Halloween Party Tricks or Treats (But Mostly Treats, Sort of) (Fifth Edition)

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Amid the scary times of the Trump administration and potentially catastrophic global warming, Halloween is coming up. To many it’s their favorite time of year when they can dress in a costume, go trick or treating, and decorate their homes as their own haunted houses. Some may even throw Halloween parties which may entail all kinds of witchy delights. Over the years, I’ve worked on 4 posts on these Halloween treats  where I’ve featured all kinds of wicked fare. Some of these are cute treats suited for kids’ parties with smiling faces. Others are rather gruesome and able to turn your stomach. So for your reading pleasure, I begin my Halloween season with another treasury of haunted delectable for any spooky night.

  1. Entertain your spooky guests with some spiderweb taco dip.
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Contains salsa, cheese, and guacamole. However, you can’t eat the plastic orange spider.

2. Treat your little goblins to these mummy buckeyes.

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They’re just little bites with drizzle and chocolate chip eyes. Perfect for any dessert platter.

3. Nobody will get scared by these spider cupcakes.

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These have a special kind of cupcake holder for the spider legs. Yet, they can also be monster cupcakes without them.

4. You’d be howling over this werewolf cupcake.

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Uses gumdrops for its nose and ears. And its fur uses chocolate icing. More cute than scary though.

5. Want to have some crunchy fingers?

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Wonder if they’re chicken fingers or breadsticks. The world may never know.

6. A cemetery cake like this is a rather haunted treat.

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Consists of 3 tiers. Contains tombstones, pumpkins, and bats. Like the pumpkin pretzel fencing.

7. Someone’s peeking through the asparagus.

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Proof you can make any dish. And spice it up for Halloween by adding eyes. Simple but clever.

8. No Halloween party should go without this haunted gingerbread house.

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Though I don’t think this house will be meant for eating. Still, you have to love the skull and ghost decorations.

9. Who wouldn’t want any of these ghostly apples?

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They’re just candy apples in white icing. Just add the eyes and mouth for more haunted emphasis.

10. For marshmallow goodness, try this smores trifle.

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Though it includes some Halloween peeps as you can see. To know anyone who enjoys them is a scary prospect.

11. Don’t worry, these brownies don’t bite.

These easy mint Vampire Brownies make a fun Halloween treat!

Yes, these are spider brownies. No, they don’t seem to have any legs.

12. Want a piece of this skull cake?

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This one has cherry eyes. Love the red gummy worms surrounding it.

13. A Frankenstein monster cupcake will sate your monstrous appetite.

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Sure it looks more cute than terrifying. Yet, it’s great for any monster mash dessert platter.

14. Care for a banana ghost?

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They’re just banana tops with chocolate chips on them. Easy to make for any child.

15. Seems like these cookies have spider infestations.

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Don’t worry, they’re chocolate chips with icing legs. But they’re great for freaking out your friends.

16. Wet your appetite with these hardboiled spiders.

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These are hardboiled spider eggs. The heads are made out of olives. The legs from toothpicks.

17. No little imp can resist these marshmallow monsters.

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Each one has a Frankenstein monster, jack-o’-lantern, and a vampire. And let’s hope they’re not covered in sugar.

18. Nobody will mind this witch’s cauldron bubbling.

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This is a cake with icing bubbles. Love the wood and flames.

19. These cake pops are an especially spooky treat.

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Consists of a ghost, jack-o’-lantern, and black cats. And yes, they’re more adorable than scary.

20. Get a bite out of these candies.

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They’re vampire lips. Yet, they seem to bite down on chocolate bars instead of human flesh.

21. You’ll be all webby over this spiderweb cake.

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It’s just a round cake covered in chocolate icing with a spider web design. Don’t forget to include the spider.

22. You’ll find English muffins under these wraps.

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These are English muffin mummies. And they’re all wrapped in cheesy strips.

23. Hope you’re open for a spidery dessert.

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Yes, it’s a spider cake. And the spider is made out of black sugar. Want to try?

24. Don’t forget to add sauce to your bones.

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Well, these are bone breadsticks. While the tomato sauce represents blood, I think.

25. Unfortunately, the witches melted in the oven.

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Well, these are melted witch cookies. Includes an Oreo and Hershey’s Kiss hat and broomstick with a Reese’s cup and pretzel.

26. These jack-o’-lantern pies are haunted delights.

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Well, these are pumpkin hand pies. And they’re all spiced with cinnamon.

27. All these skeletons are snug in their graves.

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Yet, we only know one of their names. Though they all seem delicious to me.

28. Care for a marshmallow jack-o’-lantern?

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This one just entails 3 colors of icing and a pretzel stick. You see, very easy to make.

29. Who can resist these monster cookies?

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These are made of cookie dough covered in sugar with an eye and spikes on it. So scarily adorable.

30. Feel free to dip your pumpkin chips in this cauldron.

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The cauldron is made out of pumpernickel bread. The dip is primarily artichoke but looks quite green.

31. You’ll find this pizza quite ghostly.

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Well, it’s a pizza with cheesy ghosts on it. Hope they don’t haunt your mouth.

32. You’d swear this cake was haunted by marshmallows.

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Okay, they’re marshmallow ghosts on an orange cake. And yes, it drips with chocolate icing.

33. An owl cupcake like this will surely be a hoot.

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This one has almonds as feathers on its plumage. Nonetheless, quite eerily adorable.

34. These chocolate covered Oreos are crawling amok.

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These are spider Oreos. And yes, they have fangs that don’t bite.

35. These cookies seem quite witchy to me.

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These were made out of Christmas tree cookie cutters. Love the hats.

36. The skeleton is bursting with desserts.

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The skeleton is pure plastic. But you can store plenty of goodies in it. Sure it’s disgusting, but this is Halloween.

37. These cookies are crawling with spiders.

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Each of these has a cake spider with icing legs. Care to try?

38. Wake up this Halloween to some ghostly pancakes.

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Just make sure your pancakes are white and fluffy. And that they have eyes and a mouth.

39. These mummy peppers come under wraps.

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These are wrapped with bread strips. Still, they must be quite spicy if you ask me.

40. These ho-ho’s are utterly batty.

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All of them seem to have icing wings. So scarily cute.

41. Nobody could resist these jack-o’-lantern Oreos.

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Each of these is dipped in orange icing and has a different face. Nonetheless, they’re so creative.

42. Anyone in the mood for a bloody good cheesecake?

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It’s basically just a cheesecake soaked in cherry sauce and a large knife stabbing it. You can even use the knife to cut it.

43. Feel free to eat these webby fudge treats.

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Sure they may have plastic spiders on them. But you can always remove them if they freak you out.

44. These scary pretzels make a rather spooky snack.

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Consists of bats, mummies, pumpkins, and monsters. And yes, they’re quite tasty and scarily adorable.

45. Want to dip your veggies into this snake?

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Well, the snake is made out of olives. Yet, the dip can easily resemble sand or dirt.

46. Help yourself to some brains.

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You can see this is a brain cake. Fittingly it’s situated inside a skull pan.

47. You’d find a lot of candy on this jack-o’-lantern.

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It’s supposed to represent the kind of jack-o’-lantern candy buckets trick or treaters use. So feel free to put on whatever candy you want.

48. For healthier options, try this witch.

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Her face consists of pistachios while her hair is made of grapes. Her hat’s made out of raisins while she sports a pickle nose.

49. How would you like some free shots?

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Don’t worry, they’re just jello shots. Though they may contain alcohol depending on the host’s discretion.

50. Your monster mash will be a smash with these Frankenstein monster snacks.

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They’re green cracker sandwiches with marshmallow bolts. Hope you like yours on a stick.

51. Hope you don’t die over some Butterfinger bark.

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Each of these is shaped like a coffin. While they have orange under that chocolate shell.

52. You can really sink your teeth into these vampire cookies.

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Each of these all have smiling faces eager to suck your blood. But they’re to die for.

53. Hope you’re well wrapped for some mummy pretzels.

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Each of these is dipped in icing, piped with white drizzle, and graced with a pair of eyes. Easy to make and perfect for any Halloween dessert platter.

54. Monstrous brownies should sate your monstrous appetite.

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You can put as many eyes and teeth as you want on them. As long as they’re marshmallows and mini M&Ms.

55. Speaking of brownies, these spider bites will satisfy.

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Each of these has pretzel legs and icing eyes. Hope they don’t scare you.

56. Perhaps this bloody bat cake may suit you.

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The cake is covered in red icing to resemble blood. But you can’t eat the bats.

57. Want an Oreo bat on your cupcake?

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Has an Oreo head and wings. Yet, you can’t help but love it. So cute.

58. Some spooky salty pretzel toffee is a great Halloween treat.

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All you need to do is make the toffee and add eyes to it. Simple as that.

59. Impress your guests with these monster appetizer snacks.

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Each of these has meat and cheese. Though you can use peppers and olives to make a face any way you want.

60. You’d be pleased to death with these spiderweb cupcakes.

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Each of these has white and chocolate icing on top. Perfect for any spiderweb cake.

61. Nothing beats a Halloween dessert like a monster parfait.

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This one has blue ice cream inside. Yet, the monster does have a neat pair of glasses.

62. You won’t guess what’s wrapped around this mummy cheese ball.

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Well, it’s covered by bread. Yet, hope you can dip your cracker in it.

63. No ghoul can resist these Oreo bat truffles.

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Includes chocolate wings and chocolate chip ears. Your guests will go batty for them.

64. Care for some mummy pizza?

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More like mummy calzones. Given that the top is covered with dough for wraps.

65. Nothing makes your dessert platter like these berry pumpkin tarts.

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Each of these has a different jack-o’-lantern face. Goes well with any pie if you care to add one.

66. For healthier options, check out these monster apple slices.

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Each of these has a strawberry tongue. Comes with 1-2 eyes.

67. Perhaps you might want eyes in your hot chocolate.

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They’re just marshmallows with chocolate chips on them. But some may be freaked out by them.

68. Want some spiderwebs on your pumpkins?

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They may be orange on the inside. But they covered with spiderwebs of chocolate and white icing.

69. Grace your dessert platter with this night sky cake.

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The night sky may be blue with a white moon. But you have to love all the chocolate bats.

70. Care for a slice of candy corn cake?

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They might be covered with sprinkles on their backs. But I’m sure they taste better than the real thing. Because the real candies are just sugar wax.

71. You’ll go batty for these cookies.

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They’re even on sticks and come with a full moon. Professionally made but adorable.

72. Perhaps you might want to try some witch’s brew cookies.

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Consists of green, black, and purple dough all meshed together. And they all have sprinkles on the edges.

73. You’ll love these raven cookies ever more.

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Okay, a few of them may be owls. But you get the idea with the black icing.

74. How about a ghost on your chocolate pie slice.

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The ghost is made from whipped cream and chocolate chips. Want to take a bite?

75. Any little goblin would love a monster treat like this.

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It’s basically a chocolate monster treat on a stick. And yes, it’s quite charming.

76. You can’t have Halloween night without these black cat cupcakes.

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Come with a full moon covered in sugar. They’re also pumpkin spice and pudding.

77. Treat your little ghouls to some Frankenstein monster Rice Krispie treats.

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Each one is covered in green with eyes, hair, and crooked mouth. Perfect for any Halloween party.

78. These chocolate cookies really are the shit.

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That’s because they’re made to look like shit. Though I guarantee you they won’t smell like it.

79. Send your kid to school with this monster lunch.

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One of them even has bloodshot deviled egg eyes. Another a long tongue of ham strips.

80. Help yourself to these jello eyes.

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Man, these are really disgusting. Available in green and blue, apparently.

The Roadside World of Billboards

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Let’s face it, advertising is everywhere. Wherever you go and whatever you do, you’re still bound to see some kind of ad promoting some kind of product or service. After all, a business has to sell somehow and some way. Even in a rural area, whenever you’re traveling, chances are you’ll see all kinds of billboard signs advertising local businesses and services nearby. Some may even have public service announcements or political messages. Some may just promote products like fast food or beer. But whenever you travel, you’ll still see them. Nevertheless, you’ll come across some billboards with unique designs and funny slogans. And that’s where I come in. So for your reading pleasure, I give you a treasury of billboards that won’t make you bored to tears. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

  1. Come to Pedro’s south of the border.
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Not sure if using “sausage” is a good idea. Oh, I get it, it’s supposed to be “saw such.” My mistake.

2. Best to drive carefully through Branxton.

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Since it has 2 cemeteries and no hospital. So if you get injured, you’re out of luck.

3. Of course, some people just have to bring their personal lives out for everyone to see.

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Look, I know you’re hurting, Emily. But please, I think airing your anger on a billboard makes you seem like a crazy bitch.

4. Stop in at Big Dick’s Halfway Inn.

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Okay, this sounds kind of dirty for a rest stop. I’m sure “Original Minnow Shot” will have its own Urban Dictionary entry real soon.

5. With Esurance, you can cover your home in a click.

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Sure you might not see anything wrong with this message. But look at it from far away, and it says, “cover your home in a dick.”

6. This billboard was brought to you by Financial Arts, Inc.

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However, if you’re looking for anything silent but deadly, I don’t think their website will offer it. Though I don’t know what financial arts are anyway.

7. Pollo Tropical always offers island flavor.

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But they aren’t great choosing a font. Since the “island” part also reads bland, which won’t attract potential customers.

8. Your Local 5 is here when you need to know.

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Though the headline doesn’t help matters. Seriously, people might get the wrong idea.

9. Since you only live once, try to be happy.

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Brought to you by Wilks Funeral Home. Hey, at least they know how to cash in on a trend.

10. Spend your time at this golf range.

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This place boasts about great balls and grass. I know people might get the wrong idea.

11. If you need any help, call these guys.

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But what do these people do? Who are these people are? Seriously, I really don’t know.

12. Want to fly? Text while you drive.

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But I don’t think that kind of flying involves a plane. More likely involves a car crash.

13. Live the extreme with the Air Force Reserve.

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Since when did the Air Force do wind surfing? Not that I want to join since I don’t. But I need to know this.

14. Scandinavian Designs has their biggest sale ever.

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That woman doesn’t seem excited for some reason. In fact, she reminds me of a scream queen from a horror movie who’s freaked out about getting killed.

15. At Construct 2, we make computer games.

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Yet, this one seems to depict rather childish drawings. Perhaps they should’ve gone with state of the art graphics instead.

16. You can expect great care at Cancer Care Center.

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Don’t think that’s good for their ad campaign. Seriously, that pun goes nowhere.

17. Hope you can get a nice pair of these undies.

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Too bad this billboard ad was made by someone who couldn’t type. Seriously, the capitalization is nuts.

18. Lowe’s always takes care of unfinished projects.

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Well, at least Lowe’s knows how to advertise. Since that billboard looks unfinished to me.

19. She caught her cheating husband with state of the art equipment.

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I think ads like these belong on Craigslist. Not on billboards for all to see.

20. Cops hide here. So get a Mini Cooper.

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Sure the Mini Cooper is small. But an ad implying that cops hide behind the bushes is disturbing.

21. Want to see your teeth as we do? Go to Aspen Dental.

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I know she’s smiling. But it’s a frown upside down. That don’t look right.

22. Want to see the largest continent? Fly on Air Asia.

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Well, that’s a clever way to use puns. Hope it goes over the kids.

23. Got hemorrhoids? Tampa Proctology is at your service.

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Come in through the rear entrance. And please, no butt dials.

24. Want to enjoy Minnesota? Move to Wisconsin.

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Someone doesn’t seem to appreciate Minnesota very much. But this is from a Wisconsin real estate agency.

25. When burying your dead loved one, think outside the box.

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This is for a cemetery. But when they say to think outside the box, they usually don’t mean a coffin.

26. Don’t read enough? Try these audiobooks.

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I know some Americans may be offended by this. But this company is from Canada. Still, I’d replace the George W. Bush image with Donald Trump.

27. Your breasts won’t bounce with this bra.

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I don’t get the slogan. “Only the ball should bounce,” what the hell does that mean?

28. Seems like this billboard might’ve caused a car crash.

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Apparently, sex sells. Since this is for a mechanic’s garage. Guess they know how to drum up good business.

29. Is your wife hot? Get your air conditioning fixed.

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Well, that’s sure to get people’s attention. Though I’m not sure if it’s appropriate.

30. Got arrested? Call Jaeger & Blanker.

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Got to like their number 1-855-WTF-POPO. Though they seem to specialize in drugs and DUIs.

31. Seems like this lobster had to see a therapist.

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This is for an Australian lobster joint. Not sure why it featured cartoon lobsters in therapy.

32. The Dark Knight is open for litigation.

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Okay, his name just happens to be Batman. Wonder if he gets any flack from that. Couldn’t hurt his business.

33. Life Church TV is known to vanquish Satan.

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Not always a fan of religious billboards. But I think this one is quite clever if you ask me.

34. Texas Direct Auto loves your headlights.

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This is for a car buying service. And I don’t think the cars they buy aren’t anywhere nice.

35. Invest in your future, study engineering before sex.

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Funny how this ad implies you can’t have sex and study engineering. But still, use protection.

36. Asian Buffet: Poor English but great food.

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Though Asians will certainly find this sign quite offensive. This especially with the addition of “Oriental.”

37. Buy a diamond ring for her and get a free gun.

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Well, that’s one way to drum up business. Yet, should a jeweler really do this?

38. Alcohol: Cheaper than therapy.

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This is for a discount liquor store. Though between alcohol and therapy, I’d stick with therapy.

39. If you can bank anywhere, go with 1st Bank.

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Yet, why it has a surgeon operating, I don’t have the slightest idea. Seriously, banking shouldn’t be on your mind while cutting someone open.

40. Keep your butt covered.

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This one recommends that people get colonoscopies. Yet, why show someone’s butt cheeks, I don’t have a clue.

41. Fat and ugly? Join Fit 4 Less.

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Well, that’s a rather demeaning message. From a billboard in Great Britain, by the way.

42. Get your crabs at Dirty Dick’s Crab House.

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It’s a crab restaurant at Myrtle Beach. Yet, I see the dirty wordplay which would make many want to avoid it.

43. Spend time with your kids at the dinner table. Put family first.

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I know it’s supposed to encourage family togetherness. Yet, it seems to imply cannibalism.

44. Come to Buc-ee’s for food and gas.

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I know it’s just a run of the mill rest stop. Yet, kind of implies that the food you eat will give you gas.

45. Seems like we’ve come across a personal ad.

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Well, if you can afford a billboard, you can afford a spouse. Still, not sure about displaying one’s phone number though.

46. Texting while driving kills. But if you want to know more just text.

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Guess this is proof that irony knows no bounds. But seriously, texting while driving kills.

47. Got a DUI? Call 1-800-NOT-DRUNK.

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The fact so many people get DUIs can make this guy have a firm like this. Kind of a sad statement of our society.

48. So, what’s our slogan?

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Guess whoever made this billboard was totally high at the time. Wonder if it’s from Colorado.

49. Want to know information concerning your health and safety? See other side.

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And they seem to make it so urgent. But they wasted a whole space for the typography.

50. Save the whales. Go vegetarian and lose weight.

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This is from PETA, by the way. And yes, they have to get their message out their through fat shaming. Is there anything they wouldn’t do?

51. In advertising, it’s best to use only what you need.

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This one only uses a small orange square to get to the point. The rest is just bare.

52. Whether Pokémon or STDs, gotta catch ’em all.

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Not sure if Pokémon font is appropriate for this kind of matter. Seriously, why?

53. Committed a crime? Call Larry L. Archie.

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Famous clients include O.J. Simpson, Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman, and more. Okay, I’m just kidding. But that slogan’s just waiting to be mocked.

54. Serenity Creek Med Spa will get you from Sasquatch to smooth.

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So Bigfoot was basically a gorgeous blond woman inside the whole time. Didn’t see that coming.

55. Introducing Scooter, the neutered cat.

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Wonder what this is for. Bet it’s for a shelter or vet office.

56. Unfortunately, nothing can end hunger in Ohio.

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I think this is website. Still, kind of sends a rather dark message.

57. Greetings, from Quartzite, Arizona!

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Even includes, legends of camels. And it’s always the weekend there, except for people who live there. Since they have to work. Seems like someone’s desperate for tourists.

58. Don’t want to be caught dead in that dress? Tell the funeral home now.

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This is for a funeral home. Not sure if I agree with the slogan but it seems to work.

59. Illiterate? Write for free help.

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So if you’re illiterate, how can you write for free help. Because I don’t get it at all.

60. Prevent HIV and get tested with this crew.

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But I don’t know if this is the kind of way to get the message out. But whatever works for the kids.

61. Truth Ministry: where you can pray the Asian away.

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Boy, that’s racist. Guaranteed to work as well as gay conversion therapy like not at all with abusive side effects.

62. Don’t forget to turn your neighbors in.

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Not sure what this is for. But it’s kind of disturbing if you ask me.

63. Your local sheriff wishes you a happy Valentine’s Day.

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Well, that’s kind of awkward. Mostly because sheriffs don’t take billboards for Valentine’s Day.

64. Got man boobs? Call this number.

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This is from Minnesota, by the way. Not sure if I’d want to see that on the road though.

65. With the Daily Mail, both Kims are on the same page.

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Have to admit, at least the Daily Mail has a better ad campaign than the Post Gazette. Though I wouldn’t want to be associated with either Kim.

66. With Lean Plum, engage the shit out of your mobile users.

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Even uses the famous poop emoji. Though it’s only fair.

67. You’ll have liquor all over at Lee’s discount liquors.

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Says they have 17 Las Vegas locations. So even if it does well, it has a lot of competition.

68. Injured? Go to MyBaldLawyer.com.

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Well, at least he embraces his baldness. But not sure if him telling onlookers not to pull their hair out is a good idea.

69. Got a crack in your basement floor? Call the Crack Team.

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Even presents a guy named Mr. Happy Crack. Saying, “A dry crack is a happy crack!” That just cracks me up.

70. McDonald’s is always open at 6 am.

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Says “MY ASS.” Not sure what it means. But it’s hilarious.

71. Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets as well as your loved ones.

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Not sure if you should neuter your weird friends and relatives. Don’t know what to think about that.

72. Inspire the youth, control the future.

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However, using a quote by Adolf Hitler on your billboard won’t give you any favors. Seriously, the guy killed about 6-9 million Jews and started World War II.

73. Don’t be a pickle and stop vegetable abuse.

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This is for a sex shop. Yet, I really feel bad for that pickle.

74. According to Restored Church, God likes sex.

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Though I guess the sex God loves is between a straight married couple. I’m just guessing in regards to this church.

75. Sask always tells you to pork the one you love.

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This is for pork. But pork is also another euphemism for fuck, which they use on Honest Trailers.

76. You can reach this website as soon as you solve the problem.

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Unless you’re math genius, you’ll never be able to guess. And I wouldn’t recommend you using a calculator while driving.

77. Before you put up a billboard, always run it through spellcheck.

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I don’t think “pubic schools” is the right word for it. Apparently, their public schools don’t seem great at spelling.

78. Marital problems? Get a bigger house.

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Well, that’s how realtors look at it. Still, I think a bigger house won’t solve anyone’s relationship problems.

79. Store your things in Bitterroot Self-Storage.

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On Cemetery Lane, apparently. Gives a whole new meaning of “self-storage,” doesn’t it?

80. Want to wreck? Just keep looking at the boobies.

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That will certainly do the trick. Since guys are said to be attracted by big boobs.

81. Injured? Call Brown & Brown.

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Don’t mind the man in the eyepatch. Though I’m not sure if it helps their brand of success.

82. Save the date for the Testicle Festival.

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You’ll have to be nuts to miss it. Make no balls about it.

83. Need help? Consider hiring a lady lawyer.

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So she’s playing the woman card, isn’t she? Seriously, I’m a woman and I don’t think my gender makes me good at arguing.

84. With Virgin America, flying to Chicago no longer blows.

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Well, “blows” can also mean sucks. So they didn’t think this pun through.

85. You can even use a billboard to promote yourself.

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After all, he spent a whole lot of money to get noticed. So somebody should hire him.

86. Annoyed by higher taxes in Illinois? Move to Indiana.

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Keep in mind that Indiana has loose gun control laws that contribute to Chicago’s high murder rate. Look it up in regards to gun trafficking.

87. Need a summer job? Try being a kept woman.

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Okay, that’s just downright sick. And they’re targeting this sign for students? Makes me want to barf.

88. Get your sit together and buckle up.

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Yet, the buckle is covered in the middle. Makes you imagine a different term entirely.

89. At Lou Redman’s Barstool’s and Dining, check out their stool samples.

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Well, they sell stools and chairs, what do you expect? And no, they’re not talking about that kind of stool.

90. Just pop the question with a ring from Robbins Diamonds.

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And here she’s flipping the bird to drivers. So stop by before she dumps you’re sorry ass.

91. Why is Justin Bieber so sad? Is it because so many teens are unemployed?

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No, because teen employment isn’t as big of deal. Besides, Justin Bieber doesn’t care about anything but himself.

92. Still a virgin? We can help.

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Is this an escort service or a brothel? Not sure if I want to know.

93. Keep country roads safe. Don’t drive like a wanker.

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Wanker is a British expression for jackass. Yet, you see what they mean.

94. Outhouse Springs provides you with America’s first recycled water.

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Okay, I don’t want to drink that. Who knows what that water has been through.

95. Get a free HIV test for Mom.

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Look, I know it’s supposed to project tenderness between a mother and son. But since I know how HIV is transmitted, this scene gives me Manchurian Candidate vibes.

96. Camerman  wishes dog guy happy holidays.

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Now that’s kind of weird. Wonder if it’s inspired by some acid trip. Oh, it’s for Adult Swim.

97. Hey, you can win a free booby prize if you follow the link.

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Wonder if the booby prize involves boobs. Or if that’s just used to entice viewers.

98. All he wants for Christmas is a Latina girlfriend.

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Let’s hope he’s not a Trump supporter. If so, he’ll have is work cut out for him.

99. Gary wants to know if you’re asking for it?

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No, I am not. And I don’t want to ask him either. Also, that mullet is ugly.

100. Hold it in, you’ll make it. Just drive through the exit.

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I know we all feel that way at one time or another. Best we get some encouragement now and then.

Born in a Golden Cradle

We all know full well how Donald Trump repeatedly paints his start in business as an up-by-the bootstraps, riches-to-slightly-more-riches tale. He’s cast himself as a New York real estate Oliver Twist with only his name and a $1 million loan from his dear old dad to keep him company. Only to become a self-made billionaire real estate mogul. Trump not only used this description to promote his image as a skilled businessman, but also portray himself as a “self-made man” during his presidential candidacy.

Despite the image Donald Trump projects to his base at his ego boosting rallies, he has actually spent 5 decades pretending not only that his father never rescued him from financial dire straits, but played a minimal role in his business success. When he said that Fred only gave him a $1 million loan, Trump glossed over how central his dad was to his career. When Trump entered the Manhattan real estate business in the mid-1970s, Fred cosigned bank loans for tens of millions of dollars. These loans made it possible for Trump to develop early projects like the Grand Hyatt hotel. When he targeted Atlantic City’s casino market, Fred loaned him about $7.5 million to get started. When he floundered there during the 1990s, Fred sent a lawyer to a Trump casino to buy $3.5 million in chips so his son can use the funds for a bond payment and avoid filing for corporate bankruptcy. In other words, Trump’s wealth has always been “deeply intertwined with, and dependent on” on his father’s wealth.

On Tuesday, October 2, 2018, the New York Times published investigation results into Donald Trump’s wealth and tax practices. They revealed a pattern of tax evasion and business practices that allowed him to receive at least $413 million in today’s dollars from his father. According to the report, Trump and his siblings got hundreds of millions of dollars in today’s money from their dad’s real estate empire, starting from their childhoods. As they write:

“Much of this money came to Mr. Trump because he helped his parents dodge taxes. He and his siblings set up a sham corporation to disguise millions of dollars in gifts from their parents, records and interviews show. Records indicate that Mr. Trump helped his father take improper tax deductions worth millions more. He also helped formulate a strategy to undervalue his parents’ real estate holdings by hundreds of millions of dollars on tax returns, sharply reducing the tax bill when those properties were transferred to him and his siblings.”

In sum, Donald Trump’s parents transferred more than $1 billion to their children and paid about $52.2 million in taxes. Given the relevant tax rates on gifts and inheritances, they should’ve paid $550 million, which is 10 times more. The IRS didn’t really notice it. While the Times didn’t see Trump’s own tax returns, their reporting was based on documents, records, and interviews pertaining to Fred Trump’s financial empire. These included, “tens of thousands of pages of confidential records — bank statements, financial audits, accounting ledgers, cash disbursement reports, invoices and canceled checks” along with more than 200 tax returns from Fred and various companies and trusts he set up. Even though he can’t be prosecuted for them due to statute of limitations expiration, evidence suggests that Donald’s actions on paying taxes weren’t always above the fray.

When Donald Trump’s finances were “crumbling” during the 1980s and 1990s, Fred Trump’s companies increased distributions to him and his siblings. From 1989-1992, Fred created 4 entities paying Donald $8.3 million in today’s money. When Donald’s finances were at their worst in 1990, Fred’s income shot up $49,638,928 and earned him a $12.2 million tax bill. According to the New York Times report, there are indications Fred, “wanted plenty of cash on hand to bail out his son if need be.” A former Trump Organization told Tim O’Brien in 2005, “We would have literally closed down. The key would have been in the door and there would have been no more Donald Trump. The family saved him.” Of course, it wasn’t really Trump’s family who saved him from personal bankruptcy, it was his dad. On another occasion, Trump allegedly gave his dad a $15.5 million share of the Trump Palace condo skyscraper in New York to square off some debts with his loans. But Fred then sold the shares back to his son for $10,000, making the whole exchange of $15.49 a taxable gift. Fred never declared it as such.
But it wasn’t always rich dad bailing out his son. Fred and Donald Trump worked together. As the elder man aged, his kids had to continue the tax schemes their parents put in place. In 1997, Donald and his siblings gained control of most of their dad’s empire. They significantly undervalued the properties, claiming they were worth $41.4 million and selling them off for 16 times the amount.

Nonetheless, the wealth transfer between Fred Trump and Donald Trump (along with his siblings) was a lifetime affair. As the New York Times notes:

“By age 3, Mr. Trump was earning $200,000 a year in today’s dollars from his father’s empire. He was a millionaire by age 8. By the time he was 17, his father had given him part ownership of a 52-unit apartment building. Soon after Mr. Trump graduated from college, he was receiving the equivalent of $1 million a year from his father. The money increased with the years, to more than $5 million annually in his 40s and 50s.”

As the Times writes, there’s a fine line between tax evasion and tax avoidance. Rich people employ all kinds of tricks to lower their taxes all the time. But since Donald Trump has refused to release his tax returns, these journalistic investigations raise questions of what he’s hiding in his finances. For what the publication doesn’t have is what the American people have become accustomed to getting from their presidents like recent tax returns. Instead, the Times gave close scrutiny Fred Trump’s businesses which reveal the range of apparent illegal activity. Yet, everything the Times has is fairly old since Fred passed nearly 20 years ago while his years in business ended before that. So they no longer reflect the current state of Trump’s financial affairs. Furthermore, any illegal activity the Times sources revealed in this article can’t be prosecuted due to statute of limitations expiration.

The New York Times’ investigation is exhaustive and, to some extent, defies summary. But it’s worth recounting the most egregious thing they found as an illustrative example of the scope of crimes that serious forensic accounting can reveal. Basically, this was a 2-scams-for-the-price-of-one-caper, in which Fred Trump formed a shell company his children secretly owned. The company pretended to perform useful services for rent-stabilized buildings Fred owned, allowing to gift money to his children without paying a gift tax. Then, its bogus accounting was used to justify rent increases to regulators. As the Times wrote:

“The most overt fraud was All County Building Supply & Maintenance, a company formed by the Trump family in 1992. All County’s ostensible purpose was to be the purchasing agent for Fred Trump’s buildings, buying everything from boilers to cleaning supplies. It did no such thing, records and interviews show. Instead All County siphoned millions of dollars from Fred Trump’s empire by simply marking up purchases already made by his employees. Those millions, effectively untaxed gifts, then flowed to All County’s owners — Donald Trump, his siblings and a cousin. Fred Trump then used the padded All County receipts to justify bigger rent increases for thousands of tenants.”
This is a particularly shocking crime because of the way it was used to defraud thousands of tenants as well as tax authorities. But this wasn’t the only time Fred cheated the public. After all, he got his start in profiteering in millions from programs to help returning GIs receive housing, prompting President Dwight D. Eisenhower to throw a fit. In 1954, he was called before the Senate to testify about how he overcharged the federal government by inflating costs associated with a taxpayer-subsidized housing development in Brooklyn. As a result, Fred was banned from bidding on federal housing contracts. So he focused on state-subsidized projects. However, in 1966, Fred was called before a state investigations board to sit through embarrassing public hearings exploring how he overbilled New York State for equipment and other costs. These hearings essentially marked the end of Fred’s career as a major developer in public subsidized housing. Donald Trump would say that the government essentially reached in and took his dad’s business away from him. But this explanation ignores the fact that Fred’s business wouldn’t have gotten off the ground without government subsidies in the first place.

However, in terms of Donald Trump cheating on his taxes, it’s far from unique. In 1983, he’s admitted to sales tax fraud. He’s lost 2 income tax civil fraud trials. Hell, his own tax lawyer testified that Trump’s 1984 tax return was fraudulent. More strikingly, even before the Times’ investigation, we had numerous examples of Trump operating as a habitual criminal. While Trump would like to American people to forget about this, he got his start as a celebrity after the New York Times published an article detailing federal housing discrimination charges brought against him and his father. Ultimately, the charges were settled without admission of fault, which would be a pattern for Trump over the years. Even so, the fact his first foray into the real estate business involved criminal acts didn’t stop him from continuing in that business. When Trump branched out into casinos, he got caught accepting an illegal loan from his dad to stay afloat and got off with a slap on the wrist. He was even allowed to continue with the business as well.

From empty-box tax scam to money laundering at his casinos, racial discrimination in his apartments, Federal Trade Commission violations for his stock purchases, and Securities and Exchange Commission violations for his financial reporting, Donald Trump has spent his entire career breaking various laws, getting caught, and then essentially plowing ahead unharmed. Caught engaging in illegal racial discrimination to please a mob boss? Paid a fine. There was no sense this was a repeated pattern of violating racial discrimination law (despite being caught before in a housing discrimination case by the federal government). Nor there was certainly any desire to take a closer look at Trump’s various personal and professional connections to the Mafia. In New York, Trump Tower’s construction employed hundreds of undocumented Polish immigrants, paid them laughably low wages, and worked them beyond legal limits. Though Trump denied knowledge of the situation, a judge said his testimony wasn’t credible. Court records show that Trump and his children misled investors in failed condo projects in Baja California and Florida. Even as late as the post-election transition, Trump was allowed to settle a lawsuit about defrauding customers at his fake university for $25 million rather than truly face the music like a potential prison term. But he still insisted he did nothing wrong despite evidence to the contrary.

One of Donald Trump’s real insights in life was to see a bug in the system. When it comes to these white-collar crimes, it’s typically the government officials’ interest to agree to a settlement giving them positive headlines, raise some cash, and move on to the next investigation. But while these decisions can make sense individually, they let serial offenders repeat their crimes over and over again. After all, you wouldn’t want police to solve other crimes this way. Meanwhile, throughout the decades of Trump’s rise, the legal climate has only gotten more permissive.

The fact that Donald Trump appears to have been involved in serious financial crimes in the past is the most likely reason for his unprecedented lack of transparency. He didn’t magically stop committing them in the mid-1990s. Rather he’s just been getting away with it in an era of reduced law enforcement and fears his documents wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny. As a candidate, Trump promised to release his tax returns. Now that he’s in office, he has refused to do so. In response to the Times’ investigation, the White House released a statement full of bluster about the “wonderful” things Trump has achieved as president. But it didn’t deny any of the alleged facts. Instead, press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders merely observed that “many decades ago the IRS reviewed and signed off on these transactions.”

It’s not entirely clear if the IRS reviewed all of these transactions. But it’s unquestionably true that Donald Trump got away with it. Because lots of people get away with a lot of crimes and that doesn’t make it okay. The IRS is no more perfect in its work than any other law enforcement agency. To make matters worse, the IRS has been starved of resources, making it even harder to catch rich tax cheats. To be clear, this wasn’t caused by austerity by budgetary necessity. Based on macroeconomic estimates, the IRS believes that business owners like Donald Trump underpay their taxes by $125 million a year. Investing more in catching these tax cheats would pay off easily. But congressional Republicans haven’t wanted to do it because they think it’s good that rich business owners can get away with cheating on their taxes. Yet, this also gives tax-cheating businesses a very good reason to fear transparency and disclosure. While the IRS is relatively unlikely to get a hard, rigorous look at any particularly rich person’s complicated tax submissions. But since Trump is president, he’d find Congress and the press heavily scrutinizing his finances. Trump got away with tax evasion during an era of generally more rigorous enforcement. It’s very unlikely that he simply stopped doing it during the more recent years when enforcement got laxer. If he disclosed his tax returns, we’d find out about the scams he’s running. Because that’s why Trump doesn’t want us to see them. And why we absolutely need to. We won’t really know why Donald Trump hides his tax returns until he stops concealing them. But the New York Times’ investigation sends a clear message that he’s got a track record of doing illegal stuff with his taxes.

However, though Donald Trump won’t release his tax returns as president, Congress can make him. But congressional Republicans have steadfastly refused to do so. Nonetheless, the American people have a right to know whether or not the man in the White House is a crook. Though the case for oversight became stronger once Trump became president, Republicans who once distanced themselves from him became uniformly devoted to covering up for him. In addition, Republicans have totally resisted Democratic efforts to force disclosure.

While congressional Republicans may tell themselves these returns are no big deal, they have no idea how serious the crimes are they’re helping Donald Trump hide. Mostly because Republicans decided it’s good when rich people cheat on their taxes despite that it’s not. In fact, cheating on taxes contributes to inequality, higher interest rates, weaker public services, and a range of social news. And despite the Republicans’ best efforts, it’s still illegal. Though the tax code currently has minimal taxes on inheritances and gifts as well as large loopholes for the wealthiest of the wealthy. The New York Times investigation into the Trump family’s wealth demonstrates how wealthy families wiggle out of taxes through licit and illicit means. Thus, starving the government of tax revenue, making the tax code less progressive than it’s designed to be, and effectively increasing the tax burden on low-income families and their businesses. The richer the family, the more likely they engage in tax evasion. In fact, one study shows that the richest .01% were shown to evade 25% of taxes, several times the rate seen among the general public. Because Trump is president, we need to know if he’s been breaking the law. All we need to do is have a congressional committee vote. But to get it, we need a new Congress.

Of course, since I’ve conducted extensive research on Donald Trump since he ran for president, the fact he’s not the self-made man he portrays himself to be doesn’t surprise me. I long knew that he never would’ve become what he is today if he hadn’t been born into wealth and privilege. And I knew about his dad vouching for him on his early projects and helping him out of his financial problems. Yet, millions of Americans still believe Trump as a modern Midas who’d lift them out of hard times as the super-rich flourish while everyone else’s incomes remain mostly flat. But the truth is that the man in the Oval Office isn’t the wealth-building entrepreneur he claims to be. In fact, he’s a financial vampire extracting cash from enterprises while leaving behind unpaid workers, vendors, and governments. And if you want to know what that will lead to, just take a visit to Atlantic City.

The Professor and the Judge

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There are plenty of reason not to want Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh confirmed. He’s a conservative ideologue masquerading as a judge. He’s a corporate whore who thinks net neutrality violates the cable companies’ freedom of speech. And he’s ruled in favor of corporate power over democracy and the public interest on almost every kind of dispute you can think of. He won’t release 100,000 pages of documents relating to his work for the Bush administration in the 2000s. He’s perfectly fine with disabled people getting elective surgery against their will. He likens contraceptives to abortion inducing drugs which they’re most certainly not. He’s lied under oath on multiple occasions. He has gambling problems as his $200,000 credit card for debt for “baseball tickets.” And he believes that a president shouldn’t be indicted while in office. In sum, he’s a horrible Supreme Court pick in every conceivable way and has absolutely no business in ruling in critical matters that will affect American lives for decades to come.

Now as a Catholic liberal, I may have political misgivings on why Judge Kavanaugh shouldn’t sit on the bench of the US Supreme Court. Yet, most importantly is Kavanaugh’s history with women and his sexual assault allegations. Kavanaugh’s nomination seemed like moving ahead. The New Yorker published an explosive report about a letter California US Senator Dianne Feinstein sent to the FBI but was reluctant to discuss in public. Since she was worried the letter could expose Ford to partisan attacks. Written by a California psychology professor Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, she said the announcement of Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court had spurred her recollection of a party encounter in high school where he held her down to a bed, ground against and groped her, attempted to remove her clothes, and tried to force himself on her, covering her mouth when she tried to scream. Finding it difficult to breathe, she thought Kavanaugh was accidentally going to kill her. Luckily, Ford escaped when Kavanaugh’s friend Mark Judge jumped on them and the all fell. She fled the room and locked herself in a bathroom until she heard the two boys go downstairs and their voices recede. Terrified she’d run into them and attack again, Ford ran out of the house. But the encounter was “a source of ongoing distress for her” as she remembered Kavanaugh and Judge laughing at her suffering. To put it in layman’s terms, Kavanaugh tried to rape her which has scarred her for life despite that she narrowly got away. This is a violent crime, not sexual misconduct. Though she was 15 and Kavanaugh was 17 at the time in the 1980s, she doesn’t remember some key details such as the house they were in. She was on her way to the bathroom when Kavanaugh and Judge attacked and shoved her into a bedroom. Yet, she recalls that everyone had one beer while Kavanaugh and Judge had been drinking more heavily.

Christine Blasey Ford didn’t tell anyone about the allegations with anyone until 2012 during a couples therapy session with her husband. She first reached out to her representative, Rep. Anna Eshoo and directly contacted Feinstein’s office. After repeatedly discussing the matter with both offices, Ford decided not to go public.

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Dr. Christine Blasey Ford is certainly a hero in this case since her decision to go public with her sexual assault allegations against Judge Brett Kavanaugh led others to speak out. Here’s a tweet quoting Deborah Ramirez cheering her on.

On September 16, 2018, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford came forward in a Washington Post story. To corroborate her account, Ford provided the Post with a polygraph and session notes from her therapists from 2012. Though the therapist’s notes don’t name Kavanaugh, they record Ford’s claim being attacked by students “from an elitist boys’ school” who went on to become “highly respected and high-ranking members of society in Washington.” Both her husband and a friend have confirmed her claims. He friend told the Los Angeles Times that he’s witnessed the lasting trauma affect her life and her struggle to come forward with him in early July. He claimed that Ford was averse to purchasing a master bedroom without a second exit. According to him, “Obviously, something happened that traumatized her so much that she’s afraid of being trapped.”

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford had nothing to gain from her testimony on Judge Brett Kavanaugh. For coming forward with sexual assault allegations against powerful men can lead result in losing career and reputation. Ford has received death threats. She’s had to take time off from her job. She and her family were forced out of her home. She’s had to shut down her social media. She’s had to fly all the way from her Bay area home to Washington, which terrified her. She’s had to use therapist notes and pass lie detector tests just to be believed. Not to mention, Republicans have refused to take her story seriously for craven selfish and partisan reasons. While many conservatives have attacked her as an anti-Trump activist whose motives and biases are as suspicious as her Northern California address. At her hearing, Ford had to recall as much as she could remember to come across as credible. As she had to retain her composure describing that painful memory she spent years trying to forget in front of white old men who don’t care what she has to say while feeling like she could fly into an unstoppable rage inside. Nonetheless, he gutting testimony was compelling as her expertise as in clinical psychology shone through her explanations on how trauma works.

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Here’s Brett Kavanaugh’s 1982 yearbook entry from Georgetown Prep. It goes far from the Boy Scout image he’s tried to present at his hearing. More like a partying frat boy you’d want to punch in the face.

Nor is Dr. Christine Blasey Ford the only woman accusing Judge Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault. Shortly after she came forward, Deborah Ramirez told the New Yorker that in a drinking game during a 1983 dorm party at Yale, Kavanaugh exposed his genitals to her and shoved his penis to her face. All without Ramirez’s consent as she pushed him away. Not long after that, Michael Avenatti published an affidavit signed by Julie Swetnick who claimed attended a parties during high school where Kavanaugh plotted with friends to drug and “gang rape” girls. And that Kavanaugh was present she was gang raped at a party. Yet, she doesn’t explicitly say whether he participated. There are also plenty of witnesses who can corroborate on Ford and Ramirez. Two of Ramirez’s classmates can recall hearing about Kavanaugh’s indecent exposure, with one recalling several of the same details. His fraternity had a very shady reputation. In Ford’s case, aside from the therapist notes and polygraph tests, there’s even more evidence. Mark Judge’s memoir of his high school days at least recalls Kavanaugh’s underage drinking and partying. Kavanaugh’s high school calendar details numerous beach trips, parties with friends, and times he was “grounded.” In addition, his high school yearbook entry listed him as Keg City Club treasurer along with terms like “boof,” “devil’s triangle,” and “Renate Alumnius.”

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s decision to come forward was a civic duty for she really doesn’t want a man who put her through the worst time of her life sit on the highest court in the nation. Or at least an FBI investigation to clear her memory which she asked for repeatedly. And I think it’s a reason that should concern us all. After all, statistics show that most incidents of rape and sexual assault go unreported and ignored. And out all reported incidents, only 6% of rapist are subject to any meaningful consequences. Most victims of sexual assault don’t come forward because those who do, often face scrutiny by an unsympathetic crowd, especially if the perpetrator is a pillar in the community, partner, a boss, or family member. Should the assailant have any power, then expect people rallying to defend them. When a woman’s sexually assaulted, people often see her situation as her fault. They say that she’s a slut and shouldn’t be screwing multiple men. They say she shouldn’t have been around men or be so sexually aggressive. They say that she should’ve dressed more modestly or danced less provocatively. They talk about how she drank too much. They remark on how Johnny’s a good boy who’d never go to town on an unconscious woman near a dumpster. Or how Chrissy’s “false” rape accusation is laden with ulterior motives of revenge for not asking her out to the prom. So we can’t have her sexual assault allegation ruin Kevin’s chances of getting into a big name college on a football scholarship. Or how we don’t want
to ruin Damien’s future despite that he tried to force himself on Shelley who’s set for a lifetime of trauma.Many women have faced death threats coming forward. Some have lost their jobs. Some have even faced criminal charges in falsely reporting a crime. Some had family, friends, and community turn against them. Some have had their reputations ruined and received death threats. While others are often ignored by law enforcement as the perpetrator goes on with his life without repercussions. As society teaches girls and women that they’re responsible for preventing rape because boys and men can’t control themselves and that they should accept their egregious behavior as normal, which is utter bullshit and insulting on multiple levels. For if men were truly unable to control their sexual urges, then how could priests remain celibate and husbands be unfaithful to their wives? Thus, it’s glaringly apparent that when they say, “boys will be boys,” they’re telling girls, “don’t expect boys to be responsible for violating you, since they matter more than you. And if they do anything to you that leaves any lasting trauma and suffering that’s not a big deal, it’s your fault. So shut up.” Sexual assault and harassment may be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. And it’s certainly not right.

I have never been sexually assaulted. Mostly because I didn’t go to a lot of parties during my high school and college years. But I’ve been bullied all through my school days. I’ve been sexually harassed on multiple occasions by many immature classmates in middle and high school. And I’ve endured humiliation while many of my fellow schoolmates laughed on. I was constantly told to ignore it despite that I found it impossible. I was often upset that these people didn’t care about my feelings. I was angry that they didn’t listen to me whenever I told them to cut it out or take my pleas seriously. And even if I did tell a teacher about it, I knew it would only be a matter of time they’d start again. To deal with it day after day is often exhausting and frustrating. Fortunately, I wasn’t too traumatized by the whole thing and was glad it all ended by the time I went to college. Yet, I’m sure I have some scars that I had to suffer in silence so as not to draw attention to myself.

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Here we have Brett Kavanaugh with his wife during a Fox News damage control interview. Even at this angle, he appears kind of creepy to me.

In addition, I become furious whenever I see a smart capable woman like Hillary Clinton and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford having to put up being bullied by privileged and terrible men who deserve no place in the halls of power. During the presidential debates between Clinton and Donald Trump, I often saw myself in Clinton trying to get her vision across to the American people. Only for Trump to blurt out stupid shit about her dirty laundry and getting all the attention. He clearly had no interest in government policy. He only wanted to take Clinton down in the most humiliating way possible while drowning out whatever she had to say in the media. To see Clinton having to deal with all this shit really makes my blood boil. When I saw Judge Brett Kavanaugh lash out over the sexual assault allegations against him as liberal part to take him down, I was reminded by how many guys have treated me the same way. Seeing the kind of hell Ford had to go through, I believe her. While I was lucky enough not to experience sexual assault, I know what it’s like having people laugh at you when you’re in a state of misery.

With a man like Judge Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court, he can rule on cases relating to sexual assault and other misconduct for decades to come. The fact that he’s already a federal judge is extremely disturbing since he’s in a position of great power and influence. When it comes to sexual assault cases, judges have been especially lenient to white male perpetrators like Steubenville football players and Brock Turner. As a man born into wealth with an Ivy League pedigree and groomed to ascend to the highest court in the land as a conservative ideologue, Kavanaugh perpetuates and benefits from this kind of good-old-boy favoritism in the justice system on sexual assault cases. They may sympathize with these scions and prominent citizens. And thus, may be compelled to give these rich guys a more generous ruling than they deserve. All while having no concern for the women who’ve been harmed in the act and suffer in the legal proceedings with justice denied.

I am used to Supreme Court picks being partisan bloodbaths. But once a nominee is accused of sexual assault and other egregious misbehavior, they are automatically disqualified no questions asked. After all, sexual assault allegations would get you disqualified from many low-income jobs for obvious reasons. The Supreme Court shouldn’t be any different. Obviously, 11 Republican senators on the Judiciary Committee didn’t see it that way and now Judge Brett Kavanaugh has moved to a full Senate confirmation once the FBI investigation is over. Yet, after Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony and Kavanaugh’s explosive temper tantrum, it’s disturbingly clear that these old white men had already made up their minds. They don’t care about whether Kavanaugh has the character to be a fair and impartial judge. They know he’s a conservative hack job who’d give them and their corporate donors favorable rulings on every issue you can imagine. Yet, they can just as easily ask Kavanaugh to withdraw and have Donald Trump nominate another conservative judge who hasn’t sexually assaulted anyone. But no.

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The fact Donald Trump bragged about sexual assault and Republicans still elected him president gives you all you need to know about the GOP and sexual harassment and assault. At least when it happens to one of their own. I’m sure they view the sexual assault allegations against Judge Brett Kavanaugh the same way.

Nevertheless, the Republicans’ willingness to put Judge Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court shows how far they’ve fallen since they’ve embraced Donald Trump as their leader. At some level, Republicans may see sexual harassment and assault as morally wrong. But at another level, they don’t necessarily see it as a big enough deal or problem people should care about. When Trump was caught bragging about sexual assault on that Hollywood Access bus tape, a whole bunch of Republicans abandoned him fearing he was about to lead the party into an electoral disaster. Only to drop the matter entirely as soon as Trump proved his doubters wrong. Not a single Congressional Republican expressed the slightest interest in hearing from Trump’s accusers, looking into their accusations in any way, or otherwise seeking to find the truth of the matter. Republicans can appear appalled when it’s expedient to do so, particularly in regards Bill Clinton’s extramarital affairs. But they’ll pretend the whole thing never happened when it serves their interests. And that’s a pattern. When a top Fox News executive was drummed out for covering up so many sexual harassment charges that his ongoing employment was a huge liability, the White House snatched him up. When White House Chief of Staff John Kelly heard that staff secretary Rob Porter abused 2 ex-wives and a former girlfriend, he tried keeping it quiet. When the Federalist Society asked a Republican PR firm to they contracted with to lend someone to Senator Chuck Grassley to run point communications for the Kavanaugh nomination, they sent a guy they knew was a sexual harasser who later quit when it came out. Sexual harassment and assault are things Republicans know they’re supposed to care about. But Republicans in the internal party structure don’t care about them. So they don’t do anything unless public opinion forces their hand. Unless it’s Arizona US Senator Jeff Flake being confronted by 2 sexual assault survivors, most Republicans don’t take sexual assault seriously when the accusations surround one of their own.

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Remember, kids, anything you do will be on your permanent record. Also, just because you’re born into wealth and privilege doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a Supreme Court seat. In addition, if you act like this at your job interview, no one’s going to hire you. Still, Judge Brett Kavanaugh burst into fury and viciously denied being the frat boy back in his high school and college days. While being a lying sack of shit who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and shouldn’t get a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court.

Yet, what I find most unsettling with Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s character than the sexual assault allegations is how he reacted to them. Not only did he deny sexually assaulting Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, he claimed he didn’t know her. Despite that she testified that she went out with one of his close friend who’s mentioned in his now notorious calendar 13 times. Furthermore, he cast himself as the clean-cut choir boy he wasn’t. Sure he drank, but not to the point where it affected his memory (despite that multiple classmates said he was a heavy drinker and an aggressive drunk, including his former roommate at Yale). And that he could legally drink in Maryland was legal in 1982 (he couldn’t). He may have had inside jokes, but never demeaned women (despite his “Renate Alumnius” entry was a sexist smear on a teenage girl’s promiscuity). While he enjoyed a lively social life, church always came first (though we can’t prove this. Yet, I bet he showed up to Sunday Mass with a hangover). Oh, and he was a virgin in both high school and college (despite that he tried to get into a girl’s pants and may have participated in gang rapes). Now I don’t think heavy drinking and partying during one’s school days isn’t disqualifying for the Supreme Court or any other high office. But not being honest about one’s frat boy past is, given that Kavanaugh has repeatedly lied to the Senate Judiciary Committee as well.

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Seeing Judge Brett Kavanaugh being denied a Supreme Court seat will set a powerful example to young men that actions have real consequences. And that sexual conduct without consent is not okay. But seeing that Republicans want to confirm him regardless of whether the allegations are true, I have good reason to worry that won’t happen. Because when it comes to sexual harassment and assault allegations against fellow Republicans, Republicans don’t care.

But more disturbingly, Judge Brett Kavanaugh called the circus around his sexual assault allegations, “a calculated and orchestrated political hit, fueled with apparent pent-up anger about President Trump and the 2016 election, fear that has been unfairly stoked about my judicial record, revenge on behalf of the Clintons, and millions of dollars in money from outside left-wing opposition groups.” Obviously, he doesn’t acknowledge his drinking or the harm he might’ve inflicted on Ford’s life. He said these words with the entitled vicious rage of an alcoholic guy who’s used to getting his own way. And now he’s just learning like the rest of us did a long time ago that life isn’t fair and he can’t stand that. Furthermore, he’s a Trump-like partisan who feels entitled to say and do whatever he wants, uses emotional bullying and intimidation to get his way, and who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. Whether Kavanaugh is confirmed or not, a large share of the American public will never trust him as impartial. While most will continue to see him as the privileged, arrogant, and self-righteous prick he’s revealed himself to be. The US Senate must not confirm this unrepentant asshole to our nation’s highest court. For like America Ferrera, I am sick of seeing capable, intelligent, and credible women come up against whiny, incompetent men-children and be suppressed. The matter of Kavanaugh’s confirmation isn’t just a vote. But rather a referendum of who we are as a nation. What are we willing to accept and where are we, really? And how much longer will women’s lives and dignity be secondary to the needs of powerful men? Confirming Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court will send the wrong message to women and girls that their concerns don’t matter. His nomination must not continue any further.

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