I guess 1980s ski outfits weren’t on their way out at this point. And Team South Korea has to parade in special PennDOT yellow.

Didn’t know Spain would model their uniforms after the McDonald’s drive-thru worker in Saturday Night Fever. And no, I don’t want fries with that.

From New Republic: “At the 1908 games in London, the Danish women’s gymnastics team undertook incredible feats of flexibility, considering their team uniforms are straitjackets.” Wonder what the women’s swim team wore that year. Consider if they had a women’s swim team.

I’m not sure what the average Lithuanian thinks of when they view these uniforms. But when I look at them, I imagine a PennDOT worker during an epic blizzard.

Think of a suit jacket and women’s trench coat repurposed into a bathrobe. And use a depressing gray color along with it. You get these.

From Ugly Sweaters: “This badass team had soul. Solid! Coincidentally the singing group “Color Me Bad” would try to resurrect this look later but it looked a little more… jive-ass.” Apparently, this fashion was all the rage at the time.

One Australian newspaper likened them to the Hogwarts class of 1999. However, I find that comment insulting, to Hogwarts. At least their uniforms come with awesome black robes.

For God’s sake, Japan, this is an Olympic opening ceremony, not an Easter parade! Seriously, get it right.

Or as I called it: What it would look like if McDonald’s employees were made to wear outfits designed by NASCAR and Christian Dior. I think I’ve made my point.

Can someone tell Togo that the 1990s are over? Also, lime green? Really?

Apparently, the US decided to go with the Hopalong Cassidy winter edition. On bright side, at least the US beat the Russians in hockey that year.

Uh, Germany, are your athletes competing in the Olympics or trying to promote tourism? Because those uniforms just don’t cut it.

From Fast Company: “Say what you want about the fluffy white fur trapper hats, when Team Azerbaijan made their entrance, we couldn’t help focusing below the belt. Psychadelic paisley in the colors of the Azerbaijani flag is kind of like an (acid) party in your pants.”

From Fast Company: “Is it sports or science? Looks as though the designer of Team Finland’s jackets had circuit boards—rather than snowboards—on the brain.” Or perhaps the designer was aiming for a “winter camo” look. Whatever that is.

Sure freestyle ski aerials may look awesome to watch. But in a re-imagined set of Captain America pajamas? Not so much.

Uh, Hungary, what are those red splotches on your uniforms? Is it spilled red dye or blood? Because the latter might get you subjected under an IOC investigation for vampirism.

Apparently, the Australian team decided to go with a style inspired by what your grandpa would wear during the 1970s. And yes, it’s as bad as you’d expect.

For some reason, the Chinese Team that year went with pastel lavender track suits. We’re still asking for an explanation to this day.

And it seems that they went with what you’d expect a McDonald’s worker to wear in Casablanca. I mean in the iconic 1940s movie starring Humphrey Bogart.

Apparently, cowboys were all the rage in the 1980s. So the Canadians had to have such outfits for their Olympics, too. Still, mountie costumes would’ve been more appropriate.

Just because a fashion might look cool in a 1940s movie doesn’t mean it would look great at the Olympics or anywhere else. These 1940s inspired Russian uniforms illustrate my point.

Green windbreakers with stars on them? Are you nuts, Australia? I wouldn’t want to be caught dead in one of these.

Well, those uniforms look very, uh, French. Also, are those women wearing kimono ties on their waists? That ain’t right.

Well, having 1970s inspired track suits are one thing. But gold patch armpits? You got to be kidding me.

Do they have bowling in the Olympics? If so, does New Zealand have a bowling team? It would explain a lot.

France, just because the Madeline books make great children’s literature, doesn’t mean your Olympic uniforms have to be designed from them. And in baby blue?

These guys can break out in a barbershop quartet at any minute. You’ll never know. Too bad there’s no Olympic barbershop quartet event.

The Blues Clues Brigade has arrived at the stadium. Seriously, Sweden, stop dressing like you’re on a children’s show.

Guess these ladies decided to go with what they wore at the munitions factory during WWII. Well, at least it looks that way.

From Whitelines: “Pin-striped suit trousers, patent black shoes (I would not like to walk on snow in those!) and a mustard-coloured sweater with a Peter Pan collar. They look like some sort of Nordic Christmas choir. Poor Australia, they produce talent like Torah and then disastrous outfits like this.”

From Whitelines: “But the girls! Mini skirts and bare legs! They must be freezing their asses off. This isn’t a Newcastle night out! Someone obviously felt sorry for them and whacked those hideous Yeti shoes on their feet. And they seem to have recruited Velma from Scooby Doo into their ranks.”

From Whitelines: “No one is entirely sure who these fellas are, apart from the fact they’re one of the first ever Olympic bobsleigh teams with a truly out-there fashion sense. Clearly the dude on the far right didn’t get the memo: “I said Breton stripes, not sabotage the American flag!” And when did pantaloons go out of fashion – 1601?”

Sorry, Canada, but the tacky tourist look really isn’t for you. Also, the maple leaf gloves, really?

Once again, they went with the cowboy option. How original and trendsetting (sarcasm). The sign says it all.

I remember when they debuted these. Let’s just say, they’ll go well in my ugly Christmas sweater posts quite nicely.

Apparently, it’s said that their capes were designed by Lisa Frank. Seriously, Japan, just go with the black outfits and leave the capes at home.

For the love of God, animal prints are tacky as hell. What’s tackier? This.

The men’s outfits were inspired by 1970s fashion. The women’s, I have no idea. Seriously, I don’t.

Could you imagine Ned Flanders in a star spangled ski outfit? Well, here’s a good visual approximation.

And it seems that they went with outfits patterned after Jackson Pollock paintings. Really something I don’t want to see.

Don’t look too much into the jackets. Might hurt your eyes. And no, something’s not going to jump out at you like in those magic eye pics.

For some reason, their outfits were inspired by Top Gun. And no, they can’t seem to make it work.

From Complex: “Speed skating uniforms are a hit or miss. Sometimes they can look really awesome and slick (see the Mach 39), and other times they just look awkward and unfitting. It’s the chance you take when wearing a skin tight body uniform. Unfortunately, for Japan this one was a miss.”

Inspired by Mexican American Cinco de Mayo celebrations. Or so it seems.

I can understand the umbrellas given the UK’s weather patterns. But go-go boots, not so much.

I don’t know about you. But for some reason, I don’t believe that tie dye and Olympic basketball don’t mix. Just my opinion.

No, that’s not a bobsledder uniform. That’s what you wear when you’re part of the 3 Amigos. Seriously, I more likely expect him to shoot an invisible swordsman than go on a bobsled.

Canada: We didn’t have time to design our Olympic uniforms this year. Can you please help us?
Russia: I’m sure these old Soviet uniforms will do the trick. How does that sound like?
Canada: Fine.

Apparently, Germany was aiming for a 1970s pastel look that just seems inspired by an acid trip. Yeah, that doesn’t look right.

They seem more like they’re dressed for a Broncos game to me. Yeah, bright orange and blue doesn’t strike me as Japanese colors for some reason.

The striped prep school uniforms really don’t do these athletes justice. Not sure what to say about the red jackets.

Seems like space age outfits are all the rage there. But seriously, these are just horrendous.

Basically wearing the kinds of shirts you’d see folks from the 1980s in Awkward Family Photos. Atrocious.

Had they waited until 2016 to wear these, they would’ve been appropriately dressed. But no, South Korea isn’t known for their Panama hats.

It’s kind of ironic that a country known for its hostility toward LGBT people would authorize uniforms that seem to come straight out of a gay pride parade. Doesn’t it seem that way.

Sorry, but 1970s curtain patterns are so not the rage at this time. But don’t tell the Russians that.

From Complex: “The jackets aren’t so bad, other than the fact that they look like a Wonder Bread bag. The real problem here is the Johnny Appleseed hats. The second guy on the left doesn’t look to happy about them.”

From Complex: “Girls wear pink and boys wear blue. Those are words you mainly hear at a baby shower. This theme isn’t the first time Germany took cues from a newborn baby, check out what they wore for the 1988 opening ceremony in Calgary. Lavender and baby blue, now those were bad.”

Star spangled Olympic outfits designed by Ralph Lauren? Or ugly American Christmas sweaters? You decide.

I get that a lot of countries want to honor their traditional cultures. But Russia’s just seem like they’re more appropriate for SantaCon.

It’s basically what you’d expect the Slytherin uniforms to look like had Harry Potter took place in the 1960s. Yeah, that bad.

Gray suits and orange ties? Seriously, the 1980s were over by 2008. Not cool.

No, Canada, you just can’t wear such things. These are simply hideous. That suit looks as if it’s been in the washing machine with the wrong colors.

Now here are the infamous Ralph Lauren prep school uniforms they wouldn’t shut up about. Doesn’t really suit the US as a nation, does it?

Seems like the Norwegian men’s curling team doesn’t disappoint. Apparently, they prefer table cloth pants that year.

From the Richest: “Although obviously not part of any Olympic team, these garish uniforms nonetheless warrant a place on our list for simply being the very definition of ‘eye vomit.’ This is the likely result of what happens when you mate a Crayola crayon set with a myopic cartographer.”

From The Richest: “Just admit it; you didn’t even know they were competing, did you? Team Mongolia is clearly making their first attempts to embrace the 21st century with these updated versions of a 1930’s movie theater attendant.”

A few of these seem to bear similarities to the logos you’d see for the US Postal Service. But apparently, Britain didn’t get the memo.

These were said to reflect the colors of the outback. Unfortunately, they reflect on the 1970s fashions in old photos we’d like to forget.

These people seem like they’re dressed for a yacht party than the opening ceremony. Seriously, why, Australia?

No, these aren’t Boy and Girl Scouts. These are Danish athletes. But I understand if you don’t know the difference.

I guess they decided to have their uniforms designed by NASA that year. Seems fair enough.

If it wasn’t for the American flag present, I would’ve sworn they were from the Soviet Union. Seriously, they just seem that bland.

Seems like the US men’s beach volleyball team decided to use some of the tablecloth pattern from Norway. Luckily not many people watch men’s beach volleyball anyway to notice.

Not sure if those shirts go with those suits. Then again, at least these aren’t like their PennDOT Sochi ones.

Apparently, the US team didn’t have time to get out of their gym clothes before the opening ceremony. But at least they beat cowboy outfits though.

The kind of outfits you see on plantation owners in South America during the 1950s. Really not what you’d want a Central American nation to have.

Good: At least they’re not like the ones from Beijing.
Bad: Seem to go with the same scheme as the ones from Beijing.

Yes, I do like pink and purple a lot. But no, I don’t think Barbie’s windbreaker has a place at the Olympics though.

Guess these were inspired by the latest in flight attendant fashion. Because that’s what they remind me of.