The Indigenous Peoples of North America: Part 3 – The Pacific Northwest Coast

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 23, 2016

The Native Americans of the Pacific Northwest Coast could just as well be called the “totem pole people” due to their best known art form. However, these monumental structures were said to symbolize or commemorate cultural beliefs recounting familiar legends, clan lineages, or notable events. They may have also served as welcome signs for village visitors, mortuary vessels for deceased ancestors, or as a means to ridicule someone. The complexity and symbolic meanings of totem poles, their placement and importance lies in the observer’s knowledge and connection to these figures’ meanings.

Though the Pacific Northwest Coast is only a narrow stretch from southern Alaska all the way to the northern reaches of California, it’s a region with and abundance of natural resources that these hunter-gatherer tribes usually stayed in one place. It’s no wonder that it was the most densely populated cultural area in Canada before European contact. Nevertheless, the Pacific Northwest Coast is best known for their totem poles and their distinctive art that you might instantly recognize. Their art is also seen on almost everything, including their large cedar plank houses. Because since these people lived in a temperate coastal rainforest, they didn’t need to spend a lot of time like other native peoples did, searching for food so they won’t starve to death. And since they lived in one place all the time, they had plenty of leisure time to kill. These Native Americans also had rather sophisticated societies based on clans and class systems as well as a special centrality on salmon. But it’s not the only food they eat, yet it received a special ceremony when it’s in season that continues today. Then there’s the tradition of potlatch which was a highly complex event of social, ceremonial, and economic importance. There a chief would bestow highly elaborate gifts to visiting peoples in order to establish his power and prestige and by accepting these gifts, visitors conveyed their approval of the chief. There were also great displays of conspicuous consumption such as burning articles or throwing things into the sea, purely as displays of the chief’s great wealth. You’d even have dancers put on elaborate dances and ceremonies which was considered an honor to watch. Still, these events were held on special occasions like the confirmation of a new chief, coming of age, tattooing or piercing ceremonies, initiation of a secret society, marriages, a chief’s funeral, or battle victories.

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Because of the dense resource rich waters and rainforests along with a pleasant climate, the people of the Pacific Northwest Coast had an easier time than Native Americans in other regions. After all, most of them were hunter-gatherer tribes who usually stayed put.

Location: Along the coast starting from southern Alaska through British Columbia, Washington state, Oregon, and northern California.

First Peoples: First humans are said to enter the region at least 10,000 years ago via the Columbia River in the US Pacific Northwest. Evidence in southern Alaska and British Columbia suggests the early inhabitants existed at a basic subsistence level for 5,000 years until 3000 B.C.E. Earliest sedentary villages appeared in 700 B.C.E. with social ranking, woodworking, and regional art shortly thereafter. However, some areas in the US Pacific Coast along Washington state and Oregon continued in basic subsistence mode until possibly as late as 500.

Environment: Consists of dense temperate zone rainforests, rivers, islands, and oceans with abundant natural resources all year long. Climate is mild and rainfall is heavy that includes fierce winter storms and heavy fog. Trees are unusually tall and thick. Springs and glaciers usually flow into rivers that run to the coast.

While Pacific Northwest Coast Native Americans had a varied diet, there was no food source more central to them than salmon. When salmon travel up rivers to spawn, they would literally catch thousands of them that could feed their families for a year.

Subsistence: Primarily hunter, gatherer, or fisher subsistence. Salmon was the most important food for the Indians in this region. However, they also consumed halibut, eulachon (candlefish), smelt, herring, and sturgeon as well as shellfish, seals, and whales. They also hunted elk, bear, deer, mountain goat, turtles, and some land mammals as well as gathered berries and roots. Food was generally eaten fresh, grilled, or boiled in a basket with hot rocks or steamed or baked over a pit oven.

Your standard Pacific Northwest Coast dwelling was the cedar plank house w which could be up to 50-150 feet long and 20-60 feet wide. Each plank house could be home to as many as 30 people.

Housing: Mostly lived in plank long houses of red cedar that was said to be 50-150 feet long and 20-60 feet wide. Each plank house was held together by wooden peg nails, had a large hole in a low roof for smoke ventilation, as well as consisted of a front door to keep heat in. Plank houses were furnished with simple furniture including bunk beds against the wall, storage areas, fire pits, and open shelves as well as dug holes for storing and cooling food. Your typical plank house would be home to several families, perhaps as many as 30 people. They were also commonly painted, often with a family crest. Individuals who built the longhouse usually resided there with their families and their kids would be assigned as space inside upon reaching maturity. But if the village built the plank house together, then it was the chief’s responsibility to assign living spaces to each family. And when the plank house owner died, it was either given away or burned to the ground. Because it was believed if the family stayed, then the dead person’s ghost would haunt the place. Also built temporary shelters made from mats, planks from the main house, or bark.

While people of the Pacific Northwest Coast usually wore very little under temperate conditions, they tend to be known for wearing their chillkat blankets and decorative woven hats. And yes, these can be highly decorated as well.

Clothing: Usually wore very little clothing except when it was cold or special occasions. In the warmer months, men would go naked while women only wore bark skirts. Clothing was mostly made from softened cedar wood or bark, animal leather, and wool. Bark capes and spruce hats were used as protection against the rain. High ranking class members would usually don chillkat blankets, dance aprons, leggings, and moccasins on special occasions. Adorned themselves with piercings and tattoos.

The Pacific Northwest Coast had several different types of canoes, mainly made from red cedar. They can be 50 feet long and 8 feet wide while holding up 2-50 people and up to 10,000 pounds of cargo. Of course, passengers have to bring their own oars.

Transportation: Built canoes of red cedar of several different types. They were usually 50 feet long and 8 feet wide as well as can hold up to 2-50 people and 10,000 pounds of cargo. Also had smaller boats for families and short outings. Also had dog pulled sleds for overland transport.

Potlatch-Klallam_people_at_Port_Townsend

Potlatch was a major event for Native Americans residing in the Pacific Northwest Coast as a means to reflect wealth and perpetuate social inequality within a village. These were held during a major event as well as hosted by aristocrats. At each potlatch, the host would display their wealth through distributing goods to visitors and others whether they be chillkat blankets, animal skins, or even slaves.

Society: Year round access to food allowed people to live sedentary lives in permanent settlements. Estimates state that as many as 250,000 could have lived in this region at one time. Houses were always grouped together side by side and facing towards the water in small villages, each marked by totem poles. Some even had as many as 1,000 living in only 30 homes. However, some groups had one or more small permanent, semipermanent, or seasonal villages or camping sites as well. Nevertheless, people in this region lived in a society based on hereditary status and the ceremonial winter potlatch was both as a means to reflect and perpetuate this social inequality. These consisted of the nobility, upper class free, lower class free, and slaves (actually not members of society at all). Each individual would also be ranked within their respective groups as well. Since this system was based on inheritance, the classes were fairly immutable though some transfer was possible through acquiring (by trade, purchase, marriage, and war) some inherited rights. Such rights and privileges were owned by the identified group which included songs, dances, performances, and control of subsistence areas identified by crests or design patterns. These patterns could reflect real and mythical family lines and associated incidents, animals, or spirits. The village chief always was always the head of the wealthiest and most powerful family and was a nominal war commanders, often undertaking political and ritual preparations before fighting. Though intragroup conflict was minimal, clan incest and witchcraft were considered capital offenses. Intergroup conflict took place within the framework of feuds and wars. Feuds entailed conflict for legalistic purposes while wars were waged solely for material gain (as in land, booty, and slaves). Northern tribes saw more regular conflict than their southern counterparts. Night raids were preferred strategy and victims’ heads were often displayed on poles as proof of fighting prowess. Also practiced intergroup trade where prices were negotiated.

In a Pacific Northwest Coast extended family, one’s social rank and wealth intake were usually determined by their relationship to the family chief. Of course, since this was a matrilineal clan that practiced exogamous marriage, this only applied to the people on his mother’s side. Family chiefs were usually the wealthiest and oldest member of the clan.

Family Structure: Primarily matrilineal descent. In extended families, family chiefs were usually the oldest and highest ranking individuals while everyone else’s rank was determined by their relationship with the chief. Family chiefs were primarily responsible for distributing wealth according to social status. Men practiced hunting, building, carving, and fishing while women did housework, raised kids, cooked, wove, made clothes, and dug for shellfish. Marriages were always conducted between people of different clans. When a man decided to marry a woman, he paid her dad an agreed amount before the wedding took place. This amount would be paid back when after the birth of the couple’s first child. After the payment, the wife was no longer obligated to be with her husband (so she could stay or leave him after that point).

Aside from totem poles, the Pacific Northwest Coastal peoples are also well known for their elaborate ceremonies and their distinctive stylized art. Works of art could range from practical objects such as clothes, tools, transportation, houses, weapons, and what not to the purely ceremonial and aesthetic.

Practices: Totem poles, potlatch, music, dancing, shamanism, animism, storytelling, intricate crafts and sculpture, weaving, basketry, woodworking, masks, bentwood boxes, chillkat blankets, spirit quests, and heraldic art.

Tools and Weapons: Stone axes, adzes, spears, nets, traps, chisels, hammers, drills, knives, wedges, harpoons, traps, seal clubs, sledgehammers, deadfalls, fish line and hooks, and wooden crockery. Coast Salish practiced weaving on a full loom. Blades were made from rock, shell, horn, bone, and a small amount of iron.

Notable Tribes: Tlingit, Nisga’a, Haida, Tsimshian, Gitxsan, Haisla, Heiltsuk, Nuxalk, Wuikinuxv, Kwakwaka’wakw, Nuu-chah-nulth, Coast Salish, Chinook, Chimakum, Quileute, Willapa, Nootka, and Tillamook.

The Indigenous Peoples of North America: Part 2 – The Subarctic

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 23, 2016

Here’s a Subarctic Cree family from early Canada. While the mother and kids are dressed in drab, the father has quite a colorful costume and a gun. He also traps animals and trades their skins and feathers.

Our second stop in my Native American series is the Subarctic region. Now this isn’t as snowy and icy as the Arctic, it’s a pretty forbidding region despite it being a mostly boreal forest region. But it’s a very vast region starting from central interior of Alaska, covering the Canadian Shield, surrounding much of Hudson Bay and the northern Rockies, and ending in eastern Canada and as south as Lake Superior. In fact, it covers most of Canada. Nevertheless, despite that the Subarctic is a huge area, you really don’t see it in movies or on TV much (at least in the US, though in Canada, that may not be the case). Or if you did, you might know have known that they were from the Subarctic region. That, or the movie or show was Canadian made. Yet, many of these people tend to speak Athabaskan languages (though some also speak Algonquin in the east). Whatever the case, the Subarctic region is home to a population known to speak over 30 languages. And this area didn’t have a large population of hunter-gathers either. But what a lot of these peoples have in common is their teepee and wigwam shelters and their dependence on the caribou. Also, many of them wore parkas, too. At any rate, it’s kind of what you get if you put cultural aspects of the Plains, the Arctic, and the Northeastern Woodlands together. But it’s in a way that it makes perfect sense because while it may not get as much snow as the Arctic, it’s nowhere near pleasant enough to support agriculture at all. Not only that, but many of these hunter-gatherer groups dealt with regular periods of starvation as food availability can vary from place to place. So while the Subarctic might have great scenery to put on a postcard (since it’s home to Denali), it’s not a pleasant place to live. Still, since European contact in 1500 with Basques, Bretons, and other Europeans fishing at the Gulf of Saint Lawrence, non-native diseases, STDs, malnutrition and alcoholism would reduce native Subarctic population by 90-100% in some regional locations while some didn’t see a white person until the mid 19th century.

While the Subarctic environment isn’t nearly as harsh as the frigid Arctic, it’s quite a forbidding place. Its rugged terrain, long cold winters, short summers, and generally low precipitation in rain, it’s a very hard place to live.

Location: Most of Canada as well as most of interior, western, and south central Alaska. Stretches from Alaska to east of the Rocky Mountains, and the northern Great Lakes.

First Peoples: The first people of the region possibly entered the region at least 12,000 years ago or even as long as 25,000 years ago. Athabaskan speakers descend from a Northern Archaic culture that existed at least 9,000 years ago. The Shield culture was predominant in Labrador before diverging. The Taltheilei tradition existed 6,000 years ago from Great Bear Lake to Lake Athabaska and the Churchill River. The Laurel culture of Manitoba and northern Ontario lasted from 1000 B.C.E. to 800 and known for their ceramic pottery along with the Selkirk and the Blackduck Cree.

Environment: Mountainous and boreal forest with thousands of streams and waterlogged tundra. East has low hills and rock outcroppings. West has high mountains, glaciers, and plains. Climate is characterized by short, mild to hot summers and long, bitterly cold winters. Precipitation is generally low save in some mountainous areas and coastal Alaska and falls mainly as snow. Short springs experience plagues of mosquitoes, black flies, and other insects as well as ice break up and snow melt. Travel can also be limited at that time as well as the fall freeze up. Soil was often poor and often swampy, making agricultural development impossible.

Central to the Subarctic tribal existence was the caribou for which they depended on for food, clothing, shelter, and tools. Here is a painting of a caribou hunt.

Subsistence: Primarily hunter, gatherer, and fisher subsistence. Moose and caribou were a major part of diets for many tribes, with some groups regularly suffering from hunger or even starvation during shortages. Yet, smaller animals like hare, marmot, beaver, porcupine, and muskrat were also consumed along with fish, roots, and berries. Coastal groups relied on sea mammals and shellfish while western groups even hunted buffalo. Musk ox, bear, lynx, wolf, coyote, fox, mink, weasel, otter, wolverine, wapiti and elk were also hunted where available.

Teepees and wigwams may not have been the only housing in the Subarctic region. But they were among the most common. Most of these would be covered in caribou or moose hides along with bark.

Housing: Most tribal groups resided in domed and conical lodges consisting of poles covered with skins, boughs, or birch bark. Or in other words, wigwams and teepees but not what you’d see on the Plains or the Northeast. Groups closest to the Northwest Coast tribes built plank houses while some built frame houses partially below the earth as well as bark covered rectangular houses at fishing camps. Some groups built shelters with a double A-ridgepole framework and containing multiple fires as well as sod pit houses. Structures like drying racks, sweat houses, caches, menstrual houses, and others were also commonly built.

Nelson-Family-Athabasan-Clothing-Portrait

This Athabaskan family portrait shows a variety of what native peoples in the Subarctic would’ve worn. In winter, they would’ve worn parkas, snowsuits, and other winter items. In the spring and summer, they’d go with tanned leather clothing of caribou and moose.

Clothing: Most clothing usually came from moose and caribou as well as hare and other skins with trim from beaver or other fur. Hides were often tanned and dehaired so they wouldn’t weigh down except winter items like parkas, hats, and mittens. Many people wore leggings with moccasins. Clothing can be decorated with fringe, paint, quills, claws, or down. Women wore dresses while men wore shirts, jackets, and snowsuits. Mothers often carried their babies on their backs with cradle boards. Adornments consisted of noseplugs, earrings, and tattooing.

Transportation: Overland travel was usually preferred and many used sleds, sledges, and toboggans (sometimes pulled by dogs though not always). Though people did build lightweight birch bark canoes and moose hide boats.

Like most nomadic tribes, Subarctic Indian society wasn’t very authoritarian, formal, or centralized. Extended families usually lived in groups though once in awhile bands would get together to socialize, hunt, and trade.

Society: This was a sparsely populated area with no more than 100,000 living in the region at any one time. So most cultures were nomadic. The basic unit was a local group consisting of 10-20 related people but could be up to 75. Membership was fluid and nonbinding, in deference to autonomy values and need for flexibility in a difficult environment. Leadership was extremely informal and nonauthoritarian, except for the groups most influenced by the Northwest Coast. When conditions permitted (possibly not quite every summer), local groups might come together as loosely constructed regional bands of several hundred people to socialize and renew family ties. Kinship names were used in most tribes as a general term. For instance, elders were addressed “Grandmother” or “Grandfather” whether they were blood related or not. Some groups might conduct memorial potlach with chiefs being recognized as among the clan leaders in the Cordillera. Warfare was mostly a local matter though while some groups seeking women, most people fought over revenge for trespass or prior blood transgression. Yet, warfare was more developed in the far west than in other areas. However, there were no regional groups conducting full scale wars. Trade was widely practiced with goods and services being exchanged as a peaceful reason for travel and human interaction while bands frequently shared resources with each other.

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Though Subarctic tribes mostly practiced matrilineal descent, the treatment of women varied from tribe. Some women were treated as no more than mere pack animals while others maintained relative autonomy and even assumed positions of authority and power.

Family Structure: Primarily matrilineal descent, though not always. Women mostly made clothes, prepared food, and looked after children while men hunted the big game. However, it wasn’t uncommon for women to snare hare or fish. Women’s status varied according to local custom with some being treated as essentially pack animals with little to eat and others existing in relative autonomy as well as attaining both authority and power. Female infanticide wasn’t unknown through much of the region while menstrual taboos could be quite rigorous. Yet, both men and women were usually married by 13 or 14 and had some decision power in the bands. Newly married men were required to live with their in-laws for at least a year before establishing their own households (yet, sometimes they could have more than one wife). Exogamy and cross cousin marriage were usually encouraged. Since infant mortality was common, babies were usually not named until it was certain they would survive. Cremation was standard funerary practice.

The Subarctic tribes were well known for their intricate beadwork and embroidery. After they made contact with the Europeans, these Indians took to using glass beads and sewn floral designs.

Practices: Animism, shamanism, reincarnation, ceramics, storytelling, controlled burning, music, lacrosse, wooden dolls, basket weaving, dance, embroidery, beadwork, and scapulimancy.

Tools and Weapons: Antler clubs soaked in grease, armor, spears, hide containers for holding water, tumplines for carrying, snowshoes, bow and arrow, net traps, gaffs, fish hooks, snares, and weirs. Raw materials usually consisted of bark, wood, root, stone, and sometimes copper. Yet, many groups also liberally borrowed from their neighbors.

Notable Tribes: Cree, Ojibwa, Gwich’in, Dena’ina, Beothuk, Beaver, Mountain, Hare, Han, Tanacross, Yelloknife, Innu, Chipewyan, Eyak, Kuskokwim, Holikachunk, Sekani, Tagish, Ingalik, Ahtna, Babine-Wet’suwet’en, Dogrib, Tutchone, Carrier, Chilcotin, Attikamek, Tanana, Bearlake, Koyukon, Naskapi, Slavey, Tlicho, and Kaska.

The Indigenous Peoples of North America: Part 1 – The Arctic

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 22, 2016

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As we have been taught in our history classes, before Europeans arrived to North America, the continent was inhabited by a people called the Native Americans. Of course, those who’ve taken courses in American history in school will probably know that our education doesn’t really touch on these people very much (other than that they later got killed by European disease and relocated to reservations so white people can take their lands). Mostly because an average US history class can only cover so much within 180 days or less. Thus, with the exception of those who took Native American Studies in college or read books about them, most of us tend to learn about the Indians through the media and pop culture. Now your average Native American on TV or in the movies will most likely have long black hair (either free flowing, single thick braid, or loose pigtails) or a Mohawk. Not mention, your average media Native American would have a feather stuck in their hair as an ornament or an elaborate feather headdress (like a war bonnet). If your Indian is a guy, he’ll have on leather pants often lined with fringe along with an age dependent upper wardrobe. Older Indian men usually wear leather tunics and vests while the younger guys have other options of going with just the vest or a bare chest. If he’s shirtless, then expect him to wear some degree of body paint. Yet at any rate, he’ll certainly get his war paint on at the climatic battle scene. If your Indian is a woman, she’ll often wear a single piece leather slip and leave her legs bare. Either way, your average media Native American will wear beaded jewelry as well as soft leather moccasins if they’re not barefoot.

And it doesn’t help that many Native Americans depicted in classic westerns are played by white guys with blue eyes. Yeah, really makes a convincing Indian (sorry, but the heavy dark makeup isn’t fooling me).

Now is this an accurate representation of Native Americans? Well, some of the time. However, pop culture tends to get the idea of representing Native North Americans with a one-size-fits-all approach of beads, buckskins, and braids. Did all Native North Americans dress this way before Europeans? No. Because North America is a big place with a great deal of variation between Native cultures, especially since the continent has a variety of environments. An Indian from New Mexico did not dress the same way as one from North Dakota. And occasionally, you might see indigenous people in Peru wearing buckskin outfits which is another matter entirely (especially if you account for the llama wool). Nevertheless, such Native North American portrayal doesn’t capture the wide variety while many tribes’ traditional outfits look nothing like the stereotype.

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Yet, they still depict teepees and totem poles on the Playmobil Indian camp play set. Sure it looks cute. But it’s seriously wrong and perpetuates cultural inaccuracies. Seriously, you might as well have a play set of the Norse gods with a Grecian temple.

Then there are the aspects of Native North American culture that you see in the media. Of course, there’s the offensive denigration of Indians as savages but this stereotype has been done to death so I won’t bother to talk about it. Then there’s the magical nature worshipping Native Americans who are just misunderstood because a bunch of selfish white guys want their land. Either way, they’re not going to speak English like a normal person. But that’s beside the point. Anyway, you might see Native American tribes depicted doing things and using stuff that belongs to a myriad of different tribes. A good example of this would be the Indian tribe in Peter Pan which juxtaposes Great Plains teepees and Pacific Northwest totem poles. At a cultural and historical perspective, this is as jarring as it’s inaccurate as portraying Vikings with Grecian temples. Also, you might find a lot of Indians wearing mohawks and war bonnets even when they’re not supposed to. In reality, Native North Americans were and are a diverse group ranging from nomadic hunter-gatherers to agricultural civilizations. And they have adapted to a variety of environmental conditions.

Type Indian or Native American on any search engine, you’re bound to get results like this. Now while this certainly is a Native American portrait, the guy is most likely a leader of the Plains tribes. And he only wears the war bonnet on ceremonial occasions.

In this series, I plan on showing my readers a rough view on how Native North Americans really lived. However, I’m not going to go with a tribe on tribe basis because that would take too long (since there are over 500 of them). So instead I’ll go according to cultural area. Yet, note that whatever I say about this series will only apply chiefly to Native North Americans before European contact. So if you want to know about Plains horse culture or Navajo sheep herding and silversmithing, this series isn’t for you (though I will show pictures). Not only that, but understand that a one-size-fits-all approach may not apply to all the Indians living in that particular cultural region, even within a recognized tribe or tribal group. I just have it written in because it applies to some of the Indians living there. Also, some tribes might go in more than one region.

Inupiat Family from Noatak, Alaska, 1929, Edward S. Curtis

A family photo of an Inupiat Eskimo mother, father, and son, photographed in Noatak, Alaska, by Edward Sheriff Curtis circa 1929. It’s certainly plausible that they’d be wearing their parkas in every day life. But most of the Inuit have adopted to modern lifestyles. Yet, that didn’t stop Robert Flaherty drom doing Nanook of the North.

Our first North American region is the Arctic, which is often exempt from most Native American depictions. Mostly because the Arctic is a very frigid place of ice and snow. Arctic Native Americans tend to be depicted more accurately as wearing parkas, living in igloos, hunting seals, riding kayaks, and running on the ice in dog sleds. But it’s not quite right. Since not all Arctic Native Americans lived in igloos (and even those who did didn’t live in them all the time). Plant life does exist there and the ice does thaw (and keeps thawing due to climate change). While these Native Americans resided near polar bears, they didn’t live anywhere near penguins (which actually live in the Southern Hemisphere). And yes, they do take off their parkas once in awhile. Sure they may spend their days dogsledding, ice fishing, and seal hunting, but they also hunt whales, walruses, and other animals, too. Oh, and they didn’t always leave their grandmas to die on ice floes. Nor did they just eat blubber. Nevertheless, while the Arctic can be a rather inhospitable place, these people have managed to survive its harsh climate for thousands of years and continue to do so. Most of them reside in the farthest reaches of Alaska, northern Canada, and Greenland. Yet, they don’t necessarily have a lifestyle that 100% akin to Nanook of the North (which is kind of a documentary of the Inuit showing how they lived when they were 12). Because they do know about modern technology, actually take advantage of it, and think the idea of pining for the good old days is utterly insane (even among those who grew up in the traditional lifestyle). However, you might want to avoid calling them Eskimos because some of them see the term as derogatory. Also, a lot of them don’t like being called Indians either which is partly why we tend to refer to indigenous people in North America as Native Americans.

This is a figurine from the Paleo-Eskimo Dorset culture who were among the first people in the Arctic region. The Paleo-Eskimos inhabited the area from 6,000 years ago before mysteriously disappearing at around 1500 at the latest. DNA evidence has proven that they were not the ancestors of the modern Inuit, a fact that I hardly believe (mostly because if the Thule and Dorset culture coexisted, you’d expect that they’d be having sex with each other. Because that’s what normally happens).

Location: Near the Arctic Circle, encompassing northern and western regions of Alaska, northern Canada, and Greenland.

First Peoples: Assuming that the earliest Native Americans arrived to the continent through the Bering land bridge, the Arctic region was only used as nothing more than an area to pass through before venturing into greener pastures. The first groups who inhabited this region didn’t arrive until 6,000 years ago and in at least 2 migrations from Siberia and it was the last area in North America to be populated. The Paleo-Eskimo cultures first developed by 2500 BCE and consists of the Arctic Small Tool Tradition (who lived in tent camps while chasing seals and caribou 4000 years ago), the Dorsets (walrus hunters from 500 BCE-1500), and the Thule (who sailed in large skin boats and hunted whales who are said to arrive in 200 BCE-1600). Only the Thule have any biological, cultural and linguistic connection the modern Inuit and are often considered their ancestors. However, it is known that the Dorsets and Thule had no genetic connection and barely interacted with each other (at least favorably. However, the lack of genetic connection is highly unusual since these two groups existed around the same time. But even if under the most hostile relations, you’d still expect that members of both groups would have sex with each other. How can these people coexist without having sex with each other? I don’t get it). And the Dorset would mysteriously disappear by the 1500s. Some evidence suggests that the Thule and Dorsets had contact with the Vikings.

Here’s a scene of Nanook hunting seal from the 1922 Robert Flaherty “documentary” Nanook of the North. The harsh tundra climate and terrain led the Arctic people to hunt sea mammals including seal and whale. By the way, hunting for such animals in the Arctic was a highly difficult and dangerous task that took hours.

Environment: Tundra, which can be better said as a desert of snow that’s cold, flat, and treeless (though Arctic plants do exist). Snow, ice, and freezing temperatures all year round (along with the increasing threat of global warming). Can sometimes experience a white night and midnight sun come summer as well as 24 hours of darkness in winter. But the Aurora Borealis is pretty. One of the harshest environments on earth.

Subsistence: Hunter, gatherer, and fisher subsistence. Diet was mostly meat based consisting of ringed and bearded seals, walrus, narwhal, and whales. On land, caribou were by far the most important source of food (and other raw materials) along with musk ox, wolf, fox, wolverine, and squirrel. Also consumed ptarmigan, duck, geese, and their eggs. Fishing was mostly a 3 season activity. Some areas even had people gather berries. Almost every part of the hunted animals were used.

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As you might know, the Inuit are well known for building igloos made of snow and ice. Yet, contrary to what you see in the media, igloos were only used as temporary shelter. Sometimes they could be built close together and connected by tunnels.

Housing: Different types depended on materials available and whether the home wasp permanent or temporary. In the central Arctic region, domed shaped snow igloos were the rule among the Inuit. Many of these would often be built attached to each other for added warmth and sociability. And they even had snow furniture in them, too. But some Inuit tribes built sod houses which consisted of a dug rectangular pit with walls made from sod and rocks as well as wood pieces and whalebone for the roof called a shuswap. Aleut housing consisted of a partially underground house covered with logs, whalebone, or poles before being covered by earth, snow, or moss. This was called a Barabara. Temporary housing included a large men’s ceremonial house called a kashim and its female counterpart called an ena along with summer tents of seal and caribou skin over bone or wooden frames.

Unlike a lot of Native American cultures, Arctic tribes like the Inuit sometimes still wear their traditional parkas, a lot of times made from caribou fur for added insulation.

Clothing: Most clothing was made from caribou skin though polar bear, seal, wolverine, squirrel, bird, and fish skins were also used. And it was primarily fashioned for insulation from freezing temperatures and wind. In winter, people wore inner (fur side in) and outer fur side garments (fur side out). But only the inner garment was worn during the summer fur side out. The winter outer garment was a heavy hooded jacket, often lined with fur known as a parka. A mother might wear an extra-large parka to shelter babies. Both sexes wore pants, stockings, mittens, seal skin boots, or low shoes. Raincoats were sewn with waterproof gut. Clothes were often decorated with colored furs or fringe. Men wore snowshoes and snow goggles while hunting in the winter. Adornments consisted of labrets (lip plugs), ear pendants, nose rings, and tattoos. Sothern tribes wore close fitting shits and pants. While Aleut women wore seal or otter skin parkas, Aleut men wore parkas of bird skin where the feathers turned in and out depending on the weather. Aleut children wore down parkas with tanned bird skin caps.

Sleds pulled by dogs and kayaks were the primary modes of transportation among the Arctic Native Americans. Dog sleds for land and kayaks for water. Luckily I found a picture that had both a kayak and sled dogs.

Transportation: Kayaks were closed boats made for one man and used for hunting. Larger open umiaks made from wooden frames and sewn skins for water navigation. Umiaks were employed for either whale hunting or general travel (in the latter case, they’d be paddled and/or rowed by women). Wood and rawhide sleds were pulled by either dogs or people and were used for winter travel.

Society: This was a sparsely populated area that could have consisted as many as 80,000 pre-European contact. Lived a mostly nomadic culture where group members saw themselves tied to the land. Members lived in an isolated existence and would organize into bands on a seasonal basis. Leadership was generally underdeveloped. When strong leaders emerged, there was little formal structure and usually for a temporary situation like whaling expeditions. Leaders were usually older, experienced men who might be leading household heads and probably owned an umiak. Also had a very bloody history of intertribal warfare.

Another scene from Nanook of the North. This one depicts Nanook’s wife Nyla with their baby playing with the husky puppies. Arctic nuclear families normally consisted of 5 to 6 people at a time. And Arctic family life wasn’t always as happy as what you see in this 1922 film. Still, this moment is so filled with cuteness.

Family Structure: Nuclear families usually consisted of 5 to 6 people. Hunting sea mammals was the primary occupation of most men because it could be highly dangerous and/or extremely demanding. Women sewed up skins, cooked food, tended lamps, and looked after children. Both men and women took part in igloo construction. Descent was generally bilateral. Kinship was of such primary importance so much that “strangers” (those who couldn’t immediately document kin affiliations) were perceived as potentially hostile and might be summarily killed. Other groups subject to willful death were infants (especially girls) and old people. Cannibalism and suicide weren’t uncommon, but only in extreme cases of need. Prospective husbands often served the bride’s parents for a period of time (bride service). Wife stealing (committed in the overall competition of supremacy) might result in death as possibly other conflicts. Murders were subject to revenge. Corpses were generally wrapped in skins and left on the ground. Southwest Inuit and Aleuts practiced mummification. Yupik parents tend to name their children after the last person in the community to have died.

While the Inuit mostly dominate the Arctic cultural Native American landscape, the Aleut and the Yupik also reside there. These are Aleuts who reside in the Alaskan Aleutian Islands while the Yupik live in western Alaska. Both groups also live in part of Siberia as well.

Practices: Bone, antler, and ivory figurines, amulets, and toys. Wooden ceremonial and dance masks. Basket weaving, animism, shamanism, music, acrobatics, kickball, string games, and storytelling.

Tools and Weapons: Harpoon, bow and arrow, needle, thimble, knife, adze, ax, drill, scraper, spear, and shovel, primarily from bone and antler as well as chipped stone (for points, blades, scrapers, and pots). Other tools include baleen boxes, soapstone pottery, oil and blubber burning lamps with moss wicks, movement indicators (for breathing-hole sealing), throwers, various types of harpoons (with detachable heads), seal nets, clubs, bird bolas, three pronged spears, fish hooks, stone fish weirs, as well as animal traps and snares.

Notable Tribes: Inuit, Aleut, and Yupik. Some of the Aleut and Yupik are known to reside in Siberia.

In Defense of Labor Unions

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 20, 2016

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Though unions have greatly shaped the United States throughout much of the 20th century but have fallen out of favor in recent years. While in the 1950s about 1 in 4 workers were unionized, today only 1 in 10 and that number is declining fast. Unions have lost a lot of their power due to things like outsourcing, right to work laws, negative economic conditions, special interests, companies prohibiting them, or other factors. Not to mention, there isn’t a very favorable attitude toward them either for they’ve been blamed for taking away jobs, hurting the economy, or inconveniencing the populace. Some say that unions have served their purpose and aren’t needed anymore. However, as we all remember Scott Walker’s attempt to strip public sector workers of their collective bargaining rights and fast food worker strikes, many Americans don’t really want to see them go away. In fact, perhaps labor unions are still as relevant as ever today and actually do help this country.

Here’s a German painting of a bunch of guys working in a foundry during the 19th century. Notice how there’s no attention being paid to workplace safety. Also, imagine doing this work 6 days a week at 16 hours a day for less than minimum wage.

1. Unions help create better jobs.

Regardless of what detractors may say, unions don’t really take away jobs since mass unemployment is one of the things unions always seek to avoid. It’s usually business management who does since they usually make the decisions whether it’s in the name of profits or power. Sure unions were probably part of the reason why many American industries moved operations overseas for cheaper labor, but not all jobs can be outsourced, especially service jobs. Even so, most jobs in today’s market aren’t unionized but many aren’t very desirable either with long hours, low wages, no room for advancement, not much safety or benefits, and are held for a rather short time. Of course, while businesses may like cheap and expendable workforces, but job seekers and workers do not. Workers don’t like such labor because it gives them little control over their lives and keeps them on the brink of economic instability. Job seekers don’t like them because it gives them more competition in an uncertain job market where obtaining a job can be more trouble than it’s worth. Recent college graduates have it the worst since many job listings have certain specifications that they may not be able to fulfill. However, this doesn’t mean that young people don’t have the skills to be productive citizens, it’s because the pool of job seekers is too big and employers are a very picky bunch and want an employee who’s already tailor made as well as with job experience. Still, though I’m not sure organized labor may make job seekers’ lives any easier, they do create better jobs and history proves it. Unions have helped make many crummy low wage, hazardous, and long hour jobs into decently paid eight-hour a day jobs with workplace safety, overtime pay, health benefits, personal leave, holidays, pensions, and workman’s comp. Jobs like these are very desirable and reduce turnovers and layoffs which may help reduce competition among job seekers since not many people are as desperate to find one. A job is only low wage not because the work is easier but because low wages are only arbitrary values set by employers. We should also understand that Costco employees work the same jobs as anyone else in the retail sector, yet they are treated much better than other retail workers. Thus, low wages often reflect not what the job entails, but the values of the employer.

In the early 20th century, the US experienced some of the deadliest industrial disasters in history. On March 25, 1911, a scrap bin fire at New York City’s Triangle Shirtwaist Factory would lead to the deaths of 146 people because the owners locked the doors to the stairwells and exits to prevent theft. This would lead to growth in unionization for garment workers as well as improved safety standards.

2. Unions help check and hold employers accountable.

While unions help improve workers’ lives, they also help check and hold employers accountable as well as serve as a middle man in workplace and labor relations. A unionized workplace gives employers incentive to treat their workers decently, helps set workplace standards, limit unfair labor practices, and does all it can to ensure that workers receive a fair deal. As a political lobby, they call for legal incentives in order to assure worker’s rights are recognized by law and that employers should observe them. Without unions, many employers would simply get away with treating workers like crap as well as run his or her business with little account to them. And for many years, workers have suffered in the name of profit. Sure there may be companies like Costco who provide their employees with a living wage and benefits, but they’re not the norm in the service industry or any non-unionized industry. Before many blue collar work places had unions like the coal mines and steel industry, it wasn’t unusual for workers to be paid shitty wages and treated like crap. And when these workers finally got the salary, hours, and benefits they wanted, it wasn’t because the management was trying to be nice to them. Then there’s the fact low income workers in non-unionized workplaces are especially prone to becoming victims of wage theft (especially undocumented immigrants), in which employers deny their workers their wages and benefits rightfully owed like minimum wage violations, overtime pay, employee miscalculation, illegal deductions, working off the clock, or not being paid at all. In the US, wage theft is very severe, widespread, and costs the country $40-$60 billion each year which is more than how much money the country loses due to robbery ($340 million), burglary ($1.4 billion), larceny ($5.3 billion), and auto theft ($3.8 billion) as of 2012. This is a crime but because these workers aren’t allowed to form unions due to company policy, a lot of wage theft goes undetected and laws against it aren’t often enforced. And even if workers do win their cases on wage theft, they usually don’t receive a dime of what they’re owed by the employers. Unions can be effective in deterring wage theft since they tend to go on strike over such incidences.

Here’s a rough list of what labor unions have done for American workers. Sure unions may represent special interests, yet their interests tend to benefit practically everyone.

3. Unions help promote the democratic process as and 1st Amendment rights.

While unions may be corrupt, they nevertheless serve as a powerful lobbying voice for a major demographic that couldn’t afford a lobbyist otherwise. For years labor unions have always provided a political voice to the common man as well as helped lobby for legislation in favor of ordinary people. In fact, worker’s rights has always been a special interest to unions, which affects most Americans. In the workplace, unions give workers a voice in major workplace decisions as well as protects workers’ 1st Amendment rights relating to their professional lives. If workers feel they’re being treated unfairly they can talk to each other, address their grievances, negotiate a compromise, or go on strike if employers still won’t listen. In many ways, unions help promote the democratic process in both government and in the business world since they stand for a worker’s right to be treated with dignity and respect. Not to mention, they also lobby for a worker’s right to self-govern which is a very American value indeed. Besides, while unions may be identified to the political left, they are probably the closest thing in the K Street lobbying world that best represents the interests of most Americans, especially after Citizens United when most lobbies and corporations don’t. This goes to even non-union members as well as those who oppose them and that’s why having non-union members pay dues in a unionized workplace makes sense. In fact, a lot of their campaigns might pertain to measures like raising the minimum wage, protecting migrant farm workers, mandated paid leave, and other policies designed to help even the lowest earning workers. They even campaigned for policies advancing civil rights for women and minorities as well as protecting the environment. And within companies, unions area powerful, sophisticated player concerned with more than just the next quarters profits at shareholders’ meetings.

Famed union organizer Walter Reuther understood the value unions had in the American economy. When asked how he’d planned to get his men to pay union dues while being shown automated production lines at Ford, Reuther replied, “How do you plan to get them to buy your cars?”

4. Unions greatly contribute to the economy equality and promote economic activity.

Since unions help create and expand the middle class, they also help decrease income inequality and generate activity in the modern consumer economy. Unionized workers earn more money than their non-union counterparts as well as likely to spend more. The middle class has always played a critical role in a nation’s economy and the US is no exception. Higher earning workers make good consumers since they have more disposable income as well as a great demand for products. And the bigger the middle class, the more consumers there are, the more money businesses make, and the better the economy. Also, higher incomes provide governments with more tax revenues.

As far as non-union workplaces go, Wal Mart has become the poster child of workplace violations as well as paying its employees poverty level wages. It’s said that Wal Mart’s low wages cost US taxpayers about $1.5 billion a year since the retail giant has a lot of workers on public assistance.

5. Unions save taxpayer money.

Of course, in 21st century America social programs are a mainstay, yet many on government assistance have also been bashed as lazy unemployed freeloaders or drug addicts (personally I’d rather have my tax dollars go to some worthless bum’s government assistance payment than corporate subsidies.) Sure there maybe a few freeloaders among welfare recipients but the public assistance pool is pretty diverse group including the disabled, children, veterans, mentally ill, elderly, chronically ill, and even the working poor. Such public assistance is greatly limited and only provides short term aid. Now the working poor are a pretty unlucky bunch who are probably more likely to end up on public assistance than anyone else in the workforce. They are also more likely to work for an employer prohibiting unionization like Wal Mart as well as have a low paying job with terrible conditions and awful labor practices. Though many conservatives don’t like public assistance programs or unionism, many fail to realize that bad labor practices can cost taxpayers millions, especially if there’s no labor union to challenge them. Low wage workers aren’t just least likely to support themselves and families, they are also more prone to on the job injuries resulting in disability or death, develop work-related health problems which may become serious if left untreated, unemployment, and other things. In many ways the working poor are either welfare cases or welfare cases waiting to happen (including those with dependents). And to some workers, government assistance may be the only option since employers may not listen to demands or maybe even fire someone for whatever reason, especially when it comes to forming a union. A company like Wal Mart is notorious for shifting it’s labor burdens on the taxpayer which isn’t fair for anyone. Since unions help clamp down on bad labor practices, they also help save taxpayer money.

Here is a diagram on the difference being part of a union makes at work. Since union workers are protected under legal contract, they aren’t liable to as many workplace abuses as their non-union counterparts. Whereas if a non-union worker is unfairly treated, there is nothing they can do.

6. Unions give workers more control of their lives.

Not only do unions help create a middle class as well as provides a voice for workers, they also allow workers better control of their lives even beyond the confines of their job. Bad labor practices can hurt families and ruin a person’s life. And it’s not unusual for a low wage earner to take more than one job which can result in more time away from home, coming in sick, sending sick kids to school, or leaving them unsupervised from hours on end. Low wage jobs don’t give workers enough to live on or even any room for social mobility. In fact, many of low wage workers live in poverty as well as have their kids suffer the same fate. In many respects, bad labor practices can have long term consequences for not only workers but workers’ families. And in many respects, unionization has helped many kids from working families go to college. Not only that, but since unions give workers leverage against their employer, workers not only can collectively bargain for higher wages as well as know how much each worker owns, but also go to their managers with safety concerns or ideas to improve efficiency and know that they’ll not only get a hearing, but also be protected from possible reprisals.

Wal Mart is notorious non-union workplace which is known to face class action lawsuits every year amounting to millions of dollars. This has given them a very infamous reputation in the field of labor relations. This is especially when the retail giant decided to open on Thanksgiving. And since it’s the leading retailer, many stores ended following suit.

7. Unions help companies and businesses.

Since unions crack down on bad labor practices, they also help their workplaces in many ways. For one, they make the workplace a much cleaner and safer environment for both workers and consumers alike. Paid sick leave can help keep a worker’s illness from infecting not only their peers but also customers. And paid sick leave for a sick child can prevent other kids from getting sick as well. Unions also help employers by not just giving them consumers but also save money on fighting lawsuits as well as gives them a better reputation. A business with good labor standards not only makes consumers more willing to buy from them, but also makes employees happier working for them, may be even proud. I mean look at Costco’s reputation is much better than Wal Mart’s for this reason. Of course, Costco doesn’t have unions either but it certainly wouldn’t be the company it is if unions never existed.

This is New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Some time ago, Brady was implicated in Deflategate and the NFL charged him with a 4 game suspension. Brady appealed to the NFLPA (which is the players’ union) and got that suspension removed by order from a federal court. Yes, I know this is a terrible example of unions at work. However, if people think unions are either outdated or bad, then why do unions for people like Tom Brady exist?

8. Professional athletes and movie stars have unions.

I know that many people associate unionism with teachers and blue collar workers. However, we should understand that unionism isn’t just confined to the public sector or blue collar jobs that don’t earn a lot of money. For instance, professional athletes have their own union like the NFLPA that helped New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady get out of a 4 game suspension after he implicated in the Deflategate scandal. People in show business also have unions like the Screen Actors Guild whose most famous president was Ronald Reagan at one point. Now neither group is economically in dire straits, but they have union representation nevertheless. That’s because no matter how rich you are, if you’re working for someone, sometimes policies won’t be in your favor. So if rich people feel they need unions, maybe their poorer counterparts feel the same way. Besides, even the most conservative union members wouldn’t want to get rid of theirs.

Here’s a satirical cartoon making fun of union opposition. However, it makes a good point on how business don’t like certain policies that unions advocate. Then there’s the fact that companies don’t want to pay extra costs to protect and make them happy or deal with strikes.

9. Anti-Unionism is all about big business wanting more power and control over their labor force.

In recent years, Unionism has been on the decline for 2 reasons. First, a lot of blue collar paying jobs were lost during the 1980s, many of which had union representation. Second, many people in the private sector work for big corporations that simply won’t allow them. It’s very well known that big business doesn’t like unions and calls them obstructionists. Yes, unions may have their faults and might inconvenience people. However, I always think that the reason why many workplaces in the country prohibit workers from unionizing has more to do with them wanting more power and control over their workforce than anything else. And if it’s not the workplaces, then it’s free market conservatives who think that corporations having free reign is best for the economy (when in reality, it’s not). For instance, a Volkswagen plant in Tennessee was prevented from unionizing by the state legislature, not management. Sure they want to hire and fire whoever they want. But they also want to control their employees’ hours and only want to pay them as much as it takes to keep them there. Passage of so-called “right to work” laws aimed at curbing union influence, have led to decreased wages and increased poverty rates in several US states. And it’s clear that these laws weren’t aimed to benefit workers but large corporations seeking more power and control of their labor force.

Nearly have the states in the US have “Right to Work” laws in which non-union members don’t have to pay union dues in a unionized workplace. Yet, these laws minimize union power as well as lead to devastating consequences such as lower wages, higher health uninsurance rates, higher poverty rates, and more workplace fatalities. Such factors can have devastating consequences not only for the workers, but also for their families (especially children) and communities.

10. The benefits of unions extend to workers’ families and improve society.

While unions may have their faults, we have to acknowledge the fact that they’ve helped not just the workers themselves but also their families, their descendants, and society as a whole. For instance, before many of these blue collar jobs were unionized, it wasn’t unusual for workers to begin their jobs as children after dropping out of school. In fact, it was a very common thing, especially with the Industrial Revolution in the 19th century. Just ask none other than Charles Dickens who wrote extensively on child labor and why it was a really terrible thing. Why? Because even though their parents might work 12-16 hour days, they could never earn enough money to support their family. Not to mention, a lot of these jobs were dangerous and could put a family in economic disaster because there was no compensation or safety standards. Even when public education was available, it wasn’t always compulsory and a lot of poor kids tended to drop out if their parents’ paychecks couldn’t cover the rent or in the event of a family emergency. And it was because these children were put to work at an early age, they were denied a basic education and the economic opportunities that came with it. So they ended suffering the same fate as their parents. Unions have been very instrumental in curbing child labor in blue collar industries since they gave adult workers leverage so their workplaces would provide them a fair wage, benefits, an 8-hour day, workman’s comp, and medical leave as well as observe workplace safety standards. Such measures not only made workers’ lives easier, but they also allowed children to go to school and stay there as well as focus on their schoolwork so they’d excel and perhaps get into a good college so they can have better opportunities. Now this didn’t necessarily happen overnight. But it’s a major reason why cities like Pittsburgh managed to bounce back after what happened to the steel industry in the 1980s (though I admit that some industrial areas in the Rust Belt haven’t been so lucky like Detroit. But even in those places, things could’ve been worse). Still, when you’re in such cities like Pittsburgh, you’ll find a lot of professionals like doctors, lawyers, teachers, and what not who had ancestors who were coal miners, mill workers, and factory workers. Sure they may say that some of them achieved success by hard work which certainly fits into the equation. However, if their blue collar ancestors didn’t pressure their bosses to unionize they would not be where they are today. Yet, though unions have made the world a decent, that doesn’t mean they’re no longer needed. In the US, we should be reminded time and time again that a parent’s life at work has a profound effect on a child’s progress in school, the quality of their education, life in their neighborhood, and even their health. That is still very much the reality today as it was back in the Gilded Age since a lot of service industry parents work minimum wage jobs, sometimes more than one. A child whose parents work at Sam’s Club is never going to have the same opportunities and quality life than one whose parents work at Costco, despite that both sets have the same job with the same responsibilities. However, we must understand that the Costcos in this world are a rarity and most companies have never been so accommodating to their workers. If most workers in the service industry want those Costco benefits so their kids could have better lives, then unionization might be the only thing possible for them to accomplish that.

Here’s a picture of children working at a factory back in the day mostly because their parents work starvation wages and long hours. Since unions helped curbed child labor, be glad you don’t have this. Or at least at Gilded Age capacity.

US Vice Presidential Hall of Shame

Posted by historymaniacmegan on July 14, 2016

In the coming weeks, we have the coming national conventions for the Republican and Democratic nominees. However, before these can get off the ground, we have the veepstakes where the presumptive nominee has to choose a running mate for the ticket. Now selecting the VP has been a long tradition in American politics and history. But what does a vice president do, exactly? Well, as far the presidential campaign goes, a vice presidential candidate is supposed to balance the ticket and make the presidential candidate look good. As for the vice president, well, their job is to make the president look good, do a lot of ceremonial stuff, and be prepared to take over whenever the president can’t perform their duties. But it depends. If the president is sick or injured and is still kicking, then the VP might assume the president’s duties in an acting capacity. But if the president dies or gets assassinated, then the VP assumes the job. This has happened 8 times, starting with President John Tyler assuming office after William Henry Harrison contracted pneumonia and died after 30 days. Since Harrison was the first president to die in office, this was much uncertainty regarding succession. But Tyler cleared this up by resolving Harrison’s death made him president and had himself sworn in. Or the VP can ascend the presidency if the president gets into some shady shenanigans that either results in their removal or resignation as in the case with Gerald Ford succeeding Richard Nixon. VPs are also said to preside over impeachment trials of federal judges and preside as President of the Senate. Other than that, the VP role can vary depending on the guy who’s in office as well as his relationship with the president. However, don’t assume that the vice presidency is a useless position because political campaigns as well as the fact 9 guys assumed the presidency from there show it’s not. Nevertheless, while our nation has had some good veeps, but a lot of vice presidents have held office and achieved little of consequence. Then there are ones who deserve special mention but not because they’re good or a nonentity. Mostly because they’re noteworthy for being really terrible veeps such as corrupt, backstabbing, useless, just plain stupid or something else. So here is a list of vice presidents that no presumptive nominee wants on their ticket.

Unlike the other VPs on this list, at least Aaron Burr gets to be depicted in a hit Broadway musical. Unfortunately, for him, it’s called Hamilton and it’s about the guy he shot in a duel.

Aaron Burr

Served Under: Thomas Jefferson (1801-1805)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Actually while he was intended to be Jefferson’s vice president, Jefferson didn’t have much say in the actual selection. Nevertheless, this brilliant guy graduated from Princeton at 16, served as a Continental Army officer in the American Revolution (rising to the rank Lieutenant Colonel), as well as had a successful career as a lawyer and politician (he was US Senator from New York). Had a great relationship with his daughter Theodosia (and was a better father to his known illegitimate children, too, unlike Jefferson. He also supported women’s rights and opposed slavery). Not to mention, being from the north provided a great balance with Jefferson’s southern disposition.

Why He Wasn’t: He’s one of the best known US vice presidents and it’s mostly for the wrong reasons. Aside from being relentlessly horny (his second wife divorced him when he was 80 on grounds of adultery, kept detailed records on his encounters with prostitutes, fathered at least two illegitimate children, and was considered a notorious womanizer), he had a knack for making powerful enemies as well as a reputation for being a political opportunist with an unbridled ambition. Though he ran as vice president on Thomas Jefferson’s Democratic-Republican ticket, most voters tended chose both men without indicating the intended office. When he and Jefferson were tied in the election of 1800, Burr dragged out the uncertainty to manipulate it to his will which resulted in political instability and a potential constitutional crisis (which would later be corrected by the 12^th Amendment establishing a separate selection process for President and Vice President). Luckily, Alexander Hamilton sorted the matter out by rallying his fellow Federalists in Congress to side with Jefferson who ended up winning the presidency, mainly because he hated Burr more. Though it did take 36 ballots. Nevertheless, since Jefferson was understandably pissed at Burr for not doing anything to stop efforts to usurp the presidency, there was understandable tension. And it was enough for Jefferson to drop Burr from the ticket in 1804. After losing the New York gubernatorial election to a dark horse candidate by one of the largest margins in that state’s history, he would be forever known in American history for challenging and killing Alexander Hamilton in a duel in New Jersey. Though indicted, he was never tried and all charges were eventually dropped. But it effectively ended his political career. Yet, despite the incident which led his name live on in infamy, he was said to be unmoved by Hamilton’s death and expressed no regret for his role in the duel.

Later Life: After his vice presidency, he’d travel west seeking both new political and economic opportunities, which led to his arrest and indictment for treason in 1807. According to accusations, he schemed to create an independent country in the center of North America and or the present day American Southwest and parts of present-day Mexico. Some claim he wanted some or all the Louisiana Purchase form himself. Burr on the other hand, claimed he intended to take possession of a 40,000 acre Texas farm leased by the Spanish Crown. He was acquitted but his schemes left him with large debts and few influential friends. Spent time in Europe to regain his fortunes before returning to New York to resume his law practice. Daughter and son-in-law would disappear in 1812-1813 at sea and it’s unknown whether they were murdered by pirates or shipwrecked in a storm. Married his second wife, wealthy widow Eliza Jumel in 1833 who kicked him out after 4 months when he tried to make off with her fortune. Suffered a stroke in 1834 and died two years later in a Staten Island boardinghouse at 80.

Trivia: Grandson of the famed Puritan fire and brimstone preacher Jonathan Edwards, best known for his sermon “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” His father was also a minister and even studied theology at the time (as an attempt to join the family business). But he changed career paths when he realized that a church career wasn’t for him. Was a college classmate to James Madison and introduced him to his future wife Dolley. Befriended philosopher Jeremy Bentham while he was trying to regain his fortunes in Europe. Son John Pierre Burr was an active member of Philadelphia’s Underground Railroad, served as an agent for the abolitionist newspaper The Liberator, worked in the National Black Convention movement, and served as Chairman of the American Moral Reform Society. Grandson Frank J. Webb wrote the second African American novel The Garies and Their Friends which was published in 1857. His complex character and political self-interest perhaps made him the most controversial American Founding Fathers to date.

Sure he became infamous due to his state’s redistricting map that he’ll always be known for the term “gerrymandering.” But he wasn’t Madison’s first choice. So he kind of had to take what he can get.

Elbridge Gerry

Served Under: James Madison (1813-1814)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: For one, he had a long political career from the American Revolutionary period and it didn’t hurt he resided in Massachusetts. He vocally opposed British colonial policy in the 1760s and was active in the early stages of organizing resistance in the American Revolution. Signed the Declaration of Independence and the Articles of Confederation as well attended the Constitutional Convention in 1787 (but refused to sign it since it lacked a Bill of Rights). However, he would be actively involved with drafting and passing the Bill of Rights as an inaugural member of the US Congress. Was friends with both Federalists and Democratic-Republicans. Also, since Madison was a Southerner who was a teenager and college student at the time, Gerry seemed to complement him quite well. Not to mention, he posed less of a threat to James Monroe.

Why He Wasn’t: By 1812, the guy had a shady political reputation, especially in his home state. As Governor of Massachusetts, the legislature approved new state senate districts that led him becoming the namesake of “gerrymandering” a process in which electoral districts are drawn with the aim of aiding the party in power as well as caused political gridlock across the country ever since. Not to mention, also being remembered for refusing to sign the US Constitution, which we know was based on many of Madison’s ideas. Then there’s his role in the XYZ Affair which led to an undeclared naval Quasi-War with France. He would be accused of collaborating with the French (when he wasn’t and only stayed in France after Charles Cotesworth Pinckney and John Marshall had left because Talleyrand threatened war if he left). This resulted in the negative press damaging his reputation and being burned in effigy by protesters in front of his home. The “gerrymandering” incident, support of the War of 1812, and clashes with Federalist newspapers and printers during his term as governor damaged his reputation even further led to him to lose election in 1812. When he was selected for the vice presidency, he was having financial difficulties and asked Madison for a federal position. Luckily, Madison managed to win reelection quite easily and Gerry died a year and a half after being sworn in. However, this is not the guy you want as your running mate.

Later Life: He died during his term at 70 so there’s not much about him. Though his career has been difficult to characterize.

Trivia: Only Declaration of Independence signer buried in Washington D.C. Grandson became a US Congressman from Maine.

George_Peter_Alexander_Healy_-_John_C._Calhoun_-_Google_Art_Project

While John C. Calhoun was one of the most influential American politicians in history, his ideas about slavery and states’ rights would eventually end up tearing the nation apart as well as continue to sour American race relations and the political process as we speak. While Andrew Jackson’s presidential legacy isn’t a bed of roses, at least his decisive victory in the Battle of New Orleans in 1815 led Britain to recognize the Louisiana Purchase as US territory. Calhoun’s legacy by contrast, contains nothing worth commemorating a statue for. And he makes Andrew Jackson look good by comparison.

John C. Calhoun

Served Under: John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson (1825-1832)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: When it came to the divisive and very ugly elections of 1824 and 1828, having him as vice president was the only thing everyone could agree upon. Not to mention, he was one of the best known politicians of his day as well as seen as a voice for the antebellum South.

Why He Wasn’t: While Calhoun was certainly one of the most influential politicians in American history, he leaves one of the worst political legacies which has fucked up this country ever since. And it doesn’t help that his ideas have had enormous influence on Southern secessionist leaders as well as other politicians. While it wasn’t unusual for many American politicians to express racist views and own slaves, Calhoun was also a staunch defender of slavery which he viewed as a positive good as well as based his claims on paternalism and white supremacy. Chief Supreme Court Justice Roger B. Taney would base his infamous Dredd Scott decision on Calhoun’s ideas, ruling that that the federal government can’t prohibit slavery and that blacks have rights no white man is bound to respect. As for having him as vice president, well, let’s just say if there was one thing John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson can agree on it’s that Calhoun was a complete prick. Calhoun didn’t see eye to eye with Adams on most things and worked to undermine him. So in 1828, he decided to run with Andrew Jackson thinking things would be different. After all, while Adams hated slavery, Jackson owned slaves on his Tennessee plantation. He was wrong. Mostly because Calhoun championed nullification which states that if states don’t like a federal law, they could just ignore it (laying groundwork for secession, the American Civil War, and 600,000 dead Americans). Jackson disagreed with this policy completely. The two men becoming estranged and Calhoun’s resignation, but not after the Peggy Eaton affair resulted in most of Jackson’s cabinet being fired. Jackson had also replaced him in the meantime with anti-slavery Northern diplomat Martin Van Buren with whom he was on much better terms. For the rest of his life Jackson would express regret over not executing Calhoun as a traitor, making backroom conflicts between JFK and LBJ seem trivial. And let’s just say, it’s hard to disagree with him.

Later Life: Went to the US Senate where he’d advocate for slavery, states’ rights, and agricultural interests. He’d resign in 1843 so he could run for the Democratic presidential nomination in 1844. But he gained little support and decided to quit. That same year, he was appointed by John Tyler as Secretary of State where he presided over the Oregon Boundary Dispute and the Annexation of Texas (prompting the Mexican-American War). He returned to the Senate in 1845 and opposed the Mexican-American on account that it would distort the national character by undermining republicanism in favor of empire by bringing non-white persons (also known as “Mexicans”) into the country. Vigorously opposed the Wilmot Provisio which would’ve banned slavery in the new territories and it was defeated in the Senate each time it passed the House. Also rejected the Compromise of 1850 as well as affirmed the right of the South to leave the Union in response to Northern subjugation. Died of TB in 1850 at 68.

Trivia: Calhoun’s wife Floride prompted her own scandal by shunning the War Secretary’s wife Peggy Eaton, on account that she was fooling around with future Husband #2 while Husband #1 was still alive. Since Jackson and his wife Rachel were themselves subject to such political attacks when they married while her should’ve been ex-husband failed to finalize their divorce and Eaton being a close friend of his, Jackson was massively pissed. Called the Petticoat Affair, this resulted in almost all but one of Jackson’s Cabinet members being replaced. Body was hidden during the American Civil War over concerns on desecration. Let’s just say you’re bound to hear his name when controversy arises out of something named after him for good reason. His monument was vandalized in Charleston, South Carolina after the Charleston Shooting in 2015.

Caption: “Vice President Spiro Agnew points to a reporter at a news conference called to answer accusations of corruption and wrong-doing by him.” Agnew might’ve been a shitty human being. But that’s no excuse for being a shitty vice president. He’s on here because he was known for taking bribes and had to resign in disgrace.

Spiro T. Agnew

Served Under: Richard M. Nixon (1969-1973)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Let’s see. He was a graduate of Johns Hopkins University as well as served as a US Army officer during WWJJ and Korean War. Was a prominent Greek American politician who served as Baltimore County Executive which was predominantly Democratic and Governor of Maryland. Also opposed segregation that 82,000 Democrats in that state voted for him. Not to mention, as governor, he worked with Democrats to pass tax and judicial reforms, anti-pollution laws, as well as civil rights actions like open housing and repealing anti-miscegenation. His immigrant background, moderate image, and success in a Democratic state made him an attractive running mate. And Nixon personally selected him over better known Republican names for these reasons. His career is one of the fastest political rises in American history.

Why He Wasn’t: Regardless on what you think about Gerald Ford as president, you should at least praise the Lord and rejoice that Ford just happened to be vice president when Nixon resigned. Seriously, Gerry Ford may have his faults and critics, but at least he wasn’t anything like this guy who, if he spent another 10 months in office would’ve became president instead. And let’s just say, it would’ve been very bad for the nation. Sure we don’t expect much in our vice presidents. Yes, the public was willing to overlook his habit of using terms like “fat Jap” and other denigrations to minorities. And yes, the public tended to be fine with Agnew being Nixon’s attack dog relishing in uttering phrases like “nattering nabobs of negativism” to define the White House press corps. Yet, even other VPs do such mudslinging so that’s kind of expected. However, we do kind of wish that they not take any bribes or at least pursue them openly. Unfortunately, this was too difficult for Agnew. In 1973, he was investigated by Maryland’s US Attorney Office on charges amounting to extortion, tax fraud, bribery, and conspiracy. He was charged with having accepted bribes amounting to more $147,500 while Baltimore County Executive, Governor of Maryland, and Vice President. That October, Agnew pleaded no contest to a single charge that he failed to report $29,500 of income received in 1967, on condition that he resign as VP in disgrace to avoid prison time. He was fined $10,000 as well as received 3 years probation, and disbarment. Historians widely consider him among the worst VPs in American history.

Later Life: Agnew would remain unrepentant post-resignation, insisting the money was actually campaign contributions and unsuccessfully attempted to write off the $268,462 fine on his taxes in 1983. Always maintained that the tax evasion and bribery charges were attempts by Nixon to divert attention from the growing Watergate scandal (reality, they were not). He and Nixon would never speak to each other again, though Agnew attended the latter’s funeral at his daughters’ invitation. After leaving politics, he became an international trade executive with homes in Rancho Mirage, California, as well as in Arnold and Bowie, Maryland. Briefly reentered the public spotlight calling for the US to withdraw support from Israel on its allegedly bad treatment of Christians. In 1980, he published a memoir implying that Nixon and Chief of Staff Alexander Haig had planned to assassinate him if he refused to resign. Died of leukemia in 1996 at 77.

Trivia: Wrote a novel called The Canfield Delusion about a Vice President who was “destroyed by his own ambition.” Maryland state portrait was taken down between 1979-1995.

Dick Cheney may be one of the most qualified and powerful vice presidents to date. However, as a behind the scenes man, Cheney was seen as either the architect or shadowy puppetmaster behind the Bush Administration’s most controversial policies. He has certainly not admitted being wrong on any of them after leaving office, even defending them.

Dick Cheney

Served Under: George W. Bush (2001-2009)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Cheney was a seasoned Republican politician and businessman who rose from congressional intern to White House Chief of Staff during the Nixon and Ford administrations. Was Wyoming US Representative from 1979-1989 and served as Defense Secretary under George H.W. Bush. Was CEO of Halliburton during the Clinton Administration where he left with a $20 million retirement package. Also, it helps that he was the head of Dubya’s own vice-presidential search committee. Then again, he did have a very impressive political resume. So he wasn’t quite wrong.

Why He Wasn’t: During his political career, Cheney was known to vote against Head Start and a resolution calling on South Africa to release Nelson Mandela (and still stands by this one). While he trumpets his success in the private sector, his primary “accomplishment” with running Haliburton was purchasing a company that eventually had to pay out $4 billion in settlements related to asbestos lawsuits. However, as VP, he’d make up for it by advocating for 2 wars and doling out no-bid contracts. Play a major role behind the scenes during the Bush Administration, particularly in its response to 9/11, the War on Terror, and Iraq (based on erroneous WMD claims), as well as defended its record on anti-terrorism. Was often criticized for such policies as well as NSA wiretapping and so-called “enhanced interrogation techniques” better known as “torture.” Oh, and he cited executive privilege over refusing to disclose documents. As one of the most powerful vice presidents in US history, Cheney was often seen as a “shadow president” and creating a “fourth branch of government” all to himself. In 2005, his office was investigated over the CIA Leak Scandal which resulted in the resignation, perjury conviction, and commutation of his chief of staff I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby. Has been compared to Darth Vader, stirred controversy as commencement speaker at Brigham Young University in 2007, and has had calls from media and advocacy groups calling for his prosecution under various anti-torture and war crime statutes. Shot his friend Harry Whittington in the face during a quail hunt in 2006 by accident with alcohol certainly being involved. Term in office was highlighted as he exceeded the authority of his office, contributed to secrecy in government, engaged in political vendettas and taken the lead in advancing unwise policies on the environment, energy, foreign affairs, budgets and taxes. By the time he left office, he was almost universally loathed by the American people.

Later Life: Since leaving the vice presidency, he has been active in defending the Bush Administration’s legacy as well as vociferously criticized the current Obama Administration. Hosted a private fundraiser for Mitt Romney in 2012 that netted $4 million. Spoke positive about the Tea Party. Written two books with his daughter Liz.

Trivia: Wife Lynne Cheney was chair of the National Endowment for the Arts from 1986-1996 and is now a public speaker, author, and fellow at the American Enterprise Institute. She also wrote a lesbian romance novel.

As the elder Bush’s VP, Dan Quayle would be a cause of continual embarrassment throughout the Bush campaign and presidency for being a total idiot. Another good Quayle quote: “The other day [the President] said, I know you’ve had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. Would you like a puppy?”

Dan Quayle

Served Under: George H.W. Bush (1989-1992)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Well, he was a young fresh face to the Republican Party who served in variety of political offices in Indiana, defeated an 8 term veteran in his first US congressional race, and was elected to the US Senate at 33 as well as won reelection by large margins. He came from a wealthy family (that owned a newspaper in Indiana) and wasn’t a bad looking guy. Reagan once said the man had, “energy and enthusiasm.” Apparently, the elder Bush viewed him as a great insurance policy that would help save taxpayers money on his personal security detail. Also, having Quayle around would prevent Democrats from calling for his impeachment when it came to policies they really didn’t like.

Why He Wasn’t: Let’s just say the senior Bush’s choice in a running mate cause controversy from the very beginning. On questions regarding his military service in the National Guard to evade the draft during the Vietnam War, a golf trip with Paula Parkinson in Florida, and whether he had enough experience to be president, he seemed evasive in his answers. He would later be epically shut down by Lloyd Bentsen with “You’re no Jack Kennedy” in the vice presidential debate after he compared his own public service to that of John F. Kennedy. Yet, Bush and Quayle still won. During his vice presidency, Quayle would be widely ridiculed by the media and general public as well as be seen as an idiot and generally incompetent. Had a tendency to make public statements that were either self-contradictory, confused, or impossible. Examples: “The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. … No, not our nation’s, but in World War II. I mean, we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century, but in this century’s history,” “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future,” “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child,” and during his address to the United Negro College Fund whose slogan is “A mind is a terrible thing to waste”: “You take the UNCF model that what a waste it is to lose one’s mind or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.” When asked about sending humans to Mars, Quayle said, “Mars is essentially in the same orbit [as Earth]….Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.” Also, while we may not expect much from vice presidents, we do think that they should at least be able to spell the word “potato” right. But that didn’t stop him from trying to alter a 12-year-old boy’s already correct spelling to “potatoe.” And no, I don’t care if he was relying on an errant flashcard from that elementary school. If you’re an adult, you should’ve learned how to spell potato without having to rely on flash cards!

Later Life: Declined offers to run for Governor of Indiana and the presidency and moved to Arizona. Ran for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2000, ironically saying “we do not want another candidate who needs on-the-job training” on then front-runner George W. Bush. But he quickly withdrew and backed Bush after coming 8^th in an Ames straw poll. Wrote 3 books. Joined Cerberus Capital Management in 1999 where he now serves as chairman of the company’s Global Investments division. Serves in various boards of directors for corporations like the Heckmann Corporation, Azora Bank, K2 Sports, Amtran, Inc., Central Newspapers, Inc., and BTC, Inc.

Trivia: Son was a one term congressman in Arizona but was defeated in a reelection primary due to redistricting. But he’s said to be equally moronic.

Richard Mentor Johnson’s status as a war hero for killing Tecumseh, his political career in Kentucky, and endorsement by Andrew Jackson himself should’ve made him a viable running mate for Martin Van Buren. Unfortunately, the guy was way too open about his personal life which made him a political nightmare in 1836 that the Democrats decided to run Van Buren with no VP at all.

Richard Mentor Johnson

Served Under: Martin Van Buren (1837-1841)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Was reported to personally kill Tecumseh during the War of 1812 which he always used to exploit in his political career with glee that included time in the House and Senate. Was a campaigner against debt imprisonment and religious freedom (like abolishing the practice of “no mail on Sundays” rule). Also being from Kentucky helped balanced the ticket since Van Buren was from New York. Then there’s the slogan, “Rumpsey Dumpsey, Rumpsey Dumpsey, Colonel Johnson killed Tecumseh,” which is just great. Not to mention, he was endorsed by none other than Andrew Jackson himself for the vice presidency.

Why He Wasn’t: While he was said to dress like a farmhand and curse like a sailor, he was a antebellum political PR disaster. He publicly admitted to having a black common law wife named Julia Chinn and treating his slave daughters as legit. He also had two other slave mistresses, one of whom he tried to introduce to polite society. So what’s wrong with that? Morally nothing but politically everything, especially in the antebellum years where it earned him “the most vulgar man of all vulgar men.” Let’s just say when you’re running for a major political office and have cater to a bunch of racist slave owners as well as incredibly racist whites, it’s just completely stupid. This goes even if you’re the 19^th century equivalent to the “I Killed Bin Laden Guy” like he was. Besides, this already cost him his career in the Senate. Though he had Jackson’s backing in the 1836 election (because Jackson didn’t give a shit about his personal life), the Democrats were far from united behind him and barely obtained the necessary two thirds vote at the 1835 DNC. Despite one state’s Democratic legislators refusing to vote for him, he won anyway. Unsurprisingly he proved to be a great liability in the 1836 general election. His public relationship with his slave cost a lot of Democratic votes in the South. He also failed to garner much support in the West despite his reputation as an Indian fighter and a war hero. As vice president, Johnson’s penchant for wielding his power for his own interests didn’t abate. After the Panic of 1837, he took a 9 month absence during which he returned to Kentucky to open a tavern and spa on his farm to offset his continued financial problems. Also proposed an expedition to the North Pole so Americans could drill into the center of the earth which was soundly defeated. Since he proved to be such a liability for the Democrats in 1836, they refused to renominate him for vice-president in 1840 and Van Buren campaigned without a running mate, while Jackson saw him as a “dead weight” and threw his support to James K. Polk. Undaunted Johnson continued to campaign to retain his office where he made rambling, incoherent speeches, raising his shirt to show war wounds from the Battle of the Thames, and leveling charges against William Henry Harrison that were so poorly received that they led to a riot in Cleveland.

Later Life: Returned to his Kentucky farm to oversee his tavern where he served in the state legislator and was a pallbearer for Daniel Boone at his reinternment at Frankfort Cemetery. But he never gave up on a return to public office with an unsuccessful campaign for the US Senate against John C. Crittenden in 1842 and a presidential run in 1844. Ran for Kentucky governor as an independent in 1848 but later conceded. Suffered dementia and died of a stroke at 70.

Trivia: Known for wearing a bright red vest and tie in his later life. Political prominence led to a family dynasty with 2 brothers and his nephew all being elected to the US Congress. Also had 2 other slave mistresses after his “wife” Julia Chinn died. One tried to run off with an Indian but he sold her while the other was her sister.

As James Buchanan’s vice president, John C. Breckinridge was a rising political star and the youngest VP ever at 36. However, his views on slavery and secession alienated Buchanan and his friend Stephen Douglas as well as tore apart his party. He later got expelled from the US Senate and became a general for the Confederacy.

John Breckinridge

Served Under: James Buchanan (1857-1861)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Well, he was only 36 at the time, making him the youngest VP in US history as well as came from a prominent Kentucky family. Was a veteran of the Mexican American War. Was a states’ rights proponent who was against the legal interference with slavery which balanced the ticket with Buchanan. And let’s just say, things in the US were getting really bad by this time. Helped that he actively campaigned for Buchanan, too.

Why He Wasn’t: Well, let’s just say Buchanan resented the fact that he supported Franklin Pierce and Stephen Douglas (though to be fair Douglas was his friend but their relationship wouldn’t last). His pro-slavery views frequently led him to clash with Buchanan and Douglas, especially over the matter with Kansas that would soon be bleeding. When elected to the Kentucky legislature during his term, he endorsed the Dredd Scott decision and cautioned that John Brown’s raid on Harper’s Ferry was evidence on either negro equality or violence. In 1860, he accepted the nomination for president from protesting Democratic delegates who didn’t like Douglas. Another group of protesting delegates formed the Constitution Union Party and nominated John Bell. Believed in the right of secession and was accused of favoring Union breakup. Though he denied it, they were right. Still, while Breckinridge won 18.1% of the popular vote and placed second in the Electoral College, such disunion in the Democratic Party would result in Abraham Lincoln swept most of the northern states and won the presidency with 180 electoral votes. After losing to Lincoln, he announced his support for slavery and secession.

Later Life: His support for slavery and secession in his return to the Senate made his term a very short one. Since 7 states had already left the Union by this time, he was almost alone in his defense. He would later be indicted for treason after enlisting in the Confederate Army as well as be declared traitor and expelled by the US Senate. He would flee behind Confederate lines where he was commissioned as a Brigadier general. Was promoted to major general after the Battle of Shiloh as well as saw action at Stone River, Missionary Ridge, and the Shenandoah Valley. In 1865, he was appointed to Confederate Secretary of War and urged Jefferson Davis to surrender at the fall of Richmond. After the war, he fled to Cuba, Britain, and Canada as well as toured Europe for 2 years. All to escape treason charges before he could return after granted amnesty. Back in Kentucky, he resumed his law practice, served as counsel for the Cincinnati Southern Railway, and resisted calls to return to politics. Suffered from a variety of health problems in his later years. Died in 1875 at 54.

Trivia: Publicly denounced the Klu Klux Klan in 1870 as well as supported passage of a state statute legalizing black testimony against whites in court. Was played by Jason Isaacs in the 2014 film Field of Lost Shoes.

William Rufus King was a moderate Unionist Democrat and a Southerner who made a great running mate for Franklin Pierce. However, he took the oath of office in Cuba and was dead after 45 days.

William Rufus King

Served Under: Franklin Pierce (1853)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: He was a longtime politician and diplomat. As a Democrat, he was considered a Unionist as well as a moderate on issues pertaining to sectionalism, slavery, and westward expansion, all of which contributed to the American Civil War. He helped draft the Compromise of 1850.

Why He Wasn’t: Uh, he wasn’t in the best shape at the time. Because he took the VP oath of office on foreign soil in Havana, Cuba. Died 45 days into his term. Also, prior to the vice presidency, supported a gag rule in the Senate on antislavery petitions, opposed proposals to abolish slavery in Washington D.C., and was a member of one of Alabama’s largest slaveholding families with a vast cotton plantation to boot.

Later Life: He died 45 days after being sworn in from TB. So there’s nothing to say about him.

Trivia: Only vice president never to marry and resided much of his life with future president James Buchanan (who also never married, by complete coincidence. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but there has been speculation that they might’ve been more than just good friends).

Hannibal_Hamlin,_photo_portrait_seated,_c1860-65-retouched-crop

As a do nothing politician from Maine, Hannibal Hamlin was a safe choice as Abraham Lincoln’s VP in a very ugly election year. However, once he became vice president, he continued being useless that he spent most of his time in Maine anyway.

Hannibal Hamlin

Served Under: Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: He was a senator, congressman, and governor from Maine mainly put on the ticket with Lincoln to provide a geographical balance in the 1860 election. That and the fact, his reputation as a do nothing politician who used his office to grant favors made him a safe choice as a running mate at a time when having a certain political agenda would lead to controversy. And since Lincoln was a highly controversial candidate for his stance against slavery expansion, having Hamlin as his running mate worked in his favor.

Why He Wasn’t: He’s a classic example of a vice president who exercised no power and no influence, even losing control of the patronage for his own state. It didn’t help that he and Lincoln never met until after the 1860 election. While Lincoln sometimes asked Hamlin for advice, his role was so limited that he often stayed in Maine, complaining about his insignificance. Also strongly supported Joseph Hooker’s appointment as commander for the Army of the Potomac that would end in failure at the Battle of Chancellorsville. He was so bored with his job that he joined the Maine Coast Guard as a cook. He was dropped from the ticket in 1864 for Andrew Johnson.

Later Life: Returned to the US Senate in 1869 where he served until 1880 due to ailing health. Served as Ambassador to Spain from 1881-1882. Died at 81 in 1891.

Trivia: Had two sons who became Civil War generals (one of them was a brevet). Son Cyrus called for enlistment of black troops and commanded a brigade of freedmen in the Mississippi River Campaign. Son Charles and daughter Sarah were present at Ford’s Theater during the Lincoln assassination. Great-granddaughter Sally was a child actress who made many spoken word for Victor Talking Machine Company in the early 20^th century. Nephew was an Civil War surgeon who wrote books about Chancellorsville and Andersonville Prison.

While Woodrow Wilson’s VP was known for his good sense of humor, he didn’t show much enthusiasm for the job and didn’t get on with his boss. However, what puts him on the list is that when Wilson suffered from a debilitating stroke, he refused to do his job.

Thomas R. Marshall

Served Under: Woodrow Wilson (1913-1921)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: He was a prominent lawyer in Indiana as well as a politician who rose to become its governor where he proposed controversial and progressive state constitution and pressed for other progressive reforms. It also helped that Indiana was a critical swing state in 1912. Was also great at giving speeches.

Why He Wasn’t: Wilson and Marshall had an ideological rift that led Wilson limit his influence in the administration and his brand of humor led Wilson to move his office away from the White House. Still, his best known moment was when Wilson was incapacitated from a stroke in October 1919 which prompted a leadership crisis. Because of personal dislike, Edith Wilson and his advisers sought to keep Marshall uninformed about to president’s condition to prevent him from easily assuming the presidency. Yet, while many people, including cabinet officials and Congressional leaders urged Marshall to become acting president, he refused to forcibly assume the presidency for fear of setting a precedent. Well, since there was no such thing as an acting president at the time, isn’t setting a precedent for one supposed to be his fucking job? I think so. Hell, the guy was already holding cabinet meetings while Wilson was in Europe. I’m sure setting a precedent as acting president would be something he could handle. But because Marshall didn’t do his job and was too chickenshit to stick up against Edith and Wilson’s advisers, there was no strong leadership in the executive branch. And the administration’s opponents defeated the ratification of the League of Nations treaty which effectively returned the US to an isolationist foreign policy.

Later Life: Tried to run for president in 1920 but only the Indiana Democrats supported him. Opened an Indianapolis law practice, wrote several legal books and a memoir, as well as continued to travel and speak publicly. Died of a heart attack while on a trip in 1925 at 71.

Trivia: Was known for his wit and sense of humor who said, “What this country really needs is a good five-cent cigar.” Only VP to be a target of an assassination attempt.

As FDR’s Secretary of Agriculture, Henry Wallace was almost second to none when it came to helping farmers and feeding the hungry during the Great Depression. However, as vice president, his left-wing views, crazy religious beliefs, and idiotic perception of the Soviet Union made him a source of controversy. It’s no wonder that the Democrats had FDR dump him for Harry S. Truman and the nation is better for it.

Henry Wallace

Served Under: Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1941-1945)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Unlike John Nance Garner, he was a strong supporter of New Deal liberalism, rapid desegregation, and softer policies toward the Soviet Union. Also, had a successful career in agriculture that FDR appointed him Secretary of Agriculture when he was still a Republican (to be fair, the Roosevelts knew him a long way back). And while controversial, he was said to be really good at that job. Arthur M. Schlesinger wrote of him: “In 1933, a quarter of the American people still lived on farms, and agricultural policy was a matter of high political and economic significance. Farmers had been devastated by depression. H.A.’s ambition was to restore the farmers’ position in the national economy. He sought to give them the same opportunity to improve income by controlling output that business corporations already possessed. In time he widened his concern beyond commercial farming to subsistence farming and rural poverty. For the urban poor, he provided food stamps and school lunches. He instituted programs for land-use planning, soil conservation, and erosion control. And always he promoted research to combat plant and animal diseases, to locate drought-resistant crops and to develop hybrid seeds in order to increase productivity.”

Why He Wasn’t: Even as Secretary of Agriculture, Wallace was very controversial for his left wing views, bizarre religious beliefs (such as dabbling in mysticism and fad diets), and friendship with a Russian man said to cause a diplomatic upset while on an expedition in Asia. This guy tended to march his own unique political funky drummer. FDR’s tapping him as VP caused considerable controversy among the conservative Southern Democrats, many of whom mistrusted him, revolted during the Democratic National Convention that FDR threatened to decline the nomination while Eleanor delivered a conciliatory speech. As vice president, his tremendous naiveté about the world would prevent him from seeing the Soviet Union as a particular threat (as the tens of millions Stalin killed begged to differ). This is mostly because he saw a fully sanitized version of the Siberian slave labor camps in which the Soviets claimed the work as being done by, “volunteers.” Wallace took it hook, line, and sinker (idiot). May have had a Messiah-Complex. But his public feuds with officials caused significant controversy in the midst of WWII. During the 1944 election, the Democrats got fed up with Wallace and dropped him from the ticket in favor of Harry Truman (winning 90% of the vote) who became president had FDR died after 82 days. Had he been VP at the time, the Wallace administration would’ve been a very trippy administration. Sure Truman has received a lot of criticism from both left and right over the years, but even his staunches foes have to concede that the Berlin Airlift was a humiliating defeat for the Eastern Block. Not to mention, despite not having a college education and being unprepared for the presidency since FDR largely ignored him, Truman proved to be a way better president than this guy could’ve been.

Later Life: Served as Secretary of Commerce during FDR’s last month in office and into the Truman administration where he continued to attract controversy on his comments pertaining to the Soviet Union. This led Truman to fire him in 1946. After that, he became editor of The New Republic which he used as a platform to oppose Truman’s foreign policies and ran for president in 1948 as a Progressive Party candidate, advocating universal healthcare, desegregation and end to black disenfranchisement, and an end to the Cold War where he won 2.4% of the popular vote. Retired to New York to focus on farming. Supported the Korean War and later apologized for his former stance on the Soviet Union. Died of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis in 1965 at 77.

Trivia: George Washington Carver resided with his family as a student and later teacher at Iowa State. Wallace would accompany Carver on his nature walks. Work on plants helped introduce the concept of hybrid vigor as well as experimented with breeding high-yielding hybrid corn. Introduced econometrics to the field of agriculture. Founded the Hi-Bred Corn Company.

Before Henry Wallace was VP, FDR had conservative Texas Democrat John Nance Garner. Now first term Garner was great. But second term Garner, not so much. Hell, he even tried to run against FDR in 1940.

John Nance Garner

Served Under: Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1933-1941)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: He was a US congressman from Texas who rose to Speaker of the House. His conservative stance and Southern background made him a great balance on the FDR ticket in the 1932 election.

Why He Wasn’t: First term John Nance Garner was great since he helped sell FDR’s New Deal policy. Second term Garner, not so much. As a conservative Democrat from Texas, he opposed labor union sit down strikes and New Deal deficit spending, he sabotaged FDR’s policies (such as the court packing scheme). In 1940, he became the only sitting VP to challenge the sitting president for the party’s nomination. He lost. But by this time, a lot of Democrats didn’t find him appealing. Make way for proto-hippie Henry Wallace.

Later Life: Retired to his Uvalde, Texas home where he spent the last 26 years of his life as well as settled into a life of an elder statesman who was consulted by active Democratic politicians. Died in 1967 at 98 and is the longest lived VP to date.

Trivia: Called “Cactus Jack.” Was close to Harry S. Truman.

Close to the same age as Ulysses S. Grant, Schuyler Colfax seemed to be a great running mate due to his illustrious congressional career which led to him becoming House Speaker and being a champion against slavery and nativism. However, the guy was was corrupt as hell when it was revealed in a congressional investigation that he had taken bribes from the Union Pacific Railroad. Also, kind of a backstabbler. Oh, and he should’ve been played by a younger man in Lincoln because he was a year younger than Grant.

Schuyler Colfax

Served Under: Ulysses S. Grant (1869-1873)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Well, like Grant, he was only in his mid 40s as well as had a political career that led him to become House Speaker, which made up for Grant’s lack of political expertise. Was known for his opposition to slavery, anti-nativism, and a founder of the Republican Party. Not to mention, he had a pretty awesome name.

Why He Wasn’t: Two things. First, thinking Grant would serve one term, he attempted to garner support for his 1872 Republican presidential bid by telling friends he wouldn’t seek a second VP term. By the way, this was part of his plan. But when Grant ran again, so did he but ended up being dropped from the ticket in favor of Henry Wilson. Second, in 1873, a Congressional investigation into the Credit Mobiler Scandal named him as one of the Congressmen who likely received payments of cash and discounted stock from the Union Pacific Railroad in exchange for favorable action during construction of the First Transcontinental Railroad. It was later revealed that he had taken $1,200 gift check for 20 shares of Credit Mobiler stock, which he denied after leaving office. In addition, Congress also revealed a more damning accusation that Colfax received a $4,000 gift in 1868 from a contractor who supplied envelopes to the federal government while he was chairman of the Post Office and Road Committee. Since these incidents took place while he was a Congressman and was scheduled to leave office the following month anyway, he wasn’t censured or forced to resign.

Later Life: Never ran again for office since his political career was ruined. Spent the rest of his life working as a business executive as well as a popular lecturer and speech maker. Died in Minnesota in 1885 while changing trains as he was en route to Iowa.

Trivia: Was friends with Horace Greely.

It’s no wonder that Calvin Coolidge selected Charles G. Dawes as his VP since he was a successful businessman, politician, and military general. However, the guy refused to attend cabinet meetings and napped through an appointee’s confirmation vote which cost the guy his job.

Charles G. Dawes

Served Under: Calvin Coolidge (1925-1929)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: He was a successful businessman and politician as well as served as a US Army officer during WWI rising to Brigadier general. Was also awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for his work in the Dawes Plan in 1925, was a program to enable Germany to restore and stabilize its economy after the war. Also, he was the first guy willing to take the job and was loyal to him and his campaign.

Why He Wasn’t: While there are presidents who didn’t get along with their veeps, Dawes didn’t even try. Soon after election, he sent Coolidge a letter saying that he would not attend cabinet meetings. The first time he addressed the Senate, he made a speech denouncing the way it conducted business, pissing off Coolidge. Later, he napped through a decisive vote which resulted in a Coolidge attorney general appointee losing his job. By 1929, he and Coolidge would despise each other and they’d have a feud that broke into open hostility. As for his Nobel Peace Prize win for his plan to restore German economic equilibrium, well, that worked spectacularly (it was ultimately an epic disaster since it didn’t help Germany’s economic woes nor prevent the rise of Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany).

Later Life: Became the US ambassador to the UK and headed Herbert Hoover’s Reconstruction Finance Corporation. Returned to the banking business for nearly two decades and became chairman of the board of City National Bank and Trust Co. until his death in 1951 at 85.

Trivia: Was a self-taught pianist and composer who composed “Melody in Major” in 1912 which has been used to the lyrics “It’s All in the Game” that’s become a pop standard that’s been covered countless times. Was friends with General John Pershing. Descendant of William Dawes who accompanied Paul Revere.

As governor of New York, he organized the state militia and invested his own money into it during the War of 1812. As James Monroe’s vice president, he was mostly drunk due to money problems and not being reimbursed for his efforts by the federal government.

Daniel D. Tompkins

Served Under: James Monroe (1817-1825)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: While a jurist by background, he was noted as one of the most enterprising governors during the War of 1812. Organized the state militia by often investing his own capital when the legislature wouldn’t approve the necessary funds. Yet, he failed to recover the loans despite massive litigation.

Why He Wasn’t: Well, the guy was already not in the best of health when he was sworn in. He fell off a horse in 1814. He also suffered money problems and slipped into alcoholism. Let’s just say he was often so drunk that he couldn’t perform simple parliamentary duties. Described by Martin Van Buren as “the most injured of men” as well as by another as a “degraded sot.” He made an especially poor presider when of the Senate while it debated the Missouri Compromise in 1820.

Later Life: His post-vice presidency was among the shortest in US history. Because he drank himself to death 3 months after leaving office at 50 in 1825.

Trivia: Has a neighborhood in Staten Island named after him.

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While Levi Morton had enormous walrus sideburns that were fashionable at the turn of the century, he was a shitty VP to Benjamin Harrison. His failure to ensure passage of a black voting rights bill was due to his belief that he should remain impartial. Harrison, on the other hand, had other ideas.

Levi P. Morton

Served Under: Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Was a distinguished politician who was once considered to be James A. Garfield’s running mate but declined. Served as an ambassador to France and was very popular there. Also placed the first rivet in the construction of the Statue of Liberty. Besides, I guess Harrison wanted to repeat the Garfield tradition of selecting the running mate with the most awesome side burns. Since it worked before.

Why He Wasn’t: Had little noteworthy to hang his enormous sideburns on. His one “accomplishment” was doing little to support passage on a bill to enforce black voting rights in the South against a Democratic filibuster in the Senate. Harrison blamed him for the bill’s failure because he believed his role was to be impartial. Was outfoxed by parliamentary procedure and replaced by Whitelaw Reed in the election of 1892 which Harrison lost. Because that’s what happens when you’re an utterly useless vice president.

Later Life: Served as Governor of New York and retired as a real estate investor. Died on his 96^th birthday in 1920.

Trivia: Had vast landholdings. His summer home in Rhode Island is now owned by Salve Regina University.

As a seasoned politician and popular Indiana governor known for defending the Democratic position during the American Civil War, Thomas A. Hendricks was a natural choice for Grover Cleveland’s running mate. Unfortunately, what made him very popular among the Democrats at the time was that he hate black people.

Thomas A. Hendricks

Served Under: Grover Cleveland (1885)

Why He Seemed Good at the Time: Was a prominent politician in Indiana where he rose to become congressman, senator, and governor. Was also quite popular in the Democratic Party for defending its position during the American Civil War.

Why He Wasn’t: He was a fervent secessionist and pro-slavery supporter who opposed ratification of the 13^th, 14^th, and 15^th, Amendments abolishing slavery as well as granting citizenship and suffrage to African Americans. Also supported segregation. Luckily he was in ill health at the time and died 8 months into his term at 66.

Later Life: He only lasted as VP for 8 months so there’s not much to write about in this section.

Trivia: There’s not anything interesting about him.

Evaluating Patriotic Songs of America

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 27, 2016

The 4^th of July is the kind of holiday where one is bound to hear a lot of patriotic tunes expressing patriotic pride. Yet, while some certainly celebrate the spirit of the U. S. of A., others have rather cheesy lyrics. Ever since the US was a country, people have been writing patriotic anthems showing their love for America. However, not every patriotic tune can make an American wave the flag in pride. So here I devote this post evaluating songs expressing love for America.

The Best:

“The Star Spangled Banner” – I have to admit since Francis Scott Key wrote down the lyrics while witnessing the Battle of Fort McHenry as a prisoner on a British ship, this has been a perennial favorite in the US that it has often served as an unofficial national anthem until it was officially designated as such in 1931. Sure the lyrics might be set to an English drinking song at the time but it’s great as an instrumental for bands as well as for talented singers. As long as you don’t have pop stars butchering it in sporting events.

“America the Beautiful” – Once considered a contender for the national anthem, this one really expresses one’s love for the American landscape that have become iconic images of the American psyche. The Ray Charles version is the best in my opinion. Said to be easier to sing, more melodic, and adaptable to various orchestrations.

“Battle Hymn of the Republic” – Set to “John Brown’s Body,” with lyrics written by Julia Ward Howe during the American Civil War, this song may have religious connotations as well as something you really don’t want to play among certain demographics like Southerners or non-Christians. After all, this was a Northern anthem during the American Civil War and it was written when adding Christian references in such material was acceptable and even encouraged. And the abolitionists frequently used Christianity to justify why slavery was wrong. I also know that it has references to the apocalypse as well as kind of justifies war. However, it’s the very fact that it’s a Christian song with Julia Ward Howe’s style that make this song so powerful, inspirational, and unforgettable that plenty of non-Christian Americans don’t really care if you play it at public events (even if it’s just instrumental).

“You’re a Grand Old Flag” – Famously composed by George M. Cohan who was a pioneer in the Broadway musical. This is definitely one that’s great for grandstanding patriotic pride on the 4^th of July.

“The Yankee Doodle Boy”- Another Cohan song even though most people only sing the chorus. Most famously performed by James Cagney in the George M. Cohan biopic Yankee Doodle Dandy. Of course, Cohan wasn’t really born on the 4^th of July, but who cares. It’s awesome.

“Over There”- Yet, another George M. Cohan song that was written to get young men to enlist during the US entry in the WWI. Expect to hear this whenever the US enters a major world war.

“The Stars and Stripes Forever” – Sure this song may not have lyrics to sing to (oh, wait, there are but nobody sings them anyway). But this was composed with the genius of John Philip Sousa and is packed with so much patriotic pep that you’d want to cheer for the USA.

US Military Songs- You can understand why the military takes to bands and marches since a lot of these songs seem to echo a certain badassery, dignity, and courage of each branch making a grandiose entrance. For the Navy, you can’t forget “Anchors Aweigh.” For the Army, it’s “The Army Keeps Rolling Along.” The Marines have “The Marine Hymn” or “Semper Fidelis” (also by Sousa but you’ve probably heard it). Then there’s “Wild Blue Yonder” from the US Air Force. Finally, there’s “Semper Paratus” for the US Coast Guard. And for all of them, you can go with “Eternal Father, Strong to Save” best played during ship sinkings. All these songs surely make a great American patriotic soundtrack

“Appalachian Spring” – from Paste Magazine: “This wakens a sense of patriotism in us that little else can. It’s an orchestral suite, so it’s not technically a “song,” but the music is so uniquely American (borrowing from the traditional Shaker hymn “Simple Gifts”) and so sonically vivid, that it expresses the beauty of our country better than any set of lyrics we know. Copland was undoubtedly the Norman Rockwell of music—both intensely patriotic and populist but in a gentle and agreeable way. The piece premiered as a ballet score during the tail end of WWII, and was rearranged as suite the following year during the height of American patriotism.” However, most people might think of the lines “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner” at the end since it was once used in a commercial.

“Lift Every Voice and Sing” – Written by NAACP head James Weldon Johnson and set to music by his brother, this was a major song from the Civil Rights Movement. Seen as an anthem of African Americans for a good reason since it features very inspirational lyrics that surely encouraged blacks to fight for their rights.

“Hail to the Chief” – This is the theme song for the US President when he or she makes an entrance. And yes, it echoes American grandeur. However, I sure hope that this song is played when Donald Trump makes an entrance because that would be really bad.

“Fanfare for the Common Man” – Composed by Aaron Copland, you probably have heard this song in recruitment commercials and previews for movies. Inspired by a Henry Wallace speech during the Great Depression. Definitely a piece for any American patriotic soundtrack on the 4^th of July.

“Living in America”- A famous staple from the Godfather of Soul James Brown that was played on Rocky IV as the theme for Apollo Creed. Also inspired Weird Al’s parody, “Living with a Hernia.” Has a very catchy chorus and tune.

“Philadelphia Freedom” –Sure it was written and recorded by Brits. But it’s a catchy song that hasn’t been played enough. Also, was done for Elton John and Bernie Taupin’s friend Billie Jean King who was on the Philadelphia Freedom professional tennis team.

“America” – This Simon and Garfunkel gem was used in a Bernie Sanders campaign ad. And you can understand why. It’s about going on cross country trip. What can be better than that?

“The Washington Post” –You might recognize this song by John Philip Sousa. Yes, he cranked out a lot of these marches of American patriotic goodness. Still, if you want to listen to some patriotic music on the 4^th of July, Sousa is your guy.

“We Shall Overcome”- Another unofficial anthem of the American Civil Rights Movement. Yet, it’s one that doesn’t acknowledge perfection as well as inspires that Americans can overcome their problems caused by societal hatred. Truly a gem.

“National Emblem” – Features a march version of “The Star Spangled Banner” as well as got a good write up from none other than John Philip Sousa. In fact, it was one of Sousa’s favorite march tunes that wasn’t composed by him, which says something.

“Ragged Old Flag” – From Paste Magazine: “The intro is almost as great as the song itself—a simple, compelling tune about loving one’s country for what it stands for, and despite its mistakes. No one was ever as earnestly cool as Johnny Cash. My kind of patriot.”

The Worst:

“God Bless the USA” – From Amog: “I didn’t know that this was released way back in 1984, but I do remember it being overplayed during the first Gulf War. Even as a kid, more now as an adult, I’ve always known that this track sucked, for lack of a better word. To add insult to injury, it gets stuck in my head, if I’m subjected to it, which makes me want to gauge my ear drums out with a power drill.” This song is just annoyingly cheesy with clichéd sentiment. Kill it. Kill it with fire.

“Let the Eagle Soar”- From Amog: “Besides this being a horrible, horrible tribute to America, it was written and performed by former Attorney General John Ashcroft. As if politicians needed anymore proof that they’re a bunch a clowns and give the rest of the world a reason to mock us. But it gets worse. This atrocity was performed at George W. Bush’s second inauguration. At least Ashcroft had someone else, Guy Hovis, perform it at the inauguration. Actually, that’s a jerk move. Letting someone else take the fall for you in front of millions is rather diabolical.”

“Have You Forgotten?” – From Amog: “Another recording, out of the hundreds of others, to express how an artist felt on September 11, 2001. What makes this a horrible patriotic song is that Worley justifies bombing pretty much the entire world because of 9/11. It’s tacky, contrived and features shameless footage from 9/11 all in the name of making a buck.”

“Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue (The Angry American)” – From Amog: “In a way you can’t blame Toby Keith for this. He was feeling like many of us were at the time. Then again, many of us aren’t musicians who will be forever immortalized through their music. Nearly a decade after this song was released most rational thinking people would agree that putting “a boot in you ass” isn’t the American way and really doesn’t help our standing in the global community.”

“Red, White & Blue” – From Amog: “This gem was written by what’s left of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Strike one. It also contains the lines: “My hair is white, my neck has always been red, and my collar’s still blue,” for a second strike. The final strike goes to another masterpiece of a line, “If they don’t like it they can just get the hell out”. They should have just stuck to butchering the band’s classics while on the road with musicians like Kid Rock.”

“Dixie”- Yes, I know that it’s a catchy tune and I know it’s well beloved by white Southerners (and others like Abraham Lincoln, though it was more of a pop song in his day). But it’s inherently racist since it was first performed in blackface minstrel shows (popular 19^th century entertainment that was chock full of offensive black stereotypes). It was used as a theme for the Confederacy during the American Civil War. To African Americans, this song is considered offensive since it echoes Old South nostalgia and was played by supporters of segregation.

“American Soldier” – From LA Weekly: “We’re not sure there’s anything worse than starting a war based on blatant lies, then sending young men and women to die for the vanity of elderly assholes who would rather bleed this country dry than actually part with a single dime at tax time. But if there is, it’s the songs celebrating the sacrifices of the people sent to die in those wars, written by people who themselves would never join the military.” Well, I guess “Goodnight Saigon” might be on the same level as this one since it pertains to the Vietnam War since Billy Joel never went there either. But at least he consulted his friends who actually served in Vietnam before he went through with it and tried to depict the conflict through their point of view. Not sure if Toby Keith has done the same.

“Ballad of the Green Berets” – This song was written and recorded in the 1960s and used in the 1968 John Wayne movie The Green Berets which depicted the Vietnam War in a positive light (a war the US never should’ve gotten involved in but was going to anyway). Yes, I get that people want to honor their country and its armed forces. But this doesn’t mean you should use it in a god awful movie that glamorizes a war as well as make George Takei wish he’d stick with being on more Star Trek episodes (because he’s in this).

American Revolution Songs sans “Yankee Doodle” -Yes, our Founding Fathers had their patriotic songs, too like “The Liberty Song,” “Chester,” or “War and Washington.” Have you heard of these? There’s probably a good reason.

“Marching Through Georgia”- Yes, it’s a lively tune that was written during the American Civil War. However, it’s hard for a white Georgian to show patriotic pride while hearing a song about Union soldiers mowing through their state and destroying everything in their midst. Sure this was William Tecumseh Sherman’s strategy of “Total War” which was intended to make the Confederates lose their will to fight. But white Southerners still paint the guy as a villain.

A lot of Patriotic country songs- To be fair, there may be good country songs out there showing one’s love for America. But in contemporary times, this genre has gotten a major bad rap for cheesy lyrics of blind patriotism that’s sometimes tinged with American conservativism. Okay, it’s fine for one to express their love for the US. But please, make sure it’s not a song filled with empty gestures. There’s a reason why College Humor satirized a lot of them with “America Sucks Less,” which might be a better song about patriotism in general.

“This Ain’t No Rag, It’s A Flag” – From Nerve: “The title of this Charlie Daniels single tells you everything you need to know. By the end of the first few verses, he’s mocked the practice of wearing headscarves, explained that Americans “believe in God” (say what you will about Islamist terrorists, but they don’t lack religion), and told “dirty” Arabs to crawl back into their “holes.” As a response to 9/11, the song offers nothing that couldn’t be gained from going down to the corner bar and listening to a bunch of drunk racists.” Sorry, Charlie Daniels, but loving your country doesn’t need to resort to blatant Islamophobia.

Your Mileage May Vary:

“God Bless America”- Yes, it has a great orchestration and I think the lyrics are quite good as well as easy to remember. However, the fact it was used by Christian conservatives in the 1960s to silence dissenters speaking out against US involvement in the Vietnam War sort of ruins it for me. Also, it’s used by the Flyers.

“This Is My Country” – Well, it’s easy to sing. But it doesn’t have a lot going for it and the lyrics seem quite childish.

“My Country Tis of Thee” – Well, it’s a simple song to remember. But it also uses the same melody as “God Save the Queen.” And the American lyrics are fairly childish.

“This Land Is Your Land”- Written by Woody Guthrie, this is an overall decent folksy American song that evokes a sense of patriotism. However, there are some verses that are highly critical about the US and the fact it was to protest the notion of private property. The fact that it was used as a protest song in radical politics during the 1930s, doesn’t help much.

“Hail Columbia”- This song was used as a de facto national anthem in the US for most of the 19^th century. On one hand, it has a lovely melody that might’ve been catchy at the time. However, it fails to capture the kind of emotional punch akin to “The Star Spangled Banner” and some of the tune is reminiscent of “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” It’s obvious to see “The Star Spangled Banner” is the US national anthem and it’s not. “The Star Spangled Banner” is a song that’s stood the test of the time since it was first written. This one seems very antiquated in comparison.

“America” – From Examiner: “Unlike ‘This Land is Your Land’ Neil Diamond’s ‘America’ highlights the rich history this country has as a beacon for those seeking refuge in a harsh world. It doesn’t make light of the struggles of immigrants that have flocked here for security and opportunity since the very beginning. The song is more than just a sugary spouting of patriotic words haphazardly strung together, its a testament to the American dream and how its always there no matter how irrelevant it seems in the hard times.” However, this isn’t among Neil Diamond’s best songs, kind of cheesy, and hard to take seriously if it’s sung by a guy in a sparkly jumpsuit.

“American Pie”- From Examiner: “Regardless of age, race, gender or creed, everyone who lives in the U.S. can appreciate this song. Something about the lyrics paired with the upbeat sound is reminiscent of things like summer road trips, Coca-Cola, warm nights at amusement parks, drive-in movies and shooting off firecrackers. In short, it’s an awesome feel-good song that never gets old and it’s timelessly American as…well, apple pie.” However, though I really like this song, I have to admit that it’s more about rock n’ roll and the events that happened after Buddy Holly’s death than America in general.

“Yankee Doodle” – Sure there’s an interesting story about this song which pertains to British making fun of Americans during the French and Indian War. And yes, it’s kind of cool that American patriots adopted this song as a “fuck you” to the Brits during the American Revolution. But seriously, it’s kind of annoying and the lyrics are pretty stupid.

“Born in the USA” – Though most people see this as a pro-America rock staple, it’s actually a scathing critique of the Vietnam War and the phenomenon that working class youth have little hope for the future being pushed into military service because they have nowhere else to turn. Also, I am no fan of Bruce Springsteen. Oh, and it was used to torture prisoners at Gitmo (sorry, Bruce).

“Columbia Gem of the Ocean” – Well, it does have a great grandstanding march to be a contender for the national anthem. However, it’s not very well known.

“Home on the Range” – More of a western song than a song about the US in general. But I understand why some people are attached to it.

“The Liberty Bell”- It’s a grand march written by John Philip Sousa which has been played at US presidential inaugurations. However, if there is any reason why it might not be included on a patriotic soundtrack, it’s probably because it’s better remembered as the theme from Monty Python.

“Goodnight Saigon”- Written by Billy Joel for The Nylon Curtain, it’s about the soldiers’ experience in Vietnam which honors their service while glamorizing absolutely none of what they’ve been through. Though Joel never served in Vietnam, he was encouraged to write and record this song by his friends who did. Nevertheless, it’s more of a song for Memorial Day or Veterans Day than 4^th of July because it doesn’t show a lot of patriotic pep.

“Ashoka Farewell” –When you hear this song in the Ken Burns documentary series The Civil War, you’d almost think it was played by American soldiers at their army camps before a battle. Yet, it was actually composed by New York Jews in the 1980s but it has an unforgettable and beautiful melody. However, it’s kind of a sad song that’s more appropriate for Memorial Day than 4^th of July.

“When Johnny Comes Marching Home” – This is a highly adaptable song and can be played in many different tones in instrumentals as indicated by the Ken Burns documentary. However, while the lyrics point to the glorious anticipation of a soldier coming home from duty, remember that many US soldiers didn’t.

“Taps”- It’s a nice song but it’s more appropriate for military funerals and Memorial Day.

“Pink Houses” – From Cheat Sheet: “John Mellencamp is popularly considered to be a patriotic rock singer, who writes songs about good working-class people enjoying their small town lives. From the chorus, it seems as though the song is an ode the classic American dream of living in suburbia with a house, a spouse, and children. “Ain’t that America somethin’ to see baby / Ain’t that America home of the free / Little pink houses for you and me,” Mellencamp sings in the chorus. But, like many of the songs on this list, if you take a closer listen to the verses — and the last one in particular — the song is more critical than it seems. “There’s winners and there’s losers / But they ain’t no big deal / ‘Cause the simple man baby pay for the thrills, the bills / The pills that kill,” he sings in the final verse, drawing attention to this country’s problems with inequality.”

“Fortunate Son” – Had to include this one from CCR since it was used in a Wrangler Jeans commercial as a patriotic anthem. However, if you’ve actually heard the whole thing, it’s about how people in wealth and power use patriotism to get less privileged young guys to fight their wars while sheltering their own kids from combat. To be fair, it’s a great song in its own right. But not one to play at a 4th of July barbecue.

I Want You to View These Vintage Wartime Propaganda Posters

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 24, 2016

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Now that we’re in the patriotic swing of things for the 4th of July, perhaps we should take a look at some wartime propaganda. Of course, last year I did a series on Declaration of Independence signers which wasn’t a huge hit among the blogosphere or Google Search. But this year, I think doing a post on wartime propaganda from the two World Wars from the early 20th century might bring some flag waving fervor. Or it just might be something that I could have a lot of fun with. After all, I’ve already done the American flag. Nevertheless, these propaganda posters not only served as iconic images from governments and other agencies to do their part for the effort, but also pointed out that as a nation at war, we’re all in this together. And if you’re not doing your part or making any sacrifices, you’re being an unpatriotic dimwit who should be ashamed of yourself. Still, it’s interesting to look at these posters and see what kind of messages and images there are at the time. You’ll find Uncle Sam and Rosie the Riveter. But you’ll also find stuff on encouraging conservation, not throwing stuff away, buying bonds, men keeping it in their pants, and even carpooling. Yes, carpooling. Not only that, but a lot of these propaganda posters have been parodied over the years, even after the conflicts that made their existence. So for your reading pleasure, I want you to see a treasure trove of some historical posters encouraging you to do your part for the cause.

Your friends are fighting, why aren’t you, man?

This is a recruitment poster from Canada encouraging young men to join the armed forces. And Canada certainly participated in both world wars. James Doohan was one of the most famous Canadian WWII veterans since he was Scotty from Star Trek.

2. Be a Merchant Marine and help deliver the goods.

The merchant marines are among the most underrated war heroes in both world wars since transporting supplies is crucial for any war effort. However, like you see in Mr. Roberts, they don’t see much action and it was very boring gig.

3. Ladies, Joan of Arc saved her country, you can save yours by buying stamps.

Except that Joan of Arc saved France by being the French Army’s mascot and providing divine inspiration. Lincoln’s comment of Ulysses S. Grant’s drinking would describe her perfectly for those who think she had schizophrenia.

4. “My M-1 does the talking!”

There are a lot of posters encouraging people to be careful what they say or write. Because they can unintentionally help the enemy. And you don’t want to do that.

5. Remember men, disease is disguised so don’t gamble with VD.

I know this is telling men to keep it in their pants. But given double standards and realistic consequences, I think this message is necessary. Because people really need to be careful on who they screw.

6. “He gives 100%. You can lend 10%.”

And it looks like he’s stepped on a mine and isn’t long for this world. If that’s not giving 100%, I don’t know what is.

7. Uncle Sam says, “Fill those empty seats!”

Because car sharing saves on gas that could be used to fuel our tanks in North Africa. And this is definitely from WWII, by the way.

8. Housewives, save waste fats for explosives.

Because bacon grease can be used as nitro glycerin. And I’m not kidding on this.

9. Remember men, self-control is self preservation.

Because screwing whores at the front leads you prone to contracting nasty STDs. So keep it in your pants, boys.

10. Survive the wartime winter with coal for warmth.

Because the war effort needs oil. But you can also order wood. Love the freezing penguin in this.

11. Can this Nazi save more grease than you?

There’s ammunition in this kitchen with bacon grease. And even the Nazis know that.

12. Maintain your gas mask.

Because you might need it during a gas attack. So don’t use it as a knapsack and pillow. Wonder what people doing with their gas masks for that poster to exist.

13. “Let’s catch him with his ‘panzers’ down!”

I think this is a clever one for WWII. Notice how Hitler has swastikas on his underwear.

14. Mr. Peanut goes to war.

Not even corporate advertising mascots were exempt from war service. Mr. Peanut from Planter’s ought to know. Weird to see him without his top hat and monocle.

15. Saving old metal and paper puts the lid on Hitler.

Salvage saves lives and so does recycling. So save as much as you can on paper and metal.

16. Buying bonds and saving money will beat the devil!

And the devil here is Adolf Hitler. Here he’s even red with horns and pointy ears.

17. Join the tanks and beat em’ rough!

Wonder why they have a screaming black cat here. Sure it looks evil but it was more stupid to be on a battlefield than malicious.

18. Civilians, if you don’t need it, don’t buy it.

Yeah, you really don’t need to buy a white elephant. Of course, it’s only in here as a figure of speech.

19. Uncle Sam says, “Protect your nation’s honor, enlist now!”

Enlist now because your nation has just been raped, metaphorically. Of course, I think this might be from WWI though.

20. This dog’s owner died because someone wouldn’t shut up.

Yes, go with the gold star dog treatment. Because dogs are seen as loyal friends to their master and are quite adorable.

21. “Tell nobody-not even her!”

Because you’ll never know where you’ll find a Nazi spy. This is especially if she talks in a German accent.

22. Dressing extravagantly is unpatriotic.

Because in wartime, everyone should make sacrifices. So dressing to the nines isn’t just bad form, it’s unpatriotic. Get it?

23. This man’s life is in your hands.

If I were him, I’d be more worried about throwing it too late than it being a dud. Those things can blow your freaking hand off.

24. Remember, the Nazis burned books that Americans can still read.

Because unlike Americans, the Nazis don’t believe in a free press. This is why they staged book burnings. Yes, they hate American freedom.

25. No sailor has to prove he’s a man on shore leave.

Because giving in to 1940s masculinity pressures might get you an STD. And there’s no medicine for regret.

26. Drivers, drive a truck for Uncle Sam.

I could tell this is from WWI because of the car design. And the artwork is a little bit crude, too.

27. The kitchen is the key to victory, eat less bread.

Because our men need carbs, dammit. So eat more garden veggies instead.

28. Remember, our men are ready to fight at any time.

However, looking at this you have to wonder how these soldiers got any sleep. Oh, wait, some of these guys didn’t sleep for days.

29. This woman is wanted for murder.

Because she didn’t know when to shut the hell up. This cost lives overseas. Yeah, watch your mouth, ladies.

30. Uncle Sam wants you to stop stealing tools!

Because combat crews need them to repair stuff with. At least this poster makes a lot of sense.

31. This, soldier, is what is known as a booby trap.

Because she’s loaded with boobs and STDS. Don’t have sex with her. Seriously, keep it in your pants.

32. Help China! Because China is helping us.

Well, they should be helping us. But the Nationalist and Communist factions don’t like each other at all. So it’s not uncommon for these Chinese factions in some areas to fight each other or side with Japan.

33. Don’t let the Nazi swastika touch them!

So buy bonds and keep our kiddies safe from the Nazis. This is especially if you and/or your kids are Jewish.

34. Careless talk took her daddy!

So be careful of what you say. You may not know when you’re talking to an enemy spy in your neighborhood.

35. Losing an arm at Pearl Harbor shouldn’t keep you away from patriotic duties.

After all, just because he can’t be a soldier no more doesn’t mean he can’t help. Because you don’t need two arms to hold a blow torch.

36. Keep your mouth shut and don’t be a sucker!

Because a fish that opens its mouth is a sucker, hook, line, and sinker. Still, you have to like the artwork on this.

37. For defense, give blood since it’s life.

However, this offer's not available for blacks since their blood isn't fit for white GIs, especially from the segregated South. I know it's based on dubious claims based on racism, but that's what people believed in those days.

However, this offer’s not available for blacks since their blood isn’t fit for white GIs’ veins in transfusions. I know that concept based on pseudoscientific claims as well as stupid flagrant racism, but that’s what white Americans believed in the 1940s.

38. On April 19, 1917, Wake Up America Day.

I guess this date was picked specifically as the anniversary of the American Revolution. Also the girl is wearing a cocked hat and carrying a lantern.

39. Plant your own garden for victory.

Both world wars encouraged people to plant their own vegetable gardens for food. This is from WWI.

40. It’s a women’s war so join the WAVES!

This woman’s face says, “This is not what I signed up for. Really hope this ship on my radio doesn’t get bombed. Don’t want to hear a bunch of screaming sailors going down to their deaths.”

41. Soldiers, know the risks of syphilis and gonorrhea.

To be fair, regardless of what this ad says, there’s a strong chance that many of these guys didn’t have a lot of sex education. And yes, STDs do kill. But yeah, it’s not really nice to women.

42. “If you talk too much, this man may die.”

Another poster that says, “loose lips, sink ships.” Besides, he seems like a handsome sailor in that submarine.

43. Destroy this mad brute of a Hun, enlist.

The funny part about this poster that it’s from WWI as you can see by the Kaiser helmet. Still, you have to ask yourself whether this image inspired King Kong.

44. While commuting to work, try to squeeze for one more.

Yet, I’m not sure how many people this car can take. Since it seems full to the brim already.

45. Remember, war bonds are always cheaper than wooden crosses.

Or military funerals for that matter. And yes, the US military did a lot of them during both world wars.

46. Like digging a foxhole, conserving’s for your own protection.

Because conservation helps save resources for the war effort. Plus, it’s good for the environment in an age where one of the biggest threats is climate change.

47. Wake up, America, civilization calls every man, woman, and child.

And here’s the lady personifying America fast asleep. Another WWI poster.

48. Along with gardening, wartime housewives should also take to canning.

This is a famous picture I’ve might’ve seen somewhere. Nevertheless, the girl looks a bit freaky to me.

49. Remember, every time you miss work for no reason, you stab the Statue of Liberty in the back.

Because time must not be wasted. Still, bound to make you guilty of missing work during WWII.

50. Always practice good eating habits in fox holes.

Because it might make your ass a huge target for enemy gunfire. So eat wisely.

51. This soldier needs smokes more than anything else.

What he really needs is to quit smoking. But don’t bet on that because only the doctors in his day see it’ll kill him if the war doesn’t.

52. See action now and join the submarine service.

They do a bunch of cool stuff like shooting down U-boats. However, I don’t see a sinking ship on fire as a glorious sight worthy of a recruitment poster.

53. Remember, the enemy is watching you.

I’ve seen this one parodied a few times. Those eyes are so menacing which is kind of the point.

54. Help military pilots by building and fixing the planes right.

He can’t fix any plane problems in the air. Nor could he shoot down Nazis either. So don’t screw up his chances of survival. Not that they’re great anyway.

55. Remember, men, beautiful blondes aren’t always so dumb.

This one tells soldiers to be careful that you’re not discussing battle plans around pretty civilian women. Because she could be a Nazi spy and you don’t want anyone to needlessly die.

56. Donate your books for soldiers to pass the time.

Because soldiers in the trenches can be really starved for entertainment. And they can’t really abandon their stations there either.

57. More firepower, over here!

“But please, bomb them not me. We don’t need any friendly firepower here.” Note that friendly fire happens in wars 10% of the time.

58. Gremlins like to throw stuff in your eyes, so wear safety goggles.

Gremlins or no gremlins, wear safety goggles. Because when you’re working with munitions, you’re working with a lot of harmful chemicals. Duh.

59. Every girl is pulling for victory!

Yes, these ladies are pulling for victory with their united war work while the men are languishing in the trenches. Surely anyone with a right mind needs to believe that they should have the vote by now.

60. In wartime, have you ever considered a staycation?

After all, it saves gas and you’d probably not want to go to Europe anyway. Or Asia. Or North Africa. Or anywhere in the Pacific.

61. Even sports figures like Joe Louis enlist to do their part.

A lot of male celebrities fought in WWII like Jimmy Stewart, Clark Gable, Tyrone Power, David Niven, Henry Fonda, and others. One major celebrity who didn’t fight in WWII but could: John Wayne.

62. For war nerves, stop needless noise.

Yes, war is scary. But it helps to keep calm in the face of danger even when you’re shitting your pants. Same goes when you come in contact with a bear.

63. Whose boy will die if we should fail?

That’s a harrowing propaganda poster. But when in war, a lot of soldiers die. Such is life.

64. Be patriotic and save the food.

Yes, people save food because soldiers need it. Because America is begging you.

65. GIs will take care of Japan, this is how you can save money.

This poster gives you some good ideas to save money at a time of rising prices on the Home Front. Also great tips for money saving in general. At least most of them.

66. This is a Russian soldier. He is your friend.

Well, only until the war ends and the Soviet Union is engaged in an arms race with the US over nuclear weapons. So don’t expect the friendship to last. Also, he doesn’t really fight for freedom because Stalinist Russia isn’t a freedom loving place. Not to mention the genocide and purges.

67. Do with less so they’ll have enough!

That’s another famous WWII poster, too. And the GI just sits drinking his coffee.

68. Remember, take precautions during an air raid.

Sure you’re going to be scared shitless during one. But this doesn’t mean you have to go crazy. In fact, on the contrary.

69. Liberty on the phone, war effort needs cash now!

Not sure how she’s able to talk with that ridiculous crown on her head. But she’ll manage.

70. For action, enlist in the air service.

Just remember that you’ll have insufficient time to train and that a pilot’s in flight lifespan is 20 minutes. As I’ve learned from Blackadder.

71. Join the Navy, the service for fighting men.

And that guy has to spread his legs on a torpedo. In a Dr. Strangelove bomb pose, no less.

And that guy has to spread his legs on a torpedo. As for fighting men, it doesn’t apply to everyone. Mr. Roberts points that out brilliantly.

72. We’ll win the war, you give us the stuff.

Guy seems quite proud of himself holding up a Japanese Rising Sun flag. He’ll probably hang it as a souvenir in his office someday.

73. Join the Veterinary War Corps and treat horses.

Sure the guys may learn something useful. However, WWI kind of helped us all realize that the cavalry had no future in 20th century warfare.

74. If I was a man, I’d join the Navy.

Seems like they’re really pressuring guys to join the Navy with fanservice and an appeal of masculinity. From WWI by the way.

75. Here’s life in the US Navy and what it offers.

A sailor’s life at sea is great until either a U-Boat bombs it or seasickness. Also, I’m not sure if monkeys are allowed on board. Sure beats the trenches though.

76. Guys, enlist so you won’t have to disappoint your kids.

Of course, if men didn't list during WWI, there's a chance they could be drafted. Still, this is another famous poster.

Of course, if men didn’t list during WWI, there’s a chance they could be drafted. Also, didn’t seem to factor in PTSD either. Still, this is another famous poster.

77. Don’t take a chance with prostitutes, guys, these dames are loaded.

So, soldiers, keep it in your pants and don’t take your chances. Yet, as we know from human nature, such statements aren’t 100% effective.

78. Join the submarine service and learn to operate something like this.

Wonder why they chose to use a shirtless sailor with a male gaze. Seems a bit suspect, considering that women weren’t allowed on subs for a very long time.

79. Rosie the Riveter says: “We can do it!”

Of course, I couldn’t forget to add her. Such an icon for female empowerment during WWII to get women working in factories.

80. Even Santa Claus has gone to war.

And he’s holding an automatic weapon, too. Not sure if that makes him good or bad though.

81. Prevent trench foot, clean and dry your feet, soldiers!

I’m sure this was endemic during WWI since troops spend long spans of time in the trenches. Yet, where would they be able to clean them?

82. In the Pacific, we’re all in this together.

Everyone should know this is the Iwo Jima pose from the photo. Now it’s an American iconic image from WWII.

83. Ladies, take up the jobs he left behind.

Just note, that after the war, you’ll be forced to give that job back if it’s still available. After that, you’ll need to settle into being a wife and mother in suburbia. Because housewives are what women were expected to be in peacetime (sarcasm).

84. Uncle Sam wants you to buy war bonds.

Here Uncle Sam comes from the sky in blazing glory. He also carries an American flag, too.

85. Even a dog can enlist, why not you?

Man, they really tried to put men on guilt trips during WWI. Yet, here’s scruffy in his Red Cross glory. One dog in that war was even made a sergeant (no joke).

86. Housewives, preserve perishable food with cans and jars.

Her she is holding her tin cans. Let’s hope she didn’t forget to label them because that would be a problem.

87. In war, knowledge wins.

So learn something by going to your public library. Because the Internet ain’t available yet.

88. Even office workers do their part with their typewriters.

Is that supposed to be Miss USA? Then again, I don’t pay attention to those beauty pageants anyway.

89. Remember, absence makes the war last longer.

So don’t sleep in and stay on the job. Yes, it’s not easy doing work all day. But you want victory, dammit.

90. Just because she looks clean doesn’t mean she is.

Another anti-STD ad to scare men into keeping it in their pants. As if they didn’t have film noir to do it for them already.

91. Tragically, all these soldiers now have syphilis.

Some of them will soon give their wives and sweethearts a very big surprise. And, no, they won’t like it. STDs: The gift that keeps on giving whether you’d like it or not.

92. Learn while you serve: join the US Coast Guard.

Because it’s the least exciting military branch there is which is great for chickenshits. You just have to watch for enemy ships all day.

93. Don’t be a job hopper, it’s bad for the war effort.

Like how the job hopper is depicted as an insect with a hat and lunch box. So funny.

94. Save your cans and help pass the ammunition.

Like how the bullet chain turns into cans. However, this is about recycling and donating scrap metal.

95. Buy bonds so your kid won’t grow up a Nazi.

Now this is a poster that’ll make any parent scared. Yeah, you don’t want your kids growing up Nazi.

96. Ladies, join the Armed forces and help win the war.

Yes, women served in the military during WWII, too. And yes, they did all kinds of things there.

97. Don’t wait for them to come home, be with them by being a WAC.

Because it’s a women’s war, too. Also, don’t forget to put on lipstick before venturing out of the battlefield.

98. Remember, when you ride alone, you let the Nazis win.

So carpool whenever you can. You don’t want an invisible Hitler in the passenger seat. You really don’t.

99. Yes, it can happen here.

Yes, keep em’ firing so it doesn’t happen here. However, if you live in Britain, it already has since they dealt with the Blitz.

100. Sow the seeds for victory, plant a war garden.

Doesn’t hurt if there’s a rainbow shining on it either. Such an uplifting image during a time of war.

The Yankee Doodle Dandy World of Vintage 4th of July Cards

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 21, 2016

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Yes, the 4th of July is a very significant holiday in the US that celebrates the birthday of a nation or the closest thing to it. As you might recall, back in the day, people used to send greeting cards to each other on certain holidays. And in America, the 4th of July would be one of these. Some of these cards might be of the patriotic spirit with American flags, the Statue of Liberty, George Washington, and other pieces of Americana. Some show photos of 4th of July events in their hometown. Yet, while I can show you some of the great 4th of July greeting cards out there, you might be bored to tears. So instead, I’ll show vintage cards that might make you cringe or think they’re unintentionally funny in some sick sort of way. Many of these will pertain to parents’ worst nightmares like depictions of kids holding weapons and fireworks. So sit back and relax this Independence Day with these Yankee Doodle Dandy greeting cards. Or not.

“I’m just going to shoot off some fireworks. Want to join me?”

I have a bad feeling about this. You should never let anywhere near kids and explosives (save sparklers but even then). And I know those have much more dangerous than sparklers.

2. “Day of Flags and Cannon and Jubilee! Guarded well, gloried in. So may forever be.”

Whoever thought of trusting a child with guarding fireworks should be charged with child endangerment. Seriously, where are this kid’s parents for God’s sake?

3. The Dog: “I think I’d better skidoo – mother always told me never to accept candy from strangers.”

Don’t tell me what that kid’s about to do to that dog. Also, what the hell is in that dog’s mouth? Hope it’s not a firecracker.

4. “United We Stand: A Glorious Fourth.”

Oh, great, a kid’s holding a sword. And I don’t think it’s a toy sword at that. Not sure how this playtime could end badly. Oh, wait, I am.

5. “The grand old story of a day of fadeless glory.”

I have a bad feeling about what that kid is going to do with the fireworks. Hope he doesn’t plan to blow up a neighbor’s house. Still, kids shouldn’t have access to explosives. They’re dangerous.

6. Sometimes it’s said that the Zambellis started their kids on fireworks at a young age.

However, this is utterly ridiculous. Even teenagers shouldn’t be around fireworks for God’s sake, let alone babies. Seriously, what the hell?

7. With the sound of a cannon and gun marks the star of fireworks fun.

When I look at this, I hope the guns are full of blanks and the fireworks near him don’t get lit. Because he might end up coming to a very bad end if either aren’t the case.

8. There’s nothing more glorious on the 4th of July than riding a firework in the sky.

For one, that girl looks quite creepy and her mouth is askew. Also, when that firecracker goes off, there’s a chance she’ll never be in one piece again. Yet, I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

9. “Oh, where heads a foot, that would falter for thee!”

Let me see, this boy is surrounded by lit fireworks and a cannon. And he’s holding a gun. If I was in his place, I’d be screaming my head off. But he’s smiling. Doesn’t look right.

10. The 4th of July has always been a day of jubilation.

However, I’d find it very difficult to dance for joy if everything nearby me was exploding. But this girl doesn’t seem to have that problem, which greatly disturbs me.

11. “Greetings from a Patriot.”

Is it just me or is that woman literally on fire? And why doesn’t she seem the slightest bit fazed by it or screaming her head off? Like a normal person would.

12. It’s always such a sight to see everything go Kaboom! on the 4th of July.

I know that kid is supposed to be in awe of the fireworks. But I think he’s practically shitting his pants at the moment because he’s surrounded by explosives. Assuming that he’s actually sane.

13. “The day we celebrate.”

And that kid is holding a sword while being draped with an American flag. Reading his face, he may have an idea about using it which should be of great concern to his parents.

14. “How to prevent your boy from being killed on the Fourth of July – kill him on the third.”

And that, my friend, is the most fucked up piece of medical advice I’ve ever heard. Seriously, that doctor is clearly insane and it doesn’t help that a kid is being blown up by fireworks either.

15. A great 4th of July has fireworks all around.

However, this doesn’t mean kids should be near them. Because these two are in really terrible danger at the moment. It also doesn’t help that both kids are holding fireworks in their hands as if they’re toys. They’re not.

16. This 4th of July, capture the spirit of 1776.

And I wonder how long it took for this little George Washington to shoot up “July 4.” Because a Continental Army musket is the farthest thing from an automatic rifle.

17. With the 4th of July, there’s festivities all around.

But this doesn’t mean that children should have access to weapons or explosives. Because they’re very dangerous and aren’t toys in the slightest bit.

18. Fireworks on the 4th of July mean festive fun all around.

However, this doesn’t mean kids should get a hold of fireworks or weapons. That boy at the top already has one lit which makes it only a matter of time before he gets blown up. Seriously, who the hell thought this card was a good idea?

19. “Wishing you a glorious 4th.”

Now even bears have fireworks in these vintage cards. And he doesn’t seem to have a good intention about using them either.

20. The 4th of July always has a great fireworks spectacle in the night sky.

Yet, these kids are happily sitting with lit fireworks when they shouldn’t. Also, they’re kind of creeping me out with their smiles.

21. The 4th of July is a day of celebration.

And this boy is about to accidentally blow himself up. Seriously, no parent should ever allow their kid near matches or explosives for obvious reasons.

22. It’s not the 4th of July without a fireworks spectacle.

And despite the boy’s smiling, he doesn’t have much time left in this world. Mostly because the explosives around him are all lit. And he has his face surrounded by a firecracker 4.

23. “All right, let er’ rip!”

If I were that girl, the possibility of hearing loss wouldn’t be biggest concern at the moment. I’d be more worried about surviving my 4th of July in one piece.

24. And here’s another 4th of July greeting.

Well, at least these two are expressing genuine fear. But they don’t seem to be running like hell. Because it’s not safe to be near explosives at close range.

25. May your 4th of July begin and end with a bang.

Again with the kids handling explosives? Seriously, not letting kids near them should be blatantly obvious to parents. You don’t want kids coming close to blowing themselves up.

26. Nothing makes a great 4th of July than seeing Uncle Sam’s head on fire.

From Babble: “This just looks dangerous. Here a headless Uncle Sam is surrounded by fireworks with a bold Hurrah! Hurrah!”

27. Always start your 4th of July with a blast from a cannon.

Now that’s a great way to cause permanent hearing loss. Yeah, have kids loading and lighting cannons with no hearing protection whatsoever.

28. If there’s nothing exploding on the 4th of July, then it’s not a celebration.

And again, a boy is surrounded by explosives and weapons. But no one is giving a damn as always in these cards. Not even Uncle Sam himself if he counts as adult supervision.

29. “Golly! Didn’t we have a high old time on the 4th.”

From Babble: “I would like to know how the dog ended up wearing a parachute. The bell and the fireworks, they make sense. The dog? Not so much.”

30. There’s nothing better on the 4th of July than dancing and holding lit fireworks in your hands.

Remember, anyone who does this on the 4th of July will find themselves in the hospital with severe burns, if they’re lucky. Otherwise, doing this on the 4th might result in your last day on earth.

31. You can’t have a great 4th of July without harassing the cat.

At least the cat is smart for its running for its dear life. Still, this is just cruelty toward animals on a whole new level.

32. Remember, if you’re near a lit firecracker run away as fast as you can.

Well, at least this one addresses fireworks safety and shows someone running away. However, is the scary firecracker face necessary?

33. There’s nothing more spectacular on the 4th of July than a fireworks wheel.

And this boy has his hands on it with glee. Really not a safe way to spend your 4th of July at any age. Again, where the hell are his parents?

34. The 4th of July is a day when we celebrate the Constitution of Independence.

Actually it’s the “Declaration of Independence” not “Constitution of Independence” which never existed. Obviously, this card designer knows nothing on American history or civics.

35. Remember, 4th of July isn’t a time for fireworks pranks.

Of course, this one severely underestimates the risk of explosives. IT’s a wonder why this woman’s legs haven’t blown off, yet.

36. Take a picture of your kid before the 4th because he may not be around after.

Uh, how about you just keep your kid away from setting off fireworks entirely? Because that would be more responsible parenting and keeps him from being blown up to kingdom come. Seriously, why?

37. It’s all fun and games until the dog gets a hold of a lit firecracker.

Uh, ya think? Yeah, I think it’s dangerous for dogs to get a hold of lit firecrackers. I’d also say the same for children, too.

38. Setting off fireworks is the thing to do this 4th of July.

Oh, God, don’t tell me these kids are about to set off fireworks. Seriously, did these parents ever teach them some common sense? Or are they severely lacking in that department?

39. “I just raised the ‘ante.'”

Remember, kids, setting off a firecracker under a person’s chair as a prank is a horrible idea. I mean, it’s a wonder if the house doesn’t blow up or he doesn’t get anyone killed.

40. Happy 4th of July courtesy of firecracker Uncle Sam.

Now that looks quite terrifying if you ask me. Also don’t like how he’s holding firecracker strings on each hand.

41. How about a firework for old Uncle Sam?

From Babble: “It looks like Uncle Sam is about to set her hair on fire.” Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

42. Even monkeys know how to have fun on the 4th of July.

Since when do they let monkeys handle fireworks? This is dangerous enough for adults to do for God’s sake.

43. The 4th of July is always a glorious celebration with fireworks.

But this doesn’t mean that kids should be waving the flag near them. Because they shouldn’t. Nor they should be near weapons either.

44. The 4th of July is always a great day for a budding pyromaniac.

Of course, he should consider himself lucky that he got a way with a lost eye. Not sure about his cat though.

45. Hope you have a happy 4th of July in the USA.

From Just a Bunch of Stuff: “Shudder. This girl creeps me OUT. She looks like a cross between Angelica from the Rugrats and Nellie Olsen. I have a feeling she intends to destroy a small town with those fireworks.”

46. Happy 4th of July to all our brave men and women in uniform.

From Just a Bunch of Stuff: “First of all, this is a real crap parade. And, where did they find identical quintuplets who owned sailor suits?”

47. Wish you a grand 4th of July from up in the air.

From Just a Bunch of Stuff: “I don’t know about you, but my ideal July 4th vehicle doesn’t involve something that resembles the Hindenberg or a pencil.” Has a point since there’s a bunch of stuff exploding in the sky that night. So maybe a blimp or hot air balloon ride on the 4th isn’t such a great idea.

48. “What are you laughing at?”

Okay, someone shoved a firecracker down a guy’s pocket. That can’t be good. Also, I think one of these kids is a racist caricature, too which poses another problem.

49. “Come here, doggie. Nice doggie.”

Please don’t tell me they’re going to set off fireworks near the dog. I can understand why the pooch is reasonably afraid. Because I would, too, if I was in that situation.

50. Of course, we all know what happens after the 4th of July fireworks festivities.

That’s right, the lucky idiots usually end up like that in the hospital. The unlucky ones might end up in a morgue.

Celebrate the Stars and Stripes Forever with These Star Spangled 4th of July Craft Projects

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 20, 2016

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When it comes to 4th of July, some Americans take the holiday more seriously and go all out than others. For instance, my family hardly does anything special on the 4th other than watch fireworks outside at night. Yet, there are communities that stage 4th of July parades as well as have 4th of July picnics. Then there are residents that have 4th of July picnics or barbecues as well. Yet, on 4th of July, there are plenty of Americans who decorate their homes in a patriotic flair like this one shown above. Families like mine don’t do this. But plenty do since 4th of July decorations are now on sale at stores during this time, especially American flags. Yet, for some people, 4th of July decorations like these don’t seem unique enough for there taste. So these people make their own in order to celebrate the holiday. And yes, you can find plenty of 4th of July crafts on Pinterest and Etsy, too. Many of these DIY decorations are clad in red, white, and blue as well as may contain an American flag. So for your reading pleasure, I bring you to the star spangled world of unforgettable 4th of July craft projects.

An American flag quilting square is well suited for any wall.

And it looks quite fine for over a table. Like the star part on it. Yes, it’s cool.

2. Plants are sure to thrive in this star spangled planter.

This consists of 2 flower pots. The smaller is of stripes. The larger is blue with white stars.

3. These wooden firecrackers will surely bring a bang to your decor.

Sure they may not explode. But they are clad like the American flag and are great for either indoors or outdoors.

4. A red, white, and blue wooden chair looks great with a Betsy Ross star design.

And you can sit your ass on there whenever you’d like on the 4th of July. Still, remember Betsy Ross didn’t design the first American flag. Honest she didn’t.

5. A sheet with corrugated aluminum always makes a great American flag hanging.

Just note that making anything with an American flag pattern takes a lot of time and precision. Because the flag itself has a lot of small details to account for like stars for instance.

6. How about a star spangled banner made from twigs?

Well, that looks quite rustic. Like how they tied all the sticks together. Lovely.

7. For double front doors, it’s stars on one side and stripes on the other.

As you can see with this pair of wreaths. Then again, neither seem very hard to do at any rate.

8. If you don’t have any stars, you can always try white buttons.

Sure white buttons will do for that American flag wreath. Makes it seem quite quaint for any patriotic household.

9. A patriotic wreath like this will make you see stars.

Because it’s a red, white, and blue star wreath. And yes, it has some ribbon trimmings, too.

10. Sometimes the wreath itself can come in all 3 American flag colors.

Well, I like how the colors seem to meld in this one. Also like how it’s covered in white stars, too.

11. May this glass block say, “God Bless America.”

Like a lot of glass blocks I’ve shown, this also lights up at night, too. Like the font on this, too.

12. You can make your own Uncle Sam with a flower pot and a can.

And it seems Uncle Sam is looking sensational. Like the stars on his hat. Then again, everything about this is quite ingenious if you think about it.

13. A shutter of Old Glory is a must for any patriotic home.

This one has the American flag on it and seems quite rustic and antique. Still, like the rows of stars on the top.

14. Outdoors, grace your patio furniture with some red, white, and blue cushions.

They come in red, white, and blue with white stars. Also includes a blue pillow with white stars, too.

15. This red, white, and blue ribbon tree is great for any American home.

I’ve seen such trees like it for other holidays. But this one certainly goes well for 4th of July or any patriotic holiday.

16. Who knew that you can plant flowers in a pair of star spangled cowboy boots?

Well, the flowers certainly go with the boot design. But don’t try to wear them. Really, it’s not a good idea.

17. Serve your guests appetizers with this American flag tray.

The dip area goes in the star place by the way. But I’m not sure if you’d want to use a tray like this at a 4th of July party.

18. An American flag can be easily painted on a panel of wood.

But like I said, patience, persistence, and precision is needed. Also, you’d probably not produce something as nice like this.

19. A 4th of July wreath like this one makes its own fireworks.

Anyone could just say so for themselves. Because it looks so patriotic and festive.

20. There’s no wreath that captures the patriotic spirit like a stars and stripes one of tulle.

Only a quarter of it is blue with 3 white stars. The rest is of red and white stripes all around.

21. A patriotic apron matron always dresses in her star spangled attire in the kitchen.

Wonder if they have a male version of this. And I wonder if it comes with an Uncle Sam chef’s hat along with it.

22. For those flowery spirits, a 4th of July carnation wreath is just for you.

Of course, the flowers on these are totally fake like you’d see in a cemetery during the winter. But this is very pretty just the same.

23. For your patriotic porch swing, you’ll need some patriotic cushions a 4th of July occasion.

This set has a red seat with 2 striped pillows and 1 long pillow with stars. A great American outdoor arrangement, may I say.

24. I’m sure you can put these firecrackers right out in your lawn.

Because unlike real firecrackers, they don’t really explode and cause any danger to humans. Also, you can decorate them as you please.

25. For simplicity’s sake you can always wrap an American flag on a wreath.

But make sure it’s small enough and bought cheap. Because you don’t want to put a real one on there. Like the blue star though.

26. Got old wine glasses? Make patriotic candle holders out of them.

And you could make 2 with stripes and 1 with stars. Also, you can use string for a rustic touch.

27. Show your love for the US by decorating your mailbox in star spangled glory.

And it seems this person went all out with theirs. Includes American flags, ribbons, firecrackers, and a beer can.

28. This patriotic lantern will surely hold a candle.

Yet, since it’s made of wood, it’s probably better off as decoration. Then again, the candle could be fake and battery powered.

29. If you don’t like wreaths, perhaps wrap a flag around a ladder.

Once again, don’t use a real American flag for this. Yet, I do think this makes a great outdoor decoration.

30. A star spangled star is always a sight to see.

You can find stars like this anywhere they sell outdoor decor. But I like how this one is painted. Lovely.

31. Of course, a red, white, and blue berry wreath is possible.

Well, this one seems to have a few rustic touches. Like the blue part with stars.

32. A wooden Uncle Sam gives any patriotic abode a few homey touches.

This one seems so finely painted, too. Like his bow and hat. Adorable.

33. A red, white, and blue bauble wreath brings out a festive American spirit.

And I guess this will be as American and patriotic as red, white, and blue fireworks. The stars on this are great though.

34. Step out at your 4th of July party with a pair of patriotic flip flops.

These have red and white straps and blue bows with stars. However, don’t wear these in a public shower. They’re not for that.

35. These American flag candle holders are made from star spangled glass.

Actually I made that up. But they surely seem pretty from sea to shining sea.

36. Didn’t know you can put an American flag in a window pane.

Well, I don’t think you can. But this setup does make a really nice 4th of July decoration.

37. How would you like to put this American flag at your door?

Well, this is a deco mesh flag decoration and not an exact copy. But it will be great for any patriotic home, nonetheless.

38. An American flag wreath like this is a must for any flag waving American who loves their country.

Not sure what it’s made from. But it’s certainly a 4th of July wreath anyone could hang on their front door. Like the stars, too.

39. These crocheted American flag coasters will keep your wooden surfaces safe.

They may also be able to double as pot holders if they’re big enough. Still, might take some time to make them.

40. Salute the red, white, and blue with a tulle wreath like this.

This is especially if you’re the one setting off fireworks. Like the design on this. Lovely.

41. These American flag mason jars will make your flowers thrive.

One has stars while 2 have stripes. But they seem to be used as vases than anything.

42. A burlap wreath can always bring out an American pioneer spirit.

That looks quite lovely for an old wooden door. Love the blue bow with stars on it. Cute.

43. How about a star coming out of an old Uncle Sam hat?

Makes a fine centerpiece for a table or decoration for anything in the living room. Like how the hat’s painted, too.

44. A quilt like this is surely an American patchwork effort.

And it seems to use so many shades of red, white, and blue. More or less draped on a bench for decoration.

45. If you love this land, salute the USA with this hanging.

But you might want to keep it around to support Team USA in the Olympics. Just saying.

46. Drape your American furniture with this American flag blanket.

Yes, it kind of looks as if it was made from rags and cloth scraps. But that’s kind of intentional.

47. An American yarn wreath has its own kind of patriotic elegance.

Well, it’s quite graceful compared to some of the other wreaths I posed. Love how the stars look in that navy blue.

48. Using the right license plates can really make a great patriotic statement.

Yes, this is an American flag made from license plates. Don’t ask me what state you have to live to make something like this. Because I don’t have the slightest idea.

49. I’m sure the light of liberty can shine through this painted wine bottle.

This old wine bottle is painted red, white, and blue. And it has something lighting up inside as well. Yes, it’s quite amazing.

50. Didn’t know you can put an American flag impression on a tree slice.

And this kid seems quite proud of it, too. Notice how the blue part is all sparkly.

51. Rest your head on these crocheted American flag pillows.

Or pillowcases if I’m wrong. Either way, they’ll bring out the American spirit on your couch.

52. An American plant is bound to blossom in this stars and stripes flower pot.

Has a blue row with stripes on the top. And columns of red and white stripes on the bottom.

53. A cushion like this will honor who is first in the hearts of his countrymen.

You know him as George Washington. By the way, did I tell you he accidentally started a major world war at 22? True story.

54. This hanging salutes the men and women fighting for our freedom overseas.

And it has a silhouette of Iwo Jima photo holding a small American flag. Very creative if you ask me.

55. Among these stars USA surely stands out.

I suppose these are made from wood. And are painted in the red, white, and blue.

56. A weary head will have a fine rest with this stars and stripes pillow.

Well, it doesn’t have all the stars on it. But it’s a very good American flag rendition.

57. Keep yourself squeaky clean with some 4th of July soap.

Contains stars inside and out. Will surely keep you star spangled and squeaky clean.

58. No American flowers can thrive better than in a glass mosaic American flag vase.

Well, that’s a grand old design on a vase. Wouldn’t want to put that in a high place with a small ledge. Hate to see something like that broken.

59. For a grand old American shower experience this star spangled soap is for you.

Yes, this is a bar of soap that resembles an American flag. But it will soon disappear after using it for some time.

Yes, this is a bar of soap that resembles an American flag. But it will soon disappear after use for some time.

60. For a more American living room, this hanging has the land of the free in its flag.

Well, as far as the lower 48 are concerned. Alaska and Hawaii aren’t on here. Not sure if it goes well with aluminum though.

61. A light up wine bottle with stripes and stars can always shine bright in dark places.

Well, it surely lights up better than the previous one I showed earlier. Really pretty if you ask me.

62. You can assemble an American flag with 5 of these old wine bottles.

However, you don’t drink out of them because they’re for display. Consists of 2 blue with stars and 3 with red and white stripes.

63. These star spangled planters will bring your plants to patriotic glory.

Well, they’re made of metal and look quite antique. But they sure have lovely flowers in them.

64. For 4th of July, this wreath salutes the red, white, and denim blue.

Yes, this is a denim 4th of July wreath. Hope the denim on here is from jeans made in the USA.

65. You’ll be lucky to find this 4th of July wreath of horseshoes.

Like how these form a star in the center. And how it’s painted blue while the edges are red and white.

66. A wreath like this draped with an American flag shows how you’re devoted to this country.

Yes, this is a heart wreath draped with an American flag. And yes, it’s a patriotic piece of beauty just the same.

67. A wreath with a lot flags can always capture the American spirit.

I guess you get these flags from sandwiches. Or a craft store to make something like this.

68. An old American flag always goes well with flowers.

Yes, the flag might seem aged in this but it’s intentional. But I think the flowers on here are especially pretty.

69. A 4th of July wreath is well suited beyond the fruited plains.

It even uses 3 old looking flags for more patriotic goodness. Also good for using on Thanksgiving if you think it’s appropriate.

70. A beaded American flag pin helps show off your love for your country.

I’ve seen a few of these in my life. So they’re probably not hard to make if you can get some beads through a safety pin coil.

71. I’m sure the Statue of Liberty would wear an apron like this in her kitchen.

This one has a blue top with white stars. And a skirt with red and white stripes to go along with it.

72. Cuddle up on your couch this 4th of July with this quality patriotic pillow.

Has a blue ribbon with stars on a zizgag red and white stripe pattern. But you can’t help but love it.

73. Guess I’d call this a horseshoe flag.

Well, except for the blue star union pattern. Nevertheless, I think this is a very clever rendition of the stars and stripes.

74. With this wreath, may God bless the land we love.

Yes, it says “God Bless America” on it with a heart shaped wreath. But it surely looks patriotic and festive to me. So it goes on this post.

75. A star spangled American owl will surely be a hoot on the 4th of July.

I know our country’s symbol is the bald eagle. But this is so cute that I had to put it on this post.

76. Keep your clothes free from wrinkles with this stars and stripes ironing board.

Okay, it’s more for decorative purposes only. I just want to say that. Still, nice how someone can use that as a 4th of July decoration.

77. This small American flag makes a great patchwork display from a hanger.

Yes, it only has a quilting star on it and different pattern stripes. But that’s kind of the point of patchwork quilt works.

78. For those who think a beaded flag pin is too difficult, you might like this American flag angel.

Well, that’s more original than a flag pin. But it’s also quite tiny. Very pretty though.

79. For patriotic 4th of July displays, this American flag table runner comes in handy.

Yes, put anything red, white, and blue on it, except food. Because you want to preserve the decoration, people.

80. Keep your star spangled things in order with these Betsy Ross flag boxes.

They can also be used as display items as well. Come in 3 different sizes.

81. Salute the USA on the 4th of July with this light up wine bottle.

Guess it’s the 3rd one I’ve had on this post that light. But it does have the letters “USA” on it and puts the stars on the side.

82. Guess this will make a very patriotic planter display.

Has the stars on the bottom and the stripes on the top. Really looks amazing though.

83. A deco mesh that’s red, white, and blue is surely festive for the 4th of July celebrations.

Now that’s a great front door patriotic display on a wreath. Love the glittery red, white, and blue stars, too.

84. Sit your ass down on this star spangled chair.

Your seat is on the stripes. And your back is on the stars. Not sure if it sounds right.

85. American birds will always enjoy a star spangled birdhouse.

Personally, I don’t think the birds give a shit. But these are really nice birdhouses if you ask me.

86. Some jars can be used to hold flowers, others to hold lights.

Well, this is a nice way to use old jars. Like how the lights show through them in the night.

87. For taller flowers, patriotic plant buckets should come in handy.

And each metal pot is decorated in a unique style. Like the one in the middle the best.

88. You can always make old wine bottles appear both patriotic and festive.

Helps that these also have ribbons on the tops. And the one in the middle has some other decor along with it.

89. There’s always a party going on wherever you see a patriotic cocktail wreath.

This is made from the umbrellas you find in drinks. But these have American flag stuff on them.

90. With this 4th of July hanging, you always have to include some rockets.

And both of them seem to have an American flag on them. Like the bow though.

91. Wooden fireworks always look amazing when displayed on a table.

Because they’re in patriotic colors and don’t blow up. Like the bows on these by the way.

92. An American flag can always spring out of Uncle Sam’s hat.

Yes, this is another Uncle Sam hat display. But this one is quite different. Because it has a flag springing from it. The other one didn’t.

93. This star spangled vessel would go great on any living room table.

I’m not sure what this is supposed to be but I know it seems old-fashioned. But I like how it’s painted.

94. A wreath like this is great for welcoming guests for your star spangled festivities.

And when you look in the middle, you see that a star is formed. Kind of neat if you ask me.

95. Or perhaps an American flag deco mesh wreath might suit you better.

For a craft post, I just had to include this. This is especially since it has the American flag pattern on it.

96. These wooden firework blocks are bursting with stars.

Well, as far as the stars are streaming out from these blocks. Available in red, white, and blue.

97. This American flag is on the rails.

I have to admit, never seen a flag like this before. Like the star dots on there. So lovely.

98. Salute America with these wooden fireworks of the rockets’ red glare.

Each one is decorated in its own way. One even says, “USA.”

99. With a wreath like this, your patriotism has to be rather flowery.

Yes, this is another flower 4th of July wreath. But this one has the flowers closer together and a red, white, and blue ribbon in front of it.

Yes, this is another flower 4th of July wreath. But this one has the flowers closer together and a red, white, and blue ribbon on it.

100. With this wall hanging on your door, you can let freedom ring.

And it helps because it has red, white, and blue jingles that jangle. Love the flowers on this though. Very pretty.

Salute the Red, White, and Blue United States of America with These Patriotic 4th of July Treats (Second Edition)

Posted by historymaniacmegan on June 20, 2016

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With Father’s Day being over, I can now proceed to 4th of July. For me as a blogger, the 4th of July is usually an odd one out since it takes place in the summer while other major holidays fall around during the fall, winter, and early spring. As far as Americans are concerned, the 4th of July is denotes the day in 1776 when the United States (then 13 colonies) officially severed ties with Great Britain during the American Revolution. However, the Brits might beg to differ on this account since the US was still a British possession as far as they’re concerned. Anyway, last year I did a treat post on 4th of July along with a series of Declaration of Independence signers and it was a measurable success. So I decided to do another one for the occasion mostly because the treat posts tend to be so popular for other holidays, too. Thus, expect a lot of treats to be in the red, white, and blue because they are the colors of the American flag. I’ll also have other ones coming up which are related to crafts and so forth. So we hold ourselves to be self-evident that all men are created equal and I want you to enjoy these patriotic 4th of July treats for your star spangled reading pleasure.

There’s no better way for a cake lover to show patriotic pride than with a mini cupcake American flag.

Notice how the sprinkles stand in for stars. Wonder how long it took to decorate this.

2. Nothing makes better 4th of July candy than patriotic gumdrop stars.

I’m not a fan of gumdrops. But since these are red, white, and blue stars, they go on this post.

3. Any American kid will certainly love these edible firework treats.

Includes Rice Krispie treats with marshmallows on them. Well, marshmallows with red icing on them anyway.

4. Snap, crackle, and pop this 4th of July with this Rice Krispie treat American flag.

Covered with blue and red M&Ms for a more patriotic measure. What more is there about this to love?

5. For more healthy patriotic options, these flag fruit kabobs are just the American ticket.

Yes, I put some flag fruit kabobs on my last 4th of July treat post. But these have raspberries and cheese.

6. It’s not a 4th of July trifle without some cake stars and whipped cream.

Well, I’ve had trifles in my last 4th of July treat post last year. But not with stars inside like in this one.

7. There’s no dessert better for a patriotic basket than these cookies.

Includes a flag, a flag star, hotdog, hamburger, fireworks, and Uncle Sam. In all, it’s an all-American dessert platter.

8. For sweet treats on the 4th, these lollipops got you covered.

I thought these were popsicles at first. But then I realize they were probably lollipops for cocktails and such.

9. There’s no better way to celebrate the 4th of July than with these star spangled cake pops.

Always have to have some cake pops on these posts. Yet, at least one in this set is of an American flag.

10. This red, white, and blue cheesecake will make a fine addition to any American 4th of July dessert platter.

Sure it only has one star. But come on, the star design is very hard to convert on a flag cake like this.

11. For Rice Krispie star spangled platter, this bowl with treats is at your service.

The bowl contains red, white, and blue in it and so do some of the treats. Also has red, white, and blue Rice Krispie stars.

12. Each of these American flag cups contains something fruity.

Well, something with a strawberry slice or a few blueberries. Still, this is quite creative to say the least.

13. For extra 4th of July fun, kids will surely enjoy these patriotic pinwheel cookies.

Each of these contain red, white, and blue on a stick. But please, don’t try to blow on them. They are for eating.

14. For frozen 4th of July treats, these ice cream sandwiches will do just fine.

These are just ice cream sandwiches with red, white, and blue sprinkles. Not that hard to do if you buy the ice cream sandwiches from a store.

15. Have your 4th of July dessert platter squared away with these red, white, and blue jello squares.

Wonder how they managed to get layers on these. Because I know how liquids tend to mix in with one another.

16. If jello treats on your thing, how about a jello dish with a fruity design?

This one has an icing design with blueberries and strawberries. It’s of a 7 pointed star as far as I know. Yet, it also has red, white, and blue layers, too.

17. If you want to celebrate America’s birthday the healthy way, this star spangled fruit salad is for you.

Notice how the scheme is red, white, and blue. Because you can easily pull that off with fruits thanks to blueberries.

18. Grace your patriotic 4th of July dessert platter with this fruit pie.

This is one of the many items I wanted to put in last year but couldn’t. Yet, I’m sure it’s a great star spangled addition to your platter. And is healthy, too.

19. For a real patriotic kick, try some 4th of July fudge squares.

Well, these are tie dyed fudge squares. But they’re red, white, and blue as well as all American just the same.

20. For a star-spangled lunch or appetizer, these star sandwiches are just the thing.

However, they are best used with white bread since it goes well with the red, white, and blue scheme. These ones also have peanut butter and jelly in them, too.

21. For some Latin and colonial fare, this Betsy Ross dish gives you stripes with salsa.

Nevertheless, contrary to popular belief, Betsy Ross didn’t design the first American flag. That story was made up by her grandchildren. But I think this treat is quite creative if you ask me.

22. No star spangled treat platter is complete without some patriotic pretzels.

This set is red, white, and blue with stars on them. What more can you want. Stars may not be edible though.

23. Show your love for America with these American flag heart cookies.

I’m sure these heart cookies are professionally made due to the star detail. But I’m sure they’re a fine addition to any American 4th of July dessert platter.

24. A trifle like this has the best star spangled banner display on top.

And it doesn’t hurt that the flag is made from strawberries and blue berries. I’m sure that helps tremendously. Another one I wanted to add last year but couldn’t.

25. There’s no fancier patriotic treat this 4th than these patriotic mini parfaits.

These look like small dessert firecrackers. But they’re small parfaits with a patriotic punch.

26. Red and blue jello stars always go great with 4th of July dessert platters.

Sure they may only be in red and blue. But at least you can put one in another on a dish.

27. For large star tarts, white icing and fruit go hand in hand.

This one contains raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries. Yet, it looks great just the same.

28. A sheet cake flag is always shows patriotic pride when you add some fruit.

Yes, I had one in my 4th of July treat post last year. But this one has raspberries and icing stars on it. So it's different.

Yes, I had one in my 4th of July treat post last year. But this one has raspberry stripes and icing stars on it. So it’s different.

29. For patriotic pancake breakfasts, add some red, white, and blue syrup.

Wonder how you can get that from a store. But it sure gives a syrupy firework burst if you ask me.

30. These cake fireworks push pops certainly have a rocket’s red glare.

These have red and blue cake layers wit h icing as well as shooting star cookies on the top. I’m sure any American kid will like these.

31. These macarons are made with 100% red, white, and blue glory.

Well, they have red and blue sandwiches with white icing. But they’re probably just as sickeningly sweet as macarons are.

32. These jello sundaes are certainly a patriotic summer treat.

Well, these have small jello squares with icing or ice cream. Either way, like the yellow stars on them.

33. You can’t have a 4th of July party without these red, white, and blue Oreos.

Also great for Bastille Day if your French. However, not sure if French people would prefer the light blue though.

34. A 4th of July bundt should be red, white, and blue through and through.

As you see from the slice cross section. Not like the flag one last year. But still has the same colors.

35. For easy firecracker treats, you might want to stick with marshmallows.

These use marshmallow for the white. And they’re decorated with red and blue detail as desired.

36. No star spangled appetizer platter is complete without a patriotic fruit tray.

Even has some stars in the dip. Includes marshmallows,strawberries, and blueberries.

37. A 4th of July gingerbread house is always decorated in red, white, and blue candy.

And they say that the blue roof is quite minty. Yet, the window candies still have wrappers.

38. For more refined patriotic treats, this cheescake tart is just the ticket.

And it seems like it came straight from a recipe book or magazine. Remember that the berries go on top by the way.

39. For a more patriotic chocolaty taste, go with these star brownies.

These have a white drizzle with red, white, and blue drizzle. Also look quite delicious, at least to me.

40. Nothing makes a dessert star spangled banner better than some cookie stars.

Well, sugar cookie stars anyway. I’m sure these are professionally made or made by someone with too much time on their hands.

41. For a great star spangled snack, try these patriotic pretzel sticks.

They have stars on top and stripes on the bottom. What more can you want?

42. For summer fun and American pride, these cookies will make a great addition to any 4th of July dessert platter.

After all, the 4th of July is a summer holiday. And these were certainly made to reflect red, white, and blue glory, too.

43. Cupcakes like these will make your American heart melt with pride.

It helps that some of these even have Captain America shields on them too. Probably professionally made though.

44. Nothing evokes more patriotic pride than this red, white, and blue gingerbread house.

Yes, this is another 4th of July gingerbread house. But this one uses more candy and I couldn’t pass it up.

45. No appetizer captures the spirit of America than red, white, and blue deviled eggs.

Sure I had deviled eggs on last year’s post. But these are of a different configuration entirely. See for yourself.

46. For something unconventionally sweeter for your 4th of July party, these meringue cookies will do nicely.

However, they tend to resemble red, white, and blue garlic cloves to me. But that’s beside the point.

47. Sometimes a great flag sheet cake can be made with both fruit and icing.

Well, we kind of established that. But this takes it to a whole new level. Love the blue part the best.

48. For patriotic pizza lovers, this is a cheese fan’s delight.

Because it’s a flag cheese pizza with mozzarella stick stripes and cheddar stars. And I’m sure it’s quite tasty.

49. For your dessert platter on 4th of July, these flag cookies will sure make a tasty addition.

Didn’t have flag cookies in my 4th of July treat post from last year. But these are kind of cute.

50. This sheet flag cake would make a wonderful star spangled dessert platter centerpiece.

Unlike some sheet cakes on this post, this one is all icing. And it has all the 50 stars, too. Definitely came from a bakery.

51. As far as your guests are concerned, these 4th of July cookies will go off with a bang.

Sure they may be professionally made. But a lot of these tend to consist of fireworks and their sounds.

52. These red, white, and blue donuts are great for any patriotic 4th of July brunch.

Sure they may not be good for you. But they seem quite easy to decorate and someone will find them tasty.

53. For 4th of July candy, these chocolate bars always come with the flag.

Well, the flag is inside. These may be promoted as wedding favors. But I’m just putting them in for parties as well.

54. This fruit pizza surely takes a great stars and stripes shape.

And it doesn’t hurt that it resembles Captain America’s shield. Consists of raspberries at stripes and blueberries at the center star.

55. This Hershey’s firework cake is a chocolate and fruit lover’s delight.

I think this came from Hershey. But it sure has lovely decorations on it. Love the chocolate the best.

56. 4th of July jello shots are always healthier with fruit in them.

But note that they may contain alcohol that’s not legal for those 21 and under. Consult the host before you or your kids consume.

57. I’m sure there could be no more American cake with stars and stripes like this one.

Yes, this is an American flag star cake. And it has sections with stars and stripes. Looks pretty cool.

58. These jello stars come with their own red, white and blue layers.

Yes, I had red, white, and blue jello stars on here before. But these are made much differently than the ones I showed previously. So they go on the post.

59. Nothing graces a 4th of July dessert platter than this fruit star cake at the center.

Yet, another 4th of July treat I wanted to put in last year’s post but couldn’t, Still, love the sparklers on it.

60. For July 4th, this star spangled sheet cake will certainly wow your American guests with pride.

Yes, I know I showed a sheet cake like this before. But this one is in a different shade of blue and its stripes go over the edge. Besides, I think it’s better made.

61. For your 4th of July BBQ, this hotdog tray will sure delight your guests.

This even comes with some star chips for good measure. What American couldn’t love that?

62. An American flag cake like this should have an Old Glory center.

With its exterior coated in chocolate icing and M&Ms. Not sure if the interior looks doable though.

63. These patriotic pancakes can be part of any star spangled breakfast.

Just be sure to add blueberries for the extra red, white, and blue touch. Not sure about the red pancakes though.

64. Nothing makes a more American 4th of July than this American flag cake roll.

Wanted to put this one on last year’s 4th of July treat post, too. But I do like the stripes and stars on this.

65. Sometimes the best American flag cookies don’t come with icing at all.

Because these flag cookies use food coloring and are assembled before they’re baked. Seem pretty easy to make at any rate.

66. A fruit pizza cake like this is said to be berry patriotic.

Yes, I know I put one on my post last year. But this one has blackberries instead of blueberries though.

67. Show your guests American pride with this 4th of July snack mix.

Well, it’s called “Patriotic Snack Mix” at any rate. I’m sure it just takes Chex mix and adding things edible that are red, white, and blue.

68. For a quality 4th of July dessert platter, this blueberry pie has bright stars.

Sure it may not have the stripes. But I think any full blooded American would certainly like it.

69. This American flag fruit pizza will have 4th of July party guests coming back for more.

Yet, another American flag fruit pizza. But this one has strawberries, blueberries, and banana. So it’s much healthier than the other one I showed.

70. This American flag cake has stars and stripes all around.

It also has decorations to resemble fireworks. Definitely professionally made by the way.

71. Any American patriot is bound to enjoy this red, white, and blue chevron cookie cake.

And here it is in a pan. Red, white, and blue as well as covered in M&Ms.

72. These American flag cupcakes are full of patriotic goodness.

Yes, these are cupcakes of the stars and stripes itself. And I certainly couldn't do a better job decorating them then its bakery.

Yes, these are cupcakes of the stars and stripes itself. And I certainly couldn’t do a better job decorating them then the bakery responsible.

73. These flag cupcakes will make you want to wave Old Glory.

These also have blueberries and fruit roll ups for decorations. Quite clever if you ask me.

74. These pinwheel cupcakes are certainly a 4th of July dessert to behold.

And I’m positive these came straight out of a bakery. But I love the pinwheels on them.

75. These red, white, and blue fruit stars will be a real 4th of July delight.

After all, they’re probably healthy and have an ingenious design. These are kind of neat to look at, too.

76. Cookies like these have quite star spangled stars.

Sure these star flag cookies are professionally made. But I like them just the same because of the lovely design.

77. There is a no better American treat for the 4th of July than American flag pretzel squares.

They may look easy because they require few ingredients. But they require a fine eye for detail though.

78. No 4th of July lunch can be complete without some patriotic pasta.

And yes, it includes red, white, and blue pasta with alfredo sauce. But I’m sure any patriotic child will love it.

79. Nothing shows American patriotism than strawberries in the stars and stripes.

And here they are. Sure they may look easy. But they’re probably a lot harder to decorate than they initially seem.

80. Old Uncle Sam lends his hat to this cake.

And what an amazing cake it is. Like how it has 3 stars at the bottom.

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The Lone Girl in a Crowd

The thoughts and perceptions of an aspiring writer on life and the world around her

Tag Archives: United States