Flowers You Wouldn’t Want in Your Garden (Other than Weeds)

flower-garden-birdhouse

Spring and summer are great times for flowers since they’re seen as pretty and sweet smelling so it’s no wonder we put them in vases, use them as decoration for special occasions, and bestow on people as gifts saying, “I love you,” “Congratulations,” or “Get well soon.” Flower gardens are at their ultimate splendor during this time of year. Of course, many people do have pollen allergies but we don’t talk about that except on commercials for allergy medicine. Then you have flowers like dandelions, clover, and other wildflowers that are pleasing out on the road but many would consider weeds in a conventional flower garden, especially an English flower garden to be exact. Still, we have to accept the fact that not all flowers are the beautiful sweet smellers we all know and love. Let’s say there are several varieties of flowers and while most are of the conventional variety, there are some that smell bad, are ugly and/or creepy, are poisonous to humans and animals,  cause a lot of ecological destruction as an invasive species, and just don’t make good additions to a beautiful flower garden for some reason. And it’s not because they’re weeds for despite their tendency to meet the Roundup Grim Reaper or the lawn mower, many of these wild flowers can still be seen as beautiful or allergenic. So without further ado, here are the flowers you don’t want in your garden and it’s not that they take other nutrients away from your perennials.

1. Titan Arum

titan_arum_sized

Scientific Name: Amorphophallus titanium.

Native to: The rainforests of Sumatra in Indonesia

Desirable Features: Well, it’s a big flower with a massive bloom sometimes purple in color (since my favorite color is purple, this is a great thing).

Why wouldn’t you want it: This is known as one of the worst smelling flowers in the world that it’s one of two species nicknamed “the corpse flower” because it smells like a rotting, stinking corpse. While such an aroma would be considered heavenly by its principal pollinators consisting of flies and beetles (which lay their eggs on dead things), a flower smelling of rotting meat isn’t going to allow a man get laid on Valentines Day unless his date’s a botanist. Thankfully it blooms once every 4 to 6 years on average and its bloom only lasts a day or two.

 

2. Eastern Skunk Cabbage

Symplocarpus_foetidus_in_Mount_Nōgōhaku_2

Scientific Name: Symplocarpus foetidus.

Native to: The wetlands of Eastern North America from as North of Nova Scotia, to as west as Minnesota and as south as North Carolina and Tennessee.

Desirable Features: It has desirable foliage, a purple bloom, as well as medicinal properties which have been used to treat asthma, epilepsy, coughs, and rheumatism. So if you’re stuck in the woods away from civilization in Eastern North America, this would be a great flower to have at your disposal.

Why you wouldn’t want it: What gives this flower’s designation as “Eastern Skunk Cabbage” is that it gives away a bloom akin to a roadkill skunk. Such odor is desirable for potential pollinating flies but not for anyone else. It also doesn’t help that this flower is capable of thermogenesis (keeping itself warm), which not only lets it to bloom when there’s snow on the ground but also attract its pollinators by mimicking the heat generated by a fresh corpse. So unless you’re an asthmatic stuck near a wetland away from civilization in Eastern North America (or a botanist, naturally), you don’t want this.

 

3.The Rafflesia

Rafflesia_arnoldi_2013-12-31_21-48

Scientific Name: Rafflesia arnoldii. Genus has 27 other species.

Native to: The rainforests of Borneo and Sumatra in Indonesia. It’s one of Indonesia’s natural flowers where it’s a protected species.

Desirable Features: Has an impressive and beautiful bloom and produces the largest individual flower on earth.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Like Titan Arum, it’s also nicknamed, “the corpse flower” because it smells like a rotting corpse designed to attract flies to pollinate it (its red color also helps attract fly pollinators as well, since no one likes the repulsive smell of decaying flesh like a fly). Also, it’s considered a parasitic plant that lacks roots, stems, and leaves as well as doesn’t produce chlorophyll or photosynthesize. Rather it receives nutrients from a host plant (something that gardeners don’t want). Fortunately this flower dies after flowering for 5 days yet it’s seen as a rare species since a successful pollination for these flowers is a rare event in itself.

 

4. Hydnora Africana

Scientific Name: Same as regular name.

hydnoraafricana_sized

Native to: Southern Africa particularly the semi-arid regions.

Desirable Features: Heard their seeds and fruit are delicious as well as used for tanning leather and preserving fishing nets. Also used to treat diarrhea, dysentery, kidney and bladder complaints, and acne.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Due to it being a parasitic plant that only grows underground until flower, it’s no wonder it resembles a creature you’d see from the movie Tremors (that or female genitalia). Also, since the dung beetle is its choice pollinator, it gives an odor that smells like shit.

 

5. Bulbophyllum Phalaenopsis

bulbophyllum_sized

Scientific Name: Same as regular name. Also part of a large genus of orchid.

Native to: New Guinea.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s an orchid and has a pretty color.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s a carrion flower known to smell like dead mice to attract flies. And there are many in its genus that smell like rotting flesh as well. So unless you’re an avid orchid collector or botanist, you probably wouldn’t want this in your flower garden.

 

6.Dead Horse Arum

Dracunculus_muscivorus

Scientific Name: Helicodiceros muscivorus.

Native to: Corsica, Sardinia, and the Baleric Islands.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s considered an ornamental plant and has a nice bloom.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Let’s just say it’s called a “Dead Horse Arum” because it’s said to smell like a dead horse to attract flies as pollinators. Doesn’t help that these flowers bloom on bright sunny days so the aroma can spread everywhere like a field freshly spread with manure. This basically ruins the enjoyment of any flower garden in such atmosphere. Also, exhibits thermogenesis.

 

7. Stapelia Gigantean

stapelia_gigantea_sized

Scientific Name: Same as regular name.

Native to: South Eastern Africa.

Desirable Features: Has a mesmerizing, fuzzy bloom which has enjoyed its share of cultivators.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Despite its beauty, it smells like rotting flesh to lure in flies. Culivators are generally advised to keep this plant outdoors so the fresh air could dilute the odor. So fellas, unless your girlfriend cultivates these plants or is a botanist, don’t give her this for Valentines Day.

 

8. The Voodoo Lily

dracunculus_vulgaris_sized

Scientific Name: Dracunculus vulgaris.

Native to: Greece, the Balkans, the Aegean Islands, and the southwest Turkey.

Desirable Features: It’s widely distributed and cultivated because of its stunning beauty. Not to mention, it can withstand drought.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s a carrion flower that smells like rotting flesh to attract flies. Fortunately its stench lasts for about a day. Also, all parts of the plant are considered poisonous so and touching the plant could trigger skin irritation or an allergic reaction.

 

9. Birthwort

DSCN9023

Scientific Name: Aristolochia gigantean. It’s genus has varieties of 500 species in diverse climates.

Native to: Brazil.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s purple and has a spectacular bloom. As an ornamental plant it’s notable as being hardy. Said to help heal wounds but little else and it’s not worth taking.

Why you wouldn’t want it: For one, it gives a foul odor of rotting flesh to attract flies. Second, many of the flowers in this genus are seen as rather ugly. Third, while it’s been seen as an herbal medicine for centuries (especially in China), it’s a very poisonous plant linked to severe renal and kidney disease as well as cancer. Unfortunately, it continues to be used as an herbal remedy.

 

10. The Opium Poppy

Opium Poppy

Scientific Name: Papaver somniferum.

Native to: Asia and the Middle East.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s a medicinal plant as well as used for painkillers and is known for its ornamental beauty. Also, produces seeds which could be used as a condiment for many baked goods like buns and bagels.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Despite its beauty, this flower has a controversial reputation. It has an ambiguous legal status in the United States in which you can’t raise it for cultivation at a large agricultural scale without a license and only for medicinal purposes. Of course, reasons are obvious since these plants are a known source of heroin and other opiates. Still, this beauty managed to cause all sorts of problems throughout history and there’s no stopping it. I mean Great Britain managed to get Chinese people hooked on recreational opium during its empire days, which resulted in two wars. Ditto the War on Drugs in the US. As to why inner city drug lords don’t get into opium poppy cultivation, I don’t have the slightest idea.

 

11. Western Skunk Cabbage

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Scientific Name: Lysichiton americanus.

Native to: Wetlands in the Pacific Northwest.

Desirable Features: It’s a beautiful yellow flower with great foliage. Can be used as a laxative as well as for sores and swellings but only in small quantities and its waxy leaves could be used for food preparation and storage.

Why you wouldn’t want it: While it doesn’t smell of rotting flesh, there’s a reason why it’s called the “Western Skunk Cabbage.” Since it attracts beetles and flies, it’s odor is akin to skunk spray even in old dried specimens. So if you came home from a hiking trip smelling like a skunk despite not seeing one, perhaps this flower may be a reason. Also, using too much of this plant as medicine can result in death.

 

12.Castor Oil Plant

RICINUS COMMUNIS RED GIANT

Scientific Name: Ricinus communis.

Native to: The Southeastern Mediterranean Basin, Eastern Africa, and India.

Desirable Features: Has long been used as a medicinal plant as castor oil which has other uses (yet don’t consume it in its natural state). Also has lovely leaves and pink flowers.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s been listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most poisonous plant and produce ricin. On milligram of its poison could kill a human adult. Its pink pom-pom flowers are especially dangerous to children. Also, the KGB used this plant’s poison to silence opposition permanently.

 

13. Nepenthes Truncata

Nepenthes truncata on exhibit 2

Scientific Name: Same as regular name though it is a pitcher plant.

Native to: The Philippines.

Desirable Features: Well, if you have problems with insects and vermin, I’m sure this carnivorous plant could come in handy.

Why you wouldn’t want it: For one, it’s ugly and probably smells of rotten meat to attract its prey. Second, the fact its known to eat small mammals is rather unsettling, especially since its process to dissolve such animals in digestive enzymes has been seen.

 

14. Belladonna

Atropa_belladonna_003.3

Scientific Name: Atropa belladonna.

Native to: Europe, North Africa, and the Middle East.

Desirable Features: It produces pretty purple flowers.

Why you wouldn’t want it: This flower is highly poisonous and has been used in one of the worst beauty trends in history in which women used the berries to dilate their pupils. Symptoms include, sensitivity to light, blurred vision, slow or fast pulse, loss of balance, staggering, headache, rash, flushing, dry mouth, slurred speech, urinary retention, constipation, confusion, as well as convulsions and death. Though it has been long used as an herbal medicine and homeopathic drug, there’s insufficient scientific evidence to recommend its use. Also known to kill a lot of Roman Emperors.

 

15. White Snakeroot

snakeroot

Scientific Name: Ageratina altissima.

Native to: The US Appalachian Mountains.

Desirable Features: Has lovely white flowers and has roots that can be used for medicinal purposes.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s a highly poisonous plant known to contain tremetol which led to the highly fatal milk sickness known to kill thousands of American settlers in the early 19th century, possibly including the mother of a US president.

 

16. Water Hemlock

wfshl-waterhemlock-01a

Scientific Name: Cicuta bulbifera. There are 3 other species for this genus though.

Native to: North America.

Desirable Features: It’s flowers look very similar to Queen Anne’s Lace but bigger.

Why you wouldn’t want it: According to the USDA, it’s considered as the most toxic plant in North America with its stalks containing full of the a sap containing cicutoxin. Ingesting a small amount of this could affect the central nervous system and cause seizures as well as bring death within 15 minutes. It’s also deadly to the touch even when dried. Most poisonings occurred due to confusion between these plants and other edible look-alikes, particularly from the Parsley family.  Those who survive may develop long term health conditions like amnesia.

 

17. Elephant Foot Yam

amorphophallus

Scientific Name: Amorphophallus paeoniifolius.

Native to: Southeast Asia.

Desirable Features: It has big purple leaves and is used as a cash crop in Southeast Asian countries. Elephant foot yams are used in cuisine as well as in medicine. Can be grown in areas that may seem unsuitable for crops.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s nickname is “the stink lily” because it smells like a corpse to attract flies. Also, it’s kind of ugly as well.

 

18. Black Bat Flower

BlackBatFlower

Scientific Name: Tacca chantrieri.

Native to: Southeast Asia and Southern China.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s not poisonous or smells bad. Also, it’s considered a collector’s item since it’s extremely rare.

Why you wouldn’t want it: This is one of the creepiest flowers ever in existence and is sure to inspire nightmares. So unless you love Halloween, are related to the Munsters or the Addams Family, or live in a dark castle on a hill or some other spooky residence, then this flower isn’t for you. Also, it’s a bitch to cultivate since it needs a lot of water and prefers high humidity so it would maybe work in my area but I’m not sure about the Munsters (since they live in California).

 

19. Dracula Orchid

scary-plants-halloween-garden-dracula_2a3b9084b64e6c11275299d2e421b16d_3x2_jpg_570x380_q85

Scientific Name: Dracula sergioi. Has 118 species in its genus.

Native to: Central and South America.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s an orchid and it’s rare in the US. Also, it’s harmless.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Well, if there’s a flower named after Dracula, chances are it’s either very dangerous or very scary looking. This one resembles some sci-fi alien monster with a piranha like mouth. So if you aren’t into scary movies, then you probably don’t want this in your garden.

 

20. Monk’s Hood

Aconitum_carmichaelii_'arendsii'_1

Scientific Name: Aconitum carmichaelii. Genus has over 250 species.

Native to: East Asia.

Desirable Features: Well, a lot of these flowers are in a beautiful shade of purple and yellow.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It contains large quantities of pseudocontitine  or actonite which is a deadly poison. It’s no wonder that many cultures used this plant to poison their arrows, so they’d be much more lethal. Consuming this flower can lead to nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea followed by burning, tingling, numbness of face, mouth, and abdomen. When consumed in large quantities, leads to instant death. Still, you probably remember this plant from Harry Potter as an ingredient in the Wolfsbane potion; you know what Snape made for Lupin during that special time of the month. Of course, it’s no wonder he got sick from it. Also, used as Hannah McKay’s killing method of choice on Dexter.

 

21. Oleander

800px-20080311_Nerium_Oleander_Flowers

Scientific Name: Nerium oleander.

Native to: The Mediterranean region, most likely.

Desirable Features: It smells sweet and has beautiful pink flowers with petals being crimson, magenta, or creamy white. Also, a rather hardy plant that could withstand drought.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s one of the most toxic plants in the world and every part of this flower is incredibly poisonous if ingested. In fact, even inhaling one burning is seen as a health threat and even honey derived from its nectar could kill you. A single leaf could kill a child. Most of its human victims are campers who used this flower’s branches to roast marshmallows and hotdogs (well, according to urban legend). Symptoms of poisoning include vomiting, diarrhea, excess salivation, abdominal pain, irregular heart rate, drowsiness, tremors, siezures, and coma.

 

22. Henbane

henbane-stinking-nightshade

Scientific Name: Hyoscyamus niger.

Native to: Eurasia.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s a nice looking flower.

Why you wouldn’t want it: For one it has a foul odor which is the reason it’s known as “stinking nightshade.” Second, all parts of this plant are considered highly poisonous in low doses. Symptoms ingesting it include visual hallucinations, dilated pupils, restlessness, flushed skin, vomiting, slow and fast pulse, hyperpyrexia and ataxia.

 

23. Poison Hemlock

plants_toxic-2

Scientific Name: Conium maculatum. There’s another species in this genus from Southern Africa. Also, don’t confuse it with the tree which is a different species entirely.

Native to: Europe and the Mediterranean.

Desirable Features: Resembles a bit like Queen Anne’s Lace.

Why you wouldn’t want it: This flower is extremely poisonous and ingesting small doses could cause respiratory collapse, muscular paralysis, and death. Retains poisonous properties when dried and is deadly to the touch. The famous Greek philosopher Socrates was condemned to death by drinking this. Second, because it’s poisonous, it could infest large pastures and open waste areas earning its invasive status.

 

24. Hemlock Water Dropwort

Oenanthe-Crocata-10-most-poisonous-flowers

Scientific Name: Oenanthe Crocata. Genus has another species.

Native to: Europe and the Mediterranean.

Desirable Features: Resembles a bit like Queen Anne’s Lace. Leaves pose no danger.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Despite its beauty, this is an extremely toxic plant (considered the most toxic plant in the UK), especially the stem and roots. A single root from this could kill a cow and human fatalities are known. It’s considered especially dangerous due to its resemblance to Chinese celery, Japanese wild celery, and it doesn’t help it shares the same genus.

 

25. Yellow Jasmine

Yellow-Jasmine

Scientific Name: Gelsemium sempervirens.

Native to: Southeastern US, Mexico, and Central America. State flower of South Carolina.

Desirable Features: Pretty yellow flowers and is sometimes used as an herbal medicine (when used right).

Why you wouldn’t want it: All parts of this plant contain the toxic strychnine alkaloids gelsemine and gelseminine, which is fatal to honeybees (and even more reason you wouldn’t want it in your garden, especially since there have reports of colony collapse disorder. Let’s just say any flower that’s fatally toxic to honeybees should never be used in a flower garden ever). Children have been poisoned sucking its nectar after mistaking it for honeysuckle and it can cause skin irritation in sensitive individuals.

 

26. Crown Vetch

4716317003_293573cb4a_z

Scientific Name: Securigera varia.

Native to: Africa, Asia, and Europe.

Desirable Features: Well, it has pretty pink flowers and is used in the US and Canada as erosion control, roadside planting, and soil rehabilitation. I see this flower all the time when I’m on walks. Grows in most environments and provides good forage for deer and elk during the winter as well as good nesting grounds for birds. Rabbits use this plant for food and cover.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Of course, this is coming from an American perspective but in many US states they’re considered an invasive species or noxious weeds. In fact, many Americans consider this a weed. It’s a tough and aggressive spreading plant that will crowd out its neighbors in a show garden and is very hard to eradicate once established. So if you live in the US, don’t plant this unless you’re legally obligated to do so. Not to mention, it’s also poisonous to horses.

 

27. Latana Camara

Lantana_camara_flowers_2

Scientific Name: Same as regular name.

Native to: Central and South America.

Desirable Features: Pretty flowers and can survive in a variety of environments. Can go long without water. Indian scientists discovered that the leaves have anti-microbial, fungicidal, and insecticidal properties which is good for many gardeners. It’s been seen as effective for treating ulcers and respiratory infections.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Since this plant has spread to 50 different countries, it’s been considered an invasive species which will often out compete more desirable species which will lead to a reduction in biodiversity. It’s also known to be toxic to livestock like cattle, sheep, horses, dogs, and goats.

 

28. Rhododendron Ponticum

Rhododendron_ponticum

Scientific Name: Same as regular name. Its genus has over 1,000 species and includes azaelas.

Native to: Southern Europe and Southwest Asia. National flower of Nepal and state flower of West Virginia and Washington.

Desirable Features: This is a highly desirable evergreen shrub with big flowers and lovely green foliage. These flowers make a trip to my local cemetery almost a dream come Memorial Day and I always take pictures of them with my camera.

Why you wouldn’t want it: For one, this plant is considered a highly invasive species in New Zealand, the British Isles, and Western Europe. Second, it’s highly toxic especially to horses that are said to die within hours of ingesting it. Symptoms include nausea, diarrhea, hallucinations, paralysis, severe pains, and even death and its effects have been known since ancient times. Even its honey is poisonous to humans which can cause hypotension and bradycardia if consumed in sufficient quantities. Also, these plants are very prone to a whole range of pests and diseases (Wikipedia has a whole list of ills for this shrub). So it’s a great flower to look at but not a good one to have.

 

29. Tansy

tansy_flower_by_hitana87-d3q8jnu

Scientific Name: Tanacetum vulgare.

Native to: Europe and Asia.

Desirable Features: Pretty yellow flowers and seen as a natural insecticide as well as good companion plant.

Why you wouldn’t want it: In many areas of the world particularly North America, this is seen as an invasive species known to spread prolifically. Also, it’s a toxic plant in all parts, especially to livestock.

 

30. Cultivated Tobacco

Nicotiana_tabacum_004

Scientific Name: Nicotiana tabacum. Genus has 67 species.

Native to: The Caribbean. Introduced to Europe by Christopher Columbus himself, if not then possible hybrid.

Desirable Features: Pretty pink flowers. Can also be used as an insecticide.

Why you wouldn’t want it: This plant doesn’t have a good reputation since it’s responsible for a lot of deaths from all kinds of diseases per year, particularly cancer (that and the 599 other additives in tobacco products). Those who work on tobacco farms and plantations are constantly exposed to nicotine poisoning as well as to a large amount of pesticides and other chemicals. Not to mention, this plant could be prone to a whole host of diseases and pests. Also, cultivating this plant in developing countries has led to significant deforestation and environmental damage.

 

31. Purple Loosestrife

purple_loosestrife_flowers

Scientific Name: Lythrum salicaria.

Native to: Europe, Asia, northwest Africa, and southeastern Australia.

Desirable Features: Pretty purple flowers and seen as a medicinal herb for bowel problems. Well suited for most environments.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s a highly invasive plant in New Zealand and North America. Its infestations result in dramatic disruption of water flow in rivers and streams as well as a sharp decline in biodiversity, especially in wetlands. Known for crowding out other native plant species like cattails. So if you live near a swamp, don’t plant this.

 

32. Common Foxglove

digitalis-purpurea-candy-mountain

Scientific Name: Digitalis purpurea. Genus contains 20 species.

Native to: Europe.

Desirable Features: Pretty purple flowers.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Toxic in all parts including the water any cut stalks sit in. Even in its dried state, it can kill. Poisoning is most commonly found in livestock, pets, and children. Sometimes mistaken for the edible comfrey plant and brewed as tea in which the results could be fatal. Symptoms include Stomach pain, nausea, violent vomiting, vertigo, muscular stiffness, fatigue, headache, pulse at first rapid and violent but soon weak and irregular, dilated pupils, dimness of vision, delirium.

 

33. Ox-Eye Daisy

oxeye

Scientific Name: Leucanthemum vulgare.

Native to: Europe and Asia.

Desirable Features: Well, it’s a daisy and appears conventional as such.

Why you wouldn’t want it: It’s a highly invasive species in North America, Australia, and New Zealand known for displacing native plants and modifying existing communities. It’s particularly troublesome in agricultural areas where cows won’t eat it which will enable it to spread and it’s host to several viral diseases that affect crops. In the US it’s prohibited in Colorado, Illinois, Kansas, Missouri, Montana, Ohio, Washington, Wyoming, and West Virginia.

 

34. Creeping Buttercup

CreepingButtercup_GrobyPool_10May08

Scientific Name: Ranunculus repens. Genus has 600 species including spearworts, crowfoots, and celandine.

Native to: Europe, Asia, and northwestern Africa.

Desirable Features: Pretty yellow flowers.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Though initially seen as an ornamental plant, it’s an invasive species in many parts of the world and is usually spread through transporting hay. Not to mention, it’s toxic in all parts to humans and animals (except when dried in hay) with symptoms including bloody diarrhea, excessive salivation, colic, and severe blistering that affect the mucous membranes and gastrointestinal tract. Yet, while grazing animals know to avoid this plant, they will sometimes eat it out of desperation.

 

35. Blessed Milk Thistle

armurariul

Scientific Name: Silybum marianum.

Native to: Southern Europe and Asia.

Desirable Features: Pretty purple flowers and is widely cultivated in Europe, Asia, and South America for several different uses.

Why you wouldn’t want it: For one, it has sharp spikes all over its foliage, which you wouldn’t want to touch on the roadside. Second, it contains the toxin potassium nitrate which is toxic humans and animals, particularly cattle and sheep. Symptoms include oxygen deprivation, which is a terrible way to die. Third, it’s considered an invasive species in Iran, North America, Australia, and New Zealand. Fourth, its appearance gives an impression that it more likely belongs in some mad scientist’s garden than yours, considering its freakish display. That or seems like an appropriate corsage for a Klingon wedding.

 

36. Common Water Hyacinth

Eichhornia_crassipes_B

Scientific Name: Eichhornia crassipes.

Native to: The Amazon Basin.

Desirable Features: One of the few Amazon flowers that could survive outside the rainforest (it’s been recently spotted in New York). Could be used for bioenergy and waste water treatment. Also, a very pretty purple flower with a petal resembling a peacock feather.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Since its introduction to the US in 1884, this little beauty has been responsible for all kinds of environmental damage such as choking up rivers, killing fish, and stopping shipping in Louisiana as well as clogging Florida’s waterways. Not only that but it nearly wrecked Florida’s environment and economy. There were many eradication attempts, including one by the US War Department pouring oil over it, yet none prevailed. The US government was so desperate to get rid of this plant that Congress almost passed a bill that would’ve authorized the importation of hippos for this very purpose in 1910. Yes, hippos, but this method wouldn’t have worked either because it’s also considered an invasive species in Africa, particularly Lake Victoria.

 

37. Lily of the Valley

Spring-Flowers-Lily-of-the-Valley

Scientific Name: Convallaria majalis.

Native to: Asia and Europe.

Desirable Features: Pretty white flowers which explains why it’s used a lot in bridal bouquets.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Unless you’re familiar with the later seasons of Breaking Bad (sorry to spoil it), you probably don’t know that this beauty can be very deadly. It’s highly poisonous in all parts including the berries and contains 38 different cardiac glycosides. If ingested even in small amounts, it could cause abdominal pain, vomiting, and a reduced heart rate. For the prospective brides hoping to become black widows someday, this is the perfect flower for you.

 

38. American Pokeweed

5456229032_00af572ce6_z

Scientific Name: Phytolacca Americana.

Native to: Eastern North America.

Desirable Features: Well, pretty white flowers and nice dark berries. It’s a good source for songbirds like the Gray Catbird, Northern Cardinal, Brown Thrasher, and Northern Mockingbird. Young leaves (those that don’t have red in them) and berries can be eaten but only when properly cooked.

Why you wouldn’t want it: These plants are poisonous though the ripe dark berries are the least toxic; it’s when they’re green you really have to worry about them and whether they’re consumed raw in large quantities. Infants and small children should avoid consuming them at all times. As for the rest of the plant, well, those parts get more poisonous as it matures. And adults have been poisoned (sometimes fatally) by eating improperly prepared leaves and shoots, particularly if the root is harvested with the shoots, and by mistaking the root for an edible tuber. So if you’re served any pokeweed dish at a dinner party, you might not want to eat it. Symptoms upon ingesting may include anemia, altered heart rate and respiration, convulsions and death from respiratory failure. Could also possibly cause mutations (perhaps leading to cancer) and birth defects. Yet, animals would only consume them in desperation or if it’s in contaminated hay. Still, while it shouldn’t be touched with bare hands, the juice is less hazardous than the sap (which can cause dermatitis). Also, they are particularly invasive and a pain to get rid of (burning it won’t help, believe me).

 

39. Scotch Broom

SH03L325YARDSMART_lg

Scientific Name: Cytisus scoparius.

Native to: Western and central Europe.

Desirable Features: Pretty flowers. Can grow almost anywhere.

Why you wouldn’t want it: Contains a toxin that causes heart palpitations and affects the central nervous system, which is harmful to both humans and livestock. In the American West as well as in New Zealand, Australia, and India, this is a particularly invasive plant known to inhibit reforestation efforts after timber harvests.

 

40. Giant Hogweed

Rbk_dolde

Scientific Name: Heracleum mantegazzianum.

Native to: The Caucasus Region in Central Asia.

Desirable Features: Resembles a giant version of Queen Anne’s Lace like it’s on steroids or some radioactive plant food.

Why you wouldn’t want it: For one, it’s an invasive species spreading like wildfire and drowning the native flora and destroying ecosystems in its wake, especially in wetland areas. Second, it’s a phototoxic plant and public health hazard. Skin contact with its watery sap could produce painful burning blisters that could leave purple and black scars. If in contact with eyes, then blindness. Because of it being up to 8-20ft tall and dangerously poisonous to the touch, don’t think you can get rid of it with your weed whacker or mower. In fact, you can’t so it’s best to call professionals or local authorities who can properly destroy the plant and seeds.

Some content on this page was disabled on January 23, 2020 as a result of a DMCA takedown notice from Mike Briner. You can learn more about the DMCA here:

https://wordpress.com/support/copyright-and-the-dmca/

The Wonderful World of Lawn Ornaments

1281225292_111278340_1-Pictures-of--Pink-Flamingo-Lawn-Ornaments-1281225292

Of course, lawn ornaments have always been a tacky mainstay in many gardens. Whether it be gnomes, flamingos, Virgin Mary grottoes, and what not, you’ve seen them on a roadside once in a while. Some of you may have a few yourself which you like to show off to the neighbors or onlookers. Sure many of us can have the urge to decorate our lawns and gardens with certain statues and artworks which sometimes don’t go well with the landscape. I could talk about all the kitschy lawn ornaments I’ve seen over the internet but you probably would’ve found it boring and wouldn’t have much interest in this post. In fact, there are people who have lawn ornaments that even defy the conventional pink flamingo ornaments you see in the leading picture. And since I was tied up with doing movie history posts back in the spring, now’s the best time as any. So without further adieu, here are some of the tackiest lawn ornaments ever to grace any garden or lawn.

 

1. For the beachfront garden, here’s a wooden pictures of two kids in swimsuits.

Yet, I'm not sure if these kids in swimsuits would be appropriate in a more inland setting with trees. After all, they seem a bit too happy by a realistic standpoint.

Yet, I’m not sure if these kids in swimsuits would be appropriate in a more inland setting with trees. After all, they seem a bit too happy by a realistic standpoint.

 

2. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you, Zombie Gnome.

Of course, with the popularity of The Walking Dead, we have to have zombie versions of everything. Of course, this gnome won't be a danger to your brains due to its size but to other gnomes, well, God help them.

Of course, with the popularity of The Walking Dead, we have to have zombie versions of everything. Of course, this gnome won’t be a danger to your brains due to its size but to other gnomes, well, God help them.

 

3. How about a whale fountain that spurts out water from its mouth?

This whale seems rather happy for being way outside its natural environment for some reason. Of course, it's made from metal but still.

This whale seems rather happy for being way outside its natural environment for some reason. Of course, it’s made from metal but still.

 

4. Of course, for those who have a thing for the Old South, here’s a black boy ornament sitting on a ledge.

I have an uncle who has an ornament similar to this. Of course, it was more racist looking than this, but it still made me cringe. Still, you wouldn't want this figure in a predominantly black neighborhood. Sorry, NAACP.

I have an uncle who has an ornament similar to this. Of course, it was more racist looking than this, but it still made me cringe. Still, you wouldn’t want this figure in a predominantly black neighborhood. Sorry, NAACP.

 

5. If you’re into frogs, here some in sexually suggestive poses.

Of course, the only thing saving these animals from being inappropriate is the fact that frogs don't have mammary glands. Yet, you can tell that whoever designed these figures probably kept a secret Playboy stash during his high school years.

Of course, the only thing saving these animals from being inappropriate is the fact that frogs don’t have mammary glands. Yet, you can tell that whoever designed these figures probably kept a secret Playboy stash during his high school years.

 

6. For those who like frogs, here’s a glow in the dark one to light your garden.

Now if I saw a real frog glowing in the dark in my yard, I'd freak out like you wouldn't believe. Seriously frogs don't glow in the dark.

Now if I saw a real frog glowing in the dark in my yard, I’d freak out like you wouldn’t believe. Seriously frogs don’t glow in the dark.

 

7. Nothing makes a great lawn sculpture than a tiger on a chain.

I just hope that whoever owns this doesn't have neighbors in PETA, ASPCA or the Humane Society. In fact, let's hope that this person isn't living anywhere near anyone active in animal rights because a tiger chained at the neck has some rather unfortunate implications.

I just hope that whoever owns this doesn’t have neighbors in PETA, ASPCA or the Humane Society. In fact, let’s hope that this person isn’t living anywhere near anyone active in animal rights because a tiger chained at the neck has some rather unfortunate implications.

 

8. For cow lovers, here’s a red one in a dress.

As to why anyone would want a red cow with a dress on is beyond me. I mean real cows don’t wear dresses and aren’t that bright red. Still, doesn’t emanate a great artistic taste of the owner who probably spent a lot of money on it.

 

9. For gnome lovers, here’s one with a blowtorch.

I'm sure Garden gnome Sherman has endured enough strain from being viewed as a conventional tacky lawn ornament and is now proceeding to burn the garden down in a blaze of glory.

I’m sure Garden gnome Sherman has endured enough strain from being viewed as a conventional tacky lawn ornament and is now proceeding to burn the garden down in a blaze of glory.

 

10. Of course, if you’re into torture porn here’s a lawn ornament with two guys squeezing a happy naked woman skinny.

Seriously, why put this in your lawn? Whoever sees this as an appropriate garden decoration ought to have his head examined. This isn't funny but rather very disturbing indeed.

Seriously, why put this in your lawn? Whoever sees this as an appropriate garden decoration ought to have his head examined. This isn’t funny but rather very disturbing indeed with human rights abuses on top of that. Also, is she bleeding?

 

11. Well, this seems cute. A boy helping a girl get a drink at a little fountain.

Well, at least I hope it is because there seems to be an inappropriate connotation here which is rather unsettling.

Well, at least I hope it is because there seems to be an inappropriate connotation here which is rather unsettling. I don’t want to be wring here but the boy seems to enjoy himself a little too much while helping a girl with a drink.

 

12. Of course, for rabbit lovers, here’s a cute little statue for your garden.

Actually if you have kids, don't even think about getting this because it's rather inappropriate. After all, remember the expression, "breeding like rabbits" means.

Actually if you have kids, don’t even think about getting this because it’s rather inappropriate. After all, remember the expression, “breeding like rabbits” mean. You probably could see plenty of this in your back yard so there’s no reason to get such statue.

 

13. For the person sick of having to clean up after the neighborhood pooches, here’s the perfect sign.

I'm sure a No Dumping! sign with a dog pooping is going to deter the neighborhood dogs from doing their business in your flower garden. Actually it's not going to do a damn thing since dogs will go anywhere they damn well please.

I’m sure a No Dumping! sign with a dog pooping is going to deter the neighborhood dogs from doing their business in your flower garden. Actually it’s not going to do a damn thing since dogs will go anywhere they damn well please. In fact, this sign may backfire as far as the animals are concerned.

 

14. If you’re British and want to show your love for Queen and country, here’s a couple of large stone heads of Her Majesty and Prince Consort.

Now nothing depicts Great Britain as a nation of gardening fanatics than having Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip being depicted as a couple of giant Chia heads created by people who probably have too much time on their hands. Seriously, this is just so over the top if you know what I mean yet the Queen does have a lot of nice flowers in her hair.

Now nothing depicts Great Britain as a nation of gardening fanatics than having Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip being depicted as a couple of giant Chia heads created by people who probably have too much time on their hands. Seriously, this is just so over the top if you know what I mean yet the Queen does have a lot of nice flowers in her hair.

 

15. Nothing says a great birth announcement, than a lawn sign bringing the neighbors close to the scene.

Now I don't know about you, but this is just a pretty tasteless sign. Perhaps it's best to announce to the neighbors with conventional signs reading "It's a boy!" or It's a girl!" Guess this proud new dad seemed to have too much time on his hands.

Now I don’t know about you, but this is just a pretty tasteless sign. Perhaps it’s best to announce to the neighbors with conventional signs reading “It’s a boy!” or It’s a girl!” Guess this proud new dad seemed to have too much time on his hands.

 

16. What better gnome to have in your yard than one that glows in the dark.

Now this doesn't seem to look like a glow in the dark gnome than it does, well, let's say a glow in a dark something else. Let's say that Sigmund Freud may have a field day with whoever designed this.

Now this doesn’t seem to look like a glow in the dark gnome than it does, well, let’s say a glow in a dark something else. Let’s say that Sigmund Freud may have a field day with whoever designed this.

 

17. Nothing makes a great garden decoration than a bronze statue of Bigfoot

Of course, if your statue of Sasquatch proves a draw on Discovery Channel's Finding Bigfoot, don't be surprised. Of course, there's probably enough evidence that Bigfoot probably doesn't exist in the first place.

Of course, if your statue of Sasquatch proves a draw on Discovery Channel’s Finding Bigfoot, don’t be surprised. Of course, there’s probably enough evidence that Bigfoot probably doesn’t exist in the first place.

 

18. Of course, nothing brings the spirit of summer than a black statue eating watermelon.

Blackface depiction of black people is considered racist in the United States. And seeing them with watermelon just adds further insult to injury that would make the NAACP shriek in horror. Once again, sorry NAACP, but I can’t see how anyone not racist would want to buy this.

 

19. Of course, here’s a Mexican figure with his burro.

The fact this statue is placed near a metal linked fence is rather suggestive of another negative stereotype on Mexicans, especially in this day in age. Sometimes placement is everything.

The fact this statue is placed near a metal linked fence is rather suggestive of another negative stereotype on Mexicans, especially in this day in age. Sometimes placement is everything.

 

20. For those who don’t know what to do with their old toilet, how about retrofit it into a new planter in your garden.

Excuse me, but we need to admit that toilets make aesthetically tacky planters for your garden. Seriously, even this owner knows this and even adds on to it.

Excuse me, but we need to admit that toilets make aesthetically tacky planters for your garden. Seriously, even this owner knows this and even adds on to it.

 

21. Nothing brings in the baseball season like a Mexican guy with a baseball.

And how do I know he's Mexican? Well, he has a sombrero and a bandanna around his neck. Then again, baseball is a popular sport among the Latino and Latin American community. However, the most negative stereotypical thing about this is that it makes the mistaken assumption is that all Hispanics in the US are Mexicans.

And how do I know he’s Mexican? Well, he has a sombrero and a bandanna around his neck. Then again, baseball is a popular sport among the Latino and Latin American community. However, the most negative stereotypical thing about this is that it makes the mistaken assumption is that all Hispanics in the US are Mexicans.

 

22. Here’s a gnome showing the world where the sun don’t shine.

Of course, this lawn ornament makes an addition to the long series of Gnomes behaving badly. Also, if I saw any guy with a white beard, there's no way in hell I'd want to see what his backside looks like and gnomes are no exception.

Of course, this lawn ornament makes an addition to the long series of Gnomes behaving badly. Also, if I saw any guy with a white beard, there’s no way in hell I’d want to see what his backside looks like and gnomes are no exception.

 

23. Nothing makes a more idyllic lawn ornament than a free standing deer.

Now I have neighbors who have free standing deer like this but they aren't really used for decoration. In fact, they're used for target practice for hunting season. Also, if there are deer around during mating season, there's a chance they may mistake this ornament for the real thing.

Now I have neighbors who have free standing deer like this but they aren’t really used for decoration. In fact, they’re used for target practice for hunting season. Also, if there are deer around during mating season, there’s a chance they may mistake this ornament for the real thing.

 

24. Now here’s a great garden statue that shows the spirit of togetherness.

Is it just me or does this statue seem to depict something very, very dirty? If so, then I suggest you don't get this if you live in a neighborhood with children. Else their parents would get very angry with you.

Is it just me or does this statue seem to depict something very, very dirty? If so, then I suggest you don’t get this if you live in a neighborhood with children. Else their parents would get very angry with you.

 

25. Who could think that a stature with a head and legs could be this so adorable?

Actually I think this lawn sculpture is kind of terrifying, especially with the smirky smile on its face. Please, kill it! Kill it with fire for God's sake!

Actually I think this lawn sculpture is kind of terrifying, especially with the smirky smile on its face. Please, kill it! Kill it with fire for God’s sake!

 

26. For the art lovers, here is a statue of the Venus de Milo in funky colors.

I know the Ancient Greeks and Romans used to paint their statues but somehow this Venus de Milo rendition seems rather tacky to me. Perhaps I'm not familiar with her being painted like she's fresh from some makeover gone bad at the beauty salon. That is, assuming the salon is accommodating to people with no arms and takes people who don't have a shirt on.

I know the Ancient Greeks and Romans used to paint their statues but somehow this Venus de Milo rendition seems rather tacky to me. Perhaps I’m not familiar with her being painted like she’s fresh from some makeover gone bad at the beauty salon. That is, assuming the salon is accommodating to people with no arms and takes people who don’t have a shirt on.

 

27. If you want to keep those pesky kids off your lawn, here’s a giant metal dragon to scare them.

Yet, let it be known that this lawn statue isn't going to help you get along with the neighbors or receive an invitation to the neighborhood cookout. In fact, this may make your neighbors afraid of you.

Yet, let it be known that this lawn statue isn’t going to help you get along with the neighbors or receive an invitation to the neighborhood cookout. In fact, this may make your neighbors afraid of you.

 

28. Of course, even gnomes sometimes have to relieve themselves.

Of course, gnomes don't use toilets so it's not unlike them to squat down, take their pants down, and answer the call of nature right on the spot.

Of course, gnomes don’t use toilets so it’s not unlike them to squat down, take their pants down, and answer the call of nature right on the spot.

 

29. Now sometimes there are gnomes who may resort to certain ways of deviance.

So we shouldn't be upset when we see gnomes flashing their erect penises, trying to take down people with machine guns, and pole dancing.

So we shouldn’t be upset when we see gnomes flashing their erect penises, trying to take down people with machine guns, and pole dancing.

 

30. Wow your neighbors with this handy little UFO display in front of your house.

Yet, understand that having such displays in your front lawn, may draw a lot of UFO conspiracy theorists in your neighborhood. And let me say, you may see them as weirdos.

Yet, understand that having such displays in your front lawn, may draw a lot of UFO conspiracy theorists in your neighborhood. And let me say, you may see them as weirdos.

 

31. Nothing enhances the quality of your lawn like a creature peeping from a manhole.

Actually that's pretty creepy, especially for those who fix pipes underground. Also, kind of insulting to utility workers for some reason.

Actually that’s pretty creepy, especially for those who fix pipes underground. Also, kind of insulting to utility workers for some reason.

 

32. Oh, look a talking rock.

Now if I saw a rock with teeth like that, I would be more than slightly disturbed. This is a rather terrifying lawn ornament if you know what I mean.

Now if I saw a rock with teeth like that, I would be more than slightly disturbed. This is a rather terrifying lawn ornament if you know what I mean.

 

33. Of course, who could forget the traditional lawn jockey?

When it comes to racist lawn ornaments, none comes in greater notoriety than the infamous lawn jockey ornament. Again, sorry NAACP, but in a post of utterly tacky lawn ornaments, there's no way I couldn't avoid posting this.

When it comes to racist lawn ornaments, none comes in greater notoriety than the infamous lawn jockey ornament. Again, sorry NAACP, but in a post of utterly tacky lawn ornaments, there’s no way I couldn’t avoid posting this.

 

34. Of course, with a statue like this, you’ll always have a full moon.

Of course, I'm sure the neighbors would sure view you as an upstanding role model for displaying a statue showing utter disrespect. Note how my prose reflects utter sarcasm in reference to this.

Of course, I’m sure the neighbors would sure view you as an upstanding role model for displaying a statue showing utter disrespect. Note how my prose reflects utter sarcasm in reference to this.

 

35. Now introducing the one, the only, his majesty the King, Elvis frog.

Yes, you heard me, Elvis Frog. He's the one who brought you hits like, "That's All Ribbit," "Heartbreak Swamp," "Hound Fly," "Bossa Nova Tadpole," and "Jailswamp Rock."

Yes, you heard me, Elvis Frog. He’s the one who brought you hits like, “That’s All Ribbit,” “Heartbreak Swamp,” “Hound Fly,” “Bossa Nova Tadpole,” and “Jailswamp Rock.”

 

36. I don’t what I if you don’t decorate with some moai.

Of course, this may seem like a fun decoration at first. But take note that erecting the original Easter Island Statues would soon lead to all the island's trees being cut down and mass starvation and decline of a Polynesian people. Kind of depressing isn't it?

Of course, this may seem like a fun decoration at first. But take note that erecting the original Easter Island Statues would soon lead to all the island’s trees being cut down and mass starvation and decline of a Polynesian people. Kind of depressing isn’t it?

 

37. Of course, who wouldn’t want a garden ornament of a dog doing his business?

Hey, at least unlike the real thing, it doesn't leave a special present behind so you don't have to clean up after it. Kind of says a lot compared to having a real dog except that it would be incapable of showing any affection whatsoever.

Hey, at least unlike the real thing, it doesn’t leave a special present behind so you don’t have to clean up after it. Kind of says a lot compared to having a real dog except that it would be incapable of showing any affection whatsoever.

 

38. Just a naked statue minding its own business.

Of course, why such a statue would want to frolick around while exposing itself, I don't have the slightest idea. Also I don't understand why people would want to put naked statues in their gardens in the first place. Then again, there may be a few I can't name.

Of course, why such a statue would want to frolick around while exposing itself, I don’t have the slightest idea. Also I don’t understand why people would want to put naked statues in their gardens in the first place. Then again, there may be a few I can’t name.

 

39. What better way to improve your lawn than to have it resemble a scene from a car accident.

Seriously, why would anyone think that having a lawn ornament like this would be a good idea? Seems more like someone would call 911 over a scene like this it weren’t for the lack of fire, smoke, and people in serious need for medical attention or reduced to dead mutilated corpses. Honestly, car accidents aren’t funny things at all.

 

40. No lawn ornament like this says that the family who gets boob jobs together stays together.

Seriously, what's with these little girls having such big boobs? This is highly disturbing because normally little girls don't have breasts. And if they do, there's something seriously wrong with them.

Seriously, what’s with these little girls having such big boobs? This is highly disturbing because normally little girls don’t have breasts. And if they do, there’s something seriously wrong with them.

 

41. What better way to have a bonfire than in a fire pit with forest decorations.

Of course, anyone with a fire pit like this isn't going to make friends with Smokey the Bear, Bambi, or anyone living in an area notorious for wildfires. Seriously, forest fires aren't nice things.

Of course, anyone with a fire pit like this isn’t going to make friends with Smokey the Bear, Bambi, or anyone living in an area notorious for wildfires. Seriously, forest fires aren’t nice things.

 

42. Nothing like a bath in dirt and chains.

Seriously, who thought that such design would make a good lawn ornament? I mean it's something you'd more likely read about in 50 Shades of Grey than something you'd want to see in your garden.

Seriously, who thought that such design would make a good lawn ornament? I mean it’s something you’d more likely read about in 50 Shades of Grey than something you’d want to see in your garden.

 

43. Of course, to those who like to see attractive women mowing your lawn.

I guess she wasn't hired for her mowing efficiency judging by her choice with using a push mower. Of course, if Hugh Hefner worked in Cub Cadet's marketing department, such ads would look like this.

I guess she wasn’t hired for her mowing efficiency judging by her choice with using a push mower. Of course, if Hugh Hefner worked in Cub Cadet’s marketing department, such ads would look like this.

 

44. See the world burn with this globe outdoor fire pit.

Whoever designed this doesn't seem to have a great outlook on life. I mean who wants to see our planet in a hell fire blaze. It's disturbing.

Whoever designed this doesn’t seem to have a great outlook on life. I mean who wants to see our planet in a hell fire blaze. It’s disturbing.

 

45. No flamingo could shimmer in the sun like one decked in rhinestones.

Now flamingo lawn decorations are tacky enough but a rhinestone flamingo? Well, that takes tackiness to a whole new level.

Now flamingo lawn decorations are tacky enough but a rhinestone flamingo? Well, that takes tackiness to a whole new level.

 

46. Nothing graces a lawn better than a statue of a scantily clad woman draping with flowers.

Who in their right mind would erect such a tacky lawn ornament like this? I mean this will either distract onlooking drivers or neighbors, or lead to some questioning your taste in decorating decency.

Who in their right mind would erect such a tacky lawn ornament like this? I mean this will either distract onlooking drivers or neighbors, or lead to some questioning your taste in decorating decency. Some would just be disappointed she isn’t real.

 

47. Grace your lawn and garden with a one of a kind Lady Gaga statue.

Sure this statue may give neighbors an idea that you're a big fan of hers. But, honestly, I don't think Lady Gaga herself would have this in her own garden. Seriously, a Lady Gaga lawn ornament?

Sure this statue may give neighbors an idea that you’re a big fan of hers. But, honestly, I don’t think Lady Gaga herself would have this in her own garden. Seriously, a Lady Gaga lawn ornament?

 

48. Of course, you can’t do without an outhouse.

Now using an outhouse as a lawn decoration isn't going to make your lawn more aesthetically pleasing. Especially if it has a moon on the door.

Now using an outhouse as a lawn decoration isn’t going to make your lawn more aesthetically pleasing. Especially if it has a moon on the door.

 

49. What better way to show your patriotism than to have a lawn statue of a giant big cat with an American flag.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Pink Panther's (from the cartoon not the movie) little known American cousin. Of course, you wouldn't know him since he's considered an embarrassment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Pink Panther’s (from the cartoon not the movie) little known American cousin. Of course, you wouldn’t know him since he’s considered an embarrassment.

 

50. Nothing secures your lawn better than a tank lawn ornament.

Warning: despite supposed coolness and potential for frightening the neighbors, it doesn't actually work. If it did, it would've been considered an illegal weapon.

Warning: despite supposed coolness and potential for frightening the neighbors, it doesn’t actually work. If it did, it would’ve been considered an illegal weapon.

 

51. What better lawn ornament to have than one with a woman’s feet sticking out of the ground.

I'm sure that no one is going to think that some serial killer is on the loose in your area with that in your yard. Yet, this doesn't mean I'm exactly positive.

I’m sure that no one is going to think that some serial killer is on the loose in your area with that in your yard. Yet, this doesn’t mean I’m exactly positive.

 

52. Shark! From the ground!

Now a shark in the ocean could scare the bejesus out of a crowd of people at the beach. Lawn sharks, well, no one is safe from them.

Now a shark in the ocean could scare the bejesus out of a crowd of people at the beach. Lawn sharks, well, no one is safe from them.

 

53. Behold, a lawn ornament of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Not recommended for those who got quesy during Jurassic Park or for any neighbors who may have had upset stomachs for viewing that movie.

Not recommended for those who got queasy during Jurassic Park or for any neighbors who may have had upset stomachs for viewing that movie.

 

54. Oh, my God, it’s a giant praying mantis!

Now let's just say that any lawn ornament resembling a giant insect is going to scare people and a praying mantis is no exception. I mean while some people may be afraid of insects at their regular size, no one wants to run into a bug that's as big as them.

Now let’s just say that any lawn ornament resembling a giant insect is going to scare people and a praying mantis is no exception. I mean while some people may be afraid of insects at their regular size, no one wants to run into a bug that’s as big as them.

 

55. Scare the gnomes away with a Super Mario Piranha Plant lawn ornament.

I'm sure the carrot is looking none too pleased at the moment. Yet, this should scare some bugs away for awhile anyway.

I’m sure the carrot is looking none too pleased at the moment. Yet, this should scare some bugs away for awhile anyway.

 

56. Behold, the flower pot man on his tricycle.

Seriously, this is kind of terrifying for gardeners if you know what I mean. I mean there's no way a flower pot person is harmless in some capacity.

Seriously, this is kind of terrifying for gardeners if you know what I mean. I mean there’s no way a flower pot person is harmless in some capacity.

 

57. Of course, what tacky garden wouldn’t be without the cutouts of people bending over.

Can't do a post on tacky lawn ornaments without leading such lawn decorations out. I mean why would anyone want these.

Can’t do a post on tacky lawn ornaments without leading such lawn decorations out. I mean why would anyone want these? I mean they seem to be in poor aesthetic taste and crude humor.

 

58. Bring in the spirit of Mother Goose with this Humpty Dumpty lawn decoration.

Due to the fact Humpty Dumpty makes a creepy lawn ornament, there's a reason why many children wouldn't feel bad about him taking his great fall in the nursery rhyme.

Due to the fact Humpty Dumpty makes a creepy lawn ornament, there’s a reason why many children wouldn’t feel bad about him taking his great fall in the nursery rhyme.

 

59. Grace your lawn with this zombie lawn ornament you’d find in any mail order catalog.

For a zombie garden sculpture, this looks astonishingly lifelike that it's kind of creepy. In a kitcshy sort of way that is.

For a zombie garden sculpture, this looks astonishingly lifelike that it’s kind of creepy. In a kitcshy sort of way that is. Still, would make a great Halloween decoration to freak out the neighbors.

 

60. Unfortunately zombie gnomes aren’t so friendly to lawn flamingos.

Granted, since the gnomes seem to find this animal particularly delicious for some reason. Still, pretty funny if you know what I mean.

Granted, since the gnomes seem to find this animal particularly delicious for some reason. Still, pretty funny if you know what I mean.