Thoughts on Charleston

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On the night of Wednesday June 17, 2015 at 9:05 p.m., a 21-year-old white gunman named Dylann Storm Roof fired upon a Bible Study group at Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina. All the victims were black which included 9 killed, particularly senior black pastor Clementa C. Pinckney who’s also a Democratic state senator as well as a one wounded but survived. And they were all black. It was the deadliest attack on an American place of worship since the 1991 mass murder of Wat Promkunaram Buddhist temple in Waddell, Arizona in which nine people also died. And it was the largest American mass shooting since the 2013 Washington Navy Yard shooting. My thoughts, condolences, heart, and prayers goes out to the survivors as well as members of Emmanuel A. M. E. Church, the victims’ families, and the African American community.

What happened in Charleston was a senseless act of terror resulting in 9 senseless deaths and an entire community engulfed in tragedy. What’s even uglier about this tragedy is that it was motivated by racial hatred which was born out of the sad American legacy of slavery that gave rise to white supremacy as an ideology. Even today, though racism is no longer seen as acceptable, it still remains embedded in our systems and institutions as well as in the minds of many of America’s citizens. It’s a toxic ideology that has plagued so much of our culture that as much as I try to fight what I see as hatred plain as day, sometimes even I feel that I’m not above the destructive influence of our infectious racist climate. I am aware of white privilege and probably have benefited from it, even though I may not even know it. But whatever racist thoughts I may have, I am well aware of how unjustifiable they are. Just because I may have it better than some blacks due to the color of my skin does not mean that I am any better or worse than any other black person. And that blacks should be considered as human beings and able to enjoy the same rights as any American citizen. Unfortunately, too many whites don’t seem to see it that way, especially in South Carolina and that’s a problem.

Founded in 1816, Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church is one of the oldest black churches in the United States as well as a key hotspot for African American activism during the Civil Rights Movement. It was also marred by racial violence in its early years not at all helped by the fact one of its founders was linked to a slave revolt in 1822.

Founded in 1816, Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church is one of the oldest black churches in the United States as well as a key hotspot for African American activism during the Civil Rights Movement. It was also marred by racial violence in its early years not at all helped by the fact one of its founders was linked to a slave revolt in 1822.

This is not the first time Emanuel A.M.E Church has experienced racially motivated violence and I’m certain it won’t be the last. From its founding in 1816, it had seen a long share of violence in the name of white supremacist hate. It began as an illegal church at a time when black churches were outlawed in Charleston and South Carolina prohibited black literacy. It was subject to raids by city officials in 1818, 1820, and 1821. In 1822, one of the church’s founders named Denmark Vessey was implicated in an alleged slave revolt, was arrested and subject to a secret trial along with five other alleged organizers, and executed. The original building was then burned to the ground by white supremacists. By the time it was rebuilt, Charleston had already banned all black churches compelling the congregants to meet in secret until the end of the Civil War in 1865. And as far as black churches go, Emanuel wasn’t the only one subject to white supremacist terrorism either since other black churches have had their share, especially in the South where they have been pillars among the African American communities they served. Many black churches were involved in the Civil Rights Movement as well as acted as sanctuaries from racism and for civil rights rallies. Churches were prime targets by white supremacists terrorists. One of the most famous is the 1963 Klu Klux Klan bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama which killed 4 young girls and called by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as “one of the most vicious and tragic crimes ever perpetrated against humanity.” Add this to the fact that many blacks were victims of white supremacist violence during the Civil Rights Era mainly because they simply dared to demand equal rights, which many whites didn’t want to happen. White supremacist terrorism was seen as a way to punish black communities and maintain control by creating a climate of terror and fear that would make black political organizing of demonstrations, sit-ins, and other forms of protest impossible.

For much of American history, black churches have played significant roles in the African American community, especially since they were often hubs for political organization during the Civil Rights Movement. This made such places key targets for white supremacist violence. Shown here is Birmingham, Alabama's 16th Street Baptist Church which was subject to a Klu Klux Klan bombing in September 16, 1963 which killed 4 young girls and wounded 22.

For much of American history, black churches have played significant roles in the African American community, especially since they were often hubs for political organization during the Civil Rights Movement. This made such places key targets for white supremacist violence. Shown here is Birmingham, Alabama’s 16th Street Baptist Church which was subject to a Klu Klux Klan bombing in September 16, 1963 which killed 4 young girls and wounded 22.

It should be obvious to everyone that what happened in Charleston was nothing but a premeditated white supremacist terrorism, which every citizen in this country should take very seriously and part of a long and painful history of politically motivated white violence against blacks. Even if you’re a foreigner who knows absolutely nothing about American History, the mere details in this case should entail that Roof’s nefarious deed was a hate crime. For one, Roof was in the church an hour before he started shooting and reloaded his gun five times. This indicates that he came prepared. Second, one survivor recalled one of the victims asking Roof why he’s doing this in which he reportedly replied, “I have to do it. You rape our women and you’re taking over our country. And you have to go.” Anyone who understands race relations in the southern US should know that the image of a black man raping a white woman is a very pervasive one that had been used as an excuse for whites to systematically justify their racism against blacks, especially when it involves the worst forms violence such as lynchings. But this image is seen in Birth of a Nation in which the scene of the Klu Klux Klan lynching a black man is seen as a noble act of heroism (of course, the racism in this movie is extremely vile). And it’s also unfortunate that it led to a KKK revival explaining why its membership numbered to 6 million in 1925 despite being highly racist even by the standards of 1915). It’s present in the minds of the whites of Depression era Maycomb County, Alabama in To Kill a Mockingbird despite the fact that Tom Robinson was 100% innocent of doing anything to hurt Mayella Ewell besides being too nice to her for his own good but is wrongfully convicted by an all-white jury anyway. Not only that, but Roof was said to be shouting racist epithets while gunning down each of the victims and those who managed to survive played dead. Roof might’ve intended at least one person to survive and tell the tale, but I’m not exactly sure. Third, Roof’s Facebook page contains pictures of him with very white supremacist imagery such as the flags of Apartheid-era South Africa and Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) as well as a Confederate flag license plate. Fourth, even the people who knew Roof can recall how he expressed his support for racial segregation, his intention to start another civil war, his claim that, “blacks were taking over the world,” and his intentions to kill people, including a plot to attack the College of Charleston. He also had a criminal record prior to the incident as well. All this establishes the fact that Roof was a bonafide racist and his crimes were racially motivated. We should never think otherwise. If the Klu Klux Klan’s racial violence against racial, ethnic, and/or religious minorities should be considered terrorism, then so should Dylann Roof’s as well as anyone else who does the same. The motivation on the Emanuel A.M.E. Church shooting was to terrorize black people.

Despite that the shooting at Emanuel A.M.E. was certainly a deliberate act of white supremacist terrorism,  South Carolina's State Capitol continues to fly the Confederate flag at full mast. This is very disrespectful  to the black victims, their families, and the Charleston black community. This banner has been used to legitimize widespread racism even if such acts were violent, illegal, and dehumanizing.

Despite that the shooting at Emanuel A.M.E. was certainly a deliberate act of white supremacist terrorism, South Carolina’s State Capitol continues to fly the Confederate flag at full mast. This is very disrespectful to the black victims, their families, and the Charleston black community. This banner has been used to legitimize widespread racism even if such acts were violent, illegal, and dehumanizing.

However, as far as American racism is concerned, the Charleston shooting is just the tip of the iceberg. Even today, the discrimination and injustices against African Americans are just too innumerable for me to describe in detail. And even if I could, then I’m sure whatever I say about them can never do justice for so many African Americans who have been harmed by them. But all too often I’ve heard of how blacks have been disproportionately and negatively affected buy such things as mass incarceration, Stand Your Ground laws, police misconduct and brutality, redlining, environmental discrimination, voter ID laws, misconduct by the criminal justice system, racial profiling, gerrymandering, the War on Drugs, destructive stereotypes aimed at poor blacks, rap artists being called out on promoting violence, sex, and butchering the English language (as well as having their songs being marketed like that), a lot of forms of workplace and education discrimination, having their accomplishments downplayed or outright ignored in the American history books, being depicted as either violent brutes or unable to save themselves without white intervention in Hollywood movies, being underrepresented in all spheres of American life, gentrification,  being subject to police intervention and media derision even in their most legitimate protests, inadequate public schooling, and the list goes on. Now the American South isn’t the only place in the country where blacks have experienced racism and injustice by hateful whites, but it’s basically the worst offender, especially South Carolina. It’s well known that slavery treated blacks less than people whose only purpose was to serve their masters without expecting much in return and no prospect of being freed. And we all know that the South seceded from the Union and formed the Confederacy so most of the African American population can be considered property, not people, which resulted in a bloody 4-year war over it (a lost cause that was never in any way honorable). It’s also well known that racial segregation and Jim Crow laws were put in place so that blacks would be kept separate from whites and not have any political or any other power to assert themselves. They were also terrorized and lynched by white supremacists in the South if they ever dared to vote, demand their rights, purchased land, or owned successful businesses. Sure, racism might not be as blatant or acceptable as it once was, especially when we have a democratically elected black president, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there and that it’s not a problem. Because if the Charleston shooting has taught us anything, it’s that racism still exists and that it’s a problem. And in the South, it’s particularly bad.

D. W. Griffith's epic 1915 groundbreaking film The Birth of a Nation is the most racist film in American history, even by the standards of the time. The anti-black sentiment in this film is extremely vile in which the African Americans are played by white actors in blackface and the Klu Klux Klan members are seen as the heroic saviors of white Southern honor. Unsurprisingly, it managed to get enough fans that it's attributed to a KKK revival which peaked at 6 million members in 1925. But please, unless you're a film student, I'd strongly encourage that you avoid this disasterpiece of film.

D. W. Griffith’s epic 1915 groundbreaking film The Birth of a Nation is the most racist film in American history, even by the standards of the time. The anti-black sentiment in this film is extremely vile in which the African Americans are played by white actors in blackface and the Klu Klux Klan members are seen as the heroic saviors of white Southern honor. Unsurprisingly, it managed to get enough fans that it’s attributed to a KKK revival which peaked at 6 million members in 1925. But please, unless you’re a film student, I’d strongly encourage that you avoid this disasterpiece of film.

How do I know this? Because the United States is suffused with perverse symbolism that legitimizes anti-black violence and no place in the country is more notorious for this than the American South. This being because it’s the area most likely to embrace the nostalgia of the antebellum Old South and the ideology of the Neo-Confederate “Lost Cause” which portrays the Confederate struggle against the Union as noble one that had absolutely nothing to do with slavery (despite evidence to the contrary). Thus, this leads to white Southerners glorifying and possibly revering their American past as well as perpetuating racist ideas, instead of actually learning that subjugating an entire group of people into involuntary servitude on the basis color is inherently wrong. Sure your average redneck might not mean any harm if he puts a Confederate flag on his pickup truck, other than perhaps showing his love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. And of course, he may not even intend to send a message to impressionable or perhaps disturbed young white men like Dylann Roof that African Americans are less-than-equal members of the political community and that using illegal violence against their interests is justified or that it’s noble to fight and die for the purpose of enslaving black people even if it means betraying your country. In fact, he might not be racist against black people at all (or so he says). But your average redneck might not know that like words, symbols carry meanings that stand independently of any individual’s subjective intentions, which can lead to even the most non-racist but nevertheless passionate Lynyrd Skynyrd fan be mistaken for a racist or believing that lawless pursuit of white supremacy is not necessarily wrong and may at times be worthy of celebration.

Among Southern whites, Nathan Bedford Forrest is a very popular figure, especially in Tennessee where he has several stuff named after him, 32 historical markers dedicated to him, and his own state holiday in July. However, Forrest was a former slave trader best know n for allegedly being the first Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan and accused of war crimes for allowing his men to massacre hundreds of Union black and white Southern Unionist  POWs after the Battle of Fort Pillow. Not someone you'd want to have a state holiday for.

Among Southern whites, Nathan Bedford Forrest is a very popular figure, especially in Tennessee where he has several stuff named after him, 32 historical markers dedicated to him, and his own state holiday in July. However, Forrest was a former slave trader best know n for allegedly being the first Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan and accused of war crimes for allowing his men to massacre hundreds of Union black and white Southern Unionist POWs after the Battle of Fort Pillow on February 12, 1864. Not someone you’d want to have a state holiday for.

But it’s not just Lynyrd Skynyrd fans who have a problem with white supremacist symbolism or even ideas. To this day, South Carolina continues to fly a Confederate flag on the grounds of its state capitol. In the city of Charleston itself, you will find Emanuel A.M.E. is on Calhoun Street, named after antebellum politician and political theorist John C. Calhoun, best known for defending slavery as something positive, distrusting majoritarianism, championing the idea of nullification which states that individual states have a right to declare federal laws null and void if they viewed them unconstitutional, and helping to escalate Southern threats of secession in the face of mounting Northern abolitionist sentiment. Not exactly a guy you’d want to name a street after but despite dying 11 years before the Civil War, he’s fairly influential in American politics, mostly for the worse. A mile and the half of Emanuel A.M.E. is a public park featuring a monument “to the Confederate Defenders of Charleston” commemorating, you know, a bunch of guys who broke off from their country as well as fought and died to keep blacks under involuntary servitude. In Tennessee, you have no less than a high school, a state park, and a university ROTC building named after Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest best known for allegedly being the first Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan (a fact even namesake Forrest Gump admits) as well as being accused of war crimes for allowing forces under his command to massacre hundreds of black Union Army and white Southern Unionist POWs, an incident surrounded in controversy to this day. Prior to the war, he was slave trader. But even this doesn’t keep Tennesseans from putting his bust at the State Capitol in Nashville, dedicating 32 historical markers linked to him (more than resident US presidents Andrew Jackson, James K. Polk, and Andrew Johnson), and celebrating July 13 as “Nathan Bedford Forrest Day” which is an official state holiday. Confederate President Jefferson Davis has not only a statue in the US Capitol Rotunda, but also a highway in Northern Virginia as well as counties in Mississippi, Louisiana, Georgia, and Texas named after him. And this guy owned a Mississippi cotton plantation of over 100 slaves, believed every state was sovereign and had an unquestionable right to secede from the Union (and continue to do so for the rest of his life), did a terrible job as president of the Confederacy and was highly unpopular, fled the country for a time after a two year imprisonment on the charge of treason, and flushed his own shit into the street of his Richmond home (not exactly relevant or his fault, but true). Davis was no hero and defended the South’s actions until the day he died as well as believed in a Southern social order, according to historian William Cooper, “a democratic white polity based firmly on dominance of a controlled and excluded black caste.” And that doesn’t even bring me to discuss the more than dozen public schools named after Confederate General Robert E. Lee and others save maybe James Longstreet who became a Republican, led an African American regiment against white supremacists during Reconstruction in 1874, and supported civil rights for blacks (but he’s not among the South’s most liked Confederate generals and is usually the one whom most Southerners blame for the Confederate loss at Gettysburg, possibly the war). Or the streets of Charleston being named after Confederate generals as well with the exception of James Longstreet if his name is even on a street sign.

As first and only president of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis proved to be a weak and ineffective leader as well as very unpopular by Civil War's end in 1865. He's seen as a hero by many Southern whites today because his writings after the war which contributed to the

As first and only president of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis proved to be a weak and ineffective leader as well as very unpopular by Civil War’s end in 1865. He’s seen as a hero by many Southern whites today because his writings after the war which contributed to the “Lost Cause” myth, which was used to perpetuate widespread violence and discrimination against African Americans for decades. He saw absolutely nothing wrong with controlling blacks and excluding them from any political decision making. And he was never sorry for betraying his country. Yet, he has a highway named after him in Virginia. And you don’t want to know where his bodily waste went in Richmond.

Unfortunately, despite that the Charleston church shooting was 100% racially motivated terrorism, some whites Americans go to great lengths to say why this isn’t the case for various reasons. For one, much of the Republicans’ success depends on a lot of support from conservative Southern whites, many of whom are either believers of the “Lost Cause” narrative or at least tend to have a nodding appreciation for the Confederate side of the American Civil War. For a Republican to say that this tragedy was an act of white supremacist terrorism would be to alienate a considerable portion of the electorate who don’t want to be seen responsible for it. Sure Dylann Roof might’ve been a nutjob but he wasn’t an island onto himself and any mental illness he may have doesn’t excuse his actions. Besides, it’s as clear as day that he was a white supremacist who flaunted it (though he was probably influenced by his family and the culture he grew up in). Secondly, the white South doesn’t want to change or own up to anything pertaining to periods of race relations they’d rather nostalgize and romanticize. And even Southern whites who may not have anything against blacks might feel that taking down a Confederate flag or a name like Calhoun or of a Confederate Civil War general would be an affront to Southern pride and Southern culture. But such nostalgia on the “Lost Cause” and the Old South is very toxic when it comes to a group of people who were once subjugated to one of the worst human rights abuses in history during that same time.

The

The “Lost Cause” myth in American history is a mix of Confederate nostalgia and romanticism that paints the South secession as legitimate, noble, and totally not about slavery. Further, it gives the impression that slaves were happy to be working under involuntary servitude with absolutely no rights of their own. Such idea has a very pervasive influence in American history which has led to widespread discrimination as well as violence against African Americans. Unfortunately, this is the kind of fictitious nonsense that’s very likely taught in Texas public schools.

So conservatives tend to say that the church shooting was an Anti-Christian terrorist attack while trying to appeal to the Fundamentalist Christian persecution complex. Sure the shooting took place at a church, but it was at this historic black church known for its involvement in the Civil Rights Movement as well as associated with a man implicated in a slave revolt. If Dylann Roof really hated Christianity, he could’ve just fired upon any Christian place of worship he wished and I’m sure he didn’t have to be too picky on potential Christian victims, especially in South Carolina. Race is the heart of what went on in Charleston and it’s very clear that Roof’s a white supremacist who probably sees blacks as no more than dirt. While persecution of Christians isn’t unknown in American history, it usually applied to a particular denomination like Catholics, Quakers, Jehovah Witnesses, or Mormons among the most targeted groups since their religious practices didn’t conform to the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant ideal to the dismay of some Americans, not Christianity in the general sense of the term. Besides, when it came to attacks on black churches, the white attackers were probably as faithful churchgoing Christians as their black victims despite having a funny way of showing it (and used their faith to justify why blacks were inferior). So no, the Charleston shooting had absolutely nothing to do with religion.

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The “Black Lives Matter” protests of Ferguson, Missouri and Baltimore were formed to address the systematic discrimination and violence against blacks by the criminal justice system. However, it’s been met with a lot of backlash from Fox News and their white allies, pointing to how most black people are killed by other blacks. While this statistic may be true, it doesn’t address why blacks victimized by whites and/or authority figures don’t seem to receive any justice whatsoever. For instance, in Florida, whites were more likely to be acquitted under Stand Your Ground laws if the victim was black than vice versa. This is why the case with George Zimmerman shooting Trayvon Martin was a judicial travesty. So if you were a black living in Florida who shot a white guy in self-defense, I’m afraid Stand Your Ground won’t help you.

But what I think can be even more toxic in the United States is the idea of racial apathy. A lot of white Americans may have racist attitudes because they benefit so much from white privilege and were never subject to racism themselves. Thus, these white Americans are more likely to deny that racism still exists and consider it a thing of the past. But this also leaves them vulnerable to believing a lot of highly racist things and negative stereotypes whether told by Fox News, the mainstream media, Hollywood, family members, the education system, or other areas. Because racism infects the people in ways they wouldn’t recognize. So when a racially motivated act of violence makes front page news, these whites either go out of their way to argue why it wasn’t about race or will simply be peeved when somebody addresses race as a factor. Sometimes they’d simply wouldn’t care and view what went on in Baltimore as nothing more than a meaningless riot or just get sick of the words, “Black Lives Matter.”  To them, racism isn’t currently a problem because it’s not their problem. But many of them would be willing to play the reverse discrimination card whenever a person of color is luckier than them (such as super entitles whites suing over affirmative action because they didn’t get into a particular college they wanted) or if racial minority person is either more successful than or promoted over them. Sometimes when they themselves are called out for their racist comments (if their response isn’t that a certain negative racial caricature is grounded in fact). And if a person of color is elevated to a high position of power or leadership, well, these people would unconditionally hate them for absolutely no reason other than the color of their skin. I know people like this and I’m appalled at they believe in such ideas as well as sometimes feel guilty of not calling them out on it to avoid making a scene. But such racial apathy doesn’t solve anything and gives a silent license to ignore problems and continue the systematic and institutional discrimination blacks and other persons of color experience every day of their lives.

I'm sorry but the Confederate flag isn't a symbol of Southern pride or an emblem that shows love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. It's a symbol of racism and one that has been used to justify lynchings and countless violent crimes in the name of white supremacy. Many of which were never brought to justice. And it was mostly done to terrorize blacks through fear if they ever dared to exercise or demand equal rights as well as purchased land or had a successful business. It had nothing to do with preserving any form of sacred honor despite what you might've heard otherwise.

I’m sorry but the Confederate flag isn’t a symbol of Southern pride or an emblem that shows love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. It’s a symbol of racism and one that has been used to justify lynchings and countless violent crimes in the name of white supremacy. Many of which were never brought to justice. And it was mostly done to terrorize blacks through fear if they ever dared to exercise or demand equal rights as well as purchased land or had a successful business. It had nothing to do with preserving any form of sacred honor despite what you might’ve heard otherwise.

But I believe white Americans can fight racism not but not by being white saviors that Hollywood thinks. The Civil Rights Movement was primarily one led by black activists and organizations while antislavery movements wouldn’t have the kind of legitimacy they did unless the voices of former slaves and free blacks were heard. However, if whites should stand up to racism, then they must acknowledge our racism filled past for what it is and dispose all notions of nostalgia and romanticism of times when racial minorities were subject to systematic and institutional discrimination. We must also acknowledge the racism entrenched in our society as well as how it’s a serious problem in our country that needs addressed. And we must acknowledge and fight any racists attitudes we harbor within ourselves. Now none of this will be easy but I can’t exaggerate the urgency necessity of such actions, especially when a guy not much younger can me can open fire on a church filled with black people. We can’t turn out backs on that and say that racism isn’t a problem just because it doesn’t affect us. Thus, we’d be not much better than the white supremacists who carry out the violence themselves or how our culture gives racial minorities the short end of the stick. As long as whites continue to glorify and celebrate the Old South and the “Lost Cause,” racism will continue in very nasty ways. As long as whites don’t acknowledge that displaying a Confederate flag at your house is a very, very bad way to show your love for Lynyrd Skynyrd, there will be some nuts there interpreting such symbols at their worst connotations as well as committing violent acts of terror against African Americans. And as long as whites side with white perpetrators on behalf of “Stand Your Ground,” instead of their innocent unarmed victims as well as feel that the mantra, “Black Lives Matter,” and protests against systematic racial injustice is a meaningless waste of time, then there will be another Charleston. We can’t let this go on and we can’t let white people not to care.

Black people may not have the same problems white people do. But we should care about the racial discrimination African Americans encounter every day because such actions are unjustifiable by any means, especially if they pertain to white on black violence. As Jesus said,

Black people may not have the same problems white people do. But we should care about the racial discrimination African Americans encounter every day because such actions are unjustifiable by any means, especially if they pertain to white on black violence. As Jesus said, “”The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'” –Matthew 25:40 NASB

And the fight against racism can start when we pressure South Carolina to take down that racist Confederate flag for it’s a symbol of white supremacy, not a symbol of pride. Any white person wishing to express Southern pride or love for Lynyrd Skynyrd should use something else.

Place Your Bets for These Kentucky Derby Hats

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The first Saturday in May, all eyes are on Louisville’s Churchill Downs for the annual Kentucky Derby which is one of America’s oldest sporting events with the first taking place in 1875 with the first started by Meriwether Lewis Clark Jr. (whose grandfather was William Clark of the Lewis and Clark expedition). Seriously, it predates the Super Bowl. Now the Kentucky Derby is the first of the major Triple Crown horse races in which the horses and their riders must race along a 1 1/4 mile stretch. But unlike NASCAR, it’s just the one time and lasts for a few minutes. So no falling asleep at the TV screen there. However, the winner is usually the favorite for the other two Triple Crown races like the Preakness in Maryland and the Belmont States of New York as well as gets covered in roses. The horse winning these races wins the Triple Crown, which last happened in the 1970s. Now after the Kentucky Derby is a 2 week long Kentucky Derby festival. Still, there are a lot of traditions associated with the Kentucky Derby such as mint juleps, burgoo, gambling, and rich people. Yet, one particular tradition standing out is how many spectators tend to wear large ridiculous hats. So for your reading pleasure, here is an assortment of Kentucky Derby hats.

1. Now this guy loves flowers in his hat and seeing dollar signs.

Yes, wearing ridiculous Kentucky Derby hats no longer seems limited to women anymore. I mean this guy seems more suited for a different sporting event or night club.

Yes, wearing ridiculous Kentucky Derby hats no longer seems limited to women anymore. I mean this guy seems more suited for a different sporting event or night club.

2. Of course, you can’t kick off the Kentucky Derby Day without breakfast.

Not sure if this hat is from the Kentucky Derby. Yet, since it's a hat with a heart attack inducing breakfast on it, I'll put it on there. Fitting since obesity is a big problem in Kentucky anyway.

Not sure if this hat is from the Kentucky Derby. Yet, since it’s a hat with a heart attack inducing breakfast on it, I’ll put it on there. Fitting since obesity is a big problem in Kentucky anyway.

3. Why have a flamingo on your lawn, while you can have one in your hat?

Now this hat is outrageous enough without the flamingo. But with it, it's just tacky. Even more ridiculous is that the flamingo also has a hat, too.

Now this hat is outrageous enough without the flamingo. But with it, it’s just tacky. Even more ridiculous is that the flamingo also has a hat, too.

4. Ever get the feeling that some people have horses flying around their heads?

Now this guy has a cowboy hat on with roses and horses spinning at the top. Of course, there are only two seats on this small carousel if it is one.

Now this guy has a cowboy hat on with roses and horses spinning at the top. Of course, there are only two seats on this small carousel if it is one.

5. Since Kentucky is the Bluegrass State, it’s only fitting to have wear a hat of blue cheese.

And what better hat of blue cheese than one that almost resembles Mt. Rushmore on a platter? Seriously, it kind of does if you think about it.

And what better hat of blue cheese than one that almost resembles Mt. Rushmore on a platter? Seriously, it kind of does if you think about it.

6. When it comes to top hats, the taller the better.

If it weren't for the roses, you'd think this guy's hat came straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. But it goes great with his outfit.

If it weren’t for the roses, you’d think this guy’s hat came straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. But it goes great with his outfit.

7. If one flamingo won’t make your hat look ridiculous, more will certainly do the charm.

Flower garden flamingos: Making Kentucky Derby hats and gardens tackier since someone thought that they'd make a great decoration for their landscaping.

Flower garden flamingos: Making Kentucky Derby hats and gardens tackier since someone thought that they’d make a great decoration for their landscaping.

8. Roses, beads, and pins will certainly make this woman a spectacle at the derby.

Too bad that the Amazing Karnak was planning on wearing the same thing. Of course, most people don't know who the Amazing Karnak is since he's one of Johnny Carson's characters. Yeah, hasn't been around since the 1990s.

Too bad that the Amazing Karnak was planning on wearing the same thing. Of course, most people don’t know who the Amazing Karnak is since he’s one of Johnny Carson’s characters. Yeah, hasn’t been around since the 1990s.

9. Make sure the roses on your hat have little horseman on them.

Now I don't know what to make of that. Because little horsemen simply don't jump out of roses as far as I know. Except maybe in acid trips or something.

Now I don’t know what to make of that. Because little horsemen simply don’t jump out of roses as far as I know. Except maybe in acid trips or something.

10. In the Kentucky Derby, your hat can never have enough flowers or feathers.

Now this seems like a fancy winter hat at this angle. But it's basically made for spring. Still, it's as utterly tacky as you'd expect Lady Gaga to wear it at an awards ceremony.

Now this seems like a fancy winter hat at this angle. But it’s basically made for spring. Still, it’s as utterly tacky as you’d expect Lady Gaga to wear it at an awards ceremony.

11. Since spring is the season of flowers, why not spring into the Derby in pink?

“Oh, shit. Seems like I forgot to put on some peacock feathers on this to make it seem more outrageous. Now Cindy’s out there topped with a showgirl’s hat from Las Vegas.”

12. When it comes to derby hats, you can use almost anything, even tablecloths.

Now Now this seems like she's traveling in an exotic land, perhaps during the late 1800s.  Then again, it does look like a creative arrangement of a table cloth.

Now this seems like she’s traveling in an exotic land, perhaps during the late 1800s. Then again, it does look like a creative arrangement of a table cloth.

13. Since the Kentucky Derby is a horse race, it seems appropriate enough to wear a horse’s head for the occasion.

Now that looks like a horse's head you'd get from Amazon or something. Still, seeing it eat roses is kind of creepy if you think about it.

Now that looks like a horse’s head you’d get from Amazon or something. Still, seeing it eat roses is kind of creepy if you think about it.

14. As far as flowers go, the bigger the better.

And this red flower seems to cover most of this woman's hat. Hope some bee doesn't mistake it for the real thing.

And this red flower seems to cover most of this woman’s hat. Hope some bee doesn’t mistake it for the real thing.

15. During the Kentucky Derby some people drink while others seem all corked out.

Let's hope that the corks she used on this hat came from a craft store. Because if not, she might need to go through a Twelve Step program.

Let’s hope that the corks she used on this hat came from a craft store. Because if not, she might need to go through a Twelve Step program.

16. Some people tend to be private about their boudoir while this woman as a miniature version of hers out in the open.

I'm not sure which is more outrageous having a bathroom on your head or all the blue stuff surrounding it. Seriously, it just seems so ridiculous on sight.

I’m not sure which is more outrageous having a bathroom on your head or all the blue stuff surrounding it. Seriously, it just seems so ridiculous on sight.

17. Of course, every look has to go with the right kind of curls.

Now if these curls were any smaller, I would've mistook them for wood shavings. Hope she doesn't run into low doorways.

Now if these curls were any smaller, I would’ve mistook them for wood shavings. Hope she doesn’t run into low doorways.

18. Nothing makes a nice Southern plantation home than a grand staircase.

But when it comes to this woman, the grand staircase is pink and purple as well as on her head. But I don't know if this staircase leads to heaven or nowhere.

But when it comes to this woman, the grand staircase is pink and purple as well as on her head. But I don’t know if this staircase leads to heaven or nowhere.

19. When it comes to the wild Kentucky Derby fashions, even the sportscasters like to show off.

NBC sportscaster Bob Costa looks so stunning in Johnny Weir's white hat. Not sure if it matches his suit though.

NBC sportscaster Bob Costa looks so stunning in Johnny Weir’s white hat. Not sure if it matches his suit though.

20. While some don hats of horse’s heads, others don those of jockeys.

Hope this woman didn't get that head from her job at the DMV. Then again, she seems a bit too rich to have a job there from how that hat is decorated.

Hope this woman didn’t get that head from her job at the DMV. Then again, she seems a bit too rich to have a job there from how that hat is decorated.

21. People come from all over the country for the Kentucky Derby. This woman is from Wisconsin.

And she's wearing her cheesehead coiffure in all its Greenbay Packer glory. Seriously, whenever I see a cheese head, I think of the Greenbay Packers.

And she’s wearing her cheese head coiffure in all its Greenbay Packer glory. Seriously, whenever I see a cheese head, I think of the Greenbay Packers.

22. What better hat for the Kentucky Derby than a straw bonnet of a horse?

Yes, this guy sure looks pretty with a horse bonnet that has pink lilies on its ears. Also, has a rabbit's foot on it for luck. Guess he has money on a horse.

Yes, this guy sure looks pretty with a horse bonnet that has pink lilies on its ears. Also, has a rabbit’s foot on it for luck. Guess he has money on a horse.

23. While the official Kentucky Derby drink is mint juleps, this lady prefers to wear a martini glass.

Well, I'm sure she doesn't drink out of the thing,. But if she does, then she might have a problem.

Well, I’m sure she doesn’t drink out of the thing,. But if she does, then she might have a problem.

24. Just drinking mint juleps with a jockey and horse by his sides.

Seems like the jockey and horse are chilling right by his riding helmet. Let's hope he doesn't have money on a horse and is just there for the fun of it all.

Seems like the jockey and horse are chilling right by his riding helmet. Let’s hope he doesn’t have money on a horse and is just there for the fun of it all.

25. Of course, you always need your hat to match your outfit at the Kentucky Derby.

Looks like this will be Lady Gaga in a few decades. Seriously, I can totally see her wearing something like that an awards ceremony or public appearance.

Looks like this will be Lady Gaga in a few decades. Seriously, I can totally see her wearing something like that an awards ceremony or public appearance.

26. No post on Kentucky Derby hats would be complete without one of a mint juleps.

Of course, that's not a real mint juleps. But it looks pretty crazy yet appropriate at the same time.

Of course, that’s not a real mint juleps. But it looks pretty crazy yet appropriate at the same time.

27. It helps if the fringe on your hat matches the cuffs on your dress.

And she seems to have obtained the fuzzy trim from the rare Truffula tree. Of course, she probably had to spend a fortune on it as we know from The Lorax.

And she seems to have obtained the fuzzy trim from the rare Truffula tree. Of course, she probably had to spend a fortune on it as we know from The Lorax.

28. Pink flowers and black feathers, what can possibly go wrong with that?

I'm not sure if I can call this pretty since it seems to come from something you'd see a Star Trek alien wear. Seriously, the feathers are sticking out of the flowers.

I’m not sure if I can call this pretty since it seems to come from something you’d see a Star Trek alien wear. Seriously, the feathers are sticking out of the flowers.

29. When it comes to hair extensions, you can certainly go wild.

Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat you'd see in a Lady Gaga music video or at a show in Las Vegas. Still, it's quite hideous.

Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat you’d see in a Lady Gaga music video or at a show in Las Vegas. Still, it’s quite hideous.

30. Some flowers just simply go well in a box. Some in planters. And some in hats.

I'm sure the flowers aren't real but they're certainly outrageous compared to the horse. Man, that hat is massive.

I’m sure the flowers aren’t real but they’re certainly outrageous compared to the horse. Man, that hat is massive.

31. I call this look the Las Vegas showgirl.

And the fact this hat is worn by a guy makes it even funnier. Seriously, he's bound to make Native American casino owners pissed off over cultural appropriation.

And the fact this hat is worn by a guy makes it even funnier. Seriously, he’s bound to make Native American casino owners pissed off over cultural appropriation.

32. When it comes to Kentucky Derby hats, some are bound to make other spectators a little uncomfortable.

Yeah, if I was sitting next to a guy with an old timey camera hat and wearing sunglasses, I'd assume he was working for some covert organization. Seriously, he give me the creeps.

Yeah, if I was sitting next to a guy with an old timey camera hat and wearing sunglasses, I’d assume he was working for some covert organization. Seriously, he give me the creeps.

33. Some people enjoy the Kentucky Derby so much that they have to wear Churchill Downs on their heads.

Because why have a hat of a horse's head when you can have one with 2 steeples? Of course, she might poke somebody's eye out.

Because why have a hat of a horse’s head when you can have one with 2 steeples? Of course, she might poke somebody’s eye out.

34. Of course, this woman is setting a record with her LP hat.

Hope the album in question isn't of great quality, music wise. Seriously, I wouldn't want to wast a good album on a hat if I were you.

Hope the album in question isn’t of great quality, music wise. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to wast a good album on a hat if I were you.

35. Hey, I didn’t know that you can wear giant candy wrappers.

Hmm... I know the fashion industry can churn out some crazy shit these days. But I'm not sure if I'd want to be caught dead wearing a candy wrapper hat should a horse run over me at the races.

Hmm… I know the fashion industry can churn out some crazy shit these days. But I’m not sure if I’d want to be caught dead wearing a candy wrapper hat should a horse run over me at the races.

36. Eeek! Is that a spider on her head? Oh, God, take it away!

Sure she may think she's glamorous, but her hat resembles some kind of giant spider that's just escaped from mad scientists laboratory. Wouldn't be surprised if it was radioactive.

Sure she may think she’s glamorous, but her hat resembles some kind of giant spider that’s just escaped from mad scientists laboratory. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was radioactive.

37. With a hat like this, no one will get lost or forget the time.

Unfortunately, this sundial hat isn't 100% accurate. But I'm sure you can see it from a bird's eye view. Or not.

Unfortunately, this sundial hat isn’t 100% accurate. But I’m sure you can see it from a bird’s eye view. Or not.

38. Of course, when looking at her hat, you’d swear to have seen it in a modern art museum. You probably didn’t know it was a hat to begin with.

Nevertheless, wearing a hat like this, and astronauts will be able to track your moves from space. Still, quite hideous.

Nevertheless, wearing a hat like this, and astronauts will be able to track your moves from space. Still, quite hideous.

39. Hey, I didn’t know they had a My Little Pony horse’s head hat. Guess every little girl wants one now.

Well, basically a hat for those who enjoy My Little Pony and The Godfather. Now Rainbow Sparkles will certainly make him an offer he can't refuse.

Well, basically a hat for those who enjoy My Little Pony and The Godfather. Now Rainbow Sparkles will certainly make him an offer he can’t refuse.

40. Now this is the kind of Kentucky Derby hat I’d expect from a Tim Burton film.

From Huffington Post:

From Huffington Post: “Originally designed to be worn by Helena Bonham Carter at the Oscars, this hat has found new life startling horses at Churchill Downs.”

41. What better way to grace the Kentucky Derby than wear a hat made from the precious feathers of your pet macaw.

Of course, it was a Norwegian Blue which is know for its wonderful plumage. But they do have a tendency of pining for the fjords. What? Are you saying that there aren't any parrots in Norway? Well, you obviously haven't seen Monty Python.

Of course, it was a Norwegian Blue which is know for its wonderful plumage. But they do have a tendency of pining for the fjords. What? Are you saying that there aren’t any parrots in Norway? Well, you obviously haven’t seen Monty Python.

42. This guy seems to love roses so much that he had to have some tattooed on his face.

Doesn't stop him from looking like some bum who was hired to wear such a ridiculous hat. Yeah, seems like he's way too covered in roses to appear like a true fan.

Doesn’t stop him from looking like some bum who was hired to wear such a ridiculous hat. Yeah, seems like he’s the kind of guy who attends the Kentucky Derby during his annual day of being in civilization.

43. After the Derby one of them is going to a mad tea party while the other will celebrate Cinco de Mayo by watching The Three Amigos.

Mad tea party or Three Amigos? Oh, what the hell, Three Amigos will always win every time for me. Seriously, that movie is a classic.

Mad tea party or Three Amigos? Oh, what the hell, Three Amigos will always win every time for me. Seriously, that movie is a classic.

44. The Louisville mayor and his entourage.

Nevertheless, Louisville's mayor has an ego about a mile wide. So on Kentucky Derby day, he thinks he's the Pope.

Nevertheless, Louisville’s mayor has an ego about a mile wide. So on Kentucky Derby day, he thinks he’s the Pope.

45. I suppose this is the ice cream lady.

I don't know about you, but she's probably wearing the hat for the money. Bet the ice cream company is sponsoring this horse race, right?

I don’t know about you, but she’s probably wearing the hat for the money. Bet the ice cream company is sponsoring this horse race, right? How else could she wear an ice cream cone on her head?

46. Seems like this woman decided to wear the same outfit she had on during the gala at the modern art museum.

Because how else could her hat resemble a piece of funky colored bacon with springs on it? Seriously, bacon doesn't look like that.

Because how else could her hat resemble a piece of funky colored bacon with springs on it? Seriously, bacon doesn’t look like that.

47. Guess the ladies of the Red Hat Society aren’t wearing anything outrageous.

Oh, my mistake. Actually looks like something the Red Hat Society ladies might wear to a derby in a Dr. Seuss story for some reason. Then again, the feathers are just crazy on this one.

Oh, my mistake. Actually looks like something the Red Hat Society ladies might wear to a derby in a Dr. Seuss story for some reason. Then again, the feathers are just crazy on this one.

48. When it comes to roses at the Kentucky Derby, the bigger, the better.

And it makes you wonder how the rose can be so big and still stay on this woman's head. Seriously, I really want to know that answer.

And it makes you wonder how the rose can be so big and still stay on this woman’s head. Seriously, I really want to know that answer.

49. Some people just want to wake up and smell the flowers.

Some guys just want to wear a hat with the petals surrounding them. Sure this doesn't make you look ridiculous (sarcasm).

Some guys just want to wear a hat with the petals surrounding them. Sure this doesn’t make you look ridiculous (sarcasm).

50. I suppose that this guy is holding the cup.

Sure he may wear it on his head, but think of how many things he's carrying in that. Hopefully, he doesn't have any drugs in them. But I could be wrong.

Sure he may wear it on his head, but think of how many things he’s carrying in that. Hopefully, he doesn’t have any drugs in them. But I could be wrong.

51. Nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than wearing a hat of dangling horses.

Okay, now I don't know about you, but it seems that the horses are dangling from their necks. It's like an equine hanging tree. Seriously, that's messed up.

Okay, now I don’t know about you, but it seems that the horses are dangling from their necks. It’s like an equine hanging tree. Seriously, that’s messed up.

52. When it comes to Kentucky Derby Beer Pong, all the plastic cups have to have roses and mint juleps in them.

Of course, they may be empty for now. But after the Derby, well, I'm sure they'll be filled with booze and be used for beer pong.

Of course, they may be empty for now. But after the Derby, well, I’m sure they’ll be filled with booze and be used for beer pong. Not sure about the roses though.

53. Of course, nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than having your hat made from the feathers of your dead parrot.

Seriously, you have to wonder why people would think that using dead pets for fancy hats is a good idea. Also, this hat is beyond hideous, but here it is.

Seriously, you have to wonder why people would think that using dead pets for fancy hats is a good idea. Also, this hat is beyond hideous, but here it is.

54. Care for a bee in your bonnet?

Hey, I didn't mean literally, but what the hell. I mean it's just an expression. You don't need to take everything literally. Also, that bee is terrifying.

Hey, I didn’t mean literally, but what the hell. I mean it’s just an expression. You don’t need to take everything literally. Also, that bee is terrifying.

56. Can’t decide between 2 hats? Just glue them together and create an awesome megahat, or not.

Yeah, I think the white hat would've been better without the funky blue feathers plucked from a bird in Horton's jungle. Hey, I'm just saying.

Yeah, I think the white hat would’ve been better without the funky blue feathers plucked from a bird in Horton’s jungle. Hey, I’m just saying.

57. Finally, a hat with nothing unusual.

Oh, wait, that's Joey Fatone from the 1990s boy band NSYNC. Still, you kind of wish they had reunion at the Kentucky Derby wearing hats like these.

Oh, wait, that’s Joey Fatone from the 1990s boy band NSYNC. Still, you kind of wish they had reunion at the Kentucky Derby wearing hats like these.

58. Now the bowler hat is fine. The giant cigarette, large gemstone ring, and the fur coat on the other hand.

Seriously, if he's not doing anything illegal or killing people, he's probably a greedy corporate executive who treats his minimum wage workers like shit, is engaging in insider trading, has had a succession of trophy wives, and spends most of his time on his expensive yacht.

Seriously, if he’s not doing anything illegal or killing people, he’s probably a greedy corporate executive who treats his minimum wage workers like shit, is engaging in insider trading, has had a succession of trophy wives, and spends most of his time on his expensive yacht.

58. Who knew that the Ghost of Christmas Present was a fan of horse racing?

Guess a guy whose job is to haunt the dreams of miserly bankers on an annual basis needs some kind of pleasure in life. But still, he looked way cooler in A Christmas Carol.

Guess a guy whose job is to haunt the dreams of miserly bankers on an annual basis needs some kind of pleasure in life. But still, he looked way cooler in A Christmas Carol.

59. Knowing that it was expected to rain in Louisville during the derby, Cyndi Lauper decided to dress accordingly.

Yes, that Cyndi Lauper. Yes, that hat resembles a UFO. And yes, it also doubles as an umbrella. Any questions?

Yes, that Cyndi Lauper. Yes, that hat resembles a UFO. And yes, it also doubles as an umbrella. Any questions?

60. Of course, this gigantic pink rose doesn’t make her hat look in any way cartoonish.

Uh, yes. it does. In fact, it makes the other gigantic flower hats look normal in comparison. Seriously, you'd swear it was genetically engineered by Monsanto.

Uh, yes. it does. In fact, it makes the other gigantic flower hats look normal in comparison. Seriously, you’d swear it was genetically engineered by Monsanto.

61. May I present to you, the Green Bay Packers Ladies’ Auxillary.

Now regular cheese heads are one thing. But pink cheese heads?  Now that's really fucked up. Guess they really wanted to show their love for the Packers and wear hats that matched their outfits.

Now regular cheese heads are one thing. But pink cheese heads? Now that’s really fucked up. Guess they really wanted to show their love for the Packers and wear hats that matched their outfits.

62. Now here is a hat in glorious purple.

From Huffington Post: “There was this giant purple monster with feathers and it was chasing me through my old high school.”

63. I’m sure those bright pink feathers will make any Kentucky Derby hat look gorgeous.

I'm sorry but I was wrong. It just looks like something you'd buy at a Halloween costume store, particularly if it comes with a matching pimp suit.

I’m sorry but I was wrong. It just looks like something you’d buy at a Halloween costume store, particularly if it comes with a matching pimp suit.

64. After the derby, this guy plans to take part in some secret cult ritual involving horses or something. Or maybe he’s just wearing a horse’s head.

Of course, it's bound to bring some traumatizing memories for people who woke up next to a horse's head in their beds. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

Of course, it’s bound to bring some traumatizing memories for people who woke up next to a horse’s head in their beds. Kind of disturbing if you think about it.

65. Of course, when it comes to hat decorating, some people just don’t know when to stop.

Let's hope Churchill Downs has high doorways so she doesn't run into something. Still, if she was a man, you'd think she was compensating for something.

Let’s hope Churchill Downs has high doorways so she doesn’t run into something. Still, if she was a man, you’d think she was compensating for something.

66. This woman is certainly an accomplished hunter for she had to shoot a lot of birds to make a hat like this.

Of course, when it comes to pheasant shooting, this lady tends to use a machine gun by the looks of it. Still, maybe she should've stuck to something more suited for spring.

Of course, when it comes to pheasant shooting, this lady tends to use a machine gun by the looks of it. Still, maybe she should’ve stuck to something more suited for spring.

67. Nothing shows your love for the Kentucky Derby than a hat with a horse’s head in a top hat on a platter.

I don't know about you but I'm starting to get the kind of My Little Pony meets The Godfather vibe again. I wonder why. Still, it has some pretty disturbing implications if you ask me.

I don’t know about you but I’m starting to get the kind of My Little Pony meets The Godfather vibe again. I wonder why. Still, it has some pretty disturbing implications if you ask me.

68. Of course, if it should rain in Churchill Downs, then I’m sure I’d like to get under this guy.

Nevertheless, if there be showers, this guy will certainly be very popular. I mean wearing a hat like that would make any guy a one man mobile pavilion.

Nevertheless, if there be showers, this guy will certainly be very popular. I mean wearing a hat like that would make any guy a one man mobile pavilion.

69. I see that the horses are about to leave the gates.

My mistake. That's just a guy's hat. Yeah, I know it's weird. But he really seems to be a big horse racing fan by the looks of it.

My mistake. That’s just a guy’s hat. Yeah, I know it’s weird. But he really seems to be a big horse racing fan by the looks of it.

70. Won’t you give another mint julep for this Fairy Godmother?

Seriously, she went through all that trouble to get Cinderella to the ball. So she really can use a break. And so what if she likes to bet on horses and get drunk on mint juleps afterwards?

Seriously, she went through all that trouble to get Cinderella to the ball. So she really can use a break. And so what if she likes to bet on horses and get drunk on mint juleps afterwards?

Sucky Dresses at Prom

This is my cousin John in my sister's junior prom dress. And no, he didn't wear it to prom. But it fits well with what I'm going to talk about.

This is my cousin John in my sister’s junior prom dress. And no, he didn’t wear it to prom (they were just goofing off). But in a post devoted to prom dress fashion disasters, this is a perfect introductory photo.

After the Easter celebrations are over, junior and senior high school students all around the country prepare for the major formal high school dance of the year: prom. Prom season is the time of year when American junior and senior high school students spend countless amounts of their parents’ money on overpriced formal dresses and suits, overpriced tickets for an overpriced venue if it’s not the high school gym, overpriced hairstyles, and overpriced transportation. All just so they can attend a dance with mediocre food and music in hopes that they’d somehow get to third base in the backseat of a car without considering the possibilities of an immediate future with child support payments, STD treatments, teen pregnancy, shotgun weddings, or fucking up the rest of their lives. But it’s all portrayed as the fairytale capstone of a high school girl’s experience as well as a rite of passage in the media. Yeah, right. Now I never went to prom while in high school since I had a quiz bowl tournament in Harrisburg my junior year (with my team coming in 7th but my sister erasing all the photos from my parents’ camera. Yet, it was on PCNC). And during my senior year, I had to go to an out of state funeral for a paternal great aunt I’ve only met once in my life (who was the half-sister of a grandfather I’ve never met). Do I regret not going to prom? Hell no. Seriously, my senior year highlights were finishing in the KDKA Hometown HiQ semifinals where my team won $2,000 for the school as well as a Hall of Fame Club lunch I attended with my father, finishing second in a journalist writing contest winning $25 for myself, attending a friend’s Halloween party, and going on a trip to Disney World with my high school marching band. However, my sister went to her school prom both years and was a member of homecoming court as a senior. And so have many other high school students. Now the average high school promgoer spends an average of about $900 on prom according to the statistics on while I was in high school. So I’m sure that a lot of businesses make a killing off it. But what gets a lot of attention at prom are the overpriced formal dresses which are sometimes designed by straight male perverts and worn by 20 year old models in magazines. Now I can go on with all the pretty prom dresses out there. But you’d probably be bored to tears so I’ll show you some of the prom fashion disasters. Now I have it as Not Safe for Work because some might images might disturb the parents and that I don’t want teenagers to look at it. So without further adieu, here are some of prom’s most epic fashion catastrophes you can’t unsee.

1. Just because the dress may be great for a Civil War reenactment, doesn’t mean you should wear it for prom.

Sorry for being stereotypical here, but I'm not sure if a Southern belle dress would be seen as appropriate apparel for a black girl, according to some historians. Still, to each his own. After all, if you want to wear a dress like that to prom, that's your business. It just that the dress seems like a relic of 60s fashion. And by that, I mean 1860s.

Sorry for being stereotypical here, but I’m not sure if a Southern belle dress would be seen as appropriate apparel for a black girl, historically speaking. Still, to each his own. After all, if you want to wear a dress like that to prom, that’s your business. It’s just that the dress seems like a relic of fashion from the 60s. And by that, I mean the 1860s.

2. For the girl who wants to honor her southern heritage, offend black people, show your support for Lynyrd Skynyrd, and look like a trashy redneck at the same time, then the Confederate flag dress is for you.

Of course, I'd like to know how she'll have to explain this to her black boyfriend. Seriously, the Confederate Flag is a racist symbol since it was used by white supremacist organizations like the KKK and the Dixiecrats.

Of course, I’d like to know how she’ll have to explain this to her black boyfriend. Seriously, the Confederate Flag is a racist symbol since it was used by white supremacist organizations like the KKK and the Dixiecrats.

3. For those aiming for the Grecian look, may I present to you Bo Derek in her bedsheet.

Let's just hope she's poorer than hen shit and wearing an actual bedsheet as a prom dress. Because I really don't want to think that her parents spent all this money on a dress that makes her seem like a slutty Grecian harem girl.

Let’s just hope she’s poorer than hen shit and wearing an actual bedsheet as a prom dress. Because I really don’t want to think that her parents spent over $300 on a dress that makes her seem like a slutty Grecian harem girl.

4. Of course, it’s not just the ladies who want to get in on the formalwear action. These guys dressed as the colors of the rainbow.

Of course, while many may see these teenage boys as the innocent promgoers they are, some people in the Bible Belt conspiracy theorist might equate them with the fictitious gay mafia of their imaginations. Either that, or Willy Wonka's fraternity.

Of course, while many may see these teenage boys as the innocent promgoers they are, some people in the Bible Belt conspiracy theorist might equate them with the fictitious gay mafia of their imaginations. Either that, or Willy Wonka’s fraternity.

5. While most prom dresses cost loads of money, this dress is practically made of money.

Of course, what would make this dress worse was if the money on it is real, which I'm sure isn't. Still, doesn't give her a good rep if she decides to use this picture for her online dating profile.

Of course, what would make this dress worse was if the money on it is real, which I’m sure isn’t. Still, doesn’t give her a good rep if she decides to use this picture for her online dating profile.

6. For those who love colors and prints, this psychedelic prom dress is perfect for you.

This dress's design was inspired by the designer's drug trip on the brown acid at Woodstock during his hippie days. Can you dig it, man?

This dress’s design was inspired by the designer’s drug trip on the brown acid at Woodstock during his hippie days. Can you dig it, man?

7. While prom is known for elaborate hairstyles, nobody’s has seen anything nearly as spectacular as helicopter hair.

Now I know that choppers may have very little to do with prom. But I have to appreciate that this girl's hairdresser certainly had a great sense of humor.

Now I know that choppers may have very little to do with prom. But I have to appreciate that this girl’s hairdresser certainly had a great sense of humor.

8. For those who love Star Wars, nothing says love at prom like dressing up as Anakin Skywalker and Queen Padme Amidala.

Of course, for those who've seen all the prequels, we know that their relationship doesn't end well. Yeah, I can understand why Jedi are forbidden to marry.

Of course, for those who’ve seen all the prequels, we know that their relationship doesn’t end well. Seriously, she dies of childbirth while he gets dismembered that he has to wear a Darth Vader suit. Yeah, I can understand why Jedi are forbidden to marry.

9. Nothing shows redneck pride at prom than a camo dress and a matching suit.

Unless your school's theme for prom is based off The Deer Hunter, I would really advise against it. Seriously, camo is proper during deer season, not prom season. Get it through your heads!

Unless your school’s theme for prom is based off The Deer Hunter, I would really advise against it. Seriously, camo is proper during deer season, not prom season. Get it through your heads!

10. For those who can’t afford a prom dress or don’t want one, I’m sure formal shorts and top is right for you.

Perhaps when it comes to prom dress codes for girls, you might want to go with, "Do not wear anything resembling something that Niki Minaj might wear to one of her concerts."  The guy looks kind of sleazy as well, but in a different context.

Perhaps when it comes to prom dress codes for girls, you might want to go with, “Do not wear anything resembling something that Niki Minaj might wear to one of her concerts.” The guy looks kind of sleazy as well, but in a different context.

11. While some prom dresses seem like they were made to accentuate the sexiness of supermodels, sometimes designers can go too far.

Okay, someone forgot that the top part of the dress shouldn't consist of just boob straps. Seriously, this looks incredibly slutty and it's not helped by the girl's expression that suggests that she's cheap and easy.

Okay, someone forgot that the top part of the dress shouldn’t consist of just boob straps. Seriously, this looks incredibly slutty and it’s not helped by the girl’s expression that suggests that she’s cheap and easy.

12. For those who want to catch eyes like a peacock, you can’t go wrong with a feather train.

So that's what they were doing with the tufts of the Truffula trees. And I thought they were just for Thneeds, whatever those are. Still, probably a main reason why the Lorax's forest basically went to shit due to deforestation by the Oncler.

So that’s what they were doing with the tufts of the Truffula trees. And I thought they were just for Thneeds, whatever those are. Still, probably a main reason why the Lorax’s forest basically went to shit due to deforestation by the Oncler.

13. Of course, when it comes to skimpy prom outfits, it’s not just the girls you need to worry about.

Now the girl is actually decently dressed. The guy on the other hand, is a different story. Seriously, nobody wants to see you dressed for prom as Borat at the beach.

Now the girl is actually decently dressed. The guy on the other hand, is a different story. Seriously, nobody wants to see you dressed for prom as Borat at the beach.

14. You can be the prettiest girl at prom with a dress of jewels and tie dye.

I don't know about you but people during the 1960s and 1970s didn't wear tie dye to prom for a reason. Guess her prom's theme this year is Chez a la Woodstock.

I don’t know about you but people during the 1960s and 1970s didn’t wear tie dye to prom for a reason. Guess her prom’s theme this year is Chez a la Woodstock.

15. For all you art fans out there, ever teen girl would look beautiful in this prom dress with its design inspired by the masterpieces of Jackson Pollock.

On second thought, Jackson Pollock is a horrible artist. Seriously, why spend an enormous fortune on the kind of paintings your 3 year old can make you for free? Still, this dress is just plain hideous.

On second thought, Jackson Pollock is a horrible artist. Seriously, why spend an enormous fortune on the kind of paintings your 3 year old can make you for free? Still, this dress is just plain hideous.

16. For the girl with kaleidoscope eyes, this is the prom dress for you.

Man, just looking at this dress makes me feel like I'm tripping balls. Must be inspired by some kind of acid trip during the 1970s. Yeah, it's enough to make your prom date's eye sore.

Man, just looking at this dress makes me feel like I’m tripping balls. Must be inspired by some kind of acid trip during the 1970s. Yeah, it’s enough to make your prom date’s eye sore.

17. When you really want to stand out at prom, you can’t go wrong with a dress of chartreuse.

Now if my sister or I wanted to wear a dress like this at prom, I'd know exactly what my dad would say, which is, "No way in hell." Seriously, my Grandma C wore that color and my dad just thinks it's bad fashion sense.

Now if my sister or I wanted to wear a dress like this at prom, I’d know exactly what my dad would say, which is, “No way in hell.” Seriously, my Grandma C wore that color and my dad just thinks it’s bad fashion sense.

18. Of course, shopping for prom dresses might be difficult for the unfortunate teenage girls who’ve been knocked up for awhile. But sometimes even that won’t stop them from having fun.

Now being pregnant around prom time is one thing. But wearing a dress like that? Seriously, this is just in very poor taste, maybe even by cheep hooker standards. Oh, my God, why?

Now being pregnant around prom time is one thing. But wearing a dress like that? Seriously, this is just in very poor taste, maybe even by cheep hooker standards. Oh, my God, why?

19. This elegant V-neck gown will make any teenage girl feel like a princess.

That or a fifth rate version of Miley Cyrus at the Oscars. Then again, she'd probably wear one that would show way less skin.

That or a fifth rate version of Miley Cyrus at the Oscars. Then again, she’d probably wear one that would show way less skin.

20. For prom, you can’t do wrong with a short dress and fishnet stockings.

On second thought, you definitely can. Seriously, this girl looks like a cleaned up pretty version of a back alley hooker. I mean, why would anyone let their kid wear this?

On second thought, you definitely can. Seriously, this girl looks like a cleaned up pretty version of a back alley hooker. I mean, why would anyone let their kid wear this? Wonder if she has knee high heeled boots to go with that and she’ll be all set.

21. For a more natural prom look, may I suggest you go with animal prints?

Take my advice, I hate animal prints. I think they take a reasonable looking gown and turn it into a tacky mess of poor taste. Seriously, it looks awful.

Take my advice, I hate animal prints. I think they take a reasonable looking gown and turn it into a tacky mess of poor taste. Seriously, it looks awful.

22. When it comes to prom, there’s nothing better than having your outfit support your favorite sports team.

I suppose this coordination was the guy's idea. Like camo, sports trademark formal wear simply doesn't belong. Seriously, it looks really out of place.

I suppose this coordination was the guy’s idea. Like camo, sports trademark formal wear simply doesn’t belong. Seriously, it looks really out of place.

23. May I present to you: Willy Wonka’s prom picture.

Man, they sure look happy together. Too bad Willy soon became a recluse confectioner who owned a gigantic factory run by enslaved labor. Guess this girl doesn't regret dumping him and is now married with a family.

Man, they sure look happy together. Too bad Willy soon became a recluse confectioner who owned a gigantic factory run by enslaved labor. Guess this girl doesn’t regret dumping him and is now married with a family.

24. This couples prom theme: Tribute to Dippin’ Dots: Ice Cream of the Future.

I don't see the appeal of Dippin' Dots as Ice Cream of the Future and the only place I've seen it sold is Kennywood anyway. Still, guess this couple is smarter to make their prom outfits.

I don’t see the appeal of Dippin’ Dots as Ice Cream of the Future and the only place I’ve seen it sold is Kennywood anyway. Still, guess this couple is smarter to make their prom outfits.

25. Some girls go for puffy sleeves, some not at all. This one went with spiked.

Man, guess this dress will make it difficult for her boyfriend to put his arm around her in the back of the car. Now that moment can get awkward.

Man, guess this dress will make it difficult for her boyfriend to put his arm around her in the back of the car. Now that moment can get awkward.

26. Of course, if you love John Hughes movies, you can always wear a prom dress from the 1980s.

Hey, I didn't know Dr. Felix Frankfurther wore a purple dress at his senior prom. Guess he'd love to do the Time Warp again to aim for a sensible look from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then again, maybe not.

Hey, I didn’t know Dr. Felix Frankfurther wore a purple dress at his senior prom. Guess he’d love to do the Time Warp again to aim for a sensible look from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then again, maybe not.

27. From Jovani, here we have a lovely sequin gown of camouflage?

Sequin camo? What the fuck? Seriously, this woman may be pretty. But as for the girls who'd actually wear such a dress for prom, chances are they probably come from a trailer park. I mean why does this even exist?

Sequin camo? What the fuck? Seriously, this woman may be pretty. But as for the girls who’d actually wear such a dress for prom, chances are they probably come from a trailer park. I mean why does this even exist?

28. For the girl going to prom, make sure your dress has all the necessary trimmings.

Two pieces? Check. Colorful animal prints? Check. Midriff jewelry? Check? Yellow ruffles? Check. May I introduce to you the quintessential trashy dress for your tacky and skanky heart's content.

Two pieces? Check. Colorful animal prints? Check. Midriff jewelry? Check? Yellow ruffles? Check. May I introduce to you the quintessential trashy dress for your tacky and skanky heart’s content.

29. For those who want to shimmer in pink, this is the beautiful dress for you.

Outside is all pink and sparkles. But underneath, you have a 1970s acid fever dream. Trippy, man. I know.

Outside is all pink and sparkles. But underneath, you have a 1970s acid fever dream. Trippy, man. I know.

30. Of course, if you’re a guy, you might want to let your parents know that your prom date is a bit unconventional when it comes to her hair.

Just love the look on that guy's face. Still, you have to love these vintage pictures. The girl's punk hairdo is just so out of place in this. So funny.

Just love the look on that guy’s face. Still, you have to love these vintage pictures. The girl’s punk hairdo is just so out of place in this. So funny.

31. For the pregnant prom goer: when selecting a dress, I’d advise you to stay out of the Kim Kardashian maternity line.

Now this is just really bad. I mean teen pregnancy is nothing to write home about. But dressing like that to prom is skanky enough even if you don't have a bun in the oven.

Now this is just really bad. I mean teen pregnancy is nothing to write home about. But dressing like that to prom is skanky enough even if you don’t have a bun in the oven.

32. I call this prom dress style the slutty superheroine.

Sure she may look quite slutty, but at least she's appears as if she's Thor's exotic sassy black girlfriend. Perhaps she's an African ocean goddess.

Sure she may look quite slutty, but at least she’s appears as if she’s Thor’s exotic sassy black girlfriend. Perhaps she’s an African ocean goddess of the waves.

33. For the ladies wanting a prom to be their happily ever after, you can’t go wrong with a princess ball gown.

Okay now while everything else is fine, I think the leopard print really makes this dress less than bedazzling to me. I mean no prom princess in her right mind would want to wear a gown with ugly leopard prints on it.

Okay now while everything else is fine, I think the leopard print really makes this dress less than bedazzling to me. I mean no prom princess in her right mind would want to wear a gown with ugly leopard prints on it.

34. Hear ye, hear ye, may I presenth to you thy Tudor prom king and queen.

Of course, these prom outfits seem less suitable for ye olde prom and more appropriate for the ye olde Renaissance faire. Also, what's with the codpiece? Seriously, that don't look right.

Of course, these prom outfits seem less suitable for ye olde prom and more appropriate for the ye olde Renaissance faire. Also, what’s with the codpiece? Seriously, that don’t look right.

35. For those who love Disney but hate princesses, make your prom as sweet as honey by wearing Winnie the Pooh.

Now this set up doesn't seem skanky at all. But it's just that years from now when their kids see this prom picture, they'll probably be laughing their asses off. Seriously, I know the guy is going along with the Pooh theme because he wants some poo tang.

Now this set up doesn’t seem skanky at all. But it’s just that years from now when their kids see this prom picture, they’ll probably be laughing their asses off. Seriously, I know the guy is going along with the Pooh theme because he wants some poo tang.

36. Prom photo or still photo of some unknown 1980s hair band?

I know it's probably a 1980s prom picture. Yet, with those crazy hairstyles, no one can tell. Still, you gotta love the 1980s.

I know it’s probably a 1980s prom picture. Yet, with those crazy hairstyles, no one can tell. Still, you gotta love the 1980s. Seems like they have so many hair products to go around.

37. When you don’t have anything for prom, when in doubt, do denim.

On second thought, no, please don't. Most workplaces consider the material as below business casual, let alone a bad material for formal wear. Still, I don't know which one of this couple is more likely to trip over: the girl with the train or the guy in the elephant bell pants.

On second thought, no, please don’t. Most workplaces consider the material as below business casual, let alone a bad material for formal wear. Still, I don’t know which one of this couple is more likely to trip over: the girl with the train or the guy in the elephant bell pants.

38. Since prom is about dancing, food, excess, and sex in the high school world, it’s only reasonable that you should go with Mardi Gras.

Wait a minute, Mardi Gras was in February. Prom season is in April and May. So isn't it a little late to dress for Mardi Gras for prom?

Wait a minute, Mardi Gras was in February. Prom season is in April and May. So isn’t it a little late to dress for Mardi Gras for prom?

39. For prom, nothing makes you love American more than a patriotic prom dress and suit.

These two seem like they're the part of the pep squad for Apollo Creed or the Harlem Globetrotters. Then again, they're doing it for the Stuck at Prom competition, but still.

These two seem like they’re the part of the pep squad for Apollo Creed or the Harlem Globetrotters. Then again, they’re doing it for the Stuck at Prom competition, but still.

40. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the Russian gangster and his Russian hooker bride.

If this was a Russian wedding picture, I might understand this a little better. But it's a prom picture and I' have no idea why the girl's parents let her wear that out of all the dresses available.

If this was a Russian wedding picture, I might understand this a little better. But it’s a prom picture and I’ have no idea why the girl’s parents let her wear that out of all the dresses available.

41. While we usually see a prom princess with a conventional ball gown, I don’t see why we shouldn’t exclude warrior prom princesses, too.

Oh, wait. Yes, I think I do see a reason. Because warrior princesses dress as skimpy as hell to appeal to a male fan base. Yeah, that's right. Still, you don't want to mess with this girl. She could be Storm from the X-Men for all you know.

Oh, wait. Yes, I think I do see a reason. Because warrior princesses dress as skimpy as hell to appeal to a male fan base. Yeah, that’s right. Still, you don’t want to mess with this girl. She could be Storm from the X-Men for all you know.

42. When you’re mellow, go with yellow. When you’re away, go with gray.

Now I know my school would never let me wear that yellow dress for prom. However, it's the gray trimmings that irk me with this outfit. Seriously, makes the girl look like she's straight from a Sci-fi TV show.

Now I know my school would never let me wear that yellow dress for prom. However, it’s the gray trimmings that irk me with this outfit. Seriously, makes the girl look like she’s straight from a sci-fi TV show.

43. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Storm Boy and Rainbow Girl.

You know your prom outfits are lame when even the yellow umbrella is snickering behind you. Still, they're probably just doing it for the art or the scholarship money so it's not like they broke their parents' bank.

You know your prom outfits are lame when even the yellow umbrella is snickering behind you. Still, they’re probably just doing it for the art or the scholarship money so it’s not like they broke their parents’ bank.

44. With a prom dress like this, any girl can look like a goddess. And by that, I mean an evil one from a sc-fi show that forces guys to have sex with her.

Yeah, I think this dress was inspired by some alien girl's outfit from Battlestar Galactica or Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I'm sure wearing this will certainly get her a date with a cute sci-fi nerd.

Yeah, I think this dress was inspired by some alien girl’s outfit from Battlestar Galactica or Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I’m sure wearing this will certainly get her a date with a cute sci-fi nerd.

45. Speaking of sci-fi prom dresses, a lady can’t go wrong with cocktail dress inspired by TRON.

Hey, girl, you might want to save your TRON dress for the geek convention where it will be a hit with the nerds. Either that, or the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl concert.

Hey, girl, you might want to save your TRON dress for the geek convention where it will be a hit with the nerds. Either that, or the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl concert.

46. May I present to you Sammy Stumpak and all right, how old is this guy’s date?

I know we're supposed to believe this girl is in high school. But with that dress and that hair, I swear I must've mistook her for a teacher robbing the cradle. Seriously, that dress looks so unsuitable for what teen girl would wear to prom. And that style reminds me of a few teachers I had in elementary school.

I know we’re supposed to believe this girl is in high school. But with that dress and that hair, I swear I must’ve mistook her for a teacher robbing the cradle. Seriously, that dress looks so unsuitable for what teen girl would wear to prom. And that style reminds me of a few teachers I had in elementary school.

47. Aw, now finally a nice couple prom photo. Wait a minute, is that a guy wearing a dress?

Now I'm sure guys could wear dresses if they want to. It's just that this guy looks as if he's some villain from some bad sci-fi space opera from the 1980s. I mean, that just doesn't look right to me.

Now I’m sure guys could wear dresses if they want to. It’s just that this guy looks as if he’s some villain from some bad sci-fi space opera from the 1980s. I mean, that just doesn’t look right to me.

48. Make your prom a fairytale adventure as the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter.

Hey, I didn't know that the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter went to prom together. Or that they were in high school at the same time. Or that Wonderland even has a high school or prom.

Hey, I didn’t know that the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter went to prom together. Or that they were in high school at the same time. Or that Wonderland even has a high school or prom.

49. For prom, this couple decided to combine their tastes for deer hunting and gangster films for their outfits this year.

Now while they're clad in camo and bright orange, in accordance with deer hunting season, the guy's in a pinstripe suit assuming the look of a 1920s gangster. Seriously, I'm sure if Nucky Thompson had a hunting outfit, it would look exactly like that.

Now while they’re clad in camo and bright orange, in accordance with deer hunting season, the guy’s in a pinstripe suit assuming the look of a 1920s gangster. Seriously, I’m sure if Nucky Thompson had a hunting outfit, it would look exactly like that.

50. What way to celebrate prom than to dress up in the costumes of your European ancestors back in the home country?

I don't know about you, but I'm sure if you had European ancestors, I'm sure they didn't dress at all like that in the home country. Unless you're counting fairy tales, of course. Also, I'm sure the guy's not allowed  to bring a sword to prom.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sure if you had European ancestors, I’m sure they didn’t dress at all like that in the home country. Unless you’re counting fairy tales, of course. Also, I’m sure the guy’s not allowed to bring a sword to prom due to the zero tolerance weapons policy.

51. When it comes to pimping at prom, you have to do it in plaid.

Now dressing up as a pimp for Halloween is one thing, but for prom? Seriously, pimps exploit women by making them have sex with other guys for money. Do you really want to send that kind of message to girls?

Now dressing up as a pimp for Halloween is one thing, but for prom? Seriously, pimps exploit women by making them have sex with other guys for money. Do you really want to send that kind of message to girls?

52. Prom dress, very expensive sexy lingerie, or both?

From what I can tell, this could very well be used for prom or very overpriced sleepwear. Seriously, I'm sure my dad wouldn't want me to wear that to prom. Still, I don't think I'd want to buy it.

From what I can tell, this could very well be used for prom or very overpriced sleepwear. Seriously, I’m sure my dad wouldn’t want me to wear that to prom. Still, I don’t think I’d want to buy it.

53. With a suit like this, this guy will match both his bitches.

Now I'm sure this guy knows how to compromise with both his girlfriends since he seems to really want a threesome. However, I'm not sure if the pimp cane and cup really sends good connotations, other than the two girl thing.

Now I’m sure this guy knows how to compromise with both his girlfriends since he seems to really want a threesome. However, I’m not sure if the pimp cane and cup really sends good connotations, other than the two girl thing.

54. When you want to stand out at prom, an orange dress will certainly get you noticed.

Of course, this dress will certainly make guys think that you're an aspiring streetwalker. Not to mention, I think it goes against the high school dress codes in most states.

Of course, this dress will certainly make guys think that you’re an aspiring streetwalker. Not to mention, I think it goes against the high school dress codes in most states.

55. Of course, when you can’t buy your prom dress, you can always make your own.

Good News: Looks like these people didn't spend a lot of money on their prom outfits. Bad News: Their clothes were made from the same material. Very Bad News: The fabric is ugly.

Good News: Looks like these people didn’t spend a lot of money on their prom outfits.
Bad News: Their clothes were made from the same material.
Very Bad News: The fabric is ugly.

56. Celebrate your love for America this prom, with this patriotic princess dress.

From Ugly Dress.com: "Prom Patriots are very popular. Prom Patriots get everything they could ever want. If you dress up like the Prom Patriot everyone will like you, you will get into the college of your choice, your acne will clear up, your boobs will get bigger, the Prom King will kiss you behind the coke machine, and you will even have a baby." Yeah right.

From Ugly Dress.com: “Prom Patriots are very popular. Prom Patriots get everything they could ever want. If you dress up like the Prom Patriot everyone will like you, you will get into the college of your choice, your acne will clear up, your boobs will get bigger, the Prom King will kiss you behind the coke machine, and you will even have a baby.” Yeah right.

57. While prom dresses typically have bright beautiful colors, this isn’t always the case.

Yeah, this dress may seem decent but the color scheme really isn't appropriate. I mean spring has to be full of life. With a dress like this, everything looks dead.

Yeah, this dress may seem decent but the color scheme really isn’t appropriate. I mean spring has to be full of life. With a dress like this, everything looks dead.

58. Of course, a dress like this can really enhance your shoulders.

Reminds me of the kind of dress women would wear during the 1980s, particularly if they were rich trophy wives of Wall Street bankers. Yeah, I'm sure it would be a perfect fit for a teenage girl. Not.

Reminds me of the kind of dress women would wear during the 1980s, particularly if they were rich trophy wives of Wall Street bankers. Yeah, I’m sure it would be a perfect fit for a teenage girl. Not.

59. When it comes to prom dresses, you can’t have too much ruffles and leather.

Uh, yeah, I think you can. Seriously, seems like 1980s prom dress designs at their most ridiculous. I mean it would've looked better without the white trimmings on it.

Uh, yeah, I think you can. Seriously, seems like 1980s prom dress designs at their most ridiculous. I mean it would’ve looked better without the white trimmings on it.

60. Man, I’m not sure if it’s the prom dress or I’m just plain tripping at the moment.

Now whoever designed this dress must've been under the influence of strong hallucinogenic mushrooms or peyote in that matter. Seriously, gives me migraines just looking at it.

Now whoever designed this dress must’ve been under the influence of strong hallucinogenic mushrooms or peyote in that matter. Seriously, gives me migraines just looking at it.

61. Prom dress or German barmaid outfit?

I think I might've seen a similar dress on a wax figure of Rhihanna. Doesn't really seem appropriate for her. Still, hope she saves it to wear for Oktoberfest.

I think I might’ve seen a similar dress on a wax figure of Rhianna. Doesn’t really seem appropriate for her. Still, hope she saves it to wear for Oktoberfest.

62. Prom princess or giant princess cupcake?

Now I'm sure she can party all she wants. But she needs to be home by midnight or her ride will turn back into a pumpkin and her driver back into a mouse. However, she'll accept any proposal from the guy who returns her glass slipper.

Now I’m sure she can party all she wants. But she needs to be home by midnight or her ride will turn back into a pumpkin and her driver back into a mouse. However, she’ll accept any proposal from the guy who returns her glass slipper.

63. Can’t really tell whether these two are on their way to prom or a back alley dance club.

Of course, it's probably prom since their outfits seem to be made from duct tape for the "Stuck at Prom" competition. They're probably repressed art students, go figure.

Of course, it’s probably prom since their outfits seem to be made from duct tape for the “Stuck at Prom” competition. They’re probably repressed art students, go figure.

64. For those wanting to get in touch with their wild side, this jungle princess prom dress is a perfect fit.

Now if this wasn't a prom dress, I could've almost mistake it for a Victoria's Secret lingerie ad. Seriously, kind of looks unbelievably skimpy once you add leopard prints.

Now if this wasn’t a prom dress, I could’ve almost mistake it for a Victoria’s Secret lingerie ad. Seriously, kind of looks unbelievably skimpy once you add leopard prints.

65. Ladies and gentlemen, all hail Queen Vespa from the planet Saldor.

I don't know about you, but I could see one of Captain Kirk's love interests wearing this very outfit on an episode from the original Star Trek. If she painted herself green, she could even go to a Star Trek convention in that very outfit.

I don’t know about you, but I could see one of Captain Kirk’s love interests wearing this very outfit on an episode from the original Star Trek. If she painted herself green, she could even go to a Star Trek convention in that very outfit.

66. Everyone, I give you the prom outfits from the future.

Of course, when I look at these outfits, it makes me not look forward to what high school kids might wear for prom in the future. This is especially the case with the guy wearing a brown suit.

Of course, when I look at these outfits, it makes me not look forward to what high school kids might wear for prom in the future. This is especially the case with the guy wearing a brown suit.

67. Sometimes when it comes to prom dresses, you have to go with what you got.

However, I'm sure repurposing beer crates as prom dresses probably isn't a good idea. Seriously, you aren't even allowed to wear beer shirts at school, let alone beer crates at prom.

However, I’m sure repurposing beer crates as prom dresses probably isn’t a good idea. Seriously, you aren’t even allowed to wear beer shirts at school, let alone beer crates at prom.

68. No I do declare, you can’t go wrong at prom dressed as a Southern Belle and her gentleman beau.

Worst Gone with the Wind cosplay I've ever seen. Seriously, the dress color is terrible. And frankly, my dear, I really do give a damn.

Worst Gone with the Wind cosplay I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the dress color is terrible. And frankly, my dear, I really do give a damn.

69. Some people see prom as a fairy tale while others just go to prom to just chill.

Yeah, prom should be about peace, love, and rock n' roll. Of course, a lot of people have sex after prom. But still, these outfits seem more suitable for Woodstock than perhaps a formal high school dance.

Yeah, prom should be about peace, love, and rock n’ roll. Of course, a lot of people have sex after prom. But still, these outfits seem more suitable for Woodstock than perhaps a formal high school dance.

70. Remember, ladies, make sure the top half of your prom dress corresponds with your bra size.

Yeah, I see a future with this girl after high school. Seems like she'll spend a great chunk of her life turning a lot of tricks and taking her clothes at certain establishments. Wouldn't be surprised if a former classmate saw her at the Filly Corral.

Yeah, I see a future with this girl after high school. Seems like she’ll spend a great chunk of her life turning a lot of tricks and taking her clothes at certain establishments. Wouldn’t be surprised if a former classmate saw her at the Filly Corral.

71. Nothing makes a pimp stand out than a suit of leopard prints in lime green.

For one, lime green isn't a great color for prom. Seriously, it's a hideous color. Second, I'm sure a lime green pimp outfit doesn't make a guy look any badass. In fact, it just makes you look ridiculous.

For one, lime green isn’t a great color for prom. Seriously, it’s a hideous color. Second, I’m sure a lime green pimp outfit doesn’t make a guy look any badass. In fact, it just makes you look ridiculous.

72. Taking a prom photo with guns. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Now it's one thing to take a prom photo with guns. It's a whole different matter when the guy is dressed up like a 1920s gangster. And the fact it's so unintentional makes it even funnier.

Now it’s one thing to take a prom photo with guns. It’s a whole different matter when the guy is dressed up like a 1920s gangster. And the fact it’s so unintentional makes it even funnier.

73. When it comes to princess gown skirts, some girls think bigger is better.

Now zebra print shoes and jacket aside, I wonder how this girl ever manages to sit in the car with that thing on. At least her dad could be happy that these two will have a very difficult time getting it on afterwards.

Now zebra print shoes and jacket aside, I wonder how this girl ever manages to sit in the car with that thing on. At least her dad could be happy that these two will have a very difficult time getting it on afterwards.

74. For those who dislike leopard prints, you can always go with zebras.

It's amazing how animal prints can turn a reasonably slutty dress like this, into one that's even more suitable for aspiring street walkers. Seriously, no self-respecting parent would want their daughter wearing that.

It’s amazing how animal prints can turn a reasonably slutty dress like this, into one that’s even more suitable for aspiring street walkers. Seriously, no self-respecting parent would want their daughter wearing that.

75. When it comes to couples, many believe that they should match.

For some reason, though I think the girl's dress is slutty enough, I think the guy's outfit is much worse. Seriously, it looks like some crazy bodysuit you'd see in some sex dungeon or something.

For some reason, though I think the girl’s dress is slutty enough, I think the guy’s outfit is much worse. Seriously, it looks like some crazy bodysuit you’d see in some sex dungeon or something.

76. Prom dress or futuristic dress for a sexy maid?

Yeah, I think tin the future, all the fembots would wear outfits like these so they can please their dirty old but terminally single masters by bowing to their every desire. Seriously, this dress is as tacky as hell.

Yeah, I think tin the future, all the fembots would wear outfits like these so they can please their dirty old but terminally single masters by bowing to their every desire. Seriously, this dress is as tacky as hell.

77. Come hither, come hither, lords and ladies, to the age old tradition of prom.

So that's how the first Blackadder managed to get laid and have descendants. Too bad women will soon find him repulsive and he'd be compelled to marry a child, but that's another episode. Oh, wait did they have prom in medieval England? Who cares.

So that’s how the first Blackadder managed to get laid and have descendants. Too bad women will soon find him repulsive and he’d be compelled to marry a child, but that’s another episode. Oh, wait did they have prom in medieval England? Who cares.

78. Nothing brings out the spirit of prom than showing your love for Mountain Dew.

I'm sure these two are getting paid for doing this. Seriously, that's the only reason why I'd wear a Mountain Dew dress. Also, the guy seems like he's one face paint away from being a Batman villain.

I’m sure these two are getting paid for doing this. Seriously, that’s the only reason why I’d wear a Mountain Dew dress. Also, the guy seems like he’s one face paint away from being a Batman villain.

79. If your date is dressed up like a 1920s gangster, here’s a great dress to complement it.

Now this dress would actually be pretty nice for prom. However, you just need to remove the low hanging trimmings, which make it look ridiculous. Seriously, I'm sure flappers didn't wear a dress like that.

Now this dress would actually be pretty nice for prom. However, you just need to remove the low hanging trimmings, which make it look ridiculous. Seriously, I’m sure flappers didn’t wear a dress like that.

80. Now this one is called the “Mermaid Sweetheart” dress. But it kind of seems gothy to me.

Of course, when she's done with the dress after prom, she could send it to the funeral home where they could use it for coffin liner.

Of course, when she’s done with the dress after prom, she could send it to the funeral home where they could use it for coffin liner.

How to Treat an American Flag

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The American flag is one of the United States’ most significant and powerful patriotic symbols. We have so many stuff for it such as our national anthem, “The Star Spangled Banner,” written by a lawyer named Francis Scott Key who witnessed the Battle of Fort McHenry during the War of 1812 while a prisoner on a British ship in Baltimore Harbor. Of course, even though the flag has been around since the American Revolution but contrary to what you might’ve learned in school, it was definitely not designed by a woman named Betsy Ross (that was just some bullshit story made up by her grandson). It was more likely designed by Continental Congress delegate and signer of the Declaration of Independence Francis Hopkinson (and even his claim has holes in it but at least his involvement with the design is supported by evidence). Yet, there are also stories relating to other individuals as well. But as to whoever sewn the first American flag, it could be any flag maker in Philadelphia. Over the years, it has gone through many renditions, there wasn’t a lot of rules that pertained to the stars and stripes at first save perhaps that it should include 13 red and white stripes as well as a blue square at the top left corner that consisted of a number of stars that depicted the number of states at the time. However, until 1912, there was no pattern to how the stars should be displayed. And if you go to an American Civil War museum, then you’d find a lot of interesting patterns.

One of the many designs you might see of a Union flag in an American Civil War museum. The star configuration on the flag wouldn't be established until 1912.

One of the many designs you might see of a Union flag in an American Civil War museum. The star configuration on the flag wouldn’t be established until 1912.

Despite that the Stars and Stripes was adopted in 1777, it wasn’t until 146 years later when there was a serious attempt to establish a uniform code of etiquette for the US flag. On February 15, 1923, the War Department issued the US Flag Code which was adopted almost in their entirety on June 14 of that year by a conference of 68 patriotic organizations in Washington D.C. However, the US Flag Code didn’t become official law until years later. Now military branches have their own codes for the American Flag. This is for civilians.

If something has the likeness of an American flag to an observer, then it should be seen as an American flag. Since this house is painted as an American flag, it's basically disrespect.

If something has the likeness of an American flag to an observer, then it should be seen as an American flag. Since this house is painted as an American flag, it’s basically disrespect.

“The words “flag, standard, colors, or ensign”, as used herein, shall include any flag, standard, colors, ensign, or any picture or representation of either, or of any part or parts of either, made of any substance or represented on any substance, of any size evidently purporting to be either of said flag, standard, colors, or ensign of the United States of America or a picture or a representation of either, upon which shall be shown the colors, the stars and the stripes, in any number of either thereof, or of any part or parts of either, by which the average person seeing the same without deliberation may believe the same to represent the flag, colors, standard, or ensign of the United States of America.” –Introduction to the US Flag Code Ch. 1 Title 4.

When to Display the Flag

The flag should be displayed at all times on a pole at public buildings, legal holidays, and other occasions.

The flag should be displayed at all times on a pole at public buildings, legal holidays, and other occasions. On all days, it’s usually hoisted on flagstaffs from sunrise to sunset.

On all days, especially on legal holidays and other special occasions.

It's always customary for classrooms to stand up and recite the "Pledge of Allegiance" every morning. But even though I love my country, saying the Pledge was kind of a pain in the ass for me. Nevertheless, Francis Bellamy had a way to salute the flag during the pledge but it was discontinued in the 1940s for bearing too much similarities to the Hitler salute (yes, really).

It’s always customary for classrooms to stand up and recite the “Pledge of Allegiance” every morning. But even though I love my country, saying the Pledge was kind of a pain in the ass for me. Nevertheless, Francis Bellamy had a way to salute the flag during the pledge but it was discontinued in the 1940s for bearing too much similarities to the Hitler salute (yes, really).

On official buildings when in use, in or near polling places on election days, and in or near schools when in session.

Customary between sunrise and sunset on buildings and on stationary flagstaffs in the open.

Citizens may fly it at any time.

The American flag flies continuously at the US Marine War Memorial in Washington D. C. which depicts the statue of the soldiers in the Iwo Jima flag raising photo, which was staged as said in Flags of Our Fathers. What happened to the men in it is pretty sad.

The American flag flies continuously at the US Marine War Memorial in Washington D. C. which depicts the statue of the soldiers in the Iwo Jima flag raising photo, which was staged as said in Flags of Our Fathers. What happened to the men in it is pretty sad.

May be displayed at night, on special occasions, preferably lighted.

Flies at the White House and the East and West fronts as well as the dome of the US Capitol at all times and at the US House and Senate while in session. Other places it flies continuously at: US customs and ports of entry, Fort McHenry National Monument and Historic Shrine as well as Flag House Square in Baltimore, the Francis Scott Key Home, the Marine Corps War Memorial (Raising of the Flag at Iwo Jima), Battle Green at Lexington, Massachusetts, the South Pole, the Moon, Valley Forge, and other places by custom.

50 flags are continuously displayed at the Washington Monument.

A Civil War era flag flies continuously at Pennsylvania Hall at Gettysburg College.

Small flags usually fly at all times on graves of those who’ve served in the US military.

Flying the Flag at Half-Staff

To fly a flag at half staff is a sign of a nation in mourning. This is usually done upon deaths of high elected official, days of remembrance, and upon presidential proclamation.

To fly a flag at half staff is a sign of a nation in mourning. This is usually done upon deaths of high elected official, days of remembrance, and upon presidential proclamation.

Signal of mourning.

Should be hoisted to the peak before being lowered to half-staff.

Durations:

  • By presidential proclamation.
  • 30 days from the day of death for a sitting or former president.
  • 10 days from the day of death for a current Vice President, current/retired Chief Supreme Court Justice, and Speaker of the House.
  • Day of death to day to burial for associate Supreme Court Justice, cabinet member, former Vice President, Senate president pro tempore, and House and Senate majority and minority leaders.
  • Day of death to following day in DC and day of death to burial in decedent’s constituency for US senator, representative, territorial delegate, and residential commissioner for Puerto Rico.
  • Day of death to burial in the decedent’s constituency for governor.
  • On Memorial Day until noon and then raised at peak.
  • On Korean War Veterans Armistice Day (July 27), National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day (December 7), and Peace Officers Memorial Day (May 15).

How to Fly the Flag

This picture illustrates how you should fly the United States flag. And believe me, the US flag code thinks of everything.

This picture illustrates how you should fly the United States flag. And believe me, the US flag code thinks of everything.

Should be hoisted briskly and ceremoniously.

Should never touch the ground or floor.

When hung over a sidewalk, union side should be away from the building.

When hung over the center of a street, union side should be to the north in an east-west street and to the east in a north-south street.

Must not fly any flag above it or to the right if flown at the same level, except at the United Nations Headquarters and only the UN flag for the former and the member states for the latter.

When 2 flags are placed against a wall with crossed staffs, it should be at right and in front of the staff of the other flag.

When a number of flags are grouped and displayed on staffs, it should be at the center and highest point of the group.

When displayed on a private estate, it shouldn’t be hung (unless at half-staff or when an all weather flag is displayed) during rain or violent weather.

Church and Platform Use

In an auditorium, must be displayed flat, above, and behind the speaker.

When displayed on a staff at church or in a public auditorium, it must hold the position of superior prominence, in advance of the audience, and in a position of honor on the speaker’s right while he or she faces the audience. Other flags should be placed on the left facing the audience.

When it is displayed at the floor of a church or public auditorium, it should be placed on the speaker’s left.

While it may seem like a US Flag Code violation, it's actually not since this photo was taken behind the scenes. The code calls the stars to be at the observer's left and will certainly look like this to the audience. Thus, this is correct.

While it may seem like a US Flag Code violation, it’s actually not since this photo was taken behind the scenes. The code calls the stars to be at the observer’s left and will certainly look like this to the audience. Thus, this is correct.

When displayed horizontally or vertically against the wall or hung, the stars should be uppermost and at the observer’s left.

The only acceptable time when an American flag can be draped is on a coffin during a funeral for a serviceman, public official of high standing, or first responders, especially if killed in the line of duty.

The only acceptable time when an American flag can be draped is on a coffin during a funeral for a serviceman, public official of high standing, or first responders, especially if killed in the line of duty. However, it should be removed and folded before being presented to the next of kin.

When covering a casket, it should be placed so that the union (star side) is at the head and over the left shoulder. It should not be lowered into the grave or touch the ground.

Ways to display it on a casket:

  • Closed Casket: When the flag is used to drape a closed casket, it should be so placed that the union (blue field) is at the head and over the left shoulder of the deceased. It may be said that the flag is embracing the deceased who in life has served the flag.
  • Half Couch (Open): When the flag is used to drape a half-couch casket, it should be placed three layers to cover the closed half of the casket in such a manner that the blue field will be the top fold, next to the open portion of the casket on the deceased’s left.
  • Full Couch (Open): When the flag is used to drape a full-couch casket, it should be folded in a triangular shape and placed in the center part of the head panel of the casket cap, just above the left shoulder of the deceased. (ushistory.org)

Maintaining the Flag

Look, I understand you want a picture of your cat for Facebook patriotic kitten photo contest. But still, American flags shouldn't be on the ground nor be placed in a jumbled up mess.

Look, I understand you want a picture of your cat for Facebook patriotic kitten photo contest. But still, American flags shouldn’t be on the ground nor be placed in a jumbled up mess.

When lowered, it should never touch the ground, water, or other object as well as received in waiting hands. It should be folded neatly and ceremoniously.

Of course, I can attach much political symbols on this picture during the 5th anniversary of 9/11. But even Mr. and Mrs. Bush should know better than to step and wipe their feet on the stars and stripes.

Of course, I can attach much political symbols on this picture during the 5th anniversary of 9/11. But even Mr. and Mrs. Bush should know better than to step and wipe their feet on the stars and stripes.

It should never be stepped on.

Gee, Beatles, this picture of the American flag seems all right with the union at the observer's left, but it's hung a little too low since the Fab Four are basically stepping on it. Then again, I'll just let them off this one since they're fantastic and British.

Gee, Beatles, this picture of the American flag seems all right with the union at the observer’s left, but it’s hung a little too low since the Fab Four are basically stepping on it. Then again, I’ll just let them off this one since they’re fantastic and British. Also, they probably weren’t consulted.

It should be cleaned and mended when necessary.

The flag should be ceremoniously folded like this:

And here's a step-by-step graphic to show you. As my experience with folding an American flag at West Overton, you need at least one other person to do this. Seriously, you see this flag folding at military funerals.

And here’s a step-by-step graphic to show you. As my experience with folding an American flag at West Overton, you need at least a few people to do this. Seriously, you see this flag folding at military funerals.

1. Begin by holding it waist-high with another person so that its surface is parallel to the ground.
2. Fold the lower half of the stripe section lengthwise over the field of stars, holding the bottom and top edges securely.
3. Fold the flag again lengthwise with the blue field on the outside.
4. Make a rectangular fold then a triangular fold by bringing the striped corner of the folded edge to meet the open top edge of the flag, starting the fold from the left side over to the right.
5. Turn the outer end point inward, parallel to the open edge, to form a second triangle.
6. The triangular folding is continued until the entire length of the flag is folded in this manner (usually thirteen triangular folds, as shown at right). On the final fold, any remnant that does not neatly fold into a triangle (or in the case of exactly even folds, the last triangle) is tucked into the previous fold.
7. When the flag is completely folded, only a triangular blue field of stars should be visible.

How to Dispose of a Worn Flag

If you have an American flag that's worn out and torn to shreds, you can dispose it right in bins like these from organizations like the Boy Scouts, American Legion, VFW, the military, or others.

If you have an American flag that’s worn out and torn to shreds, you can dispose it right in bins like these from organizations like the Boy Scouts, American Legion, VFW, the military, or others.

When the flag is in a condition that makes it no longer an emblem for display, it must be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably burning. If you can’t do it yourself remember that you can always contact your local chapters of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, American Legion, Boy Scouts of America, the military or other organizations that conduct dignified flag burning and retirement ceremonies.

As your flag deteriorates, you might want to think about disposing it in a dignified manner, preferably by burning. There's a lot of organizations that take tattered flags and retire them.

As your flag deteriorates, you might want to think about disposing it in a dignified manner, preferably by burning. There’s a lot of organizations that take tattered flags and retire them.

However, if it’s made from polyester or nylon, it’s best if you have it recycled due to hazardous gases being produced while it’s being burned.

Nevertheless, if you find a damaged flag say from an era prior to 1912, you might want to have preserved in a museum immediately.

When to Salute the Flag

Unless you're a member of the band playing the National Anthem or recitation of the "Pledge of Allegiance," it's always customary to salute the flag. Servicemen do the military salute while civilians place their right hands on their hearts.

Unless you’re a member of the band playing the National Anthem or recitation of the “Pledge of Allegiance,” it’s always customary to salute the flag. Servicemen do the military salute while civilians place their right hands on their hearts.

All should face the flag, stand at attention and salute on these occasions:

1. When the flag is passing in a parade or review
2. During the ceremony of hoisting and lowering
3. While the national anthem is played
4. During the Pledge of Allegiance

During these occasions, those in uniform should render military style. Civilians should place the right hand over their heart. Men wearing hats should remove them and old it on their left shoulders during the salute.

Prohibited Uses of the Flag

Sure we may remember Janet Jackson exposing her boob at the Super Bowl in 2004. But I also remember seeing Kid Rock wearing an American flag and clutching his crotch in one of the most disrespectful ways to treat the Stars and Stripes.

Sure we may remember Janet Jackson exposing her boob at the Super Bowl in 2004. But I also remember seeing Kid Rock wearing an American flag and clutching his crotch in one of the most disrespectful ways to treat the Stars and Stripes.

Don’t dip the flag into any person or thing (except if it’s a customary ship salute).

Now this soldier has his flag upside down to say our nation is in distress over the killing of innocents in the Middle East, which is fine. However, the writing on the flag is actually more disrespectful.

Now this soldier has his flag upside down to say our nation is in distress over the killing of innocents in the Middle East, which is fine. However, the writing on the flag is actually more disrespectful.

Don’t display the flag with the union side down except as a distress signal.

It's always a tradition in pro football games to display the American flag on the field. However, it's also a violation of the US Flag Code done in the name of patriotism. Then again, it looks good for the cameras.

It’s always a tradition in pro football games to display the American flag on the field. However, it’s also a violation of the US Flag Code done in the name of patriotism. Then again, it looks good for the cameras.

Don’t carry the flag horizontally or flat, but always aloft and free.

For God's sake, this is a patriotic national symbol, not a boat cover. Show a little respect for our country, you asshole!

For God’s sake, this is a patriotic national symbol, not a boat cover. Show a little respect for our country, you asshole!

Don’t display it on a float, automobile, train or a boat except from a staff.

Apparently somebody at the Homes and Gardens channel thought an American flag would make the perfect patriotic table spread. What it really is unpatriotic disrespect.

Apparently somebody at the Homes and Gardens channel thought an American flag would make the perfect patriotic table spread. What it really is unpatriotic disrespect.

Don’t place anything on it.

Sure this may be a heartwarming photo of patriotic cuteness. But the US flag code states you shouldn't let it touch the ground or put anything on it. Babies included.

Sure this may be a heartwarming photo of patriotic cuteness. But the US flag code states you shouldn’t let it touch the ground or put anything on it. Babies included.

Don’t use it as a ceiling covering.

Now while I see nothing wrong with honoring 9/11 victims, writing their names on this flag of honor is kind of disrespectful to the American flag according to the code. No disrespect, please.

Now while I see nothing wrong with honoring 9/11 victims, writing their names on this flag of honor is kind of disrespectful to the American flag according to the code. No disrespect, please.

Don’t place any word, design, insignia, number, letter, mark, picture, or drawing on it (meaning you don’t write anything on it or use it for any design).

For a Vice Presidential candidate known for her extremely hateful conservative comments and love for traditional American values, Sarah Palin sure doesn't have any qualms about desecrating the American flag with her autograph.

For a Vice Presidential candidate known for her extremely hateful conservative comments and love for traditional American values, Sarah Palin sure doesn’t have any qualms about desecrating a sacred national symbol with her autograph.

Don’t use it as a receptacle for carrying or delivering anything.

Sure this may seem like the kind of patriotic photo op that might leave some Americans in stitches. But the Flag code specifically states that the stars and stripes shouldn't be used as a receptacle for anything.

Sure this may seem like the kind of patriotic photo op that might leave some Americans in stitches. But the Flag code specifically states that the stars and stripes shouldn’t be used as a receptacle for anything.

Don’t use it as a cover for a statue or monument.

Sure using an American flag for advertising violates the US flag code. But name a company that doesn't do this around the 4th of July. Seriously, every car dealership and beer distributor does this all the time.

Sure using an American flag for advertising violates the US flag code. But name a company that doesn’t do this around the 4th of July. Seriously, every car dealership and beer distributor does this all the time.

Don’t use it for advertising or put an advertising sign attached to the staff or halyard.

Yes, the 4th of July is a time for patriotic party supplies. But this is possibly very disrespectful to the Stars and Stripes as the Flag Code demonstrates. You might want to go with Captain America instead.

Yes, the 4th of July is a time for patriotic party supplies. But this is possibly very disrespectful to the Stars and Stripes as the Flag Code demonstrates. You might want to go with Captain America instead.

Don’t impress, print, paint, or embroider it on articles boxes, napkins, or anything designed for temporary use and discard as well as stuff like handkerchiefs and cushions.

Okay, now I know Americans love their pets and like to use them in patriotic photo ops. However, it's best you don't put an American flag where it can incur soiling and damage such as in a dog's mouth.

Okay, now I know Americans love their pets and like to use them in patriotic photo ops. However, it’s best you don’t put an American flag where it can incur soiling and damage such as in a dog’s mouth.

Don’t fasten, store, display, or use it in a manner that could leave it easily torn, soiled, or damaged in any way.

Sure this may be a sexy patriotic photo op. But it basically goes against the US flag code to wear an American flag so it's basically desecration.

Sure this may be a sexy patriotic photo op. But it basically goes against the US flag code to wear an American flag so it’s basically desecration.

Don’t use it as part of a costume or athletic uniform except if it’s a flag patch on the uniform of military personnel, firefighters, police officers, astronauts, and members of patriotic organizations (and only as designated by that organization). However, if you should wear a flag lapel, it should be pinned near the heart.

Hmm, Mrs. Palin, I know you love America and you want to take a photo to show it. But you know you're disrespecting the US flag by basically draping it on a chair. And she's among the same people who attack Obama for not wearing a lapel pin.

Hmm, Mrs. Palin, I know you love America and you want to take a photo to show it. But you know you’re disrespecting the US flag by basically draping it on a chair. And she’s among the same people who attack Obama for not wearing a lapel pin.

Don’t use it as drapery, bedding, apparel, or decoration of any sort (save a casket during funerals for servicemen, first responders, and high public officials as long as it’s taken off and ceremonially folded). If you want patriotic decoration and drapery for a speaker’s desk, go with a patriotic bunting instead with the blue above and white in the middle.

Want a patriotic decoration you can use for a podium or platform but don't want to desecrate the American flag? Use this bunting, goddammit! You can find them at any craft store.

Want a patriotic decoration you can use for a podium or platform but don’t want to desecrate the American flag? Use this bunting, goddammit! You can find them at any craft store.

Don’t festoon, draw back, up, bunched up, or in folds, but always allowed to fall free.

When it comes to flag desecration, this is perhaps the only way to disrespect the stars and strips that will get people wanting to put you in jail.

When it comes to flag desecration, this is perhaps the only way to disrespect the stars and stripes that will get people wanting to put you in jail.

As of now, there are no penalties for desecrating an American Flag though there have been suggestions with one law from 1968 saying that it could lead to a $1,000 fine or a year’s imprisonment. Nevertheless, as you’ve seen in the media, many Americans frequently violate these rules in the US Flag Code even though it’s usually those who burn the flag at protest rallies who usually receive the most criticism and calls for prosecution. Advertisers, athletic owners, and clothing designers, not so much but you see the flag’s image desecrated like this all the time in these ways. And sometimes having the flag used in this way is seen as promoting patriotism (even though the people who do this either don’t realize what they’re doing or really don’t care). And here the political spectrum doesn’t matter since shows of flag desecration are basically an American tradition at this point, even when played not to be. Even the US government does this as well since flags are a frequent image on postage stamps. Thus, to call anyone unpatriotic for disrespecting the flag is just stupid since it’s something we basically all do at one time or another.

Even the US government isn't above disrespecting the American flag in which it issues postage stamps in its likeness. However, as Americans, we tend to allow this.

Even the US government isn’t above disrespecting the American flag in which it issues postage stamps in its likeness. However, as Americans, we tend to allow this.

For more:

USFlag.org: http://www.usflag.org/uscode36.html

FAQ on the flag: http://www.ushistory.org/betsy/faq.htm

Why This “All Muslims Are Terrorists” Mantra Needs to Stop

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Now I may not do a serious post very often but I think a post on anti-Muslim bias and Islamophobia in the United States is long overdue. I know this post will anger some people and possibly cause controversy. But as a practicing Catholic, liberal, and American, I think whatever I put on this post needs to be addressed even if results in a lot of trolling and angry comments. Sure I know very well that Muslim terrorists orchestrated 9/11 and killed Americans in the Middle East and you all have a right to be upset about it. After all, we all were. It’s all right to condemn Islamic radicalism, fundamentalism, and terrorism as well as the injustice wreaked upon by Muslim nations in the name of Allah. And I see absolutely no problem with condemning Islamic terrorist attacks on anyone whether they be American, Israeli, French, Japanese, or anything else. Neither do I see anything wrong with criticizing dictatorships and corruption, whether they be theocratic like Iran, Iraq, and Saudi Arabia or not like Egypt or Syria (as far as I know). In fact, I encourage people to condemn terrorism and injustice anywhere and I have not qualms against any outrage over people mistreating one another in the name of God, Allah, profit, patriotism, politics, or whatever.

This is a handy cartoon of how Islamophobia affects people's perception of Muslims. Here we have a Muslim in the same pose as a white person in similar garb. But they are seen as totally different things.

This is a handy cartoon of how Islamophobia affects people’s perception of Muslims. Here we have a Muslim in the same pose as a white person in similar garb. But they are seen as totally different things.

However, just keep in mind that any Islamic violence or injustice in the Middle East and abroad gives you absolutely no excuse to stereotype all Muslims as terrorists, irrational, anti-American, anti-western, fanatical, sexist, bigoted, anti-democratic, homophobic, Anti-Semitic, culturally backward or what not. Whenever you equate Islam with all these wretched things, you not only insult and unfairly discriminate 1.6 billion people or 23% of the world’s population as well as make up the majority in 57 countries around the world, you also do the same to 2-7 million of your fellow Americans, whether you see them as such or not. Despite what we all see in the news media, we need to acknowledge that despite the public knowledge of Muslim leaders and terrorists committing crimes against humanity, they don’t represent the majority of the Muslim population, which is made up of different denominations as well as consists of followers as diverse in culture, opinion, and religious practice. Yes, there are a few violent extremists out there but they aren’t representative of the Islamic faith in any way, shape, or form. Sure Islam might have some alien elements in it than we’re used to, but in many ways it’s no so different than the religions we practice or the ideas we hold. And while Muslims themselves may dress differently, talk differently, look differently, or whatever, when you actually get to know some of them, you realize that they’re not so different from ourselves, even in places like Iran.

This 2011 chart illustrates Americans' attitudes toward religion and American Muslims. But while Most Americans believe in religious freedom, a sizeable number of them aren't comfortable around Muslims and hold Anti-Muslim views. Hypocrites.

This 2011 chart illustrates Americans’ attitudes toward religion and American Muslims. But while Most Americans believe in religious freedom, a sizeable number of them aren’t comfortable around Muslims and hold Anti-Muslim views. Hypocrites.

Unfortunately, thanks to sensationalist media and Fox News, many Americans don’t see Muslims or Islam this way and this is a problem, especially if they’re Arab or live in the Middle East and North Africa. Since 9/11, Islamophobia in America has been on the rise and it doesn’t help that the Boston Marathon bombers were Muslim and so were the groups ISIS and Boko Haram. What’s even worse is that Anti-Islamic bigotry isn’t just limited to those on the Christian and political right but has been systematically nurtured in America for quite some time, especially during the last 14 years. Yes, you get a lot of Anti-Islamic sentiment from the hate filled Fox News, Republican politicians, and the megachurch Evangelical preachers in the Bible Belt. But you also see a lot of Anti-Islamic bigotry (implied and otherwise) from new age atheists movements on the far left, on TV shows and programs like Live with Bill Maher, Hollywood movies, and even in the news where acts of Islamic violence and injustice are regularly reported. But incidences of nonviolent Muslims living ordinary lives within their local communities are not. And while there are films that portray Muslims as human beings like The Devil’s Double, Slumdog Millionaire, Syriana, Babel, The Kite Runner, Crash, Salmon Fishing in Yemen, and A Most Wanted Man but these films are quickly overshadowed in the US box office by movies like 300, Zero Dark Thirty, the Taken Trilogy, and American Sniper. These 4 successful box office franchises make the stereotyped Arab caricatures you see on Lawrence of Arabia seem respectable in comparison. As for TV, you have shows like 24 and Homeland casting Muslims as Islamic terrorist villains.

Here is a pie chart from the ICNA that shows the components of Islamic Sharia law. Note that it mostly consists of rituals of worship as well as personal, economic, and family laws. The bad stuff that you hear most about Sharia Law only consists of a small fraction.

Here is a pie chart from the ICNA that shows the components of Islamic Sharia law. Note that it mostly consists of rituals of worship as well as personal, economic, and family laws. The bad stuff that you hear most about Sharia Law only consists of a small fraction.

Today Islamophobia operates on a network including funders, organizations, media outlets, propagandists, activists, and political players busy on creating a climate of fear, hate, and suspicion of Muslims in America and abroad. Now I understand that we Americans value our First Amendment rights guaranteeing freedom of religion and expression. We cherish or right to practice our faith however we please and express our opinions. But American Muslims continue to attract anger from all sides of the political spectrum whether it pertains to a student reciting “The Pledge of Allegiance” in Arabic as part of a Foreign Languages Week, taking the oath of office on a Koran, praying to Allah for scoring a touchdown, a university allowing Muslim students to sound their call of prayer from their facilities, or expressing a desire to build a Mosque or an Islamic center in their local municipality whether it be 2 miles from Ground Zero or Murfeesboro, Tennessee. Such actions are only those of a people who only wish to express and worship freely just like their fellow Americans who came before them. They desire to commit no violence against the United States, only to be recognized as American as their fellow countrymen. But too many Americans see Islam at odds with American values and erroneously portray extremism of the Muslim world as representative of the Muslim faith.

Here is a screenshot I took from a Muslim American infographic survey from the Pew Research Center. This pertains to how American Muslims view the US compared to what the general public thinks of them.

Here is a screenshot I took from a Muslim American infographic survey from the Pew Research Center. This pertains to how American Muslims view the US compared to what the general public thinks of them.

Islamophobia has become so socially acceptable that many see little qualms about being public of the fact. Too many believe that American Muslims are working to subvert the US Constitution. Many go so far as to believe that Muslims shouldn’t be eligible to run for high electoral office, sit as judges, be eligible for citizenship, or be required to swear loyalty oaths. Many Muslim Americans have also been discriminated on their jobs and consist of a fifth of religion charges as reported by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in 2011. Across the country, Muslims have to put up with hate speech linking their religious identity to terrorism, whether it be flyers threatening mass murder, angry protests, anti-Muslim ads on buses, anti-Islamic jabs by the media and powers that be, Koran burnings, or being viewed with suspicion by non-Muslim members in their communities. Many American Muslims have been chastised for not being sorry for the 9/11 attacks or sensitive enough for the victims’ families, as if they’re guilty by association. And when some Muslim community wants to build a mosque, you can bet there will be considerable opposition. Sometimes when Islamophobia is brought up, many people will go out of their way to deny it exists citing how the Koran advocates violence, slavery, intolerance of unbelievers, mistreatment of women, etc. But they are just trying to rationalize their hatred about something they don’t completely understand. However, denying Islamophobia exists just makes things worse. Sure I’m with people criticizing religion and how it’s practiced in some parts of the world, but I’m staunchly against it when people criticize a faith in a way that it’s disrespectful to those who observe it as well as outright religious hate speech. And sometimes anti-Muslim sentiment can turn into action.

This map from the Center of American Islamic Relations or (CAIR) that depicts the status of Anti-Muslim legislation in 2011. By this time 5 states have passed Anti-Muslim legislation while bills were active in the Carolinas.

This map from the Council of American Islamic Relations or (CAIR) that depicts the status of Anti-Muslim legislation in 2011. By this time 5 states have passed Anti-Muslim legislation while bills were active in the Carolinas.

Sometimes Islamophobia can result in discriminatory legislation and social policy. Since 9/11, the federal government has implemented policies targeting Muslim communities as well as reinforcing the notion they’re worthy of suspicion. Sure the government should be concerned about national security but it seems that during the Bush and Obama administrations, Muslim radicalization seems like the main concern. Under George W. Bush, people from Middle Eastern and South Asian countries were required to register with immigration authorities resulting in detaining and deporting 13,000 of them. Under Barack Obama, the FBI continues engaging in pointed surveillance and information gathering in Muslim communities, which the Department of Justice tried to justify. But Muslim profiling doesn’t stop at the federal level for the New York Police Department does the same thing. A few years ago, Oklahoma enacted a constitutional amendment that banned state judges from considering Islamic Sharia Law which would in practice prohibit a judge from probating an Islamic will. And Oklahoma’s situation isn’t unique for there have been 78 bills or amendments designed to vilify Islamic religious practices introduced in legislatures in 29 states. As of 2013, Anti-Islam bills have become law in 7 states.

Here is an American Islamic center vandalized with words telling them to

Here is an American Islamic center vandalized with words telling them to “Go Home,” “9/11,” “(Rah) You Idol Worshipir,” and “Murderer.” Note that many Mideast Muslims who arrive in America are refugees fleeing violence who feel they have nowhere else to go.

And sometimes Islamophobia can descend into all out violence. Since 2001, anti-Muslim violence has skyrocketed in the United States with Muslim establishments being vandalized and desecrated. It has also resulted in people committing hate crimes against Muslim individuals that range from property destruction, robbery, assault, stalking, intimidation, and even murder. Last month, a new atheist militant shot 3 young Muslims over a “parking dispute” near the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (which we all know was definitely a hate crime). Later this was followed by an arson attack against a Houston Islamic community center which led to a fireman post on his social media page, “Let it burn…block the fire hydrant.” In Austin, a man was arrested for making a bomb threat against a Muslim community center. In Rhode Island, a Muslim day school was vandalized with the words, “Now this is a hate crime” and “pigs,” as well as expletives referring to the Islamic faith. And in December at Kansas City, Missouri, a 15 year old Muslim boy was killed when a driver plowed into him, almost severing his legs outside the Somali Center. All this is just part of a long list of crimes directed against American Muslims since September 11, which I can’t list on them for there’s so many. But whenever someone voices anti-Islamic views in the mass media, it only takes one lunatic hearing them to act on them.

Muslims aren't the only religious group affected by Islamophobia. This graffiti was found on a Hindu Temple in Washington State, which was mistaken for a mosque. Yet, it's just as bad.

Muslims aren’t the only religious group affected by Islamophobia. This graffiti was found on a Hindu Temple in Washington State, which was mistaken for a mosque. Many Americas have no idea that there’s a lot of religious diversity in South Asia so even those who are just presumed Muslim can be targets for hate crimes.

Islamophobia doesn’t affect just Muslims either. Groups also affected are non-Muslims from the Middle East and North Africa, South Asians, Hindus, and Sikhs. These people may not be Muslims but since many people tend to link Islam with certain aspects like turbans, Asian architecture, veils, Middle Eastern and South Asian features, etc. This leads many to suspect those of Middle Eastern and South Asian descent as being from Muslim communities making them targets of violence as well. In 2012, a white supremacist killed 6 Sikhs at their place of worship in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. How do I know it was probably motivated by Islamlophobia? Because a lot of Americans have no idea what a Sikh is and that male Sikhs are religiously mandated to wear turbans. That December, a Hindu businessman was shoved into the path of a train at a New York subway station by a 31 year old Hispanic woman named Erika Menendez, which resulted in him getting struck and killed. When asked by police why she did it, she said, “I pushed a Muslim off the train tracks because I hate Hindus and Muslims… Ever since 2001 when they put down the Twin Towers, I’ve been beating them up.” And recently a Hindu temple and a nearby school in Washington State were spray painted with a swastika and the words, “Muslims, Get Out.” So even though Islamophobia may chiefly target Muslims, this doesn’t mean that individuals other faiths are exempt from injustice, especially if they fit a person’s perception of one.

This pie chart illustrates the ethnicity make up of Muslims in the United States. The majority of Muslims are either of Mideastern or South Asian descent. This also makes non-Muslims from these two areas likely targets to Islamophobia.

This pie chart illustrates the ethnicity make up of Muslims in the United States. The majority of Muslims are either of Mideastern or South Asian descent. This also makes non-Muslims from these two areas likely targets to Islamophobia.

Still, the sad irony is that many immigrant Muslims seek refuge in America just to flee violence or political repression from their homes. Sometimes they have been driven off and tend to have nowhere else to go. Sure Islamic extremists may pose a threat to national security. But no matter how we see it, the biggest victims of Islamic extremism in the Middle East and abroad are Muslims themselves. Hundreds of thousands of them had died in the hands of terrorist groups in Pakistan, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Nigeria. To identify their faith with those of their killers isn’t just insulting but like defining other other religions with their worst members. And it makes things worse that these people have to be viewed with suspicion and fear by their new neighbors as they go through the most difficult transition of their lives. Most of these Muslims came to the US just to spend the rest of their lives in peace and without fear of persecution. They may have lost everything they had back in their home country or possibly lost someone they knew to the very extremists that some Americans view them in cahoots with. Making these terror victims guilty by association instead of reaching out to them in compassion does us no favors and may possibly compromise national security since Islamophobia might just give Islamic terrorists more excuses to hate the West as well as make many immigrant Muslim Americans more prone to radicalization by terror groups.

Here's a list of everyday activities many American Muslims do compared to the general public according to the Pew Research Center survey. Note the glaring absence of anything pertaining to terrorist activities proclaiming

Here’s a list of everyday activities many American Muslims do compared to the general public according to the Pew Research Center survey. Note the glaring absence of anything pertaining to terrorist activities or proclaiming “Death to America.”

Perhaps the root of Islamophobia in the United States is that most Americans have no idea about Islam and its culture  and don’t know any Muslims firsthand (I’ve known two who were both Pakistani immigrants). Not to mention, they learn about Islam from non-Muslim sources like news outlets such as Fox News, which has hardly reliable information about anything. And what they do know is that Islamic culture is different from ours and that a few members are prone to commit acts of terror and violence against their own people in the Middle East. Thus, many see them as “the Other” and tend to fear them. These people my think they know everything they need about Islam being a violent religion that oppresses anyone who doesn’t subscribe to 100% of its doctrine. But what they don’t know is that Islam is no monolith and that it has been responsive to change since its founding in the 7th century. They also don’t know how a lot of Muslims ignore the bad stuff in the Islamic texts or Sharia Law just like Christians do when it comes to the Bible (as well as come from the same Abrahamic tradition as Judaism and that a lot of Islam’s values are not much different from ours). Not to mention, they don’t have any idea that Islamic practices vary among Muslims as a whole. And while Islamophobes claim that Islam is a violent and intolerant religion, many forget that most Muslims don’t see it that way and would feel that concepts like violent Jihad, apostasy laws, theocratic rule, and honor killings as abhorrent.

Here's another screenshot of an infographic from the Pew Research Center that show how Muslim Americans are holding up since 9/11. The majority of them day it's more difficult being a Muslim in the US and that many report negative experiences.

Here’s another screenshot of an infographic from the Pew Research Center that show how Muslim Americans are holding up since 9/11. The majority of them say it’s more difficult being a Muslim in the US and that many report negative experiences.

Now I’m not a Muslim and I may not understand Islam as well as I should. But I know well enough that terrorists can be of any religion and that they aren’t at all representative of their faith and every religion harbors extremist fringe of some sort. Islam is no different. But while it’s perfectly fine to fear Islamic extremists terrorists attacking our country, it’s not okay to associate all Muslims as guilty of association or view them with suspicion and disgust when you have no reason to. Muslims are human beings who deserve a chance of fair judgement based on individual communication, just like everyone else. Throughout our history, Muslim Americans have contributed a great deal to this country socially and economically. Some of them have even served in our Armed Forces and even died for this country fighting for our freedom. And like the rest of us, most American Muslims are well integrated in our society, support our values, and are very concerned about extremist violence in the United States. To associate them as guilty of terrorist activity because they have the same religion as the Islamic terrorists you see in the media is simply Un-American and goes against everything our country stands for. It also ignores history, too. Not only does it exclude and marginalize Muslim Americans from mainstream society and politics, but also makes them more vulnerable to hate crimes.

This infographic from Religion Link reports that though Islam is practiced worldwide by 1 in 5 people, most Americans know nothing or little about it. The fact many Americans don't know much about Islam is a main driver in Islamophobia.

This infographic from Religion Link reports that though Islam is practiced worldwide by 1 in 5 people, most Americans know nothing or little about it. The fact many Americans don’t know much about Islam is a main driver in Islamophobia.

I know there may be those viewing this who’d decry that Islamophobia is a myth and that I’m full of shit. But I tell you that a key symptom of any widespread prejudice or hatred is denying that it exists. So those denying the very existence of Islamophobia are Islamophobes themselves and thus, not to be trusted in Islamic affairs. It’s not Islamophobic to hate Muslim terrorists for being the dangerous criminals and extremists they are. But it’s Islamophobic to use Islamic terrorism to hate Islam and Muslims in general, especially when they have absolutely no inclination for terrorism in the first place. Whether it be by negative media portrayals, discrimination, or hate crime, Islamophobia is real, it’s happening, and it’s a problem for all of us. Yes, there are bad Muslims out there as well as Muslim nations that do very terrible things, sometimes in the name of their religion and sometimes not. But none of that proves that Islam is an evil faith or that all Muslims are terrorists, which is simply not true. Those who say Islamophobia is bogus not only makes it acceptable to scapegoat Muslims but also puts people’s lives at risk, especially when it pertains to hate crime. As a nation, we can’t tolerate such denial which leads to hatred of a people and culture many of us know nothing about and can’t fully understand, even if they just happen to practice the faith of our enemies. Call me a coward trying to manipulate morons, but to me Islamophobia has existed for a very long time in our history which has arisen from the forces of hate, fear, and ignorance toward Muslims. And I see no reason why it should continue.

Still not convinced? Here are some links:

From The American Muslim: http://theamericanmuslim.org/tam.php/features/articles/islamophobia_incidents/0013129

From Council of American Islamic Relations: http://www.islamophobia.org/

From Islamophobia Today: http://www.islamophobiatoday.com/

From IAM: Islamophobia Awareness Month: http://iamonth.org/

College Mascots: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Second Edition)

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Of course, another big event around this time of year other than Easter and Saint Patrick’s day is March Madness. Namely this is the time of year when the best NCAA Division I basketball teams across the United States play in the NCAA Tournament. Meanwhile fans across the nation complete their brackets and predict which team will win. Of course, owing that women’s sports don’t get much airtime (rampant sexism that even Title IX can’t remedy), March Madness usually revolves around the men’s teams. However, we’re also flooded by news reports on how college sports are such a big cash cow which profit the colleges and coaches while the players receive absolutely no compensation as pawns since they’re student athletes. Nevertheless, I used this occasion to challenge myself to find 75 more abhorrent college mascots across the land after my last college mascot post. Though it took longer, I was successful in my endeavors. So without further adieu, here are more college mascots you that make your super lame mascot seem awesome. Note that not all mascots presented here are currently competing in the NCAA tournament, especially those featured in my previous mascot post in August. Hell, some aren’t even Division I do begin with. Also, go VCU Rams since my sister attends there.

1. Sparty – Michigan State University Spartans

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

2. George Washington – George Washington University Colonials

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I've ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I'm sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I’ve ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I’m sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

3. Big Jay – Kansas University Jayhawks

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

4. Boxer – Pacific University Boxers

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

5. Thunder – Wheaton College Mastodons

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because they house a whole mastodon skeleton on the campus. However, Thunder's appearance makes him more suitable for a children's book than as a college mascot.

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because some of its faculty had excavated a mastodon skeleton on a judge’s property, which is now on display at the campus. However, Thunder’s appearance makes him more suitable for a children’s book than as a college sports mascot. In short, he doesn’t live up to his name.

6. The Gull – Endicott College Gulls

Now I don't know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn't care for photo ops for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn’t care for photo ops for some reason.

7. Gnome Ranger – San Antonio College

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school's mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What's even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn't even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school’s mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What’s even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn’t even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

8. Shuckie and Pearl – St. Mary’s University, Texas Rattlers

To be fair, St. Mary's Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don't have the slightest idea.

To be fair, St. Mary’s Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don’t have the slightest idea.

9. Willie the Wildcat – Kansas State University Wildcats

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must've said, "How about let's save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It'll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run." Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person's body rather terrifying if you ask me.

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must’ve said, “How about let’s save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It’ll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run.” Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person’s body rather terrifying if you ask me.

10. Will D. Cat – Villanova University Wildcats

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he's about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he’s about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

11. Herbie Husker – University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers

Okay, looking at him, you'd think he'd be the kind of western farmer type who'd probably run over you in a John Deere  or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he's asking for another round of drinks.

Okay, looking at him, you’d think he’d be the kind of western farmer type who’d probably run over you in a John Deere or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he’s asking for another round of drinks.

12. Rip Tide – Tulane University Green Wave

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, "Pecker" but it was named "Riptide" for obvious reasons.

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Seems like he’s been to too many Mardis Gras parties in New Orleans. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, “Pecker” but it was named “Riptide” for obvious reasons.

13. Alex – Hamilton College Continentals

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can't even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can’t even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

14. The Explorer – La Salle University Explorers

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

15. Ichabod – Wasburn University Ichabods

When I hear the name "Ichabod," I don't think a badass sports time despite that Washburn's was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

When I hear the name “Ichabod,” I don’t think a badass sports time despite that Washburn’s was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

16. Bearcat – University of Cincinnati Bearcats

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn't even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn’t even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

17. John Harvard – Harvard University Crimson

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you'd think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you’d think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

18. Screamer – York College of Pennsylvania Spartans

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you'd find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he's just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC mental hospital and is out to kill again.

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you’d find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he’s just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane and is out to kill again.

19. Kingsman and Regal – California Lutheran University Kingsmen and Regals

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they're probably aliens from outer space.

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they’re probably aliens from outer space.

20. Smokey – University of Tennessee Volunteers

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

21. Bobby the Beacon – University of Massachusetts Boston Beacons

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there's something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there’s something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

22. The Green Terror – McDaniel College Green Terror

Well, he's certainly a green terror. I mean he's just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny's not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

Well, he’s certainly a green terror. I mean he’s just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny’s not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

23. Lord Jeff – Amherst College Lord Jeffs

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

24. Gompei the Goat – Worcester Polytechnic Institute Engineers

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he's been infected by some mad goat disease.

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he’s been infected by some mad goat disease.

25. Sammy the Owl – Rice University Owls

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he'd devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he’d devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

26. Albert and Alberta Gator – Florida University Gators

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should've devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they're freaking gators for God's sake.

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should’ve devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they’re freaking gators for God’s sake.

27. Andy the Ant – Missouri State University Bears

Basically he's the mascot of the college's Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter's burned out brother with antennas than anything.

Basically he’s the mascot of the college’s Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter’s burned out brother with antennas than anything.

28. Nick L. Mole –  California State University, Fresno Bulldogs

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school's chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I'll never know.

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school’s chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I’ll never know.

29. Kaboom – Bradley University Braves

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I've seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don't know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I’ve seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don’t know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

30. Builderman – Newport News Apprentice School Builders

Now Builderman may not come from a "college" per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I'd hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

Now Builderman may not come from a “college” per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I’d hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

31. Butch T. Cougar – Washington State University Cougars

While I can agree he's a cougar, I'm not sure if I'd call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

While I can agree he’s a cougar, I’m not sure if I’d call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

32. The Tiger – Clemson University Tigers

Seems like Clemson doesn't administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who's totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

Seems like Clemson doesn’t administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who’s totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

33. Big Al – Alabama University Crimson Tide

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren't crimson and don't even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children's book.

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren’t crimson and don’t even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children’s book.

34. Cosmo the Cougar – Brigham Young University Cougars

Of course, if I was a parent, I'd certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

Of course, if I was a parent, I’d certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

35. King Triton – University of California San Diego Tritons

Not to be confused with Ariel's dad from The Little Mermaid who's also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

Not to be confused with Ariel’s dad from The Little Mermaid who’s also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

36. Big Red – Dension University Big Red

Sure he's a buzzard but he doesn't seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

Sure he’s a buzzard but he doesn’t seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

37. Denver Boone – University of Denver Pioneers

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near him.

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near him.

38. Gus the Gorilla – Pittsburg State University Gorillas

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn't seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn’t seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

39. The Duke – Duquesne University Dukes

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he's a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he’s a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

40. Sammy Bearkat – Sam Houston State University Bearkats

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

41. Phlash the Phoenix – University of Wisconsin Green Bay Phoenix

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

42. Ben and John – Franklin & Marshall College Diplomats

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

43. Camel – Connecticut College Camels

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don't help his case.

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don’t help his case.

44. The Griffin – College of William and Mary Tribe

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn't make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive.

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn’t make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive. Seriously, William and Mary’s sports team is the Tribe whereas the Griffin is a Middle Eastern mythological creature. A hawk would’ve been a better choice.

45. General Herkimer – Herkimer County Community College

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there's just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can't name it off the top of my head.

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there’s just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can’t name it off the top of my head.

46. Herky the Hawk – University of Iowa Hawkeyes

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak. I don't know.

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak and the heat looks so unnatural. I don’t know.

47. Aubie the Tiger – Auburn University Tigers

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn't want anyone to make fun of him.

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of him.

48. Killian – Iona College Gaels

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would've been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who's about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school's part.

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would’ve been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who’s about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school’s part.

49. Joe Vandal – University of Idaho Vandals

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, "All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike." Also, would you trust a guy named "Joe Vandal" with your things? No.

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, “All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike.” Also, would you trust a guy named “Joe Vandal” with your things? No.

50. Kangaroo – Austin College Kangaroos

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don't frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something's not right. Third, it has a pouch but I'm not sure if it's male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don’t frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something’s not right. Third, it has a pouch but I’m not sure if it’s male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

51. Lance Lute – Pacific Lutheran University Lutes

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? Seriously, why?

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? It’s a stupid name. Seriously, why?

52. Lobo Louie and Lucy – University of New Mexico Lobos

I don't know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

I don’t know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

53. Privateer Pete – State University of New York Maritime Privateers

"Hello, I'm an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches."

“Hello, I’m an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches. Also, despite how fresh water is precious, I always shave.”

54. Chief Osceola – Florida State University Seminoles

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he's played by a white guy.

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he’s played by a white guy.

55. The Wombat – University of Wisconsin-Sheboygan Wombats

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren't known for being badass. Also, that doesn't even look like a wombat.

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren’t known for being badass. Also, that doesn’t even look like a wombat but something much creepier.

56. Lu Wolf – Loyola University of Chicago Wolfpack

"Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn't mean I'm any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am." Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

“Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn’t mean I’m any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am.” Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

57. The Patriot – George Mason University Patriots

I don't know about you but I don't think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

58. Swoop – University of Utah Utes

I know he's supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can't tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he'll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

I know he’s supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can’t tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he’ll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

59. Milo the Lynx – University of Colorado Denver Lynx

Now this cat seems like he's woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

Now this cat seems like he’s woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

60. Aztec Warrior – San Diego State University Aztecs

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle.

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle. Controversial? I’ll say.

61. Polar Bear – Bowdoin College Polar Bears

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children's book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would've made a better choice.

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children’s book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would’ve made a better choice.

62. Oswald the Penguin – Clark College Penguins

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who's also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would've been a better mascot choice here.

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who’s also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would’ve been a better mascot choice here. Still, it’s said he’s supposed to be from the Galapagos but I don’t understand what the hell he’s doing in Vancouver Washington.

63. Powercat – University of the Pacific Tigers

Or as I call him, "Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You." Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

Or as I call him, “Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You.” Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

64. The Anchorman – Rhode Island College Anchormen

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying.

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying and will make babies scream.

65. Red Raider- Texas Tech University Red Raiders

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam's estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he's unhappy that he doesn't get to shoot anyone in the audience.

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam’s estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he’s unhappy that he doesn’t get to shoot anyone in the audience.

66. Rudy Flyer – University of Dayton Flyers

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he's a mad scientist in his spare time.

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he’s a mad scientist in his spare time.

67. Molly Ann – Southern Arkansas University Muleriders

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I'm sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she's not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I’m sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she’s not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

68. Scrappy the Mockingbird – University of Tennessee Chattanooga Mocs

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn't look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn’t look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

69. Temoc – University of Texas Dallas Comets

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn't overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn't get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn’t overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn’t get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

70. Pirate – Seton Hall Pirates

Now there's nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

71. Spirit the Seawolf – University of Alaska Anchorage Seawolves

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn't mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he's supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn’t mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he’s supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

72. Matty the Matador – California State University Northridge Matadors

I'm sure this guy isn't meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

I’m sure this guy isn’t meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

73. Vili the Warrior – University of Hawaii Manoa

Okay, now I'm sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can't help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I'm not sure if he's still the school's mascot or not.

Okay, now I’m sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can’t help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I’m not sure if he’s still the school’s mascot or not to be honest.

74. Hey Reb – University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he's Yosemite Sam's virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he’s Yosemite Sam’s virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

75. Terrier – Wofford College Terriers

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Reasons to Support Universal Healthcare in the United States

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The cause of universal healthcare is one that’s close to my heart and one that’s subject to so much controversy in the United States. I mean whenever Obamacare was still in the bill phase, it was under such intense opposition that it formed the Tea Party. Now Obamacare doesn’t provide universal healthcare nor was it intended to. Yet, I supported the legislation anyway because I felt that it offered the kind of healthcare reform my country greatly needed despite that I didn’t think the ACA went far enough. Nevertheless, it disgusts me that there are some people in the United States who vehemently oppose universal healthcare so much that they go to great lengths to extinguish any attempt to reform an already broken healthcare system that comes on the congressional docket. So far, Obamacare is now the subject of another Supreme Court case, this time on federal subsidies to states on the federal exchange. Of course, hearing the ads on federal subsidies from the UPMC commercials on the radio, I think it’s very unlikely that the libertarian lawyers of King v. Burwell will have their way, but I could be wrong. Not only that, but since Republicans have taken control of Congress in 2011, the US House has tried to repeal Obamacare over 40 times, which I think is a shame.

I know that a lot of Americans think about universal healthcare and I don’t expect anyone to change their minds. I know that this post will be filled with points that may spark outrage or perhaps inflammatory comments but I think they need to be said nonetheless. Yet, understand that what I mean by “universal healthcare” I mean a non-profit healthcare system providing quality affordable service to all Americans. Now I don’t think a universal healthcare will solve all the US health system’s problems (and there are lots), but I think it would be a system the American people would be much happier with than the one we have now. While the number of uninsured has declined from 50 million since the late 2000s, I still think that even one uninsured American is far too many. However, here I list several of the reasons why I support universal healthcare in the United States. I insist that anybody who reads this take a lot of thought into these points to see why I believe in what I do and that my support for universal healthcare doesn’t just stand on my liberal ideology alone.

1. Healthcare is a basic human right and there’s no reason why medical treatment should be denied to anyone too poor to pay for it– to me the issue of universal healthcare isn’t about giving social entitlements to poor people. Rather it’s a moral issue of human rights and I’ve always believed that a for-profit healthcare system doesn’t adhere to this and has a history of discriminating against the poor and ill. I believe that every American should have a right to healthcare even if they are lazy unemployed moochers on welfare or undocumented immigrants because it’s the simply right thing to do. No sick person deserves to be turned away from medical treatment for any reason. Even though the US doesn’t recognize healthcare as a human right, the international community does and so do most religious groups. So yes, I do believe I’m entitled to healthcare just because I’m a human being as well as to everyone else.

This is a 2011 infographic from Amnesty International pertaining to the maternity care situation in the United States, especially when it comes to infant and maternal mortality. Now if there's any reason why someone who's pro-life should support universal healthcare, it's this. The findings are disturbing.

This is a 2011 infographic from Amnesty International pertaining to the maternity care situation in the United States, especially when it comes to infant and maternal mortality. Now if there’s any reason why someone who’s pro-life should support universal healthcare, it’s this. The findings are disturbing.

2. The Abortion Issue– now as a Catholic feminist, I may not consider myself as wholly pro-life or pro-choice (though this position is consistent with most Americans if you really think about it, but let’s not go there). However, whether you believe in an unborn child’s right to life or a woman’s right to choose whether to terminate a pregnancy, we should all get on board with the idea that all pregnant women who choose life should have access to pre-natal care regardless of their ability to pay as I fervently do. There is nothing pro-life or pro-choice about denying pregnant women access to affordable healthcare, especially it could save her unborn child’s life as well as prevent her from seeking an abortion in the first place. The fact many pro-lifers tend to be conservatives who’ve been fighting to deny pregnant women access to affordable healthcare which is completely inexcusable (and the fact pro-choicers tend to be less vocal about it as well). Whenever a pregnant woman is denied access to affordable pre-natal care due to being too poor or uninsured, her unborn child’s right to life is denied as well. When a woman seeks an abortion because she can’t afford to seek medical treatment for possible life-threatening complications also denies her right to choose as well. In many ways, denying affordable healthcare access is simply an unforgivable crime against humanity that should never be acceptable and perhaps even less justifiable than abortion. Add to that the fact that the US has a high infant and maternal mortality rate compared to other First World nations while nations with universal healthcare have lower abortion rates. Thus, whatever side you’re on in the abortion issue, guaranteed healthcare access to all should be non-negotiable.

3. Getting a job with employee based health insurance is no longer a guarantee– say what you want about Obamacare, but this is a good reason why it’s worth protecting. Since the Recession, the chances of someone finding a job with employee based health benefits is no longer a guarantee, especially if you’re a Millennial whose chances of getting a job with health benefits by 26 are slim (as well as the fact that most people uninsured usually live in a situation in which they or a member of their families have a job that either offer no health benefits or aren’t eligible for their employee plan). This can never be more apparent since the future of work is in the service sector which mostly consist of low-income jobs that don’t offer healthcare benefits or at least an adequate healthcare package. And even if you do have a job with benefits, this doesn’t mean you’re quite out of the woods. After all,  losing your job might result in you losing your health insurance. This can happen more often than you think since it’s very likely you’ll need to switch jobs more than a few times in your adult life. And you don’t always know how long it would before you can get another job. At least Obamacare provides a viable option for affordable healthcare for those facing an unpredictable economic future like myself since it stays with you after you sign up (or it’s supposed to). As a Millennial, living without health insurance is one of my deepest fears. I pray to God that the Supreme Court at least has the decency to rule in favor of the federal subsidies for King v. Burwell since I live in a state that doesn’t have a state exchange nor a Medicaid expansion as far as I know as of 2015. And, yes, I do plan to sign up for Obamacare when I reach that age since the federal exchange is now my only option for affordable healthcare once I reach my 26th birthday.

Here are some statistics from the National Research Center detailing what services the uninsured do without because of the cost whether it's getting a test, skipping a prescription, or putting off a doctor's visit.

Here are some statistics from the National Research Center detailing what services the uninsured do without because of the cost whether it’s getting a test, skipping a prescription, or putting off a doctor’s visit.

4. Everyone needs healthcare and being uninsured has devastating consequences– since we’re all human beings, we all need healthcare since we’re not invincible and you never know when you’ll be facing a medical emergency. Being uninsured can lead to a lot of devastating consequences individuals and families alike, which nobody wants to face. When uninsured, people are just one serious illness or injury away from losing their homes, their life savings and income, as well as their lives. Uninsurance also leads to high medical bills as well as possible denial of treatment, too. Thus, having an individual mandate should be a no brainer.

Here are some statistics from the US Department of Health and Human Services measuring healthcare spending from 2009. The pie on the left shows where the money comes from while the pie on the right shows where the money goes.

Here are some statistics from the US Department of Health and Human Services measuring healthcare spending from 2009. The pie on the left shows where the money comes from while the pie on the right shows where the money goes.

5. Conditions in the healthcare system were complete hell before Obamacare– Whether you love or hate Obamacare, most Americans would agree that our healthcare system may not be ideal, but it’s still better than under the Bush Administration. We should all remember that before Obamacare, it wasn’t uncommon for people to be denied health insurance because of a preexisting condition (at least legally). It was also common for people to lose their insurance (and/or job) when faced with a medical emergency or at least be faced with paying an exorbitant amount of money. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg. Let’s just say, while Americans may not see eye to eye on Obamacare, most wouldn’t want to return to the US healthcare system under the Bush years.

This is a graph from that National Business Group on Health explaining the rate of medical cost increases from 1999 to 2014. Note how it's dropped at its lowest rate in 15 years.

This is a graph from that National Business Group on Health explaining the rate of medical cost increases from 1999 to 2014. Note how it’s dropped at its lowest rate in 15 years.

6. Like education, individuals with healthcare are able to contribute more productively to the workforce than those who don’t– there may be a lot of complaints from conservatives that universal healthcare will only make the hardworking rich pay for the lazy poor on welfare. However, like education, individuals with healthcare contribute more productively to the workforce because they’re more likely to lead healthier lives and miss work much less. Besides, in the event of an injury or illness, the sooner a person receives medical treatment the more likely he or she will be able to work again. If an illness or injury goes untreated, the more likely a person will end up disabled with a chronic health condition or untimely dead. Those who are poor and disabled usually seek out public assistance because nobody’s going to hire them anytime soon. The fact the vast majority of people on welfare are either disabled or under 18 should illustrate this. Not only that, but their chronic condition could also limit their ability to lead a healthier lifestyle. Thus, while healthy individuals with health insurance usually can find work, unhealthy people without insurance are usually stuck in poverty because their chronic health conditions simply make them unemployable.

Here's an infographic from Atlanta Health showing the costs of the uninsured to hospitals, doctors, and other providers in 2012 according to state.

Here’s an infographic from Atlanta Health showing the costs of the uninsured to hospitals, doctors, and other providers in 2012 according to state.

7. Taxpayers spend a lot of money on treating the poor already– while those living in poverty are more likely to be uninsured, they’re also more prone to adverse life threatening health conditions or injuries, seek medical treatment when it’s too late, and receive care in the emergency room when things go from bad to worse. Whenever an uninsured person is treated in the ER, it’s likely to cause healthcare costs and premiums to rise for the insured as well by $922 for families (this before Obamacare). Not to mention, poorer people are more likely to work jobs in adverse conditions as well as have worse health habits and be victims of gun violence. And when it comes to gun violence, taxpayers shoulder about 80% of the medical costs mostly because victims are more likely to be from a group that’s heavily uninsured or on Medicaid. This amounts to billions of dollars. Still, while critics say that universal healthcare will lead to poor people mooching off taxpayers, Americans are basically paying for poor people’s medical treatment now as we speak. And the fact that many of them don’t have insurance is part of the reason. Oh, and when these people go on Medicare, taxpayers pay the bill for those who may be suffering a lot of chronic health conditions brought by illness and injury that could’ve been treated years ago.

This is from a 2011 infographic on the consequences of being uninsured in the United States and shows what could happen to those people such as an undetected serious condition, disability, and early death.

This is from a 2011 infographic on the consequences of being uninsured in the United States and shows what could happen to those people such as an undetected serious condition, disability, and early death.

8. If a poor homeless bum can be uninsured, then so can you– whether it’s being unable to afford insurance, dropped coverage from the insurance company, or job loss, if a poor person is uninsured, then it affects your access to affordable healthcare. This is especially true, when poor people visit the emergency room because it’s the only place in the hospital that would take them. And it’s usually the insured who pay for their treatment as well as contributes to high healthcare costs since emergency care is extremely expensive and with unpredictable cost. The higher healthcare prices rise, the more likely people are going to end up uninsured. If the healthcare system treated the poor in the way it treats the insured (like regular checkups, follow-up visits, etc.), healthcare costs may not have gotten this bad.

Here are even some more statistics from the 2011 infographic on the costs of being uninsured in America such as early death, multiple ER visits, and unpaid medical bills.

Here are even some more statistics from the 2011 infographic on the costs of being uninsured in America such as early death, multiple ER visits, and unpaid medical bills.

9. Treating the poor in the Emergency Room makes hospitals less likely to adequately treat patients in truly emergency situations– all too often in the United States, Emergency Rooms usually serve as places that treat the uninsured since they can’t turn anyone away. Most of the time when the uninsured have a serious condition, they will simply not seek any medical attention until it gets substantially worse. Not to mention, there are some patients who aren’t experiencing actual emergencies and those who’d be better served in a non-acute setting. These patients are usually there because they’re uninsured. This leaves ERs basically overused, overcrowded, and with an overstressed staff which would inhibit their effectiveness in treating ER patients with real life threatening conditions, insured or not. Thus, when uninsured flood the emergency room, quality emergency care is compromised.

This is a chart from Forbes magazine comparing the quality of US healthcare to that of 10 other countries as well as the costs. By the way, the US is the only country on this chart that doesn't have Universal Healthcare. Not to mention, this magazine isn't run by liberals.

This is a chart from Forbes magazine comparing the quality of US healthcare to that of 10 other countries as well as the costs. By the way, the US is the only country on this chart that doesn’t have Universal Healthcare. Not to mention, this magazine isn’t run by liberals.

10. A lot of other industrialized countries have Universal Healthcare, most of which have better health systems than the United States– the US doesn’t have the best healthcare system in the world and one of the few industrialized countries that doesn’t have a universal healthcare system. Meanwhile, other countries have managed to have ways to guarantee universal affordable health care to all their citizens and their people are much healthier (though their systems may have their share of unique problems and challenges). The British have a National Health Service which is a point of national pride in the UK and spend half as much on healthcare as we do. While Japan is known for a high cost of living, their health services are comparatively cheap and you always know what you’re paying for. Taiwan and Canada have government run health systems while France, Germany, and Switzerland don’t (though their systems are non-profit while Switzerland’s healthcare plan is modeled after Hillary Clinton’s 1994 healthcare plan that didn’t pass Congress). Still, even the most conservative people in those countries are much more satisfied with their healthcare system than even Obamacare’s harshest critics are with ours. The United States spends more on healthcare than any other industrialized nation and affordable access is still denied. When tourists get sick in the country, they often find themselves getting medical bills that cost an extraordinary amount of money such as the Canadian woman slapped with a million dollars for having a child in Hawaii. This is unacceptable.

11. The United States provides a lot of taxpayer funded services– these include free public education, highways, fire department, police, national parks, historical preservation, national defense, public libraries, banking protections, postal service, water utilities, mass transit, emergency services in environmental and national disasters, and so many more. So why should paying for healthcare be any different? Thus, there should be no reason why universal healthcare isn’t unconstitutional.

This graph is from the Huffington Post pertaining to how much health care costs have increased since the 1960s, which they say is a staggering 818% while the GDP and wages not so much. This might be biased but it helps show why the US health system was in dire need of reform by Obamacare.

This graph is from the Huffington Post pertaining to how much health care costs have increased since the 1960s, which they say is a staggering 818% while the GDP and wages not so much. This might be biased but it helps show why the US health system was in dire need of reform by Obamacare.

12. For-profit healthcare isn’t what it’s cracked up to be– sure you may hear libertarians say that an unregulated free market helps everyone. However, while health insurance companies may give some people choice in their own health plans, it only extends to those who are able to afford it or the wealthy. Those who aren’t rich may be compelled to choose a different plan which doesn’t allow them good access to services as well as charges exorbitantly high premiums. Before Obamacare, many health insurance companies dropped sick people or denied sick people insurance due to preexisting conditions. Those insured would have to pick the providers from those the insurance company would cover and would accept your policy (this is still the case, by the way). Those with employee health insurance plans usually have to go with the option the employer provides and are usually one lay off away from losing it. Then there’s the lifetime and annual limits insurance companies would impose on people as well as charging women more than men. Not what I call consumer choice.

13. Nobody wants to get rid of Medicare and Tricare– Tricare and Medicare are single payer healthcare programs that provide services for people over 65 and military veterans. And though both may have their problems, we have to understand that they are very popular. Even people who don’t believe in universal healthcare would admit that government should take care of our veterans and elderly. In fact, many of Obamacare’s opponents might even be on them.

This pie chart from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows why some uninsured adults in America go without health insurance with not being able to afford it the main reason at 32%.

This pie chart from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows why some uninsured adults in America go without health insurance with not being able to afford it the main reason at 32%.

14. For-profit healthcare is discriminatory, costly, and unsustainable– we need to face that a for-profit health care not only costs Americans and the government billions, but also excludes a lot of Americans from accessing healthcare as well as makes it unaffordable for even those with insurance. The very fact that healthcare has become so expensive has led to most personal bankruptcies as well as is leading more companies to drop their employee healthcare plans. Furthermore, it’s also the main reason why it’s so hard to start a business and why small businesses have a hard time hiring workers. And while for-profit healthcare may have competition, it’s now the main reason for higher health prices because the insurance companies are focused on higher short term profits and administrative costs. Thus, for-profit healthcare is economically unsustainable.

15. Opposition to universal healthcare is mostly on ideological grounds– now while there is tremendous opposition against universal healthcare in the United States, it has absolutely nothing to do with how they feel about the healthcare system nor how they feel about services like Medicare and Tricare. I did a poll once on the US healthcare system for my high school civics class and found out that even those who opposed universal healthcare were just as likely to be unsatisfied with the US healthcare system as those who supported it (this, back in 2008). People who oppose universal healthcare usually try to make the issue about social entitlements to the poor as well as an issue of free market capitalism, equating it with “socialized medicine,” and big government “nanny state.” However, if you ask whether the government should provide healthcare to our veterans and senior citizens, even the most hardened conservatives would find it difficult to say no. This is especially true if you consider the fact a lot of senior citizens and veterans make up the conservative base and watch Fox News. So most of the opposition against universal healthcare is strictly ideological.

16. Money driven medicine doesn’t equal good quality care-In the United States, the healthcare system is arranged in a “fee for service” model which doctors get paid for providing services regardless of treatment outcome. It’s not unusual in the United States for doctors to prescribe treatments to patients that could possibly do nothing or be harmful and could hurt their quality of life. We need to understand that what makes a good business model doesn’t always translate into the quality a business has to offer, especially if it pertains to a business that’s supposed to save lives. Sure the insurance company makes money from treatments but so do the drug companies, hospitals, as well as those who make medical instruments and devices. But the fact medical malpractice in America is so common that medical errors kill more Americans per year than car wrecks that it’s big business as well. The people who the healthcare industry makes the most money off of isn’t the richest patients, but the sickest ones, which is why many seniors suffer greatly as they approach the end of their lives. In fact, said that 30,000 Americans die due to “overtreatment” each year as well. Add to that Americans spend more on healthcare than anyone else in the world on a system that discriminates the poor, you can see why nobody in the United States is satisfied with the healthcare they receive.

17. Free market economics don’t lead to greater cost control and effectiveness– despite what many universal healthcare opponents, conservatives, and libertarians may say, free market economics doesn’t necessarily make goods and services any cheaper. Now the healthcare system is driven by two market forces known as demand and the need to make greater profits than the previous year. This is the main reason why healthcare prices increase in the first place. Despite the economic recession that took hold in 2008, health insurance companies increased their profits by 56% in 2009 alone while between 2000-2006 as workers’ wages increased 3.8%, healthcare premiums rose 87%. In 2009, the top 5 health insurance companies in America ended up with a combined profit of $12.2 billion with their executives receiving as much as $200 million in total compensation. While the healthcare system operates on profit motives and competition, we still have people uninsured and costs are out of control as we speak. So much for free market economics.

18. The ER and medical services designed to help the poor are no substitute for having a PCP– a common myth about healthcare in America cited by many universal healthcare opponents is that being uninsured doesn’t mean they can’t receive healthcare for they can go to the ER and that there are plenty of government and private medical practices helping the uninsured. Sure it may be illegal to turn away people from the ER but such care doesn’t provide adequate care to most serious conditions, especially if they were previously undiagnosed. If the uninsured are unable to pay for care in full (which is 2.5 times more than what people with insurance pay), they’re often turned away when they seek follow-up care for urgent medical conditions. Treating a chronic condition requires much more medical care than an Emergency Room visit and lack of follow-ups attributed to being uninsured can delay detection of certain cancers that lead to adverse outcomes. As for the medical providers who do treat the uninsured, how in the hell is an uninsured person supposed to find them? In the US, the term “non-profit hospital” is basically a joke. Besides, free and discounted health services aren’t a common thing. In the US, if you can’t afford a regular source of healthcare like a PCP, then you’re medically screwed.

A 2013 survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation show that 2/3 of Americans regardless of coverage status are worried about being unable to pay their medical bills in the event of a serious accident/illness. Even being insured doesn't provide that security from medical bill troubles.

A 2013 survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation show that 2/3 of Americans regardless of coverage status are worried about being unable to pay their medical bills in the event of a serious accident/illness. Even being insured doesn’t provide that security from medical bill troubles.

19. There’s nothing more stressful in America as unpaid medical bills-in the United States, being concerned with how much you’ll have to pay for medical treatments for serious illnesses, injuries, and/or childbirth isn’t an unusual thing, even if you have health insurance. Since uninsured patients are charged 2.5 times more for care than their insured counterparts, it’s particularly scary for them to think that they’re once serious illness away from death, disability, or financial ruin. Most uninsured usually postpone needed care because they’re simply not confident they could pay for it. 2004 statistics say that they’re over twice as likely to report problems paying medical bills and are almost 3 times as likely to be contacted by a collection agency about them. Even if you have insurance, there’s no guarantee that your coverage will cover the costs that your medical bills demand, even if you’re on an employee-based plan. The fact that more Americans are becoming, “underinsured” really shows that healthcare is becoming less affordable by the year. No sick person in America should worry about paying medical bills once they get better. Add to the fact that more personal bankruptcies in America are caused by medical bills.

A 2014 stat by Vox that says about 201,000 Americans are killed every year due to medical errors that most healthcare providers try to avoid.

A 2014 stat by Vox that says about 201,000 Americans are killed every year due to medical errors that most healthcare providers try to avoid.

20. Medical treatment is more focused on insurance procedures and malpractice liability– as a for-profit system insurance procedures and malpractice liability have a lot of influence on how doctors treat patients. Forbes has reported that 92% of clinicians admit to making some medical decisions based on avoiding lawsuits, as opposed to the best interests of their patients. Patients put a lot of trust in their doctors for a lot of understandable reasons. Most patients want to feel that doctors will think of their best interests and make recommendations to their well-being accordingly. In money driven medicine (a.k.a. for-profit healthcare), you can’t always be sure that caregivers and patients will decide what’s best for the patient’s health. Sometimes decisions are made due to insurance procedures and perhaps on avoiding malpractice lawsuits, which cost lots of money as well as could possibly lead to a doctor losing his or her medical license. Sometimes doctors suggests the treatment that would get the most money, not what the patient needs. In fact, much of the healthcare industry makes its money by having patients spend exorbitant amounts on tests and scans they don’t actually need. Regardless of what doctors think about universal healthcare, most would rather just treat people without having to worry about interference from the medical billing department or the insurance company.

A 2012 infographic from NPR shows that while 56% of Americans have health insurance through their employers, 1 in 3 Americans are in a family that has trouble paying medical bills. Let that sink in.

A 2012 infographic from NPR shows that while 56% of Americans have health insurance through their employers, 1 in 3 Americans are in a family that has trouble paying medical bills. Let that sink in.

21. Most Americans are unsatisfied with the US healthcare system– despite what many people on Fox News may tell you, even the most diehard opponents of Obamacare can admit that the US healthcare system isn’t the best in the world. There are tons of healthcare horror stories in America such as people being charged high bills for cancer treatment, people meeting untimely ends due to not having insurance or the insurance not paying for treatment, dying due to receiving too much treatment, being denied for a preexisting condition, and so much more. About all the documentaries on the US healthcare system I’ve seen, Michael Moore’s Sicko was about the easiest to watch while the Bill Moyers Journal feature of “Money Driven Medicine” during the Obamacare debates was about the hardest. Now these documentaries may have varying degrees of accuracy but there are many Americans have or know someone who’s been screwed the US healthcare system which may range from frustrating to downright devastating. While there may be great contention on whether to have universal healthcare or reform healthcare at all, most Americans can agree that the for-profit healthcare system right now simply isn’t working.

22. Even healthy people can develop serious problems that need treatment– another argument against universal healthcare is that it would make healthy people who take care of themselves pay for burden of those with unhealthy lifestyles. However, while a healthy lifestyle can add years to your life, it’s no guarantee that you’ll live a long and healthy life, which may have more to do with family history and environmental hazards neither of which people have control over. You might also get injured in an accident or get shot at, which also needs serious medical attention. And even some people’s unhealthy lifestyles might also have a lot to do with factors beyond their control like having to work more than one job, occupational hazards, living in a poor neighborhood without a grocery store, bad upbringing, poverty, inadequate education, genetics, and others. Also, there are plenty of children who have serious health conditions as well as disabilities that need medical attention. Should they be denied? Not to mention, seniors and veterans aren’t the healthiest individuals in American society, so should we not pay taxes for their healthcare? I know this may be a bit extreme but we need to understand that there are times when bad health has very little to do with bad lifestyle choices alone. We try not to let natural disasters ruin people’s lives. Why should healthcare be any different?

23. We pay more of a price for not treating people when they should be– I know plenty of people complain about the healthcare system and think that we’ll pay more if we let poor people receive adequate medical treatment. For the uninsured the only outlet of medical care is basically the ER and a visit there is much more expensive than a routine visit to the PCP. Yet, since most PCPs only take insured patients, most uninsured don’t have this option and will postpone necessary treatment for serious illnesses because they simply can’t afford it. As a result, uninsured patients are more likely to be admitted into the ER with an undiagnosed late stage illness than an insured person would. Since an uninsured patient will probably be turned down for follow up, he or she will likely end up readmitted into the Emergency Room multiple times until they die prematurely. The costs add up as well as passed to consumers and insurance companies to foot. People who see a regular care provider are more likely to have any serious illness detected in the early stages as well as be treated for it as soon as possible. When it comes to serious illnesses or injuries, having a regular care provider can result in fewer hospital stays as well as Emergency Room visits, which can save a lot of money in the long term. In addition, providing preventative care to all Americans also saves a lot of costs down the line as well.

24. Most Americans support universal healthcare-despite how vocal Obamacare opponents could get, two thirds of Americans support a universal healthcare system while 90% at least believe that our healthcare system should be reformed. While it’s seen as a mostly Democratic issue, it has support among health care officials, religious leaders, and other major organizations. So this is an issue with a large amount of popular support. The fact that the United States is one of the few industrialized countries without universal healthcare is more due to party politics, healthcare being a multi-billion dollar business, and special interest lobbying. Still, if that’s not a reason for universal healthcare, then I don’t know what is.

Graph on hospital openings and closures between 2000 to 2012. Of course, these numbers only pertain to those participating in Medicare. But then again, most US hospitals do anyway.

Graph on hospital openings and closures between 2000 to 2012. Of course, these numbers only pertain to those participating in Medicare. But then again, most US hospitals do anyway. Yet, while they still happen not that it was a much bigger problem before Obamacare as this graph shows.

25. High medical costs have led to hospitals being shut down and less services to access-Now  I know that hospitals are big players in the healthcare system. Yet, in recent years, the rise of healthcare costs and uninsured during the Bush years has led to a lot of medical establishments being shut down since they can’t measure up to their competitors or couldn’t get enough patients. This has not only created less available healthcare services, it’s also led to job loss and economically devastated communities, especially if it’s the establishment that keeps the town going. This results in people having to travel further for services and longer lines. A for-profit healthcare system may seem like a good business plan in theory, but it also gives hospitals more of an incentive to make profits, which shouldn’t be its main priority. This is why medical costs rise, which makes healthcare less affordable. When healthcare is less affordable, then hospitals receive less patients. This leads many hospitals into a financial loss and eventual shut down. What’s even worse is that many hospital shutdowns happen in the poorest communities with the sickest patients, which is a terrible shame. When there are less services, it’s another reason for high health care costs and more limited availability.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Third Edition)

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Now I know it’s been since October that I’ve done a post on vintage postcards but I’ve run out of ideas at the moment and have a lot of these saved up on my laptop so it’s. Besides, it’s too early for Valentine’s Day, Groundhog Day, Presidents’ Day, or other holidays. Of course, there’s Martin Luther King Jr. Day but he’s not the kind of guy I’d want make fun of. Then there’s my birthday on the 13th, but there’s just so many birthday cakes out there. So for now, postcards will have to do for the moment. Nevertheless, I know my viewers can’t get enough of these things so here I go. Of course, I know some people travel over the holidays and sometimes during the winter months to get the hell out of the snow. However, most of us really can’t spend the winter months in the Bahamas mainly because, well, we simply can’t afford to and have other obligations such as school, work, and family. Also, January weather is really terrible, especially since temperatures have started dropping belong zero. Yikes! Anyway, if you’re stranded at your home due to the snowy weather outside or your school’s closed, here is a batch of tacky vintage postcards for your pleasure. And I hope with them, you can get through your day.

1. In the Middle Ages, German village festivals had dunking tanks like this.

Oh, wait a minute that's another medieval torture device it seems. And it doesn't seem that they're weighing the caged guy against the duck either. Would've solved everything.

Oh, wait a minute that’s another medieval torture device it seems. And it doesn’t seem that they’re weighing the caged guy against the duck either. Would’ve solved everything.

2. Every woman should be the queen of her kitchen with this turquoise refrigerator.

Now I'm fine with turquoise but this fridge seems more appropriate for the kitchen of some tacky trailer park than in most households. Yet, I'm sure this woman isn't the Snow Queen from Frozen.

Now I’m fine with turquoise but this fridge seems more appropriate for the kitchen of some tacky trailer park, dive bar, or disco than in most households. Yet, I’m sure this woman isn’t the Snow Queen from Frozen.

3. Greetings from Snooki’s grandmother from the Jersey Shore.

I don't know about you but it seems that not much has changed on the Jersey Shore over 50 years before the notorious MTV reality series. Thank God, that show's over.

I don’t know about you but it seems that not much has changed on the Jersey Shore over 50 years before the notorious MTV reality series. Thank God, that show’s over. Also, that hat is hideous.

4. In the Old West, we always cut the cheese after a dinner of pork and beans at the camp fire.

Of course, when it comes to western way of breaking wind, some guys led out a rip-roaring gust while others emit an odor that's silent but deadly.

Of course, when it comes to western way of breaking wind, some guys led out a rip-roaring gust while others emit an odor that’s silent but deadly.

5. I don’t think Sally intends to eat that mango.

Rather I think she wants to use that mango to drop on her little brother's skull since he stole her Fruit Roll Ups. Little Stevie needs to pay.

Rather I think she wants to use that mango to drop on her little brother’s skull since he stole her Fruit Roll Ups. Little Stevie needs to pay.

6. Every time German children see a rocket ship in the night sky, it’s tradition they drop their pants and pee on the window side flower pot.

I hope these boys enjoyed giving Mom's petunias a golden shower since she's probably going to wonder why they smell like a urinal in  the third grade bathroom.

I hope these boys enjoyed giving Mom’s petunias a golden shower since she’s probably going to wonder why they smell like a urinal in the third grade bathroom. Yes, Mom’s petunias will never smell the same way again, but they’ll get a steady supply of nitrates though. Maybe she doesn’t mind the tradeoff.

7. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the Equine High Diving Championships, Mustang Sugarcubes takes the plunge.

Oh, my God, I think I just made PETA want to burn my house down for posting this. Perhaps the Humane Society may want to join in. Still, what sadist could think of horses jumping off the high dive? This is just fucking insane! Also, illegal in most states. By the way, this postcard is from Atlantic City, New Jersey where Boardwalk Empire takes place. Man, seems like Nucky's booze is really getting to them.

Oh, my God, I think I just made PETA want to burn my house down for posting this. Perhaps the Humane Society may want to join in. Still, what sadist could think of horses jumping off the high dive? This is just fucking insane! Also, illegal in most states. By the way, this postcard is from Atlantic City, New Jersey where Boardwalk Empire takes place. Man, seems like Nucky’s booze is really getting to them. As cruel to animals as this may be, I just can’t help laughing at it for some reason.

8. Alf’s lunch box.

Now I know the people behind the picture thought this made a good photo op. Yet, the cuteness kind of fades away when you find out that there are people in certain countries around the world that eat them. Kind of makes this postcard disturbing.

Now I know the people behind the picture thought this made a good photo op. Yet, the cuteness kind of fades away when you find out that there are people in certain countries around the world that eat them. Kind of makes this postcard disturbing.

9. Welcome to Hawaii, we have large, uh, pineapples.

Talk about low hanging fruit hanging not far from the tree. Still, this is just bound to give Freud a field day. I mean why did this woman put the pineapples so close to her boobs? Really?

Talk about low hanging fruit hanging not far from the tree. Still, this is just bound to give Freud a field day. I mean why did this woman put the pineapples so close to her boobs? Really?

10. Seems like Springer here just barked a cake. Seems so proud. Hope there’s no fur all over the icing.

So how does a dog bark a cake? Makes no sense whatsoever. Guess those behind the design were aiming for cuteness. Also, what's in the cake? Hope it's not disgusting.

So how does a dog bark a cake? Makes no sense whatsoever. Guess those behind the design were aiming for cuteness. Also, what’s in the cake? Hope it’s not disgusting.

11. For a  lovelier you, get these stylish Oompa-Loompa inspired coiffures from Willy Wonka’s Beauty Salon.

Then again, perhaps we all should be happy that Willy Wonka became a confectioner instead of a hairdresser. Hate to see what kind of machinery he'd have at his hair salon. Probably would look like some torture chamber from a kid's show.

Then again, perhaps we all should be happy that Willy Wonka became a confectioner instead of a hairdresser. Hate to see what kind of machinery he’d have at his hair salon. Probably would look like some torture chamber from a kid’s show.

12. Yes, fellas, prune juice was one of the great “drugs” of the 1960s, which they attribute to freeing your mind as much as your bowels.

Ironically, I wouldn't be surprised that prune juice is now consumed by more 1960s flower children more than ever. Yeah, prune juice will set your colon free from constipation.

Ironically, I wouldn’t be surprised that prune juice is now consumed by more 1960s flower children more than ever. Yeah, prune juice will set your colon free from constipation.

13. I now give you the Venusflytraposaurus.

Actually that's an Elasmosaurus a large Plesiosaur from the Cretaceous period. Of course, unfortunately for this guy, orthodontists didn't exist at the time.

Actually that’s an Elasmosaurus a large Plesiosaur from the Cretaceous period. Of course, unfortunately for this guy, orthodontists didn’t exist at the time.

14. I don’t know about you but why the hell does Snowflake have her helmet on backwards?

Of course we all know that Snowflake would be kidnapped by psychopath ex-football player and tranny Ray Finkle (disguised as Lois Einhorn). He also kidnapped Dan Marino as well as killed a man in his apartment. And in the 1990s, this was a family film.

Of course we all know that Snowflake would be kidnapped by psychopath ex-football player and tranny Ray Finkle (disguised as Lois Einhorn). He also kidnapped Dan Marino as well as killed a man in his apartment. And in the 1990s, this was a family film or so I think. At least it was in my house.

15. Maybe we should send this to Kim and Kanye when they’re thinking about a trip to Florida. I mean these crocs like big butts and they cannot lie./These alligators can’t deny./When a girl walks in with a big gigantic waist/And a round thing in their face/They get starved.

Yes, that croc on the beach is in the mood for some bootylicious rump roast tonight. Also, what's with the monkey fishing from the pelican's beak for God's sake? That's insane!

Yes, that croc on the beach is in the mood for some bootylicious rump roast tonight. Also, what’s with the monkey fishing from the pelican’s beak for God’s sake? That’s insane!

16. C’mon, to Elsie’s they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

I think there's something wrong with this girl here. Sure she might want her sister to drop in again, but she probably wants to drown her in the fountain and hide her body in the large vase.

I think there’s something wrong with this girl here. Sure she might want her sister to drop in again, but she probably wants to drown her in the fountain and hide her body in the large vase.

17. Now this New England eatery has lobsters in any style.

Wait a minute, that's in Oklahoma? Seriously, lobsters are an oceanside crustacean caught in fishing boats from Maine. Oklahoma is an inland state known for cattle, dust storms, and tornadoes. They do not go together.

Wait a minute, that’s in Oklahoma? Seriously, lobsters are an oceanside crustacean caught in fishing boats from Maine. Oklahoma is an inland state known for cattle, dust storms, and tornadoes. They do not go together.

18. Yes, this guy is certainly blowing his own trumpet seen here.

Of course, "blowing" also has another meaning explaining why this postcard is so funny. Of course, it's probably impossible to do and I can't mention it in front of the kids.

Of course, “blowing” also has another meaning explaining why this postcard is so funny. Of course, it’s probably impossible to do and I can’t mention it in front of the kids.

19. Now this is place seems to give “dive bar” a whole new meaning.

Now a bar overlooking a giant fish tank is one thing, but this is kind of ridiculous. Might also make the patrons wonder whether they're seeing things or just need another drink. I'd hate to be the designated driver in that bunch.

Now a bar overlooking a giant fish tank is one thing, but this is kind of ridiculous. Might also make the patrons wonder whether they’re seeing things or just need another drink. I’d hate to be the designated driver in that bunch.

20. Now this would make a fine new addition to the hunting lodge or man cave.

Too bad the holidays are over for this lamp would've made a great Christmas present for my next door neighbors. Then again, that lamp might freak out their granddaughter.

Too bad the holidays are over for this lamp would’ve made a great Christmas present for my next door neighbors. Then again, that lamp might freak out their granddaughter.

21. Nothing makes an electronic back massager than some device that bears a striking resemblance to IKEA furniture.

From the back: “Figurette—the home slenderizing unit that has become noted as a “lasting beauty” aid for women…but is every bit as much renowned for the tension-relieving relaxation it helps induce in he-men. Another leading product of A.R.A. Manufacturing Co., Grand Prairie, Texas.” "It is very important that the he-man not become too relaxed. Therefore, he should use the Figurette with work clothes on, including shoes and tie."

From the back: “Figurette—the home slenderizing unit that has become noted as a “lasting beauty” aid for women…but is every bit as much renowned for the tension-relieving relaxation it helps induce in he-men. Another leading product of A.R.A. Manufacturing Co., Grand Prairie, Texas.”
“It is very important that the he-man not become too relaxed. Therefore, he should use the Figurette with work clothes on, including shoes and tie.”  I wonder what would happen if he got too relaxed. Oh, I see.

22. Nothing excites a two-year-old more than a giant stuff dog about as tall as your ceiling.

Of course, seems that the company responsible for this photo didn't seem to care about the boxes next to the humongous dog that might give parents nightmares. Please don't show this to small children or they'd want one, too.

Of course, seems that the company responsible for this photo didn’t seem to care about the boxes next to the humongous dog that might give parents nightmares. Please don’t show this to small children or they’d want one, too.

23. Of course, when it comes to toilet training, some dogs grow accustomed to it better than others.

I bet that any dog owner would rather teach their dog to go on the toilet than have it drink from there. I wonder if this potty animal knows how to flush.

I bet that any dog owner would rather teach their dog to go on the toilet than have it drink from there. I wonder if this potty animal knows how to flush.

24. This lady seems so happy with her large wall shelf of tupperware.

I don't know about you but wait until she finds out that you can't put tupperware in the dishwasher. Boy, I'd hate to dishes at that place.

I don’t know about you but wait until she finds out that you can’t put tupperware in the dishwasher. Boy, I’d hate to wash dishes at that place.

25, Now I know this is supposed to be a stove. Yet, I don’t know why I still wonder why it could possibly be a stove-dishwasher unit.

Must be that the oven doors have no windows in them and that there are two of them. Still, that color may be nice but the stove is hideous.

Must be that the oven doors have no windows in them and that there are two of them. Still, that color may be nice but the stove is hideous.

26. Oh, no, they just buried a dead guy in the topsoil planters! What kind of sick place is this?

Okay, that's just a guy getting mud bath at a spa. Still, you'd wonder if this was just some crazed garden store of death seeing him like that.

Okay, that’s just a guy getting mud bath at a spa. Still, you’d wonder if this was just some crazed garden store of death seeing him like that.

27. Nothing graces a little girl’s bedroom than a pink, frilly lamp.

Ugh! This lamp is so frilly and pink that it makes me sick. And I don't mind the color either. Still, I don't think a little girl would find it settling that the figurine doesn't have any arms.

Ugh! This lamp is so frilly and pink that it makes me sick. And I don’t mind the color either. Still, I don’t think a little girl would find it settling that the figurine doesn’t have any arms.

28. Now a dramatic reenactment of Cain killing his brother Abel.

My God, this is just a horrible execution that it seems like something you'd see on the Flintstones. Also, makes you wonder whether Cain killed Abel because God thought Abel's sacrifice was greater or that Abel was making fun of Cain's leopard skin loincloth.

My God, this is just a horrible execution that it seems like something you’d see on the Flintstones. Also, makes you wonder whether Cain killed Abel because God thought Abel’s sacrifice was greater or that Abel was making fun of Cain’s leopard skin loincloth.

29. This cow says, “Howdy, from Oklahoma! Where the wind blows sweeping from the plains…”

This cow doesn't look like it's saying, "Howdy!" Rather I think it's trying to say, "They're going to kill us all and put us on buns at the local burger joint! Get out while you still can!"

This cow doesn’t look like it’s saying, “Howdy!” Rather I think it’s trying to say, “They’re going to kill us all and put us on buns at the local burger joint! Get out while you still can!”

30. If this engine weighs lighter than the swimsuit model, then you should have no problem carrying it.

Then again, this model seems a bit chunky compared to the ones you'd see in a Victoria's Secret commercial.  Still, close enough. Nevertheless, it's also available in lime green.

Then again, this model seems a bit chunky compared to the ones you’d see in a Victoria’s Secret commercial. Still, close enough. Nevertheless, it’s also available in lime green.

31. May I present to you the Rainbow Choir of the East Glenville Methodist Church.

Of course, given that the Gay Rights Movement adapted the rainbow flag as its symbol, I don't think a church choir would call themselves, even if it's the United Methodist Church.

Of course, given that the Gay Rights Movement adapted the rainbow flag as its symbol, I don’t think a church choir would call themselves, even if it’s the United Methodist Church.

32. And now two labrador retrievers on a ski lift. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Now that just can't be safe for animals. Seriously, I wonder if either of these dogs would have the patience of staying on these seats. Besides, what if one of them jumps?

Now that just can’t be safe for animals. Seriously, I wonder if either of these dogs would have the patience of staying on these seats. Besides, what if one of them jumps?

33. “Well, I’ll be happy to assist you with your mud bath Mr. Skelly.”

Now I'm sure this person is making the man look all natural as if he was part the dirt from which he came from. Still, this is pretty disturbing if you ask me.

Now I’m sure this person is making the man look all natural as if he was part the dirt from which he came from. Still, this is pretty disturbing if you ask me. I mean these people look as if they’re buried alive for God’s sake.

34. Come to the Girl Crossing where the action is.

Of course, the women at the Florida beach you actually see probably aren't as attractive as these ladies. Seriously, fellas, believing this postcard will set yourself up for disappointment.

Of course, the women at the Florida beach you actually see probably aren’t as attractive as these ladies. Seriously, fellas, believing this postcard will set yourself up for disappointment.

35. And yet we have another version of RuPaul’s Drag Race does Lawrence Welk.

Of course, I'm sure these people are smartly dressed for some formal fancy dress ball. Yet, I don't think they're very convincing. Still, don't want to see these in your mail.

Of course, I’m sure these people are smartly dressed for some formal fancy dress ball. Yet, I don’t think they’re very convincing. Still, don’t want to see these in your mail.

36. “She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny rainbow macrame bikini…”

Of course, I'm not sure what to make out with her holding a small sombrero that doesn't fit her head. Still, no girl wants get a postcard from their boyfriend that says, "Wish you were her."

Of course, I’m not sure what to make out with her holding a small sombrero that doesn’t fit her head. Still, no girl wants get a postcard from their boyfriend that says, “Wish you were her.”

37. Man, this cat isn’t happy that his flight’s been cancelled. Somebody is going to get clawed.

Of course, the hat and picnic table cloth don't help matters either. Still, this is probably the original Grumpy Cat. And boy, is he grumpy about his flight being cancelled.

Of course, the hat and picnic table cloth don’t help matters either. Still, this is probably the original Grumpy Cat. And boy, is he grumpy about his flight being cancelled. Now he’ll have to change travel plans which he hates oh, so much. Yes, polydactyl cat is not pleased.

38. Let’s stop at Pennsylvania’s Crystal Cave Ice Cream Formation.

I don't know about you but that formation doesn't at all resemble an ice cream cone to me. Yet, I think Ice Cream Cone Formation was more of a PG name than, well, something else that's point and stick up.

I don’t know about you but that formation doesn’t at all resemble an ice cream cone to me. Yet, I think Ice Cream Cone Formation was more of a PG name than, well, something else that’s point and stick up. Even funnier is that they have replicas of this at the gift shop and that’s where the real fun begins.

39. Yay! High school cheerleaders gathering around to a car celebrating the anniversary of a time when a peace treaty was signed, or when Indians decided to surrender peacefully and let settlers take over their land.

Of course, what's worse is that this high school is called Medicine Lodge and it's located in Kansas. Must have a Native American mascot, too, and a real stereotypical one at that. Great (sarcasm). Still, love those comet pom poms.

Of course, what’s worse is that this high school is called Medicine Lodge and it’s located in Kansas. Must have a Native American mascot, too, and a real stereotypical one at that. Great (sarcasm). Still, love those comet pom poms.

40. Now here is a wax figure of Mark Twain on a rocking chair with his best known character Huckleberry Finn.

All Mark Twain ever wanted for his birthday was either a chair rocking or a rocking chair lap dance with Huckleberry Finn. Still, the two seem a bit too friendly with each other.

All Mark Twain ever wanted for his birthday was either a chair rocking or a rocking chair lap dance with Huckleberry Finn. Still, the two seem a bit too friendly with each other.

41. Need some added neck and chin support? Try one of these.

Sure that contraption may stabilize your neck but putting that chin rest on your shoulders just looks very uncomfortable from what I see with the other one.

Sure that contraption may stabilize your neck but putting that chin rest on your shoulders just looks very uncomfortable from what I see with the other one.

42. Now here is one of the most important scientists of all time, Louis Pasteur who formulated pasteurization, vaccination, and founded microbiology.

Yes, Louis Pasteur did help change the world for the better as well as saved so many lives with his research. But that doesn't stop him from testing his anthrax vaccine on his daughter's pet bunny rabbit.

Yes, Louis Pasteur did help change the world for the better as well as saved so many lives with his research. But that doesn’t stop him from testing his anthrax vaccine on his daughter’s pet bunny rabbit.

43. Awww. A black bear cub eating ice cream. Adorable.

I know bear cubs are cute but feeding the animals is a very bad idea. Seriously, feeding them will lead to animal infestation at camp sites as well as make them easy targets for hunters. So please remember that signs warning against feeding the animals exist for a reason.

I know bear cubs are cute but feeding the animals is a very bad idea. Seriously, feeding them will lead to animal infestation at camp sites as well as make them easy targets for hunters. So please remember that signs warning against feeding the animals exist for a reason.

44. Reginald was stripped of his horse, when it was discovered that he put lipstick on it during those lonely nights.

"Guys? Have you seen my horse? Guys, this isn't funny. Seriously, somebody's stolen my horse, Dobbin. How am I supposed to participate in this routine if I don't have my fucking horse? My apologies for my profanities."

“Guys? Have you seen my horse? Guys, this isn’t funny. Seriously, somebody’s stolen my horse, Dobbin. How am I supposed to participate in this routine if I don’t have my fucking horse? My apologies for the profane language.”

45. “I always love to tend to my garden in my bathing suit.”

"It keeps me cool and in tip top shape. Also, I hate to change into something different when I need to hide a body right away."

“It keeps me cool and in tip top shape. Also, I hate to change into something different when I need to hide a body right away. You simply don’t have time for that after you strangle a guy in the hot tub these days.”

46. This bathing beauty receives a grizzly hug at Hugh Hefner’s hunting lodge.

Okay, PETA is going to kill me for this. We all know the grizzly bear is a hunting trophy and the swimsuit woman is only there for the fanservice. Still, pretty funny if you ask me.

Okay, PETA is going to kill me for this. We all know the grizzly bear is a hunting trophy and the swimsuit woman is only there for the fanservice. Still, pretty funny if you ask me.

47. Come to Indiana and enjoy the wonderful, picturesque scenery.

Man, all I see are basically roadways on a flat landscape. Even a transportation worker is bound to fall asleep on these toll roads. At least Western Pennsylvania has hills, forests, and potholes for God's sake. Yet, you wouldn't want to drive on those roads either.

Man, all I see are basically roadways on a flat landscape. Even a transportation worker is bound to fall asleep on these toll roads. At least Western Pennsylvania has hills, forests, and potholes for God’s sake. Yet, you wouldn’t want to drive on those roads either.

48. Have trouble keeping your chin up? We have a pulley appliance for that.

Wonder if I should get those for my mom so she wouldn't fall asleep watching movies with us. Probably would fall asleep anyway. Still, I don't think this guy is very comfortable with the chin straps on him.

Wonder if I should get those for my mom so she wouldn’t fall asleep watching movies with us. Probably would fall asleep anyway. Still, I don’t think this guy is very comfortable with the chin straps on him.

49. This woman is utterly thrilled with her stylish brand new Cul-Matic water softener by Culligan.

Because before she had a water softener in her house, Connie had get her plumbing clean on a regular basis due to the metal cation buildup that makes hard water less compatible with soap. Hey, it was Joey's idea to live near an industrial facility where he worked, not hers.

Because before she had a water softener in her house, Connie had get her plumbing clean on a regular basis due to the metal cation buildup that makes hard water less compatible with soap and resulted in her pipes erroding. Hey, it was Joey’s idea to live near an industrial facility where he worked, not hers.

50. Watch a man wrestle with an alligator in Florida, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Man, for an activity that should have big, "Do Not Try This at Home" disclaimer, seems that some people find alligator wrestling quite boring, indeed. People like me just find it nuts. Then again, while the boys are bored to tears, seems like Mom is just thinks the handler has a nice tight ass.

Man, for an activity that should have big, “Do Not Try This at Home” disclaimer, seems that some people find alligator wrestling quite boring, indeed. People like me just find it nuts. Then again, while the boys are bored to tears, seems like Mom just thinks the handler has a nice tight ass.

51. Sure this may be a Seminole Indian ritual or it could just be a production from Florida State University. Either way, it seems the guy on the top step is about to demonstrate his skill in the sacred art of gymnastics.

This drama is called "Florida Aflame" which is about the Seminole Indians. Still, I wonder what a real Seminole Indian would think of this production. Seriously, this seems to be something I'd more likely see in a Lady Gaga music video than on an Indian reservation. I mean why?

This drama is called “Florida Aflame” which is about the Seminole Indians. Still, I wonder what a real Seminole Indian would think of this production because I think he or she might take offense. Seriously, this seems to be something I’d more likely see in a Lady Gaga music video than on an Indian reservation. I mean why?

52. Nothing seems to be a weird sight than a Dominatrix at the beach. BDSM on the beach? How kinky.

"All right. Now where did I put my chair and my cat o' nine tails? I know I put them here yesterday. Must've been swept with the tide tide. Dammit."

“All right. Now where did I put my chair and my cat o’ nine tails? I know I put them here yesterday. Must’ve been swept with the tide tide. Dammit.”

53. Fasten your seatbelts, kid, because you’re taking a rocketship to Sunday School.

I know that mega churches do a lot of activities. But I'm stumped is to how many of them could include a rocket ship in their budgets. Seriously, why?

I know that mega churches do a lot of activities. But I’m stumped is to how many of them could include a rocket ship in their budgets. Seriously, why?

54. See Bobo the Clown and his little pal Rover.

I don't know about you but upon seeing this picture, I kind of feel like calling the Humane Society regarding Rover's welfare and whether Bobo is a good owner outside his creepy clown costume. Because the poor dog looks so terrified.

I don’t know about you but upon seeing this picture, I kind of feel like calling the Humane Society regarding Rover’s welfare and whether Bobo is a good owner outside his creepy clown costume. Because the poor dog looks so terrified.

55. We’ll be looking for your for your next check up. And we will find you!

Poor Ralphie. Seemed to be a nice and happy kid before Dr. Garity gave him that terrible lobotomy. Now he just looks as if he's just a mindless and possessed demon child with no soul.

Poor Ralphie. Seemed to be a nice and happy kid before Dr. Garity gave him that terrible lobotomy. Now he just looks as if he’s just a mindless and possessed demon child with no soul.

56. A hunting trip of bagging two pheasants with your hunting dogs makes for a perfect day.

Putting a dog near a gun: yeah, seems like an accident waiting to happen. And I've seen Bowling for Columbine to know that canine photo ops with guns aren't a good idea.

Putting a dog near a gun: yeah, seems like an accident waiting to happen. And I’ve seen Bowling for Columbine to know that canine photo ops with guns aren’t a good idea.

57. These woman are so proud to have their own singing Big Brown Billy Bass decor.

Sorry, but whenever I see a big fish mounted like that on a plaque, that's all I think about. I could just hear that fish sing, "Take me to the river, Put me in the water...."

Sorry, but whenever I see a big fish mounted like that on a plaque, that’s all I think about. I could just hear that fish sing, “Take me to the river, Put me in the water….”

58. So remember car owners, always remember to check the oil in your gas guzzling automobile, regularly.

Of course, from what I can read from their facial expressions, I don't think auto maintenance is the first thing on their minds right now. Also, "change the oil" has another meaning that doesn't come across people's mind if you know what I mean.

Of course, from what I can read from their facial expressions, I don’t think auto maintenance is the first thing on their minds right now. Also, “change the oil” has another meaning that doesn’t come across people’s mind if you know what I mean.

59. This woman sure has a whale of a tale when she comes back from vacation.

This is probably a false killer whale which is also used in aquariums and kept in captivity. However, unlike the Orca, there are no campaigns concerning the captivity of these creatures since they're not studied as much and have a population that's much more endangered. This may especially true in Hawaii where they're most frequently seen.

This is probably a false killer whale which is also used in aquariums and kept in captivity. However, unlike the Orca, there are no campaigns concerning the captivity of these creatures since they’re not studied as much and have a population that’s much more endangered. This may especially true in Hawaii where they’re most frequently seen. Still, hope that woman doesn’t come from a sorority and is sober.

60. Of course, sometimes we can’t prevent receiving a phone call in the middle of the night.

"Yes, Gladys, I've electrocuted Harold in the bath tub by throwing my hair dryer. So how do we dispose of his body without the neighbors suspecting?"

“Yes, Gladys, I’ve electrocuted Harold in the bath tub by throwing my hair dryer. So how do we dispose of his body without the neighbors suspecting?”

61. Of course, we all know that Floria alligators would rather bite than switch. Gator said so himself.

Switch to what? Is this a postcard depicting animal predation or kinky bestiality? Seriously, who thought this kind of postcard was a good idea?

Switch to what? Is this a postcard depicting animal predation or kinky bestiality? Seriously, who thought this kind of postcard was a good idea?

62. Come to the Madonna Inn and stay at one of our three “Merry Go Round” rooms.

Basically the idea of this room's design came from the person who really liked the color green and so painted all the walls that way. The decorative ideas came from his 6 year old daughter. God, that's tacky.

Basically the idea of this room’s design came from the person who really liked the color green and so painted all the walls that way. The decorative ideas came from his 6 year old daughter. God, that’s tacky.

63. See these lovely can-can girls at Steve’s Gay ’90s Restaurant in Tacoma, Washington.

Of course, they mean the 1890s here, but including the word, "gay" is pretty funny. The back says: "While you dine, you’ll enjoy entertainment amid the stage settings of old vaudeville. The ad curtain, drapes and chandeliers are from opera houses of the Old West. Fireplaces, furniture and decorations once graced Tacoma’s showplace homes of the 80’s." Well, 1880s. Still, what the hell are can-can dancers doing here? They're supposed to be French!

Of course, they mean the 1890s here, but including the word, “gay” is pretty funny. The back says: “While you dine, you’ll enjoy entertainment amid the stage settings of old vaudeville. The ad curtain, drapes and chandeliers are from opera houses of the Old West. Fireplaces, furniture and decorations once graced Tacoma’s showplace homes of the 80’s.” Well, 1880s. Still, what the hell are can-can dancers doing here? They’re supposed to be French!

64. Synchronized water skiing: when a bunch of swimsuit clad girls hold one hand on the rope from the boat while putting the other on the shoulder of the girl next to them.

This is a poster of the Aquamaids (perhaps Aquaman's lady entourage) from Florida's Cypress Gardens. And yes, they're on this postcard for the fanservice. Still, the gardens are pretty enough so putting these women water skiing kind of unnecessary.

This is a poster of the Aquamaids (perhaps Aquaman’s lady entourage) from Florida’s Cypress Gardens. And yes, they’re on this postcard for the fanservice. Still, the gardens are pretty enough so putting these women water skiing kind of unnecessary.

65. Now these guys are known as the White Fathers of Africa, a well known Roman Catholic missionary order.

Okay, now I know that there are a lot of Roman Catholic priest and monastic orders that wear white robes and that the White Fathers order started in France. However, if it weren't for the rosaries around their necks, the cassocks, and showing their faces, I would've taken them as some kind of white supremacist organization. Also, these monks look kind of creepy.

Okay, now I know that there are a lot of Roman Catholic priest and monastic orders that wear white robes and that the White Fathers order started in France. However, if it weren’t for the rosaries around their necks, the cassocks, and showing their faces, I would’ve taken them as some kind of white supremacist organization. Also, these monks look kind of creepy.

66. I now give you a black velvet painting of Jesus coming through the clouds.

Okay, this is part of a display in a religious tourist trap called Bibleland. So it's not a velvet painting. Still, did this artist get the idea of how this work seems more appropriate at some sleazy nightclub? Seriously, why did that person think a black background was a good idea?

Okay, this is part of a display in a religious tourist trap called Bibleland. So it’s not a velvet painting. Still, did this artist get the idea of how this work seems more appropriate at some sleazy nightclub? Seriously, why did that person think a black background was a good idea?

67. From the back: “The Barrel cactus (center) sometimes grows 6 feet tall over a 20-30 year period and contains a slimy juice often reputed to have saved lives in an emergency but hardly fit to drink otherwise.” Yes, what a picturesque view of the Mojave desert this is.

Is it just me or is there something phallic about that barrel cactus? Seems like the Lord works in mysterious ways. And sometimes He creates floral scenery ideal for postcards too inappropriate to mail to your grandparents.

Is it just me or is there something phallic about that barrel cactus? Seems like the Lord works in mysterious ways. And sometimes He creates floral scenery ideal for postcards too inappropriate to mail to your grandparents. Nice to see God has a sense of humor, maybe of a 13 year old boy.

68. If it’s no inconvenience, Sparky would now like to take your picture.

Of course, Sparky has no trouble with focus and concentration. That is, unless he spots a squirrel or piece of meat. Then it's just downhill from there.

Of course, Sparky has no trouble with focus and concentration. That is, unless he spots a squirrel or piece of meat. Then it’s just downhill from there.

69. Uh, I got a geriatric patient sexually harassing a nurse in the trauma ward. Don’t ask me why he’s able to run.

As if the old guy chasing the nurse was bad for a postcard. What totally baffles me about this is how this guy has casts on all his limbs yet he's still perfectly able to chase that big boobed nurse in the first place.

As if the old guy chasing the nurse was bad for a postcard. What totally baffles me about this is how this guy has casts on all his limbs yet he’s still perfectly able to chase that big boobed nurse in the first place.

70. Lake Placid: The vacation spot in New York where you can get into a summer snowball fight.

Of course the sign says: "It's no mirage-It's real snow." Sure it's real snow, like the snow they have at Seven Springs during the winter when there isn't any elsewhere. Seriously, there must be a snow making machine somewhere.

Of course the sign says: “It’s no mirage-It’s real snow.” Sure it’s real snow, like the snow they have at Seven Springs during the winter when there isn’t any elsewhere. Seriously, there must be a snow making machine somewhere.

Touchdown with These Super Bowl Sunday Party Treats

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So Christmas and New Years has come and gone, so what’s next? Of course, for me, I have my 25th birthday on the 13th and there’s Downton Abbey. Nevertheless, for those repressed culinary arts aficionados, don’t worry for though the Super Bowl is only a month away, January is playoff season so this will give you plenty of time to apply your creativity in the kitchen. Now for those who don’t live in the US, Super Bowl Sunday is the day of the NFL professional football championship in which the winning team that wins receives the Vince Lombardi trophy and a special player gets the Super Bowl MVP trophy, too. Of course, Super Bowl Sunday is sort of like an unofficial national holiday in America, in which families across the country to watch the two best football teams such as the NFC champion and the AFC champion for the ultimate Vince Lombardi trophy. Now being from the Pittsburgh area, I usually watch the Super Bowl if the Steelers are playing and I know this year, they’re in the playoffs. Of course, the bad news is that they play my Uncle Mike’s team, the Baltimore Ravens on Saturday in the Wild Card spot. Yet, if the Steelers do make the Super Bowl, I’ll certainly be torn between local loyalties and watching Downton Abbey, which is one of my favorite shows (it’s really that good). Still, I may not be into the Super Bowl party scene or sports in general (I love my Downton though, especially the Dowager Countess), but my dad played football in high school and has been watching football games ever since while I’ve spent eight years in high school and college marching band. Nevertheless, there are many who have Super Bowl parties and might be looking for ideas for food (and believe me, a lot of food is consumed during the Super Bowl, not all of it healthy). Of course, there are the traditional dishes like nachos, Buffalo wings, hamburgers, hotdogs, potato chips, tacos, pretzels, bacon, and anything else that’s not good for your arteries, all with the side of beer. However, I try to take the unconventional turn. So without, further adieu, here are some great Super Bowl treats to score a touchdown with your Super Bowl party guests. Also, this post has nothing to do with the NFL and it will probably be sponsored with brands like Chevrolet, McDonald’s, Burger King, Bud Light, Miller, Dodge, Ford, Honda, and Budweiser. Some treats might be from previous years.

1. For those from Baltimore, here are some winning cookies for the Baltimore Ravens.

Sorry, Uncle Mike, but Aunt Jane will never ever make these for you. Also, I can't believe this person has jerseys of a guy with two murder allegations and a guy caught on a security camera for knocking out his wife in Atlantic City. Yeah, the Ravens are a great team of role models aren't they?

Sorry, Uncle Mike, but Aunt Jane will never ever make these for you. Also, I can’t believe this person has jerseys of a guy with two murder allegations and a guy caught on a security camera for knocking out his wife in an Atlantic City casino. Yeah, the Ravens are a great team of role models aren’t they?

2. I think I’ll take a 30 yard pass with these deviled football eggs.

They may not be the appetizers you like, but they're a lot healthier than a lot of the traditional tailgating football fare.

They may not be the appetizers you like, but they’re a lot healthier than a lot of the traditional tailgating football fare.

3. Behold, the Mega Snackadium.

You'll see a lot of these in this post. Still, this is the largest of the snack stadiums by far. Of course, since this one is probably used by a restaurant, it doubles as an all you can eat buffet.

You’ll see a lot of these in this post. Still, this is the largest of the snack stadiums by far. Of course, since this one is probably used by a restaurant, it doubles as an all you can eat buffet.

4. To honor the late Vince Lombardi’s Italian heritage, score a touchdown with this delicious pepperoni pizza Vince would’ve wanted his mother to make.

Now I know that footballs are brown but I'm sure pepperoni will do. Also, despite that pepperoni contains lots of salt, this pizza is probably better for you than a lot of things.

Now I know that footballs are brown but I’m sure pepperoni will do. Also, despite that pepperoni contains lots of salt, this pizza is probably better for you than a lot of things. This is called the Vince Lombardi special.

5. For those in New England, here are the jersey cake pops of your favorite Patriots.

Now the New England Patriots are known for winning 3 Super Bowls in 4 years as well as Spygate. However, they lost their last two Super Bowls against the New York Giants. And one of them was when they were undefeated until then. Still, the Patriots are one of those teams you'd love to hate.

Now the New England Patriots are known for winning 3 Super Bowls in 4 years as well as Spygate. However, they lost their last two Super Bowls against the New York Giants. And one of them was when they were undefeated until then. Still, the Patriots are one of those teams you’d love to hate.

6. While you can munch on the Snackadium during the day, save room for some stadium desserts.

With cookie crusts, icing stands with sprinkles, fruit roll-up flags, and pudding turf, I'll take it. Now I'm sure those sprinkles had very expensive seats because Super Bowl tickets aren't cheap.

With cookie crusts, icing stands with sprinkles, fruit roll-up flags, and pudding turf, I’ll take it. Now I’m sure those sprinkles had very expensive seats because Super Bowl tickets aren’t cheap.

7. Since hamburgers are a staple tailgating dish, why not have them for dessert?

Sure these cookie and cream replicants don't exactly resemble cheeseburgers, but I'll have them. Besides, they're probably better for you than a Big Mac or a Whopper.

Sure these cookie and cream replicants don’t exactly resemble cheeseburgers, but I’ll have them. Besides, they’re probably better for you than a Big Mac or a Whopper.

8.  Now this 12th Man Snack Stadium is a great winning addition in a Super Bowl party for any Seattle Seahawks fan.

This one even has cookie versions of its key players on the team. Of course, they all look the same though. Still, they're the most recent Super Bowl Champions who beat the Denver Broncos last year. Steelers beat their ass in 2006 though.

This one even has cookie versions of its key players on the team. Of course, they all look the same though. Still, they’re the most recent Super Bowl Champions who beat the Denver Broncos last year. Steelers beat their ass in 2006 though.

9. Grace your Super Bowl party dessert platter with this large Cheeseburger cake.

Of course, if it's a chocolate cheeseburger cake, I'd call it a "Cheeseburger in Paradise" in the words of Jimmy Buffett. Of course, I'm sure Parrottheads know what I'm talking about.

Of course, if it’s a chocolate cheeseburger cake, I’d call it a “Cheeseburger in Paradise” in the words of Jimmy Buffett. Of course, I’m sure Parrottheads know what I’m talking about.

10. Nothing says Super Bowl party than a football shaped bread bowl filled with chili.

And if you have leftovers, chili even tastes better the second time you heat it up. Not sure about the bread bowl and cheese though. Yet, the golden brown bread almost matches the color.

And if you have leftovers, chili even tastes better the second time you heat it up. Not sure about the bread bowl and cheese though. Yet, the golden brown bread almost matches the color.

11. Now I’d sure like to intercept a cream football covered with chocolate chips.

God, I would really like to have this chocolate chip football on my Super Bowl party dessert platter. I mean who can't resist a chocolate football, or anything else chocolate for that matter?

God, I would really like to have this chocolate chip football on my Super Bowl party dessert platter. I mean who can’t resist a chocolate football, or anything else chocolate for that matter?

12. Speaking of chocolate footballs, here’s a tray of them covered with chocolate.

I think  what's under those footballs has to be cake, preferably chocolate cake. Still, I'll eat them.

I think what’s under those footballs has to be cake, preferably chocolate cake. Still, I’ll eat them. Seriously, those look good. Really good.

13. Score in your Super Bowl dinner with these football calzones with tomato sauce as a side.

Now compared to the other gameday delights, these calzones and tomato sauce actually resemble something like a gourmet meal. You know, like what you'd see on a cooking show or a recipe book.

Now compared to the other game day delights, these calzones and tomato sauce actually resemble something like a gourmet meal. You know, like what you’d see on a cooking show or a recipe book.

14. These Rice Krispie football treats will make your Super Bowl Sunday worthwhile.

Now I'm not sure if you'd take to them, but I'm positive your kids will. Then again, they're made from chocolate Rice Krispies at least I hope so.

Now I’m not sure if you’d take to them, but I’m positive your kids will. Then again, they’re made from chocolate Rice Krispies at least I hope so.

15. To wet your appetite for the big game, try these nice football bites.

Now these have pepperoni shaped footballs, cheddar cheese, and Ritz crackers. Of course, I don't know what the white stuff is on the pepperoni. Probably cheese.

Now these have footballs shaped kielbasa slices, cheddar cheese, and Ritz crackers. Of course, I don’t know what the white stuff is on the meat. Probably cheese.

16. Behold, I give you the mushroom and cheese Denver Broncos tortilla pizza.

Actually that's a pretty good rendition of the Denver Broncos logo. I mean, that's pretty damn good. Still, I don't know if the mushrooms make a good substitute for a blue background. Still, the Broncos lost the Super Bowl last year.

Actually that’s a pretty good rendition of the Denver Broncos logo. I mean, that’s pretty damn good. Still, I don’t know if the mushrooms make a good substitute for a blue background. Still, the Broncos lost the Super Bowl last year, even though they had Peyton Manning.

17. Enjoy your Super Bowl party with these edible cupcake wraps.

I'm not sure whether these are manufactured or made by some repressed art student, but chocolate ones have the football while vanilla ones have the yard lines.

I’m not sure whether these are manufactured or made by some repressed art student, but chocolate ones have the football while vanilla ones have the yard lines.

18. And now, I give you all, Hoagie Snackadium, home of Super Bowl BLT!

Hey, that's the football pepperoni pizza I posted earlier. Still, to me this seems like a healthier option than the other stadiums so far, but seems to contain a lot of carbs and fat.

Hey, that’s the football pepperoni pizza I posted earlier. Still, to me this seems like a healthier option than the other stadiums so far, but seems to contain a lot of carbs and fat.

19. Of course, you can’t have any Super Bowl party without a side of football shaped beer bread decorated with bacon and cheese.

Nevertheless, this is certainly a basket of Super Bowl bread rolls fit for any man. I mean it contains all the things men would want as well as the high cholesterol content.

Nevertheless, this is certainly a basket of Super Bowl bread rolls fit for any man. I mean it contains all the things men would want as well as the high cholesterol content. Keep these away from your dog though.

20. For Super Bowl Sunday, it’s best to serve the guacamole dip as a football field.

Of course, this person couldn't afford to build a snackadium so they just stuck with a guacamole dish instead. Nevertheless, pretty clever.

Of course, this person couldn’t afford to build a snackadium so they just stuck with a guacamole dish instead. Nevertheless, pretty clever.

21. Nothing says a Super Bowl party like a red velvet football shaped and chocolate chip covered cheese ball.

Can't believe this is my second chocolate chip covered cheese football I've posted already. Guess I have a thing for chocolate. Of course, nobody can have too much of that.

Can’t believe this is my second chocolate chip covered cheese football I’ve posted already. Guess I have a thing for chocolate. Of course, nobody can have too much of that.

22. Now it seems like this person wants to honor the playoff season with hotdogs representing each team.

I wonder what the hotdog from Pittsburgh would look like. Also, why does the New York one have blue ooze on it? That can't be normal. Oh, it's supposed to represent the Giants. Also, that Green Bay hotdog looks disgusting.

I wonder what the hotdog from Pittsburgh would look like. Also, why does the New York one have blue ooze on it? That can’t be normal. Oh, it’s supposed to represent the Giants. Also, that Green Bay hotdog looks disgusting.

23. Now these are the perfect cookies for any city of Champions.

Now this person really got the team logo right on this one, which the Pittsburgh Steelers have on only one side of their helmets. Nevertheless, not bad for the 6 time Super Bowl champions, am I right?

Now this person really got the team logo right on this one, which the Pittsburgh Steelers have on only one side of their helmets. Nevertheless, not bad for the 6 time Super Bowl champions, am I right?

24. Of course, you can’t really go wrong with chocolate covered strawberries.

Still, they also make great Valentines Day gifts for men, if you know what I mean. Of course, they're also seen as a health food as well.

Still, they also make great Valentines Day gifts for men, if you know what I mean. Of course, they’re also seen as a health food as well.

25. For your Super Bowl party, why don’t you design the cupcake platter from one of your old playbooks?

I don't know about you, but I sort of wish that every football team recorded their plays like this. Seriously, it would be just all the more awesome.

I don’t know about you, but I sort of wish that every football team recorded their plays like this. Seriously, it would be just all the more awesome.

26. I’m sure this stadium cake would satisfy Green Bay Packer fan.

I actually watched that 2011 game when the Packers won the Super Bowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers. At least I got to see Adrien Brody sing in that Stela Artois commercial. Now he is a very good looking guy, my friend.

I actually watched that 2011 game when the Packers won the Super Bowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers. At least I got to see Adrien Brody sing in that Stela Artois commercial. Now he is a very good looking guy, my friend. Well, so what if he has a large nose? He’s way hotter than Channing Tatum, in my book anyway.

27. Of course, if you love seafood, here’s a football of crab spread.

Of course, this crab spread also has cheese on it, which doesn't make it kosher in some Jewish sects. This is especially true with the shellfish. Yet, if they live in Baltimore, I'm not sure that they care.

Of course, this crab spread also has cheese on it, which doesn’t make it kosher in some Jewish sects. This is especially true with the shellfish. Yet, if they live in Baltimore, I’m not sure that they care.

28. Welcome, to the Ham Sandwich Snackadium.

The stadium walls are made from ham sandwiches as I can recall. Yet, they seem to contain a lot of snack foods like Doritos, nachos, potato chips, and Ritz crackers. Still, contains lots of carbs.

The stadium walls are made from ham sandwiches as I can recall. Yet, they seem to contain a lot of snack foods like Doritos, nachos, potato chips, and Ritz crackers. Still, contains lots of carbs.

29. Now this snakadium allows you to make your own sandwich as far as I can see.

Wow, seems like there's a lot of ways you can customize your sandwich in this stadium. Unfortunately, there's only one type of bread. Yet, I'd rather have something hot instead. I don't like hoagies for some reason. Seriously, I don't.

Wow, seems like there’s a lot of ways you can customize your sandwich in this stadium. Unfortunately, there’s only one type of bread. Yet, I’d rather have something hot instead. I don’t like hoagies for some reason. Seriously, I don’t.

30. Since burgers are tailgating fare in football, why not have a football shaped burger?

I don't know about you, but I think it's pretty appropriate for a Super Bowl party. Of course, my dad would usually have some American cheese on his toasted bun.

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s pretty appropriate for a Super Bowl party. Of course, my dad would usually have some American cheese on his toasted bun.

31. Wet your appetite with these rice cake footballs.

I'm sure cheese was involved here as far as I could tell. Or do rice just brown that way? Then again, at least you can dip it in something.

I’m sure cheese was involved here as far as I could tell. Or do rice just brown that way? Then again, at least you can dip it in something.

32. Behold, the cheese pizza dedicated to Super Bowl XLVI in which the New England Patriots face off against the New York Giants.

Man, that's one amazing pizza. Still, I know quite well that the Giants won this one and Eli Manning got another MVP trophy, to his older brother Peyton's dismay.

Man, that’s one amazing pizza. Still, I know quite well that the Giants won this one and Eli Manning got another MVP trophy, to his older brother Peyton’s dismay.

33. For vegetarians and health nuts out there, here’s a veggie stadium platter for you.

A healthy options, Super Bowl party vegetable platter? What kind of NFL heresy is this? Seriously, football food needs to be at least bad enough to kill a man through heart disease.

A healthy options, Super Bowl party vegetable platter? What kind of NFL heresy is this? Seriously, football food needs to be at least bad enough to kill a man through heart disease.

34. Get your child to know the calls in football with these cupcakes.

Now some of the signs on here consist of, "False Start," "Delay Game,"  "Off-Side," "Pass Interference," "Face Mask," and "Horse Collar." Still, I'm surprised they don't have the call, "Unnecessary Roughness" on here.

Now some of the signs on here consist of, “False Start,” “Delay Game,” “Off-Side,” “Pass Interference,” “Face Mask,” and “Horse Collar.” Still, I’m surprised they don’t have the call, “Unnecessary Roughness” or “Excessive Celebration” on here.

35. For the Pittsburgh Steelers heading to the Super Bowl, here’s a dessert table befit for the City of Champions.

Now let's see here: Steeler jersey cookies, Black and Gold gobs, popcorn, Steeler cupcakes, Steeler cake pops, football cake, and beer. Too bad this was assembled in 2011, when they lost the Super Bowl to the Green Bay Packers.

Now let’s see here: Steeler jersey cookies, Black and Gold gobs, popcorn, Steeler cupcakes, Steeler cake pops, football cake, and beer. Too bad this was assembled in 2011, when they lost the Super Bowl to the Green Bay Packers.

36. No cheese ball is better for the Super Bowl party than a bacon and cheese ball for your crackers.

Of course, the bacon gives this cheese football its color after being ground up into tiny bits. Still, definitely not for people with high cholesterol.

Of course, the bacon gives this cheese football its color after being ground up into tiny bits. Still, definitely not for people with high cholesterol.

37. Don’t forget to kick a field goal into these cupcakes.

Of course, I'm not sure about the yardage here. Then again, take two of these and you get a football field, albeit a very small one.

Of course, I’m not sure about the yardage here. Then again, take two of these and you get a football field, albeit a very small one.

38. Now this snackadium is just epic, literally.

Now I know this one has been done quite some time ago since they have Twinkies and Ho Hos as parked cars in the lot outside. Hostess has been out of business since 2012 at least.

Now I know this one has been done quite some time ago since they have Twinkies and Ho Hos as parked cars in the lot outside. Hostess has been out of business since 2012 at least.

39. Celebrate the Super Bowl with this football cake on the grass.

Of course, the artificial turf on this cake looks more realistic than the turf on Cougar Mountain will ever be.

Of course, the artificial turf on this cake looks more realistic than the turf on Cougar Mountain will ever be.

40. Of course, this snacktadium was made for a bar and grille.

I see this one contains beer as I see it and other dishes. Still, I wonder if that grass is real. Looks like it compared to what I've seen on Cougar Mountain, that is. Also contains helmets from almost all the NFL teams.

I see this one contains beer as I see it and other dishes. Still, I wonder if that grass is real. Looks like it compared to what I’ve seen on Cougar Mountain, that is. Also contains helmets from almost all the NFL teams.

41. Grace your Super Bowl party platter with football fritters containing potato, bacon, and cheddar cheese.

Now I'm sure my dad will really love these. Yet, I know they'd be very bad for him. Contains lots of salt, seriously. Eat enough of them and you'll get a heart attack.

Now I’m sure my dad will really love these. Yet, I know they’d be very bad for him. Contains lots of salt, seriously. Eat enough of them and you’ll get a heart attack.

42. Nothing makes a Super Bowl than a football soft pretzel.

Of course, in Pittsburgh, we call this, "the Ben Roethlisberger Special." Did I spell his name right? Seriously, did I spell his name right?

Of course, in Pittsburgh, we call this, “the Ben Roethlisberger Special.” Did I spell his name right? Seriously, did I spell his name right?

43. For frozen treats, you can’t do wrong with these football ice cream sandwiches on sticks.

The great part of these is that how the plays are written on the sticks. Still, wish real football teams did this with their plays. Maybe they'll remember them better.

The great part of these is that how the plays are written on the sticks. Still, wish real football teams did this with their plays. Maybe they’ll remember them better.

44. For all you winos out there, nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a stadium cheese platter.

Of course, while the black olives are in position, the green olives seemed to have called a time out. Wonder if the green olives realize they're losing. Losing teams tend to do this near the end of games.

Of course, while the black olives are in position, the green olives seemed to have called a time out. Wonder if the green olives realize they’re losing. Losing teams tend to do this near the end of games.

45. Nothing makes great artificial turf for your snackadium than celery.

Okay, I bet this is the low budget version of the Super Bowl veggie platter. And they have an almond to act as a football. For those who have limited cooking skills, you might want to try this.

Okay, I bet this is the low budget version of the Super Bowl veggie platter. And they have an almond to act as a football. For those who have limited cooking skills, you might want to try this.

46. When it comes to snackadium walls, you might want to go with sandwiches on one end and lunch meat and graham crackers on the other.

What my question about this stadium is: How the hell did they get the ham, graham crackers, and pastrami to stand up like that? Seriously, how did they do it?

What my question about this stadium is: How the hell did they get the ham, graham crackers, and pastrami to stand up like that? Seriously, how did they do it?

47. I’m sure your party guests will delight in this one of a kind Super Bowl sundae.

And I guess this is with a sprinkles in a cone as well as chocolate chip mint ice cream. Can I have one, please? I'll take it. Seems like someone's about to score a touchdown.

And I guess this is with a sprinkles in a cone as well as chocolate chip mint ice cream. Can I have one, please? I’ll take it. Seems like someone’s about to score a touchdown.

48. Behold, I give you, the Super Bowl Taco Bowl.

Of course, while this item may be among the healthier dishes on this post, it may give you a case of gas by the 3rd quarter. I mean it's probably covered with refried beans for the other contents to stick to.

Of course, while this item may be among the healthier dishes on this post, it may give you a case of gas by the 3rd quarter. I mean it’s probably covered with refried beans for the other contents to stick to.

49. Nothing says a Super Bowl party than a team sized football burger.

Now I'm sure this was made by a restaurant. I mean burgers don't tend to be that big. Then again, this might be a close up image. Nevertheless, the top bun certainly looks like a real football.

Now I’m sure this was made by a restaurant. I mean burgers don’t tend to be that big. Then again, this might be a close up image. Nevertheless, the top bun certainly looks like a real football.

50. For the kids, I’m sure these football cookies will do quite nicely.

I don't know about you but I really like these expressions on these football. I also love the use of sprinkles for the crowds on the football stadium ones, too.

I don’t know about you but I really like these expressions on these football. I also love the use of sprinkles for the crowds on the football stadium ones, too.

51. Now these cheese potato skin footballs make a great side dish for your Super Bowl party.

Of course, I thought this was a scalped potato dish, wondering, how did they managed to get a dish shaped like that? Then I realized that was potato skin.

Of course, I thought this was a scalped potato dish, wondering, how did they managed to get a dish shaped like that? Then I realized that was potato skin.

52. Score on the big game day with this football shaped veggie platter.

Have to love how the old pig skin is made from peppers, carrots, and cherry tomatoes. The turf is represented by the broccoli.

Have to love how the old pig skin is made from peppers, carrots, and cherry tomatoes. The turf is represented by the broccoli.

53. Nothing scores bigger on your Super Bowl dessert platter than these football cake pops.

Sure these might be covered in chocolate, but, hey, I'll take a bite out of one of them. Nevertheless, cute.

Sure these might be covered in chocolate, but, hey, I’ll take a bite out of one of them. Nevertheless, very fitting for the big game.

54. Now I’m sure your guests will be delighted with these tasty football brownies.

Now these brownies look so delicious that it's making me hungry. Seriously, I really love brownies and chocolate.

Now these brownies look so delicious that it’s making me hungry. Seriously, I really love brownies and chocolate.

55. For your desserts during the half-time show, take a time out with this pull apart football cake.

Because if this doesn't distract you from looking at Katie Perry's boobs, I don't know what will. Still, love the icing, yet I wish the cupcakes were chocolate though.

Because if this doesn’t distract you from looking at Katie Perry’s boobs, I don’t know what will. Still, love the icing, yet I wish the cupcakes were chocolate though.

56. I’m sure this football shaped tortilla sandwich will make a great Super Bowl entree during the game.

Of course this may be a seven layer dip with tortillas overlapping each topping. I'd proceed this dish with caution if I were you.

Of course this may be a seven layer dip with tortillas overlapping each topping. I’d proceed this dish with caution if I were you.

57. If Rice Krispie football treats aren’t your thing, perhaps go with a superized one.

However, though this might be the size of a real football, doesn't mean you should pass it around with your guests. Seriously, don't.

However, though this might be the size of a real football, doesn’t mean you should pass it around with your guests. Seriously, don’t.

58. If you don’t want to give your guests coronaries, then perhaps cover your football cheese ball with nuts.

Of course, ingesting too much cheese may not be good for you. Then again, at least your Orthodox Jewish guest may be allowed to take part in this dish as well.

Of course, ingesting too much cheese may not be good for you. Then again, at least your Orthodox Jewish guest may be allowed to take part in this dish as well.

59. Nothing makes a Super Bowl party than an appetizer dish of sauteed mushrooms.

Sauteed mushroom dish? Seems more like something you'd serve for a Wimbledon party to me. And only rich folks attend those.

Sauteed mushroom dish? Seems more like something you’d serve for a Wimbledon party to me. And only rich folks attend those.

60. Nobody can do much wrong with these field cupcakes for their Super Bowl parties.

Warning: green icing may cause your guests to sport green lips, which are much more appropriate for Saint Patrick's Day.

Warning: green icing may cause your guests to sport green lips, which are much more appropriate for Saint Patrick’s Day.

61. Presenting the Super Bowl salad bowl.

And it looks like the salads in this arrangement is being served in tortilla bowls. Also, is that salad dressing or masking tape?

And it looks like the salads in this arrangement is being served in tortilla bowls. Also, is that salad dressing or masking tape?

62. Score a touchdown at your Super Bowl party with these football bites.

Now these bites seem to contain, Ritz crackers, kielbasa slices, and cheddar cheese. And I guess the lines are drawn with salad dressing.

Now these bites seem to contain, Ritz crackers, kielbasa slices, and cheddar cheese. And I guess the lines are drawn with salad dressing.

63. During the Super Bowl, the best way to eat fruit salad is via a watermelon helmet.

Fruit helmet? Hey, kid, football isn't the sport for queers (I'm just kidding on this, seriously). Also, that dish doesn't seem to fit the dietary guidelines for football food, which is supposed to be bad for the arteries.

Fruit helmet? Hey, kid, football isn’t the sport for queers (I’m just kidding on this, seriously). Also, that dish doesn’t seem to fit the dietary guidelines for football food, which is supposed to be bad for the arteries.

64. Nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a dish of refried dip shaped like a football.

Warning: May cause gas like in the iconic Blazing Saddles scene if this isn't seven layers. Then again, football is more of a men's sport anyway and Super Bowl Sunday more of a men's holiday.

Warning: May cause gas like in the iconic Blazing Saddles scene if this isn’t seven layers. Then again, football is more of a men’s sport anyway and Super Bowl Sunday more of a men’s holiday.

65. Oh, when the Saints go marchin’ in. Oh, when the New Orleans Saints go marchin’ in….

Of course, after winning the Super Bowl in 2010, they became implicated in a high profile scandal in which the coach issued bounties on certain players for his crew to beat up. They haven't been as good since.

Of course, after winning the Super Bowl in 2010, they became implicated in a high profile scandal in which the coach issued bounties on certain players for his crew to beat up. They haven’t been as good since. So much for living up to their name.

66. Of course, nothings honors the big day like a Super Bowl gingerbread stadium.

I don't think this display was made for eating. Nevertheless, it's going in the post anyway. Seriously, it's very good artistry.

I don’t think this display was made for eating. Nevertheless, it’s going in the post anyway. Seriously, it’s very good artistry.

67. Of course, when the Steelers are playing in the Super Bowl, you can’t do without a Terrible Towel cake.

Now the tradition of the Terrible Towel began with the Pittsburgh Steeler's announcer Myron Cope during the team's glory days in the 1970s. It's been a Pittsburgh Steeler tradition since then. Sadly, Myron died in 2008 but he'd always be remember as a local sports personality.

Now the tradition of the Terrible Towel began with the Pittsburgh Steeler’s announcer Myron Cope during the team’s glory days in the 1970s. It’s been a Pittsburgh Steeler tradition since then. Sadly, Myron died in 2008 but he’d always be remember as a local sports personality.

68. Show your support for the Green Bay Packers with this cheese head cake.

The main reason why the Green Bay Packers fans are called, "Cheese Heads" is because the team was originally founded and sponsored by a food packing company. Also, because of Wisconsin's association with dairy products.

The main reason why the Green Bay Packers fans are called, “Cheese Heads” is because the team was originally founded and sponsored by a food packing company. Also, because of Wisconsin’s association with dairy products.

69. Nothing makes a great Super Bowl party than a cake of the Vince Lombardi trophy.

I'm sure this cake is professionally made and that trophy is just a replica as far as I can see. Looks very well done though.

I’m sure this cake is professionally made and that trophy is just a replica as far as I can see. Looks very well done though.

70. I now give you, Graham Cracker Snackadium.

Though the outside is graham crackers the inside tends to be aluminum foil, crackers, and guacamole. Still a great snack platter though.

Though the outside is graham crackers the inside tends to be aluminum foil, crackers, and guacamole. Still a great snack platter though.

Gobble Up These Thanksgiving Treats

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I have to admit, while Halloween and Christmas posts for my blog are relatively easy to come up with, good Thanksgiving posts are rather hard to come up with. For one, it’s not a very fun holiday. Halloween pertains to costumes, scary stuff, parties, trick or treating, and what not. Christmas revolves around parties, presents, shopping, Santa, trees, wreaths, lights, pastries, nativity scenes and so many other fun stuff. Thanksgiving on the other hand, just focuses on a turkey dinner with one’s family as well as Pilgrims and Indians. Second, well, despite the first Thanksgiving being a celebration of thanks and friendship between pilgrims and Indians, we know how that turned out in the end (not good). Third, while Halloween and Christmas have great outlandish decorations and treats I could make fun of, I couldn’t say the same about Thanksgiving. And finally, let’s just say I usually get most of my ideas for Christmas posts during this time and can’t really apply them on my blog until Black Friday. Thus, I have to go with certain ideas as they come by. Considering that I did a post on Halloween treats back in October which met with great success, I decided to do a similar one on Thanksgiving treats in a similar fashion. However, while Halloween treats pertained to food directed to almost anybody, many of the following for Thanksgiving tended to be treat ideas catered for parents and teachers. In other words, these are treats people mostly make for kids. Since I’m the oldest of 24 grandchildren on my mother’s side, this wouldn’t be a problem in my family. Yet, it doesn’t meet the kind of amusement the Halloween ones do. Then again, they’re not as gross. So without further adieu, here is an assortment of Thanksgiving treats for your viewing pleasure.

1. As a breakfast, you can’t go wrong with a healthy fruit cornucopia.

Basically this consists of green grapes, strawberries, candy corn, and a waffle to wrap it all in.

Basically this consists of green grapes, strawberries, candy corn, and a waffle to wrap it all in.

2. As a dessert, why not make it just like your dinner with this Thanksgiving dinner cake?

I don't know about you but I can barely tell the difference between this and the real thing.

I don’t know about you but I can barely tell the difference between this and the real thing.

3. Nothing says Thanksgiving than a cornucopia from the cones.

I'm sure that's all lined with chocolate and filled with popcorn, pretzels, and jelly beans. More of a classroom treat than anything.

I’m sure that’s all lined with chocolate and filled with popcorn, pretzels, and jelly beans. More of a classroom treat than anything.

4. Happy Thanksgiving from the graham cracker table.

Man, it's amazing what you can do with toppings. Almost looks like a Thanksgiving dinner for a dollhouse or something. Yet, you have almond turkey, icing mashed potatoes, and sprinkle green beans.

Man, it’s amazing what you can do with toppings. Almost looks like a Thanksgiving dinner for a dollhouse or something. Yet, you have almond turkey, icing mashed potatoes, and sprinkle green beans.

5. And to go with your graham cracker table, here’s a chocolate waffle cookie pumpkin wagon with candy wheels.

Of course, you can only get waffle cookies from a store and they taste rather disgustingly sweet.

Of course, you can only get waffle cookies from a store and they taste rather disgustingly sweet. Still, I’m sure kids would love this.

6. If you want to save space, here’s a nice little Thanksgiving cupcake dinner.

Now here we have three drumsticks, some peas and carrots, as well as mashed potatoes and gravy. Yet, with a side of a traditional chocolate cupcake with sprinkles.

Now here we have three drumsticks, some peas and carrots, as well as mashed potatoes and gravy. Yet, with a side of a traditional chocolate cupcake with sprinkles.

7. Why don’t you try some of these bite sized turkeys out for size?

These turkeys must be cupcakes. Yet, they seem so convincing that you'd think scientists used genetic engineering to create a flock of very tiny turkeys running around.

These turkeys must be cupcakes. Yet, they seem so convincing that you’d think scientists used genetic engineering to create a flock of very tiny turkeys running around.

8. Chow down to some cupcake corn on the cob.

Of course, real corn on the cob is out of season being November and all. Still, those corn kernels are jelly beans.

Of course, real corn on the cob is out of season being November and all. Still, those corn kernels are jelly beans.

9. For those wishing you had brains, here’s are some scarecrow cupcakes.

I actually did a post on scarecrows in September. Yet, these look way too friendly to be Halloween treats if you know what I mean. Yet, I'm not sure they're scarecrows, kid show characters, or aliens.

I actually did a post on scarecrows in September. Yet, these look way too friendly to be Halloween treats if you know what I mean. Yet, I’m not sure they’re scarecrows, kid show characters, or aliens.

10. For those wanting to use that leftover Halloween candy corn, perhaps you can make Oreo and Rice Crispy turkeys.

Of course, as it goes with real turkeys, there's a chance your kids might not find the feathers or head edible. If so, then perhaps tasty.

Of course, as it goes with real turkeys, there’s a chance your kids might not find the feathers or head edible. If so, then perhaps tasty.

11. For vegetarians, here’s a nice veggie turkey platter without the tofu.

Now this is one colorful veggie bird as I've ever saw one. Wait a minute, is that lettuce any good? Also, isn't asparagus supposed to be out of season by now?

Now this is one colorful veggie bird as I’ve ever saw one. Wait a minute, is that lettuce any good? Also, isn’t asparagus supposed to be out of season by now?

12. For those who don’t want to do the oreo turkeys I’m sure the cupcake ones will do much nicely.

Now I'm sure the kids might want to pluck off the feathers before eating these. As with the head, I'm not so sure.

Now I’m sure the kids might want to pluck off the feathers before eating these. As with the head, I’m not so sure.

13. For a more healthy snack, here’s some pretzel pear drumsticks.

Of course, the turkey part is pear and the bone part is pretzel. Still, you might need a knife to shove the pretzel in.

Of course, the turkey part is pear and the bone part is pretzel. Still, you might need a knife to shove the pretzel in.

14. For pilgrim hats, you might want to go with chocolate striped cookies, marshmallows, and chocolate.

Of course, these hats are what you'd see on Pilgrim men. Let's just say the women's pilgrim hat treats would be too complicated to make.

Of course, these hats are what you’d see on Pilgrim men. Let’s just say the women’s pilgrim hat treats would be too complicated to make.

15. For more edible turkeys, here are cupcakes with M&M feathers.

Now these sugary turkeys are cute enough to eat. Still, by how they're photographed, they sure don't seem friendly to me.

Now these sugary turkeys are cute enough to eat. Still, by how they’re photographed, they sure don’t seem friendly to me.

16. To cover your pumpkin pie, why don’t you just put a turkey on it?

Of course, this person made a turkey by just tracing his or her hand and adding legs. Just like kids do with Thanksgiving craft projects in elementary school.

Of course, this person made a turkey by just tracing his or her hand and adding legs. Just like kids do with Thanksgiving craft projects in elementary school.

17. Now this turkey is getting quite fruity.

Of course this turkey is made from cheese, pear, strawberries, bananas, and grapes. And it's walking on waffle pretzels.

Of course this turkey is made from cheese, pear, strawberries, bananas, and grapes. And it’s walking on waffle pretzels.

18. Nothing can certainly go wrong with making pretzel turkeys.

Man, there are sure a lot of things you can do after dipping stick pretzels in chocolate is there? Also remove feathers before eating.

Man, there are sure a lot of things you can do after dipping stick pretzels in chocolate is there? Also remove feathers before eating.

19. If you don’t like marshmallows, here are some Pilgrim hats from Reese’s cups.

Of course, you'll use the same kind of cookies as the Pilgrim hats with the marshmallows though.

Of course, you’ll use the same kind of cookies as the Pilgrim hats with the marshmallows though.

20. If you like wooden ships, you might want to use paper and toothpicks for blood orange slices.

For some reason, I feel that this treat might be more appropriate for Columbus Day than Thanksgiving. I mean the Pilgrims only traveled on the Mayflower while Columbus sailed on the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria.

For some reason, I feel that this treat might be more appropriate for Columbus Day than Thanksgiving. I mean the Pilgrims only traveled on the Mayflower while Columbus sailed on the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria.

21. Say hello to Larry the turkey.

Of course, being made from two cupcakes means you'll have to take him apart before you eat him. I mean you can't eat cupcakes with the wrapper still on them.

Of course, being made from two cupcakes means you’ll have to take him apart before you eat him. I mean you can’t eat cupcakes with the wrapper still on them.

22. If you’re charged with the pumpkin pie but can’t afford the oven space, you might want to go with the bite size version.

Then again, these little pie crusts are made from mini waffles. So this might be a treat to make for those who can't be trusted with a knife.

Then again, these little pie crusts are made from mini waffles. So this might be a treat to make for those who can’t be trusted with a knife.

23. If you don’t like Rice Krispies, perhaps using chocolate would be fine for your Oreo turkeys.

Of course, you'd still have to use candy corn. Yet, at least it'll have a great chocolate taste.

Of course, you’d still have to use candy corn. Yet, at least it’ll have a great chocolate taste.

24. Oh, look, a Rice Crispy treat pumpkin patch.

Of course, it would've been better if we could make them into Jack o' Lanterns but it's too late for that.

Of course, it would’ve been better if we could make them into Jack o’ Lanterns but it’s too late for that.

25. If you like Indians, perhaps you might want to make teepees from waffle cones.

Then again, this treat might be more suited for a Wild West occasion or some event in the Midwest because the first Thanksgiving took place in Massachusetts. Plains Indians lived in teepees and Eastern Woodland Indians don't. But of course, it would've been more difficult to make treats of wigwams and longhouses.

Then again, this treat might be more suited for a Wild West occasion or some event in the Midwest because the first Thanksgiving took place in Massachusetts. Plains Indians lived in teepees and Eastern Woodland Indians don’t. But of course, it would’ve been more difficult to make treats of wigwams and longhouses.

26. This fruit turkey is sure putting on a colorful display.

Almost reminds me of the NBC peacock and one of those edible arrangement displays. Still, I'm sure turkeys aren't that elaborate.

Almost reminds me of the NBC peacock and one of those edible arrangement displays. Still, I’m sure turkeys aren’t that elaborate.

27. Now how would you like to gobble up this cake topper?

Of course, I know the cake is edible though I almost thought this was a craft project at first.

Of course, I know the cake is edible though I almost thought this was a craft project at first. Then again, maybe the turkey isn’t edible anyway.

28. Of course, it might be nice to have cookies resembling Thanksgiving dinner.

Still, I'm not sure if the veggie portion seems big enough. Not to mention, even at Thanksgiving dinner, it's very unlikely that two plates will contain a drumstick. This is especially true if a family's eating off of one turkey.

Still, I’m not sure if the veggie portion seems big enough. Not to mention, even at Thanksgiving dinner, it’s very unlikely that two plates will contain a drumstick. This is especially true if a family’s eating off of one turkey.

29. If you like cinnamon, you might want to put cinnamon sticks in a turkey cupcake.

Then again, I'm not quite sure if those are cinnamon sticks. Yet, I do like the peanut butter cup head though.

Then again, I’m not quite sure if those are cinnamon sticks. Yet, I do like the peanut butter cup head though.

30. May I present to you, turkey cookie on a stick.

Of course, this is made from white Oreos and peanut butter cookies. Still, I'm sure kids will love it.

Of course, this is made from white Oreos and peanut butter cookies. Still, I’m sure kids will love it.

31. Didn’t realize that turkey feathers were made from almonds.

This turkey is probably made from bread and cheese as far as I know. Still, he's sure strutting isn't he?

This turkey is probably made from bread and cheese as far as I know. Still, he’s sure strutting isn’t he?

32. Get in the fall spirit with these chocolate acorns.

With peanut butter cookies, Hershey's Kisses, and chocolate chips, I'm sure kids will go nuts over these bite size acorns.

With peanut butter cookies, Hershey’s Kisses, and chocolate chips, I’m sure kids will go nuts over these bite size acorns.

33. Get in the Thanksgiving spirit with an ear of Indian cupcake corn.

Of course, it's like making the cupcake corn on the cob, but at least you can use more colored jelly beans as kernels.

Of course, it’s like making the cupcake corn on the cob, but at least you can use more colored jelly beans as kernels.

34. Now here’s a nice fresh corn on the cob.

Man, who knew that green fruit roll up, baked goods, icing, and Reese's Pieces could achieve this?

Man, who knew that green fruit roll up, baked goods, icing, and Reese’s Pieces could achieve this?

35. I now give you a pepper turkey.

Of course, since peppers are known to be spicy, you might not want to gobble this bird too fast.

Of course, since peppers are known to be spicy, you might not want to gobble this bird too fast.

36. Have kids learn about the Pilgrims with these Mayflower donuts.

Once again, I don't think wooden ship treats are as appropriate for Thanksgiving as they are for Columbus Day. Still, at least the masts are made from pretzels.

Once again, I don’t think wooden ship treats are as appropriate for Thanksgiving as they are for Columbus Day. Still, at least the masts are made from pretzels.

37. If you don’t like Oreos, you might like Reese’s cups and Rice Krispy treat turkeys on a stick.

Of course, I'm sure that the feathers are made from fruit roll up. Still, pretty cute if you know what I mean.

Of course, I’m sure that the feathers are made from fruit roll up. Still, pretty cute if you know what I mean.

38. For the colorful turkey muffin try one with apple slices.

Then again, muffins are technically cakes you eat for breakfast. Also, there's something unsettling about its grape head.

Then again, muffins are technically cakes you eat for breakfast. Also, there’s something unsettling about its grape head.

39. May I present to you a scrumptious turkey dinner on a cupcake.

Now that turkey cupcake is almost too real to be believed. Still, I wonder how people achieve that.

Now that turkey cupcake is almost too real to be believed. Still, I wonder how people achieve that.

40. Of course, this turkey is just a bag filled with corn you put in a microwave.

Now I'm sure that's a very appropriate thing to eat from during a Thanksgiving football game and other festivities.

Now I’m sure that’s a very appropriate thing to eat from during a Thanksgiving football game and other festivities.

41. Nothing says Thanksgiving like a turkey cake begging for mercy.

Sorry, Gobblekins, but Americans need to eat and turkey is the Thanksgiving entree. So no mercy for you, but please we're willing to hear last requests.

Sorry, Gobblekins, but Americans need to eat and turkey is the Thanksgiving entree. So no mercy for you, but please we’re willing to hear last requests.

42. Wow your guests this Thanksgiving with this turkey appetizer platter.

Now this sure guaranteed to cause heart disease if eaten in excess. Still, love to see a cheesy turkey.

Now this sure guaranteed to cause heart disease if eaten in excess. Still, love to see a cheesy turkey.

43. To make your food more appealing, how about a cornucopia bread.

Talk about edible decoration. Still, this is genius if you really think about it.

Talk about edible decoration. Still, this is genius if you really think about it.

44. Nothing makes better Thanksgiving treats than chocolate covered pumpkin pretzels.

Now these are adorable pumpkins. Can also be used for Halloween or fall in general.

Now these are adorable pumpkins. Can also be used for Halloween or fall in general.

45. Gobble till you wobble this Thanksgiving with these chocolate turkey pretzel sticks.

Now these have pretzel sticks attached to cookies and candy corn. Still, pretty clever if I say so myself.

Now these have pretzel sticks attached to cookies and candy corn. Still, pretty clever if I say so myself.

46. For your appetizers this Thanksgiving dinner, you can’t go wrong with this turkey cracker platter.

Yeah, there are a lot of turkey platters here in this post. Still, each offer a different assortment of food just the same.

Yeah, there are a lot of turkey platters here in this post. Still, each offer a different assortment of food just the same.

47. Make your Thanksgiving festive with this turkey veggie dish.

Yes, this is another turkey veggie platter. But I think this one is a little more subdued than the last one I've shown.

Yes, this is another turkey veggie platter. But I think this one is a little more subdued than the last one I’ve shown.

48. For your Thanksgiving lunch this turkey day, how about some turkey pizza?

Now this uses pepperoni instead of actual turkey meat. Still, looks like a turkey to me.

Now this uses pepperoni instead of actual turkey meat. Still, looks like a turkey to me.

49. If your dessert platter includes pumpkin pie, may I suggest some cookie pumpkin pie slices?

Yes, these are pumpkin pie slice cookies. Don't ask me how someone came up with this idea. Hope they don't taste like pumpkin spice lattes.

Yes, these are pumpkin pie slice cookies. Don’t ask me how someone came up with this idea. Hope they don’t taste like pumpkin spice lattes.

50. Make your Thanksgiving great wit these turkey cupcakes.

Just a bunch of cupcakes decorated with red, orange, and yellow icing. Still, quite cute.

Just a bunch of cupcakes decorated with red, orange, and yellow icing. Still, quite cute.

51. Nothing makes Thanksgiving better than Nutter Butter corn cookies.

Now this is called "Harvest Corn Nutter Butter." But I love how the corn kernels are Reese's Pieces.

Now this is called “Harvest Corn Nutter Butter.” But I love how the corn kernels are Reese’s Pieces.

52. Get in the autumn spirit with bread this Thanksgiving with these acorn and leaf buns.

Now it's said these were made with frozen bread dough. Of course, you can never have such bread things in my family.

Now it’s said these were made with frozen bread dough. Of course, you can never have such bread things in my family.

53. For the kiddie appetizers, why not go with some mini turkey cheese balls?

Now these have almonds, cheese, carrots, and Ritz crackers. Still, they're quite adorable but in an ugly way.

Now these have almonds, cheese, carrots, and Ritz crackers. Still, they’re quite adorable but in an ugly way.

54. Pumpkin pie cookies not enough for your Thanksgiving? Then try this cookie assortment.

Now these include a pumpkin pie slice, turkeys, and a male Pilgrim hat. Also, see some candy corn which is strange.

Now these include a pumpkin pie slice, turkeys, and a male Pilgrim hat. Also, see some candy corn which is strange.

55. For your Thanksgiving how about some apples dipped in a caramel turkey?

Now this sure looks like a turkey here. Not sure about the candy corn nose though.

Now this sure looks like a turkey here. Not sure about the candy corn nose though.

56. Nothing says Thanksgiving like a turkey cake pop.

Now this is adorable with the Pilgrim hat. Wonder what happened to the rest of him.

Now this is adorable with the Pilgrim hat. Wonder what happened to the rest of him.

57. Celebrate this Thanksgiving with these Pilgrim and Indian smores.

They might be friendly now. But wait until the white man gets land hungry after a few years.

They might be friendly now. But wait until the white man gets land hungry after a few years.

58. Nothing makes a Thanksgiving dessert platter like a chocolate cornucopia.

If you're having a Hunger Games party, perhaps you can stash it with some food and chocolate weapons. then again, doesn't really give the Thanksgiving spirit does it?

If you’re having a Hunger Games party, perhaps you can stash it with some food and chocolate weapons. then again, doesn’t really give the Thanksgiving spirit does it?

59. Nothing shows the joy of Thanksgiving like these Pilgrim cookies.

Seriously, why do these people have to make these puritanical colonialists so adorable? Makes you almost forget the colonial genocide on Native Americans does it?

Seriously, why do these people have to make these puritanical colonialists so adorable? Makes you almost forget the colonial genocide on Native Americans does it?

60. Say happy Thanksgiving this year with these turkey cookie cupcakes.

Now these have cookies for heads and wings as well as candy corn feathers. Still, such an adorable combination.

Now these have cookies for heads and wings as well as candy corn feathers. Still, such an adorable combination.