As Told by the Bard: Part 3 – The Tragedies

Romeo-and-Juliet-before-Father-Lawrence-Karl-Ludwig-Friedrich-Becker

Friar Lawrence, do you think marrying these teenagers is a good idea? Seriously, they’re impulsive and immature teenagers who just met a few days ago and they now think they’re in love. Really that’s not a great way to start a healthy relationship. And I’m sure they’ll probably end up killing themselves. That’s not a great love story. That’s the Wire.

We move onto the tragedies which are among Shakespeare’s better known plays. Unlike comedies, the definition of “tragedy” hasn’t really changed much since Shakespeare’s time. You have a hero with a goal and a fatal flaw. But every time the hero overcomes an obstacle, they just make the situation worse. And eventually they do something stupid or make a bunch of dumb mistakes that makes their chances of happiness impossible and most likely die. But not before suffering a stressful heightened situation, ultimate ruin, or destroying everyone or everything they love. Shakespeare’s tragedies often have heavily symbolic, multilayered plots that clearly juxtaposed good and evil. Such elements are combined with the kind of psychological complexity that only a terribly unhappy character can put across, and you can see why modern audiences tend to appreciate the tragedies more than their earlier counterparts. Still, Shakespeare’s tragic titled characters usually die and they usually don’t tend to be heroic. In fact, some of them tend to be huge jerks or worse. However, you’re probably more familiar with some of these since you probably had at least read a few of these in high school.

 

20. Antony and Cleopatra

Cleopatra: "Where’s my serpent of old Nile?/For so he calls me." - Act I, Scene 5

Cleopatra: “Where’s my serpent of old Nile?/For so he calls me.” – Act I, Scene 5

Genre: Historical, Tragedy, Romance

Published: 1607

Plot: Focuses on the tragic fall of Roman general and triumvirs (a joint leader after Caesar’s assassination) Mark Antony who’s seduced by the Egyptian queen Cleopatra VII. He spends much of the play ignoring his duties while living with Cleopatra in Alexandria. Meanwhile Caesar’s nephew and fellow triumvir Octavius isn’t pleased because Rome’s involved in a war with Pompey (no, not that Pompey) and could really use his help. So Antony leaves for Rome, not realizing that Octavius is jealous of his distinction and wants to get rid of him after the war is over. Meanwhile, Cleo pines and beats up a messenger who proclaims that Antony has married Octavia. The plot gets more complicated from there with a lot of stuff happening. But since this is history, I’ll cut to the chase. So anyway, Pompey is crushed and accepts a truce but later, Octavius and Lepidus break it which makes Antony pissed. Antony returns to Alexandria, proclaims he and Cleopatra rulers of Egypt and a third of the Roman Republic while Octavius imprisons Lepidus, turns on Antony, and the two fight a war. Then there’s the Battle of Actium where Cleopatra flees with 60 ships and where Octavius tells Antony to give up already. Antony loses another battle which results in his troops deserting him and him denouncing Cleopatra. Cleopatra decides to win back his love by faking a suicide and locking herself in a monument, thinking he’ll come back to her in remorse. However, her plan fails since word of her “death” leads Antony to decide that his live isn’t worth living so he stabs himself. Fortunately, he learns she’s alive and dies in her arms. After that, Octavius tries to get Cleopatra to surrender but she angrily refuses so she’s captured. So she commits suicide to retain her dignity.

Plot Origin: Based on Thomas North’s 1579 translation of Putarch’s Lives. Nevertheless, while Cleopatra died in her 30s, Mark Antony was significantly older than her.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Mark Antony and Cleopatra for starters though in real life it’s hard to say since Cleopatra’s use of sex had more to do with protecting her realm and Antony needed a strong ally. And being a Ptolemy, Cleopatra fits the bill to a tee. Still, we’re not sure if they’re really in love or they’re just giving into a passionate lust. Either way, what they have for each other is destructive.

Who Dies: Antony (bungled suicide through stabbing himself), Cleopatra (poison snake), Enobarbus who dies from despair after betraying Antony, Antony’s servant Eros who’d rather kill himself than his master and does, Sextus Pompey (for refusing to kill his enemies while they’re in a vulnerable position like drunk), Antony’s wife Fulvia (Octavius killed her before the play even starts), and a bunch of soldiers since it takes place during a war.

Reputation: You may not see it performed very often, but scholars still talk about this one since Wikipedia has tons of space dedicated to its analysis and criticism. However, they all agree that Cleopatra is by far the most complex female character in the Shakespearean canon and is portrayed as a captivating femme fatale as well as the skilled leader she really was. And the fact that a lot of the characters tend to be ambiguous. We’re not sure whether Cleo kills herself over her love for Antony or her lost power. And Octavius could be seen as either a noble ruler only wanting what’s best for Rome or a ruthless politician who only wants power for himself. Power dynamics, betrayal, and politics are other themes. Nevertheless, it’s seen as one of the better Shakespearean plays out there and perhaps one of the Bard’s most underrated. Still, there’s a 1972 movie adaptation directed and starring Charlton Heston.

 

21. Coriolanus

Coriolanus: "What's the matter, you dissentious rogues/That rubbing the poor itch of your opinion,/Make yourselves scabs?" - Act I, Scene 1

Coriolanus: “What’s the matter, you dissentious rogues/That rubbing the poor itch of your opinion,/Make yourselves scabs?” – Act I, Scene 1

Genre: Tragedy

Published: Between 1605 and 1608

Plot: Caius Martius is given the name Coriolanus after his more than adequate military success against various uprisings. While he is certainly brilliant, he’s arrogant and contemptuous of ordinary people that when we first meet him, he’s already being blamed for taking grain from the army which has led to food riots. As others try to calm the situation, Coriolanus that commoners aren’t worthy of grain since they haven’t done any military service. Soon after Coriolanus receives his reward, he becomes active in politics and seeks political leadership. However, not only is his temperament unsuited for the job, but two of his opponents conspire a popular uprising that gets him quickly deposed and kicked out of Rome after he made a bitter speech of how democracy sucks. In revenge Coriolanus offers his services to his old defeated enemies where they march onto Rome with the city at his mercy. But his wife and mom persuade him to spare Rome and he’s eventually murdered by Aufidius for his betrayal and that Coriolanus is much more popular than him.

Plot Origin: Largely based on the “Life of Coriolanus” in Thomas North’s 1579 translation of Plutarch’s Lives as well as other sources.

Who Falls In Love: Well, he’s married with a kid but I don’t think they get into much detail on that relationship.

Who Dies: Well, Coriolanus as well as a bunch of other soldiers and hungry poor people.

Reputation: Well, while it has been critically praised by scholars, critics, and writers, but it hasn’t been performed as often as some of the other Shakespearean plays mostly because Coriolanus is perhaps the least sympathetic Shakespearean protagonist and despite the name, isn’t a comedic figure at all. It was also banned in France during the 1930s and in Post WWII Germany. Made in to a movie with Ralph Fiennes in 2011. Nevertheless, Suzanne Collins must be familiar with this play since President Snow’s first name is Coriolanus who sees nothing wrong with exploiting his people and gets deposed by a popular uprising engineered by another power hungry politician.

 

22. Hamlet

Hamlet: "To be, or not to be, — that is the question: —/Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer/The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,/Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,/And by opposing end them? — To die, to sleep, -/No more; and by a sleep to say we end/The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks/That flesh is heir to, — 'tis a consummation/Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; —/To sleep, perchance to dream: — ay, there's the rub;/For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,/When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,/Must give us pause: there's the respect/That makes calamity of so long life." -Act III, Scene 1

Hamlet: “To be, or not to be, — that is the question: —/Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer/The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,/Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,/And by opposing end them? — To die, to sleep, -/No more; and by a sleep to say we end/The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks/That flesh is heir to, — ’tis a consummation/Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep; —/To sleep, perchance to dream: — ay, there’s the rub;/For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,/When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,/Must give us pause: there’s the respect/That makes calamity of so long life.” -Act III, Scene 1

Genre: Tragedy

Published: 1602

Plot: Prince Hamlet of Denmark whose dad is dead from mysterious circumstances while his uncle Claudius has become king and his new stepfather, a fact which the young prince isn’t at all pleased. And to make matters worse, his dad’s ghost appears telling Hamlet that Claudius killed him in order to get the throne. So Hamlet decides to take revenge by taking some course of actions including staging a play depicting the murder and justifying it through faking insanity. But as the play progresses, we’re not sure if Hamlet is really faking it. Nor are we sure as to why he doesn’t just kill his uncle right after it becomes apparent that he did kill his dad which he confesses while he’s in prayer because he doesn’t want him to go to heaven. Seriously, it didn’t take much time for him to kill Polonius through a curtain. That way, it would’ve saved a lot of trouble like King Claudius trying to send Hamlet to England with a letter that the king kill him which he foiled by giving it to idiots Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Or Claudius telling Laertes that Hamlet is solely responsible for his dad’s death and his sister’s madness (as well as her eventually suicide by drowning). Because when Hamlet comes home, Claudius puts on a banquet designed for this purpose which leads to the deaths of almost everyone who’s left.

Plot Origin: Derived from the legend of Amleth, preserved by 13th-century chronicler Saxo Grammaticus in his Gesta Danorum. But the story is a lot different with Hamlet killing his uncle and becoming king, only to die in battle shortly afterwards. Also, in that story, Gertrude was forced to marry Claudius.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Ophelia is certainly in love with Hamlet but it’s ambiguous whether he’s in love with her. Not to mention, we’re not sure about Claudius and Gertrude’s relationship either though he seems to love her even if he doesn’t care for his nephew all too much.

Who Dies: Well, Hamlet’s dad before the play starts, Polonius who Hamlet stabs through a curtain, Rozencrantz and Guildenstern through Hamlet sending a letter with them which gets them killed, Ophelia who goes mad and commits suicide via drowning herself, Gertrude through drinking a goblet of poison that was meant for Hamlet, Claudius through Hamlet stabbing him, and Laertes and Hamlet engaged in a sword fight in which they kill each other. Thus, the only characters left are Horatio and Fortinbras.

Reputation: This perhaps one of Shakespeare’s most famous plays and perhaps one of the most influential works in literature and among the most quoted works in the English language. It’s been performed on stage and adapted onscreen numerous times as well as inspired numerous authors. If there’s a work that could be seen as Shakespeare’s masterpiece, this would probably be it.

 

23. Julius Caesar

Mark Antony: "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;/I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him./The evil that men do lives after them;/The good is oft interred with their bones;/So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus/Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:/If it were so, it was a grievous fault;/And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it./Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest, —/For Brutus is an honorable man;/So are they all, all honorable men, —/Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral./He was my friend, faithful and just to me:/But Brutus says he was ambitious;/And Brutus is an honorable man." - Act III, Scene 2

Mark Antony: “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;/I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him./The evil that men do lives after them;/The good is oft interred with their bones;/So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus/Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:/If it were so, it was a grievous fault;/And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it./Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest, —/For Brutus is an honorable man;/So are they all, all honorable men, —/Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral./He was my friend, faithful and just to me:/But Brutus says he was ambitious;/And Brutus is an honorable man.” – Act III, Scene 2

Genre: Historical, Tragedy

Published: 1599

Plot: This should really be called “Marcus Brutus” since he’s the main character in this anyway. Now Brutus is such a scrupulously honest, loyal, and patriotic statesman who’s nonetheless drawn by his friend Caius Cassius into a plot to assassinate increasingly powerful Julius Caesar. But poor Brutus is torn between his love for Caesar and his duty to Rome. And while other characters in the conspiracy have less spotless motivations, Brutus is only moved to act by his love for the Roman Republic. Then again, he could be a self-centered patrician whom Cassius flatters into betraying his former patron Caesar. But in either case, this is his tragedy and he’s the most sympathetic of the bunch. Sure Caesar is an ambitious decoy protagonist with kingly aspirations. But Mark Antony? Yes, he’s great at wooing the masses through his oratory skills so crowds can hand Caesar power. But when it comes to avenging his friend’s death, he really gets nasty that you think maybe he should chill out in Egypt with Cleopatra for awhile. Octavian? Oh, he’s just as ambitious like his uncle but he excels in the PR department so well that it takes knowledge of what happens historically afterwards (or in Antony and Cleopatra) to realize his villainy. Or what about Cassius? He’s resentful of Caesar’s power and just gets Brutus involved in the conspiracy he just wants to Brutus to be leader so he can control him. And he doesn’t care whether Brutus wants the job or not. In fact, the less he wants it the easier he thinks it will be. And the rest of Rome? Anyone who’s not a victim or a villain just ends up in mob stirred up by Mark Antony due to their fickle nature. So anyway, after Caesar’s assassination, Rome’s plunged into civil war and a number of characters from the first several acts die during the conflict, mostly through suicide.

Plot Origin: Based on Thomas North’s translation of Plutarch’s Lives.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Caesar seems to like Calpurnia enough (even though he had a kid to Cleopatra). And the Brutuses seem happy together for a time that Marcus is genuinely sad about Portia dying.

Who Dies: Caesar gets assassinated, Portia kills herself off-stage, poet Cinna is murdered by a mob, Cassius, Titinus, and Brutus all commit suicide.

Reputation: One of the first Shakespeare plays to be performed at the Globe Theatre and it was quite popular during the Restoration as well as the 18th century. However, this play has a tendency to be ruined as required reading in high school since teens tend to be more concerned with Julius Caesar getting killed off in the middle than anyone as noble and good as Brutus whose tragedy this really is. Also, despite it being more straightforward than most of the Bard’s work, its austerity isn’t for 16-year-olds, anyway. Still, Mark Antony’s speech is one of the highlights of the play since it reveals he’s really pissed off about Caesar’s assassination and really gets nasty. And no, he doesn’t believe that Brutus is an honorable man. Has 3 famed movie adaptations with one from 1950 starring Charlton Heston, one from 1953 starring Marlon Brando and James Mason, and one from 1970 starring Jason Robards, Charlton Heston, and John Gielgud. Opt for the one that doesn’t have Charlton Heston since it’s the most famous.

 

24. King Lear

Cordelia: "Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave/My heart into my mouth: I love your majesty/According to my bond; no more nor less." - Act I, Scene 1

Cordelia: “Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave/My heart into my mouth: I love your majesty/According to my bond; no more nor less.” – Act I, Scene 1

Genre: Tragedy

Published: 1605

Plot: Elderly King Lear wants to abdicate and decides to divide his kingdom among his 3 daughters Goneril, Regan, and Cordelia. But only if each one gives him a public acknowledgement of their love for him. Goneril and Regan kiss his ass while Cordelia calls this idea bullshit so she’s banished and sent to marry the King of France. But keep in mind, she’s the only one who truly loves him. So Goneril and Regan get a share while Lear retire only with conditions a hundred knights, the respect and title of a king, and free room and board at his daughters’ homes. But it doesn’t take long for Lear to wear out his welcome since his daughters, resentful and wary from the outset, quickly tire from the knights causing a ruckus as well as the lavish expense of keeping them on staff. And when Lear flips his lid once more and, rather than trying to compromise with them, he stubbornly denounces them. Thus, Goneril and Regan refuse to take in his knights and he’s caught in a thunderstorm as both his followers and family desert him. And only the Fool and the disguised Duke of Kent remain with him. Then there’s a sub-plot with the Earl of Gloucester who is tricked by his illegitimate son Edmund thinking his legitimate son Edgar is trying to kill him. Gloucester is duped so Edgar has to go on the run, disguising himself as a crazed hobo. Thankfully, he falls in with Lear. Meanwhile, Edmund can’t stop angsting about how the world hates him for being a bastard and he proceeds to bang both of Lear’s elder daughters (who are both married to other guys, by the way). A few deft moves soon makes him go from nothing to possibly becoming the most powerful guy in Britain. Thankfully, Cordelia’s new hubby sends some troops to Britain.

Plot Origin: It’s derived from a pre-Roman legend of Leir of Britain. First found in Geoffrey of Monmouh’s the Historia Regum Britanniae. But the original version doesn’t end tragically.

Who Falls In Love: Cordelia marries the King of France but this is political but at least he sends help and truly loves her for herself. The fact he proposes her during the most painful moment of her life doesn’t hurt either. Then there’s Edmund banging Goneril and Regan but there’s no love from that.

Who Dies: Duke of Cornwall gets killed by his servants over blinding the Duke of Gloucester (but that guy’s later killed by Regan), Cordelia is executed but Lear kills the executioner, Lear dies of despair and exhaustion, Edgar rightfully kills Edmund, Goneril commits suicide, Kent is implied to join Lear after the play, Regan is poisoned by Goneril, and Gloucester dies somehow.

Reputation: This play is one of the more extremely powerful in the Shakespeare canon that it was unpopular with critics and audiences alike because it made what was once a traditional happily ever after fairy tale ending massively depressing instead. It’s said that the ending was fully rewritten in 1681 so Cordelia survives and marries Edgar, which was more popular for over 100 years. The original King Lear didn’t get its current reputation until after WWII. Today it’s considered one of Shakespeare’s great tragedies. Made into a Kurosawa movie called Ran but has sons in place of daughters and Lady Kaede in the Edmund role.

 

25. Macbeth

Banquo: "But 'tis strange:/And oftentimes, to win us to our harm,/The instruments of darkness tell us truths,/Win us with honest trifles, to betray's/In deepest consequence." - Act I, Scene 3

Banquo: “But ’tis strange:/And oftentimes, to win us to our harm,/The instruments of darkness tell us truths,/Win us with honest trifles, to betray’s/In deepest consequence.” – Act I, Scene 3

Genre: Historical, Tragedy

Published: 1606

Plot: Fresh from putting down a rebellion against King Duncan in the Scottish Highlands, Macbeth meets 3 witches who relate a series of prophecies, one of them being that he’ll rule Scotland someday. When one of the other seemingly unlikely predictions comes true, scheming and heartless Lady Macbeth convinces her husband to commit regicide and off his heirs. Well, Macbeth does just that by inviting Duncan for dinner and killing him in his sleep. But once he becomes king, both he and Lady Macbeth are driven mad by guilt. Lady Macbeth copes with hers by sleepwalking and committing suicide, which is way less destructive than how her husband deals with it. Macbeth on the other hand, just enters into a paranoid frenzy, killing everyone in sight in order to consolidate power, especially since he thinks he’s now invincible now the witches say that “none of woman born” will slay him. Well, somehow he didn’t understand that this didn’t mean what he thinks it does. He’s then overthrown and killed by MacDuff who was born through a caesarian section when it became apparent that his mom wasn’t going to survive his birth.

Plot Origin: History as well as Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. However, this play really plays fast with the history. While there was a real King Macbeth of Scotland, he reigned for 17 years with his rule being rather secure since he went on a trip to Rome for a time where he was blessed by the Pope. Not to mention, he’s celebrated as a generous and decent king. He also killed King Duncan in a fair fight since the latter was encroaching on his lands after a failed conquest in England. Duncan wasn’t an old king at the time either and was a tyrant and an ineffective ruler. However, James I was descended from the guy who overthrew him (Duncan’s son Malcolm) so you get play like this. As for Lady Macbeth, she had a son from a previous marriage and her name was Gruoch. Then again, with a name like Gruoch, you can understand why she’d be so evil.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Macbeth and his lady seem to have an interesting relationship. Not sure about MacDuff and his wife.

Who Dies: Duncan gets killed by Macbeth in his sleep, Lady Macbeth kills herself off stage, Banquo and MacDuff’s family are killed by Macbeth along with a bunch of others, and Macbeth is killed by MacDuff.

Reputation: It’s one of the classic Shakespearean tragedies as well as among the shortest and most violent. There’s even a lot of superstition related to this play in the backstage world of theater who think it’s cursed. Made into several movies. Nevertheless, it’s widely performed, widely adapted, and widely popular.

 

26. Othello

Othello: "O balmy breath, that dost almost persuade/Justice to break her sword. One more, one more!/Be thus when thou art dead, and I will kill thee,/And love thee after./One more, and that's the last!/So sweet was ne'er so fatal. I must weep,/But they are cruel tears. This sorrow's heavenly;/It strikes where it doth love. She wakes." - Act V, Scene 2

Othello: “O balmy breath, that dost almost persuade/Justice to break her sword. One more, one more!/Be thus when thou art dead, and I will kill thee,/And love thee after./One more, and that’s the last!/So sweet was ne’er so fatal. I must weep,/But they are cruel tears. This sorrow’s heavenly;/It strikes where it doth love. She wakes.” – Act V, Scene 2

Genre: Tragedy

Published: 1603

Plot: Othello is a Moorish general in the Venetian army who has just acquired 2 new enemies. Roderigo hates him for marrying Desdemona whom he was interested in. And Iago hates him for promoting a young man named Cassio over him. Now Iago convinces Roderigo in a plan to ruin Othello’s life by using Cassio as a patsy. But Roderigo has no idea how much Iago is willing to manipulate and backstab everyone to get his revenge. So Iago and Roderigo plant Desdemona’s handkerchief (obtained through Iago’s wife Emilia) in Cassio’s house. Othello sees this and he’s incredibly pissed. It doesn’t help that Iago goads Cassio into talking about his affair with a courtesan Bianca but whispers her name so quietly that Othello thinks they’re talking about his wife. Enraged and hurt, Othello makes Desdemona’s life miserable despite her protests that she didn’t cheat on him (which Emilia backs up) and eventually smothers her. Cassio fights of Roderigo which leads to Iago to cut up Cassio’s leg and kill Roderigo. However, after Othello kills his wife, Emilia comes forward to tell him that Iago cooked up the whole thing and Desdemona was innocent. Iago kills her. Othello stabs Iago but he refuses to explain his motives and vows to remain silent. And Othello commits suicide before he’s arrested. But Iago gets apprehended and sent to Cassio for punishment.

Plot Origin: Based on the story Un Capitano Moro (“A Moorish Captain”) by Cinthio from 1565. In this version, Othello doesn’t even have a name and it ends with Desdemona saying that interracial marriage is evil.

Who Falls In Love: Othello with Desdemona but it doesn’t turn out well. Not sure about Iago and Emilia since she seems unhappy with him, unsurprisingly.  I’m sure Cassio just wants to sleep with Bianca.

Who Dies: Well, Desdemona gets smothered by Othello, Iago secretly stabs Roderigo, Emilia is killed by Iago, and Othello commits suicide. Also, I don’t think Iago has much time to live after this play.

Reputation: This play has been very popular from the very start since it has a very detailed performance record and it was one of the few that’s never been adapted or changed during the Restoration or the 18th century. Due to its varied and enduring themes of racism, love, jealousy, betrayal, revenge and repentance, this play is often performed by professional and community theater groups alike. It’s also been adapted to opera and film. However, I tend to recommend any movie on Othello that was made in recent times since it was very common for the title role to be played as black by white actors. The first black guy to play Othello was Paul Robeson in 1943. However, the play never explicitly states that Othello is black but he’s always considered the Other in Venetian society so he can be played by any guy. But if you’re a white guy playing, just play him as an Arab. Or maybe you should opt for Iago who’s seen as one the best known Shakespearean villains to date and is considered the main character of this play anyway.

 

27. Romeo and Juliet

Juliet: "O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?/Deny thy father and refuse thy name;/Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,/And I'll no longer be a Capulet." - Act II, Scene 2

Juliet: “O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?/Deny thy father and refuse thy name;/Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,/And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.” – Act II, Scene 2

Genre: Tragedy

Published: 1591-1595

Plot: Two teenagers fall in love at first sight. But their families hate each other. So they secretly get married because Juliet’s dad wants him to marry some other guy she’s not really interested in. And besides, despite being 13, her mom’s 26. But Romeo gets into a fight where Juliet’s cousin Tybalt kills his friend Mercutio. This leads to Romeo killing Tybalt so he has to skip town. Juliet decides to run away to a grotto and fake her death. Thinking she’s dead, Romeo poisons himself. After she wakes up, Juliet finds Romeo dead so she puts her knife to her chest. Grief-stricken families reconcile.

Plot Origin: Based on an Italian tale translated into verse as The Tragical History of Romeus and Juliet by Arthur Brooke in 1562, and retold in prose in Palace of Pleasure by William Painter in 1567. But in this version Romeo and Juliet are 16 and they don’t get married until 9 months in.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Romeo and Juliet but it doesn’t turn out well.

Who Dies: Mercutio is killed by Tybalt, Tybalt is killed by Romeo, Paris is killed by Romeo, Romeo poisons himself, Juliet stabs herself, and Lady Montague dies from grief.

Reputation: This is the most famous Shakespearean play and one of the most popular and best liked. During the English Restoration and 18th century it was heavily revised with several modified scenes and removing so-called indecent material. One version omitted much of the action and added a happy ending. Performances in the 19th century restored the original text. Opinions of this play can depend on the quality of actors seen performing it or whether one accepts the notion of love at first sight at face value. If it’s in a production involving middle aged actors who don’t look at least 30ish in the title roles, then it just doesn’t make any sense. Adapted numerous times for stage, film, musical (West Side Story), and opera. Still, kind of prefer the Nurse, Benvolio, and Mercutio. Still, as TV Tropes says, “If Romeo and Juliet was intended as condemnation of hormonal teenagers who think their first relationship is true love and go to melodramatic extremes to prove that it is love rather than simply lust, it failed horribly.” Yet, they still make kids read this in their freshman year in high school. Remember kids, this play doesn’t provide a model for a good relationship.

 

28. Titus Andronicus

Titus Andronicus: "Is dear Lavinia, dearer than my soul./Had I but seen thy picture in this plight/It would have madded me: what shall I do/Now I behold thy lively body so?/Thou hast no hands, to wipe away thy tears: /Nor tongue, to tell me who hath martyr'd thee: /Thy husband he is dead: and for his death /Thy brothers are condemn'd, and dead by this." - Act III, Scene 1

Titus Andronicus: “Is dear Lavinia, dearer than my soul./Had I but seen thy picture in this plight/It would have madded me: what shall I do/Now I behold thy lively body so?/Thou hast no hands, to wipe away thy tears: /Nor tongue, to tell me who hath martyr’d thee: /Thy husband he is dead: and for his death /Thy brothers are condemn’d, and dead by this.” – Act III, Scene 1

Genre: Tragedy

Published: 1588-1593

Plot: Roman general Titus Andronicus returns to Rome with captives in tow consisting of Goth queen Tamora, her 3 sons, and her lover Aaron the Moor. Since he’s lost all but 4 of his 25 sons in the war with the Goths (don’t ask), he sacrifices Tamora’s eldest son to honor their spirits. Tamora needless to say, ain’t happy. Emperor Saturinus then chooses Tamora as his empress after his fiancée Lavinia dumps him for his brother and who happens to be Titus’s daughter. Though her surviving brothers help her escape so it’s 22 down, 3 to go. Unfortunately, Saturninus obviously was really stupid to marry Tamora for she has Bassainus killed and frames 2 of Titus’s sons for it. Still not satisfied, Tamora gets her two surviving sons to gang rape her as well as cut off her tongue and hands so she can’t tell anyone. After Titus’s two sons are found and incriminated, Aaron says they’ll be spared if Titus cuts his own hand. He does this but the two guys are beheaded anyway which hits him hard. His remaining son Lucius is banished for trying to bust his brothers out before the execution. He joins the Goths and attempts to attack Rome. With the revelation of Lavinia’s rape and horrific mutilation, Titus sinks into despair and goes nuts. But it turns out he’s faking it so he can go snooping. When he finds out that Tamora’s behind it he kills Tamora’s last two sons, cooks them in a giant pie a la Sweeny Todd, and serves them to Tamora without her knowing. The last scene is a bloody battle where Titus kills both Tamora and Lavinia (for her own good) before being killed by Saturinus which leads to Lucius committing regicide. Lucius becomes Emperor of Rome, a fair and wise ruler for all. Oh, and he buries Aaron up to his neck and lets him starved to death but he deserved it.

Plot Origin: We’re not sure where Shakespeare got his sources for this play.

Who Falls In Love: Well Roman Emperor Saturinus chooses Tamora as his bride we’re not sure if he’s over Lavinia running away from him. But marrying her really proves to be a dumb idea. Then there’s Aaron the Moor and Tamora being involved but Saturinus doesn’t seem to mind. Also, Bassainus runs off with Lavinia.

Who Dies: Well, 3 of Titus’s sons get killed, all 3 of Tamora’s sons are killed by Titus (2 made into pies), Aaron’s son is killed by Tamora’s 2 sons, a nurse is killed by Aaron, Lavinia is killed by Titus for her own good, Tamora is killed by Titus, Bassianus is killed by Tamora, Saturinus is killed by Lucius, and Aaron gets buried alive and starved by Lucius. A bunch of other soldiers die, too.

Reputation: This was Shakespeare’s first tragedy and his goriest play ever. However, while extremely popular in its day, it had fallen out of favor by the 17th century and was disapproved primarily because of what was considered to be a distasteful use of graphic violence. And for awhile it was Shakespeare’s most maligned play. But since the mid-20th century, its reputation has improved. As S. Clarke Hulse says, Titus Andronicus is a play with “14 killings, 9 of them on stage, 6 severed members, 1 rape (or 2 or 3, depending on how you count), 1 live burial, 1 case of insanity and 1 of cannibalism—an average of 5.2 atrocities per act, or one for every 97 lines.” Has a 70+% death rate for named characters. Also, who knew Titus made human meat pies before Mrs. Lovett? Think of it as a Shakespearean play for anyone who’s into slasher horror movies or Quentin Tarantino. Made into a movie in 2006. In fact, Quentin Tarantino, if you want to do Shakespeare and think Macbeth isn’t violent enough, this is the play for you. Not sure about casting Samuel L. Jackson as Aaron the Moor though. Definitely not for the whole family.

As Told by the Bard: Part 2 – The Comedies

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Here we have Malvolio trying to impress Countess Olivia in his brand new manly tights that really accentuate his calves and make him stand out like a PennDOT worker. All he’s doing is making an ass of himself. But Maria thinks it’s so hilarious that’s she’s trying not to laugh.

Now it’s on to the Shakespearean comedies. Keep in mind, that in Shakespeare’s day, the definition of “comedy” was rather loose so I’m not putting all the ones considered as such on the post. But during the Renaissance, for a play to be considered a comedy it must have a happy ending and a generally optimistic viewpoint. Many of Shakespeare’s comedies usually revolve around temporarily troubled love affairs which made the romantic comedy his forte. However, some of his “comedies” tend to be less comedic which I’ve put down as either as his Late Romances that seem to have a more romantic or his Problem Plays that tend to be more ambiguous with endings you wouldn’t necessarily call “happy” except that no major character dies. I’ll shed a little more light on these in later posts. Nevertheless, what I’ve listed in this posts are some of the genuinely funny Shakespearean comedies everyone usually considers as such. You might some of these more enjoyable than the ones you’ve probably read in school. Still, ladies, if you’re in a Shakespearean comedy, dressing in drag will seriously mess up your dating life. Also, expect that many of these plays don’t really give great relationship advice and tend to have many characters marrying their sweethearts within a short timespan of meeting them. Then again, Much Ado About Nothing does kind of show you what not to do when you suspect that your girlfriend is cheating on you. Nevertheless, many of these plays at least have some of Shakespeare’s most endearing female characters. So if you’re a woman who’s into romantic comedies, I’m sure these plays will satisfy you except maybe Taming of the Shrew.

 

11. As You Like It

Jacques: "'All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts." - Act II, Scene 7

Jacques: “‘All the world’s a stage,/And all the men and women merely players:/They have their exits and their entrances;/And one man in his time plays many parts.” – Act II, Scene 7

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1599

Plot: Duke Senior gets usurped by his brother Frederick and flees to the Forest of Arden with some servants and friends. His daughter Rosalind is permitted to stay since she’s best friends with Frederick’s daughter Celia. They meet two young noblemen named Oliver and Orlando who instantly falls in love with Rosalind. But his brother Oliver kicks him out so he’s forced to flee into the Forest of Arden. Meanwhile, Frederick gets sick of Rosalind that she escapes into the woods with Celia and Touchstone the Clown. Both women don disguises to protect themselves with Rosalind dressing as a guy named Ganymede. They meet up with some of the Duke’s supporters (which includes the melancholy Jacques) who take them in but they don’t meet him immediately like Orlando does. Yet, a lot of this play is mostly spent on the romances. Orlando writes love poems to Rosalind and hanging them on trees. “Ganymede”attracts the affections of a shepherdess named Phoebe who being crushed by a fellow shepherd named Silvius. Even Touchstone the Clown is involved in some romantic entanglement. But eventually it all gets straightened out with Oliver and Frederick mending their ways and returning power to their brothers, 4 marriages, almost everyone living happily ever after, and the melancholy Jacques and Frederick joining a monastery.

Plot Origin: Based on Thomas Lodge’s Rosalynde, Euphues Golden Legacie, written 1586-7 and first published in 1590. His is based upon “The Tale of Gamelyn.” Still, Duke Frederick is killed in the forest in the source material.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Rosalind and Orlando fall in love with each other as Oliver and Celia do later on. Yet, Rosalind and Orlando’s relationship faces obstacles like exile and her dressing as a man that she gets unwanted attention from Phoebe who’s being crushed by Silvius. But Silvius ends up with Phoebe once Rosalind reveals that she’s a girl and it’s not going to work out. Touchstone falls for a shepherdess named Audrey but has competition with another shepherd named William. But Touchstone and Audrey eventually marry.

Who Dies: The deer whose death Jacques laments over. Sometimes Adam’s death is implied.

Reputation: Scholars tend to disagree about this play’s merits. Some critics might see it as the Shakespearean equivalent to a mediocre crowd pleaser. Others see it as a work of great literary value and point to how Rosalind as one of the Bard’s greatest, most lovable, and most fully realized heroines. Not to mention, the melancholy Jacques speaks many of Shakespeare’s famous speeches. Still, despite critical disputes, it’s one of Shakespeare’s most frequently performed comedies that has several film adaptations. So whether it’s a crowd pleaser or a work of great merit, it works.

 

12. The Comedy of Errors

Dromio of Ephesus: "Let’s go hand in hand, not one before another." - Act V, Scene 1

Dromio of Ephesus: “Let’s go hand in hand, not one before another.” – Act V, Scene 1

Genre: Comedy

Published: Between 1589 and 1595

Plot: Follows the adventures of two sets of identical twins that were accidentally separated at birth but are given the same names. And one set acts as servants to the other set. You can bet these guys get mistaken for one another because asking for Antipholus and his valet Dromio isn’t going to cut it unless you be specific with location since one lives in Ephesus and the other in Syracuse. The story beings with their merchant dad Aegon looking for his other son and his servant and getting arrested by the Duke of Ephesus and is sentenced to death unless he pays a fine. Meanwhile, Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse arrive at Ephesus he finds that his long lost twin brother and his servant are alive and well but also happen to share the same name. So when the Syracuse Antipholus sends his Dromio to pay for a hotel, he somehow switches places with the Dromio of Ephesus. Even funnier when the Syracuse Antipholus and Dromio arrive, everyone in Ephesus seems to know who they are. When they meet the friends and family of their twins, a series based on mistaken identities lead to wrongful beatings, a near seduction, the Antipholus of Ephesus, as well as false accusations of infidelity, demon possession, theft, and madness. But everything gets sorted out and there’s a happy ending with all brothers, parents, and lovers reunited. Though there may be confusion over their mom entering an Ephesian convent before such a facility even existed. But I’m sure Shakespeare didn’t care.

Plot Origin: Based on an English translation of the Menaechmi by Plautus which is from Ancient Rome.

Who Falls In Love: Nell the kitchen wench has it for the Dromios and the Ephesian one reciprocates. The Antipholus of Ephesus is married to Adrianna but they have a very complicated relationship (and he’s known to cheat).

Who Dies: No one.

Reputation: For centuries, scholars found little depth to this play and it wasn’t a particular favorite in the 18th century despite considering that it gave us Tom Jones, you’d think they’d go for a play like this. However, modern audiences tend to like this since it was made into a Rogers and Hammerstein musical called The Boys from Syracuse, a hip hop musical, 2 operas, and several films. So while it’s not Shakespeare’s A-list quality, it’s still popular since it’s pure sitcom that works well on the modern stage.

 

13. Love’s Labor’s Lost

Berowne: "For where is any author in the world,/Teaches such beauty as a woman’s eye?/Learning is but an adjunct to ourself;/And where we are, our learning likewise is." - Act IV, Scene 3

Berowne: “For where is any author in the world,/Teaches such beauty as a woman’s eye?/Learning is but an adjunct to ourself;/And where we are, our learning likewise is.” – Act IV, Scene 3

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1597

Plot: The King of Navarre and his attendant lords make a vow to devote 3 years of their lives to scholarship and keep the male hormones at bay. Unfortunately, they run into a French princess and her ladies in waiting. This script is 90% poetry and jokes and 10% plot. Ends with the French princess receiving word of her dad’s death which means that the weddings have to be delayed for a year.

Plot Origin: Doesn’t have an obvious source.

Who Falls In Love: Don Armado with Jacquenetta, King Ferdinand of Navarre with the French Princess, Berowne with Lady Rosaline, Longueville with Lady Maria, and Dumaine with Lady Katherine.

Who Dies: The King of France which means the princess has to delay getting married for a year so she could try being queen.

Reputation: It’s possibly Shakespeare’s first comedy and was probably originally catered to Elizabethan college students.  Never been among the most popular but it’s better known for its sophisticated wordplay, puns, and literary allusions and is filled with clever pastiches of contemporary poetic forms. This could be more demanding among modern theater goers. Made into a 2000 movie by Kenneth Branagh.

 

14. The Merry Wives of Windsor

Mistress Page: "What a taking was he in, when your husband asked what was in the basket!" - Act III, Scene 3

Mistress Page: “What a taking was he in, when your husband asked what was in the basket!” – Act III, Scene 3

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1597-1602

Plot: Falstaff tries to bang two married ladies named Mistress Page and Mistress Ford since he’s broke and needs cash. But since neither’s impressed by him, they conspire to subject him to a series of pranks. Then there’s Page’s daughter Anne whose parents want her to marry but can’t agree on which of her suitors she should choose. Meanwhile Anne prefers a guy neither of her parents like.

Plot Origin: Based on the 14th century tale Il Pecorone by Giovanni Fiorentino, which was published in Milan in 1558. Still, it’s possibly one of the few plays in which Shakespeare might’ve come up with an original plot.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Falstaff goes after 2 married women, but it’s for cash. But you can call it love when pertains to the Pages and the Fords. Anne with Fenton, to her parents’ dismay though Slender and Dr. Caius are among her suitors.

Who Dies: No one.

Reputation: Though popular for a long time, it’s considered one of Shakespeare’s weakest plays and was probably written quickly for a commission by one of Falstaff’s fans. The characters are all stock. The A and B plots are barely even aware of each other, the exposition is clunky, and it’s mostly formula. But at least Falstaff is very much the same though it’s not like Henry IV. And Anne’s failed suitors are complete idiots. There’s a story that it was commissioned by Queen Elizabeth I who wanted to see Falstaff in love but it’s most likely not true. But it does show that fans meddling in fictional characters’ love lives was common in the 16th century. However, Shakespeare knew better and created a plot for him that was more believable for his character. Seriously, could you see Falstaff falling in love? No. Could you see him wanting to bang two married women for cash? Probably yes. Was made into a few operas, one by Salieri and another by Verdi. With a good cast, this is a good way to kill an hour and a half.

 

15. A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Oberon: "What thou seest when thou dost wake,/Do it for thy true-love take,/Love and languish for his sake:/Be it ounce, or cat, or bear,/Pard, or boar with bristled hair,/In thy eye that shall appear/When thou wakest, it is thy dear:/Wake when some vile thing is near." - Act II, Scene 2

Oberon: “What thou seest when thou dost wake,/Do it for thy true-love take,/Love and languish for his sake:/Be it ounce, or cat, or bear,/Pard, or boar with bristled hair,/In thy eye that shall appear/When thou wakest, it is thy dear:/Wake when some vile thing is near.” – Act II, Scene 2

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1590-1597

Plot: Hermia and Lysander are in love. Unfortunately, Demetrius likes her, too and her father likes him better than Lysander. Fortunately, Helena is angry that Demetrius chose Hermia over her. They go to court, where Theseus rules in Egeus’ and gives Hermia the choice to marry Demetrius, be executed, or become a nun (an unusual choice in Ancient Greece. Priestess might be more like it). Hermia decides to run away with Lysander that very night but she tells Helena not to tell anyone. So naturally, Helena spills the beans to Demetrius so she could get back to his good graces. Demetrius follows Hermia and Lysander and the four get lost in the same forest. Meanwhile, the fairy royal couple Oberon and Titania are having marital problems and Oberon seeks to humiliate her so he’ll get his way with the help of magic and a love potion. But when Oberon sees Demetrius treating Helena like shit, he sends Puck to use a love potion on “a youth in Athenian garb,” traveling in the woods with a woman. However, Oberon should’ve been more specific because Puck applies the potion to Lysander instead and then Oberon applies the potion to Demetrius later after finding out that Puck really messed things up. This results in both guys being in love with Helena who thinks they’re making fun of her. Meanwhile, Oberon applies the potion to Titania’s eyes and really makes a literal ass out of a resident ham from a community theater group and leads him to Titania. Titania wakes up and ends up smitten with him and Bottom doesn’t seem to mind. Eventually, Oberon and Puck manage to straighten things up and everyone lives happily ever after. Also, Bottom and his fellow actors perform a hilariously terrible play during the wedding reception.

Plot Origin: We’re not sure where Shakespeare got his source for this story, other than in Greek mythology and some ancient and medieval stories.

Who Falls In Love: Theseus with Hippolyta, Hermia with Lysander, and Helena with Demetrius of which we can’t dispute. Oberon and Titania are married but are having problems. Titania with Bottom but she’s under a spell and he doesn’t seem to mind too much. Then there’s Lysander and Demetrius who seem to like Hermia in the beginning but then switch to Helena until they fall asleep and Puck straightens things out so no loves would intersect and everyone would live happily ever after. Well, sort of. Still, if you’re familiar with Greek mythology, it doesn’t end well with Theseus and Hippolyta.

Who Dies: Nobody.

Reputation: After the English Civil War, this play wouldn’t be performed in its entirety until the 1840s. Made into several films and had music composed by Felix Mendelsohn that’s been played at most weddings. Today it’s regarded as one of the Bard’s best and most popular comedies and is widely performed. However, this didn’t stop Samuel Pepys saying it was the most ridiculous film he’s ever seen. Bottom has been played by the likes of James Cagney and Kevin Kline. I recommend the 1999 film with Kevin Kline since you have Ally McBeal as Helena, Batman as Demetrius, Caesar Flickerman as Puck, and Jimmy McNulty as Lysander. Besides, while the 1930s version has James Cagney play a solid Bottom, Mickey Rooney’s Puck is annoying as hell. On Youtube, you can find performance of the play at the end by the Beatles.

 

16. Much Ado About Nothing

Benedick: "That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is, — for the which I may go the finer, — I will live a bachelor." - Act I, Scene 1

Benedick: “That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is, — for the which I may go the finer, — I will live a bachelor.” – Act I, Scene 1

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1598-1599

Plot: When some soldiers arrive at Leonato’s home in Messina, his daughter Hero and niece Beatrice attract the attentions of Claudio and Benedick. Claudio and Hero fall in love but are set to wed. Whereas, Beatrice and Benedick hurl witty insults at each other but everyone thinks they’d make a great couple. So other characters hatch a scheme to have Beatrice and Benedick fall in love with each other and stop arguing that proves successful. But all is not well, since for Don Pedro’s sullen and bitter illegitimate brother Don John can’t stand being unhappy with his lot. So he decides to stir trouble by having his companion Borachio make love to Hero’s servant Margaret at Hero’s window. That night he brings Don Pedro and Claudio to watch. Believing the worst, Claudio humiliates Hero, accuses her of being a slut, and jilts her at the altar. Hero’s family members decide to hide her away until the truth about her innocence comes to light. Fortunately, the night watchmen overhear Borachio about the incident and arrest him and a friend. By the time Claudio hears about Hero’s innocence, he thinks she’s dead and mourns for her. Leonato then has him punished by making Claudio tell everyone that he was wrong to suspect anything about Hero. And he also has him marry his “niece” who resembles Hero (but it’s really her). So Claudio enters the church thinking he’ll marry a woman he’s never met but he’s overwhelmed with joy when Hero reveals herself. Beatrice and Benedick decide to marry. And the four take part in a double ceremony.

Plot Origin: We’re not sure about the Bard’s original source for this play but it’s probably based on several stories.

Who Falls In Love: Claudio with Hero though they have problems and Beatrice with Benedick who initially hate each other or so it seems.

Who Dies: No one.

Reputation: This is considered one of the best Shakespearean comedies since it combines elements of robust hilarity with more serious ideas about honor, shame, and court politics. It’s said to be a forerunner of the romantic comedy as well. It was very popular in its early decades as it has been ever since. However, most of its fans usually watch it for the Beatrice and Benedick romance since it involves witty repartees and great chemistry. In fact, Charles II called this play “Benedick and Beatrice.” This makes a lot of sense Benedick doesn’t act as much of a jerk to Beatrice as Claudio does to Hero who basically accuses her of cheating on him on the altar on what was supposed to be their wedding day. And while he starts as a self-proclaimed woman hater, Benedick is virtually the only male character who doesn’t participate in Hero’s shaming (excluding the priest). Not only that, but he’s the one who calls Claudio out on it. Besides, Benedick and Beatrice seem to enjoy insulting each other even when they start off being in total denial of their feelings. Made into a movie in 1993 and 2013.

 

17. The Taming of the Shrew

Petruchio: "You lie, in faith; for you are call'd plain Kate,/And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst;/But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom,/Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,/For dainties are all cates: and therefore, Kate,/Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;- /Hearing thy mildness prais'd in every town,/Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,/(Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,) —/Myself am mov'd to woo thee for my wife." - Act II, Scene 1

Petruchio: “You lie, in faith; for you are call’d plain Kate,/And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst;/But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom,/Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,/For dainties are all cates: and therefore, Kate,/Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;- /Hearing thy mildness prais’d in every town,/Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,/(Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,) —/Myself am mov’d to woo thee for my wife.” – Act II, Scene 1

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1590-1594

Plot: Baptista Minola has 2 daughters. His younger daughter Bianca is kind, beautiful, and is sought by suitors everywhere. His older daughter Katerina is a complete foul-tempered bitch nobody likes but has an attractive dowry. And Baptista won’t marry Bianca off until someone marries Kate first. So gold digging Petruchio enters in and marries her over her objections since everyone wants Kate out of the way. After the wedding, Petruchio strives to tame her to his will with various methods of psychological torture. He ultimately succeeds in breaking her spirit, proving a woman’s natural need for a man and she becomes a compliant, obedient wife. When Petruchio returns to her family, they don’t believe in Kate’s new obedience and Baptista gives him a second dowry. The play ends with 3 happy marriages and a speech by Kate arguing that women should obey their husbands because they love them and only want what’s best for them (so how do you explain domestic abuse, adultery, and marital rape?).

Plot Origin: There’s no specific source for this play, though it’s based on a lot of common tales and there’s a lot of debate. But the earlier versions emphasize a woman’s inferiority and builds up string of humiliations that’s truly shocking in its violence.

Who Falls In Love: Petruchio with Katerina and Lucentio and a bunch of other guys with Bianca. Hortensio marries a rich widow but institutionalized gold digging was a thing at the time.

Who Dies: No one.

Reputation: This play has attracted considerable controversy due to some of its misogynistic elements and there are so many interpretations. Fell out of favor during the 17th century and the original wasn’t performed at all in the 18th century and won’t be until 1844. And its popularity has increased considerably during the 20th century despite the ironic rise of feminism. Now it’s one of Shakespeare’s most frequently staged plays and it’s been adapted numerous times on stage and screen and it’s as popular as it was when it was first written. Which is ironic because you’d think people from the earlier centuries would be into stuff like this but modern audiences have liked this play much more. Then again, the rise of romantic comedies might have something to do with it. The 1967 film starring Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor is the most famous screen version. Still, while some feminists might obviously have a problem with this play since it portrays domestic abuse in a positive light, but we have to acknowledge that a lot of romances tend to promote unhealthy behaviors. And sure Kate and Petruchio aren’t a model for a great relationship but the play has more critical acclaim than the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the Twilight Saga. And both works make this play look like a feminist drama in comparison.

 

18. Twelfth Night

Olivia: "O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful/In the contempt and anger of his lip!" Act III, Scene 1

Olivia: “O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful/In the contempt and anger of his lip!” Act III, Scene 1

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1601-1602

Plot: Twins Viola and Sebastian are separated in a shipwreck. Since Viola doesn’t have skills other than singing and playing an instrument, she decides to dress up as a boy named Cesario so she might find a job under the Duke Orsino who’s said to have a good reputation. However, she’d rather serve Countess Olivia but she’s heartbroken by the loss of her dad and brother as well as sworn off male company for the time being. So she’s probably not hiring. Anyway, after 3 days in Orsino’s service, the Duke is so charmed by “Cesario” that he sends “him” off to woo the Countess on his behalf. Olivia isn’t pleased to see “him” and has grown sick of Orsino’s wooing. But since Viola has fallen for Orsino in the meantime, she’s undeterred. As Cesario, she banters and challenges Olivia that she’s finds herself falling for the spirited “chap.” So when Sebastian shows up the fun is just getting started. Meanwhile, you have Olivia’s steward Malvolio who now looks down on her uncle who’s taking advantage of Andrew Aguecheek by convincing the poor guy that Olivia likes him. However, Olivia has no intention of the sort. Malvolio comes down hard on Sir Toby Belch so Sir Toby and a handmaid named Maria play a little trick on him. All while Feste is now charged with watching over Olivia’s uncle. But it all gets sorted out to make it happily ever after except for some people.

Plot Origin: We know that Shakespeare based this play on something, we just don’t know what.

Who Falls In Love: Viola with Duke Orsino, Olivia with “Cesario,” Orsino, Andrew Aguecheek, Malvolio, and Sebastian with Olivia, Olivia with Sebastian, Antonio for Sebastian, and Orsino with Viola.

Who Dies: No one.

Reputation: This is one of Shakespeare’s best known comedies and is often as his funniest play. Samuel Pepys called it a “silly play” but watched it 3 times anyway as a guilty pleasure. The late 17th and early 18th century saw only adaptations but the original text was revived in 1741. It’s still highly popular, often staged, and made into several adaptations in opera, stage, and film.

 

19. Two Gentlemen of Verona

Valentine: "And why not death, rather than living torment?/To die is to be banish'd from myself;/And Silvia is myself: banish'd from her,/Is self from self: a deadly banishment!/What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?/What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?/Unless it be to think that she is by,/And feed upon the shadow of perfection." - Act III, Scene 1

Valentine: “And why not death, rather than living torment?/To die is to be banish’d from myself;/And Silvia is myself: banish’d from her,/Is self from self: a deadly banishment!/What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?/What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?/Unless it be to think that she is by,/And feed upon the shadow of perfection.” – Act III, Scene 1

Genre: Comedy

Published: 1589-1593

Plot: 2 Veronan gentlemen Proteus and Valentine are sent by their dads to the court of Milan. There they fall for the duke’s daughter Sylvia. Unfortunately Proteus has a girlfriend named Julia back home. Also, Sylvia’s dad wants her to marry a rich idiot named Tyrio. But Julia decides go after Proteus dressed as a boy named Sebastian while Sylvia likes Valentine who gets exiled after falling into some thugs that she thinks he’s dead. She flees into the forest where she and a friend are kidnapped by outlaws but little do they know that Valentine is their leader. Meanwhile, Proteus tries to hook up with Sylvia who’s just not that into him while Julia tries to get her man back. So when Proteus threatens to rape Sylvia in the forest, Valentine blows his cover and intervenes. Proteus feels ashamed of himself that he broke the code of bros before hos. Valentine forgives him and lets him have Sylvia because he’d rather not ruin their friendship which causes Julia to faint and reveal herself. Proteus realizes he loves Julia and hooks up with her. Also, the Duke and Tyrio are brought as prisoners as well which gives the Duke the opportunity to see how much of an idiot Tyrio is. So he’s perfectly fine with his daughter being with Valentine and everyone lives happily ever after.

Plot Origin: Based on the Spanish prose romance Los Siete Libros de la Diana (The Seven Books of the Diana) by the Portuguese writer Jorge de Montemayor.

Who Falls In Love: Proteus and Valentine with Sylvia and Proteus with Julia. Not sure about the rich idiot Tyrio and Sylvia but she doesn’t like him. Also, Sylvia eventually chooses Valentine by the way.

Who Dies: No one.

Reputation: This is one of Shakespeare’s earliest comedies and it’s regarded as one of his weaker plays for good reason. Nevertheless, its earliest recorded performance in the original text was in 1784 whereas earlier stagings were alterations. But it’s more popular in Europe than in the English speaking world and there have been significantly few English productions. Also, Launce usually tends to steal the show by the way.

As Told by the Bard: Part 1 – The Histories

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Since William Shakespeare has brought his dramas to the Elizabethan stage, he’s still one of the most talked about authors of the English language as well as in English Literature. This year, April 23rd marked the 400th anniversary of his death. But at the time I was working on another project. Nevertheless, while many people may know a few Shakespeare’s plays, a lot don’t know what many of them are about. So this is where I come in. Nevertheless, we must know that Shakespeare most of the time didn’t always come up with original plays but he made them his own. And they’ve been subject to innumerable adaptations on stage and screen. He’s also influenced literature and entertainment for over 400 years. We may not know much about Shakespeare but let’s not get into the authorship question because we’re pretty sure he wrote them, maybe not always by himself. This series is about the plays not the man himself. Still, while his plays tend to be seen as high-brow entertainment, this wasn’t the case. In fact, these plays were meant to work on different levels. And Shakespeare is known to have a lot of bawdy humor in them. In these plays I also have listed on who falls in love and who dies. Because we tend to remember stuff like that when it comes to Shakespeare.

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Hotspur and his courtier from Henry IV possibly preoparing for the Battle of Shrewsbury. Hotspur better watch out for Prince Hal because he’s not coming back.

In this post, we’ll look at the histories. Many these usually focus on the Wars of the Roses when Richard II was deposed and the Houses of Lancaster and York spent much of the 15th century in civil war over the English throne. Nevertheless, as a history major, I have to remind you that these should be treated as entertainment pieces not as a history textbooks. Not to mention, with the exception of King John, these were written when at a time when they’d be considered far more recent than they are now. And I’m sure Queen Elizabeth I and James I were very keen on presenting a history of these events that would suit their interests. In other words, expect a lot of propaganda. For instance, Richard III is certainly Tudor propaganda since the real Richard III was almost nothing like the hunchbacked evil creep in the play. Also, Shakespeare’s Henry VIII isn’t the despotic king we know and love. But maybe that was for the best. A couple of these plays come out in installments. Fortunately, these plays focus on drama pertaining to some rich, ingrown, and acrimonious families, so it’s probably The Sopranos we should really be talking about. That or Game of Thrones.

 

  1. Henry IV Part 1
Falstaff: "There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee, nor thou cam'st not of the blood royal, if thou dar'st not stand for ten shillings." - Act I, Scene 2

Falstaff: “There’s neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee, nor thou cam’st not of the blood royal, if thou dar’st not stand for ten shillings.” – Act I, Scene 2

Genre: Historical

Published: 1597 or possibly before then.

Plot: Ever since Henry Bolingboke became Henry IV, all he wants to do is wage a crusade to cleanse himself of the sin of killing Richard II. Unfortunately, he has more pressing matters to attend to at home like some of his allies plotting to overthrow him like the Percy family whose son Harry (“Hotspur”) is one of England’s greatest warriors. Then there’s his son Hal who’s a seemingly good-for-nothing fratboy who surrounds himself with drunkards, rogues, and rejects of royal life as well as prefers to play pranks and chase women. And to make matters worse, his best friend is the old, fat, wily Sir John Falstaff who’s a bombastic drunk providing much of the play’s comedy. As Hal and Falstaff get into a number of situations, Henry IV and the Percys wage a tense political battle. Hal later reveals to the audience that he’s playing the foolish prince so people won’t expect much from him and will look much better in comparison when he finally reveals himself as the great thinker and fighter he really is. Then there’s the climatic battle of Shrewsbury where Hal joins his dad and meets Hotspur in a single combat. Hal kills him though it doesn’t stop the cowardly Falstaff profiting from draft dodgers and trying to convince Hall that he killed him. Sure it might be a happy ending but all isn’t well since the Archbishop of York and the Earl of Northumberland along with other nobles are also plotting against the king, too. Guess we’ll have to wait for the sequel.

Plot Origin: For one, history. Source material is derived from the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles, which in turn drew on Edward Hall’s The Union of the Two Illustrious Families of Lancaster and York. Also, Glendower isn’t a warlock but a Christian who was cheated out of his lands and declared traitor by one of Henry IV’s friends. This led him to take up arms for Welsh independence. Not to mention, the confrontation between Hal and Hotspur never happened. Also, Hotspur was actually about 3 years older than Hal’s dad, by the way. Keep in mind that Henry IV was 37 at this time and wasn’t gaunt, geriatric, or ill. So it wouldn’t make for a fair fight. Nor would Henry IV comparing Hal to Hotspur make any sense whatsoever. Henry of Monmouth would make more sense since he was 16 at the time. And his wife’s name was Elizabeth, not Kate. Oh, and Hal wasn’t as much of a scamp as he is in the play. Then there’s Hal taking an arrow that leaves a nasty scar on his face, explaining why his portraits always depict him in profile. Falstaff is a complete fabrication.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Hotspur and Lady Percy seem to be happily married until Hal intervenes. So do the Mortimers despite that the two of them not speaking the same ending.

Who Dies: Unfortunately, it’s not a happy ending for Hotspur since Hal kills him during the Battle of Shrewsbury (in real life it didn’t happen that way and Hal gets a nasty scar on his face). Still, at least Hal gives him a proper funeral eulogy which is touching. Worcester is executed. Mortimer dies shortly afterwards, too.

Reputation: From the start, this has been an extremely popular play among critics and the public. And Falstaff is probably one of the reasons for this since he’s seen as one of Shakespeare’s best characters. Hotspur has a lot of fans, too. Made into several films such as the Chimes of Midnight with Orson Welles, Age of Kings, and the Hollow Crown with Jeremy Irons and Tom Hiddleston (but no Chris Hemsworth as Hotspur, tragically).

 

  1. Henry IV Part 2
Falstaff: "It was always yet the trick of our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common." - Act I, Scene 2

Falstaff: “It was always yet the trick of our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common.” – Act I, Scene 2

Genre: Historical

Published:

Plot: Well, it opens with Falstaff bantering with his page about his pee, announcing he’s going to a whorehouse for some fun, and spending the rest of the play cracking jokes, taking bribes from draft dodgers, and drinking with his buddies. Meanwhile, it seems like victory at Shrewsbury doesn’t seem to quell Henry IV and Hal’s issues with each other as they prepare for another confrontation. Hal still hasn’t earned his dad’s trust since he’s still friends with Falstaff and his ilk. And King Henry’s mistrust deepens when Hal’s brother Prince John defeats the remaining enemies through political know-how and manipulation instead of battle which basically leaves Hal no way to get praise from his dad. Then King Henry falls ill and passes out in bed. Think his dad died, Hal swears on his dad’s “corpse” that he’ll be a great king while he takes the crown from his head. King Henry wakes up to find it stolen, berates his son for theft mostly because he thinks Hal is only waiting for him to die so he could ascend the throne. Hal gives an impassioned speech explaining why and swears he won’t let his old man down. King Henry IV dies happily and Hal becomes Henry V. In the final scene Hal and Falstaff meet again. But Falstaff’s excitement is soon thwarted when Hal rejects him by forbidding him to go anywhere near him under pain of death, proclaiming he can no longer associate with thieves and drunks. Falstaff is devastated.

Plot Origin: For one, history. Source material is derived from the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles, which in turn drew on Edward Hall’s The Union of the Two Illustrious Families of Lancaster and York.

Who Falls In Love: Well, it seems Mrs. Hotspur still loves her late husband since she chews out her father-in-law for sending him off to war and calling him sick.

Who Dies: King Henry IV from natural causes but at least he and Hal reconcile on his deathbed so it’s not tragic and rebel leaders after they’ve surrendered to Prince John who orders their executions.

Reputation: While it does have its moments, it’s not as successful as the first one. Yet, critics do say that Hal’s rejection of Falstaff is quite powerful onstage. But this causes many people to see Hal as a complete and utter prick because while Falstaff isn’t a shining role model, you have to love the guy. Is combined with the other parts in The Hollow Crown and Chimes at Midnight.

 

  1. Henry V
Henry V: "From this day to the ending of the world,/But we in it shall be rememberèd;/We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;/For he to-day that sheds his blood with me/Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile/This day shall gentle his condition:/And gentlemen in England, now a-bed/Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,/And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks/That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day." - Act IV, Scene 3

Henry V: “From this day to the ending of the world,/But we in it shall be rememberèd;/We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;/For he to-day that sheds his blood with me/Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile/This day shall gentle his condition:/And gentlemen in England, now a-bed/Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,/And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks/That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.” – Act IV, Scene 3

Genre: Historical

Published: 1599

Plot: Prince Hal is now King Henry V who’s shed his frat boy persona and become a mature man who now embarks on a conquest of France. This ends with him winning the Battle of Agincourt and winning the hand of a princess. But unlike in fairy tales, the fallout after the battle isn’t pretty.

Plot Origin: Well, history. And source material is derived from the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles, which in turn drew on Edward Hall’s The Union of the Two Illustrious Families of Lancaster and York.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Henry V and Catherine of Valois despite the fact that he conquered her country. However, in real life Henry V and Catherine of Valois wouldn’t have a language barrier to worry about.

Who Dies: A bunch of soldiers from both sides, as well as Falstaff, Mistress Quickly, and Bardolph all die off stage. Henry V dies in the epilogue.

Reputation: While not as popular as Henry IV Part 1, it’s still seen as one of the better Shakespeare plays since its plot structure has become a template for just about every war movie ever made. Not to mention when the play’s performed, expect varying interpretations since scholars debate on whether this is a pro-war, anti-war, or a character study. Also expect scholars debating on whether Henry V is a heroic boy king or a despicable manipulator who committed what we know today as “war crimes.” But do you think they gave a shit about that in the 1400s? No. Still, this play can be played on many levels. Combined with The Hollow Crown. Has 2 famous film adaptations with a 1944 one by Sir Laurence Olivier and a 1989 one by Kenneth Branagh. Then again, this might be a play that’s better on a movie screen than a stage.

 

  1. Henry VI Part 1
Earl of Warwick: "Between two hawks, which flies the higher pitch;/Between two dogs, which hath the deeper mouth;/Between two blades, which bears the better temper;/Between two horses, which doth bear him best;/Between two girls, which hath the merriest eye; —/I have, perhaps, some shallow spirit of judgment;/But in these nice sharp quillets of the law,/Good faith, I am no wiser than a daw." - Act II, Scene 4

Earl of Warwick: “Between two hawks, which flies the higher pitch;/Between two dogs, which hath the deeper mouth;/Between two blades, which bears the better temper;/Between two horses, which doth bear him best;/Between two girls, which hath the merriest eye; —/I have, perhaps, some shallow spirit of judgment;/But in these nice sharp quillets of the law,/Good faith, I am no wiser than a daw.” – Act II, Scene 4

Genre: Historical

Published: 1592

Plot: Begins at Henry V’s funeral after he was knocked down in his prime where we already see the English nobles feuding among themselves. Meanwhile in France, a great leader Sir John Talbot is meeting new resistance from some nobody named Joan of Arc who arrives in the Dauphin’s camp and has revitalized his flagging army. Later the young king Henry VI arrives for his coronation in France to reconcile the feuding nobles who’ve now divided themselves into 2 camps symbolized by red and white roses. And he inadvertently makes things worse for seemingly favoring the red rose party and sending the two chief rivals out at the head of his army, culminating a recipe for disaster. The Dukes of York and Somerset simply refuse to come to each other’s aid in battle which results in Sir John Talbot being killed by the French. But York defeats Joan whom he orders her executed. They also a capture the French princess Margaret of Anjou who the Earl of Suffolk plots to marry to the king.

Plot Origin: For one, history. Also, Edward Hall’s The Union of the Two Noble and Illustre Families of Lancaster and York from 1548 and Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. Still, this isn’t a historically accurate play since Henry VI was a baby when his dad died and was about 10 when Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. Also Joan wasn’t captured by the Duke of York but by the Burgundians who had her burned at the stake for the trumped up heresy of wearing pants.

Who Falls In Love: No one yet.

Who Dies: Sir John Talbot is killed in battle along with a lot of other English soldiers, including his own son.

Reputation: This play and its sequels was well received enough to establish Shakespeare’s reputation as a playwright. Today it’s seen by some critics as one of the Bard’s weakest works while some disagree. Still, there’s a lot written about it in Wikipedia in regards to the death of chivalry, patriotism, as well as the saintly vs. demonic. It’s also suggested that Shakespeare might’ve collaborated with others in writing this as well. The portrayal of Joan of Arc as a scheming villainess who’s inspired by demonic voices, sleeps around, and distrusted by some of the French might rub people the wrong way because while she may not be as angelic as she depicted, most of us know that she was absolutely not a Satanist whore. Combined with The Hollow Crown. It’s still performed though.

 

  1. Henry VI Part 2
King Henry VI: "Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all./Close up his eyes, and draw the curtain close;/And let us all to meditation." - Act III, Scene 3

King Henry VI: “Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all./Close up his eyes, and draw the curtain close;/And let us all to meditation.” – Act III, Scene 3

Genre: Historical

Published: 1591-1594

Plot: Begins at Henry VI’s wedding to Margaret of Anjou but the Earl of Suffolk’s plan to dominate the king fails thanks to the Duke of Gloucester who’s popular, honest, and trusted by the king. So in retaliation, Suffolk conspires with other courtiers to disgrace and kill Gloucester only for him to end up exiled and executed for the crime. Meanwhile the Duke of York stakes his claim to the throne since he knows it’s as good as Henry’s with the Dukes of Salisbury and Warwick pledging their support. York gets command of a Royal Army to suppress a rebellion in Ireland but not before setting up a little rebellion against the crown by enlisting Jack Cade. Cade captures London but proves to be a tyrant that Lord Clifford is able to persuade the commoners to fight in King Henry’s favor. York returns with his army and after finding out Clifford’s win in the PR wars, declares he wants to protect the king from Lord Somerset’s treachery. Henry rejects this and York tells him he just wants to take over and, supported by sons Edward and Richard, he fights and wins against Royal forces. Nobles choose sides as King Henry, Margaret, and Young Clifford flee.

Plot Origin: For one, history. Also, Edward Hall’s The Union of the Two Noble and Illustre Families of Lancaster and York from 1548 and Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. Nevertheless, since this takes place in the 1450s, there’s no way in hell Richard of York could enlist his sons Edward and Richard to support him because Edward was 13 and Richard was 2 around the Battle of St. Albans. Then again, Edward probably would’ve went along but he wouldn’t be leading any armies. As for Queen Margaret, she’s really not evil and her reason for stepping up had more to do with her husband’s incompetence. Jack Cade wasn’t as much of an idiot but he did take the Mortimer name yet as an expression for solidarity.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Henry VI and Margaret of Anjou get married but it’s more of a political alliance (and she has something with Suffolk on the side where they have something mutual. After all, he wooed her for Henry anyway). The Gloucesters also have an interesting relationship.

Who Dies: The Duke of Gloucester is assassinated by the Earl of Suffolk, the Earl of Suffolk is executed, a bunch of rebels and soldiers, Jack Cade is killed, Lord Clifford is killed in battle, and Cardinal Beaufort is found dead in bed.

Reputation: Well, it’s still talked about and is still performed but it’s not as popular or well-loved as some of other Shakespearean plays. Yet, along with the other Henry VI plays, it did help establish the Bard’s reputation as a playwright. Combined with The Hollow Crown.

 

  1. Henry VI Part 3
King Henry VI: "This battle fares like to the morning's war,/When dying clouds contend with growing light;/What time the shepherd, blowing of his nails,/Can neither call it perfect day, nor night." - Act II, Scene 5

King Henry VI: “This battle fares like to the morning’s war,/When dying clouds contend with growing light;/What time the shepherd, blowing of his nails,/Can neither call it perfect day, nor night.” – Act II, Scene 5

Genre: Historical

Published: 1591-1594

Plot: Begins with a face-off between King Henry and the Duke of York along with their respective supporters. They later make a deal that after King Henry dies, the Duke of York will have the throne. However, Margaret is disgusted by the king’s cowardice that she and her husband’s supporters continue the war on their own, defeating the Yorkists in battle. Young Clifford kills Edmund of Rutland as York is captured, taunted with his son’s death, and executed. The Earl of Warwick continues the fight on behalf of his son Edward who’s joined by both Richard and George at head of reinforcements from France. Between them, they defeat Margaret and the Lancastrians and Edward is proclaimed King Edward IV. He then outrages Warwick by marrying Elizabeth Woodville just as he was going to set him up with a French princess. Warwick and George of Clarence switch sides. And soon Edward is captured while Henry is restored. Yet, he’s soon rescued and kills Warwick in battle. In the final battle, Edward captures and kills Henry’s son and jails Margaret while Richard sneaks away and kills Henry VI to remove any further complications. So by the end, things look rosy for the House of York with Lancastrian cause seeming dead and gone. And there’s a new heir to the throne named young Edward. But Richard of Gloucester doesn’t seem too happy at the moment.

Plot Origin: For one, history. Also, Edward Hall’s The Union of the Two Noble and Illustre Families of Lancaster and York from 1548 and Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. Still, historically, Edmund of Rutland wasn’t Duke Richard of York’s youngest son. He was his second and was 9 years older than the future King Richard III who was actually Richard of York’s youngest son anyway. But Rutland did die at 17. Also, in 1460, George was 11 and Richard was 8. So to say that they defeated Margaret in her Lancastrians in the 1460s with their teenage older brother is a stretch. Also, when Edward IV is restored in 1471, Richard is 19 but this doesn’t really matter as much.

Who Falls In Love: Edward IV marries Elizabeth Woodville to Warwick’s outrage (since he was engaged to another woman at the time in real life).

Who Dies: Edmund of Rutland is killed by Young Clifford, Richard of York is executed, Edward IV kills the Earl of Warwick in battle as well as Edward of Westminster, Henry VI is killed by Richard of Gloucester, and a bunch of other soldiers.

Reputation: While the trilogy this play belongs is talked about and performed as well as said to establish Shakespeare’s reputation as a playwright, it’s not as popular as the other plays. In fact, the play that comes after this one is seen to be way more enjoyable than the Henry VI trilogy. It’s called Richard III. Combined with The Hollow Crown.

 

  1. Henry VIII
Queen Katharine of Aragon: "After my death I wish no other herald,/No other speaker of my living actions,/To keep mine honour from corruption,/But such an honest chronicler as Griffith." - Act IV, Scene 2

Queen Katharine of Aragon: “After my death I wish no other herald,/No other speaker of my living actions,/To keep mine honour from corruption,/But such an honest chronicler as Griffith.” – Act IV, Scene 2

Genre: Historical

Published: 1603-1613

Plot: Mostly focuses on the machinations of Cardinal Wolsey surrounding the Duke of Buckingham and the annulment of Henry VIII’s marriage to Katherine of Aragon. It ends with Henry’s marriage to Anne Boleyn and the subsequent birth of future Queen Elizabeth I.

Plot Origin: History and Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. In real life these events happened over a period of 13 years. Not to mention, Mary Tudor is carefully omitted. Also, Cardinal Wolsey is unfairly maligned while Henry is seen as a poor, misunderstood nice guy. In reality, though corrupt Cardinal Wolsey was a competent and faithful servant to King Henry VIII well into the man’s reign. It’s just that he wasn’t able to get an annulment from Rome because the Pope at the time was being held prisoner by Holy Roman Emperor Charles V who just happened to be Katherine of Aragon’s nephew. But Henry couldn’t tolerate Wolsey failing him so he fired him, took over his house, and was going to have him arrested and executed but he died of natural causes. Then there’s the fact that there was no reason to believe Elizabeth I would be queen at the time of her birth. And the fact that Katherine never meets Anne despite her being her lady-in-waiting. Still, around this time, there would’ve still been so much controversy about Henry VIII’s reign among the public that our Bill might’ve made a conscious choice to toe the party line. This also explains why you won’t find Sir Thomas More or his beheading in this either.

Who Falls In Love: Henry VIII with Anne Boleyn. Sure they seem happy at the end, but we all know how that turned out.

Who Dies: The Duke of Buckingham who gets executed and a bunch of other guys who wouldn’t agree with Henry.

Reputation: Well, a cannon during a performance of this play in 1613 caused the Globe Theatre to burn to the ground. And it’s also said that Shakespeare wrote this with a collaborator. Nevertheless, it’s one of the few plays to retain its popularity after the Restoration and into the 18th century. Recent audiences aren’t really big fans of the play since we all know that Henry VIII wasn’t a poor, misunderstood nice guy. If he was, then he wouldn’t have been so harsh about Cardinal Wolsey failing him due to factors that were beyond his control. Hell, he even had Sir Thomas Cromwell beheaded in 1540 by setting him up with Anne of Cleves (whom he later found to be unattractive while meeting her. However, Anne of Cleves wasn’t seen ugly by others. Yet, at least she was smart enough not to contest the annulment and got a generous settlement out of it). Still, if you want to see something on Henry VIII that doesn’t include Anne Boleyn’s beheading, watch A Man for All Seasons instead.

 

8. King John

King John: "There is no sure foundation set on blood;/No certain life achieved by others' death." - Act IV, Scene 2

King John: “There is no sure foundation set on blood;/No certain life achieved by others’ death.” – Act IV, Scene 2

Genre: Historical

Published: 1590s

Plot: King John is the anti-hero in this with the hero being Bastard Philip Falconbridge who’s the son of Richard the Lionheart. Begins with Richard the Lionheart being killed by a man named Austria. Still, John somehow gets himself in a war with Philip II because he refuses to step down in favor of his nephew Arthur whom his mom Constance wants on the throne. After all, he’s the son of John’s older brother Geoffrey (though Richard wanted John to succeed him in his will). Then there’s Hubert of Angiers who also has a claim but Philip suggest England and France unite to fight him off. Then John gets excommunicated because he appointed an archbishop without consulting the pope. Bastard Philip beheads Austria. Angiers and Arthur are captured as John forces the former to kill the latter but he refuses and lets him escape. Cardinal Pandolf manipulates Dauphin Louis into invading England so he could make a play for the English throne with the English lords throwing their support. But after Arthur dies trying to escape, King John becomes deeply remorseful and is accepted back to the Church over this. But he falls ill and becomes unable to rule so Bastard Philip assumes command with him winning over the French and English. But the Lords soon learn that once the Dauphin gets into power, all English noblemen will be beheaded. So unsurprisingly, the lords side with the English once more. Meanwhile, John gets poisoned by a monk as his son Henry watches him die. He takes the crown after Cardinal Pandolf convinces the French to leave English soil.

Plot Origin: History and Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. Still, while the play has John getting into a war because he wouldn’t step aside for his nephew, the reason was that Philip II wanted to capture French lands in English possession. Also, although Arthur is depicted as 8 in the play, he was actually 16 during these events. And he was executed almost as soon as John took the throne. John didn’t have any remorse over this. Oh, and Richard the Lionheart was killed by a kid with a crossbow and he was shortly killed after he died (even though Richard forgave him and asked he wouldn’t be harmed). Not to mention, King John died from dysentery, not monk poisoning. Philip Falconbridge should really be Philip of Cognac but he’s so sparsely documented that there’s really not much to go on but he’s said to slaughter Viscount Aimar V of Limoges who was the leader of a rebellion that Richard was fighting. And it was over the death of his dad. But there are no other sources to confirm this and we’re not sure what happened to Cognac after 1201. Then there’s the fact the Magna Carta isn’t even mentioned at all. However, this play does get one thing right which is the fact that Dauphin Louis (future Louis VIII of France) did invade England during King John’s reign and did have considerable English support. But he was never crowned and renounced his claim after being excommunicated and repelled that he’s now considered a Pretender more than anything.

Who Falls In Love: Dauphin Louis and Blanche get married but this is a political arrangement.

Who Dies: Richard I is killed, Eleanor of Aquitaine dies of natural causes, Prince Arthur dies falling off a wall and trying to escape, Austria is beheaded by Bastard Philip, Constance dies of grief, and John dies from monk poisoning.

Reputation: This play is so obscure that it’s not performed a lot and doesn’t seem to have a lot of commentary. Well, it was highly popular in the Victorian era that it was performed quite frequently but that’s about it. For a play on King John, stick to The Lion in Winter instead.

 

9. Richard II

Richard II: "For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground,/And tell sad stories of the death of kings:/How some have been depos'd, some slain in war,/Some haunted by the ghosts they have depos'd;/Some poison'd by their wives, some sleeping kill'd;/All murder'd — for within the hollow crown." - Act III, Scene 2

Richard II: “For God’s sake, let us sit upon the ground,/And tell sad stories of the death of kings:/How some have been depos’d, some slain in war,/Some haunted by the ghosts they have depos’d;/Some poison’d by their wives, some sleeping kill’d;/All murder’d — for within the hollow crown.” – Act III, Scene 2

Genre: Historical, Tragedy

Published: 1595

Plot: Henry Bolingboke and a rival challenge each other to a duel but Richard II interrupts them before they have a chance to fight and exiles them both. Sometime later John the Gaunt dies, giving Richard the idea to seize his cousin’s lands. Bolingboke decides to return as the Duke of Lancaster and he’s rightfully pissed that Richard has taken his lands and wealth. So he quickly starts a war with him to get his stuff back. But soon he ends up seizing the throne of England and forces Richard to abdicate. Richard is sent to prison angsting about losing his throne before being killed by an ambitious nobleman. Now King Henry IV regrets his death and vows to redeem himself by starting a crusade against Jerusalem. Unfortunately, parenthood, ally betrayal, and civil unrest won’t give him any time for that.

Plot Origin: History and Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. While the play paints Richard II as a weak, capricious, and unpopular, that’s not the whole story. Sure was unpopular…among nobles since they had been in control during the early part of Richard’s reign (since he ascended the throne as a child) and he kind of wished to rein them in. Still, he wasn’t executing and exiling nobles until the later years of his reign. And let’s just say him disinheriting and exiling Henry Bolingboke was a huge mistake. Nevertheless, while Richard II’s polices weren’t entirely unrealistic or unprecedented, the way he carried them out was unacceptable to the political which led to his downfall. Still, Henry IV would regret having him killed for the rest of his life.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Richard II really loves his queen. Then again, she’s more of composite character of his 2 wives, one of whom was still a child at the time of his death. So it’s probably for the best.

Who Dies: The Duke of Gloucester is executed, John the Gaunt dies of natural causes, and Richard II is killed by Exton in prison along with a bunch of other soldiers in battle.

Reputation: This play has an unusually detailed performance history and is still performed today. A lot of people draw parallels between Richard II in this play and Elizabeth I in the last years of her reign since it wasn’t clear at the time as to who would succeed her. And it doesn’t help that Richard II and Elizabeth I didn’t have kids. Still, while Richard II may seem like a jerk, you kind of feel bad for him once he’s overthrown. Combined with The Hollow Crown.

 

10. Richard III

King Richard III: "And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover/To entertain these fair well-spoken days,/I am determined to prove a villain/And hate the idle pleasures of these days." - Act I, Scene 1

King Richard III: “And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover/To entertain these fair well-spoken days,/I am determined to prove a villain/And hate the idle pleasures of these days.” – Act I, Scene 1

Genre: Historical

Published: 1591

Plot: Edward IV knows he doesn’t have a lot of time left and wants to avoid another generation of dynastic conflict that ended with his second ascension to the throne from starting up again. So he decides to call England’s powerful factions to make them shake hands and promise to be nice to each other and his young son once he croaks. They do and everyone lives happily ever after. Just kidding! It all goes downhill from there. Because Edward’s younger brother Richard of Gloucester has other ideas. With aid from Lord Hastings and the Duke of Buckingham and after a brief detour to woo the widow of a man he killed, he soon has several of the queen’s relatives arrested and executed in the Tower of London. And once, Edward IV croaks, the young princes get sent there, too. However, by this point Lord Hastings is dismayed when Richard plans to have his nephews declared illegitimate and take the throne for himself. So he refuses to go along and gets his head chopped off as a result. From there, Richard decides that the kids will be trouble and he might as well have them whacked, too which even makes Lord Buckingham getting squeamish. So he leads a failed rebellion and gets his head chopped off, too. Richard then proceeds to poison his wife so he could marry his niece. This leads almost every non-villainous character in the play band together under some guy who hasn’t even appeared. But Henry Tudor prevails since he’s assisted by the ghosts of Richard’s victims and successfully kills him in battle.

Plot Origin: For one, history. Also, Edward Hall’s The Union of the Two Noble and Illustre Families of Lancaster and York from 1548 and Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1577. Thomas More’s biography of Richard III may be another source. Still, the real Richard III wasn’t a deformed freak (well, he had scoliosis but he didn’t let that slow him down). Nor was he a terrible ruler, took the throne with illegal power (he simply ruled any nephews and nieces above the succession order as illegitimate), or had a lot of people killed. Also, Richard wouldn’t have had a hard time declaring Edward IV’s kids illegitimate because he was engaged to another woman before tying the knot with Elizabeth Woodville and was too much of a horndog for people to be shocked by it. Besides, in England, the nobles and commoners hated the non-noble Woodvilles and feared the princes would be used as Woodville pawns anyway. And they weren’t fine with the idea of child kings. So let’s just say Richard putting the kids in the Tower was an unpopular one and Parliament was happy to give him the throne. And his coronation was one of the best attended in years. We also know that Richard didn’t kill the Duke of Somerset (who died when he was 3) or George of Clarence (whose death was at Edward IV’s orders because he was an opportunistic bastard who switched sides during the Wars of the Roses. But when he murdered a servant girl, Edward just wanted George dead and had no wish to commute his sentence. Not to mention, Richard actually argued against George’s execution despite having feuds with him). Compared to other medieval kings, Richard’s body count was low but he only ruled for 2 years. His relationship and marriage to Anne Neville was a happy one (and he most certainly didn’t bump off her dad or poisoned her. As for her previous husband, he certainly took advantage of his death. But that’s because he really loved Anne and marrying her wasn’t a popular decision at the time). He never accused his mom of being an adulteress (George of Clarence did this). And he had no interest whatsoever to marry Elizabeth of York (because he was arranging marriages for both of them to marry within the Portuguese royal family. He also formally denied any intention amid rumors). Oh, and he died at 32. Edward IV died at 40 and his death came as a shock and Richard wasn’t even at court at the time. As for the princes, it’s most likely that Lord Buckingham had them killed (if not, then the Tudors but they never got their aunt Margaret who was safe in Burgundy). Buckingham’s rebellion was intended to put himself on the throne, not Henry Tudor and he was a long time adherent to the Lancastrian cause. He later transferred support to Henry Tudor when he knew that he wouldn’t get any support from any faction. And Edward IV reigned for 12 years. However, given that it was Tudor times, you can see why Richard III is depicted as evil in this one.

Who Falls In Love: Well, Richard with Lady Anne. (But contrary to the play, Richard and Anne really did love each other and had a kid who died young. And she and their son died of natural causes.)

Who Dies: Edward IV of natural causes, the princes in the tower from murder (of course), several of the Queen’s relatives get executed, George of Clarence is drowned in a massive vat of wine, Lord Hastings and Lord Buckingham get beheaded, Lady Anne gets poisoned, and Richard III goes down fighting at Bosworth Field. A lot of others get killed as well.

Reputation: A Restoration adaptation had been performed throughout the 1700s but the original Shakespearean version in a production in 1845. Though it’s still commonly performed today, it’s rarely unabridged sometimes with certain peripheral characters removed entirely mostly because not people have seen the Henry VI trilogy plays. It’s also a big reason why the Richard III Society also exists since this was one of the reasons why Richard III has had and perhaps still does have a bad historical reputation. Still, even members of the Richard III Society enjoy the play because evil Richard III is so entertaining. Made into several films with the 1955 version starring Sir Laurence Olivier being the most famous.

Feast in the Great Hall with These Harry Potter Treats

hogwarts-vday

The wizarding world of Harry Potter has all kinds of food and places to eat. At Hogwarts, the Great Hall always has food magically prepared on one’s dish as well as a feast on both the start and end of the terms as well as on Halloween and Christmas. Sure the food may be prepared by house elves but they don’t talk about it much. Outside Hogwarts, you have places like the Leaky Cauldron and Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlor at Diagon Alley as well as a few in Hogsmeade like the Three Broomsticks Inn, the Hog’s Head (which is tended by Dumbledore’s brother), and Honeydukes Sweetshop. You also had the tea cart on the Hogwarts Express. As for cuisine, well, you have butterbeer, treacle tarts, pumpkin juice, chocolate frogs, Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, and others. Sure some of the food might seem strange to us muggles, but when it comes to eating in the wizarding world, the scene isn’t as bad as in other fictional worlds. I mean what you’d see in Star Wars where some of the bars are filled with dirt bags and you don’t know what’s being served. And in the Hunger Games, once you’re outside the Capitol and the wealthy districts, large populations are basically starving. Nevertheless, as in other fandoms, there are plenty of fans who make Harry Potter inspired treats for their own themed parties. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you a treasure trove of magical Harry Potter treats.

  1. Nothing makes a Harry Potter party like cauldron cake pops.
I might've had cauldron cake pops in one of my Halloween treat posts. But these were made in the Harry Potter speciality.

I might’ve had cauldron cake pops in one of my Halloween treat posts. But these were made in the Harry Potter specialty.

2. In the wizarding world, it helps that croissants are shaped like hats.

Well, witches' hats anyway. Because apparently, people in the Harry Potter world wear hats like these despite that it would've made them prone to witch burnings in the 17th century.

Well, witches’ hats anyway. Because apparently, people in the Harry Potter world wear hats like these despite that it would’ve made them prone to witch burnings in the 17th century.

3. If you loved the Prisoner of Azkaban, then you might take to a cake like this.

This is a cake depicting Harry riding Buckbeak. It's professionally made for display. But it's very well sculpted.

This is a cake depicting Harry riding Buckbeak. It’s professionally made for display. But it’s very well sculpted.

4. Those who might remember Hogsmeade might remember the Hog’s Head.

This is the cake of the Hog's Head. It's the bar in Hogsmeade that's run by Dumbledore's brother Aberforth. Apparently, they weren't on good terms.

This is the cake of the Hog’s Head. It’s the bar in Hogsmeade that’s run by Dumbledore’s brother Aberforth. Apparently, they weren’t on good terms.

5. For your Harry Potter delights, nothing makes such a treat than a Hogwarts cake.

Now this was certainly done by a professional and probably doesn't come cheap. Still, it's very amazing to look at if you ask me.

Now this was certainly done by a professional and probably doesn’t come cheap. Still, it’s very amazing to look at if you ask me.

6. For those wizards who love chocolate, it doesn’t get any magical than this.

And even if you don't have a happy birthday, at least you won't have to worry about dementors coming. Because they can really bum a party.

And even if you don’t have a happy birthday, at least you won’t have to worry about dementors coming. Because they can really bum a party.

7. For a lunch on the go, you can’t cast the wrong spell with a Harry Potter bento box.

I'm sure you'd have to microwave this before eating at lunch. But this is so cute.

I’m sure you’d have to microwave this before eating at lunch. But this is so cute.

8. Get yourself sorted for your Harry Potter party with some Sorting hat bread.

Okay, maybe bread might not bring out the Sorting Hat's best features. But this is quite creative regardless.

Okay, maybe bread might not bring out the Sorting Hat’s best features. But this is quite creative regardless.

9. Speaking of the Sorting Hat, it helps if your surround it with cupcakes.

This is another professionally made cake. But I like the Harry Potter cupcakes surrounding it.

This is another professionally made cake. But I like the Harry Potter cupcakes surrounding it.

10. Now these are the perfect hotdog rolls for a Slytherin barbecue.

Because their symbol is a snake. Still, I'm not sure if any of the Slytherins had a hotdog, since Hogwarts is in Britain. But if Hogwarts existed in the US, they would.

Because their symbol is a snake. Still, I’m not sure if any of the Slytherins had a hotdog, since Hogwarts is in Britain. But if Hogwarts existed in the US, they would.

11. Licorice wands always make a magically tasty treat.

Then again, I'm not a big fan of licorice. But I think this is quite creative to say the least.

Then again, I’m not a big fan of licorice. But I think this is quite creative to say the least.

12. When it comes to gingerbread architecture, it doesn’t get more amazing than Hogwarts.

I know it's on top of a cake. But this gingerbread Hogwarts is a wonder to look at.

I know it’s on top of a cake. But this gingerbread Hogwarts is a wonder to look at.

13. When it comes to Hogwarts spirit, it always counts what’s on the inside.

And as you see, this cake may have white icing. But it has all the Hogwarts house colors inside.

And as you see, this cake may have white icing. But it has all the Hogwarts house colors inside.

14. If you love breadsticks, these broomsticks are just the ticket.

You might expect Hogwarts to serve breadsticks like these. Mostly because they resemble brooms. Get it?

You might expect Hogwarts to serve breadsticks like these. Mostly because they resemble brooms. Get it?

15. Those who adore Dobby might enjoy a cake like this.

Dobby likes seeing a cake in his likeness. Dobby thinks the maker is too kind. Dobby is in tears.

Dobby likes seeing a cake in his likeness. Dobby thinks the maker is too kind. Dobby is in tears.

16. For your fruit tray, there’s nothing more fitting in the wizarding world than a watermelon owl.

Sure it may not resemble Hedwig. But at any Harry Potter party, this would do just fine.

Sure it may not resemble Hedwig. But at any Harry Potter party, this would do just fine.

17. Hop aboard the Hogwarts Express with this cake.

Yes, there's a cake for it the train as well. Then again, the Hogwarts Express is a nice looking train.

Yes, there’s a cake for it the train as well. Then again, the Hogwarts Express is a nice looking train.

18. Brew something special like these cauldron cakes.

These have something green in them. Hope it's icing. If it's not, I don't want to know.

These have something green in them. Hope it’s icing. If it’s not, I don’t want to know.

19. For a simple Harry Potter cake, I’m sure this would suffice.

This one just has a Gryffindor tie, Harry's glasses, and HP lettering. Seems quite doable if you ask me.

This one just has a Gryffindor tie, Harry’s glasses, and HP lettering. Seems quite doable if you ask me.

20. For Professor Sprout’s birthday, these mandrake cupcakes are a perfect treat.

Sure mandrakes might look creepy to some extent. But these cupcakes are so clever that I had to include them.

Sure mandrakes might look creepy to some extent. But these cupcakes are so clever that I had to include them.

21. Support your Hogwarts House with these Harry Potter cookies.

Well, they're professionally made sugar cookies. But you have to love how they're designed.

Well, they’re professionally made sugar cookies. But you have to love how they’re designed.

22. Of course, when it comes to cauldron cakes, there’s always the double chocolate option.

At least the dementors won't go near these things. Which is perfectly fine by me since I love chocolate.

At least the dementors won’t go near these things. Which is perfectly fine by me since I love chocolate.

23. When it comes to a birthday at Hogwarts, there’s no better befitting cake like this.

Yes, this is a Hogwarts crest cake. And I'm sure it will go well with those Hogwarts house cookies I showed earlier.

Yes, this is a Hogwarts crest cake. And I’m sure it will go well with those Hogwarts house cookies I showed earlier.

24. Wonder what house you belong in? Maybe try these Sorting Hat cake pops.

Yes, these are Sorting Hat cake pops. Not sure what I'd think about it. Personally, I think the Sorting Hat is kind of creepy.

Yes, these are Sorting Hat cake pops. Not sure what I’d think about it. Personally, I think the Sorting Hat is kind of creepy.

25. Anyone familiar with Harry Potter should remember a cake like this.

This is meant to resemble the cake Hagrid gave Harry on his 11th birthday and told him that he's a wizard. Yes, I know there are words mispelled. But that's deliberate.

This is meant to resemble the cake Hagrid gave Harry on his 11th birthday and told him that he’s a wizard. Yes, I know there are words mispelled. But that’s deliberate.

26. If you love the Weasleys, then you’ll adore this gingerbread Burrow.

Sure it might not look like much but it's home. Still, I really think this is brilliant.

Sure it might not look like much but it’s home. Still, I really think this is brilliant.

27. If you like Hedwig, then you’ll love this owl cake.

Yes, this is a Hedwig cake. And yes, it's adorable and lovely as you can see.

Yes, this is a Hedwig cake. And yes, it’s adorable and lovely as you can see.

28. These Harry Potter cake pops are simply magical.

Because these cake pops are of Harry Potter. I'm sure some of you might find them a bit creepy. But I have to put them on this post.

Because these cake pops are of Harry Potter. I’m sure some of you might find them a bit creepy. But I have to put them on this post.

29. To go with your Hedwig cake, these Hedwig cookies will suit you just fine.

These seem to have 3 variations of icing. But I think they're adorable.

These seem to have 3 variations of icing. But I think they’re adorable.

30. If you love Quidditch, then you’ll enjoy a cake like this.

Sure the pieces might not be edible. But this cake seems pretty easy to make.

Sure the pieces might not be edible. But this cake seems pretty easy to make compared to some of the others.

31. For a magical party, grace your dessert platter with these Harry Potter cupcakes.

Well, these cupcakes contain stuff relating to the Harry Potter series. And they're in a variety of different colors.

Well, these cupcakes contain stuff relating to the Harry Potter series. And they’re in a variety of different colors.

32. For a magical breakfast, you can’t go wrong with Deathly Hallows pancakes.

I don't know about you. But they sure don't look much like pancakes to me. Maybe that's the point.

I don’t know about you. But they sure don’t look much like pancakes to me. Maybe that’s the point.

33. If you don’t like cheese brooms, may I suggest potato sticks instead?

Besides, potato sticks help the pretzel brooms stand up by themselves. However, they might require thicker pretzels.

Besides, potato sticks help the pretzel brooms stand up by themselves. However, they might require thicker pretzels.

34. Serve your Harry Potter dessert platter with these witches’ hat cones.

Well, they're on top of cupcakes. But each one has a lightning bolt so you'd know that they're inspired by Harry Potter.

Well, they’re on top of cupcakes. But each one has a lightning bolt so you’d know that they’re inspired by Harry Potter.

35. When it comes to Harry Potter cupcakes, these ones are sure to have your favorite characters.

These include Harry, Ron, Hermione, Sirius, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Snape, Draco, and Voldemort. Also has a Death Eater, a Golden Snitch, and a wand.

These include Harry, Ron, Hermione, Sirius, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Snape, Draco, and Voldemort. Also has a Death Eater, a Golden Snitch, and a wand.

36. For as simple dessert, these owl cookies are just the key.

These are sugar cookies with markings, chocolate chip eyes, and a pretzel nose. And they're adorable.

These are sugar cookies with markings, chocolate chip eyes, and a pretzel nose. And they’re adorable.

37. Any seeker is bound to appreciate these Golden Snitch cake pops.

Thought the Golden Snitches should have bigger wings. Oh, well at least they got the basics right.

Thought the Golden Snitches should have bigger wings. Oh, well at least they got the basics right.

38. This Chamber of Secrets cake has been opened.

As you might know from Book 2, the Chamber of Secrets is accessible through a girls' bathroom. Particularly the one Moaning Myrtle was in where she died.

As you might know from Book 2, the Chamber of Secrets is accessible through a girls’ bathroom. Particularly the one Moaning Myrtle was in where she died.

39. For a simple Hedwig cake, this would be what you’re waiting for.

For some reason, this Hedwig cake appears to resemble one angry bird. Not sure why.

For some reason, this Hedwig cake appears to resemble one angry bird. Not sure why.

40. If you love Harry Potter, then you’ll certainly fall in love with this cake.

I'm sure this one was made by a professional or someone with too much time on their hands. But all in all, I think it's quite a remarkable cake.

I’m sure this one was made by a professional or someone with too much time on their hands. But all in all, I think it’s quite a remarkable cake. Love the Hedwig in a cage.

41. These owl pretzels will surely make a tasty treat.

This pretzel is covered in white icing and black sprinkes. And it sports eyes of Oreos and brows of licorice.

This pretzel is covered in white icing and black sprinkes. And it sports eyes of Oreos and brows of licorice.

42. This Golden Snitch cake will open at the close.

Of course, you might wonder why I'm putting up all this cake stuff. However, all I have to say is that sometimes you have to take what you can get.

Of course, you might wonder why I’m putting up all this cake stuff. However, all I have to say is that sometimes you have to take what you can get.

43. Open up this book cake, and you’ll never know what you’d find inside.

Yes, this book cake has Hogwarts in it as well as a wand and Gryffindor scarf. But it sure looks magical, indeed.

Yes, this book cake has Hogwarts in it as well as a wand and Gryffindor scarf. But it sure looks magical, indeed.

44. On a Hogwarts cake like this, each house has its own layer.

As you see, Gryffindor is at the bottom while Slytherin is on top. Not sure to know what that means.

As you see, Gryffindor is at the bottom while Slytherin is on top. Not sure to know what that means.

45. This cake is bound to give you a great view of the Hogwarts grounds.

While some cakes features Hogwarts, this one has Hagrid's hut, the Forbidden Forest, the lake, and more. Love it.

While some cakes features Hogwarts, this one has Hagrid’s hut, the Forbidden Forest, the lake, the Whomping Willow, and more. Love it.

46. Find which Hogwarts house you belong in with these Sorting Hat cupcakes.

And it seems whoever opened this cupcake is in Slytherin. Still, at least they're chocolate.

And it seems whoever opened this cupcake is in Slytherin. Still, at least they’re chocolate.

47. Those who love Harry and his friends will surely like a bento lunch like this.

That is, unless they're vegetarians. Because I think I see that Harry, Ron, and Hermione's faces are on some ham.

That is, unless they’re vegetarians. Because I think I see that Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s faces are on some ham.

48. If you like Hermione, then you might like a cake of her bag.

Seriously, Hermione has the coolest purse ever which she can put as much stuff as she wants in it. This is very helpful in the Deathly Hallows.

Seriously, Hermione has the coolest purse ever which she can put as much stuff as she wants in it. This is very helpful in the Deathly Hallows.

49. For monster fun at your Harry Potter party, may I recommend the Monster Book of Monsters?

It's the kind of textbook that's more uncontrollable than most domestic animals. And yes, there's a certain way you have to open it.

It’s the kind of textbook that’s more uncontrollable than most domestic animals. And yes, there’s a certain way you have to open it.

50. For simple treats on your magical dessert platter, these cupcake owls are a hoot.

And they seem to come in white and dark. Also like their eyes.

And they seem to come in white and dark. Also like their eyes.

51. If you enjoyed the Wizard Chess match in the Sorcerer’s Stone, you might like this cake.

Just remember that Wizard's Chess is far more gorier than its Muggle counterpart. I mean these pieces actually attack each other.

Just remember that Wizard’s Chess is far more gorier than its Muggle counterpart. I mean these pieces actually attack each other.

52. Those who love Quidditch might like this cake case.

It's where they keep the Quidditch balls. Note how the Bludgers are chained so they won't get out.

It’s where they keep the Quidditch balls. Note how the Bludgers are chained so they won’t get out.

53. For a treat worth hooting for, try these graham cracker owls.

Sure the nose is made from candy corn which is sugar wax. But these are cute.

Sure the nose is made from candy corn which is sugar wax. But these are cute.

54. For a golden treat, you can’t go wrong with Golden Snitch truffles.

Of course, truffles are rather expensive. Yet, they appear to be filled with chocolatey goodness.

Of course, truffles are rather expensive. Yet, they appear to be filled with chocolatey goodness.

55. If you’re a fan of Snape, then you’ll surely enjoy this bento lunch.

Seems like Snape isn't having a great day. Then again, when does he ever have a good day?

Seems like Snape isn’t having a great day. Then again, when does he ever have a good day?

56. “This is the slice of the Deathly Hallows.”

According to Pinterest, this is supposed to be pizza. According to me, it's bread. One of us must be wrong.

According to Pinterest, this is supposed to be pizza. According to me, it’s bread. One of us must be wrong.

57. How about all the horcruxes on one cupcake?

Well, except for Harry, of course. But he's still represented as you see.

Well, except for Harry, of course. But he’s still represented as you see.

58. Kids, you might not want to look at this calzone in the eye.

Because it's a basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets. So if you look directly into the olive eyes, you'll instantly die.

Because it’s a basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets. So if you look directly into the olive eyes, you’ll instantly die.

59. Funny, Harry and Snape seem to be getting along well in this bento.

Which is strange because Snape hates Harry because he had a thing for his mom. And Harry doesn't care for Snape because he's such a jerk to him.

Which is strange because Snape hates Harry because he had a thing for his mom. And Harry doesn’t care for Snape because he’s such a jerk to him.

60. When making cheese pretzel brooms, sometimes you don’t need the string.

Well, if you use string cheese. Still, you have to wonder why string cheese isn't used for cheese brooms more often.

Well, if you use string cheese. Still, you have to wonder why string cheese isn’t used for cheese brooms more often.

61. Any Death Eater with a sweet tooth is bound to enjoy these Dark Mark lollipops.

Available in 5 different flavors. How disturbing if you ask me. But I wasn't consulted.

Available in 5 different flavors. How disturbing if you ask me. But I wasn’t consulted.

62. Any smart magical girl is bound to enjoy this Hermione dish.

I think this is more of a lunch dish. Yet, you have to like her pasta curly hair.

I think this is more of a lunch dish. Yet, you have to like her pasta curly hair.

63. Nothing makes a better addition to your magical dessert platter than pensieve jello.

In Harry Potter, the pensieve is a pool where wizards put their memories in. And it's to draw them out to retrieve them.

In Harry Potter, the pensieve is a pool where wizards put their memories in. And it’s to draw them out to retrieve them.

64. On this cake, Hedwig will spread her wings.

Let's hope Hedwig didn't leave a little present for Harry on that stack of books. Then again, Hedwig's bowel movements don't seemed to be discussed much in the series.

Let’s hope Hedwig didn’t leave a little present for Harry on that stack of books. Then again, Hedwig’s bowel movements don’t seemed to be discussed much in the series.

65. Relive the magic of Harry Potter on your dessert platter with these cookies.

Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hedwig, a cauldron, the Deathly Hallows, a witch hat, the Dark Mark, and more. Not sure why the Dark Mark is included.

Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hedwig, a cauldron, the Deathly Hallows, a witch hat, the Dark Mark, and more. Not sure why the Dark Mark is included.

66. If you liked the Chamber of Secrets, you might enjoy a cake of Tom Riddle’s diary.

Which Harry stabbed with a basilisk fang. He did this after killing the basilisk with the Sword of Gryffindor he pulled out of the Sorting Hat.

Which Harry stabbed with a basilisk fang. He did this after killing the basilisk with the Sword of Gryffindor he pulled out of the Sorting Hat.

67. This Harry Potter sandwich would make a perfectly magical lunch.

Yes, it's a Harry Potter lunch. Think it's a pita bread sandwich with Harry's face on it. But I'm not sure.

Yes, it’s a Harry Potter lunch. Think it’s a pita bread sandwich with Harry’s face on it. But I’m not sure.

68. Those who enjoy Fred and George’s jokes might treat themselves to some cockroach clusters.

Sure cockroach clusters are marketed as Harry Potter treats. But when I hear about them, I think of Monty Python.

Sure cockroach clusters are marketed as Harry Potter treats. But when I hear about them, I think of Monty Python.

69. Now this is the kind of Hogwarts lunch that’s fit for any wizard in training.

This one even has rice squares from all 4 houses. If these were sandwiches, Slytherin's would have guacamole.

This one even has rice squares from all 4 houses. If these were sandwiches, Slytherin’s would have guacamole.

70. For your Harry Potter snack platter, a cheesy owl is all you need at the center.

Sure this owl may be a bit white and yellow. But it sure looks tasty being surrounded by crackers.

Sure this owl may be a bit white and yellow. But it sure looks tasty being surrounded by crackers.

71. For a magical lunch, nothing beats Harry and his owl.

Yes, here's Harry hanging with his owl Hedwig. Nevertheless, it's so cute.

Yes, here’s Harry hanging with his owl Hedwig. Nevertheless, it’s so cute.

72. For all you Despicable Me lovers out there, this minion Harry Potter cake is a real treat.

Sure minions may want to serve an evil master. But this is adorable.

Sure minions may want to serve an evil master. But this is adorable.

73. Bring the magic to your Harry Potter party with these cake pops.

These are cake pops that pertain to Harry Potter. These consist of a lightning bolt, Hedwig, Gryffindor colors, HP, Harry's glasses, and the Golden Snitch.

These are cake pops that pertain to Harry Potter. These consist of a lightning bolt, Hedwig, Gryffindor colors, HP, Harry’s glasses, and the Golden Snitch.

74. For some great wizard candy, you can’t go wrong with quill lollipops.

Yeah, lollipops of a kind of writing implement used in the 1700s at perhaps the latest. Yet, they somehow used these at Hogwarts.

Yeah, lollipops of a kind of writing implement used in the 1700s at perhaps the latest. Yet, they somehow used these at Hogwarts.

75. For all you Quidditch lovers out there, this cake is for you.

This one depicts Harry Potter catching the Golden Snitch. Not sure which book this is from though.

This one depicts Harry Potter catching the Golden Snitch. Not sure which book this is from though.

76. When it comes to Harry Potter cakes, you can’t hate these.

Many of these depict the characters. Yet, I don't understand why the largest two have to be of Harry and Draco Malfoy. Guess this is for a baby party. In that case, the larger Draco cake makes sense.

Many of these depict the characters. Yet, I don’t understand why the largest two have to be of Harry and Draco Malfoy. Guess this is for a baby party. In that case, the larger Draco cake makes sense.

77. For a more rustic atmosphere, this Hagrid’s hut gingerbread is just the ticket.

Seems like this one is from Prisoner of Azkaban. And there's Buckbeak in the pumpkin patch. Let's hope he doesn't get killed.

Seems like this one is from Prisoner of Azkaban. And there’s Buckbeak in the pumpkin patch. Let’s hope he doesn’t get killed.

78. These Harry Potter cake pops surely have a lot of magical character.

These consist of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Hedwig, Dobby, a broomstick, a book of spells, and a Golden Snitch. Still, these are great.

These consist of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Hedwig, Dobby, a broomstick, a book of spells, and a Golden Snitch. Still, these are great.

79. As you see, these cookies are the colors of their respective houses.

Apparently, the hardest one on this is perhaps the Hogwarts crest. The other cookies seem easy.

Apparently, the hardest one on this is perhaps the Hogwarts crest. The other cookies seem easy.

80. For a magical meal, you can’t beat some lightning bolt pizza.

Because Harry's scar is shaped as a lightning bolt. From some pizzeria in Liverpool, by the way.

Because Harry’s scar is shaped as a lightning bolt. From some pizzeria in Liverpool, by the way.

81. When it comes to casting a spell, few can resist a Harry Potter sandwich.

These consist of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. And I swear your kids are going to love these.

These consist of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. And I swear your kids are going to love these.

82. Nothing makes lunch more enchanting than this Harry Potter bento lunch.

Seems like the main course in this is a Deathly Hallows sandwich. Still, I think it's clever.

Seems like the main course in this is a Deathly Hallows sandwich. Still, I think it’s clever.

83. When it comes to Harry Potter birthdays, Snape is not impressed.

And yes, I read the cake in the late Alan Rickman's voice. I don't know about you, but I find this funny.

And yes, I read the cake in the late Alan Rickman’s voice. I don’t know about you, but I find this funny.

84. No Harry Potter party is complete without a Harry Potter pizza.

And it seems like Harry Potter has been attacked by the dreaded basilisk. Just not the one from the Chamber of Secrets.

And it seems like Harry Potter has been attacked by the dreaded basilisk. Just not the one from the Chamber of Secrets.

85. Why have a Hogwarts gingerbread house when you can have a gingerbread castle?

Yes, this is another Hogwarts gingerbread castle. But this is is quite a wonder to behold, too.

Yes, this is another Hogwarts gingerbread castle. But this is is quite a wonder to behold, too.

86. As you know Hogwarts’ motto goes, “Never tickle a sleeping dragon.”

This Hogwarts crest on this cake seems more official looking than the last one I put on this post. But I like it.

This Hogwarts crest on this cake seems more official looking than the last one I put on this post. But I like it.

87. Another famous Harry Potter candy is chocolate frogs.

In Harry Potter, they come in boxes with trading cards on them. Still, at least they don't have real frogs in them.

In Harry Potter, they come in boxes with trading cards on them. Still, at least they don’t have real frogs in them.

88. Show your house spirit with these Hogwarts house tie cookies.

Each one is in their respective colors. The Hogwarts one is in the center.

Each one is in their respective colors. The Hogwarts one is in the center.

89. Seems like this Hogwarts cake has seen better days.

Wonder what happened here? Battle of Hogwarts? Fred and George escaped from the tower after turning a corridor into a swamp? Someone had a mishap with a spell?

Wonder what happened here? Battle of Hogwarts? Fred and George escaped from the tower after turning a corridor into a swamp? Someone had a mishap with a spell?

90. I’m sure nobody could resist the spell of these Harry Potter cookies.

These consist of Harry, Ron, Hermione, the Sorting Hat, a mandrake, Hedwig in a cage, Gryffindor colors, and a potion. Still, these are cute.

These consist of Harry, Ron, Hermione, the Sorting Hat, a mandrake, Hedwig in a cage, Gryffindor colors, and a potion. Still, these are cute.

91. At Honeydukes, it’s said you can get yourself some peppermint toads.

Peppermint toads are also candies from Harry Potter. However, I'm not sure how toads and peppermint go together.

Peppermint toads are also candies from Harry Potter. However, I’m not sure how toads and peppermint go together.

92. Now this is the kind of Burrow house you’d see in the Weasley home.

Yes, it's another Burrow gingerbread house. But you'd imagine Mrs. Weasley making this on Christmas instead of the other one.

Yes, it’s another Burrow gingerbread house. But you’d imagine Mrs. Weasley making this on Christmas instead of the other one.

93. For magical dishes, you can’t resist the enchantment of these.

Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hagrid. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hagrid. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

94. When it comes to a gingerbread Hogwarts, it can’t do without a gingerbread Platform 9 3/4.

You mean they have a gingerbread Hogwarts Express, too? Man, this is just awesome.

You mean they have a gingerbread Hogwarts Express, too? Man, this is just awesome.

95. For easy treats, you can’t go wrong with Deathly Hallows cookies.

Just as long as you don't invite Vicktor Krum to your party. Because he associates this symbol with the mark of Grindewald.

Just as long as you don’t invite Vicktor Krum to your party. Because he associates this symbol with the mark of Grindewald.

96. In Harry Potter some things just seem to last forever.

Like Snape's love for Lily as this cake commemorates. Still, I like the owl on it since it almost looks real.

Like Snape’s love for Lily as this cake commemorates. Still, I like the owl on it since it almost looks real.

97. These cauldron cake pops seem to be on fire.

Sure they may not specifically pertain to Harry Potter. But he does have potions class which might have cauldrons like these.

Sure they may not specifically pertain to Harry Potter. But he does have potions class which might have cauldrons like these.

98. Surely a Slytherin picnic has to have a snake sandwich.

After all, the snake is Slytherin's symbol. Then again, it's also a symbol for Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I mean the Dark Lord has a pet snake he keeps part of his soul in.

After all, the snake is Slytherin’s symbol. Then again, it’s also a symbol for Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I mean the Dark Lord has a pet snake he keeps part of his soul in.

99. When it comes to Harry Potter parties, you can’t do better than a cake with Fawkes the Phoenix on it.

Well, on top, anyway. Nevertheless, I think this is a great cake if you ask me.

Well, on top, anyway. Nevertheless, I think this is a great cake if you ask me.

100. When it comes to Hogwarts, it doesn’t get better than how it looks during the winter.

Yes, it's yet another gingerbread Hogwarts. But this one is surely spectacular like you can't believe.

Yes, it’s yet another gingerbread Hogwarts. But this one is surely spectacular like you can’t believe.

Cast a Magic Spell with These Harry Potter Craft Projects

Polyjuice_potion

As you may have seen so far, Harry Potter is wildly popular around the world. And like huge fans of Star Wars, Hunger Games, and the NFL, there are plenty of people who have their own brand of magic with their own Harry Potter craft projects. After all, if you’ve seen stuff on Pinterest and Etsy, you’re going to find out that there are fans that are way more obsessed than you. Nevertheless, at Hogwarts, while DIY projects aren’t really a thing, you do have Hermione making the Polyjuice potion for her, Harry, and Ron so they could disguise themselves as Slytherins and sneak into the common room to speak to Draco Malfoy. While this works to a point and the three got what they wanted, Hermione made a major mistake with adding a hair whom she thought was Slytherin student Millicent Bulstrode. However, it turned out to be her cat’s and she had to go to the hospital wing. Let’s just say the Polyjuice potion works well when you’re planning to disguise yourself as a person. However, doesn’t work well when you put a hair of a species that’s different than you. Nevertheless, it was a very funny moment in the series. So for your magical reading pleasure, here I give you a glimpse of all the enchanting Harry Potter craft projects.

  1. Curl up on your couch with your very own Hogwarts House quilt.
Has all 4 Hogwarts houses in its own color scheme and patterns. More like something I'd want for display though.

Has all 4 Hogwarts houses in its own color scheme and patterns. More like something I’d want for display though.

2. I’m sure any witch would be pleased to wear a pair of Hedwig earrings.

These look so cute. I wonder what kind of person would make stuff like this.

These look so cute. I wonder what kind of person would make stuff like this.

3. Show your loved one where you’d meet them with this pillow.

"I'll meet you at Platform 9 3/4," that's brilliant. I mean you have to be a big fan to want this.

“I’ll meet you at Platform 9 3/4,” that’s brilliant. I mean you have to be a big fan to want this.

4. If your house elves aren’t available, use this sign.

Of course, using house elves as slaves kind of highlights the dark side of the wizarding world. However, us Harry Potter fans don't really talk about this.

Of course, using house elves as slaves kind of highlights the dark side of the wizarding world. However, us Harry Potter fans don’t really talk about this.

5. If you loved Hedwig, then you’ll adore this stuffed owl.

Well, stuffed felt owl anyway that resembles Hedwig. But I think this is amazing.

Well, stuffed felt owl anyway that resembles Hedwig. But I think this is amazing.

6. Bring the magic wherever you go with this Harry Potter patchwork bag.

Not sure where some of these come from. But I think it's wonderful to behold.

Not sure where some of these come from. But I think it’s wonderful to behold.

7. Nothing can make your Harry Potter life complete without these Hogwarts student peg people.

Some of these even have yarn hair on them. Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Neville, Cho, and Luna.

Some of these even have yarn hair on them. Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Neville, Cho, and Luna.

8. Little did Voldemort know that he had enough horcruxes for a charm bracelet.

As any Potterhead would know, the horcruxes are Tom Riddle's diary, Marvolo Gaunt's ring, Slytherin's locket, Hufflepuff's cup, Ravenclaw's diadem, Harry Potter, and Nagini. I'm sure it's apparent for those who've read the books.

As any Potterhead would know, the horcruxes are Tom Riddle’s diary, Marvolo Gaunt’s ring, Slytherin’s locket, Hufflepuff’s cup, Ravenclaw’s diadem, Harry Potter, and Nagini. I’m sure it’s apparent for those who’ve read the books.

9. This sign post will help you find your way to wherever you desire.

Shows the way to Privet Drive, Hogwarts Express, Ollivander's, Knockturn Alley, Ministry of Magic, Gringotts, and Diagon Alley. Nevertheless, love the signs if you ask me.

Shows the way to Privet Drive, Hogwarts Express, Ollivander’s, Knockturn Alley, Ministry of Magic, Gringotts, and Diagon Alley. Nevertheless, love the signs if you ask me.

10. Grace your door to bring magic in your home with this Harry Potter wreath.

It's in the standard Gryffindor colors as well as consists of Harry's trademark glasses and lightning bolt scar. All in all, it's a fitting tribute.

It’s in the standard Gryffindor colors as well as consists of Harry’s trademark glasses and lightning bolt scar. All in all, it’s a fitting tribute.

11. Show your guests where the butterbeer is with this 3 Broomsticks sign.

Not sure if the sign looks like that in the movies or the books. But I like it.

Not sure if the sign looks like that in the movies or the books. But I like it.

12. Show pride for your Hogwarts house with these pendant necklaces.

Each of these are made from clay according to its Etsy listing. But they look do well done, I just want to collect them all.

Each of these are made from clay according to its Etsy listing. But they look do well done, I just want to collect them all.

13. If you want to know where your family is, you might want to go with your very own Weasley clock.

I'm sure this was made by someone with too much time on their hands. Still, it's almost exactly as I imagined it.

I’m sure this was made by someone with too much time on their hands. Still, it’s almost exactly as I imagined it.

14. If you liked Fawkes the Phoenix, then you might appreciate this embroidery piece.

This is a lovely embroirdery piece of Fawkes. Whoever made it really got the color scheme right. Love this.

This is a lovely embroirdery piece of Fawkes. Whoever made it really got the color scheme right. Love this.

15. Show your Hogwarts House pride with these house scarf earrings.

Will surely go great with those House pendant necklaces. Still, wonder how anyone could knit scarves so small like that.

Will surely go great with those House pendant necklaces. Still, wonder how anyone could knit scarves so small like that.

16. For Fawkes the Phoenix fans, this amigurumi will melt your heart.

This shows how the bird looks at 4 different angles. Nevertheless, this is adorable.

This shows how the bird looks at 4 different angles. Nevertheless, this is adorable.

17. Of course, be wary around this crocheted mandrake.

Not sure if the mandrake is as ugly as you see in the movies. But I think this is clever.

Not sure if the mandrake is as ugly as you see in the movies. But I think this is clever.

18. This Golden Snitch necklace will open at the close.

Or so it seems like it since it looks as if the clasps are in the center. Still, not sure why they'd have a Golden Snitch in Quidditch in the first place other than it being a quick way to end a match.

Or so it seems like it since it looks as if the clasps are in the center. Still, not sure why they’d have a Golden Snitch in Quidditch in the first place other than it being a quick way to end a match.

19. If you want to go back an hour this spring, you might need a time turner necklace.

Again, while Dumbledore says that magic can't bring back the dead, somehow Harry and Hermione used a time turner to bring back Buckbeak and help Sirius Black escape. Yes, it's kind of confusing.

Again, while Dumbledore says that magic can’t bring back the dead, somehow Harry and Hermione used a time turner to bring back Buckbeak and help Sirius Black escape. Yes, it’s kind of confusing.

20. For any potions classroom, you might want to go with a hanging like this.

Of course, Professor Snape might think it's a waste of space. But then again, he's not much for decorating anyway.

Of course, Professor Snape might think it’s a waste of space. But then again, he’s not much for decorating anyway.

21. Decorate your home for your Harry Potter party with magical decorations like these.

These are outdoor decorations. But they're certainly in the creative Harry Potter spirit. I mean they tend to resemble Harry's things.

These are outdoor decorations. But they’re certainly in the creative Harry Potter spirit. I mean they tend to resemble Harry’s things.

22. When it comes to Harry Potter, these finger puppets are hard to resist.

These are made of felt. Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Ginny, Hagrid, Snape, Dobby, Dumbledore, and Voldemort.

These are made of felt. Includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Ginny, Hagrid, Snape, Dobby, Dumbledore, and Voldemort.

23. Study for your exams with your very own Hogwarts desk.

Not even Harry had a desk at Hogwarts like this. Still, I'm sure it was made by someone with too much time on their hands.

Not even Harry had a desk at Hogwarts like this. Still, I’m sure it was made by someone with too much time on their hands.

24. This hairpin will help you show your Hogwarts spirit.

Well, this looks doable for the Hogwarts crest. Well, if I had better drawing skills anyway.

Well, this looks doable for the Hogwarts crest. Well, if I had better drawing skills anyway.

25. Support the Gryffindor Quidditch team with your very own Luna Lovegood lion hat.

Yes, Luna Lovegood wore a hat like this in the books. Yes, she's kind of eccentric as you see. But you have to like this.

Yes, Luna Lovegood wore a hat like this in the books. Yes, she’s kind of eccentric as you see. But you have to like this.

26. Got empty bottles and jars? Make potion containers out of them.

This is a creative idea. Just paint them black and put labels and corks on them. Still, you wouldn't want to drink from them.

This is a creative idea. Just paint them black and put labels and corks on them. Still, you wouldn’t want to drink from them.

27. A stuffed Hedwig like this would make you hoot for joy.

Yes, it's another stuffed Hedwig. But this one has Harry Potter glasses and a Gryffindor scarf.

Yes, it’s another stuffed Hedwig. But this one has Harry Potter glasses and a Gryffindor scarf.

28. When it comes to receiving a word from home, nobody wants to get a howler.

A howler is a letter in the wizarding world in which the sender yells at the recipient. Ron gets one from his mom in Book 2 after he and Harry took the Mr. Weasley's flying car to Hogwarts which later got them entangled in the Whomping Willow.

A howler is a letter in the wizarding world in which the sender yells at the recipient. Ron gets one from his mom in Book 2 after he and Harry took the Mr. Weasley’s flying car to Hogwarts which later got them entangled in the Whomping Willow.

29. Now you can board the Hogwarts Express at Platform 9 3/4.

Actually it's a curtain of the wall that wizards have to go through to get to Platform 9 3/4. Still, it's pretty clever.

Actually it’s a curtain of the wall that wizards have to go through to get to Platform 9 3/4. Still, it’s pretty clever.

30. Keep your home lit with this lamp of the Deathly Hallows symbol.

Let's just say if you have a triangle lamp, it shouldn't be hard for you to design something like this. Still, you should know what each shape stands for.

Let’s just say if you have a triangle lamp, it shouldn’t be hard for you to design something like this. Still, you should know what each shape stands for.

31. Know what spell to use with this Harry Potter light switch cover.

As any Potter fan knows, Lumos means light and Nox means night. It's pretty straightforward.

As any Potter fan knows, Lumos means light and Nox means night. It’s pretty straightforward.

32. Through this sampler, may you solemnly swear that you’re up to no good.

Of course, you have to say these words in order to open the Marauder's Map. It's perhaps one of the most underrated magical items in the wizarding world ever.

Of course, you have to say these words in order to open the Marauder’s Map. It’s perhaps one of the most underrated magical items in the wizarding world ever.

33. Nothing makes a Harry Potter party like a bunch of letters coming out from the fireplace.

With the way the fireplace is where I live, I could never pull this off at my house. Still, I think it's brilliant.

With the way the fireplace is where I live, I could never pull this off at my house. Still, I think it’s brilliant.

34. In case of being cursed, it’s always great to have a potion trunk handy.

Unlike in chemistry sets, none of these work. They're more or less used to put on necklaces or bracelets.

Unlike in chemistry sets, none of these work. They’re more or less used to put on necklaces or bracelets.

35. If you don’t live at Hogwarts, you can always make a sculpture of one in a cauldron.

This one is made from clay as you see. And probably by someone with too much time on their hands, too.

This one is made from clay as you see. And probably by someone with too much time on their hands, too.

36. You never know how easy it is to make a broomstick.

This one just consists of wrapping twigs on big stick with packing tape. Seems doable if you ask me.

This one just consists of wrapping twigs on big stick with packing tape. Seems doable if you ask me.

37. Tell the time to get on board the Hogwarts Express with this clock of Platform 9 3/4.

Yes, this is a clock. Yes, I thought there was paint chipped from this, too when I first saw this.

Yes, this is a clock. Yes, I thought there was paint chipped from this, too when I first saw this.

38. Lay your head on this Hedwig pillow.

It's just a bright blue cushion pillow with a snowy owl on it. But I'm sure any Potter fan would adore this.

It’s just a bright blue cushion pillow with a snowy owl on it. But I’m sure any Potter fan would adore this.

39. “After all this time?”

Pretty much sums up Snape's love for Lily. And why his patronus is a doe.

Pretty much sums up Snape’s love for Lily. And why his patronus is a doe.

40. You can never get more endearing than with these Harry Potter amigurumi.

This one includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hedwig, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Voldemort. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

This one includes Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hedwig, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Voldemort. Nevertheless, these are adorable.

41. Have your home be the ultimate Harry Potter sanctuary with these canvas blocks.

These consist of the Deathly Hallows, the Golden Snitch, Platform 9 3/4, and Harry's glasses and scar. Bound to go well in any room.

These consist of the Deathly Hallows, the Golden Snitch, Platform 9 3/4, and Harry’s glasses and scar. Bound to go well in any room.

42. Before going to Diagon Alley, make sure you have some wizard money with you.

As you know, wizard money consists of galleons, sickles, and knuts. And no, they have no bills or charge cards to speak of. Even though those products really come in handy.

As you know, wizard money consists of galleons, sickles, and knuts. And no, they have no bills or charge cards to speak of. Even though those products really come in handy.

43. Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans are great for charm bracelets.

In fact, it comes to my attention that these beans are better for decorating than eating. Then again, I was never a fan of jelly beans anyway.

In fact, it comes to my attention that these beans are better for decorating than eating. Then again, I was never a fan of jelly beans anyway.

44. Be the brave witch in your kitchen with your Gryffindor apron.

I don't know about you. Yet, did you ever wonder whether they practiced lab safety in Potions class? Just a thought.

I don’t know about you. Yet, did you ever wonder whether they practiced lab safety in Potions class? Just a thought.

45. Remember, anyone with unpaired socks can now donate them for a good cause.

Yes, donate your socks to save Dobby and his house elf friends. Okay, maybe Harry helped free him. But still, this is great.

Yes, donate your socks to save Dobby and his house elf friends. Okay, maybe Harry helped free him. But still, this is great.

46. A Harry Potter party is never complete without a golden owl sculpture.

Even if people don't get the Harry Potter reference, they'd still think this is amazing. Still, probably created by someone with too much time on their hands.

Even if people don’t get the Harry Potter reference, they’d still think this is amazing. Still, probably created by someone with too much time on their hands.

47. If you like the Chamber of Secrets, you might like this diorama of Ron and Harry flying to Hogwarts.

Let's hope they watch out for the Whomping Willow. And sightings from Muggle conspiracy theorists.

Let’s hope they watch out for the Whomping Willow. And sightings from Muggle conspiracy theorists.

48. For a Harry Potter tea party, you can never find a better tea set than this.

Well, this was listed on Etsy. Still, this seems like something you'd find at a Hogwarts gift shop for some reason.

Well, this was listed on Etsy. Still, this seems like something you’d find at a Hogwarts gift shop for some reason.

49. Hanging a wreath like this at the door can help ward off Dementors.

Yes, it's a Patronus wreath as you see. And it seems that these people's patronuses are a horse and jellyfish.

Yes, it’s a Patronus wreath as you see. And it seems that these people’s patronuses are a horse and jellyfish.

50. Of course, no Harry Potter craft post is complete without a set of nesting dolls.

Includes Dumledore, Snape, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Voldemort. Still, I've put nesting dolls of Hunger Games and Star Wars back in November.

Includes Dumledore, Snape, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Voldemort. Still, I’ve put nesting dolls of Hunger Games and Star Wars back in November.

51. Seems like the Weasleys have gone a bit high tech.

Sometimes I don't know why wizards don't embrace higher forms of technology. A clock like this would make the Weasleys' lives so much easier even with magic.

Sometimes I don’t know why wizards don’t embrace higher forms of technology. A clock like this would make the Weasleys’ lives so much easier even with magic.

52. Step into Hogwarts with these Harry Potter high heels.

Yes, I had Harry Potter high heels in my last post. But these are more decorated as you see.

Yes, I had Harry Potter high heels in my last post. But these are more decorated as you see.

53. Cover up your couch with this Harry Potter afghan.

I see that the edges contain the Deathly Hallows symbol. But you have to appreciate the design.

I see that the edges contain the Deathly Hallows symbol. But you have to appreciate the design.

54. If you need a patronus, this sampler of a stag should help.

Harry's is a stag like his dad's would be since it was his animagus form. Love the craftsmanship here.

Harry’s is a stag like his dad’s would be since it was his animagus form. Love the craftsmanship here.

55. Nothing makes your Gryffindor common room better than a lamp like this.

Well, it has a Gryffindor lampshade and a Hedwig lamp body. Still, I think it's brilliant.

Well, it has a Gryffindor lampshade and a Hedwig lamp body. Still, I think it’s brilliant.

56. Grace your magical home with your very own Deathly Hallows mirror.

I know this isn't suited for a bathroom. But it would look great in a hall or a living room.

I know this isn’t suited for a bathroom. But it would look great in a hall or a living room.

57. At Diagon Alley, you could always lounge at the Leaky Cauldron.

This is a Leaky Cauldron sign. Nevertheless, I think it almost seems like you'd see in the movie.

This is a Leaky Cauldron sign. Nevertheless, I think it almost seems like you’d see in the movie.

58. Nothing brings the magical world of Harry Potter to life than these Chibi figures.

Well, can't name the characters in this bunch since it would be a long list. But they all look so cute.

Well, can’t name the characters in this bunch since it would be a long list. But they all look so cute.

59. This Harry Potter patchwork bag really brings out the magic.

Yes, I know it's another Harry Potter patchwork bag. But this one is in a different design. So creative though.

Yes, I know it’s another Harry Potter patchwork bag. But this one is in a different design. So creative though.

60. For a more laid back home, you might like this Harry Potter bookshelf quilt.

Contains an assortment of Harry's things. But be sure to be careful with The Monster Book of Monsters.

Contains an assortment of Harry’s things. But be sure to be careful with The Monster Book of Monsters.

61. Don’t worry, I’m sure the stag patronus would ward off the dementor.

Sure they may be Halloween and Christmas decorations meshed together. But you have do admit that this is clever.

Sure they may be Halloween and Christmas decorations meshed together. But you have do admit that this is clever.

62. I suppose these signs will help you find your way in the wizarding world.

Signs consist of Hogwarts, Knight Bus, Quiddich, Diagon Alley, Ministry of Magic, Shell Cottage, the Burrow, Hogsmeade, and Godric's Hollow. Love the colors on these, too.

Signs consist of Hogwarts, Knight Bus, Quiddich, Diagon Alley, Ministry of Magic, Shell Cottage, the Burrow, Hogsmeade, and Godric’s Hollow. Love the colors on these, too.

63. If you need something to carry your things, Hermione’s purse is just for you.

Man, I wish I had something like this. Doesn't hurt that it's purple. Nor the fact it can hold almost everything you need. Well, as far as the books and movies are concerned.

Man, I wish I had something like this. Doesn’t hurt that it’s purple. Nor the fact it can hold almost everything you need. Well, as far as the books and movies are concerned.

64. If you love gardening, then this Harry Potter terrarium should do nicely.

Guess it's Harry, Ron, and Hermione out somewhere. And here's Harry with his books and Hedwig.

Guess it’s Harry, Ron, and Hermione out somewhere. And here’s Harry with his books and Hedwig.

65. Show your House pride with these Hogwarts House pillows.

Each of these is made of felt with the House colors and symbol. Yet, these are all adorable.

Each of these is made of felt with the House colors and symbol. Yet, these are all adorable.

66. Raise a glass for your House with these Hogwarts wine glasses and carafe.

The carafe has the Hogwarts crest on it. The glasses represent a house. Makes a great commemorative set.

The carafe has the Hogwarts crest on it. The glasses represent a house. Makes a great commemorative set.

67. Seems like Hedwig has brought Harry something special.

Well, this is an embroidery of Hedwig bringing Harry a broom. Not sure what you think about it. But I like it.

Well, this is an embroidery of Hedwig bringing Harry a broom. Not sure what you think about it. But I like it.

68. Oh, my God, the Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Watch out, muggle borns.

I know this is for a party. But when you read it in Book 2, it wasn't something worth celebrating about.

I know this is for a party. But when you read it in Book 2, it wasn’t something worth celebrating about.

69. Experience the magic of Harry Potter with this commemorative quilt.

Yes, I know it's another quilt. But this one contains stuff pertaining to the books.

Yes, I know it’s another quilt. But this one contains stuff pertaining to the books and movies.

70. Celebrate the Harry Potter series by hanging this wreath upon your door.

Now this seems like a definitive Harry Potter wreath. They even have the taped glasses and Hogwarts on it.

Now this seems like a definitive Harry Potter wreath. They even have the taped glasses and Hogwarts on it.

71. Relive the world of Harry Potter with this peg people Hogwarts Dollhouse.

Sure it's not exactly like Hogwarts. But I think it's rather ingenious nevertheless. So it goes on this post.

Sure it’s not exactly like Hogwarts. But I think it’s rather ingenious nevertheless. So it goes on this post.

72. For all you die hard Potter fans out there, this quilt is for you.

Wonder who would have so much time on their hands to make this quilt. Still, this is incredible to look at.

Wonder who would have so much time on their hands to make this quilt. Still, this is incredible to look at.

73. Of course, we try not to discriminate against muggles.

Muggles are non-magic folk in Harry Potter. Yet, I think this sign is so funny.

Muggles are non-magic folk in Harry Potter. Yet, I think this sign is so funny.

74. If you want to know your way around Hogwarts, it helps if you paint your closet door as the Marauder’s Map.

The Marauder's Map also tells you where people are at all times. Yet, I suppose this door was painted like the map by someone with too much time on their hands.

The Marauder’s Map also tells you where people are at all times. Yet, I suppose this door was painted like the map by someone with too much time on their hands.

75. When it comes to lawn furniture, nothing is more magical than this Harry Potter wooden lawn chair.

Now that's the kind of lawn chair I wouldn't want to put outside. I'd be afraid about the lovely paint job being washed off by the rain.

Now that’s the kind of lawn chair I wouldn’t want to put outside. I’d be afraid about the lovely paint job being washed off by the rain.

76. Ladies, show your love for Hogwarts with this lovely black skirt.

This one has all house signs and other magical things. Still, love the purple bow.

This one has all house signs and other magical things. Still, love the purple bow.

77. Master the dead of night with this Deathly Hallows lamp.

Shapes of the Deathly Hallows: The line symbolizes the Elder Wand, held by the brother who died lusting for power. The circle represents the Resurrection Stone held by the brother who died for love. And the Triangle represents the Invisibility Cloak held by the brother who hid away from Death for many years before greeting him as an old friend.

Shapes of the Deathly Hallows: The line symbolizes the Elder Wand, held by the brother who died lusting for power. The circle represents the Resurrection Stone held by the brother who died for love. And the Triangle represents the Invisibility Cloak held by the brother who hid away from Death for many years before greeting him as an old friend.

78. Now even the birds can enjoy the magic of Hogwarts.

Yes, this is a Harry Potter birdhouse. A place for wizard birds everywhere to congregate and live.

Yes, this is a Harry Potter birdhouse. A place for wizard birds everywhere to congregate and live.

79. For those who wish to do magic, these Harry Potter wands are just for you.

These are DIY wands which probably are less expensive than ones sold by major companies. They're also more colorful.

These are DIY wands which probably are less expensive than ones sold by major companies. They’re also more colorful.

80. When arriving in the house, always know where to put your broom.

Yes, this is a broom rack. No, those brooms aren't for cleaning. But this is pretty clever if you ask me.

Yes, this is a broom rack. No, those brooms aren’t for cleaning. But this is pretty clever if you ask me.

81. Nothing makes a great Harry Potter party than decorating some wine glasses with horcrux cocktail rings.

And there are 7 of these for good measure. Note that Harry's is red and 3 have other house colors on them.

And there are 7 of these for good measure. Note that Harry’s is red and 3 have other house colors on them.

82. When it comes to wands, each wizard’s is unique.

Yes, this is another set of DIY wands. Yet, these seem to resemble the wands that you've seen in the movies.

Yes, this is another set of DIY wands. Yet, these seem to resemble the wands that you’ve seen in the movies.

83. Those who’ve seen the Chamber of Secrets might remember when Ron tried to turn his rat into a water goblet.

Yes, I remember this. It's also pretty disturbing considering that Ron's rat wasn't really a rat at all.

Yes, I remember this. It’s also pretty disturbing considering that Ron’s rat wasn’t really a rat at all.

84. Those of whom remember the Sorcerer’s Stone might enjoy this flying key mobile.

Those flying keys certainly bring back memories. If you want to catch one, try to go with the old looking one with the broken wing.

Those flying keys certainly bring back memories. If you want to catch one, try to go with the old looking one with the broken wing.

85. If you got a train set, you might like this little train engine.

Yes, this is a wooden rendition of the Hogwarts Express. And yes, it's quite delightful if you ask me.

Yes, this is a wooden rendition of the Hogwarts Express. And yes, it’s quite delightful if you ask me.

86. If you like the riches at Gringotts, then this gold bar might suit your fancy.

However, since this is a replica, you shouldn't have to worry about the goblins wanting it. And they're pretty greedy about their stuff. I mean they didn't take it very well when Godric Gryffindor's sword was taken from them.

However, since this is a replica, you shouldn’t have to worry about the goblins wanting it. And they’re pretty greedy about their stuff. I mean they didn’t take it very well when Godric Gryffindor’s sword was taken from them.

87. Nothing makes a true Harry Potter fan than a pair of earrings like these.

These include the Gryffindor colors, the lightning bolt scar, and Harry's glasses. Pretty cool though.

These include the Gryffindor colors, the lightning bolt scar, and Harry’s glasses. Pretty cool though.

88. If you love Luna Lovegood, then you can’t do without these accessories.

Not sure if I recall the cork necklace or the bug ring. But I certainly remember the turnip earrings.

Not sure if I recall the cork necklace or the bug ring. But I certainly remember the turnip earrings.

89. When you need a guide to Hogwarts, this map is for you.

Sure it's not the Marauder's Map. But it's a fine illustration just the same.

Sure it’s not the Marauder’s Map. But it’s a fine illustration that it’s a work of art on its own merit.

90. To help you through your day, this clock could come in handy.

I know it's not a Weasley clock. But this one does help you know what you should do by the hour.

I know it’s not a Weasley clock. But this one does help you know what you should do by the hour.

91. When it comes to studying potions, it helps when you have all the ingredients and concoctions you can get.

This one has a number describing what each potion is. Some might be more harmful than others. So use caution.

This one has a number describing what each potion is. Some might be more harmful than others. So use caution.

92. Know where your Hogwarts House stands up with these beaded point necklace vials.

The Hogwarts Houses go by a point system pertaining to successes and infractions. However, by the later points, nobody seems to care about winning the house cup anymore.

The Hogwarts Houses go by a point system pertaining to successes and infractions. However, by the later points, nobody seems to care about winning the house cup anymore.

93. Anyone who likes Mrs. Weasley’s sleeves might love this sweater.

Yeah, you have to love those sleeves. Not sure whether the rest of it goes with them. But I'll take it.

Yeah, you have to love those sleeves. Not sure whether the rest of it goes with them. But I’ll take it.

94. Seems like Ron drove his dad’s car into the Whomping Willow.

Let's just say the Whomping Willow is the last tree you'd probably want to run into. I mean it attacks people. Still, this is pretty good.

Let’s just say the Whomping Willow is the last tree you’d probably want to run into. I mean it attacks people. Still, this is pretty good.

95. If you like Quidditch, you might take to these Golden Snitch earrings.

The existence of the Golden Snitch in Quidditch makes me suspect that matches aren't timed or sectioned. How else can I explain that?

The existence of the Golden Snitch in Quidditch makes me suspect that matches aren’t timed or sectioned. How else can I explain that?

96. This Weasley watch will let you know where your loved ones are while on the go.

I'm sure Mrs. Weasley has to have a watch like this. Well, this one just tells the time. But it's clever nonetheless.

I’m sure Mrs. Weasley has to have a watch like this. Well, this one just tells the time. But it’s clever nonetheless.

97. Keep your ingredients organized with this potion spice rack.

Don't know whether Professor Snape would have paprika or cinnamon on him. But this is clever.

Don’t know whether Professor Snape would have paprika or cinnamon on him. But this is clever.

98. Keep yourself warm with this owl post beanie.

This is a beanie with an owl carrying a letter in it. Not sure if it's Hedwig though.

This is a beanie with an owl carrying a letter in it. Not sure if it’s Hedwig though.

99. Support your Hogwarts house by wearing one of these necklace pendants.

Each pendant comes with house animal and colors. Not sure if I'd want to wear any of them though.

Each pendant comes with house animal and colors. Not sure if I’d want to wear any of them though.

100. Experience the magic of Harry Potter with these necklace pendants on a chain.

Each pendant pertains to something from the Harry Potter series. But I think it's best you wear one of these at a time.

Each pendant pertains to something from the Harry Potter series. But I think it’s best you wear one of these at a time.

Diagon Alley Worthy Harry Potter Merchandise

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) (Screengrab)

In the world of Harry Potter, there are all kinds of places to shop. There’s Diagon Alley which sells a lot of stuff for young witches and wizards preparing for their first or subsequent year of Hogwarts as well as for other wizarding needs. There’s Knockturn Alley for stuff pertaining to the Dark Arts and flesh eating slug repellant, but you don’t want to go there. Then there’s Hogsmeade which is a wizard village that has some restaurants and tourist stuff. Oh, and later on, Fred and George start a joke shop called Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. Of course, here in the muggle real world we must toil, Harry Potter has become such a smash hit with 7 books and 8 movies that it has made scores of money on merchandise. Whether the beneficiaries be J. K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Amazon, companies, or some random people on Etsy. And let’s just say there are all kinds of Harry Potter merchandise out there like Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, action figures, T-shirts, house banners, and the like. But I decided to dedicate my post to some of the ridiculous Harry Potter stuff out there that might have some unfortunate implications. So for your reading pleasure, I give you this.

  1. Show your support for the Dark Lord with this dark mark tattoo decal.
Of course, unlike the real dark marks in the series, it actually comes off. But c'mon, it's basically a symbol of a wizard terrorist organization for God's sake.

Of course, unlike the real dark marks in the series, it actually comes off. But c’mon, it’s basically a symbol of a wizard terrorist organization for God’s sake.

2. This pair of underwear will show that you’ll go sleazy for Ronald Weasley.

Of course, anyone who wears this might want to be wary of Hermione Granger. Take a cue what happened to what she did when Ron dated Lavender Brown in Book 6. It wasn't pretty.

Of course, anyone who wears this might want to be wary of Hermione Granger. Take a cue what happened to what she did when Ron dated Lavender Brown in Book 6. It wasn’t pretty.

3. If you see yourself a Ravenclaw, you might want Rowena’s diadem of your very own.

Note that it has a tragic provenance since it was stolen by her daughter who ended up in a murder-suicide with the Bloody Baron. Also contains a fragment of Voldemort's soul.

Note that it has a tragic provenance since it was stolen by her daughter who ended up in a murder-suicide with the Bloody Baron. Also contains a fragment of Voldemort’s soul making it a horcrux that must be destroyed.

4. For the Harry Potter foodie, this Harry Potter cookbook is for you.

Not sure what kind of recipes are in this one. And I'm not sure if I'd want to know at any rate.

Not sure what kind of recipes are in this one. And I’m not sure if I’d want to know at any rate.

5. There’s nothing that brings eternal glory like a Triwizard Cup.

However, remember that it's also a portkey that could transport you and your co-champion to a cemetery to see the Dark Lord's resurrection. Oh, and if you're Cedric Diggory, you won't come out alive.

However, remember that it’s also a portkey that could transport you and your co-champion to a cemetery to see the Dark Lord’s resurrection. Oh, and if you’re Cedric Diggory, you won’t come out alive.

6. If you’re into Harry Potter and takeout, these wand chopsticks are for you.

Made in Japan, by the way, which explains a lot. And I thought lightsaber chopsticks were crazy. I mean wands are for magic, not eating utensils.

Made in Japan, by the way, which explains a lot. And I thought lightsaber chopsticks were crazy. I mean wands are for magic, not eating utensils.

7. Those who are a Hufflepuff at heart might enjoy Helga’s cup.

Keep in mind that Voldemort stole this and killed its owner before making it into a horcrux. It also sat in a Gringotts vault with a complicated magic security system.

Keep in mind that Voldemort stole this and killed its owner before making it into a horcrux. It also sat in a Gringotts vault with a complicated magic security system.

8. Impress the Harry Potter man in your life with these golden snitch nipple pasties.

With products like these, you'd wonder if there was any Harry Potter themed strip club out there. Okay, I shouldn't have said that.

With products like these, you’d wonder if there was any Harry Potter themed strip club out there. Okay, I shouldn’t have said that.

9. Cuddle up on your couch with your very own Fang plushie.

As Potterheads know, Fang is Hagrid's dog that accompanies him and tends to drool a lot. I think I've seen a plushie of Fluffy that was cuter than this.

As Potterheads know, Fang is Hagrid’s dog that accompanies him and tends to drool a lot. I think I’ve seen a plushie of Fluffy that was cuter than this.

10. Assume the form of someone else with this Polyjuice potion flask.

I don't think you can make Polyjuice potion in real life. However, if you can, make sure you don't put any animal hair in it before consumption. Hermione learned this the hard way.

I don’t think you can make Polyjuice potion in real life. However, if you can, make sure you don’t put any animal hair in it before consumption. Hermione learned this the hard way.

11. If you’re into the dark arts and jewelry, this Slytherin locket is for you.

Of course, Voldemort stole this from his mother's family and turned it into a horcrux. It's been causing all kinds of terrible shit ever since.

Of course, Voldemort stole this from his mother’s family and turned it into a horcrux. It’s been causing all kinds of terrible shit ever since.

12. If you’re into magical creatures, you might like the Monster Book of Monsters.

It's the kind of vicious textbook you have to wrestle with before you read. Literally it's not a book you can just curl up with on a rainy day.

It’s the kind of vicious textbook you have to wrestle with before you read. Literally it’s not a book you can just curl up with on a rainy day.

13. Those who have a fascination with the dark arts or Deathly Hallows might adore this Marvolo Gaunt ring.

It's a horcrux that used to contain a Resurrection Stone. However, when Dumbledore wore it, it withered his hand and led him to seek assisted suicide. Hey, it was to save Draco Malfoy's life, too.

It’s a horcrux that used to contain a Resurrection Stone. However, when Dumbledore wore it, it withered his hand and led him to seek assisted suicide. Hey, it was to save Draco Malfoy’s life, too.

14. Magically scrub yourself with some Half-Blood soap.

Wonder what this smells like. Still, doesn't help that it has glitter on it.

Wonder what this smells like. Still, doesn’t help that it has glitter on it. That stuff could get everywhere.

15. For those who turn into a beast at a certain time of the month, try some wolfsbane potion.

Yes, the kind of potion for werewolves that'll keep them from transforming on their time of the month. However, it's bound to make them ill though.

Yes, the kind of potion for werewolves that’ll keep them from transforming on their time of the month. However, it’s bound to make them ill though.

16. If you’re into Quidditch, how about ride on this Firebolt?

According to The Richest, this thing is said to cost $294.95. Let's just say it would be cheaper if you used a broom in the closet.

According to The Richest, this thing is said to cost $294.95. Let’s just say it would be cheaper if you used a broom in the closet.

17. For a real broomstick riding experience, you can’t go wrong with a Nimbus 2000 vibrating broom.

Actually you can't buy this anymore because parents complained about it. Mostly because it was a phallus shaped toy that vibrates when wedged between a kid's legs.

Actually you can’t buy this anymore because parents complained about it. Mostly because it was a phallus shaped toy that vibrates when wedged between a kid’s legs.

18. Seems like someone’s Chamber of Secrets has been opened.

Yeah, I get the picture and know what "Chamber of Secrets" means. Yet, sometimes it only takes the right basilisk.

Yeah, I get the picture and know what “Chamber of Secrets” means. Yet, sometimes it only takes the right basilisk.

19. Those into chess might enjoy this Harry Potter wizard chess set.

Of course, it's not as violent as Wizard Chess in Harry's world. Also, it costs a whopping $395.95, which is ridiculous.

Of course, it’s not as violent as Wizard Chess in Harry’s world. Also, it costs a whopping $395.95, which is ridiculous.

20. For your magical pet, I’m sure they’d feel right at home in a replica of Hagrid’s hut.

Okay, this was probably made by someone with too much time on their hands. Also, I think your pet needs a place like this. Just saying.

Okay, this was probably made by someone with too much time on their hands. Also, I think your pet needs a place like this. Just saying.

21. Cast a spell with this Harry Potter wand in your bedroom.

Uh, that's a dildo which is clearly an adult toy. Okay, this is just wrong here.

Uh, that’s a dildo which is clearly an adult toy. Okay, this is just wrong here.

22. Solemnly swear that you’re up to no good in this Marauder’s Map corset.

Another thing you might see in a Harry Potter strip club. Or sex dungeon. I'm not sure which.

Another thing you might see in a Harry Potter strip club. Or sex dungeon. I’m not sure which.

23. Nothing makes a sweeter rub down than some Butterbeer massage oil.

Because nothing makes you and your lover more attractive than smelling like you've just come out of the Three Bromsticks at Hogsmeade. And I'm sure that's a hotel and bar where they serve alcoholic beverages to teenagers. Then again, they're British, but still.

Because nothing makes you and your lover more attractive than smelling like you’ve just come out of the Three Bromsticks at Hogsmeade. And I’m sure that’s a hotel and bar where they serve alcoholic beverages to teenagers. Then again, they’re British, but still.

24. These panties will show that you long for Neville’s bottom.

Well, since he was played by Matthew Lewis in the later movies, it's easy to see why. I mean puberty was very good to him.

Well, since he was played by Matthew Lewis in the later movies, it’s easy to see why. I mean puberty was very good to him.

25. Call upon this pair of boxers to summon your patronus in your trousers.

Guys, I'm sure those boxers would just be plenty to keep the dementors away. Still, why such a pair exist I have no idea.

Guys, I’m sure those boxers would just be plenty to keep the dementors away. Still, why such a pair exist I have no idea.

26. For a great place to keep your wand, fellas, look no further.

Depends on the wizard who wields it. And if you're not him, then no thanks.

Depends on the wizard who wields it. And if you’re not him, then no thanks.

27. For those of the brave of heart, the sword of Gryffindor can be yours.

All you have to pay is $195.95. Seriously, I can find one that's cheaper by pulling it out of a hat.

All you have to pay is $195.95. Seriously, I can find one that’s cheaper by pulling it out of a hat.

28. Love the smell of nature? Well, this Hagrid’s hut wax melt is for you.

I don't know about you, but would you really want your place to smell like Hagrid's hut? Seriously, I think there are better places in Harry Potter that smell better than that. The Burrow, for instance.

I don’t know about you, but would you really want your place to smell like Hagrid’s hut? Seriously, I think there are better places in Harry Potter that smell better than that. The Burrow, for instance.

29. Protect yourself traveling through your lady’s Chamber of Secrets with these Harry Poppers.

Yes, these are condoms by Magic X. Unfortunately, they're no longer available since Warner Brothers sued the Swiss manufacturer for copyright infringement.

Yes, these are condoms by Magic X. Unfortunately, they’re no longer available since Warner Brothers sued the Swiss manufacturer for copyright infringement.

30. Keep your cigs magically in order with your own Harry Potter cigarette case.

Uh, I know there may be smokers who like Harry Potter. However, this doesn't mean we should have Harry Potter themed tobacco paraphernalia.

Uh, I know there may be smokers who like Harry Potter. However, this doesn’t mean we should have Harry Potter themed tobacco paraphernalia.

31. Harry Potter pancakes are part of this magically complete breakfast.

Of course, if you make a house elf cook them, Hermione would get mad at you. Still, this seems like a silly marketing ploy to me.

Of course, if you make a house elf cook them, Hermione would get mad at you. Still, this seems like a silly marketing ploy to me.

32. Smell magically fresh with some Harry Potter EDT Spray.

I think this one was made before the movies ever came out. Not sure who the hell thought up this. I mean it's pretty strange.

I think this one was made before the movies ever came out. Not sure who the hell thought up this. I mean it’s pretty strange.

33. For a magical treat, snack on some of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans.

These are jellybeans. Sure you'll find some fruity flavors. But you'll also have earwax, booger, vomit, dirt, and rotten egg. What's not to love?

These are jellybeans. Sure you’ll find some fruity flavors. But you’ll also have earwax, booger, vomit, dirt, and rotten egg. What’s not to love?

34. This decal is guaranteed to help you find your way to the Ministry of Magic.

I'm sure your guests who aren't familiar with the series won't get this. But yes, you enter to the Ministry of Magic through some rundown public bathroom as I've read in the books.

I’m sure your guests who aren’t familiar with the series won’t get this. But yes, you enter to the Ministry of Magic through some rundown public bathroom as I’ve read in the books.

35. For a magical night, put on some Deathly Hallow nipple pasties.

Okay, I'm sure the Wizarding World of Harry Potter must have its own strip club. Otherwise, how could I explain how these exist?

Okay, I’m sure the Wizarding World of Harry Potter must have its own strip club. Otherwise, how else could I explain how these exist?

36. Deck your Harry Potter home with this mounted house elf head.

Sure it's not Dobby. But this doesn't make the house elf head display less disturbing.

Sure it’s not Dobby. But this doesn’t make the house elf head display less disturbing.

37. For keepsake items, I’m sure this mandrake baby will suit your fancy.

Okay, mandrake babies are incredibly creepy. The costumes are cute for babies. But this, not so much.

Okay, mandrake babies are incredibly creepy. The costumes are cute for babies. But this, not so much.

38. Those who love Mad Eye Moody would appreciate this hip flask and magic eye.

Not sure to decide which one is more disturbing. Then again, maybe the hip flask since I know it wasn't used to store pumpkin juice in Book 4.

Not sure to decide which one is more disturbing. Then again, maybe the hip flask since I know it wasn’t used to store pumpkin juice in Book 4.

39. Why have a Marauder’s Map when you could get a Marauder’s Map dress?

Okay, since when would anyone make a dress out of the Marauder's Map? Seriously, why?

Okay, since when would anyone make a dress out of the Marauder’s Map? Seriously, why?

40. If you think My Little Pony is too cutesy for your taste, there’s always My Little Death Eater.

I know this is possibly the most demented My Little Pony I've ever seen. Still, I think it's hilarious.

I know this is possibly the most demented My Little Pony I’ve ever seen. Still, I think it’s hilarious.

41. If you liked the Chamber of Secrets, then you’ll like this basilisk fang necklace.

I'm sure you wouldn't be able to wear that at school if it has a very strict weapons policy. Still, not sure if it would make you look like a badass either.

I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to wear that at school if it has a very strict weapons policy. Still, not sure if it would make you look like a badass either.

42. As you might recall, extendable ears are great for eavesdropping.

However, in the muggle world we live in, these are just novelty toys. But in the books, they're one of Fred and George Weasley's joke inventions.

However, in the muggle world we live in, these are just novelty toys. But in the books, they’re one of Fred and George Weasley’s joke inventions.

43. Forgot anything? You might need a remembrall.

Okay, it doesn't make red smoke if your forget something. However, at least you won't have Draco Malfoy steal it off you like he did to Neville just for kicks.

Okay, it doesn’t make red smoke if your forget something. However, at least you won’t have Draco Malfoy steal it off you like he did to Neville just for kicks.

44. For those seeking enlightenment, perhaps this Zen Dobby might help you.

Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf. And Dobby only pawn in game of life.

Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf. And Dobby only pawn in game of life.

45. For your Harry Potter Christmas tree, this ornament is just the ticket.

Because nothing makes a Merry Christmas than flying on some brooms to escape from fiendfire. At least they didn't end up like Crabbe (or Goyle in the movie).

Because nothing makes a Merry Christmas than flying on some brooms to escape from fiendfire. At least they didn’t end up like Crabbe (or Goyle in the movie).

46. Ensnare a crush to desire you with a bottle of Amortentia.

I don't see anything wrong with this since I know it's not going to work being made by muggles on Etsy. But in the wizarding world, Amortentia is the most powerful love potion and like other love potions, it's Muggle equivalent are roofies. Seriously, love potions are date rape drugs. Look what happened to Ron when he ate some some chocolates from one of Harry's stalkers.

I don’t see anything wrong with this since I know it’s not going to work being made by muggles on Etsy. But in the wizarding world, Amortentia is the most powerful love potion and like other love potions, its Muggle equivalent are roofies. Seriously, love potions are date rape drugs. Look what happened to Ron when he ate some some chocolates from one of Harry’s stalkers.

47. For the die hard Potterheads, you can finally buy your own Invisibility Cloak.

Okay, I know it certainly won't make you invisible. However, it does have a magical power of its own. Like making your $300 magically disappear. Yes, $300 you could've spent on something better like anything.

Okay, I know it certainly won’t make you invisible. However, it does have a magical power of its own. Like making your $300 magically disappear. Yes, $300 you could’ve spent on something better like anything.

48. Prepare for the Battle of Hogwarts with your very own Ultimate Dueling Battle Trainer.

I could see why Voldemort is the target. Other than that, I'm not sure why this exist? At least the Star Wars one would cooler if you ask me.

I could see why Voldemort is the target. Other than that, I’m not sure why this exist? At least the Star Wars one would cooler if you ask me.

49. For your castle, line your mantle with these potion bottles.

Sure these are for display only. Because if it was the wizarding world, you really don't want to know what these do to you.

Sure these are for display only. Because if it was the wizarding world, you really don’t want to know what these do to you.

50. If you like gardening, you might like this mandrake in a pot.

Like I said before, mandrakes aren't adorable. In fact, they're hideous. However, they do come in handy when students are petrified.

Like I said before, mandrakes aren’t adorable. In fact, they’re hideous. However, they do come in handy when students are petrified.

51. Don’t have any time? Get yourself a time turner like Hermione did.

Sure it may not turn back time since it's a replica. However, it's known to cost about $224.95.

Sure it may not turn back time since it’s a replica. However, it’s known to cost about $224.95.

52. Of course, I couldn’t forget Tom Riddle’s diary.

You know the one he used to lure Ginny into the Chamber of Secrets. And the one Harry eventually stabbed in there. Of course, the Chamber of Secrets thing would've been avoided if Lucius just didn't sneak it in Ginny's basket.

You know the one he used to lure Ginny into the Chamber of Secrets. And the one Harry eventually stabbed in there. Of course, the Chamber of Secrets thing would’ve been avoided if Lucius just didn’t sneak it in Ginny’s basket.

53. For the brave and bold, you have to have a Gryffindor crocheted bikini.

I'm not sure why these yarn bikinis exist. I mean they're not the kind you'd want while swimming. Seriously, why?

I’m not sure why these yarn bikinis exist. I mean they’re not the kind you’d want while swimming. Seriously, why?

54. At Hogwarts, smell like the scent in the house you belong to.

Wait a minute, each Hogwarts house has its own perfume bottle? Seriously, do fans really need stuff like this? I think it's overdoing it.

Wait a minute, each Hogwarts house has its own perfume bottle? Seriously, do fans really need stuff like this? I think it’s overdoing it.

55. These panties might say you love good even if you’re not Luna.

I don't know what to make about these Potter panties. Guess they're very popular. Can't come up with a better explanation.

I don’t know what to make about these Potter panties. Guess they’re very popular. Can’t come up with a better explanation.

56. Need socks? How about some Harry Potter sock yarn?

I don't see why they'd make such a promotion. Socks are one thing. But sock yarn? Seriously?

I don’t see why they’d make such a promotion. Socks are one thing. But sock yarn? Seriously?

57. Seems like anyone wearing this shirt might have narrow dating interests.

Well, maybe "muggles" here means non-Harry Potter fans. Still, some might take it the wrong way.

Well, maybe “muggles” here means non-Harry Potter fans. Still, some might take it the wrong way.

58. “My magic brings Voldemort to the yard, damn right it’s hurting my scar.”

Yes, but that doesn't mean Harry would want people to note that. Also, it's bound to put him and his friends in a highly dangerous situation.

Yes, but that doesn’t mean Harry would want people to note that. Also, it’s bound to put him and his friends in a highly dangerous situation.

59. Drink your worries away with this “Obliviate” beer glass.

Well, that's one way to do it. Then again, you might not want to drink out of this while driving.

Well, that’s one way to do it. Then again, you might not want to drink out of this while driving.

60. Quidditch wouldn’t be the same without a bludger and a beater bat.

You know the magic balls that go after players and the sticks you hit them with. At least the muggle equivalent isn't as nasty.

You know the magic balls that go after players and the sticks you hit them with. At least the muggle equivalent isn’t as nasty.

61. Charm your sweetheart with some love potion.

I think it's just candy filled in this one. However, in the wizarding world, love potions their equivalent to date rape drugs. Yet, somehow they're readily available.

I think it’s just candy filled in this one. However, in the wizarding world, love potions their equivalent to date rape drugs. Yet, somehow they’re readily available.

62. Show your house pride with these Hogwarts house rings.

Now I've heard of class rings. But Hogwarts house rings. Isn't it a bit much? I mean why?

Now I’ve heard of class rings. But Hogwarts house rings. Isn’t it a bit much? I mean why?

63. Keep your dog snug and warm with this Gryffindor hat.

I guess this is for a pug which kind of makes sense. Why it exists, I have no idea.

I guess this is for a pug which kind of makes sense. Why it exists, I have no idea.

64. Hold your door with this door stopper Dobby.

Okay, Dobby may not be the scariest characters from Harry Potter. But this doorstop is so freaky looking for some reason.

Okay, Dobby may not be the scariest characters from Harry Potter. But this doorstop is so freaky looking for some reason.

65. Show that you like to be Slytherin in the sheets.

Yes, I get the puns and how these underwear could sell. But still, that doesn't change that Harry Potter was originally meant for children.

Yes, I get the puns and how these underwear could sell. But still, that doesn’t change that Harry Potter was originally meant for children.

66. Enjoy the mystery with this Harry Potter Clue game.

"It was Professor Snape in the Great Hall with a candlestick." Couldn't resist saying that.

“It was Professor Snape in the Great Hall with a candlestick.” Couldn’t resist saying that.

67. If you’re into making money, you might like some Harry Potter Monopoly.

Oh, sorry, it seems that you have to go directly to Azkaban. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 galleons.

Oh, sorry, it seems that you have to go directly to Azkaban. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 galleons.

68. Pop the question to your girlfriend with this Golden Snitch engagement ring.

Guys, unless she insists on a ring like a golden snitch, don't get her one. Even if she likes Harry Potter. Also, costs $155.

Guys, unless she insists on a ring like a golden snitch, don’t get her one. Even if she likes Harry Potter. Also, costs $155.

69. To help you through the night, you might take to a Deluminator.

The version of this product is a flashlight. However, the wizard version can put out lights and help you find your friends. So disappointing.

The version of this product is a flashlight. However, the wizard version can put out lights and help you find your friends. So disappointing.

70. Own a piece of Harry Potter lore with a replica of his glasses.

These costs about $59.95 and they're for display only, By contrast, some pairs of designer frames are relatively cheaper with or without insurance coverage.

These costs about $59.95 and they’re for display only, By contrast, some pairs of designer frames are relatively cheaper with or without insurance coverage.

71. The Mirror of Erised always reflects what you desire.

Well, this one is just a mirror which only reflects what you look like. And this can be yours for $69.00

Well, this one is just a mirror which only reflects what you look like. And this can be yours for $69.00.

72. For the shiny smart witches, you might take to this blinged Ravenclaw bra.

Seems like something you'd find in Luna Lovegood's lingerie drawer. And I don't think she'd wear it to impress boys. But you'd never know.

Seems like something you’d find in Luna Lovegood’s lingerie drawer. And I don’t think she’d wear it to impress boys. But you’d never know.

73. Now you can write like a wizard with this replica Harry Potter quill set.

This set costs about $34.99, which is pretty steep. Because I could easily find a feather like that during a walk to the cemetery around turkey season. In fact, I have a quill of my own that I didn't have to pay for at all.

This set costs about $34.99, which is pretty steep. Because I could easily find a feather like that during a walk to the cemetery around turkey season. In fact, I have a quill of my own that I didn’t have to pay for at all.

74. Now you can open up letters with this mighty sword of Gryffindor letter opener.

Now that looks like one of the most expensive letter openers I've ever seen. Seriously, I bet it costs more than a mere paper weight.

Now that looks like one of the most expensive letter openers I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I bet it costs more than a mere paper weight.

75. Keep yourself magically clean with some Sirius Black inspired soap.

Let's hope these smell like Books 4 and 5 Sirius Black and not Book 3. Because the Book 3 Sirius Black smells worse than Hagrid on a good day.

Let’s hope these smell like Books 4 and 5 Sirius Black and not Book 3. Because the Book 3 Sirius Black smells worse than Hagrid on a good day.

76. For some magical tea time, you can always go with a Deathly Hallows tea infuser.

Of course, since the books came out in Britain you can understand this. Then again, the Deathly Hallows did protect Harry from Voldemort.

Of course, since the books came out in Britain you can understand this. Then again, the Deathly Hallows did protect Harry from Voldemort.

77. Hold your toast on the Hogwarts Express rack.

Yes, give your toast a ride from the toaster to Hogwarts. Wonder if it does come with a Hogwarts toaster. Wouldn't be surprised.

Yes, give your toast a ride from the toaster to Hogwarts. Wonder if it does come with a Hogwarts toaster. Wouldn’t be surprised.

78. Light up your magical life with these Harry Potter book lighters.

I don't know about you but these look like cigarette lighters to me. Oh, wait they are cigarette lighters, which is kind of disturbing if you ask me.

I don’t know about you but these look like cigarette lighters to me. Oh, wait they are cigarette lighters, which is kind of disturbing if you ask me.

79. Nothing makes your magic life complete like a figurine of Hedwig in a cage.

Sure owls don't make good pets. Still, I think a plushie Hedwig would make more sense than one like this.

Sure owls don’t make good pets. Still, I think a plushie Hedwig would make more sense than one like this.

80. Commemorate the Prisoner of Azkaban with your very own dementor snow globe.

Because nothing brings fond memories like being surrounded by beings of dread that can suck your soul. Be sure to be like Lupin and have plenty of chocolate.

Because nothing brings fond memories like being surrounded by beings of dread that can suck your soul or make you realize that you have PTSD. Be sure to be like Lupin and have plenty of chocolate.

81. This cutting board will help you begin any Hogwarts feast.

And without house elves, too. However, you'll probably be chopping veggies without magic either.

And without house elves, too. However, you’ll probably be chopping veggies without magic either.

82. Now you can see your own panoramic views with these omnioculars.

They're wizard binoculars but they let you see more. Not sure if the muggle version works though.

They’re wizard binoculars but they let you see more. Not sure if the muggle version works though.

83. Get your own Three Broomsticks souvenir mug.

Funny, this Three Broomsticks logo looks very similar to the Starbucks one. Wonder why that is.

Funny, this Three Broomsticks logo looks very similar to the Starbucks one. Wonder why that is.

84. Whoever drinks from this flask of Veritaserum always tells the truth.

Well, maybe not. But since it'll be filled with alcohol, it might lead the drinker to tell truths that you've never heard before.

Well, maybe not. But since it’ll be filled with alcohol, it might lead the drinker to tell truths that you’ve never heard before.

85. Get into the best of pureblood supremacy fashion with this Lucius Malfoy walking stick.

Note that Lucius's wand is inside it, too. Costs $109.00, which is probably cheaper than what Lucius originally got it for.

Note that Lucius’s wand is inside it, too. Costs $109.00, which is probably cheaper than what Lucius originally got it for.

86. Grace your Christmas tree this year with this Harry Potter potions master keepsake ornament.

Because nothing says Merry Christmas like doing a lab while being bullied by the teacher who hates you because he never got over your mom. Still, Harry should be lucky that Snape would never try to kill him.

Because nothing says Merry Christmas like doing a lab while being bullied by the teacher who hates you because he never got over your mom. Still, Harry should be lucky that Snape would never try to kill him.

87. Celebrate Christmas by hanging this ornament of Harry in front of the Mirror of Erised.

Because nothing brings up wonderful Christmas memories than longing for the sight of your long dead parents. You know because they were murdered during your infancy.

Because nothing brings up wonderful Christmas memories than longing for the sight of your long dead parents. You know because they were murdered during your infancy.

88. For your holiday season, you can’t go wrong with the gargoyle guard ornament.

For nothing brings fond memories on Christmas than being sent to the principal's office. Fortunately, Hogwarts' headmaster is Albus Dumbledore who knows very well that Harry didn't open the Chamber of Secrets.

For nothing brings fond memories on Christmas than being sent to the principal’s office. Fortunately, Hogwarts’ headmaster is Albus Dumbledore who knows very well that Harry didn’t open the Chamber of Secrets.

89. Freshen your home with this Hagrid scented candle.

This is said to carry scents like dragon fire, mulled mead, and Hogwarts grounds. Nevertheless, would you want your place smelling like Hagrid? Probably not.

This is said to carry scents like dragon fire, mulled mead, and Hogwarts grounds. Nevertheless, would you want your place smelling like Hagrid? Probably not.

90. This tank expresses that you’ll be working out for the Triwizard Tournament.

Of course, the Triwizard Tournament occurs every 100 years. Yet, despite being ineligible, Harry was drafted into it as an unwilling participant.

Of course, the Triwizard Tournament occurs every 100 years. Yet, despite being ineligible, Harry was drafted into it as an unwilling participant.

91. Have your room smelling sweet with this Snape scented candle.

Said to smell like potion textbooks, dungeon corridors, and lilies. What it should smell like: hair grease.

Said to smell like potion textbooks, dungeon corridors, and lilies. What it should smell like: hair grease.

92. Relive the first Harry Potter book with this Sorcerer’s Stone replica.

Sure it may not grant immortality or turn metals into gold. But it will take $93 out of your wallet.

Sure it may not grant immortality or turn metals into gold. But it will take $93 out of your wallet.

93. Bring back the memories of Harry’s first time in the Forbidden Forest with this necklace of unicorn blood.

As you know, drinking unicorn blood may keep you alive. However, because you've slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, you're doomed to a half-life, a cursed life the moment the blood touches your lips.

As you know, drinking unicorn blood may keep you alive. However, because you’ve slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, you’re doomed to a half-life, a cursed life the moment the blood touches your lips.

94. Swish and flick to change the channel with this Harry Potter universal remote control.

Sure it looks cool. But I wonder what spells you have to perform to turn it on/off, control volume, or change the channel.

Sure it looks cool. But I wonder what spells you have to perform to turn it on/off, control volume, or change the channel.

95. With such shot glasses, you’ll solemnly swear you’re up to no good.

Well, at least that's an appropriate message for a shot glass. On the other side it says, "mischief managed." Drink responsibly.

Well, at least that’s an appropriate message for a shot glass. On the other side it says, “mischief managed.” Drink responsibly.

96. For those who wondered where their Hogwarts acceptance letter is, they might appreciate this gift.

Okay, it might not get you into Hogwarts because that place doesn't exist. But it will make $60 magically disappear from your wallet.

Okay, it might not get you into Hogwarts because that place doesn’t exist. But it will make $60 magically disappear from your wallet. Also includes Marauder’s Map.

97. For coffee all you have to say is Espresso Patronum.

Uh, I don't think getting coffee works that way. However, this is pretty clever if you ask me.

Uh, I don’t think getting coffee works that way. However, this is pretty clever if you ask me.

98. Step into a world of magic with these Harry Potter high heeled shoes.

Yes, these are sparkly. But I'm not sure why these exist. Guess there's a Harry Potter nightclub around some corner.

Yes, these are sparkly. But I’m not sure why these exist. Guess there’s a Harry Potter nightclub around some corner.

99. When playing game of Quidditch you can’t go without these Hogwarts House Nike shoes.

Well, at least that makes more sense than Harry Potter high heels. Still, if I had a pair, I'd be afraid to get them dirty. They're also probably expensive as bloody hell.

Well, at least that makes more sense than Harry Potter high heels. Still, if I had a pair, I’d be afraid to get them dirty. They’re also probably expensive as bloody hell.

100. Relive the Hogwarts experience with this porcelain replica of Hogwarts castle.

Now that seems to resemble a very expensive paperweight. Makes you wonder what they're going come up with when Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them comes out in June.

Now that seems to resemble a very expensive paperweight. Makes you wonder what they’re going come up with when Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them comes out in June.

I Solemnly Swear I Am Up to No Good in These Magical Harry Potter Costumes

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Sure it may only be March, but spring will soon be around the corner. And before you know it, the summer blockbuster  season will be upon us which spans from May to September. This year, three major franchises will soon have a new release for the box office. Two are comic book superhero movies while the other is a Harry Potter spin-off. Nevertheless, despite what the critics might say, each one is bound to do well at the box office as well as make a pretty profit for Warner Brothers and Disney. Because these are franchises that people grew up with.

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What began as a 7 part book series released from the late 90s to the late 2000s, this J. K. Rowling coming of age story about an orphaned boy wizard who gets caught up in extraordinary circumstances has taken the world by storm. Growing up, I remember how each Harry Potter book or movie release was a big freaking deal. I mean people would dress up and line up for such events as well as speculate which major character was going to die in the later books. Nevertheless, as we all know, Harry Potter is an orphan boy wizard who attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. However, he’s also a major name in the wizarding world as “the Boy Who Lived” after surviving an attempt on his life by Lord Voldemort when he was a baby. Of course, he didn’t know any of this until he was 11 years old since he spent the early part of his childhood living with his mom’s Muggle sister and her family known as the Dursleys who treated him like shit and made him sleep in a cupboard under the stairs. However, while Harry’s situation improves drastically when he goes to Hogwarts, he gets embroiled in wizarding intrigues either by choice or factors beyond his control.

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As you’ve seen in the movies, the wizarding world of Harry Potter has an assortment of colorful characters as well as costumes. And I know that the ones I’ve shown above don’t do the series justice. You might see some characters wearing the same outfits all the time like Snape and McGonagall. Or in the same style like Albus Dumbledore. Some are known to dress rather well like Gilderoy Lockhart and Lucius Malfoy. While some end up having to make due with clothes that have them fall prey to embarrassment like Ron Weasley at the Yule Ball. And since the Harry Potter series has plenty of characters, you might see plenty of fans dressed in a variety of costumes whether it be at a geek convention or on Halloween. So for your magical reading pleasure, I give you a treasure trove of fans dressed in their Harry Potter costumes.

  1. Guess Azkaban isn’t as escape proof as it’s cracked up to be.
Apparently, Sirius Black just managed to break out of Azkaban. However, he doesn't have time to bathe since he has a rat to deal with at Hogwarts.

Apparently, Sirius Black just managed to break out of Azkaban. However, he doesn’t have time to bathe since he has a rat to deal with at Hogwarts.

2. Looks like Harry is enjoying some quality time with Hedwig on the street.

You'd have to be mad to tell me that this isn't adorable. Seriously, I bet any Harry Potter fan would love to dress their baby as Hedwig if they could.

You’d have to be mad to tell me that this isn’t adorable. Seriously, I bet any Harry Potter fan would love to dress their baby as Hedwig if they could.

3. Okay, now I see why Professor Quirrell wears a turban.

Because he has Voldemort in the back of his head. Yet, he's not quite living and not quite dead.

Because he has Voldemort in the back of his head. Yet, he’s not quite living and not quite dead.

4. Gilderoy Lockhart think he’s just his marvelous magical self.

However, when it comes to handing dangerous situations, he's pretty much a coward and a phony. I mean the guy can't protect his class against haywire Cornish pixies.

However, when it comes to handing dangerous situations, he’s pretty much a coward and a phony. I mean the guy can’t protect his class against haywire Cornish pixies.

5. Guess this is what you’d call a magical Harry Potter family.

This is good. Love how the parents are dressed as Dumbledore and McGonagall. Love the Hedwig baby, too.

This is good. Love how the parents are dressed as Dumbledore and McGonagall. Love the Hedwig baby, too.

6. For a couple’s costume idea, you can always go with Ron and Hermione at the Yule Ball.

Sure they went to the dance with different people. But still, it was from then on we knew they'd be together. Nevertheless, that's a great imitation of Ron's disastrous dress robe.

Sure they went to the dance with different people. But still, it was from then on we knew they’d be together. Nevertheless, that’s a great imitation of Ron’s disastrous dress robe.

7. If you’re in the mood for something different, you can go as Fleur Delacour.

This is of Fleur in her Beauxbatons uniform from Book 4. And yes, she's certainly lovely in it.

This is of Fleur in her Beauxbatons uniform from Book 4. And yes, she’s certainly lovely in it.

8. If you’re into the bad boys, then you’ll find this Tom Riddle a dream.

Keep in mind this guy opened the Chamber of Secrets and was responsible for killing a girl. Also, he'd later become one of the most notorious dark wizards of them all, Lord Voldemort.

Keep in mind this guy opened the Chamber of Secrets and was responsible for killing a girl. Also, he’d later become one of the most notorious dark wizards of them all, Lord Voldemort.

9. Out of all the Hogwarts founders, it seems Rowena Ravenclaw has the most interest from fans.

Then again, she probably doesn't get a lot of description in the books and owned a fancy diadem. Still, that's a very nice dress.

Then again, she probably doesn’t get a lot of description in the books and owned a fancy diadem. Still, that’s a very nice dress.

10. If you think dressing as a Hogwarts student is too boring, you can always go as Nymphadora Tonks.

However, just don't call her Nymphadora. She doesn't like the name. Also, she has a penchant for older and hairier men if you know what I mean.

However, just don’t call her Nymphadora. She doesn’t like the name. Also, she has a penchant for older and hairier men if you know what I mean.

11. Looks like Professor Sprout and Mad Eye Moody are hitting it off.

Then again, if Moody's teaching at Hogwarts at this time, then it's probably not Moody. Then again, no one seemed to know the difference.

Then again, if Moody’s teaching at Hogwarts at this time, then it’s probably not Moody. Then again, no one seemed to know the difference.

12. Apparently, Dumbledore appears to have had his beard trimmed.

Still, that woman makes a rather convincing McGonagall. Yet, I guess this guy decided to use his natural beard for Dumbledore.

Still, that woman makes a rather convincing McGonagall. Yet, I guess this guy decided to use his natural beard for Dumbledore.

13. Step right this way to board the Hogwarts Express.

You have to admit this is a very clever costume. Besides, it's unlikely she's going to run into anyone else dressed like her.

You have to admit this is a very clever costume. Besides, it’s unlikely she’s going to run into anyone else dressed like her.

14. Someone seems to be ready for their first trip to Hogwarts.

This little one sure makes an adorable Harry Potter. Yeah, I know he's a little young to read the books. But I don't care.

This little one sure makes an adorable Harry Potter. Yeah, I know he’s a little young to read the books. But I don’t care.

15. When you’re dressed as Hedwig, it’s time to spread your wings.

Seems like Hedwig is a rather popular Harry Potter costume. Still, this is the first adult one on this post.

Seems like Hedwig is a rather popular Harry Potter costume. Still, this is the first adult one on this post.

16. When it comes to bad girls, there’s no better beauty than Bellatrix Lestrange.

You may forget this, but she's married, even though she's really not that into her husband. Also, she's fanatically devoted to Voldemort and can be incredibly scary.

You may forget this, but she’s married, even though she’s really not that into her husband. Also, she’s fanatically devoted to Voldemort and can be incredibly scary.

17. As a student at Beauxbatons, Fleur Delacour always rocks in blue.

Well, this is an older Fleur Delacour costume. Still, it's pretty close to the movies.

Well, this is an older Fleur Delacour costume. Still, it’s pretty close to the movies.

18. Don’t look now, but I think that’s the Honeydukes lady.

She was in the first book and doesn't seem to have a lot of time. However, this is a good costume idea if you ask me.

She was in the first book and doesn’t seem to have a lot of time. However, this is a good costume idea if you ask me.

19. As we all know from Book 3, Harry’s patronus is a stag.

The woman is the stag in this one. The guy is Harry. Like the use of twigs for antlers though.

The woman is the stag in this one. The guy is Harry. Like the use of twigs for antlers though.

20. Seems like Harry is just waiting for his friends at the fountain.

This is a woman dressed as Harry Potter. However, it's a very convincing costume that it goes on the post.

This is a woman dressed as Harry Potter. However, it’s a very convincing costume that it goes on the post.

21. All this dementor wants is to give out some kisses.

Okay, this is a kissing booth anyone should steer clear from. I mean we all know a dementor's kiss sucks the soul out of you.

Okay, this is a kissing booth anyone should steer clear from. I mean we all know a dementor’s kiss sucks the soul out of you.

22. Bellatrix might be an evil, crazy witch, but she really knows how to dress.

Sure Bellatrix killed Sirius and drove Neville's parents to insanity. But she's not a witch to be reckoned with (unless you're Mrs. Weasley).

Sure Bellatrix killed Sirius and drove Neville’s parents to insanity. But she’s not a witch to be reckoned with (unless you’re Mrs. Weasley).

23. Seems like Bellatrix here is really rocking it with Professor Snape.

I'm sure this is a couple's costume idea. Least it helps that these characters usually wear the same things all the time in the movies.

I’m sure this is a couple’s costume idea. Least it helps that these characters usually wear the same things all the time in the movies.

24. Apparently, Ginny seems all decked out in her Quidditch robes.

For some reason, those who dress as Ginny usually wear her Quidditch outfit. Maybe that's to distinguish her from Hermione Granger.

For some reason, those who dress as Ginny usually wear her Quidditch outfit. Maybe that’s to distinguish her from Hermione Granger.

25. Seems like this little mandrake could stand on its own two feet.

Sure it might be dangerous to hear its cries. But this is the most adorable little mandrake I've ever seen.

Sure it might be dangerous to hear its cries. But this is the most adorable little mandrake I’ve ever seen.

26. For eccentric blond girls, you might take to Luna Lovegood.

As you know, Luna Lovegood is from Ravenclaw and her dad seems like the closest thing to a wizard hippie. Love the glasses though.

As you know, Luna Lovegood is from Ravenclaw and her dad seems like the closest thing to a wizard hippie. Love the glasses though.

27. For smart witches, you can never find anyone brighter than Hermione Granger.

Sure this girl's a redhead. But she's no Weasley. Because Hermione had almost the same style in the movies.

Sure this girl’s a redhead. But she’s no Weasley. Because Hermione had almost the same style in the movies.

28. In Harry Potter, you wouldn’t want to run into this guy.

This is a dementor. When it's near, it fills the atmosphere with dread. When it kiss you, it takes your soul.

This is a dementor. When it’s near, it fills the atmosphere with dread. When it kiss you, it takes your soul.

29. To win a game of Quidditch, it helps if you catch the Golden Snitch.

And it seems this guy used a ton of golden spray paint. Still, it's a clever costume.

And it seems this guy used a ton of golden spray paint. Still, it’s a clever costume.

30. Seems like Moaning Myrtle is a lonely little ghost.

Yes, I know that this Moaning Myrtle is blue. But she's a ghost as you know.

Yes, I know that this Moaning Myrtle is blue. But she’s a ghost as you know.

31. In a world of magical intrigue, nothing gets past these 3.

I think this might be my first post picture with Harry, Ron, and Hermione together. Still, these 3 kids are siblings. But the photo op is so cute.

I think this might be my first post picture with Harry, Ron, and Hermione together. Still, these 3 kids are siblings. But the photo op is so cute.

32. The world of Harry Potter has the kind of magic that’s fun for the whole family.

Guess the parents are Dumbledore and McGonagall. The boys are Harry and Ron. And the girl is Luna. Love the Dumbledore beard though.

Guess the parents are Dumbledore and McGonagall. The boys are Harry and Ron. And the girl is Luna. Love the Dumbledore beard though.

33. A bratty blond boy would always look nice dressed as Draco Malfoy.

Sure he might be a Hogwarts bully from Slytherin. But wait until Voldemort assigns him to kill Dumbledore in Book 6.

Sure he might be a Hogwarts bully from Slytherin. But wait until Voldemort assigns him to kill Dumbledore in Book 6. Okay, I’ll have to wait till his father hears about this.

34. Don’t have anything but homey clothes? How about dress as Molly Weasley?

Mrs. Weasley loves her family very much and will do anything for them. So if you try to kill her daughter, she will freaking murder you, Bellatrix.

Mrs. Weasley loves her family very much and will do anything for them. So if you try to kill her daughter, she will freaking murder you, Bellatrix.

35. Of course, you’re always welcome to share Moaning Myrtle’s toilet.

Because she's a ghost in a girl's bathroom. It's where she died after looking into the Basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets.

Because she’s a ghost in a girl’s bathroom. It’s where she died after looking into the Basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets.

36. For babies, I suppose a Dobby costume is nice.

Dobby is a great costume for babies. Because Dobby is small and means well. Even if Dobby tends to be a bit misguided.

Dobby is a great costume for babies. Because Dobby is small and means well. Even if Dobby tends to be a bit misguided.

37. Seems like this little Hedwig is about to take flight.

Seems like this Hedwig costume is easy to make with the owl hat and wings. And it's so adorable.

Seems like this Hedwig costume is easy to make with the owl hat and wings. And it’s so adorable.

38. When it comes to pink nightmares, no one does it better than Dolores Umbridge.

Sure she might be dressed like Jackie Kennedy. But she's a sadistic witch who'd force you to write in blood if she thinks you're lying.

Sure she might be dressed like Jackie Kennedy. But she’s a sadistic witch who’d force you to write in blood if she thinks you’re lying.

39. Remember, you won’t be able to get in the Gryffindor common room until after the Fat Lady sings.

Well, this is the one from the 3rd movie. But yes, she's kind of a diva.

Well, this is the one from the 3rd movie. But yes, she’s kind of a diva.

40. For Divination, let me introduce you to Sibyl Trelawney.

Seems like this costume is worn by an actual teacher. Nevertheless, as far as Trelawney's effectiveness as a seer, it's up for debate. But she did get one prediction right as seen in Book 5.

Seems like this costume is worn by an actual teacher. Nevertheless, as far as Trelawney’s effectiveness as a seer, it’s up for debate. But she did get one prediction right as seen in Book 5.

41. For juicy Daily Prophet gossip, here’s the one and only Rita Skeeter.

Rita Skeeter is a rather sleazy character in Book 4. I mean when she interviewed Harry, she made a lot of shit up like him having a romance with Hermione. Take off the glasses, this could also work as an Effie Trinket costume.

Rita Skeeter is a rather sleazy character in Book 4. I mean when she interviewed Harry, she made a lot of shit up like him having a romance with Hermione. Take off the glasses, this could also work as an Effie Trinket costume.

42. When she wears her checkered shawl, Umbridge is on the warpath.

The reason why fans hate Umbridge so much is that she's an authority figure who makes other people's lives miserable. And in many ways, people might know someone like her, too.

The reason why fans hate Umbridge so much is that she’s an authority figure who makes other people’s lives miserable. And in many ways, people might know someone like her, too.

43. In a family like this, it seems that the parents have gone to evil.

Yes, it's another Harry Potter family. But this time the parents are Voldemort and Bellatrix. And the kids consist of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hedwig.

Yes, it’s another Harry Potter family. But this time the parents are Voldemort and Bellatrix. And the kids consist of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hedwig.

44. As Transfiguration teacher and head of Gryffindor House, Professor McGonagall doesn’t put up with your shit.

And where would McGonagall be with her trademark green robe? She also transforms as a cat.

And where would McGonagall be with her trademark green robe? She also transforms as a cat.

45. Seems like Harry really loves his owl.

And it looks like this baby is getting squeezed by a brother's hug. Still, it's so cute.

And it looks like this baby is getting squeezed by a brother’s hug. Still, it’s so cute.

46. Guess Professor Sprout just uprooted a baby mandrake.

Well, Sprout is the Herbology teacher and thank God she was growing mandrakes when the Chamber of Secrets was opened. After all, a few students ended up petrified but none were killed.

Well, Sprout is the Herbology teacher and thank God she was growing mandrakes when the Chamber of Secrets was opened. After all, a few students ended up petrified but none were killed.

47. Perhaps you’d like to see Trelawney in green.

Now this one seems more like her outfit from the movie. Nevertheless, Trelawney can be pretty weird at times.

Now this one seems more like her outfit from the movie. Nevertheless, Trelawney can be pretty weird at times. Like when she talks about the grim.

48. No Harry Potter costume post would be complete without Harry’s parents.

Yes, they seem so happy together. However, you know these two have to die to kick off the series.

Yes, they seem so happy together. However, you know these two have to die to kick off the series.

49. May I introduce you to the one and only Harry Clawter.

It's a cat that's dressed up as Harry Potter. But at least it won't mind having a room under the stairs.

It’s a cat that’s dressed up as Harry Potter. But at least it won’t mind having a room under the stairs.

50. Seems Dobby has gotten hold of a sock.

Master has given Dobby a sock. Master has given him clothes. Therefore, Dobby is free.

Master has given Dobby a sock. Master has given him clothes. Therefore, Dobby is free.

51. Dumbledore seems to be observing the preparations to see if they’re in order.

Because you can't have a Hogwarts party without its headmaster Dumbledore. However, he seems to be overseeing a meeting for the Order of the Phoenix.

Because you can’t have a Hogwarts party without its headmaster Dumbledore. However, he seems to be overseeing a meeting for the Order of the Phoenix.

52. “Yer a wizard, Harry.”

Well, it's about time I had Hagrid on this post. After all, he's a rather important character. Also, this is cute.

Well, it’s about time I had Hagrid on this post. After all, he’s a rather important character. Also, this is cute.

53. “Dobby had to punish himself, Sir.”

Yes, this is another Dobby costume. But this is an adult one. Pretty funny.

Yes, this is another Dobby costume. But this is an adult one. Pretty funny.

54. “Turn to page 394.”

"Ah, Mr. Potter, our new celebrity." Alan Rickman, you will be missed.

“Ah, Mr. Potter, our new celebrity.” Alan Rickman, you will be missed.

55. This Hedwig appears covered in feathers.

That's another cute Hedwig costume. Wonder how long it took to make that.

That’s another cute Hedwig costume. Wonder how long it took to make that.

56. Seems like Hedwig has something special for Harry in the mail.

Yeah, I know it's another Harry and Hedwig costume. But this a couples version. That's different.

Yeah, I know it’s another Harry and Hedwig costume. But this a couples version. That’s different.

57. Looks like Harry, Ron, and Hermione are just taking a walk in the woods with Hagrid.

Well, I'm sure Hagrid's a giant to these kids. But all and all, this so adorable.

Well, I’m sure Hagrid’s a giant to these kids. But all and all, this so adorable.

58. There are times when taking the Polyjuice potion is not a good idea.

You have to feel for Hermione who spent all that time making Polyjuice potion. Only to make that one little mistake with cat fur.

You have to feel for Hermione who spent all that time making Polyjuice potion. Only to make that one little mistake with cat fur.

59. Looks like Luna Lovegood is all ready for Quidditch.

Well, she's wearing her Gryffindor lion hat anyway. Nevertheless, you can't help but love her being as weird as she is.

Well, she’s wearing her Gryffindor lion hat anyway. Nevertheless, you can’t help but love her being as weird as she is.

60. To find your way around the castle, it helps to dress up as the Marauders’ Map.

Wonder what it took to make that dress. Still, it's pretty clever.

Wonder what it took to make that dress. Still, it’s pretty clever.

61. When it comes to hair Narcissa Malfoy rocks with 2 colors.

Narcissa Malfoy is Draco's mom, Lucius's wife, and Bellatrix's sister. Oh, and she's also Sirius Black's cousin. But she really loves her family.

Narcissa Malfoy is Draco’s mom, Lucius’s wife, and Bellatrix’s sister. Oh, and she’s also Sirius Black’s cousin. But she really loves her family.

62. And here we have one of Voldemort’s followers, a Death Eater.

Yes, Death Eaters might have cool costumes. But they're also pureblood supremacists and murderers. Just so you know.

Yes, Death Eaters might have cool costumes. But they’re also pureblood supremacists and murderers. Just so you know.

63. Seems like Snape really loved his mother that he took time to visit her grave.

After all, he is the Half-Blood Prince. Prince was his mother's maiden name. Just so you know from Book 6.

After all, he is the Half-Blood Prince. Prince was his mother’s maiden name. Just so you know from Book 6.

64. Here’s Mrs. Weasley at her home in her trademark shawl.

Now that seems like a more homey costume for Mrs. Weasley. But go after Ginny and it's, "Not my daughter, you bitch!" and your ass goodbye, Bellatrix.

Now that seems like a more homey costume for Mrs. Weasley. But go after Ginny and it’s, “Not my daughter, you bitch!” and your ass goodbye, Bellatrix.

65. Seems like Sirius and Tonks have it all under control at this convention.

Of course, these two are first cousins once-removed. Also, Tonks ends up with his friend after her aunt Bellatrix does away with Sirius.

Of course, these two are first cousins once-removed. Also, Tonks ends up with his friend after her aunt Bellatrix does away with Sirius.

66. How about a little mandrake in your flower pot?

Not sure why they have babies wearing mandrake costumes. Yet, at any rate, this is cute.

Not sure why they have babies wearing mandrake costumes. Yet, at any rate, this is cute.

67. When it comes to Harry Potter costumes, you can’t do better than Fawkes and Neville Longbottom.

That guy is supposed to be Neville by the way. Yes, I know it doesn't look like much. But I had to put him in this post somehow.

That guy is supposed to be Neville by the way. Yes, I know it doesn’t look like much. But I had to put him in this post somehow.

68. How about you go in Mr. Weasley’s flying car for a wild ride?

Can't believe they have Mr. Weasley's flying car. Let's just say it's a car with real character.

Can’t believe they have Mr. Weasley’s flying car. Let’s just say it’s a car with real character.

69. Seems like Harry Potter mania has swept the stables.

Yes, that's a Harry Potter horse. How that came to be, I don't have the slightest idea.

Yes, that’s a Harry Potter horse. How that came to be, I don’t have the slightest idea.

70. Looks like this dementor is giving out free hugs.

Oh, wait, you'd rather not be anywhere near a dementor. Let's hope it doesn't kiss you.

Oh, wait, you’d rather not be anywhere near a dementor. Let’s hope it doesn’t kiss you.

71. When it comes to evil fashion, nobody does it better than Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius Malfoy may seem to have more fun than others as a villain. But his heyday all ends when he's sent to Azkaban. He's not the same after that.

Lucius Malfoy may seem to have more fun than others as a villain. But his heyday all ends when he’s sent to Azkaban. He’s not the same after that.

72. Of course, you couldn’t forget a moment with Harry Potter and Fluffy.

In the movies, Fluffy is much bigger and in a different color. But this will certainly do.

In the movies, Fluffy is much bigger and in a different color. But this will certainly do.

73. Look out, Harry, the Dark Lord has returned.

This guy is so feared in the wizarding world that they dare not say his name. However, he really does know how to make an entrance.

This guy is so feared in the wizarding world that they dare not say his name. However, he really does know how to make an entrance.

74. Mrs. Weasley doesn’t mince words when her sons steal their dad’s car.

Yes, that's Molly Weasley in her iconic knitted sleeves. And yes, she'll let Fred, George, and Ron have it.

Yes, that’s Molly Weasley in her iconic knitted sleeves. And yes, she’ll let Fred, George, and Ron have it.

75. When it comes to Harry Potter, it’s best not to forget the broomsticks.

Usually see broomsticks as costume props, not costumes. Still, these are clever.

Usually see broomsticks as costume props, not costumes. Still, these are clever.

76. Draco Malfoy be like, “Wait till my father hears about this.”

Yes, Draco Malfoy is a good looking guy. But he's also a spoiled brat who's a bully to Harry and his friends. Yet, you kind of feel bad for him in the later books though.

Yes, Draco Malfoy is a good looking guy. But he’s also a spoiled brat who’s a bully to Harry and his friends. Yet, you kind of feel bad for him in the later books though.

77. Not sure how anyone’s supposed to catch this golden snitch.

Yes, this is a baby golden snitch. And yes, it's so adorable as you can imagine.

Yes, this is a baby golden snitch. And yes, it’s so adorable as you can imagine.

78. If Snape gives you nightmares, remember you can always imagine him in Neville’s grandma’s clothes.

I have to admit, seeing a boggart of Snape in old lady clothes was a comic highlight of the series. And yes, that image never gets old.

I have to admit, seeing a boggart of Snape in old lady clothes was a comic highlight of the series. And yes, that image never gets old.

79. At Hogwarts, only Albus Dumbledore can rock in a long wizard beard.

Might take a lot of fluff. But I think the old wizard look is worth it for this one.

Might take a lot of fluff. But I think the old wizard look is worth it for this one.

80. To set the night on fire, perhaps dress as Fawkes the Phoenix.

Yes, this is certainly a fiery costume all right. But it's quite lovely to look at.

Yes, this is certainly a fiery costume all right. But it’s quite lovely to look at.

81. Ginny Weasley was just going to take a ride on her broom.

Okay, that's Ginny in her uniform. Of course, many of us should've known that she was going to end up with Harry at one point. Yet, not sure what to think about their romance.

Okay, that’s Ginny in her uniform. Of course, many of us should’ve known that she was going to end up with Harry at one point. Yet, not sure what to think about their romance.

82. I’m sure little Draco is a bit of a stinker.

Okay, Draco was a brat in the books and the movies. However, this costume is quite cute if you ask me.

Okay, Draco was a brat in the books and the movies. However, this costume is quite cute if you ask me.

83. Wonder if this little boy who lived is ready for his trip to Hogwarts.

Yes, this is a baby Harry Potter costume. Probably for this little guy's first Halloween. And it's so cute.

Yes, this is a baby Harry Potter costume. Probably for this little guy’s first Halloween. And it’s so cute.

84. As we all know, Fred and George Weasley were known for their sense of humor and entrepreneurial spirit.

These two guys later ended up owning a joke shop thanks to Harry's Triwizard prize money. However, the two wouldn't be together for long due to what happened to Fred.

These two guys later ended up owning a joke shop thanks to Harry’s Triwizard prize money. However, the two wouldn’t be together for long due to what happened to Fred.

85. And let’s not forget Mr. Weasley, the patriarch of his ginger hair family.

Mr. Weasley works for the Muggle relations department at the Ministry of Magic. Unfortunately, it's strongly implied that his job doesn't pay as well as it should. But his kids are unique in their own ways.

Mr. Weasley works for the Muggle relations department at the Ministry of Magic. Unfortunately, it’s strongly implied that his job doesn’t pay as well as it should. But his kids are unique in their own ways.

86. Neville Longbottom is just taking some time for herbology.

And he seems like he's tending to mandrakes. However, knowing Neville, he should be using protection. I mean hearing protection like earmuffs.

And he seems like he’s tending to mandrakes. However, knowing Neville, he should be using protection. I mean hearing protection like earmuffs.

87. Seems Ron has taken well to his new owl Pigwidgeon.

Because we all know what happened to his rat in Book 3. Turned out it wasn't really one to begin with.

Because we all know what happened to his rat in Book 3. Turned out it wasn’t really one to begin with.

88. Here we have Remus Lupin in action with Nymphadora Tonks by his side.

Due to having a certain condition since he was a child, Lupin spends Book 6 rejecting Tonks' affection. However, the two of them do end up getting married and having a kid together. Unfortunately, their wedded bliss doesn't last.

Due to having a certain condition since he was a child, Lupin spends Book 6 rejecting Tonks’ affection. However, the two of them do end up getting married and having a kid together. Unfortunately, their wedded bliss doesn’t last.

89. Wouldn’t expect Snape to conjure up a patronus of a doe.

This is because Snape had been in love with Harry's mom since they were kids. The fact Lily chose James over him explains why he was a total dick to Harry in the series.

This is because Snape had been in love with Harry’s mom since they were kids. The fact Lily chose James over him explains why he was a total dick to Harry in the series.

90. Seems like Tonks and Lupin are happy together.

You can tell it's them because Tonks has pink hair. And Lupin has a chocolate bar in his pocket to help those affected by dementors.

You can tell it’s them because Tonks has pink hair. And Lupin has a chocolate bar in his pocket to help those affected by dementors.

91. Looks like Harry Pawter is all ready for Dogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

And it's standing on top of a pile of Harry Potter books. Not sure if there are wizard dogs in that universe. Yet, Sirius Black takes a form of a dog sometimes.

And it’s standing on top of a pile of Harry Potter books. Not sure if there are wizard dogs in that universe. Yet, Sirius Black takes a form of a dog sometimes.

92. I’m sure Hermione Granger looks splendid in her Yule Ball gown.

In the movies, Hermione's Yule Ball gown is pink. In the books, it's blue. However, it takes awhile for Harry and Ron to recognize her with Viktor Krum. This makes Ron incredibly jealous but he doesn't know why.

In the movies, Hermione’s Yule Ball gown is pink. In the books, it’s blue. However, it takes awhile for Harry and Ron to recognize her with Viktor Krum. This makes Ron incredibly jealous but he doesn’t know why.

93. Mrs. Weasley is happy to be with her 3 sons.

Well, 3 of her sons anyway. There's still Bill, Charlie, and Percy. But Bill and Charlie don't play big roles. And nobody cares much about Percy.

Well, 3 of her sons anyway. There’s still Bill, Charlie, and Percy. But Bill and Charlie don’t play big roles. And nobody cares much about Percy.

94. Guess You-Know-Who has his ups and downs sometimes.

My guess is that the Dark Lord is looking for Harry so he could kill him. He knows he's seen him somewhere.

My guess is that the Dark Lord is looking for Harry so he could kill him. He knows he’s seen him somewhere.

95. Admit it, you don’t to run into this person.

This is the Whomping Willow which Harry and Ron get caught up in during Book 2. You don't want to go anywhere near this tree.

This is the Whomping Willow which Harry and Ron get caught up in during Book 2. You don’t want to go anywhere near this tree.

96. Seems like Fred and George have gone through a few rough stuff in Book 7.

Oh, wait a minute. George lost an ear when they left for the Burrow. And Fred was killed during the Battle of Hogwarts. Now I remember.

Oh, wait a minute. George lost an ear when they left for the Burrow. And Fred was killed during the Battle of Hogwarts. Now I remember.

97. Seems like Sirius Black was quite handsome during his Hogwarts days.

Well, he was said to be quite handsome when he was young before his Azkaban days. But sometimes you don't know what that place would do to you.

Well, he was said to be quite handsome when he was young before his Azkaban days. But sometimes you don’t know what that place would do to you.

98. Not sure if she’s an angel or a golden snitch.

She's supposed to be a golden snitch. But I'm sure she'd fit right in any church Christmas pageant during the holiday season.

She’s supposed to be a golden snitch. But I’m sure she’d fit right in any church Christmas pageant during the holiday season.

99. Apparently, Bellatrix decided to show up at Fleur Delacour’s wedding.

Okay, maybe not. But this woman sure looks lovely in Fleur's wedding dress. You know she marries Bill Weasley.

Okay, maybe not. But this woman sure looks lovely in Fleur’s wedding dress. You know she marries Bill Weasley.

100. Finally, Hogwarts could never do without its resident school nurse, Madam Pomfrey.

Because when Gilderoy Lockhart removes Harry's bones, she's the one with the Skele-Gro. Yes, Skele-Gro. Clever.

Because when Gilderoy Lockhart removes Harry’s bones, she’s the one with the Skele-Gro. Yes, Skele-Gro. Clever.

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “This Night”

evelark_kiss_on_the_beach

Of course, no musical would be without some romantic duet. In the Hunger Games, we’re all aware that the main relationship is between Katniss and Peeta. Sure Peeta might be deeply in love with Katniss since he was a young boy. This to the point that when he and Katniss are tributes in the Hunger Games, he figures that he stands no chance of winning because there’s no way he’d be able to kill her. So he might as well do what he can so she can survive. Yet, while Katniss certainly does have feelings for him, she’s most likely not aware of it for a good chunk of the series. This is probably because Katniss swore never to marry or have a family and for two very good reasons. First, she doesn’t want to be a parent on Reaping Day, which is self-explanatory. Because if your kid is reaped there’s a 23 to 1 chance that they won’t come back and you’ll have to see them violently die on national television. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Second, when Katniss was 11, her coal miner dad died in an explosion which caused her mom to break down completely that she had to grow up quickly and provide for her family. And it’s because of this, she believes love is a weakness that she’s so reluctant to admit she’s falling in love with Peeta. Even when the two of them start sleeping together during the Victory Tour and Quell training. She also believes that she doesn’t deserve him.

Peeta-Katniss-Beach-scene-catching-fire-36044365-497-289

A good song I thought would be a duet for them would be “This Night” by Billy Joel from his Innocent Man album. It’s one of those love songs which is lovely but not very cheesy to the point of annoyance. Besides, it pertains to two people falling for each other even though they decided not to get incredibly serious for fear that they’d screw everything up. In the Hunger Games version, I had it set with the two of them on the beach during the Quarter Quell in Catching Fire which ends with the two sharing a kiss and him telling her that she’s his whole life. And it really seems to them that this might be the last time they’d be together like this.

 

“This Night” (Hunger Games Edition)

Sung by Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen

 

Peeta Mellark:

Didn’t you say

That you weren’t going for romance

Didn’t we promise

We would only be friends

 

And so we played on

With our charade of a romance

I started breaking my promises

Right there and then

 

Didn’t we swear

There would be no complications

Didn’t you want

Someone you’ve known long time before

 

Now that you’re here

It’s not the same situation

Suddenly I don’t remember the rules anymore

 

This night is mine

It’s only you and I

Tomorrow

Is a long time away

This night can last forever

 

Katniss Everdeen:

I’ve been around

Someone like me should know better

Falling in love

Would be the worst thing I could do

 

Didn’t I say

I didn’t want to be like my mother

After my father died you wouldn’t know

What I’ve been through

 

How many nights

Have I been lonely without you

I tell myself

How much I really don’t care

 

How many nights

Have I been thinking about you

Wanting to hold you

But knowing you would not be there

 

This night

You’re mine

It’s only you and I

I’ll tell you

To forget yesterday

This night we are together

 

Both:

This night

Is mine

It’s only you and I

Tomorrow

Is such a long time away

This night can last forever

 

Tomorrow

Is such a long time away

This night can last forever

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “An Innocent Man”

josh-hutcherson-the-hunger-games-mockingjay-part-2-peeta-mellark

Note: This post contains spoilers. So if you haven’t read the books up to Mockingjay or seen the movies up to Mockingjay Part 2, then you shouldn’t be viewing it. Even if you’re a die hard Billy Joel fan like my mother.

Peeta-Mellark-Mockingjay-Part-2

You have to feel for Peeta who doesn’t seem to catch a break. In the first book, he’s reaped for the Hunger Games the same year the girl he’s been completely head over heels for volunteers to take her sister’s place. And even though he and Katniss survive as victors, he’s utterly heartbroken when he finds out that Katniss was just playing it for the cameras. Add to that suffering PTSD and terrible nightmares. In the second book, he goes into the arena again with Katniss (voluntarily), only to end up captured by the Capitol, where he’s held prisoner through part of the third. During that time, he’s tortured, hijacked, and forced to be a mouthpiece for the Capitol. And when he’s rescued by District 13, he ends up attacking Katniss, which breaks her heart. Later, Alma Coin puts him on the Star Squad in hopes that he’d kill her. Luckily by this point, Peeta has recovered enough from the hijacking that he becomes aware on how much he has changed. Yet, he begins to view himself as a mutt and loathes what he’s become. Fearing that he might hurt Katniss or anyone else, he’s now asking the Star Squad to kill him because he poses a danger to the group as well as doubts whether he could heal. But he keeps going.

CWp30c5UYAAdgX6

As for a song depicting his state of mind at the time, I decided to go with “An Innocent Man” by Billy Joel from the 1980s album of the same name. In the original version, the narrator is telling the girl to give him a chance since he really likes her and thinks love is worth it. But he understands that she’s been broken before, possibly many times. Perhaps to the point she’s suspicious and skeptical of any guy who shows any interest in her. Yet, he insists that he’d never do anything to hurt her and sees no reason why she should distrust him. However, he also tells her that he’s not going to put up with her crap lying down and will dump her if it becomes too much for him. In the Hunger Games version, I have Peeta being skeptical of his own sanity as well as willing to have Star Squad members kill him if he poses too much of a danger. Yet, he also shows the determination to fight off the hijacking and regain his old self, despite his doubts.

 

“An Innocent Man” (Hunger Games Edition)

Sung by Peeta Mellark

 

Some people stay far away from my door

If there’s a chance that I’d see a mutt

They think I was this on Snow’s designs

And think that my old self has died

 

Sometimes I live with the fear of a mutt

And the anger of having been a tool

Can I ever listen to anyone

When nobody tells me a lie

 

I know you’re only protecting yourselves

I know I’ve acted like somebody else

Someone who’d hurt you

But I’m not above

Being put into cuffs

Though I’m denying I could ever heal

I’m not above doing anything

To restore your faith if I can

Not sure if how I can retain self-control

Before I feel my mind slipping away

Yet, I won’t let my old self die

Because I am an innocent man

Oh yes I am

 

Not even sure I will ever believe

Another promise I hear in the dark

Because I don’t remember too well

What what’s real or what’s not anymore

Not sure my mind is in any way right

Or whether I am better off dead

Guess it’s not always easier to see one

As a monster before

I know you don’t want to hear what I say

I know you’re gonna keep turning away

But I will fight it and if I can survive

You can keep me alive

As long as I don’t go through it again

I’m not above being cool for a while

If you’re cruel to me I’ll understand

 

Some people run from a possible fight

Some people figure they can never win

And although this is a fight I can lose

The accused is an innocent man

Oh yes I am

An innocent man

 

I’m not a guy who’d ever hurt out of spite

I guess I’d rather be a martyr tonight

That’s your decision

But I’m not below

Anybody I know

If there’s a way I can recover my soul

I’m not certain I can go back to the start

To find out where the hijacking began

 

Not sure if there’s any miracle cure

Or should I just accept my fate as it is

But if you want me to lay down and die

Just know I am an innocent man

 

I am an innocent man

Oh yes I am

An innocent man

The Hunger Games: The Musical – “Girl from the Seam”

peeta-katniss-cave

Despite being the most significant character in the Hunger Games after Katniss, I barely did any songs for Peeta to do on his own. Mostly because I haven’t come across any. Sure he may not be the Hunger Games contender Katniss is and he was lucky to survive both times. Yet, he was only a burden for Katniss after he got his leg injured. Because he was fighting Cato off while Katniss was in the middle of a tracker jacker hallucination. Not to mention, Peeta’s confessing his love for Katniss on national television helped her get sponsors as well as eventually allowed them both survive. But for some reason, I find it difficult to do a song parody with him singing. Maybe it’s because of the kind of music I like. Maybe it’s due to the fact that some of the song parodies don’t seem to fit his personality. I don’t know. I guess it’s complicated since it’s easy to dismiss Peeta as a useless weakling despite that he’s not. Or think that confessing his love for Katniss was self-serving and naive when it was neither of the sort. After all, he doesn’t feel he has long to live and probably consulted Haymitch on the matter beforehand anyway. And you really can’t make fun of what he went through at the Capitol in Mockingjay. Well, at least when it pertains to him.

hunger-games-cave

In an attempt to make an appropriate song for Peeta, I’ll try with “Belle Isle” by Bob Dylan. It’s one of those beautiful love songs about a guy falling for some maid in a seaside town. But it’s not one of the artist’s best known. For the Hunger Games version, I have Peeta talking about how he’s been stuck on Katniss since they were little kids. And how he was a goner when all the birds outside stopped when she sang the valley song. He told her this when they were in the cave in the first novel.

 

“Girl from the Seam”

Sung by Peeta Mellark

 

When I was a young boy, no older than 5

On the first day in school

You had on a plaid red dress

And your hair in two braids stead of one

 

My father pointed you out while we were waiting

He said he wanted to marry your mom

And I thought of a goddess to beauty

At this blooming bright star of the Seam

 

I asked why she married a miner

He said it was because how he sings

He had such a voice of an angel

That even the birds stop to hear

 

That day in the musical assembly

The teacher asked about the valley song

Your hand shot high up right in the air

As she then stood you up on a stool

 

Therefore when you sang for the classroom

Every bird outside the windows fell silent

I knew from them that I was a goner

For that beautiful girl from the Seam

 

Young maiden I wish not to banter

It’s true I waited eleven years

To work up the nerve to speak to you

Until Reaping Day to my tears

 

I’ve known you’re a maid I love dearly

And you’ve been in my heart all the while

For me there is no other damsel

Than my blooming bright star of the Seam