Whether it be for sending something back home while out somewhere or buying one as a souvenir, postcards have been among us for a very long time. Some may have “Greetings from (insert place here),” some may be cards with funny images like animals, some may be ads, but we’ve seen them all especially back in the day. I could go on and on about all the nice vintage postcards you can see but I know nobody wants to hear about it. Instead, I intend to show some of the hilariously tacky and bad ones you wouldn’t want to send a loved one. So without further adieu here is a collection of some of the unintentionally funny postcards that will make you wonder what some of the designers were on.
1. Honestly the Tyrannosaurus Rex has seen better days sporting its ferocious bloodstained teeth.
This is perhaps the lamest bloodthirsty T-Rex I’ve ever seen.
2. Come to Aquarena Springs in San Marcos, Texas and see Ralph the Swimming Pig.
Who knew that pigs were excellent swimmers? Neither did I.
3. Come to New Mexico for the Rich Southwest Indian culture and the giant mushroom clouds of nuclear annihilation.
Of course, the presence of a mushroom cloud is because New Mexico was home to Los Alamos, the famous headquarters of the Manhattan Project as well as a nuclear testing site. Yet, I don’t think I’d want to visit a state that has a giant mushroom cloud of total annihilation on it’s postcard. Then there’s the thing that New Mexico is also known for if you’ve ever watched Breaking Bad.
4. You see, aliens are real as you can see in this postcard.
This probably explains why the show Ancient Aliens is now in existence. This one has to be a postcard from Roswell also in New Mexico.
5. For some reason, adding parrots and tractors don’t really make this a sexy photo shoot.
Seriously, tractors, parrots, and swimsuit models just don’t go together. Particularly tractors and parrots.
6. Honestly, Florida, what’s with your fixation with bathing beauties and alligators? It’s disturbing.
Either this is an interspecies romance resulting in Governor Rick Scott or the bathing beauty is going to be dinner.
7. Who knows what this contraption was used for? I certainly don’t.
Seriously, what is this? Is it a massage table, something used for plastic surgery, or a torture device?
8. This dog seems to have a rather artistic taste in pin-up girls.
Yet, he seems rather guilty that he has a dirty mind when it comes to certain human women.
9. Corky the Clown stops by on his motorboat in Cypress Gardens, Florida.
For some people, this may be a key reason not to visit Cypress Gardens in Florida. I mean who wants to see a terrifying clown of your nightmares in a motorboat?
10. Seriously who puts a skeleton fishing on a postcard? For God’s sake this is creepy.
That guy is certainly a stubborn cuss all right. He’s probably been fishing forever and hasn’t caught anything. Of course, the bird’s wondering why he’s still there.
11. Sure being a 1950s working girl meant being subject to Madmen levels of sexual harassment but at least you got to wear a swimsuit to the office once in awhile.
Seriously, I’m sure women didn’t dress up in bathing suits at the office during the 1950s. Also, why wear a swimsuit in paper bag brown?
12. Before Amy Winehouse became famous, she started out as a singer in a Polynesian Restaurant.
Sure this may not be the tragic British pop star, but I can’t look at this postcard thinking about Amy Winehouse. Apologies to her fans.
13. Of course, if your nurse is a dog, it won’t be much help to you.
Somehow I’m not sure if putting a dog near medicines is a good idea.
14. I had no idea furries were into water water skiing.
Of course, I wonder how many people may find the idea of seeing someone water ski in a tiger costume somewhat terrifying. This was probably made to attract furries if any of them existed at the time.
15. I’m sure leopard prints is totally appropriate to wear around a gigantic tiger and lion hybrid cat.
Also, I wonder ho many big cats would devour people for simply wearing such prints in front of them. Besides, I think animal prints are rather tacky anyway.
16. No girl at the beach would be complete without her face mask, her snorkel, and her harpoon gun?
This served as the inspiration for the 1965 Dolphin Slayer Barbie which was quickly pulled off the market thanks to marine life advocacy groups. Apparently they thought such doll taught little girls the fun of killing giant marine mammals, most of which are now on the endangered species list.
17. Always bring your horse while fishing because you never know when you may need it.
Of course, horses can only be good for carrying medium sized fish hauls. With large sharks, you’re going to need a car.
18. Behold, the Word of God from the mouths of babes.
This is wrong on so many levels. He’s probably saying “You’re going to hell. Now hand over your wallet.” This is a scam, plain and simple. Seriously, this child preacher thing is fucked up. I wonder what this kid’s parents are like.
19. What Scottish woman wouldn’t be without her trusty bagpipes?
I’m not sure if she’s going to play her bagpipes or assault someone with them off-camera. Either way, you really don’t want to mess with this bonny lass.
20. Is this from the place Liz Lemon goes on vacation? If not, someone’s going to get it from the fashion police.
Look, I don’t know about you, but black knee high socks and business shoes are never appropriate with white shorts. I mean seriously, this is a fashion abomination.
21. For some reason this scene seems to remind me of a Seinfeld episode.
Is this guy wearing a bro or a mansere? And why is the lady wearing one, too? Also, why is there a candelabra on a pink table in the middle?
22. There’s nothing like a lovely swimsuit model posing with a taxidermied polar bear.
Note the curtains were courtesy of the NRA. Also, sorry PETA. Still, aren’t polar bears an endangered species now? Maybe this shoot was sponsored by the Polar Bear Club.
23. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Ramblin’ Lou and his amazing technicolor dream suit.
With the way the country music industry is these days, I’m sure such flamboyant wardrobe displays would be frowned upon.
24. Guess the guy couldn’t find any girl to prom so he had to settle for a large T-Bone as his date. Wait a minute is that guy?
Sorry, I didn’t notice is was the 1968 Miss Nebraska in her androgynous 1960s Willa Cather style. Seriously, that is one of the ugliest pantsuits I have ever seen.
25. Nothing says “Greetings from down South in Dixie” like the patriotic American flag flying on a pole and a swimsuit model holding a flag symbolizing white supremacy.
Hate to offend Southerners here, but I detest this flag. Seriously, this has been associated with not just Southern identity but also used as protest against school desegregation during the Civil Rights Era and by the KKK. Some may see it as a symbol of heritage but to me, this is a symbol of hate, and that’s all I’m going to say.
26. Whatever happens in Bushkill Falls stays in Bushkill Falls.
Apparently, though Lisa and Grizzy would cherish this moment forever, both realized that it wouldn’t work out since they were from different worlds. Society would never understand the kind of love between humans and bears or accept such a pairing. Besides, Grizzy thought Lisa’s family was delicious.
27. Come to Salt Lake City and see the statue of Space Jesus.
Seriously, there are some Mormon beliefs that are pretty messed up. Still, this reminds me more of a statue of Zeus than Jesus given the space backdrop and clouds.
28. If any of my relatives sent me a postcard like this, I’d wonder whatever became of them.
Yeah, they’re having a wonderful time all right judging by the possibly haunted abandoned house in the picture. Still, they’re probably getting plenty of exercise from whatever horror monster is chasing them.
29. Sometimes I yearn back to the days when bears and humans treated each other as equals.
Apparently, around the turn of the 19th to 20th century, it wasn’t uncommon for Papa Bears to let their daughters seek human suitors just as long as they brought them home by ten.
30. Come and see the giant Jack-in-a-Box of your nightmares.
This is actually said to be from the Story Book Forest at Idlewild Park in Ligonier, which I’ve actually been to. I don’t remember seeing this but they probably removed it before I came around. Actually I did a Google Search on Story Book Forest and apparently this traumatizing inducing clown is still around. Nevertheless, this is pretty terrifying.
31. Come and hang around at the wax museum and see our figures try to kill themselves.
Somehow I don’t think a display of dangling wax figures by the noose is something I’d like to see. Also, why would anyone visit a wax museum in the first place?
32. There’s nothing more fun than happily frolicking in the tobacco fields.
Yes, you hear me, those are tobacco leaves, which are used in products that kill a third of its user. Yes, this leafy green plant is a known killer of millions. I can’t see in any way how this postcard is anything other than a tobacco commercial.
33. Though the postcard says this is a religious shrine, I can’t help seeing this as a still from a Wes Anderson movie or a tacky lawn display.
Let’s just say the ugly font and car aren’t helping things here. And, no, this is not from a Wes Anderson movie.
34. 82 Club Revue: A show combining the best elements of Lawrence Welk and RuPaul’s Drag Race.
I sincerely apologize to the gays for my comments. Still, this group of transvestites put Lady Gaga to shame.
35. As far as models are concerned, apparently flowers are considered to be clothes.
Well, it seems that this poor girl is wearing nothing but flowers. Seriously, you can see her tan lines. She’s probably being self-conscious among onlookers during the photo shoot and wishes she’d wear more modest attire like a bikini.
36. Come and have a blast in the Oklahoma oil fields.
Seriously, whoever in Oklahoma thought a postcard depicting an oil well fire would be a good idea out to be fired from the state’s tourist industry altogether. In the oil and gas industry, well fires are disasters that cause not only environmental devastation and destroy homes but also cost millions of dollars. This is not something that makes me want to visit Oklahoma. Rather it makes me want to avoid it altogether.
37. How many guys can boast about entering a beauty contest?
Reminds me of the Mr. Yough Competition during my high school days. Still, these guys would probably put the men of Monty Python to shame. And this swimsuit picture would never make the Sports Illustrated cover, not that it should. My apologies to cross dressers everywhere.
38. Who knew you could comb your hair underwater?
I’m sure personal grooming is perfectly easy underwater. Actually getting your hair untangled after swimming is a nightmare. Still, the real world isn’t like The Little Mermaid or Spongebob Squarepants for crying out loud.
39. Finally a place called Liberal in a state known for being infamously conservative and loony, especially when it comes to evolutionary teaching in schools.
Add to that it features a musical film starring an actress known to a appear in musicals with a large gay fanbase. Not to mention, it features a rainbow seen as a symbol for gay rights. Oh, the irony, the disappointing irony.
40. Greetings from the nudie beach.
Seriously, why would anyone would send a postcard from a nude beach? I mean no one wants to see a couple of bare butts in a postcard.
41. For those who long the lost days of big game hunting in Africa.
Many of these hunting trophies in this room are probably now considered endangered species. This is kind of like a zoo, except all the animals are dead, stuffed, and mounted.
42. Come to Las Vegas and gamble at the Las Vegas Club: The House of Jackpots.
Worst ad pitch for a Las Vegas gambling venue ever. Makes Vegas look pretty lame.
43. Come to Perry’s Nut-House and be hugged by a Maine Bear.
When I hear the words “nut” and “house” used together in the same sentence, I don’t usually think of a nature center. Also, the bear’s pretty creepy.
44. Greetings from the land where black people pick cotton and our leafy green plants kill millions worldwide.
Of course, the cotton picking by blacks reminds me of one of the great injustices in American history. Seriously, it’s offensive. As for the leafy green plants, they’re the least healthy ones on the planet.
45. Come to Dallas and visit the key moments of the Kennedy assassination.
This is simply a terrible postcard, especially since it tends to try to capitalize the murder of a US president, a national tragedy in itself. Seriously, Dallas, you could’ve used the Cowboys your people obsess about to annoying levels. Methinks you might be part of some larger conspiracy here.
46. Come see our Good Friday Passion Play.
For some reason, whenever I see this, I can’t think of anything else but Life of Brian. I mean the hair an beards are obviously fake and I’m sure one of Jesus’ disciples is wearing a robe made out of a shower curtain. Oh, and some of these guys are wearing light haired wigs.
47. Come to Daytona Beach and have your picture taken with Ferdinand the Bull like this little buckaroo.
I don’t think Ferdinand really likes having his picture taken and has been seriously thinking about goring some of the people who pose with him. Sometimes he wishes to be part of the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona where he can gore whatever human he wished.
48. See this lion jump through a ring of fire.
Of course, a lion could never have done this nowadays thanks to the animal rights groups who see this as cruel. But it was entertainment.
49. Guy is on the stocks for doing something naughty while the bystanders just laugh at him.
Guy in stocks: “Can either of you please let me out here. I have to scratch something. Anyone please? This isn’t funny!”
50. Meet everyone’s favorite ducky balloon making clown Quacky.
Oh, please, look away, look away. That clown is terrifying and stuff of nightmares. Also, the beak and webbed feet make him seem even more creepy.
51. What better way to commemorate the adding of two states than with two swimsuit models representing each.
Still, I don’t think fur coats and swimsuits go together. I mean they’re two pieces of clothing belonging in totally different climates.
52. And you should see the one that got away.
Sir, I hate to break it to you but shouldn’t your gigantic fish be strapped down on the roof of your station wagon? You know it can slip off at any time.
53. Just two dogs having a drink together. Is that cute?
Everyone knows you shouldn’t give your dog alcoholic beverages. This is so wrong.
54. Come to the lake with so many letters in it’s name, we’re not sure how to pronounce it.
Let’s hope this lake’s name doesn’t appear on a spelling test since having kids spell this word is cruel. Look, I know it may come from the Indians, but if everyone has a hard time saying it, then it must be changed.
55. Wow! Who knew that chainsaws came in so many bright colors.
Besides, what woman wouldn’t want a brightly colored chain saw that looks like it comes from a Martha Stewart line at Sears Kmart or Walmart?
56. What can an American housewife do if her apron didn’t match with the curtains and tablecloth?
Also, she appears to be making something to do with cherries, like martinis perhaps. Because 1950s housewives need them to escape from the empty vacuums of their lives as second-class citizens.
57. Stay at the Madonna Inn where everything is in bright red to set the mood.
This suite is simply hideous beyond all reason. It just seems more appropriate for a brothel or a place to have an affair than a room you’d stay with your family. Don’t let me stay there.
58. Come to Iowa and see the World’s Largest Talking Chef.
Please don’t let that terrifying talking chef hit me. This statue is bound to traumatize your kids. Oh, please, get me away from here!
59. Come at the Madonna Inn and stay at the Love Nest if you’re on your honeymoon.
Looks very much what you’d expect from a love nest but I don’t think it would be appropriate for a honeymoon suite. More like a sex dungeon or bordello.
60. Come to the Cowboy Cafe and enter under his crotch.
Seriously, does anyone in Texas know how family unfriendly this display is?
61. This man has seen them all, killed them all, and is wearing a leopard skin vest.
Seriously, that leopard vest is hideous. Also, I wouldn’t mind if this guy would be mauled by elephants on his next trip.
62. I’m sure there’s a song about the sand man but I don’t think this one inspired it.
Kid: Mommy, where’s Daddy? I thought I last saw him here a while ago.
Dad: Let me out! Let me out of here, goddammit!
63. Remember to always lock your trunk, or else a bear will get to your picnic basket.
Of course, some bears have such strength that they can just rip off the trunk door anyway. This is Yogi because he’s smarter than the average bear.
64. What kind of woman wouldn’t want bath tiles like these?
Of course, we’re not sure whether she has clothes on either. But what she’s wearing under the curtain is anyone’s guess.
65. Come and check out this awesome new shower stall.
Well, this is probably the limits of censorship as far as the 1950s go. Still, keep your minds out of the gutter.
66. Take a trip in the underground roller coaster with a giant spider.
No matter how big or fake looking a spider may be, it still appears terrifying to many.
67. What better way to have a picnic than underwater?
I don’t think the food will be great in the water. Besides, wouldn’t the make up and lipstick be smeared already?
68. Small children with parrots, wonder what can go wrong with that?
Either the parrots will attack the children or the kids will be introduced to a whole new vocabulary.
69. Some dogs just don’t know how to hunt.
You may have thought hunting is a skill which should come naturally to dogs. Still, it doesn’t answer how this dog learned to read.
70. For those who haven’t seen one, here’s one of the legendary jackalope.
No way this isn’t photoshopped or have any taxidermy involved, said no one ever. Seriously, jakalopes don’t exist. Those hares with “antlers” were later found with a fungal infection. Or were perhaps glued. Still, it’s a fine example of Western humor in taxidermy.