Gather Round All Ye Lords and Ladies to Marvel at These Magnificent Costumes of the Ye Olde Renaissance Festival (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Renaissance Festival season is back in southwestern Pennsylvania with the Greater Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival starting on August 26th and running through weekends in September and Labor Day. So anyone interested might want to get into their LOTR and Game of Thrones costumes, get a purse full of cash, and enjoy the fantasy! Of course, you’ll often find a mishmash of costumes ranging from medieval to 1600s which include royalty, pirates, fairies, Vikings, gypsies, mythological creatures, and others. And all in a pseudo-historical and overpriced event suited for 21st century eyes. Because had you been at a festival during the Renaissance you probably wouldn’t want to be there. Not because they didn’t serve turkey legs since nobody was settling in America at that point. Well, there was Spanish colonization and Roanoke but let’s just you don’t want to there either. And let’s just say the Renaissance was far dirtier, bloodier, and uglier than what these renfests show you. Call it a theme park version if you will since the primary aim for a Renaissance festival is entertainment. And yes, you’ll see plenty of people show up in their outfits. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you another assortment of Renaissance Festival costumes.

  1. It takes a little peasant to hold up a big frame.

Well, the frame is more like big for her. But sometimes size is irrelevant.

2. A satyr should always stand in leafy glory.

And we should all agree that his fall look is fabulous. Then again, fall leaves are among the most colorful.

3. You’d almost mistake this kid for a little barbarian.

The costume mainly consists of torn clothing and a fur cape. But the velcro shoes give an anachronistic impression.

4. Simple dresses and straw hats can do for peasant styles.

After all, regular Renaissance women weren’t wearing lavish gowns to show off to everyone. So these will do fine.

5. Seems like we’ve come to a magic troll in the forest.

Then again, he seems like he could be a wizard. Perhaps Merlin’s brother Elsgarth who’s known to harass woodland creatures.

6. You can always enjoy a pint in a fancy hat.

You can also have a patched skirt and leather fanny pack to match. Of course, someone in Britain is probably laughing right now.

7. Sometimes brown can really do it for you.

You’d almost mistake this guy for the Sheriff of Nottingham. Except he wouldn’t be wearing that in the 12th century save in movies.

8. You can even get a Renaissance Festival dress in an infant size.

Though in the Renaissance, it’s likely both boys and girls would wear them. But not like this.

9. A fair lady can always turn heads in red.

Makes her appear like a villain in a Tudor drama. Bet she has a dagger hidden under her skirt.

10. A winter queen always wears a resplendent blue dress.

Though this doesn’t seem like the season for it. Then again, it might be the only time the Renaissance Festival comes to her hometown.

11. A sea beauty can always go with some blue hair.

She’s supposed to be dressed as a mermaid with a jeweled seashell bra. But a blue skirt is close enough.

12. A Scotsman must stand tall with an ax in his kilt.

Not bad with the leather top. But I wonder if he’s wearing anything underneath. Because you know what they all say about men in kilts.

13. Seems like this couple wanted to dress in something that matches with the landscape.

Well, not quite. The woman wears a sky blue dress. But they both look very beige to me.

14. When it gets cold, you might want some furs.

Apparently, the people of PETA are upset right now. But the fur is fake and part of a witch costume.

15. With fall fashion, you can’t beat the forest spirits.

I see we have an elf, an antler woman, and a woman in a leafy headdress. And yes, they aim to match the trees.

16. Beware of the man in the long leather mask.

You know the old plague doctor’s mask? Sure it’s not an authentic model. But it’ll protect him from the plague as well as a real one ever did. Not at all.

17. Any girl can be a warrior princess.

This one looks more like a Viking outfit. Not as fancy as a gown but practical. Hope she knows how to handle a sword.

18. Bet you didn’t expect to see a fairy decked in green.

She even wears fishnet stockings on her legs. But you have to check out her gold and green wings.

19. A Scottish lass must have some plaid on her.

After all, what’s Scottish pride without a tam and plaid? Besides, kilts are menswear.

20. A simple smock is fine for a forest spirit.

Because no fairy wants to be held down by a heavy Renaissance dress. Still, love the purple.

21. A fall fairy can sport rather gorgeous wings.

Seems like fall fairies are all the rage. She even wears a leafy headdress and rainbow tutu.

22. Any lady can stun in an elegant green.

Comes with long, wide sleeves and golden embroidery. Stunning and will probably break the bank.

23. A harp playing fairy is magical in magnificent purple.

Yes, these costumes can get quite elaborate. But I’m always a sucker for purple stuff. Love the skirt.

24. Not sure how anyone could play on two pipes at once.

Maybe the pipes are two different clefs. Then again, it goes with her fairy costume.

25. A peacock fairy is a wondrous sight.

Her outfit is covered in peacock feathers from top to bottom. Love it.

26. Who says a girl can’t go out in the woods by herself?

However, let’s hope the bow, arrows, and dagger are fashion accessories. Because using weapons in public shouldn’t be encouraged.

27. Apparently, someone’s a hit with the ladies.

Yes, that guy seems quite proud of himself being among women. I’m sure any of these would want him to open their bodice. Since they must be roasting in these dresses.

28. These lady pirates are always up for a beer.

Though real pirate ladies usually dressed as dudes to conceal their identities. So they wouldn’t be wearing lovely outfits like these.

29. I suppose this woman is supposed to be Mary, Queen of Scots.

If so, then I don’t think she’ll live happily ever after. Actually her whole life was a series of unfortunate events.

30. A peasant woman carries her things on her belt.

Because most 16th century dresses didn’t have pockets. And that’s why we have purses today.

31. I believe this barbarian relishes in making an entrance.

Had this one for at least a year or two. Wasn’t sure what to do with it until now. But you have to admire the guy’s mail and teeth helmet.

32. Is that a shaman or a witch doctor?

Yes, I know it looks cool. But the skulls seem to suggest a connotation with death and cannibalism for some reason.

33. Perhaps you might want to don a colorful princess gown.

This one is mostly red with loose sleeves and a yellow underskirt. The neckline is lined with gold.

34. A  long black bodice stands out in yellow and white.

Though it doesn’t seem laced very tightly. Then again, to each his own.

35. A man should always wear the right boots to match his pantaloons.

Okay, he’s wearing pants. But the rule applies. Also, check out those poofy sleeves.

36. You should be careful about walking in your own bare feet.

Uh, the floor is mulch and chances are this woman will come home to feet filled with splinters. For God’s sake, we have shoes for a reason.

37. One of these pirates has a pair of goggles ready for the adventure.

Yes, pirates might seem cool. But you wouldn’t want to be around a bunch of drunk guys on a wooden ship that smells like shit.

38. Peasant dress isn’t always as simple as it looks.

I’m sure this consists of several pieces of fabric. And it’s dirtied up for a more “authentic” look.

39. A guy looks like a fighter with spiky armor and helmet horns.

Though the most this knight will accomplish is putting someone else’s eye out. Looks baddass, by the way.

40. “Interesting that you humans have these Renaissance Festivals.”

Yes, I know Data’s from Star Trek TNG and has nothing to do with the Renaissance. Still, let’s pretend he’s in the Enterprise holosuite program.

41. Looks like we’ve come to a couple of fairies.

Not those kind of fairies. These have wings and flutter. One of them is a guy.

42. This woman has mail all over her.

Yes, her outfit is made of chain mail which was once used armor. Let’s hope it doesn’t freeze on her if it’s abnormally cold.

43. This fairy loves to deck her hair with flowers.

Yes, I know I’ve featured a lot of fairies on this post. But this one kind of stands out for me. Don’t know why.

44. On cold days, you might want to bundle up with feathers.

Then again, the feathered look might be a bit too much. But I love the feather mask.

45. If you should travel to the Renaissance Fair, I suppose you might prefer a 3 piece dress.

Just consists of a shirt, corset, and skirt. You can also add a garland if you want to.

46. How about a pint with this old warrior?

Kind of reminds you of a sage from some fantasy film. Of course, he must’ve spent a lot of time on his outfit.

47. Maybe you might want to see a fairy queen with a couple of entertainers.

I guess she’s with a jester and a troubadour. Jester also knows how to juggle.

48. This redhead is her own knight in shining armor.

She even has her own horse to show for it. Hope the mail doesn’t weigh her down.

49. This red-caped woman comes with her own bull horn.

That way if she runs into a wolf, she can blow into it and call for help. Then again, that horn might be used for gun powder.

50. I’m sure nobody could resist these 3 little swordsmen.

At least they’re playing with wooden swords. They’re also dressed he same, too.

51. This centaur has an unusual hairy chest.

You can see he has wheels on the back legs. And please don’t ask him how he goes to the bathroom.

52. This belly dancer has come to entrance you to her moves.

Interesting how her outfit goes with her pink hair. And I suppose she’s not wearing a midriff due to the weather.

53. A fairy should never go out without a flower dress.

She even has more flowers in the back. Must’ve taken her hours to get dressed in that. outfit.

54. Pardon me, or is that Captain Jack Sparrow?

Well, he almost resembles the Johnny Depp character. Even has the swagger.

55. Seems like a couple of Vikings invaded this Renaissance Festival.

Both have horned helmets which Vikings didn’t wear when on their boats. And there are obvious reasons for that.

56. She knows her way with a bow and arrow.

Helps if she wears a simple dress with a belt. Not sure how it helps her give a good aim though.

57. May I introduce you to the rainbow fairy?

She has rainbow wings and tutu. But her top is mostly white. So pretty.

58. Now this guy looks like a real lovable rogue.

He has a sword and his tunic with leather pants and boots. Simple yet effective.

59. Between these three, there isn’t much there.

Or rather on them. And yes, they’ll probably shiver at the end of September.

60. Now that’s some rather interesting armor.

Well, she has a couple of plates on her boobs. Though I particularly want to know whether she’s holding a knife or scepter in her hand.

61. You may even see an ogre or two at the Renaissance Faire.

I know the guy is supposed to be Shrek. But the woman doesn’t look like Fiona.

62. For a little princess a dress of pink and purple will do.

Of course, let’s hope she doesn’t go to the Renfest when it’s raining. Because she’s so adorable in it.

63. Nothing makes a soldier look badass like tacked leather.

Though that won’t protect you like chain mail and armor. But yes, it makes you think you’ll be great for Game of Thrones.

64. Didn’t think I’d see a green fairy in the winter.

Though she seems more suited for spring or summer. Also, how does she keep warm in the snow.

65. For this family, the Renaissance Festival doesn’t get better than this.

Yes, whole families attend this event every year. And this family came as a group of peasants.

66. My, we have a ragtag bunch of misfits.

Well, we have a satyr, two fairies, and a traveler. Love the parasol.

67. Go ahead, green fairy, try to look cute with your little wings.

For some reason, a lot of fairies wear green. Maybe it’s to blend in with the green in the forest.

68. These three gypsies have come with tambourines.

Well, at least two of them did. But you have to admire the girls’ colorful dresses.

69. Here we come to a Viking warrior woman all blinged out.

Yes, I know she doesn’t have much on her. Still, I believe she comes from the Nordic land of Las Vegas.

70. Apparently, this family of pirates are having a jolly time.

Note that most real pirates didn’t live past 30. Still, you can’t help but like their outfits.

71. These little fairies hope you enjoy the magic.

They could almost be the little versions of some of the fairies I showed on this post. And yes, they’re filled with magical cuteness.

72. You might enjoy the fun size version of the Three Musketeers.

Okay, they’re little boys dressed as the Three Musketeers. Yet, you can’t think they’re anything less than adorable.

73. Nothing can feast your eyes like a fairy peacock queen.

She has a peacock feather crown with butterfly wings. Love the feathers.

74. You’d almost think she has a face of an angel.

She’s said to be a fairy godmother. But I liken her to a living statue. Hope she doesn’t freak out anyone.

75. It won’t take long for you to recognize this jester in a parade.

After all, he’s clad in black and white while everyone else is in color. But he doesn’t seem to mind.

76. A beige and maroon dress certainly does impress.

I guess she’s one of the court ladies at the Renaissance Festival. Not sure who she’s supposed to be.

77.  This noble lady has come to the faire with her own maid.

Well, as far as I can tell by the outfits. But the one on the left looks more like a cook.

78. Apparently, she came to the Renaissance Festival looking for a man.

Then again, this was what women were supposed to do during the Renaissance. Though normally it would comprise of being married off to a guy your parents wanted you to be with. This is especially if they needed the money.

79. You’d almost think a demon came to town.

Yes, he seems like the Krampus But his wings and head are surely impressive.

80. For some, you might come across this noble soul.

Yes, it’s a dog dressed in Renaissance garb. I know what you’re thinking. But at least it’s not as fancy.

The Disturbing Trend

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

Charlottesville didn’t prop up out of nowhere. The United States has a serious problem with systematic racism in our culture and society which should surprise no one. After all, the US was built on slavery, colonialism, Native American genocide, and white supremacy. Though we liken white supremacy as a fringe ideology only embraced by extremists, it remains firmly established as a cultural value that white people don’t want to acknowledge. Whenever there’s progress in achieving racial equality such as in outlawing slavery and civil rights, there’s always a fierce white resentment and backlash at every turn. Even today, calling out a white person’s racist behavior, beliefs, or any racial injustice will result in vicious defensive retaliation. Sometimes it might lead to whites developing a reverse racism persecution complex. Sometimes it might lead to blaming minorities for their problems beyond their control due to a steady diet of racist dog whistles they accept as mere facts of life. And sometimes it might lead to mainstream culture ignoring systemic problems disproportionately affecting minority communities as well as denying a possible national crisis. I understand white people would rather not talk about racism since they benefit from their white privilege whether they’re willing to admit it or not. But at the same time, many don’t see a problem with adopting disparaging views on minorities and immigrants. Nevertheless, while acknowledging systematic white supremacy in our nation can be extremely difficult for a white American to address, identifying and denouncing white supremacist terrorism shouldn’t be. In fact, it’s the easiest anti-racist thing a white person can do since it’s white supremacy in its most blatant and ugliest form.

And yet, Donald Trump still struggled to condemn the white supremacist attacks on Charlottesville, preferring to blame the violence on “many sides” instead on the white nationalists most responsible for it. However, Trump’s lackluster remarks aren’t surprising since white supremacists comprise a key part of his base he sees no problem pandering to them. He’s also had a ridiculously long and consistent history of racist behavior ranging from discriminatory rental practices during the 1970s, calling for the Central Park Five’s execution and still believing their nonexistent guilt, disparaging Native American casino owners during a congressional hearing in a series of ads, and promoting baseless Obama conspiracy theories like birtherism. Bigoted statements and actions feature heavily in Trump’s public life and career and were critical to his political rise to the presidency. As president, he’s kept up with the vulgar racist rhetoric as well as enacted inherently racist and xenophobic policies. But for a man known for viciously attacking people he doesn’t like, his responses to white supremacy have often been vague, indifferent, and uncharacteristic like he doesn’t really mean what he’s said. Trump may claim he’s “the least racist person that you’ve ever encountered” but his bigotry isn’t just mere political opportunism but a real element in his personality, character, and career. The fact Trump could win the presidency running a campaign catering to hostile sexism and racial resentment understates how widespread and insidious racism in America really is.

Another reason why Donald Trump struggled on Charlottesville is the fact he’s a self-absorbed prick who will do whatever it takes to come out on top as long as the consequences don’t affect him personally. He doesn’t care if he has to break rules, longstanding norms, or even laws to get what he wants. He doesn’t give a damn about the moral implications of his actions or any long-term damage he’s inflicted on the country. Others’ pain, suffering, or ruination don’t concern him. If Trump wanted to build a golf course on a stretch of land populated by forests and homes, he’d set fire to the whole place and let it burn to the ground if he knew he could get away with it. And it’s this unapologetic opportunism that makes him extremely dangerous. Why? Because while racism is a systematic and pervasive influence in our society, most politicians wouldn’t dare resort to virulent racist stereotypes at rallies or pander to white supremacists. Trump has no such moral compunctions. If horrific racist rhetoric and pandering to white supremacists attract voters, then Trump will keep at it regardless of how it affects America. White supremacists comprise a key part of his base and he will do absolutely anything to retain their support. He doesn’t care if it arouses their worst impulses and emboldens them to inflict violence on other Americans. It doesn’t matter to him if he undermines American values and legitimizes white nationalism. It doesn’t concern him if pandering to white supremacists leaves millions of Americans living in fear for their lives. Nor does he give a damn if it threatens other Americans’ rights to life, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness. What makes Trump particularly dangerous on matters of race isn’t just that he harbors highly racist views, but his willingness to capitalize on the building white backlash for his own personal gain without any thought of repercussions.

Donald Trump’s impromptu press conference after Charlottesville demonstrates where his sympathies truly lie. Despite reading a prepared statement like someone in a hostage situation, he doesn’t particularly feel that white nationalists were responsible for the violence that killed Heather Heyer and injured dozens. Rather he blames both sides for it, alleging that the counter-protesters and marchers bore equal responsibility. He thinks the “alt-left” charged at marchers with clubs (despite that the marchers projected a military presence and initiated most of the confrontations). He referred to a torchlit march with people performing Nazi salutes, chanting, “Sieg heil!,” and assaulting counter-protestors as a good example of people “very quietly protesting.” He believes the violence distracted from the “Unite the Right” rally’s aim to defend a Robert E. Lee statue (despite that they really marched to protect white America from the so-called scourge of “diversity” and not at all peacefully either). In all, made explicit all the darkest undertones of his gallingly weak statement on, “many sides.” He muddied the waters by what happened in Charlottesville over that weekend as well as softened his judgement on the march itself. To Trump, what happened in Charlottesville was simply a “disruption” between two factions of equal empirical and moral culpability (even though it wasn’t).

But what really disturbs me isn’t that Donald Trump is a flagrant racist but how his remarks on Charlottesville will influence his supporters. In the past, both Democrat and Republican presidents have denounced white supremacy when it wasn’t acceptable even if it didn’t politically benefit them. Because regardless of how messy our racial politics could get, most Americans agree that white supremacists and political violence shouldn’t be legitimized. A presidential denunciation on white supremacy isn’t just an affirmation on American values and ideals of “all men are created equal,” it also keeps our nation safe by relegating white supremacists to the extremist fringe. The fact Trump failed to clearly, consistently, and unequivocally condemn the white supremacist violence in Charlottesville not only undermines American values, but puts people in serious danger. His calling it a “disruption” is very irresponsible which brings comfort to any Trump supporter convinced there wouldn’t be any problems in America if “thugs” didn’t start them. When he said that removing Lee’s statue is “changing history and culture,” he not only echoes those believing the Confederacy as part of their Southern “heritage,” but also white nationalists’ fears of “diversity” and “political correctness” erasing both America’s past and future. When he compared Robert E. Lee to George Washington, he thrills those believing the Confederacy as morally right to secede from the United States and that slavery horrors are overblown at best. When Trump insisted that the torchlit march was the quiet and peaceful protest it certainly wasn’t, he’s not just wrong. But he in every way legitimized the ideologies these marchers expressed as good and orderly. As we can see, white supremacists have given him plenty of praise him, continue to enthusiastically support him, and commit hate crimes in his name. Research shows that even implied rhetorical support from mainstream political leaders can encourage violence from radical groups. A radical group’s elements draw major strength from any kind of mainstream legitimation. As political scientist Paul Staniland told Vox, “that kind of rhetoric can provide political cover to non-state armed groups to act in ways that are really dangerous. They can just say ‘Look, we’re just doing what the president or the leader says is acceptable.’” Had Trump credibly condemned white supremacy, white supremacists would’ve had more difficulty to sell themselves for potential followers and activists as a viable political movement. When extremist groups feel like they have mainstream support, they’re more likely to attract volunteers, organize new rallies, and stage more violent attacks.

Since Donald Trump was elected, white supremacists have started recruiting more openly and it’s possible his hardcore supporters are inclined to view them more positively than they did before. After all, Trump essentially told his supporters they should have some respect and pay attention to these tiki torch wielding white nationalists. Now that these white supremacists feel like Trump’s legitimized them, they’re planning a whole other wave of activity Hate crimes have also been on the rise since legitimizing white supremacy just makes them more likely to happen. However, the worst impact Donald Trump’s remarks on Charlottesville isn’t just emboldening white supremacists. Despite that Republicans on Capitol Hill rushed to disagree with Trump blaming “both sides” for the violence, Republican voters don’t seem too upset. In fact, according to a recent CBS poll, two-thirds of Republicans approve of his handling of Charlottesville. Meanwhile, his approval ratings usually bounce between the high 30s and low 40s while he retains 80% of his party’s support. Now I know most Trump voters aren’t white nationalists or completely horrible people (unlike their man in the White House). But the fact that Trump’s explicit racism and pandering to white supremacists weren’t dealbreakers for them illustrates that they’re at least racist enough to vote for him. And the violence that might result from Trump’s decision to give white supremacists a voice was a risk they were willing to take. It’s clear many of them agreed with at least some of what Trump had to say about Hispanics, blacks, Muslims, immigrants, etc. White resentment and cultural anxiety won Trump the White House while the Republican establishment has embraced him as their leader. But what’s especially worrisome is how his presidency made explicit racism more socially acceptable. Trump constantly dog whistles, uses dehumanizing language against, and stokes fears of minorities and outsiders. To say disparaging things and be rewarded for them sends a powerful sign that gives license to others to forgo norms of interpersonal civility and kindness. Since Trump’s election, school bullying against marginalized students has been on the rise with incidents including verbal harassment, use of derogatory and racial slurs, graffiti, assault on teachers and students, property damage, fights, violent threats, and displays involving swastikas, Nazi salutes, groping, and Confederate flags. Workplace bullying has also been on the rise. Aside from the breakdowns in civility, Trump’s influence might lead Republicans to tolerate more racist rhetoric or become more racist. It doesn’t help that the media does a phenomenally shitty job covering right-wing terrorism that many conservative Republicans don’t believe it’s even a problem. And as polls shows, many white Americans have become more racist in recent years. And to make matters worse, Trump won the white millennial vote, a key membership demographic for white supremacist radicalization.

At the same time, Donald Trump has never offered any form of reassurance to the millions of Americans living in fear of a resurgent white supremacism since before he was sworn in. At best, he’s told them their fear is their problem like it’s an obstacle to overcome. At worst, he’s told them that they provoked lethal violence against themselves. And that there wasn’t anything wrong going on at the Charlottesville rally until some people came “charging with clubs.” Trump may have briefly offered a gesture of protection to Americans worrying he’s encouraging hate and violence. But he’s rendered that gesture as nothing but a “fuck you” to those who now feel abandoned while offering all but ease to the marchers. White supremacists are a national security threat responsible for more attacks on US soil than ISIS which have increased within the last several years. In June the Anti-Defamation League reported that more than half of active Klu Klux Klan chapters formed within the last 3 years, and instability within the groups meant most were short-lived. The Southern Poverty Law Center showed there are 917 active hate groups in the US. Trump has decided to cut funding to curb white supremacist terror, appointed alt-righters to the White House, and basically pandered to white nationalists. So he’s made it perfectly clear that his administration will not do anything to protect vulnerable Americans from white supremacist terror. All the while he dog whistles, dehumanizes them, and stokes fears in his base. Thus, hate crimes will continue to rise while millions of Americans have no national leader who’ll protect them.

It’s very likely there will be further clashes like Charlottesville in the near future. But what form it takes greatly depends on police and politicians’ reactions. If authorities try to crack down on this and prevent these kinds of clashes, the likelihood of violence will be reduced. Research suggests that when mainstream elites are willing to at least not explicitly condemn violent fringe actors, they’re more capable of effectively mobilizing within the police system. As a result, they’re less likely to expect the cops to crack down as hard on them as they attempt to establish links within the ruling establishment to encourage a greater levels of mobilization. A study from the early 20th century showed how sanction and support from US officials influenced lynching. Lynch mobs were more likely to kill if they had support from political leaders and less likely if mainstream leaders spoke out against them. Judging by how the police handled Charlottesville and reports of law enforcement being affiliated with white supremacist groups, it doesn’t look encouraging across the country. Republicans on Capitol Hill haven’t done anything to crack down on white supremacist terror. Until our politicians, law enforcement, and the media start taking white supremacy as a serious threat and, we should expect another terror attack like Charlottesville. And that time could be sooner than we think.

Not Licensed by the NFL Professional Football Craft Projects (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Now that I got the NFL merchandise done, it’s on to crafts, which might make the NFL very angry. Since I’m sure a lot of the stuff isn’t licensed and they’re rather particular on that. Nevertheless, while there are some fans who don costumes and buy tons of overpriced crap, there is a segment of fans who make things for themselves, Etsy, or Pinterest. And yes, NFL craft projects do exist. Just ask embroiderer and LA Rams linebacker Rosie Greer. Besides, there are plenty of women football fans and other men who like doing crafts. Still, the fan map is a bit off since the Raiders moved to Vegas while the Chargers and Rams moved to LA. But this was made years ago. This is one of the easier posts in my NFL bunch since I already have plenty saved from previous years. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of NFL crafts from the fans.

  1. May your New York Giants glass block always shine bright.

This one has a decal. Still, I haven’t put a lot of Giants stuff on my post for some reason. Maybe it’s because I don’t see much of it.

2. Nobody could resist this Pittsburgh Steelers flower pot guy.

Because he’s made of flower pots. But he has fake black and gold flowers for hair. So cute.

3. Any fan should enjoy this old timey Steeler sign.

As you can see, this is a wooden panel painted yellow with the Steelers name and logo. Great for any fancy house.

4. A Christian home always roots for the Houston Texans.

Okay, I’m kidding about that. But this is a Houston Texans cross.

5. An Indianapolis Colts bottle lamp can lighten up any game day.

It’s blue with silver ribbons. Mainly because the Colts’ colors are blue and white.

6. Grace your front door this season with an evergreen Baltimore Ravens wreath.

Even has purple lights. So you can even use it for Halloween and Christmas.

7. Show your love for your team with a New England Patriots charm bracelet.

Funny how it doesn’t contain a deflated football and a hidden camera. Because that’s what we remember the Patriots for.

8. A Seattle Seahawks stained glass bottle makes a fine gift.

Sure I had posts of similar bottles before. But it’s not meant for drinking. But great for display on a mantle.

9. No NFL home is complete without a Dallas Cowboys decomesh wreath.

It has a sparkly star in the center. Not to mention, you have to admire the blue and white ribbons.

10. For those Indiana proud, you might want to go for Colts palette.

After all, the Colts are the only NFL team in Indiana. And yes, it’s blue with a horseshoe on it.

11. For your game day, this Steelers tulle wreath will do quite nicely.

This one has black and gold tulle with some roses meant to resemble some of the stars in the logo. All in all, a gift for a true Steeler fan.

12. For a New Orleans Saints fan, Louisiana is black and white.

Well, also has a gold Fleur de Lis and “Who Dat.” And Louisiana is covered in a zigzag pattern.

13. This Green Bay Packers bottle light will keep your room lit during the game.

This stained glass bottle lamp is more artisically deisgned. But it nevertheless has a large “G” on it.

14. Cheer for your home team with these Seattle Seahawks pom poms.

These are made from tulle and ribbons. And yes, you can make wreaths from the same materials.

15. A burlap Indiana Colts wreath should make a fine addition to your home.

This one is in blue and white burlap with a Colts flag in the center. Perfect for a game day in Indianapolis.

16. These Pittsburgh Steeler snowmen are always a wintry delight.

These consists of small beams of snowmen with cloth Steeler hats. So cute.

17. Always keep warm with these crocheted Indianapolis Colts headbands.

Both are in blue and white. One has a horseshoe. The other has a flower with a football at the center.

18. A Baltimore Ravens bottle light always shines bright.

And to believe it has some lights with a Ravens logo on it. The purple straw bow makes a nice touch.

19. You’d almost mistake this for an old Atlanta Falcons sign.

Too bad that team lost at the last minute to the Patriots at the Super Bowl. Still, this is a nice looking sign.

20. Make your little girl into a Tennessee Titan fan with a dress like this.

She even has a flower on the front of it. So adorable.

21. Perhaps a simple Baltimore Ravens wreath will do.

This is a yarn wreath with a black bird and a black football. The banner flags give it some original character.

22. A Jacksonville Jaguars decomesh wreath always gives an impression.

This one even has gold letters and a leopard skin ribbon. Since jaguars are technically leopards. Though doesn’t help the Jaguars improve their stats much.

23. This Green Bay Packers quilt has football in the squares.

Though I might’ve thought cheese would look more amusing. Since their fans wear cheese hats.

24. No tailgate party is complete without a Denver Broncos runner.

No, I talking about that runner. This is a table runner. And yes, it’s orange on the borders.

25. There’s always a special treat in a Seattle Seahawks candy jar.

This one has an open bowl on top of a flower pot. And yes, the Seahawks logo is on there.

26. Look festive for the game with these New England Patriots hair bows.

Let’s just say the last time I’d root for the New England Patriots were when they dumped a bunch of tea in a harbor. Other than that, these bows are adorable.

27. No Seahawks could ever resist this metal sign.

Sure it doesn’t have the Seahawk colors. But bare metal will do in this case.

28. There’s nothing more fitting for an Indianapolis Colts fan than a horseshoe wreath.

Decorated with blue and white ribbons to match team colors. Always hang right side up.

29. Be a New England kitchen maven in this Patriots apron.

Because if you root for cheaters, you might as well dress with style when making the snacks. Like the ribbon though.

30. A little Steeler cap should contain a little fringe.

Well, it’s yarn and part of this crocheted hat to substitute for fake hair. But it’s so cute.

31. Dallas Cowboy fans will adore this glass star.

Not sure how big this is supposed to be. But the star shines in all its Dallas glory.

32. Cuddle up for the game with this New England Patriots plaid blanket.

Basically it’s a plaid flannel blanket with Patriots logos on it. Also, the plaid is in red, white, and blue.

33. For Jewish Patriots fans, may I suggest this crocheted yamulke?

Even has a 6 pointed star in the middle. Though I don’t know if rooting for that team makes one a mensch.

34. Perhaps Dallas Cowboys fans might prefer this yarn wreath.

Contains a blue felt star in the center. Perfect for any Dallas home.

35. During the game, you can always snuggle with a Miami Dolphins pillow.

And it looks so fuzzy, too. Wouldn’t mind curling up with it. But the Dolphins aren’t my team.

36. If you love the Indianapolis Colts, you’ll adore this horseshoe light.

Because the Colts’ logo is a horseshoe. But must be good electronics to pull this off.

37. For added effect, you might want to go with a Dallas Cowboy pumpkin or two.

Seems like I get a lot of Dallas Cowboy stuff on my NFL blog posts. But this looks quite superb with the ribbons.

38. For some, this Arizona Cardinals mosaic is a masterpiece.

Almost resembles the logo. Got to admire the detail. I’m sure it fetches a high price on Etsy.

39. This San Diego Chargers quilt is all squared.

This one contains squares of white, yellow, light blue, and dark blue. And the Chargers just moved to LA.

40. No Steeler fan can be without this metal hanging.

Yes, the Steelers certainly are men of steel. Though how much longer they can be with Big Ben is the question.

41. Seems like this Dallas Cowboys pot guy has a conifer head.

Yes, it’s another flower pot guy. But this one actually has branches and pinecones on its head. Adorable.

42. These Baltimore Ravens bottles are always part of the highlights.

These ones are painted with the logos. One is purple while two are gold.

43. There’s always something a bit twisted with this Pittsburgh Steeler wreath.

Yes, it’s a cloth wreath of black and gold. But I do like the shiny black bow behind the Steelers logo.

44. There’s a bright light in this Dallas Cowboy glass block.

Though I do like the decomesh bow decor on this. Still, they Cowboys aren’t America’s football team by a longshot.

45. This Detroit Lion is comprised of license plates.

This one depicts Michigan on it. Though we have to acknowledge that the Detroit Lions are one of the worst performing teams in the NFL.

46. You can always keep yourself warm in this Baltimore Ravens blanket.

One side has the Ravens logo. The other side is purple. Also fuzzy.

47. This Seahawks blankie is all decked with stars.

You can tell it’s a Seahawks blanket by the colors. And yes, each square is crocheted.

48. On cold games, you might want to snuggle with a Denver Broncos blanket throw.

This one is checked in orange and blue squares. Still, seems cozy if you ask me.

49. Relax during the big game tailgate party in this Pittsburgh Steelers lawn chair.

This one is painted yellow with a black back. And it has yellow lines to imitate a spark.

50. Any Indianapolis Colts fan would love to have a decomesh horseshoe on their door.

This is a blue horseshoe with white holes on it. And yes, the horseshoe is right side up.

51. You’d almost think this was a welcome hanger at some bar.

It’s actually a New Orleans Saints decoration. Not really sure what it’s made of. But you have to admire the artistry.

52. This Pittsburgh Steeler dog bed is fit for a champion.

It’s just a flat pillow that’s used for a small dog. Not sure if it’s thrilled with its bed.

53. Hang your coats on this Miami Dolphins rack.

Sure it might resemble something you’d see from a kid’s room. But it’s something even an adult would want. Though the only coats Dolphins fans would wear are windbreakers and rain slickers.

54. A Minnesota kitchen maven must have her own Vikings apron.

It even has a Vikings rose pin. You also have to like the light purple ribbon and frills.

55. Might want to check out this jeweled Baltimore Raven.

Think this might be a pin. The beak has some gold stones on it which is kind of strange.

56. A Seahawks wreath should always have some pom pom flowers.

It’s a yarn wreath with a Seahawk on it, by the way. Though bright green is employed in Seahawks gear, it’s only an accent color on the logo.

57. From socks, you can make your own Seattle Seahawks snowmen.

They even have their own hats, scarves, and buttons. So adorable you just want to hug them.

58. An Oakland Raiders fan would see this mosaic as a work of art.

It says “Raider Nation” around the circumference. Too bad the team’s moving to Vegas.

59. Speaking of art, this is almost a New England Patriot masterpiece.

It’s certainly well painted. Say what you want about New England, but this is quite good.

60. You can be Pittsburgh Steeler proud with this beaded pendant.

This one seems well made. Must take a lot of time. But the logo’s right.

61. For good luck, a Colts fan should hang this horseshoe.

It’s a silver horseshoe with a blue ribbon going through it. Easy as pie.

62. With this Seahawks pot, who knows what you’ll grow?

This one has 4 flower pots stacked against each other. 3 have Seahawks colors. The top one is a football.

63. A Patriots fan would want to have this mosaic on their wall.

This one is of the Patriots logo in blue, white, red, and silver stones. No deflated footballs were involved.

64. This crocheted Miami Dolphins cap will protect you from the cold.

Wonder when a Dolphins fan would wear this. Because isn’t southern Florida notoriously hot?

65. Even the birds seem to be Colts fans.

Well, this one is quite small. But it’s nevertheless, well painted and cozy.

66. Enjoy hours of fun with this San Diego Chargers car.

It’s just a wooden lightning bold car with wheels. May not go fast. But it’s adorable.

67. All little girls would want to wear a Jacksonville Jaguars dress.

It’s a little blue and leopard printed dress with the logo on the chest. So adorable.

68. No one could get married in Arizona without a crocheted Cardinals garter.

Yes, it kind of looks ridiculous. But it seems DIY so it goes on the post.

69. Welcome guests to the Sunday game with this Baltimore Ravens decomesh wreath.

This one has a Ravens ribbon all over the purple and black. Also doubles as a Halloween wreath.

70. Something’s growing from this Seahawks pot guy.

This one isn’t like the pot guy I showed last year. Since it has longer flower pot legs. But it’s so cute.

71. No little one could resist this San Diego Chargers bear quilt.

It has 3 bears on it long with 3 color squares. So cute.

72. You’ll always stun onlookers with these Seattle Seahawk earrings.

This one has long beads at the fringes. Of course, I couldn’t wear these if I wanted to.

73. Get baking the tailgate treats with your very own Pittsburgh Steelers oven mitt.

After all, it takes a champion to bake the best cakes and cookies. Pittsburgh is the city for them.

74. There’s something spinning within this Steelers suncatcher.

This one has the logo spinning with a football at a corner. I’m sure it’s a Pittsburgh delight.

75. Only the very best football fare should be served on a Steelers tray.

This is a wooden tray that’s painted in the black and gold. And yes it has the logo and helmet.

76. If you love the Denver Broncos, I’m sure you’d like this sign in your home.

Sure it doesn’t have the best paint job. But the horse certainly looks awesome.

77. Receive your mail on time in this New York Giants mailbox.

It has NY in red, white, and blue all over this ting. But it beats Patriot postings with a vengeance.

78. You won’t be in the dark with this New Orleans Saints bottle lamp.

You can tell by the Fleur de Lis on this. And it has a similar print on both top and bottom ribbons.

79. It’s always easy to enjoy an Oakland Raiders end table.

This one is painted in black and silver. Has the Raiders logo on both shelf and tabletop.

80. I guess this is the crocheted Viking hat for the stadium.

Comprises of a purple beanie and a yarn yellow beard. May not make you look like a Viking. But some may feel like a warrior.

The Interesting Life of NFL Merchandise (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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Of course, I’ve planned to do a another post on NFL merchandise. But I was greatly distracted thanks to a bunch of white supremacists in Charlottesville, Virginia. And I really couldn’t avoid doing a couple posts on that. So I had to put it off. Then again, out of all the NFL posts I do, the merchandise one is perhaps the one I least look forward to. Mainly because it’s difficult to find ridiculous NFL stuff on the internet and search engines don’t make it easier for me. But since the NFL would sell you jars of oxygen if they knew you’d buy them, I kind of have to get around to writing it somehow. Besides, they earn a shitload of money selling stuff to their fans. And their items are so often overpriced. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another installment of NFL merchandise

  1. You can really make football go to the dogs with Denver Broncos dog dishes.

Because I’m sure your dog really wants to eat from a Denver Broncos dish. At least I didn’t show the one for the Atlanta Falcons.

2. If you love the Dallas Cowboys, then you might like this desk caddy.

Sure it might not be the most ridiculous NFL gear. But I’m sure a regular desk caddy costs much less.

3. Be a Dallas Cowboy darling in this halter dress.

I’m sure any woman would be able to wear this only through September. Then again, Dallas is in the South. But the Cowboys have fans all over the country.

4. For the home viewing game experience, get yourself a Pittsburgh Steelers auditorium chair.

Comes with cup holders. Yet, doesn’t provide the kind of comfort you’d expect from a home recliner.

5. Kick back at tailgating in a San Francisco 49ers camp chair.

You can buy cheaper models without NFL logos on them. Besides, they’re not very comfortable anyway.

6. Tailgating is always great with a Detroit Lions condiment set.

So I guess one is for blue ketchup and the other is for Grey Poupon. You know I’d like my condiment bottles to be the color of what’s actually in them if they’re not transparent already.

7. Like pool games. Well, this field goal game from the Pittsburgh Steelers puts you in luck.

At least in this game, you don’t have to worry about footballs being deflated. Just the field goal floatie.

8. Keep your beer chilled for Sunday with this Dallas Cowboys mini fridge.

It even has a glass door so you can see the beverages. Probably costs about twice what you’d pay for a regular one.

9. A Dallas Cowboys sugar dispenser is just as sweet.

It’s just a container with a Dallas Cowboys logo on it. A plain one will only cost half of that at Big Lots.

10. Excited for the Super Bowl? Why not have it on your party gear?

To be fair, this is from two years ago. But still, I’m sure it’s a massive waste of money just the same. After all, these are disposable.

11. Keep your living room game day fresh with a New England Patriots electric scented candle.

After all, no New England Patriots likes nothing more than the smell of deflated footballs. Or at least if your name is Tom Brady.

12. Support your team on game day with a pair of Seattle Seahawks jersey earrings.

They even have glitter on them for extra sparkle. Because we all know women love shiny stuff.

13. Get yourself scrubbed clean in your very own Cleveland Browns tub.

I’m sure someone did it as a project. But really, would anyone want to have an NFL tub in their bathroom? No.

14. Girls, dress your American Girl Dolls in their very own NFL cheerleader outfit.

Pittsburgh Steelers outfit not included. Also, will result in your American Girl Doll being paid less than minimum wage, especially in the Dallas Cowboys outfit.

15. Heard of Elf on the Shelf? How about Tony Romo on the shelf?

So be good, kids, or Tony Romo will tell Santa on how you hated him dating Jessica Simpson. Still, this is incredibly creepy. Wonder what Romo’s own kids think of this.

16. Cuddle up Sunday with your very own New England Patriots plush hedgehog.

How appropriate that a team known for Deflategate has its very own plushie of a creature known for its spikes. Yet, on this one, the hair is fuzzy.

17. To keep warm in the stands, this Seattle Seahawks poncho is just for you.

Yes, it seems like it’s culturally appropriated from Pacific Northwest Coastal Indians (like its logo). And no, it won’t keep you dry in the rain.

18. A New England Patriots teddy bear is always your Sunday afternoon friend.

Yes, it’s adorable and sweet. But it doesn’t care whether or not its team cheats. Still, what’s with NFL teddy bears?

19. Be the life of the party at the game with this Pittsburgh Steelers pimp cup.

Sure it’s more of a prop than an actual drinking vessel. But some people might take offense.

20. Cheer for your NFL team in the cold with a pair of Green Bay Packers pom-pom gloves.

How are these practical? I don’t get it. When I wear gloves, I want to acutally hold things in my hand. Not deal with pom poms on the fingers.

21. Watch the game from the stands with a pair of Chicago Bears binoculars.

Chances are you’ll probably need them in the stadium. Since actually being there doesn’t give you the kind of experience a TV does.

22. Grace your patio with a Philadelphia Eagles glass table.

Because we all need a taste of NFL elegance. Until some drunk guy breaks it in two after the game.

23. Nothing makes a Sunday evening special like an NFL team fancy candle.

Do NFL fans even like fancy candles? Seriously, they really don’t seem to be in the spirit of football. More like someone you’d get for an office secret Santa.

24. Amuse yourself for hours with Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears checkers.

For football doesn’t translate as well in chess. Oh, wait they do actually have NFL chess sets? My mistake.

25. Make your holidays shine with a Cleveland Browns Christmas village set.

Includes a lot of stadium decoration and concession stand. But still, brown and orange are nowhere near festive. Also, the Browns aren’t known to be good.

26. This New England Patriots dog toy is Dine-o-Bite.

So they’re also selling dog toys? Also, I’m not really sure if a dynamite chew toy is a good idea. Not to mention, it’s probably overpriced.

27. Make your Easter worthwhile with a Green Bay Packers Easter egg decorating kit.

I can somewhat understand NFL football and the Christmas season. But NFL Easter stuff especially baffles me. Why?

28. Hope your kids are good with these NFL Elves on the Shelf watching them.

Okay, that’s really creepy. Even the regular Elf on the Shelf is kind of freaked out by now.

29. Be the game day darling at the stadium with a pair of Washington Redskins eyelashes and beauty marks.

Team eyelashes? That’s insane. I know the NFL is trying to appeal to women. But this is just utter lunacy.

30. Got pesky flies? A NFL team helmet fly swatter will help.

Despite that you can get fly swatters almost anywhere for almost nothing. So serious waste of money.

31.  Get your baby in the spirit of game day with a Miami Dolphins diaper cover.

After all, you want your baby’s diaper to match your team jersey. Also, this is probably made by someone.

32. A Denver Broncos garden gnome is perfect for any NFL patch.

I mean they have garden gnomes for basically everything. It was only a matter of time when the NFL got hold.

33. This Marshawn Lynch sweater is guaranteed to keep you cozy.

Did I say it’s for women and it has a shiny placard for his name. Marshawn Lynch must be rolling his eyes right now.

34. Get your own nails ready with this San Diego Chargers nail filing kit.

Includes two files and sets of lightning bolt cuticles. Not sure why anyone would want NFL nails in the first place.

35. You can always be stylish carrying a Detroit Lions purse around.

Because why should you carry an overpriced bag when a cheap plain purse would do? Also, available for men.

36. Check the precipitation with a Pittsburgh Steelers rain gauge.

Fitting, since the Pittsburgh area gets a lot or rain all year round. However, why the do they have NFL rain gauges?

37. Bring in chocolatey cheer with NFL Hershey Kisses Music Drops.

I don’t understand the concept behind these products. Don’t know why the hell they exist. So just don’t ask me.

38. Be the top office quarterback with your very own New York Giants stapler.

Now you can staple papers like Eli Manning. Okay, I know it doesn’t sound very glamorous.

39. Have yourself cremated and put into an Oakland Raiders urn.

Well, Raiders fans are known for morbid stuff. But the urn is just a little too much.

40. For Halloween, you can’t go without a Chicago Bears zombie gnome.

After all, you want zombies from your own team to haunt your garden. Not anyone else’s, right?

41. Nothing makes you a loyal fan like this Miami Dolphins hat.

For one, it’s plush so it’s guaranteed to make you sweat in Miami. Second, wearing it makes you look like a total idiot.

42. Hope you can be square with this New Orleans Saints end table.

Well, at least the Saints logo makes this table seem somewhat presentable in a living room. But perhaps so much more expensive.

43. Keep your drinks chilled with an inflatable field goal cooler.

Ice not included, by the way. Also, looks absolutely ridiculous even in outdoor settings.

44. When all goes wrong, you’ll have this plush Carolina Panthers superhero to the rescue.

It has a bill like a duck and ears like a monkey. But I’m sure your kids or your dog will love it.

45. Or if you’re into the Panthers, how about this Rhino superhero?

I don’t understand this one either. Seriously, if the Carolina Panthers want a plush superhero, how about a panther one? Because that would make more sense.

46. Open bottles of beer with this Oakland Raiders hip grip bottle opener.

Because there’s no better way to open a bottle of beer than near your crotch. Seriously, why?

47. Nothing’s better for the big day than a Miami Dolphins wedding cake topper.

This one has the groom dragging the bride. But most often it’s the other way around. Still, I’ll just let her keep her fantasies to herself, thanks.

48. Wake up in the morning to a cup from your San Francisco 49ers coffee machine.

You can buy regular coffee machine like this for cheap. Seriously, NFL merchandise is notoriously expensive.

49. Join Hello Kitty for Super Bowl XLIX.

Since what the hell does Hello Kitty have to do with NFL football? Oh, catering to girls, right?

50. A game day kitchen can’t go without Pittsburgh Steeler cabinet doors.

On second thought, it totally can. Besides, most cabinets aren’t shaped like that anymore either.

51. Celebrate the holidays with your very own Oakland Raiders mini Christmas tree.

Even has lights and Raider bows. And yes, it’s in black and silver glory.

52. When you turn a year older, you might want these on your cake.

Yes, these are birthday candles. And yes, they consist of wax footballs on toothpicks.

53. Keep your food fresh in these Oakland Raiders Tupperware containers.

Yes, store your food on some overpriced containers. Comes in 3 sizes.

54. Nothing brings you joy like a New England Patriots plush emoji.

This one means, “Hope they don’t find out about the deflated footballs.” Or “Thank God, I avoided that 4 game suspension.”

55. Plug in your appliances with a San Diego Chargers electrical outlet.

Fittingly, it’s shaped like a lightning bolt. And it has space for 4 outlets. Shocking.

56. Kick back and relax on your very own Oakland Raiders hammock.

Sure it might seem relaxing. Yet, it seems a bit tight for me.

57. Walk down the aisle for your reception with this Pittsburgh Steelers cake topper.

Luckily for my Mom, my parents married in June. Still, many can relate to this.

58. This Saint Louis Rams bottle stopper will keep your booze fresh.

Okay, so they moved to LA. Still, it’s quite a lot of money to pay for a stopper even if it has a helmet.

59. Grace your Christmas tree with this golden Miami Dolphins ornament.

It’s even in gold with shiny stones. I bet the gold and stones aren’t even real.

60. Have your little one take their first steps in these Kansas City Chief booties.

Yes, get your baby indoctrinated in NFL football with these cute little booties. Probably comes with a bib, too.

61. Afraid of the dark? Use this New England Patriots night sensing night light.

Available in 3 different colors. Great if you’re worried about Eli Manning in your closet.

62. Get moving in these Oakland Raiders skidders.

These are for children. Kind of seem like a hybrid of crocks and socks.

63. Put your craft beers together in this Saint Louis Rams craft beer flight.

That way, the beer you put on this thing will be your own. Even if it tastes like shit.

64. Look fabulous on game day with these Seattle Seahawks temporary tattoos.

You can put them all on your arm. And yes, they come in all kinds of styles.

65. This Carolina Panthers action snowman is pure winter fun.

I have absolutely no idea why this exists. This doesn’t make sense at all.

66. Hello Kitty loves her New England Patriots blanket.

Somehow a cute Japanese icon doesn’t go well with NFL football. Not sure why. Also, the Patriots are an unethical football team.

67. Keep yourself warm on cold games with this Green Bay Packers helmet hat.

Well, it looks warm enough. But guaranteed to make you look like an idiot.

68. Show your team love with a Pat the Patriot hat.

Okay, that’s kind of creepy. Maybe some mascot hats shouldn’t be made.

69. Light up your room with a Dallas Cowboys glass block lamp.

Not sure if a glass block lamp fits with the Dallas Cowboys. A cowboy boot lamp would make more sense.

70. Have your little one curl up with a New England Patriots snuggle bear.

Yes, the kind of bear you snuggle with when you spy on the other team players, deflate footballs, and knock out the opposing team’s radio reception. But this is adorable.

71. Make your bathroom sensational with these New England Patriots shower hooks.

I’m sure you can get regular shower hooks for half the price. Yet, if you want a cheater’s bathroom suite, be my guest.

72. Always look chic wearing this Atlanta Falcons bracelet.

Or a bracelet featuring a team that let you down. And notoriously expensive.

73. Cheer for your team with these Kansas City Chiefs gnome fans.

So gnomes paint their faces and chests, too. Yes, I know it’s ridiculous.

74. You can always pound it hard with a Houston Texans hammer.

Comes with extra decals that would jack up the price. And a blue and red football pattern handle to match.

75. Grace your front yard with a Kansas City Chiefs inflatable player.

I’ve seen a Pittsburgh Steeler inflatable near the covered bridge in my area. But it was in a different position.

76. You can always have spud fun with a Kansas City Chiefs Mr. Potato Head.

A Mr. Potato Head Kansas City Chiefs. Do they have those for everything? I’m confused.

77. Step into style in these sparkly Houston Texans tennis shoes.

Bling studded NFL shoes? Must cost a fortune. Sorry, but I think a pair $50 is a bit much.

78. Concentrate on your homework assignments with a Chicago Bears study buddy.

Odd, because don’t many of these players not study much in college? Since they don’t really have the time?

79. Relive the New England Patriots scoring the winning touchdown with this snow globe.

Great to rub it in your friends and relatives who don’t care for the Pats. And they wonder why the rest of the country doesn’t like them.

80. Put all your gear for tailgating in this Seattle Seahawks folding wagon.

I could really use this. Too bad this one probably costs an arm and a leg.

The Confederate Monuments Must Come Down

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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As you may recall, during the weekend, white supremacists descended upon Charlottesville, Virginia for a “Unite the Right” rally to protest the removal of a Robert E. Lee statue in Emancipation Park. And as you know, they clashed with a group of counter-protesters which resulted in 3 people killed and at least 35 wounded. Nevertheless, since the 2015 Emmanuel AME Church shootings in Charleston, South Carolina, there has been more attention on Confederate symbols in public spaces. Two years ago, I wrote a post arguing why the Confederate flag is racist and why it should be removed. But it’s not the only Confederate symbol you see in the United States. Across the nation hundreds of Confederate memorials, plazas, and markers dot 31 states standing in public parks, courthouse squares, and state capitols. Plenty of cities, bridges, roads, parks, schools, counties, military bases, and other public areas are named after Confederate icons. And as of 2017, six states observe 9 official Confederate holidays. Since the Charleston shooting, at least 60 of these publicly funded Confederate symbols have been removed or renamed according to the Southern Poverty Law Center. However, as of 2016, the SPLC has documented that over 1,500 of them remain on public property including more than 700 monuments and statues.

Attempts at removing these monuments or renaming public spaces have generated considerable controversy and backlash. Some of these monuments like the Robert E. Lee statue in Charlottesville have become rallying points for white supremacists. Yet, opposition to Confederate monument removal isn’t just limited to the radical right fringe. Southern state lawmakers have proposed legislation banning local governments from removing these controversial landmarks and symbols. One state representative from Mississippi even called for those removing Confederate statues to be lynched. Also, most of these plaques, statues, and monuments are still up thanks to the support of local residents, town councils, and even state governments. Many critics say removing a monument or flag, renaming a public place, or ending a state holiday is tantamount “erasing history.” Proponents often state that these landmarks and emblems represent history and heritage and that efforts to remove them is just political correctness gone too far.

Yet, the “heritage not hate” rationale used to justify public Confederate displays ignores the near-universal heritage of African Americans whose ancestors were enslaved in the South. It also trivializes their pain, their history, and concerns about racism. Not to mention, the “heritage” argument conceals the true history of the Confederacy and the 7 decades of Jim Crow segregation and oppression after Reconstruction. There is no doubt that the Confederacy was founded on white supremacy and that the South fought the Civil War to preserve slavery. Its founding documents and leaders made it perfectly clear. After all it was Confederate Vice President Alexander Stephens who said in his 1861 “Cornerstone speech”, “Our new government is founded upon … the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition.” And by defending slavery with gunfire and cannons, the Confederates prolonged the life of an institution which brought indescribable suffering and horror to millions. Through waging war against the Union, they betrayed the United States and killed thousands of their fellow countrymen.
However, despite that Civil War history is well-documented, legions of Southern whites still cling to the Lost Cause myth as a noble Southern endeavor fought to defend the region’s honor and its ability to govern itself in the face of Northern aggression. This is of course, bullshit but it’s a deeply rooted false narrative resulting from many decades of revisionism in the lore and even Southern textbooks seeking to create a more acceptable version of the area’s past. According to a 2011 Pew Research Center survey, 48% of Americans cited states’ rights as the reason for the Civil War despite which doesn’t hold up when you include the Fugitive Slave Act, Bleeding Kansas, and the Dred Scott Decision. Not to mention, all the pro-slavery and white supremacist sentiments in Confederate documents. Still, these Confederate monuments and symbols in the South are very much a part of that effort. Historian Thavolia Glymph noted that the Lost Cause became so endemic that it passed, “off legend as history so successfully that the legend came to be remembered as the history.” Though Southerners started honoring the Confederacy with statues and symbols almost immediately after the Civil War, most dedications of Confederate monuments and other symbols took place during the early 20th century which lasted well into the 1920s and from the early 1950s all through the 1960s. Why these periods? Well, the first spike happened during the period when states enacted Jim Crow laws to disenfranchise newly freed blacks and re-segregate society. This period also saw the dramatic resurgence of the Klu Klux Klan thanks to D.W. Griffith’s 1916 film The Birth of a Nation. The second spike in Confederate dedications happened during the civil rights movement, leading to white segregationist backlash. Even in the 21st century, these monuments keep cropping up, including 35 in North Carolina. Therefore, it’s very clear that many of these Confederate monuments and symbols exist not to honor history, heritage or the fallen but to enforce and perpetuate white supremacy through legal and even violent means.

Not only do these monuments instill white supremacy on the American landscape, they also perpetuate myths that screw up the American historical narrative known as the Lost Cause myth. When you erect a monument for someone or group, you also determine how they should be remembered as well as enshrine everything they stood for as noble and just. These Confederate monuments conjure images of resplendent generals and brave soldiers fighting for a noble but lost cause. Memorials to Confederate soldiers extol their heroism and valor or sometimes details of particular battles or local units. But some go so far as to glorify the Confederacy’s cause. One notable example is a monument in Anderson County, South Carolina reading, “The world shall yet decide, in truth’s clear, far-off light, that the soldiers who wore the gray, and died with Lee, were in the right.” But in reality, their cause was white supremacy and slavery which are anything but noble. They also conceal the economic exploitation, political oppression, and widespread violence black people faced when these monuments were built.

But while dedicating Confederate memorials for fallen soldiers is one thing, leaders are another. Many of these statues of Confederate leaders conjure a perception of them as gallant and noble heroes fighting for what was right. As an activist in Memphis told Al Jazeera, “Kids see these statues and think they’re for great people. These statues don’t say anything about the atrocities.” And they don’t usually reflect who these leaders are. Robert E. Lee is clearest example of this since he’s had more monuments and places with his name and/or likeness than any other leader in the Confederacy. And he’s certainly its most admired champion who’s continually praised as a brilliant strategist as well as a kind, benevolent figure who hated slavery and secession. But he fought for the South out of duty to the Virginia he so loved. Except that’s not the real Robert E. Lee. Lee did make some grandiose sentiments in favor of liberty on occasion. But he was not only fine with owning slaves, he fought a court case to keep his father-in-law’s slaves who’ve been promised their freedom after the old man died. He lost Documents show he was anything but the kind, benevolent man he’s portrayed as, at least as far as his family’s slaves are concerned. In fact, Lee opposed virtually any pro-emancipation cause that would’ve actually freed slaves and harshly condemned abolitionists. During his invasion into Pennsylvania, Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia would abduct free blacks for enslavement. His men also massacred black Union soldiers who tried to surrender during the Battle of Crater and paraded the survivors through the streets of Petersburg, Virginia. Lee never discouraged such behavior because he didn’t believe blacks shouldn’t be treated as human beings. And he certainly believed in white supremacy after the war since he argued against black enfranchisement, raged against Republican efforts to enforce racial equality in the South, and allowed students at Washington College to establish their own Klu Klux Klan chapter, rape black schoolgirls, and attempt lynchings. Besides, when the Civil War broke out, Lee first asked permission to sit out of the war altogether. While he did anguish whether to maintain his oath of loyalty to the US Army or fight on behalf of his state and slavery, he chose the latter. Fittingly enough, he sent a letter of resignation to the War Department via slave. Lee then wrote another letter expressing that he didn’t believe Virginia yet had full justification to secede, he knew he chose against the wishes of his wife and children (as well as several other family members). Besides, Virginians like Winfield Scott, George Henry Thomas, his own cousins Fitzgerald and  Samuel Phillips Lee, future West Virginians, and 40% of Virginia’s officers remained loyal to the Union. As for being a brilliant strategist, well, despite being an accomplished tactician and winning individual battles, many historians consider his decision to fight against a more industrialized and densely populated North as a fatal strategic error. But even if he was as great military commander, Lee was still responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people in defense of the South’s authority to own millions of black people. Lee’s elevation as hero is a key part of Lost Cause mythology designed to erase slavery as the cause of the Civil War and whitewash the Confederate cause as a noble one. Perhaps the most fitting monument to General Robert E. Lee is the national military cemetery on his lawn at Arlington. If you want a Confederate general to idolize, may I suggest James Longstreet? At least he embraced equal rights for blacks after the Civil War and took on white supremacists in New Orleans with an integrated police force. But that’s why Lost Cause folks hate his guts.

Even more disturbing is that many of these Confederate monuments aren’t just in the states that seceded from the Union. You have plenty in border states fighting for the Union, in Union states, and states that in 1861 were mere territories. One particular example is Kentucky whose government didn’t side with the Confederacy and two thirds of Kentuckians fought for the Union. But you wouldn’t know that from a state swamped in Confederate monuments. And one of these has to be a 35-story obelisk at Jefferson Davis’s birthplace in Fairview. In Arizona, the oldest Confederate Memorial was dedicated in 1943 while the newest went up in 2010. Of course, they were erected by the thousands of white Southerners who moved there and took their fondness for intimidating blacks with them. In Helena, Montana, a Confederate Memorial Fountain has sat in its Hill Park since 1916 which author James W. Loewen said, “tells that the Confederacy should be revered even as far north as Montana.” You might wonder why there are Confederate monuments outside the former Confederacy since they seem to no reason to exist there. But when you figure that segregation wasn’t just restricted to the South but stretched across a nation more concerned about unity in the face of foreign threats than rights for black people, it makes a lot more sense.

Nevertheless, these enduring tributes to white supremacy and black enslavement still stand in a nation that hasn’t moved past America’s original sin and has refused to address racism’s pernicious and ubiquitous nature. To say that these Confederate monuments only as New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu has said, “immediately begs the questions, why there are no slave ship monuments, no prominent markers on public land to remember the lynchings or the slave blocks. But as the immense presence of Confederate monuments and symbols show there’s a lot of love for the losing side of an unjust cause. There should be nothing but condemnation and dishonor for those who seceded from the Union and fought for the privilege of keeping black people under involuntary servitude. Removing Confederate symbols and monuments will not erase history nor does it denigrate anyone’s Southern heritage. But the effort to topple them is about more than symbolism. Rather it’s about starting a conversation about a community’s shared values and beliefs along with our understanding as a nation. It’s about acknowledging, understanding, and reconcile past injustices as we address those of today. And lastly, it’s about us as a people being able to choose a better future for ourselves and make right what was wrong. Our historical monuments not only depict our history but also enshrine value we choose to promote. As a nation founded on the principles of liberty, equality and democracy, these Confederate monuments stand to extol values anathema to such ideas. Confederate monuments don’t belong on a pedestal in a public space. So it’s long past time to take them down.

The Tiki Torches of White Supremacy in Charlottesville

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

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On Friday night August 11, 2017, a group of 100 white nationalists marched onto the University of Virginia campus in Charlottesville, Virginia. The marchers carried tiki torches, chanted Nazi slogans like “Sieg heil” and “blood and soil,” and gave Nazi salutes. They also chanted other slogans like “White Lives Matter,” “You will not replace us,” and alluded to the white-nationalist idea that diversity as “white genocide.” This march was a vigil for the larger planned, “Unite the Right” rally for Saturday to protest a Robert E. Lee statue removal in a local park. Alt-Right leaders were scheduled to speak before an audience comprising hundreds of far-right activists. During the rally, a fight broke out when demonstrators (nearly all white and male) surrounded some counter-protestors peacefully grouped around a statue of Thomas Jefferson in the middle of the campus. A local activist told the Guardian, “They completely surrounded us and wouldn’t let us out.” Counter-protestors reported being pepper sprayed. The police eventually intervened, declaring an “unlawful assembly” and separating the groups. But the violence persisted well into the next morning with a series of confrontations. The groups beat each other with flagpoles and bats, chanted slogans, and used chemical sprays on each other. Some even reported being doused in raw sewage. At least two people were treated for serious but non-threatening emergencies from the fights by 10:30 a.m. Police deployed tear gas against the crowd shortly before 11:30. And by noon, the group of alt-right nationalists grew to include neo-Nazis, the Klu Klux Klan, and a heavily armed militia. Police dispersed the rally minutes after its scheduled start at and were in full riot gear to clear the area. But the violence didn’t die down. As some counter-protestors started to leave, a silver Dodge Challenger plowed through them. A 32-year-old woman was killed while nine others were injured as the car fled the scene. A helicopter crash near the protests killed two police officers while twenty-five others were also treated for injuries.

As you can recall, the alt-right is a movement that strongly rejects “diversity,” “political correctness, and identity politics as well as disturbingly engages in white nationalist, fascist, and Nazi rhetoric and regalia. And I’m sure it’s clear that they’re not using white nationalist tropes just to be “ironic” as some alt-righters claim. Because you don’t just wear a swastika to a “Unite the Right” rally with irony. Nevertheless, the alt right is a key part of a broader cultural backlash that helped elect Donald Trump to the presidency. Many white Americans felt that they’re losing their ground to nonwhites or that America is losing its identity. And many believe that political, economic, and media elites are either uninterested in defending their heritage or actively trying to eradicate it. Of course, such concepts are the result of white people feeling nostalgic for an America that never existed. Members of the alt right number among Trump’s staunchest supporters with members of his administration among its ranks like Stephen Miller, Sebastian Gorka, and Steve Bannon. Thanks to Trump’s election, the alt right’s leaders have become increasingly willing to dabble in white nationalist rhetoric and tropes while trying to avoid being accused of white nationalism themselves. Sure they didn’t start out explicitly aligning themselves with white supremacists but racist rhetoric has always been a hallmark of the movement even during the 2016 Election. But Trump’s election has emboldened the alt right to come out of the white nationalist closet and show the world the kind of racist shits they actually are. Trump’s election has made racist rhetoric more acceptable among his supporters who feel they don’t need to conceal their contempt for the kinds of people they don’t like. Yet, it has also led to a resurgence of right-wing extremism with hate incidents on the rise.

But why Charlottesville? Well, many cities in the South still have public spaces and monuments celebrating key Confederate figures. Many of these weren’t erected until the 20th century with the rise of the Civil Rights Movement and Jim Crow laws coming under attack. Thus, it is clear these landmarks weren’t created to celebrate Southern “heritage” but to remind black people of their subservience to whites. In other words, the Lee statue exists in the city as a symbol of white supremacy and racism. After all, Lee’s devotion to white supremacy outshone his loyalty to his country embodying the white nationalist ethos. Since the 2015 Emmanuel AME Church shooting, there’s been a renewed push to remove Confederate monuments and rename streets and squares named after them. But wherever these campaigns succeeded, there’s often been backlash from white Southern conservatives who consider the Confederacy as part of their “heritage” and outright white nationalists. In Charlottesville, the target was a statue of Robert E. Lee in a park called Lee Park. As City Council members pointed out, Lee had no connection to Charlottesville and his commemoration was just an indirect way to celebrate the Confederacy. The city council later voted to sell the statue and rename the park as Emancipation Park (even though it’s currently still in place). This decision made the Charlottesville a target for far-right activism and shows of strength along with those keen to stand up to them and demonstrate that their ideas weren’t welcome. On July 8, 30 Klu Klux Klan members held a small rally in the city though hundreds of counter-protestors outnumbered them.

Which brings us to today. “Alt-Right” luminaries planned a large “Unite the Right” rally for Saturday. While originally intended to attract a broad coalition of “patriot” groups, it had become increasingly Nazified, some refused to sign on. Instead, explicitly fascist and white supremacist groups like the National Socialist Movement, the Klu Klux Klan, and Neo-Nazis got on board, which reflected the march’s Nazified tone. Hundreds of protestors descended upon Charlottesville for the rally which Vox called, “a belated coming-out party for an emboldened white nationalist movement in the United States.” Speakers included some alt-right personalities who’ve flirted most openly with white nationalism and self-identified white nationalists like Richard Spencer. Yet, the arc of the “Unite the Right” rally from a demonstration to bring conservative groups together to protest a controversial statue removal to a “Nazified” rally for “the pro-white movement of America,” reflects what’s been happening to the alt right as a whole.

Numerous public officials of both parties have condemned the violence along with the white supremacists who perpetuated it. However, Donald Trump tweeted 14 hours after the clashes began with, “We ALL must be united and condemn all that hate stands for. There is no place for this kind of violence in America. Lets come together as one!” He later released a statement condemning the violence “in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides, on many sides.” He didn’t explicitly identify who was to blame and only used the vaguest possible terms. Trump’s response to Charlottesville is notable. After all, he didn’t wait for 14 hours to denounce Islamist terror outside the US. Nor did he let his vacation get in the way of threatening war with North Korea. Yet, Trump refused to actively condemn the white nationalists responsible for the initial violence, most of the violence and disorder, and the most serious violence in Charlottesville in the strongest possible terms. His refusal provides a misleading account of what happened as well as erroneously implies that both rally goers and counter-protestors were equally to blame. Such implication leaves it wide open for Trump supporters to assume “the left” started it. His remarks suggest that the “hate and division” are equally distributed and that the counter-protestors seeking to stand up to the rallygoers are every bit as hateful. His calling for the “swift restoration of law and order,” implies that the real problem is disrespect for police. But all Trumps statements regarding Charlottesville encourage his supporters to misinterpret the events as anyone else’s fault but the white nationalists themselves.

In context, Trump’s response to the violence in Charlottesville is an insult to Americans who’ve felt unsafe since his election and whose acknowledgement of their fears has been tepid at best. What he’s said that “many sides” must put aside their own prejudices just as much as anyone else and come together as Americans and everything will be all right. But Trump’s unwillingness to understand the rise of the “alt right,” overt racism, and street violence as anything other than a need for “both sides do it” leads him to say things that may signal white supremacists that he’s on their side, inadvertently or otherwise. When Trump calls for Americans to unite because “We love our country. We love our God. We love our flag. We’re proud of our country. We’re proud of who we are,” he’s using the same language these people use to justify trying to “protect” American “identity” from their non-white and non-Christian countrymen. When he declares “we must cherish our history” in response to a rally initially convened to protest a Robert E. Lee statue removal, he sure sounds like he’s siding with the very white supremacists wanting to keep it. Such remarks would come across as deliberate dog whistles in a more deliberate president. We all know Trump loves his base that he’s very careful about doing anything that could upset them. He also acts as if there’s any connection between the “alt-right” and Nazis. Then there’s the fact he has known white nationalists in his administration like Steve Bannon, Sebastian Gorka, and Stephen Miller. Any case where white supremacists engage in unprovoked violence against the left would do just that. Yet, it’s not clear whether Trump is deliberately sending signals to the alt-right that he’s still on their team or that thought that much about it. And that’s exactly the problem. In the last six months of his presidency, Trump has shown less concern for governing on behalf of “the haters and losers” who didn’t support him than any president in recent memory (which would include most Americans in general). Nor does he seem to care about the white supremacist threat to US citizens to understand or name it. It’s an ideology history buffs like myself are very familiar with in American history that has been used to justify slavery, segregation, lynching, hate crimes, and terrorism. And it’s one threatening not only extremist violence but American democracy as well.

It is precisely on moments like Charlottesville that an American president should speak directly on behalf of the American creed, Americans rejecting tribalism and seeking pluralism, and the idea that alt-right nationalism is antiethical to the American idea itself. At a moment when the US needs its leadership to take a unified stand against hatred, Trump’s refusal to call radical white terrorism for what it is might mark the lowest point of his presidency to date. Nevertheless, it’s not unexpected in a man like Donald Trump. Trump has a long history of racism and doesn’t see any problem with white nationalists openly supporting him or working in the White House. Nor does he see anything wrong with promoting inherently racist and xenophobic policies or running a racist, xenophobic campaign that energized the radical right. Whenever Trump has a chance to condemn white supremacists, he’s clearly and repeatedly refused to denounce them in terms that would alienate them. In fact, he continues pandering to them which very unlike what he does with nearly any people or group he dislikes (which he isn’t shy about condemning on Twitter to sabotaging their lives). His election further emboldened these white supremacists who see him as their champion. The day after Trump’s election, hate incidents soared with many carried out in his name. David Duke’s response to Charlottesville clearly reflects this noting, “This represents a turning point for the people of this country. We are determined to take our country back. We are going to fulfill the promises of Donald Trump. That’s what we believed in. That’s why we voted for Donald Trump, because he said he’s going to take our country back.” Seven months into his presidency, Trump has fostered an environment in which people who might’ve been ashamed of their shameful beliefs are now utterly unafraid to show their faces in broad daylight. And as long as white supremacists feel they can no longer hide their hate and bigotry, expect more domestic terror incidents like Charlottesville and other hate crimes.

While much of the country is confused on how the violence in Charlottesville came to be, the answer is blatantly obvious. What happened in Emancipation Park and the streets of Charlottesville didn’t just suddenly spring forth all by itself. White supremacy runs deeper than rogues in hooded robes and has always influenced politics and political violence. White supremacist policy and rhetoric is still being fostered and widely enabled. And it doesn’t take long for such mere sentiments erupt into of overt violence. When white supremacy turns violent America is less safe, especially for people of color and religious minorities. Now I know that not everyone who voted for Donald Trump is an unapologetic racist who’d gleefully march alongside fellow Neo-Nazis and Klansmen in the White Pride parade. But all Trump voters who saw him speak, heard his inflammatory rhetoric, believed in his vision for the future knew exactly what they were aligning themselves with. For millions of Americans, the fact their candidate unashamedly pandered to voters by appealing to the most despicable impulses among us wasn’t a deal-breaker. And the violence possibly resulting from Trump’s decision to give these white supremacists a voice was a risk they were willing to take. Yet, white supremacy can and will flourish when given fuel. History has shown from Reconstruction to the Civil Rights Movement that such transformations can spread like wildfire relatively fast and destroy decades of progress in flashes. All that white racial resentment toward minorities that propelled Trump to the presidency was just that. It may be easier to see white supremacists as people wearing white robes with cone hoods and swastika arm bands then a group of white men (along with some white women) with tiki torches, bad haircuts, wrinkled khakis, and a love of memes camping out in a park. Yet, keep in mind that even the most feared white supremacists during Jim Crow were just regular white men transformed from their lives as politicians, farmers, mechanics, and layabouts by sheer ideological power. White supremacist movements could often considered as “fringe” and marginal until they weren’t. So if you think that a bunch of young white guys with tiki torches aren’t capable of blood-curdling horror that destroyed countless black families, I honestly urge you to reconsider.

NFL Fans Dressed and Ready for Game Day (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on
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Here I sit on the swing with my Terrible Towel wearing my Steeler earrings and a jersey from my sister. And yes, I was sweating in it during the shoot.

While August may be a slow month for many, it’s certainly not for me. Mostly because there are so many things going on. For one, you have back to school season when the kids prepare to return to school. Then there’s the start of the football season which is huge in the Pittsburgh area as well as the rest of the United States. And since the Steelers are about to kick off today on their first preseason game, I might as well take care of my NFL stuff first. For the last 2 years I’ve don posts on football costumes, merchandise and crafts. Because while my dad may insist on watching his games, there are plenty of NFL fans far crazier than him or a lot of other people in my area. For instance, while my dad hasn’t been to Heinz Field, he’s totally okay about it. In fact, he’d rather watch his Steeler games on TV in the comfort of his own home anyway. At least he could go to the bathroom during a commercial break and get his own food from the kitchen. But if there was anything that would make the NFL football experience more worthwhile to me would be watching the fans. Since I find some of these fans’ outfits far more interesting than the game. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another assortment of crazy NFL fans in their team spirit gear.

  1. Undead skull man salutes his Oakland Raiders.

Too bad his team’s moving to Vegas. Makes me feel bad for the people of Oakland who seem to be among the most avid NFL fans in the country.

2. As a Dallas Cowboys fan, blue hair goes the extra mile.

He even has striped pants, a helmet, Cowboys tie, and face paint to match. Yet, he’s wearing a coat for the weather.

3. With two swords on his helmet, this guy’s in the Raider spirit of things.

Don’t worry, his head is fine. But I’m sure this will certainly get him noticed since his head resembles the logo. Sort of.

4. There’s something beaky about this Philadelphia Eagles fan.

Well, he has a beak nose on his helmet. Still, compared to other NFL fans on this post, this is tame.

5. Support your Denver Broncos with feathers, tulle, and a crazy hat.

Sure her costume seems to come from stuff she found at a craft store. But sometimes it’s the thought that counts.

6. Now we come to a true Dallas Cowboy.

This guy is know as Crazy Ray. Of course, his costume isn’t as outlandish as some of these other NFL fans. And it’s rather appropriate.

7. If you’re a Houston Texan fan, you got to have horns.

And I see these guys may wear different hats. But they didn’t ignore the horns. Hope they don’t put somebody’s eye out.

8. For this Seahawks fan, the shirt has to match the face paint.

I thin the shirt is enough here. But some people have to go the extra mile like this guy.

9. Even Imperial Stormtroopers love the Houston Texans.

The Stormtrooper even has a blue mohawk and is posing with the team mascot. The pilot doesn’t have much else.

10. When you support the Ravens, you even have to have a lot of bling with a jester’s hat.

Not sure if it weighs him down at the game. But at least he has an interesting hat.

11. A striped face and a clown wig is all you need to support the Buffalo Bills.

Well, as far as this guy is concerned. Though he doesn’t seem happy about how his Bills are doing.

12. Footballhead doesn’t like how the game’s going for the Broncos.

Then again, it’s a mask meant to look scary. But it seems rather annoyed to me.

13. You wouldn’t know who these baggy Miami Dolphins fans are.

But they’re not ashamed about supporting their team. They just didn’t want to use face paint.

14. Even a Steeler fan has to get the best black and gold sombrero.

An equally fancy luchador mask can also complete the look. Now that’s intimidating to see.

15. For her Colts, this woman gets out her puppet monkeys for the holidays.

Helps if the monkeys wear Colts Santa hats, too. Still, kind of creepy for me to take in.

16. When in doubt go green and blue for the Seattle Seahawks.

Well, this guy seems to. And his blue hair is all spiky for good measure.

17. This Ravens fan really likes to show his team’s glory on his head.

Yes, the Ravens won as many Super Bowls as Ray Lewis has murder allegations. And this guy has a feathered cape alongside his giant ring hat, too.

18. Seems like this joker is a very serious Steelers fan.

Well, he has the Joker makeup to his Steeler specifications. Not sure about the hat though.

19. Make way for the Miami Dolphins Pope.

Guess they have a guy like that for every NFL team out there. But this cleric paints his face.

20. This Halo hero salutes his Houston Texans.

Though he must be hot in his costume. But for some, it’s all worth it for the team.

21. This masked beauty does her hair only for the Miami Dolphins.

Okay, it’s a wig. But it’s in aqua, orange and white. And she wear’s a mask for an enhanced effect.

22. This Joker delights in supporting the New Orleans Saints.

Even has a Fleur de Lis in each hand. Yet, he’s also wearing a suit with a pink boa.

23. For this 49er’s fan, the lucha mask has to contain a gold nugget.

The hat’s made out of foam. And he’s not wearing as shirt. But we all know how the 49ers got their name.

24. This Super Seahawks fan might need to leave early if there’s any danger.

He’s even wearing Superman briefs with a Skittles wrapper on his chest. Not sure what that’s supposed to mean.

25. This blue man goes all out for his Detroit Lions.

Despite that the Detroit Lions are among the worst teams in the NFL. But this guy’s keeping his cool with his thumbs up.

26. This Minnesota Vikings fan hopes his team demolishes Dallas.

Wonder if they have one for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Because my dad really hates the Dallas Cowboys.

27. Feathers and shells always make for a great Oakland Raiders headdress.

Well, I’ve put a similar fan picture on another post but that might’ve been from the Saints. But this one seems to have a rather strange quality to it. Maybe that’s intentional.

28. A Raiders fan can never have too many skulls.

Well, he seems to have a lot. Not only around his neck but on his hard hat.

29. Chicago gangsters always dress dapper for a game with the Bears.

After all, Chicago’s famous for Al Capone. And for the Boardwalk Empire touch, the orange suits are in pinstripe.

30. Seems like Seahawks fans tend to be on the Dark Side.

At least this Darth Vader costume is intact and unchanged. Just a Seahawks scarf and lightsaber are plenty.

31. You’re not a Vikings fan until you go purple.

They at least match with the face paint and jerseys. But you have to like the other guy’s fuzzy horned helmet.

32. This guy would be a fool not to support his New Orleans Saints.

He’s even wearing a jester outfit of black and gold to show his love for the Saints. After all, he’s quite a joker.

33. This man always goes all out for his Pittsburgh Steelers.

He has a Steeler car and a Vince Lombardi trophy in Steeler insignia. Also have love the glasses.

34. Wonder if this guy’s name is Spike.

Because he has spikes all over him, get it. Also have to behold his skulls and chains. And yes, he’s a Raiders fan.

35. Now this guy seems like a real ship head.

That’s because it’s all about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to him. He’s also wearing beads and has his face red and silver.

36. Looks like this guy is all spotted for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Though the Jaguars reside in Florida’s largest city, they’re the least remembered. Maybe because they don’t do well in football.

37. This feathered mask lady is pulling for her Atlanta Falcons.

Too bad, the Falcons would lose to the Patriots at the Super Bowl. Yes, I was disappointed, too. Because everyone outside New England hates the Patriots.

38. Seems like Darth Vader has it in for the Raiders.

His buddy has a camera on is helmet. Nevertheless, hope they’re coping with their team’s move to Vegas.

39. For Super Bowl L, Broncos fans pose with their orange clown wigs.

Don’t really get the whole clown wig thing here. Except that it’s outrageous. Sot it goes on this post.

40. Heard of Goldfinger? Meet Mr. Goldman.

And his team is the New Orleans Saints. Notice how he has a Fleur de Lis on his face.

41. This skullhead Raiders fan supports breast cancer awareness.

Still, very little money from pink merchandise actually goes to breast cancer. Look it up.

42. This 49ers fan has come in his own sombrero.

This guy even has ornaments on it. Bet he’s had too much time on his hands.

43. Even old timey ghosts support the Oakland Raiders.

And this guy seems straight out of a horror movie. Yes, I’m already kind of freaking out right now.

44. When in doubt, go with a funky wig.

Here’s a Philadelphia Eagles fan in a lucha mask and clown wig of his team colors. And he’s having a drink during the game.

45. This Raiders fan has the Grim Reaper on his chest.

Yes, I know Raiders fan usually go with the creepy skull stuff. But that’s kind of a tradition for them. And why I put so many on my NFL fan posts.

46. You can’t go wrong with a wooden Seahawk hat.

This is especially if it has Seahawk color braids coming out. Then again, their logo was inspired from Native American art of the Pacific Coast. So what do you expect?

47. Speaking of Seahawks fans, check out the blue and green hair on these.

One of them has a mohawk. One of them has a crown. Yet, all support their Seahawks when the day is done.

48. Seems like this Grinch has a soft spot for the Tennessee Titans.

Well, he’s dressed in a green outfit with a Santa hat. But he just doesn’t seem Grinchy to me.

49. This woman is all feathers for the Atlanta Falcons.

She’s known as “Bird Lady” by the way. Too bad her team didn’t win the Super Bowl against the Patriots.

50. Fuzzy robes are always in for Broncos fans.

The kid is even dressed like a mini Hulk Hogan. And they even match.

51. Never expected to find a Packers fan in a sombrero.

I was wondering where I’d eventually see some Packers fans. Because they’d usually turn up when I’m less than halfway through.

52. This Packers fan is going to rock and roll all night and party every day.

This one is dressed as a member of KISS. And has spikes on shoulder pads. Not sure why.

53. This undead jester has come for the Raiders.

This guy has a skull mask and jester cap with jingles. Yes, it’s bound to freak you out.

54. Nothing makes you a bigger fan of the San Diego Chargers than a bolt on your chest.

Now the Chargers have relocated to LA. Kind of feel bad for this guy now. But at least he’s shown his team spirit by painting himself light blue.

55. Though Packers fans typically have cheese hats, I’m not so sure about this.

This one has the Green Bay Packer devouring a Detroit Lion. Okay, now I get it.

56. Sometimes the face paint says it all for this Arizona Cardinals fan.

At least he got the Cardinal look right. Not sure if the clown wig does wonders though.

57. Get a load of these suits on these Steeler fans.

The outfits are supposed to be from the 1970s during the Steelers glory days. And these guys grew the hair to live up to it.

58. A Rams fan always has to have a pair of curled horns.

Yet, another team that moved to Los Angeles. Still, this fan is rather creepy looking. Even if the horns are plush.

59. This red butterfly flutters for the Atlanta Falcons.

She has her wings lined with red fuzz and wears a shiny dress. Hope those large wings don’t cause any problems for other spectators.

60. When you attend a Cincinnati Bengals game at 1 and are starring in a local production of Cats at 5.

Okay, I know that’s highly unlikely. But the fan just reminded me of someone from Cats. Can’t anyone take a joke now and then?

61. The Houston Texans are the team for this all-American cowgirl.

Well, she certainly has a cowboy hat on and a flag. And all with the Texans logo.

62. I call this the, “Bronco Weave.”

Yes, she has a Bronco logo on her head. But I’ve seen other fans style their hair for their team. This is just far more creative.

63. The X-Factor and Elvis always go for the Kansas City Chiefs.

Yet, they’re fans of the NFL team in Missouri that didn’t move to LA. But yes, the guy on the right looks ridiculous.

64. For this king, the Houston Texans can do no wrong.

Well, it’s a ridiculously oversized crown. But it shows the Texans logo like it’s no tomorrow.

65. This black bird is Raven mad.

This one even has a bird head and wings. But the Baltimore Ravens scarf is plenty.

66. This Philadelphia Eagles fan has quite the bird brain.

That’s because he has an eagle head. Kind of freaky and outrageous. But good for the post.

67. Bet you can’t see this Bengals Stormtrooper.

Well, he’s in orange with black stripes on his helmet. Don’t worry if he gets in a fight. He can’t hit anything.

68. You don’t always have to wear a fur and horn headdress. But sometimes it helps.

For this Atlanta Falcons fan it sure did. And then the Falcons had to play the Patriots at the Super Bowl.

69. Now this guy is the ultimate Rams fan.

After all, if you sport a ram’s head, then you’ll surely be noticed. Too bad his team moved to LA.

70. These Green Bay Packers fans come all fired up.

They’re dressed as firemen in Packers gear, get it? Though I like the sirens on their heads.

71. These fans got themselves all hulked up for the Houston Texans.

Here these two are in their Hulk costumes and ripped shirts. You wouldn’t want to be near them when they’re angry.

72. When you’re a New York Jets fan, you have to go green, literally.

For these guys it’s painting their bodies green and wearing green wigs. Also, spelling out “Jets” on their chest.

73. This jester brings along his own Denver Broncos camper.

I don’t know why fans do stuff like that. But he seems to be getting attention for it. So beats me.

74. This Detroit Lions fan has it ringing with Elton John glasses.

Of course, the ring isn’t from the Super Bowl. Because the Detroit Lions never won one. Look it up.

75. Some of these Seahawks fans can dress so skimpy these days.

Okay, that’s a guy dressed as a scantily clad woman in Seahawks gear. Still, I think it’s kind of hilarious.

76. Gorilla Man and Spider Man have turned up to support the New England Patriots.

Just don’t ask them about the deflated footballs. Or you’ll be beat senseless and hung upside down in a spider web.

77. Apparently, all this New Orleans Saints fan sees are dollar signs.

Not sure if that’s a man or a woman. But there’s some originality with the dollar sign glasses and pimp style.

78. This Seahawks fan must have strong feelings for the 49ers.

Apparently, he has a 49er plush impaled on one of his hair spikes. Kind of clever yet disturbing at the same time.

79. This Green Bay Packers family all has Super Bowl rings on their heads.

After all, they did win Super Bowls. But they all look so ridiculous you can’t help but laugh.

80. If you’re a Steeler fan, you can let it all hang out.

Though I wouldn’t necessarily mean by that. This is particularly the case with this guy running shirtless in the snow.

81. For the Atlanta Falcons, this guy will take anything.

For he’s clad in armor and is sporting a Mohawk. Just don’t mention the Super Bowl.

82. Hope you can make room for this Packers fan.

At least his helmet’s made from paper mache. Though you’d kind of wish he’d put a coat on or something. Cause he must be freezing.

83. I suppose the antlers will hold up during this game.

He even has them decorated with beads and put on his helmet. Not sure if it’s for Christmas. But not bad.

84. Hope you don’t cross these Raiders fans.

All of them have black and white faces. But only one is wearing a sombrero.

85. It’s always shields and helmets for these Minnesota Vikings fans.

The guy has a purple Viking helmet with horns. Also, their shields appear to light up.

86. How about an eagle head on your shoulder?

Or a Philadelphia Eagle head, that is. Bet the look is based on a video game character though.

87. Wonder what these bears are up to.

Yes, they’re Chicago Bear fans in bear suits. No, I’m not sure how they eat in their costumes.

88. This Indianapolis Colts fan screams blue and white.

Almost resembles a Transformer. But it’s mostly the cloth doing it for me.

89. This Patriots fan arrives at the stadium with a star spangled hat.

Though you can include the cowbell and wig for good measure. God knows anything can use more cowbell.

90. These Houston Texans fans know how to stay classy.

They’re both in lucha masks with horns. One has blue while the other has red. Still, got to love the capes.

91. Apparently, this woman suffers from serious beer goggles.

Well, she made a pair with cans to support the Green Bay Packers. Yet, as far as beer goggles is concerned, she’s doing it right.

92. A Buffalo Bills fan should never go without a tall buffalo hat.

It’s like a tall buffalo hat with horns on it. And yes, he’s doing his victory dance.

93. This Kansas City Chiefs fan shows his war bonnet in full glory.

Hey, cultural appropriation isn’t just limited to Washington Redskins fans in the NFL. Still, I couldn’t avoid putting this on my post. My apologies to the Native American community.

94. This cheese head comes with its own horns and beard.

Well, they resemble prongs more or less. Still, the ski goggles and beard are clever.

95. Bet this Saints fan is  real jest.

But that jester costume really freaks me out for some reason. Maybe that’s the point.

96. This looks like a job for Bronco Batman.

Of course, he’s only in a bright orange mask. Yet, would rather beat up bad guys in more casual attire.

97. This Cleveland Browns fan is all fries and no ketchup.

Doesn’t seem too happy right now. Then again, the Cleveland Browns aren’t known for winning their games anyway.

98. This Arizona Cardinals fan can really strike the cardinal look.

Well, at least with the mohawk and face paint. Not sure about the spiky jewelry though.

99. These Indianapolis Colts fans are really going ape.

And that’s what NFL football is like on the Planet of the Apes. Except the apes aren’t blue.

100. You’d want to stay away from this Raiders wolf.

If his team loses, he’d be howling mad. Of course, this is often since the Raiders aren’t known for winning.

Never Judge a Book By Its Cover – Well, Most of the Time (Sixth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

Summer is also a season where people like to catch up on their reading, namely during vacation. Sometimes it might be a noteworthy work of literature or a page turning read. But other times it just might consist of pulpy paperbacks, Harlequin romances, or Fifty Shades of Grey. Of course, you can’t always judge a book by its cover. Except on the occasions you can which is where I come in. Looking at some of these covers, it’s sometimes easy to tell whether it’s good or bad. Like if it depicts a rather stylized romance scene, especially if the man resembles a Greek god. Or if a sci-fi book has a very ridiculous illustration that seemed inspired by an acid trip. Or if its image clearly pertains to some unsettling subject matter that doesn’t seem quite right. But whatever the case, I hope you enjoy yet another installment of terrible book covers for your reading pleasure. By the way, some of these may not be safe for work.

 

  1. Clash of Star-Kings: The Night the Stars Fell and the Spacemen Rose by Avram Davison

Wonder if that’s supposed to be a mythological figure. I think there’s an Egyptian god who looks like that. But he seems royally pissed right now so proceed with caution.

Now you must bow before the Crocodile lord of all creation.

2. The Boy with Dinosaur Hands: Nine Tales of the Real and Unreal by Al Carusone

Come to think of it, scissor hands aren’t great either. But at least your palms won’t bear ant resemblance to Jurassic Park.

Remember, kids, having dinosaur hands isn’t really as cool as it’s cracked up to be.

3. Cathletics: Ways to Amuse and Exercise Your Cat by Jo and Paul Loeb

Still, this isn’t the craziest cat book I’ve seen. After all, cats do need exercise. Yet, still I wonder what ridiculous workouts this book contains.

Because keeping your cat in the house all day contributes to feline obesity.

4. How to Recognize and Handle Abnormal People: A Manual for the Police Officer

Not sure what they mean by “abnormal people.” I mean that could be just about anyone. Just don’t tell me this book doesn’t contain offensive stereotypes.

After all, a cop needs to know how to respond to all the weirdos out there.

5. Spinning Wheel’s Antiques for Men edited by Albert Christian Revi

I’m sure there are plenty of men who collect antiques. And not just toy soldiers either. Hope those aren’t made of lead.

Who says that antiquing isn’t a manly pursuit?

6. You’re Going to Die by R. A. Montgomery

Seems like this kid’s real disillusioned about life in general. Man, this cover just has to bum you out.

It’s a choose your own adventure story with a depressing inevitable finish.

7. We Like Kindergarten

Look, I understand this book aims to help kids adjust to kindergarten. But that little girl holding the picture must really freak out the parents.

A Little Golden Book by the makers of The Children of the Corn.

8. The Partridge Family #10: Marked for Terror by Vic Crumb

Basically it’s about Keith getting arrested by the FBI and thrown into Gitmo. Those Enhanced Interrogation scenes are a riot.

Who knew the Partridge Family could get entangled in international terrorism?

9. Drivers Licence for Women by Dr. Frank Stahl Ph. D.

How the hell does making out naked near a beach have anything to do with driving? Because I have no idea.

Guess this is how a woman drives with a stick shift.

10. Humiedad Relativa by Justi Zapico

I’m sure the stuffed animals really kills the mood here. Let’s just say nudity and stuffed toys don’t really belong together.

Nothing titillates a man’s libido like a naked woman on top of brightly colored teddy bears.

11. Bang Bang, You’re Dead by Louise Fitzhugh and Sandra Scoppettone

This book is from 1969 but it hasn’t aged well for obvious reasons. Yet, it has kids saying things like “I got you dead!” and “Yeah, we’ll fix those skunks. Let’s chop off their heads!”

Also known as Graphic Violence for Kids.

12. Bear by Marian Engel

Yes, Sandra and Smokey were mad with each other. Yet, Smokey had to constantly watch his claws and animal instincts.

If you’re into hot grizzly action, this is the book for you.

13. “Johnny’s Such a Bright Boy, What a Shame He’s Retarded”: In Support of Mainstreaming Public Schools by Kate Long

I don’t know what this book says about people with intellectual disabilities. But the title doesn’t seem to suggest anything positive.

Winner of the “Most Insulting Title to the Disabled Award.”

14. The Psychic Sasquatch and Their UFO Connection by Jack “Kewaunee” Lapseritis M.S.

You can guess what they’ll be talking about here. Still, Sasquatches aren’t real whether they have ESP or not.

Didn’t know Bigfoot was an alien with psychic abilities.

15. Body Watchin’ Is Fun by John L. Shirley

I’m sure it pertains to people watching. But the photos on this cover make the subject matter all the more disturbing.

Brought to you by the guy who makes people feel awkwardly uncomfortable in public.

16. The Boy Who Looked Like Lincoln by Mike Reiss

Is it just me? Or does book seem goddamn freaky? Also, the other kids all have crazy heads. This book must’ve been written and illustrated on weed.

Finally a book about a kid who bears a resemblance to the 16th President and grew a beard before puberty.

17. At the Butt End of the Rainbow and Other Irish Tales by Clare Warner Livesly

Still, “butt end” really? Is the “butt” really necessary? Or is this a book of Irish bathroom tales? Like “Finn MacCool and His Restless Bowels” or “The Silent But Deadly Scourge of Cuchulainn.”

For when you get to the butt end of the rainbow, you’ll find all kinds of freakish creatures hanging out.

18. Cat Astrology by Mary Daniels

Yes, this kitty horoscope book exists. I know it’s crazy. But apparently there are cat owners who really believe this shit.

Now you can tell your cat’s future by their star sign.

19. Catflexing: A Cat Lover’s Guide to Weight Training, Aerobics, & Stretching by Stephanie Jackson

Catflexing? How is that a thing? Does that woman know how ridiculous she looks flexing with her cat?

Who knew you and your cat can get in shape together?

20. Corporate Attractions: An Inside Account of Sexual Harassment with the New Sexual Rules for Men and Women on the Job by Kathleen Neville

The cover doesn’t seem to give a good impression of sexual harassment and workplace relations. Also, the art just makes it look a bit outdated.

Apparently, these two seem to get along fine, but you’ll never know.

21. Dildo Cay by Nelson Hayes

Believe it or not, this was actually a best-seller and made into a movie called Bahama Passage starring Madeleine Carroll, Sterling Hayden, and Dorothy Dandridge. Movie tagline reads: “The two most gorgeous humans you’ve ever beheld – caressed by soft tropic winds – tossed by the tides of love!” There’s also a real place.

It’s a place of fun, adventure, and erotic stimulation.

22. Drugs and Anger by Bea O’Donnell Rawls

This book implies that taking drugs will turn you in to a raving lunatic who’d use broken bottles as a weapon. You’ve been warned. So don’t start.

Because drugs really bring out the worst in people.

23. Early Detection: Breast Cancer Is Curable by Philip Strax, M.D.

Yeah, that’s not really good placement. Also, breast cancer is a horrible disease that kills women every year. So why does the mammogram machine get the 1970s floral treatment.

There’s nothing a woman enjoys more than getting her own mammogram.

24. Computers & the Beast pf Revelation by David Webber and Noah Hutchings

Sorry, but computers aren’t evil at all. Nor will they usher in the apocalypse. Also, a snake shouldn’t be near one.

Computers are only machines that serve a gateway to sin.

25. The Forbidden Apple: Sex in the Schools by Philip J. Ross and John Marlowe

Still, what I find disturbing about this is that a grown man stands between two teenage girls. It’s implied he’s their teacher. You’d think they’d use a better photo than that for a teen sex book.

Because talking about sex in schools is necessary but often not encouraged.

26. Sexy PHP: A Fun Way to Learn Object Oriented PHP by C.A. Collins

No, PHP has nothing to do with sex. It’s a server-side language used in web development. But you couldn’t tell from the cover.

Cover courtesy of PornHub and GoDaddy.com.

27. Fratricide Is a Gas by Lindsay Gutteridge

Of course, she’s trying to rip your head off. You just fucked her. What did you expect?

Was supposed to be called Manti and Me but the editors didn’t think it would resonate with audiences.

28. Frisbee: A Practitioner’s Manual and Treatise by Dr. Stancil E.D. Johnson

For God’s sake, a frisbee is something you toss to your dog. How do I have to describe it?

At last, a serious academic book of the significance of the Frisbee.

29. Games for Insomniacs by John G. Fuller

Of course, if you have insomnia you could just stay up playing video games. That’s what most insomniacs do anyway.

Finally, you can have fun while you can’t sleep at night.

30. Getting High: How to Really Do It by Dan Clark

Hate to break it to stoners, but this isn’t a book on how to get a buzz from drugs. It’s actually a Christian devotional for teens and their parents. Sorry.

Yes, there’s a right way to get high for teens and adults.

31. Children’s Head Injury: Who Cares? edited by David A. Johnson, David Uttely, and Maria Wyke

That’s a pretty insensitive title since kids’ head injuries can cause serious harm throughout their lives. Also, the Humpty Dumpty motif doesn’t help.

Apparently, nobody seems too concerned about children suffering brain damage these days.

32. Honey, We Lost the Kids: Rethinking Childhood in the Multimedia Age by Kathleen McDonnell

Some people seem to go to great lengths to make the media look evil. That baby seems incredibly creepy along with that Simpsons character with the flaming red hair.

According to the cover, your children’s favorite cartoon characters are conspiring to kidnap them. Keep them close to you at all times.

33. God Speaks to Modern Man by Arthur E. Lickey

“What do you mean my appearance doesn’t adhere to dress code standards. I come from 1st century Palestine for my dad’s sake!”

Just Jesus and the boss casually hanging out at the office.

34. How to Be a More Interesting Woman by Barbara Wedgewood

Based on the cover, I think the book is filled with sexist trash from the Mad Men era. Because I don’t need a stupid book like that to be interesting.

Finally, a book for women on how to be interesting to others.

35. What Would Jesus Craft? by Ross McDonald

Is it just me or a Catholic thing? But isn’t a crucified Christ clock kind of sacreligious? Just a thought.

Learn how to make a crucifixion clock with a tree slice so you’ll know the time to pray.

36. How to Be a Jewish Mother: A Very Lovely Training Manual by Dan Greenburg

If there’s a book about being a Jewish mother, shouldn’t it be written by an actual Jewish mother? Because I don’t think Dan Greenburg has those kind of credentials due to being a dude.

Now there’s a manual for Jewish moms on how to do it right.

37. Jinny Williams Library Assistant: A Career Romance for Young Moderns by Sara A. Temkin and Lucy A. Hovell

I’m sure this book was written because library assistant was one of the few career paths available to women. Still, to call it a “career romance” is a long shot.

Didn’t know library assistants had interesting love lives.

38. Unfit for Command by John O’Neill and Jerome R. Corsi, Ph.D.

This is a book reeking with bullshit about John Kerry which would later lead to the term “swiftboating.” Such a book should be taken off the shelves and thrown into an incinerator where it belongs.

Or “How to Smear a Presidential Candidate by Attacking His Vietnam War Service and Patriotism with Bullshit for Political Gain.”

39. The You Can Do It! Kids Diet by Dee Matthews with Allan Zullo and Bruce Nash

Childhood obesity aside, there’s a reason dieting for kids is so controversial. Parents should consult their pediatrician so I’ll leave it at that.

The how to guide on fighting childhood obesity and perhaps self-esteem.

40. Knife Throwing: A Practical Guide by Harry K. McEvoy

Yes, this is a book about knife throwing. Learn how to throw knives at targets like trees, rodents, and Jen at accounting. Scratch the last bit.

Learn how to throw knives like a pro.

41. Role Models: Miley Cyrus by Dave Robson

I guess she was doing Hanna Montana at the time. Now she’s known for her VMA appearance and “Wrecking Ball.”

Read about the life of Miley Cyrus and how she’s a great role model.

42. More of Jesus Less of Me: An Entirely New Revolutionary Approach to Weight Control by Joan Cavanaugh with Pat Forseth

Christian weight loss guides? Seriously? You’d almost think there’s a Christian answer for everything.

Lose weight the righteous way through accepting Jesus as your lord and savior.

43. We Never Had Any Trouble Before: First Aid for Parents of Teenagers by Roger W. Paine III

Despite what pop culture says, teenagers aren’t really that terrible. But parents are known to overreact and Hollywood validates their fears.

A guide for parents of teens who feel like they’re living in hell.

44. Build an Oil-Fired Tilting Furnace by Steve Chastain

Uh, I think a project like that would be too dangerous. Besides, I don’t think most neighborhoods allow you to build something like that.

Now you can build a piece of industrial technology in your own backyard.

45. Mrs. Allen On All Fours: Develop a Perfect Relationship with Your Pet by Barbara A. Allen

Then again, your dog might think you’re an idiot trying to relate to them like that. No owner should have to bring themselves to that.

If you want to walk a mile in your dog’s shoes, then you might as well go down on your hands and knees.

46. Boys in Control by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Yes, that’s very inappropriate. Suzy should give Tad a restraining order. Seriously, there are literally laws against what the hell he’s doing.

Finally, a preteen book about sexual harassment, privacy invasion, and voyeurism.

47. What’s a Parent to Do? by C. S. Lovett

Seems like these parenting guides on teens make them seem like monsters. They even have a badge on the arm. Crazy.

Got rowdy teens shaking their fists in revolt? Here’s the book for you.

48. Mother, How Could You! by Eve Bunting

Seems like the mother caught her daughter making out with her boyfriend. And her daughter is pissed. Mother is embarrassed. Also, what’s the mom wearing, a nightgown?

Tagline: “Of all the things for her mother to do…”

49. Pinocchio: Vampire Slayer by Van Jensen and Dusty Higgins

Who knew that Pinocchio could kill vampires? Still, this is hilarious and kind of ridiculous. But not like Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

He’s not a puppet. He’s a vampire slaying real boy who’ll kill blood sucking fiends.

50. Sarah T.: Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic by Robin S. Wagner

Seems like a real brat from the cover. Based on a TV movie from the 1980s.

Read this gripping tale of a teenage drunken brat.

51. The Sex of the Dollar: Street-Smart Financial Planning by Anne Kohn Blau

No, it’s not about prostitution. It’s about managing your money when you earn 20% less than your male colleagues. For God’s sake can’t we instill equal for pay for women already! It’s the least employers and politicians can do.

Didn’t know dollars had a sex.

52. Soil Tasting Manuel: Procedures, Classification, Data, and Sampling Practices by Robert W. Day

Actually, it’s supposed to be: Soil Testing Manual but there were typos. See how books become if you don’t proofread?

Want to know what dirt tastes like? Here’s the book for you.

53. The Square Root of Sex by Ted Mark

By the same guy who wrote The Man from O.R.G.Y. Think Fifty Shades of Grey meets The Big Bang Theory. And set it back to the 1970s.

Before The Big Bang Theory, we had books like these for nerd romance.

54. God, the Rod, and Your Child’s Rod: The Art of Loving Correction for Christian Parents by Larry Tomczak

Here there’s a kid with a bad haircut trying to get stuff out of the cookie jar. Seriously, this cover is messed up.

Instilling the fear of God and corporal punishment will get your kid to lead a healthy life.

55. There’s Power in the V by Takerra Allen

Nevertheless, this cover looks more like a hair salon ad than anything. Also, the type kind of clashes.

Not sure what the hell the V means. Vagina? Just a guess.

56. The Beginner’s Guide to Animal Autopsy

Features a teddy bear with all kinds of mechanized insides. Though most just have stuffing in them.

From this book, you can learn what’s inside an animal and what killed it.

57. My Dad’s Definitely Not a Drunk! by Elisa Lynn Carbone

I’m sure plenty of children of alcoholic parents can relate. Still, the dad’s definitely a drunk.

A novel about a young girl in denial of her dad’s alcoholism.

58. Heavenly Bodies: Remembering Hollywood and Fashion’s Favorite AIDS Benefit by Michael Anketell

Because nothing brings the ravages of AIDS to the forefront like a scantily clad model with wings. I’m sure they could’ve used a more dignified picture for the cover.

Featuring styles from Victoria’s Secret.

59. Weak Link: The Feminization of the American Military by Brian Mitchell

Contrary to what this book says, women in the military don’t make the US weak. You know what does? Electing a sociopathic demagogue with authoritarian tendencies to the White House.

For the manly military men who are so insecure in their masculinity that they think women shouldn’t protect them from terrorists.

60. Rowing: The Skill of the Game by Rosie Mayalothling

After all, there is nothing more manly than being packed on a boat with shorts and an undershit and longingly looking over the guy in front of you. Boy, Jake has it in for Randy hard. But should he tell him?

If you want to know about this manly sport, here is the book for you.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Sixth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

ct_greetings_florida.jpg

As August rolls around, we are now in the thick of summer vacation season. And here I open my sixth postcard post with a destination that sees a lot of tourism this time of year. I’m talking about Florida, the land of sunshine, Disney World, beaches, Everglades, Cape Canaveral, hurricanes, political dysfunction, climate change endangerment, sink holes, and crazy tabloid news stories not involving celebrities. Florida is a state with something for everyone unless you’re into stuff like winter, higher elevations, dry land, Medicaid expansion, social justice for poor and minorities, fair election practices, home owner’s insurance, ecological stability, or any sense of normalcy. Let’s just say it’s a great place to visit but not somewhere I’d want to live. Still, I probably have more crazy vintage postcards on these kind of posts than from any other state. Mostly because Florida has always been a huge tourist destination since the early 20th century thanks to Gilded Age railroad construction, a couple real estate booms, and the inventions of air conditioning and highways. But even before Disney World, it had seen a lot of vacationers. Another reason is that a lot of these postcards contain a lot of weird shit. Still, I can show you some picturesque vintage postcards which will bore you to tears. So I’ll stick to the crazy postacards instead for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.

  1. In 1962, Seattle was home to the world’s largest birthday cake.

And no, it wasn’t for Bill Gates or Starbucks either. Still, you could probably feed all of Seattle with it.

2. A long hoagie like this would make Subway seethe with envy.

Yet, George didn’t hide his disdain having to assemble that sandwich on minimum wage. I’m sure we’ve been this guy at one point in our lives.

3. Matanuska is well-known for its large cabbage.

Actually it’s a place in Alaska known for its glacier and Sarah Palin. But you wouldn’t know that from the postcard. Also, you can see Russia from it.

4. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Tony Canepa and his dancing family.

He and his wife always dreamed of having as many children for their own football team. That or they wanted a chorus line.

5. Washington state’s Cape Disappointment surely lives up to its name.

Well, at least the name’s honest. Caption reads: “Rugged outcropping of land guarding the mouth of the Mighty Columbia River. This area is referred to as the ‘Graveyard of the Pacific’ and here is seen the lighthouse to guide the sailors.”

6. Of course, not everyone can smile when their dad runs for office.

Only the St. Bernard seems happy in this photo. I can totally understand why the guy’s family wants to be supportive. Yet, on the other hand, it might mean lots of adjustment.

7. How about a big “howdy” from Texas?

That has to be one of the freakishly horrifying giant cowboys I’ve seen in my life. For the love of God, take that down before it haunts my dreams.

8. Who remembers the Acromaniacs a.k.a. The Three Little Bakers?

Or as some call them, “Those three rich assholes who saw themselves better than anyone. And would shove people into lockers when no teacher was looking.”

9. At this little mini town, Sadie can now emulate Raquel Welch from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.

Okay, I’m just kidding on that one. But still, I wouldn’t trust a kid near stuff like that.

10. Crawford’s Market brings the World Largest Cheese to the LA County Fair.

Still, you don’t see Alice in Dairy Land cut the cheese. For a silent and deadly stench may doom us all.

11. Cash will always make the holidays happier.

From Bad Postcards: “It looks like the girl is getting ready to vomit on her brother’s present.” The dad doesn’t seem too thrilled either.

12. Looks like it’s happy hour wherever this guy is.

Looks like someone’s cocktail could use a little more cowbell. Not sure how that would work out.

13. “This Attractive New Work Handling Equipment Cuts Work Handling Costs!”

That slogan sounds redundant and vague. Also, that woman looks like she wants whoever’s talking to shut up.

14. “Oh, Suzy, why do you always have to look at trains? It’s most unladylike.”

“Why can’t you be normal and read magazines other girls like such as celebrity tabloids? Or ones catering to feminine insecurities?”

15. Bonat hair dryers are fit for any beauty salon these days.

After all, on the Enterprise, you’d need different dryers for different kinds of hair. Not sure which one a Klingnon would use.

16. This BTC Beverage Cooler chills up to 288 bottles.

Also great for freezing the remains of your dead husband you murdered for the insurance money. I’m no one will recognize Charlie after Mildred has chopped off his limbs and torso.

17. Nobody could ever resist Halliday plastics for the home.

From Bad Postcards: “I’ll take two plastic dresses, a plastic clown, and the stackable plastic bowls. Figure my bill, please. I’m running late for a Tupperware party.” Available at your local landfill, ocean, or beach.

18. The ADDO-X Plus is a well tuned adding machine.

Though Adelaide has thoughts about dropping it on Nancy after work. Because Nancy always has to be better at crunching numbers than her in accounting. She must be stopped.

19. A secretary is never happy without two typewriters on her desk.

She uses one for her office related tasks. And she uses the other for recording thoughts of existential dread in her soul crushing existence.

20. Caryl Richards WIDE WIDE WAVE gives your hair more body to style your hair your way.

Of course, she received her new do from one of Whoville’s finest hair salons. And she looks utterly fabulous.

21. You’re in for a jolly Roger good time with a Pirates of the Caribbean themed bachelor party.

Drinks available will be Captain Morgan and Bacardi rum. Stay for a visit from Captain Jackie Sparebra. So you can yo, ho, ho all night with these ladies.

22. In Washington state, it’s apple picking time.

But keep in mind a woman’s lipstick has to match the color. Also, this could’ve been taken anywhere.

23. In the summertime, there’s nothing more fun than zip-lining. Women love zip-lining.

And she has to do it wearing no helmet whatsoever. Not necessarily a stellar example in safety.

24. Hairstyles Unlimited: for your constant loveliness.

Or the kind of salon you’d imagine Willie Wonka run if he worked as a hairdresser instead of a confectioner. He’d still have slave labor doing the actual styling though.

25. “Millionaire softened water makes me feel so good all over-why not try it?”

Still, how did she get out of the bath with full makeup, perfect hair, and high heeled shoes? I don’t understand it.

26. Huntington Maintenance and Sanitation products ensure quality cleanliness.

Still, this guy is just full of himself. For God’s sake he has his one image on a barrel.

27. “Seasons Greetings from Texas.”

Does it even snow in that state? Cause that just doesn’t look like Texas to me. To think this snow scene is from Texas defies all logical explanation.

28. This bamboo rake will rake in profits for you.

Like you didn’t know money grows on trees. Also, that background looks fake.

29. A beach vacation will always give you fun in the sun.

But with the right hairspray, your hair will be perfect even after hit by a tidal wave. Also, she has bad tan lines that I almost thought her swimsuit fell apart.

30. Here we have a Native American brave emerging from his wigwam.

Now this would be fine if this postcard came from the Midwest. But it’s actually from New York state. So why he’s wearing a warbonnet is beyond me.

31. Always fight for God, country, and flag.

Yet, this kind of imagery reflects the white Christian nationalism that got Donald Trump elected. And despite the pageantry, Trump doesn’t go to church, isn’t a patriot, and sure doesn’t respect the flag.

32. Electrolux gives you cleaning pleasure.

Like how is that a thing? I can’t even fathom that. Vacuums are incessant noise machines, damn it!

33. Behold, the world’s first automatic post office.

Guess this doesn’t make the postal workers happy. Automation has killed a lot of jobs for decades.

34. “How about I aim for that rabbit over there?”

Looking at their faces, I’m not sure if they know what they’re doing. Then again, they may not be aiming at an animal.

35. Come to Ralph’s Restaurant, home of the char-glo steaks.

What’s a char-glo steak? Is it a piece of steak grilled over uranium? Cause I’m not sure if I want to eat that.

36. You don’t know the real meaning of emancipation until you see the giant Abraham Lincoln statue.

On the bright side, at least this cartoonish statue isn’t in Gettysburg. And no, old Abe isn’t giving the finger despite your initial impressions.

37. Beauty Line shutters provide a perfect, “finishing touch.”

For some reason, advertisers seemed believe they can use scantily clad women to sell anything. Also, shutters are mostly considered window dressing these days anyway.

38. Kenny Kangaroo is here to give you fond memories.

For the love of God, keep your kids away from this costumed kangaroo. He may seem friendly but you’ll soon find yourself in a windowless van headed for some rich guy’s sex dungeon in who knows where.

39. Hi there! Heard you missed Sunday school last week.

Courtesy of the First Methodist Church of Stepford, apparently. I think they might be robots. Or folks who lure black people for seniors to assume their identities.

40. Here we come to a man sitting near a world class polar bear from Siberia that he shot and mounted.

Posing with a polar bear might make him feel like a badass. But in reality, he’s probably compensating for something. Seriously, that’s not cool.

41. You’ll always have a ball at the beach.

But it’s all fun and games until little Timmy shits his pants. Then he gets very cranky.

42. The lily pond always has the prettiest flowers.

Yet, she doesn’t seem the least bit disturbed about being a smorgasbord for mosquitoes. And let’s just say you don’t want to get malaria or Zika.

43. At the beach, there’s always “fun among the sea oats.”

You can get plenty of innuendo in this one. Are you feeling the oats?

44. Strategy in WWII hasn’t been brought to life like this before.

This wax display doesn’t seem lifelike at all. Dwight Eisenhower doesn’t seem to be contributing much at all. He’s in the right corner by the way.

45. Crazy Johnnie’s taxidermy has everything for your big game decorating needs.

This is kind of disturbing. Even more disconcerting are the bear stuff and the baby seal mount. Seriously, what monster would kill a baby seal?

46. “Have you had your thermal bath?”

Neither woman seems to mind being wrapped cocoons. For all they know, the staff could kill them in their sleep and throw them in the river.

47. This woman has kind of a cheesy disposition.

Wallace, may I introduce you to the perfect woman. She has all her curds in the right places. So who am I to diss a brie?

48. And you thought a car ride was too much to bear. Not anymore.

Though that bear is kind of small. But I sure don’t want that guy being behind the wheel. Might become lunch on the way.

49. Looks like Wally finally caught that big fish.

However, it makes catching big tuna seem way too easy than it really is. Still, hope that beach doesn’t have a catch and release policy.

50. Come to Groton, Connecticut, “The Submarine Capital of the World.”

The postcard would be fine if it had shown an actual submarine. This is a motorboat. Guess a sub wasn’t available for the photoshoot.

51. Here we witness a dramatic reenactment of the Cherokee Harvest Dance.

Chief Kevin was unimpressed by Pete and Bob’s imitation of Cirque du Soleil. Yet, Margaret was absolutely bored out of her mind.

52. Come to Kalaska, Michigan for the National Trout Festival.

Tonight we feature giant zombie trout that devours fishermen whole with impunity. Many fishing enthusiasts don’t dare face the dreaded fish for fear they’ll never be seen again.

53. Greetings from Daytona Beach, the world’s most famous beach.

And here we have a line of women in swimsuits to entice men to go there. And all pretty much have to look somewhat the same but not wear the same outfit.

54. This little girl caught a fish that couldn’t fit in her wagon.

Sure it’s about as big as she is. And yes, she probably had help from her parents. But can’t you let a little girl be proud of her achievements for God’s sake?

55. “We are looking for you this Sunday.”

Funny how such illustrations in these church postcards make you wonder if there’s something sinister going on. Those people’s faces are incredibly creepy.

56. This Christmas, let R&R Toy be your Santa and make your seasons jolly.

Oh, hell no! Not nightmare Santa Claus. Why the hell is he near that kid? Doesn’t anyone have any idea how dangerous he is around children?

57. Jesus can show you the way toward life.

Because the road to death only leads to a long drop from a cliff. So yes, Jesus saves and not just a lot on your car insurance.

58. Bible Land brings you to a Garden of Life.

Still, admission to this place isn’t cheap. In fact, it will cost you 5 loaves, 2 fishes, and firstborn. Though you can slaughter a lamb and put its blood on your door to avoid paying the last part.

59. The diver has a rather spongy disposition.

Yes, those are some sponges. And no, you shouldn’t use them to clean your house or dishes.

60. An Alaskan wolf is a particularly vicious beast.

Sorry, but taxidermy just doesn’t make this animal look at all intimidating. Besides, wolves aren’t that ferocious except when protecting their cubs.

61. Come to behold the scenic beauty of Balanced Rock.

That’s just a huge boulder. Why the hell does this make a worthy postcard? I don’t understand.

62. Come to Chappaquiddick, Massachusetts to admire the wondrous Dyke Bridge.

You remember this one-lane bridge as the place where Ted Kennedy nearly destroyed his political career. Heard they have a guide to show you where Mary Jo Kopeche died while being trapped in her car.

63. It’s always a magical visit to the Castle of Gnomes.

Don’t worry, kids. They’re just made of porcelain. No, they’re not trying to kill you or haunt your dreams. You just have a vivid imagination. Nothing to see here.

64. You can meet the deer close up at Mt. Rainier National Park.

Still, if a deer loses its fear of humans, that’s not good. Also, that girl, well, I heard her dad’s supposed to be a hairy sasquatch wandering the woods and eluding anyone trying to look for him.

65. Behold, the majestic beauty of the Blowing Rock.

Once again, that’s just a rock. There’s nothing remarkable about it. Besides, how is it supposed to be “blowing?”

66. “Greetings from Kansas.”

Doesn’t look very exciting does it? For God’s sake I think it could attract tourism it included at least a tornado.

67. The Salesmate is a new portable audio-visual selling tool.

You mean they had portable TV you can fold up from a suitcase? Why haven’t I heard of this?

68. “Howdy from Nevada.”

Seems like it consists of a long stretch of a desert highway. Though the purple mountains majesties are pretty. But that’s not why most people go to Nevada.

69. Candle Art Creations always try to please.

I’m sure acid had something to do with some of their designs. Not sure if I’d want any of these in my home.

70. Flower Fresh Cleaning keeps your living room as good as new.

From Bad Postcards: “Housewife Winifred notices that Hank, her Duraclean Man, looks tired from a long day of cleaning and offers him a chair massage. Hank, always the willing reciprocator at house calls, offers Winifred a “special” foot bath that will satisfy two of his fetishes: suds and feet.”

Signs of an Abusive Relationship (with Donald Trump)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on

Abusive relationships can take many forms. However, as you see on the news, America has currently been in a very abusive relationship with Donald Trump who’s now the president. Well, at least that’s what’s on the stationary because there’s no way in hell I’m acknowledging his legitimacy. Anyway, there are a lot of victims of domestic abuse who have states how Trump acts like their abuser. Then there was this one writer from Teen Vogue who wrote how Trump is gaslighting America. Of course, Donald Trump doesn’t beat the crap out of America. But an abuser doesn’t have to be violent to inflict harm. Here is a list of signs in abusive relationships and how Trump embodies every single one. Still, unlike an abusive relationship with family or intimate partners, you can’t back out of this one until 2020.

1. Does something, denies it, and then exclaims you are crazy. (Gaslighting) (Warping a victim’s sense of reality through gaslighting is a favorite tactic among abusive spouses, strongmen, and narcissists in order to control them. Trump is no exception. In fact, Trump frequently uses gaslighting to get away with a lot of crap he does even denying some of his appalling actions on camera. In the presidential campaign alone, he had already accumulated a long list of statements he made which he later denied. Hell, even when confronted with video evidence, he’s often denied it. Best examples would be telling supporters to “knock the crap out” of protestors at his rallies and publicly mocking a disabled reporter. Though unlike what other abusers do, Trump usually accuses the “dishonest media” for distorting the public for airing such footage everyone sees with their own eyes.)
2. Accuses you of doing things you aren’t doing/things they are doing. (Projection) (Trump has frequently used projection in order to turn the public against his adversaries. His attacks on Hillary Clinton during the presidential campaign are a very good example of this since made her be an out of control corrupt elitist who can’t be trusted and cares nothing about the American people. However, such description fits Trump much better than Hillary {honestly, regardless of her flaws, Hillary is a saint compared to him. I did the research}. You can especially see his projection at work during the presidential debates. Unfortunately, for Hillary, one thing that did her campaign in was that too many Americans already saw her this way long before Trump came along, thanks to Republicans and Fox News. Sure Hillary may have baggage and her flaws, but Trump is much worse than she ever could be.)
3. Does a great job promising a great future and then delivering a nightmare. (As a candidate, Trump promised to “Make America Great Again” which resonated with so many white Americans who elected the bastard to the presidency. However, as president, it’s very clear that Trump will make many of his supporters’ lives a nightmare. Just look at the people he has in his cabinet and the fact he wants to cut healthcare away from many who voted for him. Another good example is with the Trump University scandal which ripped off thousands of people. Let’s just say Trump has a record of abusing power and screwing people who trusted him.)
4. Is a chronic liars and highly manipulative. (Trump lies so much that I can never tell when he’s telling the truth and have absolutely no trust in him, president or no president. Like any demagogue, Trump is a master at manipulating the masses whether it be through using racist dog whistles or flat out racism, tweeting conspiracy theories, appealing to nostalgia and sexism, and whatever else to get attention from the media as a trainwreck nobody could look away from. The fact, he sold himself during the election as someone who alone can fix our nation’s problems even though he can’t and doesn’t really want to.)
5. Uses guilt, hope, love, obligation, fear, or confusion to get what they want. (Trump has often used fear and confusion in his campaign speeches to get what he wanted, particularly fear of minorities and it took. Yet, he also uses nostalgia and nationalism, hence the phrase “Make America Great” again and “America First.”)
6. Often likes to agitate, provoke, argue, or “crazy make” and then pretends not to know why you are so upset. (Have you seen the guy’s Twitter feed? For God’s sake, the guy’s a shameless self-promoter and provocateur who’d tweet up some crazy conspiracy theory to distract the media from any shady stuff about him. For instance, he tweeted about Obama wiretapping him to deflect attention from his dealings with the Russians. His campaign has emboldened many of his supporters to fear minorities and some to commit hate crimes.)
7. Has a “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” personality. (From how the media and many Americans saw his address to Congress, Trump certainly has this. Sometimes I think he’s scarier when he’s on his best behavior since it’s when he’s best able to manipulate people. When he’s being gracious and dignified, don’t be fooled. He’s playing you. Because his default personality has and will always be in Mr. Hyde mode.)
8. Has a staggering lack of empathy and (sincere) remorse for their behavior. (Despite my extensive research on Trump during election season, I don’t know of any incident in which he’s ever been unconditionally nice to anyone. Furthermore, Trump has never expressed any remorse for all the terrible things he’s done to people which there are many. He’s also never apologized for anything except to save face. Nor has he freely taken any responsibility for all the harm he’s caused. And he never admits he’s wrong about anything.)
9. Yells, name calls, belittles, and gives the silent treatment. (Though I know of no instances of Trump giving the silent treatment since he never shuts up, he has frequently called people who dared challenge him liars or losers.)
10. Frequently justifies bad behavior by blaming the victim or saying they deserved it, instead of taking any responsibility. (When Trump isn’t denying wrongdoing, he often blames people for their own suffering under him. For instance, whenever Trump is confronted with wage theft allegations in which he justifies with, “they did a terrible job.”)
11. Frequently makes promises but never intends to keep them and eventually breaks them. (Trump has often promised people to do stuff in order to get what he wants. But he usually never intends to keep them and will often break them if he can get away with it. This is how Trump gets a lot of contractors to work for him despite that he has often left them with nothing.)
12. Never makes any meaningful sacrifices and only shallowly reciprocates affections in order to retain power and control. (Though abusers may reciprocate a victim’s affections, it will only be to the point to keep them under their control and will not entail any meaningful sacrifices whatsoever. Trump is no different to his supporters. Sure he may hold rallies saying how much he sympathizes with their plight and appeal to their common prejudice, but he will do absolutely nothing to help them. Because as far as he’s concerned, Trump will only cater to his supporters because they give him what he wants.)
13. Openly mistreats social inferiors and marginalized people. (This is often known as the Waiter Rule, which states that if a person isn’t nice to the waiter, they won’t be nice to you. Plenty of abusive relationships could be prevented if more people observed this rule, but it’s a very hard one to follow given that the relationship is in its initial phases, high emotions, and that people look down on waiters. However, this logic fits perfectly with Donald Trump who has a long record of mistreating those below his social status as well as openly demonized minorities on the campaign trail. And though the latter has won him many supporters that he got elected, his fans have put themselves in a very vulnerable position by ignoring critical red flags.)
14. Prone to frequent outbursts, defensiveness, and playing the victim when confronted with evidence of bad behavior. (Whenever Trump is confronted with evidence of his bad behavior, he can get very defensive as you can see from his vicious Twitter tantrums. He may even blame the media for distorting his words and conduct so he can retain his base or elicit sympathy.)
15. Frequently threatens, retaliates, and defames anyone who challenges or criticizes them. (Trump has often threatened or filed lawsuits against those who dare challenge or criticized him even on the most trivial matters. He has often used litigation to ruin people’s lives such as people who’ve sued him over wage theft allegations. At one point he threatened to sue Janney Montgomery Scott unless they fire Mark Rothman after Rothman {correctly} predicted that Trump Taj Mahal would fail, which they did. Though Rothman is currently a very wealthy man, Trump put him through hell during the early 1990s, especially since Rothman sued both Trump and his former firm over the ordeal. In addition, Trump also likes to resort to character assassination against those who’ve spoken out against him and quite viciously and with false pretenses. I may see Ted Cruz whom as America’s Lucius Malfoy, but I can totally empathize why he didn’t want to endorse Trump at the GOP National Convention. During the GOP primary, Trump called Cruz’s wife ugly and alleged that his father conspired to kill John F. Kennedy. He’s also demonized Hillary Clinton, though he just had to bring up her dirty laundry and have it take over the media.)
16. Associates with and praises questionable people you wouldn’t want to be friends with. (You can always judge a man based on the company he keeps or who he admires. Trump is no exception and those he associates with and admires is very troubling. During the 2016, he has openly praised dictators who have suppressed dissent, violated human rights, and go against American interests. Throughout his life, Trump has done business with shady characters and participated in questionable deals with US enemies. The Trump administration’s relationship with the Russians is particularly disturbing with several members having Russian ties and Trump most likely getting money from them for his businesses. One instance had Trump investing in a project with very corrupt Azerbaijani oligarchs who operated a money laundering with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.)
17. Makes constant demands on you to fulfill their expectations while seeing little obligation in returning the favor. (You can often see Trump do this in regards to women he sees as objects while being the fat, lecherous 70ish man he is. But the most egregious example is raving over Hillary’s e-mails as Secretary of State even though he and his company have been known to destroy documents and routinely erase e-mails on their personal accounts, according to court orders. And he still hasn’t released his tax returns.)
18. Shows no respect for your interests or well-being whatsoever. (Though many supporters would swear that Trump is their champion, his actions clearly show he cares little about them. Sure he may very well build his stupid wall, but he’s much more likely to enrich himself and his corporate buddies than enact measures creating well-paying jobs or improve their lives. Because Trump’s business practices clearly show he’s no friend to labor.)
19. Resorts to grand gestures and telling you want you want to hear to win you over or to keep you from leaving. (Trump’s rallies and patriotic grandstanding with messages like “Make America Great Again” or “America First” qualify as this.)
20. Has pissed off your friends and family for reasons that have nothing to do with ideological bias. (Trump has alienated a lot of US allies with cozying up to Russia as well as inflammatory rhetoric, especially Mexico.)
21. Has caused a lot of division among your family or friends who either love them or hate them which may or may not have something to do with ideological bias. (The fact so many people in my extended family, friends, and community have voted for Trump and stand by him despite how he’s such a wretched human being only fills me with great personal shame. To acknowledge that Trump is the President of the United States already goes beneath my dignity. But though I don’t write off Trump supporters as irredeemable, I find their willingness to make excuses for his behavior deeply appalling. Because excusing his actions only enables him to treat them and others like shit with no consequence. And I get no pleasure from seeing Trump supporters having to suffer for their bad decisions.)
22. Has a habit of alienating you from your family or friends. (Since I have a lot of relatives who supported Donald Trump, I can certainly testify to this. Hell, seeing so many Trump signs in my neck of the woods was a truly alienating experience for me.)
23. Assures you they’ll take care of everything with a superficial charm that lacks any substance. (Trump frequently assures his supporters that he’s the only one who could fix our country’s problems. But he never gets into specifics and a lot of his promises during his election campaign lacked any form of substance whatsoever. Sure he might win over a crowd, but he doesn’t seem to take people’s concerns seriously if they don’t suit his interests.)
24. Is frequently jealous and adversarial toward anyone who bruises their ego, especially if it’s someone they see as a social inferior. (His attacks on Barack Obama are a textbook example of this. Trump is racist and has a long history of racism. Since Obama ran for president, he has gone out of his way to delegitimize him for years {most notably in promoting birtherism}. Even after Obama became president, Trump has called for him to release his birth certificate to prove he was born in the US {which Obama did}. But even after that, Trump still questioned Obama’s citizenship as well as called for him to release his student records since he doubted his grades warranted him entry into an Ivy League school. But it’s not just the mere fact Obama’s a black president that rankles him. It’s also that Obama is still a highly beloved and respected public figure who is much more popular than Trump could ever be. Sure Obama may have inspired deep hatred among his detractors, thanks to racism. And yes, the public might not always agree or support his policies. Yet, the reasons why people view Obama very highly has a lot to do with his impeccable character, his rhetoric, the image of America he projected onto the world, and that his policies did a lot of good for so many people.)
25. Lacks self-control and never practices self-restraint. (Trump fits this to a tee since he’s a guy who ordered an airstrike of 59 Tomahawk missiles in Syria on a whim.)
26. Never makes any effort to change their behavior despite promising to do so time and time again. (Trump has done this all the time. Remember how many times he promised to release his tax returns? Or divest himself from his businesses? Oh, wait he’s profiting from the presidency and making sweetheart deals with foreign entities.)
27. You frequently question whether they have your best interests at heart or using you for their own self-fulfillment. (This might not be the case for all Trump supporters right now. But a Trump regrets feed does exist.)
28. Treats their own family like crap if they have a relationship with them at all. (He’s cut off financial support from his great-nephew with cerebral palsy. He says sexually suggestive things about Ivanka. Might’ve physically assaulted one of his sons. Said a lot of demeaning stuff about his first two wives.)
29. Loses their temper over the most trivial matters or whenever they don’t get their way. (Trump does this all the time as you’ve probably seen his tweets over SNL and Hamilton.)
30. Shows no desire to make any compromises or concessions for any mutual benefit whatsoever. (With Trump, it’s always about him. He expects loyalty but will stab anyone in the back if he sees fit.)
31. Compels you to lower your standards of behavior and continuously make excuses for them out of fear. (He has led Republicans and voters to this as he degrades political norms, undermines democracy, profits off the presidency, violates the Emoluments Clause, colludes with Russia, etc.)
32. Lashes out when you pry into their stuff or find out what they don’t want you to know about them. (Trump especially hates it when anyone pries into his financial records and businesses. That’s why he hasn’t released his tax returns.)
33. Threatens to make your life hell if you don’t do what they expect of you. (Trump has threatened Republicans that if they don’t do what he wants, he’ll rile his supporters to vote them out of office.)
34. Has a habit of objectifying women, even in very creepy ways. (Trump does this all the time, when he talks about his daughter Ivanka. But he also said very disturbing things about Tiffany when she was a baby. Oh, and he bragged about committing sexual assault.)
35. Undermines values you hold most dear. (Basically when Trump says racist stuff and how America is no different from Russia. His policies pertaining to immigration and criminal justice which undermine civil rights and American diversity and pluralism. Constantly shows hostility toward the press. We need to face the fact that Trump isn’t a patriot and doesn’t value democracy, the Constitution, US history, or American values.)