Superbowl Party Tips


It’s becoming that time of year again when people all over the US are tuned into the biggest sports extravaganza of the year on Sunday night in February. This year it’s the Denver Broncos vs. the Seattle Seahawks playing in New Jersey. Of course, some of you big football fans actually will be watching the game in the stands but this will be a very small minority since Superbowl tickets are expensive and people like my dad would rather not spend all that money to watch something in the cold (especially if it’s not the Pittsburgh Steelers playing) while he could watch the game in the comfort in his home at the cost of practically nothing. Also, there are commercial breaks where my dad can get his snacks, beer, wood on the fire, and even use the bathroom. Still, most people in the country will be watching from home and some may use this occasion to host a Super Bowl party, which is why I’m writing this post today. So without further adieu, here is a list of do’s and don’ts for the game day party planners.

Do: Plan it around someone’s birthday party, especially if it’s your son is turning eight the same week and your team is playing. As long as you sing happy birthday and give your kid presents he or she probably won’t mind the slightest. Also, saves time and money if you just combine the two especially if they’re both family traditions. In fact, my fifteenth and sixteenth birthday parties were both planned around Steeler playoff games which very memorable and I don’t even like sports.

Don’t: Play a game of touch football during the game, especially if you’re not in your own home. You don’t want to break anything and have to pay for it do you?

Do: Use the bathroom during commercial break. Sure some of them may be funny but if the game’s more important to you, commercial breaks are better than nothing, unless there’s a line at the venue.

Don’t: Stage a drinking game during the whole thing, even if there are no kids around. For one, it’s not fair to the designated driver and the roads aren’t in the best shape this time of year. Second, this activity may lead to excessive irresponsible drinking behavior as well as make a mess for your host to clean up later. And he or she may be too wasted to clean it all up anyway which may leave your designated driver with the job.

Do: Use this occasion to show off your artistic or cooking skills. If you have some creative cooking idea for your Super Bowl party, use it even if it’s for a football field display for a snack platter. Like this:


Don’t: Get into physical fights with each other since it will make a mess and cause injury to other guests, especially in front of the kids or relatives.

Do: Be inclusive and accommodating. After all your Super Bowl party should include family, friends, neighbors, or others like employees, for instance. After all, a lot of people treat Super Bowl Sunday as a holiday and it’s no wonder.

Don’t: Have your party outdoors if you live anywhere with colder temperatures. It’s winter so it’s not a good time to stage an outdoor party. Besides, your food will freeze and everyone will be in their winter garb. No one will have any fun there.

Do: Socialize since parties are social events anyway. You don’t even have to talk about the game or sports in general. You can even complain about the commercials or the half-time show.

Don’t: Throw your trash everywhere. Garbage disposal exists for a reason. Besides, you don’t want your host cleaning up after you.

Do: Use good manners and treat everyone graciously, even if they’re rooting for the other team to win. There’s no excuse to be rude or unfriendly.

Don’t: Drink irresponsibly, especially if you’re driving. If you have any beer, drink it when you’re actually thirsty and set limits. You don’t want to get pulled over on the way home or have your host clean up after you.

Do: Leave healthy food options for your guests since not all football snack food is actually good for you. Besides, you’ll never know if you meet a health nut or a vegetarian. For instance, you can go with this:


Don’t: Offer just only healthy food options. Other people enjoy conventional football game fare, too, even if they do have poor health habits and diets. You might want to go with a mixed selection like this:


Do: Wear your favorite team jersey if you’re team is playing to show some support. Other team merchandise wear and face painting is fine.

Don’t: Turn guests away just because they don’t support your team or don’t care for football at all. Treat this day as a holiday, remember? Be inclusive.

Do: Devise some indoor Super Bowl party games, especially if there are kids around who may be bored out of their minds during commercial break. They have plenty of these on the internet you can print out. Or you can devise one all on your own. Just practice safety. Bingo is a good choice:


Don’t: Use the game as an opportunity to bet or gamble, especially if your friend is in Gambler’s Anonymous or doesn’t believe in that sort of thing.

Do: Enjoy yourself and have fun even if you don’t understand football, think the commercials are lame, or the half-time show sucks. If it’s a time to spend with your loved ones, that should be enough, even if you’d much rather watch TCM or Downton Abbey instead (which is what I’d rather do).

Don’t: Use your success on your Super Bowl party to plan a Pro-Bowl party. No one really cares about the Pro-Bowl game anyway.

Honest Movie Titles

1. High Noon: Surrounded by Chickenshits

2. Suspicion: Lowering Relationship Standards

3. Transformers: CGI Robo Explosion Porn, Two Hour CGI Masturbation

4. Psycho: Overclipped Shower Scene

5. Pearl Harbor: From the Guys Who Flunked American History

6. Shadow of a Doubt: Something’s Really Wrong with Uncle Charlie

7. 300: CGI Six Packs, Bad History

8. Rashomon: Eyewitnesses Aren’t Always Reliable

9. Bridge Over the River Kwai: Seriously, You Realize You’re Committing Treason, Right?, Obi Wan Kenobi Commits Treason

10. The Grapes of Wrath: Republicans’ Plan for the Middle Class

11. The Black Cat: Has Nothing to Do with the Edgar Allan Poe Story Whatsoever

12. Braveheart: Somewhere a Medieval Historian Is Crying

13. The Deer Hunter: Made By People Who’ve Never Been to Western Pennsylvania

14. Arsenic and Old Lace: Old Ladies Make Loveable Serial Killers

15. The Philadelphia Story: Last Minute Bachelorette Party

16. Gone with the Wind: Four Hour Long Love Story Depicting Negative Black Stereotypes and an Implied Rape Scene But Is Still Better Than Twilight

17. Now, Voyager: Fuck you, Mom, I Do What I Want!

18. A Face in the Crowd: Sheriff Andy Is an Asshole

19. The Quiet Man: Irish Like Spousal Abuse, Dragging Your Wife By Her Hair Solves Everything

20. The Searchers: How Is This Any Good?, Seriously, Critics, You Call This a Masterpiece?

21. Radio Days: Christmas Story for Jews

22. All About Eve: Backstabbing Stage Bitches

23. The Maltese Falcon: Three Deaths Over Rip-Off, Antiques Roadshow Saves Lives

24. Treasure of the Sierra Madre: Greed Makes You Crazy

25. Mildred Pierce: Love Leads to Bad Decision Making

26. Monty Python’s Life of Brian: Seriously Not About Jesus

27. Notorious: Pimping in Espionage

28. Double Indemnity: Keeping It in Your Pants Saves Lives, Love Actuary

29. The Apartment: Horribly Horny Bosses

30. My Favorite Year: Adventures in Celebrity Babysitting

31. West Side Story: Dance Fighting the Musical

32. How Green Was My Valley: Welsh Miners Live Depressing Lives

33. Galaxy Quest: Three Amigos Meets Star Trek, By Trekkies for Trekkies, Trekkie Aliens in Space

34. The Invisible Man: Unintentionally Hilarious Horror Movie, Invisible Naked Guy Runs in Snow

35. Out of the Past: I Like Bad Girls and I Can’t Help It

36. From Here to Eternity: Mermaid Man Beats Old Blue Eyes to Death

37. Rear Window: Peeping Tom Neighborhood Watch Squad

38. Vertigo: Jimmy Stewart Really Needs a Therapist

39. Becket: Brokeback Mountain Middle Ages Edition

40. A Matter of Life and Death: The Perks of Having a Girlfriend

41. The Man with the Golden Arm: Cheating on Your Wife Is Bad Unless Your Girlfriend Helps You Overcome Your Heroin Addiction by Locking You While You Experience Withdrawal Symptoms

42. The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex: More Accurate than the Cate Blanchett Movies

43. 12  O’Clock High: Not a Stoner Movie

44. The Lion in Winter: King Henry II’s Family Christmas

45. The Paleface: Bob Hope is Actually Funny

46. Son of Pale Face: Horses Make Strange Bedfellows

47. The Great Dictator: Thinly Veiled Satire on Nazi Germany

48. I Was a Male War Bride: Feminism for Men WWII Edition

49. The Bling Ring: Hermione Robs Legolas

50. The Princess Bride: Manly Movie, Girly Title