Last Tuesday, over 60 million Americans would make one of the biggest mistakes in American history as well as in their lives. For the record, I did the right thing by voting for Hillary Clinton as well as more Americans who voted since she won the popular vote. But that doesn’t matter because President-elect Pussygrabber won the Electoral College due to those critical states having a bunch of racists willing to overlook how morally degenerate he is. Which means I’m totally not looking forward to Thanksgiving and not sure who the hell many people in my area are anymore. Of course, this kind of mistake can’t be easily remedied and we’ll probably have to live with it for 4 years. Yet, this article doesn’t pertain to such errors which can be remedied. And nothing shows this more than the newspaper corrections section. Because newspapers are run by human beings. And sometimes even newspapers can make errors in their reporting. So if readers notice something wrong in the articles, they can call the newspaper who will correct that mistake the next day. These corrections are listed in a special section. If it’s online, they’re listed in the articles themselves. Now corrections are a fact of life in newspapers and they’re usually a blurbs that usually say nothing noteworthy. Yet, reading some of these corrections will make you wonder what the hell did these reporters do wrong since they sound straight out of an SNL sketch. So this is where I come in.
- Dead woman not returning a reporter’s call? How rude!
Yeah, asking a woman for comment in April is kind of stupid if she died last December. Of course, she wouldn’t be able to comment. Dead people tell no tales.
2. Sometimes omitting one letter makes all the difference.
You have to feel for Pastor Dick Bigelow here who was incorrectly identified as Dick Bigblow. You know the kind of name that reminds you of a male porn star.
3. Apparently, there are Marvel fans who can distinguish between Ant Man and the Atom.
Not only do they get the identities wrong, they also alleged that The Atom can talk to ants (which is one of Ant Man’s talents). Yeah, this is kind of embarrassing.
4. To be fair, you can’t always establish a gender with an Asian name.
To be fair, I had to read journal articles in Asian history while I was in college. Even I couldn’t distinguish the author’s gender. So I can totally see where this paper is coming from.
5. Apparently, this publication doesn’t know the difference between the acting profession and the oldest profession.
For God’s sake, it’s circus acts, not sex acts. Man, I guess the actress they quoted must be very pissed off by now.
6. When it comes to herpetology, comedians seem to know more than the newspapers.
It’s even funnier that John Cleese had to point that out that pythons aren’t poisonous snakes. Yes, this is a silly mistake.
7. So it’s 5 beers, not 5 years.
For some reason, 5 beers to get on the dance floor seems to make more sense. And the reasons seem obvious.
8. Before you put someone on a female author list, make sure they’re actually a woman.
Then again, most people think Evelyn is a girl’s name anyway. But Evelyn Waugh was a dude despite the girly name.
9. Unfortunately, this publication didn’t think the Pope was Catholic.
Yes, it should’ve been “non-Italian,” instead of “non-Catholic.” Because the Pope is head of the Catholic Church, duh.
10. In Britain, it’s important to distinguish between “team” and “tea.”
Because one can lead to worse connotations than the other. Of course, someone won’t be happy about this.
11. Sorry, but this guy’s interpretation of Revelation was quite different.
Interestingly, many people do believe that Obama was the Anti-Christ. And a lot of them voted for Trump who seems like a more suitable candidate in my opinion.
12. So there weren’t 30,000 pigs floating down the river?
This correction states that 30 pigs floated down a river which is a lot. But not like 30,000 that could bring down Pigaggeddon.
13. Uh, this author wants to tell everyone that she’s not married to her dog.
She goes on to say that her dog is married to someone else like another dog. Sure it’s not bestiality but it’s nonetheless strange.
14. I don’t know about you but this mistake should’ve been corrected much earlier.
I’m sure that everyone knew that this kid was a boy by this point. Seriously, there’s even a picture of him.
15. Sorry about this publication getting its goat war sources wrong.
What makes me scratch my head more when reading this isn’t the corrections. It’s why this newspaper had a goat war article in the first place. Because that seems more or less inspired by an acid trip to me.
16. We’d like to apologize for a hyphen in our print edition.
It later goes on to talk about an Italian villa that has 17 stone dwarf statues. And they’re not sure how much they weigh.
17. Apparently, Nintendo fans weren’t having it with Mario and Luigi being listed as janitors.
Nowadays, naming Mario and Luigi as janitors instead of plumbers would be unthinkable. But this article is from the 1980s.
18. Our apologies to an artist’s girlfriend whom we labeled as a whore.
Calling someone a whore isn’t a big deal in everyday conversation. Well, at least not as a big deal as a newspaper calling this. Man, this paper really doesn’t want to get sued.
19. You know that abortion we reported earlier? Well, that never happened.
As a Catholic, I don’t find the topic of abortion amusing at all. In fact, quite the opposite. Yet, in this case, it’s kind of funny how a story like this probably caused a tidal waver of scandal for nothing.
20. Okay, we kind of screwed things up on a bunch of articles so let’s give a brief summary.
At least the Daily Mail has the courtesy to apologize for stuff they make up. Unlike Fox News who tend to get the facts wrong all the time.
21. When a newspaper has several paragraphs on an article they screwed up on, you know it’s bad.
I guess with having to correct an entire story like this, the reporter who wrote the original story is probably out of a job. Man, wonder how much credibility this paper has lost.
22. Unfortunately, biblical literacy isn’t a big deal in British newspapers.
However, mistaking that it was Moses who built Noah’s Ark is pretty unacceptable. Mostly because everyone knows that story about Noah’s Ark while Moses doesn’t appear until Exodus.
23. Remember that carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide are two different gases with one being a deadly poison.
Yes, I’m sure carbon monoxide doesn’t cure hiccups. Because I know it kills people.
24. Dear readers, please don’t make toast like Jamie Oliver does.
Besides, if you want to make toast with cheese on it, I’d recommend a toaster oven. Because this method described is very dangerous.
25. If a publication should do an article about Star Wars, make sure they watched the movies.
Love how they end that correction. But still, most people know that Luke didn’t meat Obi Wan Kenobi at the Cantina. It was when Luke and the droids were besieged by Tuscan Raiders.
26. We now believe the guy in the band was Fred Durst, not Robert Durst as previously thought.
I can totally see where this paper is coming from. And yes, the Associated Press can make mistakes, too.
27. Our apologies to a woman we once reported was fined for prostitution.
Actually her real crime was failure to stop at a railroad crossing, not prostitution. Guess this woman wasn’t happy about that.
28. Okay, this paper really screwed up on covering the 2016 presidential race.
You have to wonder who this paper sent to cover the race. And yes, saying that Marco Rubio is a Florida congressman instead of a Senator is the most noticeable here.
29. Our apologies to Mrs. Letterman as reports of her passing were greatly exaggerated.
I think if David Letterman said his mother was dead, we would’ve known by now. But this paper got this wrong.
30. We admit that Central Asian geography isn’t our strong suit.
I’m sure plenty of people thought that Kyrzbekistan was a real country, too. Thanks for the clearing that out.
31. Sometimes punctuation can change the meaning.
Yeah, “Love Trump’s Hate” sounds different from “love trumps hate.” The apostrophe is unnecessary.
32. Dear readers, all I know about Canada revolves around its hockey teams so don’t blame me for screwing up.
I think this reporter didn’t really do much research on his or her article. So I think blaming the Edmonton Oilers and the NHL is far fetched.
33. Well, our original reading was correct if you used a different scale.
Yeah, Fahrenheit and Celsius have different temperature scales. Still, I usually opt for the former.
34. Sorry, David Brooks, but Moses didn’t part the Dead Sea. It was the Red Sea.
And yet, another biblical mistake. But this one comes from the New York Times.
35. Turns out that was a Winchester 1873 gun not a Winchester 1773.
Like the note of the decrepit cowboy. Still, a 1773 gun wouldn’t make much sense since you can’t fire it once without reloading.
36. We regret to identify the woman in this photo as a porn star.
I guess US magazine would’ve been subject to a lawsuit if it didn’t. Still, that’s pretty bad.
37. Dear Readers, we have of jumble answers all jumbled up.
Let’s hope the Arizona Republic gets their puzzle section straightened out. Yeah, it all seems jumbled here.
38. We apologize for that report about cows falling from planes which is just plain urban legend.
Still, while we can be relieved there aren’t any cows falling from the sky, it’s kind of disappointing. Seriously, you sometimes wish stories like this could be true just not in your own back yard.
39. The people at Business Insurance would like to apologize for flunking in geography.
It’s even worse they thought these cities were in places that just seem so wrong. Seriously, why the hell would anyone think that Cardiff is in Vietnam?
40. We’re afraid those were khaki pants, not tacky pants.
Kind of sad the guy didn’t wear tacky pants. Would’ve made him a more interesting guy in my opinion.
41. We regret that all these things about Jimmy Holmes from the Miami Dolphins weren’t actually true.
Still, the fake story by the Miami Herald makes him seem like a far more interesting guy. Not sure if it helps or hurts him.
42. I’m afraid there’s no such job who squeezes toothpaste for the Prince of Wales.
Well, at least Prince Charles can squeeze his own toothpaste tube when he brushes his teeth. But it’s still pretty funny.
43. Seems like the Trenton Times can’t tell the difference between a lab and a men’s bathroom.
Now how can anyone make a mistake like this is hard to explain. Seriously, a laboratory and a lavatory may sound similar but they’re completely different things.
44. Relax, Americans, rapper Public Enemy wasn’t mocking 9/11 but 911.
Guess the original article led to considerable public outcry. Because saying 9/11 as a joke could do that.
45. Apparently, sports reporters don’t seem to know much about Middle Earth and the Lord of the Rings.
What makes me scratch my head is how many Tolkein fans care about baseball to notice. Yes, guaranteed to piss off a nerd.
46. We apologize to any aliens for linking them to Scientology.
Well, aliens could be living among us. And many of them could be offended by being linked to Scientology. You never know.
47. We regret that we mistook a public official for an interior designer.
Man, you have to feel for this guy. I’m afraid being a public official in the State Department doesn’t have decorating rooms in its job description.
48. We’re sorry that our newspaper was misspelled on the front page.
So how the hell does this even happen? Seriously, it appears on the headlines every damn day!
49. Apparently, political correctness has been known to confuse some people.
Even worse is that Massachusetts is misspelled here. But yeah, “back in the black” is a figure of speech and doesn’t refer to African Americans.
50. As we see here, sometimes a typo can make a world of difference.
Yet, the typo described in this one is very unfortunate that it’s almost Anti-Semitic. However, this term wouldn’t be erroneous on Breitbart.
51. Some newspaper errors can be easier to explain than others.
You have to scratch your head and wonder how the hell did anyone think Buffy the Vampire Slayer headed a European Commission. It defies all possible imagination.
52. When it comes to translations, make sure the reporter knows the language.
Clearly, someone really messed up on their Spanish here. Because that translation was totally wrong.
53. So that bit about the drag queen appearing at a church with a dildo didn’t happen right?
That’s pretty embarrassing. Also, funny how the drag queen performer in question doesn’t even use a dildo.
54. When writing out recipes, be sure to be specific on the ingredients.
Those think the salsa seemed a bit grainy lately now have an explanation. Yeah, cement shouldn’t be used in any recipe.
55. Sometimes the wording can give a complete different meaning than intended.
Well, they could’ve said all that in the original statement. Because it seems like he did something for women other than shopping.
56. Apparently, the second hand stores and charities weren’t pleased.
Well, what do you expect when an article includes “old urine smell?” People are going to be mad about that.
57. We inform you that the Daily Planet supplement was an advertisement for the new Superman movie.
So this newspaper convinced people that there were actual Superman sightings. Makes me wonder how some people could believe stuff like that.
58. No, Ellen DeGeneres didn’t take a photo with that Bradley.
I wonder how someone could make a mistake like this since everyone should know who Bradley Cooper is by 2014. Not so much in the Guardian.
59. You know the guy who won the lottery? Well, he didn’t and he’s not that guy.
You have to wonder how newspapers could contain stories that are so wildly inaccurate. It’s pretty amazing if you think about it.
60. Sorry, but his band mate was on drums, not drugs. We regret the error.
Wonder what kind of reputation this guy got who was said to be on drugs. That must be embarrassing.
61. So how does the correct My Little Pony identification have anything to do with relationships on the autism spectrum?
Apparently, a My Little Pony fan got upset enough to complain about it. Why? I have no idea.
62. It’s important for police to know the difference between babies and jumbo size Mexican food.
You have to wonder how someone could be this dumb to report a baby in a trash can that was really a burrito. It’s just seems really crazy to me.
63. We should inform you that Grandma’s Toy Box is a toy store not a male escort service.
Love how they said, “Sorry for any disappointment.” Never underestimate how typos can really screw things up.
64. Those who misidentify Star Trek aliens would live to regret it.
Now misidentifying a Romulan as a Vulcan makes sense since they look very similar. But a Romulan as a Klingon, what the hell?
65. We’re sorry that we mistook a homicide for stolen groceries.
How a newspaper can screw up so bad like this, I have no idea. Mistaking a homicide for stolen groceries seems more believable since the former is more serious.
66. Sorry about using a pigsty as a photo for a black neighborhood.
Guess Nova Scotia’s black residents won’t be happy about this. And you thought racism was an American thing.
67. We’re afraid the NYPD steroid investigations were greatly exaggerated.
Who knew that steroid problems were just confined to sports. So 9 NYPD officers are under suspicion for this,
68. Seems like they forgot to add a few more zeroes when it came to the oil barrels.
Yeah, less than 250,000 barrels a day seems more like it than less than 250 a day. No wonder Libya is so messed up.
69. Apparently, our reporters don’t understand basic astronomy.
I mean everyone should know that the Earth revolves around the sun and the moon revolves around the Earth. That should be common knowledge to everyone.
70. Unfortunately, we weren’t very specific with our surveys that we resulted in some Islamophobia.
So this publication basically said that 1 in 5 British Muslims sympathizing with ISIS in a previous article. Now that’s very offensive on multiple levels. Talk about perpetuating hate.
71. Seems like the LA Times thinks Green Bay, Wisconsin is a seaside town.
It’s “De Pere” not “the pier.” Then again, French is a confusing language.
72. Sometimes people can confuse between Shaquille O’Neal and Aristotle.
Why such mistakes are made, I have no idea. But let’s just say, Aristotle would have no idea about basketball since he’s from Ancient Greece.
73. No, Rowan Atkinson was not the Archbishop of Canterbury at the time. That’s a different Rowan.
To be fair, Rowan Atkinson was Archbishop of Canterbury on an episode of Blackadder. Or rather his character Prince Edmund was.
74. Sorry for making an Australian soldier sound like a psycho.
Once again, punctuation matters here. Yet, not sure why they had to go on with long explanation.
75. We regret to inform that one of those Tiger Beat covers was actually from The Onion.
Again, I’m not sure how this mistake is ever possible. Tiger Beat is a teen magazine while the Onion is a parody news magazine.
76. We regret to inform how we made one of our authors look like a middle aged perv with masculinity issues.
It’s even worse when you realize that the author they’re describing is Asian. And that his book is his sexual struggles as an Asian man which wasn’t helped at all by pervasive stereotypes in the US.
77. Our apologies to Dr. Robert Goddard on his scientific claims we thought were off the wall.
Goddard is well known for his pioneering in rocketry and his findings about rockets existing in a vacuum is correct. And he wasn’t the first guy to come up with it either.
78. The Washington Post would like to apologize calling a Gitmo captain fat.
As if his figure has anything to do with the article about Gitmo detainees. Seriously, why?
79. We’re afraid that we’ve gotten our Hemingway plots mixed up.
A Farewell to Arms and For Whom the Bell Tolls are both very different stories. One takes place in WWI while the other during the Spanish American War.
80. We’re sorry for all the errors we made in that Gore Vidal obituary.
I’m not familiar with who Gore Vidal was but these people seem to get a lot wrong about him. To be honest, I don’t blame the writers for screwing up here.