Tag Archives: Cakes

The Wonderful World of Thanksgiving Cakes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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As with most holidays, cakes seem to have a special place. And Thanksgiving is no exception. Of course, the motifs are turkey, Pilgrims, Indians, pumpkins, cornucopia, and fall. Of course, you’ve probably seen some of them in my previous post on Thanksgiving treats. Still, I could go on and on about the nice lovely turkey day cakes I’ve seen. However, all that would make you unwilling to view such post. So instead, I’ll show you some other cakes that you might not want around at your family home on Thanksgiving. Whether it’s poor depictions of turkeys or something you don’t want your kids to see, sometimes mistakes are made. So without further adieu, here are some of the cakes featuring Thanksgiving blunders.

1. I’m sorry about your cornfield being hit by that tornado.

Wait a minute, this is a cornucopia? Still, at least we can be thankful for not having to see those giant corny death rays.

Wait a minute, this is a cornucopia? Still, at least we can be thankful for not having to see those giant corny death rays.

2. Looks like that Pilgrim Father’s wearing a hat that seems 3 sizes too small.

Are you sure this isn't a cake meant to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day? Just saying.

Are you sure this isn’t a cake meant to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day? Just saying. Then again, he may just have been covering a receding hairline.

3. This cake is a representation of what happens if you give a Butterball Turkey to a vegetarian.

That's right. Give a turkey to a vegetarian and it will sit in the fridge for days until it gathers mildew and starts to smell.

That’s right. Give a turkey to a vegetarian and it will sit in the fridge for days until it gathers mildew and starts to smell terribly.

4. As we all say, “In one end and out the other.”

Yet, as far as this cake decorator was concerned, I wonder if he or she was sure which end was which. I mean the head seems to be iced on the wrong end.

Yet, as far as this cake decorator was concerned, I wonder if he or she was sure which end was which. I mean the head seems to be iced on the wrong end.

5. This bird’s on fire, it’s rolling down the road…..

Basically this is what happens to a turkey if you think cooking one for Thanksgiving is setting one on fire while alive.

Basically this is what happens to a turkey if you think cooking one for Thanksgiving is setting one on fire while alive.

6. While some say “Happy Thanksgiving,” others take a bit of artistic license.

From Cakewrecks: "And lo, they laid the baby glow worm in a manger, and saideth, 'Thanks AND Giving' Lo. Cometh hath. And sucheth."

From Cakewrecks: “And lo, they laid the baby glow worm in a manger, and saideth, ‘Thanks AND Giving’ Lo. Cometh hath. And sucheth.”

7. As he awaited his torment in the infernal regions of Hell, Tom the Turkey stood there wondering what he had ever done to deserve such wretched fate.

Then again, he's probably roasting in some oven or something. Perhaps awaiting to meet his death through heat exhaustion.

Then again, he’s probably roasting in some oven or something. Perhaps awaiting to meet his death through heat exhaustion.

8. Now this turkey seems to be a little too well done here.

Of course, even though this turkey cake looks burnt, it's probably better to eat than the real thing.

Of course, even though this turkey cake looks burnt, it’s probably better to eat than the real thing.

9. Now I’ve never seen quite a turkey with elaborate tail feathers on its head.

Of course, this turkey seems to have a very colorful personality and possibly too much of the brown acid at Woodstock.

Of course, this turkey seems to have a very colorful personality and possibly too much of the brown acid at Woodstock.

10. Sure turkeys are big, but they’re utterly helpless when surrounded by mice.

For God's sake, this turkey's feathers seem to resemble punk spikes. Also, what's with the creepy mice?

For God’s sake, this turkey’s feathers seem to resemble punk spikes. Also, what’s with the creepy mice?

11. Even when gutted, plucked, stuffed, and baked, this turkey seems to be surprisingly good at yoga.

Of course, I'm quite sure that turkeys certainly don't have their legs stretched out like that. Still, doesn't look right for some reason.

Of course, I’m quite sure that turkeys certainly don’t have their legs stretched out like that. Still, doesn’t look right for some reason.

12. Nothing says Thanksgiving than having a turkey being surrounded by tiny phalluses and turd flames.

Of course, this doesn't look like a turkey in as much as it resembles some weird angry bird's head about to explode.

Of course, this doesn’t look like a turkey in as much as it resembles some weird angry bird’s head about to explode.

13. Now this bird seems to be a little rambunctious.

Either this turkey is just overexcited over something, in panic mode, or just plain high on some LSD.

Either this turkey is just overexcited over something, in panic mode, or just plain high on some LSD.

14. Perhaps this turkey is pining for the fjords.

"'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This turkey is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-TURKEY!!"

“‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This turkey is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e
rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-TURKEY!!”

15. A rolling pumpkin gathers no vines.

Whereas this pumpkin cake seems to have a stem at the top of it that resembles a turd. Perhaps some creature just took a dump on it.

Whereas this pumpkin cake seems to have a stem at the top of it that resembles a turd. Perhaps some creature just took a dump on it.

16. Oh great, I always wanted to have a Thanksgiving barbecued turkey dinner.

Of course, it doesn't really look a real turkey. Barbecued or otherwise. Still, are those real raw potatoes? Now that's strange.

Of course, it doesn’t really look a real turkey. Barbecued or otherwise. Still, are those real raw potatoes? Now that’s strange.

17. Thanksgiving turkey or just a walking mutant turkey headed gingerbread man in a burning wheat field?

Seems like this cake decorator seems a bit too taken in with all this Christmas commercialism these days.

Seems like this cake decorator seems a bit too taken in with all this Christmas commercialism these days.

18. This turkey seems to be incredibly stuff.

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed. Also, a lesson that you shouldn't confuse your TP with your TNT.

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed. Also, a lesson that you shouldn’t confuse your TP with your TNT.

19. Now this turkey seems to have a very huge ass crack.

Is it just me or does anyone else think this turkey is mooning us?

Is it just me or does anyone else think this turkey is mooning us? Seriously, I think this bird should be arrested for indecent exposure.

20. May we wish you a “Happy Gooble Gooble Day.”

Seriously, how can one person managed to mispell "gobble" for God's sake? It's not a hard word to spell. Even a kid could manage it.

Seriously, how can one person managed to mispell “gobble” for God’s sake? It’s not a hard word to spell. Even a kid could manage it.

21. Before The Nightmare Before Christmas there was The Nightmare Before Thanksgiving.

Of course, The Nightmare Before Thanksgiving didn't do too well at the box office got terrible reviews. Besides, it managed to anger many in the Native American community that it was pulled from release.

Of course, The Nightmare Before Thanksgiving didn’t do too well at the box office got terrible reviews. Besides, it managed to anger many in the Native American community that it was pulled from release.

22. Happy Thanksgiving from a black Ken doll in a speedo on a bear rug?

I'm sure this turkey day Burt Reynolds' centerfold imitation is sure going to go real well with the parents of small children. Not.

I’m sure this turkey day Burt Reynolds’ centerfold imitation is sure going to go real well with the parents of small children. Not.

23. Happy Thanksgiving, from the Naughty Gingerbread Man.

Seems like Gingy got arrested of indecent exposure. Still, perhaps the baker seems to have gotten too caught up with Christmas.

Seems like Gingy got arrested of indecent exposure. Still, perhaps the baker seems to have gotten too caught up with Christmas.

24. Now you leave the turkey in the oven until it turns golden brown,

Jesus Christ, turkey is people! This is one of the most disturbing turkeys I've ever seen.

Jesus Christ, turkey is people! This is one of the most disturbing turkeys I’ve ever seen. Still, why does cake even exist?

25. So this is Foghorn Leghorn’s brother from Colorado.

Sure while Foghorn Leghorn is a southern gentlemen, Highorn Leghorn relocated to the Haight Ashbury of San Francisco and got a little too into the drug scene and Rastafarianism.

Sure while Foghorn Leghorn is a southern gentlemen, Highorn Leghorn relocated to the Haight Ashbury of San Francisco and got a little too into the drug scene and Rastafarianism.

26. This turkey is literally on fire.

Then again, its drumsticks seem to have an appearance of a couple of burning cigarettes. And what's with the smiley face?

Then again, its drumsticks seem to have an appearance of a couple of burning cigarettes. And what’s with the smiley face?

28. Nothing like a turkey than one as a black and white cartoon character.

Now that's just so utterly terrifying. Also, I wonder if that turkey is about to do something terrible.

Now that’s just so utterly terrifying. Also, I wonder if that turkey is about to do something terrible. I’d keep my eye on him, if I were you.

29. Eat this turkey, I dare you.

I'm sure that they cut off the turkey's head before they put it in the oven. Actually decapitation is the first thing they do with a turkey.

I’m sure that they cut off the turkey’s head before they put it in the oven. Actually decapitation is the first thing they do with a turkey.

30. Now this is one bright and colorful turkey.

Seems more like a cross between one of those fold up party decorations and a turd to me. Also, seems to be made from a wedding cake sideways.

Seems more like a cross between one of those fold up party decorations and a turd to me. Also, seems to be made from a wedding cake sideways.

31. I wouldn’t worry since this turkey is just about half as good as it looks.

Then again, if it's half as good as it looks, then it must really taste like shit.

Then again, if it’s half as good as it looks, then it must really taste like shit. Also, it kind of seems real dry and can use some gravy.

32. Now this is a nice turkey cake for the kids.

Wait a minute, that turkey's head looks like a sex toy for some reason? That or some abnormally shaped phallus.

Wait a minute, does that turkey’s head looks like a sex toy for some reason? That or some abnormally shaped phallus.

33. I’ll take a-drumstick?

Wait a minute, are those drumsticks or spray painted poo made to look like drumsticks?

Wait a minute, are those drumsticks or spray painted poo made to look like drumsticks? Seriously, why?

34. Finally, a decent looking Thanksgiving turkey cake.

Hey, what's with the Frosty the Snowman hat and scarf? Don't tell me they're trying to sneak Christmas upon us!

Hey, what’s with the Frosty the Snowman hat and scarf? Don’t tell me they’re trying to sneak Christmas upon us!

35. Now that is one huge turkey in this one.

Seems like this turkey doesn't seem too happy here, to be dessert. Still, a bit too realistic if you know what I mean.

Seems like this turkey doesn’t seem too happy here, to be dessert. Still, a bit too realistic if you know what I mean.

36. How about the cake that combines Thanksgiving and football?

Wait, is that a turkey or a football with drumsticks? Seriously, this might not have been a good idea.

Wait, is that a turkey or a football with drumsticks? Seriously, this might not have been a good idea.

37. Things seem to be getting wacky at NBC and not in a good way.

Seems like NBC wants to get in the Thanksgiving spirit by replacing their peacock with a turkey. Doesn't seem to take since the turkey might be tripping on something.

Seems like NBC wants to get in the Thanksgiving spirit by replacing their peacock with a turkey. Doesn’t seem to take since the turkey might be tripping on something.

38. Now here’s a great Thanksgiving cake straight from Jurassic Park.

This is not a turkey. It may be a velociraptor, Sesame Street puppet, or some kind of cartoon exotic bird. But it is not a turkey.

This is not a turkey. It may be a velociraptor, Sesame Street puppet, or some kind of cartoon exotic bird. But it is not a turkey.

39. Now this turkey can’t seem to get enough of the fireworks.

Because he seems to be bombarded by them all the time. Also, I didn't know turkeys can fly. Wait a minute, domestic ones can't while wild ones, not too well.

Because he seems to be bombarded by them all the time. Also, I didn’t know turkeys can fly. Wait a minute, domestic ones can’t while wild ones, not too well.

40. I’ll some turkey breast meat, thank you very much.

Actually, that's not what I had in mind. Besides, what farmers putting into their turkeys these days which causes them to grow mammaries? It's unnatural!

Actually, that’s not what I had in mind. Besides, what farmers putting into their turkeys these days which causes them to grow mammaries? It’s unnatural!

Here Comes the Wedding Cake!

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Spring and summer are big seasons for weddings since these are times when the weather is supposed to be nice and sunny, well, most of the time. Of course, you don’t need to take my word for it that they are big occasions that require constant planning yet we’re pretty sure that most couples who are about to make the trip to the altar pretty much know what they’d want their wedding to be like. Then again, there are plenty of women who’ve already planned the trimmings to their wedding way before they met the man (or woman in some states) of their dreams. One of the big features of the wedding is the big wedding cake which is often the centerpiece of the wedding buffet as well as the only piece of food made for people to look at. I can go all day about the nice wedding cakes I’ve seen but this post would be boring so instead I’ll post cakes that would turn any bride to be into an instant bridezilla and for good reason since some of the cakes don’t always turn out according to plan and mistakes can’t always be repeated, too. Then again, you may have some brides saying, “Well, we can always renew our vows.”

1. Nothing says that the wedding is all about the bride than having a large cake in her likeness.

Seriously, this is the kind of cake you get when the bride has no taste or budget. Besides, I think having a wedding cake in your likeness is one of the creepiest and selfish things you could do.

Seriously, this is the kind of cake you get when the bride has no taste or budget. Besides, I think having a wedding cake in your likeness is one of the creepiest and selfish things you could do.

2. Best wishes to Donna and Adam Overly and may their marriage not become like their initials on their wedding cake.

I hope the initials on this cake don't describe the happy couple's future together or how they'll end up in the hospital after being stabbed by the local serial killer. Then again, maybe the initials don't mean anything.

I hope the initials on this cake don’t describe the happy couple’s future together or how they’ll end up in the hospital after being stabbed by the local serial killer. Then again, maybe the initials don’t mean anything.

3. Looks like this couple has ordered a cake of their wedding based on their favorite hobby: rock climbing.

Is it just me, or does that cake look like a giant turd with plant foliage on it? Still, I hope they have a rock solid marriage until death do they part, which in this case is one of them losing control of the bungee cords and falling 100 feet to their demise.

Is it just me, or does that cake look like a giant turd with plant foliage on it? Still, I hope they have a rock solid marriage until death do they part, which in this case is one of them losing control of the bungee cords and falling 100 feet to their demise.

5. Why not have a wedding that’s based on the bride’s favorite Disney movie?

Maybe a Cinderella cake is fine by me but I think this is kind of over the top. Also, I'm not much of a fan of the girl finding her way out of her godforsaken hellhole through losing her footwear.

Maybe a Cinderella cake is fine by me but I think this is kind of over the top. Also, I’m not much of a fan of the girl finding her way out of her godforsaken hellhole through losing her footwear.

5. Some people cry at weddings while this baker made a cake that resembled a tissue pile.

May this cake be a reminder of all the tissues Susie went through during her dating life until she met Todd.

May this cake be a reminder of all the tissues Susie went through during her dating life until she met Todd.

6. This wedding cake’s theme from John J. Audubon’s Birds of America: The Winter Series.

Sure the birds may be beautiful in the snow but all the branches on this cake seem dead for some reason. It doesn't seem that this cake was made for a happy occasion since it looks rather depressing if you ask me.

Sure the birds may be beautiful in the snow but all the branches on this cake seem dead for some reason. It doesn’t seem that this cake was made for a happy occasion since it looks rather depressing if you ask me.

7. So may your life be filled with peeps, kisses, Jack Daniels, and tacky lawn ornaments.

Either that, or the Hershey's kisses are a stand-in for the flamingo poo droppings. Still, this cake sort of illustrates that this couple has horrible taste.

Either that, or the Hershey’s kisses are a stand-in for the flamingo poo droppings. Still, this cake sort of illustrates that this couple has horrible taste.

8. Let this cake stand to remind you that marriage is just one monogamous sausage fest.

Seriously those tubular decorations can't be icing. I mean they look like ham, bacon, or some other meat. It's disgusting.

Seriously those tubular decorations can’t be icing. I mean they look like ham, bacon, or some other meat. It’s disgusting.

9. Let this wedding cake tell us that it’s important to practice safe sex in a monogamous relationship.

Yet, perhaps these condom decorations are for the guests who want to hook up with someone during the reception.

Yet, perhaps these condom decorations are for the guests who want to hook up with someone during the reception.

10. Why better wedding cake than one resembling a fountain?

This cake actually looks pretty nice except for the spikes on the top which makes it better suited for a horror movie.

This cake actually looks pretty nice except for the spikes on the top which makes it better suited for a horror movie.

11. Nothing says “true love” than a wedding cake of a tree with an initialed heart cut in.

Except that this tree looks like it was straight out of a badly drawn Dr. Seuss book. This, assuming that Dr. Seuss was in kindergarten at the time.

Except that this tree looks like it was straight out of a badly drawn Dr. Seuss book. This, assuming that Dr. Seuss was in kindergarten at the time.

12. Why not have a wedding cake that looks like it was designed by the baker’s 5 year old daughter?

This cake looks more like a little girl’s art project. I swear it seems like the cake is made out of styrofoam and blue electrical tape. I suppose the flowers came from someone’s art set, too.

13. Why not have a wedding cake that’s made on top of a large stump?

Either that, or Cousin It. Then again, it kind of resembles a stool you might want to buy at the Pottery Barn with a cake topper on it. Let's just say if weren't for the topper, I wouldn't know it was a wedding cake.

Either that, or Cousin It. Then again, it kind of resembles a stool you might want to buy at the Pottery Barn with a cake topper on it. Let’s just say if weren’t for the topper, I wouldn’t know it was a wedding cake.

14. Why not have a cake that says “I have a hunk a heart of burning love,” or something like that?

Then again the fires on this cake have substantially cooled as far as we know. Still, doesn't quite cut it in the Elvis song.

Then again the fires on this cake have substantially cooled as far as we know. Still, doesn’t quite cut it in the Elvis song.

15. Nothing says a fall wedding like wheat decorations that give it a rustic tone.

Of course, the wheat on this cake is so tall that I can't see the rest of it. Also, kind of resembles a do-it-yourself fertility goddess headdress or something.

Of course, the wheat on this cake is so tall that I can’t see the rest of it. Also, kind of resembles a do-it-yourself fertility goddess headdress or something.

16. May this wedding cake show how love rises to new heights within the bonds of matrimony.

Of course, the baker got so carried away with the cake design that the wedding has gone way over budget.

Of course, the baker got so carried away with the cake design that the wedding has gone way over budget.

17. For the wedding reception, what cake to have than one with a disco ball on top of it?

Of course, this cake design brings us why people no longer look to the 1970s for decorating ideas. Also, a disco ball as a cake topper? That's tacky beyond all understanding.

Of course, this cake design brings us why people no longer look to the 1970s for decorating ideas. Also, a disco ball as a cake topper? That’s tacky beyond all understanding.

18. Of course, what winter wedding would be complete without an Alpine skiing cake from the Rocky Mountains.

What the hell are those green things? Are they supposed to be rocks or something? Can somebody answer me?

What the hell are those green things? Are they supposed to be rocks or something? Can somebody answer me?

19. Nothing says a festive wedding than a salmon color wedding cake.

Reminds me of a place called Cafe Salmonella from A Series of Unfortunate Events where all the food was this color. Of course, this color is fine on salmon but disgusting on anything else edible.

Reminds me of a place called Cafe Salmonella from A Series of Unfortunate Events where all the food was this color. Of course, this color is fine on salmon but disgusting on anything else edible.

20. What wedding wouldn’t be complete without two doves as a cake topper?

Of course, the cake itself looks like a little girl's art project complete with spray paint and glitter.

Of course, the cake itself looks like a little girl’s art project complete with spray paint and glitter.

21. Of course, there’s no redneck wedding like a camo wedding cake decorated with beer cans and taxidermy squirrels.

The taxidermy done on these cake toppers was by Norman Bates. Also, using taxidermy as cake toppers is kind of unsanitary if you ask me but perhaps this cake was done on a budget.

22. Here comes the….hey, what happened to the bride’s head?

Seriously, this is freaky if you ask me. Why have a cake of the bride's bust? Also, the fact it doesn't seem to have a head is even more disturbing.

Seriously, this is freaky if you ask me. Why have a cake of the bride’s bust? Also, the fact it doesn’t seem to have a head is even more disturbing.

23. Not to fear, Wal-Mart has the perfect wedding cake for you this Valentine’s Day season, now at a great low price.

This would've been the perfect cake for the Game of Thrones "Red Wedding" episode. Of course, you can see why the show's fans wouldn't even consider buying such cake that seems to be oozing in blood.

This would’ve been the perfect cake for the Game of Thrones “Red Wedding” episode. Of course, you can see why the show’s fans wouldn’t even consider buying such cake that seems to be oozing in blood.

24. What better wedding cake than one that resembles a place you wouldn’t drive on.

Of course, this was designed by a boy who thought that wedding cakes have gotten a bit too girly for some reason. Also, this is why grooms shouldn't plan weddings (just kidding).

Of course, this was designed by a boy who thought that wedding cakes have gotten a bit too girly for some reason. Also, this is why grooms shouldn’t plan weddings (just kidding).

25. May this wedding cake remind you of the golden moments you shared on this fateful day.

Of course, this baker has used way too much spray paint on this and it shows big time.

Of course, this baker has used way too much spray paint on this and it shows big time.

26. Nothing says wedding cake than having one that seems to be made out of paper mache and tissue paper.

That cake looks fairly convincing, for some kid's 3rd grade art project, I guess.

That cake looks fairly convincing, for some kid’s 3rd grade art project, I guess.

27. These three wedding bakers seem so proud of their new creation.

That looks like a it was based from a pile of expensive looking pillows found in some 5 star hotel.

That looks like a it was based from a pile of expensive looking pillows found in some 5 star hotel.

28. Nothing says “Southern Wedding” than beer cans, chocolate mud, strawberries, and Confederate flags.

Now this is why rednecks seem to be offensively stereotyped, folks. Also, not only is the Confederate flag a racist symbol, it's also a terrible wedding decoration. And I'm not saying that to anger, Lynard Skynard fans here. I'm just saying.

Now this is why rednecks seem to be offensively stereotyped, folks. Also, not only is the Confederate flag a racist symbol, it’s also a terrible wedding decoration. And I’m not saying that to anger, Lynard Skynard fans here. I’m just saying.

29. Of course, no fall wedding could be complete without an autumn styled cake with deer toppers, especially when it’s after Thanksgiving.

I don't know about you but I think deer heads should be on someone's wall, not on a wedding cake. It's kind of tacky if you ask me but at least the rest of it is tasteful.

I don’t know about you but I think deer heads should be on someone’s wall, not on a wedding cake. It’s kind of tacky if you ask me but at least the rest of it is tasteful.

30. Ain’t no wedding like a Mardi Gras wedding.

Then again, these Mardi Gras bead decorations don't seem to bring in the festive spirit. Rather it seems like a more appropriate cake for Lent despite it being a season where many give up sweets and their New Year's resolutions.

Then again, these Mardi Gras bead decorations don’t seem to bring in the festive spirit. Rather it seems like a more appropriate cake for Lent despite it being a season where many give up sweets and their New Year’s resolutions.

31. Aw, what can possibly go wrong with a wedding cake decorated with dolphins?

Oh, my God, this is a horrible cake. I mean the dolphins look like they're all dead. Seriously, what does this baker have against dolphins?

Oh, my God, this is a horrible cake. I mean the dolphins look like they’re all dead. Seriously, what does this baker have against dolphins?

32. Nothing makes a fairytale wedding than a cake of Cinderella’s castle.

On second thought, this cake has made one of the most iconic castles in Disney movies look like one of most terrifying places on earth. Seriously, it makes me wonder why Cinderella would want to marry the Prince and move in to such a place.

On second thought, this cake has made one of the most iconic castles in Disney movies look like one of most terrifying places on earth. Seriously, it makes me wonder why Cinderella would want to marry the Prince and move in to such a place.

33. Aw, nothing says “true love”  on a winter wedding like a wedding cake depicting a scene from Dr. Zhivago.

Sure, Dr. Zhivago is one of the great romances and "Lara's Theme" is a great piece of music but it's about the Russian Revolution as well as a guy who carries on an extramarital affair with some Bolshevik official's neglected wife who he once saw after she was raped by a Russian aristocrat. Let's just say if you know the rest of the Dr. Zhivago story, you can see why seeing Yuri and Lara enjoying a sleigh ride doesn't seem like an appropriate wedding idea. Also, the winter limbs on this cake are horrifying.

Sure, Dr. Zhivago is one of the great romances and “Lara’s Theme” is a great piece of music but it’s about the Russian Revolution as well as a guy who carries on an extramarital affair with some Bolshevik official’s neglected wife who he once saw after she was raped by a Russian aristocrat during the 1905 uprising. Let’s just say if you know the rest of the Dr. Zhivago story, you can see why seeing Yuri and Lara enjoying a sleigh ride doesn’t seem like an appropriate wedding idea. Also, the winter limbs on this cake are horrifying.

34. Sometimes when two don’t agree on the same wedding cake design, there needs to be a compromise.

As awful looking as this cake is, at least both bride and groom tried to accommodate their tastes. Still, camouflage shouldn't be used on wedding cakes. I'm sorry.

As awful looking as this cake is, at least both bride and groom tried to accommodate their tastes. Still, camouflage shouldn’t be used on wedding cakes. I’m sorry.

35. May this cake remind you of the fireworks between the two of you.

Of course, I hope your relationship has more spectacular sparks than this cake would imply. Otherwise, your marriage doesn't have a prayer.

Of course, I hope your relationship has more spectacular sparks than this cake would imply. Otherwise, your marriage doesn’t have a prayer.

36. Nothing says a summer wedding than a couple standing on top of a pile of dead sharks.

This is a terrible idea for a wedding cake. Even more disturbing is that all the sharks on this cake are oozing with blood. Sure sharks may attack people but there's no reason why we should try to annihilate them since they have an important place in the ecosystem.

This is a terrible idea for a wedding cake. Even more disturbing is that all the sharks on this cake are oozing with blood. Sure sharks may attack people but there’s no reason why we should try to annihilate them since they have an important place in the ecosystem.

37. What a wonderful wedding cake with butterflies and sperm?

Look, if having sperm on a baby shower cake is bad, it's certainly a terrible idea for a wedding one. Then again, these could be tadpoles, but still.

Look, if having sperm on a baby shower cake is bad, it’s certainly a terrible idea for a wedding one. Then again, these could be tadpoles, but still.

38. Of course, at a wedding, make sure there is plenty of cake to go around.

Lord knows how many guests attended this occasion as well as how much was spent on doing this cake alone. Still, it's pretty tacky if you ask me.

Lord knows how many guests attended this occasion as well as how much was spent on doing this cake alone. Still, it’s pretty tacky if you ask me.

39. What better wedding cake can you have that contains rainbows, flowers, and butterflies.

Is it just me, or does this cake seem to have been made by Lisa Frank on an acid trip or something?

Is it just me, or does this cake seem to have been made by Lisa Frank on an acid trip or something?

40. Of course, this cake shows that this couple is very serious when it comes, “till death do we part.”

Yet, why did they have to make the point about it with eyeballs, blood, and lopped off body parts, I don't have the slightest idea.

Yet, why did they have to make the point about it with eyeballs, blood, and lopped off body parts, I don’t have the slightest idea.

41. Oh, what a beautiful message to put on a wedding cake.

However, the cake topper with the bride wearing the pants bit is kind of a bit sexist if you ask me. Also, the writing seems to be melting.

However, the cake topper with the bride wearing the pants bit is kind of a bit sexist if you ask me. Also, the writing seems to be melting.

42. What kind of wedding cake wouldn’t be without butterflies?

Along with outlandish foliage that seems to come straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. Seriously, if your garden is like this cake, it needs weeding.

Along with outlandish foliage that seems to come straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. Seriously, if your garden is like this cake, it needs weeding.

43. You can never have too many flowers on a wedding cake.

Uh, yes, you certainly can as this cake points out since you could barely see it itself. Also, I'm pretty sure those flowers are fake.

Uh, yes, you certainly can as this cake points out since you could barely see it itself. Also, I’m pretty sure those flowers are fake.

44. Here is a wedding cake that was inspired by Aunt Bertha’s hat.

Seems like more money was spent on the cake decorations than the actual cake. Still, this looks so freaky.

Seems like more money was spent on the cake decorations than the actual cake. Still, this looks so freaky.

45. This wedding cake brings the festive spirit into any reception.

Then again, this cake kind of makes a lame show at it. Still, very colorful though but the "wow" factor is missing.

Then again, this cake kind of makes a lame show at it. Still, very colorful though but the “wow” factor is missing.

46. Of course, what better wedding cake for Star Wars fans than one of Jabba the Hut?

Actually, I can think of a lot of better Star Wars wedding cake ideas than this one. Also, have you notice that Jabba the Hut resembles an abnormally shaped turd from the back?

Actually, I can think of a lot of better Star Wars wedding cake ideas than this one. Also, have you notice that Jabba the Hut resembles an abnormally shaped turd from the back?

47. May God bless Sonia and BrianOliver on their wedding day.

Of course, this cake is bound to get a lot of giggles since the initials spell SOB. Couples, before you use monograms on your wedding cake, make sure they don't spell something that has a negative connotation or makes people laugh.

Of course, this cake is bound to get a lot of giggles since the initials spell SOB. Couples, before you use monograms on your wedding cake, make sure they don’t spell something that has a negative connotation or makes people laugh.

48. Nothing like a weapon cake that shows you’re flirting with disaster.

I don't know about you but this wedding cake contains all sorts of things that no wedding cake should have. I mean its supposed to be a happy occasion, not set to the scene of some action movie with plane crashes, gunfights, and blood everywhere.

I don’t know about you but this wedding cake contains all sorts of things that no wedding cake should have. I mean its supposed to be a happy occasion, not set to the scene of some action movie with plane crashes, gunfights, and blood everywhere.

49. Ain’t no wedding cake like one made out of snack food.

This is probably a way of saying "we spent all our money before we could think of a wedding cake so help yourself to some Hostess snack foods as our honored guests."

This is probably a way of saying “we spent all our money before we could think of a wedding cake so help yourself to some Hostess snack foods as our honored guests.”

50. And of course, what wedding wouldn’t be complete without a cake of a tree.

Particularly a sickly, sweating, morning after a bender during the reception and woke up next to a stranger tree. Yeah, not very convincing is it?

Particularly a sickly, sweating, morning after a bender during the reception and woke up next to a stranger tree. Yeah, not very convincing is it?

Congratulations, it’s a Baby Shower Cake!

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Ah, baby showers, a gathering to celebrate a child’s birth by presenting gifts to the kid’s mother (who’s usually pregnant at the time). Sure these are usually occasions for women with cutesy gifts and decorations included as well. Oh, and there’s usually a cake there, too. Of course, I could go on and on about how all the cute cakes you see at baby showers but you’d probably barf to such saccharine suggestions. Instead I’m going to show you some of the most disturbing and inappropriate cakes that that have been used to commemorate such occasions which may not be safe for work. Let’s just say that there are all so many examples of bakers perhaps taking their creativity too far or maybe these events aren’t as cutesy as many would think it would be. So without further adieu, here are some outlandish cakes that have been used to greet all those little bundles of joy.

1. What better way to greet the little shit machine than with a cake to remind the mother to be of what’s in store for the next three to four years?

Sure this is one of the less anticipated moments of parenting but do you have to have a cake of what a baby’s diaper looks like from the inside? Seriously, this is disgusting.

2. Congratulations on the impending birth of your new, demon child?

Seriously, I think Damien would be the better choice for the creepy baby on the TV set than Ethan. Also, if he’s the fifth kid in the family, then you shouldn’t be having a baby shower. Still, maybe it’s for the dad who’s an alien or something since the baby tends to very much look like it’s from another world or Hell.

3. Now here’s a cake that depicts why we’re celebrating this occasion from the microscopic point of view.

Well, let's say if any children are around, this cake would provide them a good opportunity of how babies are made. Seriously, what's with the egg and sperm thing?

Well, let’s say if any children are around, this cake would provide them a good opportunity of how babies are made. Seriously, what’s with the egg and sperm thing? And why do all the sperm have smiley faces on them as if they’re happy for their buddy to fertilize the egg?

4. Now here’s a cake that provides a simulated view of what the baby looks like up close and personal.

I’m perfectly fine with showing ultrasound images but not on such a tacky cake display such as this. Besides, I think this is kind of too up close and personal.

5. Now here’s a cake that depicts an image from an anatomy textbook.

I guess the baker figured that a cross section image from sex-ed was the perfect inspiration for this design. Let's just say when I go to a baby shower, the last thing I want to remember is health class.

I guess the baker figured that a cross section image from sex-ed was the perfect inspiration for this design. Let’s just say when I go to a baby shower, the last thing I want to remember is health class.

6. Now here’s a perfect cake for those throwing a baby shower during hunting season.

The fact that the torso's decked in camouflage with a baby footprint protruding from it makes it all the more disturbing. Doesn't help that the camouflage from the mother's stomach bears a remarkable resemblance to blood vessels.

The fact that the torso’s decked in camouflage with a baby footprint protruding from it and a popped up belly button makes it all the more disturbing. Doesn’t help that the camouflage from the mother’s stomach bears a remarkable resemblance to blood vessels.

7. Nothing says about the ups and downs of parenthood than a cake with a dirty diaper.

On second thought, chocolate syrup seems to bear a remarkable resemblance to poo now that I think of it.

On second thought, chocolate syrup seems to bear a remarkable resemblance to poo now that I think of it.

8. There’s nothing like a baby shower cake that states the reason for such celebration in the most crassest way possible.

Someone in this baby shower seems to be a huge fan of that stupid Seth Rogen movie for some reason. Still, I'm sure that the guest of honor at this thing knew about it for months.

Someone in this baby shower seems to be a huge fan of that stupid Seth Rogen movie for some reason. Still, I’m sure that the guest of honor at this thing knew about it for months.

9. Now here’s a cake that seems to take some inspiration from a sex ed animation.

Is is just me or does the baker have some side job in medical illustration. Still, now that's how babies are made, kids, at least in the technical aspects as well as what a woman's reproductive system looks like upon fertilization. Also, what kind of name is Gentri, seriously?

Is is just me or does the baker have some side job in medical illustration. Still, now that’s how babies are made, kids, at least in the technical aspects as well as what a woman’s reproductive system looks like upon fertilization. Also, what kind of name is Gentri, seriously?

10. Nothing says baby shower like a cake reminding the guest of honor of the tribulations of labor with the encouragement from an iconic childhood character.

Sure induce further trauma of giving birth by including the Cat in the Hat. Makes one not think the same way about Dr. Suess ever again. Why not have Thing 1 and Thing 2 assist with the delivery. Also, why did the baker have to be so graphic about this?

11. What better baby shower cake to have than a cake depicting Spencer the Spermazoa, mascot from WTFU.

I think this is a baby shower cake for guys but I’m not sure. Also, I heard WTFU’s Spiking Spermazoa have a lousy record in college football and basketball.

12. And if you like cupcakes what better way to commemorate a baby shower than ones with chocolate sperm.

Actually they kind of more or less resemble creepy chocolate tadpoles. Perhaps these are better at a gathering for amphibian enthusiasts instead of baby showers.

Actually they kind of more or less resemble creepy chocolate tadpoles. Perhaps these are better at a gathering for amphibian enthusiasts instead of baby showers.

13. What better way to say congratulations to the new parents than with a cookie cake just stating the obvious but in a way you wouldn’t say to kids.

Let's just say there's a reason why we don't include the word "genitals" in cakes. Still, this is like "congratulations for the new baby" in the most inappropriate way possible.

Let’s just say there’s a reason why we don’t include the word “genitals” in cakes. Still, this is like “congratulations for the new baby” in the most inappropriate way possible.

14. What way to celebrate the coming of a new baby than depict a delivery scene that would be akin to a horror movie.

Seriously, this cake would be much more appropriate for Halloween than a baby shower. The use of a baby doll covered in strawberry syrup kind of makes this cake even more nightmarish. Perhaps it's enough to make any pregnant woman opt for a c-section.

Seriously, this cake would be much more appropriate for Halloween than a baby shower. The use of a baby doll covered in strawberry syrup kind of makes this cake even more nightmarish. Perhaps it’s enough to make any pregnant woman opt for a c-section.

15. Nothing says adorable than seeing a sweet baby in its blankie.

Except this baby wants to devour your soul through your lactating teets than be fed from the baby bottle. Seriously, this is is pretty creepy if you think about it.

Except this baby wants to devour your soul through your lactating teets than be fed from the baby bottle. Seriously, this is is pretty creepy if you think about it.

16. What could be better baby shower cake than to have one depicting who the mother works for (or just got fired from).

I suppose this baby shower cake was for the woman at Hooters known for getting way too friendly with the customers.

I suppose this baby shower cake was for the woman at Hooters known for getting way too friendly with the customers.

17. Aw, what would be a more heartwarming cake than one with the parents rubbing the mother’s tummy and going through the journey of parenthood together.

On second thought, does the woman have four hands or do they belong to two different people? Also, this is kind of creepy if you ask me.

On second thought, does the woman have four hands or do they belong to two different people? Also, this is kind of creepy if you ask me.

18. Now here’s a cake on how the whole thing happened.

Look, even with the plant references, this cake still reminds me of health class in high school. Seriously, we get it now and no, this narrative doesn't make this cake any more adorable.

Look, even with the plant references, this cake still reminds me of health class in high school. Seriously, we get it now and no, this narrative doesn’t make this cake any more adorable.

19. Finally, a cake to show where the action is.

Look, we've all been to sex-ed and we know what happens in the uterus once the egg is fertilized. Also, the cookie fetus is pretty creepy.

Look, we’ve all been to sex-ed and we know what happens in the uterus once the egg is fertilized. Also, the cookie fetus is pretty creepy.

20. What better way to commemorate the arrival of a new bundle of joy than to have a cake that depicts the inevitability all mothers to be may have to face.

What the hell is that flesh thing coming from that torso's stomach? It sure doesn't look like a baby to me. Also, these pregnant torso cakes are pretty tacky if you ask me.

What the hell is that flesh thing coming from that torso’s stomach? It sure doesn’t look like a baby to me. Also, these pregnant torso cakes are pretty tacky if you ask me.

21. Nothing says baby shower like having a cake with a creepy baby doll who wants to kill you.

Aw, look at her blank soulless eyes. Who's mommy's future little serial killer? You are, you are. Seriously, this baby is showing signs of being a sociopath.

Aw, look at her blank soulless eyes. Who’s mommy’s future little serial killer? You are, you are. Seriously, this baby is showing signs of being a sociopath.

22. Nothing welcomes a new baby home than having a cake contain his ultrasound images.

Maybe ultrasound images of fetuses should be in cards and such, not on cakes. Oh, God, no please.

Maybe ultrasound images of fetuses should be in cards and such, not on cakes. Oh, God, no please.

23. Aw, what a lovely cake to greet God’s little angel.

Wait a minute, is this for a baby shower or a baby funeral? Seriously, that cross kind of makes it disturbing. Of course, in Rick Bobby's opinion, this is a cake of Baby Jesus.

Wait a minute, is this for a baby shower or a baby funeral? Seriously, that cross kind of makes it disturbing. Of course, in Rick Bobby’s opinion, this is a cake of Baby Jesus.

24. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a cake depicting a scene in the delivery room.

I don't know about you bud doesn't the doctor instruments on the baby table seem a little terrifying to you? I don't know about you but it seems that bakers can't traumatize us enough.

I don’t know about you bud doesn’t the doctor instruments on the baby table seem a little terrifying to you? I don’t know about you but it seems that bakers can’t traumatize us enough.

25. This baby shower was sponsored by Pampers.

Seriously, if this isn't some kind of product placement cake, then I don't know what is. Still, a diaper cake, why?

Seriously, if this isn’t some kind of product placement cake, then I don’t know what is. Still, a diaper cake, why?

26. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a little baby about the crawl into your nightmares.

God, that baby is ugly and creepy as hell. Probably better suited as a Halloween cake since it doesn't even look like a baby to me.

God, that baby is ugly and creepy as hell. Probably better suited as a Halloween cake since it doesn’t even look like a baby to me.

27. There ain’t no baby like a gangsta baby.

What’s with the cigars, seriously? Still, no matter what your taste in music is, you got to agree with me that this is in very bad taste, according to some people.

28. Nothing says “welcome baby” than a pregnant torso cake with limbs bursting out of it.

This is horrifying and it kind of reminds me of some kind of horror movie in which the monster bursts out of someone's stomach or something like that.

This is horrifying and it kind of reminds me of some kind of horror movie in which the monster bursts out of someone’s stomach or something like that.

29. There’s nothing so adorable than a cake of a baby’s bottom and a lobster.

Looks more like a red scorpion to me and we know those are poisonous. Also, I think the idea of baby bottom cakes is a very tacky idea if you ask me.

Looks more like a red scorpion to me and we know those are poisonous. Also, I think the idea of baby bottom cakes is a very tacky idea if you ask me.

30. Nothing says, “welcome baby” than a cake of an infant fresh from the delivery room.

This is simply terrifying. Whoever thought this was a creative idea for a baby shower cake, ought to have his head examined. Seriously, this isn’t cute at all, especially the fact that the baby is blue, making the cake even more disturbing in the process.

31. Congratulations, it’s uh, baby. Can you tell me what the hell that is?

This cake reminds me of that Saint Vincent DePaul statue with the children at my alma mater Saint Vincent College. Let's just say that sculptor didn't know how to draw kids which gave it an aura of creepiness like this cake does. The child in this cake is butt ugly and doesn't seem to resemble a baby at all. Also, it looks too young to be Benjamin Button.

This cake reminds me of that Saint Vincent DePaul statue with the children at my alma mater Saint Vincent College. Let’s just say that sculptor didn’t know how to draw kids which gave it an aura of creepiness like this cake does. The child in this cake is butt ugly and doesn’t seem to resemble a baby at all. Also, it looks too young to be Benjamin Button.

32. Aw, take a look at this adorable cake of a little baby in the tub.

Never in the history of the world has anyone depicted such an activity of innocence in such a nightmarish way possible. I mean a baby in the tub should be seen as adorable but this cake is simply terrifying.

Never in the history of the world has anyone depicted such an activity of innocence in such a nightmarish way possible. I mean a baby in the tub should be seen as adorable but this cake is simply terrifying.

33. Nothing says “welcome twins” like a cake in which the babies resemble kidneys.

Seriously, are they supposed to be in a uterus or something else. Because that does not look like a uterus at all. Looks more like a fruit of some sort if you ask me.

34. Nothing says “welcome baby” than seeing one in a cake.

Seriously, this baby doll in cake thing is creeping me out. Also, how did they bake that or at least get that baby in the cake?

35. Finally a cake with an exhausted expectant mother in labor on her hospital bed.

Hey, at least they didn't depict a cake with a c-section. Still, why have a cake depicting this? Why? I mean she has bloodshot eyes, for God's sake.

Hey, at least they didn’t depict a cake with a c-section. Still, why have a cake depicting this? Why? I mean she has bloodshot eyes, for God’s sake.

36. Congratulations it’s a Ooompa Loompa?

Then again, maybe being a slave laborer at Willie Wonka’s factory isn’t so bad after all as this cake shows. Yet, their offspring are fairly ugly if you know what I mean.

37. Aw, such an adorable cake with twins in a basket to show a mother to be’s double bundle of joy.

These babies are the spawn of Satan and are hungry for your soul. Take them away! Take them away!

These babies are the spawn of Satan and are hungry for your soul. Take them away! Take them away!

38. Finally, a baby shower cake for little green aliens to enjoy.

After all, little green men are people, too, even if their kids freak you out at one time. Yet, strangely the parents intend to name their new son with the Earth name of Tristan. Perhaps this might be the case since Orgarth and Mosal figured that a name from their planet would get their son beat up in school.

After all, little green men are people, too, even if their kids freak you out at one time. Yet, strangely the parents intend to name their new son with the Earth name of Tristan. Perhaps this might be the case since Orgarth and Mosal figured that a name from their planet would get their son beat up in school.

39. Congratulations and may your little girl make a lovely little addition to the Dark side of the Force.

Either this, or that the expectant mother's friends are trying to tell her that she needs a divorce and that her husband would make a terrible dad. That, or just that she may really be into Star Wars for some reason. Seriously, Darth Vader on a baby shower cake? You know this is a guy who cut off his son's hand and blew up his daughter's planet.

Either this, or that the expectant mother’s friends are trying to tell her that she needs a divorce and that her husband would make a terrible dad. That, or just that she may really be into Star Wars for some reason. Seriously, Darth Vader on a baby shower cake? You know this is a guy who cut off his son’s hand and blew up his daughter’s planet.

40. Playboy Bunny bra over enormous boobs? Check. Foot protruding out of stomach? Check. Ultrasound image of baby? Check.

Does anyone think that a Playboy Bunny bra on big boobs on these pregnant torso cakes seem like a covert way of saying what a skank the expectant mother is? I mean seriously, everyone knows that Playboy is a porno magazine created by some old guy who has a harem of scantily clad young women at his own mansion.

41. Finally a baby shower cake for the mother to be who would give birth in a tub.

Seriously, why make a cake of this? How the expectant mother wants in a delivery should be her own personal business, not something to announce to the world.

Seriously, why make a cake of this? How the expectant mother wants in a delivery should be her own personal business, not something to announce to the world.

42. Congratulations it’s a baby human-monkey hybrid.

Look, I’m fine with whatever you do in your personal life but I’m not a fan of bestiality even if it’s between women or chimps. Either that, or whoever designed this cake is really terrible at monkeys for some reason for it looks strangely humanoid. This would’ve been a better baby shower cake if this was Planet of the Apes.

43. Congratulations on your new chest bursting alien that will probably strike you dead.

This would've been a perfectly appropriate baby shower cake for Sigourney Weaver, assuming that she didn't have any kids before the Alien franchise movies. Hey, at least the alien doesn't burst out of a woman's chest in the actual movie, it bursts out of a guy's.

This would’ve been a perfectly appropriate baby shower cake for Sigourney Weaver, assuming that she didn’t have any kids before the Alien franchise movies. Hey, at least the alien doesn’t burst out of a woman’s chest in the actual movie, it bursts out of a guy’s.

44. Congratulations, uh, who’s Jason here?

Either this is a baby shower cake for an expectant dad named Jason. Or Jason is the unborn baby who has been determined to be a boy. Either way, it's kind of freaky to have a sperm in scuba gear if you know what I mean.

Either this is a baby shower cake for an expectant dad named Jason. Or Jason is the unborn baby who has been determined to be a boy. Either way, it’s kind of freaky to have a sperm in scuba gear if you know what I mean.

45. Finally, a bad baby shower cake for the undead expectant mother.

Seriously that baby looks like a monstrosity like a zombie hungry for brains. Also, I didn't know zombies could even reproduce on their own either.

Seriously that baby looks like a monstrosity like a zombie hungry for brains. Also, I didn’t know zombies could even reproduce on their own either.

46. Finally, a baby shower cake that gives the term, “baby carrots” a whole new meaning.

I don't know about you, but I kind of find the idea of a clone army naked babies with mohawks riding carrots kind of terrifying if you ask me.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of find the idea of a clone army naked babies with mohawks riding carrots kind of terrifying if you ask me.

47. Nothing says, “welcome baby” than a cake depicting a big boobed mother nursing her bundle of joy.

Either the designer was a guy who frequented strip clubs on a regular basis or this cake was originally made for a bachelor party of some sort but cancelled at the last minute. If it's the latter, then the baby was probably a last second addition.

Either the designer was a guy who frequented strip clubs on a regular basis or this cake was originally made for a bachelor party of some sort but cancelled at the last minute. If it’s the latter, then the baby was probably a last second addition.

48. Finally, a cake that tells an expectant mother exactly what her friends and relatives are thinking about her unplanned pregnancy.

Of course, this cake features a pregnant Marge Simpson whose story seems fairly similar to the slogan. Then again, I guess you could do worse than Homer even if he is kind of a jerk at times. Nevertheless, it’s a pretty bad way to rub it in.

49. Nothing could be a better baby shower cake than one with a fetus you can see through the the stomach.

Honestly, who's idea was this nightmarish disaster? I mean the cake has a baby in a gelatin stomach on it. This is creepy beyond all reason.

Honestly, who’s idea was this nightmarish disaster? I mean the cake has a baby in a gelatin stomach on it. This is creepy beyond all reason.

50. Finally, a baby shower cake befitting for a mother-to-be in the adult entertainment industry.

Looks like the naked lady from the pick up truck mudflaps got herself in the family way. I hope that doesn't hurt her career as a figure on stuff for perverts.

Looks like the naked lady from the pick up truck mudflaps got herself in the family way. I hope that doesn’t hurt her career as a figure on stuff for perverts.

Valentines Cakes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Valentines Day is one of the many holidays in which sweethearts exchange many kinds of gifts, especially sweets. Of course, it’s not uncommon for many to buy a specially made cake. For those interested, I can go on and on what lovely cakes cakes you can give to your loved one for Valentines Day. However, for those who looking for ideas, don’t use this post for inspiration since this is devoted to cakes you don’t want to send to your devoted sweetheart. Actually this post is for the cake ideas you want to avoid as well as serve as a kind of entertainment to those single on this day of love. So without further adieu, here are some Valentines Day cakes nobody wants to get.

1. This is a perfect cake for your sweetheart on Valentines Day, assuming that you two are avid fans of Star Trek.

Of course, if you're the only Star Trek fan and your valentine can't stand it, then I'm afraid your relationship is dead, Jim. And I mean as dead as a redshirt on an alien planet.

Of course, if you’re the only Star Trek fan and your valentine can’t stand it, then I’m afraid your relationship is dead, Jim. And I mean as dead as a redshirt on an alien planet.

2. The perfect way to tell your sweetheart that you’re willing to settle for them because you can’t find anyone better.

The perfect cake to give to Mr. Good Enough or Mr. Right Now because you’re just tired of dating and your biological clock is ticking.

3. Of course, what better to tell than this beauty to wish your sweetheart Happy Valentines Day as well as tell them you don’t want any kids.

Sure what better way to tell your sweetheart that babies are diaper wearing little monsters. A word of caution to guys: If you plan to give your girl this cake, make sure she doesn't have a pregnancy test with a + on it or anything relating to her being in the family way.

Sure what better way to tell your sweetheart that babies are diaper wearing little monsters. A word of caution to guys: If you plan to give your girl this cake, make sure she doesn’t have a pregnancy test with a + on it or anything relating to her being in the family way.

4. Sending this lovely cake may result in your beloved quickly dumping you and slamming it in your face before rushing to the doctor’s.

This cake has spelled doom to many relationships, especially since it kind of appears like a revelation of infidelity and possibly not practicing safe sex.

This cake has spelled doom to many relationships, especially since it kind of appears like a revelation of infidelity and possibly not practicing safe sex.

5. For the love bug in your life who gives you butterflies…….I think. Well, it looks like a butterfly.

Or it could look like something else, but I'm not sure if I want to dwell on it.

Or it could look like something else, but I’m not sure if I want to dwell on it. Seriously, what the hell is that thing?

6. If you’re sending cupcakes, best not to give your loved one ones that say this.

Or loved one would soon be the butt of all the jokes, won't they?

Or loved one would soon be the butt of all the jokes, won’t they?

7. If you want to get some for Valentines Day, it’s best to be up front about it.

Of course, giving your sweetheart a cake saying "I'm horny for you" with a unicorn on it is not what I had in mind.

Of course, giving your sweetheart a cake saying “I’m horny for you” with a unicorn on it is not what I had in mind.

8. What can go wrong with a teddy bear on your cake, assuming you and your beloved are into that sort of thing.

Assuming that your kids aren't around and if one of you is a big fan 50 Shades of Grey and Build-A-Bear Workshop.

Assuming that your kids aren’t around and if one of you is a big fan 50 Shades of Grey and Build-A-Bear Workshop.

9. Of course, sometimes it’s okay to go a little different once in awhile.

However, God only knows whatever the hell this thing is supposed to be?

However, God only knows whatever the hell this thing is supposed to be?

10. For the one you’d want to tell to eat their heart out.

This is pretty gory for a Valentines cake. Also, whatever is chewing the heart doesn't seem to have any eyes.

This is pretty gory for a Valentines cake. Also, whatever is chewing the heart doesn’t seem to have any eyes.

11. What better way to tell your sweetheart that they make you feel warm and light up your life.

Though the heart saying "You + Me" is placed on top what looks like a flaming pile of shit.

Though the heart saying “You + Me” is placed on top what looks like a flaming pile of shit.

12. Perhaps this is the best way to say Happy Valentines Day to your loved one and tell them that it’s strictly physical.

And if you're a woman, perhaps ruin everything about your childhood. Also, this is flagrantly inappropriate for for children and could possibly traumatize them.

And if you’re a woman, perhaps ruin everything about your childhood. Also, this is flagrantly inappropriate for for children and could possibly traumatize them.

13. What better way to tell your sweetheart they’re the key to your heart or that they satisfy your primal urges like no other.

In some ways this can be interpreted that a key to a man's heart is through his penis.

In some ways this can be interpreted that a key to a man’s heart is through his penis.

14. Perhaps this Princess Bride inspired cake can never underestimate the value of true love.

Though the sword seems to pertain to other connotations which might make a man seem a little self-conscious about his own "sword."

Though the sword seems to pertain to other connotations which might make a man seem a little self-conscious about his own “sword.”

15. So who can ever resist roses on Valentines Day?

Especially brown ones that look like chunks of dog shit with leaves on them.

Especially brown ones that look like chunks of dog shit with leaves on them.

16. Because there is never a better way to tell your sweetheart you’ve been shot in the heart, literally.

Of course, this is a relatively graphic depiction. Perhaps it's better if the heart isn't anatomically correct.

Of course, this is a relatively graphic depiction. Perhaps it’s better if the heart isn’t anatomically correct.

17. Of course, what better way to express your wish to see other people without having to confront them in person than sending your significant other a cake like this.

Of course, the receiver should look on the bright side, since they could spend drowning their sorrows eating it as well as it's chocolate. Besides, anyone unwilling to break up with you in person doesn't deserve you anyway.

Of course, the receiver should look on the bright side, since they could spend drowning their sorrows eating it as well as it’s chocolate. Besides, anyone unwilling to break up with you in person doesn’t deserve you anyway.

18. Yet, what better way to tell your significant other that you hate them and have been planning to ditch them for a long time.

This may be overdoing it a bit but at least those jerks will get the message. Still, it's probably better if you throw it at them.

This may be overdoing it a bit but at least those jerks will get the message. Still, it’s probably better if you throw it at them.

19. For women: Best way to wish your man Happy Valentines Day and that you want him to get a vasectomy.

This might make guys shrink in fear but at least it's clear that she doesn't want any (or anymore) kids.

This might make guys shrink in fear but at least it’s clear that she doesn’t want any (or anymore) kids.

20. Happy Valentines Day from your nightmares.

Is this a sheep or a bunny? Because it sure as hell looks very terrifying. Die, you fluffy thing! Die, I tell you!

Is this a sheep or a bunny? Because it sure as hell looks very terrifying. Die, you fluffy thing! Die, I tell you!

21. For men: What better way to wish your woman Happy Valentines Day as well as tell her that you’re planning to have her sleep with other guys for money.

Ladies, you might want to give he burning house cake if any guy gives you this one.

Ladies, you might want to give he burning house cake if any guy gives you this one.

22. Best way to wish your significant other “Happy Valentines Day, my ass!”

This is actually pretty clever but I don't think recipients would take an upside down heart cake as a compliment.

This is actually pretty clever but I don’t think recipients would take an upside down heart cake as a compliment.

23. Best way to wish your sweetheart Happy Valentines Day and that they’re stuck with you.

Somehow I'm not very comfortable with the ball and chain metaphor. I don't know, I just find it disturbing.

Somehow I’m not very comfortable with the ball and chain metaphor. I don’t know, I just find it disturbing.

24. No Valentines cake can be as sickeningly sweet as this….creature here.

Reminds me of a ferocious alien creature from a sci-fi horror movie. Seriously, it's very terrifying. Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Reminds me of a ferocious alien creature from a sci-fi horror movie. Seriously, it’s very terrifying. Kill it! Kill it with fire!

25. What better way to say “Be Mine” than a cake of a dead bee.

Looks like a bee with a heart on its chest after hitting a windshield.

Looks like a bee with a heart on its chest after hitting a windshield.

26. There is no better way to tell your sweetheart that they give the best, well, you figure it out.

Sure your loved one may like hearing that you give them the best BJ's but they probably don't want that written on a cake.

Sure your loved one may like hearing that you give them the best BJ’s but they probably don’t want that written on a cake.

27. What better way to say “Be Mine” than with a heart shaped cake with what appears to be bees, I think.

Though they don't have wings, which makes them seem like giant yellow ants with black stripes on them.

Though they don’t have wings, which makes them seem like giant yellow ants with black stripes on them.

28. Happy Valentines Day from the bottom of my colon? Wait  a minute.

I thought it was said that true love comes from the heart and not Uranus.

I thought it was said that true love comes from the heart and not Uranus.

29. Happy Valentines Day from the Heart Monster.

And those purple things are its hands used to take your soul. It wants to eat you.

And those purple things are its hands used to take your soul. It wants to eat you.

30. The best way to tell you’re significant other that you’re not that into them.

Then why a heart shaped cookie cake saying so then?

Then why a heart shaped cookie cake saying so then?

31. Happy Valentines Day from the Cookie Monster. No, I don’t mean that Cookie Monster.

I think the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street was far less terrifying than this one. I mean who makes these cookies. These hearts look evil.

I think the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street was far less terrifying than this one. I mean who makes these cookies. These hearts look evil.

32. Happy Valentines Day from the heart cookie eating monster from Pac-Man, I think.

Still, at least it's eating those monstrous looking cookies. Yet, I can't see how anyone would think this is cute.

Still, at least it’s eating those monstrous looking cookies. Yet, I can’t see how anyone would think this is cute.

33. Happy Valentines Day from this googly eyed thingy. Seriously I don’t know what it is.

Kind of reminds me of Admiral Akbar from Return of the Jedi. "It's a trap." Yeah.

Kind of reminds me of Admiral Akbar from Return of the Jedi. “It’s a trap.” Yeah.

34. Of course, there some important things you don’t want to mention on Valentines Day.

You might want to apologize for a lot more than that, especially since your significant other will dump you and you'd have this cake all over your face.

You might want to apologize for a lot more than that, especially since your significant other will dump you and you’d have this cake all over your face.

35. A cake that could break your beloved’s heart.

Now the cake may be a nice little crown but the saying is just cruel.

Now the cake may be a nice little crown but the saying is just cruel. Still, at least you can binge on this cake to soothe your unending pain.

36. Nothing says Valentines Day like green and gray roses.

Well, maybe in a Tim Burton movie. Yet, these may look better suited on a Halloween cake instead.

Well, maybe in a Tim Burton movie. Yet, these may look better suited on a Halloween cake instead.

37. Of course, sometimes a cake can help bring the relationship to the next level.

Perhaps you want to be absolutely sure that she'll say yes before you buy her this. Otherwise, it could go really, really, badly.

Perhaps you want to be absolutely sure that she’ll say yes before you buy her this. Otherwise, it could go really, really, badly.

38. A Valentines cake that nobody asked for.

This is so tacky. In fact, I don't think I want a heart cake resembling someone's rear end with a thong. This is awful.

This is so tacky. In fact, I don’t think I want a heart cake resembling someone’s rear end with a thong. This is awful.

39. Not like I was going to ask you but thanks for telling me.

Sure you may have viable credentials but that doesn't mean you should put it on a cake like in a personal ad for whatever it is you're looking for.

Sure you may have viable credentials but that doesn’t mean you should put it on a cake like in a personal ad for whatever it is you’re looking for.

40. Nothing like a cake to show your valentine how desperate you are for their love.

Now this is a really desperate attempt by somebody. Wonder what this person is like.

Now this is a really desperate attempt by somebody. Wonder what this person is like.

On Christmas Cakes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Of course, you can have cakes for any occasion and Christmas is no exception. However, not everyone either makes a cake for Christmas or buys one at the store perhaps specially made. Yet, while some may seem like works of art as shown above others, well, though may taste good, shouldn’t be presented at any Christmas family gathering. Now I can’t do home made cakes because they never come out the way you intended. Besides, with store bought cakes, you tend to have higher expectations even at your neighborhood Wal Mart or supermarket. So without further adieu here is a list of some store bought Christmas cakes gone bad.

1. Why so sad, Santa?

Not looking very jolly are you, Santa?

Not looking very jolly are you, Santa?

2. Is that supposed to be a stocking or a chimney?

Guess it's hard to make a cake stocking.

Guess it’s hard to make a cake stocking.

3. The five limb gingerbread man.

Seriously, gingerbread men shouldn't have tails.

Seriously, gingerbread men shouldn’t have tails.

4. The candy cane boomerang.

More appropriate for Australia than anywhere else.

More appropriate for Australia than anywhere else.

5. Night of the living igloo.

Or perhaps this is the dwelling of the abominable snowman.

Or perhaps this is the dwelling of the abominable snowman.

6. Evil snowman rising out of the cupcakes.

Be afraid, be very afraid for the snowman cometh.

Be afraid, be very afraid for the snowman cometh.

7. Penguin must be having a blue Christmas.

Looks like Christmas isn't a great time of year for the South Pole.

Looks like Christmas isn’t a great time of year for the South Pole.

8. For God’s sake, this is Christmas, not a bachelorette party!

Of course, this may be accidental but still you wouldn't want it around children. You wouldn't believe how many cake designs contain these kinds of naughty bits.

Of course, this may be accidental but still you wouldn’t want it around children. You wouldn’t believe how many cake designs contain these kinds of naughty bits.

9. For God’s sake, you take me for a bell boy!

When we sing

When we sing “Silver Bells” we don’t mean those silver bells.

10. Even Rudolph has his bad days.

For God's sake, where's the North Pole vet when you need him?

For God’s sake, where’s the North Pole vet when you need him?

11. Yellow snowman?

Looks like Frosty must be the dog's favorite bathroom.

Looks like Frosty must be the dog’s favorite bathroom.

12. Gingerbread man gone bad.

The punk gingerbread man of your nightmares.

The punk gingerbread man of your nightmares.

13. Be good for Santa Bear.

Or else you die! Seriously, don't mess with Santa Bear.

Or else you die! Seriously, don’t mess with Santa Bear.

14. Now I see why some people are afraid of Santa.

Take it away, please! I'm begging you.

Take it away, please! I’m begging you.

15. Frosty the Snowman after a car accident.

Resulting in a serious decapitation. Still, there may be a way to get him together if the snow doesn't melt.

Resulting in a serious decapitation. Still, there may be a way to get him together if the snow doesn’t melt.

16. Something is not right with this one.

Snowman Santa isn't in a good mood this year as far as I can tell.

Snowman Santa isn’t in a good mood this year as far as I can tell.

17. I know Santa is the spokesman for Coca-Cola but this is ridiculous.

Especially with having Santa pose naked.

Especially with having Santa pose naked.

18. Googly eyes snowman head.

What happened to two eyes made out of coal? This is terrifying!

What happened to two eyes made out of coal? This is terrifying!

19. Santa must be in shock.

I mean he's lying flat on his back! Someone get a doctor!

I mean he’s lying flat on his back! Someone get a doctor!

20.Santa is not looking forward to Christmas this year.

Or else is wanting to know who gives him a Christmas present.

Or else is wanting to know who gives him a Christmas present. Also, he’s pretty tired after a long night.

21. What do rubber ducks have to do with Christmas?

Seriously, why have rubber ducks on there? It's crazy!

Seriously, why have rubber ducks on there? It’s crazy!

22. This is a Christmas tree?

More like a living Christmas bush if you ask me. Kind of creepy with the eyes.

More like a living Christmas bush if you ask me. Kind of creepy with the eyes.

23. I wonder about the creepy penguin chorus.

Perhaps made to spread awareness on climate change.

Perhaps made to spread awareness on climate change.

24. Santa in Crappyland.

The neighborhood has seen better days. Still, it's all gone downhill.

The neighborhood has seen better days. Still, it’s all gone downhill.

25. Santa on the holly.

Or Santa on the seaweed as it looks to me.

Or Santa on the seaweed as it looks to me.

26. Santa takes care of passed out Rudolph.

I don't like the look of this one. Also, keep out of reach of children since it borders on bestiality and/or date rape.

I don’t like the look of this one. Also, keep out of reach of children since it borders on bestiality and/or date rape.

27. Frosty the Snow Hulk.

And you don't want to make him angry.

And you don’t want to make him angry.

28. Oh, great, a Santa roast.

This is disturbing. Honestly.

This is disturbing. Honestly.

29. Say hello to the Holiday House of Horrors.

Or if Mario and Luigi's home had a Santa's head on a spike as decoration.

Or if Mario and Luigi’s home had a Santa’s head on a spike as decoration.

30. Christmas wouldn’t be complete without homicidal ghost penguins.

This is pretty messed up, please say they're covered in snow. Please.

This is pretty messed up, please say they’re covered in snow. Please.

For More:

Cakewrecks.com: http://www.cakewrecks.com/