebrates the season like these Christmas wreath pops.

I don’t know about you but I think these wreaths aren’t made from cake. Rather I think they’re made from small donuts, if they came as that tiny.

Halloween Party Tricks or Treats (But Mostly Treats, Sort of)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 18, 2014

Halloween is one of those time of the year that we have parties. After all, it’s one of those fun holidays in which you can dress in a costume as well as attend events that may feature games and food or perhaps drinking and dancing for the adults. And while you may seem obligated to spend Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving with your family, this isn’t so much the case on Halloween. Still, Halloween parties also provide a wide array of party treats that range from the creatively adorable to those that make you gag. And since it’s a scary holiday, creepiness and grossness are mostly encouraged. So in this post, I’ll show all the diverse dishes you’d find at Halloween parties that you’d probably not see in a Martha Stewart magazine or any cookbook as far as I know. Some of these may be for kids while others are certainly more adult oriented. So for your viewing pleasure and dismay, here are some Halloween party treats.

1. For those who got a cut, here are some band-aids and Q-tips.

As disgusting as they may appear, a cuisine meant to resemble a Civil War surgeon’s kit would be more vomit inducing.

2. For your veggie platter, here is a skeleton.

You’ll see a few of these. Yet, help yourself to the pepper ribs, the mushroom pelvis, the cucumber spine, and the celery and carrot limbs and shoulders.

3. Now take a bite out of cupcakes like Mrs. Lovett would make.

Don’t worry, these are just cupcakes, not bits of human flesh. If so, that would be cannibalism. Still, enough to make you puke, eh?

4. Now feast your eyes on these peepers.

These are probably kind of the cupcakes I’d expect Count Olaf to make. Of course, I’m not sure how many of you have read A Series of Unfortunate Events to get this. Nevertheless, they seem to be terrifyingly watching you.

5. Now you might want to feast your guts on this, literally.

Of course, this intestinal delectable may cause you to puke your guts out instead. I’m sure this sends a lot of Instagram foodie viewers to the toilet during this time of year.

6. Now you might want to have some fingers for dessert.

Now these are most likely breaded fingers with nut nails on them. Still, it’s a great way to trick vegetarians into thinking they’ve committed cannibalism.

7. Behold, spinach and artichoke dip straight from the mummy’s tomb.

Now this isn’t really scary but there’s a curse for those who partake of this creamy spinach and artichoke dip from Pharaoh Askenaten’s tomb.

8. Now for an appetizer, here’s some brain on a platter.

Let’s hope this brain isn’t from somebody named Abby Normal. Now that would be very, very bad. Of course, it’s probably just watermelon.

9. Oh, no, why did you have to serve Lego Frankenstein heads on sticks?

Actually they’re just marshmallows covered in chocolate. Still, they do tend to resemble disembodied Lego Frankenstein heads though.

10. Put a little “axe” on that cupcake, please.

Now that’s what I call a bloody cupcake. Very gory to say the least. Still, were those blood spattering axes homemade or bought from some party store?

11. Now for our party veggie platter, a cat skeleton.

Now I didn’t know that cats had skeletons made fro veggies and crackers. This is a very interesting specimen indeed.

12. Behold, the cheese dip mummy.

Now I could see the next Wallace and Gromit feature a cheese dip mummy. Would be very terrified if it’s made out of Wensleydale or cheddar.

13. Be fruity with these strawberry white chocolate covered ghosts.

Now if you put them in the fondue, they will haunt your dreams. Take it from someone who knows.

14. For those who want to eat healthy, here are some carrot fingers.

What? You didn’t know that carrots had fingers? Well, neither did I. But apparently Google Images says so.

15. For those who want their mummy, here are some mummy cookies.

Now these are just cute, but very creepy as well. Still, I don’t want to know what’s in them if they’re wrapped like that.

16. Since there may not be many pumpkins in Italy, it’s fair to say that they make a jack-o-pizza for Halloween.

Actually, I might only be joking here. Yet, still, Italians in Italy really do make pizza without the cheese and tomato sauce. Whether they make jack-o-pizzas, I may never know.

17. For an appetizer, here’s a bowl of deviled eyeballs.

Actually, they’re deviled eggs made to resemble eyeballs. Still, they’re enough to make you gag or lose your appetite.

18. Blood soup with eyeballs and bugs, anyone?

Okay, it’s not really as sick as it’s made out to be. I mean it’s only tomato soup with eyeball crackers and the bug is a prop. Still, I just love to say that.

19. Now for the kids, candy corn on the cob.

Very clever, but I wonder if the disgusting part is that those kernels are made out of wax and sugar. Also, there are kids who don’t want them.

20. Now here’s a couple hotdogs under some crispy mummy wraps.

Of course, what’s scarier than having hot dog mummies, is having to use them as subjects in a college lab experiment at Saint Vincent.

21. Now let me introduce you to the “Pilsbury Dead Boys.”

Nice that this person used gummy worms, oreo, and a gingerbread cookie cutter for these. Still, I’m not sure kids would take the reference of dead cookie bodies rising out from the dirt. Disgusting.

22. Thanks a lot, waiter, the pepperoni I ordered is infested with spiders and ghosts.

Waiter: “Well, that’s our ghost spider pizza deluxe, ordered straight from the haunted house.”
Me: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t think the spiders were part of the entree.”

23. And for dessert, here’s some kitty litter cake.

Ugh, no thanks, please. The sight of that just made me lose my appetite.

24. For all you meat lovers out there, how about some barbecue ribs?

Of course, this delectable is said to be based on an old family recipe. Well, an old family recipe for those who have ancestors in the Donner Party.

25. Now for the piece de resistance, brains.

Please don't tell me you got this from a dead body somewhere, or I would puke my guts out.

Please don’t tell me you got this from a dead body somewhere, or I will puke my guts out. I’m sure it’s gelatin. Oh, please be gelatin.

26. Now for the entree, a rat.

Hey, at least it’s not the one Blanche Hudson got in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? Still, a rat cake, disgusting.

27. I call this dish child’s soup.

Now I guess child’s soup contains parts from a dead child. Okay, that’s just plain sick and demented. Seriously, that’s something you’d serve to Hannibal Lecter.

28. Okay, folks, now eat my shit.

Now these may just be pastries that taste like chocolate. However, it doesn’t make me more likely to eat them.

29. So how would you like your finger dog?

Now this is very disgusting if you know what I mean. Doesn’t help that it’s made from meat.

30. Now for the main course, here are some freshly dug up bones from the garden.

Of course, those bones may not be real but I’m sure Scruffy may think them tasty. Of course, make sure the dog is nowhere near these if you want to eat them.

31. Now have a piece of this bloodied up brain, will you?

Now this the goriest and most disgusting brain I’ve ever seen. Yet, if you want to trap zombies, this is perhaps the best bait you can do.

32. Just a cheese pizza with pepperoni and spiders.

Now you have admire how this person used veggies and pepperoni to create a spider infestation here.

33. Hey, who left the glass hand in the punch bowl?

Now I see that the marshmallows tend to resemble bones which is pretty sick if you know what I mean. Still, wouldn’t want to drink anything that had a bloody hand rising from it.

34. A spider just made a web in my pizza.

No, the spiderweb is actually made from cheese and the spider is made from olives. Still, very much in the Halloween spirit though.

35. For dessert, we’re having a mutilated corpse.

Makes a lot of the cakes in my baby shower cake post seem less gruesome in comparison. And if it weren’t for the cartoonish face, I would’ve thought it came from the morgue.

36. I want my mummy toast!

Of course, these are more adorable than scary if I pray tell. Then again, this is supposed to be a kiddie treat.

37. For those who don’t like mummy toast, here’s mummy pizza.

Looks very similar to mummy toast except circular. Probably is if this person made a pizza via an English muffin.

38. Ah, green fingers, excellent!

I almost thought they were asparagus shoots made to resemble green fingers. That is, until I saw the bottom pretzel ends.

39. In Candyland, you might want to stay away from the black licorice with the ground covered in candy corn.

Understanding that black licorice and candy corn aren’t high on people’s favorite Halloween candy lists, I wonder if these were just made for decoration. Then again, they’re mounted on chocolate and graham crackers.

40. Now for dessert, I bring you skull cake.

So I guess having a bloody skull cake covered in white icing would’ve made it seem too realistic and graphic for some people. Still, quite disgusting.

41. Behold, the haunted cemetery of health food.

I’m not sure if I would call pretzels or crackers health food. Still, more of a clever platter creation than scary.

42. To go with your dinner, here is some bony bread sticks.

Of course, the person who took this picture called these, “salty bones.” Still, I hope they aren’t mistaken for real bones though.

43. For Mexican flair, perhaps have a jack-o-lantern quesadilla.

The scariest part of this dish is that it’s actually better for you than anything you’d get at Taco Bell. Of course, that place doesn’t carry real Mexican food anyway.

44. For the kids we have these cute little pretzel brooms.

They may not be the kind of treats you’d serve at a Halloween party for adults, but they don’t seem too bad. Still, you have to admire using the cheese as a broom fringe.

45. Didn’t know that witches’ hats came in such varieties.

Of course, these are cookies with Hershey’s kisses on top. Still, I’d eat em. Then again, I’d eat almost any sugary treat with chocolate.

46. Aha, so I see a bunch of severed heads impaled on toothpicks. How interesting.

Now I know these aren’t real severed heads. Yet, who’s sick and twisted idea was it to make treats with impaled heads?

47. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present a heart on a platter.

Hey, it’s Halloween what do you expect a heart cake to look like this time of year! This isn’t Valentine’s Day, people!

48. For the main course, I thought we could serve some broiled hand.

Of course, if it didn’t have a vegetable stuffed in it, you probably would’ve thought it was somebody’s severed hand burned to a crisp.

49. I bring you the $5 dollar foot meatloaf.

Still, compared to Subway’s $5 foot long, this is actually a foot. Also, you can eat it with family. Sounds pretty gross does it?

50. Hope that doughnut doesn’t eat me for breakfast.

Now this is a pretty ghoulish doughnut. Yet, what’s scarier about this ferocious fritter is the damage it can do to your arteries.

51. For the appetizer we have some minidog finger wraps.

They are called finger wraps because they’re made to look like actual fingers. You know, finger food.

52. For the entree, I give you all worms.

These worms look so real that I lose my appetite just looking at them. Yet, I’m sure this is a robin’s version of Thanksgiving dinner.

53. For a nice little snack, here are some spooky candy pretzels.

May not be scary but I’ll eat them. Also, they’re pretty cute though they don’t resemble ghosts to me in any way.

54. Here’s some stuffed jack-o-peppers with spaghetti in them.

Of course, these seem pretty sick but fairly clever. Yet, I’m not sure if the pasta is supposed to represent the pumpkin contents or worms.

55. Feast your eyes on these spider web treats.

Amazing all the things you can make with chocolate and pretzels. And there’s a chocolate spider in the center.

56. Oh, look, a spider cheese ball.

Now I don’t know about you but large spiders are certainly scary. This is especially true if they’re covered in olives to look realistic.

57. For your dessert, I bring you these spider cupcakes.

These must be the scariest cupcakes I’ve ever seen. Also, these spiders look as if they’re out for blood and aren’t very happy.

58. Behold, the jack-o-lantern vegetable platter.

Not scary but mostly made out of baby carrots and olives. Will give you a rather healthy but appetizing snack.

59. Oh, shit, there’s a roach infestation in my popcorn.

Sorry, my mistake. This is a Halloween snack and the roaches are made from chocolate. Then again a chocolate roach seems pretty disgusting.

60. Of course, could you give me a hand with the dessert?

If that means cutting my hand off for that, then no way in hell. Please, this severed hand cake almost makes me puke.

61. Nothing says Halloween like a pizza pie eye.

Now this pizza pie kin of makes me sick to my stomach. Lucky it’s bigger than most eyeballs would be, save perhaps a giant squid.

62. For those on the go, here is a piece of a lung calzone.

I hope these golden brown lungs taste better than they look. I mean seriously, a lung calzone?

63. Feast your eyes on this evil clown cake.

Whoever made this cake is perhaps one of the best pastry artists who ever lived. Also, perhaps Halloween is one of the few holidays when this clown cake is appropriate.

64. For lunch munch on a snake hoagie.

One of these days, perhaps this slithering $5 foot long would be at a Subway near you, but I highly doubt it.

65. Man, these skeletons seem to have serious problems.

Now these are clever cookies with each having a different personality. Too bad you can’t do the same for Christmas.

66. For appetizers, here’s a skull on the cracker platter.

Now that skull seems out of its mind as the dip. Still, pretty creepy to say the least.

67. And now I give you some Mexican graveyard dip on a plate.

Now I guess that seems like quite the party platter there. Still, I hope the green ooze is just guacamole.

68. For appetizers, feel free to dip into the spider web.

Now I’m sure this would be a nightmare to an arachnophobic who loves guacamole. I wonder if that person would dip his or nacho in it.

68. For those who like to grill, here are some jack-o-burgers.

Of course, you have to carve jack-o-lantern faces on the cheese before you attach them to the burgers. Then again, my dad likes to toast the cheese to the bun anyway.

70. Eeek! There’s a large spider in the salsa dip.

Actually the giant spider is the salsa bowl. Still, pretty scary despite being made of delicious bread.

71. How about some eyeballs and ham head.

Now this seems like a an appetizer platter for headhunters. Almost makes me want to throw up dinner just looking at it.

72. And now for dessert, why are there giant spiders on the cakes?

Now that’s a frightening display of cakes that would make Ron Weasley shiver in fear. Still, for some it’s very unappetizing.

73. For those who like cheese and pumpkins, here’s a jack-o-cheese ball.

Now this may not be scary or gross, but it’s certainly kid friendly. Of course, this may not be the case after a bunch of crackers have been in it.

74. Now here are some witchy cupcakes for the kids.

Of course, they remind me of blue witches’ cats in cone hats and covered in blue icing. Yet, what do I know about what witches look like?

75. I’m afraid I’ll have to go on the graveyard cake shift again.

Now this is one cool cemetery cake I’d like to see at any Halloween party. I mean it’s pretty amazing.

76. I don’t think this is ants on a log or must I be mistaken?

Wait, those must be spiders on a log. As if ants on a log isn’t creepy enough. Well, at least it doesn’t have raisins.

77. For your Halloween party, have your guests dip their pretzel sticks in boogers.

Actually I think that’s dyed chocolate. But still, looks quite disgusting and unappetizing.

78. Hope the party doesn’t get too scary with these witch cone treats.

Love the green heads on these. Of course, these treats are more or less adorable than scary. Still appropriate though.

79. Of course, your kids are sure to enjoy these scary mummy Oreo pops.

Yes, these are sure to cause your children nightmares. Actually no, but still quite ingenious if you ask me.

80. Guess you have to let these brownies rest in peace.

Guess Halloween is the time of year where you can make any plot of brownie treats into a grave yard. Doesn’t scare me enough to eat them.

Here Comes the Wedding Cake!

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 4, 2014

Spring and summer are big seasons for weddings since these are times when the weather is supposed to be nice and sunny, well, most of the time. Of course, you don’t need to take my word for it that they are big occasions that require constant planning yet we’re pretty sure that most couples who are about to make the trip to the altar pretty much know what they’d want their wedding to be like. Then again, there are plenty of women who’ve already planned the trimmings to their wedding way before they met the man (or woman in some states) of their dreams. One of the big features of the wedding is the big wedding cake which is often the centerpiece of the wedding buffet as well as the only piece of food made for people to look at. I can go all day about the nice wedding cakes I’ve seen but this post would be boring so instead I’ll post cakes that would turn any bride to be into an instant bridezilla and for good reason since some of the cakes don’t always turn out according to plan and mistakes can’t always be repeated, too. Then again, you may have some brides saying, “Well, we can always renew our vows.”

1. Nothing says that the wedding is all about the bride than having a large cake in her likeness.

Seriously, this is the kind of cake you get when the bride has no taste or budget. Besides, I think having a wedding cake in your likeness is one of the creepiest and selfish things you could do.

2. Best wishes to Donna and Adam Overly and may their marriage not become like their initials on their wedding cake.

I hope the initials on this cake don’t describe the happy couple’s future together or how they’ll end up in the hospital after being stabbed by the local serial killer. Then again, maybe the initials don’t mean anything.

3. Looks like this couple has ordered a cake of their wedding based on their favorite hobby: rock climbing.

Is it just me, or does that cake look like a giant turd with plant foliage on it? Still, I hope they have a rock solid marriage until death do they part, which in this case is one of them losing control of the bungee cords and falling 100 feet to their demise.

5. Why not have a wedding that’s based on the bride’s favorite Disney movie?

Maybe a Cinderella cake is fine by me but I think this is kind of over the top. Also, I’m not much of a fan of the girl finding her way out of her godforsaken hellhole through losing her footwear.

5. Some people cry at weddings while this baker made a cake that resembled a tissue pile.

May this cake be a reminder of all the tissues Susie went through during her dating life until she met Todd.

6. This wedding cake’s theme from John J. Audubon’s Birds of America: The Winter Series.

Sure the birds may be beautiful in the snow but all the branches on this cake seem dead for some reason. It doesn’t seem that this cake was made for a happy occasion since it looks rather depressing if you ask me.

7. So may your life be filled with peeps, kisses, Jack Daniels, and tacky lawn ornaments.

Either that, or the Hershey’s kisses are a stand-in for the flamingo poo droppings. Still, this cake sort of illustrates that this couple has horrible taste.

8. Let this cake stand to remind you that marriage is just one monogamous sausage fest.

Seriously those tubular decorations can’t be icing. I mean they look like ham, bacon, or some other meat. It’s disgusting.

9. Let this wedding cake tell us that it’s important to practice safe sex in a monogamous relationship.

Yet, perhaps these condom decorations are for the guests who want to hook up with someone during the reception.

10. Why better wedding cake than one resembling a fountain?

This cake actually looks pretty nice except for the spikes on the top which makes it better suited for a horror movie.

11. Nothing says “true love” than a wedding cake of a tree with an initialed heart cut in.

Except that this tree looks like it was straight out of a badly drawn Dr. Seuss book. This, assuming that Dr. Seuss was in kindergarten at the time.

12. Why not have a wedding cake that looks like it was designed by the baker’s 5 year old daughter?

This cake looks more like a little girl’s art project. I swear it seems like the cake is made out of styrofoam and blue electrical tape. I suppose the flowers came from someone’s art set, too.

13. Why not have a wedding cake that’s made on top of a large stump?

Either that, or Cousin It. Then again, it kind of resembles a stool you might want to buy at the Pottery Barn with a cake topper on it. Let’s just say if weren’t for the topper, I wouldn’t know it was a wedding cake.

14. Why not have a cake that says “I have a hunk a heart of burning love,” or something like that?

Then again the fires on this cake have substantially cooled as far as we know. Still, doesn’t quite cut it in the Elvis song.

15. Nothing says a fall wedding like wheat decorations that give it a rustic tone.

Of course, the wheat on this cake is so tall that I can’t see the rest of it. Also, kind of resembles a do-it-yourself fertility goddess headdress or something.

16. May this wedding cake show how love rises to new heights within the bonds of matrimony.

Of course, the baker got so carried away with the cake design that the wedding has gone way over budget.

17. For the wedding reception, what cake to have than one with a disco ball on top of it?

Of course, this cake design brings us why people no longer look to the 1970s for decorating ideas. Also, a disco ball as a cake topper? That’s tacky beyond all understanding.

18. Of course, what winter wedding would be complete without an Alpine skiing cake from the Rocky Mountains.

What the hell are those green things? Are they supposed to be rocks or something? Can somebody answer me?

19. Nothing says a festive wedding than a salmon color wedding cake.

Reminds me of a place called Cafe Salmonella from A Series of Unfortunate Events where all the food was this color. Of course, this color is fine on salmon but disgusting on anything else edible.

20. What wedding wouldn’t be complete without two doves as a cake topper?

Of course, the cake itself looks like a little girl’s art project complete with spray paint and glitter.

21. Of course, there’s no redneck wedding like a camo wedding cake decorated with beer cans and taxidermy squirrels.

The taxidermy done on these cake toppers was by Norman Bates. Also, using taxidermy as cake toppers is kind of unsanitary if you ask me but perhaps this cake was done on a budget.

22. Here comes the….hey, what happened to the bride’s head?

Seriously, this is freaky if you ask me. Why have a cake of the bride’s bust? Also, the fact it doesn’t seem to have a head is even more disturbing.

23. Not to fear, Wal-Mart has the perfect wedding cake for you this Valentine’s Day season, now at a great low price.

This would’ve been the perfect cake for the Game of Thrones “Red Wedding” episode. Of course, you can see why the show’s fans wouldn’t even consider buying such cake that seems to be oozing in blood.

24. What better wedding cake than one that resembles a place you wouldn’t drive on.

Of course, this was designed by a boy who thought that wedding cakes have gotten a bit too girly for some reason. Also, this is why grooms shouldn’t plan weddings (just kidding).

25. May this wedding cake remind you of the golden moments you shared on this fateful day.

Of course, this baker has used way too much spray paint on this and it shows big time.

26. Nothing says wedding cake than having one that seems to be made out of paper mache and tissue paper.

That cake looks fairly convincing, for some kid’s 3rd grade art project, I guess.

27. These three wedding bakers seem so proud of their new creation.

That looks like a it was based from a pile of expensive looking pillows found in some 5 star hotel.

28. Nothing says “Southern Wedding” than beer cans, chocolate mud, strawberries, and Confederate flags.

Now this is why rednecks seem to be offensively stereotyped, folks. Also, not only is the Confederate flag a racist symbol, it’s also a terrible wedding decoration. And I’m not saying that to anger, Lynard Skynard fans here. I’m just saying.

29. Of course, no fall wedding could be complete without an autumn styled cake with deer toppers, especially when it’s after Thanksgiving.

I don’t know about you but I think deer heads should be on someone’s wall, not on a wedding cake. It’s kind of tacky if you ask me but at least the rest of it is tasteful.

30. Ain’t no wedding like a Mardi Gras wedding.

Then again, these Mardi Gras bead decorations don’t seem to bring in the festive spirit. Rather it seems like a more appropriate cake for Lent despite it being a season where many give up sweets and their New Year’s resolutions.

31. Aw, what can possibly go wrong with a wedding cake decorated with dolphins?

Oh, my God, this is a horrible cake. I mean the dolphins look like they’re all dead. Seriously, what does this baker have against dolphins?

32. Nothing makes a fairytale wedding than a cake of Cinderella’s castle.

On second thought, this cake has made one of the most iconic castles in Disney movies look like one of most terrifying places on earth. Seriously, it makes me wonder why Cinderella would want to marry the Prince and move in to such a place.

33. Aw, nothing says “true love” on a winter wedding like a wedding cake depicting a scene from Dr. Zhivago.

Sure, Dr. Zhivago is one of the great romances and “Lara’s Theme” is a great piece of music but it’s about the Russian Revolution as well as a guy who carries on an extramarital affair with some Bolshevik official’s neglected wife who he once saw after she was raped by a Russian aristocrat during the 1905 uprising. Let’s just say if you know the rest of the Dr. Zhivago story, you can see why seeing Yuri and Lara enjoying a sleigh ride doesn’t seem like an appropriate wedding idea. Also, the winter limbs on this cake are horrifying.

34. Sometimes when two don’t agree on the same wedding cake design, there needs to be a compromise.

As awful looking as this cake is, at least both bride and groom tried to accommodate their tastes. Still, camouflage shouldn’t be used on wedding cakes. I’m sorry.

35. May this cake remind you of the fireworks between the two of you.

Of course, I hope your relationship has more spectacular sparks than this cake would imply. Otherwise, your marriage doesn’t have a prayer.

36. Nothing says a summer wedding than a couple standing on top of a pile of dead sharks.

This is a terrible idea for a wedding cake. Even more disturbing is that all the sharks on this cake are oozing with blood. Sure sharks may attack people but there’s no reason why we should try to annihilate them since they have an important place in the ecosystem.

37. What a wonderful wedding cake with butterflies and sperm?

Look, if having sperm on a baby shower cake is bad, it’s certainly a terrible idea for a wedding one. Then again, these could be tadpoles, but still.

38. Of course, at a wedding, make sure there is plenty of cake to go around.

Lord knows how many guests attended this occasion as well as how much was spent on doing this cake alone. Still, it’s pretty tacky if you ask me.

39. What better wedding cake can you have that contains rainbows, flowers, and butterflies.

Is it just me, or does this cake seem to have been made by Lisa Frank on an acid trip or something?

40. Of course, this cake shows that this couple is very serious when it comes, “till death do we part.”

Yet, why did they have to make the point about it with eyeballs, blood, and lopped off body parts, I don’t have the slightest idea.

41. Oh, what a beautiful message to put on a wedding cake.

However, the cake topper with the bride wearing the pants bit is kind of a bit sexist if you ask me. Also, the writing seems to be melting.

42. What kind of wedding cake wouldn’t be without butterflies?

Along with outlandish foliage that seems to come straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. Seriously, if your garden is like this cake, it needs weeding.

43. You can never have too many flowers on a wedding cake.

Uh, yes, you certainly can as this cake points out since you could barely see it itself. Also, I’m pretty sure those flowers are fake.

44. Here is a wedding cake that was inspired by Aunt Bertha’s hat.

Seems like more money was spent on the cake decorations than the actual cake. Still, this looks so freaky.

45. This wedding cake brings the festive spirit into any reception.

Then again, this cake kind of makes a lame show at it. Still, very colorful though but the “wow” factor is missing.

46. Of course, what better wedding cake for Star Wars fans than one of Jabba the Hut?

Actually, I can think of a lot of better Star Wars wedding cake ideas than this one. Also, have you notice that Jabba the Hut resembles an abnormally shaped turd from the back?

47. May God bless Sonia and BrianOliver on their wedding day.

Of course, this cake is bound to get a lot of giggles since the initials spell SOB. Couples, before you use monograms on your wedding cake, make sure they don’t spell something that has a negative connotation or makes people laugh.

48. Nothing like a weapon cake that shows you’re flirting with disaster.

I don’t know about you but this wedding cake contains all sorts of things that no wedding cake should have. I mean its supposed to be a happy occasion, not set to the scene of some action movie with plane crashes, gunfights, and blood everywhere.

49. Ain’t no wedding cake like one made out of snack food.

This is probably a way of saying “we spent all our money before we could think of a wedding cake so help yourself to some Hostess snack foods as our honored guests.”

50. And of course, what wedding wouldn’t be complete without a cake of a tree.

Particularly a sickly, sweating, morning after a bender during the reception and woke up next to a stranger tree. Yeah, not very convincing is it?

Congratulations, it’s a Baby Shower Cake!

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 2, 2014

Ah, baby showers, a gathering to celebrate a child’s birth by presenting gifts to the kid’s mother (who’s usually pregnant at the time). Sure these are usually occasions for women with cutesy gifts and decorations included as well. Oh, and there’s usually a cake there, too. Of course, I could go on and on about how all the cute cakes you see at baby showers but you’d probably barf to such saccharine suggestions. Instead I’m going to show you some of the most disturbing and inappropriate cakes that that have been used to commemorate such occasions which may not be safe for work. Let’s just say that there are all so many examples of bakers perhaps taking their creativity too far or maybe these events aren’t as cutesy as many would think it would be. So without further adieu, here are some outlandish cakes that have been used to greet all those little bundles of joy.

1. What better way to greet the little shit machine than with a cake to remind the mother to be of what’s in store for the next three to four years?

Sure this is one of the less anticipated moments of parenting but do you have to have a cake of what a baby’s diaper looks like from the inside? Seriously, this is disgusting.

2. Congratulations on the impending birth of your new, demon child?

Seriously, I think Damien would be the better choice for the creepy baby on the TV set than Ethan. Also, if he’s the fifth kid in the family, then you shouldn’t be having a baby shower. Still, maybe it’s for the dad who’s an alien or something since the baby tends to very much look like it’s from another world or Hell.

3. Now here’s a cake that depicts why we’re celebrating this occasion from the microscopic point of view.

Well, let’s say if any children are around, this cake would provide them a good opportunity of how babies are made. Seriously, what’s with the egg and sperm thing? And why do all the sperm have smiley faces on them as if they’re happy for their buddy to fertilize the egg?

4. Now here’s a cake that provides a simulated view of what the baby looks like up close and personal.

I’m perfectly fine with showing ultrasound images but not on such a tacky cake display such as this. Besides, I think this is kind of too up close and personal.

5. Now here’s a cake that depicts an image from an anatomy textbook.

I guess the baker figured that a cross section image from sex-ed was the perfect inspiration for this design. Let’s just say when I go to a baby shower, the last thing I want to remember is health class.

6. Now here’s a perfect cake for those throwing a baby shower during hunting season.

The fact that the torso's decked in camouflage with a baby footprint protruding from it makes it all the more disturbing. Doesn't help that the camouflage from the mother's stomach bears a remarkable resemblance to blood vessels.

The fact that the torso’s decked in camouflage with a baby footprint protruding from it and a popped up belly button makes it all the more disturbing. Doesn’t help that the camouflage from the mother’s stomach bears a remarkable resemblance to blood vessels.

7. Nothing says about the ups and downs of parenthood than a cake with a dirty diaper.

On second thought, chocolate syrup seems to bear a remarkable resemblance to poo now that I think of it.

8. There’s nothing like a baby shower cake that states the reason for such celebration in the most crassest way possible.

Someone in this baby shower seems to be a huge fan of that stupid Seth Rogen movie for some reason. Still, I’m sure that the guest of honor at this thing knew about it for months.

9. Now here’s a cake that seems to take some inspiration from a sex ed animation.

Is is just me or does the baker have some side job in medical illustration. Still, now that’s how babies are made, kids, at least in the technical aspects as well as what a woman’s reproductive system looks like upon fertilization. Also, what kind of name is Gentri, seriously?

10. Nothing says baby shower like a cake reminding the guest of honor of the tribulations of labor with the encouragement from an iconic childhood character.

Sure induce further trauma of giving birth by including the Cat in the Hat. Makes one not think the same way about Dr. Suess ever again. Why not have Thing 1 and Thing 2 assist with the delivery. Also, why did the baker have to be so graphic about this?

11. What better baby shower cake to have than a cake depicting Spencer the Spermazoa, mascot from WTFU.

I think this is a baby shower cake for guys but I’m not sure. Also, I heard WTFU’s Spiking Spermazoa have a lousy record in college football and basketball.

12. And if you like cupcakes what better way to commemorate a baby shower than ones with chocolate sperm.

Actually they kind of more or less resemble creepy chocolate tadpoles. Perhaps these are better at a gathering for amphibian enthusiasts instead of baby showers.

13. What better way to say congratulations to the new parents than with a cookie cake just stating the obvious but in a way you wouldn’t say to kids.

Let’s just say there’s a reason why we don’t include the word “genitals” in cakes. Still, this is like “congratulations for the new baby” in the most inappropriate way possible.

14. What way to celebrate the coming of a new baby than depict a delivery scene that would be akin to a horror movie.

Seriously, this cake would be much more appropriate for Halloween than a baby shower. The use of a baby doll covered in strawberry syrup kind of makes this cake even more nightmarish. Perhaps it’s enough to make any pregnant woman opt for a c-section.

15. Nothing says adorable than seeing a sweet baby in its blankie.

Except this baby wants to devour your soul through your lactating teets than be fed from the baby bottle. Seriously, this is is pretty creepy if you think about it.

16. What could be better baby shower cake than to have one depicting who the mother works for (or just got fired from).

I suppose this baby shower cake was for the woman at Hooters known for getting way too friendly with the customers.

17. Aw, what would be a more heartwarming cake than one with the parents rubbing the mother’s tummy and going through the journey of parenthood together.

On second thought, does the woman have four hands or do they belong to two different people? Also, this is kind of creepy if you ask me.

18. Now here’s a cake on how the whole thing happened.

Look, even with the plant references, this cake still reminds me of health class in high school. Seriously, we get it now and no, this narrative doesn’t make this cake any more adorable.

19. Finally, a cake to show where the action is.

Look, we’ve all been to sex-ed and we know what happens in the uterus once the egg is fertilized. Also, the cookie fetus is pretty creepy.

20. What better way to commemorate the arrival of a new bundle of joy than to have a cake that depicts the inevitability all mothers to be may have to face.

What the hell is that flesh thing coming from that torso’s stomach? It sure doesn’t look like a baby to me. Also, these pregnant torso cakes are pretty tacky if you ask me.

21. Nothing says baby shower like having a cake with a creepy baby doll who wants to kill you.

Aw, look at her blank soulless eyes. Who’s mommy’s future little serial killer? You are, you are. Seriously, this baby is showing signs of being a sociopath.

22. Nothing welcomes a new baby home than having a cake contain his ultrasound images.

Maybe ultrasound images of fetuses should be in cards and such, not on cakes. Oh, God, no please.

23. Aw, what a lovely cake to greet God’s little angel.

Wait a minute, is this for a baby shower or a baby funeral? Seriously, that cross kind of makes it disturbing. Of course, in Rick Bobby’s opinion, this is a cake of Baby Jesus.

24. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a cake depicting a scene in the delivery room.

I don’t know about you bud doesn’t the doctor instruments on the baby table seem a little terrifying to you? I don’t know about you but it seems that bakers can’t traumatize us enough.

25. This baby shower was sponsored by Pampers.

Seriously, if this isn’t some kind of product placement cake, then I don’t know what is. Still, a diaper cake, why?

26. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a little baby about the crawl into your nightmares.

God, that baby is ugly and creepy as hell. Probably better suited as a Halloween cake since it doesn’t even look like a baby to me.

27. There ain’t no baby like a gangsta baby.

What’s with the cigars, seriously? Still, no matter what your taste in music is, you got to agree with me that this is in very bad taste, according to some people.

28. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a pregnant torso cake with limbs bursting out of it.

This is horrifying and it kind of reminds me of some kind of horror movie in which the monster bursts out of someone’s stomach or something like that.

29. There’s nothing so adorable than a cake of a baby’s bottom and a lobster.

Looks more like a red scorpion to me and we know those are poisonous. Also, I think the idea of baby bottom cakes is a very tacky idea if you ask me.

30. Nothing says, “welcome baby” than a cake of an infant fresh from the delivery room.

This is simply terrifying. Whoever thought this was a creative idea for a baby shower cake, ought to have his head examined. Seriously, this isn’t cute at all, especially the fact that the baby is blue, making the cake even more disturbing in the process.

31. Congratulations, it’s uh, baby. Can you tell me what the hell that is?

This cake reminds me of that Saint Vincent DePaul statue with the children at my alma mater Saint Vincent College. Let’s just say that sculptor didn’t know how to draw kids which gave it an aura of creepiness like this cake does. The child in this cake is butt ugly and doesn’t seem to resemble a baby at all. Also, it looks too young to be Benjamin Button.

32. Aw, take a look at this adorable cake of a little baby in the tub.

Never in the history of the world has anyone depicted such an activity of innocence in such a nightmarish way possible. I mean a baby in the tub should be seen as adorable but this cake is simply terrifying.

33. Nothing says “welcome twins” like a cake in which the babies resemble kidneys.

Seriously, are they supposed to be in a uterus or something else. Because that does not look like a uterus at all. Looks more like a fruit of some sort if you ask me.

34. Nothing says “welcome baby” than seeing one in a cake.

Seriously, this baby doll in cake thing is creeping me out. Also, how did they bake that or at least get that baby in the cake?

35. Finally a cake with an exhausted expectant mother in labor on her hospital bed.

Hey, at least they didn’t depict a cake with a c-section. Still, why have a cake depicting this? Why? I mean she has bloodshot eyes, for God’s sake.

36. Congratulations it’s a Ooompa Loompa?

Then again, maybe being a slave laborer at Willie Wonka’s factory isn’t so bad after all as this cake shows. Yet, their offspring are fairly ugly if you know what I mean.

37. Aw, such an adorable cake with twins in a basket to show a mother to be’s double bundle of joy.

These babies are the spawn of Satan and are hungry for your soul. Take them away! Take them away!

38. Finally, a baby shower cake for little green aliens to enjoy.

After all, little green men are people, too, even if their kids freak you out at one time. Yet, strangely the parents intend to name their new son with the Earth name of Tristan. Perhaps this might be the case since Orgarth and Mosal figured that a name from their planet would get their son beat up in school.

39. Congratulations and may your little girl make a lovely little addition to the Dark side of the Force.

Either this, or that the expectant mother’s friends are trying to tell her that she needs a divorce and that her husband would make a terrible dad. That, or just that she may really be into Star Wars for some reason. Seriously, Darth Vader on a baby shower cake? You know this is a guy who cut off his son’s hand and blew up his daughter’s planet.

40. Playboy Bunny bra over enormous boobs? Check. Foot protruding out of stomach? Check. Ultrasound image of baby? Check.

Does anyone think that a Playboy Bunny bra on big boobs on these pregnant torso cakes seem like a covert way of saying what a skank the expectant mother is? I mean seriously, everyone knows that Playboy is a porno magazine created by some old guy who has a harem of scantily clad young women at his own mansion.

41. Finally a baby shower cake for the mother to be who would give birth in a tub.

Seriously, why make a cake of this? How the expectant mother wants in a delivery should be her own personal business, not something to announce to the world.

42. Congratulations it’s a baby human-monkey hybrid.

Look, I’m fine with whatever you do in your personal life but I’m not a fan of bestiality even if it’s between women or chimps. Either that, or whoever designed this cake is really terrible at monkeys for some reason for it looks strangely humanoid. This would’ve been a better baby shower cake if this was Planet of the Apes.

43. Congratulations on your new chest bursting alien that will probably strike you dead.

This would’ve been a perfectly appropriate baby shower cake for Sigourney Weaver, assuming that she didn’t have any kids before the Alien franchise movies. Hey, at least the alien doesn’t burst out of a woman’s chest in the actual movie, it bursts out of a guy’s.

44. Congratulations, uh, who’s Jason here?

Either this is a baby shower cake for an expectant dad named Jason. Or Jason is the unborn baby who has been determined to be a boy. Either way, it’s kind of freaky to have a sperm in scuba gear if you know what I mean.

45. Finally, a bad baby shower cake for the undead expectant mother.

Seriously that baby looks like a monstrosity like a zombie hungry for brains. Also, I didn’t know zombies could even reproduce on their own either.

46. Finally, a baby shower cake that gives the term, “baby carrots” a whole new meaning.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of find the idea of a clone army naked babies with mohawks riding carrots kind of terrifying if you ask me.

47. Nothing says, “welcome baby” than a cake depicting a big boobed mother nursing her bundle of joy.

Either the designer was a guy who frequented strip clubs on a regular basis or this cake was originally made for a bachelor party of some sort but cancelled at the last minute. If it’s the latter, then the baby was probably a last second addition.

48. Finally, a cake that tells an expectant mother exactly what her friends and relatives are thinking about her unplanned pregnancy.

Of course, this cake features a pregnant Marge Simpson whose story seems fairly similar to the slogan. Then again, I guess you could do worse than Homer even if he is kind of a jerk at times. Nevertheless, it’s a pretty bad way to rub it in.

49. Nothing could be a better baby shower cake than one with a fetus you can see through the the stomach.

Honestly, who’s idea was this nightmarish disaster? I mean the cake has a baby in a gelatin stomach on it. This is creepy beyond all reason.

50. Finally, a baby shower cake befitting for a mother-to-be in the adult entertainment industry.

Looks like the naked lady from the pick up truck mudflaps got herself in the family way. I hope that doesn’t hurt her career as a figure on stuff for perverts.

Superbowl Party Tips

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 25, 2014

It’s becoming that time of year again when people all over the US are tuned into the biggest sports extravaganza of the year on Sunday night in February. This year it’s the Denver Broncos vs. the Seattle Seahawks playing in New Jersey. Of course, some of you big football fans actually will be watching the game in the stands but this will be a very small minority since Superbowl tickets are expensive and people like my dad would rather not spend all that money to watch something in the cold (especially if it’s not the Pittsburgh Steelers playing) while he could watch the game in the comfort in his home at the cost of practically nothing. Also, there are commercial breaks where my dad can get his snacks, beer, wood on the fire, and even use the bathroom. Still, most people in the country will be watching from home and some may use this occasion to host a Super Bowl party, which is why I’m writing this post today. So without further adieu, here is a list of do’s and don’ts for the game day party planners.

Do: Plan it around someone’s birthday party, especially if it’s your son is turning eight the same week and your team is playing. As long as you sing happy birthday and give your kid presents he or she probably won’t mind the slightest. Also, saves time and money if you just combine the two especially if they’re both family traditions. In fact, my fifteenth and sixteenth birthday parties were both planned around Steeler playoff games which very memorable and I don’t even like sports.

Don’t: Play a game of touch football during the game, especially if you’re not in your own home. You don’t want to break anything and have to pay for it do you?

Do: Use the bathroom during commercial break. Sure some of them may be funny but if the game’s more important to you, commercial breaks are better than nothing, unless there’s a line at the venue.

Don’t: Stage a drinking game during the whole thing, even if there are no kids around. For one, it’s not fair to the designated driver and the roads aren’t in the best shape this time of year. Second, this activity may lead to excessive irresponsible drinking behavior as well as make a mess for your host to clean up later. And he or she may be too wasted to clean it all up anyway which may leave your designated driver with the job.

Do: Use this occasion to show off your artistic or cooking skills. If you have some creative cooking idea for your Super Bowl party, use it even if it’s for a football field display for a snack platter. Like this:

Don’t: Get into physical fights with each other since it will make a mess and cause injury to other guests, especially in front of the kids or relatives.

Do: Be inclusive and accommodating. After all your Super Bowl party should include family, friends, neighbors, or others like employees, for instance. After all, a lot of people treat Super Bowl Sunday as a holiday and it’s no wonder.

Don’t: Have your party outdoors if you live anywhere with colder temperatures. It’s winter so it’s not a good time to stage an outdoor party. Besides, your food will freeze and everyone will be in their winter garb. No one will have any fun there.

Do: Socialize since parties are social events anyway. You don’t even have to talk about the game or sports in general. You can even complain about the commercials or the half-time show.

Don’t: Throw your trash everywhere. Garbage disposal exists for a reason. Besides, you don’t want your host cleaning up after you.

Do: Use good manners and treat everyone graciously, even if they’re rooting for the other team to win. There’s no excuse to be rude or unfriendly.

Don’t: Drink irresponsibly, especially if you’re driving. If you have any beer, drink it when you’re actually thirsty and set limits. You don’t want to get pulled over on the way home or have your host clean up after you.

Do: Leave healthy food options for your guests since not all football snack food is actually good for you. Besides, you’ll never know if you meet a health nut or a vegetarian. For instance, you can go with this:

Don’t: Offer just only healthy food options. Other people enjoy conventional football game fare, too, even if they do have poor health habits and diets. You might want to go with a mixed selection like this:

Do: Wear your favorite team jersey if you’re team is playing to show some support. Other team merchandise wear and face painting is fine.

Don’t: Turn guests away just because they don’t support your team or don’t care for football at all. Treat this day as a holiday, remember? Be inclusive.

Do: Devise some indoor Super Bowl party games, especially if there are kids around who may be bored out of their minds during commercial break. They have plenty of these on the internet you can print out. Or you can devise one all on your own. Just practice safety. Bingo is a good choice:

Don’t: Use the game as an opportunity to bet or gamble, especially if your friend is in Gambler’s Anonymous or doesn’t believe in that sort of thing.

Do: Enjoy yourself and have fun even if you don’t understand football, think the commercials are lame, or the half-time show sucks. If it’s a time to spend with your loved ones, that should be enough, even if you’d much rather watch TCM or Downton Abbey instead (which is what I’d rather do).

Don’t: Use your success on your Super Bowl party to plan a Pro-Bowl party. No one really cares about the Pro-Bowl game anyway.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

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