Crime shows are an ongoing staple of television since its early days and cops are often featured as the heroes solving murders, taking part of car chases, and keeping the city safe from the criminal element. Almost every network channel has one. Yes, cop shows are fun as well as filled with all kinds of action and drama keeping viewers at the edge of their seats. Of course, we all want to see the one cop helping to bring the criminals to justice every week if we could. However, like a lot of things in the media, cop aren’t the best sources of information pertaining to police procedural. In fact, there are a lot of things cops do on TV that a real life policeman wouldn’t get away with. And in light of many police shootings on unarmed victims in the United States (many of them black), we have to be aware that real cops are flawed people and certain rules exist for a reason. Besides, just because certain police actions may look cool in cop shows, doesn’t mean they should be applied in real life situations. Still, many cop shows tend to follow certain formulas that you’d recognize which is why I’m listing all the stuff cops do on TV which they wouldn’t get away with in the real world. So in the name of the law enjoy this post or else. By the way, this counts for movies and other media featuring fiction as well.
- Make sure you’re paired with a colleague who’s the complete opposite of your personality. (Opposites may attract and be good for drama and comedy. But this doesn’t mean that they’re compatible or will grow into a beautiful friendship. Such relationships don’t always work out like Bert and Ernie. But in many buddy cop movies and cop shows, you see such pairings all the time.)
- Have a shitty personal life which can involve alcoholism, philandering, smoking, divorce, estrangement, absenteeism, drug use, personal tragedy, messy finances, mental illness, personal trauma, and other not so rosy stuff like that. (As in any profession, there are a lot of cops who have shitty personal lives and bad habits. And there are some who aren’t nice people. However, almost every cop show has at least one policemen with a terrible personal life. Sometimes this might pertain to much of the cast like in Homicide: Life on the Street or The Wire. Nevertheless, a terrible personal life doesn’t always make a great cop.)
- Remember that everyone above your immediate supervisor is virtually incompetent and/or self-serving jerks that are corrupt as hell. (You see this on a lot of cop shows particularly on Homicide: Life on the Street and The Wire. Anyone ranking above the reasonable and kindly Lts. Al Giardello or Cedric Daniels {with the exception of Major Bunny Coleman} is either someone who’s reached their level of incompetence, a corrupt self-serving jerk, or both. Sometimes even the immediate supervisor isn’t safe either like in Foyle’s War or Pie in the Sky. I’m sure the tendency for this is exaggerated.)
- Detectives are real police while uniform officers are corrupt and/or incompetent stooges, redshirts, backup, muscle, or decorations. (Of course, it should be obvious that most cop shows usually focus on detectives since it’s their job to solve crimes. Uniform officer duties aren’t usually highlighted except when it comes to needing security backup or muscle. Also, they’re more likely to be bad or be killed.)
- Good cops are usually ineligible for promotion since they refuse to play politics, clash with superiors and coworkers, and/or don’t seem to have some affinity for workplace culture. (Most good TV cops usually don’t make it higher than Lieutenant {there are exceptions, however}. Still, you find that a lot of TV cops tend to have issues with authority and workplace culture as well as don’t let politics get in the way of their job. This might be true to some extent in real life, but probably not at that frequency.)
- Remember sometimes rules can be a hindrance than a help in a lot of situations. So it’s okay not to follow them when there’s a dangerous killer on the loose. (We have rules for a reason. Besides, while cops might want to keep people safe, we know all to well of many disobeying the rules as well as leading to incidents that have killed innocent people.)
- Got anger issues? No problem. (Police with bad tempers and anger issues don’t make effective law enforcement officers, for obvious reasons. Anger makes people destructively impulsive which is the last thing you want in a police officer. It’s one thing if a cop loses it once in a while since their job can be quite stressful. But a cop with rather destructive and chronic anger issues is perhaps one of your worst nightmares as well as results in complaints and no win situations. Better go with Jimmy McNulty than Dirty Harry. Then again, better stick with Lester Freamon who’s about as cool as they come since McNulty can be rather impulsive, too.)
- Using violence against suspected criminals is always justified and effective, no matter how excessive. (Now I understand that police may occasionally have to use force to prevent certain incidents that put people’s lives in danger. Sometimes this might mean fistfights, sometimes firearms. However, the fact cops tend to employ certain acts of violence when it comes to subduing suspects has led people to be blind to recent real life incidents pertaining to cops employing excessive force to unarmed blacks. Now some of them may have been criminals but that doesn’t mean you should shoot them, especially multiple times that it kills them. One shot is usually enough to subdue a suspect if it doesn’t kill them first {since gunshot wounds are always serious and need medical attention}. Tasering works, too. Shooting a suspect multiple times should only be reserved for the most dangerous criminals like Bonnie and Clyde, Baby Face Nelson, and others like them. Besides, even though criminals are bad people, they do have rights like anyone else. And there’s a reason why we have laws protecting them, particularly from physical violence like beating up suspects. You might know it as “police brutality.” So if a good cop should use force, they better have a very good reason for it.)
- Don’t worry about destroying property like expensive police cars. Sometimes carelessness is to be expected. (Actually destruction of police property carries costs paid by taxpayers who will complain about it. Besides, cops engaging in such acts could eventually be fired for incurring such destruction, especially when it comes to totaling expensive police cars. Collateral damage may be justified sometimes, but not if it involves destroying a house to arrest a couple of pot farmers.)
- Compromising your partner’s safety is to be expected. (Police work does carry an amount of personal risk and I’m sure cops can’t prevent their partners from getting shot some of the time. But when it comes to one cop’s partners always getting shot, well, let’s just say other police wouldn’t want to ride in their police car. At that point, the police officer has become a serious safety liability to their colleagues’ safety.)
- Breaking into people’s homes doesn’t always require a search warrant. (Actually it does most of the time like 99% of the time. Besides, you see this a lot in American cop shows despite the fact that it’s basically illegal under the Fourth Amendment in the Bill of Rights.)
- Stealing from a suspected criminal is a perfect way to catch them if you don’t have much evidence on their deeds but know they did it anyway. (Seriously, while criminals are defined as such for breaking the law, stealing is still stealing. I mean even if you’re a cop, you’d probably should know better than to steal stuff from a Wall Street executive if you want to put them in jail. Also, tampering with evidence should never be encouraged because such acts have either put innocent people in jail or left cases unsolved. Not to mention, such acts have left criminals go free for obvious reasons. Same goes when evidence is obtained through blackmail or bribery.)
- Don’t go after the wrongfully convicted guy who escapes from prison and is out to find the real murderer. Even if he commits a bunch of other crimes in the process, don’t go after him. (Actually if you’re a cop, you should since such a person is not only breaking the law, but also compromising other people’s safety.)
- Don’t go after vigilantes willing to put the law in their own hands when the system fails them. (Actually you should because vigilantes are criminals as well as a danger to others.’ Sure they may want justice, but it’s justice in their own minds. And “justice” to them might mean something completely different to the law of the land. They’re not people who are on neighborhood watch programs {who call the cops if something bad happens}. Cops exist for a reason and we need to respect that.)
- Sometimes insubordination can be perfectly justifiable. (Maybe in some cases when it pertains to detectives actually doing their jobs better than their superiors would like. Or their superiors could be corrupt as hell as well. But we have rules and bosses for a reason and sometimes one’s superiors can actually be right.)
- Sometimes vigilante style executions are necessary. (Now a cop might have a reason to kill someone if them or their partners are in serious danger {as well as civilians}. And yes, cops may make some mistakes as well in some situations. However, killing someone as a way of taking the law in their own hands, well, let’s just say even police aren’t exempt from that. You see a lot of this in action movies involving cops like Dirty Harry. However, whenever a cop takes any vigilante execution in real life, they could be fired, jailed, or subject to public scandal.)
- If you’re an attractive, heterosexual woman, keep in mind that you’ll be expected to go undercover as a stripper or prostitute. Well, anything that would require you to wear little or no clothing. (Yes, this does happen in real life. But it’s very controversial as well as legal and morally delicate. Not to mention, it has a very high chance of going spectacularly wrong and can easily turn into a case where a would-be arrestee sues either the city or state for entrapment or worse. Most real life prostitution stings usually involve the undercover female police officer doing just the absolute minimum to make it absolutely clear that the client is really buying sex. And once money changes hands, she just excuses herself while her colleagues {who’ve been monitoring the situation from a parked car} storm in and make the arrest. Thus, this stuff really isn’t as fun as you see on TV.)
- If you’re a woman, it pays that you’re either ridiculously attractive, young, or both. (Yes, there may be good looking and/or young female cops out there. But being a good cop doesn’t require a woman to be either. Besides, there are plenty of older and unattractive women who could be good cops as well. Still, you also see this among male cops in shows but it’s more often endemic among female police officers though.)
- “Good Cop/Bad Cop” routines always work well in interrogations. (Yes, real cops do this, but they only usually reserve it for naive or frightened suspects. It’s meant to imply that the “bad cop” might cause some real injury to the suspect so it be best to cooperate with the “good cop” to avoid any harm. However, cooler heads usually recognize it and find such tactics insulting. Not to mention, it’s a legally risky maneuver because of the potential for the interrogator to say something genuinely coercive.)
- If you’re a white guy, there’s nothing wrong with being misogynist or racist. (Actually there is since we’ve heard a bunch of stories about US cops shooting unarmed black men on the news. Not to mention, a lot of women who are in jail for murdering their abusive boyfriends/husbands. Of course, there are some misogynist and/or racist cops who try to do a good job though.)
- Be as worthless or antagonizing to the victims, society, and/or protagonist as possible. (You see this a lot in movies and TV shows for some reason. Nevertheless, police are human beings and try to do their job as best they can. Sometimes they can be prone to making mistakes or coming to the wrong conclusions. Still, movies and TV shows tend to exaggerate certain situations like on Dexter.)
- Remember that one mistake in procedure will eventually lead to the suspect going free on a technicality. (While some criminals do go free over certain circumstances {like Casey Anthony}, it happens less often than you think and not in the ways depicted. Nevertheless, such concepts in full force in Dexter since the protagonist always needs a reason to kill serial killers so the Miami Police Department becomes incredibly ineffective as a result, especially in Homicide. However, if the show conformed to real life, most of the serial killers Dexter murdered would be in jail and probably still alive. And it wouldn’t last beyond the second season since the Homicide detectives would soon catch wind of some of Dexter’s suspicious behavior according to witnesses and would soon apprehend him. Nevertheless, it would’ve been more realistic if Dexter was set before they began using DNA evidence.)
- Remember that if a suspect has a motive, then he or she probably didn’t do it. (On TV and movies, a suspect can be ruled out on motive. However, real life cops don’t give a shit about the motive. All that matters to them is whether the suspect could’ve committed the crime and how. They don’t care why.)
- Enhanced interrogation techniques are always effective on suspects. (Newsflash: They’re not. EIT qualifies as psychological torture by international law. It’s also inadmissible in court.)
- Interrogation through torture always works. (I know Hollywood tends to sell us this concept all the time. However, it’s illegal under international law as well as in many jurisdictions. And there’s no real proof that it works effectively or dependably. Sometimes torture would just make the suspect say anything to stop it even if it’s false. Because the torture doesn’t stop when the victim tells the truth but when they tell the perpetrator what they want to hear. For instance, when tortured into given the names of his squadron by the North Vietnamese as a POW, John McCain was able to stop his tormenters by naming players from the Green Bay Packers. The North Vietnamese thought he gave the information they wanted and fell for it. Not to mention, information obtained through torture are seen as inadmissible in court.)
- Be aware that only bad people call their lawyers. (You see this a lot in crime shows all the time. However, if you get arrested in real life, it’s best advised that you say nothing, write nothing, sign nothing, and do nothing except call for a lawyer and refuse to answer questions without one. This is especially good advice for anyone who’s reasonably innocent because having legal counsel doesn’t make one guilty by default. Sure an innocent person may think that they can explain the situation logically and reason it out with police, yet such actions can get them in a lot of trouble. Keep in mind police are human beings with their own cognitive biases and being accused of a violent crime would be a terrifying situation for anyone. If they have a narrative in their heads about how the crime went down, it’s very easy for them to fit an innocent person’s comments into such narrative. And no, it’s not out of maliciousness either but a simple desire to solve a case. Thus, such notions lead to most suspects never calling their lawyers regardless of guilt or innocence. Then again, most crime suspects aren’t too bright.)
- If you’re stumped on a suspect’s identity on trace evidence, remember almost ever police station has access to some sort of crime database. (You see this in a lot of recent cop shows. But while some of these databases exist, they’re not as impressive than what you see on CSI. For one, there must be a pre-existing compendium of all possible samples of whatever is being identified. While forensics can match samples to stuff like paint or glass down to the manufacturer or batch, they would need two samples: one from the evidence and one to compare against. Also, while you see people on crime shows using a database to find a lead into a case, real forensics usually confirms this after the police have already gotten one. Then there’s the fact that even in well established databases, there are computer scientists who dedicate their whole careers on how to combine databases from various departments and institutions. Not to mention, not all the well established databases are all in a standardized format like you see on TV. For instance, take the databases used for the Department of Defense and Veteran’s Affairs which use software that aren’t compatible with each other.)
- Chalk outlines are especially helpful. (Sorry, but they don’t do that in real life since it contaminates the area and makes things difficult for investigators.)
- You can always threaten to place a warrant or obstruction on a reluctant witness for information. (As any cop reality show will tell you, this does happen occasionally. In real life, obstruction of justice is only applied in the most blatant cases when the witness was later found to actually have something to do with the crime {and has failed to take the Fifth Amendment or local equivalent} or was found to lie to police, destroy evidence, or intentionally tried to sabotage the investigation. However, charging people with obstruction with justice is up to the prosecutor, not the police. And only the courts would bother to do so in major cases because no prosecutor is going to waste their time on someone solely because the cops complain they’re being uncooperative and might’ve witnessed something. Besides, most police and prosecutors know that many witnesses will lie that they saw nothing unless the authorities have real evidence like in Foyle’s War.)
- High altitude interrogations are always useful in obtaining information, particularly if the witness or suspect is involved with organized crime. (This is perhaps the single worst interrogation technique imaginable since this method pertains that the interrogator is threatening to kill the person with needed information {when they should be kept alive}. Furthermore, it might give the potential informant the impression that the interrogator may just kill them after they share the requested information, which doesn’t give them any incentive to cooperate. Besides, this puts the interrogator in a situation where he or she has to either not do it and lose all credibility and control with the situation or let their lead fall to their death and lose the information they could’ve had. Also, like any situation involving torture, it might just lead the person telling the interrogator what they want to hear. Not to mention, such techniques qualify as torture and would get a cop automatically kicked off the force, if not jailed. But in fiction, this technique has a high success rate, unfortunately.)
- Be aware that those in police custody are only allowed one phone call. (As long as suspects have access to legal counsel, they have no legal right to any phone calls except their lawyers. After that, it’s up to the cops to decide.)
- When arresting somebody, always read them their rights. (Seen a lot in crime shows and movies. However, the suspect only needs to be read their rights prior to interrogation. Miranda rights have nothing to do with arrest but questioning so they can be read to witnesses as well. Reading a person’s rights during an arrest might be a better way to get it over with.)
- It’s perfectly fine to continue talking to a suspect after they asked for an attorney during an interrogation. (No, the interrogation doesn’t proceed until the lawyer is present. In fact, it’s an excellent way to get evidence thrown out. Sometimes the cops may hardly bother getting a lawyer and just stop the interrogation entirely.)
- Make sure your interrogations are exciting and quick as possible. (Real interrogations are rarely as exciting as the ones you see in crime dramas. Real police are very careful during interrogations not to lead, badger, or abuse a suspect, and risk a good defense attorney having the testimony be suppressed as evidence. Most interrogations can last for hours, if not days, particularly in felony cases. Most are usually question and answer sessions designed to wear the suspect down over time. There’s rarely any yelling, “good cop/bad cop” routines, or other aggressive techniques unless they can be used and the police can get away with them. However, cops may be allowed to lie to suspects about certain things but not about the legal consequences of confessing to a crime.)
- If someone admits they plan to kill the victim only to be beaten to it, let them go. (Actually these people are confessing to attempted murder at least, which is a crime.)
- Remember that “consultants” are private citizens and aren’t bound by the same rules as police. (Individuals employed in the police department are considered law enforcement agents of the law for exactly this reason. So “consultants” like Monk would be bound by the same rules.)
- Shooting someone in the line of duty won’t interrupt your investigative duties. (Actually when a cop shoots somebody in the line of duty, there will usually be an inquiry to determine whether or not their use of force was justified {especially if the victim dies}. This will result in the cop being on administrative leave and seriously restricted to investigate anything. This is because most police departments know that there are dirty cops out there, especially those willing to commit murder who’d claim that the victim was resisting arrest, assaulting them, or trying to escape.)
- There are always one or two crimes happening within a few moments of each other. (Maybe in Midsomer County. But in real life, a lot of crimes can happen simultaneously as we’ve all known by watching the evening news.)
- Remember if there’s not enough evidence to arrest a suspects by the end of this week’s episode, then they can’t be arrested, even if you have more than enough evidence to bust them for the crimes they committed last week and just narrowly avoided capture. (In real life, the length of the statute of limitations can range from months or years. And for some crimes like murder, it never expires. So, cops, if you don’t have enough evidence to catch Carmen Sandiego for stealing the Mona Lisa this week, but have more than enough evidence that she stole the Crown Jewels last week, you can totally arrest her now. However, I’m not sure about Javert pursuing Jean Valjean violating his parole decades ago. That statute of limitations might’ve passed in 19th century France but I can’t be certain.)
- Anything that a criminal says to their lawyer is absolutely confidential information and can’t be used as evidence against them. (This only applies if the suspect is accused of the crime, thinks they’re guilty and wants to plead the Fifth, think they’re a suspect, or think you might be accused of a crime if you don’t cooperate with the authorities. Also pertains to any past crimes as well. However, what a suspect might say to their lawyers during an informal conversation or consultation isn’t confidential and can be used as evidence. And if the suspect talks about committing future crimes, then their lawyer is required to turn them in.)
- A victim of a crime is free to drop charges against a perpetrator at any time. (When the police are called, this decision may be very well out of the victim’s hands. By then it might be up to the prosecutor. Too many people learned the hard way about this in real life.)
- If the underage participant was willing and the sex was consensual, then it’s not statutory rape. (You see this in a lot of cop shows. But in most nations, it’s never the case since it’s the entire purpose of statutory rape laws. However, if a minor says that they were in a sexual relationship with the accused sex offender, then this pretty much seals the deal as far as the courts are concerned. The only defense against a statutory rape charge is denying that the sex ever took place to begin with. Minors aren’t seen as mentally or emotionally mature enough to make their own decisions when it comes to sex and for very good reasons. Thus, there opinions on the case have no bearing on anything.)
- If the underage participant lied about their age, then it’s not statutory rape. (Uh, it totally is because lack of awareness of a partner’s age is not a defense in most jurisdictions {sorry, Roman Polanski}. So if the victim was 14 and the offender was 24, then the prosecutor is perfectly justified in prosecuting the case. However, this might not apply if both partners were between 16 and 20 years old depending on jurisdiction. In most states that go lower than 18 as the age of consent, then legal marriage may be required with the permission of the minor’s parents.)
- Criminal informants can be immune from prosecution if they agree to testify as a witness in cases involving a bigger criminal. (Actually this only applies to the crimes they admit to in their testimonies which can’t be used as evidence against them in subsequent cases. It doesn’t mean that they’re absolved from what they’ve done because police can still build a case against them. So while Omar may admit to robbing drug dealers in his testimony, this doesn’t mean he can’t be arrested for such activities. Because he totally can. It’s just that the Baltimore Police Department can’t arrest him on evidence based on what he told Maurice Levy like, “I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase.”)
- There’s nothing wrong with badgering, harassing, and tricking the suspect into revealing evidence that would eventually convict them. (Sorry, Columbo, but this is highly illegal as well as breaches many various civil and ethical protections against police abuse and harassment as well as a suspect’s presumption of innocence. A lot of people have been convicted of murder because of overzealous police and prosecutors who are completely sure of their guilt.)
- It’s perfectly fine to tamper with evidence. (No it ain’t. Columbo also has a bad habit of this since he obtained evidence by walking around, picking something up, putting it in his pocket, and keeping it until he can show it to the murderer. Evidence obtained this way isn’t permissible in court and would cause any real forensic detectives throwing fits at him. If evidence should be permissible in court, then it should be in a plastic bag with an evidence label.)
- Polygraph test results are admissible in court. (Actually they aren’t because they aren’t reliable at all in lie detection. Sociopaths are well-known to beat polygraph tests very easily because they lie without shame or nervousness. Then there’s the fact that certain people fail polygraph tests despite telling the truth mainly because they’re nervous during the whole thing.)
- Suspect has left your jurisdiction? No problem, just chase them in hot pursuit. (Actually that’s not how hot pursuit goes. While it might allow a sheriff to pursue a suspect in adjoining counties, but not beyond that. Nor would it grant them to pursue the suspect over multiple states, which would be the job of the local authorities, the state police, or the FBI.)
- Remember that a suspect can always get off on insanity. (Actually those who plea insanity don’t actually get off. Most of the time they not only have to be confined to a mental institution {which might last forever}, they also have to serve their sentence as well. John Hinckley Jr. would’ve been a free man today if he didn’t plead insanity when charged with attempting to assassinate Ronald Reagan.)
- If you’re going undercover, then you must identify yourself when asked. (Police have no obligation to blow their cover even if asked directly, which makes perfect sense. If they did, then there could be no sting operations whatsoever.)
- Tracing calls usually takes a long time. (Actually it doesn’t if the number is 911 or in federal intelligence organizations like the FBI, CIA, or the NSA.)
- If you don’t read a suspect their Miranda rights, they will go free. (Not so, since Miranda rights are read for people about to be interrogated. And if police don’t, then that just means that the prosecutor won’t be able to use a suspect’s testimony against them in court.)
- Aggressive, confrontational policing is the best way to control crime. (Actually it’s said that “community policing” is better which stresses community involvement as well as solutions that don’t involve more arrests, raids, and street sweeps.So this might actually make Sheriff Andy Taylor one of the best policemen on television.)
- If you’re sure that a suspect is innocent, you can let them go. (Sorry, but police can’t do that in most states. It’s up for the Grand Jury or prosecutor to decide. And that person may be let go anyway because there’s are reasonable doubts of their guilt. There’s a reason why so many political and police prosecutions usually fail.)
- A confession is verbatim no matter what the circumstances. (Actually many have given confessions either under duress or as part of a plea bargain deal but have been found innocent due to DNA evidence later.)
- There is always a police code for everything. (Maybe, but that doesn’t mean all cops have it memorized, know exactly what it means, or have been trained for its eventual use. Do you think cops have been trained to handle an alien invasion? I think not.)
- Remember that the closer you approach mandatory retirement, the more likely your days are numbered. (In cop shows, when a police officer announces that they’re about to retire after one last case, it’s very likely they won’t make it out alive. However, such concept is greatly exaggerated in the real world.)
- If you’re a detective, then make sure you’re in units like Vice Squad, Homicide, Narcotics, Special Victims, or Major Crimes. (There are plenty of other units in Police Departments as well that don’t deal with violent crimes at all. Then there’s also Arson, Fugitive Squad, and Missing Persons, too. Of course, in most fictional crime stories, the crime is usually murder.)
- Always trust forensics, medical examiners, and crime scene investigators. (Actually the quality of a police department’s forensics, morgues, or CSI units aren’t always equipped with the latest technology that you see in crime shows where they always seem to know what they’re doing. Not to mention, in some places the coroner is elected, this doesn’t mean he or she is actually qualified to determine cause of death. Hell, some coroners may not even be doctors or not even specialize in pathology. And not everyone has the good fortune to have an ME like Cyril Wecht in their jurisdiction. Also, there are plenty of incidences where forensics, MEs, and CSI units have gotten things wrong. Such mistakes can really fuck up investigations as well as bring great distress to families. Let’s just say those involved in the autopsy of Michael Jordan’s dad really screwed up. In fact, Frontline has a documentary pertaining to forensics and post mortems which doesn’t mean such units can always be trusted.)
- Remember that most of your job will consist of shoot outs, long car chases, standoffs, and serial killers. (Actually, most cops lead less dangerous lives than they do on TV. Sure people get shot in the line of duty but a lot of police work usually involves identifying, arresting, and interrogating suspects along with certain amounts of paperwork {at least for detectives}. Actually it depends on the kind of police officer you are.)
The Lone Girl in a Crowd 