Great Figures in Shakespeare: Part 10 – Lady Kate Percy to John of Lancaster

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For some reason, the 3 witches have been paying excessive attention to Macbeth since he became Thane of Cawdor. Do they just predict the future or are they intent on causing trouble? No one knows.

So now we’re down to the last post. You might notice that there’s not a lot of women in Shakespeare’s plays. Well, there’s a reason for that. In the Bard’s day, all actors were men and most women’s roles were played by preteen or teenage boys or young men. Since many of Shakespeare’s heroines dressed in drag, these would’ve been men dressed up as women dressed as men. I know it’s confusing. Still, such theatrics existed because women weren’t allowed to perform on stage during Shakespeare’s lifetime. So this would mean that the original Juliet was played by a dude, which most people nowadays would consider unthinkable for obvious reasons. Nevertheless, women wouldn’t appear on stage in England until the later 1600s since King Charles II enjoyed watching actresses on stage. However, until the 1800s, actors were typically looked down upon as many actresses often courtesans and associated with promiscuity. In our final selection, I give you the last set of Shakespearean players consisting of Lady Percy, Sextus Pompey and Lepidus from Antony and Cleopatra, John of Lancaster, the Earl of Warwick, Eleanor of Gloucester, Florizel and Perdita from The Winter’s Tale, Virgilia and Tullus Aufidius from Coriolanus, Owen Glendower, Lucentio from Taming of the Shrew, the Witches from Macbeth, Paroles from All’s Well That Ends Well, and the Ghost from Hamlet.

 

136. Lady Kate Percy

"O my good lord, why are you thus alone?/For what offence have I this fortnight been/A banished woman from my Harry's bed?/Tell me, sweet lord, what is 't that takes from thee/Thy stomach, pleasure, and thy golden sleep?/Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the earth,/And start so often when thou sit'st alone?/Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks/And given my treasures and my rights of thee/To thick-eyed musing and cursed melancholy?" - Act II, Scene 3. Wonder what's keeping Hotspur from sleeping with his wife. Then again, that's Lady Mary so it kind of explains a lot.

“O my good lord, why are you thus alone?/For what offence have I this fortnight been/A banished woman from my Harry’s bed?/Tell me, sweet lord, what is ‘t that takes from thee/Thy stomach, pleasure, and thy golden sleep?/Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the earth,/And start so often when thou sit’st alone?/Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks/And given my treasures and my rights of thee/To thick-eyed musing and cursed melancholy?” – Act II, Scene 3 in Henry IV Part 1. Wonder what’s keeping Hotspur from sleeping with his wife. Then again, that’s Lady Mary so it kind of explains a lot.

From: Henry IV Parts 1 and 2

Pro: Well, she’s practically a saint as well as witty, patient, and playful with her beloved husband. Calls out her father-in-law for sending her husband to war before calling in sick.

Con: However, she tends to be horny and neglected since her husband prefers the battlefield to their bedroom. Always complains about his disinterest in sex and on more than one occasion, playfully threatens to “break” his dick (which is the medieval equivalent of going Lorena Bobbit on him). It doesn’t work and he gets killed.

Fate: Ends up a widow as of Henry IV Part 2.

 

137. Sextus Pompey the Younger

"My powers are crescent, and my auguring hope/Says it will come to th' full. Mark Antony/In Egypt sits at dinner, and will make/No wars without doors. Caesar gets money where/He loses hearts. Lepidus flatters both,/Of both is flattered; but he neither loves,/Nor either cares for him." - Act II, Scene 1. Well, Pompey seems to have insight to the political situation. Too bad he's too honorable for his own good.

“My powers are crescent, and my auguring hope/Says it will come to th’ full. Mark Antony/In Egypt sits at dinner, and will make/No wars without doors. Caesar gets money where/He loses hearts. Lepidus flatters both,/Of both is flattered; but he neither loves,/Nor either cares for him.” – Act II, Scene 1. Well, Pompey seems to have insight to the political situation. Too bad he’s too honorable for his own good.

From: Antony and Cleopatra

Pro: Despite being a pain in the ass for the Romans, he’s actually an okay guy. Is guided by reason and honor instead of passion. Plays by the rules. Well loved by the people. Faces his fate nobly. Is willing to negotiate against his enemies before he goes to war with them. Would rather compromise than have blood shed, not out of cowardice but common sense. Also, invites his enemies to party on his boat and refuses have any of them killed. Because when he makes a truce, he means it.

Con: Gets confused for his more famous dad in the history books. Rebels against Rome in order to avenge his dad’s death at the hands of Julius Caesar and against the new triumvirate. Also, he would’ve fared better if he listened to Menas and have the drunken triumvirs killed since these are guys would probably shoot him in a back alley (well, except Antony).

Fate: Ends up executed on Octavius Caesar’s orders.

 

138. Lucentio

"Love wrought these miracles. Bianca's love/Made me exchange my state with Tranio,/While he did bear my countenance in the town." - Act V, Scene 1. However, he has no idea on what Bianca's really like. He just loved what he saw of her.

“Love wrought these miracles. Bianca’s love/Made me exchange my state with Tranio,/While he did bear my countenance in the town.” – Act V, Scene 1. However, he has no idea on what Bianca’s really like. He just loved what he saw of her.

From: Taming of the Shrew

Pro: Devises an intricate and fanciful fan to get into Bianca’s pants by disguising himself as her tutor. Convinces her to defy her dad. Seems to be a better guy than Petruchio at first, especially in how he treats Bianca since his desire to marry is based on romantic love.

Con: He’s an idiot who has no idea what he’s doing. Quickly abandons his education to fall in love and later elope with Bianca. However, he tends to fall for what he initially sees like her exterior façade, not her as a person.

Fate: Marries Bianca but loses the bet to Petruchio. Guess he didn’t know what he was getting into. Loses some money and street cred.

 

139. Lepidus

"Noble friends,/That which combined us was most great, and let not/A leaner action rend us. What's amiss,/May it be gently heard. When we debate/Our trivial difference loud, we do commit/Murder in healing wounds. Then, noble partners,/The rather for I earnestly beseech,/Touch you the sourest points with sweetest terms,/Nor curstness grow to th' matter." - Act II, Scene 2. Sure he may be right. But remember, this "let's rule Rome together thing," isn't really working out too well.

“Noble friends,/That which combined us was most great, and let not/A leaner action rend us. What’s amiss,/May it be gently heard. When we debate/Our trivial difference loud, we do commit/Murder in healing wounds. Then, noble partners,/The rather for I earnestly beseech,/Touch you the sourest points with sweetest terms,/Nor curstness grow to th’ matter.” – Act II, Scene 2. Sure he may be right. But remember, this “let’s rule Rome together thing,” isn’t really working out too well.

From: Julius Caesar and Antony and Cleopatra

Pro: Generally a good guy with a conciliatory nature and tries to make everyone friends.

Con: Weakest of the second triumvirate. Is blind to everyone’s passion and treachery. Doesn’t do much. Is seen as a laughingstock even to his friends and inferiors, especially when he gets drunk. Is more interested in Egyptian animals than Antony and Octavius getting on each other’s nerves. So naïve that he’s torn between men he thinks are his friends but ends up losing his position and freedom. Is basically a lamb in a pack of a political wolves. Not to mention, he believes that people have the common good in mind while they’re actually thinking of their own personal good.

Fate: Ends up caged and executed by Octavius Caesar.

 

140. Paroles

"There's little can be said in 't. 'Tis against the rule of nature. To speak on the part of virginity is to accuse your mothers, which is most infallible disobedience." - Act I, Scene 1. Guess this guy hasn't heard about "double standards" does he? Still, he doesn't get much action because he's a complete jerk.

“There’s little can be said in ‘t. ‘Tis against the rule of nature. To speak on the part of virginity is to accuse your mothers, which is most infallible disobedience.” – Act I, Scene 1. Guess this guy hasn’t heard about “double standards” does he? Still, he doesn’t get much action because he’s a complete jerk.

From: All’s Well That Ends Well

Pro: Well, he’s charismatic and funny to watch. Doesn’t really force Bertram into doing anything.

Con: He’s the Stifler of Shakespearean drama. He’s raunchy, sexist, and all around revolting as well as a guy Holden Caulfield would call, “a phony bastard.” Tries to convince Helen to lose her virginity which is very appalling. As a soldier, he tends to have a big mouth for talking about how great he is as a war hero and a ladies man when in fact, he’s neither. His talking dirty to girls and every woman he comes into contact ends up hating him. On the battlefield, he’s a complete chicken for when he loses his drum on the battlefield, he just stands around trying to come up with a story to convince he’s friends he’s injured. This blows in his face when his friends show up disguised as enemy soldiers. After he’s captured, it doesn’t take him long to sell out his friends in exchange for his freedom. Basically all talk and no action. Is the Countess’s worst nightmare who thinks he’s a terrible influence on her son Bertram. After all, he encourages her son to ditch his wife and acts as a go-between when he tries to have an extra-marital affair with Diana. Also gives Bertram silly advice.

Fate: Is eventually exposed as a coward and a liar.

 

141. The Weird Sisters

"Double, double toil and trouble;/Fire burn, and cauldron bubble." - Act IV, Scene 1. Seems like they're on to something. But what, you may never know.

“Double, double toil and trouble;/Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.” – Act IV, Scene 1. Seems like they’re on to something. But what, you may never know.

From: Macbeth

Pro: Well, since they’re witches, they tend to be quite accurate in predicting the future. Also, have a lot of memorable chants and songs. Not to mention, these women shouldn’t be underestimated.

Con: However, they partly responsible for Macbeth killing Duncan and are kind of freaky looking. Tend to represent evil, darkness, chaos, and conflict. Also we’re not sure whether they’re toiling with human lives or agents of fate.

Fate: No one knows what happened to them.

 

142. Virgilia

"Indeed, no, by your patience; I'll not over the threshold till my lord return from the wars." - Act I, Scene 3. She doesn't really say a lot in this play. Maybe it's for the best.

“Indeed, no, by your patience; I’ll not over the threshold till my lord return from the wars.” – Act I, Scene 3. She doesn’t really say a lot in this play. Maybe it’s for the best.

From: Coriolanus

Pro: She’s a perfect wife and mom who’s chaste, obedient, loving, and silent. However, she hates seeing her husband Coriolanus off to war and is one of the only characters in the cast who hates violence while even her mother-in-law and best friend talk about blood and guts.

Con: Usually keeps her own opinions to herself because she knows that whatever she says won’t influence her husband’s actions (save that one time when it came to sparing Rome). Has no influence on her son’s upbringing whatsoever.

Fate: I don’t think things will go well for her now that her husband’s dad. Because she still lives with her mother-in-law and I’m she’ll be more of an influence to her son Martius than her. And it doesn’t help that he likes to torture butterflies and turning out to be like his old man.

 

143. Tullus Aufidius

"Know thou first,/I loved the maid I married; never man/Sigh'd truer breath. But that I see thee here,/Thou noble thing, more dances my rapt heart/Than when I first my wedded mistress saw/Bestride my threshold." - Act IV, Scene 5. Okay, that seems to have some homoerotic undertones. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

“Know thou first,/I loved the maid I married; never man/Sigh’d truer breath. But that I see thee here,/Thou noble thing, more dances my rapt heart/Than when I first my wedded mistress saw/Bestride my threshold.” – Act IV, Scene 5. Okay, that seems to have some homoerotic undertones. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

From: Coriolanus

Pro: He’s a tough Volscian general who respects Coriolanus as a soldier and is seen as a noble adversary. So when Coriolanus gets kicked out of Rome, he takes the guy in.

Con: Unfortunately, he’s not too keen on sparing Rome and negotiating peace treaties. Also kind of jealous of Coriolanus’s popularity that he eventually accuses him of treason and kills the guy. Afterward, he stands over his corpse in triumph.

Fate: We’re not sure what happens to him. But the Romans won’t be happy and he will not meet a good fate when they capture him.

 

144. King Hamlet Sr.

"I am thy father's spirit,/Doomed for a certain term to walk the night/And for the day confined to fast in fires/Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature/Are burnt and purged away." - Act 1, Scene 5. So let me guess, he wants Hamlet to kill Claudius. Why does revenge always seem to be the answer?

“I am thy father’s spirit,/Doomed for a certain term to walk the night/And for the day confined to fast in fires/Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature/Are burnt and purged away.” – Act 1, Scene 5. So let me guess, he wants Hamlet to kill Claudius. Why does revenge always seem to be the answer?

From: Hamlet

Pro: Well, at least he has some consideration to tell his son what happened from beyond the grave when he gets home. Basically was right about Claudius killing him. Tells Hamlet to be nice to his mom. Well loved and idolized by his son.

Con: Basically tells Hamlet to kill King Claudius so he could be purged of his sins. May not be as straightforward as he seems that Hamlet has to put on a play to realize he’s right. His actions on the war with Norway show us that he wasn’t as great a king as his son thinks. May be a figment of Hamlet’s imagination.

Fate: Well, he’s already dead. But I’m sure he’s going to have company so he won’t be too lonely. Then again, he might be a figure of Hamlet’s imagination.

 

145. Owen Glendower

"I am not in the roll of common men." Act III, Scene 1. No wonder Hotspur thinks he's kind of weird. But he shouldn't have alienated him.

“I am not in the roll of common men.” Act III, Scene 1. No wonder Hotspur thinks he’s kind of weird. But he shouldn’t have alienated him.

From: Henry IV Part 1

Pro: He’s a capable Welsh rebel leader who’s trying to get independence for his country. And he’s also single-handedly pushing the English out of Wales. Must be doing something right.

Con: Believes he has superpowers such as summoning demons and performing magic as well as that heaven and earth shook on his arrival. Spends a strategy meeting promising to use his “powers” to drive out English forces. Even Hotspur thinks this he’s bonkers. Yet, can’t amass his troops in time to back up Hotspur for the Battle of Shrewsbury.

Fate: Dies off stage of an illness.

 

146. Florizel

"When you do dance, I wish you/A wave o’ the sea, that you might ever do/Nothing but that."- Act IV, Scene 4. That's sweet. But I'm afraid your dad won't let you marry the shepherd girl (unless he finds out she's a princess).

“When you do dance, I wish you/A wave o’ the sea, that you might ever do/Nothing but that.”- Act IV, Scene 4. That’s sweet. But I’m afraid your dad won’t let you marry the shepherd girl (unless he finds out she’s a princess).

From: The Winter’s Tale

Pro: Helps Perdita calm her fears about disparity in their social statuses. Would rather lose everything than be apart from Perdita when his dad threatens his son’s happiness. And he runs off to Sicily with her before Polixenes could disfigure her face, hoping to hide in Leontes’s court. This helps restore her family relationships as well as Leontes’s friendship with his dad. Youthful presence has a healing effect on Leontes and his ailing court.

Con: Unfortunately, none of his actions helped reunite all of Leontes’s family.

Fate: Ends up with Perdita.

 

147. Perdita

"Even now I tremble/To think your father, by some accident,/Should pass this way as you did: O, the Fates!/How would he look, to see his work so noble/Vilely bound up? What would he say? Or how/ Should I, in these my borrow'd flaunts, behold/The sternness of his presence?" - Act IV, Scene 4. Well, if you were "Queen of the Feast," you might feel the same way.

“Even now I tremble/To think your father, by some accident,/Should pass this way as you did: O, the Fates!/How would he look, to see his work so noble/Vilely bound up? What would he say? Or how/
Should I, in these my borrow’d flaunts, behold/The sternness of his presence?” – Act IV, Scene 4. Well, if you were “Queen of the Feast,” you might feel the same way.

From: The Winter’s Tale

Pro: She’s a beautiful girl who’s survived jail and being abandoned in the woods before she could even walk. Oh, and she was raised by two shepherd guys but certainly doesn’t look like it. Her return to Sicily with her boyfriend Florizel gives new life to the kingdom.

Con: Doesn’t really have much character depth. Has no idea who she is.

Fate: Ends up with Florizel and is reunited with her parents. Oh, and her shepherd dads are ennobled there, too. However, her older brother is still dead.

 

148. Duchess Eleanor of Gloucester

"My shame will not be shifted with my sheet:/ No, it will hang upon my richest robes/And show itself, attire me how I can. /Go, lead the way; I long to see my prison." - Act II, Scene 4. And there she goes on her walk of shame because she consulted with witches. That's pretty harsh.

“My shame will not be shifted with my sheet:/
No, it will hang upon my richest robes/And show itself, attire me how I can. /Go, lead the way; I long to see my prison.” – Act II, Scene 4. And there she goes on her walk of shame because she consulted with witches. That’s pretty harsh.

From: Henry VI Part 2

Pro: Though ambitious, she’s not as bad as Queen Margaret. Also learned her lesson.

Con: Thinks her husband can become king which makes her husband mad at her. Also consulting with witches to tell the future only works in Macbeth (then again maybe not). When caught, this gets her arrested, publicly humiliated, and banished. This makes her so overcome with shame and her downfall spells the beginning of the end for her husband, too.

Fate: Is exiled to the Isle of Man. But compared to what happened to her husband, she got off easy.

 

149. Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick

"Lo, now my glory smear'd in dust and blood!/My parks, my walks, my manors that I had,/Even now forsake me; and, of all my lands, Is nothing left me, but my body's length!/Why, what is pomp, rule, reign, but earth and dust?/And, live we how we can, yet die we must." - Act V, Scene 2. He's not going to last long. Maybe he shouldn't have switched sides over Edward IV's marriage choice.

“Lo, now my glory smear’d in dust and blood!/My parks, my walks, my manors that I had,/Even now forsake me; and, of all my lands,
Is nothing left me, but my body’s length!/Why, what is pomp, rule, reign, but earth and dust?/And, live we how we can, yet die we must.” – Act V, Scene 2 in Henry VI Part 3. He’s not going to last long. Maybe he shouldn’t have switched sides over Edward IV’s marriage choice.

From: Henry VI Parts 2 and 3

Pro: He’s an honorable guy and wants a king he could really respect. Eventually sees that York’s claim to the throne was just a power grab.

Con: Can’t stand it when someone goes back on his word. Though he devotes his whole life to the York cause, he switches sides when Edward dumps the woman he chose for him for another he takes as his wife. Has done nothing with his life other than try to make other people kings and feels that none of his land holdings matter. Totally gets played and he knows it.

Fate: Dies in battle.

 

150. Prince John of Lancaster

"I pawn'd thee none:/I promis'd you redress of these same grievances/Whereof you did complain; which, by mine honour, /I will perform with a most Christian care./But for you, rebels—look to taste the due/Meet for rebellion and such acts as yours. " - Act IV, Scene 4 in Henry IV Part 2. Basically he means, "Just because I promised to address your complaints doesn't mean I'm sparing your lives."

“I pawn’d thee none:/I promis’d you redress of these same grievances/Whereof you did complain; which, by mine honour, /I will perform with a most Christian care./But for you, rebels—look to taste the due/Meet for rebellion and such acts as yours. ” – Act IV, Scene 4 in Henry IV Part 2. Basically he means, “Just because I promised to address your complaints doesn’t mean I’m sparing your lives.”

From: Henry IV Parts 1 and 2

Pro: On the outside, he seems to be the complete opposite of his older brother Hal. He’s responsible, respected by nobles at court, and fights courageously. Able to defeat the crown’s remaining enemies through manipulation and political know-how.

Con: Though he gets rebel leaders to surrender by promising to lay down their arms at a designated location in exchange that he’ll redress their grievances, he then immediately orders their executions (but, hey, he didn’t say he’d pardon them).

Fate: Fate unknown as of Henry IV Part 2.

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Great Figures in Shakespeare: Part 9 – Oliver to King Duncan

Valentine_rescuing_Silvia

I’m sure this love entanglement will sort itself out. So here’s the deal. Valentine and Proteus are best friends and both like Silvia. But Julia likes Proteus so she goes after him. And Silvia prefers Valentine over Proteus and he’s not happy about that. Yeah, it’s that kind of story.

Now we’re approaching this penultimate post. You might notice that a lot of Shakespeare’s plays tend to contain some supernatural elements like ghosts, witches, wizards, and fairies. However, while belief in the supernatural is apparent in the Elizabethan era, sometimes its existence in Shakespeare’s plays isn’t as clear. For instance, the ghost of King Hamlet is subject to much debate as to whether it really is a ghost or an extent of Hamlet’s imagination. On one hand, the ghost asks Hamlet to take revenge against his uncle who killed him which turns out to be true by the way. On the other hand, Horatio can see it, too, and his dad told him to leave his mother alone which Hamlet did not. Then there are the witches in Macbeth whose predictions seem to almost always come true but whether they’re fiddling in human affairs or agents of fate is the question. Anyway, in this penultimate selection, I bring you more great Shakespearean figures such as Oliver from As You Like It, Proteus, Valentine, Julia, and Silvia from Two Gentlemen of Verona, Prince Escalus and Count Paris from Romeo and Juliet, Pisanio from Cymbeline, Sir Andrew Aguecheek and Maria from Twelfth Night, Jack Cade, King Alonso and Gonzalo from The Tempest, Brabantio from Othello, and King Duncan from Macbeth.

 

121. Oliver

"Now will I stir this gamester: I hope I shall see an end of him: for my soul, yet I know not why, hates nothing more than he. Yet he's gentle; never schooled and yet learned; full of noble device; of all sorts enchantingly beloved; and, indeed, so much in the heart of the world, and especially of my own people, who best know him, that I am altogether misprised: but it shall not be so long; this wrestler shall clear all: nothing remains but that I kindle the boy thither, which now I'll go about." - Act I, Scene 1. Basically he's saying, "My little brother is such a great guy. I hate him and wish he was dead."

“Now will I stir this gamester: I hope I shall see an end of him: for my soul, yet I know not why, hates nothing more than he. Yet he’s gentle; never schooled and yet learned; full of noble device; of all sorts enchantingly beloved; and, indeed, so much in the heart of the world, and especially of my own people, who best know him, that I am altogether misprised: but it shall not be so long; this wrestler shall clear all: nothing remains but that I kindle the boy thither, which now I’ll go about.” – Act I, Scene 1. Basically he’s saying, “My little brother is such a great guy. I hate him and wish he was dead.”

From: As You Like It

Pro: Well, he at least shapes up once he falls for Celia and is saved by Orlando from a snake and wild lion attack (don’t ask).

Con: Treats his little brother Orlando like he treats his servants in which he refuses to give him his rightful inheritance or pay for his schooling. Tries to have Orlando killed by a wrestler at court. Basically hates Orlando because his kid brother seems inherently good which makes him seem mean-spirited and hateful for no good reason.

Fate: Marries Celia in a wedding ceremony with Orlando and Rosalind, Touchstone and Audrey, and Silvanus and Phebe.

 

122. Proteus

"The best way is, to slander Valentine/With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent;/Three things that women highly hold in hate." - Act III, Scene 2. Sorry, Proteus, but I don't think Silvia is going to buy that. Because she's not that into you.

“The best way is, to slander Valentine/With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent;/Three things that women highly hold in hate.” – Act III, Scene 2. Sorry, Proteus, but I don’t think Silvia is going to buy that. Because she’s not that into you.

From: Two Gentlemen of Verona

Pro: Well, at least he ends up falling for his old girlfriend Julia in the end which makes Valentine and Silvia happy. Might be capable of self-revelation and change.

Con: He’s erratic and changeable that he falls in and out of love as often as some people change their clothes. Has no trouble being two-faced as he betrays his best friend and lies to just about everyone he knows. Stabs Valentine in the back when he tries to rape Silvia.

Fate: Marries Julia but his transformation his skeptical at best.

 

123. Valentine

"She is mine own,/And I as rich in having such a jewel/As twenty seas, if all their sand were pearl,/The water nectar, and the rocks pure gold." - Act II, Scene 4. Valentine better watch it making out with Silvia behind the Duke's back. Because the Duke might end up banishing him for it.

“She is mine own,/And I as rich in having such a jewel/As twenty seas, if all their sand were pearl,/The water nectar, and the rocks pure gold.” – Act II, Scene 4. Valentine better watch it making out with Silvia behind the Duke’s back. Because the Duke might end up banishing him for it.

From: Two Gentlemen of Verona

Pro: He’s loyal to Proteus to a fault and loves Silvia that he’ll risk his neck to be with her.

Con: Doesn’t know his best friend Proteus as well as he thinks he does. Also, Silvia wouldn’t like it if he gave her up to Proteus because she doesn’t want him. Oh, and he kind of let Proteus off easy for trying to rape his girlfriend. Has a cynical idea toward love. Places Silvia on a pedestal when she treats him like a servant.

Fate: Marries Silvia but in some ways, it’s “bros before hos” for him.

 

124. Silvia

"A fine volley of words, gentlemen, and quickly shot off." - Act II, Scene 4. Wonder if she's being sarcastic saying this. Wouldn't be surprised.

“A fine volley of words, gentlemen, and quickly shot off.” – Act II, Scene 4. Wonder if she’s being sarcastic saying this. Wouldn’t be surprised.

From: Two Gentlemen of Verona

Pro: Loves Valentine that she rebels against her dad and plans to elope with him as well as runs away to the forest to see him after he’s banished. Is bold, kind, and incredibly loyal as well as the only voice of morality and fidelity. Refuses to accept Proteus’s ring because she doesn’t want to hurt Julia’s feelings.

Con: Unfortunately, she falls for a guy who puts “bros before hos” that he’s willing to give her to Proteus after he tries to rape her.

Fate: Marries Valentine, but he’s still putting Proteus before her.

 

125. Julia

"Fie, fie! how wayward is this foolish love,/That, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse,/And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod!" - Act I, Scene 2. Still, it doesn't stop her from going after Proteus in drag.

“Fie, fie! how wayward is this foolish love,/That, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse,/And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod!” – Act I, Scene 2. Still, it doesn’t stop her from going after Proteus in drag.

From: Two Gentlemen of Verona

Pro: Loves Proteus so much that she’s willing to follow him to Milan dressed as a boy whose willing to give a ring to Julia. Very beautiful woman with suitors galore in Verona. She’s also clever enough to get a job as Proteus’s pageboy. Helps repair Proteus and Valentine’s friendship by befriending Silvia and talking about herself.

Con: Is initially fickle in her affections to Proteus when she tries to conceal her feelings for him and play hard to get. Unfortunately, Proteus is a turd who shifts affections to his best friend’s girl once he’s in Milan. Oh, and I’m sure she could do better than him.

Fate: Marries Proteus. Still, she doesn’t deserve the guy.

 

126. Maria

"That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer." - Act I, Scene 3. Well, she has a point about drinking since it doesn't help one's liver.

“That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.” – Act I, Scene 3. Well, she has a point about drinking since it doesn’t help one’s liver.

From: Twelfth Night

Pro: Well, she’s smart, witty, and very loyal to Olivia. She also likes to have a very good time. Also, she and Sir Toby Belch seem to have a healthier relationship than some Shakespearean couples since they know each other and have a similar sense of humor. And it seems that they love each other for themselves for Toby doesn’t care about her dowry nor does she care about his money either. Not to mention, she can certainly deal with his flaws as well.

Con: She has a vindictive streak and sets out to humiliate Malvolio after getting fed up with his criticisms of her. Devising an intricate prank that included forging a letter that leads him to make an ass of himself was kind of low.

Fate: Marries Sir Toby Belch and might be cast out by Olivia for being complicit in prank on Malvolio.

 

127. Gonzalo

"All things in common nature should produce/Without sweat or endeavor; treason, felony,/Sword, pike, knife, gun, or need of any engine/Would I not have; but nature should bring forth/Of its own kind, all foison, all abundance,/To feed my innocent people." - Act II, Scene 1. Basically, he's saying if he ruled the island, he'd just leave things as they are. Unfortunately, colonialism doesn't work that way.

“All things in common nature should produce/Without sweat or endeavor; treason, felony,/Sword, pike, knife, gun, or need of any engine/Would I not have; but nature should bring forth/Of its own kind, all foison, all abundance,/To feed my innocent people.” – Act II, Scene 1. Basically, he’s saying if he ruled the island, he’d just leave things as they are. Unfortunately, colonialism doesn’t work that way.

From: The Tempest

Pro: He’s the guy who provided Prospero and Miranda with food, water, books, and other “stuffs and necessities” when they’re pushed out to sea. Also the only character in the play to see Caliban as more than just a demonic beast. Is honest with a good heart and an optimistic outlook which helps his situation. Tries to break up a nasty argument between sailors and royals.

Con: Despite being right about everything, nobody listens to him.

Fate: Leaves the island and returns to Naples.

 

128. Brabantio

"Look to her, Moor, if thou hast eyes to see:/She has deceived her father, and may thee." - Act I, Scene 3. Really? So you're saying that if your daughter could deceive you by marrying a Moor, she could also cheat on her husband. That's a terrible thing to say to a son-in-law, especially Othello.

“Look to her, Moor, if thou hast eyes to see:/She has deceived her father, and may thee.” – Act I, Scene 3. Really? So you’re saying that if your daughter could deceive you by marrying a Moor, she could also cheat on her husband. That’s a terrible thing to say to a son-in-law, especially Othello.

From: Othello

Pro: Is rich. He likes Othello enough to invite him into his house.

Con: However, he’s unsurprisingly not comfortable with Othello eloping with his daughter Desdemona mostly due to very stupid reasons like racism. That or seeing his daughter as his property and sees her marriage as a potential business transaction that can’t happen. Thinks his daughter marrying a black man as bad as her cheating on her husband. Accuses his new son-in-law of witchcraft as well as tries to have him stripped of his title. When he fails that, he disowns his daughter. Oh, and he tells Othello that if Desdemona can deceive her dad, she could deceive him.

Fate: Dies of grief over his daughter marrying Othello. Not that he will be missed.

 

129. King Alonso

"O, it is monstrous, monstrous!/Methought the billows spoke and told me of it;/The winds did sing it to me, and the thunder,/That deep and dreadful organ pipe, pronounced/The name of Prosper. It did bass my trespass./Therefore my son i' th' ooze is bedded, and/I'll seek him deeper than e'er plummet sounded,/And with him there lie mudded." - Act II, Scene 1. Seems like King Alonso is willing to face his treachery against Prospero even if it horrifies him. However, Prospero probably just wants to get home.

“O, it is monstrous, monstrous!/Methought the billows spoke and told me of it;/The winds did sing it to me, and the thunder,/That deep and dreadful organ pipe, pronounced/The name of Prosper. It did bass my trespass./Therefore my son i’ th’ ooze is bedded, and/I’ll seek him deeper than e’er plummet sounded,/And with him there lie mudded.” – Act II, Scene 1. Seems like King Alonso is willing to face his treachery against Prospero even if it horrifies him. However, Prospero probably just wants to get home.

From: The Tempest

Pro: Well, he’s a decent parent since Prince Ferdinand turned out all right somehow. Is genuinely sorrowful for what he did to Prospero and Miranda and returns the guy’s dukedom.

Con: Is completely self-involved, easily moved by passion, and can sometimes be a total jerk. Can be a horrible judge of character for his willingness to keep Antonio around (who tries to talk Sebastian into stabbing him in the back). Doesn’t really think too much of his actions until he’s called to account for them.

Fate: Is reunited with his son and returns to Naples.

 

130. Jack Cade

"Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar-school; and whereas, before, our forefathers had no other books but the score and the tally, thou hast caused printing to be used; and, contrary to the king, his crown, and dignity, thou hast built a paper-mill. It will be proved to thy face, that thou hast men about thee, that usually talk of a noun, and a verb; and such abominable words, as no Christian ear can endure to hear." - Act IV, Scene 7. Obviously, this guy has never heard of the concept public education. That would've been better to advocate.

“Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar-school; and whereas, before, our forefathers had no other books but the score and the tally, thou hast caused printing to be used; and, contrary to the king, his crown, and dignity, thou hast built a paper-mill. It will be proved to thy face, that thou hast men about thee, that usually talk of a noun, and a verb; and such abominable words, as no Christian ear can endure to hear.” – Act IV, Scene 7. Obviously, this guy has never heard of the concept public education. That would’ve been better to advocate.

From: Henry VI Part 2

Pro: Though he’s a commoner, it doesn’t stop him from trying to have a voice. Stages a rebellion against the monarchy in order to establish a commonwealth, or republic where everyone gets a say and some power. And since lower class people didn’t have a voice in the 15th century, he kind of has a point.

Con: Claims to be the dead John Mortimer and stages a rebellion in London which got Richard of York back from Ireland to take care of them and caused a lot of collateral damage. Is against education, literacy, and grammar that he sees as a way for the upper classes to gain power. Yet, the concept of public education doesn’t really occur to him. Has Lord Saye executed vigilante style. Has no idea that the commoners were easily swayed because he had the loudest voice. Is also one of York’s unwilling pawns.

Fate: Tries to flee but is killed by Iden.

 

131. Sir Andrew Aguecheek

"He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural." - Act II, Scene 3. Like what make a complete ass out of yourself? Because Sir Toby Belch is hosing you and you have no chance with Olivia.

“He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.” – Act II, Scene 3. Like what make a complete ass out of yourself? Because Sir Toby Belch is hosing you and you have no chance with Olivia.

From: Twelfth Night

Pro: Uh, he’s rich and generous with this money.

Con: For one, his name sound like a disease. Second, he’s a stereotypical upper class twit who’s too stupid and vain to realize how little everyone thinks of him which might be a blessing. Third, he’s slowly having his money pilfered by Sir Toby Belch. Third, has a terrible fashion sense. Fourth, he has no idea that Toby is lying that he has a chance with Olivia just to steal his money. And he won’t leave Olivia alone despite that she’s neither thinks highly of him nor has any interest in him whatsoever. Not to mention, he’s stupid enough to challenge “Cesario” to a duel.

Fate: Well, he doesn’t get Olivia but it’s not like he had a chance with her anyway. He’s also deep into debt thanks to Sir Toby.

 

132. Pisanio

" No, on my life./I'll give but notice you are dead and send him/Some bloody sign of it; for 'tis commanded /I should do so: you shall be miss'd at court,/And that will well confirm it." - Act III, Scene 4. Thank God that Pisanio was around. Otherwise, this play would've been a tragedy like Othello.

” No, on my life./I’ll give but notice you are dead and send him/Some bloody sign of it; for ’tis commanded /I should do so: you shall be miss’d at court,/And that will well confirm it.” – Act III, Scene 4. Thank God that Pisanio was around. Otherwise, this play would’ve been a tragedy like Othello.

From: Cymbeline

Pro: He’s a loyal servant to Imogen and Posthumus and legitimately cares about them. Refuses to carry on with Posthumus’s hit on his wife because he knows she’s innocent and that he’d been played. Recognizes Imogen as Fidele when her husband and father do not. Understands the difference between what he’s told to do and what he should do. Sees through everyone’s deception and sees people as they are.

Con: As good of a servant he is, he’s not suited for being in the employ of an evil queen who wants her stepdaughter dead. He’s lucky to be alive under her. Also, he shouldn’t have given Imogen a knock out drug. Then again, it was from the Queen that was designed to kill her but he didn’t know that.

Fate: Remains in service to Imogen and Posthumus.

 

133. Count Paris

"The obsequies that I for thee will keep/Nightly shall be to strew thy grave and weep." - Act V, Scene 3. Sounds like something straight from a Hallmark card. Sure Paris is a good guy, but he's very much in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“The obsequies that I for thee will keep/Nightly shall be to strew thy grave and weep.” – Act V, Scene 3. Sounds like something straight from a Hallmark card. Sure Paris is a good guy, but he’s very much in the wrong place at the wrong time.

From: Romeo and Juliet

Pro: To be fair, he’s a nice, decent guy who would’ve made a good husband for Juliet. And had Juliet ended up with him, it’s very likely she might’ve actually come to experience a fulfilling, lifelong relationship. Also handsome and rich. Not to mention, he’s a perfect gentleman.

Con: Unfortunately, while he may be the right guy, he just happens to be at the wrong place and at the wrong moment. Also, the fact Juliet’s parents try to force her to marry him makes her want him even less (especially since she’s married to Romeo and hopefully he doesn’t find that out). Not only that, he’s intent on marrying a 13 year old girl which works out like you’d expect. He should’ve either waited until she was older and more mature to make up her mind or just find a woman his own age (preferably someone whose family isn’t involved in a long standing feud). Can be somewhat self-absorbed and possessive of Juliet as well as stiff without much personality.

Fate: Killed by Paris outside the Capulet family tomb. Poor guy, but that’s tragedy, folks.

 

134. Prince Escalus

"Where be these enemies? Capulet! Montague!/See, what a scourge is laid upon your hate,/That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love!/And I, for winking at your discords too,/Have lost a brace of kinsmen. All are punish'd." - Act V, Scene 3. In other words, "If you guys hadn't been fighting amongst each other, these kids wouldn't have gotten killed."

“Where be these enemies? Capulet! Montague!/See, what a scourge is laid upon your hate,/That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love!/And I, for winking at your discords too,/Have lost a brace of kinsmen. All are punish’d.” – Act V, Scene 3. In other words, “If you guys hadn’t been fighting amongst each other, these kids wouldn’t have gotten killed.”

From: Romeo and Juliet

Pro: He’s the most reasonable guy in the play and is absolutely disgusted with the Montague-Capulet feud because it keeps him from doing his job. Knows the feud is totally useless and really feels sad about Romeo and Juliet’s deaths.

Con: Unfortunately, it has to take Romeo and Juliet’s deaths to happen before he could end the feud. Also, exiling Romeo was a very bad idea (despite Benvolio telling him that Tybalt starting the feud by killing Mercutio but he doesn’t give a shit. He wants Lord Montague feels when he loses a loved one).

Fate: Hopefully, he accepts that he, too, played a part in this tragedy.

 

135. King Duncan

" There's no art/To find the mind's construction in the face./He was a gentleman on whom I built/An absolute trust." Act I, Scene 4. Has it occurred to you that this guy is a horrible judge of character? Little does he know the next Thane of Cawdor isn't much better.

” There’s no art/To find the mind’s construction in the face./He was a gentleman on whom I built/An absolute trust.” Act I, Scene 4. Has it occurred to you that this guy is a horrible judge of character? Little does he know the next Thane of Cawdor isn’t much better.

From: Macbeth

Pro: Well, he seems like a wise and benevolent old king who has some relative esteem for Macbeth’s bravery and loyalty. Also said to be a decent dad. He’s such a great guy that killing him would be completely awful.

Con: Unfortunately, coming over to the Macbeths as a houseguest was a really bad idea. Also needs other men to fight his battles and isn’t a great judge of character on that account.

Fate: Killed by Macbeth in bed at his castle during the night.

Great Figures in Shakespeare: Part 8 – Prince Malcolm to Jessica

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I know this is kind of weird scene where Richard’s wooing Lady Anne. But this is how he puts his magnificent manipulation skills to the ladies. Once she leaves the stage, he’s like he can’t believe how he pulled off getting Anne to marry him. But then again, Sir Laurence Olivier was a pretty attractive guy, even as Richard III. Yes, he may be evil and poster boy for the historical villain upgrade, but he’s sure one magnificent bastard you can’t help but like.

Shakespeare might have been one of the greatest writers and playwrights of all time. However, this doesn’t mean that many of his plays offer good relationship advice. I know Taming of the Shrew comes to mind with Petruchio’s treatment of Katarina amounting to domestic abuse and psychological torture. Using bed tricks to get your man sure isn’t great advice for women in Measure for Measure or All’s Well That Ends Well and might even qualify as rape. But many people tend to idealize Romeo and Juliet despite that it involves two teenagers who get into a serious relationship way too quickly and commit suicide. Oh, and Romeo kills two other people, too. But in plays like Othello, Cymbeline, and The Winter’s Tale do get right that you should probably believe your wife when she tells you that she’s being unfaithful. Because jealousy isn’t a really good thing in relationships. In this selection we’ll meet more Shakespearean figures such as Prince Malcolm and Banquo from Macbeth, Henry VI, Edward IV, Lady Anne Neville, the Duke of Buckingham, Jessica from The Merchant of Venice, Don Pedro and Leonato from Much Ado About Nothing, Constance of Brittany from King John, George of Clarence, Lady Emilia from The Two Noble Kinsmen, and Goneril, Regan, and the Duke of Albany from King Lear.

 

106. Prince Malcolm

"Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell;/Though all things foul would wear the brows of grace,/Yet grace must still look so." - Act IV, Scene 3. Looks like Prince Malcolm is out to claim the Scottish throne as its rightful heir from Macbeth.

“Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell;/Though all things foul would wear the brows of grace,/Yet grace must still look so.” – Act IV, Scene 3. Looks like Prince Malcolm is out to claim the Scottish throne as its rightful heir from Macbeth.

From: Macbeth

Pro: Well, unlike his dad Duncan, he eventually gets it together to what a menace Macbeth is that he and MacDuff carry out a plot to save the kingdom. Thus, he proves to be much savvier and stronger than his old man. Said to have all the kingly virtues and is willing to see what needs to be done. Also knows when to get the hell out when there’s a guy who’s ambitious enough to kill for the crown.

Con: He may be an okay guy but after his dad’s murdered, he doesn’t know what to do and decides to run for it until he sees how things play out. Also, wouldn’t be able to save Scotland without MacDuff’s help.

Fate: Becomes king of Scotland but whether he’ll make a great king is the question.

 

107. Edward IV

"Why, so: now have I done a good day's work:/You peers, continue this united league:/I every day expect an embassage/From my Redeemer to redeem me hence;/And now in peace my soul shall part to heaven,/Since I have set my friends at peace on earth./Rivers and Hastings, take each other's hand;/Dissemble not your hatred, swear your love." - Act II, Scene 1. So everybody makes friends, aw. I'm sure England is now at peace and everyone can go home (sarcasm).

“Why, so: now have I done a good day’s work:/You peers, continue this united league:/I every day expect an embassage/From my Redeemer to redeem me hence;/And now in peace my soul shall part to heaven,/Since I have set my friends at peace on earth./Rivers and Hastings, take each other’s hand;/Dissemble not your hatred, swear your love.” – Act II, Scene 1 in Richard III. So everybody makes friends, aw. I’m sure England is now at peace and everyone can go home (sarcasm).

From: Henry VI Parts 2 and 3, and Richard III

Pro: Well, he puts a good enough fight to secure his claim to the throne twice. Loves his wife and family (as well as some girls on the side). Tries to make peace with the nobles once he’s on the throne again.

Con: He’s a self-interested guy who doesn’t care about honor or loyalty. Alienates his allies by sending Warwick to France but getting hitched to an English girl instead. Didn’t think others will be clamoring for the throne the first time he’s crowned. Way too trusting when it comes to his brothers, particularly Richard. Is duped by Richard into thinking that George of Clarence was trying to overthrow him and has him killed (in real life this wasn’t the case).

Fate: Dies of natural causes (in real life, he died suddenly at 40 and wasn’t driven to an early grave by Richard).

 

108. Henry VI

"Gives not the hawthorn-bush a sweeter shade/To shepherds, looking on their silly sheep,/Than doth a rich embroidered canopy/To kings, that fear their subjects' treachery?" - Act II, Scene 5 in Henry VI Part 3. Because the kings are more likely to be deposed under the canopy. It's not going to end well for him.

“Gives not the hawthorn-bush a sweeter shade/To shepherds, looking on their silly sheep,/Than doth a rich embroidered canopy/To kings, that fear their subjects’ treachery?” – Act II, Scene 5 in Henry VI Part 3. Because the kings are more likely to be deposed under the canopy. It’s not going to end well for him.

From: Henry VI Parts 1, 2, and 3

Pro: He’s a sweet, pious guy who’s always trying to make peace among his feuding nobles. Virtuous and good-natured, he readily listens to Gloucester’s general solid advice. Always wants to do what’s good for God and country. Great at making speeches. Not really into exploiting and killing people. Full of thought provoking words than damning ones and even thanks the guards keeping him in prison.

Con: Unfortunately, unlike his grandpa and dad, he’s not the kind of guy you’d want for a king because he doesn’t have the brawn, military charisma, political savvy, or insistence on getting the job done whatever it costs in spades. Doesn’t like to act on his own. Thinks he’s got a right to be king just because his dad and grandpa were. His pacifism is unlikely to impress nobles trying to win a war in France. Lack of experience totally undermines his authority. His choosing Margaret of Anjou as a spouse is kind of sketchy as well because he dumped a rich and well-connected woman for her but she’s pretty and she’s more savvy and ruthless than he is. Yet, that decision is ill-informed, misguided, and even Gloucester’s against the idea. Oh, and she doesn’t care much of him except that he’s a king and is her ticket to power. Having Suffolk woo Margaret for him was a really bad idea, ditto giving up some French lands for her. Also lacks his dad and grandpa’s decision making skills. His mediation to resolve the argument between York and Somerset kicked off the Wars of the Roses. But even then, he’s hesitant to fight it out with the Duke of York who wants his throne.

Fate: Gets killed by Richard of Gloucester (later Richard III. In reality, he was killed on orders by Edward IV. Also, in real life, he’s said to suffer from mental breakdowns and could’ve been mentally ill.)

 

109. Goneril

"As much as child e'er lov'd, or father found; /A love that makes breath poor, and speech unable./Beyond all manner of so much I love you." - Act I, Scene 1. Remember, she's just saying she loves her daddy because she wants his lands. So this is all bullshit.

“As much as child e’er lov’d, or father found; /A love that makes breath poor, and speech unable./Beyond all manner of so much I love you.” – Act I, Scene 1. Remember, she’s just saying she loves her daddy because she wants his lands. So this is all bullshit.

From: King Lear

Pro: Well, she’s pretty. Also, her complaints about her old man seem totally justified when it comes to his retinue of knights who were out of control party boys breaking furniture and harassing her servants.

Con: She’s absolutely selfish, ruthless, and extremely cruel. After her dad gives her half his lands, she promptly betrays him and doesn’t shed a tear when he’s forced to wander, homeless, and exposed to the elements. Poisons her own sister over an evil philanderer and has no remorse. Hell, she even plots to kill her husband.

Fate: Commits suicide because she’d rather die than apologize.

 

110. Regan

"I pray you, sir, take patience. I have hope/You less know how to value her desert/Than she to scant her duty." - Act II, Scene 4. Now that's a really mean thing to say about your sister Cordelia.

“I pray you, sir, take patience. I have hope/You less know how to value her desert/Than she to scant her duty.” – Act II, Scene 4. Now that’s a really mean thing to say about your sister Cordelia.

From: King Lear

Pro: Well, she’s pretty. Also has some good reasons to complain about her dad, especially when it comes to his retinue of knights who were out of control party boys breaking furniture and harassing her servants. Not to mention, her and Cornwall seem to be made for each other.

Con: She’s about as evil as her sister. But unlike Goneril, she’s more likely to get men to do her dirty work for her than attend to it herself. During the torture scene, she begs Cornwall to pluck out Gloucester’s other eye.

Fate: Poisoned by her sister Goneril.

 

111. Duke of Albany

"Wisdom and goodness to the vile seem vile:/Filths savour but themselves." - Act IV, Scene 2. Sure Albany's a good guy, but he's such a wuss that he makes Edgar do work for him.

“Wisdom and goodness to the vile seem vile:/Filths savour but themselves.” – Act IV, Scene 2. Sure Albany’s a good guy, but he’s such a wuss that he makes Edgar do work for him.

From: King Lear

Pro: Well, he’s not as bad as his wife and actually sticks up for himself in the end.

Con: Despite being a force for good, he’s a total wuss who let’s his vicious wife Goneril walk all over him. And even when he sees how evil she is, he still doesn’t do much to stop her. Knows that Lear and France might be in the right but leads his armies into battle against them anyway. Oh, and when he finds that Goneril’s cheating on him, he can’t confront him alone and brings Edgar in to do his fighting for him. Yes, this guy lacks any balls to do anything.

Fate: Well, it seems like he’s left ruling the kingdom with Edgar helping him.

 

112. Don Pedro

"If we can do this, then Cupid is no longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only love-gods." - Act II, Scene 1. Still, you have to wonder why he doesn't find a girl for himself. And why he is played by Denzel Washington.

“If we can do this, then Cupid is no longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only love-gods.” – Act II, Scene 1. Still, you have to wonder why he doesn’t find a girl for himself. And why he is played by Denzel Washington.

From: Much Ado About Nothing

Pro: Well, he was right about Beatrice and Benedick making a great couple and it’s better for them that he made it happen. He’s also a kind and good general who draws admiration wherever he goes. Not to mention, he’s also supportive for Claudio’s bid for Hero’s hand and helps arrange that. As a person of authority, he’s constantly the voice of reason and something of a peacemaker with clear speech and anti-dramatic tendencies. When Beatrice rejects him, he shrugs it off. Also has a sense of humor and very forgiving toward his half-brother.

Con: Unfortunately, despite his maturity and cool-headedness, he still ends up deceived by his brother Don John’s “window scene” presentation which easily shakes him into never being sure of himself again. But at least he knows his own gullibility unlike Claudio. However, since Don John is his brother, you’d think he’d see through his latest act of treachery even when it’s further denied. But he doesn’t and until the end, he sees Hero as guilty as charged. In some ways, he should really know better since he has even less of an excuse to trust Don John than Claudio.

Fate: He ends up alone.

 

113. Leonato

"For there was never yet philosopher,/That could endure the tooth-ache patiently." -Act V, Scene 1. Yet, this guy is willing to slut shame his own daughter and is likely to believe anything.

“For there was never yet philosopher,/That could endure the tooth-ache patiently.” -Act V, Scene 1. Yet, this guy is willing to slut shame his own daughter and is likely to believe anything.

From: Much Ado About Nothing

Pro: He’s nice to his niece and loves his daughter as well as wants her to be happy. He’s also cautious and friendly.

Con: In many ways, he’s a lot like the Sultan from Aladdin insomuch that he’s a local authority figure (Governor of Messina) who lets himself be guided by the ideas and opinions of others. For instance, he’s just as fine with Hero marrying Claudio as he would be if Don Pedro proposed to her. However, when Hero seems to prove promiscuous, he’s more likely to believe the noble accusers and threaten his own daughter. In fact, he’s humiliated and wishes she’d die. Sure he eventually does try to help Hero and confronts Claudio but not until the local priest convinces him of his daughter’s innocence. Yes, I know Claudio’s an idiot, but the fact this guy shames his own daughter over an adultery accusation is just totally inexcusable. As Hero’s dad, he should’ve been the first guy to defend her, not the priest.

Fate: Well, he gets to marry off his niece and daughter.

 

114. Lady Emilia

"I had rather see a wren hawk at a fly/Than this decision. Ev’ry blow that falls/Threats a brave life, each stroke laments/The place whereon it falls, and sounds more like/A bell than blade. I will stay here,/It is enough my hearing shall be punish’d/With what shall happen—’gainst the which there is/No deafing—but to hear, not taint mine eye/With dread sights it may shun." - Act V, Scene 3. Not sure if she likes both of these guys or neither or just doesn't want two guys fighting to the death over her.

“I had rather see a wren hawk at a fly/Than this decision. Ev’ry blow that falls/Threats a brave life, each stroke laments/The place whereon it falls, and sounds more like/A bell than blade. I will stay here,/It is enough my hearing shall be punish’d/With what shall happen—’gainst the which there is/No deafing—but to hear, not taint mine eye/With dread sights it may shun.” – Act V, Scene 3. Not sure if she likes both of these guys or neither or just doesn’t want two guys fighting to the death over her.

From: Two Noble Kinsmen

Pro: She’s beautiful, nice, and has fought in battles as an Amazon. Likes gardens. Is appalled when Palamon and Arcite fight to the death for her and tries to get them banished so she won’t have to deal with them again. Refuses to attend the fight because she’s horrified that other men will die simply because she’s pretty and exists.

Con: She unintentionally gets entangled in a love triangle with 2 different guys but she can’t see either as better than the other and doesn’t want to condemn one to death. Also, there’s no sign that she loves either of them and actually feels that she’ll never share a love as intense or as close as she had with her best friend Flavinia.

Fate: Marries Palamon but pledges to keep the day of Arcite’s death as a memorial day to him for the rest of her life.

 

115. George of Clarence

"Clarence is come; false, fleeting, perjured Clarence,/That stabbed me in the field by Tewksbury;/Seize on him, Furies, take him to your torments!" - Act I, Scene 1. In real life you're nothing but an opportunistic bastard who betrayed your family during the Wars of the Roses. You were executed because your brother Edward wanted you dead for very non-magical reasons.

“Clarence is come; false, fleeting, perjured Clarence,/That stabbed me in the field by Tewksbury;/Seize on him, Furies, take him to your torments!” – Act I, Scene 1 in Richard III. In real life you’re nothing but an opportunistic bastard who betrayed your family during the Wars of the Roses. You were executed because your brother Edward wanted you dead for very non-magical reasons.

From: Henry VI Parts 2 and 3 and Richard III

Pro: Well, he’s not as bad as Richard, but that’s not saying much.

Con: He’s an opportunistic bastard. Betrays his family during the Wars of the Roses after Edward IV marries a woman he doesn’t like (though he does go back). More focused on his own emotions and desires.

Fate: Gets stabbed and drowned in a massive vat of wine on Richard’s orders (in real life he was smothered to death on Edward IV’s orders because he wanted him dead which had nothing to do with prophecies. In fact, it had more to do with him being a part of an armed rebellion against his brother and other increasingly lunatic stunts. And ironically, Richard was against this).

 

116. Constance of Brittany

"Grief fills the room up of my absent child,/Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,/Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,/Remembers me of all his gracious parts,/Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form." - Act III, Scene 4. Well, that's what happens when your try to pursue your kid's claim to the throne of England.

“Grief fills the room up of my absent child,/Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,/Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,/Remembers me of all his gracious parts,/Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form.” – Act III, Scene 4. Well, that’s what happens when your try to pursue your kid’s claim to the throne of England.

From: King John

Pro: Wants her son Arthur to become King of England that she enlists the help of French king Philip II and the Duke of Austria to back her up with military muscle. Is tormented with grief after her son dies.

Con: Is limited by the people she has to work with and her allies are only interested in helping her so they could manipulate Arthur for their own purposes and gain control of England. Forgets that when allies are helping you for personal gain, they’re likely to abandon you when an opportunity for more gain comes along. This is what happens when Philip II marries his son Louis to King John’s niece. Also a lot of her actions to secure the throne for Arthur end up getting her son killed. Later becomes erratic and self-destructive.

Fate: Dies of grief over losing her son. In real life she died before her son did.

 

117. Lady Anne Neville

"Villain, thou know'st no law of God nor man;/No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity." - Act I, Scene 2. I'm sure Lady Anne must find something attractive about Richard or she wouldn't have married him. Oh, by the way this is Vivien Leigh best known playing Scarlett O'Hara and Blanche DuBois.

“Villain, thou know’st no law of God nor man;/No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity.” – Act I, Scene 2. I’m sure Lady Anne must find something attractive about Richard or she wouldn’t have married him. Oh, by the way this is Vivien Leigh best known playing Scarlett O’Hara and Blanche DuBois.

From: Richard III

Pro: Well, she’s beautiful and well connected.

Con: Gets herself hitched to a new man while she’s supposed to be mourning for her dad, husband and father-in-law (to be fair, this is supposed to show how much of a manipulator Richard III is. But in real life, he actually loved her possibly since they were kids. And she only married Edward of Westminster because her daddy wanted her to). Lets herself be used by her husband as a political pawn to further his agenda. Then again, she could be just as crooked and ambitious as him so she might’ve married him just so she could wear the tiara again.

Fate: Poisoned to death by her husband so he could marry Elizabeth of York (in real life she died of TB and he had no intention to marry his niece. Richard also took his wife’s death really hard. In fact, after his wife’s death, he was trying to arrange marriages for both of them to Portuguese royalty).

 

118. Banquo

" My noble partner/You greet with present grace and great prediction/Of noble having and of royal hope,/That he seems rapt withal. To me you speak not./If you can look into the seeds of time,/And say which grain will grow and which will not,/Speak, then, to me, who neither beg nor fear/Your favors nor your hate." - Act I, Scene 3. Seems like Banquo wants a prophecy, too. Then again, he's also saying that he doesn't care one way or another.

” My noble partner/You greet with present grace and great prediction/Of noble having and of royal hope,/That he seems rapt withal. To me you speak not./If you can look into the seeds of time,/And say which grain will grow and which will not,/Speak, then, to me, who neither beg nor fear/Your favors nor your hate.” – Act I, Scene 3. Seems like Banquo wants a prophecy, too. Then again, he’s also saying that he doesn’t care one way or another.

From: Macbeth

Pro: He’s sharp and smart enough to be the play’s voice of reason and know that something shady is going on with his friend Macbeth. Doesn’t seem to be taken in by the witches and wouldn’t be surprised if they’re trying to trick Macbeth. He’s also courageous in battle but tends to take his time. Has a good relationship with his son.

Con: Unfortunately, his suspicions on Duncan’s murder don’t protect him from his friend betraying him once he becomes king. Also, might be too ambitious for his own good and doesn’t snitch when he should.

Fate: Is brutally murdered by Macbeth. At least his son Fleance is wise enough to hightail it and survives.

 

119. Duke of Buckingham

"Is it even so? rewards he my true service/With such deep contempt made I him king for this?/O, let me think on Hastings, and be gone/To Brecknock, while my fearful head is on!" - Act IV, Scene 2. Seems like someone's peeved that he didn't receive the stuff he wanted for making Richard king.

“Is it even so? rewards he my true service/With such deep contempt made I him king for this?/O, let me think on Hastings, and be gone/To Brecknock, while my fearful head is on!” – Act IV, Scene 2. Seems like someone’s peeved that he didn’t receive the stuff he wanted for making Richard king.

From: Richard III

Pro: Well, at least he won’t kill kids because he waffles when Richard orders him to kill the princes in the tower (in reality, we’re not so sure).

Con: He’s greedy as well as willing to lie, cheat, and steal to help his pal Richard get the crown. Duped into thinking Richard will reward him with the earldom of Hereford once he becomes king (big mistake). After ticking off Richard, he hightails it to Wales so he can join forces with Edmond against him.

Fate: Gets executed on Richard’s orders.

 

120. Jessica

"Alack, what heinous sin is it in me/To be ashamed to be my father's child?/But though I am a daughter to his blood,/I am not to his manners. O Lorenzo,/If thou keep promise, I shall end this strife,/Become a Christian and thy loving wife." - Act II, Scene 3. Look, I know Shylock isn't a nice guy or a good dad. But her words about him are especially harsh. Also, she's has no plans to part with his wealth, by the way.

“Alack, what heinous sin is it in me/To be ashamed to be my father’s child?/But though I am a daughter to his blood,/I am not to his manners. O Lorenzo,/If thou keep promise, I shall end this strife,/Become a Christian and thy loving wife.” – Act II, Scene 3. Look, I know Shylock isn’t a nice guy or a good dad. But her words about him are especially harsh. Also, she’s has no plans to part with his wealth, by the way.

From: The Merchant of Venice

Pro: Sure she has to put up with living with Shylock which can be hell. And you can’t blame her for wanting to get out and dodge. May love and feel some guilt for her father. Thinks Lorenzo loves her because she’s smart and pretty.

Con: While you can’t blame her for eloping with Lorenzo, she’s a selfish bitch who breaks her dad’s heart. She converts to Christianity to escape being her father’s daughter and sees his conduct and behavior with being Jewish. Either that, or she’s suffering from internalized oppression that makes her ashamed of her own identity. Nevertheless, while she’s willing to part with her dad and her own identity for a man, she perfectly fine with taking her dad’s ducats which she freely spends and exchanging her dead mom’s ring for a monkey. And she even joins in the accusations of wickedness and cruelty made against him. Sure she may not have the best dad, but what she did to him was pretty awful.

Fate: Marries Lorenzo and takes all her dad’s worldly goods.