Tag Archives: kids

Yearbook Pictures of Schooldays Past

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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While studio portraits usually reflect us looking our best, this isn’t the case with school pictures. More often than not, having your picture taken in school usually consists of you sitting for the photographer for a few minutes before they send you on your way. Not to mention, our yearbook pictures often show us in hairstyles and outfits that haven’t aged necessarily well. This is especially the case for those who attended school during the 1960s to the 1980s. Then there’s the fact many children don’t like sitting still or having their picture taken while grade school kids may be sporting missing teeth. Not to mention, when kids reach middle school age and hit puberty, they often go a few years in an awkward phase. Some may even wear braces or have very terrible acne. Anyway, the school pictures you see on this post come from Awkward Family Photos, which will make your embarrassing yearbook pics seem rather tame in comparison. So for your reading pleasure, bask in these old yearbook photos that will give you much needed back to school giggles.

  1. Sometimes you ought to know when not to put your hair up.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is a photo of my mom when she was in 6th grade. Not sure who her barber was but they may have been blind.”

2. Apparently, Austin Powers’ mojo didn’t pass down to his young son.

Though he can behave well enough to become an international man of mystery. But the garish shirt is another matter.

3. They call him, “Triangle Guy.”

I don’t think I’d smile with pride if I played the triangle in the marching band. Then again, he may have played other instruments.

4. Obviously, Napoleon Dynamite’s school picture is exactly what you’d expect.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My senior yearbook photo, shot in the summer of 1977. My mother handed me her charge card (with a note allowing me to use it) and dared to let me go alone to pick-out my photo attire. She was horrified when I brought home a green leisure suit, sans tie. She marched me back to Montgomery Ward and returned it, and purchased this proper three-piece corduroy suit, in rust, complete with a clip-on tie and matching suede shoes. Not only was I Napoleon Dynamite before he was even born, when I looked at the yearbook photos the next year, most of the boys wearing leisure suits didn’t graduate. Thanks Mom!”

5. In the 1980s, frizzy hair was all the rage.

From Awkward Family Photos: “I love this photo because there was no doubt in my mind that I looked absolutely awesome that day. This was my favorite look and I rocked it with zero shame. Incidentally, it would be years before a boy actually liked me, but I was too cool to care.”

6. Heard of 13 Going on 30? Well, this is 6 going on 60.

From Awkward Family Photos: “Although it was nearly 30 years ago, I remember this day. Specifically, I remember putting a lot of thought into the details of my outfit. I needed to look sophisticated, and mature, but like I still knew how to have fun (hence the bolo tie and homemade fimo clay earrings). My mother helped me achieve this look by graciously allowing me to get a perm on only the top of my short hair, and by choosing my fantastic eye wear.”

7. When it’s school picture day and have to hide your hideous haircut.

From Awkward Family Photos: “The year– 1977. For my 2nd grade class picture, I was determined to wear this hat my Grandmother made for me; after all, it matched the dress my mother picked out for me! This photo is the re-take; when my mom saw the first picture – with the hat – she made me go for a do-over. Needless to say the hat came with that day too. I still stand by my decision.”

8. Apparently, wearing his hair in braids didn’t go over too well.

From Awkward Family Photos: “When my daughter asks why she can’t wear things she thinks are ‘cool,’ I show her this photo from my freshman year in high school.”

9. She has a rather angelic side to her.

The site states that it’s a senior portrait. But from the lighting, you get the impression she’s dead.

10. Nothing can tear apart a boy and his chair.

Seems more like he’s posing for a cheap advertisement or Power Point background. I’m expecting to see a brand new product or some cheesy word art any time now.

11. When you wake up with a bad hair day for school photos.

From Awkward Family Photos: “That was the last time my mom ever did my hair.” And yes, her hair is quite atrocious.

12. There are times when some people don’t know when to stop with the hair care products.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is my oldest brother. When he came to the states , his first obsession was rock&roll… followed by big hair.”

13. The 1980s saw all kinds of mullets such as the spike top.

From Awkward Family Photos: “When my son asks why he can’t get his hair cut in a style he thinks is ‘cool’, I show him this photo from my freshman year in high school.”

14. Dwayne was always a proud son of the South.

Here he stands tall in front of the racist Confederate flag wearing a tux, mullet, and earring. Seriously, if he wore camo, he’d be full redneck.

15. A fisher always poses with his rod and reel.

And he’s not really smiling with dignity either. Nor does he seem near a lake either.

16. “I don’t want to have my picture taken!”

Then again, a lot of kids don’t like their pictures taken. This guy is no exception. But he seems among the few to show it.

17. Care to kick back and relax in a glass?

At first I thought this was some kind of ad judging by the graphics. As a school photo, it’s utterly messed up.

18. “Shirts are for losers, nerds.”

Yet, shirtlessness goes against the school dress code. As does sunglasses. But good luck telling him that.

19. Who remembers the triangle hair trend?

From Awkward Family Photos: “My mother got her hairdresser diploma in 1987. I was a poor innocent victim of her experiments. I guess she put a billiard triangle around my head and put some hairspray.”

20. Some parents have no idea when their daughter is old enough for a bouffant.

Little kids shouldn’t have big hair like that. Her parents should’ve waited until she was around, well, 40.

21. When your parents make you wear a shirt that will certainly get you beat up in school.

He can’t even smile for the camera because he knows his classmates will laugh at him. For his shirt is utterly tacky.

22. A child should always put on a happy face.

Yet, this girl seems like she’s about to kick ass in an action movie. So don’t call her pigtails cute.

23. In school pictures placement is everything.

And having that log between that boy’s legs leaves a lot to interpretation. Not sure if that’s an appropriate pose for grade-schoolers.

24. Even supervillains had to go through school once.

Okay, he’s just a comic book fan. Not sure what he’s supposed to be. But he’ll fit right in at Comic Con.

25. Sometimes injuries can’t be helped.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This my son’s school pic after busting his lip. Poor kid rolled off the bed, hit his night stand, and had to get stitches. Then picture day!”

26. If you’re in marching band, setting is everything.

From Awkward Family Photos: “In the truest sense of the term, this is an awkward family photo. Circa 1984. Failing to capture the spirit of my role in the North Stafford High School marching band, dad thought it made sense to stage a photo of me in my uniform … in the woods … in a chair that just happened to be there … and without my sax. Instead, it looks like I am the young regent of Sherwood Forest, perhaps its constable, given the bobby hat.”

27. She wanted to pose with her 2 great loves, bowling and Shakespeare.

From Awkward Family Photos: “In our senior English class we had to make Shakespearean Globe Theaters out of a non-wood material. My group used duct tape. To complete the look for the senior picture, I wore my duct tape dress, shoes, tiara and bracelet. I don’t know how the bowling pin on a pedestal worked into the theme.”

28. Seeing what’s on her shirt, you’d question her sanity.

Indeed, that may be what her shirt says. But it doesn’t reflect well on her.

29. Let’s look inside the mind of a male clarinet player in a marching band.

This is an iconic image of awkwardness. So I couldn’t leave it out if I tried.

30. “But I don’t wanna wear my Dalmatian outfit.”

From Awkward Family Photos: “Just found this gem today. Apparently my mother thought it was appropriate to take me to a rave in a dalmation outfit. Needless to say, I was not happy.”

31. Apparently, Robbie is destined to become a sportscaster someday.

I mean he’s wearing glasses and an irrepressibly tacky football shirt. Think that explains it all.

32. Apparently, he’ll grow up to be an aerobics instructor at some point.

However, his fashion sense leaves much to be desired. But he doesn’t care.

33. “Do we need another retake?”

I’m sure we all feel this way during school pictures. Most kids just want to get their photo done and get going.

34. With this Annie, it’s a hard knock life.

From Awkward Family Photos: “I was 6 years old. My mother was obsessed with me being Annie because I had curly hair. So, she fluffed it up, bought me a red dress and a stuffed dog and had my picture taken. I can’t sing, I can’t dance and had no interest in theater. Hopefully, the photo was enough for her dream.”

35. A baseball player always wants to pose with his bat.

Though often placement is everything. This might lead to some rather R-rated interpretations.

36. Some high school seniors just want to see everything burn.

Seems like he’s trying to make himself appear as badass as possible. Too bad he doesn’t have hard abs to make it compelling.

37. Make sure your pigtails aren’t too outlandish.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is what happens when Mom goes out of town and Dad is responsible for making sure I am ready for picture day at school.”

38. On picture day, don’t forget to wear your best spiked collars.

Seems more appropriate for a dog or gang member. But he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Until 10 years later.

39. Like they say, follow your passion.

Yet if that passion is balloon animals, expect not to get laid in high school. Since they’re kind of cheesy.

40. The 1980s were known for large frizzy hairdos.

Apparently, it’s a mix between a mullet and a weeping willow. The top is just ridiculous.

41. This high school soccer player takes his sport very seriously.

Funny how he’s sitting on a fold up chair with a soccer ball. Possibly dwelling on life’s biggest questions or soccer as a metaphor.

42. Apparently, she has a rather split personality.

And I think she probably has split ends. Certainly a photo her kids will laugh at someday.

43. She may be a girl on the inside. But outside she’s all mail.

Well, she’s wearing chainmail. Mostly because she lost a bet. Or is playing Joan of Arc in the school play.

44. “Would you please tell me where the fire is?”

Indeed, he’s carrying a fire extinguisher. Yet, he’s not sure what fire he should put out.

45. Say hello to a future car salesman.

I mean the kid’s wearing a suit, vest, and bolo tie. And he’s holding a banner with a big smile on his face.

46. Apparently, they also do school pictures at Bajor.

Wonder if this is a school photo of Major Kira. Then again, a good school photo might’ve been the last thing a Bajoran would think about under Cardassian rule.

47. There are some people who will always be more photogenic than others.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is probably one of the worst school pictures ever. I must have been laughing when he took the picture. But why would my mom send me out like that with my hair like that, knowing that it was picture day? Everyone who sees it asks me, “Were you on drugs?”, my response was “No!”, but I should have been. I am a fairly good looking guy, I promise.”

48. “Smile? You can’t make me!”

Man, she must be a stubborn girl. Yet, she won’t be moved in the slightest.

49. This boy’s got a wicked future ahead of him.

From Awkward Family Photos: “For my 2nd grade photo I opted for the ‘Satan’s child lawyer’ look.”

50. Here Liza poses with E.T. for school.

E.T. in the movie may be freaky but he’s kind of charming. But the E.T. in this photo outright terrifies me.

51. Tessa was voted by her class as Most Likely to Hoard Cats.

After all, she’s wearing a cat vest. And when she grows up, she’ll become one of those crazy cat ladies.

52. When you’re a cowboy, your hat can be as fancy as you want it to be.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My son became a cowboy over the summer, with a feather boa hat. I love that his loose tooth he wouldn’t let me pull was just hanging for his school picture.”

53. Maybe the Gap Athletic shirt was a bad idea.

Reading from this angle, it spells out “pathetic.” That poor kid.

54. This guy seems to have no motivation whatsoever.

His shirt states “No Goals.” Though it may say more than that. Yet, the camera will only get the top.

55. “Honestly, I only went there for the Buffalo wings.”

From Awkward Family Photos: “Looks like I dressed myself for class photos… My cousin told me Hooters was a donut shop.” That’s what they all say.

56. Didn’t know the “sassy grandma” look was a hit back in the day.

She’s even wearing a sparkly outfit. but the hair speaks for itself.

57. Apparently, Guy Fieri hasn’t changed much since middle school.

Yep, seems like he’s taking one-way ticket to Flavortown on that one. Can see the flames on his collar.

58. Isn’t he a bit young to do Shakespeare?

Actually it’s a school picture from the Ukraine. They seem to take the concept to a whole new level.

59. For his picture, little Jason wore his favorite bunny shirt.

Uh, that’s the Playboy bunny. Even more disturbing, since when did they make T-shirts with the Playboy Bunny for 5-year-olds?

60. If you think playing the triangle in marching band is pathetic, you haven’t met this guy.

Actually, he might just be a normal percussionist. Yet, the expression on his face shows he doesn’t like posing with tiny cymbals.

61. “Would you like to play with me?”

I don’t know if it’s the lighting, her outfit, or her hair. But that girl’s expression kind of freaks me out for some reason.

62. As most kids smile on school picture day, Robbie is dead inside.

Seems like the demons have taken over him and rendered him into a soulless vessel. Or he just got kissed by Dementors.

63. “One more day, before the show.”

“With the saxephones a playing./When the low brass starts to drone.”

64. Some pre-schoolers prefer to keep mum.

From Awkward Family Photos: “When the teacher laughs while handing you the picture packet and says they tried everything they could, you know you’ve got a winner. When asked ‘Lilly, why didn’t you smile?’ Her response was simple: ‘I don’t like school and I don’t like to smile.’ And that will tell you everything you need to know about this 4-year-old.”

65. When the ball isn’t burning, you’re not playing hard enough.

Let’s hope this is photoshop. Because you can’t trust a kid holding a burning ball.

66. A decade later, Malarie would work as a secretary.

This bob 1970s haircut is hideous. Why would any parent subject their little girl to that?

67. Who can resist this smile?

From Awkward Family Photos: “When you are 6 years old and have been preparing all morning to pose with your hand on your hip for school pictures, because that is the cutest pose after all, and then are told to put your hand on your chin, suddenly pictures don’t seem as fun.”

68. Someone’s creeping among the tall trees.

From Awkward Family Photos: “I was having my senior photos taken and decided that I wanted something different than everyone else. Something that was fun and wasn’t so cookie-cutter. My friend, who was killing some time with me, got a Druid’s cloak from the trunk of my car, (Who didn’t have one of those in their car? It was the 90’s after all), and lurked around in the background. I dunno, I kind of like it.”

69. Mushroom hair was all the rage back in the 1970s.

Apparently, parents at the time thought such hairstyle was cute on their children. But I think it makes this little girl seem like she’s going to haunt your dreams.

70. Make sure the hair pieces always match the dress.

You’d almost think she was straight out of Little House on a Prairie. Save for the top of her hair.

71. Sometimes you’re so blasé that even faking a smile is impossible.

Wonder what’s keeping him down. School picture day? Family troubles? We may never know.

72. Joey must look his best as a keyboard virtuoso.

And here he stands for the picture all proud of himself, too. And yes, he’s a redhead with glasses.

73. Alan is always great at carrying logs on his shoulder.

I don’t like to stereotype but his short shorts aren’t helping one it. Seriously, you can see the pockets.

74. With Lacey, it’s hammer time.

In true MC Hammer fashion, she wears sunglasses and a baseball cap. But you can’t touch this.

75. “Want to see my troll collection?”

Indeed, she has a collection of troll dolls. And all clad in the same dress as she is.

76. This redhaired Fonz always knows he’s cool.

Sure he’s only about 9. But already he thinks he’s the biggest guy on campus.

77. Apparently, this young Juggalo seems to regret his school photo.

I believe he’s not wearing any face paint. Yet, his hair goes in all directions.

78. For your senior picture, you can never have enough props.

Actually, I might beg to differ. Yet, it seems this girl can’t really decide among the crap below.

79. You can pose for a picture in all kinds of patterns.

However, I don’t think a shirt like this is appropriate for a school picture. Seems to consist of sex, lies, and video tape.

80. Senior portraits are always precious.

Yet, I wouldn’t want to pose with Gollum since he needs his precious. Also, he’s been corrupted by the One Ring for far too long.

81. “Can I introduce you to my little friend?”

Yes, he’s holding a rat, which he keeps as a pet. I know it’s kind of weird.

82. Can’t believe I found a grade school picture of Miss Grokey.

She’s the hippie teacher from Recess. Okay, her hair’s short but she more or less resembles a secretary.

83. Cindy always enjoyed hours on the phone.

Before cell phones, people talked to each other on cord phones. You also had to memorize numbers, too.

84. Mike never fails to impress with his own bear.

Here he poses with his beloved bear rug. And yes, the bear has sunglasses to match.

85. “I’ve seen things at pre-school no one dared to talk about.”

Seems like she’s already traumatized by all the playground drama. And she can’t unsee it.

86. Apparently, Ellie’s mom is a hairdresser for old ladies.

From Awkward Family Photos: “Yeah, so I heard my best friend was made into a meme called the 60 year-old girl?”

87. “Ask me to smile one more time…”

Doesn’t help that he’s wearing a pink shirt and a sweater vest. Perhaps he knows he’s going to be beat up at school over his outfit.

88. It’s said that the outdoors bring great acoustics.

Wonder how she got her harp near the waterfall. Since they’re quite huge.

89. You’d think this girl would spend her spare time at a bingo hall.

From Awkward Family Photos: “A gem I found of my sister-in-law. I will call her ‘Razz-A-Ma-Tazz’ for her upside-down shades.”

90. When your hair’s not big enough, wear a wig.

From Awkward Family Photos: “This is my sister’s school photo in 1971. My Mom insisted that she wear and wig and as you can imagine, she wasn’t very happy about it. It was of course great to see your older sister get some pay back for all the torture she had caused me during that period.”

91. “You can get a lot of chicks with a keyboard.”

However, his fashion sense is best to be desired. Thinks he’s cool but comes off as ridiculous.

92. Don’t forget to dress appropriately for the camera.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My friend’s Mom mixed up pajama day with picture day. He was not pleased.”

93. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge.

From Awkward Family Photos: “My daughter collected toilet plungers when she was little. None of them ever met a toilet, face-to-face, she just liked them. She always wanted to see the ‘plunger section’ of any given store we went to. She painted the handles on some of them and would frequently line them up as her opening act for the puppet shows she would put on.”

94. Stanley was voted in his class Most Likely to Become a Serial Killer.

Sure he’s not holding a knife. But a book of pocket knives just makes you wonder about him.

95. There are some kids who don’t always know how to smile.

From Awkward Family Photos: “Our 4 year old daughter, who refers to herself as Penny Cat Aurora Leopard Butterfly With No Wings, was greatly anticipating picture day at preschool. She styled her own outfit for the occasion, and when the photographer told her to ‘Smile pretty like a princess’, this magic happened.”

96. “Let’s explore the wonders of the cosmos.”

Guess this guy is an avid Carl Sagan fan. And yes, the Milky Way Galaxy is made of “billions and billions” of stars.

98. Apparently, her hands are totally out of proportion.

Okay, those are doll hands. But they’re nonetheless incredibly creepy.

99. Casey has a knack for wildlife.

Don’t want to know what he’s doing with that raccoon. Though I know it’s taxidermy.

100. No matter how hard she tries, she just can’t feel it.

Well, she’s trying to smile. But it’s practically impossible for her at this point.

The School Lunch World of Bento

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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In many of the food posts I’ve done over the years, I always seem to include a few bento lunches here and there. In Japan, a bento is a single-portion take out or home-cooked meal. Traditional bento may hold rice or noodles, fish or meat, and cooked vegetable in a box. In addition, they’ve been around since the Kamakura period during the Middle Ages. Nowadays, these bento boxes can range from disposable mass-produced to hand-crafted lacquerware. And they’re available everywhere in Japan from convenience stores, railway stations, and department stores. Nonetheless, it’s common for Japanese mothers to make these bentos for their husbands and children that some may prepare the ingredients the night before then pack everything for the morning. Yet, some of these meals can be elaborately arranged into a style called kyaraben, which are typically decorated to resemble from anime, manga, or video games. Another picture style is oekakiben that’s decorated to look like people, animals, buildings and monuments, or items like flowers or plants. And they even have contests for the most aesthetically pleasing arrangements. Recently, bento boxes have captured the western imagination since I’ve seen plenty of them on Pinterest boards and Google Images, especially if it pertains to school lunches for parents. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of elaborately decorated bento lunches.

  1. Give your little raptor a lunch he’ll remember for 65 million years.

Consists of a spotted egg in a nest along with 2 dinosaur sandwiches. One of which has spines.

2. Perhaps you’d like your cars hard-boiled.

They’re also attached with hotdog slice windows for wheels. Also, have cherry tomatoes on top.

3. A lunchtime mermaid should have ramen hair.

She even has a shrimp tail. But she’s not made out of chicken of the sea.

4. There’s something fruity about this monkey bento.

Well, it mostly consists of monkey sandwich. And those small corn cobs are used as bananas.

5. This bento lunch will satisfy any sleepy bear.

As you can see the bear is made out of rice. Though I’m not quite sure about the blankets.

6. Nobody could resist this rice puppy.

Yes, it’s a little dog made out of rice. And I’m sure some kids will find it good enough to eat.

7. Anyone would be pleased with smiling sushi rolls.

While they may be made out of blue rice, they nonetheless brighten your day. Wonder if they’re made to resemble mountains.

8. A big cat sandwich can satisfy any monstrous appetite.

Even has whiskers along with pepper nose and ears. So adorable.

9. A bento like this can be straight out of the Hundred Acre Wood.

He even has a bee for honey. Yet, nobody could resist Winnie the Pooh’s sweet face.

10. These rice kitties will surely melt your heart.

These rice kitties come in so many colors and patterns. But they’re each cute in their own way.

11. There’s something fishy about these legs.

Well, the legs are made out of fish. While peppers comprise of the skirt and high heels.

12. Among the noodles, the mice get the cheese.

Each of these are made out of hardboiled eggs and hotdog slices. And yes, the cheese is full of holes.

13. With this lunch, your kid will moo until the cows come home.

Wonder if the girls are supposed to be milkmaids. Still, kids will enjoy either the cow sandwich or pizza.

14. Hope you can put your tip on this school lunch.

This back to school lunch comes with a great big pencil sandwich. Yet, the cheese is on top in this case.

15. You’ll find this froggy lunch quite hopping.

Yes, this is a lunch filled with frogs. And yes, the grapes and sandwich have frog eyes.

16. These plastic animals are happy to get on board the sandwich choo-choo train.

And yes, the train’s wheels are decorated with carrot slices. Though you can’t eat the animals.

17. Care to rub this cat’s belly?

Well, the cat is mostly made out of rice and tofu. Yet, I’m sure it took a hell of a time to make.

18. A Snow White lunch is fit for any Disney princess.

Though I wouldn’t eat the apple if I were you. Since its skull makes it seem especially poisonous.

19. These 3 little piggies seem quite eager to feast.

These pigs are made out of rice balls. Yet, they appear sniffing around for, well, anything.

20. There’s nothing more pleasing than a unicorn lunch.

This unicorn is over a background of red cabbage. But it nonetheless stands out.

21. Three little bears come out of their dens.

I’m sure they’re made out of hard-boiled eggs sticking out of rice. But they’re quite adorable.

22. Seems like pandas prefer a warm stew.

Sure the pandas are sushi rolls. But you have to like how they’re munching on the stew. So cute.

23. A nautical lunch is perfect for your little sailor’s voyage.

Consists of a ship sandwich to keep your kid in ship shape. And yes, fruit make up the seas.

24. No little girl could resist this sweet sandwich.

This has a girl made out of cheese in a pink dress. Includes a couple of flowers.

25. No kid could ever go without a bento lunch with Shaun the Sheep.

Shaun the Sheep is a kid’s show in Britain by Aardman. Nonetheless, the Nick Park sheep are quite distinctive.

26. This bento lunch is happy to greet you.

After all, the Japanese tend to be suckers for cuteness. Even in their food for some reason.

27. To celebrate Shark Week, your little shark will love this bento lunch.

Includes a lifesaver and blue dip with a shark in it. Also, don’t forget Goldfish crackers and Sea Snax.

28. The Force is strong in these bento lunches.

Includes Luke Skywalker, Yoda, Princess Leia, and Darth Vader. And yes, they’re all on sandwiches.

29. Behold, the Pusheenosaurus.

It’s a combination between a dinosaur and a cat. Includes eggs and bones.

30. Nobody could resist a panda lunch.

Well, the panda is mostly made out of rice. But it doesn’t hesitate to show a smile.

31. Any kid would be nuts to skip this lunch.

Yes, this lunch is covered with squirrels. Even in the orange slices.

32. At times, a bento can be turned into a work of art.

I don’t see this as a kid’s lunch. Seems more like the work of a repressed art major.

33. Anyone would moo over these rice cows.

These cows seem quite peaceful in the pasture. Though they can also easily put you in the emergency room.

34. You’ll find a treasure map on top of this sandwich.

Yet, keep in mind that real pirates never had treasure maps. Mostly because they’d usually spend whatever gold they find like sailors. Since they know they wouldn’t last very long.

35. Best not bother the sleeping fox.

Or is that a dog? At any rate it’s quite adorable to look at.

36. A sandwich like this is out of this world.

Since it’s a rocket sandwich. And its in several layers for lift off.

37. Little Nintendo fans would adore this Mario bento lunch.

Though it doesn’t seem to have many mushrooms for some reason. Then again, safe mushrooms are hard to identify.

38. What’s that frog looking at?

This frog sandwich is made from green tortilla. And it even has a pasta noodle for a tongue.

39. A penguin bento lunch can always make you smile.

Each of these penguins has cute little plastic hats. Nonetheless, these little penguin rice balls will melt your heart.

40. Anyone would fall in love with this lovely water lily lunch.

The flower is made out of Japanese leaves. Includes a Japanese flag on a stick.

41. Your prehistoric pal would love this triceratops sandwich.

And the horns are made out of cheese. While the egg is a bit cracked.

42. Treat your Star Lord to this Guardians of the Galaxy bento lunch.

Includes a Star Lord sandwich, a cupcake, and a bar of Awesome Music. And yes, any kid would love this.

43. This little dog wants to greet you.

Got to love the paws on the edge and ears. So cute you can’t help but love it.

44. You’d find a lot of cheesy faces on this bento.

The faces are made out of cheese. Each of them also come with little attributes like hair and bows.

45. For peaceful picnics give this flowery lunch a try.

Mostly consists of a flower garden path. I’m sure this was made by someone with too much time on their hands.

46. Seems like someone doesn’t want to get eaten.

Too bad they were made for just that. Now who’ll be next for the chopsticks, I don’t know.

47. A budding Dred Pirate Roberts should always have a lunch like this.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You stole my lunch box, prepare to die.

48. This cat and mouse bento is a mid-day delight.

It has a cat sandwich and a cheesy mouse. Nonetheless, the cat seems happy.

49. Perhaps your little fish might want an under the sea lunch.

Consists of a fruity squid and an octopus sandwich. Don’t forget the goldfish crackers.

50. Any kid would go all buggy over this lunch.

I bet these mostly consist of ladybugs. And they both have cheesy spots.

51. No bento post should be complete without an appearance by Hello Kitty.

This one has her in a dress with hearts. And yes, it’s adorable.

52. You’d want to take a bite out of this rice panda.

This one even has bamboo in the background. Or a vegetable resembling bamboo at least.

53. Once in a while every little robot needs to refuel.

And what do you know, it has a robot sandwich. Yet, this one wears a bow.

54. Want your mouse hard-boiled?

This mouse even has a hotdog flag. Includes a chick and apple cherry tomatoes.

55. Like Angry Birds? Try this lunch.

Well, it doesn’t seem like a big lunch. But I think boys would find it a delight.

56. A lunch like this is perfect for a kid’s first day of school.

Includes applesauce and a math problem sandwich. The cheese has a 4 on it, too.

57. There’s nothing to resist about this koala bento.

Well, it’s a koala made out of rice and veggies. But it’s nonetheless. cute. Also, is that other small rice ball supposed to be a lion?

58. This lunch will sustain your little Ewok in a galaxy far, far, away.

Even includes Chewbacca and Imperial fighters. Yet, the rice seems a bit on the Dark Side.

59. Treat your kid to this lunch when they make the grade.

Of course, this is for preschool graduation. Since you don’t want to give this to an 18 or 22 year old.

60. An owl lunch like this is quite a hoot.

Includes an owl sandwich and hard-boiled eggs. Still, you can’t help but love it.

61. Care for a ramen ocean dish?

Includes a fish sandwich and fruit stars. And yes, the ramen is dyed.

62. You’d swear this bento came all the way from Paris.

The sky and background is made out of rice. But the Eiffel Tower is made of cheese.

63. Care for a couple of fish sandwiches?

Includes rice water, carrot sand, and green seaweed. Nonetheless, seems easy to make.

64. Perhaps you might treat yourself to a lovely maiden.

I’m sure this bento is another artistic piece. Since it doesn’t seem like it’s made for a kid’s school lunch.

65. This guy seems like he’s floating in rice.

After all, he’s in a boat rowing with an asparagus stick. All in a Mickey Mouse bento box.

66. For the solar eclipse, treat your kid to this bento lunch.

Okay, the solar eclipse was last year. Includes a darkened sun and cheese glasses.

67. Don’t send your kid to class without this notebook bento.

Has a notebook sandwich and a cheesy pencil. Wonder what the eraser is though.

68. Perhaps you might want to try some goldfish sushi.

Actually, the fish just cover the rice balls. But they nonetheless give the meal character.

69. Let your little sheriff satisfy his appetite with this Woody lunch.

Yet, this is for Toy Story 3. You know the one when Andy goes to college that makes people cry.

70. Nobody could resist these flowery dogs.

Well, these dogs have flowers on them in a garden. So cute.

71. Perhaps you might want a penguin dish.

The penguin here is mostly made of rice with pepper beak and feet. So cute.

72. Sometimes it helps to bring in a little sunshine.

The sun consists of orange slices and cheese. While there are 2 moon sandwiches.

73. A minion in the garden always brings smiles.

Well, this minion is made out of rice. And it’s surrounded by colorful mushrooms.

74. This bento has an egg sunny side up.

And lo, and behold, it’s a sun. In addition, it’s on rice in a star-shaped box.

75. Care for a cupcake?

Actually it’s a cupcake sandwich with a cherry on top. And yes, it has sprinkles.

76. Seems like some little bear wants to say hello.

This one has a bear greeting from a house of cheese. So cute.

77. With this bento, the eagle has landed.

This lunch depicts the moon landing. One small step for man, indeed.

78. You’ll get a wave out of this lunch.

This is from a famous Japanese painting. And yes, that place can get terrible tsunamis.

79. Every kid should have a cupcake sandwich on their special day.

The sandwich is covered with cheese. Also has sprinkles.

80. If you like Calvin and Hobbes, then this bento is for you.

Well, Calvin and Hobbes was a comic strip from the early 1990s. Yet, it’s nonetheless a classic.

81. Nobody can resist a Pikachu in rice.

And here’s Pikachu with a flower. Fittingly, they made the Pokemon the mascot for the Japanese soccer team.

82. All what these animals need are hats.

I’m sure the hats are made from paper and aren’t edible. And they have all kinds of cute animals on here.

83. Seems like this bento has gone to the dogs.

Yes, they’re made out of rice. But they seem happy. Includes bone.

84. This bento will come in handy in an emergency.

It’s an ambulance bento with the vehicle made of rice. Though it won’t help much with First Aid.

85. An American burger is always a happy burger.

Even has little cheese hands. Not sure what to think of this.

86. Every lunch lion should have a ramen mane.

Well, it’s a lion sandwich. But the mane is all noodles.

87. This bear loves to soak up in a soup.

Indeed, people do find a hot tub relaxing. Yet, this guy soaks up in autumn from what I can tell by the leaves.

88. Xbox fans will adore this bento lunch.

Though you can’t play with the controls. Since they’re made out of rice.

89. Perhaps your kid might want a lunch like this for a rainy day.

Includes a rainbow pasta and a cucumber umbrella. Also don’t forget the goldfish crackers.

90. If you like Sony, you might want to do with a Play Station lunch.

The controller mostly comprises of rice wrapped with seaweed. And no, you can’t play a game with it.

91. A bento like this would inspire envy on Endor.

The Ewok is made out of rice. And yes, it’s adorable.

92. This Peanuts bento will melt your heart.

It has Snoopy and his doghouse in the center. And yes, you’ll find some of the Peanuts kids there.

93. A unicorn sandwich offers a magical lunch.

This one even ahs a rainbow behind it. And it’s made out of veggies.

94. With LEGO, your lunch will just be bricks.

Well, the veggies are carved into Legos. But that doesn’t mean you can play with them.

95. This bento is a feast for little minions.

Well, this one is full of minions. And yes, many will find them adorable.

96. This pig family feels at home in their sty.

Well, these 3 pigs always seem quite happy near the mushrooms. One of them even winks.

97. Even Pac-Man seems hungry for ghosts these days.

Except that Pac Man doesn’t eat ghosts. Since ghosts usually go after him.

98. It’s always a small world with fans.

Bet this is for the World Cup given the international presence. Still, these are cute.

99. The Force is strong with this little pony.

This is a cross between Star Wars and My Little Pony. And yes, one of them wields a lightsaber.

100. Every brave princess should have this Merida bento lunch.

She has hair made out of orange noodles. Even has her brothers as cute bear cubs, too.

A Plea for Saving the Children’s Health Insurance Program

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

In 1993, the late Governor Robert P. Casey Sr. signed the first Children’s Health Insurance Program into law in Pennsylvania, which later served as a model for the federal program Congress would enact a few years later. Westmoreland County’s then State Senator Allen Kukovich was instrumental in enacting this state program that he’s considered its founding father. Since 1997, the Children’s Health Insurance Program has provided matching funds to states for health insurance to children from families who can’t afford marketplace or employer insurance but earn too much to qualify for Medicaid. Sponsored by the late Senator Ted Kennedy in partnership with Senator Orrin Hatch and supported by then First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, it was the largest expansion of taxpayer-funded health insurance coverage for children in the United States President Lyndon B. Johnson established Medicaid in 1968. Today CHIP is a critical government program providing health insurance for nearly 9 million low-income kids as well as remains one of our nation’s most vitally important and widely supported programs. Thanks to CHIP, the United States enjoys has the highest rate of insured children in our nation’s history at over 95%.

On September 30, 2017, CHIP expired when lawmakers couldn’t agree on a 5-year reauthorization of the program. This puts millions of kids at risk of becoming uninsured, and in some cases, being denied the critical care they need to survive and thrive. Though states have remaining funds to keep their programs running for varying lengths of time, it’s an administrative nightmare for states that can’t plan ahead. But they may have to prepare for a possible shutdown of their CHIP programs well before they run out of money. As Alabama CHIP director noted, “This whole situation is causing chaos. We are causing confusion to families, stress and turmoil.” On December 15, Alabama officials were forced to announce that they’d stop taking new enrollees on New Year’s Day and the 84,000 kids (1/8 of the state’s children) currently in the program could lose coverage February 1. In my home state of Pennsylvania, the families of 174,000 children currently enrolled in CHIP are about to receive notices informing them that their insurance may be canceled while Colorado already has sent a letter back in September that their CHIP coverage will be canceled by the end of January. Utah has already submitted a request to the federal government to freeze their program’s enrollment. Some states such as Nevada, already have laws that force officials to freeze enrollment if federal funds decrease at all. By the start of 2018, more than half the states are projected to have used up their available funding. Across the country, families depending on CHIP are running out of time.

On December 21, 2017, Congress passed short-term legislation to fund CHIP until the end of March, which is said to cover an estimated 1.9 million children across 24 states and Washington D.C. which stood to lose coverage care like doctor visits and hospitalizations in January. But this temporary relief still leaves CHIP and the families who rely on it in uncertainty since as of December of 2017, there is no long-term fix in sight. As George Washington University professor Sara Rosenbaum told Bloomberg, “You can’t run an insurance program this way.” Essentially, lawmakers are forcing health officials running the program, “to go month-to-month.” Still, even with these short-term fixes, “there will be relief that the funding has been extended, but it will be combined with a lot of anxiety,” as Kaiser Family Foundation executive vice president Diane Rowland claimed.

Health coverage is critical for children to get a healthy start in life and high coverage rates mean more children have an opportunity to meet their potential. It is well understood that covering kids is an investment in our future since a child’s health, school performance, and future success are all linked. So it goes without saying that unhealthy children are at higher risk for school problems, failing, or dropping out. Children who have health insurance through CHIP or Medicaid have better access to healthcare and do better in school than their uninsured counterparts. And better school performance provides a foundation for future success in life. Thus, investing in children’s coverage programs means investing in not only children’s health, but also academic success and success later in life. CHIP is especially important to children with special health needs, children of color, children in working families, and children in rural communities. Without CHIP, there would be more uninsured children, increased healthcare costs and less access for kids with insurance, and great financial devastation for families with special needs kids. At any rate, losing CHIP will devastating to millions of families, which will mean uncertainty surrounding their children’s health, much higher healthcare costs and added financial burdens, for some, a complete loss in their children’s coverage.

There is no question that Congress must vote to continue funding CHIP or else coverage for the 9 million kids whose families depend on CHIP will be in jeopardy. Should federal CHIP funding end, states would need to adjust their budgets, either ending or significantly cutting back on existing CHIP programs. Options available to a state may depend on whether it operates a separate CHIP program or has CHIP as an expanded Medicaid one. Either way, children’s health coverage will suffer. Nevertheless, failing to fund CHIP will undo 20 years of progress as well as undermine our nation’s values. If we want our children to live and succeed in this country, then funding CHIP should be a top priority. As Americans, we have a moral, ethical obligation to take care of our children. But if we can’t protect children’s health insurance, what does it say about our values?

Green Eggs and Hamtastic Dr. Seuss Treats

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

Roast Beast

Aside from Green Eggs and Ham, Dr. Seuss doesn’t really get into food as much as some of the fantastical stuff in his books. Though there is The Battle Butter Book where the Yooks and the Zooks engage in an arms race over a disagreement on buttering one’s bread. Yes, it sounds silly but the ending is truly dark and disturbing since it escalated to nukes. Then there’s also a book about making the best scrambled eggs with the eggs coming from various exotic birds. Oh, and the fact the Grinch steals the roast beast along with other forms of Who food including the last can of Who hash. Nevertheless, when you look on Pinterest, you’d find so many Dr. Seuss treats for themed parties. Of course, these are mostly for kids. Yet, many of them can be quite whimsical nonetheless. So for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of Dr. Seuss treats.

  1. Dr. Seuss cake pops should always come in spectacular patterns.

Yes, these are certainly in great Seussical patterns in red, white, and light blue. But they won’t be the only ones you’ll see on this post.

2. The best kind of Dr. Seuss cake has green eggs and ham on top.

This is for a baby’s first birthday party. But it comes with  its own set of cupcakes.

3. You’ll be amazed to find what’s in this Truffula cake.

Indeed, it has plenty of pastel layers inside. Though the Truffulas on it hardly look impressive.

4. You don’t need a special occasion to eat a slice of bread with the Cat in the Hat.

After all, it contains the iconic red and white stripe hat. Also, is in a rather crazy design.

5. Perhaps a Cat in the Hat fruit salad platter can entice you.

Mostly consist of strawberry and banana slices. Yet, makes for a healthy snack for a kid’s party.

6. Hope you have a heart for these Grinch Oreo cookie treats.

Sure the heart might be small. And these are more suited for Christmas. But the Grinch is an iconic character in the Seuss canon.

7. There’s nothing more unforgettable than a cake featuring Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Another first birthday cake in 3 tiers. Still, it’s a bit more festive and Seusslike than the first one.

8. This Lorax lunch will satisfy anyone who speaks for the trees.

Includes a Lorax sandwhich and some Truffula tree treets. Contains a side of broccoli.

9. No child could resist this lunch from the Cat in the Hat.

Yet, the hat seems to be quite small for his head. Yet, the sandwich is certainly in his likeness.

10. No dessert platter is complete without this whimsical Dr. Seuss cake.

Contains imagery from the Lorax, the Cat in the Hat, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Oh, the Places You’ll Go. So cute.

11. There’s something fishy about these cupcakes.

Most of these contain one fish. Some have two. Some of these are red. And some of these are blue.

12. For healthier options, check out these Cat in the Hat fruit snacks.

Sure they may contain marshmallow heads with his face. But the hats consist of strawberry and banana.

13. With this cake, think of all the places you’ll go.

Funny how this cake is based on a kid’s book given to graduates. Still, you have to love the colors.

14. Cotton candy makes great tuffs for Truffula trees.

Yet, remember that cotton candy mostly consist of sugar. But you can easily see why they’re great for Truffula trees.

15. If you like Green Eggs and Ham and the Cat in the Hat, then check out this cake.

Even has a long fork into the green ham at the top. Also love the striped hat underneath it.

16. For a hot lunch, you can’t go wrong with a Lorax quesadilla.

Nice that it has some cheesy eyes and a mustache of cheddar. And though it’s not orange, it greatly resembles him.

17. A Lorax pizza can certainly make anyone’s day.

Contains olive eyes and a cheddar mustache. And it’s quite small as you see it next to a spoon.

18. If you liked the Bar-ba-loots, I suppose you’ll take to these snacks.

Funny how they don’t seem to have stuff pertaining to the Humming Fish and the Swamee Swans. Still, these consist of chocolate teddy bear crackers and mini marshmallows.

19. For healthier options, this Lorax lunch is a real treat.

Contains fruit and veggie Truffula trees. Yet, the Lorax here is extra cheesy.

20. These Dr. Seuss cupcakes can’t be beat on any dessert platter.

Includes toppers from the Lorax, Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham, Oh, the Places You’ll Go, and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Some of them even have quotes, too.

21. If you’re into the zany, this Dr. Seuss cake will certainly suit you.

Depicts many of your old favorites as you can see. Also, has some crazy decor on the top.

22. If you like Green Eggs and Ham, then you’ll love this bento lunch.

Okay, I think there might be green egg candies and dyed ham. But at least it’s among orange rice.

23. Speaking of Green Eggs and Ham, how about these cupcakes?

These are green velvet cupcakes with green and white icing on them. Still, wonder what the ham cake looks like with these.

24. Nothing makes a great Dr. Seuss birthday party like Cat in the Hat pizza.

Sure it mainly consists of pepperoni. But its perfect for any Dr. Seuss occasion.

25. I’m positive anyone will eat this Green Eggs and Ham cake.

Yes, it’s a cake consisting of green eggs and ham for someone’s birthday. Nevertheless, it almost resembles the illustration.

26. These Sneetch Oreo truffle bites are hard to resist.

Some of these contain two stars. Others just one. But each is special in its own way.

27. If you want healthy snacks, you can’t go wrong with a fruity Thing 1 and Thing 2.

These are mainly comprised of banana, strawberries, and blueberries. And they’re both held together by toothpicks.

28. Seems like the Cat in the Hat wants to wish someone a happy birthday.

Yes, it’s probably from a high end bakery. But you can’t help but love it. So adorable.

29. Bet you can’t guess which Dr. Seuss book comes with these cupcakes.

Let me guess, the Lorax, the Cat in the Hat, Yertle the Turtle, Green Eggs and Ham, the Sneetches, and the Batle Butter Book. Still, the one on the far right is trick.

30. These Cat in the Hat cupcakes will surely suit your Seussical fancy.

The hats here consist of red icing and marshmallows. Yet, all make a fantastical Seuss treat.

31. Get a load of these fishy cookies.

Yes, these are from One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. And they couldn’t use a blue fish since Swedish fish were involved.

32. This Dr. Seuss bento lunch will satisfy any child’s taste.

Yes, another Seuss bento lunch. But at least it has a little more Cat in the Hat.

33. This Cat in the Hat cake is almost by the book.

Well, it’s a cake of the book. But it’s surely an iconic one in the Seuss canon.

34. How about some Truffula tree cake pops on a stick?

Well, Truffula cake pops are surely appropriate for a Lorax themed party. And these sticks are even made to resemble the trunks.

35. Surely anyone would want a Dr. Seuss cake well-stacked.

Okay, this is considerably overboard. But it’s oddly fitting considering Dr. Seuss’s illustrations.

36. These cupcakes make the best Sneetch treats.

As in the book, some of these have green stars. And some have no stars at all.

37. What in the hell are these cupcake things?

Okay, these cupcakes are supposed to imitate Thing 1 and Thing 2. The cotton candy gives the impression of their blue hair.

38. There’s something very grinchy about these cupcakes.

Well, these are Grinch cupcakes. And each has a grinchy face as well as a heart 3 sizes too small.

39. Hope you have a taste for this Cat in the Hat sandwich.

Yes, he certainly looks spiffy. Love what they did with the hat. So adorable.

40. For your Grinchy Christmas celebrations, may I suggest this cake?

Depicts the Grinch in a Santa hat. And yes, he’s bent on stealing Christmas since he’s fed up with holiday consumerism.

41. Nothing welcomes a new fish in your family like this Dr. Seuss cake.

So I guess there are Dr. Seuss themed baby showers. Well, makes sense. But this cake probably has a steep price.

42. Any child who’s read One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish will find this lunch a real treat.

Yes, this is certainly a fishy lunch. Even has a fish sandwich and fish crackers.

43. If you love Oh, the Places You’ll Go, you’ll adore these Dr. Seuss cookies.

Yes, these may be professionally made. But they greatly resemble the book’s illustrations.

44. This Lorax lunch can surely speak for the trees.

Mostly consist of the Lorax sandwich with him in cheese. At any rate, it’s an almost exact likeness.

45. These cheese trees make great party appetizer platters.

By the way, the cheese trees are from Fox in Socks. I know it’s kind of insane.

46. This Lorax cake has a forest of Truffula trees.

And here we have the Lorax on a stump who speaks for them. Too bad the Once-ler didn’t listen.

47. There’s so much to love about this Cat in the Hat cake.

This one is for another first birthday. And yes, it’s almost like you’d see in a Dr. Seuss illustration.

48. This Cat in the Hat muffin tin lunch has almost everything a kid could want.

Well, it certainly includes 6 courses on it. Even a cup of red and white stripes.

49. These Lorax cupcakes will surely make your party a hit.

Consists of the Lorax, Truffula trees, and the Bar-ba-loots. Great for any Lorax themed party.

50. There’s nothing greener to eat than this Green Eggs and Ham lunch.

Well, except a Saint Patrick’s Day lunch of course. But you get the idea here.

51. Green Eggs and Ham cookies will please anyone willing to try them.

Well, they’re small cookies of green eggs and ham. Yet, each is professionally iced in its own way.

52. For appetizers, you can’t go wrong with these Cat in the Hat snacks.

These consist of cherry tomatoes and cheese stacked on Ritz crackers. Toothpicks required which goes without saying.

53. Of course, this would be a perfect cake for Dr. Seuss.

After all, it’s in the form of a book. Also consists of the Cat in the Hat’s hat and green eggs and ham.

54. Nothing makes a kid jump with glee than these Horton marshmallow treats.

These are from Horton Hatches an Egg since it contains a nest. Still, these are cute and fluffy.

55. I’m sure no Dr. Seuss fan can resist these cookies.

Well, they certainly consist of many people’s favorites. Though they’re definitely professionally made.

56. Wake up in the morning with some fruity Cat in the Hat toast.

Also, contains some whipped cream. Part of a complete Dr. Seuss breakfast.

57. These Grinch cupcakes will bring you loads of Christmas joy.

Unlike the other Grinch cupcakes, these have Santa hats on them. But each have a smile and yellow eyes.

58. This Cat in the Hat cake has 3 things on the top.

Guess this is for a kid’s 3rd birthday. Nevertheless, it’s as Seussical as can be.

59. How about some ham for your green deviled egg?

Goes without saying these are from Green Eggs and Ham. Though the ham isn’t green and is much smaller.

60. Which cupcake do you want? Truffula tree or Lorax?

Yes, the Lorax cupcakes all look the same. And the Truffula trees have different colors on them. But can’t the two be able to coexist?

61. This Dr. Seuss cake seems to have some interesting candles.

Then again, they may be made from icing. But at least this one contains many of your favorites.

62. This Dr. Seuss cake seems like it can fall down any minute.

Yes, these cakes can be quite elaborate and rather expensive. But in Dr. Seuss treat post, you can’t leave them out.

63. A Grinch cake can bring you endless joy for the Christmas season.

This one has a house with the Grinch on Mt. Crumpit. I know it’s kind of pretty but also has a whimsical touch.

64. These green egg cookies will surely make a fine addition to an Dr. Seuss dessert platter.

And these don’t seem very difficult to decorate at all. Since green and white icing is all you need.

65. This Lorax snack seems particularly fruity.

The Lorax is made of canned fruit. And he has a Truffula tree with a pretzel trunk beside him.

66. You can’t have a Dr. Seuss party without a Cat in the Hat cake.

This one is a more 3-dimensional model. But it certainly works with the book decor it’s on.

67. Nothing makes kids excited for reading like a Cat in the Hat pizza.

Yes, it’s another Cat in the Hat pizza. But this one has a more curvy look to it.

68. If you liked the Cat in the Hat Comes Back, you might enjoy this cake.

After all, it’s the one where the Cat in the Hat crashes the kids’ home again and eats cake in a tub. Of course, he leaves a pink ring in it.

69. Here’s another cake showing the whimsical world of Dr. Seuss.

Yes, I know I have a lot of cakes on here. But each of them is spectacular as can be.

70. This Lorax cake really speaks for the trees.

This one has the Lorax on top and the Truffula Forest on the bottom. So pretty.

71. If you’re expecting a couple of little tings, you might want to go with this cake.

Even has Thing 1 and Thing 2 onesies. Also like how it’s surrounded by blue cupcakes.

72. As we should remember, a cupcake’s a cupcake no matter how small.

As you can see, these are from Horton Hears a Who!. And each contains a pink clover.

73. For breakfast will it be Cat in the Hat or Green Eggs and Ham?

Yet, I’d have to remind you that the Cat in the Hat one contains more calories. Just so you know.

74. Peanut cookies make great Loraxes.

Now these seem pretty easy. Just decorate them with eyes and a yellow mustache and you’re good to go.

75. A Dr. Seuss lunch should always have a couple of things.

Well, Thing 1 and Thing 2 anyway. But at any rate, this is adorable.

76. For hot summer days, you might want to try a Cat in the Hat ice cream treat.

Comes with a cone for the hat and pretzels for whiskers. Perfect for a Dr. Seuss kind of day.

77. Or perhaps you’d want some Cat in the Hat marshmallow treats.

These consist of marshmallows and fruit roll-ups. And they certainly have the Seussical charm.

78. If you want to keep it simple, this is the Cat in the Hat lunch for you.

Just consists of a fish in a bowl sandwich and Cat in the Hat apple slices. What more can you want?

79. This Dr. Seuss lunch has a little bit from his most famous books.

You see a bit of Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham, Horton Hears a Who, and the Lorax. There might be a few others as well.

80. Lorax pretzels make a quality Dr. Seuss snack.

Each of these consists of a waffle pretzel decorated with icing to resemble the Lorax. Simple as that.

81. Dr. Seuss pasta should always have zany colors.

Helps if you use blue alfredo sauce, too. Resembles something you’d eat at a Whoville restaurant.

82. Truffula cookies should be served on a stick.

Yes, these are professionally made. But like Truffula trees, they come in a vast array of colors.

83. These Cat in the Hat treats will satisfy any Dr. Seuss dessert enthusiast.

Consists of icing, Oreos, and lifesavers. Pretty simple to assemble a kid can do it.

84. Green egg pretzel bites are a perfect Dr. Seuss snack.

Just consists of icing, waffle pretzels, and green M&Ms. So you should have no trouble making them.

85. With a pear, you can make your own Sneetch treat.

And it almost resembles the illustration. Nevertheless, this is kind of neat.

86. No Dr. Seuss party should ever go without a green eggs and ham appetizer platter.

Well, they’re green deviled eggs with ham slices. But the ham isn’t green.

87. In these Oh, the Places You’ll Go cupcakes contain plenty of surprises.

These are full of sprinkles as you can see. They also have layers upon layers of colors consisting of cake.

88. For a healthy Dr. Seuss lunch, say hello to a grinchy sandwich.

Also has a green egg and apple slices for sides. But yes, you’d want to eat the Grinch sandwich, would you?

89. Now help yourself to some literal green eggs and ham.

Yet, unlike the book, the ham isn’t green. Yet, the eggs are thanks to the magic of food coloring.

90. If you don’t like green eggs and ham alone, these pesto bacon cups will suit you fine.

Still, they might have a lot of grease on them. Yet, they’d be quite gourmet for a Dr. Seuss breakfast.

91. Check out these fishy cookies.

These are straight out of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. And unlike the last bunch, they’re at least the right colors and shapes.

92. You can’t have a Lorax party without a pizza that speaks for the cheese.

Toppings consists of cheese, peppers, and olives. But certainly bears a resemblance to the old Lorax himself.

93. Which do you want fish or hats?

I know these are professionally made. But you can’t help but love them.

94. This Lorax bento lunch is perfect for hikes in the Truffula forest.

That is until the Once-ler comes around and decimates it for his thneeds. Again, I can’t say what they’re used for.

95. Perhaps a more colorful Lorax bento would suit you.

Well, this makes bento box into an art form. Consists of Truffula trees, the Lorax, Bar-ba-loots, Swamee Swans, and “Unless.”

96. For more greens, go with a Grinchy veggie tray.

Though I’d insist, it’s more appropriate for the holidays. Since he’s from a Christmas story.

97. Fans of Oh, the Places You’ll Go would want to have this veggie tray.

This one has a whole variety of veggies cut in different ways. Perfect for any Dr. Seuss party.

98. You can eat this bento lunch here. You can eat it there. You can even eat it anywhere.

Yes, this is from Green Eggs and Ham. And it even has green hard-boiled eggs to boot.

99. For a colorful cake, may I suggest Oh, the Places You’ll Go.

Because let’s face it, the Lorax isn’t a very happy story. Also, you might like some of the cake pops on this. So cute.

100. And finally, the veggies are stacked on this Yertle the Turtle bento lunch.

However, I have to remind you that Yertle the Turtle is an allegory on fascism. And the turtle stacking had more to do with enhancing Yertle’s own ego.

Fun and Fantastical Dr. Seuss Craft Projects from the Truffula Tree Forest

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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The wide world of Dr. Seuss is filled with so many whimsical contraptions that many would find impossible to replicate in real life. At least one in good working order. But they certainly delight us nonetheless. Yet, you’d also find plenty of Dr. Seuss crafts and other items that might whisk you off to Whoville, the Jungle of Nool, or the Truffula Forest. But you’d find a lot of other places, too. Naturally, many of these usually consist of activities catered toward children. Because plenty of schools and parents make use of them. Yet, you’ll also find plenty of other craft items in Dr. Seuss’s fantastical style. None of them consists of thneeds. However, I’m not sure what the hell one is used for anyway except making money for the Once-ler which leads to him decimating the Truffula Forest. Maybe we’re not supposed to. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you an assortment of charming Dr. Seuss craft projects. Enjoy.

  1. You can make adequate Truffula trees with pool noodles and tissue paper.

Though you might need t use yellow duct tape for the trunk. Still, if you like The Lorax, these can’t be beat.

2. A Cat in the Hat child’s chair is always a delight in the home.

It’s even painted in blue, red, white, and black. I’m sure it’s made by a pro. But I like it.

3. A Green Eggs and Ham pinata is always full of surprises.

But at least in this one, you have candy. Not food-borne diseases like trichinosis.

4. You can’t steal Christmas without a Grinch ugly sweater.

I know Christmas is a long way off. But the Grinch is such an iconic Dr. Seuss character. So I can’t ignore putting a few in this one.

5. No one can say no to a Green Eggs and Ham snack tray.

It just has the green eggs and ham painted on. Nevertheless, it’s quite a work of art.

6. A Dr. Seuss shelf should always create a colorful impression.

This one comes in 3 sections. But you’d certainly find it at a Whoville furniture store.

7. It’s never out of style to wear a Cat in the Hat dress.

And you can’t get any better than with a Cat in the Hat sun dress. Best to wear on rainy summer days.

8. There’s never a bad time to curl up with a book when you have a Cat in the Hat quilt.

Certainly a crazy quilt indeed with all kinds of colors. But it’s as Seussical as can be.

9. This white bookshelf has a mind of its own.

Well, certainly seems like it. Still, not sure if I’d want to have it around my place. The shelves are uneven which is precisely the point.

10. A crocheted Lorax cap will keep your little one nice and warm.

Sure the Lorax is a fuzzy character since he’s orange and hairy with a long yellow mustache. But he’s not particularly cuddly. Though this hat certainly is.

11. Your little ones will always match with these Thing 1 and Thing 2 crocheted caps.

Well, Thing 1 and Thing 2 are the Cat and the Hat’s main entourage. Still, these are cute.

12. If you like Dr. Seuss, then you’ll certainly adore these chairs.

These consist of the Cat in the Hat, Horton Hears a Who, and the Lorax. And all are in bright colors.

13. Red and white stripes with blue feathers always make a great Seuss wreath.

Obviously, This is from the Cat in the Hat. Since the blue reflects the hair from Things 1 & 2.

14. It’s easy to make a Truffula tree with a long stick and fuzz.

Nevertheless, they come in all shapes and sizes. Also, they all come in pots.

15. A Lorax amigurumi always speaks for the trees.

And here he has a Truffula tree in his hand. Though it would be much bigger than him.

16. There’s nothing better to snuggle in than a square diamond Cat in the Hat quilt.

After all, a Seuss quilt comes alive when you use some crazy patterned fabric. Love this.

17. You can’t have a merry Grinchmas without a Grinch wreath.

Even has a Grinch in the center holding candy. And it’s certainly in the festive Christmas spirit.

18. As we all know, Dr. Seuss taught us that reading is fun.

As this canvas hanging shows. Includes the Cat in the Hat, the Lorax, and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.

19. Nothing makes reading more fun than a Cat in the Hat shelf.

It’s a Cat in the Hat shelf since it’s depicted in the iconic striped hat. Great for any kid’s room.

20. A Cat in a Hat apron is perfect for any kitchen adventure.

Still, you wouldn’t want the Cat in the Hat in your kitchen. Because he’d just make a real mess in there.

21. The Cat in the Hat could only dream of shoes like these.

Since they match his red and white striped hat. Though I wouldn’t want to walk outside with them.

22. A Cat in the Hat quilt like this can always delight on a cold day.

Yet, another Cat in the Hat quilt. I know you might be tired already. But there’s more to come from the other books.

23. “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, it’s not going to get better, it’s not.”

I guess that’s the last Truffula tree. Yes, the Once-ler really fucked up with his insatiable greed.

24. You can always take this Dr. Seuss tote wherever you go.

Well, this bag features many of your favorite characters. It also consists of red and white stripes.

25. Wouldn’t you want this Truffula tree painting on your wall?

Maybe. But if you’re the Once-ler, probably not. Since it can serve as a reminder of how he screwed up.

26. There’s always a way to say “Merry Grinchmas.”

And I’m sure this sign is just the ticket. Love the green arm sticking out with the ornament.

27. Would you like a crocheted green eggs and ham?

Sure you can’t eat them. But you wouldn’t want to eat the real life equivalent either.

28. Nobody can resist a Cat in the Hat chair with a fuzzy seat.

It even has feet with shoes. Still, what’s not to love about this?

29. With this Lorax lampshade, you can illuminate a Truffula forest.

Though it’s more meant to cast shadows of the Lorax and the Truffula trees. But it’s pretty cool.

30. A hat made of ribbons makes a great Dr. Seuss centerpiece.

I guess this is for a Cat in the Hat themed party. But it’s spectacular.

31. Why have one candy dispenser when you can use 2?

Appropriately enough these are in the likeness of Thing 1 and Thing 2. And they both have blue feathered hair.

32. Nobody could ever resist stealing an amigurumi Grinch.

Sure he may not be in his Santa suit. But he sure as hell doesn’t seem like his heart is 3 sizes too small either.

33. Nothing can make your day like a Cat in the Hat bouquet.

Yet, the hat vase has a more twisty, turny stripe pattern. Still, this is perfect for any Dr. Seuss occasion.

34. You can always enjoy reading in this Dr. Seuss rocking chair.

At least I think it’s a rocking chair. But it only uses a few colors for simplicity.

35. This Lorax tote is 100% ec0-friendly.

At least compared to thneeds. For I’m not sure what they do. Still, better than paper or plastic.

36. This chair’s been painted in a real Seuss style.

And it seems to be in a more artistic style than some of the other ones. Like the patterns on the back.

37. How about some Truffula trees on poles.

Well, at least they stand up straight. Though don’t the Truffula trees in the book kind of bend down a little like palm trees?

38. If you love the Grinch, then this panel should tell you the real meaning of Christmas.

This one depicts the Grinch seeing the Whos sing together after he stole all their stuff. Of course, he can’t stop Christmas from coming.

39. Check out these Lorax shoes.

They certainly have great Seuss artwork on them. But the Cat in the Hat ones are much simpler to do.

40. You’d find that this Cat in the Hat bookshelf really comes in handy.

This is kind of neat. Uneven and with everyone’s favorite characters from the book.

41. Welcome guests to your home with a Cat in the Hat wreath.

Even has the Cat in the Hat on it. And it’s in classic colors from the book.

42. There’s something fishy about this chest of drawers.

It’s from One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. But it’s certainly great for a little kid’s room.

43. You can always read and keep warm in this Dr. Seuss quilt.

This one depicts many of the all time favorites. And each square has a lot of colorful illustrations.

44. You can even make your own felt Dr. Seuss hat.

Well, this is the one from the Cat in the Hat. But sure, it’s possible.

45. Grace your table with your very own Truffula tree wreath.

It’s set on the table so the Truffula trees can stand up. Kind of clever if you think about it.

46. Nothing makes your guests feel welcome than this Cat in the Hat wreath.

Couldn’t pass this one up. Since it has his face as well as red tulle and white ribbons.

47. Amigurumi Thing 1 and Thing 2 will bring you loads of fun.

Where the Cat in the Hat be without them? Still, you have to like their blue hair.

48. Thing 1 and Thing 2 always make a perfect pair.

Well, they certainly match in almost every way. Still, without their suits, you can barely tell them apart.

49. You’ll always look sharp with a Cat in the Hat ribbon pin.

Doesn’t seem that hard to make by the looks of it. Though I could be wrong.

50. I’m sure anyone would want to have this Dr. Seuss bookshelf from Whoville.

Comes in an array of different colors. But always fits best in a corner.

51. If you like Dr. Seuss, then you’d love these canvas quotes.

These are all painted, by the way. Each one depicts an illustration from a Dr. Seuss book.

52. For Christmas, you might want to steal this sign.

Okay, I was kidding on that one. But for a panel sign, this is absolutely perfect.

53. There’s nothing fuzzier to love than a Lorax wreath.

Well, he’s supposed to be furry. But I’m sure the face really looks like him.

54. You’re always invited for fun with this Cat in the Hat wreath.

This one has the trademark Dr. Seuss hat. Goes nicely with the ribbons and decomesh.

55. This Seuss quilt is one crazy patchwork after another.

Another quilt that has a lot of your old favorites. Love the use of covers.

56. You’ll always have a seat on this Dr. Seuss rocking chair.

Yet, I have a feeling this is more meant for kids. But I appreciate the paint job.

57. No nursery is ever complete without a Dr. Seuss mobile.

After all, a baby should have a mobile depicting what you’d read to them before bedtime. So cute.

58. When you go to the beach, you can cuddle with your amigurumi Star-Bellied Sneetch.

Yet, to be fair, the Star-Bellied Sneetches aren’t the nicest bunch. Since The Sneetches story is about racism.

59. You can have loads of fun on rainy days with this Cat in the Hat peg doll set.

Includes the Cat in the Hat, Sally and her brother, and Things 1&2.

60. If you enjoy Green Eggs and Ham, then I suppose you’ll rave about this quilt.

Seems like it’s more colorful than the Cat in the Hat ones. But please enjoy the illustrations.

61. This Cat in the Hat chair has a back with red and white stripes.

Well, this looks whimsical enough for story time. And it has the Cat in the Hat on the seat.

62. Hope you keep warm this Christmas season with this crocheted Grinch cap.

It’s bright green in order to stand out, too. Great for any yuletide winter’s day.

63. Perhaps you might guess the books on these samplers.

I’m sure you’ll have no trouble with them. But each one consist of a felt image.

64. Bet you want to get squeaky clean with this Dr. Seuss shower curtain.

Still, make sure you have a plain plastic one that goes under it. Because I don’t think such a design is practical without it.

65. Curl up this Christmas season with this Grinch quilt.

Well, that’s an interesting design. Funny, how I show a lot of quilts on this post for some reason.

66. Hope you might try having this Green Eggs and Ham shelf around.

It’s orange with green inside the shelves. Even has Sam I Am with his trademark cuisine on the side.

67. With these Cat in the Hat blocks, your child could learn their ABCs.

Each one is in a whimsical design. You can even see the Cat in the Hat himself on some of them.

68. There are always fun things to do with this Dr. Seuss stool.

But make sure it doesn’t end up in a science lab, workshop, or an art room. Since it’s richly painted.

69. Rest your head on a couch with this Dr. Seuss cushion pillow.

Features your favorite Dr. Seuss stories. And has a black and white fringe. So lovely.

70. Got a broken globe? How about make a lamp like this?

That’s for Oh, the Places You’ll Go! Yes, it’s certainly fitting in a way.

71. Perhaps you’d want a sample of green eggs and ham.

Well, that’s a rather detailed sampler. Like how they used the buttons as yolks.

72. Hope this old globe will show all the places you’ll go.

Now normally, I usually advise against decorating globes like this, But this kind of works.

73. That red shelf seems to have some personality.

Well, the white one is quite plain compared to this. But it certainly has the Seuss spirit.

74. You can always share a book when sitting on this Cat in the Hat rocking chair.

That one has a rather stellar design. And it has a striped hat on the seat.

75. Nothing says Christmas fun like a set of Grinch peg dolls.

Includes the Grinch, Max, Cindylou Who, and a Christmas tree. All in all, it’s quite clever.

76. No kid wants anything more than to cuddle with an amigurumi Cat in the Hat.

Well, his head is a little big for his body. But nevertheless, he’s adorable.

77. With Seuss baby bibs, your baby will sure look forward to dinner time.

Consists of a set of 3. And each is in a different pattern. But any tot will love them.

78. No elementary teacher should ever go without this Dr. Seuss wreath.

After all, many Dr. Seuss books are targeted for grade school kids. Yet, this one is certainly school oriented.

79. As it can be there’s always a great wide world for us to see.

Well, it’s a panel depicting a map of the world. Of course, it has to say, “Oh, the places you’ll go!” on it.

80. Wonder if the houses in Whoville resemble this.

Yes, it’s a Dr. Seuss style birdhouse. And yes, you can find ones in all different colors on Etsy.

81. These crocheted hats are perfect for a couple of little things.

After all, these are kids’ hats with designations of Thing 1 and Thing 2. And yes, they’re cute.

82. There’s something curvy about this birdhouse.

Yes, it’s another Dr. Seuss birdhouse. But this one is a bit wavier than the other. But it certainly belongs to Whoville.

83. Don’t leave home with Cat in the Hat tote bag.

This one even has straps you can fasten it with. Pretty ingenious don’t you think?

84. Nothing makes your bedroom better than a wavy blue dresser.

Though I’m not sure how you’re supposed to fit clothes into it. But it’s great for any Suessical bedroom.

85. Fans of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, might enjoy this fishy quilt.

The book itself doesn’t have much of a plot. But the images are fantastic nonetheless.

86. It always works best with a Cat in the Hat chest.

It’s just a plastic chest painted with Cat in the Hat stuff on it. But I hope it keeps all your kid’s toys.

87. This Green Eggs and Ham quilt has some crazy patterns.

And indeed, it does. But it also has a certain whimsical charm to it, too.

88. Rest your head on this Cat in the Hat cushion.

Includes a quote by Dr. Seuss on it by the way. Still, you can’t help but love this.

89. Protect your hands in the kitchen with this Green Eggs and Ham oven mitt.

Since Green Eggs and Ham pertains to food, this is rather fitting. But please, real green eggs and ham wouldn’t pass a health inspection.

90. A burlap Grinch wreath should always suit your fancy on Christmas.

This one includes some lines from the book. But the Santa hat and green burlap sure go nice together.

91. Who knows where you’ll go with these shoes.

Well, since these are from Oh, the Places You’ll Go, it’s only fitting. But I love the art on these.

92. These Dr. Seuss pot holders are always essential for the kitchen.

And it helps that they’re both in the same design. Best to go with the Green Eggs and Ham oven mitt.

93. With this wreath, the Cat in the Hat welcomes you.

This one even includes Thing 1 and Thing 2. But yes, it’s surely and inviting sight.

94. You’ll always look spiffy with these Dr. Seuss bowties.

After all. old Ted Geisel himself liked to done one all the time. Still, these are great.

95. Enjoy your coffee in the morning with this Cat in the Hat ceramic mug.

Includes a striped handle and top. Sure it only depicts the hat. But it’s good enough.

96. Make sure to take this pillow with you while you travel.

Naturally, it’s for Oh, the Places You’ll Go. The hot air balloon gives it a touch of whimsy.

97. This Cat in the Hat apron will make anyone a kitchen maven.

Still, it looks quite pretty. Not sure whether I’d want cook with that on.

98. Instead of a thneed, cuddle in this Lorax quilt.

After all, thneeds are utterly useless unlike the Once-ler says. But this one is quite colorful with scenes from the book. And it doesn’t use any Truffula trees.

99. Make your guests feel right at home with this Cat in the Hat wreath.

Unlike some of the other wreaths, this yarn one isn’t too flashy. Just has his trademark hat and a bowtie.

100. Be a maven in the kitchen with this Lorax apron.

Well, it depicts some Truffula trees. Hope none of them get cut down. Oh, wait, they do.

The Great Wide Whimsical World of Dr. Seuss Costumes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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With their rhyming schemes, illogical logic, fantastical buildings, nonsensical vocabulary, and spectacular illustrations, the works of Dr. Seuss have entertained generations of children for 80 years with And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. Since then, Dr. Seuss would write more than 60 books which would sell over 600 million copies and be translated into more than 20 languages by the time of his death. They’ve also spawned numerous adaptations such as 11 TV specials, 4 feature films, 2 Broadway musicals, and 4 TV shows. Many of these books have become literary classics for the ages like The Cat in the Hat, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, Green Eggs and Ham, Horton Hears a Who!, If I Ran the Zoo, Fox in Socks, Hop on Pop, I Had Trouble Getting to Solla Sollew, The Lorax, The Battle Butter Book, and Oh, the Places You’ll Go. Born Theodore Seuss Geisel in Springfield, Massachusetts, he adopted the name “Dr. Seuss” during his days at Dartmouth and Oxford, the latter from which he dropped out from to work as an illustrator and cartoonist for Vanity Fair, Life, and other publications. Though to be fair, he adopted the name “Dr. Seuss” during his Dartmouth days in the 1920s so he can continue working as editor-in-chief for The Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern under the administration’s nose. Because they caught him drinking gin in his room with 9 of his buddies and told him to resign from all extracurricular activities, including the magazine. Yet, he also worked as an illustrator for Standard Oil’s advertising campaigns and a political cartoonist for the New York newspaper PM. Nevertheless, Dr. Seuss’s books surely belong to a world of their own. Though he never had kids of his home and kind of hated them, his kids’ books are still being read to this day.

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Since Dr. Seuss’s work is so significant in children’s literature, the National Education Association has adopted his birthday March 2, as Read Across the America Day. And it’s not unusual to see many elementary school teachers dress up in Dr. Seuss costumes or decorate their rooms to fit into Dr. Seuss’s world of fantastical whimsy. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you an assortment of Dr. Seuss costumes by his fans of all ages.

  1. As you can see, you’ll find plenty of fish in the sea.

Well, these seem simple enough with One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Unfortunately, the Star Trek version is Gold Shirt, Blue Shirt, Red Shirt Dead Shirt.

2. You can’t stop until you have 10 apples on top.

I’m not familiar with this book. Guess it’s one of the Dr. Seuss’s more obscure works.

3. You can’t celebrate Christmas without looking like the latest thing in Whoville.

Nevertheless, I may not be a fan of fashion magazines. But I’d certainly would love to see what one in Whoville looks like. Also, like the hair.

4. For a simpler costume, may I suggest Daisy Head Mayzie?

Never heard of this book either. Then again, it was originally published in 1995, 4 years after Dr. Seuss died.

5. Horton always insists on keeping his word because an an elephant is always faithful 100%.

This is from Horton Hatches the Egg where he agrees to sit on the egg for an irresponsible bird name Mayzie as she takes a trip to Palm Beach. Yet, the Horton Hears a Who costume is far more common.

6. “I am the Lorax and I speak for the trees.”

Too bad the Once-ler didn’t listen to him and turned the Truffula forest into a wasteland out of greed. Still, this is a cute costume.

7. How about try some green eggs and ham?

Yes, Sam I Am is certainly a popular costume. However, though harmless in the Seuss world, nobody should eat green eggs and ham, which can make you vomit.

8. Nobody can resist this star-bellied Sneetch.

However, know that this sneetch has a star on its belly to exude its racial superiority over the bare-bellied ones. Because star-bellied sneetches are racist.

9. Would you like green eggs and ham?

Yes, it’s another Sam I Am costume. And yes, it has a fork in his green eggs and ham.

10. Looks like she has a wocket in her pocket.

That’s from a book about strange creatures living in a boy’s house. Still, this is adorable.

11. You better listen to the Lorax and not cut Truffula Trees for thneeds.

Because the Lorax doesn’t mess around. Too bad the Oncler is more concerned with growing his business to even care.

12. I bet this little Grinch wants to steal Christmas.

He even has a stuffed dog with reindeer antlers. Love the green fur.

13. Thidwick, the Big-Hearted Moose always has room on his antlers.

Though the creatures residing on his head are basically taking advantage of him. Still, this a Seuss costume you don’t normally see.

14. Even the Grinch can’t resist this little Cindylou Who.

This one just consists of a pink shirt, a cute hairstyle, and black pipe cleaners. So adorable.

15. The Lorax loves hanging out with the Bar-ba-loots and the Once-ler.

Though keep in mind, the Once-ler never shows his face. Still, these are cute.

16. Now this is a literal Cat in the Hat.

Though she’s probably one of the cats who come out of the Cat in the Hat’s hat. Yet, it’s surely an inventive costume.

17. Up on Mount Crumpet, Max the Grinch’s only friend.

Even has an antler on his head. Nevertheless, this is a pretty simple costume to make.

18. As we all know the Cat in the Hat is accompanied by Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Well, I had to put in the Cat in the Hat at some point. After all, it’s Dr. Seuss’s most famous book.

19. There’s something fishy about this little girl.

I have to admit this is quite clever. Like how it just consists of fish on a yellow dress.

20. Horton will always try to preserve Whoville since a person’s a person, no matter how small.

Here’s the Horton Hears a Who costume. This one just consists of ears, T-shirt, and an air vent pipe.

21. The Cat in the Hat never leaves without the Things.

Helps if the Cat in the Hat has his blue umbrella. Still, the things are so sweet.

22. These things were born to teach.

Yes, these are elementary school teachers dressed as Thing 1 and Thing 2. And yes, they didn’t use any blue hair.

23. These Truffula trees will never leave their Lorax or Bar-ba-loot behind.

Well, the Truffala trees look easy for the parents. Hope they don’t see the Oncler any time soon.

24. Have you ever seen a fox in socks?

Nice she has the book with her. Still, Fox in Socks doesn’t really have much of a plot since it’s a beginner book.

25. Hope you enjoy this green eggs and ham.

In the Seuss world, green eggs and ham is mostly harmless. In the real world, such a dish needs thrown out since it can cause trichinosis.

26. Dr. Seuss is always a hit for the whole family.

Consists of the Cat in the Hat, the Grinch, the Lorax, and the Fish in the Bowl. Like how they used the wagon.

27. Wearing socks on your limbs is always foxy.

Yes, it’s another fox in socks. But this one has bigger ears and a shorter tail.

28. My, that’s a beautiful Truffula tree.

This one has a pink tuff and a long striped dress. Hope she doesn’t run into the Oncler anytime soon.

29. Don’t mess with the Lorax or the Truffula trees.

Even has a Truffula tree to carry. Like the fuzzy yellow whiskers. Brilliant.

30. The fish in the bowl is always a voice of reason.

Well, at least in the cartoon. Then again, it might be a different Dr. Seuss fish.

31. Wouldn’t any girl want to have a daisy on her head?

Sure it’s another Daisy Head Mayzie. But I guess it’s an easier costume to do.

32. There’s a lot to love with this Lorax family.

Well, this is more from the CGI movie since a couple of the characters aren’t in the original book. Also, we only see the Once-ler’s hands.

33. You’re never too old for Fox in Socks.

Then again, she’s probably a teacher. But this fox costume doesn’t seem to require much.

34. You’ll find a lot of things in this family.

There’s even a Thing Mom. So who’s the Thing Dad? Maybe I don’t want to think about it.

35. This fuzzy little Lorax just wants you to stop exploiting Truffula trees.

Well, the Lorax is furry and has a fuzzy mustache. So this kind of sticks.

36. Here we have Sam I Am with green eggs and ham.

Helps if the green eggs and ham are on a skillet. Though they wouldn’t pass health inspection.

37. Nothing pleases like a happy star-bellied sneetch.

Except having to integrate with a bare-bellied sneetch. Yet, this is a clever costume.

38. Seems like this family really takes to Dr. Seuss on Halloween.

Consists of the Grinch, a Star-Bellied Sneetch, Cat in the Hat, Cindylou Who, and Things 1 and 2. So sweet.

39. Yertle the Turtle seeks to rule all turtle kind.

By the way, Yertle the Turtle is a stand-in for Adolf Hitler. He makes the other turtles stand up so he can see further and expand his kingdom.

40. The Cat in the Hat always knows where it’s at.

Still, while he might be a fun guy, he can show up without warning. Also, doesn’t seem to care most of the time.

41. How about some green eggs to go with that ham?

That’s a rather inventive costume. Still, kids, don’t eat green eggs and ham. It’s unsanitary and could make you deathly ill.

42. Celebrate Christmas with Cindylou Who and the Grinch.

Well, these are adult costumes. But hope the Grinch doesn’t steal your Christmas. Oh, wait, he can’t.

43. A black cat should always have a long striped hat and a red bow tie.

This is a Cat in the Hat tutu costume for women. Not my cup of tea but not bad.

44. You can always count on Horton to lend a helping hand.

After all, he’ll save Whoville if it’s the last thing he does. By the way, this is a Horton tutu costume.

45. Daisy Head Mayzie can always do with a flower on her head.

Once again, I’m not familiar with Daisy Head Mayzie. But this is kind of cute.

46. You’d almost think this Lorax could scare off a lumberjack.

Though the Lorax didn’t exactly carry a bag with him. Still, this is most likely a kid’s costume.

47. A Cat in the Hat should always stun.

Yet, another tutu Cat in the Hat costume. Because he’s such an iconic Dr. Seuss character.

48. She must be from the punk side of Whoville.

What else could explain that distinctive hair style? Still, I think it’s quite clever.

49. Green eggs should always go with the ham.

And yet some green eggs and ham costumes. But these go together as a group.

50. The family that always reads Dr. Seuss together stays together.

Consists of Cat in the Hat, Sam I Am, a Star-Bellied Sneetch, and Things 1 and 2. Love this.

51. Nobody can ever forget the Cat in the Hat’s sidekicks Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Well, these kids are cute. But the white makeup seems to provide a creepiness to them.

52. Cindylou Who always looks perky in pink.

Well, this is more of a pink Santa dress. But it’s certainly appropriate.

53. The Lorax always feels at home in the woods.

After all, the Lorax speaks for the trees. Hope he doesn’t see any loggers nearby.

54. This cat’s hat really stands out.

Helps if he has a little fish in the bowl as a trick or treat bag. So adorable.

55. There’s something fishy about this guy.

Mostly because he’s the Fish in the Bowl from the Cat in the Hat. And he usually serves as the voice of reason.

56. Thing 1 and Thing 2  always enjoy the classroom.

I suppose these are elementary school teachers. Like the tutus.

57. Cindylou Who surely hopes to join the Christmas festivities.

Well, that’s cute. Love the little red cape and the Who hairstyle.

58. Nobody can resist little Cindylou Who with a large red bauble.

Well, she at least has pigtails and long lines in her hair. So adorable.

59. Seems like we have all kinds of fish in this bowl.

There’s one fish, two fish, red fish, and a blue fish. Just like that Dr. Seuss book.

60. I’m sure you’d want to cuddle this little star-bellied Sneetch.

Of course, this kid probably has no idea what the Sneetches story is about yet. Yet, so cute.

61. Thing 1 and Thing 2 are always at your service.

Don’t tell me that they have sexy costumes of Dr. Seuss characters. Because Dr. Seuss should never be sexy. His books are for children for God’s sake.

62. Yertle is the king of all turtle kind.

However, Yertle is obsessed with expanding his power that he’s willing to exploit his fellow turtles for his own benefit. He’s not a nice guy.

63. Who children are always up for a Christmas parade.

After all, everyone in Whoville loved Christmas a lot. But the Grinch who lived just north of Whoville, did not.

64. These things always get around on all fours.

Yes, these are dog Thing 1 and Thing 2 costumes. And yes, I’m sure someone would find them cute.

65. I thought there are only supposed to be 2 Things not 3.

Then again, if you want to dress in the same costume, who’s going to stop you. Still, have to put them on the post.

66. Cindylou Who shine in her candy cane dress.

Sure it’s an adult Christmas costume. But it’s cute nonetheless. Like the hair.

67. We seem to find all kinds of fish here.

Includes, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, old fish, and new fish. And it seems they’re all teachers.

68. When you’re a thing, you got to have blue hair.

Seems like it to these girls. They even have blue tutus to match.

69. This Lorax family always speaks for the trees.

Consists of the Once-ler, a Truffula tree, the Lorax, and a Bar-ba-loot. Yet, remember we never see the Once-ler’s face.

70. Whos always know how to party.

This is especially during the Christmas season. And these two are going all out.

71. You’ll surely know what kind of fish these are.

Just remember the rhyme of one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, old fish, new fish. Simple as that.

72. What’s a Whoville girl without a crazy hairdo and dress?

I mean we should know how Who women and girls dress. But this is so adorable.

73. Bet you’ve never seen Truffula trees like these.

Sure they may seem pretty now. But as far as the Once-ler is concerned, they’re resources to be shamelessly exploited.

74. Seems like this Lorax is meant for a different forest.

Once again, please don’t make Dr. Seuss sexy. Seriously, his books are for children!

75. A Sneetch should have an ample amount of feathers.

Well, this doesn’t appear to be a difficult costume. Yet, we all know why she wears her star on her torso with pride.

76. What’s with that daisy, Mayzie?

Actually, it’s supposed to grow out of her head. I know it’s crazy. But hey, this is the Seuss verse.

77. The Once-ler is a man with great style.

Well, he certainly rocks in that green, striped suit. Yet, we all know how he got a hold of it.

78. Who can ever forget Gertrude McFuzz and her spectacular tail?

Gertrude McFuzz is a story about a bird who feels inadequate in her tail feathers. So she tries to change herself. This is the result.

79. Hope you can join Cindylou Who and the Grinch for Christmas time.

Though the Grinch would prefer you not to, especially when he’s wearing that humiliating sweater. Though the guy looks pretty cool in his costume.

80. The Once-ler can always rock it with his electric guitar.

Well, this is more from the movie. But yes, he certainly looks great in his green suit, indeed.

81. Perhaps you might like a bite of his green eggs and ham?

I’m sure you can’t resist this little guy as Sam I Am. So sweet.

82. The Once-ler’s quite taken with that Truffula tree.

Hey, Truffula Tree, don’t go near him. He wants to cut you down and make you into a thneed.

83. This little Lorax loves a fuzzy tree.

Doesn’t hurt if his costume is fuzzy either. But he speaks for the trees. So cute.

84. It’s only fair for Thing 1 and Thing 2 to wear red dresses.

Not too bad. But at least it doesn’t look like the sexy version. Like how they’re wearing blue leggings.

85. Of course, Cindylou Who can have yellow hair strands.

Yet, she still wears pink and has a red bauble with her. So sweet.

86. Well, these two Whos are in the Christmas spirit.

Apparently, some people like to dress up as Whos during the Christmas season. But these costumes are at least green and red.

87. Here are some Whoville children in their back to school best.

Funny how the Grinch is wearing a suit. Yet, wonder how long it takes Whoville women to do their hair.

88. Hope this costume reminds you of all the places you’ll go.

It’s from the Dr. Seuss book people get for their graduations. But she certainly resembles the cover.

89. Is that a Noothbrush?

Well, it’s kind of hard to explain since it appears in There’s a Wocket in My Pocket. Nevertheless, it’s an interesting choice.

90. Perhaps you might want to check out this fish suit.

It’s more or less supposed to reflect One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Still, it’s pretty creative.

91. One wonders all the places this little guy goes.

Helps if it’s a box with balloons. Still, this baby is so cute in it.

92. Yertle is always lord of all turtles.

This is a more plain version. But then again, the turtles all looked the same in the story.

93. Nobody could resist a fox in socks.

This one has a girl in a red tutu and furry ears. Yet, she is so irresistibly cute.

94. These things always stick together.

Guess this is the couple’s costume of Thing 1 and Thing 2. And both sport red shirts and blue hair.

95. If you’re a bird in Seuss, it’s best that you’re tickled pink.

Then again, Dr. Seuss’s birds look pretty strange. But you have to admire this girl’s feathers.

96. Now here we have a literal Cat in the Hat.

Well, it is a black cat in the hat. But I don’t think it looks too happy to entertain your kids.

97. Nobody could resist this little yellow Sneetch.

Even has a star on its belly. But let’s hope this kid doesn’t make it a mark of superiority. So cute.

98. I’m sure you’d want to hug this little fox.

Yes, Fox in Socks is a popular costume. But you have to love this one, too.

99. Have to love the red bows on this Cindylou Who.

Yes, Cindylou Who has a strong following, especially during the Christmas season Yet, this costume is adorable.

100. This little Fish in the Bowl has his own container.

Okay, that’s pretty clever. Still, you have to feel very bad for him in Cat in the Hat.

What I Want for Christmas Letters to Santa

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Every Christmas it’s not uncommon for kids to write letters to Santa Claus on what they want for Christmas. Normally this would consist of kids writing requests for toys. But it’s not always the case. This letter above is by my cousin Ben wrote in preschool. Of course, he can be a little smartass since he’s asking for the whole kit and caboodle. Seeing this letter on Facebook got me thinking about the kind of letters kids write to Santa. Turns out the internet has plenty of letters from various sites like Buzzfeed. Anyway, for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of children’s letters to the big guy at the North Pole. In case you want to know about letters to Santa, it’s perfectly fine to send your letter to the North Pole since the United States Postal Service has their own Letters from Santa program.

  1. Dear Santa, give me a Lady Gaga doll or I’ll break your legs.
Little Tommy isn't fooling around either, Santa. You better give this kid a Lady Gaga doll. Sounds like a mobster at the end.

Little Tommy isn’t fooling around either, Santa. You better give this kid a Lady Gaga doll. Sounds like a mobster at the end.

2. If you want to know what this kid wants for Christmas, here’s the link.

Makes me wonder why children don't e-mail Santa more often. Might make Santa's work much easier.

Makes me wonder why children don’t e-mail Santa more often. Might make Santa’s work much easier.

3. Apparently, one kid isn’t happy about Santa Claus this year.

Guess this kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas. Seems to be a little Grinch in the making.

Guess this kid saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas. Seems to be a little Grinch in the making.

4. Well, at least this little girl is honest.

Then again, she may not be that greedy. Or she just might be blurting out song lyrics. Not sure which.

Then again, she may not be that greedy. Or she just might be blurting out song lyrics. Not sure which.

5. Send a computer to Jack if you have the money, Santa.

Sure a computer might be expensive and bulky. But if Santa will give one, it'll be for the whole family, not just the kid.

Sure a computer might be expensive and bulky. But if Santa will give one, it’ll be for the whole family, not just the kid.

6. Someone seems worried that Santa would get stuck in the chimney.

Uh, I'm sure Santa will have no problem coming down chimneys. But the kid makes an excellent point.

Uh, I’m sure Santa will have no problem coming down chimneys. But the kid makes an excellent point.

7. Dear Santa, if you don’t give me what I want, I will hunt you down and kill you.

Santa, you might want to give the little girl what she wants. Because she certainly means business. Then again, I don't think Santa and his reindeer could die.

Santa, you might want to give the little girl what she wants. Because she certainly means business. Then again, I don’t think Santa and his reindeer could die.

8. Dear Santa, I’ve been a good boy this year so why did you give me stupid presents?

Boy, seems like Johnny was very disappointed with what he got for Christmas. And he doesn't seem to take it well.

Boy, seems like Johnny was very disappointed with what he got for Christmas. And he doesn’t seem to take it well.

9. So, Santa, how are things at the North Pole.

Well, at least this one is friendly. But the Hot Topic gift card request kills me.

Well, at least this one is friendly. But the Hot Topic gift card request kills me.

10. Dear, Santa, if you’re real, please prove it to me.

Good luck with asking proof from Santa that he exists. Still, you can't really blame the kid for trying.

Good luck with asking proof from Santa that he exists. Still, you can’t really blame the kid for trying.

11. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay this year, here’s what my family wants for Christmas.

This little girl even listed her home and cell number to Santa. I think Santa doesn't need to know that.

This little girl even listed her home and cell number to Santa. I think Santa doesn’t need to know that.

12. Dear Santa, bring me toys or I will hurt Rudolph further.

The kid even has a graphic of Rudolph's nose in a box. Still, I don't think that'll sway Santa.

The kid even has a graphic of Rudolph’s nose in a box. Still, I don’t think that’ll sway Santa.

13. Dear Santa, just sand me Hannah Montana everything.

I'm sure this letter was written before 2013 when Miley Cyrus's Hannah Montana was extremely popular with young girls. Yet, her wholesome image would soon change after her Disney Channel show ended.

I’m sure this letter was written before 2013 when Miley Cyrus’s Hannah Montana was extremely popular with young girls. Yet, her wholesome image would soon change after her Disney Channel show ended.

14. This year Lucy wants a bank account and a slim body and not get the two mixed up.

I'm sure Lucy's wishes echo what a lot of adults want for Christmas. However, I'd just ask for the fat bank account.

I’m sure Lucy’s wishes echo what a lot of adults want for Christmas. However, I’d just ask for the fat bank account.

15. This kid seems to have a lot of questions about Santa.

Yet, little Spencer still sneaks in what he wants for Christmas. Still, this is cute.

Yet, little Spencer still sneaks in what he wants for Christmas. Still, this is cute.

16. Dear Santa, give me a camera because I want one.

Well, at least this kid gets straight to the point. Didn't really say why though.

Well, at least this kid gets straight to the point. Didn’t really say why though.

17. Santa, bring me a smartphone and something for my brother, too.

Judging from the crayon, I think she might be a bit young for a smart phone. But at least she keeps her brother in mind.

Judging from the crayon, I think she might be a bit young for a smart phone. But at least she keeps her brother in mind.

18. Santa, please give me Hannah Montana concert tickets and here’s why.

Looks like this little girl really did her homework on the music business. Like how she talked about scalpers.

Looks like this little girl really did her homework on the music business. Like how she talked about scalpers.

19. Please give me Yu-gi-oh for Christmas to impress the boys.

I guess this girl really has some inadequacy issues. Hey, girl, you don’t need to impress boys to be fulfilled in life. Also, how old are you?

20. Seems like this kid wants a bunch of hunting equipment for Christmas.

I think this guy might be a little old to write to Santa. Still, if he wants all that stuff for Christmas, he could easily go to places like Gander Mountain or Cabela's.

I think this guy might be a little old to write to Santa. Still, if he wants all that stuff for Christmas, he could easily go to places like Gander Mountain or Cabela’s.

21. Dear Santa, I want a lot of things for Christmas, does 39 items seem too much?

Guess this girl has a long list of what she wants for Christmas. But yes, 39 is a bit much.

Guess this girl has a long list of what she wants for Christmas. But yes, 39 is a bit much.

22. Dear Santa, if you bring anything with batteries make sure they’re included.

At least this seems pretty reasonable. Having gifts that require batteries that aren't included is a real pain in the ass.

At least this seems pretty reasonable. Having gifts that require batteries that aren’t included is a real pain in the ass.

23. Dear Santa Claus, give me $5.3 billion.

I'm sure people would want $5.3 billion at some point. But I think asking for a few hundred is much more reasonable.

I’m sure people would want $5.3 billion at some point. But I think asking for a few hundred is much more reasonable.

24. Dear Santa, please give me Taylor Swift tickets, Nordstrom clothes, and a boyfriend.

On second thought, the boyfriend seems more reasonable than the other two. However, dating doesn't work this way.

On second thought, the boyfriend seems more reasonable than the other two. However, dating doesn’t work this way.

25. Santa, I’m perfectly fine with getting coal and spending time with my family but I enjoy opening presents.

Seems like she's really buttering the big guy up. What a way to sneak it in, girl.

Seems like she’s really buttering the big guy up. What a way to sneak it in, girl.

26. Since Mommy’s on a diet, is Cheez-Its all right with you?

To be fair, kids don't understand much about nutrition. Also goes on to talk about pets.

To be fair, kids don’t understand much about nutrition. Also goes on to talk about pets.

27. For Christmas I’d want a stuffed chicken.

So this could mean a delectable dish or taxidermy. Hope it's the former. Because taxidermied animals are creepy.

So this could mean a delectable dish or taxidermy. Hope it’s the former. Because taxidermied animals are creepy.

28. Looks like the game cops and robbers has become more advanced these days.

Wonder what asking for such police stuff says about our culture these days. I think handcuffs would've been more reasonable.

Wonder what asking for such police stuff says about our culture these days. I think handcuffs would’ve been more reasonable.

29. Santa, this year I want a puppy, a real puppy, not a stuffed one.

As we all know, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts since many would prefer to pick the animal. But this kid doesn't understand that.

As we all know, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts since many would prefer to pick the animal. But this kid doesn’t understand that.

30. Dear Santa, please take everyone’s guns away.

Hey, kid, maybe you should ask Santa for reasonable gun control laws like universal background checks and an assault weapons ban. No need to resort to drastic measures.

Hey, kid, maybe you should ask Santa for reasonable gun control laws like universal background checks and an assault weapons ban. No need to resort to drastic measures.

31. Dear Santa, send diapers for my baby brother.

I'm guessing this kid is at least pre-school age. From how I look at it. The incident with the pee is disgusting.

I’m guessing this kid is at least pre-school age. From how I look at it. The incident with the pee is disgusting.

32. Santa, give me a puppy. By the way, you suck.

This kid doesn't seem very happy. Yeah, please rub it in Santa's face, how could you?

This kid doesn’t seem very happy. Yeah, please rub it in Santa’s face, how could you?

33. Dear Santa, either turn me into a dragon or give me a pet dragon.

Sure dragons may be cool. But that doesn't mean you'd want one. Just read Harry Potter or any fantasy story. Besides, they're mythical creatures anyway.

Sure dragons may be cool. But that doesn’t mean you’d want one. Just read Harry Potter or any fantasy story. Besides, they’re mythical creatures anyway.

34. Dear Santa, I’m beginning to wonder about your elves’ work quality.

Well, elf competency concerns is reasonable. Too bad that a lot of the products this kid describes is probably made from cheap labor in an Asian nation.

Well, elf competency concerns is reasonable. Too bad that a lot of the products this kid describes is probably made from cheap labor in an Asian nation.

35. This Christmas give a turtle since they’re cool.

Sure turtles may be cool in their own way. They're also a lot of work and aren't very nice.

Sure turtles may be cool in their own way. They’re also a lot of work and aren’t very nice.

36. Santa, is it true you’re not coming to my house because Obama got reelected?

From reading this, I wonder what this kid's parents listen to. I'm sure they voted for that steaming piece of shit Donald Trump this year.

From reading this, I wonder what this kid’s parents listen to. I’m sure they voted for that steaming piece of shit Donald Trump this year.

37. Santa, if you give anyone a monkey, it will be bad.

At least the kid knows a think or two about why keeping exotic pets is a bad idea. If I had a kid who wants a monkey, they could forget it.

At least the kid knows a think or two about why keeping exotic pets is a bad idea. If I had a kid who wants a monkey, they could forget it.

38. Dear Santa, please don’t give me a little sister in 2 years.

I'm sure Samantha won't like it if her mom has to tell her she's pregnant. That won't go well.

I’m sure Samantha won’t like it if her mom has to tell her she’s pregnant. That won’t go well.

39. Santa, could you get me a couple of things for Christmas? Here’s a list.

Note: When a letter to Santa says, "Flip page" you can tell it's not just a couple of things. Yeah, kid has a long list.

Note: When a letter to Santa says, “Flip page” you can tell it’s not just a couple of things. Yeah, kid has a long list.

40. Dear Santa, please give me these presents for my life depends on it.

I'm sure this kid won't get a lot of these presents. And it's not going to be the end of the world. Though there always has to be one who makes everything seem dramatic.

I’m sure this kid won’t get a lot of these presents. And it’s not going to be the end of the world. Though there always has to be one who makes everything seem dramatic.

41. Haven’t been too good this year, but could you send me a LEGO train anyway.

Uh, doesn't Santa give presents to the good kids? Not sure if this child knows how it works.

Uh, doesn’t Santa give presents to the good kids? Not sure if this child knows how it works.

42. Dear Santa, could you give me superpowers if possible?

Sorry, kid, but superpowers don't work that way. You can't just ask Santa for them.

Sorry, kid, but superpowers don’t work that way. You can’t just ask Santa for them.

43. For Christmas this year I want hair like Rapunzel.

No, kid, you don't want 5 feet long hair. Because you'd probably have to spend a lot on hair care products and hours brushing it.

No, kid, you don’t want 5 feet long hair. Because you’d probably have to spend a lot on hair care products and hours brushing it.

44. No, Santa, I didn’t mean that. I would never do that.

From PopSugar: "Dear Santa, sorry for saying, 'I'm going to punch you in the face!' I would never do that because I am a good boy and I know hitting is wrong. Love, Ryder."

From PopSugar: “Dear Santa, sorry for saying, ‘I’m going to punch you in the face!’ I would never do that because I am a good boy and I know hitting is wrong. Love, Ryder.”

45. Here’s all the stuff I want for Christmas.

Man, those look pretty expensive. But at least she's smart to use the Wal Mart catalog.

Man, those look pretty expensive. But at least she’s smart to use the Wal Mart catalog.

46. Dear Santa, how do you get into my house?

I'm guessing this kid's family doesn't have a chimney. I'm sure Santa has other ways.

I’m guessing this kid’s family doesn’t have a chimney. I’m sure Santa has other ways.

47. Dear Santa, please help the homeless and here’s what I want.

Sure the kid may want Santa to help the homeless. But everyone has a list of their own toys.

Sure the kid may want Santa to help the homeless. But everyone has a list of their own toys.

48. Santa, my dad talked about the Krampus and he gave me nightmares.

Either this girl is scared of the Krampus or she's using the monster as a bargaining chip. Not sure which.

Either this girl is scared of the Krampus or she’s using the monster as a bargaining chip. Not sure which.

49. Dear Santa, please give me $100 and a $50 gift card and it cant’ be to food places.

This girl really doesn't mess around. Also wants to be able to paint her nails.

This girl really doesn’t mess around. Also wants to be able to paint her nails.

50. Dear Mr. Claus, I’ve been very bad so please send me coal.

This is certainly not from a kid but a CEO of a coal company. And no, Santa, coal won't teach him a lesson. How about give him a possible long jail sentence for environmental and worker safety violations?

This is certainly not from a kid but a CEO of a coal company. And no, Santa, coal won’t teach him a lesson. How about give him a possible long jail sentence for environmental and worker safety violations?

51. What I want for Christmas is a McDonald’s in my neighborhood.

I'm not sure what to think of this. Because a McDonald's is one of the last things I'd want in my community.

I’m not sure what to think of this. Because a McDonald’s is one of the last things I’d want in my community.

52. Dear Santa, can you send me a mixed elf on the shelf?

Yes, I know there are plenty of families that do Elf on the Shelf. But to be honest, Elf on the Shelf is creepy which is why I like to make fun of it around the holidays.

Yes, I know there are plenty of families that do Elf on the Shelf. But to be honest, Elf on the Shelf is creepy which is why I like to make fun of it around the holidays.

53. Dear Santa, I don’t ask for much. Maybe about 100 things.

Uh, asking for 100 things is going way overboard. How about you narrow it down a bit?

Uh, asking for 100 things is going way overboard. How about you narrow it down a bit?

54. Santa, if you can please don’t send me any clothes!

Yeah, we all know kids don't like getting clothes for Christmas. They're not fun like toys. But kids have no idea that they need them.

Yeah, we all know kids don’t like getting clothes for Christmas. They’re not fun like toys. But kids have no idea that they need them.

55. Give it to me straight, Santa, am I on the naughty list?

Well, that might be a good question. But would you really want to know?

Well, that might be a good question. But would you really want to know?

56. Dear Santa, is it true you read all the letters because I doubt it.

Well, at least this girl is being reasonable about the letters. Yet, she still made a list.

Well, at least this girl is being reasonable about the letters. Yet, she still made a list.

57. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year. I’ve brought beer to my dad from the fridge.

To be fair, this girl may not understand that bringing beer for Daddy from the fridge may not be a good idea. This is especially if Daddy has a problem.

To be fair, this girl may not understand that bringing beer for Daddy from the fridge may not be a good idea. This is especially if Daddy has a problem.

58. If Santa was wise, he might consider giving this kid a dictionary for Christmas.

I don't expect these letters to be grammatically sound with proper spelling. But this one contains the words "slay" for "sleigh" and "rape" for "wrap." So it's pretty noteworthy for a post like this.

I don’t expect these letters to be grammatically sound with proper spelling. But this one contains the words “slay” for “sleigh” and “rape” for “wrap.” So it’s pretty noteworthy for a post like this.

59. Dear Santa, sorry for being bad but could you give me a few things.

You know these kind of letters are usually followed by a long list. Yeah, those aren't just a few things.

You know these kind of letters are usually followed by a long list. Yeah, those aren’t just a few things.

60. Dear Santa, I have a few questions to ask.

I'm sure Santa could answer those for you soon. And yes, he will be quiet, believe me.

I’m sure Santa could answer those for you soon. And yes, he will be quiet, believe me.

61. Dear Santa, can you please bring me pizza?

If you want pizza, there are better ways than asking Santa for it. How about calling your local pizza place?

If you want pizza, there are better ways than asking Santa for it. How about calling your local pizza place?

62. Dear Santa, please, please, please give me these things.

Hey, kid, you don't need to say please all the time. I'm sure Santa understands.

Hey, kid, you don’t need to say please all the time. I’m sure Santa understands.

63. Santa better bring a pony this year.

Still, that's a terrible pony drawing. What the hell is it? Looks like some weird cartoon alien.

Still, that’s a terrible pony drawing. What the hell is it? Looks like some weird cartoon alien. Still, the kid’s not fooling around.

64. Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year since I’ve picked up a lot of crap.

Picking up dog poop is nothing to be humble about. But where I live, you don't have to do that.

Picking up dog poop is nothing to be humble about. But where I live, you don’t have to do that.

65. Santa, can you fill this questionnaire for me?

Seems like this kid wants to know a little bit more about Santa. Not sure if Santa has any time for that.

Seems like this kid wants to know a little bit more about Santa. Not sure if Santa has any time for that.

66. Santa, show yourself to me that you’re real.

Guess this kid doesn't buy in the whole Santa thing. You probably have that with kids sometimes.

Guess this kid doesn’t buy in the whole Santa thing. You probably have that with kids sometimes.

67. Dear Santa, can you send me a real pet cub, please?

I'm sure this kid will be very disappointed on Christmas. Because a real cub for Christmas is worse than a puppy. For the love of God, they grow up to be fierce wild cats. Maybe a stuffed one would be better.

I’m sure this kid will be very disappointed on Christmas. Because a real cub for Christmas is worse than a puppy. For the love of God, they grow up to be fierce wild cats. Maybe a stuffed one would be better.

68. Dear Santa, I’ve been okay but if you don’t give me anything I understand.

Well, at least this kid is trying to have a more realistic self-awareness. And at least shows appreciation.

Well, at least this kid is trying to have a more realistic self-awareness. And at least shows appreciation.

69. Dear Santa, please give me a new football because my evil little brother stole mine.

Sibling rivalries always start young, don't they? Also, probably doesn't have a chimney.

Sibling rivalries always start young, don’t they? Also, probably doesn’t have a chimney.

70. Dear Santa, I have big butts and I cannot lie…

Well, at least the kid didn't use the whole song. Because it has rather adult lyrics. But it's funny.

Well, at least the kid didn’t use the whole song. Because it has rather adult lyrics. But it’s funny.

71. Dear Santa, please send me a Venus flytrap.

Okay, other than the Venus Flytrap bit, the letter is mostly normal. However, you have to wonder about this kid when you see the illustrations.

Okay, other than the Venus Flytrap bit, the letter is mostly normal. However, you have to wonder about this kid when you see the illustrations.

72. Santa, does Rudolph have two noses?

No, Rudolph just has one nose, kid. What made you ask that question?

No, Rudolph just has one nose, kid. What made you ask that question?

73. Dear Santa, I know you’re a marketing ploy but I just want stuff or else.

The boy even says that Santa and his wife are gambling addicts and has a picture of the Grim Reaper. Also, talks about the Dolphin mafia.

The boy even says that Santa and his wife are gambling addicts and has a picture of the Grim Reaper. Also, talks about the Dolphin mafia.

74. Dear Santa, please get my boat to work for it’s just in my yard.

Too bad this kid has no idea if a boat should work, it should be in water. And please let the boat be a toy.

Too bad this kid has no idea if a boat should work, it should be in water. And please let the boat be a toy.

75. Dear Santa, give me a signed picture of you and your elves.

I don't think Santa gives out autographed photos, kid. And I'm sure elves might not be allowed to send their photos out to children either.

I don’t think Santa gives out autographed photos, kid. And I’m sure elves might not be allowed to send their photos out to children either.

76. Dear Santa, here are the things I want and can you send me Steeler stuff?

Looks like he left somethings out in his original letter. Not sure if he lives in my area since the Steelers are my local NFL team.

Looks like he left somethings out in his original letter. Not sure if he lives in my area since the Steelers are my local NFL team.

77. Santa, you’re fat you’ll be getting no cookies at my house this year.

Man, this girl says that Santa needs to lose some pounds so she and her mom are giving him veggies. Not sure if the big guy would appreciate it.

Man, this girl says that Santa needs to lose some pounds so she and her mom are giving him veggies. Not sure if the big guy would appreciate it.

78. Dear Santa, please give my brother Mitch some things since he writes bad and hates reading.

Seems like this girl doesn't have a lot of nice things to say about him. Also, she tells Santa that's not his sign.

Seems like this girl doesn’t have a lot of nice things to say about him. Also, she tells Santa that’s not his sign.

79. Dear Santa, please bring Leonardo DiCaprio to my house this year.

Sorry, but I don't think Santa could do that. Also, I'm not sure if he's cute at the moment, especially since the Revenant. But if you live in an area adversely affected by climate change, maybe he'll stop by.

Sorry, but I don’t think Santa could do that. Also, I’m not sure if he’s cute at the moment, especially since the Revenant. But if you live in an area adversely affected by climate change, maybe he’ll stop by.

80. Dear Santa, can you sign this to prove you’re real?

And I see, "Ho Ho Ho" on the line. Not sure if that's what this little boy wants.

And I see, “Ho Ho Ho” on the line. Not sure if that’s what this little boy wants.

81. Santa, can you please come before 6:00 a.m.?

Because Santa shouldn't want to wake up this early bird. Also stocking on the left.

Because Santa shouldn’t want to wake up this early bird. Also stocking on the left.

82. Santa, will you give me a second chance this year? Explain.

This kid put "yes/no" and lines for Santa to write on. Not sure if Santa wants to answer that.

This kid put “yes/no” and lines for Santa to write on. Not sure if Santa wants to answer that.

83. Santa, I just want my family to be happy and these things.

The materialism is bound to creep up somehow. It always does in these kind of letters.

The materialism is bound to creep up somehow. It always does in these kind of letters.

84. Dear Santa, I have a lot of questions to ask you.

This one asks what Santa is giving his sisters, whether his friend is on nice list and what Santa does with the gifts he can't fit in his sleigh. Also, how tall are elves.

This one asks what Santa is giving his sisters, whether his friend is on nice list and what Santa does with the gifts he can’t fit in his sleigh. Also, how tall are elves.

85. Seems like Calvin knows what he wants for Christmas.

Okay, I don't think this is from a kid. Because I don't think children would even watch The Internship that stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.

Okay, I don’t think this is from a kid. Because I don’t think children would even watch The Internship that stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn.

86. Sorry, we couldn’t give you any cookies, Santa, and the gingerbread made us sick.

Well, what can I say? Shit happens. We all have Christmas disasters.

Well, what can I say? Shit happens. We all have Christmas disasters.

87. Dear Santa, I haven’t seen a reindeer so can you leave Rudolph at our house?

No, I don't think Santa will leave Rudolph. He needs his lead reindeer.

No, I don’t think Santa will leave Rudolph. He needs his lead reindeer.

88. Dear Santa, can you please send pacifiers for my sister so we can sleep?

Guess her sister really likes to make a lot of noise all the time. It's probably because she's a baby.

Guess her sister really likes to make a lot of noise all the time. It’s probably because she’s a baby.

89. What I want for Christmas this year is some toys and an AK-47.

No, you don't want to give an AK-47 for Christmas. What about a better gift like almost anything else?

No, you don’t want to give an AK-47 for Christmas. What about a better gift like almost anything else?

90. Dear Santa, there are some things I want so I devised a list for you.

This girl goes on to describe how she listed what she want. It gets pretty complicated.

This girl goes on to describe how she listed what she want. It gets pretty complicated.

91. Dear Mr. Claus, in accordance with the Christian holiday, here are the things I want for Christmas.

He goes on to say that other items would be added at a later date. So Santa should stay tuned.

He goes on to say that other items would be added at a later date. So Santa should stay tuned.

92. Dear Santa, I really want a puppy, just give me one.

Seems like this girl really wants a puppy for Christmas. As I said before, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts. Better to have her pick out her own.

Seems like this girl really wants a puppy for Christmas. As I said before, puppies make terrible Christmas gifts. Better to have her pick out her own.

93. Dear Santa, I always enjoy your presents but forgive the bad stuff I did this year.

This kid really knows how to lap it up. Also requests that Santa come when parents are sleeping.

This kid really knows how to lap it up. Also requests that Santa come when parents are sleeping.

94. Dear Santa, I’ve been good but I’m not sure about my sister.

Well, sibling problems are quite common. But this boy really wants to say his sister hasn't been that great.

Well, sibling problems are quite common. But this boy really wants to say his sister hasn’t been that great.

95. Dear Santa, please make my brother nicer and bring him back.

I don't know about you. But I worry whether this boy wants Santa to kidnap his brother. This is kind of disturbing.

I don’t know about you. But I worry whether this boy wants Santa to kidnap his brother. This is kind of disturbing.

96. This Christmas Evie’s been a bad girl but she needs presents.

But Evie doesn't being bad should disqualify her from presents. But still, this is cute.

But Evie doesn’t being bad should disqualify her from presents. But still, this is cute.

97. Dear Santa, please give me a DS, I’ll give you money.

This boy seems like a smooth talker. Wonder how far it would get him.

This boy seems like a smooth talker. Wonder how far it would get him.

98. If you want to see my Christmas list, text my dad.

Chances are this is going to be a long list. Since I know where this is going.

Chances are this is going to be a long list. Since I know where this is going.

99. Dear Santa, please leave the gifts at the door because I won’t be home for Christmas.

I suppose there are some kids who would be away for Christmas. But I'm sure Santa could manage.

I suppose there are some kids who would be away for Christmas. But I’m sure Santa could manage.

100. Dear Santa, how do you poop? Does it look different?

Uh, I think that's a question no one wants to ask. Except the kid who wrote this.

Uh, I think that’s a question no one wants to ask. Except the kid who wrote this.

Students Say the Darnedest Things

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Along with it being a month when most people take vacations, August also is prime time for back to school season or as the guy from that old Staples commercial, “the most wonderful time of the year.” So after family vacation, is back to school shopping where parents take their kids to buy the things they need for the new school year. So I thought a great way to commemorate the occasion would be a post on what students say on their tests  and  assignments. Sure you may have to wonder whether these kids are taking school seriously since most of these answers are wrong as far as the teachers are concerned. Yet, these are wrong in ways that they’re kind of funny. Some of them may be by students who’ve made honest mistakes like the younger kids. Some of them may be by complete smartasses or people who might’ve taken the question way too literally. But at any rate, I hope parents and teachers may enjoy these answers. So for your viewing pleasure, I show them to you.

  1. Explain how zookeepers use food to help the lives of animals.
Seems like this kid is trying to see what these zoo animals are like on the inside. Not sure if that's right though.

Seems like this kid is trying to see what these zoo animals are like on the inside. Not sure if that’s right though.

2. Of course, some people still write in the section when they’re told not to.

Yeah, you may only live once. But that' doesn't mean you should write "YOLO" where you shouldn't.

Yeah, you may only live once. But that’ doesn’t mean you should write “YOLO” where you shouldn’t.

3. Guess acronyms are harder to figure out than you originally thought.

No, I don't think PEMDAS means "Pleas Excuse My Dope Ass Swag." It's more like "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally" or parenthesis, equation, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction. It's a formula in algebra.

No, I don’t think PEMDAS means “Pleas Excuse My Dope Ass Swag.” It’s more like “Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally” or parenthesis, equation, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction. It’s a formula in algebra.

4. Explain the temperature and how it relates to the football and basketball.

Then again, I wouldn't blame the kid for the answer. Mostly because this was a lame ass question which gives no information about the basketball.

Then again, I wouldn’t blame the kid for the answer. Then again, it would be funnier if the kid drew anything relating to the New England Patriots and deflated footballs.

5. Seems like a Dalek exterminated a child’s math homework answer.

Yeah, if I could figure out the area of the rectangle, I could've solved for x. Then again, the kid was probably watching too much Doctor Who.

Yeah, if I could figure out the area of the rectangle, I could’ve solved for x. Then again, the kid was probably watching too much Doctor Who.

6. Moving on to history on Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech, what was his dream?

No, I don't think his dream had anything to do with working at Taco Bell. It had more to do with racial equality as well as ending segregation and other racist policies.

No, I don’t think his dream had anything to do with working at Taco Bell. It had more to do with racial equality as well as ending segregation and other racist policies.

7. Seems like this kid didn’t even bother to answer the physics question.

No, I don't think the problem has anything to do with Bruce Wayne being Batman. You don't need calculus to solve that.

No, I don’t think the problem has anything to do with Bruce Wayne being Batman. You don’t need calculus to solve that.

8. Apparently, Frankie is an honest child, maybe too honest.

Funny how this kid already knows what the world "freeloader" means. They grow up so fast.

Funny how this kid already knows what the world “freeloader” means. They grow up so fast. Or his parents are Ayn Rand libertarians.

9. Sometimes a student really wants extra credit when there is none.

Sorry, but this teacher doesn't negotiate with terrorists. And no, intimidation is no way to get extra credit.

Sorry, but this teacher doesn’t negotiate with terrorists. And no, intimidation is no way to get extra credit.

10. Apparently, the octopus seemed to come out of nowhere.

So the kid couldn't answer the question due to the octopus being in the way. Don't think the teacher bought it.

So the kid couldn’t answer the question due to the octopus being in the way. Don’t think the teacher bought it.

11. I believe this question was framed in a scientific context.

Besides, Communism only benefits everyone on paper. In practice, however, not so much as demonstrated with Russia.

Besides, Communism only benefits everyone on paper. In practice, however, not so much as demonstrated with Russia.

12. No, I don’t think sex ed is an ideal place to draw a cougar.

Even freakier is how the kid drew the eyes at the ovaries and used the rest of the uterus as a snout. Yeah, have to wonder about that kid.

Even freakier is how the kid drew the eyes at the ovaries and used the rest of the uterus as a snout. Yeah, have to wonder about that kid.

13. In geometry, all lines and shapes have meaning.

Sorry, kid, that's not how geometry works. But at least they got the line names right.

Sorry, kid, that’s not how geometry works. But at least they got the line names right.

14. Don’t judge and elementary school kid by their lack of grammar and spelling.

Yeah, I know it sounds dirtier than it should be. But the kid was talking about riding their bike for God's sake.

Yeah, I know it sounds dirtier than it should be. But the kid was talking about riding their bike for God’s sake.

15. In a student paper, you might find an occasional curse word.

I believe the term is "apeshit" in this case. Not sure what this question is really about anyway.

I believe the term is “apeshit” in this case. Not sure what this question is really about anyway.

16. Okay, that’s a bit too graphic for a presentation.

Hey, the kid's right. But that doesn't mean they should show it in graphic stick figure detail.

Hey, the kid’s right. But that doesn’t mean they should show it in graphic stick figure detail.

17. I believe it’s < or >, not “or.”

Someone doesn't seem to be following directions. Or just doesn't seem to care at any point.

Someone doesn’t seem to be following directions. Or just doesn’t seem to care at any point.

18. Someone doesn’t seem to understand their chemistry or pop culture.

No, that's not how thermodynamics or enzymes work. But the teacher did say, "nice try."

No, that’s not how thermodynamics or enzymes work. But the teacher did say, “nice try.”

19. So what happens to a boy going through puberty, according to this kid?

No, I don't think a boy enters adultery during puberty. But that's a nice plot summary to The Graduate.

No, I don’t think a boy enters adultery during puberty. But that’s a nice plot summary to The Graduate.

20. Apparently, science hasn’t been on this kid’s mind at the moment.

Sorry, but a science essay question isn't the place for such a personal insight. Still funny though.

Sorry, but a science essay question isn’t the place for such a personal insight. Still funny though.

21. Looks like a walrus found its way into this kid’s homework book.

At least this kid believes that global warming is real unlike a lot of Republican congressmen. Also, that's a nice walrus drawing.

At least this kid believes that global warming is real unlike a lot of Republican congressmen. Also, that’s a nice walrus drawing.

22. No, I don’t think the Eye of Sauron has anything to do with wearing a seatbelt.

Seems like Alex might be a little too into Lord of the Rings. Teacher is not amused.

Seems like Alex might be a little too into Lord of the Rings. Teacher is not amused.

23. Sorry, kid, but this is science class, not English Lit.

I believe the correct answer is the electromagnetic force since it's stronger than gravity. But that's just relating to the laws of physics.

I believe the correct answer is the electromagnetic force since it’s stronger than gravity. But that’s just relating to the laws of physics.

24. Sometimes one kid unscrambles the wrong word.

I believe the word is supposed to be "this." But it does have the same letters as "shit" just in a different arrangement.

I believe the word is supposed to be “this.” But it does have the same letters as “shit” just in a different arrangement.

25. Apparently, one student couldn’t get past their perception of Asian stereotypes to answer.

The correct answer is "D" the monthly car payment. Because it's at a fixed rate. Besides, a lot of Asians do drive. Get a grip, kid.

The correct answer is “D” the monthly car payment. Because it’s at a fixed rate. Besides, a lot of Asians do drive. Get a grip, kid.

26. Once again, spelling errors should be taken into consideration here.

I think the right word is "pencils" not "penis." Cora probably doesn't know what the latter term means by this point in her life. Because she's only in kindergarten.

I think the right word is “pencils” not “penis.” Cora probably doesn’t know what the latter term means by this point in her life. Because she’s only in kindergarten.

27. Describe a plant cell.

No, I don't think an imprisoned flower is what the teacher had in mind. Perhaps they should think of what they saw in their science book.

No, I don’t think an imprisoned flower is what the teacher had in mind. Perhaps they should think of what they saw in their science book.

28. List 4 ways people communicate other than through mail.

Well, all answers are technically correct. However, the Grindr one is pretty disturbing since it's a gay male dating site. Wonder where this kid learned about that.

Well, all answers are technically correct. However, the Grindr one is pretty disturbing since it’s a gay male dating site. Wonder where this kid learned about that.

29. The answer relating to the differences between the February and October Revolutions is simple.

The correct answer was that the February Revolution overthrew the Russian Royal family. The October Revolution saw the rise of the Bolsheviks. Either way, the kid wasn't completely wrong about the dates.

The correct answer was that the February Revolution overthrew the Russian Royal family (which actually took place in March but Russians still used the Julian Calendar). The October Revolution saw the rise of the Bolsheviks (which actually took place in November). So the kid is dead wrong either way.

30. What’s the highest noise frequency a human can register?

Not sure if Mariah Carey is right. But seems like this kid might feel that way.

Not sure if Mariah Carey is right. But seems like this kid might feel that way.

31. Someone doesn’t seem to like doing their math homework.

Not sure what some of this is supposed to say since it's written differently. But the hangman picture speaks for itself.

Not sure what some of this is supposed to say since it’s written differently. But the hangman picture speaks for itself.

32. Sorry, but algebra isn’t a place for opinions.

Man, this kid is a real smart ass. And seems to get a lot of answers wrong in the process.

Man, this kid is a real smart ass. And seems to get a lot of answers wrong in the process.

33. I don’t think the teacher was thinking about that kind of transformer.

Then again, some people could only name such transformers like Optimus Prime. This teacher was thinking about something used at a power station.

Then again, some people could only name such transformers like Optimus Prime. This teacher was thinking about something used at a power station.

34. How long does it take a jumping armadillo to land on its feet?

Sorry, kid, but armadillos do jump when startled. But not 18 feet unlike what the problem says.

Sorry, kid, but armadillos do jump when startled. But not 18 feet unlike what the problem says.

35. Describe hidden curriculum.

Well, that's one way of answering the question. But not exactly what the teacher was looking for.

Well, that’s one way of answering the question. But not exactly what the teacher was looking for.

36. Name one measure to prevent flooding in the Mississippi River Valley.

No, I don't think "big dames" is going to solve that problem. Then again, the kid might've meant, "big dams." But that didn't protect against Katrina in 2005.

No, I don’t think “big dames” is going to solve that problem. Then again, the kid might’ve meant, “big dams.” But that didn’t protect against Katrina in 2005.

37. List 3 ways on why removing hedges is a bad idea.

1. Farmers keep cows in through fencing. 2. It's very unlikely cars would run into the fields unless it was under an enchantment or driven by a drunk driver. 3. Why do you care?

1. Farmers keep cows in through fencing. 2. It’s very unlikely cars would run into the fields unless it was under an enchantment or driven by a drunk driver. 3. Why do you care?

38. Describe a vibration.

Unfortunately, the Beach Boys hit, "Good Vibrations" has nothing to do with the science of sound. Was a great catchy song though.

Unfortunately, the Beach Boys hit, “Good Vibrations” has nothing to do with the science of sound. Was a great catchy song though.

39. When this girl grows up, she wants to be like her mommy.

Like how the mother added a letter explaining that she works at the Home Depot, not at a strip club. But I'm not sure if I really buy that because stripper moms do exist. And the picture seems to suggest the mother works at a strip club.

Like how the mother added a letter explaining that she works at the Home Depot, not at a strip club. But I’m not sure if I really buy that because stripper moms do exist. And the picture seems to suggest the mother works at a strip club.

40. Sketch a human body and locate the following glands.

Guess this was not what the teacher had in mind when it came to the endocrine system. But this kid sure has a talent for drawing.

Guess this was not what the teacher had in mind when it came to the endocrine system. But this kid sure has a talent for drawing.

41. In case I get this test wrong, here’s a picture of a giraffe.

Seems like the teacher appreciated it. Nevertheless, it probably didn't matter much.

Seems like the teacher appreciated it. Nevertheless, it probably didn’t matter much.

42. I believe this kid is talking about horses not whores.

Yes, it reads very funny in an adult's eyes. But this child just doesn't know how to spell horses and is not talking about prostitution.

Yes, it reads very funny in an adult’s eyes. But this child just doesn’t know how to spell horses and is not talking about prostitution.

43. How do you identify athlete’s foot?

In a way, yes. But athlete's foot is a fungal foot disease which doesn't look pretty.

In a way, yes. But athlete’s foot is a fungal foot disease which doesn’t look pretty.

44. Deserts are hot and cold so name a hot one and a cold one.

I believe the word was "desert" not dessert. But this kid doesn't seem to know the difference, apparently.

I believe the word was “desert” not dessert. But this kid doesn’t seem to know the difference, apparently.

45. Describe what an antonym means.

Antonym means opposite. It doesn't describe a person's name for crying out loud.

Antonym means opposite. It doesn’t describe a person’s name for crying out loud.

46. How did the Romans transport water?

The correct term is "aqueduct" not an "aqua duck." But I can see what the student might've gotten the idea.

The correct term is “aqueduct” not an “aqua duck.” But I can see what the student might’ve gotten the idea.

47. Why did Archimedes shout “Eureka” while in the bath?

No, it had something to do with buoyancy, kid. But I give some points on creativity.

No, it had something to do with buoyancy, kid. But I give some points on creativity.

48. Apparently, this kid views the uterus as some monster from a horror movie.

Sorry, but I don't think the female reproductive system works that way. But great drawing, though.

Sorry, but I don’t think the female reproductive system works that way. But great drawing, though.

49. You have to wonder what children are learning from their parents these days.

I guess the teacher will be writing to this child's parents sometime soon. Because I don't think that's a word that should be on a reading assignment.

I guess the teacher will be writing to this child’s parents sometime soon. Because I don’t think that’s a word that should be on a reading assignment.

50. Hope the teacher doesn’t fail this kid thanks to Borat.

Don't think Borat in his trademark swimsuit will have any effect here. Do the work.

Don’t think Borat in his trademark swimsuit will have any effect here. Do the work.

51. Sometimes students can be quite mean in their answers.

Just leave it with the water and trash thing, kid. Don't need to talk about the boy being chubby.

Just leave it with the water and trash thing, kid. Don’t need to talk about the boy being chubby.

52. Looks like someone has no idea about the states of matter.

Guess this kid wasn't entirely wrong when it came to New Jersey. Given what Bridgegate had to teach us. As for California, well, LA is not known for having a lot of movement on the freeways.

Guess this kid wasn’t entirely wrong when it came to New Jersey. Given what Bridgegate had to teach us. As for California, well, LA is not known for having a lot of movement on the freeways.

53. No, I don’t think this kid has any idea about bestiality.

Still, they got the question wrong at any rate. But it's still pretty funny if you're an adult.

Still, they got the question wrong at any rate. But it’s still pretty funny if you’re an adult.

54. Honestly, the kid wants to eat cake. Seriously.

Please give these students slack here. They don't seem to spell words right or have the best handwriting. So sometimes the words may come out wrong.

Please give these students slack here. They don’t seem to spell words right or have the best handwriting. So sometimes the words may come out wrong.

55. When it comes to US Capitalism, sometimes students can have rather interesting theories.

This was written by a college student. Apparently, he describes how America was ruled by Prince Charles and how Osama Bin Laden killed Tupac and how Saddam Hussein killed Princess Di. Yeah, it's that bad.

This was written by a college student. Apparently, he describes how America was ruled by Prince Charles and how Osama Bin Laden killed Tupac and how Saddam Hussein killed Princess Di. Yeah, it’s that bad.

56. He may be good at chemistry but he has other things on his mind.

At least this guy doesn't neglect his studies by goofing off. However, the bonus one, kind of pushing the envelope.

At least this guy doesn’t neglect his studies by goofing off. However, the bonus one, kind of pushing the envelope.

57. Apparently, stick figure violence doesn’t intimidate this teacher.

Well, I would give him credit on the Pacman answer even though the correct answer is a solid. However, not sure about the stick Indian.

Well, I would give him credit on the Pacman answer even though the correct answer is a solid. However, not sure about the stick Indian.

58. No, I don’t think Pikachu’s thundershock will make you ace this test.

However, it does look pretty good even if it's not finished. But the teacher won't be amused.

However, it does look pretty good even if it’s not finished. But the teacher won’t be amused.

59. Seems like Aaron Rodgers might want to stay out of the woods until his career’s over.

According to this kid, bears eat Green Bay Packers. So Rodgers better watch his back.

According to this kid, bears eat Green Bay Packers. So Rodgers better watch his back.

60. No, I don’t think El Nino is that dramatic, but Jeremy’s essay would make a great disaster movie.

This guy talks about El Nino like it's Clash of the Titans. No, Jeremy, that's not how it works.

This guy talks about El Nino like it’s Clash of the Titans. No, Jeremy, that’s not how it works.

61. Explain the Madisonian model of government.

No, that's not quite it. Seems more like Stand Your Ground to me.

No, that’s not quite it. Seems more like Stand Your Ground to me. Perhaps they should elaborate more.

62. Well, at least the kid isn’t failing health class.

Sure the correct answer might be 2. But it's super hard to argue that this kid is wrong. They did the math.

Sure the correct answer might be 2. But it’s super hard to argue that this kid is wrong. They did the math.

63. Sorry, Matthew but Charizard is no match for Blastoise.

Teacher knows what they're talking about. Guess math isn't Matthew's thing.

Teacher knows what they’re talking about. Guess calculus isn’t Matthew’s thing.

64. Seems like someone has been watching too much of the History Channel.

No, aliens aren't responsible for everything. Seriously, it's bullshit on the History Channel which hasn't been known for its educational programming.

No, aliens aren’t responsible for everything. Seriously, it’s bullshit on the History Channel which hasn’t been known for its educational programming.

65. I have to agree this kid has a point.

Sure they may know the right answer. But they added it may not be the case since amputees exist.

Sure they may know the right answer. But they added it may not be the case since amputees exist.

66. If your answers aren’t correct, you can always count on Perry the Platypus.

And it seems like Perry helped. Then again, it was probably due to the student's own efforts.

And it seems like Perry helped. Then again, it was probably due to the student’s own efforts.

67. At times you kind of wish you’d answer an essay question like this.

Yeah, I kind of feel the same way when it comes to stories I had to read that I wasn't emotionally invested in. But that's what school is like sometimes.

Yeah, I kind of feel the same way when it comes to stories I had to read that I wasn’t emotionally invested in. But that’s what school is like sometimes.

68. Sorry, but Darth Vader is from Star Wars not Star Trek.

Sure Vader has a deep voice but he's not a Star Trek character. Saying he's from Star Trek will result in a sci-fi convention in furor.

Sure Vader has a deep voice but he’s not a Star Trek character. Saying he’s from Star Trek will result in a sci-fi convention in furor.

69. Apparently, this diagram doesn’t show the nice side of giraffes.

You kind of get the idea that this kid saw how giraffes were heartless creatures. Then again, sometimes nature is like that.

You kind of get the idea that this kid saw how giraffes were heartless creatures. Then again, maybe the short neck giraffe should’ve found another tree.

70. Could a man still reproduce with one ball?

While not entirely wrong, this answer isn't entirely right either. Because even if a guy has a testicle, he could still reproduce. (as long as it's functional).

While not entirely wrong, this answer isn’t entirely right either. Because even if a guy has a testicle, he could still reproduce. (as long as it’s functional).

71. Describe hard water.

I don't think that's what the teacher had in mind. It probably has to do with chemical properties.

I don’t think that’s what the teacher had in mind. It probably has to do with mineral content.

72. Sorry but I don’t think Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite.

Hope Lady Gaga doesn't get offended. Then again, I could see why that kid came up with that conclusion.

Hope Lady Gaga doesn’t get offended. Then again, I could see why that kid came up with that conclusion.

73. Write about a Chinese immigrant’s experience in the 1870s.

Well, that's one way to answer the question. However, not sure what my Chinese viewers will think about this.

Well, that’s one way to answer the question. However, not sure what my Chinese viewers will think about this.

74. I think many adults would say the same thing.

Kid seems to know their history, particularly what happened to Lincoln at Ford's Theatre. Yeah, I could see where they 're getting at.

Kid seems to know their history, particularly what happened to Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre. Yeah, I could see where they ‘re getting at.

75. Sometimes driver’s ed could have interesting characters.

Actually, night would be more appropriate. But this is still funny to read if you ask me.

Actually, night would be more appropriate. But this is still funny to read if you ask me.

76. No, that’s not how you describe a graph.

This kid seems to describe a graph like it's a work of art. It's not, it's way to display information.

This kid seems to describe a graph like it’s a work of art. It’s not, it’s way to display information.

77. Any Harry Potter fan would recognize the mark of the Deathly Hallows.

I might've said the same thing had I grew up with such a test. Still, Harry Potter doesn't have much place in geometry.

I might’ve said the same thing had I grew up with such a test. Still, Harry Potter doesn’t have much place in geometry.

78. Fill in the solution about falling down at the playground.

Well, at least that kid has a point. But they probably haven't heard about First Aid.

Well, at least that kid has a point. But they probably haven’t heard about First Aid.

79. Is Steve speeding? Yes or no.

Yes, Steve could find out on his speedometer but that's beside the point. The correct answer is yes.

Yes, Steve could find out on his speedometer but that’s beside the point. Do the math.

80. I’d have to wonder about this child.

I don't think a teenage death match on reality television is going to cut it. It may not be ethical.

I don’t think a teenage death match on reality television is going to cut it. It may not be ethical.

81. This bacterium is about to get funky.

Sorry, but bacteria don't break dance. Pretty hilarious though.

Sorry, but bacteria don’t break dance. Pretty hilarious though.

82. Sorry, I don’t think this teacher is amazed by rainbows, ponies, and turtles.

Still, those are great illustrations. But this is a biology test for God's sake.

Still, those are great illustrations. But this is a biology test for God’s sake.

83. Unfortunately, Jesus was not a Civil War hero.

Jesus lived in 1st Century Palestine during the Roman Empire. The American Civil War took place in the 1860s. And it wasn't between China and Pakistan.

Jesus lived in 1st Century Palestine during the Roman Empire. The American Civil War took place in the 1860s. And it wasn’t between China and Pakistan.

84. Mr. Gibson, I’m afraid that your child isn’t doing well in American History at the moment.

Like how the teacher said, "Are you crazy? See me." Yeah, that should be a red flag.

Like how the teacher said, “Are you crazy? See me.” Yeah, that should be a red flag.

85. I believe the correct term is “dwarf.”

This answer is quite crazy. I know you'd laugh if you heard something like that, too.

This answer is quite crazy. I know you’d laugh if you heard something like that, too.

86. Guess this kid couldn’t brainstorm verbs.

Guess this kid couldn't get that song out of their head. You've probably read it like that, too.

Guess this kid couldn’t get that song out of their head. You’ve probably read it like that, too.

87. Seems like someone doesn’t like failing a test.

I know a teacher would be freaked out by that image. Seems like someone is going to notify their parents.

I know a teacher would be freaked out by that image. Seems like someone is going to notify their parents.

88. I don’t think those were the heavy metal symbols your teacher was looking for.

This is chemistry class, not music class. Those heavy metal symbols are wrong. They should be element letters.

This is chemistry class, not music class. Those heavy metal symbols are wrong. They should be element letters.

89. This ninja will not tolerate a bad mark on this test.

The other ninja has a red pen. And the red pen is more powerful.

The other ninja has a red pen. And the red pen is more powerful.

90. Seems like this kid didn’t understand the question.

The correct answer is a park because it's an outdoor venue. But yes, you can't circle a tornado.

The correct answer is a park because it’s an outdoor venue. But yes, you can’t circle a tornado.

91. Sometimes asking kids to write a story to the problem is going way too far.

Yes, the answer is correct. But if a guy has more than one girlfriend at the same time, that's a problem.

Yes, the answer is correct. But if a guy has more than one girlfriend at the same time, that’s a problem.

92. The panda will cry if this kid gets a bad grade. Teacher doesn’t care.

Love the picture of the panda eating bamboo. But the kid should've studied their math before the test.

Love the picture of the panda eating bamboo. But the kid should’ve studied their math before the test.

93. No, I don’t think he got fired over something like that.

I guess the guy got fired because he got his science wrong such as warm air rises but cold air sinks. Not because he banged his boss's wife.

I guess the guy got fired because he got his science wrong such as warm air rises but cold air sinks. Not because he banged his boss’s wife.

94. Guess someone sees themselves as a cool bird.

Well, at least the kid is better at drawing than I am. But I don't think that's the right answer.

Well, at least the kid is better at drawing than I am. But I don’t think that’s the right answer.

95. Sorry, but this is chemistry not the Lion King.

But I can see where they got their answer. However, this doesn't mean the phrase means no worries for them.

But I can see where they got their answer. However, this doesn’t mean the phrase means no worries for them.

96. Ninja asks to give 100%.

And it seems like the kid got the grade plus 2 bonus points. The ninja did it.

And it seems like the kid got the grade plus 2 bonus points. The ninja did it.

97. In this kid’s world, bacon is always the answer.

Unless if it's referring to Jupiter. Because bacon has nothing to do with it.

Unless if it’s referring to Jupiter. Because bacon has nothing to do with it.

98. Why use milk when a child’s been poisoned?

No, I don't think so. But that's a close answer. It might have something to do with the poison's chemistry.

No, I don’t think so. But that’s a close answer. It might have something to do with the poison’s chemistry.

99. This kid is almost there on this long test.

And Gandalf seems to appear out of nowhere in red pen saying, "You shall not pass!" Poor kid.

And Gandalf seems to appear out of nowhere in red pen saying, “You shall not pass!” Poor kid.

100. Do not write your essay on this space.

There always seems to be that one student who breaks that rule. Hope it doesn't lead to getting points deducted.

There always seems to be that one student who breaks that rule. Hope it doesn’t lead to getting points deducted.

The Ripped Off World of Bootleg and Knock Off Toys

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

Legal Disclaimer: The following is post that’s meant for entertainment purposes. It does not endorse or condone the production or sale of knockoff and bootleg toys or other merchandise. Bootleg products are inferior in quality and are unsafe for anybody to handle in any way. Bootleg toys are a danger to children since they tend to be made from easily breakable plastic, contain loose magnets or springs, or use potentially dangerous lead paint. Besides, kids don’t like them. Also, counterfeit merchandise of any kind is illegal for they cut into legitimate company profits, cause licensing costs to rise, and potentially undermine a brand’s value. Do not buy them for kids under any circumstances. Nor buy any bootleg merchandise whatsoever. Buy real merchandise of quality and don’t waste your money. Thank you.

To the manufacturer, bootlegs, knock offs, and counterfeits are the bane of one’s existence. To consumers, they are cheap rip offs of questionable quality. But like them or hate them, such products have been around for decades. In the days before merchandising, you might find unlicensed toys and other items at your local grocery store or 5 and dime. Local companies would manufacture these items in small enough numbers that they’d slip past by most  lawyers’ notice. However, during the 1950s, Superman’s success on TV led DC Comics to clamp down hard on unlicensed products featuring their characters. Fortunately for the makers, they’d let anyone put Superman on any stupid thing for a couple of bucks. Nevertheless, like their designer counterparts, bootleg and knock off merchandise has a limited production run. And there are plenty of collectors who love knockoff toys that a lot of bootleg toys have become worth more than the real thing due to their rarity. Generally, knock offs tend to rip off something for a cheaper price that’s similar enough for you to buy it but different enough so the manufacturers won’t get carded or sued. And many of these products are of varying quality that you’ve probably seen in grocery stores, dollar stores, street vendors, or in some foreign country. Some bootleg toys are almost a replica of the real thing. Others just make you scratch your head on their existence. At any rate, in this post, I intend to show you some of the most bizarre bootleg and knock off toys to ever hit the shelves mostly less inspired and more god awful. So for your reading pleasure, I give you the greatest toys from the hell of unlicensed products. Or heaven according to your point of view since a lot of them tend to be unintentionally hilarious.

 

  1. If you like Superman and the Flash, look no further.
I call him Super Flash. Because he looks like Superman and is dressed in a Superman outfit. But has Flash colors.

I call him Super Flash. Because he looks like Superman and is dressed in a Superman outfit. But has Flash colors.

2. From Star Wars Episode 1, I give you a one of the kind Mace Window action figure.

And he has a yellow lightsaber when his is supposed to be purple. Also, looks a lot like Mace Windu of the Jedi Council.

And he has a yellow lightsaber when his is supposed to be purple. Also, looks a lot like Mace Windu of the Jedi Council.

3. If can’t get a Terminator action figure, this Terminate and Destroy one is the next best thing.

From the Fwoosh: "Ah, very clever. Instead of using Ahnold’s face on the package, they used Jean-Claude Van Damme, and instead of using Jean-Claude”s face on the figure, they used your dad’s! Lawsuit dismissed!"

From the Fwoosh: “Ah, very clever. Instead of using Ahnold’s face on the package, they used Jean-Claude Van Damme, and instead of using Jean-Claude”s face on the figure, they used your dad’s! Lawsuit dismissed!”

4. For Batman fans, you’ll certainly want this action figure.

Oh, wait that's Superman. And he comes with automatic weapon accessories. If we learned from Man of Steel, we know that Superman's very capable of killing his own kind with his bare hands.

Oh, wait that’s Superman. And he comes with automatic weapon accessories. If we learned from Man of Steel, we know that Superman’s very capable of killing his own kind with his bare hands.

5. Can’t afford a Ninja Turtle for your nephew’s birthday? Perhaps this Mouse Master and Turtles figure will do just fine.

And it's a bird of prey with a cane. Then again, as a Ninja Turtles villain, this is good enough. After all, they can eat turtles.

And it’s a bird of prey with a cane. Then again, as a Ninja Turtles villain, this is good enough. After all, they can eat turtles.

6. I know a very popular action figure is of your friendly, neighborhood Spiderman.

Doesn't help that by line on the packaging says, "Come on enjoy the pleasure together!" What? Also comes with automatic weapon accessories. Not sure which is more disturbing.

Doesn’t help that by line on the packaging says, “Come on enjoy the pleasure together!” What? Also comes with automatic weapon accessories. Not sure which is more disturbing.

7. Want a Furby but can’t afford one? Well, that’s where Mog Gwai comes in.

Guess "Mog Gwai" means in another language "Furbies that are legitimately creepy." Seems like these will not make your day.

Guess “Mog Gwai” means in another language “Furbies that are legitimately creepy.” Seems like these will not make your day.

8. Fans of Pokemon might appreciate this plush Pokymon Pikachu.

Guess this is a Jamaican Pikachu. Has the power of electric shock as well as smokes ganja and listens to reggae music.

Guess this is a Jamaican Pikachu. Has the power of electric shock as well as smokes ganja and listens to reggae music.

9. There is no girl from the 1990s who’d not want a Lisa Frank backpack.

However, this isn't the kind of backpack you'd want to buy for a little girl. Unless her name happens to be "Anus" which is unlikely, hopefully.

However, this isn’t the kind of backpack you’d want to buy for a little girl. Unless her name happens to be “Anus” which is unlikely, hopefully.

10. Like Power Rangers? Well, check out these action figures.

I'm sorry but the Power Rangers don't look like that. These are Batman figures in yellow and green. Seriously, why?

I’m sorry but the Power Rangers don’t look like that. These are Batman figures in yellow and green. Seriously, why?

11. This Batman action figure comes with his own horse.

Uh, does Batman even have a horse? Not in the bat cave. And no, he's not known as "Silver Bat."

Uh, does Batman even have a horse? Not in the bat cave. And no, he’s not known as “Silver Bat.”

12. The future of law enforcement is Robert Cop 2.

Robert Cop 2? You mean Robo Cop. Yeah, I know you get silly names like these.

Robert Cop 2? You mean Robo Cop. Yeah, I know you get silly names like these.

13. Ninja Turtles fans you can your very on Ninja Turtles gun.

Do the Ninja Turtles even use guns? They seem to be more into martial arts and daggers to me.

Do the Ninja Turtles even use guns? They seem to be more into martial arts and daggers to me.

14. Can’t find a Spider Man action figure? How about a Spader Man action figure instead?

Spader Man, he's that web slinging superhero who also can fix your pet. And might look like James Spader.

Spader Man, he’s that web slinging superhero who also can fix your pet. And might look like James Spader.

15. This Change Robot is just as good as a Transformer.

Well, he changes into a cassette tape anyway. And I know that some of my youngest cousins have no idea what a cassette tape is.

Well, he changes into a cassette tape anyway. And I know that some of my youngest cousins have no idea what a cassette tape is.

16. No you can be like your neighborhood Spider Man with these Spider Man Adventures Outdoor Heroes Action figures.

These are Archer and Fisherman heroes respectively. Come with their own set of accessories. If I wanted an action figure that could shoot arrows and fish, I'd go with one of Katniss Everdeen.

These are Archer and Fisherman heroes respectively. Come with their own set of accessories. If I wanted an action figure that could shoot arrows and fish, I’d go with one of Katniss Everdeen.

17. Even fans of the Man of Steel have never seen him like this.

Not only are there 2 Supermans in this package. But one of them is riding a dinosaur. I kid you not.

Not only are there 2 Supermans in this package. But one of them is riding a dinosaur. I kid you not.

18. Forget the Ninja Turtles. These Ninja Hero Riders are where it’s at.

Yes, these are Ninja Turtles riding on horses with katanas. And I think they look like frogs for they don't have any shells.

Yes, these are Ninja Turtles riding on horses with katanas. And I think they look like frogs for they don’t have any shells.

19. This Mr. T Might Car comes battery powered.

Okay, that looks like something coming from Sid's place. You know that weird kid from Toy Story? It's like they put Mr. T's head and arms on a police van. Freaky.

Okay, that looks like something coming from Sid’s place. You know that weird kid from Toy Story? It’s like they put Mr. T’s head and arms on a police van. Freaky.

20. Nothing makes Batman more badass than riding a 3 wheeler.

Is that a turtle shell? Then why the hell is it on Batman? Seriously, why? This doesn't make sense.

Is that a turtle shell? Then why the hell is it on Batman? Seriously, why? This doesn’t make sense.

21. Ever imagined Winnie the Pooh whizzing by on a motorcycle in the Hundred Acre Wood? Now you can.

Okay, he's on a drag race car. But he sure looks happy. Seriously, Pooh on a race car? Jesus!

Okay, he’s on a drag race car. But he sure looks happy. Seriously, Pooh on a race car? Jesus!

22. Portable gamers would definitely want this PCP from Game Advance.

Because how else could you play hallucinogen inspired video games? Hope it can play Mario High.

Because how else could you play hallucinogen inspired video games? Hope it can play Mario High.

23. Any child is sure to love their own Thomas the Tank Engine.

Well, their very own Thomas the Tank Engine Buzz Lightyear. Yes, I'm just as baffled by it as you are. I don't understand why this exists.

Well, their very own Thomas the Tank Engine Buzz Lightyear. Yes, I’m just as baffled by it as you are. I don’t understand why this exists.

24. If you like Star Wars, then you’ll like this Blue Star action figure.

From The Fwoosh: "I have to assume this is environment-specific armor that allows troops to survive on planets made entirely of rising bread dough — it’s pretty stylish, considering." Probably from Eastern Europe.

From The Fwoosh: “I have to assume this is environment-specific armor that allows troops to survive on planets made entirely of rising bread dough — it’s pretty stylish, considering.” Probably from Eastern Europe.

25. No young child would want to go to school without a Mickey Mouse backpack.

Wait a minute, South Park isn't Disney nor child friendly. Also, what the hell's with Kyle's lips?

Wait a minute, South Park isn’t Disney nor child friendly. Also, what the hell’s with Kyle’s lips?

26. Chuck Norris fans might take to this Adventure Man action figure.

Okay, that toy looks absolutely nothing like Chuck Norris. More like a befuddled Rambo with a bazooka.

Okay, that toy looks absolutely nothing like Chuck Norris. More like a befuddled Rambo with a bazooka.

27. If you liked the game Angry Birds, you might enjoy these Ill-Tempered Birds pencil toppers.

Those erasers look so terrible. One of them seems to bear some resemblance to a cross between Big Bird and Bert.

Those erasers look so terrible. One of them seems to bear some resemblance to a cross between Big Bird and Bert.

28. See C-3PO as you’ve never seen him before – in turquoise.

Okay, that more or less resembles C-3PO if he came from the 1960s. And no, turquoise doesn't suit him. This is wrong.

Okay, that more or less resembles C-3PO if he came from the 1960s. And no, turquoise doesn’t suit him. This is wrong.

29. Can’t get a Batgirl action figure? How about a Bat Chica one instead?

Okay, that's not Batgirl. That's Batman with boobs. Look, I may not have anything against the trans community. But the idea of Batman with boobs is really wrong on so many levels.

Okay, that’s not Batgirl. That’s Batman with boobs. Look, I may not have anything against the trans community. But the idea of Batman with boobs is really wrong on so many levels.

30. Can’t get a Darth Maul from Star Wars Episode I? Say hello to Dennis.

So Dennis is Darth Maul with a red face and a green tunic. That's just freaky. And hilarious.

So Dennis is Darth Maul with a red face and a green tunic. That’s just freaky. And hilarious. Also has a purple double lightsaber.

31. Fans of Cars might appreciate Lovely Cars like these.

Uh, I don't think these were in the movie. Includes a police car and fire truck.

Uh, I don’t think these were in the movie. Includes a police car and fire truck.

32. Now you can have an action figure of your favorite Avenger.

Sorry, but I'm very sure that Mr. Incredible is not an Avenger. Seriously, he's not even part of Marvel or DC. He's Disney and Pixar.

Sorry, but I’m very sure that Mr. Incredible is not an Avenger. Seriously, he’s not even part of Marvel or DC. He’s Disney and Pixar.

33. If you like the Disney Princesses, then you’ll enjoy this Disney doll.

This has to be bootleg since this doll is practically naked. And I know Disney would never sell toys like that to young girls. Also has a Barbie doll head.

This has to be bootleg since this doll is practically naked. And I know Disney would never sell toys like that to young girls. Also has a Barbie doll head.

34. If a girl likes Barbie, then she’ll love this backpack.

Uh, that's not Barbie. That's Snow White. Whole different franchise.

Uh, that’s not Barbie. That’s Snow White. Whole different franchise.

35. If you like Toy Story 2, then you’ll like this set of action figures.

There are so many things wrong with this set. Woody's face doesn't look so good and he has the wrong cowboy hat. Jessie has space wings. And there are even weapons accessories. Seriously?

There are so many things wrong with this set. Woody’s face doesn’t look so good and he has the wrong cowboy hat. Jessie has space wings. And there are even weapons accessories. Seriously?

36. We all know that Darth Vader must be a force to be reckoned with in the galaxy far, far away.

However, this one makes Darth Vader look as if he's just come from a rave. I'm sure he'd really force choke the guy who made this action figure.

However, this one makes Darth Vader look as if he’s just come from a rave. I’m sure he’d really force choke the guy who made this action figure.

37. Super Heroic Man is always here to save the day.

Yes, this is Superman on a horse. Not sure if they have equines like this on Krypton. If so, then they should've been wiped out by now.

Yes, this is Superman on a horse. Not sure if they have equines like this on Krypton. If so, then they should’ve been wiped out by now.

38. There is no Transformer ever more intimidating than the Breast Chaser.

Guess this Transformer has a very dirty mind. Still, the name makes him hard for me to take seriously. But I'm sure Michael Bay will put him in a movie eventually.

Guess this Transformer has a very dirty mind. Still, the name makes him hard for me to take seriously. But I’m sure Michael Bay will put him in a movie eventually.

39. As we know, C-3PO looked quite different in Star Wars Episode I.

However, he was not called "R2-3PO." That is just wrong. Seriously, why?

However, he was not called “R2-3PO.” That is just wrong. Seriously, why?

40. If you can’t get a Darth Vader action figure, you can always settle for Space Power Warrior.

Kind of looks like Darth Vader on steroids. Wonder if he gets roid rage during lightsaber battles. This is crazy.

Kind of looks like Darth Vader on steroids. Wonder if he gets roid rage during lightsaber battles. This is crazy.

41. Of course, in my generation Spongebob Squarepants was a sensation.

However, this backpack says, "Tooly, I am your king." Really disturbing message on a kid's pack.

However, this backpack says, “Tooly, I am your king.” Really disturbing message on a kid’s pack.

42. Young children who love Winnie the Pooh will surely love this little educational toy.

Okay, they just made Pooh creepy. Those glowing eyes are bound to give nightmares to kids of all ages. Even adults.

Okay, they just made Pooh creepy. Those glowing eyes are bound to give nightmares to kids of all ages. Even adults.

43. This Mickey Mouse toy is bound to make any child smile.

Oh, great. Looks like this must be Mickey Mouse with rabies. Might want to kill him now or set a trap for him. Yes, he's now on the path to kill at the moment.

Oh, great. Looks like this must be Mickey Mouse with rabies. Might want to kill him now or set a trap for him. Yes, he’s now on the path to kill at the moment.

44. I’m sure anyone would want to cuddle with a plushie of Winnie the Pooh.

As long as Pooh's arms and head aren't attached to some nightmarish monster. Seems like Pooh took part in some crazy mad scientist experiment gone horribly wrong.

As long as Pooh’s arms and head aren’t attached to some nightmarish monster. Seems like Pooh took part in some crazy mad scientist experiment gone horribly wrong.

45. Fans of Lilo & Stitch might want to cuddle with a Stitch plushie on their couch.

Why the hell does Stitch have a face on his ass? Seriously, I know he's an alien. But that's just weird.

Why the hell does Stitch have a face on his ass? Seriously, I know he’s an alien. But that’s just flat out crazy. Probably made on drugs.

46. If you like Toy Story, then this Woody action figure might be for you.

I don't know about you. But Woody seems to be high. And I don't mean on life. I mean something like recreational drugs like peyote.

I don’t know about you. But Woody seems to be high. And I don’t mean on life. I mean something like recreational drugs like peyote.

47. Star Knight will always patrol the galaxy for intergalactic crime.

I think putting Darth Vader on a police motorcycle is beneath his dignity. Also, kind of makes it hard to take a guy who chopped off his son's hand seriously.

I think putting Darth Vader on a police motorcycle is beneath his dignity. Also, kind of makes it hard to take a guy who chopped off his son’s hand seriously.

48. These winged horses will sure delight My Little Pony fans.

Like how this tries to sell itself as "Demon Donkey." Well, these don't look like demon donkeys to me. Really they don't.

Like how this tries to sell itself as “Demon Donkey.” Well, these don’t look like demon donkeys to me. Really they don’t.

49. Why have a transformer that can change into a car when you can have one that changes into a shoe?

Then again, maybe you wouldn't. But this looks really funny and just cracks me up. Love the laces.

Then again, maybe you wouldn’t. But this looks really funny and just cracks me up. Love the laces.

50. As well all know, Batman will always be the Dark Knight of Gotham.

And it seems that Batman has eaten way to much fast food and needs to hit the gym. Also, why does he have firearm accessories?

And it seems that Batman has eaten way to much fast food and needs to hit the gym. Also, why does he have firearm accessories?

51. Fischer Price presents Jason Voorhees from its Adventure People Killers collection.

Like how it says on the bottom "Ages 4-9." Like kids would want to play with a slasher horror movie villain.

Like how it says on the bottom “Ages 4-9.” Like kids would want to play with a slasher horror movie villain.

52. If you can’t have Obi Wan Kenobi, Toby One is better than nothing.

Sorry, but "Toby One" is kind of a lame name for a Jedi. Also, the face doesn't look right.

Sorry, but “Toby One” is kind of a lame name for a Jedi. Also, the face doesn’t look right.

53. If your city’s under threat, call on the Super Man Big Alliance.

What the hell is Shrek doing here? He's not a superhero. What's his power? Silent but deadly stink power.

What the hell is Shrek doing here? He’s not a superhero. What’s his power? Silent but deadly stink power.

54. Now you can go places with Spidey with these Spider Man Adventure action figures.

Like Spider Man at the beach or Spider Man on safari. Seriously, if Spider Man wen to either, he'd be going as Peter Parker for God's sake.

Like Spider Man at the beach or Spider Man on safari. Seriously, if Spider Man wen to either, he’d be going as Peter Parker for God’s sake.

55. Those who can’t get Ant Man might want to go with Black Man.

Okay, that's just freaky. I know that's Ant Man in black. Also, the name might be borderline racist.

Okay, that’s just freaky. I know that’s Ant Man in black. Also, the name might be borderline racist.

56. This Freddy Kreuger action figure will haunt your dreams.

Maybe not unless you don't know where he is. Because he's basically dressed like Waldo. Like from the Where's Waldo? books.

Maybe not unless you don’t know where he is. Because he’s basically dressed like Waldo. Like from the Where’s Waldo? books.

57. Oh, look toy dogs.

Dammit, those are ostriches. Yeah, someone has no idea what a dog looks like.

Dammit, those are ostriches. Yeah, someone has no idea what a dog looks like.

58. If you like Star Wars, then you’ll like these Galaxy Cop action figures.

These are rip offs of Darth Vader and an Imperial Stormtrooper. And no, they don't look like Mexican luchadores underneath their helmets.

These are rip offs of Darth Vader and an Imperial Stormtrooper. And no, they don’t look like Mexican luchadores underneath their helmets.

59. If you want to play cowboys and Indians, you might enjoy this Indian action figure.

Uh, that looks nothing like a Native American from the 19th century. More like a white American from the 20th or later with a pig gun, a spandex outfit, and a totem pole.

Uh, that looks nothing like a Native American from the 19th century. More like a white American from the 20th or later with a pig gun, a spandex outfit, and a totem pole.

60. Young Sesame Street fans will always like this Rocking Elmo.

Not sure about "Crap Your Hands!!" Must be a really bad misspelling or translation.

Not sure about “Crap Your Hands!!” Must be a really bad misspelling or translation.

61. There’s no better sight than seeing the Mighty Thor on his scooter.

Didn't know Thor had a pink motorcycle. Not sure if that color suits him. Then again, to each his own.

Didn’t know Thor had a pink motorcycle. Not sure if that color suits him. Then again, to each his own.

62. Star Trek fans might want a Mr. Rock action figure, an adventurer from another planet.

This is a rip off of Mr. Spock. And I think his looks don't do Leonard Nimoy any justice.

This is a rip off of Mr. Spock. And I think his looks don’t do Leonard Nimoy any justice.

63. Sailor Moon fans, meet Planet Girl.

Yes, this is from Sailor Moon. But while the Planet Girl looks anime, the Sailor Sensei on the packaging don't.

Yes, this is from Sailor Moon. But while the Planet Girl looks anime, the Sailor Sensei on the packaging don’t.

64. From Star Wars Episode 1, own your very own action figure of Han Solo.

Wait a minute, Han Solo isn't in any of the Star Wars prequels. So what the hell is he doing here? This is ridiculous.

Wait a minute, Han Solo isn’t in any of the Star Wars prequels. So what the hell is he doing here? This is ridiculous.

65. For young girls, there is no better doll than one that shows the joys of teen pregnancy.

What the fuck? There's absolutely nothing beautiful about teen pregnancy. Seriously, why does this even exist? And I thought the pole dancing doll was bad.

What the fuck? There’s absolutely nothing beautiful about teen pregnancy. Seriously, why does this even exist? And I thought the pole dancing doll was bad.

66. This Space Robot toy looks truly transformative.

Oh, my God. Now this Thomas the Transformer will allow kids to play Transformers and Thomas the Tank Engine. This is absolutely hilarious.

Oh, my God. Now this Thomas the Transformer will allow kids to play Transformers and Thomas the Tank Engine. This is absolutely hilarious.

67. This set of action figures is a real Justice League of superheroes.

I don't think Spider Man and Mr. Incredible are Justice League members. Spider Man is from Marvel. And Mr. Incredible is from a Pixar movie.

I don’t think Spider Man and Mr. Incredible are Justice League members. Spider Man is from Marvel. And Mr. Incredible is from a Pixar movie.

68. If a Justice League isn’t enough, perhaps the Sense of Right League has got you covered.

Shrek again? He's not even a superhero. And what the hell is that car doing here? This isn't right.

Shrek again? He’s not even a superhero. And what the hell is that car doing here? This isn’t right.

69. Can’t afford an Xbox 360? How about an X-Game 360?

I'm sure it doesn't work as well as the real thing. But it sure looks like it.

I’m sure it doesn’t work as well as the real thing. But it sure looks like it.

70. Keep your money and cards safe in this Chip and Dale wallet.

And it also includes gangster rap lyrics as far as I see. Definitely not appropriate for children.

And it also includes gangster rap lyrics as far as I see. Definitely not appropriate for children.

71. Every little girl needs her very own Spider Man stationery set.

Never thought I'd see Spidey on something that's pink and glittery. not sure if little girls would buy this though. Probably not.

Never thought I’d see Spidey on something that’s pink and glittery. not sure if little girls would buy this though. Probably not.

72. Now here is the ultimate Batman action figure.

This is more of a combination of Batman and Robo Cop. Not sure if I can get used to Batman as a cyborg.

This is more of a combination of Batman and Robo Cop. Not sure if I can get used to Batman as a cyborg.

73. Now here is a set of real superheroes.

If these are superheroes, why are Venom and the Joker doing here? Because they're supervillains and anything but heroic.

If these are superheroes, why are Venom and the Joker doing here? Because they’re supervillains and anything but heroic.

74. This towel shows Pooh eating on his honey.

Pooh looks mean for some reason. Seeems like he's up to no good in the Hundred Acre Wood. That's not the Pooh I know.

Pooh looks mean for some reason. Seeems like he’s up to no good in the Hundred Acre Wood. That’s not the Pooh I know.

75. Every girl always has to have a Stylish Hot Mom family set dolls.

I don't know what to think of this. Because they could just be a couple of dolls. But the packaging suggests otherwise.

I don’t know what to think of this. Because they could just be a couple of dolls. But the packaging suggests otherwise.

76. Pokemon fans will surely want to play with this Frisbee all day.

Yet, this Pikachu one bears a resemblance to Spongebob eating watermelon. Yeah, it looks straight from an acid trip.

Yet, this Pikachu one bears a resemblance to Spongebob eating watermelon. Yeah, it looks straight from an acid trip.

77. Nothing can keep the world safe from evil than the Power Rangers Wild Force.

Most of these on here aren't Power Rangers. Unless they include Batman, Spider Man, and the Hulk.

Most of these on here aren’t Power Rangers. Unless they include Batman, Spider Man, and the Hulk.

78. It helps to dry your hands on this Pikachu hand towel.

And this one carries the face of Homer Simpson. Not exactly what I'd call cute.

And this one carries the face of Homer Simpson. Not exactly what I’d call cute.

79. Gotta catch em’ all with Politics Pat.

These are Pokemon. And I don't think that cartoon has much to do with politics, aside from possibly animal rights.

These are Pokemon. And I don’t think that cartoon has much to do with politics, aside from possibly animal rights.

80. Like Harry Potter? Then you’ll love this Little Wizard figure.

Guess this is what Harry and Ginny's kids might've looked like. Seems like a nice genetic combination. Comes with a broom and wand the same size.

Guess this is what Harry and Ginny’s kids might’ve looked like. Seems like a nice genetic combination. Comes with a broom and wand the same size.

Easter Candy No One Likes in Their Baskets or Eggs

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Like Halloween, Easter has a long tradition pertaining to candy. After all, it’s what most kids find in their Easter baskets or inside their eggs (assuming they’re the plastic ones that open). And there are plenty of candies associated with Easter alone. I always enjoyed Easter egg hunts as a child whether it was in the front yard during the morning before church or at my grandparents’ house. I also participated in at least one in college. For a long time, egg hunts were one of the big reasons I looked forward to Easter as a kid. However, once I reached a certain age, it was time for me to bow out, especially since I’m the oldest of 24 grandchildren. And my participation wouldn’t be fair as an adult in a childish activity. I do help hide Easter eggs in my grandparents’ back yard for Easter and maybe help some of my cousins find the eggs. But somehow it’s not the same. Not to mention, since I’ve outgrown my eligibility for the Easter egg hunt at my grandparents’, Easter has become considerably less enjoyable for me since I’m mostly stuck socializing with relatives. Nevertheless, I can talk of all the Easter candies I like such as the chocolate bunny. But you’d probably be bored out of your mind that I wouldn’t get many views. So instead I’ll focus on Easter candy that most people don’t like. So without further adieu, I have this list for you. This has nothing to do with nutritional value but mostly quality of taste or whether it’s appropriate.

  1. Pez- This candy is basically the poster child of products that aren’t as popular as their packaging. I mean the only reason why people buy Pez is because of the dispensers. But you’ll find nobody on earth who’d admit that these pocket size pills are tasty.

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2. Marshmallow Peeps – Don’t get me wrong, I do like peeps. Just not for eating. However, these are just inedible sugar coated marshmallows that are basically inedible. At least they’re great for decorating and making amusing dioramas out of for annual contests. And they should be better used that way. That or putting them in the microwave to watch them explode, but let’s be honest, the end result might not be good for your microwave. The Houston Press has a different view, “We’ll be honest. These things? Terrify us. Spun sugar masquerading as multi-neon-colored marshmallow doesn’t come close to existing in nature. Therefore, it shall not exist in us. We shall henceforth refer to them as Creeps.”

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3. Marshmallow Carrot- From Houston Press: “Oh, come on. Mock carrot candy even makes vegetarians want to barf. Who was the brains behind this idea? Perhaps it was an entrepreneurial parent’s way to bait-and-switch a finicky child into eating more veggies. Too bad they suck, and now the kid hates candy, carrots and Easter. What’s next — Broccoli fluff? Good grief.”

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4. Fluffy Cotton Tails- From Houston Press: “These things are basically the candy form of Jolt Cola: monstrously disgusting sugar bombs. An entire bag of cotton candy boiled down into bite-sized nuggets for you and yours. Avoid them as if your life depended on it.”

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5. Cadbury Crème Eggs- From Houston Press: “Remember the commercials in which the Easter Bunny gives birth to the Cadbury Crème Eggs? And then they open them up to reveal sugary, yolk-colored innards? Yeah. We still have nightmares, too. How these things have stayed on the market for so long is one of life’s greatest mysteries.”

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6. Jordan Almonds- From Houston Press: “Hey kids, who wants to break a tooth? Because that’s a distinct possibility when you bite into an accursed Jordan almond, a tasty-sounding treat that’s simply an almond coated in sugar. Too bad the sugar coating tastes more like chalk than anything found in a kitchen, and the almonds contained within are generally flavorless. The reason they’re considered an Easter candy even though they can be purchased year-round is that they’re pastel-colored. And that’s about it. I guess they’re sort of egg-shaped, too, but in reality, Jordan almonds have about as much to do with Easter as a pebble. (The pebble might taste better, though.)”

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7. Bunny Munny- I remember getting these as a kid. They’re basically chocolate coins with rice in them. But they don’t taste particularly great. Someone at the Houston Press commented, “This treat is particularly offensive to me because it masquerades as something delicious. Chocolate with a bit of crispy rice in it? What could possibly be bad about that? How about the fact that they unfortunately taste more like cardboard with a slight chocolate flavor than actual chocolate? They purport to be made with real chocolate, but if that’s true, why do they taste so unfortunate? And can we talk about how offensive that spelling of “munny” is to anyone older than 10? Don’t purposefully misspell candy names to be cute! No one thinks it’s cute! Sidenote: On the Candy Warehouse website, there is actually a disclaimer, ‘Sorry, these treats are not a valid form of U.S. currency.’ In case you were confused.”

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8. Bunny Basket Eggs/Easter Hunt Eggs – From Houston Press: “Brach’s is perhaps the worst offender on this list, bringing us three of the ten worst candies, direct from their testing and manufacturing plant in some faraway land where no one has taste buds. Bunny Basket Eggs are the least offensive of the three, featuring, essentially, fake gummy marshmallows surrounded by a coating of bad jelly bean. They stick in your teeth. They melt in your plastic eggs. They get awkward jelly bean coating color on your fingers. And what do you get for your trouble? Nastiness. Pretty much just a hunk of sugar that tastes like artificial fruit and giving up.” Marshmallows and gummy bears are a disgusting combination.

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9. Jelly Beans- I used to get these a lot on Easter, too. And to me they’re just kidney shaped colored candies that seem to have absolutely none to a horrible taste. It’s like they put some flavor and color to some waxy and rubbery concoction. Disgusting. The ones in my basket usually went to the garbage. Yes, I know there are plenty of people who love jelly beans. Yet, but to me that’s like saying that plenty people like John Wayne, Twilight, Fifty Shades, Fast & Furious, or reality shows. Just because something might be popular doesn’t mean it’s good.

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10. Chocolate Cross- Yes, I know we celebrate Easter to recognize Jesus’s resurrection after his crucifixion. But while I love chocolate on any holiday like Easter, there are just things that shouldn’t be in chocolate form. A cross should be one of these things because that’s what Jesus suffered and died on. Not to mention, crucifixion was an execution method in which ensured the victim would endure a long and agonizing death through bleeding and suffocation while being nailed to a large cross of wood. Jesus went through this and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Yes, I’m sure Christians are willing to buy foodstuffs like this for their kids’ Easter baskets, but is it really appropriate? And as a practicing Catholic and a chocolate lover, such cross would lead me struggling with temptation, followed by guilt after eating it (as well as relishing in its taste), if I ever received one. If you want to raise your kids as good Christian children, I suggest good Christian parents go with chocolate eggs and bunnies instead. Sure they’re secular symbols but they come with a very low risk of committing accidental sacrilege.

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11. Brach’s Chicks & Rabbits – From Houston Press: “These are the items I as a child most dreaded finding in Easter baskets or stuffed unceremoniously into plastic eggs at parties. What would I do if someone presented me with a bright-orange hunk of eraser disguised as candy? Would I feign delight and eat it anyway, then risk melodramatically gagging and spitting it out at the feet of my gracious host? Would I tuck it away to later slip to a poor, unwitting canine? Would I throw it nonchalantly into someone else’s basket. I honestly don’t remember what I did with the damn things, but I guarantee you I didn’t eat them. Fool me once…and all that jazz. The flavor is listed as “marshmallow,” which, if you believe the multitude of flavored-vodka products out there is, in fact, a genuine flavor. But these don’t taste anything like marshmallows. They’re essentially the same material as those off-putting orange Circus Peanuts candies–soft so long as they’ve never touched oxygen, but instantly hardening into toothbreaking plaster once exposed to the elements. Worse still, the candies only vaguely resemble the eponymous chicks and rabbits. They’re much more akin to totem poles or idols used for some bizarre, decidedly not Easter-y ritual. Consume at your own risk.”

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12. Easter Candy Corn – You got to be kidding me. They actually have this? These sugar wax candies aren’t even great on Halloween, let alone on any other holiday like Easter. Not to mention, they even look more disgusting in pastel colors.

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13. Nerds Bumpy Jelly Beans – All right, that just makes jelly beans more disgusting as by giving it grotesque growths. Also, kind of look like fruity brains.

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14. Wonka Hoppin’ Nerds Candy- From E!: “Nerds are definitely a solid candy choice, unless they are called “bumpy” (see above). But they don’t really scream “Easter.” They do scream “capable of cracking a filling,” but whatever.”

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15. Lindt Chocolate Carrots – From E!: “Fancy chocolate for when you want to feel better after eating 20 Butterfinger eggs (more on that later). But this candy is only special because of the wrapping, not because of the taste.”

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16. Whoppers Easter Mini Robin Eggs- Oh, I remember getting these from egg hunts. Lovely to look at and have hard shells that they don’t need wrappers. However, they tend to taste a bit crunchy and chalky. Also, can be mistaken for Cadbury Mini Eggs, so check wisely.

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17. Chocolate Covered Peeps- From Paste: “To say that chocolate-covered Peeps are not aesthetically pleasing would be a gross understatement—they look like something your insolent dog might leave as a surprise in your loafers for daring to challenge his authority. The chocolate coating is terrible. The artificial, gummy marshmallow inside isn’t much better. These Peeps went a long way toward turning Paste editor Josh Jackson against the idea of chocolate-coated marshmallows in general, which would be great, if there weren’t three or four more of the exact same style of candy on the table.” In other words, they’re saying that these aren’t much better from their disgusting sugar coated marshmallow counterpart and resemble dog turds. At least in chick form for the latter.

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18. Little Beauty Chocolate Bunny- From Paste: “The worst pure chocolate on the table, this thing was so bad that it made us scan the ingredients list, where “cocoa” is the fourth ingredient—after “sugar,” “vegetable oil” and “whey.” Because you definitely want more sugary whey in your chocolate than actual chocolate. So sugary that some of our teeth manifested spontaneous sympathy cavities in protest.”

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19. Frankford Marshmallow Chicks and Bunnies- From Paste: “A big multi-bag where all the marshmallows are stuck together into one mass you get to pry apart with your hands” is not the most promising origin for Easter candy, and indeed, this was one of the least pleasant things on the table. They’re simple, you can say that for them. It’s just a bag of simple, pastel-colored, really awful marshmallows. Make of that what you will.”

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20. Reese’s White Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs- Now while Reese’s might have a reputation for making their holiday shaped candies shaped like turds, at least they’re tasty. Yet, you wouldn’t want to eat one from the ground in a dog park. However, I’m not sure if white chocolate and peanut butter should even go together. And it’s said you can barely taste the chocolate to begin with.

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21. Sour Watermelon Peeps- I’ll let Paste explain these since I’ve never been near such candies. From Paste: “Oh no. Oh NO. What in the hell are these things? We thought we had seen weird and objectionable, and then along came the watermelon-flavored Peeps. We’re disturbed by the very idea of the concept’s genesis—who in their right mind looked at the marshmallow of a Peep and thought that pink, artificially watermelon-flavored sludge would be a great way to improve it? This person needs to be locked up. If he or she is walking among us, then society is not safe. The mere fact that Paste Music/TV editor Bonnie Stiernberg seemed to oddly enjoy these Peeps (in opposition to everyone else) is cause for suspicion and alarm.”

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22. Palmer Hollow Chocolate Flavored Bunny – Yes, it’s a very cute chocolate bunny on the outside. However, its taste is bound to disappoint you once the stuff is in your mouth as described akin to milk powder and peanut shells. Candy Blog called this, “the Easter equivalent to a lump of coal.”

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23. Twizzler Easter Grass Candy- It’s supposed to be green apple and unlike other Twizzlers, it’s presented as loose and tangled like grass or as if everyone touched it. But those at Time Out Chicago said it’s taste could range from pesto pasta, paste-a, or medicine.

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24. Bunny Poop- These are little balls chocolate covered cookie dough which would taste great that come from a wind up pooping rabbit. It’s inspired by the plastic wind up chicken that lays eggs. Nevertheless, it’s on here because of the cookie dough which is uncooked food which may taste great but it’s not something you should eat. And I mean because it’s teeming with E. Coli bacteria which has led to death. For instance consumption of uncooked pieces of the famous Nestle Toll House cookie dough sickened several dozen people and killed one woman in 2009. Now a candy’s nutritional value is one thing that I can let slide, but food safety is a whole another matter. And any product that contains raw cookie dough should be avoided. Seriously, for the love of God, don’t eat cookie dough raw.

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25. Hershey’s Easter Kissables- Think of Hershey’s kisses covered in pastel wax, which don’t melt into your mouth but greasily slide down your throat. Well, that was only in 2005 and 2006. In 2007, Hershey’s decided to swap cocoa butter, chocolate, and cane sugar with corn syrup as well as palm, shea, and sunflower oil. Also, these were topped with an ominous sounding “resinous glaze.” Such ingredient suggestion led the FDA declare Hershey’s Kissables as unqualifiable any longer as “milk chocolate.” They were yanked in 2009. Now if anyone finds package of these horrendous candies, they’re most often used as substitutes for game pieces.

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26. Carrot Cake M&Ms- From Carl Anthony Online: “There is no real chocolate in this chocolate, of course. Following the same course of poor choices with “white chocolate,” these Easter specialty version of the beloved M&M are unusually dry (like cake lacking moisture!), the only discernible flavor being a vague aftertaste of sour cream (does this suggest the “white chocolate” has spoiled?)” He suggests if they were sold for St. Patrick’s Day as Irish Crème, nobody would know the difference.

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27. Carrot Cotton Grape Candy – From Carl Anthony Online: “Made exclusively by Bunnyland Candy, there’s potential for a whole new world of Easter Candy possibilities by the innovative use of the ephemeral spun sugar sweet which is ubiquitous still at carnivals, fairs and circuses. Carrot Cotton Candy makes sense enough as the famously favored food of rabbits, Easter or otherwise. Stuffed into this cellophane bag shaped like a giant carrot, you’ll find sticky, fluffy cotton candy colored in an earthy tone of orange. Yet, oddly, its flavor bears no discernible similarity to the earthy vegetable. While perhaps that’s a blessing, it would seem logical enough that the pleasant taste of “orange” would be a good match. Inexplicably, however, its flavored grape.

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28. Hotlix Candy- For over 25 years, this company has made candies with real insects in them now coated in fruit flavoring. Yes, real deceased insects and I am not making this up. But they don’t exactly yell out “Happy Easter!” Nor are they something to put in a kid’s Easter basket. However, they might be a fine addition to a Halloween trick or treat bag though.

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29. Wasabi Candy- For those who don’t know, wasabi is the Japanese name for what we call horseradish, which we put on burgers. Nevertheless, this candy does exist, but it’s not something a kid would want for Easter. As Hello Giggles notes, “In general, yes – wasabi candy exists. And I can’t think of any holiday that it’s appropriate for, unless you want to inflict punishment on somebody. If you put these monsters in your child’s Easter basket this year, you’re just asking for a meltdown.”

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30. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans- It’s from the Harry Potter collection. However, unlike regular jelly beans, these ones don’t pretend to be disgusting. And I mean they have every flavor. Sure some might be pleasant but they also have earthworm, earwax, vomit, and booger. Definitely not Easter basket material, unless those of diehard Harry Potter fans.

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31. Edible Easter Grass- Yes, it’s supposed to look like grass and taste like fruit. But it’s very strange. Sure you can use it for Easter baskets to put candy in it. But that’s like having candy on top of your candy.

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32. Ghost Pepper Candy- Since it was called the World’s Hottest Pepper in 2007, I suppose any ghost pepper candy is bound to burn in anyone’s mouth. Might be great for adults but kids would be crying after consumption.

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33. Chocolate Gold Jesus- From Hello Giggles: “The Chocolate GoldJesus is more of a work of art. This certificated, high quality, fairly traded, organic chocolate aims to donate profits to charitable organizations, which is fantastic. Also it’s Easter related. So what’s the issue? Well, I’d have a really hard time eating this. I’d almost feel bad. I’d think of numerous excuses to save my Chocolate GoldJesus for a special occasion, but no occasion would ever be good enough. And I don’t think I’m alone, since the company has since offered a bronze statue (non-edible!) that’s made in the same cast as its chocolate counterpart.”

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34. Zombie Bunny Lollipop- For the record, with the popularity of such shows as The Walking Dead, this one was more or less made for adults. I mean there’s too much blood. Also, it tastes like cotton candy.

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35. Russell Stover Eggs (Wedding Cake, Birthday Cake, Birthday Cake, and Cookie Dough or anything other than conventional flavors)- The cake flavored ones are said to taste like butter inside chocolate. But those at Time Out Chicago think they come with a weird aftertaste and are all gritty in an unpleasant way. Best stick with chocolate, marshmallow, peanut butter, caramel, brownie, and fudge, Russell Stover.

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36. Jolly Rancher Bunny Food Gummies- These gummies are shaped like veggies and are supposed to taste fruity. Taste has been likened to stuff like corn syrup, chemicals, and floor cleaner. Let’s just say rabbits wouldn’t want these.

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37. Strawberry Chocolate Bunny- Why the hell would anyone make something like this? Chocolate bunnies should only come in 3 flavors milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and vanilla for those allergic to chocolate. This is disgusting. As Carl Anthony Online notes: “In truth, the Strawberry Easter Bunny has all but disappeared, some reported sightings on back road grocer shelves made by shady confectioners. Luckily, among those colorful critters more readily ferreted out are made to order from precious candy makers using purer ingredients than in past decades – and astronomical prices.”

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38. Sour Bunny Jolly Rancher- From Paste: “Like a lot of sour candies, these twists on a jolly rancher are more interested in being sour than in delivering the original intent of the product (deliciously artificial fruit flavors). We can’t imagine any scenario where regular Jolly Ranchers wouldn’t be considered superior.”

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39. Jelly Bean Nougat- Okay, jelly beans and nougat, that’s pretty disgusting in my book. Dear Brach’s, I hate you.

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40. Black Jelly Beans- From Mommyish:” The packaging on a bag of all black jelly beans should really read: For the people who hate joy. There’s something so sad and disappointing about digging through all that plastic grass and coming up with a dry, black jelly bean.”

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41. Spiced Jelly Beans- From the Stranger: “For those of us who like a candy that tastes lightly poisoned, Easter season is a dream, thanks primarily to Brachs’ Spiced Jelly Bird Eggs, a disgustingly intoxicating melange of seven different flavors of jelly beans riding the yummy/gross divide. Some are so gross I have to throw them out, but others are so delicious I eventually buy another bag.”

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42. Mallow Pals Squeezable Marshmallow- Said by one blogger, “Everything about this candy makes me sad. It does not taste good, and it is the lowest common denominator of candy. It is goo in a tube that you squeeze into your sad, disaffected, post-modern mouth. This candy indicates we are living in a post-candy world. Candy is dead, long live candy.”

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43. Mystery Peeps- From Delish: “Much like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, you won’t know if these Peeps are fruity, savory, salty, or sour until you taste them! Whether that game is fun or terrifying, we’ll leave it up to you to decide.”

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44. Zombie Chocolate Bunny- Great to have during an Easter apocalypse for yourself. Not so great for a child’s Easter basket. Also, more suitable for Halloween. And is more of a mockolate flavor, too.

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45. Mary Sue Vanilla Butter Cream Eggs- From In Papa’s Basement: “In order for Cadbury Creme Eggs to exist, there had to be Mary Sue Butter Cream Eggs. Their filling is vile and extremely adhesive, rendering it impossible to gnaw off the chocolate coating without getting some of that venom in your mouth. Trying to eat their shell without ingesting any of the putrid cream contained within is the candy equivalent of a beautiful woman inviting you to bang her…so long as another dude rides shotgun anus. Things will start off okay. And then, at some point in the act, your scrot is going to brush against his. At that moment, as your innocence goes up in flames like Bill Compton on a Cabo San Lucas beach, you’ll realize you paid far too high a price for far too little reward.”

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46. Gum Drops- Said to be the fruitcake of Easter. Not sure why these candies exist since they’re not really that tasty. More like something to decorate gingerbread houses with around Christmas. Other than that, I can’t be sure what else.

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47. Bunny Teeth- These are gummy bunny teeth. Probably an attempt to rip off the gummy teeth concept of Halloween. It’s as morbid as it sounds.

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48. Religious Suckers- Sorry, but despite Easter being a significant holiday celebrating Jesus’s resurrection, it’s not the time to remind children that they were born in sin. That’s the job for clergy and Sunday school teachers who probably let them know beforehand. Besides, it’s not appropriate for Easter for He has risen on that day.

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49. Quax- From Gourmet Gift Baskets: “This yummy ducky (really, it says that on the package – as if that’s enticing) is a complete and total horror. It looks like Ernie’s bath time buddy, but it’s edible. (Well, maybe. It depends on how you consider okay to eat.) Boldly going where no others have gone before, this Easter treat has paved the way for milk-flavored candies everywhere. Now, I know what you’re thinking: what would a milk-flavored treat taste like? Like pure evil. So it’s no wonder that Quax remains the only candy of its kind.” Best used for scaring and traumatizing a small child or Ernie.

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50. Bunny Chew- Because nothing looks more fun for kids than food that resembles either bunny pellets or dog chow.

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51. Naughty Bunny Chocolate Bars- Let’s just these are adult candies and not suitable for children at any rate. Brought to you by Bloomsbury.

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52. Inspirational Jelly Beans- Yes, Easter is a religious holiday. But does that mean putting inspirational stuff on jelly beans appropriate for the occasion? That might be bordering on sacrilege.

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53. Walking with Jesus Fruit Snacks- Yes, walking with Jesus is an inspirational thing. But making fruit snacks out of his sandals? Not so much. Hey, look I know that Easter is a religious holiday and I know it has candy. But can you just give Jesus some respect and not put fruit snacks of his sandals in Easter baskets?

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54. Crucified Peep Candy Cross- Yes, that may look cute. But is it really appropriate for an Easter basket? Not sure if it borders on sacrilege and bound to cause offense. Inedible sugary marshmallow offense.

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55. Rabbit Change- Easter styled chocolate coins with carrots on the foil? No thanks. Chocolate coins are the work of the Devil.

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56. Russell Stover Coconut Nests- More or less resembles some jelly beans being lodged in dog turds. Also, combines two things I hate.

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57. Vegetables – Yes, you might want your kid to eat healthy. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ditch candy and fill your kid’s Easter basket with veggies. Easter candy is an Easter tradition for God’s sake. There may be a place for veggies in your kids’ life but the Easter basket is not one of them.

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58. Sour Patch Jelly Beans- Just when you think they couldn’t make jelly beans worse they had to make them sour. Also, sour candies are just terrible anyway.

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59. Raisins- Sure they may be healthier than chocolate. But that doesn’t mean you should put them in a kid’s Easter basket so they’d mistake them for chocolate chips. That would be cruel.

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60. Candy Canes- For one, they’re for Christmas. Second, put them in an Easter basket, and your kids will know that you’ve had these for months and probably have become entangled in some financial emergency.

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61. Camel Balls – Sure they may not be that bad, but you don’t want to give your kids a sour candy that has a camel’s testicles on the packaging. More like candy sold at Spencer’s Gifts at the mall.

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62. Dingle Bearies- These are chocolate covered gummy bears. It’s a slightly offensive name but pretty disgusting.

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63. Caramel Apple Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “To those of you not sold by our convincing argument of “ew, apple Peeps sound gross” let’s try this on for size—close your eyes (well, metaphorically—you kind of have to have your eyes open to read the rest of this) and imagine eating a Peep. Now imagine washing that down with a nice cool glass of apple juice. That gag reflex you just experienced is your body telling you that this is a horrible flavor for a Peep to have.”

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64. Candy Corn Peeps- All the great taste of Halloween sugary wax and sugary Easter marshmallow rolled into one.

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65. Blue Raspberry Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “As an artificial flavor, blue raspberry is an affront to nature. We feel like it’s silly to point out that blue raspberries aren’t an actual thing that exists in nature, and that this is just a catchall term for kind of sweet, kind of tart food flavoring that tastes distressingly “blue” and is primarily found in syrup poured over ice, except for the fact that we can guarantee that at least, like, 25% of Americans totally think that blue raspberries are a real fruit.  But even the mouthbreathers who believe that can take one look at blue raspberry Peeps and say, with complete certainty, that they would rather drown in a silo of sugar before eating these monstrosities.”

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66. Orange Delight Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “The fudge dipped Peeps are an abomination in their own right, but orange marshmallows dipped in orange fudge just seems like the worst combination of anything. Again, this is a simple matter of passing the “how do these ingredients, separated, seem like they would taste together.”  So sure, if you’re the kind of person that likes take bites out of an orange in between your Peeps, well, you’re a sociopath, but even you would have to draw the line at adding “orange flavored fudge” on top of all that.  We feel like we can’t say this enough—Peeps are not made to taste like fruit.  Stop trying to make them taste like fruit!”

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67. Lime Delight Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “And also, who wants to eat lime fudge? No one, that’s who.  Lime fudge sounds like something your friend who moved to Germany primarily for sex parties would be into, and when he asks you if you “like lime fudge” you’d just sort of pretend like you know what he’s talking about and be like, “You know, I tried it once, but I just don’t think it was for me” before your friend rolls his eyes and calls you a cis.”

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68. Peeps Milk- Oh, for God’s sake, Peeps, do you have to make a sugary marshmallow monstrosity such as this? For the love of humanity, this is just the most inedible milk ever. Available in marshmallow, chocolate, and eggnog.

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69. Carrot Cake Candy Corn- What the hell, another Easter variety? Seriously, nobody was asking for this. Hell, nobody was asking for candy corn for Halloween.

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70. Easter Ring Pops- If Ring Pops are terrible as a Halloween candy, then Easter styled ones wouldn’t be great at all for an Easter basket.

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