Legal Disclaimer: The following is post that’s meant for entertainment purposes. It does not endorse or condone the production or sale of knockoff and bootleg toys or other merchandise. Bootleg products are inferior in quality and are unsafe for anybody to handle in any way. Bootleg toys are a danger to children since they tend to be made from easily breakable plastic, contain loose magnets or springs, or use potentially dangerous lead paint. Besides, kids don’t like them. Also, counterfeit merchandise of any kind is illegal for they cut into legitimate company profits, cause licensing costs to rise, and potentially undermine a brand’s value. Do not buy them for kids under any circumstances. Nor buy any bootleg merchandise whatsoever. Buy real merchandise of quality and don’t waste your money. Thank you.
To the manufacturer, bootlegs, knock offs, and counterfeits are the bane of one’s existence. To consumers, they are cheap rip offs of questionable quality. But like them or hate them, such products have been around for decades. In the days before merchandising, you might find unlicensed toys and other items at your local grocery store or 5 and dime. Local companies would manufacture these items in small enough numbers that they’d slip past by most lawyers’ notice. However, during the 1950s, Superman’s success on TV led DC Comics to clamp down hard on unlicensed products featuring their characters. Fortunately for the makers, they’d let anyone put Superman on any stupid thing for a couple of bucks. Nevertheless, like their designer counterparts, bootleg and knock off merchandise has a limited production run. And there are plenty of collectors who love knockoff toys that a lot of bootleg toys have become worth more than the real thing due to their rarity. Generally, knock offs tend to rip off something for a cheaper price that’s similar enough for you to buy it but different enough so the manufacturers won’t get carded or sued. And many of these products are of varying quality that you’ve probably seen in grocery stores, dollar stores, street vendors, or in some foreign country. Some bootleg toys are almost a replica of the real thing. Others just make you scratch your head on their existence. At any rate, in this post, I intend to show you some of the most bizarre bootleg and knock off toys to ever hit the shelves mostly less inspired and more god awful. So for your reading pleasure, I give you the greatest toys from the hell of unlicensed products. Or heaven according to your point of view since a lot of them tend to be unintentionally hilarious.
- If you like Superman and the Flash, look no further.
I call him Super Flash. Because he looks like Superman and is dressed in a Superman outfit. But has Flash colors.
2. From Star Wars Episode 1, I give you a one of the kind Mace Window action figure.
And he has a yellow lightsaber when his is supposed to be purple. Also, looks a lot like Mace Windu of the Jedi Council.
3. If can’t get a Terminator action figure, this Terminate and Destroy one is the next best thing.
From the Fwoosh: “Ah, very clever. Instead of using Ahnold’s face on the package, they used Jean-Claude Van Damme, and instead of using Jean-Claude”s face on the figure, they used your dad’s! Lawsuit dismissed!”
4. For Batman fans, you’ll certainly want this action figure.
Oh, wait that’s Superman. And he comes with automatic weapon accessories. If we learned from Man of Steel, we know that Superman’s very capable of killing his own kind with his bare hands.
5. Can’t afford a Ninja Turtle for your nephew’s birthday? Perhaps this Mouse Master and Turtles figure will do just fine.
And it’s a bird of prey with a cane. Then again, as a Ninja Turtles villain, this is good enough. After all, they can eat turtles.
6. I know a very popular action figure is of your friendly, neighborhood Spiderman.
Doesn’t help that by line on the packaging says, “Come on enjoy the pleasure together!” What? Also comes with automatic weapon accessories. Not sure which is more disturbing.
7. Want a Furby but can’t afford one? Well, that’s where Mog Gwai comes in.
Guess “Mog Gwai” means in another language “Furbies that are legitimately creepy.” Seems like these will not make your day.
8. Fans of Pokemon might appreciate this plush Pokymon Pikachu.
Guess this is a Jamaican Pikachu. Has the power of electric shock as well as smokes ganja and listens to reggae music.
9. There is no girl from the 1990s who’d not want a Lisa Frank backpack.
However, this isn’t the kind of backpack you’d want to buy for a little girl. Unless her name happens to be “Anus” which is unlikely, hopefully.
10. Like Power Rangers? Well, check out these action figures.
I’m sorry but the Power Rangers don’t look like that. These are Batman figures in yellow and green. Seriously, why?
11. This Batman action figure comes with his own horse.
Uh, does Batman even have a horse? Not in the bat cave. And no, he’s not known as “Silver Bat.”
12. The future of law enforcement is Robert Cop 2.
Robert Cop 2? You mean Robo Cop. Yeah, I know you get silly names like these.
13. Ninja Turtles fans you can your very on Ninja Turtles gun.
Do the Ninja Turtles even use guns? They seem to be more into martial arts and daggers to me.
14. Can’t find a Spider Man action figure? How about a Spader Man action figure instead?
Spader Man, he’s that web slinging superhero who also can fix your pet. And might look like James Spader.
15. This Change Robot is just as good as a Transformer.
Well, he changes into a cassette tape anyway. And I know that some of my youngest cousins have no idea what a cassette tape is.
16. No you can be like your neighborhood Spider Man with these Spider Man Adventures Outdoor Heroes Action figures.
These are Archer and Fisherman heroes respectively. Come with their own set of accessories. If I wanted an action figure that could shoot arrows and fish, I’d go with one of Katniss Everdeen.
17. Even fans of the Man of Steel have never seen him like this.
Not only are there 2 Supermans in this package. But one of them is riding a dinosaur. I kid you not.
18. Forget the Ninja Turtles. These Ninja Hero Riders are where it’s at.
Yes, these are Ninja Turtles riding on horses with katanas. And I think they look like frogs for they don’t have any shells.
19. This Mr. T Might Car comes battery powered.
Okay, that looks like something coming from Sid’s place. You know that weird kid from Toy Story? It’s like they put Mr. T’s head and arms on a police van. Freaky.
20. Nothing makes Batman more badass than riding a 3 wheeler.
Is that a turtle shell? Then why the hell is it on Batman? Seriously, why? This doesn’t make sense.
21. Ever imagined Winnie the Pooh whizzing by on a motorcycle in the Hundred Acre Wood? Now you can.
Okay, he’s on a drag race car. But he sure looks happy. Seriously, Pooh on a race car? Jesus!
22. Portable gamers would definitely want this PCP from Game Advance.
Because how else could you play hallucinogen inspired video games? Hope it can play Mario High.
23. Any child is sure to love their own Thomas the Tank Engine.
Well, their very own Thomas the Tank Engine Buzz Lightyear. Yes, I’m just as baffled by it as you are. I don’t understand why this exists.
24. If you like Star Wars, then you’ll like this Blue Star action figure.
From The Fwoosh: “I have to assume this is environment-specific armor that allows troops to survive on planets made entirely of rising bread dough — it’s pretty stylish, considering.” Probably from Eastern Europe.
25. No young child would want to go to school without a Mickey Mouse backpack.
Wait a minute, South Park isn’t Disney nor child friendly. Also, what the hell’s with Kyle’s lips?
26. Chuck Norris fans might take to this Adventure Man action figure.
Okay, that toy looks absolutely nothing like Chuck Norris. More like a befuddled Rambo with a bazooka.
27. If you liked the game Angry Birds, you might enjoy these Ill-Tempered Birds pencil toppers.
Those erasers look so terrible. One of them seems to bear some resemblance to a cross between Big Bird and Bert.
28. See C-3PO as you’ve never seen him before – in turquoise.
Okay, that more or less resembles C-3PO if he came from the 1960s. And no, turquoise doesn’t suit him. This is wrong.
29. Can’t get a Batgirl action figure? How about a Bat Chica one instead?
Okay, that’s not Batgirl. That’s Batman with boobs. Look, I may not have anything against the trans community. But the idea of Batman with boobs is really wrong on so many levels.
30. Can’t get a Darth Maul from Star Wars Episode I? Say hello to Dennis.
So Dennis is Darth Maul with a red face and a green tunic. That’s just freaky. And hilarious. Also has a purple double lightsaber.
31. Fans of Cars might appreciate Lovely Cars like these.
Uh, I don’t think these were in the movie. Includes a police car and fire truck.
32. Now you can have an action figure of your favorite Avenger.
Sorry, but I’m very sure that Mr. Incredible is not an Avenger. Seriously, he’s not even part of Marvel or DC. He’s Disney and Pixar.
33. If you like the Disney Princesses, then you’ll enjoy this Disney doll.
This has to be bootleg since this doll is practically naked. And I know Disney would never sell toys like that to young girls. Also has a Barbie doll head.
34. If a girl likes Barbie, then she’ll love this backpack.
Uh, that’s not Barbie. That’s Snow White. Whole different franchise.
35. If you like Toy Story 2, then you’ll like this set of action figures.
There are so many things wrong with this set. Woody’s face doesn’t look so good and he has the wrong cowboy hat. Jessie has space wings. And there are even weapons accessories. Seriously?
36. We all know that Darth Vader must be a force to be reckoned with in the galaxy far, far away.
However, this one makes Darth Vader look as if he’s just come from a rave. I’m sure he’d really force choke the guy who made this action figure.
37. Super Heroic Man is always here to save the day.
Yes, this is Superman on a horse. Not sure if they have equines like this on Krypton. If so, then they should’ve been wiped out by now.
38. There is no Transformer ever more intimidating than the Breast Chaser.
Guess this Transformer has a very dirty mind. Still, the name makes him hard for me to take seriously. But I’m sure Michael Bay will put him in a movie eventually.
39. As we know, C-3PO looked quite different in Star Wars Episode I.
However, he was not called “R2-3PO.” That is just wrong. Seriously, why?
40. If you can’t get a Darth Vader action figure, you can always settle for Space Power Warrior.
Kind of looks like Darth Vader on steroids. Wonder if he gets roid rage during lightsaber battles. This is crazy.
41. Of course, in my generation Spongebob Squarepants was a sensation.
However, this backpack says, “Tooly, I am your king.” Really disturbing message on a kid’s pack.
42. Young children who love Winnie the Pooh will surely love this little educational toy.
Okay, they just made Pooh creepy. Those glowing eyes are bound to give nightmares to kids of all ages. Even adults.
43. This Mickey Mouse toy is bound to make any child smile.
Oh, great. Looks like this must be Mickey Mouse with rabies. Might want to kill him now or set a trap for him. Yes, he’s now on the path to kill at the moment.
44. I’m sure anyone would want to cuddle with a plushie of Winnie the Pooh.
As long as Pooh’s arms and head aren’t attached to some nightmarish monster. Seems like Pooh took part in some crazy mad scientist experiment gone horribly wrong.
45. Fans of Lilo & Stitch might want to cuddle with a Stitch plushie on their couch.
Why the hell does Stitch have a face on his ass? Seriously, I know he’s an alien. But that’s just flat out crazy. Probably made on drugs.
46. If you like Toy Story, then this Woody action figure might be for you.
I don’t know about you. But Woody seems to be high. And I don’t mean on life. I mean something like recreational drugs like peyote.
47. Star Knight will always patrol the galaxy for intergalactic crime.
I think putting Darth Vader on a police motorcycle is beneath his dignity. Also, kind of makes it hard to take a guy who chopped off his son’s hand seriously.
48. These winged horses will sure delight My Little Pony fans.
Like how this tries to sell itself as “Demon Donkey.” Well, these don’t look like demon donkeys to me. Really they don’t.
49. Why have a transformer that can change into a car when you can have one that changes into a shoe?
Then again, maybe you wouldn’t. But this looks really funny and just cracks me up. Love the laces.
50. As well all know, Batman will always be the Dark Knight of Gotham.
And it seems that Batman has eaten way to much fast food and needs to hit the gym. Also, why does he have firearm accessories?
51. Fischer Price presents Jason Voorhees from its Adventure People Killers collection.
Like how it says on the bottom “Ages 4-9.” Like kids would want to play with a slasher horror movie villain.
52. If you can’t have Obi Wan Kenobi, Toby One is better than nothing.
Sorry, but “Toby One” is kind of a lame name for a Jedi. Also, the face doesn’t look right.
53. If your city’s under threat, call on the Super Man Big Alliance.
What the hell is Shrek doing here? He’s not a superhero. What’s his power? Silent but deadly stink power.
54. Now you can go places with Spidey with these Spider Man Adventure action figures.
Like Spider Man at the beach or Spider Man on safari. Seriously, if Spider Man wen to either, he’d be going as Peter Parker for God’s sake.
55. Those who can’t get Ant Man might want to go with Black Man.
Okay, that’s just freaky. I know that’s Ant Man in black. Also, the name might be borderline racist.
56. This Freddy Kreuger action figure will haunt your dreams.
Maybe not unless you don’t know where he is. Because he’s basically dressed like Waldo. Like from the Where’s Waldo? books.
57. Oh, look toy dogs.
Dammit, those are ostriches. Yeah, someone has no idea what a dog looks like.
58. If you like Star Wars, then you’ll like these Galaxy Cop action figures.
These are rip offs of Darth Vader and an Imperial Stormtrooper. And no, they don’t look like Mexican luchadores underneath their helmets.
59. If you want to play cowboys and Indians, you might enjoy this Indian action figure.
Uh, that looks nothing like a Native American from the 19th century. More like a white American from the 20th or later with a pig gun, a spandex outfit, and a totem pole.
60. Young Sesame Street fans will always like this Rocking Elmo.
Not sure about “Crap Your Hands!!” Must be a really bad misspelling or translation.
61. There’s no better sight than seeing the Mighty Thor on his scooter.
Didn’t know Thor had a pink motorcycle. Not sure if that color suits him. Then again, to each his own.
62. Star Trek fans might want a Mr. Rock action figure, an adventurer from another planet.
This is a rip off of Mr. Spock. And I think his looks don’t do Leonard Nimoy any justice.
63. Sailor Moon fans, meet Planet Girl.
Yes, this is from Sailor Moon. But while the Planet Girl looks anime, the Sailor Sensei on the packaging don’t.
64. From Star Wars Episode 1, own your very own action figure of Han Solo.
Wait a minute, Han Solo isn’t in any of the Star Wars prequels. So what the hell is he doing here? This is ridiculous.
65. For young girls, there is no better doll than one that shows the joys of teen pregnancy.
What the fuck? There’s absolutely nothing beautiful about teen pregnancy. Seriously, why does this even exist? And I thought the pole dancing doll was bad.
66. This Space Robot toy looks truly transformative.
Oh, my God. Now this Thomas the Transformer will allow kids to play Transformers and Thomas the Tank Engine. This is absolutely hilarious.
67. This set of action figures is a real Justice League of superheroes.
I don’t think Spider Man and Mr. Incredible are Justice League members. Spider Man is from Marvel. And Mr. Incredible is from a Pixar movie.
68. If a Justice League isn’t enough, perhaps the Sense of Right League has got you covered.
Shrek again? He’s not even a superhero. And what the hell is that car doing here? This isn’t right.
69. Can’t afford an Xbox 360? How about an X-Game 360?
I’m sure it doesn’t work as well as the real thing. But it sure looks like it.
70. Keep your money and cards safe in this Chip and Dale wallet.
And it also includes gangster rap lyrics as far as I see. Definitely not appropriate for children.
71. Every little girl needs her very own Spider Man stationery set.
Never thought I’d see Spidey on something that’s pink and glittery. not sure if little girls would buy this though. Probably not.
72. Now here is the ultimate Batman action figure.
This is more of a combination of Batman and Robo Cop. Not sure if I can get used to Batman as a cyborg.
73. Now here is a set of real superheroes.
If these are superheroes, why are Venom and the Joker doing here? Because they’re supervillains and anything but heroic.
74. This towel shows Pooh eating on his honey.
Pooh looks mean for some reason. Seeems like he’s up to no good in the Hundred Acre Wood. That’s not the Pooh I know.
75. Every girl always has to have a Stylish Hot Mom family set dolls.
I don’t know what to think of this. Because they could just be a couple of dolls. But the packaging suggests otherwise.
76. Pokemon fans will surely want to play with this Frisbee all day.
Yet, this Pikachu one bears a resemblance to Spongebob eating watermelon. Yeah, it looks straight from an acid trip.
77. Nothing can keep the world safe from evil than the Power Rangers Wild Force.
Most of these on here aren’t Power Rangers. Unless they include Batman, Spider Man, and the Hulk.
78. It helps to dry your hands on this Pikachu hand towel.
And this one carries the face of Homer Simpson. Not exactly what I’d call cute.
79. Gotta catch em’ all with Politics Pat.
These are Pokemon. And I don’t think that cartoon has much to do with politics, aside from possibly animal rights.
80. Like Harry Potter? Then you’ll love this Little Wizard figure.
Guess this is what Harry and Ginny’s kids might’ve looked like. Seems like a nice genetic combination. Comes with a broom and wand the same size.