Note: This post may inhabit some real spoilers. So if you hadn’t read Mockingjay or watch Mockingjay Part 2, you probably shouldn’t be reading this post. Seriously, this post gives a lot away, including stuff I can’t even talk about with my parents (since they’ve only seen the movies). But I have it on my blog anyway since it’s a catchy song and parody.

Now as I said before, living in the underground city of District 13 really sucks since it’s so restrictive and everyone pretty much has to wear gray uniforms in civilian life. Still, by Mockingjay, this pretty much the only place where Katniss can go. Of course, she does accept Alma Coin’s offer of becoming the Mockingjay as well as the symbol of the revolution and Coin fulfills all of her demands. However, after Peeta is rescued and tries to strangle Katniss due to being hijacked by the Capitol with tracker jacker venom, courtesy of President Evil Santa Claus, Coin and Katniss’s relationship becomes a little more complicated. I mean they don’t always agree with each other and Coin isn’t very too fond of her. Nevertheless Coin sees her as a valuable tool and does whatever she can to have her on the rebels’ side. At least at first. But then again, there’s a chance Coin might not be as nice as you think she is.

Now for a song parody, I decided to go with “Be Prepared” from the Lion King. In the original Scar reveals his plans to kill Mufasa and Simba so he can become king of the pride lands. And tries to get the hyenas on his side, promising he’ll let them go to the pride lands so they won’t go hungry again. That all the while he scolds them for not killing Simba and taking note of the hyenas’ stupidity. With the Hunger Games version, I went with Coin talking about District 13, her plans to bomb the Capitol as well as overthrow and kill Snow, and possible plans to kill Katniss if she ever decides to go against her. Or before Katniss ever has the opportunity to go against her anyway (I’m not saying that she’s plotting to assassinate her. Don’t want to ruin it). I know this is a villain song. But still, it’s a song for a would be usurper. Coin is at least one of these and she’s not exactly a nice lady. Hell, she may be as bad as Snow and probably even more ruthless.

“Be Prepared” (Hunger Games Edition)

Mostly sung by President Alma Coin

Coin: I never thought Katniss essential

She’s worth more to me dead than alive

But maybe she’s a glimmer of potential

Though I prefer Peeta at my side…

They thought District 13 laid in ruin

But we only moved underground

And when the districts started rebelling

We become the new refuge they’ve found

It’s clear from your vacant expressions

Our conditions are less than ideal

And here stealing bread leads to torture

Might be harsh but it’s part of the deal

So, prepare for the chance of a lifetime

Be prepared for the rebellion at hand

A shining, new era

Is tiptoeing nearer

Boggs: And where do we feature?

Coin: Just listen to me, Sir.

I know it sounds sordid

But we’ll be rewarded

When at last, Old Man Snow will be through

And it will all be deliciously squared

Coin/District 13: Be prepared!

[Speech]

Plutarch: Yeah, be prepared! We’ll be prepared! For what?

Coin: For the death of Snow!

Plutarch: Why? Is he sick?

Coin: No, fool, we’re gonna kill him. And maybe Katniss, too.

Boggs: Great idea! Who needs Snow?

Boggs and Plutarch: Anarchy! Anarchy! La-la-la-la-la-la!

Coin: Idiots! There will be a leader!

Plutarch: Hey, but you said, uh…

Coin: I will be leader! Stick with me, and you’ll never go hungry again!

Boggs and Plutarch (Variously): Yay! All right! Long live Coin!

District 13: Long live Coin! Long live Coin!

District 13: Coin, Coin, Coin, Coin, Coin, Coin!

It’s great that we’re back to rebelling

With a leader who is all time adored

Coin: Of course, with pro quo, you’re expected

To obey certain guidelines on board

We cannot waste our resources

We must ration our food carefully

But if Katniss tries to break orders

I’ll kill her before she assassinates me!!

Coin: So prepare for the coup of the century

Be prepared to free our Panem (District 13: Oooh… la, la, la!)

Meticulous planning (District 13: We’ll have food!)

Tenacity spanning (District 13: Lots of food!)

If Katniss surpassing (District 13: No teen meat!)

I’ll have her killed fast then (District 13: Snow’s defeat!)

I’ll rule, undisputed

Respected, saluted

And seen, for the leader I am

Let the Capitol burn if I care

Coin/District 13: Be prepared!

All: Let the Capitol burn if we care

Be prepared!

Now while the Hunger Games usually involved teenagers fighting to the death, this isn’t the case when it comes to the Third Quarter Quell in Catching Fire which is the 75th Hunger Games. Now every Quell takes place every 25 years and comes with a special twist like you’d see on a reality show. Haymitch actually won the second Quarter Quell which each district sent 2 boys and 2 girls. So his odds were 47 to 1. Unfortunately, for Katniss and the other victors, this Quell’s theme turns out to be Hunger Games: All Star Edition. This means that tributes would be reaped from an existing pool of victors after being assured by the Capitol that they won’t have to take part in a death match again. Not anymore. Still, Hunger Games victors don’t have nice lives after they win. Yes, there’s fame and fortune but at a very steep price since the Capitol basically keeps an eye on them. And they have to come back every year to mentor tributes in their district. Not to mention, many have been suffering from PTSD as well as descended into addiction like Haymitch. If you’re very good-looking like Finnick, it’s possible that government would whore you out to some Capitol citizens, possibly the patrons who sponsored your victory. And if a tribute fails to comply to the totalitarian regime, then it’s possible that their loved ones could be killed off like Johanna Mason’s. Also, Haymitch’s family and girlfriend were killed off as well but that was because Snow hated how he won his Games. So it’s no surprise that plenty of victors hate the Capitol.  Still, getting a bunch of Capitol hating victors together to fight it out to the death (many of whom are friends with each other), what can go wrong with that?

For a good parody of the victors’ views on the Capitol, I went with the song, “One Night in Bangkok” sung by Murray Head in the musical Chess. Yes, they actually did a musical in the 1980s pertaining to chess. And it’s about a chess tournament in Bangkok, Thailand. Yeah, in a city most people known for having a shady reputation in prostitution.  But when you think about it, the Capitol is a rather decadent city and is much worse than Bangkok (save the fact they’ll arrest you for doing Katniss’s 3 finger salute). I mean the Capitol has extravagant parties, fashion, and mass entertainment such as teenagers fighting to the death. It also has advanced technology, especially in medicine. Now before the Hunger Games, tributes are usually treated with 5-star accommodations like luxurious quarters, beautiful clothes, expensive cuisine, and a top notch training area to get them in shape before exterminating their peers. Also, Capitol citizens are watched 24/7 and not toeing the line has terrible consequences. I mean look what happened when Seneca Crane failed at his job by letting Katniss and Peeta live. With all its flaws, poverty, and shady reputation, you’d rather be in Bangkok compared to this place.

“One Night at Capitol”

Sung by the Quarter Quell Victors, Haymitch Abernathy, and Plutarch Heavensbee

Chorus:

One night at Capitol makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night at Capitol and the tough guys tumble

Can’t be too careful with your company

I can feel Old Man Snow watching next to me

Haymitch Abernathy:

Capitol, hedonistic city

And the city don’t know what the city is getting

The creme de la creme of the Victors

In a Quell with everything but real winners

Time flies, doesn’t seem a minute

That the last Hunger Games had my two kids win it

All change, don’t you know that when you

Play at this level, there’s no ordinary venue

It’s forest or an island beach

Or desert or, or this place

Chorus:

One night at Capitol and Panem’s your oyster

Hotels are temples but the price ain’t free

You’ll find a sword in every golden cloister

And if you’re lucky when you’re dead by 3

I can feel a camera stalking up to me

Finnick:

This town’s not like any other

When your head’s down over your weapons, Brother

Wiress:

It’s a drag, it’s a bore, it’s really such a pity

To be trapped in the arena, not looking at the city

Johanna:

Whaddya mean?

Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town

Chaff:

Rich food, warm and sweet (warm, sweet)

Wonder how much those at the Capitol party

Beetee:

C’mon, you’re talking to a tribute

Whose every move among the repute

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

Chorus:

One night at Capitol makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night at Capitol and the tough guys tumble

Can’t be too careful with your company

I can feel Old Man Snow watching next to me

Peeta:

Panem’s gonna be the witness

To the ultimate test of murdering fitness

This scares me more than would

A muttation wolf or some rotten gouda

Plutarch:

But thank God, I’m only watching the game, controlling it

Katniss:

I don’t see you guys rating

The kind of shot I’m contemplating

You’ll have to watch, it sure would fright you

But if you’re in my place, they won’t excite you

So you better go back to your bars, your parties

Your massage parlors

Chorus:

One night at Capitol and the world’s your oyster

Hotels are temples but the price ain’t free

You’ll find sword in every golden cloister

A little flesh, a little slavery

I can feel a camera stalking up to me

One night at Capitol makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night at Capitol and the tough guys tumble

Can’t be too careful with your company

I can feel Old Man Snow watching next to me

Now you’d think that Katniss Everdeen would have a chance in the arena with her wilderness survival skills that she’s developed due to her need to help her family, especially after her dad died in a mining explosion when she was eleven. However, the Hunger Games are also a reality show, a very sick one that commits human rights abuses, but a reality show nonetheless. So while Katniss can survive in the arena, it’s not everything. And the Capitol is hungry for drama and tributes who are appealing for the cameras like being hot or having a great personality that would get them sponsors to help them survive. It’s important for tributes to make themselves appealing in the days leading up to the Hunger Games. Unfortunately, while Katniss can look great in a pretty dress after she’s groomed up a bit, she doesn’t have the kind of personality that would stand up to sponsors and win over audiences. And let’s just say there’s not much time for Haymitch, Cinna, and her prep team to pull a My Fair Lady transformation either. However, Peeta Mellark certainly does and his love confession for Katniss on national television (a crush he had since he was 5) helps Haymitch market her as the object of Peeta’s affections. Of course, Katniss has to play along whether she wants to or not. But such star-crossed lover romance helps them both survive the Games in the first book.

Now for the parody, I based it on “You’re the One That I Want” a final song from Grease. Yes, I know Katniss is supposed to be a role model to young girls while Olivia Newton John’s character basically is the antithesis of what every girl should do to get a guy like change everything about yourself. Then again, Travolta kind of liked her anyway, but still. And the original is a cheesy love song about needing a man. However, in the Hunger Games version, it’s not a love song and I have it sung by Haymitch. And he’s telling Katniss to at least pretend to reciprocate Peeta’s love for her in order to win the audience and attract sponsors that will help them survive the Games. Of course, he’s talking to a sixteen-year-old girl who’s about as emotionally stunted as Scarlett O’Hara. Still, this is certainly a situation where Katniss might really need a man in her life, particularly one like Peeta. I mean she needs all the help she could get. Besides, I thought having him sing a song from a 1950s style musical from the 1970s would be hilarious.

“Be the One That They Want”

Sung by Haymitch Abernathy with backup from Katniss’s Prep Team

You got skills, I’m not lying

But they won’t help you

If the Capitol won’t be buying

Then you’ll be dying!

You better shape up cause you need a man

So their hearts are set on you

You better shape up, you better understand

You need them to sponsor you (cause by yourself, you won’t even pull through)

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

Be the girl of Peeta’s affections

That will sure help your case

Meditate in my direction

Fake your way

You better shape up, cause you need a man (you need a man)

Who can keep them satisfied

You better shape up, if you’re gonna prove (you better prove)

That my faith is justified

That one of you could sure win and survive

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

Be the one that they want(Be the one they want) oh oh oh sweetheart

The one that he neeeeeeds oh yes indee-ee-heed

Unless you’re hiding under a rock in some cave, anyone with any inkling of pop culture knowledge should know that the Hunger Games is about a an absurdly high stakes reality show competition for teenagers. In other words, a televised event in which teenagers are forced to fight each other to the death. Now in the first book, Katniss and Peeta are tributes from District 12 which has had more consecutive losing Hunger Games losing season than the Pittsburgh Pirates had in baseball. Seriously, after winning his Hunger Games, Haymitch Abernathy had to train a total of 46 kids in the arena who have ended up dead. Not to mention, District 12 is seen as the poorest district of Panem where most families are starving that most Peacekeepers turn a blind eye to poaching. And if that’s bad, you have tributes from the wealthier districts 1, 2, and 4 that are trained as ringers for the Hunger Games at a young age before many of them volunteer, mostly at 18. And they’re  usually favored to win since they usually ally until they’re at each other’s throats when they’re the only ones left. Of course, such training is illegal but tolerated by the Capitol. However, Katniss does have one advantage over them since she had to hunt critters on scarce resources for years.

Now I thought a good parody for the Careers to sing would be based off of the song “Pinball Wizard” from the Who rock opera Tommy. Now the original song is about a boy who’s deaf, dumb, and blind but sure plays a mean pinball. How this is possible? Don’t ask. I wasn’t even born yet to advise Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry. Yet, he doesn’t have a very nice life. In this Hunger Games version, I have the Career Pack singing about Katniss’s talent with a bow and arrow as well as her improbable aiming skills at archery. Not surprisingly, the Careers pay witness at the training center before the Games. And they’re surprised that a novice girl from a dirt poor district might have a chance of winning after all. This might not be in the book since Careers are quite arrogant. But it makes a good song parody. And let’s just say they’re playing a way more dangerous game than pinball.

“Archery Wizard”

Sung by the Career Pack

Marvel:

Ever since I was a young boy,

I’ve trained as a Career.

I’ve tried out every weapon

With mastery in spear.

But I ain’t seen nothing like her

At any training hall….

That poor girl from Twelve there

Sure is a mean archer!

Glimmer:

She stands like a statue,

And takes up steady aim.

Hitting all her targets

Always playing clean.

She once shot an apple

Through a pig roast’s mouth.

That poor girl from 12 there

Sure is a mean archer!

Cato:

She’s an archery wizard

She’s barely ever missed

This archery wizard’s got such a supple wrist.

District 4 Boy: ‘How do you think she does it?

District 4 Girl: I don’t know!

District 4 Boy: What makes her so good?’

Clove:

Ain’t got any training

She’s just from District 12.

But if I see her aiming

I’d better run like hell.

Said to be a poacher,

Might explain it all

That poor girl from 12 there

Sure is a mean archer.

Cato:

I thought I was the most likely to win

But against her, I’ve not much time to live

Though she’s only a novice

She can beat my best.

Hope her quiver arrows

Aren’t pointed toward my chest.

She’s got crazy nimble fingers

Never seen her fall….

That poor girl from 12 there,

Sure is a mean archer.

Of course, Katniss and Peeta wouldn’t be able to win the 74th Hunger Games without the guidance of their mentor and District 12 Hunger Games victor, Haymitch Abernathy. As a mentor and a victor, his job is to give them tips on how to survive the arena, arrange deals with sponsors to get them potentially life-saving items, and other things for which you’d generally prefer someone to be sober. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of Haymitch’s better skills though you couldn’t blame him for all that he’s been through. I mean he had to see some fellow tributes  die, lost his family and girlfriend because Snow didn’t like how he won, and sending 46 charges to the arena. Still, though initially seen as the town drunk of District 12 and not surprisingly reluctant to take on Katniss and Peeta,  he later becomes more willing when the two show that they might have a fighting chance. Nevertheless, he’s nowhere near as stupid or as useless as everyone assumes him to be. And he even comes to care for his charges in the process as a Team Dad.

Of course, a great parody  song for him would be a take off from “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Disney’s Mulan, sung by Captain Shang (who’s ironically voiced by Donny Osmond). In the original Captain Shang is trying to train his band of misfit soldiers into a capable fighting force within the length of a training montage. I’ve basically had the Hunger Games version of this almost the same way.  Except that Haymitch is trying to ensure that at least one of his charges survives the Hunger Games since it’s a teenage death match (see that this is from the first book). Now there’s a Hunger Games parody of the song on the Internet. But I’ve tried to do my own version which I think might be a little better.

“I’ll Make a Tribute Out of You”

Mostly sung by Haymitch Abernathy (unless noted otherwise)

Let’s get down to business

To defeat your peers

Think I’m too washed up as your own mentor?

You’re the saddest pair I ever met

But for once one might pull through

Children, I’ll make a tribute out of you

Boy tranquil as a forest

Girl on fire within

Once you have your sponsors

One is sure to win

You’re a spineless, pale, pathetic pair

And you haven’t got a clue

Somehow I’ll make a tribute out of you

(Boy from 9): I’m never gonna catch my breath

(Peeta): Say goodbye to those who knew me

(Foxface): Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym

(Haymitch): Careers’ got ’em scared to death

(Katniss): Hope he doesn’t see right through me

(Boy from 8): Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

(Be a tribute)

You must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a tribute)

With all the force to waylay your doom

(Be a tribute)

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Time is racing toward us till the Games begin

Heed my every order and you might sure live

You’re unsuited for the Capitol

Can’t pack up, go home you’re through

How could I make a tribute out of you?

(Be a tribute)

You must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a tribute)

With all the force to waylay your doom

(Be a tribute)

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

(Haymitch and Tributes:)

(Be a tribute)

You must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a tribute)

With all the force to waylay your doom

(Be a tribute)

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Now winning the Hunger Games is a very rare achievement in itself that victors are always guaranteed food, riches, and fame. They even get a nice house in the Victor’s Village in their district, which really helped Katniss and Peeta a great deal since they won the 74th Hunger Games in the first book. This is especially for Katniss since she grew up in dire poverty and spent her adolescence hunting for critters since her dad died in a mine explosion. They also got to live near their mentor, former Hunger Games victor, and broken alcoholic Haymitch Abernathy. Yet, a lot of victors don’t have nice lives, especially since they have to train future tributes who have a 23 to 1 chance of making it out alive. This is especially bad for Haymitch because virtually all the kids he’s mentored have died in the arena until Katniss and Peeta show up. However, fame and fortune isn’t nearly as exemplified than with former Hunger Games victor from District 4, Finnick Odair. Introduced in Catching Fire as a tribute for the 75th Hunger Games and third Quarter Quell (which reaped from the existing pool of victors that year like their All-Stars edition), he won his Games at the age of 14 thanks to being irresistible to audiences which brought him sponsors galore and merciless to his competition. His ornate trident that he used to single-handedly destroy his opponents was said to be the most expensive sponsor gift ever. After his win, he’s been very popular with the Capitol and had a reputation as a pretty womanizer who’s left a string of broken hearts (it’s actually not like that). And let’s just say his initial get up had to be a little more conservative for the movies to retain a PG-13. However, he’s actually a nice, fun guy when you get to know him as Katniss did.

Now I thought an appropriate song parody would be “Friend Like Me” from Disney’s Aladdin. You know, the song where the Genie introduces himself in the cave and tells Aladdin that he’s his master and he could ask him 3 wishes (one of which Aladdin reserves to set him free). Still, in the Hunger Games version,  I had Finnick asking Katniss to be her ally at the third Quarter Quell in his true, fun-loving, public persona. This makes Katniss think that he’s a shallow pretty boy. Little does she and Peeta know that Haymitch has already taken care of that by arranging an alliance with half the Quell’s victors. Now let’s just say the Capitol must be pretty stupid to reap tributes from the pool of victors since a lot of them are good buddies with each other and have major issues with Panem’s totalitarian regime. Yeah, sure to have that end with a big arena escape.

“Friend Like Me”

Sung by Finnick Odair

Well, I won my Games at a mere 14

And hail from fishing District 4

I’m handy with a trident as you’ve seen

When I’ve used one to wipe the floor

I was a teenage heartthrob as you know

Attracting as many sponsors and broken hearts

I’ve got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how

But I’d rather not talk about that part

And I say

Miss Katniss Everdeen

What will your pleasure be?

Just watch me eat

These sugar cubes

You ain’t never had a friend like me

No no

I have a knack of knots

See me hang myself for free

Just let me join you in the Games

You ain’t never had a friend like me

Yes, I’m my district’s youngest victor

I’m a hunk

A champ, a star

Say what you wish

I sure can fish

As well as disembowel with these prongs

Do you find me quite distracting

Stripped to my underwear

I’m in the mood to help Peeta, too

You ain’t never had a friend like me

Can your friends make hooks?

Can your friends make nets?

Can your friends do CPR near an electric fence?

Can your friends make knots?

Well, looky here

Can your friends stab a Career right through the guts

And then excuse himself to take a pee?

So don’t cha think I’m a shallow pretty boy

But I can be a very merciless nightmare

You got me bona fide, certified

Better not mess with my trident if you dare

I got a powerful urge to help you out

So what-cha say? I really wanna know

Remember who the real enemy is, no doubt

But now’s let’s try to put on a show – and oh

Miss Katniss Everdeen, become my ally please

I’m on the job, you big nabob

You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend

You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend

You ain’t never had a friend like me

You ain’t never had a friend like me, hah!

A noteworthy and popular character in the Hunger Games is Seneca Crane, the Head Gamemaker of the 74th Hunger Games in the first book. Now in the books, he’s not mentioned by name until Catching Fire, when he’s good and dead for quite some time as we speak. Mostly because he let Katniss and Peeta live when they threatened to commit suicide together instead of kill one another. However, for him it was either having to choose between two victors or no victor at all. He went with two for a happy ending even if it didn’t end happy for him. But he play a major role in the first book in the behind the scenes, because after all, he’s the Head Gamemaker who’s in charge with what goes on in the arena. And yes, kids have died in the name of entertainment under his charge like from poisonous plants, monstrous creatures, and natural disasters. Still, according to Suzanne Collins, he doesn’t  know the true purpose of the Games and is only in it for the show biz and furthering his career. And he only kills teenagers in order to put on a good show. Nevertheless, he became rather popular when the first movie came out since his role was expanded and his awesome facial hair.

For his number, I decided to have him explain his own occupation to the tune of “Master of the House” which is from the Victor Hugo based musical Les Miserables. Now the original talks about how the Thenardiers cheat their customers at their ramshackle inn which is about as filthy as what you’d expect from 1820s France. Yes, they may be quite entertaining but they are awful people who treat Cosette like shit and they’re even worse in the book. Of course, I’m not sure if they’re as bad as Seneca Crane. Yet, then again, Seneca Crane has a job in which killing teenagers is sort of part of the deal. And the Capitol is very insensitive to such teen violence that they see as entertainment. Yes, a reality show with a sick premise indeed.

“Master of the Games”

Sung by Seneca Crane

Seneca Crane, I have the beard

I am the man whom all tributes fear

I orchestrate stuff in the Games

Setting the scene and help entertain

Seldom do you see

Any men like me

Controlling the arena

Who’s content to be

Master of the Games, putting on a show

Overseeing the arena for the Hunger Games

Put some killer squirrels, make them shit their pants

Wait until you see the bullet ants

And we’re sure to have muttations

After some of them are through

But you haven’t seen nothing

You’ll see more disasters soon

Master of the Games, keeper of the zoo

Let’s unleash a killer bird or two

Add a little fire, sure to smoke them out

Sorry, a fellow tribute has just killed them now

Everybody loves a rookie

When everyone’s entertained

I do whatever pleases

The Capitol so nobody complains

Master of the Games, quick to catch yer eye

God help the tribute who avoids a fight

Add a little storm, add a little fog

Make it poisonous so they won’t last long!

Let’s have some tracker jackers

Don’t want to approach the nest

They’re deadly and persistent

So there’s not much to fight back

Show beyond compare, show beyond belief

Some won’t last a bloodbath and their time is brief

Fighting for supplies, fighting for a pack

Being attacked by Careers in the big bloodbath

Tributes are more than welcome

Cornucopia has supplies

Everybody loves

A catfight with two girls wielding knives

Make it pour blood rain, make it sunny bright

Mess with them by switching from day to night

Here’s a little blight, there a killer mutt

Hope you aren’t there when they all go rut

Some plants may be poison

Some tributes don’t have a clue

Don’t you eat the nightlock, it’s real deadly

Jesus! Shame they hadn’t knew!

I hope Snow is pleased with all my schemes

But God Almighty, hope the kids don’t form close teams.

Master of the Games? Is it worth my spit?

Go wrong, then Snow will surely lose his shit

Hope there’s just one left, hope they don’t make pacts

If they threaten suicide, then I’ll get the ax

What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a boss

God knows how I’ve lasted working for this bastard before I’m lost!

Master of the Games!

Keeper of the beard

Capitol lapdog whom

All tributes fear

Keep them entertained so they won’t complain

Don’t know why we have them but they sure are great!

Hope to have career advancement

Hope the Games go well this year

Everybody raise a glass

Hope Snow doesn’t nail my ass

Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the Games!

Warning: This song is a sung by a walking spoiler from the series. So if you haven’t read the books or see the movies up to Mockingjay Part 1, you might want to not read this post.

Now President Alma Coin is the leader of District 13, which specializes in graphite, nuclear power, and weapons before the Dark Days war. However, before the Hunger Games this place was a major center of rebellion that managed to take control of a nuclear arsenal. It was supposedly bombed and destroyed before the first annual Hunger Games. But in the last book, it’s confirmed that District 13 just moved underground as a military state with residents living in bunkers with a subterranean livestock and vegetable farms to help them survive when the Capitol destroyed everything above ground. Also, the Capitol and District 13 agreed to leave each other alone under the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction because the latter had more nukes. And the Capitol basically spread the story of District 13’s destruction. However, when you get into Mockingjay, it’s revealed that District 13 is the center of the new rebellion but the residents lead very regimented lives having to wear gray uniforms, sleep in identical living quarters, follow a personalized schedule each day, food rations, and being trained for the military once you hit 14. So, yes, life there basically sucks.

Now for a parody song pertaining to Alma Coin, I went with “King Herod’s Song” that’s also from Jesus Christ Superstar. The original is about King Herod Antipas telling Jesus to demonstrate his divinity in front of him to so he can bail him out of a crucifixion. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the memo that Jesus’s divinity doesn’t work that way. And the great Jesus Christ keeps silent neither admitting nor denying whether he’s God, the Messiah, or has any penchant for miracles. But in the Hunger Games version of the song, I have Alma Coin virtually requesting Katniss Everdeen to help recruit rebels from the other districts as the “Mockingjay” which is the rebellion’s poster child.

“President Alma Coin’s Song”

Sung by President Alma Coin of District 13

Katniss Everdeen, nice to meet you face to face.

You’ve been getting quite a name all around the place.

Defy the Capitol and win the Hunger Games

We might just have a job for you

For our movement just the same.

So, you are the Jay, you’re the great Mockingjay

Do some propos with us please: be our mascot in our scheme.

Help districts rebel, tell Snow go to hell.

Just be the Mockingjay please.

Katniss, you just won’t believe the hit you’ve made around here.

You are all we talk about, the wonder of the year.

Oh what a pity if you don’t comply.

Still, I’m sure that you can rock the cynics if you tried.

So, you are the Jay, you’re the great Mockingjay.

Prove to me that you’re no fool; wear this outfit and we’re cool.

If you do that for me, then I’ll let you go free.

Just be the Mockingjay please.

I only ask things I’d ask any superstar.

What is it that you have got that puts you where you are.

I am waiting, yes I’m a captive fan.

Be the revolutionary symbol that it takes to free Panem.

So, if you are the Jay, yes the great Mockingjay

Tell Snow that he’s good as dead.

You can do it on your head.

Or has something gone wrong? Why do you take so long?

Just be the Mockingjay please.

Hey! Will you work with me, Kat?

Show Snow where it’s at?

Give me a list of your demands.

Yes, we’ll save your victor friends.

Is that all okay?

I’ll let you kill Snow if you say…

C’mon, be the Mocking-

Come be the Mockingjay,

Oh, just be the Mockingjay Please!

C’mon, Katniss,

The rebellion needs you,

Please join us in District 13.

Of course, a franchise usually has to have a good villain. And in The Hunger Games, the resident baddie is none other than President Coriolanus Snow who’s the autocratic ruler of the Capitol and all of Panem. At first, you might find him a seemingly laid-back, polite gentleman saying all the right words. But his demeanor hides a sadistic and psychopathic mind. So don’t be surprised if he’s smiling politely and engaging in friendly conversation before he makes a remark or threat reminding you of the evil lurking underneath. He wasn’t directly responsible for initially organizing the Hunger Games (they had been held years before he took power), but he uses the Games to show the Districts who’s boss just the same. Still, Snow serves as the prime mover behind all the horrific events that happen within the story. Murder is basically his go-to solution to virtually every problem that he needs a compelling reason not to have someone killed. And he has secret cameras everywhere, much to everyone’s discomfort. Oh, and he reeks of blood and roses. Nevertheless, despite that he had a huge role in the first movie, he doesn’t appear much in the first book other than giving the official welcome for the 74th Hunger Games and crowning Katniss and Peeta as its winners. But he doesn’t have a key scene until Catching Fire when he meets Katniss face-to-face (more on that later). However, since the first movie needed scenes beyond Katniss’s perspective, expanding his role was necessary.

As for a good parody song for him, I went with “Heaven on Their Minds” which is the intro song from the Andrew Lloyd Weber Broadway musical, Jesus Christ Superstar. It’s sung by Judas Iscariot whose betrayal of Jesus for 30 pieces of silver leads to our Lord and Savior’s arrest and crucifixion. However, in Jesus Christ Superstar, he’s basically a star of the show. Yes, Judas betrayed his friend which is very bad, but his vileness has been heavily debated among scholars, theologians, and authors for centuries. Now as a Hunger Games parody, I have set it at about the beginning of Catching Fire when Fascist Santa Claus visits Katniss’s house and first meets her face-to-face. At this point he’s absolutely pissed that she and Peeta were allowed to survive the Hunger Games, as their act of defiance (like preferring a joint suicide to one killing the other) has ignited rebellion in several Districts. However, Snow knows that despite being well aware that Katniss and Peeta’s relationship is a ruse (at least on paper), he lets it continue to avoid further rebellion because killing her would make her a martyr. So he tells her that convince the Districts that she’s just a love-crazed teenager during the Victory Tour who had no intention to defy the Capitol whatsoever or he will have Gale and her family killed.

“Revolution on Their Minds”

Sung by President Coriolanus Snow

My mind is clearer now

At last all too well

I can see where you all soon will be

If you strip away

The myth from the maid

You will see where you all soon will be

Katniss! I’m not sure to believe

The things they say of you

Can you really say

Your love for Peeta’s true?

Cause I saw you in the woods

Kissing another man

Did you defy the Capitol

With those berries in your hands?

Listen, Katniss I don’t like what I see

All I ask is that you listen to me

And remember, my threats are never empty all along

You have set Panem on fire

But please, don’t be a new Messiah

Or your family’s sure to not last long

I remember when this whole thing began

Just a volunteer taking her own sister’s stand

And believe me, my admiration for you hasn’t died

But everything you do today

Gets reported round some other way

And I’ll kill your loved ones if you’ve lied

District 12’s most famous gal

Should have stayed a great unknown

Like her father mining coal

Would’ve made good

Pick axes and dynamite

Would have suited Katniss right

She’d have caused nobody harm, no one alarm

Listen Katniss, do I make myself clear?

Play your part and you’ve nothing to fear

And convince me, your pact with Peeta was of a lovestruck teen

Several districts have rebelled

And they all know you far too well

But I’ll crush you if you go too far, if you go, go too far

Listen, Katniss to the warning I give

Please remember that I want you to live

But it’s harder not to martyr you with every hour

Signs of defiance you will find

Revolution on their minds

So don’t anger me or you will fall

And you don’t want to fall

As you might be aware, The Hunger Games isn’t about a lot of nice stuff since it pertains to a dystopian society in which their biggest annual televised event pertains to children fighting to the death. Normally such gloomy material usually doesn’t translate well into a  light weight musical. But it doesn’t seem to stop some fans on Youtube from trying. Not to mention, there are plenty of musicals that don’t deal with nice stuff like Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Jesus Christ Superstar, and others. And before we had musicals, we had opera with lyrics containing about as much sex and violence as gangster rap. Nevertheless, I thought it would be a good idea to have fun with the Hunger Games through the art of musical parody. After all, fans tend to do such stuff all the time as I’ve seen online whether it be Star Wars, Harry Potter, Dr. Who, Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, Breaking Bad, and other franchises. Not to mention, parody tends to be a sincerest form of flattery.

Note: These songs are parodies. And no, I don’t have permission. But screw them since I think it’s funny. But feel free to make videos of these if you wish, but for God’s sake just give me credit. Some of the lyrics might not be original since I usually copy and paste them before I add my own additions. And I sometimes leave them in if I think it might go well with the song. Nevertheless, the songs chronology won’t be conforming to the sequence of events in the books.

Now this number is set in the first book when Katniss and Peeta first arrive to the Capitol as tributes for the 74th Hunger Games. I thought an appropriate song for this part would be a Hunger Games spoof of “Be Our Guest.” Of course, it’s a pretty upbeat song. But still, you have to understand that Belle is being held hostage in a castle with a ferocious Beast everyone wants her to date as well as his singing inanimate object staff. All because the staff don’t want to stay inanimate objects forever and the Beast needs a girlfriend for that to happen (and they’re running our of time). And since the Beast can’t venture out of the castle without being chased by a mob of torches and pitchforks, kidnapping a village girl (or her dad) might be the only option available. Still, it’s not nearly as bad as being a teenager whisked away from home to the Capitol and being forced to fight to the death on national television. But Effie Trinket and many in the Capitol seem to have rather sunny dispositions about it since Capitol residents see the Hunger Games as a form entertainment like a reality show with a very sick premise.

“Be Our Guest” (Hunger Games Edition)

[Effie Trinket:]

Mr. Mellark and Ms. Everdeen

It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure

That we welcome you tonight.

And now, we invite you to relax,

Let us pull up a chair

As the Capitol proudly presents –

Your quarters!

Be… our… guest!

Be our guest!

Please don’t be so depressed

It’s an honor to be a tribute

For our teenage slaughter fest

Try the pig

It’s divine

Why, you’re only here to fight

Make the most of

Two weeks training.

So you won’t be

Felled by maiming.

Here’s your stylists

They’ll be fast

After all, Katniss, you need waxed!

And Cinna’s outfits are never second best!

Come in and welcome tributes

Settle in and then you’ll

Be our guest

Be our guest

Be our guest!

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Here’s your rooms,

Enjoy your stay,

Before you’ll soon be forced to slay

[Effie Trinket:]

Be prepared and dressed with flair

For the televised parade!

You’re alone

And you’re scared

But the arena’s all prepared

No one’s gloomy or complaining

While the murder’s entertaining

Wow the crowds,

Show your skills!

Meet your peers and future kills

[Capitol Chorus:]

And it’s all in perfect taste

That you can bet

Come on and lift your glass

Before you’ll have to kiss your ass

To be our guest

[Effie Trinket:]

Don’t be stressed

For the teen carnival of death!

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

[Haymitch Abernathy:]

Life is so unnerving

For a victor’s who’s mentoring

Two more tributes without a chance to take upon

Since sixteen, I’ve taught Twelve’s tributes

And now all those kids I’ve trained are gone

Twenty-three years I’ve been drinking

Forced to teach tributes who’ve been stinking

Before they’re in the arena and promptly killed!

Most days I just lay about in liquor

Flabby, fat and lazy

You walked in, and I’ve gone crazy!

[Cinna:]

It’s a guest!

It’s a guest!

Sakes alive, well I’ll be blessed!

Clothes designed and thank the Lord

I’ve had the fabrics freshly pressed

District 12

Coal country

And my dear that’s fine with me

While the tributes do their training

I’ll be stitching, I’ll be sewing

Make them black

Make them hot

Heaven’s sakes! Is that a spot?

Clean it up!

We want the Capitol impressed

[Prep Team:]

We’ve got a lot to do!

[Cinna:]

Is it Size 8 or 2?

For you, our guests!

[Prep Team:]

They’re our guests!

[Effie Trinket:]

That is mahogany!

[Prep Team:]

They’re our guests!

[Capitol Chorus:]

Be our guest

Be our guest

Our command is Snow’s request

You’ve been reaped to entertain us

At our televised blood fest.

Give us drama

Give us gore

And happy Hunger Games by the score

Give us violence that we’ll savor

And may the odds

Be ever in your favor!

[Effie Trinket and Capitol Chorus:]

Corpse by corpse!

One by one!

Till there’s twenty-three fallen done

Then we’ll crown the sole survivor our next champ

Soon it’s to the arena

And we’ll hope to see ya

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Please, be our guest!