I know that my post last November on architecture but I thought that since it’s very close to Easter and I have nothing going on until Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I thought I’d do another post on a scourge of pandemic proportions that no one’s talking about: modern architecture. For a long time in the world, cities have been plagued by building projects that serve to uglify their skylines. Sure there are masterpieces like the Sydney Opera House, the Church of the Sagrada Familia, the Chrysler Building, the Empire State Building, or the Gateway Arch. But there are also hideous skyscrapers, unholy looking churches, and public buildings that either suggest the architect was on acid or what. Tourists who visit these cities wonder whether the metropolitan area is going to pot or trying to imitate Las Vegas or Soviet Russia. Either way, many modern buildings are seen as unending eyesores to the populace, which I will show you know. So without further adieu, here are some more disasterpieces of architecture for your pleasure.
1. I begin with bringing you just some drab old office building in the middle of nowhere.
Wait, that’s the North Dakota State Capitol. Seriously, I guess the state wasn’t looking for someone with any imagination. Seems like something straight out of the Soviet Union if you ask me.
2. Behold, I give you the world’s largest glass vagina.
I’m sorry with resorting to vulgarities. But when I look at it, I just can’t help thinking about how it looks so much like a glittering giant snatch.
3. Seems like this piece of modern architecture was supposed to be constructed on a different planet.
This is the No. 1 Poultry building in London. And yeah, it’s just atrocious with it’s striped earth tones and glass. Seems like an airport terminal at Tattooine.
4. Ladies and gentleman, may I introduce you to the Safety Razor tower.
I’m sure this would be an appropriate corporate headquarters for Gillette. But I wonder if any of their employees want to work inside a safety razor building.
5. Now here is a skyscraper that’s befit for any supervillian with money to burn like Lex Luthor.
It’s actually the RSA Battle House Tower in Mobile, Alabama and the tallest in the city. I think it’s an office complex and hotel. But still, you can totally imagine Lex Luthor living there, right?
6. When looking at this building, you’d expect it to be a luxury mothership with little green men inside.
Hate to disappoint those UFO conspiracy theorists out there. But this is the Valencia Opera House (aka the Queen Sofia Palace of the Arts) in Spain. Of course, this would be a perfect place for a Spanish space opera if you get my drift.
7. In Soviet Mother Russia, this house ring brings the concept of Rear Window to a whole new level.
Of course, this reminds me of an abandoned football stadium or a modernized Colosseum that was deserted long ago. Either way, this house ring ain’t pretty to say the least.
8. In the future office buildings will be docked with a 9/11 tribute as a well a UFO landing pad so the aliens can show up to intergalactic business meetings.
Actually this is the national headquarters for Brazil’s National Congress in Brasilia. Sure I’m sure Brasilia is a capital city where the extra terrestrials will feel at home.
9. When designing this building, the architect must’ve said, “Hmmm..Roman columns in modernist design. Sure let’s go with that.”
This is the Mazda 2 Building in Tokyo, Japan or as I call it, a lousy attempt at Art Deco. Still, I think Godzilla smashing this building would improve its looks.
10. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the world’s fanciest giant hypodermic needle.
This building is the Taipei 101 in Taiwan which was once the tallest building in the world. Still, it’s meant to withstand earthquakes and typhoons for better or for worse. But you can’t help but think it’s probably more suitable for Las Vegas.
11. Building or spaceship crash?
Sure it’s a building but it just seems like this is a spaceship that fell down to earth upside down before impact. That or a bad attempt at origami.
12. This is the grave of Ho Chi Minh which is said to evoke Vietnamese traditions such as the communal house and the lotus flower. How the two are combined in this building is unclear.
Still, while cruel observers remark on how it resembles a Greco-Roman public toilet, I think it’s just a Soviet style rip off of the Parthenon. Of course, Ho Chi Minh wished to be cremated but that didn’t happen.
13. When you first look at Dubai’s Atlantis Hotel, you have to wonder whether the UAE city does Muslim weddings with an Elvis impersonator.
China.org remarks how it’s, “an unholy architectural amalgam of Arabian Nights, 1980s TV soap “Dynasty” and a classic pink Durex.” Of course, I think it’s basically a sign that Dubai is well on its way to becoming the Las Vegas of the Middle East. Seriously, the hotel’s architecture is totally Vegas.
14. Man, seems like the Illuminati have a very elaborate headquarters from the looks of it.
Okay, I’m sorry, Kazakhstan, I didn’t mean to insult your presidential palace and ministry buildings. However, the golden towers resemble beer cans and the Orda palace seems like it’s the headquarters for the masonic Grand Master of some New World Order.
15. Seems like this golden ball tower appears to resemble Sauron’s Tower if it was built in Rivendell.
This is the 344ft Bayterek Tower in Astana, Kazakhstan. It’s an observation tower representing a popular tree holding a golden egg. Of course, the conspiracy theorists will go crazy on this one.
16. Abandoned Las Vegas hotel complex or President Snow’s vacation home from The Hunger Games?
Actually it’s the Triumph of Astana in Kazakhstan. It was modeled after the Seven Sisters skyscrapers in Moscow. It’s an hotel and office complex. However, I’m sure that it’s a palace fit for any 1970s sci-fi overlord.
17. Man, that’s the most elaborate doughnut I’ve ever seen. I wonder if this is the world headquarters for Dunkin’ Doughnuts.
It’s actually a skyscraper in Guangzhou, China. According to its architect Joseph DiPasquale, “Native Chinese landmark…inspired by the strong iconic value of jade discs and numerological tradition of feng shui, in particular, the double disc of jade (bi-disk) is the royal symbol of an ancient Chinese dynasty that reigned in this area around 2000 years ago.” Yeah, but still looks like a giant sci-fi doughnut to me.
18. Wow, quite the rendition of Luke Skywalker’s home on Tattooine. Well, if he didn’t grow up a water farmer.
Actually that’s the Brazil’s National Library in Brasilia. Yeah, it doesn’t really embody the country’s character too well. Hey, don’t ask me why Brasilia’s buildings are so futuristically sterile and bland.
19. For the supervillian with the most enormous ego that money can buy, this enormous skyscraper is perfect for you.
This is the Burj al Khalifa in Dubai, the tallest building in the world. It’s 2,722 ft tall with 163 floors. It’s also said to have had a labor controversy in the construction. Still, it kind of embodies Dubai’s excesses and is quite the eyesore.
20. I give you a literal cat house.
This is a preschool in Germany which I think is subtly terrifying if you ask me. Still, kind of gives the term “cat house” a whole new meaning.
21. I daresay for I didn’t know that the Soviets built ornate high rise apartments with crosses on them.
Actually this is the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Los Angeles, California. Look, I’m perfectly fine with modern Catholic Church architecture and I know some of these buildings are nicer on the inside. However, this is just an architectural travesty.
22. Let’s hope nobody is banging on this ornate drum all day.
Yes, it’s on the Guinness World Records as the biggest drum in the world. However, this is the Hefei Wanda Culture and Tourism Exhibition Center in Hefei City, east China’s Anhui province. Still, seems like a little girl’s palace for a sci-fi movie.
23. Bizarre giant hypodermic needle or sci-fi tower from another planet?
This is the Oriental Pearl TV Tower in Shanghai, China. It’s the tallest building in the city. It’s 2,073 ft high and has 128 floors. But yes, it’s quite horrendous.
24. Massive Soviet style corns of the cob complex or sci-fi styled curling iron towers?
Actually these are the Marina City Towers of Chicago. Now the bottom ten floors are used for parking while the rest for condos. Still, this is quite a skysore place with barely an character.
25. I guess this building’s architect was inspired by a pile of duct tape lying in the street and designed this.
This is the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles, California. Of course, this was designed by Frank Gehry who tends to draw inspiration for his projects through amateur dumpster diving, it seems.
26. Don’t look now, but I think there’s some giant slimy monster on the loose in this neck of the woods.
This is actually the Kunsthaus Graz in Graz, Austria. It’s a contemporary art museum, which is perhaps fitting. But still resembles an alien monster from another dimension.
27. I dub this building the First Church of the Nuclear Bunker which is part of the Doomsday Church of Revelation.
I hear the people of this congregation attend services wearing hats made of tin foil they think will protect them from the heathen alien invaders. Yes, they are that out there.
28. Only in China will you find a Tea museum that is designed like a massive teapot and cup.
This is the Meitan Tea Museum in the Guizhou Province which is the biggest tea producer in China. It’s the largest pot of tea in the world. And you thought the Brits were tea crazy? They’re tea prudes compared to the Chinese.
29. Now this building seems rather fishy to me mostly because it’s a literal fish out of water.
This is the office for the National Fisheries Development in Rajendranager, Hyderabad, India. It’s supposed to be a flounder. Still, I wonder how their workers feel about having to work in a giant fish every day.
30. Now in South Korea, architecture is literally going down the toilet.
This is the Toilet Museum in Suwon City, South Korea so the commode shape is only fitting. It’s basically a toilet theme park. Also has a lot of shitting outdoor statues. I’m not making this up.
31. I suppose this building was inspired by a pile of glass or it’s some evil overlord’s vacation home.
This is Kazakhstan’s Central Concert Hall in Astana. And though I like the color, it just seems like a combination of the old Soviet style and Frank Gehry. Thus, utter crap.
32. Of course, I can’t think of a more appropriate home for a megachurch televangelist than this Jesus infused abode.
My mistake. This is the Mother Teresa Memorial House in Skopje, Macedonia where she was from. Yes, it’s a tacky architectural disaster. Still, saint or not, Mother Teresa deserved better than this travesty.
33. Of course, in case of a saucer landing, this is the perfect structure for the job.
This is the Theme Building at Los Angeles International Airport. Still, I’m sure the aliens would find LA quite accommodating, especially for those seeking a career in show biz.
34. Massive badly design camera or Star Trek villain headquarters?
This is the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was designed by a French guy and named after an Englishmen. Still, pretty horrendous and more suited as an abode for an evil overlord.
35. Behold, may I present to you the world’s largest golden golf ball of the Sun.
This is called the Matrimandir which is in Auroville, Bommayapalayam, Tamil Nadu in India. It’s an edifice of spiritual significance for practitioners in integral yoga. However, to me, it’s just a golden golf ball merged with EPCOT at Disney World.
36. When it comes to designing apartment buildings, what might look good in Legos won’t always translate well in real life.
This is a building in Amsterdam in the Netherlands. Of course, it also kind of appears as if a bunch of houses were stacked up against each other. Yet, everything doesn’t seem to match.
37. Futuristic hotel or a place that doubles as an apartment building and air traffic control tower?
This is the Genex Tower in Belgrade, Serbia which is one of the largest towers in Eastern Europe. It has two towers connected by a revolving restaurant on the top. One tower is occupied by the Genex group, the other a residential area.
38. Let me guess, this building was designed for a cell phone company. Wonder how I can guess that?
This is the Kunming City Xingyao Phone City in China. Of course, the building is actually a cell phone but certainly not one most people use today at least in the states.
39. Now here we come to an abandoned nuclear power plant.
Oh, wait a minute this is the Landmark Theater in Ilfracombe, Devon in England. Still, I wonder what function do those large stacks have because they don’t seem to have an purpose.
40. Only in China could you see a large building that contains 3 scary guys in elaborate robes.
This is the Tianzi Hotel in Beijing, China. That large edifice has 3 Chinese gods that symbolize prosperity, achievement, and career happiness. Still, I’m not sure if tourists would understand since these guys seem quite terrifying.
41. Prison or prison chapel? You decide.
This is called the Donau City Church in Vienna, Austria. It’s a Catholic Church but I doubt you’d find any stain glass windows. The inside is bound to make your eyes go nuts.
42. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Lipstick Tower.
This is the Mercury City Tower in Moscow, which is Europe’s tallest building at 1,112ft. However, I’m sure it doesn’t make a nice tube of lipstick because its color is terrible.
43. Nevertheless, I call this one, the Turd Building because it looks like shit, literally.
This is the Ordos Museum in China constructed by the MAD studio. Still, why they thought it ought to be designed like a giant turd, I have no idea.
44. Brutalist bank building or minimum security Soviet prison?
Sorry, my mistake. That’s the Oregon State Capitol building. I know it just seems like the place you’d see Winston Smith working at in the novel 1984 (which is the Ministry of Truth, by the way).
45. Since one Chrysler building wasn’t enough for Dubai, they decided to double it.This is the result.
Fortunately for New York, Dubai turned out to be a rather poor copycat in this case. Seriously, it’s basically the Chrysler Building meets Las Vegas.
46. This is the building you get when you cross the PPG place with some evil overlord’s castle tower.
This is the Gazprom Headquarters in Moscow. Gazprom is a natural gas and oil company based in Russia as well as one of the largest in the world. So in my book, I’d say they’re evil.
47. Of course, the best place to learn music is at a building containing a giant piano and glass violin.
This is the Piano House in Huainan City in China which was designed by architectural students at Hefei University of Technology. It was mainly built to draw interest to the city. Even lights up at night.
48. When it comes to skyscrapers, you can’t go wrong with too many green rings, right?
This is the Clal Insurance Building in Tel Aviv, Israel. Nevertheless, I’m not sure if the green rings go well with the glittery glass windows. But that’s just me.
49. Man, I wonder what it’s like to live in a city where the most prominent thing is a giant rocket missile.
This is the Žižkov Television Tower in Prague. What’s even more horrifying besides the missile shape is that it has crawling babies on the side. Eeek!
50. Monument for Soviet Communism or the salute to tools?
This is a monument in Pyongyang, North Korea and yes, it does have a Communist feel to it. Still, it’s to be expected.
51. I give you the Arc d’ Triumphe, well, not quite.
Actually this is a piece from Pyongyang, North Korea as well. And yes, it just seems like a combination of the Arc d’ Triumphe, Stalinism, and Asian architecture which comes out horrendous.
52. You know you’ve hit the jackpot with Soviet architecture if you find a building shaped like a concrete banana.
This is the Palace of Concerts and Sports in Vilnius, Lithuania. But, yeah, it does kind of remind me of a banana for some reason. Must be the shape.
53. Now I’m sure this is the perfect government headquarters for an evil totalitarian regime.
This is in Pyongyang, North Korea. However, considering that North Korea is one of the most repressive countries ever, this building is quite fitting, indeed.
54.Tacky hotel in Florida or minimum security prison?
This is the Rin Grand Hotel in Bucharest, Romania, a city not known for its southwest color schemes. Seems like the designers were referencing outdated textbooks when they built this thing.
55. Now this seems like a dystopian shopping mall. Wonder what kind of clothes it would sell.
This is Seattle’s Public Library in Washington state. But I’d sure not want to think that a boxy glass building would be a nice place to read.
56. It’s one thing to depend on the bottle. But it’s a different matter if you work in one.
This is the Wuliangye Building, Yibin in the Sichuan province in China. It’s supposed to resemble a bottle of hard liquor. Sure it’s in bad taste but the company is just laughing all the way to the bank by now.
57. Nothing makes your city well know than a large building of a giant bald head.
This is the Planetario Galileo Galilei in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I guess this was made more for function by the looks of it.
58. Sometimes old styles can be revived, other times not so much.
Now while a Ziggurat skyscraper may look awesome in Ancient Sumer, it doesn’t go well as a skyscraper in the 21st century. Seriously, why?
59. With the bottle building, I’m sure it will go well with this bottle opener.
This is the Shanghai World Financial Center in China. And yes, it looks like a massive bottle opener, but not as ritzy as the one from Saudi Arabia.
60. So I guess that UFOs exist then.
My mistake, this is the Metropolitan Circus in Astana Kazakhstan. Sorry, alien conspiracy theorist. Yet, I’m sure this certainly reminds me of a flying saucer for obvious reasons.
61. Now I’m sure this must be a sanctuary for aliens by the looks of it.
Actually this is a Russian Orthodox Church as far as I know. Why it’s designed that way I have no idea.
62. Evil headquarters or dystopian stadium theater?
This is called the Karen Demirchyan Sport and Concert Complex in Armenia. But you probably think it’s a cross between a Chinese temple and a Flash Gordon spacecraft.
63. Dystopian missile depot, spaceport, or airport terminal? You decide, folks.
This is the Prita Top Spa Hotel in Estonia. It’s styled to look like a cruise ship but I’m not sure how that could. Doesn’t resemble one to me. Either that, or the Soviet cruise ships were that ugly.
64. If you want to know what it’s like to be up inside a giant pair of pants, this building is for you.
This is the Gateway to the East Building in the ancient city of Suchou, China. It’s supposed to emphasize the city’s significance in modern China. But most people thinks it’s the biggest pair of pants in the world.
65. For those ruling dystopian regimes where free speech and other rights are basically restricted, here is the palace for you.
This is the Palace of Ceremonies in Tbilisi, Georgia. It’s privately owned now. But there’s just something phallic about it. I can’t put my finger on it.
66. Nothing says architectural excellence like a building of a giant dog bowl.
This is the Palace of Creativity in Astana, Kazakhstan. It’s creative all right, but as an architectural masterpiece? Not a chance. I mean it looks like a giant dog bowl.
67. While not fighting the Rebel Alliance, Darth Vader likes to kick back and relax at his sparse vacation home.
Now this is the Cathedral of Saint Mary of the Assumption, which serves as headquarters for the Catholic Archdiocese of San Francisco, California. Yeah, compared to the rest of the city, it’s quite plain. Still reminds me of Darth Vader’s vacation home for some reason.
68. Now this skyscraper symbolizes the opulence of Communist Russia?
This piece of Stalinist architecture is the Seven Sisters skyscraper in Moscow. It’s one of those buildings that combines the ego of Josef Stalin to the glitz of Las Vegas and not in a good way.
69. As for housing, these complexes would be perfect for any evil overlord henchmen.
This is St. George’s Wharf in London, England. But looking at these, you wonder whether they have faces or if any bad people live in them.
70. Now this building reminds me of an iceberg as well as serves as a stark reminder of climate change which does exist and it’s a problem.
This is called “The Ascent” and it’s in Covington, Kentucky, probably a place most people have never heard of. And yes, it’s seen as a steaming pile of shit in the architectural world.
71. Behold, the giant clocktower of doom!
This is the Palace of Culture in Warsaw, Poland. But, yes, you can totally imagine some powerful Steampunk or Sci-fi villain living there, especially one with lightning hands and giant lasers.
72. When it comes to color schemes, black and white stripes aren’t the way to go.
This prison striped building in Los Angeles, California learned the hard way. Hope this wasn’t in a minority neighborhood since there will be unfortunate implications there.
73. May I present to you a new dystopian sci-fi shopping mall.
According to Time Out, its looks are, “akin to Space Mountain built out of drab, sterile leftovers from a doctors office waiting room.” Couldn’t say it better myself.
74. Now we’re here to a boring office building. Wonder what can go wrong with that.
Actually this is Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia. But to me, this seems like the offices of Jesus H. Christ Attorney at Law or some kind of county courthouse.
75. These aqua blue window apartments certainly add dimension with the New World Order, according to conspiracy theorists that is.
Now this is the Azure Complex in Astana Kazakhstan that resembles a hotel for a Las Vegas casino. Yes, I showed a lot of buildings from this city.
76. I dub this building the Church of Our Lady with the Side of Fries.
This is part of the denomination the American Church of Unchecked Corporate Consumerism that also venerates people like Saint Nugget, Saint Burger, Saint McRib, and Saint Diet Coke.
77. Only in Kazakhstan will you find a pyramid built after the collapse of the Soviet Union.
This is called the Palace of Peace and Reconciliation. Nevertheless, the Illuminati conspiracy theorists will sure have a field day with this one.
78. Now for those dystopian rulers with a sense of cosmopolitan style, this is the building for you.
This is Kazakhstan’s Parliament building in Astana. And yes, I know it seems like it’s a combination of Soviet Russia, Vegas, and Dubai for all the wrong reasons.
79. When it comes to architectural styles, you can’t go wrong with a hollow kettle building.
This is the Wanda Cultural center in China. I know it looks like a hollow kettle with glass windows, but I didn’t design the thing. So don’t ask me.
80. If Noah was living today, who could bet that his ark may look like this?
This is the World Cup Hotel in Sao Paulo, Brazil. However, if there would be a flood of biblical proportions, I’m not sure if it will float let alone shelter all the animals in the world 2 by 2.