Easter Candy No One Likes in Their Baskets or Eggs

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Like Halloween, Easter has a long tradition pertaining to candy. After all, it’s what most kids find in their Easter baskets or inside their eggs (assuming they’re the plastic ones that open). And there are plenty of candies associated with Easter alone. I always enjoyed Easter egg hunts as a child whether it was in the front yard during the morning before church or at my grandparents’ house. I also participated in at least one in college. For a long time, egg hunts were one of the big reasons I looked forward to Easter as a kid. However, once I reached a certain age, it was time for me to bow out, especially since I’m the oldest of 24 grandchildren. And my participation wouldn’t be fair as an adult in a childish activity. I do help hide Easter eggs in my grandparents’ back yard for Easter and maybe help some of my cousins find the eggs. But somehow it’s not the same. Not to mention, since I’ve outgrown my eligibility for the Easter egg hunt at my grandparents’, Easter has become considerably less enjoyable for me since I’m mostly stuck socializing with relatives. Nevertheless, I can talk of all the Easter candies I like such as the chocolate bunny. But you’d probably be bored out of your mind that I wouldn’t get many views. So instead I’ll focus on Easter candy that most people don’t like. So without further adieu, I have this list for you. This has nothing to do with nutritional value but mostly quality of taste or whether it’s appropriate.

  1. Pez- This candy is basically the poster child of products that aren’t as popular as their packaging. I mean the only reason why people buy Pez is because of the dispensers. But you’ll find nobody on earth who’d admit that these pocket size pills are tasty.

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2. Marshmallow Peeps – Don’t get me wrong, I do like peeps. Just not for eating. However, these are just inedible sugar coated marshmallows that are basically inedible. At least they’re great for decorating and making amusing dioramas out of for annual contests. And they should be better used that way. That or putting them in the microwave to watch them explode, but let’s be honest, the end result might not be good for your microwave. The Houston Press has a different view, “We’ll be honest. These things? Terrify us. Spun sugar masquerading as multi-neon-colored marshmallow doesn’t come close to existing in nature. Therefore, it shall not exist in us. We shall henceforth refer to them as Creeps.”

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3. Marshmallow Carrot- From Houston Press: “Oh, come on. Mock carrot candy even makes vegetarians want to barf. Who was the brains behind this idea? Perhaps it was an entrepreneurial parent’s way to bait-and-switch a finicky child into eating more veggies. Too bad they suck, and now the kid hates candy, carrots and Easter. What’s next — Broccoli fluff? Good grief.”

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4. Fluffy Cotton Tails- From Houston Press: “These things are basically the candy form of Jolt Cola: monstrously disgusting sugar bombs. An entire bag of cotton candy boiled down into bite-sized nuggets for you and yours. Avoid them as if your life depended on it.”

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5. Cadbury Crème Eggs- From Houston Press: “Remember the commercials in which the Easter Bunny gives birth to the Cadbury Crème Eggs? And then they open them up to reveal sugary, yolk-colored innards? Yeah. We still have nightmares, too. How these things have stayed on the market for so long is one of life’s greatest mysteries.”

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6. Jordan Almonds- From Houston Press: “Hey kids, who wants to break a tooth? Because that’s a distinct possibility when you bite into an accursed Jordan almond, a tasty-sounding treat that’s simply an almond coated in sugar. Too bad the sugar coating tastes more like chalk than anything found in a kitchen, and the almonds contained within are generally flavorless. The reason they’re considered an Easter candy even though they can be purchased year-round is that they’re pastel-colored. And that’s about it. I guess they’re sort of egg-shaped, too, but in reality, Jordan almonds have about as much to do with Easter as a pebble. (The pebble might taste better, though.)”

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7. Bunny Munny- I remember getting these as a kid. They’re basically chocolate coins with rice in them. But they don’t taste particularly great. Someone at the Houston Press commented, “This treat is particularly offensive to me because it masquerades as something delicious. Chocolate with a bit of crispy rice in it? What could possibly be bad about that? How about the fact that they unfortunately taste more like cardboard with a slight chocolate flavor than actual chocolate? They purport to be made with real chocolate, but if that’s true, why do they taste so unfortunate? And can we talk about how offensive that spelling of “munny” is to anyone older than 10? Don’t purposefully misspell candy names to be cute! No one thinks it’s cute! Sidenote: On the Candy Warehouse website, there is actually a disclaimer, ‘Sorry, these treats are not a valid form of U.S. currency.’ In case you were confused.”

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8. Bunny Basket Eggs/Easter Hunt Eggs – From Houston Press: “Brach’s is perhaps the worst offender on this list, bringing us three of the ten worst candies, direct from their testing and manufacturing plant in some faraway land where no one has taste buds. Bunny Basket Eggs are the least offensive of the three, featuring, essentially, fake gummy marshmallows surrounded by a coating of bad jelly bean. They stick in your teeth. They melt in your plastic eggs. They get awkward jelly bean coating color on your fingers. And what do you get for your trouble? Nastiness. Pretty much just a hunk of sugar that tastes like artificial fruit and giving up.” Marshmallows and gummy bears are a disgusting combination.

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9. Jelly Beans- I used to get these a lot on Easter, too. And to me they’re just kidney shaped colored candies that seem to have absolutely none to a horrible taste. It’s like they put some flavor and color to some waxy and rubbery concoction. Disgusting. The ones in my basket usually went to the garbage. Yes, I know there are plenty of people who love jelly beans. Yet, but to me that’s like saying that plenty people like John Wayne, Twilight, Fifty Shades, Fast & Furious, or reality shows. Just because something might be popular doesn’t mean it’s good.

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10. Chocolate Cross- Yes, I know we celebrate Easter to recognize Jesus’s resurrection after his crucifixion. But while I love chocolate on any holiday like Easter, there are just things that shouldn’t be in chocolate form. A cross should be one of these things because that’s what Jesus suffered and died on. Not to mention, crucifixion was an execution method in which ensured the victim would endure a long and agonizing death through bleeding and suffocation while being nailed to a large cross of wood. Jesus went through this and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Yes, I’m sure Christians are willing to buy foodstuffs like this for their kids’ Easter baskets, but is it really appropriate? And as a practicing Catholic and a chocolate lover, such cross would lead me struggling with temptation, followed by guilt after eating it (as well as relishing in its taste), if I ever received one. If you want to raise your kids as good Christian children, I suggest good Christian parents go with chocolate eggs and bunnies instead. Sure they’re secular symbols but they come with a very low risk of committing accidental sacrilege.

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11. Brach’s Chicks & Rabbits – From Houston Press: “These are the items I as a child most dreaded finding in Easter baskets or stuffed unceremoniously into plastic eggs at parties. What would I do if someone presented me with a bright-orange hunk of eraser disguised as candy? Would I feign delight and eat it anyway, then risk melodramatically gagging and spitting it out at the feet of my gracious host? Would I tuck it away to later slip to a poor, unwitting canine? Would I throw it nonchalantly into someone else’s basket. I honestly don’t remember what I did with the damn things, but I guarantee you I didn’t eat them. Fool me once…and all that jazz. The flavor is listed as “marshmallow,” which, if you believe the multitude of flavored-vodka products out there is, in fact, a genuine flavor. But these don’t taste anything like marshmallows. They’re essentially the same material as those off-putting orange Circus Peanuts candies–soft so long as they’ve never touched oxygen, but instantly hardening into toothbreaking plaster once exposed to the elements. Worse still, the candies only vaguely resemble the eponymous chicks and rabbits. They’re much more akin to totem poles or idols used for some bizarre, decidedly not Easter-y ritual. Consume at your own risk.”

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12. Easter Candy Corn – You got to be kidding me. They actually have this? These sugar wax candies aren’t even great on Halloween, let alone on any other holiday like Easter. Not to mention, they even look more disgusting in pastel colors.

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13. Nerds Bumpy Jelly Beans – All right, that just makes jelly beans more disgusting as by giving it grotesque growths. Also, kind of look like fruity brains.

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14. Wonka Hoppin’ Nerds Candy- From E!: “Nerds are definitely a solid candy choice, unless they are called “bumpy” (see above). But they don’t really scream “Easter.” They do scream “capable of cracking a filling,” but whatever.”

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15. Lindt Chocolate Carrots – From E!: “Fancy chocolate for when you want to feel better after eating 20 Butterfinger eggs (more on that later). But this candy is only special because of the wrapping, not because of the taste.”

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16. Whoppers Easter Mini Robin Eggs- Oh, I remember getting these from egg hunts. Lovely to look at and have hard shells that they don’t need wrappers. However, they tend to taste a bit crunchy and chalky. Also, can be mistaken for Cadbury Mini Eggs, so check wisely.

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17. Chocolate Covered Peeps- From Paste: “To say that chocolate-covered Peeps are not aesthetically pleasing would be a gross understatement—they look like something your insolent dog might leave as a surprise in your loafers for daring to challenge his authority. The chocolate coating is terrible. The artificial, gummy marshmallow inside isn’t much better. These Peeps went a long way toward turning Paste editor Josh Jackson against the idea of chocolate-coated marshmallows in general, which would be great, if there weren’t three or four more of the exact same style of candy on the table.” In other words, they’re saying that these aren’t much better from their disgusting sugar coated marshmallow counterpart and resemble dog turds. At least in chick form for the latter.

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18. Little Beauty Chocolate Bunny- From Paste: “The worst pure chocolate on the table, this thing was so bad that it made us scan the ingredients list, where “cocoa” is the fourth ingredient—after “sugar,” “vegetable oil” and “whey.” Because you definitely want more sugary whey in your chocolate than actual chocolate. So sugary that some of our teeth manifested spontaneous sympathy cavities in protest.”

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19. Frankford Marshmallow Chicks and Bunnies- From Paste: “A big multi-bag where all the marshmallows are stuck together into one mass you get to pry apart with your hands” is not the most promising origin for Easter candy, and indeed, this was one of the least pleasant things on the table. They’re simple, you can say that for them. It’s just a bag of simple, pastel-colored, really awful marshmallows. Make of that what you will.”

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20. Reese’s White Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs- Now while Reese’s might have a reputation for making their holiday shaped candies shaped like turds, at least they’re tasty. Yet, you wouldn’t want to eat one from the ground in a dog park. However, I’m not sure if white chocolate and peanut butter should even go together. And it’s said you can barely taste the chocolate to begin with.

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21. Sour Watermelon Peeps- I’ll let Paste explain these since I’ve never been near such candies. From Paste: “Oh no. Oh NO. What in the hell are these things? We thought we had seen weird and objectionable, and then along came the watermelon-flavored Peeps. We’re disturbed by the very idea of the concept’s genesis—who in their right mind looked at the marshmallow of a Peep and thought that pink, artificially watermelon-flavored sludge would be a great way to improve it? This person needs to be locked up. If he or she is walking among us, then society is not safe. The mere fact that Paste Music/TV editor Bonnie Stiernberg seemed to oddly enjoy these Peeps (in opposition to everyone else) is cause for suspicion and alarm.”

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22. Palmer Hollow Chocolate Flavored Bunny – Yes, it’s a very cute chocolate bunny on the outside. However, its taste is bound to disappoint you once the stuff is in your mouth as described akin to milk powder and peanut shells. Candy Blog called this, “the Easter equivalent to a lump of coal.”

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23. Twizzler Easter Grass Candy- It’s supposed to be green apple and unlike other Twizzlers, it’s presented as loose and tangled like grass or as if everyone touched it. But those at Time Out Chicago said it’s taste could range from pesto pasta, paste-a, or medicine.

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24. Bunny Poop- These are little balls chocolate covered cookie dough which would taste great that come from a wind up pooping rabbit. It’s inspired by the plastic wind up chicken that lays eggs. Nevertheless, it’s on here because of the cookie dough which is uncooked food which may taste great but it’s not something you should eat. And I mean because it’s teeming with E. Coli bacteria which has led to death. For instance consumption of uncooked pieces of the famous Nestle Toll House cookie dough sickened several dozen people and killed one woman in 2009. Now a candy’s nutritional value is one thing that I can let slide, but food safety is a whole another matter. And any product that contains raw cookie dough should be avoided. Seriously, for the love of God, don’t eat cookie dough raw.

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25. Hershey’s Easter Kissables- Think of Hershey’s kisses covered in pastel wax, which don’t melt into your mouth but greasily slide down your throat. Well, that was only in 2005 and 2006. In 2007, Hershey’s decided to swap cocoa butter, chocolate, and cane sugar with corn syrup as well as palm, shea, and sunflower oil. Also, these were topped with an ominous sounding “resinous glaze.” Such ingredient suggestion led the FDA declare Hershey’s Kissables as unqualifiable any longer as “milk chocolate.” They were yanked in 2009. Now if anyone finds package of these horrendous candies, they’re most often used as substitutes for game pieces.

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26. Carrot Cake M&Ms- From Carl Anthony Online: “There is no real chocolate in this chocolate, of course. Following the same course of poor choices with “white chocolate,” these Easter specialty version of the beloved M&M are unusually dry (like cake lacking moisture!), the only discernible flavor being a vague aftertaste of sour cream (does this suggest the “white chocolate” has spoiled?)” He suggests if they were sold for St. Patrick’s Day as Irish Crème, nobody would know the difference.

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27. Carrot Cotton Grape Candy – From Carl Anthony Online: “Made exclusively by Bunnyland Candy, there’s potential for a whole new world of Easter Candy possibilities by the innovative use of the ephemeral spun sugar sweet which is ubiquitous still at carnivals, fairs and circuses. Carrot Cotton Candy makes sense enough as the famously favored food of rabbits, Easter or otherwise. Stuffed into this cellophane bag shaped like a giant carrot, you’ll find sticky, fluffy cotton candy colored in an earthy tone of orange. Yet, oddly, its flavor bears no discernible similarity to the earthy vegetable. While perhaps that’s a blessing, it would seem logical enough that the pleasant taste of “orange” would be a good match. Inexplicably, however, its flavored grape.

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28. Hotlix Candy- For over 25 years, this company has made candies with real insects in them now coated in fruit flavoring. Yes, real deceased insects and I am not making this up. But they don’t exactly yell out “Happy Easter!” Nor are they something to put in a kid’s Easter basket. However, they might be a fine addition to a Halloween trick or treat bag though.

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29. Wasabi Candy- For those who don’t know, wasabi is the Japanese name for what we call horseradish, which we put on burgers. Nevertheless, this candy does exist, but it’s not something a kid would want for Easter. As Hello Giggles notes, “In general, yes – wasabi candy exists. And I can’t think of any holiday that it’s appropriate for, unless you want to inflict punishment on somebody. If you put these monsters in your child’s Easter basket this year, you’re just asking for a meltdown.”

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30. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans- It’s from the Harry Potter collection. However, unlike regular jelly beans, these ones don’t pretend to be disgusting. And I mean they have every flavor. Sure some might be pleasant but they also have earthworm, earwax, vomit, and booger. Definitely not Easter basket material, unless those of diehard Harry Potter fans.

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31. Edible Easter Grass- Yes, it’s supposed to look like grass and taste like fruit. But it’s very strange. Sure you can use it for Easter baskets to put candy in it. But that’s like having candy on top of your candy.

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32. Ghost Pepper Candy- Since it was called the World’s Hottest Pepper in 2007, I suppose any ghost pepper candy is bound to burn in anyone’s mouth. Might be great for adults but kids would be crying after consumption.

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33. Chocolate Gold Jesus- From Hello Giggles: “The Chocolate GoldJesus is more of a work of art. This certificated, high quality, fairly traded, organic chocolate aims to donate profits to charitable organizations, which is fantastic. Also it’s Easter related. So what’s the issue? Well, I’d have a really hard time eating this. I’d almost feel bad. I’d think of numerous excuses to save my Chocolate GoldJesus for a special occasion, but no occasion would ever be good enough. And I don’t think I’m alone, since the company has since offered a bronze statue (non-edible!) that’s made in the same cast as its chocolate counterpart.”

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34. Zombie Bunny Lollipop- For the record, with the popularity of such shows as The Walking Dead, this one was more or less made for adults. I mean there’s too much blood. Also, it tastes like cotton candy.

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35. Russell Stover Eggs (Wedding Cake, Birthday Cake, Birthday Cake, and Cookie Dough or anything other than conventional flavors)- The cake flavored ones are said to taste like butter inside chocolate. But those at Time Out Chicago think they come with a weird aftertaste and are all gritty in an unpleasant way. Best stick with chocolate, marshmallow, peanut butter, caramel, brownie, and fudge, Russell Stover.

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36. Jolly Rancher Bunny Food Gummies- These gummies are shaped like veggies and are supposed to taste fruity. Taste has been likened to stuff like corn syrup, chemicals, and floor cleaner. Let’s just say rabbits wouldn’t want these.

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37. Strawberry Chocolate Bunny- Why the hell would anyone make something like this? Chocolate bunnies should only come in 3 flavors milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and vanilla for those allergic to chocolate. This is disgusting. As Carl Anthony Online notes: “In truth, the Strawberry Easter Bunny has all but disappeared, some reported sightings on back road grocer shelves made by shady confectioners. Luckily, among those colorful critters more readily ferreted out are made to order from precious candy makers using purer ingredients than in past decades – and astronomical prices.”

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38. Sour Bunny Jolly Rancher- From Paste: “Like a lot of sour candies, these twists on a jolly rancher are more interested in being sour than in delivering the original intent of the product (deliciously artificial fruit flavors). We can’t imagine any scenario where regular Jolly Ranchers wouldn’t be considered superior.”

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39. Jelly Bean Nougat- Okay, jelly beans and nougat, that’s pretty disgusting in my book. Dear Brach’s, I hate you.

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40. Black Jelly Beans- From Mommyish:” The packaging on a bag of all black jelly beans should really read: For the people who hate joy. There’s something so sad and disappointing about digging through all that plastic grass and coming up with a dry, black jelly bean.”

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41. Spiced Jelly Beans- From the Stranger: “For those of us who like a candy that tastes lightly poisoned, Easter season is a dream, thanks primarily to Brachs’ Spiced Jelly Bird Eggs, a disgustingly intoxicating melange of seven different flavors of jelly beans riding the yummy/gross divide. Some are so gross I have to throw them out, but others are so delicious I eventually buy another bag.”

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42. Mallow Pals Squeezable Marshmallow- Said by one blogger, “Everything about this candy makes me sad. It does not taste good, and it is the lowest common denominator of candy. It is goo in a tube that you squeeze into your sad, disaffected, post-modern mouth. This candy indicates we are living in a post-candy world. Candy is dead, long live candy.”

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43. Mystery Peeps- From Delish: “Much like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, you won’t know if these Peeps are fruity, savory, salty, or sour until you taste them! Whether that game is fun or terrifying, we’ll leave it up to you to decide.”

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44. Zombie Chocolate Bunny- Great to have during an Easter apocalypse for yourself. Not so great for a child’s Easter basket. Also, more suitable for Halloween. And is more of a mockolate flavor, too.

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45. Mary Sue Vanilla Butter Cream Eggs- From In Papa’s Basement: “In order for Cadbury Creme Eggs to exist, there had to be Mary Sue Butter Cream Eggs. Their filling is vile and extremely adhesive, rendering it impossible to gnaw off the chocolate coating without getting some of that venom in your mouth. Trying to eat their shell without ingesting any of the putrid cream contained within is the candy equivalent of a beautiful woman inviting you to bang her…so long as another dude rides shotgun anus. Things will start off okay. And then, at some point in the act, your scrot is going to brush against his. At that moment, as your innocence goes up in flames like Bill Compton on a Cabo San Lucas beach, you’ll realize you paid far too high a price for far too little reward.”

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46. Gum Drops- Said to be the fruitcake of Easter. Not sure why these candies exist since they’re not really that tasty. More like something to decorate gingerbread houses with around Christmas. Other than that, I can’t be sure what else.

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47. Bunny Teeth- These are gummy bunny teeth. Probably an attempt to rip off the gummy teeth concept of Halloween. It’s as morbid as it sounds.

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48. Religious Suckers- Sorry, but despite Easter being a significant holiday celebrating Jesus’s resurrection, it’s not the time to remind children that they were born in sin. That’s the job for clergy and Sunday school teachers who probably let them know beforehand. Besides, it’s not appropriate for Easter for He has risen on that day.

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49. Quax- From Gourmet Gift Baskets: “This yummy ducky (really, it says that on the package – as if that’s enticing) is a complete and total horror. It looks like Ernie’s bath time buddy, but it’s edible. (Well, maybe. It depends on how you consider okay to eat.) Boldly going where no others have gone before, this Easter treat has paved the way for milk-flavored candies everywhere. Now, I know what you’re thinking: what would a milk-flavored treat taste like? Like pure evil. So it’s no wonder that Quax remains the only candy of its kind.” Best used for scaring and traumatizing a small child or Ernie.

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50. Bunny Chew- Because nothing looks more fun for kids than food that resembles either bunny pellets or dog chow.

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51. Naughty Bunny Chocolate Bars- Let’s just these are adult candies and not suitable for children at any rate. Brought to you by Bloomsbury.

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52. Inspirational Jelly Beans- Yes, Easter is a religious holiday. But does that mean putting inspirational stuff on jelly beans appropriate for the occasion? That might be bordering on sacrilege.

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53. Walking with Jesus Fruit Snacks- Yes, walking with Jesus is an inspirational thing. But making fruit snacks out of his sandals? Not so much. Hey, look I know that Easter is a religious holiday and I know it has candy. But can you just give Jesus some respect and not put fruit snacks of his sandals in Easter baskets?

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54. Crucified Peep Candy Cross- Yes, that may look cute. But is it really appropriate for an Easter basket? Not sure if it borders on sacrilege and bound to cause offense. Inedible sugary marshmallow offense.

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55. Rabbit Change- Easter styled chocolate coins with carrots on the foil? No thanks. Chocolate coins are the work of the Devil.

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56. Russell Stover Coconut Nests- More or less resembles some jelly beans being lodged in dog turds. Also, combines two things I hate.

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57. Vegetables – Yes, you might want your kid to eat healthy. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ditch candy and fill your kid’s Easter basket with veggies. Easter candy is an Easter tradition for God’s sake. There may be a place for veggies in your kids’ life but the Easter basket is not one of them.

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58. Sour Patch Jelly Beans- Just when you think they couldn’t make jelly beans worse they had to make them sour. Also, sour candies are just terrible anyway.

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59. Raisins- Sure they may be healthier than chocolate. But that doesn’t mean you should put them in a kid’s Easter basket so they’d mistake them for chocolate chips. That would be cruel.

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60. Candy Canes- For one, they’re for Christmas. Second, put them in an Easter basket, and your kids will know that you’ve had these for months and probably have become entangled in some financial emergency.

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61. Camel Balls – Sure they may not be that bad, but you don’t want to give your kids a sour candy that has a camel’s testicles on the packaging. More like candy sold at Spencer’s Gifts at the mall.

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62. Dingle Bearies- These are chocolate covered gummy bears. It’s a slightly offensive name but pretty disgusting.

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63. Caramel Apple Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “To those of you not sold by our convincing argument of “ew, apple Peeps sound gross” let’s try this on for size—close your eyes (well, metaphorically—you kind of have to have your eyes open to read the rest of this) and imagine eating a Peep. Now imagine washing that down with a nice cool glass of apple juice. That gag reflex you just experienced is your body telling you that this is a horrible flavor for a Peep to have.”

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64. Candy Corn Peeps- All the great taste of Halloween sugary wax and sugary Easter marshmallow rolled into one.

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65. Blue Raspberry Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “As an artificial flavor, blue raspberry is an affront to nature. We feel like it’s silly to point out that blue raspberries aren’t an actual thing that exists in nature, and that this is just a catchall term for kind of sweet, kind of tart food flavoring that tastes distressingly “blue” and is primarily found in syrup poured over ice, except for the fact that we can guarantee that at least, like, 25% of Americans totally think that blue raspberries are a real fruit.  But even the mouthbreathers who believe that can take one look at blue raspberry Peeps and say, with complete certainty, that they would rather drown in a silo of sugar before eating these monstrosities.”

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66. Orange Delight Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “The fudge dipped Peeps are an abomination in their own right, but orange marshmallows dipped in orange fudge just seems like the worst combination of anything. Again, this is a simple matter of passing the “how do these ingredients, separated, seem like they would taste together.”  So sure, if you’re the kind of person that likes take bites out of an orange in between your Peeps, well, you’re a sociopath, but even you would have to draw the line at adding “orange flavored fudge” on top of all that.  We feel like we can’t say this enough—Peeps are not made to taste like fruit.  Stop trying to make them taste like fruit!”

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67. Lime Delight Peeps- From American Fun Fact of the Day: “And also, who wants to eat lime fudge? No one, that’s who.  Lime fudge sounds like something your friend who moved to Germany primarily for sex parties would be into, and when he asks you if you “like lime fudge” you’d just sort of pretend like you know what he’s talking about and be like, “You know, I tried it once, but I just don’t think it was for me” before your friend rolls his eyes and calls you a cis.”

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68. Peeps Milk- Oh, for God’s sake, Peeps, do you have to make a sugary marshmallow monstrosity such as this? For the love of humanity, this is just the most inedible milk ever. Available in marshmallow, chocolate, and eggnog.

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69. Carrot Cake Candy Corn- What the hell, another Easter variety? Seriously, nobody was asking for this. Hell, nobody was asking for candy corn for Halloween.

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70. Easter Ring Pops- If Ring Pops are terrible as a Halloween candy, then Easter styled ones wouldn’t be great at all for an Easter basket.

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Do the Bunny Hop in These Ugly Easter Sweaters

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This is me in my pastel color turtleneck sweater that I’ve had for almost a decade. It’s not necessarily an Easter sweater nor is it ugly. But for a post like this, it’ll do. I’ve also did a pair of rabbit ears for good measure.

Since Easter is widely considered a spring holiday, it’s normally not associated with sweaters. But since Easter falls in early spring like in March and April, sometimes the weather could be rainy, cold, or erratic. And it’s not unheard of in my area to snow on the holiday which I have personally seen at least once. Yet, weather conditions aside, it appears that the lure of the ugly sweater is so great that they just have to have them for Easter as I’ve searched the depths of Google Images and Pinterest for them. And they are as charmingly ghastly as you’d expect with bunnies, eggs, chicks, and other motifs for your heart’s content. Not to mention, they’re in the pastel spring colors associated with the holiday, too. Some of them I’m wearing in the picture you see above if you get my drift. If you were a kid, you’d probably have seen them on your elementary school teacher. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you a treasure trove of some of the tackiest Easter sweaters around.

  1. Remember flowers must always be in their boxes at all times.
Hate to say this, but the cardigan would looked much better if the flowers weren't boxed in. Then again, ugliness is kind of the point.

Hate to say this, but the cardigan would looked much better if the flowers weren’t boxed in. Then again, ugliness is kind of the point.

2. On Easter, periwinkle always makes a bold fashion statement.

And this has bunnies at the crease as well as chicks with feathers on them. And some that don't.

And this has bunnies at the crease as well as chicks with feathers on them. And some that don’t.

3. Nothing makes a better Easter motif than a bunny carrying an Easter egg.

For some reason, that bunny looks a little sad as if Easter is a day of dread. Still, I think the egg is pretty.

For some reason, that bunny looks a little sad as if Easter is a day of dread. Still, I think the egg is pretty.

4. Nothing is cuter on Easter than a sweater vest of bunnies in boxes.

And it's black so the bunnies stand out. The boxes also contain carrots and eggs for added tackiness.

And it’s black so the bunnies stand out. The boxes also contain carrots and eggs for added tackiness.

5. Nothing makes a better Easter sweater than a cardigan of different colored bunnies.

Each row of bunnies is of a different color. But not all are facing the same way. Also, not sure about the light green sleeves.

Each row of bunnies is of a different color. But not all are facing the same way. Also, not sure about the light green sleeves.

6. Those who might think ugly Easter sweaters are too girly, might be fine with this bunny one.

This one is black with blue trim and a row of bunnies. Then again, Easter has never really been a manly holiday to celebrate anyway.

This one is black with blue trim and a row of bunnies. Then again, Easter has never really been a manly holiday to celebrate anyway.

7. Those who love lambs and daffodils, have I got an Easter sweater for you.

This one is in the same style as some ugly Christmas sweaters you see. But this one has a more spring theme.

This one is in the same style as some ugly Christmas sweaters you see. But this one has a more spring theme.

8. On any Easter sweater, you can’t have enough eggs, flowers, or bunnies.

This light blue one uses some degree of sequins to stand out. Also has short sleeves which is odd for a sweater. Then again, Easter takes place in spring.

This light blue one uses some degree of sequins to stand out. Also has short sleeves which is odd for a sweater. Then again, Easter takes place in spring.

9. You can always tell it’s an Easter sweater if it has bunnies on it.

Not sure of what to think about this sweater. The bunnies don't seem to look happy. But it's certainly tacky that I'll give it a space on this post.

Not sure of what to think about this sweater. The bunnies don’t seem to look happy. But it’s certainly tacky that I’ll give it a space on this post.

10. Looks like these rabbits love to munch on the garden veggies in this patch.

Sure this might make a great scene for an Easter sweater. However, it's something you really don't want to see in real life. Trust me.

Sure this might make a great scene for an Easter sweater. However, it’s something you really don’t want to see in real life. Trust me.

11. Of course, in mild weather you can always go with an Easter vest like this.

This one consists of a bunny in basket, Easter eggs, flowers, and other things. Nevertheless, it's incredibly tacky.

This one consists of a bunny in basket, Easter eggs, flowers, and other things. Nevertheless, it’s incredibly tacky.

12. Sure it may seem like an ugly sweater, but check for chickens and bunnies to see if it’s for Easter.

This one has 2 rows of chickens and one row of bunnies. And the bunnies are all facing with their cotton tails.

This one has 2 rows of chickens and one row of bunnies. And the bunnies are all facing with their cotton tails.

13. Of course, there are some people who might prefer geese.

This one has geese in the top right corner. Yet, it's trimmed with blue gingham and pink roses.

This one has geese in the top right corner. Yet, it’s trimmed with blue gingham and pink roses. Definitely suited for a teacher.

14. To make the bunnies and eggs stand out, go with navy blue.

Yes, I know a lot of these contain Easter eggs and bunnies. But that's what you'd have to expect sometimes.

Yes, I know a lot of these contain Easter eggs and bunnies. But that’s what you’d have to expect sometimes.

15. On an Easter sweater like this, each item belongs in their respective columns.

This one has 2 columns with chicks and eggs as well as 2 with bunnies and carrots. But somehow this sweater is cute and tacky at the same time.

This one has 2 columns with chicks and eggs as well as 2 with bunnies and carrots. But somehow this sweater is cute and tacky at the same time.

16. If you love funky colored animals, this is the Easter sweater for you.

I guess the chicks are silver, the bunnies are purple, the pigs are yellow, and the lambs are pink. Still, not sure if it's the kind of ugly Easter sweater I'd wear.

I guess the chicks are silver, the bunnies are purple, the pigs are yellow, and the lambs are pink. Still, not sure if it’s the kind of ugly Easter sweater I’d wear.

17. Seems like this rabbit is taking a walk with his dog on a lit street.

Of course, normally dogs are bigger than rabbits and tend to eat them. And believe me, I've seen this happen.

Of course, normally dogs are bigger than rabbits and tend to eat them. And believe me, I’ve seen this happen.

18. Sometimes on Easter, you have to stand out with some bright colors.

Yes, I know that a lot of Easter stuff tends to have pastel colors on them. This sweater tends to be an exception as you see. But still kind of an eyesore.

Yes, I know that a lot of Easter stuff tends to have pastel colors on them. This sweater tends to be an exception as you see. But still kind of an eyesore.

19. For a fuzzy cotton tail, may I suggest white feathers?

Not sure if feathers is appropriate for a bunny's cotton tail. But it sure makes this sweater look rather horrific.

Not sure if feathers is appropriate for a bunny’s cotton tail. But it sure makes this sweater look rather horrific.

20. For a simple design, why not go for a bunny with bows?

Sure those may not look like bows. But I'm sure this sweater is bound to be Easter appropriate in its own way.

Sure those may not look like bows. But I’m sure this sweater is bound to be Easter appropriate in its own way.

21. On Easter, remember how much bunnies love flowers.

This one seems to depict fuzzy bunnies holding flowers. Some side by side.

This one seems to depict fuzzy bunnies holding flowers. Some side by side.

22. For Easter colors, you can’t go wrong with light blue and pink.

You can barely see the pink in this turtleneck. But the row of bunnies certainly stand out.

You can barely see the pink in this turtleneck. But the row of bunnies certainly stand out.

23. An Easter sweater can always use a few bunnies and fringe.

This cardigan just has 3 fuzzy bunnies and white fringe. Yet, these bunnies are adorable.

This cardigan just has 3 fuzzy bunnies and white fringe. Yet, these bunnies are adorable.

24. As we all know, bunnies look better with bows.

Well, bunny heads anyway. Still, think the carrot buttons are rather appropriate for this one.

Well, bunny heads anyway. Still, think the carrot buttons are rather appropriate for this one.

25. If you want to bring the spirit of Easter, go with lavender.

This one has eggs and flowers on top and bunnies on the bottom. And a bunch of holes in between.

This one has eggs and flowers on top and bunnies on the bottom. And a bunch of holes in between.

26. If you’re not a fan of bunnies, perhaps go with chicks.

This bright pink one has chicks and snowflakes on it. Not sure about the inclusion of snowflakes.

This bright pink one has chicks and snowflakes on it. Not sure about the inclusion of snowflakes.

27. On an Easter sweater like this, the bunnies come out of eggs.

Yes, that might look cute. But that's totally wrong as far as biologists are concerned.

Yes, that might look cute. But that’s totally wrong as far as biologists are concerned.

28. Not a fan of pink? Go with green.

Not sure if green is a great color. But you have to like the Easter eggs on this.

Not sure if green is a great color. But you have to like the Easter eggs on this.

29. Never have I seen an Easter sweater with so many baskets.

From all the sweaters I've put on this post so far, this first one that doesn't have a single animal in sight. Just baskets, eggs, and flowers.

From all the sweaters I’ve put on this post so far, this first one that doesn’t have a single animal in sight. Just baskets, eggs, and flowers.

30. Like bunnies but not carrots or eggs? How about one with hearts?

I'm sure someone is bound to love this rabbit sweater. Well, unless they don't like hearts either.

I’m sure someone is bound to love this rabbit sweater. Well, unless they don’t like hearts either.

31. If you love Easter, then you’ll sure love this bespectacled bunny.

This one comes in a variety of colors. Yet, I want you to take a closer look.

This one comes in a variety of colors. Yet, I want you to take a closer look.

32. In some respects, it seems like some bunnies like to go gardening.

Well, we know that rabbits do like gardens, particularly with veggies. That's why they're considered pests by many.

Well, we know that rabbits do like gardens, particularly with veggies. That’s why they’re considered pests by many.

33. When in doubt, go with a fuzzy collar.

Kind of reminds me of a sweater straight off of Dr. Seuss. Wonder why that is.

Kind of reminds me of a sweater straight off of Dr. Seuss. Wonder why that is.

34. Of course, Easter wouldn’t be Easter without the Easter Bunny.

Well, at least in the US and Germany anyway. Other countries may or may not have one.

Well, at least in the US and Germany anyway. Other countries may or may not have one.

35. This one has eggs and bunnies on string.

Or so it seems. Then again, bunnies and eggs are common Easter motifs, obviously.

Or so it seems. Then again, bunnies and eggs are common Easter motifs, obviously.

36. On some Easter sweaters you can only fit so much.

This one seems to go all out with bunnies, eggs, and other things galore. Nevertheless, it's very tacky.

This one seems to go all out with bunnies, eggs, and other things galore. Nevertheless, it’s very tacky.

37. Wanna draw chick wings? I’m sure swirls would do the trick.

Not sure what to make about this design. Seems rather trendy from some standpoint. But still has some cuteness appeal for Easter.

Not sure what to make about this design. Seems rather trendy from some standpoint. But still has some cuteness appeal for Easter.

38. Sometimes an Easter sweater can become a real patchwork.

This one seems to have a lot of stuff in bright Easter colors. Also includes a heart and a fortune cookie.

This one seems to have a lot of stuff in bright Easter colors. Also includes a heart and a fortune cookie.

39. Some of these bunnies are hiding in their little holes.

Probably because they're trying desperately not to get caught by pest control. Because they tend to ruin gardens during the spring and summer.

Probably because they’re trying desperately not to get caught by pest control. Because they tend to ruin gardens during the spring and summer.

40. For an Easter hoodie, you can’t go wrong with a rabbit ear hood.

This might seem like a normal hoodie. But keep in mind it has rabbit ears and short sleeves.

This might seem like a normal hoodie. But keep in mind it has rabbit ears and short sleeves.

41. Sometimes bunnies put their Easter eggs on an Easter tree.

I know some people have an Easter tree according to Pinterest. My family doesn't do this. But here's a sweater anyway.

I know some people have an Easter tree according to Pinterest. My family doesn’t do this. But here’s a sweater anyway.

42. Sometimes a bunny just needs a rest.

Yes, this bunny is taking a break to enjoy the flowers and the breeze. And there's a yellow butterfly near the top.

Yes, this bunny is taking a break to enjoy the flowers and the breeze. And there’s a yellow butterfly near the top.

43. Looks like this bunny has found itself in the carrot patch.

And if it was smart, it would get it's ass out of there before the gardener shows up. Or pest control. Whichever comes first.

And if it was smart, it would get it’s ass out of there before the gardener shows up. Or pest control. Whichever comes first.

44. A green sweater like this always has to come with chicks.

Not sure if that yellow matches with that green. Then again, I'm not a fan of that shade of green.

Not sure if that yellow matches with that green. Then again, I’m not a fan of that shade of green.

45. An Easter sweater like this has a bunny on each side.

Well, black and white bunnies anyway. Then again, I think I like these bunnies better than the white ones.

Well, black and white bunnies anyway. Then again, I think I like these bunnies better than the white ones.

46. Looks like these rabbits are running around the flowers.

This one includes tulips and daffodils, which are spring garden flowers. And let's just say the bunnies should get out soon.

This one includes tulips and daffodils, which are spring garden flowers. And let’s just say the bunnies should get out soon.

47. An Easter sweater like this has as many eggs as you desire.

If it weren't for the eggs, I would've sworn this would be something a clown would wear. Then again, it's kind of the point.

If it weren’t for the eggs, I would’ve sworn this would be something a clown would wear. Then again, it’s kind of the point.

48. Nothing makes Easter worthwhile than wearing a sweater vest of chicks.

And it seems they've taken a fascination with the pom poms. Still, these are cute.

And it seems they’ve taken a fascination with the pom poms. Still, these are cute.

49. On Easter, almost anything can come out of an Easter egg.

Well, at least on this ugly sweater. In real life not so much except in decorations.

Well, at least on this ugly sweater. In real life not so much except in decorations.

50. For an Easter sweater, pom poms make great cotton tails.

Indeed they do. But on this pink cardigan, there are some pom poms unattached to bunnies as well.

Indeed they do. But on this pink cardigan, there are some pom poms unattached to bunnies as well.

51. This Easter sweater seems crowded with almost everything.

And there are no squares to keep everything straight. Then again, that might be just as well for tackiness's sake.

And there are no squares to keep everything straight. Then again, that might be just as well for tackiness’s sake.

52. For an Easter sweater, you can’t go wrong with Easter eggs.

Okay, this one seems like something a clown would wear. And not one with good fashion sense either.

Okay, this one seems like something a clown would wear. And not one with good fashion sense either.

53. For an unconventional idea on an Easter sweater, go with an Easter bonnet.

Better yet, wear an Easter bonnet with this sweater. Make sure it's just as outrageous as this one.

Better yet, wear an Easter bonnet with this sweater. Make sure it’s just as outrageous as this one.

54. This Easter sweater is sure to celebrate the bounty of spring.

By using shoddy colors and ignoring the fact that pears don't come out in the spring. Seriously, they get ripe at the same time most fruits do.

By using shoddy colors and ignoring the fact that pears don’t come out in the spring. Seriously, they get ripe at the same time most fruits do.

55. If you’re into cuteness, this Easter vest will do just fine.

Well, this is in mostly pastels. Then again, Easter is a holiday known for cuteness.

Well, this is in mostly pastels. Then again, Easter is a holiday known for cuteness.

56. Seems like this bunny has his own ugly sweater.

Tacky sweater it may be. But still, I have to give its designer credit for originality.

Tacky sweater it may be. But still, I have to give its designer credit for originality.

57. So many bunnies, so little carrots.

Because bunnies tend to breed like rabbits. And let's just say, eventually, there won't be enough carrots to go around.

Because bunnies tend to breed like rabbits. And let’s just say, eventually, there won’t be enough carrots to go around.

58. On an Easter sweater like this, bunnies keep popping everywhere.

This one is in bright colors with squares of eggs, flowers, and bunnies. Kind of tacky but kind of cute, too.

This one is in bright colors with squares of eggs, flowers, and bunnies. Kind of tacky but kind of cute, too.

59. This Easter sweater seems to have rows of eggs, bunnies, and flowers.

I think this was designed like a traditional ugly Christmas sweater. But with spring and Easter motifs instead.

I think this was designed like a traditional ugly Christmas sweater. But with spring and Easter motifs instead.

60. A bright blue cardigan is always sure to stand out.

Seems like these have bunnies on the shoulders and the middle. Still, pretty tacky but cute.

Seems like these have bunnies on the shoulders and the middle. Still, pretty tacky but cute.

61. Looks like one bunny has all the carrots and flowers.

And the top has a butterfly and bee. Nevertheless, love the buttons.

And the top has a butterfly and bee. Nevertheless, love the egg buttons.

62. Apparently, this one has rows and rows of bunnies.

And it seems like they're all in the grass. Some are even near flowers.

And it seems like they’re all in the grass. Some are even near flowers.

63. These bunnies always seem to enjoy daffodils, colored eggs, and produce.

Let's hope they don't get caught with the produce. Or in a garden or field for that matter.

Let’s hope they don’t get caught with the produce. Or in a garden or field for that matter.

64. Of course, lady bunnies can’t go without their Easter bonnets.

Even the carrots seem to have bows on this one. Don't understand why that is. Then again, not sure why these bunnies are wearing bonnets.

Even the carrots seem to have bows on this one. Don’t understand why that is. Then again, not sure why these bunnies are wearing bonnets.

65. A bright pink Easter vest like this is crowded with bunnies.

And I'll certainly say so. Thus, it's bound to pass any tacky test with flying colors.

And I’ll certainly say so. Thus, it’s bound to pass any tacky test with flying colors.

66. If you don’t like a lot of bunnies, you can always have some around the collar.

And these are linked by carrots for good measure. Nevertheless, I'm sure a guy would be able to wear this in the right size.

And these are linked by carrots for good measure. Nevertheless, I’m sure a guy would be able to wear this in the right size.

67. If you like sequins, bunnies, and eggs, this sweater is for you.

Yes, this one has eggs and bunnies on it. And yes, sequins can be tacky. So this one goes on the post.

Yes, this one has eggs and bunnies on it. And yes, sequins can be tacky. So this one goes on the post.

68. A dark colored Easter sweater really brings out the daffodils.

Well, this is a cardigan. But it has a bunny on each side. Still, like the color.

Well, this is a cardigan. But it has a bunny on each side. Still, like the color.

69. A pink Easter sweater like this has bunnies all over the place.

So do some of the others. Not to mention an Easter egg and carrot trim.

So do some of the others. Not to mention an Easter egg and carrot trim.

70. For a unique Easter creature, you can’t go wrong with a unicorn.

Not sure if unicorns are Easter creatures. But this unique sweater does appear in the Easter spirit.

Not sure if unicorns are Easter creatures. But this unique sweater does appear in the Easter spirit.

71. If you like a sunset, this gazebo cardigan is just the thing.

This one has a gazebo in a duck pond. Yes, it's tacky but you have to like the colors.

This one has a gazebo in a duck pond. Yes, it’s tacky but you have to like the colors.

72. This Easter, perhaps you might want an ugly sweater for your dog.

I know some people might want something like this. But I think dogs ware perfectly fine in their fur and don't need any clothes whatsoever.

I know some people might want something like this. But I think dogs ware perfectly fine in their fur and don’t need any clothes whatsoever.

73. If you like ducks, this one is for you.

This is a sweater made in the style of a tank top. Why such sweaters exist, I have no idea.

This is a sweater made in the style of a tank top. Why such sweaters exist, I have no idea.

74. When it comes to featuring Easter stuff, squares always help.

Well, at least on sweaters. But this is incredibly hideous if you ask me.

Well, at least on sweaters. But this is incredibly hideous if you ask me.

75. This Easter sweater vest could possibly bring an air of distinction.

Then again, maybe not. I'm sure the carrots and bunnies on this might be hard to take seriously.

Then again, maybe not. I’m sure the carrots and bunnies on this might be hard to take seriously.

76. Seems like this dog and bunny are becoming good friends.

Okay, that's just totally wrong. Why do they have to make sweaters like these, why?

Okay, that’s just totally wrong. Why do they have to make sweaters like these, why?

77. If you love rainbows, you might love a dress like this.

This one is called, "Happy As a Rainbow Dress." Sure it's tacky but I'm positive it's Easter appropriate.

This one is called, “Happy As a Rainbow Dress.” Sure it’s tacky but I’m positive it’s Easter appropriate.

78. I’m sure an Easter sweater can’t get as spectacular as this.

Well, one in that Christmas sweater setup anyway. Still, it's incredibly colorful.

Well, one in that Christmas sweater setup anyway. Still, it’s incredibly colorful.

79. Who says men can’t wear pastel colors for Easter?

Because this guy is certainly rocking his us ugly Easter sweater. He even has rabbit ears, too.

Because this guy is certainly rocking his us ugly Easter sweater. He even has rabbit ears, too.

80. An Easter T-shirt like this is guaranteed to make you a hit.

Seems like the graphics were inspired by Atari. But it includes the conventional bunnies and colored eggs.

Seems like the graphics were inspired by Atari. But it includes the conventional bunnies and colored eggs.