In These Haunted United States – Part 2: Hawaii to Maryland

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 30, 2015

Now we’re off to a great start. You might notice how some of these places might be familiar to you such as famous battlefields and other areas. I know that Alcatraz is a familiar place for anyone since it housed some of the notorious criminals in early 20th century America. It’s also used in a lot of movies as a filming location. Still, a lot of places might have their own ghost stories for whatever the reason. Sometimes it was a place where there were a lot of deaths and mistreatment like prisons, insane asylums, and battlefields. Sometimes it had a checkered past such as some of these mansions and hotels. Sometimes there might be a chance that some structure was built on top of an Indian burial ground. But occasionally, you might have a place with an alleged haunting for almost no reason at all like UAA’s auditorium. I mean other than Wendy Williamson, you don’t know why other ghosts would hang out there. Nevertheless, in this section, I’ll bring you another set of haunted places in the US. These will include a royal palace that was home to the last rulers of Hawaii’s monarchy, a state prison in Idaho, hotels in Illinois and Indiana, a home that was sight to a notorious murder in Iowa, a small house haunted by a mysterious girl in Kansas, a mental institution in Kentucky, a plantation in Louisiana, a lighthouse in Maine, and a Civil War battlefield in Maryland. So for your reading pleasure, I give you another installment of some of the most haunted places in the United States.

11. Hawaii

From 1845 to 1893, the Iolani Palace was home to the last rulers of the Hawaiian monarchy (and it’s said that some of the royal family members still reside there as ghosts). Under US rule it would be used as the Hawaiian seat of government until 1969. It’s the only royal palace on US soil.

Most Haunted Place: ‘Iolani Palace in Honolulu

History: Constructed in 1845, it was the residence of the Hawaiian Royal Family from Kamehameha III to Queen Lili’uokalani. After the royal family was overthrown in 1893, it was used as the territorial and later state capitol until 1969.

Present Use: It’s now a museum for the public.

Sightings: It’s said that various royal ghosts have been seen or heard there.

Anyone Famous?: It’s been reported that the most frequent sightings have revolved around Queen Lili’uokalani.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Hamakuapoko, Pounder Beach, Barber’s Point, Dole Cannery Signature Theaters, Hilton Hawaii Village, Kaka’ako Fire Station, Morgan’s Corner, Nu’uanu, Sacred Heart Academy, State Capitol Building, Kahala Mall, Waikiki Parc Hotel, Waialae Drive-In Theaters, King Kamehameha’s Kona Beach Hotel, Waimano Building, Hickam Air Force Base

12. Idaho

During its operation, Boise’s old Idaho State Penitentiary received over 13,000 prisoners. The most famous of these are a political assassin and a black widow serial killer. Closed over riots and poor living conditions.

Most Haunted Place: Old Idaho State Penitentiary in Boise

History: Was a functional prison in the Western US from 1872-1973. Received more than 13,000 inmates with maximum occupancy at about 600. 215 of the inmates were women. Saw 10 executions. Famous inmates were Harry Orchard who assassinated a former governor in 1905 and Lyda Southard, infamously known as Idaho’s Lady Bluebeard for killing several husbands for the life insurance. It was a place of violence and riots. Closed over riots due to horrible living conditions. It’s now owned by the Idaho Historical Society.

Present Use: It’s now a museum and contains an arboretum.

Sightings: There have been reports of footsteps, voices, shouts, and overwhelming emotional sensations. It’s been reported there was one death row inmate who jumped off the third floor is said to make his presence known by a greenish light and causing batteries to go dead.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Farragut State Park, Harms Memorial Hospital, Joyce Building, Owyhee Mountains, Egyptian Theater, Idaho State University at Pocatello, Pete’s Tavern, Pioneer Boot Hill Cemetery

13. Illinois

Since its opening in 1893, Chicago’s Congress Plaza Hotel has had a long and colorful history from protests to presidential guests. It’s also been the place for a lot of haunted ghost sightings, including that of a hobo and a guy in disco attire.

Most Haunted Place: Congress Plaza Hotel in Chicago

History: First opened in 1893 for the World’s Columbian Exposition and has underwent two major expansions and renovations. It’s 11 stories with 871 guest rooms. In 1912, it was the sight of Teddy Roosevelt’s “Bull Moose” speech. In October 1916, Woodrow Wilson passed this hotel as part of his visit to the city where he was greeted by over 100 suffragette protestors from the National Women’s Party. They were attacked by a mob as police looked on and/or laughed. In 1932, it was FDR’s transition team headquarters. Known for its artwork by Louis Grell and for providing lodgings for several US presidents from Grover Cleveland to FDR. In 2003, about 130 members of UNITE HERE went on strike to proposed a 7% wage cut that soon became one of the world’s longest, ending in 2013. No concessions were given by management though Barack Obama briefly stood in the picket line in 2007. It’s now owned by a Syrian national.

Present Use: It’s still used as a hotel as I’ve seen on the website.

Sightings: Guests and employees have reported everything from apparitions and voices to the presence of a room so horrible that it’s been boarded over. Ghosts reported include a boy whose mother threw him out a window, a workman said to be buried in the walls during construction, a pegleg hobo who was murdered, a Spanish American War vet who shot himself, and a guy in disco attire.

Anyone Famous?: Well, some people have reported sightings of Al Capone and Teddy Roosevelt. It’s also alleged Jake “Greasy Thumb” Guzik’s ghost resides there as well. Of course the guy was one of Al Capone’s henchmen and is said to live there for several years. For those who want to know more about Guzik, check out my series on Boardwalk Empire since he’s a character on the show.

Open to Tourists?: Yes, if you can afford it.

Other Haunts: Ashmore Estates, Bachelor’s Grove Cemetery, Crenshaw House, Former Chicago Historical Society Building, Stickney House, St. Turbius Church, Aux Sable Cemetery, Scutt Mansion, Graceland Cemetery, Lincoln Theater, Eldred House, Tinker Swiss Cottage, Anderson Cemetery, Dana-Thomas House, Ninth Street Pub, St. Rita of Cascia, Leland Tower, Sheraton Gateway Suites, Desoto House Hotel, Woodstock Opera House, Blood’s Point Cemetery, House of Blues, Robinson Woods, Harrison Street Inn, Original Springs Mineral Spa and Hotel, Ruebel Hotel, Hotel Baker, Willowbrook Ballroom, Greenwood Cemetery, Benedictine University, St. George Antiochian Orthodox Church, Lincoln Square Theater, Massock Mausoleum, Three Mile House, Krome Family Cemetery, Red Lion Pub, Mineral Springs Hotel, Peoria State Hospital, Morton College, McPike Mansion, Clark Street Bridge, American Flight 191 Crash Site, Mount Carmel Cemetery, Waldheim Cemetery, McKendree University

14. Indiana

French Lick Springs Hotel was originally built for those who came to experience the healing benefits of the area’s sulfur springs. Today it’s now part of a casino resort complex. Of course, before then, it tended to get in trouble with the state for illegal gambling operations.

Most Haunted Place: French Lick Springs Hotel in French Lick

History: The resort was originally built for those who came to partake the advertised healing properties of the town’s sulfur springs. After the original hotel burned down in 1897, the current structure was constructed by DNC chair and Indianapolis mayor Thomas Taggart. Had been seized by the state government for illegal gambling. Famous guests include FDR (who announced his presidential campaign there) and Ronald Reagan.

Present Use: It’s now part of a larger casino resort complex.

Sightings: Many report hearing footsteps and voices. Some say there’s a ghost of an elevator attendant who helps out as well as one of a bride who committed suicide and a black bellhop. Not only that, but it’s said there are ghosts calling the front desk from empty rooms.

Anyone Famous?: It’s said to be haunted by original owner Thomas Taggart who’s been reported to operate the elevator when the place gets busy, appear riding a horse in the ballroom or down the halls, and hold ghostly parties.

Open to Tourists?: Yes, if you can afford it.

Other Haunts: Central State Hospital, Dunes State Park, Story Inn, Willard Library, Whispers Estate, Cry Baby Bridge, Fort Rouge Plant, Barber Hotel, Battle Field Memorial, Hoosier National Forest, Indiana University, Scales Lake, Old Sycamore Haunted Bridge, Chesterfield Christian Church, Cloverdale Cemetery, Adams County Cheese Factory, Eastland Mall, Lakeside Park, Franklin College, Bishop Noll Institute, St. Joseph’s Old Abandoned Catholic Church, Hanna House, House of Blue Lights, James Dean’s Grave, New Haven Historical City Hall

15. Iowa

Villisca’s Moore House was the site of an infamous unsolved murder that killed 8 people. Until 1994, previous owners would claim they saw a guy wielding an ax at the foot of their beds.

Most Haunted Place: Josiah B. and Sara Moore House in Villisca

History: Built in 1868 and served as a private residence. Josiah and Sara Moore bought the house in 1903 and lived there until 1912. On June 9 of that year, all 6 members of the Moore household and 2 houseguests (both children) were bludgeoned to death by an axe at the residence. The murder remains unsolved. After the murders, went through possession 8 times until 1994 when the last owners decided to restore the house to its 1912 condition.

Present Use: Has been a local museum since the 1990s.

Sightings: Prior to the 1994 renovations, there were reports from former tenants claiming they saw a figure of an axe wielding man at the foot of their beds. Others report their kids waking up to the sounds of children crying. One dad reported that a knife forcefully stabbed him in the thumb. Other incidences included finding shoes filled with blood and a closet door opening and closing by itself.

Anyone Famous?: Well, other than the victims, no.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Drake University, Independence State Hospital, Iowa State Penitentiary, Jordan House, Stony Hollow Road, Hotel Blackhawk, Cresco Theatre, KD Station, Tara Bridge, Mathias Ham House, Oakland Cemetery

16. Kansas

While it has changed hands as a private residence, the Sallie House is said to be haunted by a little girl named “Sallie” and an older woman said to be violent toward a male owner. Though vacant, it’s still privately owned so I wouldn’t recommend anyone to visit it.

Most Haunted Place: The Sallie House in Atchison

History: Built in 1857 as a private residence. Has changed in various hands.

Present Use: As of 2015, it’s currently been vacant since 2004. Has been currently owned by a landlord since the 1990s so I guess it’s still being used as a residence.

Sightings: It’s reportedly been haunted by a little girl named “Sallie” who liked play little pranks and an older, unidentified woman who was violent toward a male owner.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: No.

Other Haunts: Atchison itself, Brown Grand Theater, Kansas Aviation Museum, Kansas State University, McConnell Air Force Base, Topeka High School, Wichita State University, Fort Leavenworth National Cemetery, Molly’s Hollow, St. Jacob’s Well, Theorosa’s Bridge, Hutchinson Public Library, Hamburger Hill, Potwin Place

17. Kentucky

Like Seaside, the Waverly Hills Sanatorium initially operated as a treatment center for TB patients before becoming a mental institution. And it was closed for similar reasons. However, unlike Seaside, the current owners are paranormal enthusiasts and want to convert this place into a hotel as far as I know.

Most Haunted Place: Waverly Hills Sanatorium in Louisville

History: Opened in 1910 as a tuberculosis sanatorium after the area was ravaged by an epidemic that prompted its construction. After the sanatorium was closed in 1962, it was converted to a geriatric center, a nursing home for the elderly and mentally handicapped. The place was closed by the state due to patient neglect as is common in these environments of understaffed and overcrowded institutions. It’s said that thousands have died there, though it’s more likely 8,212.

Present Use: It has basically been abandoned until its current owners have decided to restore it and just happen to be paranormal enthusiasts. There are currently plans to convert the place into a 4 star hotel for the haunted hotel enthusiasts as well as regular patrons. However, it once hosted an extreme metal and metalcore festival in 2007. But it’s not likely to happen again due to complaints made by local residents.

Sightings: Many ghosts are said to haunt the place including children chanting “Ring Around the Rosey” on the roof, a nurse who committed suicide via jumping off the roof, a little girl playing hide and seek, a little boy playing ball, an old woman in chains, a man in a white coat and other ghosts treading down the halls. Others consist of various voices, a floating head, lights coming on without electricity, and a flicker of a TV screen.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Not sure.

Other Haunts: Perryville Battlefield, Bob Mackey’s Music World, X Cave at Carter Caves, Raven Hill Cemetery, Old Louisville, House on Coon Branch, White Hall, Phillips’ Folly, Rocky Point Manor, Ditto House, Cave Hill Cemetery, Lick Creek Cemetery, Maple Hill Manor, Loudon House, Sherman’s Tavern, Old Greensburg Courthouse, Seelbach Hilton, Louisville Palace Theater, Mammoth Cave, Camp Zachary Taylor

18. Louisiana

The Myrtles Plantation in Louisiana has had its share of owners and incidences. Today it’s operated as a bed and breakfast by paranormal enthusiasts.

Most Haunted Place: The Myrtles Plantation in St. Francisville

History: Built in 1796 by General David Bradford who lived there until President John Adams pardoned him for his involvement in the Whiskey Rebellion (by the way, I actually went to Bradford’s house in Washington, PA). In 1817, his daughter and son-in-law Sarah and Clark Woodruff managed the plantation but she and two of their kids died in yellow fever epidemic during the early 1820s. When his mother-in-law died Clark and his surviving daughter moved out. In 1834, it was sold to Ruffin Gray Stirling who took an extensive remodeling project and doubled the size of the building. They had 9 children but 5 died young. Stirling died in 1854 and left the place to his wife Mary Cobb. In 1865, she hired son-in-law William Winter and he resided there with his wife Sarah and their 6 children, one of whom died of typhoid at 3. In 1871, Winter was shot at his porch by E.S. Webber and died within minutes on the 17^th step of the stairs. Sarah died in 1878 while her mother Mary died in 1880 and the plantation passed to her Stephen. However, the place was heavily in debt and it changed hands several times until it was bought by current owners James and Frances Kermeen Myers.

Present Use: Currently a bed and breakfast offering historical and mystery tours.

Sightings: It is supposedly the home of at least 12 ghosts usually consisting of previous residents and slaves. It’s said that visitors and employees still hear William Winter’s dying footsteps to this day. It’s also reputed to be built over an Indian burial ground. Another reported seeing Sara Woodruff and her two dead children through a mirror. Other ghosts include a slave woman in a green turban, a young Native American woman, a young girl who died in 1868, and of two slaves asking to do any chores.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Central Louisiana State Hospital, Le Petit Theatre du Vieux Carre, Louisiana State Penitentiary, Magnolia Plantation, Le Beau Mansion, Tomb of Marie Laveau, Caddo Parish Penal Farm, Bonnie and Clyde Ambush Site, Marian Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes, Elise Reus Memorial School, Manchac Swamp

19. Maine

Maine’s Wood Island Lighthouse might seem to have an uneventful history. However, in 1896 it was the scene of a drifter killing a deputy sheriff and committing suicide. It’s said his moans and footsteps are often heard. Why Stephen King doesn’t write something about this I’ll never know. Seriously, Maine is the guy’s home state for God’s sake.

Most Haunted Place: Wood Island Lighthouse in Wood Island

History: A 47ft tall conical white tower of granite rubble lighthouse. It’s the second oldest in Maine and 11^th oldest in the nation. Established in 1808 but its current structure was erected in 1858. In March 1865, Lightkeeper Eben Emerson saved the crew of the British brig Edyth Anne from drowning in a heavy storm and was commended by the Canadian government with a reward of binoculars. Another lightkeeper had a dog named Sailor who became famous for ringing the station’s fog bell to greet passing ships by taking the belt cord in its mouth and pulling it with his teeth. Currently maintained by the United States Coast Guard and The Friends of Wood Island Light.

Present Use: It’s still used as a lighthouse to this day as well as a historical site.

Sightings: In 1896, a drifter shot and killed a local deputy sheriff and then went to the lighthouse to kill himself. It’s said his moans and footsteps are often heard, as well as shadows with a human form. Locked doors are also known to somehow open by themselves.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes, but they only offer seasonal tours though.

Other Haunts: Camden Hills, Captain Fairfield’s Inn, Fort Knox, Southern Maine Community College, University of Southern Maine, West Side Lake, York Village Historical Museum, Strand Cinema, Boothbay Opera House, Captain Lord Mansion, Ellis Pond, Fort William Henry, Beckett’s Castle, Maine State Prison

20. Maryland

Antietam was the first battle in the American Civil War to take place on Union soil and one that experience the most losses in a single day. Though it was a strategic Union victory, it was tactically inconclusive. And it was a rather lucky break for McClellan. Today it’s a national battlefield in Maryland. But sometimes I tend to call it, “Maryland’s Gettysburg.”

Most Haunted Place: Antietam Battlefield in Sharpsburg

History: Site of the Battle of Antietam on September 17, 1862, which marked Robert E. Lee’s first northern invasion and George B. McClellan’s lucky break. Still, neither side really gained anything from it. It was the bloodiest single day battle in the American Civil War with a combined tally of dead, wounded, or missing at 22,717.

Present Use: It’s now a national park with 330,000 visiting the place each year.

Sightings: Many visitors have reported seeing apparitions in uniforms as well as hearing cannon and gunfire. Blue balls of light, disembodied voices, orbs, phantom drumming, and strange mists have also been reported.

Anyone Famous?: Not that I can name off hand.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Auburn House, Chestnut Lodge, University of Maryland Morrill Hall, Point Lookout Lighthouse, Westminster Hall and Burying Ground, Dr. Mudd’s House, Jonathan Hager House, Maryland State House, Bachelor’s Point, Decoursey Bridge, St. Paul’s Cemetery, Kitty Knight House, Fort McHenry, Baltimore County Almshouse

In These Haunted United States – Part 1: Alabama to Georgia

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 30, 2015

Note: Since stories about hauntings have ambiguous authenticity, I’ll put them under urban legends just for convenience. In fact, some of them might be outright hoaxes but are part of the haunted American tradition just in case. Besides, I’m more interested in doing the places anyway than talking about the ghost stuff. Yet, I do think the ghost stuff is interesting even though I don’t believe in anything pertaining to the occult or paranormal.

As we all know Halloween is upon us and for many going to a haunted house is a long time tradition. Of course, there are plenty of people who pay to be scared by ghosts and monsters but I’m not one of them. However, there are plenty of places in the United States that have their own ghost stories and alleged paranormal activity that’s the stuff of urban legend and folklore. Some of these places are open to the public and can be visited by tourists with no problem. Some still remain private property and ask that horror afficionados keep out. Others are abandoned and wish tourists keep out just for their own safety. In this series, I’ll cover some of the most haunted locations in the country according to each state. And there’s a chance some might contain more frights than others. In each section, I’ll cover significant hauntings of ten states. This one, we look at a blast furnace in Alabama, a college auditorium in Alaska, an Old West titty bar in Arizona, a hotel and onetime ladie’s school and medical resort in Arkansas, a notorious prison in California, a hotel in Colorado, a mental institution in Connecticut, a fort in Delaware, a theater in Florida, and an old hotel that was used as a military hospital in Georgia. So for your reading pleasure, enjoy my first section of haunted sites in the United States.

Alabama

Originally built to promote railroad development, Birmingham’s Sloss Furnaces was one of the biggest producers of pig iron in the country during its operation. Since OSHA regulations didn’t exist at the time, it was a dangerous workplace. So it’s reputation as a haunt isn’t so surprising.

Most Haunted Place: Sloss Furnaces in Birmingham

History: It was a pig iron blast furnace that operated from 1882-1971. Founded by Colonel James Withers Sloss in order to promote a railroad development. At one time, it produced 25% of the nation’s iron and steel. Given that it existed in an era of no OSHA regulations, you can imagine how dangerous working there could result in accidental deaths, loss of limbs, and other misfortunes.

Present Use: It’s the only blast furnace in the country to be preserved and restored for public use. It’s now a museum and has a nationally recognized metal arts program. Also hosts a barbecue cookoff, concerts, and Muse of Fire shows.

Sightings: It’s reported that screams, odd noises, apparitions, and even the malevolent ghost of a former foreman haunt this place. There are also stories of limbless ghosts.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes, and it’s a big haunted attraction and hosts a ghost tour on Halloween.

Other Haunts: Boyington Oak, Gaineswood, Kenworthy Hall, Pickens County Courthouse, Prat Hall at Huntington College, Richards DAR House, Oakleigh, Adams Grove Presbyterian Church, Sweetwater Mansion, Auburn University Chapel, East Lake Park, Rocky Hill Castle, Sturdivant Hall

Alaska

UAA’s Wendy Williamson Auditorium hasn’t been around long. But it’s said to be a key hangout for Alaskan ghosts for some reason. Yet, only the presences late Wendy Williamson’s spirit makes any sense. After all, the guy was a musician and professor as well as had the building named after him.

Most Haunted Place: UAA’s Wendy Williamson Auditorium in Anchorage

History: It was built in 1973. However, it’s said to contain odd features such as doors that lead to nowhere, unused elevator shafts, and a catwalk that serves no purpose. Other than that, it’s mostly what you’d expect of any college auditorium.

Present Use: Still very much used for the same purpose it was originally built for such as hosting events, lectures, and concerts.

Sightings: It’s said that footsteps and voices are often heard. Ghosts consist of a woman in a white dress, an aggressive man, a teenage boy, a local professor, and children. The aggressive man is reported to shove brunette women down stairwells or pull their hair. There are also reports of flying objects, exploding lights, disembodied voices, shadow figures, water and lights that turn on by themselves, etc.

Anyone Famous?: Well, in a local capacity. It’s said that its namesake John Wendell “Wendy” Williamson haunts there. He was a musician and professor of the school. He’s rumored to play piano in the lobby. Still, his haunting in the building is the most understandable.

Open to Tourists?: Not sure.

Other Haunts: Dimond Center, Red Onion Saloon, Historic Silverbow Inn, Golden North Hotel, Kennecott Copper Mines, West High School in Anchorage, Whittier, Ship Creek, Historic Anchorage Hotel

Arizona

Originally set up to present respectable family entertainment in Tombstone, the Bird Cage Theatre’s original owners soon realized the town economics didn’t support their aspirations. So it was turned to the Old West equivalent to a titty bar with a gambling area and brothel. Said to have 26 people killed in brawls and their spirits are alleged to lurk there to its day. Still, the wax figures make this places look creepy enough from the inside.

Most Haunted Place: Bird Cage Theatre in Tombstone

History: It was a theater, saloon, gambling parlor, and brothel that operated between 1881 and 1889, during the height of the silver boom. Had 14 cribs that hung from the ceiling. Owned by variety performers Lottie and William “Billy” Hutchinson who originally wanted to present respectable family shows like they saw in San Francisco. But the town’s economics didn’t support their aspirations so they basically made it a titty bar for the rough mining crowd. Saw 26 people killed in brawls with 140 bullet holes remaining in the building. Doc Holliday, Wyatt Earp, William Randolph Hearst, Curly Bill Broncius, Diamond Jim Brady, Bat Masterson, and Johnny Ringo all visited there. It wasn’t a place to bring your kids. After it closed in 1892, it wouldn’t be reopened or disturbed until 1934.

Present Use: It’s now a museum and sometimes a movie location.

Sightings: Visitors and staff have reported eerie music, laughter, and shouts echoing through the building as well as ghosts of cowboys and prostitutes. Some have reported they could still smell odors of cigars and whiskey.

Anyone Famous?: Curly Bill Broncius is most likely since he was killed there. And it’s said there were 26 male ghosts at the place.

Open to Tourists?: Yes. Opened year round from 8:00 a.m. until dusk.

Other Haunts: Boot Hill, Copper Queen Hotel, Gadsden Hotel, Monte Vista Hotel, Vulture Mine, NAU’s Morton Hall, Arizona State Prison Complex, Oliver House, Thornton Road Domes, Jerome Grand Hotel, Casey Moore’s Oyster House, Hotel San Carlos, Hermosa Inn, Hotel Congress, Canyon de Chelly, Fox Theatre, Pointe Hilton Tapatio Cliffs Resort, Crowne Plaza San Marcos, Hannagan Meadow Lodge, Hotel St. Michael, Pioneer Hotel, Connor Hotel, Sonoita Inn, El Tovar Hotel, San Xavier del Bac, Bisbee Courthouse, The Weatherford Hotel

Arkansas

Ever since it opened in 1886, the Cresent Hotel in Eureka Springs has mostly been used as a hotel (and still is). However, it did operate as a school for young women in the early 20th century. Not only that, but it had a interesting time as a medical resort under noted quack Norman G. Baker. Let’s just say that guy has a rather interesting story.

Most Haunted Place: The Crescent Hotel and Spa in Eureka Springs

History: Opened in 1886 as a year-round resort hotel for rich people. It had its own in-house orchestra and hosted a lot of dance parties. It also held picnics, hiking, streetcar rides, and popular Tally-ho rides to Sanitarium Lake or some other attraction. Cost was $294,000. From 1908-1934, it was a college for rich girls. And between 1937 and 1940, it was operated as Baker’s Cancer Curing Hospital when it was owned by purple enthusiast, inventor, radio personality, and quack Norman G. Baker. He was later put in prison. In 1967, it was nearly burned to the ground. In 1997, its owner Marty Roenigk died in a car accident. His widow still owns the hotel to this day.

Present Use: It’s still operating as a hotel, but it’s open to everyone willing to pay.

Sightings: Seen as the most haunted hotel in America. It’s said to be haunted by several spirits including a young woman who died falling from the roof, a nurse pushing a gurney, a staff doctor, a stonemason who slipped off the roof, a cancer victim, as well as several former guests and owners.

Anyone Famous?: Well, it’s none other than owner Norman G. Baker. A millionaire entrepreneur, radio broadcaster, and inventor who secured fame as well as state and federal prison terms by promoting a supposed cure for cancer in the 1930s. Created the Tangley calliaphone, which is an air blown musical instrument. Owned a radio station in Iowa and Mexico. He’s probably the white haired one with hypnotic eyes wearing a white suit, lavender tie, and purple shirt. Said to drive an orchid color car and desecrate the Crescent Hotel’s walls with his favorite colors. Also known to be one of the most ruthless quacks in American history as well as a precursor to the radio “shock jock.” Hollywood needs to make a movie about this guy.

Open to Tourists?: Yes. You can even stay there (if you can afford it). You can even get married there if you want, too. They also have ghost tours.

Other Haunts: Fort Chaffee, King Opera House, Prairie Grove Battlefield, McCollum-Chidister Hotel, Powhatan Courthouse, Desha County Courthouse, Old State House, Rush-Gates House

California

While Hollywood is home to the most famous movie stars, Alcatraz Island was home to some of the most notorious criminals during its time as a federal prison. Noted inmates include Al Capone, Robert Stroud (known as “Birdman of Alcatraz”), James “Whitey” Bulger, George “Machine Gun” Kelly, Mickey Cohen, and Alvin “Creepy” Karpis. It’s alleges their spirits haunt the place.

Most Haunted Place: Alcatraz Island in San Francisco

History: It’s a small island with developed facilities for a lighthouse, military fortification, military prison, and federal prison. Named by Spanish explorer Juan Manuel de Ayala who named it La Isla de los Alcatraces or “Island of the Pelicans.” Was also a place for a major Native American protest in 1969-1970. Has the oldest lighthouse on the West Coast which was built in 1846. Was a military garrison in its early years when California was added to the United States and was home to Civil War prisoners as early as 1861. After the war, it was used as a military prison which housed Confederates caught on the West Coast, Hopi men in the 1870s, as well as POWs and conscientious objectors like Philip Grosser. While it was known for being harsh to hardened criminals, it basically functioned in a minimum security capacity during its military prison phase. In the event of the San Francisco Earthquake, it also housed the city’s criminals as well. From 1933-1963, it was designated federal prison which housed Al Capone, Robert Stroud, George “Machine Gun” Kelly, Bumpy Johnson, Puerto Rican terrorist Rafael Miranda, Mickey Cohen, Arthur “Doc” Barker, James “Whitey” Bulger, Roy Gardner, Henri Young, and Alvin “Creepy” Karpis. Also provided housing for the prison staff and families. Saw several escape attempts with the possibility of 5 inmates being successful. It’s best remembered as a federal prison with an infamous reputation. Ceased federal penitentiary operations due to structural deterioration (saltwater damage and corrosion), government budget cuts, rising costs of running the prison, and diminishing security measures.

Present Use: Museum and film site. American Indian groups hold ceremonies there, particularly on Columbus Day and Thanksgiving.

Sightings: People have reported screams, sounds of violent fights, doors slamming, and people being shoved or scratched. C-Block is said to be haunted by a prisoner who was killed in the laundry room. It’s said that James A. Johnston himself is reported to see ghosts there. And prisoners have reported seeing ghosts of Native American prisoners and officials who perished during the American Civil War.

Anyone Famous?: Well, one park ranger claimed he heard Al Capone practicing his banjo in the showers. George “Machine Gun” Kelly and Alvin “Creepy” Karpis have also been sighted. One couple reported hearing canaries from Robert Stroud’s cell (despite that Stroud was never allowed to keep any birds on Alcatraz).

Open to Tourists?: Yes. You can even take a cruise there.

Other Haunts: USS Hornet, Mission San Jose, Preston School of Industry, Hotel Leger, Battery Point Lighthouse, Wolfe Manor, Amargosa Opera House and Hotel, American Idol Mansion, Barney’s Beanery, The Comedy Store, Fort MacArthur, Pico House, Hollywood, Hollywood Forever Cemetery, Chateau Marmont, Lincoln Heights Jail, Linda Vista Community Hospital, Universal Studios, RMS Queen Mary, Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, Vogue Theater, Dominican University of California, Bodie, Point Sur Lighthouse, Tor House and Hawk Tower, National Exchange Hotel, Holbrooke Hotel, Mission San Juan Capistrano, Disneyland, El Adobe de Capistrano, Black Star Canyon, Yost Theater, Mission Inn, Old Sacramento, Hotel de Coronado, Whaley House, Casa de Estudillo, Mission San Miguel, Moss Beach Distillery, La Purisima Mission, Winchester Mystery House, Olivias Adobe, Elizabeth Bard Memorial Hospital, Glen Tavern Inn

Colorado

Estes Park’s Stanley Hotel has a reputation for its haunts that it served as an inspiration for Stephen King’s The Shining. Of course, I’m sure King’s stay at the hotel didn’t lead him to lose his mind and attack his family. But the guy does have a warped imagination.

Most Haunted Place: The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park

History: Originally a hotel for rich people that opened in 1909 and founded by F. O. Stanley who was famous for the Stanley Steamer after he was recommended to go out west due to suffering tuberculosis. Once had a golf course and an ice pond. Stanley also set up the town’s bank as well as developed a sewer, water, and power company. And he’s said to help restore wildlife to the area.

Present Use: It’s still a hotel but it’s also a museum, too. There’s also plans for a horror museum by the way.

Sightings: This place was the original inspiration for Stephen King’s The Shining. Staff and guests often report hearing parties in the empty ballroom as well as someone playing the piano, thought to be the former owner’s wife. One room is said to contain ghosts of children and a housekeeper. Stephen King said he witnessed some of this while on vacation with his family.

Anyone Famous?: Well, F. O. and Flora Stanley are said to appear in formal attire on the main staircase and areas. Another is the Earl of Dunraven who previously owned the land before Stanley.

Open to Tourists?: Yes, if you can afford it.

Other Haunts: Hotel Jerome, Osgood Castle, Pioneer Park, Molly Brown House, Brown Palace Hotel, Central City Masonic Cemetery, St. Cloud Hotel, Imperial Hotel, Cheesman Park, Fitzsimons Army Hospital, Blackhawk, Stage Coach Country Inn, Onaledge

Connecticut

Though originally built as a tuberculosis treatment center for children, Waterford’s Seaside Sanatorium had a reputation for a high suicide rate and abuse while it was a mental institution. Now abandoned, there are plans to tear it down.

Most Haunted Place: Seaside Sanatorium in Waterford

History: Built in in 1934, it was one of the first institution designed for heliotropic treatment of children with tuberculosis. Since the 1940s, it’s been home to several different medical facilities, including an old folk’s home and the most notorious mental institution. The mental asylum exhibited a high suicide rate and was subject to a string of abuse cases. Designed by famous architect Cass Gilbert who also designed the building for the US Supreme Court.

Present Use: Currently none, since it’s been passed through the hands of a few developers from 1996. However, there have been plans to tear the place down (either to replace with condos or a state park). As of today, it remains abandoned and boarded up.

Sightings: There are plenty of apparitions and voices reported there. Spirit orb photos have also been taken.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: The grounds are open to the public, but the building isn’t.

Other Haunts: Bara-Hack, Dudleytown, Hartford Conservatory, New London Ledge Lighthouse, Remington Arms, Union Cemetery, Fairfiled Hills State Hospital, Norwich State Hospital, Little People’s Village, Gunntown Cemetery, Hanna Cranna’s Grave, Penfield Reef Lighthouse, Phelps Mansion, Mansfield Training School, Savoy Hotel and Majestic Theater, Sterling Opera House, Yankee Pedlar Inn, Downs Road, Hookman’s Cemetery, Midnight Mary’s Grave

Delaware

While Fort Delaware experienced military activity as early as the War of 1812, it’s best known for being a Civil War military prison. Continued military operations until after WWII.

Most Haunted Place: Fort Delaware in Pea Patch Island

History: A fortress where its military activity dates back to the War of 1812. It was designed by chief engineer Joseph Gilbert Totten. It was used by the Union Army during the American Civil War as a military prison for Confederate POWs, federal convicts, and privateer officers. It’s said that it held as many as 33,000 prisoners with 2,500 died. Disease was the leading killer. But people did try to escape. In 1878, it had been struck by a massive hurricane that destroyed the south side and partially damaged Trinity Chapel. In 1885, the post-war hospital was struck by a tornado. It continued military operations until 1947.

Present Use: It’s now a living history museum and state park.

Sightings: It’s said that many soldiers from the Civil War still haunt the fort with full body apparitions, footsteps, and voices all widely reported.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Delaware Governor’s Mansion, Cooches Bridge, Belmont Hall, Deer Park Tavern, Camp Arrowhead, Memorial Hall, Dickinson Mansion

Florida

Built in 1927, Jacksonville’s Florida Theatre is said to be one of only 4 high style movie palaces in the state. Now it’s a live theater and event center. Best known performance there was an Elvis Presley concert.

Most Haunted Place: Florida Theatre in Jacksonville

History: Built in 1927 and is said to be one of only 4 remaining high style movie palaces in the state. However, it later ceased operations as a movie house though but they also used it for live events, too. It’s said that even Elvis Presley performed there once in the 1950s.

Present Use: Used as a performance venue where they hold concerts and shows.

Sightings: It’s said that there were as many as 50 spirits reported there.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes, but you won’t be able to see any movies there.

Other Haunts: Casa Monica Hotel, Bitmore Hotel, Fort Cooper, Leaf Theater, Veda Mound, University of South Florida Library, Ponce de Leon Hotel, Boston House, Royalty Theater, Orange Blossom Trail, Old Amelia Island Jail, Gibson Inn, Old Polk County Courthouse, Twin Ponds, Black Creek Cemetery, Coon Hill Cemetery, Krome Insane Asylum, Miami River Inn, Curtis Mansion, Oviedo, Sunland Hospital, Crampton Brewery, Timberchase Apartments, Harder Hall, Al Capone’s House, Anastasia Island Lighthouse, St. Francis Inn, Florida Sunshine Skyway Bridge, Umatilla Cemetery, Annie Russell Theatre

Georgia

The Kennesaw House has served a variety of purposes in its operation. Originally built as a warehouse, it was used as a hotel, Civil War hospital, shops, offices, and a restaurant. Today it’s the Marietta Museum of History.

Most Haunted Place: Kennesaw House in Marietta

History: One of the town’s oldest buildings which was constructed in 1845. Though it was intended to be a cotton warehouse, it was turned into a hotel in 1855. Was where the Great Locomotive Chase began in 1862. During the American Civil War, it served as a Confederate hospital and was spared from Sherman’s Atlanta Campaign mainly because the owner was a Mason and his son-in-law was a Union spy. It was taken over by the Union Army instead (but the 4^th floor did catch fire). In 1920, the first floor was converted into retail shops until 1979, when the top floors were converted into offices and the bottom became the Brickworks restaurant. The building would soon be turned over to the Marietta Museum of History who owns it to this day.

Present Use: Now houses the Marietta Museum of History.

Sightings: Hundreds of wounded Confederate soldiers have been reported to still haunt the place. One tells how a group in an elevator somehow ended up stopping at the basement where they saw soldiers in their hospital beds.

Anyone Famous?: No.

Open to Tourists?: Yes.

Other Haunts: Moon River Brewing Company, Springer Opera House, Colonial Park Cemetery, Sorrell-Weed House, Savannah’s Madison Square, Bonaventure Cemetery, Old Candler Hospital, Perkins & Sons Candlery, Old Pink House, Marshall House, Kehoe House, Willis-Jones House, Windsor Hotel, Booth House, Hay House, Ansley Park

Rules for Dealing with Wild Animals

Posted by historymaniacmegan on August 4, 2015

1. Wild animals are not your friends. Do not treat them like pets or your buddies. The guy from Grizzly Man learned that lesson the hard way.

I’m sure any other situation involving a grizzly at the dinner table is bound to end horribly. Yes, old Bearikins may soon have the best Thanksgiving of his life. Everyone else will probably have their last.

2. Unless handling wild animals is part of your job, keep a reasonable distance from them and interfere with their lives as little as possible. If you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you.

3. Avoid close contact with wild animals whenever possible. Never approach them under any circumstances. Do not touch or try to hold them. But if you must and it’s safe enough, always wear gloves, particularly a pair you’d find at the hardware store (garden gloves come to mind). Get too close to a wild animal and it will attack you.

4. Do not make a wild animal feel threatened or stressed. A threatened or stressed animal is a dangerous animal and will attack you.

5. Do not disturb, chase, startle, anger, tease, or harass a wild animal. All you’ll do is provoke the wild animal into feeling threatened and it will attack you. If you do this, you are a moron and deserve no sympathy for what happened to you. Such actions are especially stupid if the wild animal isn’t alone, particularly if accompanied by offspring. Whatever you do, do not be a dick to wild animals under any circumstances. Unlike humans in society where assholes are tolerated, wild animal will absolutely not tolerate your dickishness toward them and won’t give a shit about sending you to the emergency room.

6. Though baby wild animals may be cute and cuddly, do not go anywhere near them, touch them, or try to hold them. Trying to pick up a baby wild animal is an easy way to get its parents to attack you and they’re usually not far behind. If you do this, you are an idiot. If there’s a chance that a baby wild animal is an orphan, observe it for 24 hours to make sure the animal is truly alone. If their parents don’t show up within that time period, call animal control. Don’t ever try to raise it yourself unless you really know what you’re doing (by that I mean if dealing with animals is part of your job). For particular animals follow these steps:

Awww, look at the cute cougar babies. Don’t their faces just make you want to take one of them home with you? But remember that trying to pet or hold one of these adorable cubs is a quick way for its mother to send you to the ER and/or ICU. Yeah, you’d be an idiot to try to get one of these adorable kitties.

a. Birds: Pick up the bird with gloved hands and try to return it back in its nest. If you can’t, make one by putting leaves, grass, or soft cloth into a small box and place it where you found the bird. Observed for 24 hours to see if it’s cared for. If not, then call animal control. However, if a baby bird has all its feathers and resembles a miniature adult, leave it alone. It’s a fledgling who has permanently left the nest. The parents are watching them from trees and bringing it food.

b. Ducklings/Goslings: With gloved hands, place the bird as close to the flock as you can. If the flock accepts the duckling/gosling, everything should be fine. If not, call animal control.

c. Deer Fawns: Fawns are often left alone while their parents forage. But if the fawn looks cold, hungry, diseased, confused, or threatened, call animal control.

d. Rabbits: If the baby rabbit is at least 4-5 inches long, has fur, open eyes, and hopping around, leave it alone. It’s old enough to be out of the nest. If not, then take it to the nest but hold it with gloved hands. If the nest has been dug up and there are surviving rabbits, place it back into the hole with gloved hands, cover them with the nesting materials (which should consist of grass and fur). Observe for 24-48 hours. If a parent doesn’t return and you’re sure it’s abandoned, call animal control.

7. Do not feed wild animals or leave any food out for them (except bird feeders). All this does is encourage close contact that gets them too used to people as well as increases the potential for predators, accidents, and attacks. A wild animal that’s lost its natural fear for humans is more aggressive and dangerous, especially when hungry. Also makes them fat and sometimes dependent on such food that some may never learn to find native food on their own. Use proper garbage disposal and food storage as well as treat garbage as you’d treat food. Keep a clean camp and wash all cooking and eating equipment after use (as well as change clothes after dinner if you’re the one cooking it). Nevertheless, despite what pop culture tells you, it’s generally seen a bad idea to feed bread crumbs to birds, especially geese and ducks.

There’s a reason why feeding wild animals is illegal. Essentially it gets them too used to people which can lead to attracting other animals as well as attacks. A wild animal that’s lost its fear of humans is dangerous and more aggressive, especially when hungry. While camping, always use proper food storage and garbage disposal as well as keep a clean camp.

8. Be familiar with wild animals and how they normally act. This table gives you plenty of the reliable information you need on normal wild animal behavior.

9. If you see an injured animal, call animal control and observe it until help arrives. Do not try to help it unless it’s safe to do so. Potential dangers include being scratched, bitten, and/or exposed to disease. But be warned that injured wild animals are often scared and may be aggressive when approached. You may also lead the wounded animal to injure itself.

a. If the wild animal is ensnared, trapped, tangled, do not try to fee the animal yourself. It is probably stressed and could be aggressive. Just call animal control to report its location and take pictures of the scene if possible.

b. If it’s safe to touch it, pick up the wild animal to contain it using gloved hands under these steps, if it needs transported to a wildlife rehab center:

i. Line a box with holes or a pet carrier with clean, soft cloth, grasses, and other suitable bedding materials (like shredded newspaper).

ii. With gloved hands, place the animal in the container.

iii. Place the container on a heating pad set to its lowest setting, or wrap a bottle of hot water in a towel and place it in a container for warmth.

iv. Secure the container so the animal can’t jump out, which might cause further injury.

v. Keep the container in a quiet, dark place. Do not feed or water the animal.

10. If you run into close contact with a wild animal, please accord to the following:

Yes, I’m sure Smokey the Bear is more intense in person. Nevertheless, when you encounter a bear, remain calm, give it a way to escape, and slowly and quietly back away. Don’t make eye contact, don’t run, and try to look intimidating. If all else fails, use bear pepper spray.

a. Don’t Panic: Panicking can often lead a wild animal to misinterpret your conduct as an offensive action and take a defensive stance in self-defense (like attack you). Most wild animals won’t attack you unless they feel threatened, have young, or injured/sick. Remain calm, even if you have to take a deep breath.

b. Give the Animal a Way to Escape: If a wild animal has a way to leave or escape the area, it will do so. This is one of the sanest and safest actions you can do, especially if the animal is a large mother with babies. Cornering the animal and having to fight it is not just dangerous, but also highly stupid. This is especially the case if the animal is bear, mountain lion, or an adult moose in which a fight could mean a very long trip to the ER or the ICU, if you’re lucky. If not, then death and a very stupid one at that. These animals are bigger, stronger, as well as have claws, strong teeth, hooves or horns to defend themselves. So avoiding a fight with a wild animal is just common sense.

c. Slowly and Quietly Back Away: Do this while keeping an eye on the wild animal until you are safely away. The more distance between you and the animal, the better. Try to avoid eye contact if possible. Any sudden moves might startle the animal into defensive action. Running may provoke some animals to chase you and you can never outrun them. Also, only climb a tree only if you’re sure the animal can’t and only when it’s far away. Only use active defense as a last resort like mace or bear spray.

d. For specific wild animals, please follow these guidelines:

i. Coyote/Wolf: Use a loud and authoritative voice to frighten the animal. Throw rocks near the animal (but not at them) and become as threatening as possible. This will show dominance and intimidate them. As for wolves, you might want to keep your eyes cast downward and your mouth closed. If it bites, don’t yank it away but try to make it gag or do something to break its clamped jaw. However, a healthy wolf won’t usually attack people. And most usually attack either due to extreme hunger or disease.

ii. Snake: Remain calm and still until it’s gone. Keep any pets and children close to your side. Step backwards slowly, and only turn your back when you are more than 6 feet away from the snake. Fortunately, they’d rather avoid lashing out and will let you know when they feel threatened. However, whatever you do, do not throw anything in an attempt to kill it or else it will move quickly and strike fiercely.

iii. Bear: Control your pets/kids. Quiet any noise making or aggressive movements. Do not run. Avoid looking like prey. Make yourself look intimidating by waving arms and making noises. The bear should quickly leave the area. If it’s a Grizzly, try to cover your head and the back of your neck with your hands either in a fetal position or lying flat and don’t make eye contact. If that doesn’t work, you might want to climb a tree, make noise, and grab the bear spray. If it’s a Black Bear, don’t climb a tree.

iv. Opossum: An opossum is usually docile and won’t attack unless provoked or cornered. Keep pets on short leashes and get out of the area as quickly as possible.

v. Deer: Deer don’t generally pose a threat unless they feel threatened themselves. Keep pets close to you as you walk past them. They should move along. If they make any aggressive movements or sounds, turn away and leave the area.

vi. Mountain Lion: Don’t run, turn your back, and crouch down. Stand tall and authoritatively, make eye contact, use a calm and firm voice, and slowly back away to make sure you aren’t a threat to their safety. If that doesn’t convince the animal to leave, try to scare it off. If it attacks, fight it with everything you got.

vii. Moose: If it looks upset, try to hide behind something big and not too bushy. But leave room to run if the moose continues the chase. Fortunately, most moose attacks are “bluff attacks” that tend to be over before they begin.

viii. Crocodile/Alligator: Avoid croc/gator infested waters as much as possible. If one approaches you, run away as much as possible. If it attacks you, fight back but be sure to hit the eyes, nostrils, or ears. If it bites and you have escaped, seek medical help immediately.

11. If you see a wild animal acting outside its normal behavior stay the hell away from them and find shelter as quickly as possible before calling animal control (especially if the animal is acting disoriented, confused, or shows unprovoked aggressiveness). Make sure your kids and pets are inside as well. Don’t try to help it in any way because a sick animal may not be in its right mind and can be very dangerous. This might be especially obvious if its frothing at the mouth, but sometimes even just bizarre or unprovoked aggressive behavior can be enough. If you, your kids, or your pets aren’t so lucky, follow these steps:

Of course, I’m sure this raccoon doesn’t since it looks relatively normal. However, yeah, raccoons do tend to be carriers of all kinds of diseases. If you see one showing unprovoked aggression, call animal control and seek shelter immediately.

a. You, Children, and Other Humans: Either get to a hospital or call 9/11 for an ambulance if the wound is bleeding seriously or if you suspect that the animal might have rabies. If you aren’t sure it’s serious, call your doctor or animal control. Call animal control to remove the animal if it’s still at the premises and have it tested for rabies and other diseases. Wash minor wounds (like scratches) under running water and apply antibiotic ointment and dressing. Also, you might want to be up to date on vaccinations, just to be safe. If it’s a snakebite, call 9/11 for an ambulance, gently wash the injury, splint bitten extremities, and keep the area at approximately the level of the heart. Keep the person calm (if it’s not you). Don’t cut, suck, apply a constricting band, or apply cold to a bit from a pit viper (like a rattlesnake, copperhead, or cottonmouth). For a bite from an elapid snake (like a coral snake), apply an elastic roller bandage after washing the wound.

b. Pets: Using gloved hands, wash the wounds with a hose. Don’t touch the wounds with your bare hands. Immediately call the vet, even if the wound doesn’t seem serious. If the wild animal is still present, call animal control to remove it. Have your pet re-vaccinated immediately, even if its vaccinations are up to date. If expired, your pet may be held for observation. Also, remember that your pets can’t be treated after they’ve been infected with rabies so its important to keep their vaccinations up to date.

12.Try to keep pets from chasing or harassing wild animals as much as possible. Also, keep children close and within your immediate sight at all times outdoors (especially when the nearest shelter is a long distance away. If you’re at home, just keep the small children accompanied. But keep at least one door unlocked in the house {particularly the backdoor} and teach your school age children about common sense). Never leave small children alone with a wild animal regardless of its demeanor.

13. Avoid carcasses in wilderness areas as much as possible (and by that I mean hiking trails, forests, parks, campgrounds, and nature reserves). Report dead animals to the nearest ranger station or animal control. After all, any animal carcass you find in the wilderness could easily be a carnivore’s leftover lunch. Some animals are known to defend their food sources violently and won’t be happy to see you disturb them.

14. Don’t hike alone or at night. Wild animals are less likely to attack groups than solo hikers, since groups are less noisy. Also, while many animals can be active at any time a lot of them are active at dawn, dusk, or night.

Many wild animals tend to be active at night like this opossum. Of course, this might explain why I have often found so many of their carcasses on roadsides. Also explains why I find deer tracks on the roads during some of my morning walks.

15. While hiking, stay on the trails at all times and travel quietly if need be. As long as you stay away from a wild animal’s habitat, it will not bother you. However, make noise if it’s in bear country, especially when traveling upwind, near streams and waterfalls, or when you can’t see the path ahead. Remember that you are on their turf and you need to respect that, especially since there are a lot animals that can be rather territorial. Yeah, you’d want to keep off their lawn, indeed.

16. Be alert for any possible sign of wild animals nearby such as droppings, diggings, footprints, scratch marks, rocks rolled over, or tree logs torn apart. Also be careful not to step directly on rocks or logs for you don’t want to anger a poisonous snake.

17. When traveling by foot, let someone know where you’re going and when you plan to return. Also, travel with a cell phone and first aid kit at all times as well as keep your pet on a leash.

18. Whenever in a recreational area, always follow local regulations. Always listen to park rangers and game wardens as well as follow their advice.

19. Be familiar with the types of wild animals in your geographical location and know how to avoid getting attacked by them.

20. Be familiar with wild animals’ sex and reproduction cycles and behaviors, particularly mating and birthing seasons. Also pay attention on their familial patterns. Some species may be monogamous while others may not. But it’s not unusual for some animals to be more aggressive and less fearless during their mating seasons (often in the fall), particularly if they’re males trying to mate with as many females as possible (though females during this time aren’t exactly docile either). And it’s not uncommon for female animals to be quite aggressive while raising their young, especially if she’s rearing them alone. Let’s just say the rutting season is basically Pon Farr for deer, which makes them especially dangerous around this time, particularly antlered males.

During the mating seasons, wild animals can be more aggressive than usual, particularly if they’re stag males or males trying to mate with as many females as possible. For some, to say that comparing their mating seasons to Pon Farr isn’t much of a stretch. This is especially the case with the deer rut in which the male antlered deer compete with each other for mates through sparing. And yes, the fights can get particularly nasty.

21. Just because an animal won’t or can’t eat you, don’t assume it won’t hurt you. There’s a reason why predators tend to prey on the most vulnerable of any given herd. They know that trying to take down the strongest animals for meat is a quick way to get severely injured or killed. Not to mention, anyone who’s had regular contact with domesticated livestock will know of at least one incident of a temperamental cow or horse sending someone to the emergency room. So just because the wild animal in question is a vegetarian, don’t assume that it’s cute, cuddly, and friendly. Because there are plenty of large herbivores that are extremely territorial and will kill you deader than dead. Hippos are among the most dangerous animals in Africa along with elephants, cape buffalo, rhinos, and giraffes (which can kill lions with their kicks). In North America, moose and bison are said to attack and kill more people than bears and wolves. Also, take into account that the vast majority of unprovoked bird attacks on people are from herbivorous birds. Thus, remember that an animal doesn’t need to be hungry to want to kill you.

If you think that the most dangerous wild animals are predators, think again. Herbivores can be just as nasty. For instance, while deer are seen as the gentle giants of the forest, they’re actually extremely dangerous, especially during rutting season. I call this picture Bambi’s Revenge. Yes, he will pay dearly.

22. Just because an wild animal seems friendly as well as fluffy and adorable, don’t assume it won’t hurt you. It may not look dangerous, but even the friendliest wild animals can turn pretty unfriendly pretty damn fast. And many of the most adorable and harmless looking creatures can be anything but, especially if you do something to piss them off. You may laugh during the killer rabbit scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but remember that real wild rabbits can be anything but sweet, innocent, and docile.

Real rabbits may not be as lethal as you might see in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. But they are hardly docile creatures and their teeth can inflict quite a bit of damage. It’s said that male rabbits will rape and castrate rival males to secure breeding rights. They also headbutt and their kicks pack quite a bit of power for their size. Unfortunately, for this cat, I’m afraid the Holy Hand Grenade at Antioch wasn’t at its disposal.

23. If you see a large wild animal on the road while driving, make sure you give them the right of way by slowing down and stopping at a reasonable distance. They’ll usually be quick about crossing the street. Nevertheless, please drive carefully and not hit something. Not only will you avoid a crash and save your life but you won’t risk the animal’s life either. And the bigger the animal, the worse the consequences will be if you hit it.

Large wild animals can pose serious traffic problems. Thus, if you see any large wild animal on the road, remember to slow down and give it the right of way. Let’s just say it’ll save your life. Here’s some more tips about sharing the road with wild animals.

24. Any wild animal with utterly zero fear of humans isn’t one you’d want to run into, especially if it has a really nasty temper. Wild animals that aren’t afraid of humans are less likely to run away at close range, which is very bad and most of the time aren’t friendly at all.

25. Don’t ever try to domesticate a wild animal no matter how cute or seemingly docile it may be. Yes, you might hear all the stories about how people raised wild animals in their homes. But there’s a reason why wild animals don’t make great pets despite how and cuddly some of them may be. Think about it.

Yes, raccoons are adorable, I get it. But if we could successfully domesticate, we certainly would keep them as pets. Unfortunately, while raccoons have no fear of humans, they have really, really nasty tempers and their teeth and claws can kill pets as well as send people to the emergency room. They’re also the biggest carrier of rabies in North America. So no, they don’t make very good pets whatsoever. Too bad the Japanese didn’t learn from the Americans on this which gave rise to raccoon infestation in their country. This was because of an anime raccoon gave rise to a fad of keeping these animals as pets. Seriously, Japan, stop being suckers for cuteness!

26. Remember that animal control is your friend. If you see wild animal acting weird and aren’t sure what to do, call them. They will know what’s going on and will go in if there’s a nuisance.

27. Despite what you might see in popular media pertaining to wild animals, don’t assume that they behave that way in real life. This is especially the case with seemingly sweet and innocent animals presented as cute, fluffy, and adorable. Nor should you assume that all animals exist in harmony and wholesomeness (which for those who’ve seen the PBS show Nature, it’s certainly not the case since it’s guaranteed to feature animals mating and killing things in most episodes. This is especially the case when a predator is the featured animal on the episode).

28. If a small wild animal is found in your house, open your doors to let it out. The sooner you give it a way to escape the better. However, if it bites you, keep it inside and call animal control because it might need to be tested for disease.

29. If you want to take a picture of a wild animal at close range, remember that cameras are equipped with zoom lenses. So take advantage of that.

When you want to take pictures of animals, remember to keep a reasonable distance and use the zoom lens. Of course, I’m not sure about this guy’s situation. I mean birds can fly pretty fast.

30. Never take your pets camping or hiking with you, especially if it’s in an area with wolves or other predators. Thus, your pet might become a liability since they’re more vulnerable to animal attacks than humans. There’s a reason why pets aren’t allowed in National Parks and other recreation areas.

31. Remember that just because an animal looks like it’s suffering and needs to be rescued, doesn’t necessarily mean you should interfere. Sometimes it’s best to let nature do its thing and leave it alone, especially if it can be some predator’s tasty meal or your pet’s. So you might not want to bother with Fido killing that baby bunny.

32. Remember that even if you do everything right, this doesn’t guarantee that you won’t attract a wild animal’s attention. Any action you make can make an animal feel threatened or startled, even if you don’t intend to do so. Even wildlife experts have experienced this.

33. Be aware that just because a normally nocturnal animal is active during the day, doesn’t mean it’s “sick” especially if it’s just minding its own business. They may be out during the day for several reasons such as looking for food, during spring and early summer when they’re out looking for food for their young, being habituated in their environment and the people around them, or simply going from one place to another. So if you see a raccoon out during the day and acting like any typical raccoon would otherwise, then leave it alone. It probably doesn’t have rabies.

Though raccoons are better known for being active at night, it’s not uncommon for some to be out in the daytime. So if a raccoon is out and about during the day and doesn’t seem to show any other abnormal behavior, it’s probably not rabies.

34. If you see a wild animal with young, stay the hell away from them. Even the friendliest wild animals can be especially ferocious when it comes to protecting their kids. Mess with any wild animal parent and their kids and you’ll be in for a world of pain.

For the love of God, if you get between a mama bear and her cubs, you will be in for a world of pain. And no, I’m not exaggerating. Do not go anywhere near a bear and her cubs. Seriously, you will live to regret it in the emergency room, if you’re lucky.

35. Just because an wild animal is cute, doesn’t mean it’s nice and wants you to touch it, especially if it’s a baby or juvenile.

36. When hiking, walking, or traveling in a recreational area or anywhere else, stay out of wildlife areas you know are dangerous.

37. Just because you don’t see wild animals, don’t assume that they aren’t close by. Sometimes wild animals will pop up around times when you’re least likely to see them (like during the night).

38. Small wild animals may not be as dangerous as their larger counterparts, but don’t assume that they won’t hurt you. Because even they can be quite vicious if they feel they need to. And there are plenty of animals willing to take on anybody several times their size like rabbits.

39. Unless you’re hunting, then avoid carrying a firearm outdoors, despite what your NRA gun nut neighbor may say. If firing a gun doesn’t instantly kill the wild animal, then it will get even more enraged and attack you. When in close contact with a wild animal, the last thing you want is to make it madder, especially if it’s a predator. For instance, 50 percent of those who use a firearm against a grizzly end up being severely mauled.” Use bear pepper spray instead, which will greatly inhibit its ability to fight.

Unless you intend to hunt at the wilderness recreation area, then leave your guns at home. Of course, you won’t see a bear with a handgun. However, unless you kill it at the first shot, shooting at a wild animal will just make it madder and willing to attack. It’s a reason why firearms are banned in many parks and for good reason. Use bear pepper spray or mace instead.

40. If you’re in a wilderness in an outdoor recreation area you’re not familiar with, consider hiring a guide if you can afford it. At least a guide will know what to do. If you can’t, then consider getting a map and/or guidebook. Better yet, buy the map and guidebook first before hiring the guide.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Fourth Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 28, 2015

I know I’ve posted a few of these postcard posts since last summer. But since summer is the time for vacation and I’m going to Richmond in August to see my sister, I thought such an occasion would be rather appropriate. Nevertheless, you can tell a lot about an area by the kind of postcards they sell as well as what they value. And in some ways, there are some vintage postcards that might not hold up as well as thy might’ve during the 1950s. This is especially true when it comes to any postcard showing the Confederate flag or tobacco from the American South. Not to mention, there are plenty of postcards that can be just outright weird as you might see in Florida. Of course, there’s a reason why many of these postcards tend to be unintentionally funny as well as tacky. So if you can’t go on vacation this summer, then enjoy yourself to some of these wonderfully tacky postcards from a more simpler time (well, not really).

1. Here in Kentucky is a portrait of an angel anointing the musical songwriter Stephen Foster.

Sorry, Kentucky, but though Stephen Foster wrote “My Old Kentucky Home,” he was from Pittsburgh. Also, didn’t he also write songs for blackface minstrel shows? I think he did. He also wrote the mustache song featured in A Million Ways to Die in the West. Really.

2. Get yourself set for a photo op at the Confederate Anchor and Chain in Columbus, Kentucky.

Hmm…seems like this might not be as innocent a hangout place as it’s depicted. Also, I’m sure all the women are looking at the guy on top who’s all too happy to imagine what it’d be like to bang all three of them.

3. Greetings from Kansas, where they have big boulders.

From the card: “MUSHROOM PARK. West of Salina, near Kanopolis Dam is Mushroom Park. This park features beautiful scenery and curious rock formations. It is of historical interest, as early day stage coach trails were near this park until they were forced out by hostile Indians.” Yet, you have to wonder about the strategically placed children in this one. Also, I’m sure the Indians had a good reason to be hostile since they were there first.

4. Welcome to the Red Slipper, from your scantily clad Wild West whore.

Something about this picture tells me that The Red Slipper isn’t a family establishment. Must be the woman in the bright red get up and fishnet stockings. Yeah, I get the impression she’s either a cocktail waitress or table dancer.

5. For this chef, nothing makes a great meal than a large hunk of steak.

From the card: “A picturesque view of George Diamond preparing a steak before one of his open charcoal broilers. A full steak dinner starts at $1.95.” Picturesque, really? Still, $1.95 for a steak dinner like that ain’t bad. But I think the chef seems to be enjoying himself a bit too much.

6. This chimp is currently chilling in his easy chair.

Yes, he’s taking it all in stride not letting anything worry him. Must be great being a chimp in Florida to do these photo ops.

7. While some dolls were made to look cute, some can really terrify the hell out of you.

With that pale mouth and the soulless eyes, I’m sure this doll is bound to give Chucky a run for his money. Seriously, if he had his way, he could kill you in your sleep or nightmares.

8. Hmmm….Frankenstein’s monster doesn’t look too happy in this take.

Hate to break it to you, but that Frankenstein’s monster looks nowhere near like Boris Karloff. Just some large square head guy who’s spent too much time on the beach. And might be into kinky stuff.

9. “Try catching a fish at this high, Flipper.”

I don’t know but I’m not so worried about the dolphin as I’m scared for the trainer. Seriously, how high is that guy? Or what will happen to him if he slips and falls? I mean that can’t be safe.

10. When it comes to sharing whiskey in your pajamas, sometimes you need to demonstrate your ability with a rod and the reel.

Now this is supposed to be an advertisement for pajamas featuring a father and son. But when I see it, they seem like two bros hanging out, enjoying each other’s company, gazing in each other’s eyes… Oh, wait a minute. Then again, whatever happens on fishing trips, stays on fishing trips.

11. “Aaaah, there’s an Indian in my house scalping my husband!”

I know I’m supposed to be scared by such a scene. But the white settlers look so cartoonish that I can’t take it seriously. Of course, I have a feeling that the Indian in question really wants theses helpless white settlers to get off his lawn.

12. At Marineland of the Pacific, you can see dolphins catching fish from sailors’ mouths.

Not sure if the other dolphin wants one or is just thinking how ridiculous such stunt is. Yeah, I’m no fan of mouth to mouth feedings either.

13. For every woman in Maine, a lobster is a girl’s best friend.

“Oh, Herman, your large claws and red exoskeleton makes me mad with desire. I just can’t bear the thought of seeing you thrown into a pot of hot boiling water. Or tourists eating your insides while wearing their souvenir lobster bibs. Oh, please don’t leave me!”

14. Vote Barfield and Shepheard for City Council, which they’ll make everybody’s business.

For those who plan running for office: when scheduling photo ops, remember not to have one the morning after the Preferred Campaign Donors’ Booze Cruise. Yeah, you don’t want to be seen hungover.

15. Back in the day, small appliances were so rugged and macho such as the Powerflow Hairdryer.

Yes, this is a hair dryer. No, it's not some kind of scanner or phaser of any kind. And no, I don't think it has a laser. So why are any of you asking these questions?

Yes, this is a hair dryer. No, it’s not some kind of scanner or phaser of any kind. And no, I don’t think it has a laser. This isn’t a piece of Star Trek technology here. So why are any of you asking these questions?

16. “Look, Mommy, that’s a Silversword plant, only known to Hawaii.”

From another card: “The SILVERSWORD—a member of the composit family, grows from 4 to 20 years—finally sending up a flower stalk 1 to 9 feet tall—then dies. Hawaiian name is “Ahina Ahina” which means Silver Hair. The Silversword is found only in Hawaii.“ Yeah, it’s a real plant, but I’m sure your folks back home might see it as a prank. Seriously, this is one of the most phallic Hawaiian plants I’ve ever seen.

17. “Travel is so broadening.”

Yes, these are two dogs in the bar and drinking booze. Yes, I know it’s supposed to be romantic and adorable. However, I’m not sure if the lady dog is up for what the guy dog is hinting at.

18. “Ah! Sweet misery of love.”

I don’t know about you. But it seems to me that these dogs don’t seem like they’re madly in love with each other. Rather, they seem bored and wishing the whole party would be over.

19. Hangover this morning? Drink Kona Coffee Grog.

Oh wait, Kona Coffee Grog is a name of a Fort Lauderdale restaurant. Still, this drink seems to resemble a Mai-Tai cocktail than anything else. Also, they have a Mystery Bowl drink, which I really don't want to know.

Oh wait, Kona Coffee Grog is a name of a Fort Lauderdale restaurant and bar. Still, this drink seems to resemble a Mai-Tai cocktail than anything else. Also, they have a Mystery Bowl drink, which I really don’t want to know.

20. “We miss you from Anna Maria, Florida.”

Seems like Anna Maria, Florida has a lot of alligator-on-woman action at its beaches. Still, no matter how ferocious the gator is, the lady in red still smiles. Well, until she finds out she’s dinner anyway.

21. Come to the National Civil War Museum in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania where you can see a display of John Brown’s execution for his raid on Harper’s Ferry in present day West Virginia.

Man, John Brown doesn’t seem to have much fashion sense does he? Still, I know the man’s execution was a rather harrowing and somber event. But I just can’t take this somber display seriously for some reason.

22. Welcome to Kalkaska, Michigan, home of the National Trout Festival.

Hate to say this, but I think the trout would look better without the lighting. Seriously, this fountain trout looks terrifying in the night light. Like it’s some kind of water monster.

23. Seems like there’s a dolphin rapture or they’re working for some evil old guy.

“Fly, fly, my pretties! The first to get that kid who stole my lawn mower gets these free fish!” Well, at least they’re not flying monkeys. Those were terrifying.

24. Let’s just say, I don’t think wax museums should cover certain events pertaining to solemn events like the Battle of Little Big Horn.

Custer’s eyes just ruin any of the solemnity the event this museum was trying to create. I mean Custer looks like a freaking zombie that it’s hilarious.

25. John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson receive guidance from George Washington.

Man, I can’t help but wonder whether Ben Franklin and George Washington are wearing eyeliner in this or not. Of course, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson really don’t seem to get along at the moment. Seems like Jefferson hasn’t been having a good day at all.

26. May I present to you Bubbles the Seahorse.

Seems like this woman is choking the poor seahorse. And she’s enjoying it! Seriously, let’s hope it’s just some kinky erotic asphyxiation and not anything sinister. Always look on the bright side of things.

27. Welcome to Homosassa Springs.

Guess one of the items on Governor Rick Scott's agenda is to change the place's name to Heterasassa Springs. Still doesn't incite the same kind of giggles. Even funny how it shows a woman with orchids. As if there's nothing gay going on there, really.

Guess one of the items on Governor Rick Scott’s agenda is to change the place’s name to Heterasassa Springs. Still when I hear of Homosassa Springs, I don’t imagine a pretty girl holding orchids. Well, unless she’s buying them for her girlfriend at the Bull Dyke Bar and Grille.

28. “Brad, it’s our anniversary, I don’t want to wear the wig tonight, okay?”

Yeah, I know this is supposed to be one of these cute animal postcards. But somehow, I’m not sure Fifi would want us making fun of her style job. Maybe she should opt for a more natural look.

29. “This next song I’m going to play is called ‘Monkey Business’ from the album Bananas.”

However, I’m sure such a postcard wouldn’t go well with the members of the Rolling Stones, Ron Wood and Keith Richards in particular. Then again, he kind of looks like Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters.

30. The First Baptist Church of Van Nuys presents the Living Christmas Tree.

Well, I’m sure churches tend to get tired of staging the same boring Christmas pageant year after year. Could you really blame these people for wanting to try something a bit different? But yeah, it’s pretty much over the top and ridiculous. Oh, and yes it does seem like something a cult would do. But what do you know.

31. Come to Florida for the sun, fun, and beauty.

Well, she has some fun and sun all right. But I’m not sure she’s a beauty per se, though some may beg to differ. Still, what the hell is she doing? Water in her ears? Practicing rain dance? Throwing a discus?

32. While dolphins are seen as lovable creatures in Florida, I’m not so sure if you’d say the same at Niagara Falls.

Yes, Bucky wasn’t the kind of friendly dolphin at the aquarium and didn’t care for people much. Well, unless he was allowed to murder and eat them. Still, that is the most evil looking dolphin I’ve ever seen.

33. Come to Josephine Tussaud’s London Wax Museum in St. Petersburg, Florida and relive the time when Jack Ruby shot Lee Harvey Oswald in front of the cameras.

Now I’m not sure why anyone would want a wax display of such a scene. Still, Oswald looks like he’s about to break into song and dance. Or possibly auditioning as a zombie for Michael Jackson’s Thriller album.

34. “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Seems like this museum has managed to make Neil Armstrong quite terrifying in his space suit. Of course, the soft space suit and claw hands don’t help either.

35. Seems like Jesus likes to spend time chilling with this brethren.

I don’t know about you but this Jesus seems like he’s been passing a sacred joint to his disciples and saying, “Take this, all of you and smoke it. This is, uh, never mind. But don’t Bogart it and that means you, Judas Iscariot.” Yes, this is the closest thing we have to a Stoner Jesus.

36. An average catch in this lake is bound to devour a man.

Now that fish is obviously photoshopped in this picture. Seriously, it looks painted. Besides, I think this is from a place that’s quite desperate for some tourism. I’m sure the fish there aren’t that big.

37. Seems like this Totem Pole has an eye out for women to smooch.

“Honey, drop the camera and run! It’s going to suck all your blood!” After this moment, Greta would never be seen again, until her corpse was found on some roadside. Yes, that totem was cursed.

38. Come to Death Valley and see the Ghost Riders in the Sky.

Looks more like some depressing Christmas card to me. Still, the ghost riders don’t seem as menacing in this postcard as they do in the hit Johnny Cash song.

39. “Welcome to our hair salon. Our stylists are among the best of the biz.”

Yes, it’s a hair salon. But it sort of has an atmosphere one would associate with an insane asylum. May because almost everyone is dressed in white and everything looks so clean. I think I’d rather stick with my own stylists, thank you very much.

40. “After all these years, I’m still not sure how I ended up a snake dentist.”

Of course, if he was seen talking to Snakes in the wizarding world of Harry Potter, I’m sure it wouldn’t go well. Seriously, read the Chamber of Secrets when Harry spoke to one in front of some of his fellow students.

41. At the Madonna Inn, we’re sure this poppy room is guaranteed to put you to sleep.

This is called, “The California Poppy Room.” From the card: “The lavish use of our State flower is applauded by all nature lovers…and we agree that the Poppy is beautiful!” Yes, but do they also know what comes from poppies? It’s not something that has a good reputation.

42. Seems like royal coronation ceremonies have become quite a bit informal these days.

I’m sure no queen in her right mind would want to attend her own coronation ceremony in a plaid skirt and beige sweater. Even kings wear more elaborate outfits than that.

43. The Weeki Wachee Mermaids present Alice in Waterland.

Now by looking at these ladies, I’m sure their rendition of the Lewis Carroll tale is far more trippier than the Disney movie. Also, I’d hate to be the Mad Hatter in this.

44. LBJ says: “Let us reason together.”

Which means he’ll probably try to get you to agree with him in any way he can. But if not, he could always zip down his pants and wave his tallywacker at you. Oh, yes, he really did this, by the way.

45. “Howdy and come on down to the grand ol’ rattlesnake rodeo. Yeeehaw!”

Man, I know it's photoshopped but I'd sure want to see this. Also, let's hope that the ol' rattler don't take a bite out of any of the bulls and steers.

Man, I know it’s photoshopped but I’d sure want to see this. A rodeo with cowboys riding rattlesnakes would be awesome! Also, let’s hope that the ol’ rattler don’t take a bite out of any of the bulls and steers. Because that could be a problem.

46. “Waiting for you in Florida.”

Let’s just say that Florida tends to have a thing for alligators. Besides, I just hope this one devours Tim Tebow and not any random tourists.

47. “Hello, kids, and welcome to Crazy Joe Killemall’s NRA gun camp for boys.”

“Remember, kids, always keep your rifle ready at all times. Well, as long as you use common sense first.” Actually this is on safe marksmanship. Nevertheless, the NRA wasn’t the kind of crazy gun lobby it is nowadays. Still, I do wonder if the man in this wants to raise an army of American boy soldiers though. Yeah, probably shouldn’t dwell on these thoughts.

48, Have a snapping good time in Florida.

Yeah, I’m sure that the gator doesn’t just want to nibble her bum. To me, he might be in the mood for some human rump roast if he asks her out to dinner.

49. While beer drinking is common in Germany, it’s said that a real man can down 15 six-packs.

Okay, maybe it doesn’t hold 15 six-packs. But still, the guy will probably end up in the ER if he even dares to drink that amount this stine can hold.

50. Come to Florida and see Miami’s ultra-modern architecture.

Hate to insult the people of Miami. But if this is your best specimen of your ultra-modern architecture, then it’s fair to say that most of your ultra-modern buildings are ugly. Seriously, it looks like some wicker basket or container.

51. Preachers, baptize your parishioners in style with this deluxe portable baptistery.

Of course, I can't really relate to this because as a Catholic, most of the baptisms I've been to pertained to babies. Still, as a baptistery, I kind of have a feeling it's a bit extravagant. Like akin to a megachurch pastor's luxurious bathtub. Why can't the minister baptize people in the river? It's cheaper.

Of course, I can’t really relate to this because as a Catholic, most of the baptisms I’ve been to pertained to babies, including my own. Still, as a baptistery, I kind of have a feeling it’s a bit extravagant. Like akin to a megachurch pastor’s luxurious bathtub. Why can’t the minister baptize people in the river? It’s cheaper.

52. Do you ever get the feeling that the drapes are watching you?

Yes, they may be matching curtains. But they seem to form a face of something so terrifying beyond the imagination. Makes me want to part them even if it means sacrificing my privacy.

53. Seems like Herman the Hippo loves seeing Bridget spray the hose at him.

However, though hippos are indeed herbivores, this doesn’t mean they’re nice and won’t kill you. I mean there are more people killed by hippos in Africa than lions. And if Herman gets angry at Bridget spraying him, then she’ll be in very big trouble.

54. Ross Allen’s Reptile Institute presents Beauty and the Boa.

Let’s hope that the snake isn’t poisonous. Of course, this is in Florida so the woman was required to wear a skimpy swimsuit before going on stage.

55. “Behold, He is risen!”

Looks like somebody took a big bite out of Jesus’s armpit. Angel’s like, “Dude, can I borrow five bucks?”

56. “Wish you were here!” from Alcatraz.

Let’s just say I’m not sure if I’d want to receive a postcard from Alcatraz. I know it’s now a museum and occasional movie location. But still, it’s a famous federal prison.

57. Greetings from the Farmer’s Market of Los Angeles, California.

From how I see it, it seems more like a bakery than a farmer’s market. Seriously, it would make more sense if they did a farmer’s market postcards with pictures of fruits and vegetables. Not cakes.

58. Every Friday evening at the Azure Tides Hotel Court in Sarasota, Florida, they hold King Neptune’s Table Buffet.

I can see it now, “Buffet Fish Retaliates Against Chefs….No Deaths Reported.” Still, that’s a huge fish at the table and seems to make the occasion look ridiculous.

59. Greetings from Clear Lake, Iowa?

For some reason when I think of Iowa, visions of people water skiing usually don’t come to mind. Seriously, this scene doesn’t remind me of Iowa at all.

60. Welcome to the Moon Gate Motel. Enjoy your stay.

Now I have to admit, this motel’s architecture is certainly out of this world. Actually it looks as if it was designed by someone from an alien planet. Said that George Jetson frequented the Moonfleet Cocktail Lounge for Happy Hour.

61. Greetings from Shamrock, Texas, home of the world’s youngest hitchhikers.

Man, they really start out so young out there. However, hitchhiking isn’t the safest way of transportation. In fact, it’s anything but, especially for toddlers.

62. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you Space Chimp.

Of course, I’m not sure whether the space capsule would work in space or be approved by NASA. But chimp looks quite proud in his spacesuit.

63. “What’s the matter? Haven’t you’ve seen a woman riding a seahorse underwater before?”

Well, at least “Bubbles” the seahorse is all right. But still, he seems to have dealt with a lot of shit. Nevertheless, these women underwater stuff is quite funny. Especially if she almost seems like she’s posing as a model for Sports Illustrated.

64. Bringing you the latest in underwater entertainment.

And they seem to contain women in yellow swimsuits and wings as well as doing who knows what. Yeah, it’s kind of over the top. But hey, they’re from Florida.

65. “Good morning, honey, coffee’s ready.”

Something tells me that this coffee contains something poisonous. I don’t know why. Must be the woman’s soulless face and evil smile. God, she looks so terrifying like she has murder on the mind.

66. When it comes to a dog and a child, there is always mutual affection.

However, while it’s supposed to show “mutual affection,” the facial expressions make it seem very one-sided. The girl really seems to love her collie. The collie, on the other hand, either doesn’t show its feelings or just doesn’t care.

67. Of course, photos of children and puppies are always adorable.

Of course, this girl is like “I’ll hug him and squeeze him and keep him forever and ever.” Meanwhile the dog is like, “Help me.” Still, the puppy just can’t find no escape from the girl with the evil grin and soulless eyes.

68. Ladies and gentlemen, here’s Chattanooga’s Confederama.

Basically this is a tourist trap for racists as you see with the Confederate flag at the castle towers. God only knows what kind of stuff they have in there. I’m sure it’s highly offensive.

69. Here’s a scene of Abraham Lincoln passing Lancaster, Pennsylvania on his way to inauguration in Washington D.C. in 1861.

I don’t know about you, but Mary Lincoln doesn’t seem to look so good. In fact, she doesn’t seem to look like herself at all. At least Lincoln has his beard and stovepipe hat.

70. “Finally, found a place we could afford.”

Well, it doesn't look like much. But I'm sure with some improvements and repairs, it'll look right as rain. Actually it looks like a shithole and I suppose the neighborhood is shitty, too. Probably should think about renting an apartment instead.

Well, it doesn’t look like much. But I’m sure with some improvements and repairs, it’ll look right as rain. Actually it looks like a shithole disaster area and I suppose the neighborhood is shitty, too. Probably should think about renting an apartment instead.

The Wonderful World of Architecture (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on April 4, 2015

I know that my post last November on architecture but I thought that since it’s very close to Easter and I have nothing going on until Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I thought I’d do another post on a scourge of pandemic proportions that no one’s talking about: modern architecture. For a long time in the world, cities have been plagued by building projects that serve to uglify their skylines. Sure there are masterpieces like the Sydney Opera House, the Church of the Sagrada Familia, the Chrysler Building, the Empire State Building, or the Gateway Arch. But there are also hideous skyscrapers, unholy looking churches, and public buildings that either suggest the architect was on acid or what. Tourists who visit these cities wonder whether the metropolitan area is going to pot or trying to imitate Las Vegas or Soviet Russia. Either way, many modern buildings are seen as unending eyesores to the populace, which I will show you know. So without further adieu, here are some more disasterpieces of architecture for your pleasure.

1. I begin with bringing you just some drab old office building in the middle of nowhere.

Wait, that’s the North Dakota State Capitol. Seriously, I guess the state wasn’t looking for someone with any imagination. Seems like something straight out of the Soviet Union if you ask me.

2. Behold, I give you the world’s largest glass vagina.

I’m sorry with resorting to vulgarities. But when I look at it, I just can’t help thinking about how it looks so much like a glittering giant snatch.

3. Seems like this piece of modern architecture was supposed to be constructed on a different planet.

This is the No. 1 Poultry building in London. And yeah, it’s just atrocious with it’s striped earth tones and glass. Seems like an airport terminal at Tattooine.

4. Ladies and gentleman, may I introduce you to the Safety Razor tower.

I’m sure this would be an appropriate corporate headquarters for Gillette. But I wonder if any of their employees want to work inside a safety razor building.

5. Now here is a skyscraper that’s befit for any supervillian with money to burn like Lex Luthor.

It’s actually the RSA Battle House Tower in Mobile, Alabama and the tallest in the city. I think it’s an office complex and hotel. But still, you can totally imagine Lex Luthor living there, right?

6. When looking at this building, you’d expect it to be a luxury mothership with little green men inside.

Hate to disappoint those UFO conspiracy theorists out there. But this is the Valencia Opera House (aka the Queen Sofia Palace of the Arts) in Spain. Of course, this would be a perfect place for a Spanish space opera if you get my drift.

7. In Soviet Mother Russia, this house ring brings the concept of Rear Window to a whole new level.

Of course, this reminds me of an abandoned football stadium or a modernized Colosseum that was deserted long ago. Either way, this house ring ain’t pretty to say the least.

8. In the future office buildings will be docked with a 9/11 tribute as a well a UFO landing pad so the aliens can show up to intergalactic business meetings.

Actually this is the national headquarters for Brazil’s National Congress in Brasilia. Sure I’m sure Brasilia is a capital city where the extra terrestrials will feel at home.

9. When designing this building, the architect must’ve said, “Hmmm..Roman columns in modernist design. Sure let’s go with that.”

This is the Mazda 2 Building in Tokyo, Japan or as I call it, a lousy attempt at Art Deco. Still, I think Godzilla smashing this building would improve its looks.

10. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the world’s fanciest giant hypodermic needle.

This building is the Taipei 101 in Taiwan which was once the tallest building in the world. Still, it’s meant to withstand earthquakes and typhoons for better or for worse. But you can’t help but think it’s probably more suitable for Las Vegas.

11. Building or spaceship crash?

Sure it’s a building but it just seems like this is a spaceship that fell down to earth upside down before impact. That or a bad attempt at origami.

12. This is the grave of Ho Chi Minh which is said to evoke Vietnamese traditions such as the communal house and the lotus flower. How the two are combined in this building is unclear.

Still, while cruel observers remark on how it resembles a Greco-Roman public toilet, I think it’s just a Soviet style rip off of the Parthenon. Of course, Ho Chi Minh wished to be cremated but that didn’t happen.

13. When you first look at Dubai’s Atlantis Hotel, you have to wonder whether the UAE city does Muslim weddings with an Elvis impersonator.

China.org remarks how it’s, “an unholy architectural amalgam of Arabian Nights, 1980s TV soap “Dynasty” and a classic pink Durex.” Of course, I think it’s basically a sign that Dubai is well on its way to becoming the Las Vegas of the Middle East. Seriously, the hotel’s architecture is totally Vegas.

14. Man, seems like the Illuminati have a very elaborate headquarters from the looks of it.

Okay, I’m sorry, Kazakhstan, I didn’t mean to insult your presidential palace and ministry buildings. However, the golden towers resemble beer cans and the Orda palace seems like it’s the headquarters for the masonic Grand Master of some New World Order.

15. Seems like this golden ball tower appears to resemble Sauron’s Tower if it was built in Rivendell.

This is the 344ft Bayterek Tower in Astana, Kazakhstan. It’s an observation tower representing a popular tree holding a golden egg. Of course, the conspiracy theorists will go crazy on this one.

16. Abandoned Las Vegas hotel complex or President Snow’s vacation home from The Hunger Games?

Actually it’s the Triumph of Astana in Kazakhstan. It was modeled after the Seven Sisters skyscrapers in Moscow. It’s an hotel and office complex. However, I’m sure that it’s a palace fit for any 1970s sci-fi overlord.

17. Man, that’s the most elaborate doughnut I’ve ever seen. I wonder if this is the world headquarters for Dunkin’ Doughnuts.

It’s actually a skyscraper in Guangzhou, China. According to its architect Joseph DiPasquale, “Native Chinese landmark…inspired by the strong iconic value of jade discs and numerological tradition of feng shui, in particular, the double disc of jade (bi-disk) is the royal symbol of an ancient Chinese dynasty that reigned in this area around 2000 years ago.” Yeah, but still looks like a giant sci-fi doughnut to me.

18. Wow, quite the rendition of Luke Skywalker’s home on Tattooine. Well, if he didn’t grow up a water farmer.

Actually that’s the Brazil’s National Library in Brasilia. Yeah, it doesn’t really embody the country’s character too well. Hey, don’t ask me why Brasilia’s buildings are so futuristically sterile and bland.

19. For the supervillian with the most enormous ego that money can buy, this enormous skyscraper is perfect for you.

This is the Burj al Khalifa in Dubai, the tallest building in the world. It’s 2,722 ft tall with 163 floors. It’s also said to have had a labor controversy in the construction. Still, it kind of embodies Dubai’s excesses and is quite the eyesore.

20. I give you a literal cat house.

This is a preschool in Germany which I think is subtly terrifying if you ask me. Still, kind of gives the term “cat house” a whole new meaning.

21. I daresay for I didn’t know that the Soviets built ornate high rise apartments with crosses on them.

Actually this is the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Los Angeles, California. Look, I’m perfectly fine with modern Catholic Church architecture and I know some of these buildings are nicer on the inside. However, this is just an architectural travesty.

22. Let’s hope nobody is banging on this ornate drum all day.

Yes, it’s on the Guinness World Records as the biggest drum in the world. However, this is the Hefei Wanda Culture and Tourism Exhibition Center in Hefei City, east China’s Anhui province. Still, seems like a little girl’s palace for a sci-fi movie.

23. Bizarre giant hypodermic needle or sci-fi tower from another planet?

This is the Oriental Pearl TV Tower in Shanghai, China. It’s the tallest building in the city. It’s 2,073 ft high and has 128 floors. But yes, it’s quite horrendous.

24. Massive Soviet style corns of the cob complex or sci-fi styled curling iron towers?

Actually these are the Marina City Towers of Chicago. Now the bottom ten floors are used for parking while the rest for condos. Still, this is quite a skysore place with barely an character.

25. I guess this building’s architect was inspired by a pile of duct tape lying in the street and designed this.

This is the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles, California. Of course, this was designed by Frank Gehry who tends to draw inspiration for his projects through amateur dumpster diving, it seems.

26. Don’t look now, but I think there’s some giant slimy monster on the loose in this neck of the woods.

This is actually the Kunsthaus Graz in Graz, Austria. It’s a contemporary art museum, which is perhaps fitting. But still resembles an alien monster from another dimension.

27. I dub this building the First Church of the Nuclear Bunker which is part of the Doomsday Church of Revelation.

I hear the people of this congregation attend services wearing hats made of tin foil they think will protect them from the heathen alien invaders. Yes, they are that out there.

28. Only in China will you find a Tea museum that is designed like a massive teapot and cup.

This is the Meitan Tea Museum in the Guizhou Province which is the biggest tea producer in China. It’s the largest pot of tea in the world. And you thought the Brits were tea crazy? They’re tea prudes compared to the Chinese.

29. Now this building seems rather fishy to me mostly because it’s a literal fish out of water.

This is the office for the National Fisheries Development in Rajendranager, Hyderabad, India. It’s supposed to be a flounder. Still, I wonder how their workers feel about having to work in a giant fish every day.

30. Now in South Korea, architecture is literally going down the toilet.

This is the Toilet Museum in Suwon City, South Korea so the commode shape is only fitting. It’s basically a toilet theme park. Also has a lot of shitting outdoor statues. I’m not making this up.

31. I suppose this building was inspired by a pile of glass or it’s some evil overlord’s vacation home.

This is Kazakhstan’s Central Concert Hall in Astana. And though I like the color, it just seems like a combination of the old Soviet style and Frank Gehry. Thus, utter crap.

32. Of course, I can’t think of a more appropriate home for a megachurch televangelist than this Jesus infused abode.

My mistake. This is the Mother Teresa Memorial House in Skopje, Macedonia where she was from. Yes, it’s a tacky architectural disaster. Still, saint or not, Mother Teresa deserved better than this travesty.

33. Of course, in case of a saucer landing, this is the perfect structure for the job.

This is the Theme Building at Los Angeles International Airport. Still, I’m sure the aliens would find LA quite accommodating, especially for those seeking a career in show biz.

34. Massive badly design camera or Star Trek villain headquarters?

This is the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was designed by a French guy and named after an Englishmen. Still, pretty horrendous and more suited as an abode for an evil overlord.

35. Behold, may I present to you the world’s largest golden golf ball of the Sun.

This is called the Matrimandir which is in Auroville, Bommayapalayam, Tamil Nadu in India. It’s an edifice of spiritual significance for practitioners in integral yoga. However, to me, it’s just a golden golf ball merged with EPCOT at Disney World.

36. When it comes to designing apartment buildings, what might look good in Legos won’t always translate well in real life.

This is a building in Amsterdam in the Netherlands. Of course, it also kind of appears as if a bunch of houses were stacked up against each other. Yet, everything doesn’t seem to match.

37. Futuristic hotel or a place that doubles as an apartment building and air traffic control tower?

This is the Genex Tower in Belgrade, Serbia which is one of the largest towers in Eastern Europe. It has two towers connected by a revolving restaurant on the top. One tower is occupied by the Genex group, the other a residential area.

38. Let me guess, this building was designed for a cell phone company. Wonder how I can guess that?

This is the Kunming City Xingyao Phone City in China. Of course, the building is actually a cell phone but certainly not one most people use today at least in the states.

39. Now here we come to an abandoned nuclear power plant.

$Oh, wait a minute this is the Landmark Theater in Ilfracombe, Devon in England. Still, I wonder what function do those large stacks have because they don't seem to have an purpose.$

Oh, wait a minute this is the Landmark Theater in Ilfracombe, Devon in England. Still, I wonder what function do those large stacks have because they don’t seem to have an purpose.

40. Only in China could you see a large building that contains 3 scary guys in elaborate robes.

This is the Tianzi Hotel in Beijing, China. That large edifice has 3 Chinese gods that symbolize prosperity, achievement, and career happiness. Still, I’m not sure if tourists would understand since these guys seem quite terrifying.

41. Prison or prison chapel? You decide.

This is called the Donau City Church in Vienna, Austria. It’s a Catholic Church but I doubt you’d find any stain glass windows. The inside is bound to make your eyes go nuts.

42. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Lipstick Tower.

This is the Mercury City Tower in Moscow, which is Europe’s tallest building at 1,112ft. However, I’m sure it doesn’t make a nice tube of lipstick because its color is terrible.

43. Nevertheless, I call this one, the Turd Building because it looks like shit, literally.

This is the Ordos Museum in China constructed by the MAD studio. Still, why they thought it ought to be designed like a giant turd, I have no idea.

44. Brutalist bank building or minimum security Soviet prison?

Sorry, my mistake. That’s the Oregon State Capitol building. I know it just seems like the place you’d see Winston Smith working at in the novel 1984 (which is the Ministry of Truth, by the way).

45. Since one Chrysler building wasn’t enough for Dubai, they decided to double it.This is the result.

Fortunately for New York, Dubai turned out to be a rather poor copycat in this case. Seriously, it’s basically the Chrysler Building meets Las Vegas.

46. This is the building you get when you cross the PPG place with some evil overlord’s castle tower.

This is the Gazprom Headquarters in Moscow. Gazprom is a natural gas and oil company based in Russia as well as one of the largest in the world. So in my book, I’d say they’re evil.

47. Of course, the best place to learn music is at a building containing a giant piano and glass violin.

This is the Piano House in Huainan City in China which was designed by architectural students at Hefei University of Technology. It was mainly built to draw interest to the city. Even lights up at night.

48. When it comes to skyscrapers, you can’t go wrong with too many green rings, right?

This is the Clal Insurance Building in Tel Aviv, Israel. Nevertheless, I’m not sure if the green rings go well with the glittery glass windows. But that’s just me.

49. Man, I wonder what it’s like to live in a city where the most prominent thing is a giant rocket missile.

This is the Žižkov Television Tower in Prague. What’s even more horrifying besides the missile shape is that it has crawling babies on the side. Eeek!

50. Monument for Soviet Communism or the salute to tools?

This is a monument in Pyongyang, North Korea and yes, it does have a Communist feel to it. Still, it’s to be expected.

51. I give you the Arc d’ Triumphe, well, not quite.

Actually this is a piece from Pyongyang, North Korea as well. And yes, it just seems like a combination of the Arc d’ Triumphe, Stalinism, and Asian architecture which comes out horrendous.

52. You know you’ve hit the jackpot with Soviet architecture if you find a building shaped like a concrete banana.

This is the Palace of Concerts and Sports in Vilnius, Lithuania. But, yeah, it does kind of remind me of a banana for some reason. Must be the shape.

53. Now I’m sure this is the perfect government headquarters for an evil totalitarian regime.

This is in Pyongyang, North Korea. However, considering that North Korea is one of the most repressive countries ever, this building is quite fitting, indeed.

54.Tacky hotel in Florida or minimum security prison?

This is the Rin Grand Hotel in Bucharest, Romania, a city not known for its southwest color schemes. Seems like the designers were referencing outdated textbooks when they built this thing.

55. Now this seems like a dystopian shopping mall. Wonder what kind of clothes it would sell.

This is Seattle’s Public Library in Washington state. But I’d sure not want to think that a boxy glass building would be a nice place to read.

56. It’s one thing to depend on the bottle. But it’s a different matter if you work in one.

This is the Wuliangye Building, Yibin in the Sichuan province in China. It’s supposed to resemble a bottle of hard liquor. Sure it’s in bad taste but the company is just laughing all the way to the bank by now.

57. Nothing makes your city well know than a large building of a giant bald head.

This is the Planetario Galileo Galilei in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I guess this was made more for function by the looks of it.

58. Sometimes old styles can be revived, other times not so much.

Now while a Ziggurat skyscraper may look awesome in Ancient Sumer, it doesn’t go well as a skyscraper in the 21st century. Seriously, why?

59. With the bottle building, I’m sure it will go well with this bottle opener.

This is the Shanghai World Financial Center in China. And yes, it looks like a massive bottle opener, but not as ritzy as the one from Saudi Arabia.

60. So I guess that UFOs exist then.

My mistake, this is the Metropolitan Circus in Astana Kazakhstan. Sorry, alien conspiracy theorist. Yet, I’m sure this certainly reminds me of a flying saucer for obvious reasons.

61. Now I’m sure this must be a sanctuary for aliens by the looks of it.

Actually this is a Russian Orthodox Church as far as I know. Why it’s designed that way I have no idea.

62. Evil headquarters or dystopian stadium theater?

This is called the Karen Demirchyan Sport and Concert Complex in Armenia. But you probably think it’s a cross between a Chinese temple and a Flash Gordon spacecraft.

63. Dystopian missile depot, spaceport, or airport terminal? You decide, folks.

This is the Prita Top Spa Hotel in Estonia. It’s styled to look like a cruise ship but I’m not sure how that could. Doesn’t resemble one to me. Either that, or the Soviet cruise ships were that ugly.

64. If you want to know what it’s like to be up inside a giant pair of pants, this building is for you.

This is the Gateway to the East Building in the ancient city of Suchou, China. It’s supposed to emphasize the city’s significance in modern China. But most people thinks it’s the biggest pair of pants in the world.

65. For those ruling dystopian regimes where free speech and other rights are basically restricted, here is the palace for you.

This is the Palace of Ceremonies in Tbilisi, Georgia. It’s privately owned now. But there’s just something phallic about it. I can’t put my finger on it.

66. Nothing says architectural excellence like a building of a giant dog bowl.

This is the Palace of Creativity in Astana, Kazakhstan. It’s creative all right, but as an architectural masterpiece? Not a chance. I mean it looks like a giant dog bowl.

67. While not fighting the Rebel Alliance, Darth Vader likes to kick back and relax at his sparse vacation home.

Now this is the Cathedral of Saint Mary of the Assumption, which serves as headquarters for the Catholic Archdiocese of San Francisco, California. Yeah, compared to the rest of the city, it’s quite plain. Still reminds me of Darth Vader’s vacation home for some reason.

68. Now this skyscraper symbolizes the opulence of Communist Russia?

This piece of Stalinist architecture is the Seven Sisters skyscraper in Moscow. It’s one of those buildings that combines the ego of Josef Stalin to the glitz of Las Vegas and not in a good way.

69. As for housing, these complexes would be perfect for any evil overlord henchmen.

This is St. George’s Wharf in London, England. But looking at these, you wonder whether they have faces or if any bad people live in them.

70. Now this building reminds me of an iceberg as well as serves as a stark reminder of climate change which does exist and it’s a problem.

This is called “The Ascent” and it’s in Covington, Kentucky, probably a place most people have never heard of. And yes, it’s seen as a steaming pile of shit in the architectural world.

71. Behold, the giant clocktower of doom!

This is the Palace of Culture in Warsaw, Poland. But, yes, you can totally imagine some powerful Steampunk or Sci-fi villain living there, especially one with lightning hands and giant lasers.

72. When it comes to color schemes, black and white stripes aren’t the way to go.

This prison striped building in Los Angeles, California learned the hard way. Hope this wasn’t in a minority neighborhood since there will be unfortunate implications there.

73. May I present to you a new dystopian sci-fi shopping mall.

According to Time Out, its looks are, “akin to Space Mountain built out of drab, sterile leftovers from a doctors office waiting room.” Couldn’t say it better myself.

74. Now we’re here to a boring office building. Wonder what can go wrong with that.

Actually this is Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia. But to me, this seems like the offices of Jesus H. Christ Attorney at Law or some kind of county courthouse.

75. These aqua blue window apartments certainly add dimension with the New World Order, according to conspiracy theorists that is.

Now this is the Azure Complex in Astana Kazakhstan that resembles a hotel for a Las Vegas casino. Yes, I showed a lot of buildings from this city.

76. I dub this building the Church of Our Lady with the Side of Fries.

This is part of the denomination the American Church of Unchecked Corporate Consumerism that also venerates people like Saint Nugget, Saint Burger, Saint McRib, and Saint Diet Coke.

77. Only in Kazakhstan will you find a pyramid built after the collapse of the Soviet Union.

This is called the Palace of Peace and Reconciliation. Nevertheless, the Illuminati conspiracy theorists will sure have a field day with this one.

78. Now for those dystopian rulers with a sense of cosmopolitan style, this is the building for you.

This is Kazakhstan’s Parliament building in Astana. And yes, I know it seems like it’s a combination of Soviet Russia, Vegas, and Dubai for all the wrong reasons.

79. When it comes to architectural styles, you can’t go wrong with a hollow kettle building.

This is the Wanda Cultural center in China. I know it looks like a hollow kettle with glass windows, but I didn’t design the thing. So don’t ask me.

80. If Noah was living today, who could bet that his ark may look like this?

This is the World Cup Hotel in Sao Paulo, Brazil. However, if there would be a flood of biblical proportions, I’m not sure if it will float let alone shelter all the animals in the world 2 by 2.

Strange Easter Traditions Around the World

Posted by historymaniacmegan on March 16, 2015

As with Christmas, Easter is celebrated around the world as well since it’s also a religious holiday. So while some countries celebrate Easter, others may not even among Christians who might consider it too pagan like the Quakers, Puritans, and Jehovah Witnesses. Now also like Christmas, no two countries celebrate Easter the same way possibly due to seasonal patterns, old traditions, and other factors. And sometimes with American eyes, many of these traditions may seem strange. Not to mention, Easter didn’t really become a mainstream secular holiday until recently but students don’t get as many days off. Nevertheless, here are some of the strange Easter traditions you may see from around the world.

1. Czech Republic and Slovakia

Women living in some parts of Eastern Europe should expect to get their asses whipped by the fellas this Easter since it’s said that such actions make them healthy and beautiful. Yeah, I know what outsiders are thinking.

If you’re a woman living in either of these countries, expect to be chased around by men hitting with handmade whips this Easter Monday. Of course, those who aren’t into BDSM shouldn’t be disappointed because they’re not intended to be painful. It’s also believed that whipping women on Easter is supposed to make them more healthy and beautiful.

2. Finland

Those visiting the Nordic countries might wonder whether the Scandinavians, Icelanders, and Finns have gotten their Easter mixed up with Halloween since they have bonfires as well as kids dressed as witches going door to door for candy. But no, it’s just their tradition.

It’s a popular superstition in Finland that all Finnish witches fly down to Germany to party with the devil on Easter. This has given rise to the tradition of children dressing up as witches with broomsticks hanging around their necks and wander around door to door to ask for treats. They also lit bonfires to keep satanic forces away that supposedly roam around this day. So Easter in Finland is kind of like Halloween. In Sweden, little girls take part in this tradition on April 30th known as Walburgis night as well as in Denmark where the children give out willow branches in exchange for candy. Another Easter tradition in Finland is watching grass grow to signify the start of spring. Once mature, children would decorate it with painted eggs and paper bunnies.

3. Russia

While the US and Germany have chocolate bunnies, those in Russia have the the Easter lamb made from butter since it’s believe Satan can’t transform as one. But eating a butter lamb can leave to high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

Instead of chocolate bunnies, Russians usually dig into a large piece of butter that’s in the shape of a lamb. This tradition is based on the religious idea that lambs are lucky since they’re the only animals whose form Satan couldn’t take.

4. Papua New Guinea

In this tropical country, you will find trees outside churches decorated with sticks of tobacco and cigarettes in the days leading to Easter. After the Easter Sunday church services, smokes are handed out and everyone lights up.

5. France

Every Easter in Haux, the villagers gather all their eggs to put in a large frying pan in the square. The result is perhaps the world’s largest omelet.

On Easter Monday, people in the town of Haux gather together taking all the eggs from their houses and bringing them to the town square. There, they put their eggs in a massive pan used to cook a giant omelet that could feed 1,000 people and contains over 4,500 eggs.

6. New Zealand

While the US has a furry, cute Easter Bunny bringing children eggs, in New Zealand it’s rabbit season with the Great Bunny Hunt. Some 20,000 bunnies are killed a year in New Zealand on Easter. They probably should just stick to Orcs.

While the US has the cute, furry, Easter Bunny, if there’s a place Peter Cottontail should avoid this Easter, New Zealand would be it. And it’s not because of Orcs. Because on Easter, New Zealanders go out to hunt rabbits with a prize of $NZ 3,500 to who kills the most bunnies. Every year as many 20,000 rabbits are killed in this country.

7. Poland

One Easter Sunday, men aren’t allowed to cook or even stand in the kitchen or else his mustache will go gray and the Easter bread dough will fail to rise. They also believe that swallowing a willow catkin from a branch consecrated by a priest would bring health.

As for processions on Good Friday, Polish miners don ceremonial uniforms and at the Wieliczka Salt Mine where they perform the Underground Way of the Holy Cross. They march to an underground salt monument of Pope John Paul II in the underground Kinga Chapel, a place he once visited.

8. Hungary

In other parts of Eastern Europe women in traditional garb should expect to be doused by water on their way to their Easter Sunday mass. Priests should expect wet pews in their churches.

On Easter, women dress in traditional garb for Sunday Mass while men jump out and pour buckets of water at them as part of a “purifying ritual.”

9. Australia

Instead of an Easter Bunny, Australia has an Easter Bilby which is a native endangered marsupial that resembles a mouse. Also, they hate rabbits which they consider pests.

While the US has the Easter Bunny, Australia has the Easter Bilby bringing the eggs. One of the reasons behind this change is to create awareness of the bilby which is an endangered species. Also, there’s a strong dislike for bunnies which are considered pests that destroy crops.

10. Colombia

For their Easter dinner, instead of eggs and chocolate, the Colombians dine on iguana, turtles, and big rodents.

11. Germany

Instead of hiding their colored eggs, the Germans hang their decorated eggs out in the open on trees for all to see. Seems like the Germans have to have trees for everything.

While children in other countries look for hidden Easter eggs, the Germans display their Easter eggs are displayed on trees and prominently in the streets. Some will have thousands of multi colored eggs hanged on them. This might be that these symbolize new life and the resurrection. They also burn their Christmas trees on Easter Sunday and eat a lot of green foods and spinach on Holy Thursday.

Germany is also home to the Oberammergau Passion Play in the village that bears its name which is performed every 10 years from May to October starting at 9:30 a.m. and continuing with a 12:15-3:00 p. m. lunch break before finally finishing at 6:00 p.m. However, the villagers do this as a thank you from God for saving them from a plague in 1633 and put a large painting of Jesus to show this. But nearly everyone in the village takes part in the play either as one of the actors or behind the scenes, making clothes and props to run it. Still, this play is very popular all over the world that bookings take place for many years before the play is performed.

12. Greece

While some countries have multi colored eggs, in Greece the eggs are only painted red to represent the blood of Christ and used for making Easter bread as well as banged on their neighbor’s heads.

In the town of Corfu, it’s tradition for the people to throw out their crockery and pots out the window on Easter Saturday. We’re not sure why they do this. Some say it’s to symbolize the rejection of Judas. Others think it’s simply the exuberance of having a smashing time after the penitential season of Lent. There are other theories of symbolism such as getting rid of evil or the change of seasons in which the old pots of last year’s harvest are exchanged for new ones. Some think it’s adopted from the old Venetian tradition of throwing out one’s winter things for new ones for spring.

In the Greek village of Vrontados, Easter is celebrated with a fireworks war between the two Greek Orthodox parishes. Parishioners make their own rockets for this. Of course, it attracts thousands of tourists.

In the village of Vrontados on the island of Chios, the two Orthodox churches face off every Easter with parishioners making their own rockets and teenagers leading the war against each other. It’s said to be a century old tradition which apparently started when some Greek villagers tried to scare away the Turkish army using fireworks. Some say that it started when some Greek sailors met Chinese men who taught them how to make fireworks. Anyway thousands of rockets are used and it attracts tourists every year on Easter, boosting the town’s economy.

13. Ethiopia

On the Easter festival, the people of Ethiopia celebrate a noble feast featuring a large loaf of sourdough bread called, “Dabo.” During the day, visitors are greeted with a slice of “Dabo” to honor the crucifixion of Christ. They also wear white to exemplify purity and display headbands from palm leaves which symbolize the palm leaves Jesus’s followers greeted him with during his passage into Jerusalem before his crucifixion.

14. Switzerland

For Easter, the Swiss have an age old tradition of decorating the fountains with spring flowers and colored eggs, which creates a rather stunning sight.

The Frankonian Swiss have an old Easter tradition of decorating wells with painted eggs and spring flowers to celebrate the gift of life.

Switzerland is not a fan of the Easter Bunny so the Easter Cuckoo is credited with bringing children eggs instead. Yet, they still sell chocolate bunnies though.

15. Great Britain

In the town of Bacup in Northern England, Easter Saturday is celebrated with the Nutter’s Dance which has been performed since the 18th century. It’s said to originate with Moorish sailors who somehow ended up in the area but why it’s performed on Easter Saturday, there’s no explanation. It’s a strange dance led by a Whiffer (or Whipper In), who cracks a whip to drive away evil spirits represented by a group of men with blackened faces in red, black, and white costumes and neck garlands.

The English village of Hallaton in Lancashire where the villagers play a game called bottle kicking which is a no rules rugby game played with barrels. Ambulances stand by for this due to obvious reasons.

The village of Hallaton in Leicestershire celebrates Easter with a game of bottle kicking which is essentially a no rules rugby game played with 3 beer barrels and a pitch spread over a mile of cross country land. Ambulances are on standby every year there.

On Holy Thursday, it was once used as the day when the monarchs showed their humility and washed the poor’s feet. It was symbolic of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, though only a select few poor got their feet washed. However, this was later changed with the ascension of the Protestant William and Mary in 1689. Nowadays the Queen just gives out money, usually the same amount as her age.

During the Easter season, the English village of Hungerford has what’s known as the Hockside festival. This begins each year when the new police constable blows his horn calling all men to the Hockside court. Two men are selected and they parade through the streets giving women oranges in exchange for kisses.

Another English Easter tradition is Morris dancing which involves guys dancing in ribbons, clogs, and sometimes funny hats. According to Blackadder, it’s a very lame dance and one he doesn’t like.

Britain also celebrates Easter with an Easter egg roll in which people try to roll colored hardboiled eggs on a hill. While this has taken hold in countries like the US, the Brits tend to be pretty competitive about it. Other strange Easter customs include Pace Egg plays mostly depicting Saint George and the dragon as well as Morris dancing which is an English folk dance said to originate through druidic rites but is better known to Americans as being mercilessly ripped on the first season of Blackadder. Let’s just say the Great Britain has a lot of strange Easter traditions and leave it at that.

16. Norway

On Easter in Norway, most of the businesses and public services are closed while the day is devoted to crime stories that even the milk cartons have their own mysteries on them.

In Norway, Easter is a 5 day bank holiday in which all the businesses close save the grocery store on the Saturday before. During this time Norwegians celebrate by reading crime novels known as Påskekrimmen as well as watching crime thrillers on TV. There are even mystery stories on milk cartons and magazines. Of course, why Norwegians celebrate Easter with this crime stuff is just one of those mysteries.

17. Netherlands, Belgium, and France

While Americans have the Easter Bunny, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands have the Easter Bells which is said to depart from the churches to Rome on Holy Week only to come back bringing eggs and candies for the kids. Seems like something from a bad acid trip doesn’t it? But I’m not making this up.

In these countries, it’s said that the church bells fly to Rome for a few days on Holy Week and only return on Easter morning bringing back colored eggs and chocolate rabbits. It’s said the tradition started because all church bells are silent as a sign of mourning Jesus for several days before Easter. In the Netherlands and Flemish speaking Belgium, the bells fly away on Holy Saturday. In France and French speaking Belgium on Holy Thursday. Either way, replacing Santa Claus with metal bells seems like a bad acid trip to those who may never heard of it. Seriously, I’m not making this up.

18. Greece, Spain, Portugal, and Mexico as well as Latin America

A big tradition in Catholic and Orthodox countries is Judas burning in which an effigy of Judas is tried, hanged, and burned. While it’s under fire for being anti-Semitic, people also burn effigies of politicians they don’t like as well.

In some communities in these countries, it’s customary to burn an effigy of Judas on Easter, typically depicted as hung by the neck after a fake trial. Sometimes they’d make effigies of unpopular politicians and filling the Judas effigy with fireworks. It was once practiced all over Europe before it went into decline due to it’s possible association with being called, “the burning of the Jew,” especially in Latin America. However, the Orthodox Church has since defended the practice.

19. Philippines

In the Philippines, it’s not unusual pn Holy Week for some devout Catholic men to show their adoration for Christ through self-crucifixion and self-flagellation. Yes, this is insane that even the Roman Catholic Church has tried to discourage the practice there but to no avail. Please don’t try this at home.

In the Philippines, many devout Catholics practice self-crucifixion on Easter replicating Jesus’s suffering. The idea behind this act of insanity was this morbid ritual is to help watch the sins of the world and self-purification. The Roman Catholic Church tried to discourage this for obvious reasons but with little success. It’s also said that it’s just one manifestation of old Filipino religions that require self-flagellation. Other theories suggest it sprang out of a misinterpretation of St. Paul’s Romans 8:13, “If you live after the flesh, you shall die, but if through the spirit you mortify the deeds of the flesh, you shall live.” Of course, while some people may equate self-mortification with purification, I’d suggest you don’t try this at home, please.

20. Bermuda

Bermudans celebrate Good Friday with flying homemade kites, as well as eating codfish cakes and hot cross buns. It’s said that the tradition started when a local teacher from the British Army had difficulty explaining Christ’s ascension to his Sunday school class and made a kite to illustrate it as a result. They also hold kite contests as well.

21.Haiti

In Hati, Holy Week is celebrated with a mixture of Catholic and Voodoo traditions such as colorful parades and traditional “rara” music played on bamboo trumpets, maracas, drums, and coffee cans. Voodoo believers would make pilgrimages to the village of Souvenance, showing devotion to the spirits with drumming, chanting, and animal sacrifices.

22. Europe

In parts of Northwestern Europe, a key tradition is lighting up huge bonfires called Easter Fires on Easter Sunday and Monday. A most common explanation for this is said to originate with the Saxons as a tale of how spring triumphs over winter. However, today it just brings communities together with heavy consumption of lager, gin, and snacks. Egg tapping or knocking is also popular.

23. Cyprus

While the people of Cyprus also paint and hide eggs on Easter for the younger children to find, teenage boys follow this up with a rather violent contest of scouring for scraps of wood to use on a communal bonfire. The neighborhood with the largest bonfire at the end of the day gets the Easter bragging rights until next year. However, since there’s a limited supply of scraps among the teenage boys, it’s not uncommon for police being called in breaking fights over wood scraps or to help put out out-of-control bonfires.

24. Italy

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with a Rube Goldberg machine being carried on a cart, stuffed with explosives, and being set on fire. The result is a 20 minute fireworks show that would make Michael Bay weep.

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with building a Rube Goldberg machine containing shards from the Holy Sepulchre to symbolize the resurrection of Jesus. Called “the holy fire,” it’s placed on a candle as well as dragged through the streets on a massive cart which is over 30ft tall and has been used for well over 300 years before reaching its destination where priests and local officials carry it to the cathedral square. Once there, it’s stuffed with explosives and topped with a fuse and a fake dove when everything is ready. The Cardinal of Florence sets the fake dove ablaze while the bells of Giotto’s campanile ring out to signal that the show is about to start. What follows is 20 minutes of nonstop explosions in the city’s cathedral which would send Michael Bay weeping with adulation. If everything goes according to plan, then the fireworks signify a year of good harvests and successful business.

In Rome on Good Friday, the Pope commemorates the Via Crucis (Way of the Cross) at the Colosseum. During this a huge cross with burning torches illuminates the sky as the 14 Stations of the Cross are described in several languages. However, Americans unfamiliar with this ritual and this significance might interpret this tradition quite differently and with great offense, especially since they’re more likely to link giant burning crosses with white supremacist violence against African Americans. On Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday, Mass is celebrated with thousands of visitors in St. Peter’s Square to

25. Spain

On Holy Thursday, the streets of Verges set the stage for the macabre “Dansa de la Mort” or “Dance of Death.” In a procession traveling through the town, 5 people dress up in skeletons grab the lime light as they move to the sound of drum beats. Each skeleton carries different items with one holding a scythe, a clock without hands, and a banner warning that death could come at any time while two carry a box of ashes. Not the kind of warm sunny Easter most of us would imagine.

Relax, NAACP, these are just Catholic brotherhoods dressed in their robes and hoods for the Holy Week processions in Spain, not a white supremacist Klu Klux Klan meeting. There’s a lot of pride taking part in the Spanish Easter festivities that Antonio Banderas joins his brotherhood in his hometown every year. Seriously, Spanish have been doing this for far longer than KKK has been in existence. Costume similarities are purely coincidental.

This isn’t to say that there are a lot of Easter processions in Spain dating to the Middle Ages. This is performed by many Catholic brotherhoods wearing different colored robes to tell each other apart. However, they also don conical hoods to retain their anonymity, even though they tend to scare the bejesus out of any African American tourist and it doesn’t help that some of these take place at night under candlelight. The music tends to vary according to days consisting of mournful music accompanied by dramatic drum beats on Holy Thursday, utter silence on Good Friday, to celebratory music on Easter Sunday. Many tend to walk barefoot as well as wear shackles on their feet with brotherhoods carrying floats of different scenes related to the Passion of the Christ or the Sorrows of the Virgin Mary. And there is great pride for taking part and it’s said that Antonio Banderas travels to his Malaga hometown every year to take part in this with his brotherhood, “Tears and Favors”, becoming the star attraction.

26. Japan

Though western holidays like Halloween, Christmas, and Saint Patrick’s Day have become rather popular in Japan, Easter is relatively obscure since the country doesn’t have a lot of Christians. However, this doesn’t stop companies from organizing Easter themed promotions in the spring and sometimes even the summer. Tokyo Disneyland hosts an annual “Easter Wonderland” which sometimes runs well into June.

27. Latvia

A known tradition in Latvia is an Easter game played by children which is like conkers but with eggs. Players pair off and used hardboiled colored eggs joined together with string. Competitors bang the ends of the eggs together until one player’s egg breaks. The winner is the one with the stronger egg. Sounds a bit messy to say the least.

28. Guatemala

In Guatemala, the village streets are lined with rugs made from saw dust for the Easter procession which creates trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

Each Easter in Guatemala, the people lace the streets of their villages with colorful sawdust carpets. On their way to Mass, the procession of faithful walk over the vibrant carpet leaving a trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

29. Bulgaria

While Bulgarians decorate their Easter eggs, they’re also known to fight with them by pair. The last surviving one is called a “borak.”

30. Argentina

In Argentina, there’s a kitschy theme park called Tierra Santa which is devoted to telling the story of Jesus. On Holy Week, they reenact the Passion within the parks walls. It’s said to attract a lot of tourists.

In Argentina, there is a kitsch theme park dedicated to telling the story of Jesus which unsurprisingly goes into overdrive on Easter. There’s a plastic Jesus that’s resurrected every hour and plastic statues depicting the Passion which is already a must see for the devout with hundreds gathering each hour to watch the statue emerge from a rocky outcrop to survey the crowds. On Easter, actors take up the role to bring the passion to life, carrying the cross through the park and being crucified by Roman soldiers. Sure it’s probably in bad taste but it’s a huge hit in Latin America nevertheless.

In Northern Argentina, there’s an elaborate carnival that begins on Ash Wednesday and lasts all through Lent. In this, mothers and grandmothers gather around a decorated arch and exchange dolls in a ceremony believed to unite women in an eternal bond. On Sunday in an Argentinian version of the Easter Parade, women dress up in colorful ruffled skirts and white hats in masks made with starch and water. Riding on horseback, they singing folksongs on their way to a dance honoring Pukllay, the Spirit of the Carnival. After the ceremony, the burn a large effigy of the Pukllay to signify the end of the celebration a la Burning Man.

31. Jamaica

While Good Friday is a somber time in the Easter season of Holy Week, it pays host to Kingston’s biggest annual street carnival complete with a parade, requisite debaucheries, and even preachers. Also predict the future with egg whites on water.

32. El Salvador

In the town of Texistepeque, there’s a ritual on Easter called “Talciguines” which is supposed to symbolize the fight between Jesus and Satan. Of course, Jesus is always the winner.

33. Wales

On Palm Sunday, the Welsh visit their relatives’ graves to lay flowers as well as stage Welsh singing contests called Gymafa Gan where choirs from various chapels in festivities take part and prominent conductors are invited.

34. United States

For 130 years, the White House has sponsored the Easter egg roll on its South Lawn, which provides a lot of activities for the kids.

For 130 years, the White House has hosted the Easter Egg Roll on its South Lawn. This mainly consists of rolling a colored hardboiled egg with a large serving spoon. But nowadays an egg hunt is included as well along with other sports and crafts.

In Texas, the people of Fredericksburg hold an event called the Easter Fires of Fredericksburg Pageant, where the town gets together to celebrate an 1840 peace treaty with the Comanche and the significance with Easter by reinventing this story. It’s said that the Comanche would light fires in the hills of Fredericksburg to signify that there was no hostility between the settlers and the indigenous people. But as the fires burned the German immigrant children grew worried and to calm them down their parents told them that the fires were the Easter Bunny burning eggs in preparation for the festivities.

New York’s Easter parade from 5th Avenue to 57th Street has a lot of fun festivities with people wearing outlandish Easter outfits and donning their wackiest Easter bonnets.

In New York City, you have the Easter parade that dates back to the 1870s and one of the city’s most significant seasonal celebrations. It begins at the famous Fifth Avenue and finishes north up 57th street. There you’ll find visitors and New Yorkers alike done their most elaborate Easter bonnets.

In Southern Michigan, on Easter tens of thousands of marshmallows are dumped onto by helicopters and are rewarded candy afterwards. This tradition has spread to other areas.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Third Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on January 9, 2015

Now I know it’s been since October that I’ve done a post on vintage postcards but I’ve run out of ideas at the moment and have a lot of these saved up on my laptop so it’s. Besides, it’s too early for Valentine’s Day, Groundhog Day, Presidents’ Day, or other holidays. Of course, there’s Martin Luther King Jr. Day but he’s not the kind of guy I’d want make fun of. Then there’s my birthday on the 13th, but there’s just so many birthday cakes out there. So for now, postcards will have to do for the moment. Nevertheless, I know my viewers can’t get enough of these things so here I go. Of course, I know some people travel over the holidays and sometimes during the winter months to get the hell out of the snow. However, most of us really can’t spend the winter months in the Bahamas mainly because, well, we simply can’t afford to and have other obligations such as school, work, and family. Also, January weather is really terrible, especially since temperatures have started dropping belong zero. Yikes! Anyway, if you’re stranded at your home due to the snowy weather outside or your school’s closed, here is a batch of tacky vintage postcards for your pleasure. And I hope with them, you can get through your day.

1. In the Middle Ages, German village festivals had dunking tanks like this.

Oh, wait a minute that’s another medieval torture device it seems. And it doesn’t seem that they’re weighing the caged guy against the duck either. Would’ve solved everything.

2. Every woman should be the queen of her kitchen with this turquoise refrigerator.

Now I'm fine with turquoise but this fridge seems more appropriate for the kitchen of some tacky trailer park than in most households. Yet, I'm sure this woman isn't the Snow Queen from Frozen.

Now I’m fine with turquoise but this fridge seems more appropriate for the kitchen of some tacky trailer park, dive bar, or disco than in most households. Yet, I’m sure this woman isn’t the Snow Queen from Frozen.

3. Greetings from Snooki’s grandmother from the Jersey Shore.

I don’t know about you but it seems that not much has changed on the Jersey Shore over 50 years before the notorious MTV reality series. Thank God, that show’s over. Also, that hat is hideous.

4. In the Old West, we always cut the cheese after a dinner of pork and beans at the camp fire.

Of course, when it comes to western way of breaking wind, some guys led out a rip-roaring gust while others emit an odor that’s silent but deadly.

5. I don’t think Sally intends to eat that mango.

Rather I think she wants to use that mango to drop on her little brother’s skull since he stole her Fruit Roll Ups. Little Stevie needs to pay.

6. Every time German children see a rocket ship in the night sky, it’s tradition they drop their pants and pee on the window side flower pot.

I hope these boys enjoyed giving Mom’s petunias a golden shower since she’s probably going to wonder why they smell like a urinal in the third grade bathroom. Yes, Mom’s petunias will never smell the same way again, but they’ll get a steady supply of nitrates though. Maybe she doesn’t mind the tradeoff.

7. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the Equine High Diving Championships, Mustang Sugarcubes takes the plunge.

Oh, my God, I think I just made PETA want to burn my house down for posting this. Perhaps the Humane Society may want to join in. Still, what sadist could think of horses jumping off the high dive? This is just fucking insane! Also, illegal in most states. By the way, this postcard is from Atlantic City, New Jersey where Boardwalk Empire takes place. Man, seems like Nucky’s booze is really getting to them. As cruel to animals as this may be, I just can’t help laughing at it for some reason.

8. Alf’s lunch box.

Now I know the people behind the picture thought this made a good photo op. Yet, the cuteness kind of fades away when you find out that there are people in certain countries around the world that eat them. Kind of makes this postcard disturbing.

9. Welcome to Hawaii, we have large, uh, pineapples.

Talk about low hanging fruit hanging not far from the tree. Still, this is just bound to give Freud a field day. I mean why did this woman put the pineapples so close to her boobs? Really?

10. Seems like Springer here just barked a cake. Seems so proud. Hope there’s no fur all over the icing.

So how does a dog bark a cake? Makes no sense whatsoever. Guess those behind the design were aiming for cuteness. Also, what’s in the cake? Hope it’s not disgusting.

11. For a lovelier you, get these stylish Oompa-Loompa inspired coiffures from Willy Wonka’s Beauty Salon.

Then again, perhaps we all should be happy that Willy Wonka became a confectioner instead of a hairdresser. Hate to see what kind of machinery he’d have at his hair salon. Probably would look like some torture chamber from a kid’s show.

12. Yes, fellas, prune juice was one of the great “drugs” of the 1960s, which they attribute to freeing your mind as much as your bowels.

Ironically, I wouldn’t be surprised that prune juice is now consumed by more 1960s flower children more than ever. Yeah, prune juice will set your colon free from constipation.

13. I now give you the Venusflytraposaurus.

Actually that’s an Elasmosaurus a large Plesiosaur from the Cretaceous period. Of course, unfortunately for this guy, orthodontists didn’t exist at the time.

14. I don’t know about you but why the hell does Snowflake have her helmet on backwards?

Of course we all know that Snowflake would be kidnapped by psychopath ex-football player and tranny Ray Finkle (disguised as Lois Einhorn). He also kidnapped Dan Marino as well as killed a man in his apartment. And in the 1990s, this was a family film or so I think. At least it was in my house.

15. Maybe we should send this to Kim and Kanye when they’re thinking about a trip to Florida. I mean these crocs like big butts and they cannot lie./These alligators can’t deny./When a girl walks in with a big gigantic waist/And a round thing in their face/They get starved.

Yes, that croc on the beach is in the mood for some bootylicious rump roast tonight. Also, what’s with the monkey fishing from the pelican’s beak for God’s sake? That’s insane!

16. C’mon, to Elsie’s they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

I think there’s something wrong with this girl here. Sure she might want her sister to drop in again, but she probably wants to drown her in the fountain and hide her body in the large vase.

17. Now this New England eatery has lobsters in any style.

Wait a minute, that’s in Oklahoma? Seriously, lobsters are an oceanside crustacean caught in fishing boats from Maine. Oklahoma is an inland state known for cattle, dust storms, and tornadoes. They do not go together.

18. Yes, this guy is certainly blowing his own trumpet seen here.

Of course, “blowing” also has another meaning explaining why this postcard is so funny. Of course, it’s probably impossible to do and I can’t mention it in front of the kids.

19. Now this is place seems to give “dive bar” a whole new meaning.

Now a bar overlooking a giant fish tank is one thing, but this is kind of ridiculous. Might also make the patrons wonder whether they’re seeing things or just need another drink. I’d hate to be the designated driver in that bunch.

20. Now this would make a fine new addition to the hunting lodge or man cave.

Too bad the holidays are over for this lamp would’ve made a great Christmas present for my next door neighbors. Then again, that lamp might freak out their granddaughter.

21. Nothing makes an electronic back massager than some device that bears a striking resemblance to IKEA furniture.

From the back: “Figurette—the home slenderizing unit that has become noted as a “lasting beauty” aid for women…but is every bit as much renowned for the tension-relieving relaxation it helps induce in he-men. Another leading product of A.R.A. Manufacturing Co., Grand Prairie, Texas.”
“It is very important that the he-man not become too relaxed. Therefore, he should use the Figurette with work clothes on, including shoes and tie.” I wonder what would happen if he got too relaxed. Oh, I see.

22. Nothing excites a two-year-old more than a giant stuff dog about as tall as your ceiling.

Of course, seems that the company responsible for this photo didn’t seem to care about the boxes next to the humongous dog that might give parents nightmares. Please don’t show this to small children or they’d want one, too.

23. Of course, when it comes to toilet training, some dogs grow accustomed to it better than others.

I bet that any dog owner would rather teach their dog to go on the toilet than have it drink from there. I wonder if this potty animal knows how to flush.

24. This lady seems so happy with her large wall shelf of tupperware.

I don't know about you but wait until she finds out that you can't put tupperware in the dishwasher. Boy, I'd hate to dishes at that place.

I don’t know about you but wait until she finds out that you can’t put tupperware in the dishwasher. Boy, I’d hate to wash dishes at that place.

25, Now I know this is supposed to be a stove. Yet, I don’t know why I still wonder why it could possibly be a stove-dishwasher unit.

Must be that the oven doors have no windows in them and that there are two of them. Still, that color may be nice but the stove is hideous.

26. Oh, no, they just buried a dead guy in the topsoil planters! What kind of sick place is this?

Okay, that’s just a guy getting mud bath at a spa. Still, you’d wonder if this was just some crazed garden store of death seeing him like that.

27. Nothing graces a little girl’s bedroom than a pink, frilly lamp.

Ugh! This lamp is so frilly and pink that it makes me sick. And I don’t mind the color either. Still, I don’t think a little girl would find it settling that the figurine doesn’t have any arms.

28. Now a dramatic reenactment of Cain killing his brother Abel.

My God, this is just a horrible execution that it seems like something you’d see on the Flintstones. Also, makes you wonder whether Cain killed Abel because God thought Abel’s sacrifice was greater or that Abel was making fun of Cain’s leopard skin loincloth.

29. This cow says, “Howdy, from Oklahoma! Where the wind blows sweeping from the plains…”

This cow doesn’t look like it’s saying, “Howdy!” Rather I think it’s trying to say, “They’re going to kill us all and put us on buns at the local burger joint! Get out while you still can!”

30. If this engine weighs lighter than the swimsuit model, then you should have no problem carrying it.

Then again, this model seems a bit chunky compared to the ones you’d see in a Victoria’s Secret commercial. Still, close enough. Nevertheless, it’s also available in lime green.

31. May I present to you the Rainbow Choir of the East Glenville Methodist Church.

Of course, given that the Gay Rights Movement adapted the rainbow flag as its symbol, I don’t think a church choir would call themselves, even if it’s the United Methodist Church.

32. And now two labrador retrievers on a ski lift. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Now that just can’t be safe for animals. Seriously, I wonder if either of these dogs would have the patience of staying on these seats. Besides, what if one of them jumps?

33. “Well, I’ll be happy to assist you with your mud bath Mr. Skelly.”

Now I’m sure this person is making the man look all natural as if he was part the dirt from which he came from. Still, this is pretty disturbing if you ask me. I mean these people look as if they’re buried alive for God’s sake.

34. Come to the Girl Crossing where the action is.

Of course, the women at the Florida beach you actually see probably aren’t as attractive as these ladies. Seriously, fellas, believing this postcard will set yourself up for disappointment.

35. And yet we have another version of RuPaul’s Drag Race does Lawrence Welk.

Of course, I’m sure these people are smartly dressed for some formal fancy dress ball. Yet, I don’t think they’re very convincing. Still, don’t want to see these in your mail.

36. “She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny rainbow macrame bikini…”

Of course, I’m not sure what to make out with her holding a small sombrero that doesn’t fit her head. Still, no girl wants get a postcard from their boyfriend that says, “Wish you were her.”

37. Man, this cat isn’t happy that his flight’s been cancelled. Somebody is going to get clawed.

Of course, the hat and picnic table cloth don’t help matters either. Still, this is probably the original Grumpy Cat. And boy, is he grumpy about his flight being cancelled. Now he’ll have to change travel plans which he hates oh, so much. Yes, polydactyl cat is not pleased.

38. Let’s stop at Pennsylvania’s Crystal Cave Ice Cream Formation.

I don’t know about you but that formation doesn’t at all resemble an ice cream cone to me. Yet, I think Ice Cream Cone Formation was more of a PG name than, well, something else that’s point and stick up. Even funnier is that they have replicas of this at the gift shop and that’s where the real fun begins.

39. Yay! High school cheerleaders gathering around to a car celebrating the anniversary of a time when a peace treaty was signed, or when Indians decided to surrender peacefully and let settlers take over their land.

Of course, what’s worse is that this high school is called Medicine Lodge and it’s located in Kansas. Must have a Native American mascot, too, and a real stereotypical one at that. Great (sarcasm). Still, love those comet pom poms.

40. Now here is a wax figure of Mark Twain on a rocking chair with his best known character Huckleberry Finn.

All Mark Twain ever wanted for his birthday was either a chair rocking or a rocking chair lap dance with Huckleberry Finn. Still, the two seem a bit too friendly with each other.

41. Need some added neck and chin support? Try one of these.

Sure that contraption may stabilize your neck but putting that chin rest on your shoulders just looks very uncomfortable from what I see with the other one.

42. Now here is one of the most important scientists of all time, Louis Pasteur who formulated pasteurization, vaccination, and founded microbiology.

Yes, Louis Pasteur did help change the world for the better as well as saved so many lives with his research. But that doesn’t stop him from testing his anthrax vaccine on his daughter’s pet bunny rabbit.

43. Awww. A black bear cub eating ice cream. Adorable.

I know bear cubs are cute but feeding the animals is a very bad idea. Seriously, feeding them will lead to animal infestation at camp sites as well as make them easy targets for hunters. So please remember that signs warning against feeding the animals exist for a reason.

44. Reginald was stripped of his horse, when it was discovered that he put lipstick on it during those lonely nights.

“Guys? Have you seen my horse? Guys, this isn’t funny. Seriously, somebody’s stolen my horse, Dobbin. How am I supposed to participate in this routine if I don’t have my fucking horse? My apologies for the profane language.”

45. “I always love to tend to my garden in my bathing suit.”

“It keeps me cool and in tip top shape. Also, I hate to change into something different when I need to hide a body right away. You simply don’t have time for that after you strangle a guy in the hot tub these days.”

46. This bathing beauty receives a grizzly hug at Hugh Hefner’s hunting lodge.

Okay, PETA is going to kill me for this. We all know the grizzly bear is a hunting trophy and the swimsuit woman is only there for the fanservice. Still, pretty funny if you ask me.

47. Come to Indiana and enjoy the wonderful, picturesque scenery.

Man, all I see are basically roadways on a flat landscape. Even a transportation worker is bound to fall asleep on these toll roads. At least Western Pennsylvania has hills, forests, and potholes for God’s sake. Yet, you wouldn’t want to drive on those roads either.

48. Have trouble keeping your chin up? We have a pulley appliance for that.

Wonder if I should get those for my mom so she wouldn’t fall asleep watching movies with us. Probably would fall asleep anyway. Still, I don’t think this guy is very comfortable with the chin straps on him.

49. This woman is utterly thrilled with her stylish brand new Cul-Matic water softener by Culligan.

Because before she had a water softener in her house, Connie had get her plumbing clean on a regular basis due to the metal cation buildup that makes hard water less compatible with soap and resulted in her pipes erroding. Hey, it was Joey’s idea to live near an industrial facility where he worked, not hers.

50. Watch a man wrestle with an alligator in Florida, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Man, for an activity that should have big, “Do Not Try This at Home” disclaimer, seems that some people find alligator wrestling quite boring, indeed. People like me just find it nuts. Then again, while the boys are bored to tears, seems like Mom just thinks the handler has a nice tight ass.

51. Sure this may be a Seminole Indian ritual or it could just be a production from Florida State University. Either way, it seems the guy on the top step is about to demonstrate his skill in the sacred art of gymnastics.

This drama is called “Florida Aflame” which is about the Seminole Indians. Still, I wonder what a real Seminole Indian would think of this production because I think he or she might take offense. Seriously, this seems to be something I’d more likely see in a Lady Gaga music video than on an Indian reservation. I mean why?

52. Nothing seems to be a weird sight than a Dominatrix at the beach. BDSM on the beach? How kinky.

“All right. Now where did I put my chair and my cat o’ nine tails? I know I put them here yesterday. Must’ve been swept with the tide tide. Dammit.”

53. Fasten your seatbelts, kid, because you’re taking a rocketship to Sunday School.

I know that mega churches do a lot of activities. But I’m stumped is to how many of them could include a rocket ship in their budgets. Seriously, why?

54. See Bobo the Clown and his little pal Rover.

I don’t know about you but upon seeing this picture, I kind of feel like calling the Humane Society regarding Rover’s welfare and whether Bobo is a good owner outside his creepy clown costume. Because the poor dog looks so terrified.

55. We’ll be looking for your for your next check up. And we will find you!

Poor Ralphie. Seemed to be a nice and happy kid before Dr. Garity gave him that terrible lobotomy. Now he just looks as if he’s just a mindless and possessed demon child with no soul.

56. A hunting trip of bagging two pheasants with your hunting dogs makes for a perfect day.

Putting a dog near a gun: yeah, seems like an accident waiting to happen. And I’ve seen Bowling for Columbine to know that canine photo ops with guns aren’t a good idea.

57. These woman are so proud to have their own singing Big Brown Billy Bass decor.

Sorry, but whenever I see a big fish mounted like that on a plaque, that’s all I think about. I could just hear that fish sing, “Take me to the river, Put me in the water….”

58. So remember car owners, always remember to check the oil in your gas guzzling automobile, regularly.

Of course, from what I can read from their facial expressions, I don’t think auto maintenance is the first thing on their minds right now. Also, “change the oil” has another meaning that doesn’t come across people’s mind if you know what I mean.

59. This woman sure has a whale of a tale when she comes back from vacation.

This is probably a false killer whale which is also used in aquariums and kept in captivity. However, unlike the Orca, there are no campaigns concerning the captivity of these creatures since they’re not studied as much and have a population that’s much more endangered. This may especially true in Hawaii where they’re most frequently seen. Still, hope that woman doesn’t come from a sorority and is sober.

60. Of course, sometimes we can’t prevent receiving a phone call in the middle of the night.

“Yes, Gladys, I’ve electrocuted Harold in the bath tub by throwing my hair dryer. So how do we dispose of his body without the neighbors suspecting?”

61. Of course, we all know that Floria alligators would rather bite than switch. Gator said so himself.

Switch to what? Is this a postcard depicting animal predation or kinky bestiality? Seriously, who thought this kind of postcard was a good idea?

62. Come to the Madonna Inn and stay at one of our three “Merry Go Round” rooms.

Basically the idea of this room’s design came from the person who really liked the color green and so painted all the walls that way. The decorative ideas came from his 6 year old daughter. God, that’s tacky.

63. See these lovely can-can girls at Steve’s Gay ’90s Restaurant in Tacoma, Washington.

Of course, they mean the 1890s here, but including the word, “gay” is pretty funny. The back says: “While you dine, you’ll enjoy entertainment amid the stage settings of old vaudeville. The ad curtain, drapes and chandeliers are from opera houses of the Old West. Fireplaces, furniture and decorations once graced Tacoma’s showplace homes of the 80’s.” Well, 1880s. Still, what the hell are can-can dancers doing here? They’re supposed to be French!

64. Synchronized water skiing: when a bunch of swimsuit clad girls hold one hand on the rope from the boat while putting the other on the shoulder of the girl next to them.

This is a poster of the Aquamaids (perhaps Aquaman’s lady entourage) from Florida’s Cypress Gardens. And yes, they’re on this postcard for the fanservice. Still, the gardens are pretty enough so putting these women water skiing kind of unnecessary.

65. Now these guys are known as the White Fathers of Africa, a well known Roman Catholic missionary order.

Okay, now I know that there are a lot of Roman Catholic priest and monastic orders that wear white robes and that the White Fathers order started in France. However, if it weren’t for the rosaries around their necks, the cassocks, and showing their faces, I would’ve taken them as some kind of white supremacist organization. Also, these monks look kind of creepy.

66. I now give you a black velvet painting of Jesus coming through the clouds.

Okay, this is part of a display in a religious tourist trap called Bibleland. So it’s not a velvet painting. Still, did this artist get the idea of how this work seems more appropriate at some sleazy nightclub? Seriously, why did that person think a black background was a good idea?

67. From the back: “The Barrel cactus (center) sometimes grows 6 feet tall over a 20-30 year period and contains a slimy juice often reputed to have saved lives in an emergency but hardly fit to drink otherwise.” Yes, what a picturesque view of the Mojave desert this is.

Is it just me or is there something phallic about that barrel cactus? Seems like the Lord works in mysterious ways. And sometimes He creates floral scenery ideal for postcards too inappropriate to mail to your grandparents. Nice to see God has a sense of humor, maybe of a 13 year old boy.

68. If it’s no inconvenience, Sparky would now like to take your picture.

Of course, Sparky has no trouble with focus and concentration. That is, unless he spots a squirrel or piece of meat. Then it’s just downhill from there.

69. Uh, I got a geriatric patient sexually harassing a nurse in the trauma ward. Don’t ask me why he’s able to run.

As if the old guy chasing the nurse was bad for a postcard. What totally baffles me about this is how this guy has casts on all his limbs yet he’s still perfectly able to chase that big boobed nurse in the first place.

70. Lake Placid: The vacation spot in New York where you can get into a summer snowball fight.

Of course the sign says: “It’s no mirage-It’s real snow.” Sure it’s real snow, like the snow they have at Seven Springs during the winter when there isn’t any elsewhere. Seriously, there must be a snow making machine somewhere.

Strange Christmas Traditions from Around the World

Posted by historymaniacmegan on December 15, 2014

While Thanksgiving in November is basically a national holiday in the United States, you can’t say the same about Christmas, which is celebrated around the world either as a religious holiday or otherwise. Now no two countries celebrate Christmas the same way which may be due seasonal patterns, old traditions, and other factors. In fact, while there are plenty of places that do celebrate Christmas some don’t at all. Yet, as for those that do, many may have certain holiday customs that may seem strange to American eyes or those in Europe. And there are even some mainstream Christmas traditions that were strictly national customs until quite recently. For instance, Christmas didn’t really become the mainstream secular holiday we celebrate now until the Victorian Era. And before Queen Victoria and Prince Albert got hitched, the notion of the Christmas tree was most strictly a German tradition. Not to mention, in early America, while you’d find people such as the Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans celebrating Christmas, you’d be pressed to see any house in Puritan Boston with Christmas decorations because for a time it was banned. Nevertheless, here is a list of some of the strange Christmas customs you’d see from around the world during the season.

1. The Netherlands (and to a lesser extent, Belgium)

And you thought the United States has problems with race relations. Still, I’m sure a Barack Obama visit in the Low Countries during the Saint Nicholas season wouldn’t go very well at all.

I’ll start the Dutch here. Now we all know that the Netherlands is one of the most tolerant countries on Earth as well as has legalized pot and prostitution. However, during the Christmas season, people in this country (and Belgium) open their gifts in early December for Saint Nicholas Day, where children leave their shoes out for St. Nick to deliver presents for every child. In the days leading up to December 5th, St. Nick arrives through ship in on Dutch shores in mid-November and goes to each kid’s house on a white horse. However, now while having Saint Nick dress up in a bishop’s robes isn’t unusual (though it’s a carry-over from his previous job as Bishop of Turkey) but what’s strange is that he has helpers ranging from 6 to 8 black men (including a guy named, Zhwart Piet or “Black Peter”). Anyone familiar with world history can easily figure out what these guys started out as in this tradition but they’re known now as St. Nicholas’s “friends” (even if we don’t know how many of them are). Oh, and there’s another folk tradition about St. Nicholas Day regarding bad children such as kicking and beating them with switches (or pretending to) or kidnapping and sending them back to Spain in a sack (his home). Also, when you see Saint Nicholas appears on the street, you’ll see his helpers in blackface and in a fashion that many African Americans would view as virulently racist.

This tradition was made famous by David Sedaris’ commentary on the subject in his essay called, “6 to 8 Black Men.”

https://thejesuitpost.org/2013/12/worth-listening-david-sedariss-six-to-eight-black-men/

2. India

Now I don’t think I’m used to this. Also looks pretty freaky.

While India only has 2.3% of a Christian population, you need to consider that this consists of 25 million people here, which is more than some countries’ entire populations. While many Christian Indians celebrate Christmas with gift-giving and possibly midnight Mass like much of the Western world, yet they don’t have the fir or pine trees that more temperate areas in Europe and North America have. So these Christian Indians have to improvise with decorating banana and mango trees instead and sometimes they even use the leaves from those trees to decorate their houses.

3. Czech Republic and Slovakia

In these two countries, people who are still single but don’t want to remain so tend to stand with their backs toward the door and throw a shoe over their shoulders. Those about to get married soon will have their shoe toes pointing to the door. However, there’s no clue as to how long you’d meet the person of your dreams though.

Another marriage superstition in the Czech Republic in which woman place a cherry tree twig under water. If it blooms, it means she’ll marry next year.

In Slovakia, there’s also a curious tradition in which the family patriarch fills his spoon with loksa (a type of pudding), and flings it to the ceiling. The more he can get to stick up there, the better his harvest will be next year.

4. Japan

Yes, Japanese people spend Christmas at KFC that they need to make reservations well in advance. However, I’m sure that Kentucky Fried Chicken Christmas tradition can’t be good for the arteries.

Japan has a few Christmas traditions that you’d find are strange. And while only a few are practicing Christians, it’s a very popular secular holiday (and sometimes celebrated more like a wintertime Valentine’s Day). The first relates to a marketing campaign from more than 40 years ago that pertains to Japanese families eating KFC for Christmas dinner. This consist of KFC selling over 240,000 barrels of chicken which is 5 to 10 time its monthly sales. However, it’s unclear on how many years it takes off the lives of your average Japanese citizen as well as how much KFC for Christmas will increase their chances for cardiovascular disease, but I bet either is entirely possible.

Another Japanese tradition is the notion of Christmas cake which is a sponge cake that contains whipped cream, chocolate, and strawberries. These are ordered months in advance and are eaten on Christmas Eve. Any cake not sold after the 25th is unwanted. For the same reason, this is partly to explain why Japanese women over 25 were referred to as “Christmas Cake” if they weren’t married by their 26th birthday (this, until relatively recent times).

Still, if you want to send a Christmas card in Japan, avoid sending any one with red unless they are bereaved. Any Christmas cards with red colors should be avoided but good luck finding a redless Christmas card at your local Hallmark store. Also, their Santa Claus or “Santa Kurohsu”, has eyes in the back of his head to keep an eye on naughty children.

5. New Zealand

Rather than using the traditional conifer, New Zealanders decorate Pohutukawa trees for Christmas.

6. Cuba

Every December, the city of Remedios hosts the Parrandas festival in which the city divides in two halves with each building a themed sculpture from light bulbs, in preparation for Christmas Eve.

7. Finland

Of course, I’m not sure if going to a cemetery to light candles for dead relatives is my idea for a great Christmas Eve. But, hey, that’s what the Finns do.

Now while you think the Japanese tradition of eating sponge cakes and KFC is kind of weird, you should check out on what the Finns do on Christmas Eve. Now Christmas Eve is the time of year when Finnish families head to their home saunas since it’s believed that a sauna “elf” lives there to protect it and make sure people behave themselves. Thus, families would head to their sauna, strip to their toes, and enjoy a nice good naked soak, before visiting the graves of their dead relatives and lighting candles in their memory on the sites after sunset. And if they can’t, they go to a nearby cemetery instead as well as placed candles for those relatives buried elsewhere.

Oh, and it’s said that kids in Finland sleep on the floor on Christmas Eve so the dead can use their beds.

8. Venezuela

In Caracas, it’s customary for young children to go to bed with one end of a string tied to their big toe and leaving the other end outside their bedroom window. This is because before 8 a. m., the streets are closed to cars on Christmas so people had to get up nice and early to roller skate to “Early Morning Mass” as well as proceed to tug the strings that are still hanging to wake up the kids. Still, bet roller skating to Mass wouldn’t go well in my neck of the woods though (too many hills).

9. Sweden

While the Christmas goat is a Christianized Christmas tradition taken from the Norse, the Galve Goat has been a prime target for vandalism and arson since it first burned down around midnight on Christmas Day in 1966.

From its first erection and 1966 Christmas Eve burning, the people of Galve build this 13 meter tall straw goat as vandals keep trying to burn it down. As of 2011, it’s been burned 25 times and by 1988 burning the goat happened so often that people began taking bets for its survival ever since. However, just so you know the people of Galve don’t want their goat burned down since an American tourist served time in jail for successfully doing so in 2011.

Another tradition in Sweden is families gathering around the TV at 3 PM on Christmas Eve to watch Donald Duck cartoons from a 1958 Disney program From All of Us to You (or as it’s called there “Donald Duck and his friends wish you a Merry Christmas.”). None of these cartoons have anything to do with Christmas, yet many Swedes could recite the dubbed lines by heart. And it basically started in 1959 when there were just enough TVs in Sweden’s population but only a couple of channels to watch from.

There’s also a Swedish Christmas tradition in which pertains to the serving of rice pudding around Smorgasbord in which one peeled almond is hidden in it. The person who gets the almond is said to be married within a year.

10. Ukraine

No, this isn’t Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas tree. Ukranians actually decorate their Christmas tree with spiders since they think it would bring them luck.

You may think that the notion of decorating a Christmas tree with spider webs seems to be straight from The Nightmare Before Christmas, but in Ukraine it’s a tradition based on local folklore. The tradition starts from a story of a poor woman who couldn’t afford to decorate her Christmas tree for her kids. So some friendly spiders decided to spin webs on the tree instead. When the kids woke up the next morning, they saw the first light turn this cobweb laden tree into silver and gold. Thus, not only the children had a great Christmas, but the family was never left poor again. So, in Ukraine to decorate your tree with spider webs will ensure you good luck and fortune in the coming year. And you thought that was something you’d see Jack Skellington do.

11. Philippines

The Philippines consists of 80% Christians in its huge country with Catholicism as the most prominent denomination. In this country, Christmas celebrations last all the way into January. However, unlike a lot of countries, children leave their polished shoes out for the The Three Kings when they pass through the houses that night for the Feast of the Epiphany, marking the end of the Christmas season.

12. Great Britain

Now this is what the Brits call Christmas pudding. I know it doesn’t look like something you’d get from your pudding mix back in the States. Looks more like cake.

Now a lot of Christmas traditions come from the Brits, yet there are few that don’t. For one, they don’t have Santa Claus but Father Christmas that now looks like Santa but in previous years was the Ghost of Christmas Present. One of them has to do with the notion of Christmas Pudding served on Christmas Day. Of course, as the pudding is stirred clockwise, every member of the family makes a wish. Sometimes it’s said that people put coins, rings, and thimbles to the mix which can symbolize wealth, marriage, and good luck for life. Still, for Americans unfamiliar with the notion of pudding in the British world of cuisine, understand that British pudding looks nothing like the creamy stuff you’d find in cups at the grocery store.

Another tradition in Great Britain has to do with children writing their Christmas wish list burning them in the back of the fireplace, hoping that the draft would carry them to the North Pole. Too bad that they haven’t heard of actually mailing them. Yet, if the letter catches fire before being sent up the chimney, the kiddie must write a new one.

Oh, and in London, it’s said that a group of competitors gather on the shore of Serpentine Lake to take part in a 100 yard race through the freezing water.

13. Canada

Yes, you can really write to Santa at H0H 0H0 and the Canada Post will assist him. Yes, I mean Canada.

Want to send that letter to Santa but don’t know how to get it to the North Pole. Well, you’re in luck since Santa has his own postal code that consists of H0H 0H0 where it will be sent to Canada. So while Santa’s elves help with making those Christmas toys, for the past 30 years, it’s been the Canada Post volunteers who have helped Santa reply to millions of letters each year from children around the world in different languages, including Braille.

14. Spain

Now Spain is home to a lot of weird Christmas traditions but none is crazier than Catalonia’s Caga Tio, which is a magic Yule log that grows and shits presents. Believe me, I’m not making this up.

With the exception of the peeing on the snow sweaters and the pooping reindeer, the thought of holiday fun and bodily functions usually don’t go together. However, the sole exception to this is in Catalonia, Spain, home to the extremely odd Caga Tio, which translates to “pooping log.” And no, he’s not a character from South Park. He’s a hollowed out, smiley-faced piece of wood bringing laughter and joy to Catalonian children in a long established cherished tradition of him pooping out presents. Honest to God, I’m not making this up.

Beginning on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8), Caga Tio is placed on the fireplace, covered in a blanket, and treated as a pet. Each evening, the kiddies feed the log fruits, nuts, and chocolate in hopes that it’ll grow bigger. Meanwhile, the parents secretly swap out the log with a progressively bigger one until, it’s magically full grown by Christmas (again, I’m not making this up).

On Christmas Day, the family gathers around Caga Tio and sing songs to urge it to release its loot, which translate as, “Poop log, poop candy! If you don’t poop well, I’ll hit you with a stick. Poop log!” The brats then proceed to beat the log with sticks in order to force it to defecate traditional Christmas presents like Turon nougat candy, small toys, and coins. Now that’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard so far.

Catalonia is also known for a certain defecating figurine known as a “El Caganer” or “The Shitter,” which is put in the back of a nativity scene. And as you can tell, there are many types you can choose from.

Catalonia also has another Christmas tradition relating to defecation in the form of a Caganer which sits in the back of every traditional Catalan nativity scene (for at least 2 centuries). It’s a figurine of a man with his trousers down pooping, which represents fertility and good fortune. Recently, businesses have many figurines that resemble celebrities. Still, while putting a Caganer in a nativity scene is perfectly acceptable in Catalonia, it would probably be seen as something deeply sacrilegious to so in a manger scene in Kentucky. It’s also a tradition in the rest of Spain, France, Portugal, and Italy.

After Christmas, Spain has a holiday known as the Day of Innocents on December 28, which is it’s April Fool’s Day with the pranks and a day in which kids go from door to door asking for sweets, similar to Halloween, though they tend to make noise as well.Of course, this is a day to commemorate the lives of those young children slaughtered by King Herod. In Valencia, this day is celebrated with people throwing flour at each other.

Oh, and on New Year’s Eve, it’s customary for Spanish to wear red underwear and there’s even a race of people wearing only that in La Font Figuera. People of all ages participate in it.

15. Ethiopia

In Ethiopia, it’s said that the shepherds were playing ganna when they heard about Jesus’s birth. Of course, despite Christmas being about “Peace on Earth and Good Will to Men,” this sport is anything but peaceful.

Ethiopians celebrate Christmas by playing a game called ganna on Christmas Eve. This stems from the tradition of shepherds playing it when they first heard of the birth of Jesus. However, this ball and stick game is anything but peaceful. The balls are made from olive wood or leather which can easily injure a player. And because there’s no rules on the field sizes, the goals are sometimes so far apart that neither team scores by nightfall on Christmas Eve.

16. Germany

How would you like to hear that every year on Christmas? Apparently, Christmas isn’t much a “Silent Night,” in Bavaria.

While the glass pickle tradition in which a child who finds it gets an extra present may be mere rumor (it’s actually American), the tradition of the Bavarian Highlanders firing handheld mortars into air every year in traditional dress isn’t.

Yes, these are straw devils from Bavaria. And yes, they look pretty creepy.

Also, in Bavaria around Christmastime, a group of people dress up as “straw devils” and run through the city of Bischofswiesen scaring the inhabitants.

In some German communities, during the celebrations, a fair haired girl would be anointed as, “Christ Child” in which she’d wear a crown of candles and visit nearby houses with a basket of presents.

And in most of Germany, kids leave their shoes outside their bedrooms for Saint Nicholas on December 5. In the morning, if they’ve been good, they’ll find a tree branch covered with sweets. If not, they’ll only find a branch, and we know what that’s going to be used for.

17. Greece

According to Greek folklore, subterranean goblins called Kallikantzaroi surface once every during the 12 days of Christmas and spend the rest of the year underground sawing the World Tree so that it would collapse and the Earth along with it. Yet, just as they’re about to make the final cuts, Christmas comes along causing them to forget about their mission so they decide to terrorize humanity. Yet, after the Christmas season, they find that the tree has healed itself and they have to start their sinister work all over again.

In northern Greece, there’s a tradition in which men get dressed in animal carcasses and carry swords, sing Christmas carols, and gather small gifts from the homes they visited. And if two different groups meet, they start a “war” until one of them surrenders.

18. Former Yugoslavia

2 weeks prior to Christmas, it’s become a tradition in the former Yugoslavia for children to sneak up to their mother and tie her feet to a chair. Then they dance and sing, “Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day, what will you pay to get away?” She then gives them presents yet even that’s not enough to satisfy their materialistic appetites. So the next week they do the same thing to their father.

19. European Alpine Region

Man, I wonder if all these guys dressing up as the Krampus have something to do with the Furry fandom. Then again, why haven’t I heard of this tradition from The Sound of Music?

Now I’ve written quite a bit about the Krampus in my series on mythological creatures, which is part of a Christmas tradition in parts of Germany, Austria, and Hungary. Now while we have Santa who delivers presents to good little boys and girls, it’s the Krampus who handles the bad kids, who looks like an evil creature from a 1980s fantasy film. Now his job is to wreak general havoc and dish out well-deserved punishments to the bad little children of the world. Carrying a large wicker basket on his back, similar to Santa’s sack, he kidnaps the naughtiest children and sends them straight to Hell. With less naughty kids, he simply whips them. Still, though of pagan origin, he’s been part of the Alpine Christmas tradition at least since 1600 with Krampus festivals going on since the 1800s. And now his popularity is spreading across the major US cities as an excuse to wear Krampus costumes and through bacchanal parties. Not to mention, there’s a Krampusnacht in early December in which some men dress as this demonic walking carpet, get drunk, and parade around town.

They also have a female Krampus called Perchta and when she gets her hands on naughty children, she’s said to rip open their abdomens, pull out their guts, and fill them with straw. Sweet dreams, children!

20. Switzerland

In Samnaun, Switzerland, you have ClauWau or the Santa Claus World Championships where red suited people gather from around the world to compete in Christmas themed contests. Though it’s officially to see who’s the best Santa team, the laughs are the real goal in this competition.

Switzerland is home to two crazy Christmas traditions in two towns that might as well put places like the Netherlands, Japan, Finland, the Alps, and Catalonia to shame. First, the little town of Samnaun is home to what’s known as the Santa Claus World Championships or ClauWau. Here, teams from all over the world dressed in their bright red and white Santa suits meet at a local ski resort to compete in Christmas themed contests. These events consists of relay races, a wooden rocking horse obstacle course, a gingerbread decorating contest, a chimney climbing contest where St. Nicks throw bags of toys over their backs and race to ring the bell at the top of the chimney, and more, all with the goal of crowning the best Santa team. Of course, at this holly-jolly event, gaining some holiday inspired laughs is the real goal here.

On December 5th, the Swiss town of Kussnacht has Klausjagan, or “Chasing of the Claus,” which is a 2 hour festival of villagers chasing Santa Claus with 8 foot whips as well as having locals dressed in giant illuminated stained glass bishop hats in a procession. Also have people loudly blasting cowbells, instruments, and horns.

In another Swiss town called Kussnacht, an age old pagan celebration to ward off evil spirits has evolved into the tradition of Klausjagan, translating into, “chasing the Klaus.” This 2 hour festival begins on December 5th and celebrated as Saint Nicholas Day with villagers proceeding by cracking 8ft long whips all with the intention of harassing Santa Claus. And I’m not making this up. Afterwards, there’s a procession of 200 locals dressed in giant illuminated stained glass bishop hats in an ogle of 200,000. And the festival concludes with a march of over 1,000 locals loudly blasting cowbells, instruments, and horns. Sure it may make sense as a ritual to ward off evil spirits, but directing the focus on Santa Claus since Christianization is just plain weird. Then again, merging Christian theology with old pagan rituals is how many of these traditions were created in the first place.

21. Italy

Every Epiphany Eve, the witch La Befana goes to houses where she drops gifts for the children in Italy. Of course, despite looking like an old hag, she’s said to be a very nice lady.

In addition to Santa Claus, Italian children also have another Christmas gift giver named La Befana who’s an old haggard witch on a broom, bestowing gifts to good Italian kids on the eve of Epiphany January 5. And like Santa Claus, she brings coal to the bad kids too as well as goes down chimneys. Like many Christmas rituals and despite looking like a Halloween caricature, La Befana was once a pagan figure of a woman on a pyre to symbolize death and rebirth. She was recreated in the 13th century with Christianity in mind with an established legend as well. In it, she’s said to have turned down an invite from the Three Wise Men to visit Baby Jesus in the manger. Wracked with guilt and regret, she now travels the world on the eve to deliver presents in order to make up for the mistake. Yet, I’m sure that only Italy got the memo. Then again, there’s a similar figure named Babouschka in Russia.

Also, Italians don’t have Christmas trees, but use small wooden pyramids covered in fruit instead.

22. Ireland

In Ireland, it’s a tradition to leave mince pies and a bottle of Guinness for Santa Claus.

The Irish also have a strange tradition of men caroling in straw costumes and carrying dead wrens on sticks.

23. Mexico

In Oaxacca, they have Night of the Radishes on December 23, in which artisans carve oversized radish art to compete in the local contest.

In the region of Oaxaca has a Christmas tradition known as La Noche de Rabanos on December 23 or “Night of the Radishes,” which has been going on for over 116 years. This was started by 16th century Spanish Missionaries who decided to incorporate the local native carving practices into the conversion. This tradition involves a surreal arts festival in which artisans compete by carving oversized root festivals with cash prizes for the best radish sculpture. Today this contests attracts a hundred annual competitors as well as thousands of tourists.

Oaxaca is also a place where the Christmas festivities begin with a parade with people walking down the lantern-lit streets, and knocking on every door to re-enact Mary and Joseph’s search for shelter. Then they break ceramic plates near the cathedral to signify the year’s end.

Mexico is also the native range of the Poinsettia which is the standard flower for Christmas. This became incorporated in the US traditions around the time of the Mexican War.

Mexico is also the native range for the poinsettia and the reason why it’s a Christmas tradition in the United States since the Mexican War. According to local legend, a poverty-stricken brother and sister left a bouquet of weedy branches as a gift to the Christ Child at their church. Other children laughed at their meager offering a cluster of red star shaped flowers began to bloom from the branches and they became known as Flores de Noche Buena or “Flowers of the Holy Night,” and would be named after US Ambassador to Mexico, Joel Roberts Poinsett.

24. Norway

Norway’s Christmas seems to be regarded share some parallels with Halloween, such as a night when evil spirits taunt the living. It’s believed in Norway that on Christmas, witches come out searching for brooms to steal from hapless citizens before flying off into the cold, dark night. Thus, before Christmas, it was said that Norwegian women would hide all the household brooms and mops while the men fire guns outside to scare away the evil entities. Not to mention, it’s said that some Norwegians engage in Julebukking or “Christmas-goating” where they dress up in goat masks while visiting people. Let’s just say that Christmas in Norway is anything but silent night if you ask me. And you thought that country was just known for Lutefisk.

25. North Korea

Sure North Korea is an atheistic and communist state as mandated in which most of the residents don’t have access to electricity. Yet, the state has its own way of celebrating the Christmas season-by threatening to declare war on South Korea whenever it erects a Christmas tree near the border. Of course, North Korea said that the illuminated Christmas tree is “propaganda” that might convince people on the North Korean border that South Korea may be a better place (it is).

26. South Africa

A common Christmas dish in this country is deep fried Emperor Moth caterpillar. Doesn’t exactly look like a gourmet treat but maybe it tastes delicious.

Children are also told about the story of Danny, a young boy who angered his grandmother by eating the cookies left for Santa. She killed him in a rage and he’s said to haunt homes at Christmas.

27. Greenland

A traditional Christmas dish in this area is Kiviaq, which is better explained by one BBC commentator quoted from the Huffington Post:

“The delicacy is created by first preparing a seal skin: all the meat is removed and only a thick layer of fat remains. The skin is then sewn into a bag shape, which is stuffed with 300-500 little auk birds. Once full and airtight, the skin is sewn up and seal fat is smeared over all over the join, which acts as a repellent to flies. The seal skin is then left under a pile of rocks to ferment for a minimum of three months to a maximum of 18 months.”

Disgusting.

28. Iceland

Iceland has a Yule Cat who’s not very nice and is said to devour lazy children without clothes for Christmas. You can see why Icelanders work so hard.

While Italy has La Befana and Catalonia has Cago Tio, Iceland has Jólakötturinn the Yule or Christmas Cat. However, he’s not a nice cat and could possibly eat you. In many Icelandic families, those who finished all their work on time receive new clothes on Christmas, slackers didn’t (though this might be a threat). So to encourage kids to work hard, parents tell their kids that Jólakötturinn can distinguish lazy children by the fact they don’t have at least one new item of clothing for Christmas. And these children would be sacrificed to him. You can see why Icelanders put in more overtime hours than most Europeans.

Here is a chart on the 13 Yule Lads and their parents. Each of them has a name in which they’re best known for doing. But, let’s just say they really mellowed with the coming of Santa Claus.

Iceland also has a group of men called the Jólasveinar or Yule Lads who are Icelandic trolls and used to steal things and cause trouble around Christmastime. And like the Yule Cat, were used to scare the kiddies straight. Yet, after the introduction of Santa Claus in the 20th century, these guys have soon mellowed to be nice enough to leave gifts in kids’ shoes. And the gift giving lasts for 13 days straight because there are 13 Jólasveinar, each with their own distinct personality, which is from December 12-24. Yet, it’s said their mom isn’t so nice and is said to stew naughty kids. Oh, and their names are Spoon Licker, Bowl Licker, Door Slammer, Sausage Swiper, Door Sniffer, Window Peeper, Meat Hook and Candle Beggar, just as an example. And it’s said that bad kids end up with a bunch of potatoes which I wouldn’t mind to tell the truth.

29. Latvia

While Mummering is done in a lot of European countries and Newfoundland, it’s very prominent in Latvia. Of course, it’s basically a mix between Christmas caroling and trick or treating.

In Latvia, Christmastime is still associated with pagan European roots as well as often celebrated from December 22nd to the 25th. Now the Latvian Christmas traditions bear a lot of similarities to Halloween in which people dress up as mummers wearing some kind of mask associated with dead animals and go from house to house playing music and bestowing blessings on the places they visited. In return, they’re given food to eat. In a way, this kind of ritual is like a cross between Christmas caroling and Halloween trick-or-treating. Mummering is also done in Newfoundland and other places as well.

30. Iraq

Iraq has only a few Christians but they have an unusual Christmas ceremony with lighting a bonfire from dried thorns outside their houses. The future of the family’s house depends on how the fire burns. If the thorns are reduced to ashes, then the family would have good fortune. And when fire becomes ashes, everyone jumps in to make a wish. Of course, this tradition may be on the decline due to the rise of ISIS and the fact that lighting fire may make Christians easier targets around the holidays. So sad.

31. Estonia

Like the Finns, the Estonians celebrate Christmas with a visit to the local sauna where they usually bathe nude on Christmas Eve. Basically this entails bonding with your folks in a hot room while drinking vodka, sharing stories, and relaxing. Of course, depending on point of view, this could be either a great alternative to the norm or downright horrifying (the latter in my case).

32. Wales

In Wales, we have Mari Lwyd, which is a festival in which a chosen member of the community parades around the street in a dead horse’s skull. Must be traumatizing to the Welsh kiddies.

Well, Mari Lwyd is more of an after Christmas tradition as well as New Year’s but it’s very crazy nevertheless. Each year in some Welsh villages, Christmas caroling takes a twisted turn when a villager is selected to perform Mari Lwyd, which consists of parading around the streets in a decorated mare’s skull (sometimes with a spring loaded jaw to snap at people) fashioned to a wooden pole covered by a white sheet, while villagers sing. Bet you wouldn’t see that in How Green Was My Valley.

33. Australia

While Europe and North America tend to associate Christmas with snow, Australia basically associates the holiday with volleyball, beach parties, “Christmas Bush,” and surfing Santas. After all Christmas is a summer holiday for them.

While people in Europe and North America are dreaming of a white Christmas, that dream is basically impossible in Southern Hemisphere nations like Australia who celebrate Christmas in the summer where temperatures are between 68 to 84 degrees Fahrenheit. So images of Santa pulling up a surfboard are a common sight down under. And instead of decorating a fir or pine tree, they use a native plant known as “Christmas Bush.” Oh, and for Australians, Christmas is a time for picnics, beach parties, swimming, and volleyball, you know, traditions most Americans would associate with the 4th of July.

34. Guatemala

On December 7, Guatemala kicks of the Christmas season with La Quema del Diablo where people sweep their homes and gather trash in a big pile where the burn it with Satan in effigy.

Around December 7, Guatemalans celebrate a holiday known as La Quema del Diablo where they sweep their homes and collect trash from around their property creating a massive heap of refuse on the street. The pile is crowned with a Satan effigy and set ablaze and the Christmas season can begin. No, this isn’t how “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” got started, it’s actually a cleansing ritual said to expunge evil spirits and negative energy from upcoming festivities. Seems similar to the celebration relating to the Aztec goddess Tochi sans the human sacrificing part, of course.

35. Portugal

During Christmas dinner, it’s not unusual for Portuguese families to set extra places at their tables for deceased relatives. It’s thought the practice will ensure the household good fortune.

36. Scotland

While Christmas is treated as a time of quiet reflection with family and friends, their New Year’s Eve is a loud, joyous occasion celebrating the birth of the New Year called Hogamanay. An important tradition relating to New Year’s is called First-Footing. Once midnight sets in, all eyes await the arrival of the year’s first visitor who’s said to be the predictor of good fortune in the year ahead. Tall, dark handsome men like Hugh Jackman, Gregory Peck, and Jon Hamm are preferred while women and blondes are deemed unlucky. It’s also supposed to bring an array of gifts like coins (symbolizing fortune), bread (food), and whiskey (good cheer).

Scotland also has a festival known as Up Helly Aa dating from the 1800s in which young men would mischievously drag flaming barrels of tar into the streets. Nowadays, after the fiery parade, participants gather and toss their torches into replica Viking long ship. Then they hold private parties in flamboyant costumes. This celebration signals the end of the Christmas season.

37. Denmark

On Christmas Eve, Danish families leave rice pudding or porridge to make sure the devilish elf Nisse is nice to them. It’s said if they don’t then he may steal presents before the kiddies wake up on Christmas morning.

38. Poland

In some parts of Poland, it’s still tradition for people to make their own elaborate nativity scenes for Christmas with a backdrop of local architecture. Called szopka, these scenes are painstakingly created from materials like cardboard, plastic, and tin foil. This tradition began by local craftsmen to earn extra money on Christmas. In Krakow, there’s even a szopka competition on the first Thursday in December.

39. Belgium

In Belgium, they have two Santas who come around for Saint Nicholas Day which is either Saint Nicholas or Pere Noel depending on what language you speak but they leave either gifts or sticks depending how good the kiddies are. However, they do things a little differently. For instance, while Saint Nicholas goes on a preliminary visit to know how good the kiddies are, Pere Noel just asks Pere Fouettard, whoever he is.

40. Brazil

In Brazil, Santa Claus or they call him Papai Noel, flies down from Greenland where he drops his heavy Santa attire and opts for sleek vacation like duds. Well, what do you expect from a guy carrying a sack of toys in 90 degree heat?

41. Former Soviet Union

Instead of Santa Claus, Eastern Europe has a guy named Ded Moroz who shares many of the big guy in the red suit’s characteristics. Of course, in his earliest tales, he’s a cruel sorcerer who froze people and kidnapped children. And the parents had to give presents to him to get their kids back.

While Ded Moroz “Father Frost” has been present in Russian folklore since the 17th century, he would be reinvented by the Communists as a symbol for the New Year along with “Snow Maiden” and “New Year Boy.” Originally considered an enemy by the Communist regime, Ded Moroz was said to be an ally of the “priests and boyars” Ded Moroz was quickly adopted as New Year symbol or the Soviet replacement Christmas since the communists either hated Christmas’ religious significance or how it’s embroiled in the reckless consumerism and commercialization in the United States. But he was in a lot of Soviet style nativity scenes. Now after the fall of the Soviet Union, Ded Moroz is now a Christian Symbol once more as well as relatively popular.

42. United States

The United States isn’t above holding strange Christmas traditions either as I’ll list the following that covers certain areas:

If my relatives sent me a Christmas card like this, I would wonder what the hell was wrong with them. Seriously, this is just wrong on so many levels.

Now the state of Arizona is known for right wing politics and a distaste for gun control. The Scottsville Gun Club in Scottsdale, Arizona has an event called “Santa and Machine Guns” which allows families (even those with children and babies) take their pick of weaponry from a large arsenal of pistols, shotguns, AK-47s, grenade launchers, and machine guns and use them as props in a cozy Christmas photo op with Santa Claus. Elves give gun safety instructions to the uninitiated before the picture is taken and the pictures are put on Christmas cards to send to families (one of them I put in a Christmas card post last year). Disturbingly enough (especially in the wake of Newtown), it’s a very popular event attracting hundreds lining up.

From the 16th to 19th centuries in the United States, Britain, and Canada, it wasn’t uncommon to play snap dragon around the Christmas season which people tried snatching raisins out of a bowl of burning brandy in which people would pop into the mouth to extinguish them. Successful players would be seen with their hands and mouths dripping with blue flames. It has died out for obvious reasons regarding fire safety.

Another odd US Christmas tradition that has really taken off is SantaCon, which is a time when people dress up as Santa, elves, and reindeer, sing Christmas songs, and go on bar crawls.

Since 1994, the Cacophony Society in San Francisco has hosted the annual SantaCon. Originally created as a thinking man’s demonstration as a lighthearted protests on Christmas consumerism and commercialism, it’s become a worldwide Christmas convention where thousands of followers dress up as Santa Claus, elf, or reindeer and travel around a given city in massive packs bursting into Christmas songs, stopping at local bars, and stunning passersby. It’s also evolved into an elaborate party and drinking event with widespread rowdiness and public drunkenness like on Saint Patrick’s Day. Lately, it’s become a worldwide phenomenon and sometimes called, “The Running of the Santas.”

This is just a primer on Festivus for those unfamiliar with it. Of course, this was a holiday invented by a father of one of the Seinfeld writers as a parody for Christmas.

And let’s not forget the old tradition of Festivus, a parody Christmas tradition popularized by Seinfeld that takes place on December 23rd. Ironically, this tradition was started by the father of one of the show’s writers. Now this includes a Festivus dinner that includes, an unadorned Festivus pole. It includes practices with the “Airing of Grievances” with each person lashing out words at others and the world about how they’ve been disappointed this year as well as the “Feats of Strength” with the head of household selecting a person at the Festivus celebration and challenging them to wrestling match. And it’s said that Festivus isn’t over until the household head is pinned. Then there’s the notion of “Festivus Miracles” which pertain to easily explainable events. Since the 1997 Seinfeld episode, “The Strike,” it’s gained a widespread adoption.

People in Southern Louisiana are known to have massive bonfires to light up the Mississippi River so that the French Papa Noel can find their houses.

In New York since 1966, TV station WPIX basically broadcasts of a Yule log burning for 24 hours on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

For more: http://www.whychristmas.com/cultures/

The Wonderful World of Architecture

Posted by historymaniacmegan on November 3, 2014

Now last time, I compiled a list of ugly houses most people wouldn’t want to live in. This time, it’s on to architecture outside the residential area. Now in metropolitan area, we are exposed to a lot of buildings on any given day. Most of them are built to serve a function of one sort or another. Some of them are used for businesses and commercial institutions. Others for industry. There are even those that are used for functions related to religion, governmental, recreational, academic, and other functions. While most of these buildings are designed for some sort of purpose with some giving more creativity to the architect than others. Yet, we all want these buildings to look nice since the architecture reflects how many people see us as a whole. Not to mention, nicely designed buildings attract tourists who want to see them, which means money. I could go on and on about some of the loveliest buildings in the world from the ancient Asian pagodas and medieval Gothic cathedrals to Monticello, Mount Vernon, and Victorian style mansions and palaces. Yet, you’d probably be bored to tears over such details. Instead, I’ll focus on some of the buildings designed in such a way that would make people wonder their architects were on while drawing the blueprints. Of course, most of these will be modern architecture examples by the way. Still, before I go further let me go over what this post doesn’t include:

1. Buildings that are decrepit, messy, and abandoned as well as suffering from poor upkeep.

2. Buildings constructed in poor areas and bad neighborhoods.

3. Buildings either under construction or demolished.

4. Any building that’s boarded up and seems condemned.

5. Any building suffering damage from a disaster.

6. Any establishment that’s built for solely utilitarian purposes like industrial buildings or shopping centers. Most people don’t go to admire the architecture from these places. These were buildings that were constructed to be seen.

7. Buildings not yet constructed as far as I know.

Of course, many of these will be from urban areas and pertain to establishments that are civic, commercial, academic, religious, or recreational. There may be a few residential establishments as well but they’ll mostly be apartment buildings. So now without further adieu, here are some architectural eyesores for your viewing pleasure.

1. To kick things off, here’s a great building specimen from the Soviet era.

My mistake. That’s actually Boston’s City Hall, which was constructed in 1968. Still, it kind of has an essence of everything you’d see in an old Soviet building like utilitarianism and austerity. Not to mention, not being much to look at.

2. Man, this building seems to have a lot kids T-ping it on Halloween. I wonder how they get the stuff off.

Wait a minute, that’s part of the actual building? Then, why does it look like the kind of place where Spiderman would practice slinging his webs for God’s sake?

3. Behold, the giant building monster of doom!

That’s actually the Portland Building in Oregon. It was built in 1982 and won a prestigious honor in 1983. Still, a columnist for The Oregonian is reputed to say some years later, “the ‘huge blue tiles, colored glass and odd pastel flourishes meant to evoke early modern French paintings’ actually resembled ‘something designed by a Third World dictator’s mistress’ art-student brother.'”

4. Now here’s a building shaped like a giant robot.

This is a building from Bangkok and yes, it does resemble a giant robot who wants to “kill the humans.” Still, it would’ve been rather appropriate for a tech company in Silicon Valley or Japan. By the way, it’s actually a bank.

5. Now here is an exceptional example of architectural apartment design, as if appropriate for Dr. Seuss.

This is actually an apartment building in Seattle, Washington. And while the balconies seem to be a little askew, the right most column seems like it’s being consumed by a sea monster.

6. Now is this some large power plant or Darth Vader’s planetary palace?

Actually, this place is known as “The Beehive” which houses New Zealand’s Parliament. But still, it pretty much looks like some evil overlord’s palace from a science fiction film. Still, it’s said that New Zealand is a very nice place to live and a rather progressive one, too. I mean it was the first country in the world to give women the right to vote in 1893.

7. Now for those wanting to travel a country with an actual evil overlord, you might want to stay in this building as an emblem of his delusion of grandeur.

This is the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, North Korea. It’s actually not quite finished from the inside as far as I know the exterior certainly is. And the fact that North Korea is trying to promote tourism may make this building soon open for business. Still, it’s nicknamed, “the Hotel of Doom,” and I’m not sure how such a nation with a very hostile to foreigners would want to encourage people to vacation there.

8. Now here’s a very interesting spaceship or deep sea monster of some sort. Seems like it’s made out of toothpicks.

It’s called the “Palacio de Congresos” and it’s in Spain. I have no idea what it’s supposed to be or what the architect’s intent was. Nevertheless, it’s pretty hideous looking as if it’s some large beast from outer space.

9. Large skyscraper man is watching you.

This is the Russian Embassy of Havanna. Yet, it kind of looks like some giant warrior frozen in a mixture of glass, steel, and concrete over some sort of curse. But it's still pretty intimidating.

This is the Russian Embassy of Havanna. Yet, it kind of looks like some giant warrior from a 1980s cartoon frozen in a mixture of glass, steel, and concrete over some sort of curse. But it’s still pretty intimidating.

10. I give you, the abstract castle.

Let’s just say if today’s architects were living in the Middle Ages, most medieval castles would look like this. Still, I think medieval lords would’ve executed them before such edifices would get off the ground. By the way, this building is from the Middle East.

11. What better way to top off your skyscraper than with a giant golf ball?

This is Etisalat 1 in Dubai, UAE and serves as headquarters for a telecommunications company. Now aside from being a tee to a giant golf ball, I also liken this to a fancy type of ball deodorant.

12. Wavy foundation, crumbled upper floors on top.

This is the IAC headquarters building in New York City. It’s designed by Frank Gehry, which is why it looks like as if someone took a piece of striped paper, folded it into a paper accordion, and tore it in two before putting one on top of the other. You’ll be seeing a few Gehry specimens in this post.

13. Finally, we have a nice Buddhist Temple in China.

This is the Famen Temple complex area in China’s Shaanxi province. Reminds me of that Oral Roberts’ University sculpture with the hands praying. Yet, geometric in gold with an Asian temple between them. The real Famen Temple is actually nice once you get through this eyesore. And you’ll have to deal with a crowd, being in China and all.

14. And now, here’s a picture of a giant stone vacuum.

Wait a minute, this is a French church for God’s sake? It’s called the Church Saint Peter in Firminy, France. It was designed by Le Corbuiser. Still, it just seems like this building is better suited for some other planet.

15. Now what can be better than having a giant robot on your building?

I think this building is for a technical college in Japan. Still, while the figurehead looks a mix between Speed Racer and Robocop, it's fairly fitting actually. And we're well aware that Japan has a reputation with creating robots to do more things than anyone ever thought of.

I think this building is for a technical college in Japan. Still, while the figurehead looks a mix between Optimus Prime, Speed Racer, and Robocop, it’s fairly fitting actually. And we’re well aware that Japan has a reputation with creating robots to do more things than anyone ever thought of.

16. Seems like this building has been through a disaster.

This is the Ray and Maria Stata Center at MIT, which is another design by Frank Gehry. Let's just it just looks as though a hurricane blew through it. Thankfully, it's not used as MIT's school for architecture.

This is the Ray and Maria Stata Center at MIT, which is another design by Frank Gehry. Let’s just say it looks as though a hurricane blew through it. Thankfully, it’s not used as MIT’s school for architecture.

17. With the dark brown facade and multitude of chimneys, I swear this is a new factory in the wrong zone.

Actually it’s the Portcullis House in London, which was built to provide offices for members in the UK Parliament. Yet, it seems to resemble some hideous Victorian mansion and factory complex from a Charles Dickens novel. Also, the color is terrible.

18. For those who don’t remember, this is where James Bond works, not his enemies. Yet, some of you may not be able to tell.

It’s the SIS building in London also known as the MI6 building from the James Bond movies. I know it’s what you’d get if you design a military industrial complex like a 1980s wedding cake. Still, you get to see it blown up a lot in James Bond movies like Skyfall, for instance.

19. Now this Pixel Building is very trippy, man.

This is the Pixel building in Melbourne, Australia. It’s supposed to be in an experimental style of green architecture, which is why it looks like it was designed by someone on brown acid. Nevertheless, its glass pieces can change color as well as be used for several designs.

20. Now here is a building that would be great for a super sci-fi villain’s lair.

Now this is the Geisel Library in San Diego, built in honor of Theodore Geisel a. k. a. “Dr. Seuss.” This style is more reminiscent of something you’d see from Star Wars or Close Encounters with the Third Kind. Would’ve been better if its chief benefactor designed this building himself.

21. This Saint Nicholas Catholic Church in Valais, Switzerland is the embodiment for the Swiss principles of clockwork and austerity.

If it wasn’t for the stone cross, I would’ve mistaken this place for some surrealist Soviet prison. I mean it seems more suited as a Swiss Calvinist church than a Swiss Catholic church. Also, it’s dedicated to Saint Nicholas who wasn’t known for his austerity at all.

22. Now here’s one of the world’s biggest picnic baskets.

Fittingly, this building is a headquarters for a the Longaberger Basket Company in Ohio. Though appropriate and not very ugly, I don’t know if any of Longaberger’s employees would be comfortable telling their friends that they work in a basket. Boy, they must be real basket cases there.

23. Let the Trump Tower be a testament that Donald Trump has about as good taste in architecture as he does in hairstyles.

Well, Donald Trump's hair is a literal rat infestation, this 5th Avenue tower is just a tribute to the Donald's obnoxious spoiled rich kid vanity. Also, his propensity to nostalgize himself as part of the 1980s.

Well, Donald Trump’s hair is a literal rat infestation, this 5th Avenue tower is just a tribute to the Donald’s obnoxious spoiled rich kid vanity. This place just looks like something you see from a cutting board.

24. Only in Barcelona, would anyone think a tower that resembles some light up sex toy you’d get at Spencer’s gift shop was a good idea.

Now Torre Agbar has become a symbol for Barcelona and has a lot light configurations at night. Still, let the people of Barcelona remember: if a giant came down from the beanstalk after some kid sold the family cow for some magic means, don’t be surprised if he uses Torre Agbar as a dildo.

25. There’s nothing like a great building for a skyline than one that resembles something you’d more likely see on a hood ornament or hub cap.

This is the Aldar Headquarters Building of Abu Dhabi, UAE. It’s supposed to be the world’s first circular skyscraper. Still, it may cause migraines while looking at it on a warm sunny day and resembles a fly’s eye.

26. Come to Signapore and stay at the Marina Bay Sands Hotel to see the loveliest view.

Unfortunately, Signapore’s Marina Bay Sands Hotel resembles a giant surfboard or an upturned subway on very thick metallic stilts.

27. While Barcelona’s Agbar Tower resembles a giant light up dildo, London’s Gherkin Building looks like a fancy fabrege dildo for pleasuring Britain’s upper noble classes.

Now London does have some nice buildings. Yet, I don’t get why they had to construct a building that resembles a large giant sex toy from Tiffany’s? Surprised why this wasn’t a subject of a Monty Python sketch.

28. Now here’s a building that resembles a large gemstone on a bulky launch pad.

This is Belarus’s National Library in Minsk. Of course, it’s said to have LED lights and sparkle in the night. Still, love it or hate it, it gives Minsk and Belarus the thing that all countries crave: tourists.

29. Only in China can they erect a tower for their newspaper that resembles a giant phallus.

The phallic symbolism of China’s People’s Daily tower represents how the China’s authoritarian structure likes to stick it up the people’s asses in regards to the freedom of expression. Yes, the Chinese people are certainly screwed on that.

30. Never has a building stood so grand as one that reminds one of a trash pile from day care center.

This is the Biomuseo in Panama City, Panama as well as another of Frank Gehry’s disasterpieces. I’m surprised there aren’t any flecks of glitter on it as there would be in any kiddie craft project.

31. In Central China Television, it’s a combination of power in beauty. In Beijing, it’s called, “squatting man.”

This Beijing’s CCTV building which is perhaps one of the few big TV stations in now not-so-Communist China. Other than being known as, “big shorts” it’s also said to have high maintenance costs as well as caught fire in 2009. Thus, it’s safety is a concern as well.

32. Now here’s a great architectural design for a space station, Darth Vader’s vacation home, or Batman’s headquarters if he decides to reveal his secret identity as Bruce Wayne.

This is the Metropolitan Cathedral of Christ the King in Liverpool. Yet, while the interior is pretty spectacular, its exterior doesn’t inspire thoughts of heaven and salvation. It’s also called, “The Sacred Blender.” Still, if there are any space aliens who wish to join the Catholic Church, then this would be a perfect place for them to worship.

33. Now let’s see here. I guess this is a combination of some glass office building and a large white spire with inspiration from Rivendell and Isengard.

This was Joel Osteen's Chrystal Cathedral which is a few miles from Disneyland in Los Angeles. It's now Christ Cathedral and part of the Catholic diocese of Orange County after the place went bankrupt. Still, I'm surprised that the high tower doesn't seem to contain the eye of Sauron.

This was the Crystal Cathedral megachurch which is a few miles from Disneyland in Los Angeles. It’s now Cathedral of Christ and part of the Catholic diocese of Orange County after the place went bankrupt. Still, I’m surprised that the high tower doesn’t seem to contain the eye of Sauron.

34. Here we come to the Rivas-Vaciamadrid Church of the Living Turd.

Actually, it’s called the Parish of Saint Monica. Still, I think it’s kind of disgrace and a waste of wood to dedicate this holy piece of shit to Saint Augustine’s alcoholic mother. Let’s just say, a church like this would drive anyone to drink since it’s as ugly as sin.

35. Speaking of cathedrals, this one seems like a mix of the Beehive, the Chrystal Cathedral, and some kind of receptor for the two dildo buildings.

No disrespect to the Catholic Diocese of Oakland, but I have to confess that your Cathedral of Christ the Light is a rather terrible attempt to honor God and His mercy. Seriously, the Catholics of Oakland deserve better for their community than this sci-fi catastrophe in architecture.

36. They call it the Elephant Building. Well, it kind of looks like one from an 1980s Atari video game.

This is the Elephant Building from Bangkok, Thailand. Let’s just say it was built to resemble an elephant, but made it to practically every list of ugly buildings ever assembled. It would be tough to leave this one out.

37. The Fang Yuan Building was based on the shape of old China coins. I’m not sure if the Chinese people bought it.

Whether a giant microchip, subway token, power generator, or whatever the hell it is, this building seems to be China’s burgeoning capitalism, innovation, and a bad taste for architecture.

38. Now this building seems to combine the boring federal bureaucracy with the shape of some kind of little know 1960s camcorder.

This is the Federal Building in San Francisco. Not one of the more attractive examples of Frisco architecture. Another failed example of eco-architecture.

39. Let’s just say that Malaysia’s First World Hotel has a colorful reputation.

Let’s just say that whoever was responsible for the hotel’s paint job must’ve been totally tripping balls on some strong hallucinogenic acid or something. Perhaps its architect was on LSD at the time.

40. Now the Guangxi Science and Technology Museum must’ve been architecturally inspired by EPCOT surrounded by an oyster shell. Didn’t really turn out right, did it?

Then again, this might illustrate the earth over a cosmic plane or in orbit. Either way, doesn’t really account much for taste. Also seems like an ideal lair for a sci-fi villain.

41. Hello, and welcome to a victory village in the Panem capital.

Wait a minute, this is the Henan Art Center and Theater in China. Still, it loos as if there's a bunch of giant brown and gold modules. Nevertheless, I think I owe the nation of Panem an apology.

Wait a minute, this is the Henan Art Center and Theater in China. Still, it looks as if there’s a bunch of giant brown and gold modules. Nevertheless, I think I owe the nation of Panem an apology.

42. I guess the architectural inspiration for this building was Kanye West’s tennis shoes.

This is the building for the Amsterdam Marathon. Of course, the shoe design is quite appropriate, though it could sometimes be seen as an ice skate.

43. Now I’m sure this Art Deco roof isn’t going to frighten anyone. I hope.

Now this is Chicago’s Harold Washington Library. Architecturally speaking, the roof seems to be the combination of The Great Gatsby meets Phantom of the Opera.

44. Now this must be architecture inspired by a square platter of graham crackers.

This is Britain’s Drake Circus Shopping Mall, which isn’t one of the UK’s best loved buildings. Nevertheless, it was said to be the recipient for the National Loo Awards, with wiping the floor of the competition for Attendant of the Year.

45. When it comes to erecting buildings, Kosovo thinks adding some white domes to an old Communist Era structure would do much nicely.

This is Kosovo’s National Library. Yet, I think the architecture seems to better resemble a maximum security prison complex from a Star Wars or Star Trek film.

46. Looks like this giant robot was buried up to its neck.

Oh, wait. That’s Argentina’s National Library in Buenos Aires. Still, doesn’t prevent the building from looking like a giant disembodied robot’s head. You’d think a country who brought you Evita, Che Guevara, and Pope Francis would have better architectural taste.

47. Now this is an interesting industrial complex here. Wonder what their products are.

My mistake. That’s the Lloyd’s Building, headquarters of Lloyd’s of London. Still, despite being a well known high end insurance company known to issue a policy on Betty Grable’s legs, why they made it look like a large factory from Fritz Lang’s Metropolis is beyond me.

48. The Grand Lisboa Hotel and Casino seems to give Las Vegas stiff competition when it comes to being resort tackiness.

Now Macau’s Grand Lisboa seems to remind me of some high end perfume bottle a rich lady would be embarrassed to have. Oh, and did I say, it has a lot of lighting configurations at night. Still, this gives Las Vegas a run for its money.

49. From Richmond, Virginia we have the Markel Building which seems to resemble a spaceship with the appearance of a baked potato wrapped in aluminum foil.

Yes, it looks like either a space age stadium or some massive UFO. Ironically, it was said to be inspired by a baked potato. Still, I wonder if my sister at VCU has seen this monstrosity.

50. This building tends to remind me of some kind of giant ornate pineapple from Tiffany’s.

This is the Nanchang “Crown” Building in China. This is supposed to be a luxury hotel. Still, I don’t get why it has to look like some large Faberge pineapple. This design would’ve been more appropriate for the Dole Corporate headquarters.

51. Now this feat in modern architecture seems to combine the mundane office building with some touches from a Star Trek film in one.

This is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum in Cleavland. Yeah, those circular things on the pole are supposed to be records. Even its architect I. M. Pei was unhappy with this design. Then again, you can’t say much for the looks of those who get inducted in it either.

52. I have no idea why a festive city like Rio de Janeiro, Brazil would erect such a large nuclear power facility in such a public setting.

Oh, shit. It’s Rio’s Sao Sebastiao Cathedral, named after the Catholic diocese’s patron saint. It’s said to be inspired by Pre-Columbian architecture. Guess the effect didn’t turn out right as the architect thought. Still, it’s said to light up at night and have an amazing interior.

53. Now this building looks as though it’s hit an iceberg or had an iceberg hit it.

This is the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto, Canada. It’s combined architecture of the old museum with the new Crystal Building that resembles a giant iceberg. Still, at least the old part didn’t look like the Titanic or there would’ve been unfortunate implications.

54. Of course, this is very appropriate architecture for the National Rifle Association in Fairfax, Virginia.

On second thought, you might not want to bring your guns to this building. In fact, it’s not the NRA headquarters in Fairfax, VA but the Scottish Parliament building in Edinburgh. Yes, it’s incredibly atrocious. Still, I can’t help thinking that this would be what Wayne La Pierre would design his next house like.

55. Now this building seems to be either some sci-fi villain’s lair or the headquarters of Monster’s Inc.

It’s actually Birmingham, England’s Selfridge’s Department Store. Still, I can’t help but think that this edifice was built by creatures by another world because it sure looks like it. Let’s just say it’s more likely that aliens designed this building than any other archaeological site ever featured on Ancient Aliens.

56. Not to be outdone by LA’s Chrystal Cathedral, London built it’s own version of Isengard.

This building is called “Shard of Glass” and it’s said to be the tallest building in Europe. Still, we all know that this is a monument to honor J. R. R. Tolkein and his literary work in adult fantasy. Yet, the Brits just don’t want to admit it.

57. While Macau has a little piece of Las Vegas in its Lisboa Hotel and Casino, Shenzen has it in its Great China International Exchange Square Hotel.

I’m beginning to wonder if any of China’s hotel architects base their hotel designs on what they saw on their last trip to Vegas. I mean this seems to be the second Vegas inspired Chinese building in this post.

58. Seattle’s EMP Museum’s architecture was inspired by what Frank Gehry saw for a few seconds of his open heart surgery. That, or he was on drugs.

Now this would be a great place to exhibit Jimi Hendrix and sci-fi memorabilia. Still, one guy said that Gehry's inspiration for this was a smashed guitar and he may be right.

Now this would be a great place to exhibit Jimi Hendrix, pop culture and sci-fi memorabilia. Still, one guy said that Gehry’s inspiration for this was a smashed guitar and he may be right. Also, was called a, “blob,” “the Hemorrhoids,” and was described by someone at the New York Times as, “something that crawled out of the sea, rolled over, and died.”

59. Welcome to what many people liken as a building more suited for a 1990s TV movie for the Syfy Channel.

This is the building for the Oakely Headquarters in Orange County, California. It’s a company that made sunglasses that haven’t been cool since the 1990s. Designed as a Star Wars-esque monument to the machine age to honor invention, its style has never really caught on for some reason.

60. Now Denver’s public library has the uniqueness of what you’d see in a Dr. Seuss story as well as the dreary color you’d see from some 1930s German horror movie.

Let’s just say, while the architecture may be a bit funky, the color seems to be what you’d put on a standard business building. Still, I think it reminds me of the old German expressionist films during the silent era for some reason.

61. Welcome to Saudi Arabia, home to oil, Islamic Fundamentalism, terrorists, Saudi Royal Family, oppression of women, and this giant fancy bottle opener.

This is Riyadh’s Al-Mamlakah Tower and Kingdom Centre. It’s the most famous building from the city as well as hotel and shopping mall. Also, lights up at night.

62. I now give you the summer residence of Darth Sidious.

Actually that’s the Robarts Library for humanities and social sciences at Canada’s University of Toronto. Still, it’s a more fitting design for a Cold War era propaganda machine or the Ministry of Truth from 1984.

63. Now that’s a very imposing air traffic control tower there.

It’s the Obelisk building in Peru. Of course, this is the kind of architecture that appears when you put the large tower of Isengard in some kind of cyber punk science fiction film like Bladerunner.

64. Now this looks like a combination between an amusement park ride and an air traffic control tower with a giant ribbon coming out of it.

I don’t know where this building’s from. Yet, wherever it is, it’s not an amusement park ride or air traffic control tower. Still, this wouldn’t make my dad any more eager to get on it though.

65. Now this is the Nantong Sword Building which resembles more like a laser pointer than an actual sword.

Let’s just say that if this Chinese building would be shaped like an actual sword or possibly a lightsaber, it would’ve been way cooler. But alas, it resembles something that your cat would chase.

66. This is either some shiny blob from another world or some alien spaceship.

This is a new landmark from South Korea in Seoul. Look, I understand that they’re trying to show off their wealth in North Korea’s face. Yet, I don’t why anyone would erect such a monstrosity. Maybe they should’ve erected one of a giant Hyundai since they’re what South Korea is being known for.

67. Now I give you, the large evil crown of Roboqueen.

I know you wouldn't believe this but it's actually an Orthodox church in Moldova. Still, when it comes to ugliness, I knew that the Soviets wouldn't let me down.

I know you wouldn’t believe this but it’s actually the Kishinev State Circus in Moldova. Still, when it comes to ugliness, I knew that the Soviets wouldn’t let me down.

68. Now here’s a great piece of real estate for a James Bond villain.

This is actually a resort hotel at a beach in Yalta, a well known Russian vacation spot in the Soviet Era. Still, it does remind me of Dr. No’s place for some reason.

69. I guess this must’ve been an old Soviet industrial complex that was abandoned years ago.

It’s actually the Fyodor Dostoyevsky Novogrod Theater. It was built in the 1960s to honor an author whose Christian existentialist works included novels about a Nietzsche wannabe murdering old pawn brokers and their mentally disabled sisters as well as one of the most dysfunctional families in all of literature. Still, between this and an industrial park, I can’t tell the difference.

70. I now give you the Gillette Razor Building.

This is the Strata SE 1 in London, UK. It’s a residential building and eco-construction but it would’ve been perfect for Gillette corporate headquarters for a very obvious reason. Said to be one of the more sustainable edifices on this list though.

71. Now China’s Millennium Monument seems to resemble a concrete petri dish with something very sharp sticking out.

This monument is in Beijing and it seems to resemble something from the former Soviet Union than anything. As with the giant needle sticking out, I have no idea.

72. I suppose this building looks like a fancy can of wrinkle cream but I’m not sure.

This is an old Soviet style hotel in Kiev, Ukraine. One person writes, “it resembled an immense potato-masher grenade, wider at the top than the bottom.”

73. Now this seems like a couple of nice looking abnormally shaped bollocks.

During the Soviet Era, this was Kiev’s Crematorium. Yet, while most crematoriums aren’t known for their architecture as this one is, it’s still seems more appropriate structure for Tattooine.

74. Now here is a nice picture of a nice stone church in Europe.

Seriously, this is a church? How can anyone could design such a monstrous house of prayer? This is called Saint Bernadette in Banlay, France while some think it’s a piece from the movie Prometheus.

75. Now this seems to be an incredibly giant piece of construction here.

Wait a minute. Despite it’s rather sleek utilitarian appearance and unfinished look, this is the Umeda Sky Building from Osaka, Japan. Of course, it’s a really big eyesore on its skyline.

76. Nothing puts the heavenly spirit in a cathedral than being constructed as some outer space tent all covered with slimy tentacles.

This is Brazil’s Metropolitana de Nossa Senhora Aparecida in Brasilia as well as the seat for its local Catholic Archdiocese. It was built in the 1970s and certainly looks like it. The interior is a combination of a church atmosphere and almost being devoured by a giant squid.

77. While this is supposed to be Vienna’s Church of the Most Holy Trinity, the outside suggests Stonehenge.

Now this architecture would’ve been perfect for converting Celts to Christianity in the Middle Ages. Yet, that ship has already sailed by this point.

78. While Mexico City isn’t a nice place by any means, it’s home to one of the world’s largest cubed traffic lights.

It’s called “La Lavadora” or “the Washing Machine” in the heart of Mexico City’s business district. Also lights up and features a pyramid. Still, “washing machine” makes better sense.

79. Only in China can you have a building consisting of two large plaid hand grenades.

This is the Zhangzhou Sewage Treatment Plant in China. Now sewage treatment plants aren’t known for their architecture. Yet, this one does solely on its massive sized tartan balloons alone.

80. For any Muslim on their pilgrimage to Mecca, Saudi Arabia, stay at the Mecca Hotel Royal Clock Tower or the Abraj Al-Bait Towers.

Man, looks like the Saudi Royal family really wants to make money from these Hajjis in Mecca. Still, kind of reminds me of what a supervillain would have as a clock tower if he or she ever achieved world domination. One person says this edifice complex is like giving the middle finger for taste and elegance. Not to mention, it’s now the second tallest building in the world.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on October 1, 2014

While there are certain cards that you can send to your loved ones on the holidays, you can look at postcards all year round. Despite that my last vintage postcard post wasn’t as popular as the ones on vintage Christmas cards or valentines, many of these are quite unforgettable in their own right. But if you’ve enjoyed them, there’s still plenty more of them to see that you wouldn’t have written on to send to your mother. Still, you wouldn’t believe the kinds of bad vintage postcards there are out there. So if you’re tired of seeing those tacky postcards from my previous post, then I have a treat for you. So without further adieu, here are some more tacky vintage postcards for your pleasure.

1. So after God created practically everything known in the natural world, he created Texas. Good God.

Of course, everything is bigger in Texas, even egos and religiosity. Seriously, if Texans knew that the Last Supper took place where they live, they would’ve undoubtedly boast about it like there’s no tomorrow.

2. Sorry, I can’t understand German so I’m not sure why the guy has a torture device around his neck in the shape of a horse.

Still, you have to respect the creativity in how people in the Middle Ages used to torture people. Yet, that guy will certainly be in a lot of pain after he goes through it and if he survives.

3. Greetings from the Little Traverse Hospital and Burns Clinic!

Or the place where Bobby was sent after being caught in that house fire that looks like where you went to high school. Seriously, this resembles a AAAA high school where all the preppie kids went to.

4. For Valentine’s Day, why don’t you send your sweetheart one of a couple on love’s wings.

Of course, this is the perfect valentine to send to your girlfriend if she greatly enjoys the Terry Gilliam animations from Monty Python. Also, is that a feather winged polar bear?

5. Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving, except for the turkey that I’m going to shoot at.

Yeah, because nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” than a turkey’s inevitable demise to the receiving end of a Pilgrim’s blunderbuss.

6. Christmas Geetings from Chicken’s Rock, Lighthouse, and Sound. J. O. M.

You'd think a place named Chicken may have more interesting scenery but this doesn't seem to. Also, seems kind of dreary and desolate that no one seems to have a Merry Christmas down there.

Apparently the people of Chicken’s Rock don’t seem to be having a Merry Christmas this year as seen by the landscape of despair and desolation that would make someone with Seasonal Affective Disorder want to jump off and drown themselves.

7. This is either a cute little postcard or a scene of workplace miscreants.

Then again, I'm not sure why her rag is up her skirt or why it's doing there. Seriously, why the hell is it there?

Then again, I’m not sure why her rag is up her skirt or why it’s doing there. Oh, that’s her leg isn’t it? Still, it’s kind of sexually suggestive if you know what I mean.

8. A man’s love is like a firecracker sometimes it pops and sometimes it only fizzles.

Note the phallic imagery with a firecracker and I’m not sure if this postcard is referring to a man’s love as it is about a man’s sexuality. Still, if a man’s “love” fizzles we may have Viagra for that but men, you might want to consult your doctor first.

9. Of course, there are postcards for everything, even celebrating the birth of Nazi babies.

On the back it says, “May your new bundle of joy become a faithful servant of the master race. Heil Hitler!” Of course, what do you expect from a postcard with a Nazi swastika that now denotes anti-Semitism and white supremacy?

10. So, fellas, if the other team’s punter is a woman, just go right up to kiss her.

Of course, if Charlie Brown did this with Lucy more often, then maybe she would’ve let him kick the football. Then again, she’s into Schroeder so that might be sexual harassment at that point.

11. See if you have the perfect woman, according to the language of the Car Talk guys or your local mechanic.

Then again, maybe comparing women to cars isn’t a good idea. Also, many guys would say the same about their actual cars. Still, this postcard is pretty sexist especially with the boxes containing “twin exhausts” and “power steering.”

12. Hey, I didn’t know they had ball deodorant in those days. Didn’t know men need them.

Oh, I meant the kind of deodorant where it’s applied with a ball. Still, anyone who’s old enough knows the joke on this one is. Sorry, boys, but your grandfather joked about balls as well.

13. Vacations make strange seat fellows in some circumstances.

Wonder what their history is and why is she on the guy’s lap if she’s not his wife? Then again, the guy may be lying about not knowing her.

14. Greetings from Coney Island, where you can get red hot frankfurters, sauerkraut, and dog shit on the waiter?

Man, did it suck to be a black guy in those days. Even the dog waiter is being treated better than he is. Also, I hope it’s ground meat and not something I think it is.

15. Greetings from the Damm family from their family camper for they’re having a wonderful time.

Still, I wonder what happened to their son Amster Damm. Nobody seems to hear about him despite the song. Also, I’m sure May B. is becoming kind of a flapper.

16. I have a bad feeling about a sheep between the man’s legs.

Let’s just hope it’s just some idiot who wants to ride one. Seriously, I have a bad feeling about this postcard, which suggests something depraved.

17. Of course, when dogs gotta go, they gotta go.

Still, if these dogs need to pee, then why the hell are they waiting to use the tree. I mean when a dog has to relieve itself outside, it just does it, no ifs, ands, or buts. Besides, they also use fire hydrants.

18. Amish people sure do love Intercourse, PA, which was named after an old tavern stand.

Of course, I’m sure the town of Intercourse sells a lot of merchandise. Yet, I’m positive it’s not because people like their Amish country. May have more to do with the fact the town has an unintentionally dirty name. Yes, there’s a real town called Intercourse, look it up.

19. Performance Art: Creating the stuff of nightmares since your grandparents’ generation.

I’m sure any adolescent boy who views this is just going to be terrified out of his mind, instead of titillated. Then again, he may be both.

20. Of course, you’re never too young to start smoking.

Still, what people may find cute one generation, others may find disturbing during the next. This boy is sure going to have his whole life ahead of him with his lungs full of tar.

21. Hey, I didn’t know James Cagney played Thomas Jefferson. Oh, wait, he didn’t.

Still, this reminds me more of a 18th century Jimmy Cagney about to sing “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” than the sage at Monticello. Nevertheless, this is a terrible wax representation of an American Founding Father.

22. Never have I seen a bunch of ladies this bored at a whiskey festival.

"Hey, cheer up, Gladys, with all this booze, you may get lucky tonight. Then again, you might end up on a list of sex offenders."

“Hey, cheer up, Gladys, with all this booze, this could be your lucky night. When a guy is loaded, he thinks any girl is attractive. Trust me, that’s how I met my husband in Vegas.”

23. Just another day at Hugh Hefner’s Playboy hunting lodge.

I’m sure it wouldn’t be that fun to pose with these bears if they weren’t shot and mounted as hunting trophies first. Still, I’m sure you couldn’t get away with these photo ops nowadays or PETA would be all over your ass.

24. At least being a member of Starfleet has its perks such as having the crew go on shore leave at lovely snow planet ski resort and spa.

Still, knowing that these skiers are wearing red shirts, I have a good feeling that neither of these ladies will ever see them again. We all know what happens to redshirts during these planet scenes. Also, why are those women wearing swimsuits indoors?

25. Now before you go on your hunting trip in the Alps, here are some German words you need to know.

I’m sure that clock is just an antique that only Dick Cheney could love. Still, the “Schnitzelbank” reminds me of an Animaniacs sketch for some reason.

26. See the bikini beauties from Hampton, Iowa?

Let’s just say that if you live in a town that’s desperate for tourists, putting a beautiful bikini clad model on the local postcard will sure solve everything. Yeah, right.

27. Flatten your tummy by as much as 4 inches instantly with a Compresso belt for just $3.98. Over 1 million satisfied customers.

Or as we know these undergarments, “spanx.” I’m sure we didn’t call them by that name in those days but spanx have been around for so many generations. And your grandma wore them a lot more often than you’ll ever have.

28. No cowboy could ever round up them little doagies without his trusty giant Jackalope.

The back of this postcard says, “This rare species of Jackalope used in cattle roundups are very dependable and easily trained. A breed of Antelope and Jackrabbit. their cries often sound human and tuneful, probably form hearing cowboy songs at roundup time.” I’m sure this is totally not bullshit (it is since rabbits can’t be that huge).

29. Aww, see Jesus with those dear little children come unto him.

With wax children this creepy, I can see why Jesus’ apostles were rather concerned about them. Still, those kiddies don’t seem completely innocent to me. I just wish Jesus could just get the hell out of there before those tykes try to murder him.

30. Here is Miss Perma-Vend awing at this handy plastic sealing doohicky. I don’t know what the hell this is.

Oh, it’s a laminator for certain items you don’t want to get wet. Still, Miss Perma-Vend seems to really be excited about this for some unknown reason.

31. Go to the Bible museum and see Salome’s dance of the seven veils.

And I thought these Christian museum places were supposed to be family friendly venues. Still, I’m sure Salome’s dance didn’t go quite like this, as far as the Gospel writers had in mind.

32. Please don’t pick the flowers off this woman.

Yet, by the look at her face, she sort of wants you to, if you know what I mean. Either that, or the flower stems in her nipples must be very painful.

33. The visible woman bares all for everyone to see.

For God’s sake that’s going to far and she really needs to cover up. Maybe she should just change into skin. Then again, this image was probably made for scientific purposes.

34. See, kiddies, cotton picking is fun. Really, look at how happy this little tyke is picking cotton.

Of course, we have to understand that cotton picking is not fun and it can result in a lot of cuts and scrapes if you do it long enough. Otherwise, Southerners wouldn’t have made slaves do it (and we fought a whole war over slavery). Not only that, but cotton is now picked by machinery.

35. The three bares say hello from the beach.

I know this is just a drawing for laughs but seriously? I don’t think a postcard with young girls’ bare butts is in any way appropriate. Still, they’ll soon have their tushies wracked with sunburns and splinters before long.

36. See the deranged sea horse fountain at the Dadeland Mall in Florida.

I’m sure this horse seems harmless. Yeah, it appears inflicted with some kind of Mad Horse disease from the Gulf of Mexico. Still, why have that at a mall fountain, I have no idea.

37. For young people, ping pong has always been a wholesome and leisurely activity, even to watch.

I'm sure these people are bored stiff watching this and are waiting this photo op to be over so they could bring in the beer. I mean we've all been to college.

I’m sure these people are bored stiff watching this and are waiting this photo op to be over so they could bring in the beer. Let’s just say that it would basically lighten the mood in this joint.

38. On this edition of Stupid Pet Tricks we have two poodles named Twinkle Star and Super Star performing a rendition of their own, “That’s Why the Lady Is a Tramp.”

Perhaps this is the postcard that inspired David Letterman to do his Stupid Pet Tricks segment on late night TV. Still, Super Star may be “a celebrity that blows his own trumpet.”

39. Ladies and gentlemen, may introduce Paul Bunyan: Lumberjack and axe murderer.

I’m sure Paul Bunyan is determined to take his suppressed rage to the world since his dad hated it when he put on women’s clothing and hanged around in bars.

40. Out of all the Christian postcards I’ve seen, at least this one makes a valid point about the nuclear arms race.

Nevertheless, while the prayer may be rather thought provoking, this postcard is hard to take seriously with a tacky Jesus statue and a guy who resembles Bill Murray dressed as Colonel Sanders.

41. Of course, this bikini beauty seems to use flowers to cover her boobs.

Once again, having those flowers on can’t be good for the nipples. Then again, maybe they’re taped. Still, I can’t believe they could get away with this in those days.

42. Sorry, I’m afraid Sleeping Beauty’s Prince Charming couldn’t come to save her from a long slumber so he sent his younger brother Ed to do the honor.

While Prince Ed wasn't a bad guy, he was not exactly charming to say the least. In fact, he was known to have a genetic disorder that resulted in an abnormally tall head.

While Prince Ed wasn’t a bad guy, he was not exactly charming to say the least. In fact, he was known to have a genetic disorder that resulted in a freakishly tall head.

43. This chimp seems to be having more fun than a barrel of people.

Then again, whenever I’ve seen people in barrels on TV it’s more or less to say that they’ve been robbed of everything including the shirt on their backs. That, and possibly murdered. Still, chimps must use big barrels or something.

44. Come to our South of the Border restaurant and see our statue depicting negative Mexican stereotypes.

I’m sure actual Mexicans visiting this restaurant would be sincerely offended if the joint is owned by a white guy and the food available is about as Mexican as the stuff at Taco Bell.

45. Hey, I didn’t know they had Hairspray back in the day.

Oh, I forgot, Hairspray is musical made not to long ago adapted from 1980s movie. Still, I’m sure nobody would want to send their parents a postcard depicting something like this.

46. Florida is a great place to have a picnic, underwater.

Here is one lady feeding some scraps to the fishies. Fishies seem to like lettuce. Still, the food must be very soggy to eat in that tank but at least she has a device to breathe through. Yet, I don’t know how she keeps her hair nice like that.

47. See flipper jump through a burning ring of fire.

I’m sure PETA is going to be very upset at me for posting this. Still, even if it exhibits animal cruelty, it looks pretty awesome.

48. Now here’s a black bear scavenging for food in its natural habitat, kids, so don’t feed it.

I bet any money that the bear is either going for whatever’s in the trash can or to the kids watching it. Then again, there’s the person taking the picture.

49. Here is a wax reenactment of Leif Ericson landing in North America.

Actually that Viking display looks more Minnesota Vikings or Wagner opera than actual Vikings. I mean the Vikings didn’t wear horned helmets since that would be stupid. Still, at least they got Leif’s hair color right for his dad was Eric the Red.

50. You know who loves Lawrence Welk? Bitches love Lawrence Welk.

I’m sure your parents all liked watching the Lawrence Welk Show than they were kids. Then again, they probably thought watching that show was more painful than having to go through a root canal.

51. Now here is a statue of Adolph the dolphin.

Actually when I hear the name “Adolph,” I don’t think of an adorable dolphin. Rather I think of a German dictator who killed a bunch of people in concentration camps and started a major world war. Also, the dolphin kind of looks pretty mean.

52. While you see Florida beaches as a vacation spot, alligators see them as an all you can eat buffet.

Wait a minute, alligators don’t live in saltwater environments. They live in freshwater swamps like the Everglades. Then again, only in Florida.

53. Please pray for the Nelsons in Ghana.

And dear Lord, please give them the strength and courage to overcome their ghastly fashion sense. I mean it’s nice for them to go with traditional dress but a brown and yellow color scheme? Dear God!

54. Dig those Los Angeles Freeways.

Because of Los Angeles reputation for congested traffic, you’ll be on them for a very long time. Seriously, you don’t want to be stuck in an LA traffic jam.

55. Sorry not to see you in Sunday school so come next time, or we’ll murder you.

I know this is supposed to be a more uplifting and welcoming message on this postcard. Yet, seeing these creepily drawn kids, urging you to go to Sunday school seems more of a threat.

56. Greetings, from that sleazy motel where your father’s staying after he left your mother for his cheap ass secretary Karen.

I know this is more of a bungalow vacation spot for travelers. Yet, the hot pink walls and that neon sign give it the kind of “no-tell, motel” vibe that makes it seem like a place for hookers or adultery.

57. Now introducing the Martha Stewart rotary dial telephones available in eight different colors.

Of course, you know that this postcard is vintage when you see rotary dial telephones in them. Still, this woman seems so happy that she wants them all despite none of them matching her dress.

58. Men, make sure to wear a Botany 500 suit for your next one night stand.

I’m sure “come on strong” and “go all the way” don’t seem to be taken out of context especially since he’s seems to be with a woman in a residential setting. And they seem to be making eye contact as if they’re about to do it. And they say hookup culture only took place in my generation. Hell, this has to be from the 1970s at the earliest.

59. The Invisible Woman goes back home to her family in Texas.

I’m sure the Invisible woman isn’t showing herself wearing her new cowboy shirt in this due to her embarrassment to be photographed with her old man in what almost resembles blue pajamas.

60. Watermelon always taste great underwater.

Of course, when she’s on dry land, it’s going to be a pain in the ass to get all the seeds out of her hair. Still, she seems to be greatly enjoying herself.

61. Who knew that you can go hang gliding and water skiing at the same time?

Remember kids, this man may make gliding through space on a giant kite while on water skis seem awesome but you should never try this at home ever. Still, at least he’s not wearing a speedo.

62. Now this dog seems to be all dressed up and ready to go.

I’m sure this dog is now shirking in embarrassment for having to pose for this postcard in this idiotic outfit. I mean, people won’t even dress their kids up this way, let alone a dog. Also, dogs have fur so they don’t need clothes.

63. Greetings, from the City of Rocks.

The Lord Almighty sure does have a sense of humor doesn’t He? Still, I wonder if anyone noticed what that rock formation looks like before taking the photo for a postcard. Then again, this card sure won’t make your visit unforgettable.

64. All a girl needs is her enormous beach ball and her trampoline.

I’m sure her trampoline must be enormous to have her jump that high into the sky. Then again, it’s probably photoshop.

65. Looks like this guy has a knack for shooting mink and foxes for fur coats.

PETA is going to be so angry with me after I do this post. Still, I hope those are mink and not foxes because white mink are domesticated.

66. “Hey, kids, looks like we need to eat and we’re out of gas, which way should we go?”

Still, I’m sure there are plenty of rest stops that service both food and fuel. And even in plazas where there’s a restaurant, a gas station is not far behind.

67. Come spend a week in paradise at the North Pole Motel.

I’m sure you’re not going to see Santa in these parts. Of course, he may go there for vacation in January after delivering presents to all those kids during the holidays.

68. Aww, look at that cute chimp in the, why wait a second? I don’t think the Indians will be too thrilled about this little ape mocking their traditions.

Let’s just hope this little ape isn’t a mascot for some college sports team with an Indian mascot. Still, at least it’s not in African dress, which would’ve been more offensive.

69. Well, when I don’t put in a blog post for a few days, I kind of feel the same way.

Of course, I’m sure this perhaps one of the few postcards I’ve shown in which the bare butt display is intentional. Still, that baby doesn’t seem up to no good.

70. If you’re the parish priest, why don’t you celebrate Mass with style wearing these top of the line vestments in the latest fashions?

I’m sure we really need a postcard for this? Seriously, ads for priestly vestments? The monks at Saint Vincent College would sure get a kick out of this.

	John A. Fenner on Signs of a Sociopath (with Don…
	judy thompson on The Magnificent Judgment at…
	The Very Naughtiest… on NSFW Elf on the Shelf (a. k. a…
	మానిఫెస్ట్ డెస్టినీ:… on The Indigenous Peoples of Nort…
	The Wonderful World… on The Wonderful World of Flower…

The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: Travel

In These Haunted United States – Part 2: Hawaii to Maryland

In These Haunted United States – Part 1: Alabama to Georgia

Rules for Dealing with Wild Animals

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Fourth Edition)

The Wonderful World of Architecture (Second Edition)

Strange Easter Traditions Around the World

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Third Edition)

Strange Christmas Traditions from Around the World

The Wonderful World of Architecture

The Wonderful World of Vintage Postcards (Second Edition)