As you should know by now, 2016 is a presidential election year in which American voters will soon choose a new president since the perfectly good one we have already is about to serve out his two terms. This year our two nominees consist of a perfectly normal politician and former First Lady who a lot of people don’t seem to like for not very good reasons at times and a racist lunatic con artist whom you shouldn’t trust with running your small business, let alone the country. Seriously, there is no logical reason whatsoever to vote for Donald Trump. I mean this guy is possibly a psychopath who cares about nobody but himself and he’s a horrible businessman. Anyway, as with many election years you’re bound to find a lot of crap being sold way overpriced. You may have the conventional pins, ribbons, T-shirts, signs, and posters. But you also have other crap that might make you scratch your head. And that’s what I will show you. By the most of these will be from more recent elections.
- Celebrate Donald Trump’s candidacy with this Trump rally pack for 6.
On second thought, don’t. Because that’s celebrating the worst possible decision you’ll make in your life. Seriously, Trump supporters, please don’t vote for this guy.
2. Refresh your thirst with this Marco Rubio water bottle.
Well, that’s a way to own up to an embarrassing moment on TV. Yeah, Rubio wasn’t looking presidential when commenting on Obama’s State of the Union.
3. This Bobby Kennedy mug looks quite trippy.
Senator Robert F. Kennedy ran for president in 1968 and could’ve been the Democratic nominee. But somebody had to shoot him after he won California.
4. Don’t let relatives tread on you with this Ted Cruz ugly Christmas sweater.
And yes, it looks about as ugly as you’d expect. Then again, it might make relatives punch you in the chest where Cruz’s face is.
5. There will be hell toupee with this crocheted Donald Trump beanie.
Yeah, it’s ugly just like Donald Trump’s rug on his head. Don’t know if these women are Trump supporters but I highly doubt it.
6. Show your support for Carly Fiorina with this jeweled pin.
Paid for by the dollars of all the workers Fiorina fired from Hewlett Packard before it went to shit. Yes, she was that bad.
7. Nothing makes you go for Trump than this butt plug.
Let’s just say having Trump up in my ass is the last place I’d want him to be. Actually, that might be tied with in my life, in my area, or in the White House. Seriously, I really wish this guy would go away.
8. Make yourself smell nice with Gold Water or Johnson Juice.
Yes, they actually had these during the 1964 presidential campaign. I don’t know why they thought it was a good idea. Or why they decided to put the stuff in cans.
9. For your Jeb Bush rally, these paper plates will always come in handy.
I bet these are overpriced since they have Jeb’s face on them. Too bad the White House was only a dream for him in 2016.
10. Show your love of Rand Paul and his hatred for drones with this “Don’t Drone Me, Bro!” T-shirt.
Yes, tell them how much you hate drones but love Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. You know the guy who’s backing the libertarian principles of his dad that have no use in reality.
11. Show your support for Hillary Clinton with these pink boy short underwear.
Or at least show these underwear to let people know that you’re not an idiot when it comes to politics. And that you don’t want your president to set a terrible example to your kids.
12. Let your friends remember how many times Mitt Romney changes positions with this pair of flip flops.
Still, these sandals might make you feel nostalgic for 2012. At least I’d be able to vote for Obama for reelection. Still, at least Romney didn’t change his position on Trump whom he will not vote for this year.
13. With these boxers, you can be brief about your support for Marco Rubio.
Marco Rubio boxers? Seriously, this guy must’ve aching for campaign contributions. Still, when it comes to underwear, this is probably overpriced.
14. Be able to stop traffic near New Jersey bridges with this Chris Christie crossing guard.
This is brilliant. I mean we all remember this guy from Bridgegate right? You know when he stopped all those cars in traffic to get back at politicians who wouldn’t support him?
15. If you’re a Christian conservative, then you’ll love this Mike Huckabee dart board.
Or if you really hate him that throwing darts at his face helps you let out your aggression. Works either way. Glad he’s gone. Hope he didn’t forget to slam the door on his way out.
16. Feel the excitement for South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham with these boy shorts.
Hope this kind of underwear doesn’t give away Graham’s sexual preference. Still, I can’t believe these exist.
17. Fans of Rick Santorum might want to join his bandwagon with this Santorum sweater vest.
After all, Santorum is most famous for wearing them on the campaign trail. Still, remember that he’s incredibly loathed in Pennsylvania that people devoted a lot of energy to replace him with Bob Casey. And Casey won by a landslide since he’s way less prone to embarrassing his own state every time he opens his mouth.
18. Make yourself seem like a hero with this Marco Rubio hero T-shirt.
Yes, I’m sure it’ll make anyone look heroic until You have to debate with a fat guy from Jersey in New Hampshire. Yeah, Christie definitely caused a lot of damage to Rubio’s campaign.
19. This autographed constitution shows how much Rand Paul holds it close to his heart.
And it could be yours for $1,000 so you can use it to justify your free market fantasy. Too bad Rand ended up suspending his campaign in the end.
20. Send your Trump supporter friends this card for Saint Patrick’s Day.
Okay, that seems a bit mean. However, we must accept the fact that friends don’t let friends vote for Donald Trump.
21. Hold in hope for Trump with this prayer candle.
Or just look at the outside to understand Trump’s inflated sense of himself. Seriously, why would anyone light a candle for this monster?
22. This T-shirt shows how Hillary sucks but not like Monica.
Okay, that’s really sexist and very inappropriate. Still, at least Hillary doesn’t suck like Trump who’s way more crooked than her.
23. See the revolution with this Rand Paul eye chart.
Because Rand Paul is an ophthalmologist, they have this. Too bad he didn’t defeat the Washington machine.
24. Host your own fiesta with this Jeb Bush guacamole bowl.
Probably the most expensive dip bowl you’ll ever buy. I guess this was used to cater to the Hispanic vote.
25. If you love Dr. Ben Carson, then you’ll love these scrubs.
Still, just because this guy could separate co-joined twins doesn’t mean he’d be great at running the country. Also, remember he’s now supporting Donald Trump and can be quite weird.
26. Keep your lips from chapping with I Kiss Barack Obama chapstick.
Well, even if you put it on a pig, it’s still a pig. Also, you’ll lose it before your done with it. So why pay more for chapstick?
27. Take out your anger with these Obama and McCain inflatable punching bags.
Guess this was a great way to take out one’s anger issues in 2008. Still, they both seem to look badass on these.
28. Support William McKinley, get this soap baby.
Yes, they had campaign swag back in 1896. Don’t understand why McKinley supporters would sell this because it looks really creepy.
29. Silver bugs go to William Jennings Bryan while gold bugs go to William McKinley.
This had something to do with the Republicans supporting the Gold Standard and the Democrats supporting the silver currency model. The gold bugs won out.
30. Those who like Ike should get this Dwight D. Eisenhower pot holder.
Yes, it’s a potholder with Eisenhower’s face on it. Yes, I know it’s freaky. But it’s from the 1950s.
31. Feel the Bern with these Bernie Sanders underwear.
Because there’s nothing sexier than having a picture of an old Socialist Jew on your ass. Still, I like Bernie, but this is ridiculous.
32. If you support John Kaisich, you might want this cup.
Or as I call Kaisich, “the last possible sane guy to quit in the 2016 GOP primary.” Then again, he kind of sucked.
33. Be in the true American spirit with this Ted Cruz coloring book.
Apparently, the GOP voters didn’t “c” Cruz for president. Yet, Cruz would later decline to support Trump at the GOP convention. What an asshole.
34. Stand with Rand in these flip flops.
Because you have to bring libertarianism into the public shower. Yet, Rand didn’t last too long in the primaries though.
35. If you support Trump then this glass brick shows how you’d want his wall one brick at a time.
Even though Trump’s wall isn’t going to keep people from coming into the country and will be a massive waste of money. I mean can’t we just let the undocumented immigrants already here become citizens? It’s the least we can do.
36. Let people know who Donald Trump really is with this “Make Donald Drumpf Again” hat.
Because it’s a play on “Make America Great Again,” which John Oliver parodied on his show. And yes, these hats sold like wildfire.
37. These Trump condoms are said to be “Yuuuuge!”
Yeah, Trump thinks he’s huge all right even though his tacky style seems to suggest he’s compensating for something. Still, these are funny.
38. Your cat will enjoy hours of fun with this Donald Trump cat scratcher.
Because you probably had fantasies of setting your cat on him but know it’s illegal to do so. So this is the next best thing.
39. Keep your feet snug and warm again in these Donald Trump hair slippers.
Made by Gucci which costs $1,800 which I think is way overpriced. Seems like somebody there doesn’t like Donald Trump. But overpricing these is kind of fitting when it’s inspired by New York’s most expensive piece of garbage.
40. Feel the Bern this Christmas season with this Bernie Sanders ugly sweater.
Sure he’s a Democratic Socialist Jew from Vermont. But at least he always speaks his mind for the little guy.
41. This T-Shirt shows how much Jeb Bush admires his dad.
But when it came to his older brother George W., Jeb declined to comment. But while Dubya’s presidency was a disaster, even he knows not to vote for Donald Trump.
42. If you want Richard Nixon now, wear this hat.
Yet, you might want to reconsider since Nixon’s guys gave you Watergate. Then again, I’m just speaking from hindsight here.
43. If you want a tough guy from New Jersey, this Chris Christie thong is just the ticket.
It’s one of the few types of underwear that could stop miles of traffic. Just ask Chris Christie.
44. So will it be Trump flakes or Clinton Crunch?
Just go with the Clinton Crunch, please. The Trump Flakes contain too many nuts.
45. If you like Dogald Trump, carry this tote to show how he wants to deport all cats.
Then again, Dogald Trump seems a better choice for president than his human counterpart. The worst thing he does is piss on the carpet everywhere.
46. Bring in the campaign spirit this year with this Donald Trump pinata.
I heard it’s used by Mexicans as an anger management tool. So if you feel like beating Trump apart with a stick, this one’s for you.
47. Clean up after your pet with these Dump for Trump poop bags.
Sure cleaning after your dog during the day is a pain. But with these at least you can give Trump the kind of shit he deserves.
48. Remember, kids, Bert + Ernie = Bernie. It’s simple.
So I guess they’re really feeling the Bern on Sesame Street. Guess it’s understandable.
49. Now you can get a signed copy of Scott Walker’s Unintimidated.
Because this guy isn’t intimidated by Wisconsin public workers going on strike after he threatened to take away their collective bargaining rights. Seriously, this guy is a piece of shit. But at least he didn’t stay long in the GOP primary.
50. There’s a chance this Hillary’s hard drive might contain the e-mails everyone’s talking about.
Of course, despite the news media’s endless coverage, nobody cares about Hillary’s damn e-mails. Besides, Trump is way more crooked than her by a long shot.
51. Don’t worry, blacks, Nixon shows he likes you, too. Just think how many of them are in the Nixon Administration.
Not sure if I see any high ranking cabinet members here. But on the bright side, aside from Nixon, I don’t recognize anyone from Watergate.
52. For those who are undecided, this T-shirt is for you.
I guess this is the kind of T-shirt that reflects what a lot of people are thinking. Like a lot of Republicans who declined to attend the GOP Convention.
53. This T-Shirt is a lot like Mitt Romney, 100% Reversible.
To be fair, he did help pass a comprehensive healthcare bill in Massachusetts which inspired Obamacare. But that was before he was against it.
54. Feel the Bern in your coffee.
For some reason, this is just the thing to put on a mug. Don’t mind if he calls himself a Socialist.
55. Show your support for Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too with this log cabin.
Note that William Henry Harrison used this for his election campaign to make himself the man of the people in 1840. This despite that he was actually born on his dad’s Virginia Plantation and that his dad signed the Declaration of Independence. Also, Harrison drops dead 30 days after his inauguration.
56. It’s not a party unless you have a Bill and Hillary corkscrew and nutcracker.
These days, referring Hillary as a “nutcracker” might be seen as a compliment. This especially when you have her running against Donald Trump. As for Bill, you know why he’s got a corkscrew.
57. Show your support for Hillary with this pantsuit T-shirt.
Yes, we know that it’s Hillary’s signature outfit. Probably not one you should wear for work.
58. This T-shirt shows that Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Killer.
Just remember this is a joke during the GOP Primary. I don’t think Cruz was the Zodiac Killer because he would’ve been a kid at the time, if he was ever around.
59. If you can’t send your dad a Father’s Day e-mail, send him this.
Once again, they make fun of the e-mails. Look, Hillary may have made mistakes but there are bigger things to talk about than her e-mails like Trump not paying his workers.
60. This paper ornament shows the Elizabeth Warren and Bernie dream team.
Yes, I know it shows them in a disco. But they’ll always be a dream because Bernie lost the Dem primary and Warren had no desire to be veep.
61. Show you feel the Bern with these Bernie Sanders earrings.
Because there’s nothing more stylish than wearing earrings with an old man’s face on them. Yeah, that’s ridiculous.
62. This Che Guevara portrait of Bernie is especially iconic.
Then again, you might not want to compare Bernie to Che Guevara. Because Che wasn’t a very nice guy. Seriously, he wasn’t.
63. Cover your cat’s butt hole with this Donald Trump cover.
From Refinery29: “Does the sight of your cat’s booty bother you? Stare at Donald Trump’s face, instead!” On second thought, I’d rather stare at the cat’s butt hole.
64. What’s not to love about this Bernie Sanders mouse pad?
I mean Bernie holding a kitty in the galaxy? Who can resist that?
65. Have a Biden Christmas with this ornament.
Then be very disappointed when you find out he’s not even running for president. Then again, I’m kind of glad he’s not.
66. Have your baby feel the Bern with this onesie.
From Refinery29: “Dress your baby in this awesome onesie and tell bedtime stories about economic and social injustice.”
67. Show that Rubio is your bae with this T-Shirt.
From Refinery29: “Show you’re a fangirl of Florida’s baby-faced senator with this punny shirt.” Then again, I think the word “bae” is lame and that Rubio ran a shitty campaign.
68. Make your legs great again with these Donald Trump leggings.
Actually, you might want to go with your regular legs. Having Donald Trump’s face like that looks disgusting.
69. Trump supporters in the LGBTQ community can get their campaign T-Shirt.
I’m not sure how many LGBTQ would want this, especially since Mike Pence is his running mate. But maybe there are LGBTQ people out there who can be just as clueless about politics as their straight counterparts.
70. Women, don’t you wish you can shed your menstrual blood on Trump? Now you can with this sanitary napkin.
Even better is that this is washable. I’d especially recommend this for any women Trump has greatly insulted over the years.
71. With this Trump cutting board, you can make cheese grate again.
That’s pretty clever. Yet, I doubt that Trump would ever make America great in any capacity. In fact, his presidency would be a national nightmare.
72. Those who like Marco might want to wear this polo.
Remember, “Marco” “Polo,” get it? Still, he’s now running for reelection for his Senate seat.
73. Pay $500 so you can help Marco Rubio buy a plane ticket.
Even funnier is that you have a picture of Southwest Airlines. It’s the airline that has a no-frills service and cheap tickets. Guess Rubio must be desperate for campaign money.
74. As John McCain’s runningmate, Sarah Palin is a MILF on the ticket.
Well, this is from 2008 when Palin caused a sensation as the VP candidate. But a scary woman to have on the ticket who didn’t have a lot of experience? You betcha.
75. Now you can grow your own Obama Chia head.
There was some scrutiny on this one for some reason. But this is pretty funny in a disturbing way.
76. Now your dog can look to make America great again with this Donald Trump wig.
This dog understandably doesn’t look happy. Well, if someone put a Trump wig on me without my consent, I would, too.
77. Clinton supporters in Wisconsin may want to get this cheese hat.
Note that we’re talking about Bill here and not Hillary. Since this is from 1996.
78. Keep yourself clean this campaign season with these presidential soaps.
Consists of Trump, Cruz, Bernie, and Hillary. Guess they were the only ones running in the primaries at the time.
79. Cuddle up with these 2008 presidential Cabbage Patch Kids.
Well, these are interesting. Wonder who came up with that concept. Guess the Palin one has the most outfits out of the bunch.
80. This presidential campaign season, help yourself to some candidate embroidered toilet paper.
Includes Hillary, Bernie, and Trump. I’m sure the Trump one sold the most for obvious reasons.
81. Stand with Rand with these Rand Paul car mats.
Well, you can’t really stand on these when you’re in the car. But it’s the thought that counts.
82. If you like Rand’s dad, enjoy endless hours with these Ron Paul action figures.
Ron Paul ran for president in 2008 and 2012. He’s like the GOP’s Bernie except that he wants to end the Fed and other unrealistic stuff. And that nobody listened to him.
83. Snuggle up this campaign season with this Bernie Sanders teddy bear.
From the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. Yes, Socialism has never looked any cuter. Nor has Bernie.
84. With this Sarah Palin doll, you can have fun for hours.
Sure she’s dressed up in a skimpy outfit. But she was a gimmick runningmate from the get go. And once said she could see Russia from her house.
85. This poster shows that Ted Cruz is blacklisted and loving it.
Of course, he’s blacklisted because he once called for a government shutdown when he couldn’t get his way on the budget. This was a terrible and selfish idea. But that’s Ted Cruz for you.
86. Let your friends choose their campaign swag with this Bernie Sanders gift card.
Warning: Doesn’t work for purchasing Hillary gear or stuff from big corporations. So you’ll only be stuck using it to buy crap on Etsy.
87. Keep your computer protected with this Rand Paul Spy Cam blocker.
Not sure if it actually works against the NSA or at all to tell you the truth. But sometimes it’s the thought that counts.
88. Say it in a big way with this Rand Paul greeting card.
Man, Rand Paul seems to have a lot of strange campaign stuff here. Guess that card shows how much he hates big government. Figures.
89. Take a nip with this Jeb Bush hip flask.
Because chances are you’d probably use it a lot in the 2016 GOP primary race. Because Jeb didn’t do well in that race.
90. This Ted Cruz poster should inspire courageous conservatism.
But to me it shows a man with great delusions of grandeur who likes to throw in a hissy fit whenever he doesn’t get his way. However, couldn’t really blame him for dissing Trump at the RNC.
91. Show your support Rick Perry with this mugshot T-Shirt.
This shirt was made when he was under indictment for abusing his gubernatorial office. The person on the back is a DA who was prosecuting him.
92. Have lots of fun with this blow up Donald Trump sex doll.
Guess this was made to suit the sexual fantasies of gold diggers and masochists everywhere. Notice that he has no balls.
93. Seems like I knew that Ted Cruz was always a vampire, especially in this portrait.
And I thought the vampire from Nosferatu was ugly. You might want to punch this vampire in the face.
94. Make coloring great again with this Trump coloring book.
And that, my friends, is how Donald Trump sees himself. Yet, I think his personality tends to resemble Lex Luthor but way dumber with more hair.
95. Smell rich with Trump’s success perfume.
Well, it’s the kind of scent where you spend a lot thinking you’ll smell like success. But you’ll actually smell like shit.
96. Wear this T-Shirt to show that you’re wild for Ted Cruz.
Seems the kind of Ted Cruz shirt that Ted Cruz would make on Etsy. To get campaign money.
97. Show your support for Thomas Dewey and Earl Warren with these granny panties.
Yes, these do exist but they weren’t as popular as the Truman/Barkley ones. By the way, Earl Warren would go on to become one awesome Chief Supreme Court Justice who had his court unanimously rule against school segregation.
98. If it’s your birthday, then you better show Trump your birth certificate.
This especially goes if you’re Latino because he’ll suspect that you’re not legal. Yeah, you can see why Hispanics don’t like the guy.
99. Calm down on your own Ted Cruz “Breathe” yoga mat.
Didn’t know that Ted Cruz’s campaign even sold yoga mats. Because Cruz doesn’t strike me as a yoga kind of guy.
100. Make American Great Again by buying your own broken Trump watch.
Because if Trump didn’t inherit $200 million from his daddy, he’d be selling these. You got that right. He’s a trust fund baby con artist.