Evaluating Patriotic Songs of America

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 27, 2016

The 4^th of July is the kind of holiday where one is bound to hear a lot of patriotic tunes expressing patriotic pride. Yet, while some certainly celebrate the spirit of the U. S. of A., others have rather cheesy lyrics. Ever since the US was a country, people have been writing patriotic anthems showing their love for America. However, not every patriotic tune can make an American wave the flag in pride. So here I devote this post evaluating songs expressing love for America.

The Best:

“The Star Spangled Banner” – I have to admit since Francis Scott Key wrote down the lyrics while witnessing the Battle of Fort McHenry as a prisoner on a British ship, this has been a perennial favorite in the US that it has often served as an unofficial national anthem until it was officially designated as such in 1931. Sure the lyrics might be set to an English drinking song at the time but it’s great as an instrumental for bands as well as for talented singers. As long as you don’t have pop stars butchering it in sporting events.

“America the Beautiful” – Once considered a contender for the national anthem, this one really expresses one’s love for the American landscape that have become iconic images of the American psyche. The Ray Charles version is the best in my opinion. Said to be easier to sing, more melodic, and adaptable to various orchestrations.

“Battle Hymn of the Republic” – Set to “John Brown’s Body,” with lyrics written by Julia Ward Howe during the American Civil War, this song may have religious connotations as well as something you really don’t want to play among certain demographics like Southerners or non-Christians. After all, this was a Northern anthem during the American Civil War and it was written when adding Christian references in such material was acceptable and even encouraged. And the abolitionists frequently used Christianity to justify why slavery was wrong. I also know that it has references to the apocalypse as well as kind of justifies war. However, it’s the very fact that it’s a Christian song with Julia Ward Howe’s style that make this song so powerful, inspirational, and unforgettable that plenty of non-Christian Americans don’t really care if you play it at public events (even if it’s just instrumental).

“You’re a Grand Old Flag” – Famously composed by George M. Cohan who was a pioneer in the Broadway musical. This is definitely one that’s great for grandstanding patriotic pride on the 4^th of July.

“The Yankee Doodle Boy”- Another Cohan song even though most people only sing the chorus. Most famously performed by James Cagney in the George M. Cohan biopic Yankee Doodle Dandy. Of course, Cohan wasn’t really born on the 4^th of July, but who cares. It’s awesome.

“Over There”- Yet, another George M. Cohan song that was written to get young men to enlist during the US entry in the WWI. Expect to hear this whenever the US enters a major world war.

“The Stars and Stripes Forever” – Sure this song may not have lyrics to sing to (oh, wait, there are but nobody sings them anyway). But this was composed with the genius of John Philip Sousa and is packed with so much patriotic pep that you’d want to cheer for the USA.

US Military Songs- You can understand why the military takes to bands and marches since a lot of these songs seem to echo a certain badassery, dignity, and courage of each branch making a grandiose entrance. For the Navy, you can’t forget “Anchors Aweigh.” For the Army, it’s “The Army Keeps Rolling Along.” The Marines have “The Marine Hymn” or “Semper Fidelis” (also by Sousa but you’ve probably heard it). Then there’s “Wild Blue Yonder” from the US Air Force. Finally, there’s “Semper Paratus” for the US Coast Guard. And for all of them, you can go with “Eternal Father, Strong to Save” best played during ship sinkings. All these songs surely make a great American patriotic soundtrack

“Appalachian Spring” – from Paste Magazine: “This wakens a sense of patriotism in us that little else can. It’s an orchestral suite, so it’s not technically a “song,” but the music is so uniquely American (borrowing from the traditional Shaker hymn “Simple Gifts”) and so sonically vivid, that it expresses the beauty of our country better than any set of lyrics we know. Copland was undoubtedly the Norman Rockwell of music—both intensely patriotic and populist but in a gentle and agreeable way. The piece premiered as a ballet score during the tail end of WWII, and was rearranged as suite the following year during the height of American patriotism.” However, most people might think of the lines “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner” at the end since it was once used in a commercial.

“Lift Every Voice and Sing” – Written by NAACP head James Weldon Johnson and set to music by his brother, this was a major song from the Civil Rights Movement. Seen as an anthem of African Americans for a good reason since it features very inspirational lyrics that surely encouraged blacks to fight for their rights.

“Hail to the Chief” – This is the theme song for the US President when he or she makes an entrance. And yes, it echoes American grandeur. However, I sure hope that this song is played when Donald Trump makes an entrance because that would be really bad.

“Fanfare for the Common Man” – Composed by Aaron Copland, you probably have heard this song in recruitment commercials and previews for movies. Inspired by a Henry Wallace speech during the Great Depression. Definitely a piece for any American patriotic soundtrack on the 4^th of July.

“Living in America”- A famous staple from the Godfather of Soul James Brown that was played on Rocky IV as the theme for Apollo Creed. Also inspired Weird Al’s parody, “Living with a Hernia.” Has a very catchy chorus and tune.

“Philadelphia Freedom” –Sure it was written and recorded by Brits. But it’s a catchy song that hasn’t been played enough. Also, was done for Elton John and Bernie Taupin’s friend Billie Jean King who was on the Philadelphia Freedom professional tennis team.

“America” – This Simon and Garfunkel gem was used in a Bernie Sanders campaign ad. And you can understand why. It’s about going on cross country trip. What can be better than that?

“The Washington Post” –You might recognize this song by John Philip Sousa. Yes, he cranked out a lot of these marches of American patriotic goodness. Still, if you want to listen to some patriotic music on the 4^th of July, Sousa is your guy.

“We Shall Overcome”- Another unofficial anthem of the American Civil Rights Movement. Yet, it’s one that doesn’t acknowledge perfection as well as inspires that Americans can overcome their problems caused by societal hatred. Truly a gem.

“National Emblem” – Features a march version of “The Star Spangled Banner” as well as got a good write up from none other than John Philip Sousa. In fact, it was one of Sousa’s favorite march tunes that wasn’t composed by him, which says something.

“Ragged Old Flag” – From Paste Magazine: “The intro is almost as great as the song itself—a simple, compelling tune about loving one’s country for what it stands for, and despite its mistakes. No one was ever as earnestly cool as Johnny Cash. My kind of patriot.”

The Worst:

“God Bless the USA” – From Amog: “I didn’t know that this was released way back in 1984, but I do remember it being overplayed during the first Gulf War. Even as a kid, more now as an adult, I’ve always known that this track sucked, for lack of a better word. To add insult to injury, it gets stuck in my head, if I’m subjected to it, which makes me want to gauge my ear drums out with a power drill.” This song is just annoyingly cheesy with clichéd sentiment. Kill it. Kill it with fire.

“Let the Eagle Soar”- From Amog: “Besides this being a horrible, horrible tribute to America, it was written and performed by former Attorney General John Ashcroft. As if politicians needed anymore proof that they’re a bunch a clowns and give the rest of the world a reason to mock us. But it gets worse. This atrocity was performed at George W. Bush’s second inauguration. At least Ashcroft had someone else, Guy Hovis, perform it at the inauguration. Actually, that’s a jerk move. Letting someone else take the fall for you in front of millions is rather diabolical.”

“Have You Forgotten?” – From Amog: “Another recording, out of the hundreds of others, to express how an artist felt on September 11, 2001. What makes this a horrible patriotic song is that Worley justifies bombing pretty much the entire world because of 9/11. It’s tacky, contrived and features shameless footage from 9/11 all in the name of making a buck.”

“Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue (The Angry American)” – From Amog: “In a way you can’t blame Toby Keith for this. He was feeling like many of us were at the time. Then again, many of us aren’t musicians who will be forever immortalized through their music. Nearly a decade after this song was released most rational thinking people would agree that putting “a boot in you ass” isn’t the American way and really doesn’t help our standing in the global community.”

“Red, White & Blue” – From Amog: “This gem was written by what’s left of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Strike one. It also contains the lines: “My hair is white, my neck has always been red, and my collar’s still blue,” for a second strike. The final strike goes to another masterpiece of a line, “If they don’t like it they can just get the hell out”. They should have just stuck to butchering the band’s classics while on the road with musicians like Kid Rock.”

“Dixie”- Yes, I know that it’s a catchy tune and I know it’s well beloved by white Southerners (and others like Abraham Lincoln, though it was more of a pop song in his day). But it’s inherently racist since it was first performed in blackface minstrel shows (popular 19^th century entertainment that was chock full of offensive black stereotypes). It was used as a theme for the Confederacy during the American Civil War. To African Americans, this song is considered offensive since it echoes Old South nostalgia and was played by supporters of segregation.

“American Soldier” – From LA Weekly: “We’re not sure there’s anything worse than starting a war based on blatant lies, then sending young men and women to die for the vanity of elderly assholes who would rather bleed this country dry than actually part with a single dime at tax time. But if there is, it’s the songs celebrating the sacrifices of the people sent to die in those wars, written by people who themselves would never join the military.” Well, I guess “Goodnight Saigon” might be on the same level as this one since it pertains to the Vietnam War since Billy Joel never went there either. But at least he consulted his friends who actually served in Vietnam before he went through with it and tried to depict the conflict through their point of view. Not sure if Toby Keith has done the same.

“Ballad of the Green Berets” – This song was written and recorded in the 1960s and used in the 1968 John Wayne movie The Green Berets which depicted the Vietnam War in a positive light (a war the US never should’ve gotten involved in but was going to anyway). Yes, I get that people want to honor their country and its armed forces. But this doesn’t mean you should use it in a god awful movie that glamorizes a war as well as make George Takei wish he’d stick with being on more Star Trek episodes (because he’s in this).

American Revolution Songs sans “Yankee Doodle” -Yes, our Founding Fathers had their patriotic songs, too like “The Liberty Song,” “Chester,” or “War and Washington.” Have you heard of these? There’s probably a good reason.

“Marching Through Georgia”- Yes, it’s a lively tune that was written during the American Civil War. However, it’s hard for a white Georgian to show patriotic pride while hearing a song about Union soldiers mowing through their state and destroying everything in their midst. Sure this was William Tecumseh Sherman’s strategy of “Total War” which was intended to make the Confederates lose their will to fight. But white Southerners still paint the guy as a villain.

A lot of Patriotic country songs- To be fair, there may be good country songs out there showing one’s love for America. But in contemporary times, this genre has gotten a major bad rap for cheesy lyrics of blind patriotism that’s sometimes tinged with American conservativism. Okay, it’s fine for one to express their love for the US. But please, make sure it’s not a song filled with empty gestures. There’s a reason why College Humor satirized a lot of them with “America Sucks Less,” which might be a better song about patriotism in general.

“This Ain’t No Rag, It’s A Flag” – From Nerve: “The title of this Charlie Daniels single tells you everything you need to know. By the end of the first few verses, he’s mocked the practice of wearing headscarves, explained that Americans “believe in God” (say what you will about Islamist terrorists, but they don’t lack religion), and told “dirty” Arabs to crawl back into their “holes.” As a response to 9/11, the song offers nothing that couldn’t be gained from going down to the corner bar and listening to a bunch of drunk racists.” Sorry, Charlie Daniels, but loving your country doesn’t need to resort to blatant Islamophobia.

Your Mileage May Vary:

“God Bless America”- Yes, it has a great orchestration and I think the lyrics are quite good as well as easy to remember. However, the fact it was used by Christian conservatives in the 1960s to silence dissenters speaking out against US involvement in the Vietnam War sort of ruins it for me. Also, it’s used by the Flyers.

“This Is My Country” – Well, it’s easy to sing. But it doesn’t have a lot going for it and the lyrics seem quite childish.

“My Country Tis of Thee” – Well, it’s a simple song to remember. But it also uses the same melody as “God Save the Queen.” And the American lyrics are fairly childish.

“This Land Is Your Land”- Written by Woody Guthrie, this is an overall decent folksy American song that evokes a sense of patriotism. However, there are some verses that are highly critical about the US and the fact it was to protest the notion of private property. The fact that it was used as a protest song in radical politics during the 1930s, doesn’t help much.

“Hail Columbia”- This song was used as a de facto national anthem in the US for most of the 19^th century. On one hand, it has a lovely melody that might’ve been catchy at the time. However, it fails to capture the kind of emotional punch akin to “The Star Spangled Banner” and some of the tune is reminiscent of “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” It’s obvious to see “The Star Spangled Banner” is the US national anthem and it’s not. “The Star Spangled Banner” is a song that’s stood the test of the time since it was first written. This one seems very antiquated in comparison.

“America” – From Examiner: “Unlike ‘This Land is Your Land’ Neil Diamond’s ‘America’ highlights the rich history this country has as a beacon for those seeking refuge in a harsh world. It doesn’t make light of the struggles of immigrants that have flocked here for security and opportunity since the very beginning. The song is more than just a sugary spouting of patriotic words haphazardly strung together, its a testament to the American dream and how its always there no matter how irrelevant it seems in the hard times.” However, this isn’t among Neil Diamond’s best songs, kind of cheesy, and hard to take seriously if it’s sung by a guy in a sparkly jumpsuit.

“American Pie”- From Examiner: “Regardless of age, race, gender or creed, everyone who lives in the U.S. can appreciate this song. Something about the lyrics paired with the upbeat sound is reminiscent of things like summer road trips, Coca-Cola, warm nights at amusement parks, drive-in movies and shooting off firecrackers. In short, it’s an awesome feel-good song that never gets old and it’s timelessly American as…well, apple pie.” However, though I really like this song, I have to admit that it’s more about rock n’ roll and the events that happened after Buddy Holly’s death than America in general.

“Yankee Doodle” – Sure there’s an interesting story about this song which pertains to British making fun of Americans during the French and Indian War. And yes, it’s kind of cool that American patriots adopted this song as a “fuck you” to the Brits during the American Revolution. But seriously, it’s kind of annoying and the lyrics are pretty stupid.

“Born in the USA” – Though most people see this as a pro-America rock staple, it’s actually a scathing critique of the Vietnam War and the phenomenon that working class youth have little hope for the future being pushed into military service because they have nowhere else to turn. Also, I am no fan of Bruce Springsteen. Oh, and it was used to torture prisoners at Gitmo (sorry, Bruce).

“Columbia Gem of the Ocean” – Well, it does have a great grandstanding march to be a contender for the national anthem. However, it’s not very well known.

“Home on the Range” – More of a western song than a song about the US in general. But I understand why some people are attached to it.

“The Liberty Bell”- It’s a grand march written by John Philip Sousa which has been played at US presidential inaugurations. However, if there is any reason why it might not be included on a patriotic soundtrack, it’s probably because it’s better remembered as the theme from Monty Python.

“Goodnight Saigon”- Written by Billy Joel for The Nylon Curtain, it’s about the soldiers’ experience in Vietnam which honors their service while glamorizing absolutely none of what they’ve been through. Though Joel never served in Vietnam, he was encouraged to write and record this song by his friends who did. Nevertheless, it’s more of a song for Memorial Day or Veterans Day than 4^th of July because it doesn’t show a lot of patriotic pep.

“Ashoka Farewell” –When you hear this song in the Ken Burns documentary series The Civil War, you’d almost think it was played by American soldiers at their army camps before a battle. Yet, it was actually composed by New York Jews in the 1980s but it has an unforgettable and beautiful melody. However, it’s kind of a sad song that’s more appropriate for Memorial Day than 4^th of July.

“When Johnny Comes Marching Home” – This is a highly adaptable song and can be played in many different tones in instrumentals as indicated by the Ken Burns documentary. However, while the lyrics point to the glorious anticipation of a soldier coming home from duty, remember that many US soldiers didn’t.

“Taps”- It’s a nice song but it’s more appropriate for military funerals and Memorial Day.

“Pink Houses” – From Cheat Sheet: “John Mellencamp is popularly considered to be a patriotic rock singer, who writes songs about good working-class people enjoying their small town lives. From the chorus, it seems as though the song is an ode the classic American dream of living in suburbia with a house, a spouse, and children. “Ain’t that America somethin’ to see baby / Ain’t that America home of the free / Little pink houses for you and me,” Mellencamp sings in the chorus. But, like many of the songs on this list, if you take a closer listen to the verses — and the last one in particular — the song is more critical than it seems. “There’s winners and there’s losers / But they ain’t no big deal / ‘Cause the simple man baby pay for the thrills, the bills / The pills that kill,” he sings in the final verse, drawing attention to this country’s problems with inequality.”

“Fortunate Son” – Had to include this one from CCR since it was used in a Wrangler Jeans commercial as a patriotic anthem. However, if you’ve actually heard the whole thing, it’s about how people in wealth and power use patriotism to get less privileged young guys to fight their wars while sheltering their own kids from combat. To be fair, it’s a great song in its own right. But not one to play at a 4th of July barbecue.

I Want You to View These Vintage Wartime Propaganda Posters

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 24, 2016

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Now that we’re in the patriotic swing of things for the 4th of July, perhaps we should take a look at some wartime propaganda. Of course, last year I did a series on Declaration of Independence signers which wasn’t a huge hit among the blogosphere or Google Search. But this year, I think doing a post on wartime propaganda from the two World Wars from the early 20th century might bring some flag waving fervor. Or it just might be something that I could have a lot of fun with. After all, I’ve already done the American flag. Nevertheless, these propaganda posters not only served as iconic images from governments and other agencies to do their part for the effort, but also pointed out that as a nation at war, we’re all in this together. And if you’re not doing your part or making any sacrifices, you’re being an unpatriotic dimwit who should be ashamed of yourself. Still, it’s interesting to look at these posters and see what kind of messages and images there are at the time. You’ll find Uncle Sam and Rosie the Riveter. But you’ll also find stuff on encouraging conservation, not throwing stuff away, buying bonds, men keeping it in their pants, and even carpooling. Yes, carpooling. Not only that, but a lot of these propaganda posters have been parodied over the years, even after the conflicts that made their existence. So for your reading pleasure, I want you to see a treasure trove of some historical posters encouraging you to do your part for the cause.

Your friends are fighting, why aren’t you, man?

This is a recruitment poster from Canada encouraging young men to join the armed forces. And Canada certainly participated in both world wars. James Doohan was one of the most famous Canadian WWII veterans since he was Scotty from Star Trek.

2. Be a Merchant Marine and help deliver the goods.

The merchant marines are among the most underrated war heroes in both world wars since transporting supplies is crucial for any war effort. However, like you see in Mr. Roberts, they don’t see much action and it was very boring gig.

3. Ladies, Joan of Arc saved her country, you can save yours by buying stamps.

Except that Joan of Arc saved France by being the French Army’s mascot and providing divine inspiration. Lincoln’s comment of Ulysses S. Grant’s drinking would describe her perfectly for those who think she had schizophrenia.

4. “My M-1 does the talking!”

There are a lot of posters encouraging people to be careful what they say or write. Because they can unintentionally help the enemy. And you don’t want to do that.

5. Remember men, disease is disguised so don’t gamble with VD.

I know this is telling men to keep it in their pants. But given double standards and realistic consequences, I think this message is necessary. Because people really need to be careful on who they screw.

6. “He gives 100%. You can lend 10%.”

And it looks like he’s stepped on a mine and isn’t long for this world. If that’s not giving 100%, I don’t know what is.

7. Uncle Sam says, “Fill those empty seats!”

Because car sharing saves on gas that could be used to fuel our tanks in North Africa. And this is definitely from WWII, by the way.

8. Housewives, save waste fats for explosives.

Because bacon grease can be used as nitro glycerin. And I’m not kidding on this.

9. Remember men, self-control is self preservation.

Because screwing whores at the front leads you prone to contracting nasty STDs. So keep it in your pants, boys.

10. Survive the wartime winter with coal for warmth.

Because the war effort needs oil. But you can also order wood. Love the freezing penguin in this.

11. Can this Nazi save more grease than you?

There’s ammunition in this kitchen with bacon grease. And even the Nazis know that.

12. Maintain your gas mask.

Because you might need it during a gas attack. So don’t use it as a knapsack and pillow. Wonder what people doing with their gas masks for that poster to exist.

13. “Let’s catch him with his ‘panzers’ down!”

I think this is a clever one for WWII. Notice how Hitler has swastikas on his underwear.

14. Mr. Peanut goes to war.

Not even corporate advertising mascots were exempt from war service. Mr. Peanut from Planter’s ought to know. Weird to see him without his top hat and monocle.

15. Saving old metal and paper puts the lid on Hitler.

Salvage saves lives and so does recycling. So save as much as you can on paper and metal.

16. Buying bonds and saving money will beat the devil!

And the devil here is Adolf Hitler. Here he’s even red with horns and pointy ears.

17. Join the tanks and beat em’ rough!

Wonder why they have a screaming black cat here. Sure it looks evil but it was more stupid to be on a battlefield than malicious.

18. Civilians, if you don’t need it, don’t buy it.

Yeah, you really don’t need to buy a white elephant. Of course, it’s only in here as a figure of speech.

19. Uncle Sam says, “Protect your nation’s honor, enlist now!”

Enlist now because your nation has just been raped, metaphorically. Of course, I think this might be from WWI though.

20. This dog’s owner died because someone wouldn’t shut up.

Yes, go with the gold star dog treatment. Because dogs are seen as loyal friends to their master and are quite adorable.

21. “Tell nobody-not even her!”

Because you’ll never know where you’ll find a Nazi spy. This is especially if she talks in a German accent.

22. Dressing extravagantly is unpatriotic.

Because in wartime, everyone should make sacrifices. So dressing to the nines isn’t just bad form, it’s unpatriotic. Get it?

23. This man’s life is in your hands.

If I were him, I’d be more worried about throwing it too late than it being a dud. Those things can blow your freaking hand off.

24. Remember, the Nazis burned books that Americans can still read.

Because unlike Americans, the Nazis don’t believe in a free press. This is why they staged book burnings. Yes, they hate American freedom.

25. No sailor has to prove he’s a man on shore leave.

Because giving in to 1940s masculinity pressures might get you an STD. And there’s no medicine for regret.

26. Drivers, drive a truck for Uncle Sam.

I could tell this is from WWI because of the car design. And the artwork is a little bit crude, too.

27. The kitchen is the key to victory, eat less bread.

Because our men need carbs, dammit. So eat more garden veggies instead.

28. Remember, our men are ready to fight at any time.

However, looking at this you have to wonder how these soldiers got any sleep. Oh, wait, some of these guys didn’t sleep for days.

29. This woman is wanted for murder.

Because she didn’t know when to shut the hell up. This cost lives overseas. Yeah, watch your mouth, ladies.

30. Uncle Sam wants you to stop stealing tools!

Because combat crews need them to repair stuff with. At least this poster makes a lot of sense.

31. This, soldier, is what is known as a booby trap.

Because she’s loaded with boobs and STDS. Don’t have sex with her. Seriously, keep it in your pants.

32. Help China! Because China is helping us.

Well, they should be helping us. But the Nationalist and Communist factions don’t like each other at all. So it’s not uncommon for these Chinese factions in some areas to fight each other or side with Japan.

33. Don’t let the Nazi swastika touch them!

So buy bonds and keep our kiddies safe from the Nazis. This is especially if you and/or your kids are Jewish.

34. Careless talk took her daddy!

So be careful of what you say. You may not know when you’re talking to an enemy spy in your neighborhood.

35. Losing an arm at Pearl Harbor shouldn’t keep you away from patriotic duties.

After all, just because he can’t be a soldier no more doesn’t mean he can’t help. Because you don’t need two arms to hold a blow torch.

36. Keep your mouth shut and don’t be a sucker!

Because a fish that opens its mouth is a sucker, hook, line, and sinker. Still, you have to like the artwork on this.

37. For defense, give blood since it’s life.

However, this offer's not available for blacks since their blood isn't fit for white GIs, especially from the segregated South. I know it's based on dubious claims based on racism, but that's what people believed in those days.

However, this offer’s not available for blacks since their blood isn’t fit for white GIs’ veins in transfusions. I know that concept based on pseudoscientific claims as well as stupid flagrant racism, but that’s what white Americans believed in the 1940s.

38. On April 19, 1917, Wake Up America Day.

I guess this date was picked specifically as the anniversary of the American Revolution. Also the girl is wearing a cocked hat and carrying a lantern.

39. Plant your own garden for victory.

Both world wars encouraged people to plant their own vegetable gardens for food. This is from WWI.

40. It’s a women’s war so join the WAVES!

This woman’s face says, “This is not what I signed up for. Really hope this ship on my radio doesn’t get bombed. Don’t want to hear a bunch of screaming sailors going down to their deaths.”

41. Soldiers, know the risks of syphilis and gonorrhea.

To be fair, regardless of what this ad says, there’s a strong chance that many of these guys didn’t have a lot of sex education. And yes, STDs do kill. But yeah, it’s not really nice to women.

42. “If you talk too much, this man may die.”

Another poster that says, “loose lips, sink ships.” Besides, he seems like a handsome sailor in that submarine.

43. Destroy this mad brute of a Hun, enlist.

The funny part about this poster that it’s from WWI as you can see by the Kaiser helmet. Still, you have to ask yourself whether this image inspired King Kong.

44. While commuting to work, try to squeeze for one more.

Yet, I’m not sure how many people this car can take. Since it seems full to the brim already.

45. Remember, war bonds are always cheaper than wooden crosses.

Or military funerals for that matter. And yes, the US military did a lot of them during both world wars.

46. Like digging a foxhole, conserving’s for your own protection.

Because conservation helps save resources for the war effort. Plus, it’s good for the environment in an age where one of the biggest threats is climate change.

47. Wake up, America, civilization calls every man, woman, and child.

And here’s the lady personifying America fast asleep. Another WWI poster.

48. Along with gardening, wartime housewives should also take to canning.

This is a famous picture I’ve might’ve seen somewhere. Nevertheless, the girl looks a bit freaky to me.

49. Remember, every time you miss work for no reason, you stab the Statue of Liberty in the back.

Because time must not be wasted. Still, bound to make you guilty of missing work during WWII.

50. Always practice good eating habits in fox holes.

Because it might make your ass a huge target for enemy gunfire. So eat wisely.

51. This soldier needs smokes more than anything else.

What he really needs is to quit smoking. But don’t bet on that because only the doctors in his day see it’ll kill him if the war doesn’t.

52. See action now and join the submarine service.

They do a bunch of cool stuff like shooting down U-boats. However, I don’t see a sinking ship on fire as a glorious sight worthy of a recruitment poster.

53. Remember, the enemy is watching you.

I’ve seen this one parodied a few times. Those eyes are so menacing which is kind of the point.

54. Help military pilots by building and fixing the planes right.

He can’t fix any plane problems in the air. Nor could he shoot down Nazis either. So don’t screw up his chances of survival. Not that they’re great anyway.

55. Remember, men, beautiful blondes aren’t always so dumb.

This one tells soldiers to be careful that you’re not discussing battle plans around pretty civilian women. Because she could be a Nazi spy and you don’t want anyone to needlessly die.

56. Donate your books for soldiers to pass the time.

Because soldiers in the trenches can be really starved for entertainment. And they can’t really abandon their stations there either.

57. More firepower, over here!

“But please, bomb them not me. We don’t need any friendly firepower here.” Note that friendly fire happens in wars 10% of the time.

58. Gremlins like to throw stuff in your eyes, so wear safety goggles.

Gremlins or no gremlins, wear safety goggles. Because when you’re working with munitions, you’re working with a lot of harmful chemicals. Duh.

59. Every girl is pulling for victory!

Yes, these ladies are pulling for victory with their united war work while the men are languishing in the trenches. Surely anyone with a right mind needs to believe that they should have the vote by now.

60. In wartime, have you ever considered a staycation?

After all, it saves gas and you’d probably not want to go to Europe anyway. Or Asia. Or North Africa. Or anywhere in the Pacific.

61. Even sports figures like Joe Louis enlist to do their part.

A lot of male celebrities fought in WWII like Jimmy Stewart, Clark Gable, Tyrone Power, David Niven, Henry Fonda, and others. One major celebrity who didn’t fight in WWII but could: John Wayne.

62. For war nerves, stop needless noise.

Yes, war is scary. But it helps to keep calm in the face of danger even when you’re shitting your pants. Same goes when you come in contact with a bear.

63. Whose boy will die if we should fail?

That’s a harrowing propaganda poster. But when in war, a lot of soldiers die. Such is life.

64. Be patriotic and save the food.

Yes, people save food because soldiers need it. Because America is begging you.

65. GIs will take care of Japan, this is how you can save money.

This poster gives you some good ideas to save money at a time of rising prices on the Home Front. Also great tips for money saving in general. At least most of them.

66. This is a Russian soldier. He is your friend.

Well, only until the war ends and the Soviet Union is engaged in an arms race with the US over nuclear weapons. So don’t expect the friendship to last. Also, he doesn’t really fight for freedom because Stalinist Russia isn’t a freedom loving place. Not to mention the genocide and purges.

67. Do with less so they’ll have enough!

That’s another famous WWII poster, too. And the GI just sits drinking his coffee.

68. Remember, take precautions during an air raid.

Sure you’re going to be scared shitless during one. But this doesn’t mean you have to go crazy. In fact, on the contrary.

69. Liberty on the phone, war effort needs cash now!

Not sure how she’s able to talk with that ridiculous crown on her head. But she’ll manage.

70. For action, enlist in the air service.

Just remember that you’ll have insufficient time to train and that a pilot’s in flight lifespan is 20 minutes. As I’ve learned from Blackadder.

71. Join the Navy, the service for fighting men.

And that guy has to spread his legs on a torpedo. In a Dr. Strangelove bomb pose, no less.

And that guy has to spread his legs on a torpedo. As for fighting men, it doesn’t apply to everyone. Mr. Roberts points that out brilliantly.

72. We’ll win the war, you give us the stuff.

Guy seems quite proud of himself holding up a Japanese Rising Sun flag. He’ll probably hang it as a souvenir in his office someday.

73. Join the Veterinary War Corps and treat horses.

Sure the guys may learn something useful. However, WWI kind of helped us all realize that the cavalry had no future in 20th century warfare.

74. If I was a man, I’d join the Navy.

Seems like they’re really pressuring guys to join the Navy with fanservice and an appeal of masculinity. From WWI by the way.

75. Here’s life in the US Navy and what it offers.

A sailor’s life at sea is great until either a U-Boat bombs it or seasickness. Also, I’m not sure if monkeys are allowed on board. Sure beats the trenches though.

76. Guys, enlist so you won’t have to disappoint your kids.

Of course, if men didn't list during WWI, there's a chance they could be drafted. Still, this is another famous poster.

Of course, if men didn’t list during WWI, there’s a chance they could be drafted. Also, didn’t seem to factor in PTSD either. Still, this is another famous poster.

77. Don’t take a chance with prostitutes, guys, these dames are loaded.

So, soldiers, keep it in your pants and don’t take your chances. Yet, as we know from human nature, such statements aren’t 100% effective.

78. Join the submarine service and learn to operate something like this.

Wonder why they chose to use a shirtless sailor with a male gaze. Seems a bit suspect, considering that women weren’t allowed on subs for a very long time.

79. Rosie the Riveter says: “We can do it!”

Of course, I couldn’t forget to add her. Such an icon for female empowerment during WWII to get women working in factories.

80. Even Santa Claus has gone to war.

And he’s holding an automatic weapon, too. Not sure if that makes him good or bad though.

81. Prevent trench foot, clean and dry your feet, soldiers!

I’m sure this was endemic during WWI since troops spend long spans of time in the trenches. Yet, where would they be able to clean them?

82. In the Pacific, we’re all in this together.

Everyone should know this is the Iwo Jima pose from the photo. Now it’s an American iconic image from WWII.

83. Ladies, take up the jobs he left behind.

Just note, that after the war, you’ll be forced to give that job back if it’s still available. After that, you’ll need to settle into being a wife and mother in suburbia. Because housewives are what women were expected to be in peacetime (sarcasm).

84. Uncle Sam wants you to buy war bonds.

Here Uncle Sam comes from the sky in blazing glory. He also carries an American flag, too.

85. Even a dog can enlist, why not you?

Man, they really tried to put men on guilt trips during WWI. Yet, here’s scruffy in his Red Cross glory. One dog in that war was even made a sergeant (no joke).

86. Housewives, preserve perishable food with cans and jars.

Her she is holding her tin cans. Let’s hope she didn’t forget to label them because that would be a problem.

87. In war, knowledge wins.

So learn something by going to your public library. Because the Internet ain’t available yet.

88. Even office workers do their part with their typewriters.

Is that supposed to be Miss USA? Then again, I don’t pay attention to those beauty pageants anyway.

89. Remember, absence makes the war last longer.

So don’t sleep in and stay on the job. Yes, it’s not easy doing work all day. But you want victory, dammit.

90. Just because she looks clean doesn’t mean she is.

Another anti-STD ad to scare men into keeping it in their pants. As if they didn’t have film noir to do it for them already.

91. Tragically, all these soldiers now have syphilis.

Some of them will soon give their wives and sweethearts a very big surprise. And, no, they won’t like it. STDs: The gift that keeps on giving whether you’d like it or not.

92. Learn while you serve: join the US Coast Guard.

Because it’s the least exciting military branch there is which is great for chickenshits. You just have to watch for enemy ships all day.

93. Don’t be a job hopper, it’s bad for the war effort.

Like how the job hopper is depicted as an insect with a hat and lunch box. So funny.

94. Save your cans and help pass the ammunition.

Like how the bullet chain turns into cans. However, this is about recycling and donating scrap metal.

95. Buy bonds so your kid won’t grow up a Nazi.

Now this is a poster that’ll make any parent scared. Yeah, you don’t want your kids growing up Nazi.

96. Ladies, join the Armed forces and help win the war.

Yes, women served in the military during WWII, too. And yes, they did all kinds of things there.

97. Don’t wait for them to come home, be with them by being a WAC.

Because it’s a women’s war, too. Also, don’t forget to put on lipstick before venturing out of the battlefield.

98. Remember, when you ride alone, you let the Nazis win.

So carpool whenever you can. You don’t want an invisible Hitler in the passenger seat. You really don’t.

99. Yes, it can happen here.

Yes, keep em’ firing so it doesn’t happen here. However, if you live in Britain, it already has since they dealt with the Blitz.

100. Sow the seeds for victory, plant a war garden.

Doesn’t hurt if there’s a rainbow shining on it either. Such an uplifting image during a time of war.

The Yankee Doodle Dandy World of Vintage 4th of July Cards

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 21, 2016

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Yes, the 4th of July is a very significant holiday in the US that celebrates the birthday of a nation or the closest thing to it. As you might recall, back in the day, people used to send greeting cards to each other on certain holidays. And in America, the 4th of July would be one of these. Some of these cards might be of the patriotic spirit with American flags, the Statue of Liberty, George Washington, and other pieces of Americana. Some show photos of 4th of July events in their hometown. Yet, while I can show you some of the great 4th of July greeting cards out there, you might be bored to tears. So instead, I’ll show vintage cards that might make you cringe or think they’re unintentionally funny in some sick sort of way. Many of these will pertain to parents’ worst nightmares like depictions of kids holding weapons and fireworks. So sit back and relax this Independence Day with these Yankee Doodle Dandy greeting cards. Or not.

“I’m just going to shoot off some fireworks. Want to join me?”

I have a bad feeling about this. You should never let anywhere near kids and explosives (save sparklers but even then). And I know those have much more dangerous than sparklers.

2. “Day of Flags and Cannon and Jubilee! Guarded well, gloried in. So may forever be.”

Whoever thought of trusting a child with guarding fireworks should be charged with child endangerment. Seriously, where are this kid’s parents for God’s sake?

3. The Dog: “I think I’d better skidoo – mother always told me never to accept candy from strangers.”

Don’t tell me what that kid’s about to do to that dog. Also, what the hell is in that dog’s mouth? Hope it’s not a firecracker.

4. “United We Stand: A Glorious Fourth.”

Oh, great, a kid’s holding a sword. And I don’t think it’s a toy sword at that. Not sure how this playtime could end badly. Oh, wait, I am.

5. “The grand old story of a day of fadeless glory.”

I have a bad feeling about what that kid is going to do with the fireworks. Hope he doesn’t plan to blow up a neighbor’s house. Still, kids shouldn’t have access to explosives. They’re dangerous.

6. Sometimes it’s said that the Zambellis started their kids on fireworks at a young age.

However, this is utterly ridiculous. Even teenagers shouldn’t be around fireworks for God’s sake, let alone babies. Seriously, what the hell?

7. With the sound of a cannon and gun marks the star of fireworks fun.

When I look at this, I hope the guns are full of blanks and the fireworks near him don’t get lit. Because he might end up coming to a very bad end if either aren’t the case.

8. There’s nothing more glorious on the 4th of July than riding a firework in the sky.

For one, that girl looks quite creepy and her mouth is askew. Also, when that firecracker goes off, there’s a chance she’ll never be in one piece again. Yet, I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

9. “Oh, where heads a foot, that would falter for thee!”

Let me see, this boy is surrounded by lit fireworks and a cannon. And he’s holding a gun. If I was in his place, I’d be screaming my head off. But he’s smiling. Doesn’t look right.

10. The 4th of July has always been a day of jubilation.

However, I’d find it very difficult to dance for joy if everything nearby me was exploding. But this girl doesn’t seem to have that problem, which greatly disturbs me.

11. “Greetings from a Patriot.”

Is it just me or is that woman literally on fire? And why doesn’t she seem the slightest bit fazed by it or screaming her head off? Like a normal person would.

12. It’s always such a sight to see everything go Kaboom! on the 4th of July.

I know that kid is supposed to be in awe of the fireworks. But I think he’s practically shitting his pants at the moment because he’s surrounded by explosives. Assuming that he’s actually sane.

13. “The day we celebrate.”

And that kid is holding a sword while being draped with an American flag. Reading his face, he may have an idea about using it which should be of great concern to his parents.

14. “How to prevent your boy from being killed on the Fourth of July – kill him on the third.”

And that, my friend, is the most fucked up piece of medical advice I’ve ever heard. Seriously, that doctor is clearly insane and it doesn’t help that a kid is being blown up by fireworks either.

15. A great 4th of July has fireworks all around.

However, this doesn’t mean kids should be near them. Because these two are in really terrible danger at the moment. It also doesn’t help that both kids are holding fireworks in their hands as if they’re toys. They’re not.

16. This 4th of July, capture the spirit of 1776.

And I wonder how long it took for this little George Washington to shoot up “July 4.” Because a Continental Army musket is the farthest thing from an automatic rifle.

17. With the 4th of July, there’s festivities all around.

But this doesn’t mean that children should have access to weapons or explosives. Because they’re very dangerous and aren’t toys in the slightest bit.

18. Fireworks on the 4th of July mean festive fun all around.

However, this doesn’t mean kids should get a hold of fireworks or weapons. That boy at the top already has one lit which makes it only a matter of time before he gets blown up. Seriously, who the hell thought this card was a good idea?

19. “Wishing you a glorious 4th.”

Now even bears have fireworks in these vintage cards. And he doesn’t seem to have a good intention about using them either.

20. The 4th of July always has a great fireworks spectacle in the night sky.

Yet, these kids are happily sitting with lit fireworks when they shouldn’t. Also, they’re kind of creeping me out with their smiles.

21. The 4th of July is a day of celebration.

And this boy is about to accidentally blow himself up. Seriously, no parent should ever allow their kid near matches or explosives for obvious reasons.

22. It’s not the 4th of July without a fireworks spectacle.

And despite the boy’s smiling, he doesn’t have much time left in this world. Mostly because the explosives around him are all lit. And he has his face surrounded by a firecracker 4.

23. “All right, let er’ rip!”

If I were that girl, the possibility of hearing loss wouldn’t be biggest concern at the moment. I’d be more worried about surviving my 4th of July in one piece.

24. And here’s another 4th of July greeting.

Well, at least these two are expressing genuine fear. But they don’t seem to be running like hell. Because it’s not safe to be near explosives at close range.

25. May your 4th of July begin and end with a bang.

Again with the kids handling explosives? Seriously, not letting kids near them should be blatantly obvious to parents. You don’t want kids coming close to blowing themselves up.

26. Nothing makes a great 4th of July than seeing Uncle Sam’s head on fire.

From Babble: “This just looks dangerous. Here a headless Uncle Sam is surrounded by fireworks with a bold Hurrah! Hurrah!”

27. Always start your 4th of July with a blast from a cannon.

Now that’s a great way to cause permanent hearing loss. Yeah, have kids loading and lighting cannons with no hearing protection whatsoever.

28. If there’s nothing exploding on the 4th of July, then it’s not a celebration.

And again, a boy is surrounded by explosives and weapons. But no one is giving a damn as always in these cards. Not even Uncle Sam himself if he counts as adult supervision.

29. “Golly! Didn’t we have a high old time on the 4th.”

From Babble: “I would like to know how the dog ended up wearing a parachute. The bell and the fireworks, they make sense. The dog? Not so much.”

30. There’s nothing better on the 4th of July than dancing and holding lit fireworks in your hands.

Remember, anyone who does this on the 4th of July will find themselves in the hospital with severe burns, if they’re lucky. Otherwise, doing this on the 4th might result in your last day on earth.

31. You can’t have a great 4th of July without harassing the cat.

At least the cat is smart for its running for its dear life. Still, this is just cruelty toward animals on a whole new level.

32. Remember, if you’re near a lit firecracker run away as fast as you can.

Well, at least this one addresses fireworks safety and shows someone running away. However, is the scary firecracker face necessary?

33. There’s nothing more spectacular on the 4th of July than a fireworks wheel.

And this boy has his hands on it with glee. Really not a safe way to spend your 4th of July at any age. Again, where the hell are his parents?

34. The 4th of July is a day when we celebrate the Constitution of Independence.

Actually it’s the “Declaration of Independence” not “Constitution of Independence” which never existed. Obviously, this card designer knows nothing on American history or civics.

35. Remember, 4th of July isn’t a time for fireworks pranks.

Of course, this one severely underestimates the risk of explosives. IT’s a wonder why this woman’s legs haven’t blown off, yet.

36. Take a picture of your kid before the 4th because he may not be around after.

Uh, how about you just keep your kid away from setting off fireworks entirely? Because that would be more responsible parenting and keeps him from being blown up to kingdom come. Seriously, why?

37. It’s all fun and games until the dog gets a hold of a lit firecracker.

Uh, ya think? Yeah, I think it’s dangerous for dogs to get a hold of lit firecrackers. I’d also say the same for children, too.

38. Setting off fireworks is the thing to do this 4th of July.

Oh, God, don’t tell me these kids are about to set off fireworks. Seriously, did these parents ever teach them some common sense? Or are they severely lacking in that department?

39. “I just raised the ‘ante.'”

Remember, kids, setting off a firecracker under a person’s chair as a prank is a horrible idea. I mean, it’s a wonder if the house doesn’t blow up or he doesn’t get anyone killed.

40. Happy 4th of July courtesy of firecracker Uncle Sam.

Now that looks quite terrifying if you ask me. Also don’t like how he’s holding firecracker strings on each hand.

41. How about a firework for old Uncle Sam?

From Babble: “It looks like Uncle Sam is about to set her hair on fire.” Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

42. Even monkeys know how to have fun on the 4th of July.

Since when do they let monkeys handle fireworks? This is dangerous enough for adults to do for God’s sake.

43. The 4th of July is always a glorious celebration with fireworks.

But this doesn’t mean that kids should be waving the flag near them. Because they shouldn’t. Nor they should be near weapons either.

44. The 4th of July is always a great day for a budding pyromaniac.

Of course, he should consider himself lucky that he got a way with a lost eye. Not sure about his cat though.

45. Hope you have a happy 4th of July in the USA.

From Just a Bunch of Stuff: “Shudder. This girl creeps me OUT. She looks like a cross between Angelica from the Rugrats and Nellie Olsen. I have a feeling she intends to destroy a small town with those fireworks.”

46. Happy 4th of July to all our brave men and women in uniform.

From Just a Bunch of Stuff: “First of all, this is a real crap parade. And, where did they find identical quintuplets who owned sailor suits?”

47. Wish you a grand 4th of July from up in the air.

From Just a Bunch of Stuff: “I don’t know about you, but my ideal July 4th vehicle doesn’t involve something that resembles the Hindenberg or a pencil.” Has a point since there’s a bunch of stuff exploding in the sky that night. So maybe a blimp or hot air balloon ride on the 4th isn’t such a great idea.

48. “What are you laughing at?”

Okay, someone shoved a firecracker down a guy’s pocket. That can’t be good. Also, I think one of these kids is a racist caricature, too which poses another problem.

49. “Come here, doggie. Nice doggie.”

Please don’t tell me they’re going to set off fireworks near the dog. I can understand why the pooch is reasonably afraid. Because I would, too, if I was in that situation.

50. Of course, we all know what happens after the 4th of July fireworks festivities.

That’s right, the lucky idiots usually end up like that in the hospital. The unlucky ones might end up in a morgue.

Celebrate the Stars and Stripes Forever with These Star Spangled 4th of July Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 20, 2016

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When it comes to 4th of July, some Americans take the holiday more seriously and go all out than others. For instance, my family hardly does anything special on the 4th other than watch fireworks outside at night. Yet, there are communities that stage 4th of July parades as well as have 4th of July picnics. Then there are residents that have 4th of July picnics or barbecues as well. Yet, on 4th of July, there are plenty of Americans who decorate their homes in a patriotic flair like this one shown above. Families like mine don’t do this. But plenty do since 4th of July decorations are now on sale at stores during this time, especially American flags. Yet, for some people, 4th of July decorations like these don’t seem unique enough for there taste. So these people make their own in order to celebrate the holiday. And yes, you can find plenty of 4th of July crafts on Pinterest and Etsy, too. Many of these DIY decorations are clad in red, white, and blue as well as may contain an American flag. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you to the star spangled world of unforgettable 4th of July craft projects.

An American flag quilting square is well suited for any wall.

And it looks quite fine for over a table. Like the star part on it. Yes, it’s cool.

2. Plants are sure to thrive in this star spangled planter.

This consists of 2 flower pots. The smaller is of stripes. The larger is blue with white stars.

3. These wooden firecrackers will surely bring a bang to your decor.

Sure they may not explode. But they are clad like the American flag and are great for either indoors or outdoors.

4. A red, white, and blue wooden chair looks great with a Betsy Ross star design.

And you can sit your ass on there whenever you’d like on the 4th of July. Still, remember Betsy Ross didn’t design the first American flag. Honest she didn’t.

5. A sheet with corrugated aluminum always makes a great American flag hanging.

Just note that making anything with an American flag pattern takes a lot of time and precision. Because the flag itself has a lot of small details to account for like stars for instance.

6. How about a star spangled banner made from twigs?

Well, that looks quite rustic. Like how they tied all the sticks together. Lovely.

7. For double front doors, it’s stars on one side and stripes on the other.

As you can see with this pair of wreaths. Then again, neither seem very hard to do at any rate.

8. If you don’t have any stars, you can always try white buttons.

Sure white buttons will do for that American flag wreath. Makes it seem quite quaint for any patriotic household.

9. A patriotic wreath like this will make you see stars.

Because it’s a red, white, and blue star wreath. And yes, it has some ribbon trimmings, too.

10. Sometimes the wreath itself can come in all 3 American flag colors.

Well, I like how the colors seem to meld in this one. Also like how it’s covered in white stars, too.

11. May this glass block say, “God Bless America.”

Like a lot of glass blocks I’ve shown, this also lights up at night, too. Like the font on this, too.

12. You can make your own Uncle Sam with a flower pot and a can.

And it seems Uncle Sam is looking sensational. Like the stars on his hat. Then again, everything about this is quite ingenious if you think about it.

13. A shutter of Old Glory is a must for any patriotic home.

This one has the American flag on it and seems quite rustic and antique. Still, like the rows of stars on the top.

14. Outdoors, grace your patio furniture with some red, white, and blue cushions.

They come in red, white, and blue with white stars. Also includes a blue pillow with white stars, too.

15. This red, white, and blue ribbon tree is great for any American home.

I’ve seen such trees like it for other holidays. But this one certainly goes well for 4th of July or any patriotic holiday.

16. Who knew that you can plant flowers in a pair of star spangled cowboy boots?

Well, the flowers certainly go with the boot design. But don’t try to wear them. Really, it’s not a good idea.

17. Serve your guests appetizers with this American flag tray.

The dip area goes in the star place by the way. But I’m not sure if you’d want to use a tray like this at a 4th of July party.

18. An American flag can be easily painted on a panel of wood.

But like I said, patience, persistence, and precision is needed. Also, you’d probably not produce something as nice like this.

19. A 4th of July wreath like this one makes its own fireworks.

Anyone could just say so for themselves. Because it looks so patriotic and festive.

20. There’s no wreath that captures the patriotic spirit like a stars and stripes one of tulle.

Only a quarter of it is blue with 3 white stars. The rest is of red and white stripes all around.

21. A patriotic apron matron always dresses in her star spangled attire in the kitchen.

Wonder if they have a male version of this. And I wonder if it comes with an Uncle Sam chef’s hat along with it.

22. For those flowery spirits, a 4th of July carnation wreath is just for you.

Of course, the flowers on these are totally fake like you’d see in a cemetery during the winter. But this is very pretty just the same.

23. For your patriotic porch swing, you’ll need some patriotic cushions a 4th of July occasion.

This set has a red seat with 2 striped pillows and 1 long pillow with stars. A great American outdoor arrangement, may I say.

24. I’m sure you can put these firecrackers right out in your lawn.

Because unlike real firecrackers, they don’t really explode and cause any danger to humans. Also, you can decorate them as you please.

25. For simplicity’s sake you can always wrap an American flag on a wreath.

But make sure it’s small enough and bought cheap. Because you don’t want to put a real one on there. Like the blue star though.

26. Got old wine glasses? Make patriotic candle holders out of them.

And you could make 2 with stripes and 1 with stars. Also, you can use string for a rustic touch.

27. Show your love for the US by decorating your mailbox in star spangled glory.

And it seems this person went all out with theirs. Includes American flags, ribbons, firecrackers, and a beer can.

28. This patriotic lantern will surely hold a candle.

Yet, since it’s made of wood, it’s probably better off as decoration. Then again, the candle could be fake and battery powered.

29. If you don’t like wreaths, perhaps wrap a flag around a ladder.

Once again, don’t use a real American flag for this. Yet, I do think this makes a great outdoor decoration.

30. A star spangled star is always a sight to see.

You can find stars like this anywhere they sell outdoor decor. But I like how this one is painted. Lovely.

31. Of course, a red, white, and blue berry wreath is possible.

Well, this one seems to have a few rustic touches. Like the blue part with stars.

32. A wooden Uncle Sam gives any patriotic abode a few homey touches.

This one seems so finely painted, too. Like his bow and hat. Adorable.

33. A red, white, and blue bauble wreath brings out a festive American spirit.

And I guess this will be as American and patriotic as red, white, and blue fireworks. The stars on this are great though.

34. Step out at your 4th of July party with a pair of patriotic flip flops.

These have red and white straps and blue bows with stars. However, don’t wear these in a public shower. They’re not for that.

35. These American flag candle holders are made from star spangled glass.

Actually I made that up. But they surely seem pretty from sea to shining sea.

36. Didn’t know you can put an American flag in a window pane.

Well, I don’t think you can. But this setup does make a really nice 4th of July decoration.

37. How would you like to put this American flag at your door?

Well, this is a deco mesh flag decoration and not an exact copy. But it will be great for any patriotic home, nonetheless.

38. An American flag wreath like this is a must for any flag waving American who loves their country.

Not sure what it’s made from. But it’s certainly a 4th of July wreath anyone could hang on their front door. Like the stars, too.

39. These crocheted American flag coasters will keep your wooden surfaces safe.

They may also be able to double as pot holders if they’re big enough. Still, might take some time to make them.

40. Salute the red, white, and blue with a tulle wreath like this.

This is especially if you’re the one setting off fireworks. Like the design on this. Lovely.

41. These American flag mason jars will make your flowers thrive.

One has stars while 2 have stripes. But they seem to be used as vases than anything.

42. A burlap wreath can always bring out an American pioneer spirit.

That looks quite lovely for an old wooden door. Love the blue bow with stars on it. Cute.

43. How about a star coming out of an old Uncle Sam hat?

Makes a fine centerpiece for a table or decoration for anything in the living room. Like how the hat’s painted, too.

44. A quilt like this is surely an American patchwork effort.

And it seems to use so many shades of red, white, and blue. More or less draped on a bench for decoration.

45. If you love this land, salute the USA with this hanging.

But you might want to keep it around to support Team USA in the Olympics. Just saying.

46. Drape your American furniture with this American flag blanket.

Yes, it kind of looks as if it was made from rags and cloth scraps. But that’s kind of intentional.

47. An American yarn wreath has its own kind of patriotic elegance.

Well, it’s quite graceful compared to some of the other wreaths I posed. Love how the stars look in that navy blue.

48. Using the right license plates can really make a great patriotic statement.

Yes, this is an American flag made from license plates. Don’t ask me what state you have to live to make something like this. Because I don’t have the slightest idea.

49. I’m sure the light of liberty can shine through this painted wine bottle.

This old wine bottle is painted red, white, and blue. And it has something lighting up inside as well. Yes, it’s quite amazing.

50. Didn’t know you can put an American flag impression on a tree slice.

And this kid seems quite proud of it, too. Notice how the blue part is all sparkly.

51. Rest your head on these crocheted American flag pillows.

Or pillowcases if I’m wrong. Either way, they’ll bring out the American spirit on your couch.

52. An American plant is bound to blossom in this stars and stripes flower pot.

Has a blue row with stripes on the top. And columns of red and white stripes on the bottom.

53. A cushion like this will honor who is first in the hearts of his countrymen.

You know him as George Washington. By the way, did I tell you he accidentally started a major world war at 22? True story.

54. This hanging salutes the men and women fighting for our freedom overseas.

And it has a silhouette of Iwo Jima photo holding a small American flag. Very creative if you ask me.

55. Among these stars USA surely stands out.

I suppose these are made from wood. And are painted in the red, white, and blue.

56. A weary head will have a fine rest with this stars and stripes pillow.

Well, it doesn’t have all the stars on it. But it’s a very good American flag rendition.

57. Keep yourself squeaky clean with some 4th of July soap.

Contains stars inside and out. Will surely keep you star spangled and squeaky clean.

58. No American flowers can thrive better than in a glass mosaic American flag vase.

Well, that’s a grand old design on a vase. Wouldn’t want to put that in a high place with a small ledge. Hate to see something like that broken.

59. For a grand old American shower experience this star spangled soap is for you.

Yes, this is a bar of soap that resembles an American flag. But it will soon disappear after using it for some time.

Yes, this is a bar of soap that resembles an American flag. But it will soon disappear after use for some time.

60. For a more American living room, this hanging has the land of the free in its flag.

Well, as far as the lower 48 are concerned. Alaska and Hawaii aren’t on here. Not sure if it goes well with aluminum though.

61. A light up wine bottle with stripes and stars can always shine bright in dark places.

Well, it surely lights up better than the previous one I showed earlier. Really pretty if you ask me.

62. You can assemble an American flag with 5 of these old wine bottles.

However, you don’t drink out of them because they’re for display. Consists of 2 blue with stars and 3 with red and white stripes.

63. These star spangled planters will bring your plants to patriotic glory.

Well, they’re made of metal and look quite antique. But they sure have lovely flowers in them.

64. For 4th of July, this wreath salutes the red, white, and denim blue.

Yes, this is a denim 4th of July wreath. Hope the denim on here is from jeans made in the USA.

65. You’ll be lucky to find this 4th of July wreath of horseshoes.

Like how these form a star in the center. And how it’s painted blue while the edges are red and white.

66. A wreath like this draped with an American flag shows how you’re devoted to this country.

Yes, this is a heart wreath draped with an American flag. And yes, it’s a patriotic piece of beauty just the same.

67. A wreath with a lot flags can always capture the American spirit.

I guess you get these flags from sandwiches. Or a craft store to make something like this.

68. An old American flag always goes well with flowers.

Yes, the flag might seem aged in this but it’s intentional. But I think the flowers on here are especially pretty.

69. A 4th of July wreath is well suited beyond the fruited plains.

It even uses 3 old looking flags for more patriotic goodness. Also good for using on Thanksgiving if you think it’s appropriate.

70. A beaded American flag pin helps show off your love for your country.

I’ve seen a few of these in my life. So they’re probably not hard to make if you can get some beads through a safety pin coil.

71. I’m sure the Statue of Liberty would wear an apron like this in her kitchen.

This one has a blue top with white stars. And a skirt with red and white stripes to go along with it.

72. Cuddle up on your couch this 4th of July with this quality patriotic pillow.

Has a blue ribbon with stars on a zizgag red and white stripe pattern. But you can’t help but love it.

73. Guess I’d call this a horseshoe flag.

Well, except for the blue star union pattern. Nevertheless, I think this is a very clever rendition of the stars and stripes.

74. With this wreath, may God bless the land we love.

Yes, it says “God Bless America” on it with a heart shaped wreath. But it surely looks patriotic and festive to me. So it goes on this post.

75. A star spangled American owl will surely be a hoot on the 4th of July.

I know our country’s symbol is the bald eagle. But this is so cute that I had to put it on this post.

76. Keep your clothes free from wrinkles with this stars and stripes ironing board.

Okay, it’s more for decorative purposes only. I just want to say that. Still, nice how someone can use that as a 4th of July decoration.

77. This small American flag makes a great patchwork display from a hanger.

Yes, it only has a quilting star on it and different pattern stripes. But that’s kind of the point of patchwork quilt works.

78. For those who think a beaded flag pin is too difficult, you might like this American flag angel.

Well, that’s more original than a flag pin. But it’s also quite tiny. Very pretty though.

79. For patriotic 4th of July displays, this American flag table runner comes in handy.

Yes, put anything red, white, and blue on it, except food. Because you want to preserve the decoration, people.

80. Keep your star spangled things in order with these Betsy Ross flag boxes.

They can also be used as display items as well. Come in 3 different sizes.

81. Salute the USA on the 4th of July with this light up wine bottle.

Guess it’s the 3rd one I’ve had on this post that light. But it does have the letters “USA” on it and puts the stars on the side.

82. Guess this will make a very patriotic planter display.

Has the stars on the bottom and the stripes on the top. Really looks amazing though.

83. A deco mesh that’s red, white, and blue is surely festive for the 4th of July celebrations.

Now that’s a great front door patriotic display on a wreath. Love the glittery red, white, and blue stars, too.

84. Sit your ass down on this star spangled chair.

Your seat is on the stripes. And your back is on the stars. Not sure if it sounds right.

85. American birds will always enjoy a star spangled birdhouse.

Personally, I don’t think the birds give a shit. But these are really nice birdhouses if you ask me.

86. Some jars can be used to hold flowers, others to hold lights.

Well, this is a nice way to use old jars. Like how the lights show through them in the night.

87. For taller flowers, patriotic plant buckets should come in handy.

And each metal pot is decorated in a unique style. Like the one in the middle the best.

88. You can always make old wine bottles appear both patriotic and festive.

Helps that these also have ribbons on the tops. And the one in the middle has some other decor along with it.

89. There’s always a party going on wherever you see a patriotic cocktail wreath.

This is made from the umbrellas you find in drinks. But these have American flag stuff on them.

90. With this 4th of July hanging, you always have to include some rockets.

And both of them seem to have an American flag on them. Like the bow though.

91. Wooden fireworks always look amazing when displayed on a table.

Because they’re in patriotic colors and don’t blow up. Like the bows on these by the way.

92. An American flag can always spring out of Uncle Sam’s hat.

Yes, this is another Uncle Sam hat display. But this one is quite different. Because it has a flag springing from it. The other one didn’t.

93. This star spangled vessel would go great on any living room table.

I’m not sure what this is supposed to be but I know it seems old-fashioned. But I like how it’s painted.

94. A wreath like this is great for welcoming guests for your star spangled festivities.

And when you look in the middle, you see that a star is formed. Kind of neat if you ask me.

95. Or perhaps an American flag deco mesh wreath might suit you better.

For a craft post, I just had to include this. This is especially since it has the American flag pattern on it.

96. These wooden firework blocks are bursting with stars.

Well, as far as the stars are streaming out from these blocks. Available in red, white, and blue.

97. This American flag is on the rails.

I have to admit, never seen a flag like this before. Like the star dots on there. So lovely.

98. Salute America with these wooden fireworks of the rockets’ red glare.

Each one is decorated in its own way. One even says, “USA.”

99. With a wreath like this, your patriotism has to be rather flowery.

Yes, this is another flower 4th of July wreath. But this one has the flowers closer together and a red, white, and blue ribbon in front of it.

Yes, this is another flower 4th of July wreath. But this one has the flowers closer together and a red, white, and blue ribbon on it.

100. With this wall hanging on your door, you can let freedom ring.

And it helps because it has red, white, and blue jingles that jangle. Love the flowers on this though. Very pretty.

Salute the Red, White, and Blue United States of America with These Patriotic 4th of July Treats (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 20, 2016

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With Father’s Day being over, I can now proceed to 4th of July. For me as a blogger, the 4th of July is usually an odd one out since it takes place in the summer while other major holidays fall around during the fall, winter, and early spring. As far as Americans are concerned, the 4th of July is denotes the day in 1776 when the United States (then 13 colonies) officially severed ties with Great Britain during the American Revolution. However, the Brits might beg to differ on this account since the US was still a British possession as far as they’re concerned. Anyway, last year I did a treat post on 4th of July along with a series of Declaration of Independence signers and it was a measurable success. So I decided to do another one for the occasion mostly because the treat posts tend to be so popular for other holidays, too. Thus, expect a lot of treats to be in the red, white, and blue because they are the colors of the American flag. I’ll also have other ones coming up which are related to crafts and so forth. So we hold ourselves to be self-evident that all men are created equal and I want you to enjoy these patriotic 4th of July treats for your star spangled reading pleasure.

There’s no better way for a cake lover to show patriotic pride than with a mini cupcake American flag.

Notice how the sprinkles stand in for stars. Wonder how long it took to decorate this.

2. Nothing makes better 4th of July candy than patriotic gumdrop stars.

I’m not a fan of gumdrops. But since these are red, white, and blue stars, they go on this post.

3. Any American kid will certainly love these edible firework treats.

Includes Rice Krispie treats with marshmallows on them. Well, marshmallows with red icing on them anyway.

4. Snap, crackle, and pop this 4th of July with this Rice Krispie treat American flag.

Covered with blue and red M&Ms for a more patriotic measure. What more is there about this to love?

5. For more healthy patriotic options, these flag fruit kabobs are just the American ticket.

Yes, I put some flag fruit kabobs on my last 4th of July treat post. But these have raspberries and cheese.

6. It’s not a 4th of July trifle without some cake stars and whipped cream.

Well, I’ve had trifles in my last 4th of July treat post last year. But not with stars inside like in this one.

7. There’s no dessert better for a patriotic basket than these cookies.

Includes a flag, a flag star, hotdog, hamburger, fireworks, and Uncle Sam. In all, it’s an all-American dessert platter.

8. For sweet treats on the 4th, these lollipops got you covered.

I thought these were popsicles at first. But then I realize they were probably lollipops for cocktails and such.

9. There’s no better way to celebrate the 4th of July than with these star spangled cake pops.

Always have to have some cake pops on these posts. Yet, at least one in this set is of an American flag.

10. This red, white, and blue cheesecake will make a fine addition to any American 4th of July dessert platter.

Sure it only has one star. But come on, the star design is very hard to convert on a flag cake like this.

11. For Rice Krispie star spangled platter, this bowl with treats is at your service.

The bowl contains red, white, and blue in it and so do some of the treats. Also has red, white, and blue Rice Krispie stars.

12. Each of these American flag cups contains something fruity.

Well, something with a strawberry slice or a few blueberries. Still, this is quite creative to say the least.

13. For extra 4th of July fun, kids will surely enjoy these patriotic pinwheel cookies.

Each of these contain red, white, and blue on a stick. But please, don’t try to blow on them. They are for eating.

14. For frozen 4th of July treats, these ice cream sandwiches will do just fine.

These are just ice cream sandwiches with red, white, and blue sprinkles. Not that hard to do if you buy the ice cream sandwiches from a store.

15. Have your 4th of July dessert platter squared away with these red, white, and blue jello squares.

Wonder how they managed to get layers on these. Because I know how liquids tend to mix in with one another.

16. If jello treats on your thing, how about a jello dish with a fruity design?

This one has an icing design with blueberries and strawberries. It’s of a 7 pointed star as far as I know. Yet, it also has red, white, and blue layers, too.

17. If you want to celebrate America’s birthday the healthy way, this star spangled fruit salad is for you.

Notice how the scheme is red, white, and blue. Because you can easily pull that off with fruits thanks to blueberries.

18. Grace your patriotic 4th of July dessert platter with this fruit pie.

This is one of the many items I wanted to put in last year but couldn’t. Yet, I’m sure it’s a great star spangled addition to your platter. And is healthy, too.

19. For a real patriotic kick, try some 4th of July fudge squares.

Well, these are tie dyed fudge squares. But they’re red, white, and blue as well as all American just the same.

20. For a star-spangled lunch or appetizer, these star sandwiches are just the thing.

However, they are best used with white bread since it goes well with the red, white, and blue scheme. These ones also have peanut butter and jelly in them, too.

21. For some Latin and colonial fare, this Betsy Ross dish gives you stripes with salsa.

Nevertheless, contrary to popular belief, Betsy Ross didn’t design the first American flag. That story was made up by her grandchildren. But I think this treat is quite creative if you ask me.

22. No star spangled treat platter is complete without some patriotic pretzels.

This set is red, white, and blue with stars on them. What more can you want. Stars may not be edible though.

23. Show your love for America with these American flag heart cookies.

I’m sure these heart cookies are professionally made due to the star detail. But I’m sure they’re a fine addition to any American 4th of July dessert platter.

24. A trifle like this has the best star spangled banner display on top.

And it doesn’t hurt that the flag is made from strawberries and blue berries. I’m sure that helps tremendously. Another one I wanted to add last year but couldn’t.

25. There’s no fancier patriotic treat this 4th than these patriotic mini parfaits.

These look like small dessert firecrackers. But they’re small parfaits with a patriotic punch.

26. Red and blue jello stars always go great with 4th of July dessert platters.

Sure they may only be in red and blue. But at least you can put one in another on a dish.

27. For large star tarts, white icing and fruit go hand in hand.

This one contains raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Yet, it looks great just the same.

28. A sheet cake flag is always shows patriotic pride when you add some fruit.

Yes, I had one in my 4th of July treat post last year. But this one has raspberries and icing stars on it. So it's different.

Yes, I had one in my 4th of July treat post last year. But this one has raspberry stripes and icing stars on it. So it’s different.

29. For patriotic pancake breakfasts, add some red, white, and blue syrup.

Wonder how you can get that from a store. But it sure gives a syrupy firework burst if you ask me.

30. These cake fireworks push pops certainly have a rocket’s red glare.

These have red and blue cake layers wit h icing as well as shooting star cookies on the top. I’m sure any American kid will like these.

31. These macarons are made with 100% red, white, and blue glory.

Well, they have red and blue sandwiches with white icing. But they’re probably just as sickeningly sweet as macarons are.

32. These jello sundaes are certainly a patriotic summer treat.

Well, these have small jello squares with icing or ice cream. Either way, like the yellow stars on them.

33. You can’t have a 4th of July party without these red, white, and blue Oreos.

Also great for Bastille Day if your French. However, not sure if French people would prefer the light blue though.

34. A 4th of July bundt should be red, white, and blue through and through.

As you see from the slice cross section. Not like the flag one last year. But still has the same colors.

35. For easy firecracker treats, you might want to stick with marshmallows.

These use marshmallow for the white. And they’re decorated with red and blue detail as desired.

36. No star spangled appetizer platter is complete without a patriotic fruit tray.

Even has some stars in the dip. Includes marshmallows,strawberries, and blueberries.

37. A 4th of July gingerbread house is always decorated in red, white, and blue candy.

And they say that the blue roof is quite minty. Yet, the window candies still have wrappers.

38. For more refined patriotic treats, this cheescake tart is just the ticket.

And it seems like it came straight from a recipe book or magazine. Remember that the berries go on top by the way.

39. For a more patriotic chocolaty taste, go with these star brownies.

These have a white drizzle with red, white, and blue drizzle. Also look quite delicious, at least to me.

40. Nothing makes a dessert star spangled banner better than some cookie stars.

Well, sugar cookie stars anyway. I’m sure these are professionally made or made by someone with too much time on their hands.

41. For a great star spangled snack, try these patriotic pretzel sticks.

They have stars on top and stripes on the bottom. What more can you want?

42. For summer fun and American pride, these cookies will make a great addition to any 4th of July dessert platter.

After all, the 4th of July is a summer holiday. And these were certainly made to reflect red, white, and blue glory, too.

43. Cupcakes like these will make your American heart melt with pride.

It helps that some of these even have Captain America shields on them too. Probably professionally made though.

44. Nothing evokes more patriotic pride than this red, white, and blue gingerbread house.

Yes, this is another 4th of July gingerbread house. But this one uses more candy and I couldn’t pass it up.

45. No appetizer captures the spirit of America than red, white, and blue deviled eggs.

Sure I had deviled eggs on last year’s post. But these are of a different configuration entirely. See for yourself.

46. For something unconventionally sweeter for your 4th of July party, these meringue cookies will do nicely.

However, they tend to resemble red, white, and blue garlic cloves to me. But that’s beside the point.

47. Sometimes a great flag sheet cake can be made with both fruit and icing.

Well, we kind of established that. But this takes it to a whole new level. Love the blue part the best.

48. For patriotic pizza lovers, this is a cheese fan’s delight.

Because it’s a flag cheese pizza with mozzarella stick stripes and cheddar stars. And I’m sure it’s quite tasty.

49. For your dessert platter on 4th of July, these flag cookies will sure make a tasty addition.

Didn’t have flag cookies in my 4th of July treat post from last year. But these are kind of cute.

50. This sheet flag cake would make a wonderful star spangled dessert platter centerpiece.

Unlike some sheet cakes on this post, this one is all icing. And it has all the 50 stars, too. Definitely came from a bakery.

51. As far as your guests are concerned, these 4th of July cookies will go off with a bang.

Sure they may be professionally made. But a lot of these tend to consist of fireworks and their sounds.

52. These red, white, and blue donuts are great for any patriotic 4th of July brunch.

Sure they may not be good for you. But they seem quite easy to decorate and someone will find them tasty.

53. For 4th of July candy, these chocolate bars always come with the flag.

Well, the flag is inside. These may be promoted as wedding favors. But I’m just putting them in for parties as well.

54. This fruit pizza surely takes a great stars and stripes shape.

And it doesn’t hurt that it resembles Captain America’s shield. Consists of raspberries at stripes and blueberries at the center star.

55. This Hershey’s firework cake is a chocolate and fruit lover’s delight.

I think this came from Hershey. But it sure has lovely decorations on it. Love the chocolate the best.

56. 4th of July jello shots are always healthier with fruit in them.

But note that they may contain alcohol that’s not legal for those 21 and under. Consult the host before you or your kids consume.

57. I’m sure there could be no more American cake with stars and stripes like this one.

Yes, this is an American flag star cake. And it has sections with stars and stripes. Looks pretty cool.

58. These jello stars come with their own red, white and blue layers.

Yes, I had red, white, and blue jello stars on here before. But these are made much differently than the ones I showed previously. So they go on the post.

59. Nothing graces a 4th of July dessert platter than this fruit star cake at the center.

Yet, another 4th of July treat I wanted to put in last year’s post but couldn’t, Still, love the sparklers on it.

60. For July 4th, this star spangled sheet cake will certainly wow your American guests with pride.

Yes, I know I showed a sheet cake like this before. But this one is in a different shade of blue and its stripes go over the edge. Besides, I think it’s better made.

61. For your 4th of July BBQ, this hotdog tray will sure delight your guests.

This even comes with some star chips for good measure. What American couldn’t love that?

62. An American flag cake like this should have an Old Glory center.

With its exterior coated in chocolate icing and M&Ms. Not sure if the interior looks doable though.

63. These patriotic pancakes can be part of any star spangled breakfast.

Just be sure to add blueberries for the extra red, white, and blue touch. Not sure about the red pancakes though.

64. Nothing makes a more American 4th of July than this American flag cake roll.

Wanted to put this one on last year’s 4th of July treat post, too. But I do like the stripes and stars on this.

65. Sometimes the best American flag cookies don’t come with icing at all.

Because these flag cookies use food coloring and are assembled before they’re baked. Seem pretty easy to make at any rate.

66. A fruit pizza cake like this is said to be berry patriotic.

Yes, I know I put one on my post last year. But this one has blackberries instead of blueberries though.

67. Show your guests American pride with this 4th of July snack mix.

Well, it’s called “Patriotic Snack Mix” at any rate. I’m sure it just takes Chex mix and adding things edible that are red, white, and blue.

68. For a quality 4th of July dessert platter, this blueberry pie has bright stars.

Sure it may not have the stripes. But I think any full blooded American would certainly like it.

69. This American flag fruit pizza will have 4th of July party guests coming back for more.

Yet, another American flag fruit pizza. But this one has strawberries, blueberries, and banana. So it’s much healthier than the other one I showed.

70. This American flag cake has stars and stripes all around.

It also has decorations to resemble fireworks. Definitely professionally made by the way.

71. Any American patriot is bound to enjoy this red, white, and blue chevron cookie cake.

And here it is in a pan. Red, white, and blue as well as covered in M&Ms.

72. These American flag cupcakes are full of patriotic goodness.

Yes, these are cupcakes of the stars and stripes itself. And I certainly couldn't do a better job decorating them then its bakery.

Yes, these are cupcakes of the stars and stripes itself. And I certainly couldn’t do a better job decorating them then the bakery responsible.

73. These flag cupcakes will make you want to wave Old Glory.

These also have blueberries and fruit roll ups for decorations. Quite clever if you ask me.

74. These pinwheel cupcakes are certainly a 4th of July dessert to behold.

And I’m positive these came straight out of a bakery. But I love the pinwheels on them.

75. These red, white, and blue fruit stars will be a real 4th of July delight.

After all, they’re probably healthy and have an ingenious design. These are kind of neat to look at, too.

76. Cookies like these have quite star spangled stars.

Sure these star flag cookies are professionally made. But I like them just the same because of the lovely design.

77. There is a no better American treat for the 4th of July than American flag pretzel squares.

They may look easy because they require few ingredients. But they require a fine eye for detail though.

78. No 4th of July lunch can be complete without some patriotic pasta.

And yes, it includes red, white, and blue pasta with alfredo sauce. But I’m sure any patriotic child will love it.

79. Nothing shows American patriotism than strawberries in the stars and stripes.

And here they are. Sure they may look easy. But they’re probably a lot harder to decorate than they initially seem.

80. Old Uncle Sam lends his hat to this cake.

And what an amazing cake it is. Like how it has 3 stars at the bottom.

The Wonderful World of Album Covers (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 16, 2016

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As long as we had LP records, we’ve had album covers, well, for the most part at least since the 1960s. As you look from above, this is an image of the Queen II album released in 1974 which isn’t one of their best known at any rate. However, those who look at it and weren’t around during the 1970s, might mistake it as an example of false advertising because the Queen band members are in a pose that’s akin to the beginning of the “Bohemian Rhapsody” video. Yet, that song is actually on the album they released the next year called A Night at the Opera, which would be their breakthrough success. Nevertheless, the pose is masterfully done. And album art wise, I think it’s better than A Night at the Opera even though the latter has better songs. Unfortunately, for all you album art afficionados out there, my album art posts aren’t meant for the masterpiece covers. In fact, quite the contrary. Rather I go for the vintage album covers that time forgot mostly because the design is pretty awful yet unintentionally funny, creepy, or inappropriate. Hell, they can even do it intentionally. So for your reading pleasure and the fact I decided to wait until after Father’s Day to do any 4th of July posts, I give you another edition of vintage album covers so tacky that you’ll forget about them until they’re seen at a yard sale.

Marcy Sings Jesus Loves Me

The woman on here doesn’t look right either. Yes, she’s smiling. But it’s a kind of smile you’d see on someone who’s high.

That’s what we need, a creepy doll singing songs about Jesus for children.

2. The Joyful Sounds: Guide Me Lord

Okay, Hairspray first came out in the 1980s as a film. And this album was released at least a decade before that. But it’s not a great analogy. But still, they use way more hairspray than an average cast member from that musical.

Or as I call it, the Christian version of Hairspray but with way more volume for the Lord.

3. Don McNeil and Eddie Ballantine and His Band: March Around the Breakfast Table

Yes, this family looks so unusually happy at breakfast time. However, wouldn’t marching around the breakfast table be difficult if you’re holding a toaster. Because I know they’re not portable.

Because nothing brings your spirits up like marching to music at breakfast.

4. Herbie Mann: Push, Push

Yes, he thinks he’s so manly with a flute in his hand. Still, this is a perfect example on why classical musicians shouldn’t really do fanservice poses on their album covers.

What? Never seen a flutist with a hairy chest.

5. Jimmy Jenson: Understand Your’e Swede

I know it’s supposed to be Understand You’re Swede. But someone placed an apostrophe at the wrong place. Also, why the hell is the mom wearing a miniskirt in the woods?

Unfortunately, Jimmy Jenson’s proofreader was busy.

6. Elliot Lawrence: Music for Trapping

Now it’s one thing if a man puts deer heads on his wall. But if he puts heads of his ex-girlfriends, you should probably call 911. I can understand that the woman is understandably creeped out since she’s found herself in a horror movie.

And by “trapping,” I don’t think he means woodland creatures.

7. Introducing Mr. Versatile the Fabulous Willis Wade

That has to be one of the most hideous suits I have ever seen. Those cars look pretty lame, too.

Guess he’s a musician with no fashion sense and who doesn’t know how to get out of traffic.

8. Bob Fleming Plays Boleros

Guess it wouldn’t be bad without a little knight music. Still, I think it would be very hard to play a saxophone in a suit of armor. Hope he doesn’t go medieval on you.

Featuring a saxophone solo by Sir Saxelot.

9. Paul Mickelson: Plays for Youth

Of course, Paul’s friends started to wonder whether he had strayed from his Lord and got into some hallucinogenic brown acid. Yeah, there must be something really wrong with him. This is freaky.

Alone at his organ, Paul imagined tiny Christian teens.

10. Nicky Cruz: The Cross and the Switchblade

Note that the guy's smiling face is juxtaposed on a painting depicting multiple murders. Yeah, kids do the craziest things sometimes.

Note that the guy’s smiling face is juxtaposed on a dark painting depicting multiple murders. Yeah, kids do the craziest things sometimes.

Or as I call it, “Finding Jesus in a Time of Gang Violence.”

11. Dave Harris and the Powerhouse Five: Dinner Music for a Pack of Hungry Cannibals

No, Stacy, this isn't a nice soak in a ho tub before dinner. Because you are dinner. In fact, you're the main course.

No, Stacy, this isn’t a nice soak in a hot tub before dinner. Because you are dinner. In fact, you’re the main course. Favorite album of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

For some reason, this blonde seems rather excited about being cooked alive in a boiling pot over a fire.

12. Leith Stevens and His Orchestra: Jazz Themes for Cops and Robbers

Still, that image of someone pointing a gun just makes me uncomfortable for some reason. Perhaps because it seems like it’s pointed right at me.

For when the speaker music at the bank during a simple hold up job just doesn’t cut it.

13. Obren Pjevovic

Man, that man seems remarkably calm while riding a falling bomb that’s bound to blow him up to oblivion. And he has it between his legs, which suggests a rather subtle meaning entirely.

For some reason, the Soviet version of Dr. Strangelove was never put into production.

14. Tortura: The Sounds of Pain and Punishment

Who knew that they had vintage BDSM albums? Also, notice that this cover only features women.

A musical selection chosen especially from the 50 Shades of Christian Grey archives.

15. Schytts: Halligang 6

Here’s what their page says: “For a lot of ages now, since aerly in the middle of 1968, we have brought our mark of by far musice to people of our country, and China also in dovesound. We have stipulated with many in the worlds. Now enjoying of ours fine becoming obsolete to the future coldplay confesses reactive ideas.” Yeah, they need spellcheck badly.

Apparently, their music is said to be a creative rendition of crap.

16. Lenny Dee: Down South

Guess this guy is in Florida since it’s the ocean. Still, the girl in this is dressed up like a ballerina in high heeled shoes.

Because where else could you play piano on a motorboat and watch a girl water ski at the same time.

17. Ana Kathleen Brady: God’s Chosen Puppet

Okay, this is creepy. With strings attached and an uneasy smile, this Christian woman is scaring the bejesus out of me.

Now with ribbon strings that go up to the Lord Almighty.

18. Jerry Irby: Hot Line to Heaven

Sorry, but people don’t associate plaid suits as a mark of godliness. Rather he’s probably a musician whose day job is a 1920s bootlegger on Boardwalk Empire.

Answered by a man with a guitar with the fashion sense of a used car salesman.

19. LSD: Battle for the Mind

Nevertheless, this design seems straight out of some horror movie from the 1980s. And it doesn’t seem something I’d take seriously.

Based on a hallucinogenic acid trip gone horribly, horribly wrong.

20. Jack Carey: ….In Jesus’ Name

No, I don’t want to see a guy like that coming down the stairs. I don’t care if he has a Bible in his hand. this guy’s creeping me out.

Featuring sacred music performed by a man who looks like a 1970s version of Jim Carrey as a sex offender.

21. Mattie McFerrin: Keep a Light Shining Bright

Still, if anything happens to that oil lamp, everything in that picture will go up in smoke. Not to mention, a lot of hair spray can make a coif like that particularly flammable.

And keep that lamp away from her hair.

22. Ronnie Neuman: At the Padded Cell

These guys seem to take prison time with so much stride. Hope the real hardened criminals don’t do anything to their instruments. Because that would be bad.

Featuring songs like “Jailhouse Rock,” “Prisoners of Love,” “House of the Rising Sun,” and “Cell Block Tango.”

23. Hal Willis: Mr. Lumberjack

Of course, he was probably aiming for realism here. Because who cares what you wear when you’re chopping down trees in the woods (besides protective gear)?

Because a man with a striped rainbow coat and an axe is a pinnacle of masculinity.

24. Teen Challenge Addicts Choir

For some reason, they have kid choir juxtaposed with a person shooting up. I don’t know why they thought this was a good idea. Because it’s not.

For those young born again junkies shooting up for their Lord.

25. Les Pallbearer and His All-Ghoul Orchestra: Music for Morticians

Hopefully, this doesn’t have the kind of music that would wake the dead. Guaranteed to give you the “fun” in funeral before you take a trip the destination of 6 feet under.

The kind of music that’ll make you feel good as you make the dead look good.

26. The Gospel Rhythm-Aires: I’ll Never Be Afraid

For some reason, I don’t see a volcano destroying an entire city as one of a doomsday message of faith, hope, and salvation. In fact, it’s more like an apocalyptic scenario guaranteed to make me shit my pants.

Guess these people kind of know where they’re a gonna’ go when the volcano blows.

27. Yvette Horner: Bal Chez Yvette

A smoking dog playing the accordion? Now that’s pretty messed up. Wonder how they came up with that idea.

Featuring her smoking and sunglasses wearing dog Blackie at the accordion.

28. The Best of Marcel Marceau

So let me get this straight, Marcel Marceau actually released an album? How does that work? Because he’s not known for his audio recordings.

Heard it’s great for French mime parties. Just two sides of absolute silence.

29. Steve Allen: Electrified Favorites

Yeah, I don’t think being near electrical devices while soaking your feet is a good idea. Might get you killed.

Featuring one of his last known original songs, “Burned to a Crisp.”

30. Music to Clean Up Stream Pollution By

Ironically, this was created by Union Carbide, the chemical company that brought you the 1984 Bhopal disaster in India that has left an estimated 500,000 exposed and 20,000 dead from its effects. It’s like an album saving ocean life that was produced by BP.

Listen to the tunes such as Big Mouth Billy Bass’s “Don’t Take Me to the River.”

31. Elmer G. Letterman: Personal Power Through Creative Selling

Uh, I don’t think property damage through nuclear holocaust isn’t covered. Because that’s considered a risky investment. Still, why the hell do they have a mushroom cloud on this album? Seriously, why?

Let this big name insurance expert literally blow your mind.

32. The Nickel Family Singers: Love Is Why and Other Devotional Themes

For some reason, the people’s heads in this seem photoshopped to their bodies. Also, the kids seem like they’re straight out of the Village of the Damned wearing red suits. Bound to give anyone nightmares.

Because there’s nothing like a wholesome Christian album featuring a family that will creep you out.

33. Mellodies of Dick Kossins

So this band is basically controlled by some old lady who’s using the musicians as marionettes. Do you see how messed up that is?

Musicians orchestrated by some old lady puppetmeister in a blue dress.

34. Reverend Danny Nance: Jesus and Superman

And it seems that the people are paying more attention to Jesus than the Man of Steel. Then again, after what he did in Man of Steel, I think Jesus might need to teach Superman a lesson in incurring collateral damage.

Because for many these are men of truth, justice, and the American way. But while one may save the day, the other will save your soul from eternal damnation.

35. Jed Ford: I Saw the Light

Then again, he might’ve mistaken the light for the sun. Or he might’ve meant it as a metaphor for a spiritual awakening. However, his suit on the other hand, seems like he bought it from a cartoon resale shop.

However, it was so blindingly bright that I now wear shades.

36. Moostash Joe: “Dance Little Bird”

Then again, given the outlandish songs at costumes at Eurovision, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone performed this song in such a costume. Also, seems more like a funky chicken to me.

Said to be “Europe’s most popular song.”

37. Rare Gold

I’m sorry, but the guy in the album reminds me so much of Ted Cruz who almost everyone hates. And I’d not want him to put a gold chain around my neck.

Or as I call it, “The Courtship and Marriage of Senator Ted Cruz.”

38. Money Is To Burn

Now that’s guy’s a complete idiot. Putting your money in your grill. Bet he’s going to regret that.

Featuring songs like “Cookin’ the Books” and “Fiscal Inferno.”

39. Star Point: Keep on It

Apparently to them, the disco years are alive and well in outer space. Too bad, they’d look like they come from the 1970s on Earth.

Looks like this is from a non-existent funky disco future.

40. Beth Brown: School Book for Dogs

Uh, dogs don’t go to school unless if it’s for service or obedience. Also, I don’t think dogs read either. Ridiculous.

Because with how things are going these days, your pooch might need to learn the skills to get by in this dog-eat-dog world.

41. The Joy Boys: Cookin’ Up a Party

I’m sorry but I don’t think confetti is even edible. It’s also quite flammable, too. So I wouldn’t want any near a stove.

However, just don’t ask them to cook up any food on the stove.

42. Yngwie J. Malmstein: Trilogy

Uh, does he have any idea that the dragon is burning up his guitar? Perhaps it’s not a magical object after all.

Behold, 3 headed dragon, the power of my magic electric guitar!

43. Cocktails Dancing: Cocktail Music for Robots

Let me guess, is this a disco album? Thought so. Still, they seem to do quite fine in a place known to have no atmosphere whatsoever.

Since when would robots ever enjoy cocktails? I don’t get it.

44. Green and Iles: Keep It Gay Conversational Music

Even more funny is that this features a straight couple as far as we know. Yeah, they’re totally not keeping it gay in the modern context.

Nowadays, this title has a very different meaning.

45. Jimmy Fontana: Non Te Ne Andare

I’m sure the kidnappers will have no trouble getting the ransom from her loved ones. After all, she seems like a gorgeous woman. But still, this is a really messed up cover. Being kidnapped and tied up like that isn’t sexy in most situations.

Guess it means something along the lines of “all tied up.”

46. Leona Anderson: Music to Suffer By

You know if it’s music to suffer by, chances are that you don’t want to listen to it. Also, the broken record speaks for itself.

For some reason, I bet the music on this album isn’t any good.

47. Anna Russell in Darkest Africa

Now this is really racist. Really, depicting African tribesmen as hostile like this really offends the people there. Seriously, they’re not all like that.

And I see that she managed to get put in a basket by a bunch of headhunters, I mean African tribesmen.

48. Jim Post: I Love My Life

And another example of attempted fanservice gone wrong. Yeah, kind of seems like a mad guy having the shower curtain pulled on him.

And for extra sales, he’s going shirtless under a waterfall.

49. Kevin Rowland: My Beauty

No, I don’t think a guy trying on his girlfriend’s clothes is a good idea. Mostly because they’d mostly be too small and will be stretched out anyway.

Featuring him getting dressed in women’s clothes, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

50. Dick Black and His Band: A Taste of Dick Black

Now this looks like it could pass for a mundane album cover without a fuss. If only if it weren’t that this accordion player has a very unfortunate name. Because the title is unintentionally hilarious.

Please don’t tell me what I think it means.

The Second Life of Doors and Windows

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 15, 2016

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On houses, doors and windows are fixtures that you use to get in and out of or look out of without fear of the weather. You see these features on every house. However, houses don’t always last and these fixtures might be seen on a secondhand store or a junkyard. Sometimes they’re recycled and put into new houses or to replace the doors and window that somehow got lost in a disaster or wore out. Yet, sometimes you’ll find people using old doors and windows for other projects whether it be for new furniture, gardening fixtures, or decorations like you’d see on Pinterest. Because after all, there’s always something to do with doors and windows whether it be as a DIY project or not. So for your reading pleasure, I give you the repurposed project of doors and windows.

Old screen doors are said to make great room dividers.

And I guess this one took 3 of them. Not sure about the aesthetics but it seems to work.

2. An old screen door can also make a great garden gate.

Well, that seems more fitting for a screen door if you get a high enough fence. Love the foliage on here, too.

3. For a small greenhouse for your plants, stick with some window panes.

Well, that seems simple enough. Not sure if I want to put it outside during the fall or winter though.

4. A French door like this would make a handy place to hang your coats.

Not sure if I can sit there. Not sure if it looks great on that color wall. But I think this will be nice in my house.

5. Sometimes an old double door can double as an outdoor wedding arch.

Well, that’s one way to save money. However, when I get married, I’ll opt for the traditional Catholic church setting to stay safe.

6. Sometimes an old white door makes great hallway furniture.

Well, it does with the prop.s But my favorite part of this is the painting in the window slot.

7. For living room decor, remember that an old window can make a handy coffee table.

And you can even put stuff in it if it opens up. Or spray paint it black as you see here.

8. A set of old double doors will make a handy bed decor.

Well, it certainly gives a rustic touch if you ask me. Probably doesn’t close. But looks great.

9. Two thin doors just might be what you need to slide open a closet.

Or giant shutters if you look at it differently. But it goes well with the room.

10. Sometimes windows might be great for a small planting table.

Well, it’s a smaller greenhouse. But it just might work for small plants.

11. Two white doors make for a garden arch.

This seems like a clever idea. Not sure if having an armchair is a good idea. But it’s nice scene.

12. Using an old door like this can bring out the light.

Like the wreath on this and the light going through it. Very pretty for any room.

13. An old window frame can be used to display photos.

Just as long as you use clothes pin and chicken wire. Not a fan of chicken wire fencing.

14. A white door can always make a graceful coffee table in the living room.

Not sure if a door panel goes well with a giraffe spot rug. But goes well with the room.

15. With a mirror and half a table, a door panel can make a lovely vanity.

The mirror goes very well with this panel. Like how it goes with the chair, too.

16. “It always seems impossible until it is done.”

Wonder if it’s a hallway piece or a desk. Either way, I like that blue color.

17. When come in, hang up your coat and hat at this door.

For some reason I see a lot of doors made into coat hook areas. Like the mirror on this though.

18. A rustic door panel furniture can always look classy in black.

This looks like something you’d find at a furniture since it has such an ornate detail. Also, it seems to come with props.

19. A small cabinet door makes a handy shelf for your kitchen.

Yes, I know it’s a cabinet door. But this is a reused door and window post. So I’ll allow it. Besides, it looks amazing.

20. Hanging windows in the living room? Who knew that could be used as decor?

Yes, these are hanging windows. But they seem to have a nice paint job in white.

21. Have screen doors without screens? Put coat hooks on them.

Just as long as they’re fancy and you put them against a wall. Preferably beside a door.

22. A white door panel can always make a handy bookshelf.

Well, as long as you put wooden slats on it. Like how this display uses different color books on each level.

23. A door shutter would make a fine addition to a bathroom.

As long as it has a light and a toilet paper roll. Certainly gives this room a rather rustic feel.

24. You can use a cabinet door to make a handy bathroom shelf.

Well, as long as you include a shelf and a towel rack. Though the towels usually match.

25. A split door panel can always make a corner shelf.

May not hold much. But it will certainly go great in any living room.

26. Splitting a door panel can also make a handy bookshelf, too.

Well, that’s one way to make a great bookshelf. Not sure what I feel about the color. But I like it.

27. Two French doors can make a great garden backdrop behind a fountain.

I guess these don’t have glass in them as I see the ivy creeping on one. Still, this looks quite lovely.

28. An old window can make a rustic cabinet door.

Yes, this doesn’t look quite obvious. But that explains why it works so well.

29. Who knew a door panel can be canvas material?

However, I’m not sure if a painted chicken would be my choice for interior decor. But some people might disagree.

30. Sometimes an old door can hold a full length mirror.

Well, this one is painted light blue. It also goes really well with this blue walled living room.

31. A door opening can always make an effective corner bookshelf.

Seems like this is almost free standing. Of course, that’s not the case since I know that it would fall down if it didn’t have something to hold it up.

32. A double door can make a great panel for a hallway shelf and bench.

Well, this seems like a rustic furniture feature. Great to put near any front door if you please.

33. With glass, a French door can make an elegant table.

After all, doors can be of the same dimensions as a table in some instances. And it seems to go well with the chairs.

34. A window brings a great touch to a basin table.

This looks like this table for a sink. And I’m sure it’s not for a bathroom since it doesn’t seem to have a mirror.

35. A small shutter can make a fine rustic shelving display.

Well, it doesn’t have much paint on it. But perhaps that’s the point.

36. A door panel adds a country touch to your bathroom wash basin.

And it has a turned square mirror as well as a row of lights. Might go well in a log cabin bathroom. If there’s no outhouse.

37. No matter how shabby, an old door makes a great kitchen table.

So long as it includes stools. Love how the flowers go with it and the modern kitchen.

38. A door panel like this at your front door is a welcome sight.

This includes a shelf, mirror, and mail bin. The flowers add a decorative touch.

39. If you use a knob on wood, almost anything can be a door.

I bet what’s written on this is from the Bible. At least the first part. Because I know the original didn’t involve knocking on a door.

40. Didn’t know a grapevine wreath can go well with a small window frame.

Not sure about the wreath since it doesn’t look as fancy as others. But it goes great with the window.

41. A door panel can be exceptional with a table and lamps.

Don’t forget to add a blackboard to write stuff on. I’m sure this isn’t a desk or it would look quite different.

42. A window frame can always be reused as a mirror for display.

Well, this has a panel of mirrors over a window. Yet, it’s more suited for a living room than a bathroom.

43. With chicken wire, you can hold things with these small windows.

Well, so long as you use something to hang these things on. Not sure how this will come in handy.

44. For outdoor tables, a door will certainly do.

Well, this goes well with the red chairs. Hope the rain doesn’t ruin the paint.

45. Didn’t know a door panel can be used to hold flowers.

Well, a planter of flowers anyway. Wonder what’s being used to support this if it’s not against a wall.

46. A door panel with a window always looks great with painted flowers.

This surely looks lovely. Love the flowers on the window, especially at the top.

47. For any porch, you can always do with a hanging table.

Never seen something like that before. And this is a door panel that’s attached to ropes. Wonder how it works.

48. With the right woodwork, a door panel can make a fine desk.

Well, this seems like a nice work desk. And it has a blackboard to write stuff, too.

49. A door screen can make a lovely garden display.

Well, it’s a nice panel to put some nice stuff on. Also has a rustic feel to it outside.

50. A non-square window can also be reused as an elegant shelf.

This one only has a few things on it. But it goes well with the brick.

51. A simple cabinet door can make a fine for a medicine cabinet.

Then again, these could be shutters. But it does look good on a bathroom medicine cabinet nonetheless.

52. On a door like this, you can put your gardening supplies and plants.

Well, you can hold your garden tools on the hooks and the plants on the shelves. Not sure where you put the rake or pots.

53. On this piece of furniture you can find a place to rest.

This one uses a door panel and long shutters. It also includes hooks and a cushioned bench.

54. A white window with red shutters will make a lovely decoration in your living room.

Guess this is for an antique shop, I suppose. And it has a red wreath to match the shutters, too.

55. Got a wooden door you don’t know what to do with? Make a table out of it with legs.

Well, that’s one way to repurpose it. Kind of seems plain. But I think it will look nice with a few homey touches.

56. With this screen door, you can make a red, white, and blue display you can be proud of.

Well, as long as you are gentle with the screen. But like how they put roses and a wreath of an American flag.

57. A front door coat rack can always look nice in red.

This one uses mirrors for the window slots. And it has hooks on each side.

58. With this door structure, may you find shade in the sun.

Or be dry in the rain. Still, this seems like a very lovely sight in a garden, indeed.

59. With these large sliding barn doors, you can have a fine looking cabinet.

Seems like this is where all the preserves are in the pantry area. Not sure what’s behind those doors, though.

60. With these doors and windows, you have a handy counter top.

However, I highly doubt that this belongs in a kitchen. More like a work station. Not sure about the color either.

61. A window desk always makes an elegant work space.

However, while glass is great for windows, I’m not sure if is a great for a table. Because while it can be strong, it breaks easily.

62. I’m sure this screen door will be quick to remind you.

Because it has a blackboard on it. However, as you write, don’t inhale the chalk dust.

63. With this door panel, anything could look elegant in navy blue.

Well, this seems like something you’d see in a furniture store. And it has white flowers and red stars for a more patriotic feel.

64. A blue door chair is great for setting down plants.

Along with a watering can, apparently. Still, I bet this door was sawed down a bit for the arms.

65. Out on the porch, a door can be refashioned to make a handy swing.

Well, this looks quite lovely. Like how the cushions go with the seat.

66. To avoid water getting out of the shower, this door comes in handy.

Guess the shower curtain here is just for privacy. Not sure if I’d want that in my place.

67. With this door panel, you have a rather rustic place for booze.

Then again, you can put almost anything you want on it. Doesn’t really have to be booze.

68. A painted window always looks great on a shelf.

Even if it’s a small window. And the shelf is a convenient place to store your keys.

69. A garden table with a window and shutters is always great for plants.

Well, outside anyway. Like how that plant is hanging. Hope the paint doesn’t wash off.

70. With fencing, this door will help keep the dogs out.

I have to admit this is pretty clever. Yet, Rover seems to peek through the wire fence just the same.

71. I’m sure this panel can tell you the time of day.

Yes, it’s a cabinet door turned into a clock. And it seems to be 10:10 looking at its face.

72. These hanging windows will do well with flower planters.

Sure they may not be on houses. But they sure look nice with flowers on them.

73. A raised window in the kitchen can always hold your pots and pans.

Well, that’s pretty ingenious. Wonder how many pots and pans this holds.

74. Guess this door board can be quick to remind you.

Sure they have blackboards on them. But you can also put sticky notes, on them, too. Just saying.

75. I’m sure these windows will go well with the shelving.

And so they do. Wonder what the back is made from. An old door panel?

76. This door panel seems to be of a flowery disposition.

Because it has a lovely purple flower painted on it. Or is it pink? Does it matter?

77. Sometimes a window panel can hold a lot of precious memories.

Well, that’s a rather clever idea to reuse a window. Hope the pictures could fit in the slots.

78. A window can always use some flowery panes.

According to Pinterest, this was an Etsy listing. Nevertheless, these painted flowers will be around all year round indoors.

79. Looks like a tree is growing outside this window.

Okay, it’s a rather small tree. And I’m sure it’s not real. But it gives this display character.

80. It’s not every day that you see a glass chicken coop.

At first, I could almost mistake it for a modern glass house. Well, if it weren’t for the chickens inside.

The Ripped Off World of Bootleg and Knock Off Toys

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 8, 2016

Legal Disclaimer: The following is post that’s meant for entertainment purposes. It does not endorse or condone the production or sale of knockoff and bootleg toys or other merchandise. Bootleg products are inferior in quality and are unsafe for anybody to handle in any way. Bootleg toys are a danger to children since they tend to be made from easily breakable plastic, contain loose magnets or springs, or use potentially dangerous lead paint. Besides, kids don’t like them. Also, counterfeit merchandise of any kind is illegal for they cut into legitimate company profits, cause licensing costs to rise, and potentially undermine a brand’s value. Do not buy them for kids under any circumstances. Nor buy any bootleg merchandise whatsoever. Buy real merchandise of quality and don’t waste your money. Thank you.

To the manufacturer, bootlegs, knock offs, and counterfeits are the bane of one’s existence. To consumers, they are cheap rip offs of questionable quality. But like them or hate them, such products have been around for decades. In the days before merchandising, you might find unlicensed toys and other items at your local grocery store or 5 and dime. Local companies would manufacture these items in small enough numbers that they’d slip past by most lawyers’ notice. However, during the 1950s, Superman’s success on TV led DC Comics to clamp down hard on unlicensed products featuring their characters. Fortunately for the makers, they’d let anyone put Superman on any stupid thing for a couple of bucks. Nevertheless, like their designer counterparts, bootleg and knock off merchandise has a limited production run. And there are plenty of collectors who love knockoff toys that a lot of bootleg toys have become worth more than the real thing due to their rarity. Generally, knock offs tend to rip off something for a cheaper price that’s similar enough for you to buy it but different enough so the manufacturers won’t get carded or sued. And many of these products are of varying quality that you’ve probably seen in grocery stores, dollar stores, street vendors, or in some foreign country. Some bootleg toys are almost a replica of the real thing. Others just make you scratch your head on their existence. At any rate, in this post, I intend to show you some of the most bizarre bootleg and knock off toys to ever hit the shelves mostly less inspired and more god awful. So for your reading pleasure, I give you the greatest toys from the hell of unlicensed products. Or heaven according to your point of view since a lot of them tend to be unintentionally hilarious.

If you like Superman and the Flash, look no further.

I call him Super Flash. Because he looks like Superman and is dressed in a Superman outfit. But has Flash colors.

2. From Star Wars Episode 1, I give you a one of the kind Mace Window action figure.

And he has a yellow lightsaber when his is supposed to be purple. Also, looks a lot like Mace Windu of the Jedi Council.

3. If can’t get a Terminator action figure, this Terminate and Destroy one is the next best thing.

From the Fwoosh: “Ah, very clever. Instead of using Ahnold’s face on the package, they used Jean-Claude Van Damme, and instead of using Jean-Claude”s face on the figure, they used your dad’s! Lawsuit dismissed!”

4. For Batman fans, you’ll certainly want this action figure.

Oh, wait that’s Superman. And he comes with automatic weapon accessories. If we learned from Man of Steel, we know that Superman’s very capable of killing his own kind with his bare hands.

5. Can’t afford a Ninja Turtle for your nephew’s birthday? Perhaps this Mouse Master and Turtles figure will do just fine.

And it’s a bird of prey with a cane. Then again, as a Ninja Turtles villain, this is good enough. After all, they can eat turtles.

6. I know a very popular action figure is of your friendly, neighborhood Spiderman.

Doesn’t help that by line on the packaging says, “Come on enjoy the pleasure together!” What? Also comes with automatic weapon accessories. Not sure which is more disturbing.

7. Want a Furby but can’t afford one? Well, that’s where Mog Gwai comes in.

Guess “Mog Gwai” means in another language “Furbies that are legitimately creepy.” Seems like these will not make your day.

8. Fans of Pokemon might appreciate this plush Pokymon Pikachu.

Guess this is a Jamaican Pikachu. Has the power of electric shock as well as smokes ganja and listens to reggae music.

9. There is no girl from the 1990s who’d not want a Lisa Frank backpack.

However, this isn’t the kind of backpack you’d want to buy for a little girl. Unless her name happens to be “Anus” which is unlikely, hopefully.

10. Like Power Rangers? Well, check out these action figures.

I’m sorry but the Power Rangers don’t look like that. These are Batman figures in yellow and green. Seriously, why?

11. This Batman action figure comes with his own horse.

Uh, does Batman even have a horse? Not in the bat cave. And no, he’s not known as “Silver Bat.”

12. The future of law enforcement is Robert Cop 2.

Robert Cop 2? You mean Robo Cop. Yeah, I know you get silly names like these.

13. Ninja Turtles fans you can your very on Ninja Turtles gun.

Do the Ninja Turtles even use guns? They seem to be more into martial arts and daggers to me.

14. Can’t find a Spider Man action figure? How about a Spader Man action figure instead?

Spader Man, he’s that web slinging superhero who also can fix your pet. And might look like James Spader.

15. This Change Robot is just as good as a Transformer.

Well, he changes into a cassette tape anyway. And I know that some of my youngest cousins have no idea what a cassette tape is.

16. No you can be like your neighborhood Spider Man with these Spider Man Adventures Outdoor Heroes Action figures.

These are Archer and Fisherman heroes respectively. Come with their own set of accessories. If I wanted an action figure that could shoot arrows and fish, I’d go with one of Katniss Everdeen.

17. Even fans of the Man of Steel have never seen him like this.

Not only are there 2 Supermans in this package. But one of them is riding a dinosaur. I kid you not.

18. Forget the Ninja Turtles. These Ninja Hero Riders are where it’s at.

Yes, these are Ninja Turtles riding on horses with katanas. And I think they look like frogs for they don’t have any shells.

19. This Mr. T Might Car comes battery powered.

Okay, that looks like something coming from Sid’s place. You know that weird kid from Toy Story? It’s like they put Mr. T’s head and arms on a police van. Freaky.

20. Nothing makes Batman more badass than riding a 3 wheeler.

Is that a turtle shell? Then why the hell is it on Batman? Seriously, why? This doesn’t make sense.

21. Ever imagined Winnie the Pooh whizzing by on a motorcycle in the Hundred Acre Wood? Now you can.

Okay, he’s on a drag race car. But he sure looks happy. Seriously, Pooh on a race car? Jesus!

22. Portable gamers would definitely want this PCP from Game Advance.

Because how else could you play hallucinogen inspired video games? Hope it can play Mario High.

23. Any child is sure to love their own Thomas the Tank Engine.

Well, their very own Thomas the Tank Engine Buzz Lightyear. Yes, I’m just as baffled by it as you are. I don’t understand why this exists.

24. If you like Star Wars, then you’ll like this Blue Star action figure.

From The Fwoosh: “I have to assume this is environment-specific armor that allows troops to survive on planets made entirely of rising bread dough — it’s pretty stylish, considering.” Probably from Eastern Europe.

25. No young child would want to go to school without a Mickey Mouse backpack.

Wait a minute, South Park isn’t Disney nor child friendly. Also, what the hell’s with Kyle’s lips?

26. Chuck Norris fans might take to this Adventure Man action figure.

Okay, that toy looks absolutely nothing like Chuck Norris. More like a befuddled Rambo with a bazooka.

27. If you liked the game Angry Birds, you might enjoy these Ill-Tempered Birds pencil toppers.

Those erasers look so terrible. One of them seems to bear some resemblance to a cross between Big Bird and Bert.

28. See C-3PO as you’ve never seen him before – in turquoise.

Okay, that more or less resembles C-3PO if he came from the 1960s. And no, turquoise doesn’t suit him. This is wrong.

29. Can’t get a Batgirl action figure? How about a Bat Chica one instead?

Okay, that’s not Batgirl. That’s Batman with boobs. Look, I may not have anything against the trans community. But the idea of Batman with boobs is really wrong on so many levels.

30. Can’t get a Darth Maul from Star Wars Episode I? Say hello to Dennis.

So Dennis is Darth Maul with a red face and a green tunic. That’s just freaky. And hilarious. Also has a purple double lightsaber.

31. Fans of Cars might appreciate Lovely Cars like these.

Uh, I don’t think these were in the movie. Includes a police car and fire truck.

32. Now you can have an action figure of your favorite Avenger.

Sorry, but I’m very sure that Mr. Incredible is not an Avenger. Seriously, he’s not even part of Marvel or DC. He’s Disney and Pixar.

33. If you like the Disney Princesses, then you’ll enjoy this Disney doll.

This has to be bootleg since this doll is practically naked. And I know Disney would never sell toys like that to young girls. Also has a Barbie doll head.

34. If a girl likes Barbie, then she’ll love this backpack.

Uh, that’s not Barbie. That’s Snow White. Whole different franchise.

35. If you like Toy Story 2, then you’ll like this set of action figures.

There are so many things wrong with this set. Woody’s face doesn’t look so good and he has the wrong cowboy hat. Jessie has space wings. And there are even weapons accessories. Seriously?

36. We all know that Darth Vader must be a force to be reckoned with in the galaxy far, far away.

However, this one makes Darth Vader look as if he’s just come from a rave. I’m sure he’d really force choke the guy who made this action figure.

37. Super Heroic Man is always here to save the day.

Yes, this is Superman on a horse. Not sure if they have equines like this on Krypton. If so, then they should’ve been wiped out by now.

38. There is no Transformer ever more intimidating than the Breast Chaser.

Guess this Transformer has a very dirty mind. Still, the name makes him hard for me to take seriously. But I’m sure Michael Bay will put him in a movie eventually.

39. As we know, C-3PO looked quite different in Star Wars Episode I.

However, he was not called “R2-3PO.” That is just wrong. Seriously, why?

40. If you can’t get a Darth Vader action figure, you can always settle for Space Power Warrior.

Kind of looks like Darth Vader on steroids. Wonder if he gets roid rage during lightsaber battles. This is crazy.

41. Of course, in my generation Spongebob Squarepants was a sensation.

However, this backpack says, “Tooly, I am your king.” Really disturbing message on a kid’s pack.

42. Young children who love Winnie the Pooh will surely love this little educational toy.

Okay, they just made Pooh creepy. Those glowing eyes are bound to give nightmares to kids of all ages. Even adults.

43. This Mickey Mouse toy is bound to make any child smile.

Oh, great. Looks like this must be Mickey Mouse with rabies. Might want to kill him now or set a trap for him. Yes, he’s now on the path to kill at the moment.

44. I’m sure anyone would want to cuddle with a plushie of Winnie the Pooh.

As long as Pooh’s arms and head aren’t attached to some nightmarish monster. Seems like Pooh took part in some crazy mad scientist experiment gone horribly wrong.

45. Fans of Lilo & Stitch might want to cuddle with a Stitch plushie on their couch.

Why the hell does Stitch have a face on his ass? Seriously, I know he's an alien. But that's just weird.

Why the hell does Stitch have a face on his ass? Seriously, I know he’s an alien. But that’s just flat out crazy. Probably made on drugs.

46. If you like Toy Story, then this Woody action figure might be for you.

I don’t know about you. But Woody seems to be high. And I don’t mean on life. I mean something like recreational drugs like peyote.

47. Star Knight will always patrol the galaxy for intergalactic crime.

I think putting Darth Vader on a police motorcycle is beneath his dignity. Also, kind of makes it hard to take a guy who chopped off his son’s hand seriously.

48. These winged horses will sure delight My Little Pony fans.

Like how this tries to sell itself as “Demon Donkey.” Well, these don’t look like demon donkeys to me. Really they don’t.

49. Why have a transformer that can change into a car when you can have one that changes into a shoe?

Then again, maybe you wouldn’t. But this looks really funny and just cracks me up. Love the laces.

50. As well all know, Batman will always be the Dark Knight of Gotham.

And it seems that Batman has eaten way to much fast food and needs to hit the gym. Also, why does he have firearm accessories?

51. Fischer Price presents Jason Voorhees from its Adventure People Killers collection.

Like how it says on the bottom “Ages 4-9.” Like kids would want to play with a slasher horror movie villain.

52. If you can’t have Obi Wan Kenobi, Toby One is better than nothing.

Sorry, but “Toby One” is kind of a lame name for a Jedi. Also, the face doesn’t look right.

53. If your city’s under threat, call on the Super Man Big Alliance.

What the hell is Shrek doing here? He’s not a superhero. What’s his power? Silent but deadly stink power.

54. Now you can go places with Spidey with these Spider Man Adventure action figures.

Like Spider Man at the beach or Spider Man on safari. Seriously, if Spider Man wen to either, he’d be going as Peter Parker for God’s sake.

55. Those who can’t get Ant Man might want to go with Black Man.

Okay, that’s just freaky. I know that’s Ant Man in black. Also, the name might be borderline racist.

56. This Freddy Kreuger action figure will haunt your dreams.

Maybe not unless you don’t know where he is. Because he’s basically dressed like Waldo. Like from the Where’s Waldo? books.

57. Oh, look toy dogs.

Dammit, those are ostriches. Yeah, someone has no idea what a dog looks like.

58. If you like Star Wars, then you’ll like these Galaxy Cop action figures.

These are rip offs of Darth Vader and an Imperial Stormtrooper. And no, they don’t look like Mexican luchadores underneath their helmets.

59. If you want to play cowboys and Indians, you might enjoy this Indian action figure.

Uh, that looks nothing like a Native American from the 19th century. More like a white American from the 20th or later with a pig gun, a spandex outfit, and a totem pole.

60. Young Sesame Street fans will always like this Rocking Elmo.

Not sure about “Crap Your Hands!!” Must be a really bad misspelling or translation.

61. There’s no better sight than seeing the Mighty Thor on his scooter.

Didn’t know Thor had a pink motorcycle. Not sure if that color suits him. Then again, to each his own.

62. Star Trek fans might want a Mr. Rock action figure, an adventurer from another planet.

This is a rip off of Mr. Spock. And I think his looks don’t do Leonard Nimoy any justice.

63. Sailor Moon fans, meet Planet Girl.

Yes, this is from Sailor Moon. But while the Planet Girl looks anime, the Sailor Sensei on the packaging don’t.

64. From Star Wars Episode 1, own your very own action figure of Han Solo.

Wait a minute, Han Solo isn’t in any of the Star Wars prequels. So what the hell is he doing here? This is ridiculous.

65. For young girls, there is no better doll than one that shows the joys of teen pregnancy.

What the fuck? There’s absolutely nothing beautiful about teen pregnancy. Seriously, why does this even exist? And I thought the pole dancing doll was bad.

66. This Space Robot toy looks truly transformative.

Oh, my God. Now this Thomas the Transformer will allow kids to play Transformers and Thomas the Tank Engine. This is absolutely hilarious.

67. This set of action figures is a real Justice League of superheroes.

I don’t think Spider Man and Mr. Incredible are Justice League members. Spider Man is from Marvel. And Mr. Incredible is from a Pixar movie.

68. If a Justice League isn’t enough, perhaps the Sense of Right League has got you covered.

Shrek again? He’s not even a superhero. And what the hell is that car doing here? This isn’t right.

69. Can’t afford an Xbox 360? How about an X-Game 360?

I’m sure it doesn’t work as well as the real thing. But it sure looks like it.

70. Keep your money and cards safe in this Chip and Dale wallet.

And it also includes gangster rap lyrics as far as I see. Definitely not appropriate for children.

71. Every little girl needs her very own Spider Man stationery set.

Never thought I’d see Spidey on something that’s pink and glittery. not sure if little girls would buy this though. Probably not.

72. Now here is the ultimate Batman action figure.

This is more of a combination of Batman and Robo Cop. Not sure if I can get used to Batman as a cyborg.

73. Now here is a set of real superheroes.

If these are superheroes, why are Venom and the Joker doing here? Because they’re supervillains and anything but heroic.

74. This towel shows Pooh eating on his honey.

Pooh looks mean for some reason. Seeems like he’s up to no good in the Hundred Acre Wood. That’s not the Pooh I know.

75. Every girl always has to have a Stylish Hot Mom family set dolls.

I don’t know what to think of this. Because they could just be a couple of dolls. But the packaging suggests otherwise.

76. Pokemon fans will surely want to play with this Frisbee all day.

Yet, this Pikachu one bears a resemblance to Spongebob eating watermelon. Yeah, it looks straight from an acid trip.

77. Nothing can keep the world safe from evil than the Power Rangers Wild Force.

Most of these on here aren’t Power Rangers. Unless they include Batman, Spider Man, and the Hulk.

78. It helps to dry your hands on this Pikachu hand towel.

And this one carries the face of Homer Simpson. Not exactly what I’d call cute.

79. Gotta catch em’ all with Politics Pat.

These are Pokemon. And I don’t think that cartoon has much to do with politics, aside from possibly animal rights.

80. Like Harry Potter? Then you’ll love this Little Wizard figure.

Guess this is what Harry and Ginny’s kids might’ve looked like. Seems like a nice genetic combination. Comes with a broom and wand the same size.

To Infinity and Beyond with These Disney Pixar Costumes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 8, 2016

BRAVE

While Pixar may never have existed during Walt Disney’s lifetime, there is no doubt that it shares Walt’s vision in animation and film. Pixar may only be part of the Disney empire that produces animated masterpieces that we’ve all known and loved in recent years. But it plays a significant role in the Disney dream machine as well as produces movies that could make a grown man cry. Interestingly, Pixar began when George Lucas (yes, that George Lucas) invested some of his Star Wars money to form a new Lucasfilm division called “Graphics Group” which is best known for its simulation of the Genesis scene in Wrath of Khan. Working there at the time was an animator who got fired from Disney named John Lasseter for trying to push the company to experiment with computer animation and a computer genius named Ed Catmull. You’ll hear about these guys later. Anyway, seeking money to cover divorce costs and the failure of Howard the Duck, Lucas would sell the “Graphics Group” to Steve Jobs for $10 million (yes, that Steve Jobs). It would be renamed Pixar after their first product which was a video rendering computer for medical use. It didn’t do well sales wise, but Jobs kept putting money into it and the company repurposed itself to do computer animated commercials. Meanwhile Lasseter would use CGI to make short films and show them at conventions. And eventually, Pixar would become a leader and pioneer in these CGI shorts in hopes to make an all-CGI feature film. So in the 1990s, Pixar made a distribution deal with Disney, created Toy Story, and the rest is history. Later Disney would buy Pixar for $7 billion (which was more than they bought Marvel at $4 billion) as well as made Steve Jobs a company shareholder. And eventually it bought Lucasfilm and have J.J. Abrams make The Force Awakens. Nevertheless, Pixar is a leader in CGI animation with 13 out of its 16 released so far having been nominated for at least an Oscar. Not to mention Up and Toy Story 3 were both nominated for Best Picture (and deservedly so). Nearly all their films take their subjects and turn them on their heads such as friendly monsters who only scare kids for a living, a race car remake of The Hustler, robots that teach humans to feel emotions again, etc. and in doing so pack them full of humor and drama. Their films have also been very successful at the box office mainly because they tend to cater to families and people of all ages.

The_Incredibles_Pose

That saying, you’ll find a lot of Pixar fans out there. After all, they make movies that resonate with most audiences around the world. Then there are people who are my age as well as grew up with these movies all their lives. For instance, I watched Toy Story in theaters when I was 5 as well as saw Toy Story 3 when I was in college. And it’s not unusual for some of its fanbase to dress like Pixar characters. You might find people dressed up in Pixar costumes for Halloween, at the Disney Parks, or conventions. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of Pixar costumes.

No aspiring cook can’t make a stew without a rat on their head.

This is from Ratatouille no doubt. But isn’t the rat supposed to be in the hat? Then again, it doesn’t matter. The kid’s cute.

2. Looks like the Child Detection Agency is on the job.

The Child Detection Agency was in Monsters, Inc. which is charged with finding kids in the monster world. Also, they believe that kids are toxic contaminants, which Mike and Sulley realize isn’t the case. Still, this is a very creative costume.

3. Iron Man Buzz Lightyear to the rescue.

Yes, this is Iron Man in a suit designed like Buzz Lightyear. Or Buzz Lightyear in an Iron Man suit. You take your pick.

4. With Carl and Russell, adventure is out there.

These are kids dressed as Carl and Russell. I guess Carl’s costume was fairly easy. And Russell has a plushie of Dug.

5. As long as Boo is in this disguise, no one can detect her.

Boo is a little girl who finds herself trapped in the Monsters, Inc. factory. But she’s unafraid of most monsters except Randall. Love how she calls Sulley “Kitty.”

6. Seems like Andy’s Toys are checking out the neighborhood.

Well, some of them anyway. Like the Rex costume. I bet someone really spent a lot of time making that.

7. For Pixar, there is no better love story than of that between Carl and Ellie Frederickson.

It’s a romance of childhood sweethearts that lasts 8 minutes with no dialogue. But it’s way better than Twilight. Anyway, these kids are so cute.

8. Looks like we have some contamination with George Sanderson.

This kid is dressed up as a monster who arrives at the factory with a sock on his back. He’s later shaved and has to wear a cone. Let’s just say it makes scaring rather inconvenient.

9. Hey, the cast of Woody’s Roundup has reunited.

Well, with the exception of Woody’s horse Bull’s Eye. But Sheriff Woody is still the rootingest, tootingest cowboy in the Wild, Wild West. The dad’s Stinky Pete the Prospector’s costume is awesome.

10. Edna Mode can always make a superhero look good.

And yet, I found another Edna Mode costume. I guess she’s a very noteworthy character based on Edith Head. Still, this is funny.

11. WALL-E is looking a bit rusty.

This one seems to be a DIY. And I bet this boy has a parent who’s a repressed art major. Nevertheless, WALL-E is so adorable and so sweet that you just want to give him a hug.

12. If you loved Up, then you’ll like seeing Carl and Russell with Kevin and Dug.

Guess this is a group costume pose. I especially like Kevin’s with the bright feathers. So creative.

13. In Toy Story, Buzz and Woody will always have a friend in each other as well as Jessie.

After all, Buzz tends to have a thing with cowgirls. But I like how the dad’s Buzz costume is DIY. Guess this is a Toy Story family.

14. For super family fun, you can’t go wrong with Syndrome and the Incredibles.

Well, they don’t look quite like the Incredibles. But I guess their costumes aren’t that hard to make. Like the Syndrome kid though.

15. Oh, Boo, did you draw a picture?

Oh, Randall’s your monster who’s voiced by Steve Buscemi. Nevertheless, this kind of funny.

16. Sorry, Darla, but you’re just not good with fish.

In case you don’t remember, she’s the dentist’s niece from Finding Nemo. And there’s a good reason why the aquarium fish are afraid of her.

17. Spare some candy for a little trash collecting robot?

Yes, this is another WALL-E costume that’s also DIY. And yes, it’s adorable as can be.

18. “I’m watching you Wazowski.”

Sure she may be an administrative worker and a slug. But Roz is more than what she seems. Yeah, she’s awesome.

19. Carl Frederickson is off for an adventure to Paradise Falls.

I guess this was a fairly easy costume to make. Like the balloons and the plush dog at the cane.

20. Seems like Riley’s emotions are acting up.

And it seems all 5 have made an appearance. Seems like Fear really knows how to dress.

21. For complex operations, you can count on the plastic army guys.

They’re characters in Toy Story by the way. And they play a role in the first movie. These are clever.

22. Mr. Incredible and Frozone are always the best of friends.

Mr. Incredible has super strength and a family to back him. Frozone has ice powers and the voice of Samuel L. Jackson.

23. Marlin always tries his best to keep Nemo by his side at their home.

I bet the mother’s costume in this took the longest. Still, like the Marlin and Nemo costumes. So adorable.

24. No little green man can ever resist the power of the Almighty Claw at Pizza Planet.

Those aliens are so memorable in Toy Story. And these costumes are just great.

25. Seems like we have child on the premises.

Because we have the CDA showing up. Oh, wait these are children dressed as the CDA monsters.

26. As you know, Marlin and Nemo live in a sea anemone.

At least that’s what appears in the movie. Still, wonder how many balloons it took for this costume.

27. Princess Merida never leaves without her bow.

This is especially when her mom’s been turned into a bear. Then again, it was her fault because she wanted to “change her fate.”

28. For a party crisis, it’s Bud Lighyear to the rescue.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. But you have to admit, making a Buzz costume with six pack boxes is quite clever.

29. Wonder what Bo Peep is looking for this time.

Keep in mind that she has a sheep with 3 heads. And is Woody’s main squeeze by the way.

30. Jessie is always a kind of rough and tumble cowgirl.

However, you don’t meet her until Toy Story 2 by the way. And she has a thing for space men like Buzz Lightyear.

31. This family is so monstrous it’s scary.

Looks like this family is really into Monsters, Inc. I kid costumes, especially Boo's.

Looks like this family is really into Monsters, Inc. I like the kid costumes, especially Boo’s.

32. Roz always pays close attention to the scare floor.

I guess this woman is a teacher. Doesn’t resemble a slug too much. But I could tell by the outfit.

33. Wonder what this guy has hiding in his chef’s hat.

We know it’s Remy the Rat. But don’t tell the food inspectors that. By the way, the kid is Alfredo Linguini and he’s not chef material.

34. No, that’s not Buzz Lightyear. That’s Mrs. Nesbit.

Okay, that’s Buzz Lightyear as Mrs. Nesbit at Sid’s sister’s tea party. And yes, it’s hilarious.

35. Guess this family really has to sort out their emotions.

This must be an Inside Out family. Too bad the dad is scared while the kids are sad, angry, and disgusted.

36. Looks like Russell and Kevin are taking each other well.

Yes, I know Kevin’s female. But Russell made an honest mistake naming her that. Because female birds don’t tend to have bright colors. So Russell mistaking Kevin’s gender isn’t far fetched at all.

37. Those who remember Inside Out might recall Riley’s imaginary friend Bing Bong.

When you make him sad, he’s known to cry candy. He also rides a unicorn.

38. Carl may be an old man, but don’t try to remove him from his home.

Because Carl will take the house with him when he gets out of town. Like the little Up house here. The kid is so cute, too.

39. Sometimes you need a rat to help you in the kitchen.

Yes, this is a dad and kid costume from Ratatouille. And yes, these two look so adorable.

40. For those real into Pixar, this lamp costume might make your day.

I know this is from Costume Works and is for a young child. But considering that this lamp is used for Pixar’s logo, it’s fitting.

41. You never know what monster is lurking under your bed.

However, if they scare you, just remember they’re trying to make a living. And that their world is powered by your screams.

42. Those who’ve seen Toy Story 3 can’t forget Barbie and Ken.

Guess the guys played up the Ken Doll jokes in that movie for all its worth. And yes, Ken was hysterical.

43. Riley’s imaginary boyfriend would do anything for her.

This is probably one of the easiest costumes I’ve seen from Disney. All it takes is a Zac Efron getup and a speech bubble.

44. Even at an advanced age, Carl shows no signs of slowing down.

Like how they used a walker with tennis balls on the ends. So adorable.

45. Guess this is an old picture of Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl.

Well, before they got married and had kids. It’s not wonder their children turned out to have super powers.

46. Somehow, Bo Peep tends to take to pink.

Doesn’t seem to have her shepherd’s crook with her for some reason. But I have to admit she’s has a lovely dress.

47. Seems like Merida has found something.

Not sure what she’s looking at. And I don’t know if I’d want to find out.

48. Carl will always be there to Russell to lend a helping hand.

However, he’s not going to like him at first for being a stowaway to his trip to Paradise Falls. But eventually, he’ll warm up.

49. Not sure who this little monster is supposed to be.

I know this is a character from Monsters, Inc. I just can’t put a name on him or her. Anyway, this is so cute.

50. Carl and Ellie have always shared a spirit for adventure.

Sure Ellie didn’t live to go to Paradise Falls. But that’s okay, because her best adventure was her life with Carl. And she always felt blessed to have him in her life.

51. Guess the toys are back in town at this party.

I think this might be a group costume idea for a Halloween party. Like the Potato Heads.

52. Who knew that Pixar wasn’t just for humans?

To be fair, this dog is probably not in a costume. But I think the owner is having a lot of fun having their dog in a cone.

53. See, I told you Bo Peep had a 3 headed sheep.

However, don’t ask whether it was a product of a nuclear accident at Three Mile Island. Still, at least this proves my point.

54. Seems like Russell has found a very rare bird.

I guess this is a couple’s costume idea for Halloween. All Russell needs is that helping the elderly badge.

55. When danger strikes, the Incredibles will be on their way.

And it seems everyone’s here but Jack Jack. Then again, Syndrome might not want to know what Jack Jack is capable of.

56. Among the Incredibles, Jack Jack is the baby.

However, he’s one baby you don’t want to mess with. He has a multitude of superhuman abilities like shapeshifting.

57. On Woody’s Round Up, nobody can ever forget Sheriff Woody and Jessie the Cowgirl.

Guess these two are brother and sister and are dressed for Halloween. Still, these two are so cute.

58. Looks like Russell and Kevin can’t leave without the house.

Since this is a Pixar costume post, I had to show the Up House. Just because everyone remembers it.

59. Those who like the ocean but aren’t fans of The Little Mermaid might want to go with Finding Nemo.

Yes, this is a Finding Nemo family. And it seems the parents are a diver and Darla. Like the dog shark.

60. Seems like Russell came across Mr. Frederickson’s house.

Well, he’s actually a stowaway. But still, this seems like a cute costume idea for couples.

61. EVE always has an eye for green on earth.

Yes, I know she doesn’t look quite like EVE. But you have to like the plant in the shoe that WALL-E found for her.

62. WALL-E will always go to the ends of the earth and beyond to be with EVE.

Before WALL-E, guess no one thought a robot love story could be done. But Pixar showed it could work and would make grown men cry, too.

63. Guess this picture was taken in Riley’s head.

Looks like it from how her feelings are grouped together. And Anger seems to be reading the news.

64. For some toys, the party starts when the kids are away.

I bet you can recognize some of these Toy Story characters. I have a feeling that Mr. Potato Head took the picture.

65. For this Buzz, it’s to infinity and beyond in the 19th century.

Yes, this is a steampunk Buzz Lightyear. And yes, his suit has all the gear but more suited for a bygone era.

66. This little boy has all the makings of a Wilderness Explorer.

And what an adorable Wilderness Explorer he makes. He also has most of his badges, too.

67. Looks like we have a couple of army men at work.

One is taking aim and the other is checking for mines. And in green plastic, too.

68. Apparently, Mike Wazowski is really bad with turning in paperwork.

Man, that’s almost like you see the guy in the flesh. I guess Pixar would certainly be proud with this.

69. Frozone can always keep the scene cool when it needs to be.

By “cool” I mean like anything below 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Like you’d have in a walk-in freezer.

70. Wonder what Buzz Lightyear is doing at this moment on a bench.

Maybe he’s deep in thought and wants us to mind our own business. Then again, he might be waiting for Woody.

71. There is no robot that can capture WALL-E’s heart like EVE.

And it seems like this EVE really has a lot going here. Well, until she finds a plant and shuts down.

72. This little Mike Wazowski can make anyone green with envy.

Well, not quite. But you have to admit. This Mike costume is so cute.

73. I’m sure this WALL-E family is out of this world.

Well, the space station gives us a sad commentary on our culture. But this seems kind of cute costume wise.

74. Wonder if Andy will have the decency to pick up his toys on the steps.

Oh, wait. Andy is in that picture. And maybe even Bonnie. Still, this is kind of cool.

75. Apparently, two umbrellas can also find a connection.

This must be from a Pixar short I’ve never seen. Because I don’t recognize the umbrellas here.

76. I’m completely positive that not even Woody can resist this little Bo Peep.

And here she is in a little pink dress and bonnet. So adorable that she’ll just melt your heart.

77. Man, Russell must’ve found some gorgeous bird.

Yes, I know it’s a Russell and Kevin couple’s costume from Up. But this Kevin costume has feathers.

78. WALL-E always has to bring his cooler along.

Because that’s where WALL-E keeps some things of personal interest. Still, this is quite creative.

79. Greetings, Sheriff Woody at your service.

Well, I had to get Woody by himself for God’s sake. Because in Toy Story, he’s basically the main character.

80. As an Incredible, Violet has the makings of a teenage superheroine.

For some reason, I’ve seen more Violet cosplays than anyone else from that movie. Then again, it should be no surprise.

81. Looks like Carl and Ellie are having a good time at Pixar Studios.

This must be at Disneyland, California. But they do seem to be having a really good time there.

82. Looks like Bullseye has to show us whom he belongs to.

Oh, I get it. He has “Andy” spelled out on his hooves. That’s clever.

83. Even a monster can never resist Boo’s innate cuteness.

Because she’s such a sweet, little girl in pig tails. And she thinks Sulley is a kitty. Costume is so adorable.

84. Hope this Pixar lamp brightens your day.

Because it’s the kind of lamp you can’t get enough of. I mean you see this before every Pixar movie to date.

85. Oh, crap. CDA has caught up with Boo.

Well, Boo should’ve been in her bedroom but wandered off in her closet when she wasn’t supposed to. Still, this is pretty clever.

86. Seems like Anger’s being a bit temperamental lately.

Well, that’s not surprising. Still, it’s nice to see Bing Bong in there with the feels from Inside Out.

87. Looks like this dog’s house is a little Up.

Yes, this is another canine costume. And yes, it’s the house from Up on a chihuahua.

88. “I’m tour guide Barbie.”

Another character from Toy Story 2. Her romance with Ken makes you think they were made for each other. Which is very much the case.

89. Looks like EVE resembles a trash bin, literally.

Well, her costume was made from a trash bin. Like the WALL-E one, too.

90. Check out Barbie and Ken’s new jeep.

It’s said that Ken goes through several costume changes in Toy Story 3. And he’s voiced by Michael Keaton, too.

91. Uh, have you come across a large lamp?

Well, we all know the lamp gets around through jumping. Wonder how this girl sits down now and then.

92. Carl and Ellie always like to spend Halloween in the Magic Kingdom.

And here they show Ellie’s adventure book. Like their hats.

93. I’m sure this kid is just a little Buzz.

And if it’s Halloween, he’ll go to infinity and beyond for candy. So adorable.

94. Looks like this family is going UP for adventure.

This one has Carl and his wife along with Russell and Kevin. And yes, it has balloons, too.

95. With Woody and Buzz, they’ve always got a friend in each other.

Helps that the theme in their movies is “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” by Randy Newman. Still, you have to like these costumes.

96. Not sure if you can attach balloons to a cardboard house.

Apparently, you can when you see this kid. Just love the colors on them.

97. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Slinky Dog.

Yes, it’s a Slinky Dog costume for a dog. And apparently, it’s utterly brilliant.

98. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.

Had to get these two in sooner or later. After all, they’re among the iconic couples of Toy Story.

99. Never before have I’ve seen Buzz all blown up.

Let’s hope he stays away from sharp objects. Or else, his costume would be totally ruined.

100. Finally, to end this post, I bring you Dolly.

Dolly is one of Bonnie’s toys who helps Andy get back to Sunnyside Daycare. And yes, you can’t help but like this costume.

May You Not Live Happily Ever After in These Disney Villain Costumes

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 5, 2016

If you think Disney is a company that specializes in cheesy movies, family friendly fairy tales, and everyone living happily ever after, then you’ve never come across these guys. Yes, dismiss Disney all you want as entertainment that reeks with a saccharine sweetness aimed to children. However, mark my words, we have to come to terms that these Disney bad guys are anything but saccharine and barely meet the decency guidelines in what can be considered children’s entertainment. In fact, for a company known to make Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh cartoons, Disney has managed to come up with some really sinister villains who have done their share of damage for the protagonists or their loved ones. And some of them have been seen among the greatest villains of all time. Some of them have even got their own songs. But even at their most evil, a lot of them attract fans since they tend to seem quite interesting, cool, and entertaining. And Disney has taken notice. However, since these are Disney movies, don’t expect them to live happily ever after or at least get what they want in the end. In fact, expect some of them getting killed through falling down from somewhere. Or worse. Though they will be missed to an extent.

sleeping-beauty-maleficent-1

Since Disney villains have their share of fans, it’s not unusual to see some of them dressed as their favorite Disney baddie. Of course, for some villains like Maleficent and Gaston, since Maleficent is an attractive sorceress who has way more lines and screentime than Aurora while Gaston, well, is so full of himself that it’s funny and even has an excellent song about how great he is. Hades and Ursula may be bad but they both have really great personalities. Ratigan and Scar are voiced by the talents of Vincent Price and Jeremy Irons respectively and both have really great songs. Also, Captain Hook and Jafar really know how to dress. Then there are others who have fans that make your scratch your head over like Hans and Frollo since Hans managed to get Anna to fall for him only to stab her in the back while Frollo thinks he’s a virtuous man of God when he’s really a complete self-righteous hypocrite who is abusive toward Quasimodo whose mother he killed and sees him as an abomination, tries to burn an entire city because Esmeralda refuses to sleep with him, goes after Captain Phoebus for disobeying an order that goes against his principles (like burning an innocent miller and his family for hiding gypsies), throws down the Archdeacon for standing in his way, and using his personally twisted theology to justify his actions. Nevertheless, I bring you a treasure trove of people dressed as the bad guys from Disney.

In Wonderland, it would be wise not to piss off the Queen of Hearts.

Because the Queen of Hearts tends to say, “Off with their heads!” which whenever someone makes her angry. And she tends to get irritated by the slightest upset.

2. As the Sultan’s Vizier, Jafar uses his cobra staff to hypnotize his boss.

I’d love to see Jafar going through airport security. Bet he’ll use his staff to hypnotize TSA agents.

3. Yzma always takes great pains to look glamorous.

It’s widely said that Yzma has a secret lab. Don’t tell anybody I said that.

4. Cruella De Vil is an absolute slave to fashion that she’ll risk animal cruelty for a fur coat.

Well, this is a 101 Dalmatians family. Still, I feel for the little puppies in this picture.

5. Didn’t know that Yzma and Syndrome were an item.

Well, Syndrome is the villain from The Incredibles who started out as a crazed fan. As for Yzma, well, she’s a sorceress from the Emperor’s New Groove who turned her boss into an alpaca.

6. Sometimes wickedness has a tendency to run in the family.

Well, to some extent. Still, you might not want to mess with this bunch if you can avoid them.

7. It would be wise to invite this little Maleficent to your party.

Because if you don’t, she might put a curse on somebody’s baby. Yeah, she doesn’t take being rejected very well.

8. As a sea witch, Ursula always tries to look her best.

And this Ursula seems quite pretty compared to what she looked like in the movie. Still, the sea witch can be captivating in her own way.

9. A little evil queen like her always desires to be the fairest one of all.

Then again, I bet she relies on a magic mirror to boost her ego. But if the mirror doesn’t do his job, oooh boy.

10. As we know, Gaston is quite a guy.

However, you have to wonder why he just get over Belle. Because I’m sure there are plenty of women in his village who’d want him.

11. As Gaston’s toady, LeFou always knows how to cheer him up.

By getting a local bar to sing a song about how great he is. Because no one does it like Gaston.

12. Cruella De Vil can always keep up her appearances.

However, not sure about seeing her with a Dalmatian and in a coat like this. Makes me wonder.

13. Someone should tell Captain Hook to avoid crocodile infested waters.

I know I’ve tried to avoid putting Peter Pan on my Disney posts. But Captain Hook is such an iconic Disney villain that I’ve made this article an exception.

14. Only Maleficent can look this good in green skin and horns.

She can also turn into a dragon if she feels the need. However, she ends up getting disembowled by Prince Philip in the process.

She can also turn into a dragon if she feels the need. However, she ends up getting disemboweled by Prince Philip in the process.

15. Sometimes it’s always the bad girls who look glamorous in Disney.

Well, as far as these costumes are concerned. But I wouldn't call Ursula, Cruella, and the Queen of Hearts as attractive in their movies.

Well, as far as these costumes are concerned. But I wouldn’t refer Ursula, Cruella, and the Queen of Hearts as attractive in their movies.

16. As Mufasa’s brother, Scar always aspired to be king of the Pride lands.

Yet, for some reason Mufasa didn’t suspect that Scar would stab him in the back. Well, until it was too late when Scar threw him off a cliff.

17. Seems like Cruella and a henchman caught at least one puppy.

However, one pup isn’t going to be enough for her. She has to have 99 of them for a coat her size.

18. Sorry, Ariel, but Eric is Vanessa’s prince once and for all.

Oh, and “Vanessa” is Ursula by the way. And she’s deliberately trying to spoil your chances with Eric so she can usurp your dad.

19. With Triton’s crown and trident, Ursula is unstoppable.

As long as Eric’s not around to impale her with a sunken ship. Because that’s how she meets her end.

20. Please don’t take an apple from this evil queen.

Because it’s laced with poison that could only be revived through an act of sexual assault. Yeah, magic potions and spells are funny that way.

21. With her staff and her trusty raven Diablo, Maleficent is a formidable Mistress of All Evil.

Sure she may attractive in black and purple. But she’s the green skin woman who people like Captain Kirk should avoid.

22. There is no tot as manly as baby Gaston.

No one poops like Gaston or give big toots like Gaston. No one goes stomping around wearing boots like Gaston. I bet little guy will use antlers in all of his decorating.

No one poops like Gaston or give big toots like Gaston. No one goes stomping around being so cute like Gaston. I bet little guy will use antlers in all of his decorating.

23. Cruella De Vil is always clad in black, white, and red all over.

Like how she’s carrying a red handbag with her costume. And she’s wearing leopard prints, too. So creative.

24. At Agrabah, Jafar wishes to have Jasmine in his clutches.

Mostly because marrying her gives him a way to legitimate his power. Other than that, he doesn’t care what she thinks.

25. Apparently, this little Maleficent isn’t pleased.

Let’s hope she doesn’t have your teenage daughter pass out after touching a glowing spinning wheel. Yes, this is one mean witch you don’t want to cross.

26. “Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”

“And if it’s anyone other than me, I’ll kill em.'” Look, Queen, maybe you get rid of that mirror, and be the fairest one of all in your own life. Seriously, do you think you can solve your problems by killing Snow White? No.

27. Ursula never underestimates the importance of “body language.”

I know some said that Ariel should’ve known better than to sign a contract with Ursula. However, Ursula clearly didn’t hold her end of the bargain and did everything she could so Ariel wouldn’t succeed with Eric. Oh, and she used Ariel’s voice to hypnotize Eric, too.

28. Introducing Maleficent in her armored glory.

I don’t think Maleficent needs an outfit like that as Mistress of All Evil. She’s pretty badass in her traditional get up already.

29. I wouldn’t look right into Jafar’s staff if I were you.

Because that’s how he hypnotizes the Sultan. However, before the Genie, his powers can only go so far.

30. “Do you play croquet?”

And yes, they play with hedgehogs and flamingos in Wonderland. Animal rights people, if you see anything wrong with it, shut up in her presence if you want to live.

31. “And now that I’m grown, I eat 5 dozen eggs so I’m roughly the size of a barge.”

And that if Gaston wasn’t killed by the fall in Beauty and the Beast, heart problems would’ve gotten the better of him. Seriously, that’s not healthy.

32. Judge Claude Frollo always sees the world engulfed in hellfire and sin.

However, Frollo is a self-righteous hypocrite who never admits that he’s in the wrong. And despite being “justly proud” of his “godly virtue,” he’s willing to burn a city because some gypsy girl won’t sleep with him.

33. For Mother Gothel, mother always knows best when it comes to Rapunzel.

And she’s basically keeping Rapunzel in a tower because her hair has healing powers and could make her look young. But yes, Gothel is really nasty.

34. On Villains Vogue is Cruella De Vil.

And she sure knows how to dress. Wonder how many dogs had to die for that fur coat she’s wearing.

35. Stinky Pete the Prospector from Woody’s Round Up has never been removed from the box.

Well, until he got himself out of it, of course. He’s quite manipulative and does everything to make sure Woody never returns to Andy. Then again, he has no idea what it’s like to be loved as a toy.

36. Ursula is always willing to lend a hand for some “poor unfortunate souls.”

Well, for a fee anyway. Still, if you don’t keep your end, well, you’ll just end up in her polyp garden.

37. A queen always looks regal in purple.

However, an evil queen is never satisfied unless she’s fairest one of all. And she’s willing to resort to putting an ugly disguise and poisoning her stepdaughter to have that.

38. In Neverland Captain Hook wants Peter Pan dead.

However, if some kid sliced your hand off and fed it to crocodiles, you’d be angry, too. So you can’t really blame Captain Hook for going after the guy.

39. If Cruella De Vil doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.

Well, this woman’s Cruella coat is almost spot on. And it has a red lining to go with it.

40. This little Ursula is a real sea monster.

And despite her demeanor, Ursula is really not to be trusted since she only cares about herself. Still, I think this costume is adorable.

41. Guess this little girl can be a bit Cruella so to speak.

And she doesn’t look happy either. Though to be fair, Cruella isn’t a happy person, at least towards the end.

42. As god of the Underworld, Hades is lord of the dead.

Yet, in Greek mythology he’s not a bad guy. And in the Hercules legend, all he does is tell Herc not to harm Cerberus and bring him back when he’s done. And Herc did.

43. There must be some gathering of Disney villains here someplace.

Yes, you see a lot of your favorite Disney baddies. That guy in the hunting outfit is from Bambi, by the way. He shoots Bambi’s mom.

44. Didn’t know Deadpool was a fan of Disney villains.

Yet, here we have a Deadpool Jafar and Maleficent. Wonder what side these two are on.

45. Guess Aurora is now what you call a “sleeping beauty.”

Because Maleficent had to put a curse on her since she wasn’t invited to her christening. Now on to capturing Prince Philip.

46. Ursula can be quite a looker in her human form.

But she hypnotizes and seduces Eric with Ariel’s voice in her shell necklace. Thankfully the sea creatures intervened before she could marry him.

47. Mother Gothel will do almost anything to retain her youthful appearance.

After all, how else can she retain a body like this without Rapunzel’s hair? So that’s why she kept the girl in a faraway tower.

48. Maleficent may be a bad girl but she’ll never back down.

Besides, she can be quite cool since she almost won part way through. If she had Philip killed and had the Good Fairies turned to stone, she would’ve been victorious.

49. For a Pre-Columbian priestess, Yzma always decks herself in feathers.

May not be over the top, but it’s quite clever. Even if this costume is mostly made from tulle.

50. Which will it be poison apple or heart in a box?

And both will be used on Snow White, her stepdaughter. The Evil Queen can be quite nasty as you see.

51. Man, does Stinky Pete have a big pick.

Wonder if it helped him get out of that box. Still, despite his grandfatherly exterior, Stinky Pete isn’t a nice guy or he wouldn’t be on here.

52. Dr. Facilier is a witch doctor you might want to avoid in New Orleans.

Yes, turn Naveen into a frog and have his servant take the form of the prince. Wonder what can go wrong there.

53. Guess the Evil Queen is insistent on offering the apple.

Guess this is a couple’s costume idea with the guy as the Magic Mirror. Doesn’t seem too happy here. But does he ever? No.

54. Lady Tremaine is a social climbing fiend who really hates her stepdaughter.

Of course, her own daughters aren’t lookers themselves. Also, I have no idea why she doesn’t use Cinderella to further her interests. I mean I’d do the same if I were her.

55. It’s always hard to imagine Yzma without her Kronk.

I guess her henchmen position had few takers. Because Kronk is a complete tool. Funny, but a tool.

56. For Captain Hook, Smee is his right hand man.

As you can see, Disney henchmen mostly tend to be idiots. Smee is no exception but he’s not a mean guy though.

57. Madam Mim is said to be a rather powerful sorceress.

She’s from the Sword and the Stone which is about King Arthur. She doesn’t have a lot of screentime but she tends to be rather popular.

58. A Queen of Hearts always has to have her robes lined with furs.

And here she is with a flamingo as a croquet mallet. Don’t piss her off. Really, if you value your life, just don’t.

59. In some Disney families, it’s good to be bad.

Here we have Jafar, Curella, Maleficent, and Syndrome. And yes, everyone in the clan looks very evil.

60. Cruella De Vil always has to look stylish in furs.

Notice how she dresses in black, white and red? But at least in this one she’s wearing a big hat.

61. When hungry, avoid women like her.

Because her apples are poison. Also, she’s the Evil Queen in disguise by the way.

62. Apparently, Kronk and Yzma seem to have a good time.

In movie the Emperor’s New Groove, this isn’t the case. Because Yzma is always mad at Kronk being an idiot, which is good comedy.

63. Lady Tremaine always tried to get her daughters to marry well.

Unfortunately, her girls don’t fare well in the looks department. Though that may not matter much.

64. Looks like little Cruella has found at least one of the puppies.

And it seems like this little puppy is crying. Then again, you would, too, if you were near her. Still, this is perfect.

65. So Gothel, Jafar, and Ursula walk into a bar.

And they seem to get along together. Then again, Gothel isn't over dominating the world. But Jafar and Ursula, I'm not sure.

And they seem to get along together. Then again, Gothel isn’t hot with dominating the world. But Jafar and Ursula, I’m not sure.

66. Seems like Snow White is in a lot of trouble here.

Because this one has the Evil Queen and her hag disguise. And she’s offering a poison apple, too.

67. Jafar might want to watch his back if he’s smart.

Because Aladdin is wielding a sword at him for good reason. Perhaps he should try to aim for his pride.

68. Even the notorious Cruella De Vil had to start out small.

Yes, I know Cruella isn’t nice, especially to animals. But this costume is so cute.

69. Looks like the Disney villains are having a poker night.

Then again, they might be scheming against each other. Or maybe not. I can’t tell.

70. Mother Gothel never leaves home without her cape.

However, she always makes sure Rapunzel never leaves the tower. Ever. Because she’s really intent on staying young.

71. Claude Frollo always sees himself as a righteous man.

However, he’s not because he abuses Quasimodo and lusts after Esmeralda that he makes life miserable for everybody when she rejects him. He’s a real nasty piece of work.

72. No, Cruella, I don’t think your dog wants a fur coat.

Then again, it’s probably part of the outfit. You have to give kudos to creativity to say the least.

73. “Off with their heads!”

Now there’s a woman you really don’t want on your bad side. Unfortunately for you, it’s very easy to get there.

74. Sometimes Gaston likes to show off now and then.

However, I have strong doubts Belle would be impressed. Because she rejected him multiple times.

75. Oh, dear, Mother Gothel has a knife.

Guess she found out that Rapunzel left the tower and skipped out. That can’t be good.

76. No I don’t think Elsa would get skimpy for Prince Hans.

Because Hans is the bad guy in Frozen and he’s no Han Solo. I mean he tried to take over her kingdom. What don’t you understand?

77. Don’t tell me that Cruella already skinned some of the puppies.

Okay, this is kind of sick. Seriously, this is demented. But pretty creative since you don’t see costumes like that.

78. Didn’t know that was Sid all grown up as a garbage man.

Okay, he’s not a villain at this point. But some of the things he did in the first Toy Story really freaked the toys out. I mean really.

79. Introducing Maleficent and the Evil Queen, steampunk style.

Yes, these bad girls are dressed like they’re from the 19th century. Doesn’t make them less menacing though.

80. Prince Hans is a man from the Southern Isles.

And he wants to rule a kingdom but being the youngest of 12 brothers, he doesn’t have a chance. Unless he marries Anna and takes over Arendale. Then again, maybe he should’ve just given up his power trip and find himself a hobby.

81. Here we have Yzma and Kronk in the secret lab.

Actually it’s a “secret lab” that everyone knows about. And let’s just say, it doesn’t go all well to Yzma’s plan.

82. Ursula is always accompanied by her eels Flotsam and Jetsam.

Basically the only two creatures Ursula cares about or mourns for. As for everyone else, well, they’re either a pawn or an enemy.

83. The Queen of Hears would like some tarts after a game of croquet.

Now I like the use of the garden flamingo in this as a mallet. I think think it’s ingenious.

84. Here Vanessa takes a stroll on the beach at night.

I guess that’s where she’ll get Eric to dump Ariel so she could get back at Triton. Yes, this is Ursula as you see.

85. Looks like Hades is enjoying himself after all.

And is that Persephone? Then again, probably not. Still, that’s a pretty good costume of Hades.

86. Sorry, Vanessa, but you’re not fooling anyone.

I know that’s a painting instead of a mirror. But it kind of illustrates the point if you don’t get me wrong.

87. “Choose me or the fire.”

Okay, that’s kind of a disturbing cosplay. But then again, Frollo is a really disturbing guy who really needs to admit that something’s wrong with him.

88. Oh, dear, Ursula is about to stab Flounder.

And she’s going at him with a fork. Disturbing, but appropriate.

89. Where would Yzma be if she didn’t have her gigantic plume?

Well, the plume was much bigger in the movie. Yet, this one is made from construction paper. Obviously.

90. Who knew that Maleficent could look so pretty in purple?

Sure she may be the Mistress of All Evil. But even you have to admit that this is adorable.

91. Apparently, Ursula is not amused.

Then again, a tutu skirt would be perfect for Ursula. Because she is part octopus as we know.

92. Relax, Hades is cool, at the moment.

Well, here he is with a skull. Poor Hades. All he wants is to take over Mount Olympus because his job as ruler of the Underworld sucks.

93. Yes, Cruella’s hair isn’t always a consistent color.

But you have to admit, the woman really loves her furs. And her fashion.

94. Maleficent is just out to get some fresh air.

Well, maybe she’s trying to look for Aurora. However, I don’t think she’s up to any good at this point.

95. Want to share with Hades?

Okay, that cup is filled with gummi worms for flames. But still, don’t touch his awesome blue hair.

96. Of course, this little sea witch hasn’t been in a good mood lately.

What’s the matter? King Triton won’t let you borrow his trident? Oh, there, there.

97. As Governor of Jamestown, John Ratcliffe believes that riches are found below.

Unfortunately, he was completely wrong about the gold. So he blamed the Indians and tried to attack them. What a prick. But nice pigtails.

98. Somehow, Hades seems to approve for some reason.

Well, he’s giving a thumbs up. Still, you have to admit, he’s pretty funny in Disney’s Hercules if you ask me.

99. Here we have the Horned King getting chummy with Marvel’s Doctor Doom.

The Horned King is a villain from the Black Cauldron that was made in the 1970s. He wants to use the cauldron to make a zombie army. That’s all I know.

100. Yes, Frollo just stand pretty with your hands folded.

Sure Frollo has a cool outfit. But his falling off Notre Dame’s roof and into molten metal. Bye, bye, Frollo. You won’t be missed.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her