Fictional Health Conditions

Disclaimer: This only lists medical conditions you’d find in fiction which most likely bear no resemblance to real life whatsoever. So don’t take any of it as medical advice. Presidential aging is the notable exception since that’s derived from how US presidents age in office but live to be 90 years old.

Fatal and Severe Illness:

Sorry, but people who die of a serious illness don't look like that at all. Seriously, Bette Davis should look like absolute hell by this time in the movie.

Sorry, but people who die of a serious illness don’t look like that at all. Seriously, Bette Davis should look like absolute hell by this time in the movie. But this is what Ali McGraw’s Disease looks like.

Ali McGraw’s Disease-illness which causes the sufferer to become more beautiful as death approaches. Mostly tends to infect attractive young women with boyfriends, particularly in historical settings.

Incurable Cough of Death-symptom that signifies that a character has what will lead to weakness and manifest itself as a terminal illness. This is especially the case in a lot tuberculosis sufferers in 19th century literature and opera. Also the case when the sufferer coughs up blood.

La Boheme Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character is able to do an incredibly good solo as they are wasting away from a fatal respiratory illness.

Victorian Novel Disease-basically this pertains to a combination of Incurable Cough of Death and Ali McGraw’s Disease. Yet, while it’s terminal, it has no effect on the character’s beauty or their ability to perform. Still, while this illness slowly kills its sufferers, their proximity to the eternal will give them immense wisdom and insight and be never ending sources of advice and comfort to their loved ones. And when they finally slip away, those around them will smile through their tears and rejoice that their souls are now free from this shitty world. Mostly tends to inflict young women and teenage girls known to be always innocent and pure. This is especially the case for such women who have boyfriends or reside in 19th century literature or opera.

Soap Opera Disease-a vaguely defined chronic disease. Often exhibits vague symptoms as well as fatal, but can linger on for a very long time. Sometimes results in a lengthy coma and perhaps a radical change in the victim’s appearance in non-fatal variants. Yet, in most fatal cases, often manifests itself as Ali McGraw’s Disease in the later stages. Often infects characters in daytime soap operas, particularly women.

Childhood Cancer Syndrome-a symptom that makes a severely ill child’s sole existence in the story to tug at the audience’s heartstrings. Often immune to anything other than the disease that will eventually kill them (unless the writer wants to punch the audience’s guts). Sufferers often tend to be wise beyond their years as well as make athletes swear to win a game or match for them, never taking to mind the negative repercussions if they fail to do this. Mostly tends to manifest in children who haven’t hit puberty yet.

Tiny Tim Syndrome-a symptom similar to Childhood Cancer Syndrome in which a chronically ill child’s chief purpose is to inspire some rich jerk into changing his ways so the kid could receive the medical treatment their parents can’t afford.

Dramatic Heart Attack-a medical condition in which a character experiences a heart attack in a display of chest clutching dramatics.

Blood from the Mouth – a symptom is indicative that a character is bleeding internally and is either going to die or need serious medical attention.

Excessive Ortifice Bleeding – a medical condition in which a person has blood coming out from every ortifice all because the writers want a very gory death scene. Usually happens in horror movies and is almost always fatal. Sometimes caused by a psychic or supernatural force.

Convulsive Epilepsy – a medical condition in which a character has a seizure in which he or she loses complete control of their body. Symptoms include flailing arms, writhing on the ground or frothing at the mouth.

Retirony – a medical condition which a person’s odds of survival decline once he or she decides to leave their job or it becomes apparent their term of service will soon end.

Brain Fever – a sudden acute febrile illness brought on by stress or personal issues that results in severe attacks of insanity hallucinations, and delirium. Is sometimes fatal.

Big Guy Fatality Syndrome – a medical condition in which the biggest, strongest, and most massive sidekick is less likely to survive when the shit hits the fan.

Vasquez Syndrome – a medical condition in which a female’s increase in toughness and aggression decreases her odds of survival. Befalls secondary female characters who look too butch to be love interests to the hero, especially if they’re not white. Characters played by Michelle Rodriguez are particular targets.

Sudden Sweetheart Photo Death Syndrome– a medical condition in which a person’s chances dying dramatically increase the moment he or she shows a picture of his or her sweetheart back home. Most prominent in soldiers from WWII movies.

Black Guy Fatality Syndrome – a medical condition which decreases a black guy’s chances of survival if he’s the only black male in the group. Can only be prevented if he brings a male black friend. Most prominent in black males in slasher horror movies.

Plagues:

Remember, when the zombie plague hits, this infographic will come in handy. Seriously, the threat of zombie apocalypse is very real in the world of fiction, particularly science fiction.

Remember, when the zombie plague hits, this infographic will come in handy. Seriously, the threat of zombie apocalypse is very real in the world of fiction, particularly science fiction.

Sterility Plague- an incurable disease that infects a large population that renders practically all males and females of child bearing age, unable to reproduce (either inflicting infertility, impotence, or aversion to sex). Usually caused by biological warfare though can arise naturally. Most often appears in science fiction.

Hate Plague-an ailment infecting a large population that causes them to become incredibly disagreeable with each other. Sometimes has a tendency to lead to victims inflicting violence or killing each other. Usually inflicted by mysterious forces or bad guys.

Mystical Plague-a disease outbreak brought upon through the magical powers of a person, group, or creature, whether by accident or design. However, this doesn’t mean that its agents are always immune. Mostly prevalent in fantasy.

Synthetic Plague-a disease inflicted on a large population that was created by humans whether by manufacture or genetic engineering. Can originate by design as a biological weapon or an experiment gone wrong. Usually deadly and might result in people becoming zombies. Usually appears in science fiction post-apocalyptic genre and zombie media.

Radiation Plague-a type of Synthetic Plague that usually infects survivors of a nuclear explosion or meltdown. Usually leads to zombification.

Zombie Plague-plague that usually leads to zombification. Usually caused by a Synthetic Plague.

Bodily Functions:

Wiley E. Coyote may never get the Roadrunner, but he tends to be quite indestructible compared to the rest of us. Seriously, look at how much crap he has to go through with all his schemes literally blowing in his face.

Wiley E. Coyote may never get the Roadrunner, but he tends to be quite indestructible compared to the rest of us. Seriously, look at how much crap he has to go through with all his schemes literally blowing in his face.

Steel Eardrum- a medical condition in which the character doesn’t suffer hearing damage while in extremely noisy environments without any hearing protection. Most prevalent in war movies and action films.

Water Immunity-a medical condition which allows a character to drink water from any source regardless of whether it’s actually safe to drink.

Heat Resistant Skin-a medical condition in which a character is able to survive in excessively hot temperatures and settings such as a house being engulfed in catastrophic flames.

Explosive-Proof – a medical condition in which a character is able to survive an explosion in close proximity with nothing more than a blackened face, cough puff, or possibly singed eyebrows.

Smoke Filtering Lungs-a medical condition in which a character is able to inhale large amounts of smoke for long periods of time without suffering severe respiratory damage like lung cancer or death.

Large Bowel Syndrome- a medical condition in which a character doesn’t have to go to the bathroom and doesn’t show any signs of constipation, UTI, or IBS.

Strong SCUBA Lungs- a medical condition that allows the character to hold their breath underwater for more than a minute without any assistance from scuba gear.

Electric-Resistance – a medical condition in which a character survives being electrocuted with nothing more than falling over, soot, smoke, and messy hair, even if such episode makes his or her skeleton becomes visible through his or her skin. Happens a lot in cartoons.

Walter White Syndrome- a medical condition that in which a cancer stricken character loses their hair on their head while undergoing chemotherapy treatment, yet retains the rest of their body hair.

Tears of Blood – a medical condition in which a person cries bloody tears which might mean that they caught some deadly virus, are being killed by weird supernatural means, a vampire, or overcome with grief over a lost loved one.

Elastic Skeleton – a medical condition in which a person is able to have their bodies and limbs tied into knots.

Frozen Resistance– a medical condition in which a person can survive being frozen with no ill effects for a very long time other than being in hibernation before thawing out.

Encino Man Syndrome – a medical condition in which a person can survive freezing for years without suffering ill effects other than being in hibernation prior to thawing or signs of age without any explanation whatsoever.

Angst Coma – a condition in which a person falls into a coma or catatonic state due to personal issues. Can only be cured if they’re resolved.

Substances:

Acquiring an immunity to poison can come in handy in situations like this. In real life, trying to acquire an immunity to poison will certainly kill you.

Acquiring an immunity to poison can come in handy in situations like this. In real life, trying to acquire an immunity to poison will certainly kill you.

Acquired Poison Immunity-a medical condition in which a character becomes immune to a particular poison by regularly ingesting it in small doses over a period of time.

Unexplainable Poison Immunity –a medical condition in which a character can suck out the poison from his or her companion without experiencing ill effects.

Drug Immunity-a medical condition in which a character is immune to the effects of a certain substance.

Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome-a medical condition in which a person ingests certain substances to change personalities at will so they could engage in activities they’d otherwise be arrested for. Yet, will eventually result in the person losing control as the Hyde personality takes over.

Laxative Immunity-a medical condition in which a character only experiences loose bowels after being subject to a laxative prank (or pertaining to other related substances).

Prescribed Cold Turkey Syndrome-a medical condition in which going off prescribed medication doesn’t result in anything worse than a hungover like withdraw or a grudging admittance that the medication helped.

Fertility and Sex:

Of Laban's two daughters, Rachel will be Jacob's one true love and favorite wife he worked 14 years for. Leah, on the other hand, will be basically the unwanted wife Jacob was tricked into marrying but kept around because she has at least 7 kids to him while Rachel has 2. Poor, poor, Leah.

Of Laban’s two daughters, Rachel will be Jacob’s one true love and favorite wife he worked 14 years for. Leah, on the other hand, will be basically the unwanted wife Jacob was tricked into marrying but kept around because she has at least 7 kids to him while Rachel has 2. Poor, poor, Leah.

Inverse Fertility Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s desire for a biological child will drastically inhibit his or her ability to conceive one. Yet, it also increases the likelihood of characters in characters who don’t want kids, even if they’re diagnosed as sterile, using birth control, had a vasectomy, or are virgins. Can only be cured through in vitro fertilization, magic, possibly giving up trying or warming up to parenting, adoption, or divine intervention. Usually results in teen pregnancy whenever a teenage couple have sex, even the first time.

STD Immunity-a medical condition in which a character has a large number of sexual partner yet never shows any symptoms of any STDs. Mostly prevalent in action movies, fantasy, and science fiction. Usually present in male action heroes, particularly those with their own franchise.

Leah Syndrome-medical condition in which a character’s past or unwanted sexual partner is most likely the co-parent of their child. Usually affects reluctant polygamists, guys who want to get rid of their exes, women in abusive marriages, promiscuous single moms, and divorcees.

Inverse Paternity Syndrome-a condition in which somebody’s father is the guy everyone else in the cast doesn’t want him to be. A variant of Leah Syndrome solely pertaining to unknown paternity.

Downton Abbey Syndrome-a condition in which one party responsible for a child’s conception suddenly and tragically dies around its birth. Most of the time it’s the father, especially if the child was conceived when its parents weren’t married and/or in wartime. Ditto, if he kills over during the pregnancy. If it’s the mother, she’ll usually die in childbirth. Nevertheless, this usually befalls parents who haven’t conceived previously.

Sudden Unmarried Dad Death Syndrome – a condition in which an unmarried father or father to be tragically dies either during his baby mama’s pregnancy or around the child’s birth, just so the guy isn’t made to seem like a deadbeat jerk and the single mom can have an angsty out of wedlock pregnancy that might lead to her having give up her kid at some point. A variant of Downton Abbey Syndrome that usually happens in stories where the single mom is the main character. Can only be prevented through a shotgun wedding.

Tom Jones Syndrome-condition in which the child’s parental revelation improves his or her fortunes drastically.

Disney Mother Death Syndrome-a condition in which a main character’s parent dies sometime during their childhood, particularly before the plot kicks in. Usually happens to the mother, especially if the protagonist is female.

Elastic Uterus- a condition in which a pregnant woman can deliver an abnormally large newborn baby fairly easily within minutes after the contractions start.

Squeakly Clean Childbirth- a condition in which a pregnant woman delivers a baby without much disgusting stuff coming from her vagina.

Quick Childbirth Recovery – a condition in which a woman can return to her duties right after done giving birth in a short amount of time.

Constant Ovulation Syndrome- a condition in which a woman doesn’t go through her monthly menstruation period and gets pregnant after having sex. Very common in teenagers.

Wedding Enhanced Fertility- a condition in which a woman unexpectedly becomes pregnant around the time she marries or is engaged to the child’s father. Usually leads to a happy, nice, and non-angsty pregnancy.

Star Trek Genetics – a medical condition in which an inter-species couple can have sex and produce fertile offspring regardless of configurations pertaining to their reproductive systems.

Melanie Wilkes Pregnancy– a medical condition in which a woman’s pregnancy lasts longer than it should, particularly if the author wants her to have a Catastrophe-Induced Labor in her American Civil War novel.

Express Delivery- a medical condition in which a woman gives birth to a healthy baby despite being pregnant for less than 8-9 months. Babies born this way usually resemble those born at full term and require no medical assistance associated with most premature deliveries. May give an indication that the child is devil spawn, monster, an alien hybrid, fantasy/humanoid hybrid, or mutant.

Fetus Terrible – a medical condition in which a pregnant woman suffers from complications caused by the fetus wreaking havoc inside her body. Related to Satanic Pregnancy Syndrome. Mostly results in Express Delivery, but may cause harm to the mother in which Caesarian delivery is best recommended (since most usually develop too quickly for abortion to be an option).

Convenient Miscarriage – a medical condition in which a woman miscarries a baby either to have highly tragic situation or because the writers really don’t want to deal with the implications of having to create a new character or cast child actors. Usually happens to women who aren’t happy about their pregnancies.

Hunger Games Period Skip– a medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age fails to menstruate due to being a contestant in a fight to the death competition on national television.

Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) – medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age goes into near psychotic anger or dramatic mood swings before or during her time of the month.

Menstrual Menace – a medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age experiences supernatural menace during her time of the month. Side effects can result in great power and great insanity, fairy magnetism, and reality warping.

Menstrual Lycanthropy – a medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age transforms into a werewolf during her menstrual cycle.

Satanic Pregnancy Syndrome (SPS) – a medical condition in which a pregnant woman suffers from complications caused by the fetus wreaking havoc inside her body because she was unwittingly impregnated by Satan and is carrying the Antichrist. May result in Express Delivery. A variant of Fetus Terrible. Abortion is best recommended in the early stages, assuming that Prince of Darkness paternity can be established and if there’s no doubt the fetus has no capacity to change (the latter which is much more problematic to prove except in horror movies where Satanic spawn usually try to bring upon the end of the world, no matter what). But even this might not be an option in most cases.

Village of the Damned Syndrome- a condition in which all women of child bearing age are impregnated by mysterious forces and give birth to fast growing, evil psychic blond children.

Chocolate Baby Syndrome- condition in which a child doesn’t at all resemble either of their parents and either glaringly obvious or acknowledged in the story. However, this doesn’t apply to children conceived through in-vitro fertilization via a sperm or egg bank. Nor does to children who are adopted either. Usually pertains to that the child’s putative father isn’t.

Not So Chocolate Baby Syndrome- condition in which a child doesn’t resemble either of their parents yet is still seen as biologically related.

Catastrophe-Induced Labor- condition in which a pregnant woman goes into labor at the worst possible moment.

Injuries:

Some people just don't know when to give up. Seriously, the Black Knight should really let King Arthur pass because he's just cut his bleeding arm off!

Some people just don’t know when to give up. Seriously, the Black Knight should really let King Arthur pass because he’s just cut his bleeding arm off!

Minor Gunshot Wound Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s severe injury doesn’t inhibit their ability to function.

Instant Roast – a medical condition that instantly turns a character into a succulent main course after experiencing an explosion or fire.

Hero Immunity- a medical condition in which a character can completely recover from his or her injuries without ever experiencing permanent scars all because they are the designated hero of the story.

Titanium Skull-a medical condition in which a character suffers nothing worse than a headache or dizzy spell after dealing with a blow to a head that rendered them involuntarily unconscious.

Matthew Crawley Syndrome-a medical condition in which character recovers after being paralyzed by a spinal injury in a very short length of time.

Black Knight Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character thinks their severe injury doesn’t affect their ability to function despite obvious evidence to the contrary.

Accordionism- a medical condition in which a person is squashed into a pleated and flexing shape after being crushed by a large object. Occurs a lot in cartoons.

Instant Soprano – a medical condition in which a man’s voice gets dramatically high after experiencing castration or a groin injury. May be temporary or permanent.

Annoying Arrow Syndrome-a medical condition in which being shot by an arrow doesn’t cause the victim anything more than a slight discomfort upon removal but they could still be functional if left unattended.

Recoil Proof-a medical condition in which the shooter is immune from the repercussions of Newton’s Third Law.

Pincushion Syndrome-a medical condition in which the character is heavily shot up but is still able to normally function. May or may not result in death.

Squashed Flatism-a medical condition in which a character is squashed flat but still survives as a flatter version of themselves. Prevalent in cartoons.

Protruding Head Bump – a medical condition in which a large swelling appears on a character’s head that develops after a blow to the head. Disturbance is best not recommended and may cause multiple protrusions as a result.

Head Injury Amnesia-in which a character experiences amnesia due to a head injury. Can be cured by being hit on the head again or regaining their memories through psychiatric intervention.

Head Injury Personality Change-in which a character’s personality and identity change drastically after experiencing a head injury. Can only be cured by being hit on the head again.

Drowning Scream Syndrome-a medical condition in which a drowning character still has the adequate lung capacity to call for help.

Invisible Holes – a medical condition in which a character is wounded with no ill effects except liquid pouring out of their skin. Happens a lot in cartoons.

Extra Fat Cushioning- a medical condition in which enables to character to jump into any soft spot without being subject to injury.

Fall Proof-a medical condition in which a character doesn’t die from the fall unless they hit the ground.

Debris Dodging Speed-a medical condition which allows the character outrun explosions, fireballs, overpressure, ammo, and debris.

Psychic Nosebleed – a medical condition in which someone experiences blood coming out of certain parts of their body as a result of psychic effort.

Disability:

Charly may become smart later on in this but it won't last. And let's just say Algernon's fate is very indicative of what will happen to him. And what gets me is that Cliff Robertson won this Oscar over the great Peter O'Toole.

Charly may become smart later on in this but it won’t last. And let’s just say Algernon’s fate is very indicative of what will happen to him. And what gets me is that Cliff Robertson won this Oscar over the great Peter O’Toole.

Disability Superpower-a medical condition in which a disabled character has a superpower that counteracts with their disability.

Inspirationally Disadvantaged-a medical condition that makes a disabled character an inspiration for everyone else. May lead to people marveling at them by performing even the more mundane tasks.

Disability Recovery- a medical condition in which a character who’s been disabled for an extended amount of time suddenly regains the ability to use their disabled organ again. Can either be done by sheer will power, miracles, or medical treatment.

Flowers for Algernon Syndrome –a medical condition in which a mentally challenged person experiences a rapid rise in IQ for a certain amount of time before returning to normal and dying.

Tragic Autism – a learning disorder that impairs a person’s social skills and prevents them from living a normal life. Can range from Idiot Savants and Rain Men to literal minded insufferable geniuses.

Rain Man Syndrome – a form of Autism that gives the sufferer a Disability Superpower.

Idiot Savant – a medical condition in which a person is mentally challenged except in a certain ability.

Compulsive Swearing Tourette’s Syndrome –a disorder in which a person is subject to frequent fits of compulsive swearing. Happens in comedies.

Scrambled Dyslexia –a disorder which causes a person reading difficulties because they see every word scrambled.

Super Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – a disorder which causes a person to be obsessed with order, symmetry, and following patterns of behavior.

Characteristics:

Sorry, Dan Brown, but real albinos just don't make effective assassins. Seriously, poor vision is a main aspect of the diagnostic criteria for albinism since many albinos don't have normal development in the retina or in nerve connections between the eyes and brain. As a result, many are legally blind.

Sorry, Dan Brown, but real albinos just don’t make effective assassins. Seriously, poor vision is a main aspect of the diagnostic criteria for albinism since many albinos don’t have normal development in the retina or in nerve connections between the eyes and brain. As a result, many are legally blind.

Bad AB- Blood Syndrome- a medical condition in which two people who hate each other share a rare blood type and everyone else in their world doesn’t. Yet, it’s unknown to most of the cast that the injured person could receive blood with the same Rh from anybody.

Bad O Blood Syndrome- a medical condition in which the two people who hate each other share a common blood type but the injured person can’t receive blood from anyone else. Mostly because the majority of the cast doesn’t know their own.

Missing Belly Button Syndrome- a condition in which a person has no belly button.

DaVinci Code Albinism – a condition in which a character’s albinism doesn’t harm his or her eyesight.

Chuck Cunningham Syndrome – a condition in which a character disappears without explanation.

Fantasy Health:

Sure Harry's a wizard all right. But he's able to talk to snakes because he has a part of a soul from the evil guy who killed his parents who split his soul in his quest for eternal life. Of course, Harry ability to talk to snakes has some unfortunate implications in the Chamber of Secrets.

Sure Harry’s a wizard all right. But he’s able to talk to snakes because he has a part of a soul from the evil guy who killed his parents who split his soul in his quest for eternal life. Of course, Harry ability to talk to snakes has some unfortunate implications in the Chamber of Secrets.

Resurrection Sickness-a medical condition in which a character isn’t quite the same as their pre-mortem selves after coming back from the dead.

Magical Malfunction Malady-a medical condition in which a magically powered person’s ailment affects their ability to perform magic. Mostly appears in fantasy. May be caused by illness, curse, puberty, or pregnancy. Can result in the sufferer losing their powers or the ability to control them. Usually there is no easy cure so the sufferer either has to wait it out or summon his allies to go on a quest for some strange cure, which usually entails getting some rare or mysterious item in some very remote location.

Demon Possession-a medical condition in which a character’s personality changes and not for the better due to being possessed by a demon. Must be cured by an exorcist.

Voldemort Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s quest for eternal life causes them grow ugly and evil.

Gollum Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s unhealthy attachment to a magical object causes them to grow ugly and evil.

Horcrux Syndrome- a condition in which a person possesses part of another’s soul and gains that particular person’s abilities.

Peter Pan’s Shadow -a condition in which a character’s shadow takes on a life and personality of its own. Has to be found and sewn back on.

Dark Lord on Life Support – a condition in which a dark magical character is not quite dead but is able to survive due to some magical contraption.

Marvolo Ring Syndrome – a condition results in a magical character’s slow and painful death after touching a dark magical object. Noble assisted suicide is usually recommended.

Magical Coma –a condition in which a character is put into a deep sleep for a very long time under some magical force but can only be awoken through sexual assault or something else. Sufferer will always wake up in the same way as they fell into the coma in the first place with or without life support. And in some cases for women, might be able to sustain a healthy pregnancy.

Body Switching – a condition in which a character finds him or herself in another person’s body. Can only be cured when the relationship with the other person is resolved.

Children:

Sure Pearl is a creepy girl all right, but c'mon, there's nothing in the book to suggest that she's bad. I mean she doesn't kill anyone.

Sure Pearl is a creepy girl all right, but c’mon, there’s nothing in the book to suggest that she’s bad. I mean she doesn’t kill anyone. She’s just so misunderstood in 17th century Massachusetts.

Soap Opera Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SOSIDS) – a medical condition in which a baby dies soon after its birth very tragically despite being conceived and carried under optimal conditions and delivered as a healthy baby (if not stillborn). Causes of death can pertain to car accidents and premature labor. Only happens to children of soap opera couples in happy relationships in which the mother is happy about the pregnancy.

Soap Opera Adversity Survival Syndrome (SOASS) – a medical condition in which a baby survives its birth despite being conceived and carried under dicey circumstances such as an affair. Born to women who’ve spent their pregnancies contemplating certain options (like abortion and adoption) and spent months wailing and angsting about the turmoil pertaining to the birth. Children may be subject to Inverse Paternity Syndrome and SORAS, since this happens mostly in soap operas.

Neville Longbottom Puberty – a medical condition in which an awkward looking kid experiences a remarkable transformation during his or her adolescence that signify his or her growth and change as a character.

Pearl Prynne Syndrome -a medical condition in children in which the child looks creepy and says really creepy things but has no indication they pose a danger to anybody.

Damien Syndrome – a medical condition in children resulting from a SPS which renders them completely evil and homicidal.

Hellboy Syndrome – a medical condition in children resulting from a SPS, which results in them having a perfectly normal personality, though appearances may vary.

Premature Male Puberty – a medical condition in which an adolescent boy has the body of an adult man between the ages of 20 to 30 years old. Happens in a lot of teen centered media due to casting adult actors in teen roles.

Adolescent Height Stunting – a medical condition that results in an adolescent character being shorter than both his or her parents as well as other adults, regardless of whether it makes any sense.

South Park Syndrome – a medical condition in which a child is disproportionally short for their age and is never implied to suffer from dwarfism or part of an unusually small humanoid race. Prevalent in cartoon children between the ages of 4-12.

Renesmee Syndrome – a medical condition in which a child manages to grow up in a very short timespan.

Sudden Firstborn Son Death Syndrome – a medical condition in which the oldest male child in the family dies because his parents were being jerks. Takes some form of divine punishment, especially after a series of plagues.

Aging:

This must be the scene in Hamlet when he's telling Ophelia to "get thee to a nunnery." Oh, wait a minute he's yelling at his mom Gertrude. Seriously, she looks way too young to be his mom. And he looks way too old to be going to college.

This must be the scene in Hamlet when he’s telling Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery.” Oh, wait a minute he’s yelling at his mom Gertrude. Seriously, she looks way too young to be his mom. And he looks way too old to be going to college.

Cartoon Child Syndrome – a condition in which a child remains at the same age for a very long time for no explanation since it’s much easier for the animator in question and that the voice actor is an adult anyway.

Peter Pan Syndrome – a condition in which a child remains at the same age for a very long time. Yet, unlike Cartoon Child Syndrome, it’s explained in story

Pre-Natal Maturity – a condition in which a person begins life as an adult.

Benjamin Button Syndrome-a condition in which a person begins life as an old person and dies as a baby.

Shakespearean Rapid Aging Syndrome (SRAS)- a medical condition in which a teenager or young adult has the body of someone who’s at least 30 years old. Endemic in Shakespearean drama, especially in productions of Richard III, Romeo and Juliet, or Hamlet. Happens in a lot movies, theatrical, and TV productions set in historical times, in which the actors are considerably older than their characters should be. Most prevalent in males.

Agora Syndrome – a condition in which a person appears considerably younger and more attractive than they should be. Happens in a lot of historical adaptations but is less common than SRAS.

13 Going on 30 Syndrome – a condition in which a person ages for several years in the span of a night.

17 Again Syndrome -a condition in which a person’s aging is reversed several years in the span of a night.

Esther Coleman Syndrome – a disorder in which a person stops growing and aging as a child.

Methuselah Syndrome-a condition in which a person lives way past the average human lifespan.

Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome (SORAS)- a condition in which a child spends a short amount of time offstage, only to emerge as considerably older than any normal kid would be. Prevalent in movie series and TV shows, especially soap operas. Yet, on sitcoms, babies only age up after only a few years.

Immortal Aging Syndrome-a condition in which a character’s immortality doesn’t stop them from aging.

Immortal Adult Stasis- a condition in which an immortal character comes of age and remains that way forever. That or granted immortality at that age.

Abnormal Infantile Memory Syndrome- a condition in which a child could remember a lot of stuff before the age of 3 other than stuff that’s either very traumatic or significant in their lives like the birth of a sibling for instance.

Sudden Grandparent Death Syndrome- a condition in which a child’s grandparents die sometime before the plot gets in so they can have a terrible living arrangement as an orphan, even when such demises make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Harry Potter’s Grandparents Death Syndrome- a variant as SGDS in which a child’s grandparent die sometime before the plot kicks in when such a natural death doesn’t make absolutely no sense in its fictional universe.

Stress Induced Premature Aging – a condition in which a character ages considerably quickly due to excessive stress. A common symptom is hair going gray or white. May be caused by dealing with a severe illness, adverse conditions, or after having to make a difficult decision.

Gillian Darmondy Syndrome – a condition in which a character seems unbelievably young to parent his or her biological child, but in a way that makes perfect sense such as teen pregnancy, alien biology, being unusually attractive, paranormal activity, divinity, or anything to do with magic or futuristic technology.

Gertrude Syndrome- a condition in which a character seems unbelievably young to parent his or her biological child but where it makes absolutely no sense. May be caused by the author’s inability to comprehend biology or basic mathematics or casting an actor noticeably younger than the character should be. Perhaps even younger than the person playing his or her biological child.

Anime Shrinkage – a condition in which an elderly character’s height shrinks at an accelerated rate in a short amount of time than it should.

Dorian Gray Syndrome -a condition in which a character never ages but with a dark magical catch. May result in the sufferer losing his or her soul.

Presidential Aging – a condition in which a character’s rapid aging has no effect on their lifespans.

Psychological Conditions:

Dexter Morgan: I'm not sure if modern psychology would classify as a psychopath or just a homicidal maniac with PTSD. Still, since it's TV, he's a psychopath.

Dexter Morgan: I’m not sure if modern psychology would classify as a psychopath or just a homicidal maniac with childhood induced PTSD. I mean he does have people he sincerely loves in his life. Still, since it’s TV and he likes to kill people, he’s a psychopath. But he has a code on who he kills. Very difficult to classify. However, many of his victims tend to fit in the psychopathic mindset much better than he does.

Gold Fever-a condition which results the intensity of a character’s insatiable greed and propensity for violence is inverse to their sanity and self-control.

Jack Torrance Syndrome-a variant kind of Cabin Fever that causes raving lunacy and homicidal tendencies.

Napoleon Delusion-a psychological condition in which a sufferer thinks they’re a famous dead celebrity. Those who suffer from this may or may not be a danger to other people.

Vertigo Syndrome-a psychological condition in which the sufferer makes their significant other drastically alter their appearance in order to resemble a dead person the afflicted has been obsessed about but hasn’t even met.

Laura Syndrome-a psychological condition in which the sufferer falls in love with a person reputed to be dead who may not be.

Oedipus Complex -a psychological condition in which a person hates one parent and has a secret wish to sleep with the other. Sometimes the sufferer might not even realize it.

Multiple Personality Crisis Disorder- a psychological condition in which a serious personal issue causes a person to have multiple personalities yet, disappear once they get their lives back together again. Yet, it won’t always be the same personality they started out with.

Three Faces of Eve Disorder-a variant of MSCD in which the person recovers from having multiple personalities with a totally different identity and personality than they started out with.

Richard Harrow Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character’s desensitization from violence and capability of racking up huge body counts doesn’t prevent them from being a perfectly decent person otherwise and possible the nicest one in the whole cast.

Norma Desmond Disorder- a psychological disorder in which a character is running a whole era behind and still thinks they could make a comeback despite that ship sailing.

Manchurian Candidate Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character is brainwashed into being an assassin.

Alfred Hitchcock Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character seems to develop a strange rabid interest in murder mysteries that lead to violence or not.

Cassandra Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character always tells the truth but nobody believes them.

Adoption Denial Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character doesn’t know they’re adopted even though they should’ve obviously figured it out by now.

Paternal Denialist Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a male character thinks that he’s a child’s biological father despite obvious evidence to the contrary.

Post-Traumatic Amnesia – a psychological condition in which a person loses all prior memories or sense of identity after witnessing a traumatic incident.

Science-Related Memetic Disorder – a psychological disorder in which a character uses their sociopathic tendencies to conduct scientific research or experiments. May lead to beyond horrific results for victims.

Destructive Insanity – a psychological condition in which a person isn’t in touch with reality as well as a poses a hazard to themselves and others. Can be caused by anything, notably a terrible childhood or a traumatic moment. Symptoms include violent outbursts, an insatiable urge to kill people or self-harm, creepiness, unstoppable rage, or substance abuse. Sometimes hearing voices in the head, hallucinations, talking to puppets, etc.

Trauma Sociopathy – a psychological condition in which a person becomes a psychopath after experiencing a brain injury in a traumatic incident during childhood.

Pyromania- a mental disorder in which a person loves to start fires, watch them, and see the people burned in them. Are always arsonists and serial killers.

Harmless Insanity – a mental disorder in which the sufferer causes no harm whatsoever while his or her psychological symptoms are used for comedy.

Single Issue Psychology – a psychological condition in which a person’s psychological problems are due to one major thing pertaining to their lives.

Psychopathy – a psychological condition in which a person may seem rather charming and outgoing but devoid of any empathy, shame, humility, or sense of responsibility. Doesn’t care what is right or wrong, is manipulative, engages in hedonistic behavior, and could possibly be a psycho killer, a Wall Street executive, or both. Sufferers are thoroughly irredeemable.

Post Traumatic Stress Badass Disorder – a psychological condition in which a character’s traumatic experience in war makes him or her exceptionally capable of handing any dangerous situation.

Reasons to Support Universal Healthcare in the United States

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The cause of universal healthcare is one that’s close to my heart and one that’s subject to so much controversy in the United States. I mean whenever Obamacare was still in the bill phase, it was under such intense opposition that it formed the Tea Party. Now Obamacare doesn’t provide universal healthcare nor was it intended to. Yet, I supported the legislation anyway because I felt that it offered the kind of healthcare reform my country greatly needed despite that I didn’t think the ACA went far enough. Nevertheless, it disgusts me that there are some people in the United States who vehemently oppose universal healthcare so much that they go to great lengths to extinguish any attempt to reform an already broken healthcare system that comes on the congressional docket. So far, Obamacare is now the subject of another Supreme Court case, this time on federal subsidies to states on the federal exchange. Of course, hearing the ads on federal subsidies from the UPMC commercials on the radio, I think it’s very unlikely that the libertarian lawyers of King v. Burwell will have their way, but I could be wrong. Not only that, but since Republicans have taken control of Congress in 2011, the US House has tried to repeal Obamacare over 40 times, which I think is a shame.

I know that a lot of Americans think about universal healthcare and I don’t expect anyone to change their minds. I know that this post will be filled with points that may spark outrage or perhaps inflammatory comments but I think they need to be said nonetheless. Yet, understand that what I mean by “universal healthcare” I mean a non-profit healthcare system providing quality affordable service to all Americans. Now I don’t think a universal healthcare will solve all the US health system’s problems (and there are lots), but I think it would be a system the American people would be much happier with than the one we have now. While the number of uninsured has declined from 50 million since the late 2000s, I still think that even one uninsured American is far too many. However, here I list several of the reasons why I support universal healthcare in the United States. I insist that anybody who reads this take a lot of thought into these points to see why I believe in what I do and that my support for universal healthcare doesn’t just stand on my liberal ideology alone.

1. Healthcare is a basic human right and there’s no reason why medical treatment should be denied to anyone too poor to pay for it– to me the issue of universal healthcare isn’t about giving social entitlements to poor people. Rather it’s a moral issue of human rights and I’ve always believed that a for-profit healthcare system doesn’t adhere to this and has a history of discriminating against the poor and ill. I believe that every American should have a right to healthcare even if they are lazy unemployed moochers on welfare or undocumented immigrants because it’s the simply right thing to do. No sick person deserves to be turned away from medical treatment for any reason. Even though the US doesn’t recognize healthcare as a human right, the international community does and so do most religious groups. So yes, I do believe I’m entitled to healthcare just because I’m a human being as well as to everyone else.

This is a 2011 infographic from Amnesty International pertaining to the maternity care situation in the United States, especially when it comes to infant and maternal mortality. Now if there's any reason why someone who's pro-life should support universal healthcare, it's this. The findings are disturbing.

This is a 2011 infographic from Amnesty International pertaining to the maternity care situation in the United States, especially when it comes to infant and maternal mortality. Now if there’s any reason why someone who’s pro-life should support universal healthcare, it’s this. The findings are disturbing.

2. The Abortion Issue– now as a Catholic feminist, I may not consider myself as wholly pro-life or pro-choice (though this position is consistent with most Americans if you really think about it, but let’s not go there). However, whether you believe in an unborn child’s right to life or a woman’s right to choose whether to terminate a pregnancy, we should all get on board with the idea that all pregnant women who choose life should have access to pre-natal care regardless of their ability to pay as I fervently do. There is nothing pro-life or pro-choice about denying pregnant women access to affordable healthcare, especially it could save her unborn child’s life as well as prevent her from seeking an abortion in the first place. The fact many pro-lifers tend to be conservatives who’ve been fighting to deny pregnant women access to affordable healthcare which is completely inexcusable (and the fact pro-choicers tend to be less vocal about it as well). Whenever a pregnant woman is denied access to affordable pre-natal care due to being too poor or uninsured, her unborn child’s right to life is denied as well. When a woman seeks an abortion because she can’t afford to seek medical treatment for possible life-threatening complications also denies her right to choose as well. In many ways, denying affordable healthcare access is simply an unforgivable crime against humanity that should never be acceptable and perhaps even less justifiable than abortion. Add to that the fact that the US has a high infant and maternal mortality rate compared to other First World nations while nations with universal healthcare have lower abortion rates. Thus, whatever side you’re on in the abortion issue, guaranteed healthcare access to all should be non-negotiable.

3. Getting a job with employee based health insurance is no longer a guarantee– say what you want about Obamacare, but this is a good reason why it’s worth protecting. Since the Recession, the chances of someone finding a job with employee based health benefits is no longer a guarantee, especially if you’re a Millennial whose chances of getting a job with health benefits by 26 are slim (as well as the fact that most people uninsured usually live in a situation in which they or a member of their families have a job that either offer no health benefits or aren’t eligible for their employee plan). This can never be more apparent since the future of work is in the service sector which mostly consist of low-income jobs that don’t offer healthcare benefits or at least an adequate healthcare package. And even if you do have a job with benefits, this doesn’t mean you’re quite out of the woods. After all,  losing your job might result in you losing your health insurance. This can happen more often than you think since it’s very likely you’ll need to switch jobs more than a few times in your adult life. And you don’t always know how long it would before you can get another job. At least Obamacare provides a viable option for affordable healthcare for those facing an unpredictable economic future like myself since it stays with you after you sign up (or it’s supposed to). As a Millennial, living without health insurance is one of my deepest fears. I pray to God that the Supreme Court at least has the decency to rule in favor of the federal subsidies for King v. Burwell since I live in a state that doesn’t have a state exchange nor a Medicaid expansion as far as I know as of 2015. And, yes, I do plan to sign up for Obamacare when I reach that age since the federal exchange is now my only option for affordable healthcare once I reach my 26th birthday.

Here are some statistics from the National Research Center detailing what services the uninsured do without because of the cost whether it's getting a test, skipping a prescription, or putting off a doctor's visit.

Here are some statistics from the National Research Center detailing what services the uninsured do without because of the cost whether it’s getting a test, skipping a prescription, or putting off a doctor’s visit.

4. Everyone needs healthcare and being uninsured has devastating consequences– since we’re all human beings, we all need healthcare since we’re not invincible and you never know when you’ll be facing a medical emergency. Being uninsured can lead to a lot of devastating consequences individuals and families alike, which nobody wants to face. When uninsured, people are just one serious illness or injury away from losing their homes, their life savings and income, as well as their lives. Uninsurance also leads to high medical bills as well as possible denial of treatment, too. Thus, having an individual mandate should be a no brainer.

Here are some statistics from the US Department of Health and Human Services measuring healthcare spending from 2009. The pie on the left shows where the money comes from while the pie on the right shows where the money goes.

Here are some statistics from the US Department of Health and Human Services measuring healthcare spending from 2009. The pie on the left shows where the money comes from while the pie on the right shows where the money goes.

5. Conditions in the healthcare system were complete hell before Obamacare– Whether you love or hate Obamacare, most Americans would agree that our healthcare system may not be ideal, but it’s still better than under the Bush Administration. We should all remember that before Obamacare, it wasn’t uncommon for people to be denied health insurance because of a preexisting condition (at least legally). It was also common for people to lose their insurance (and/or job) when faced with a medical emergency or at least be faced with paying an exorbitant amount of money. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg. Let’s just say, while Americans may not see eye to eye on Obamacare, most wouldn’t want to return to the US healthcare system under the Bush years.

This is a graph from that National Business Group on Health explaining the rate of medical cost increases from 1999 to 2014. Note how it's dropped at its lowest rate in 15 years.

This is a graph from that National Business Group on Health explaining the rate of medical cost increases from 1999 to 2014. Note how it’s dropped at its lowest rate in 15 years.

6. Like education, individuals with healthcare are able to contribute more productively to the workforce than those who don’t– there may be a lot of complaints from conservatives that universal healthcare will only make the hardworking rich pay for the lazy poor on welfare. However, like education, individuals with healthcare contribute more productively to the workforce because they’re more likely to lead healthier lives and miss work much less. Besides, in the event of an injury or illness, the sooner a person receives medical treatment the more likely he or she will be able to work again. If an illness or injury goes untreated, the more likely a person will end up disabled with a chronic health condition or untimely dead. Those who are poor and disabled usually seek out public assistance because nobody’s going to hire them anytime soon. The fact the vast majority of people on welfare are either disabled or under 18 should illustrate this. Not only that, but their chronic condition could also limit their ability to lead a healthier lifestyle. Thus, while healthy individuals with health insurance usually can find work, unhealthy people without insurance are usually stuck in poverty because their chronic health conditions simply make them unemployable.

Here's an infographic from Atlanta Health showing the costs of the uninsured to hospitals, doctors, and other providers in 2012 according to state.

Here’s an infographic from Atlanta Health showing the costs of the uninsured to hospitals, doctors, and other providers in 2012 according to state.

7. Taxpayers spend a lot of money on treating the poor already– while those living in poverty are more likely to be uninsured, they’re also more prone to adverse life threatening health conditions or injuries, seek medical treatment when it’s too late, and receive care in the emergency room when things go from bad to worse. Whenever an uninsured person is treated in the ER, it’s likely to cause healthcare costs and premiums to rise for the insured as well by $922 for families (this before Obamacare). Not to mention, poorer people are more likely to work jobs in adverse conditions as well as have worse health habits and be victims of gun violence. And when it comes to gun violence, taxpayers shoulder about 80% of the medical costs mostly because victims are more likely to be from a group that’s heavily uninsured or on Medicaid. This amounts to billions of dollars. Still, while critics say that universal healthcare will lead to poor people mooching off taxpayers, Americans are basically paying for poor people’s medical treatment now as we speak. And the fact that many of them don’t have insurance is part of the reason. Oh, and when these people go on Medicare, taxpayers pay the bill for those who may be suffering a lot of chronic health conditions brought by illness and injury that could’ve been treated years ago.

This is from a 2011 infographic on the consequences of being uninsured in the United States and shows what could happen to those people such as an undetected serious condition, disability, and early death.

This is from a 2011 infographic on the consequences of being uninsured in the United States and shows what could happen to those people such as an undetected serious condition, disability, and early death.

8. If a poor homeless bum can be uninsured, then so can you– whether it’s being unable to afford insurance, dropped coverage from the insurance company, or job loss, if a poor person is uninsured, then it affects your access to affordable healthcare. This is especially true, when poor people visit the emergency room because it’s the only place in the hospital that would take them. And it’s usually the insured who pay for their treatment as well as contributes to high healthcare costs since emergency care is extremely expensive and with unpredictable cost. The higher healthcare prices rise, the more likely people are going to end up uninsured. If the healthcare system treated the poor in the way it treats the insured (like regular checkups, follow-up visits, etc.), healthcare costs may not have gotten this bad.

Here are even some more statistics from the 2011 infographic on the costs of being uninsured in America such as early death, multiple ER visits, and unpaid medical bills.

Here are even some more statistics from the 2011 infographic on the costs of being uninsured in America such as early death, multiple ER visits, and unpaid medical bills.

9. Treating the poor in the Emergency Room makes hospitals less likely to adequately treat patients in truly emergency situations– all too often in the United States, Emergency Rooms usually serve as places that treat the uninsured since they can’t turn anyone away. Most of the time when the uninsured have a serious condition, they will simply not seek any medical attention until it gets substantially worse. Not to mention, there are some patients who aren’t experiencing actual emergencies and those who’d be better served in a non-acute setting. These patients are usually there because they’re uninsured. This leaves ERs basically overused, overcrowded, and with an overstressed staff which would inhibit their effectiveness in treating ER patients with real life threatening conditions, insured or not. Thus, when uninsured flood the emergency room, quality emergency care is compromised.

This is a chart from Forbes magazine comparing the quality of US healthcare to that of 10 other countries as well as the costs. By the way, the US is the only country on this chart that doesn't have Universal Healthcare. Not to mention, this magazine isn't run by liberals.

This is a chart from Forbes magazine comparing the quality of US healthcare to that of 10 other countries as well as the costs. By the way, the US is the only country on this chart that doesn’t have Universal Healthcare. Not to mention, this magazine isn’t run by liberals.

10. A lot of other industrialized countries have Universal Healthcare, most of which have better health systems than the United States– the US doesn’t have the best healthcare system in the world and one of the few industrialized countries that doesn’t have a universal healthcare system. Meanwhile, other countries have managed to have ways to guarantee universal affordable health care to all their citizens and their people are much healthier (though their systems may have their share of unique problems and challenges). The British have a National Health Service which is a point of national pride in the UK and spend half as much on healthcare as we do. While Japan is known for a high cost of living, their health services are comparatively cheap and you always know what you’re paying for. Taiwan and Canada have government run health systems while France, Germany, and Switzerland don’t (though their systems are non-profit while Switzerland’s healthcare plan is modeled after Hillary Clinton’s 1994 healthcare plan that didn’t pass Congress). Still, even the most conservative people in those countries are much more satisfied with their healthcare system than even Obamacare’s harshest critics are with ours. The United States spends more on healthcare than any other industrialized nation and affordable access is still denied. When tourists get sick in the country, they often find themselves getting medical bills that cost an extraordinary amount of money such as the Canadian woman slapped with a million dollars for having a child in Hawaii. This is unacceptable.

11. The United States provides a lot of taxpayer funded services– these include free public education, highways, fire department, police, national parks, historical preservation, national defense, public libraries, banking protections, postal service, water utilities, mass transit, emergency services in environmental and national disasters, and so many more. So why should paying for healthcare be any different? Thus, there should be no reason why universal healthcare isn’t unconstitutional.

This graph is from the Huffington Post pertaining to how much health care costs have increased since the 1960s, which they say is a staggering 818% while the GDP and wages not so much. This might be biased but it helps show why the US health system was in dire need of reform by Obamacare.

This graph is from the Huffington Post pertaining to how much health care costs have increased since the 1960s, which they say is a staggering 818% while the GDP and wages not so much. This might be biased but it helps show why the US health system was in dire need of reform by Obamacare.

12. For-profit healthcare isn’t what it’s cracked up to be– sure you may hear libertarians say that an unregulated free market helps everyone. However, while health insurance companies may give some people choice in their own health plans, it only extends to those who are able to afford it or the wealthy. Those who aren’t rich may be compelled to choose a different plan which doesn’t allow them good access to services as well as charges exorbitantly high premiums. Before Obamacare, many health insurance companies dropped sick people or denied sick people insurance due to preexisting conditions. Those insured would have to pick the providers from those the insurance company would cover and would accept your policy (this is still the case, by the way). Those with employee health insurance plans usually have to go with the option the employer provides and are usually one lay off away from losing it. Then there’s the lifetime and annual limits insurance companies would impose on people as well as charging women more than men. Not what I call consumer choice.

13. Nobody wants to get rid of Medicare and Tricare– Tricare and Medicare are single payer healthcare programs that provide services for people over 65 and military veterans. And though both may have their problems, we have to understand that they are very popular. Even people who don’t believe in universal healthcare would admit that government should take care of our veterans and elderly. In fact, many of Obamacare’s opponents might even be on them.

This pie chart from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows why some uninsured adults in America go without health insurance with not being able to afford it the main reason at 32%.

This pie chart from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows why some uninsured adults in America go without health insurance with not being able to afford it the main reason at 32%.

14. For-profit healthcare is discriminatory, costly, and unsustainable– we need to face that a for-profit health care not only costs Americans and the government billions, but also excludes a lot of Americans from accessing healthcare as well as makes it unaffordable for even those with insurance. The very fact that healthcare has become so expensive has led to most personal bankruptcies as well as is leading more companies to drop their employee healthcare plans. Furthermore, it’s also the main reason why it’s so hard to start a business and why small businesses have a hard time hiring workers. And while for-profit healthcare may have competition, it’s now the main reason for higher health prices because the insurance companies are focused on higher short term profits and administrative costs. Thus, for-profit healthcare is economically unsustainable.

15. Opposition to universal healthcare is mostly on ideological grounds– now while there is tremendous opposition against universal healthcare in the United States, it has absolutely nothing to do with how they feel about the healthcare system nor how they feel about services like Medicare and Tricare. I did a poll once on the US healthcare system for my high school civics class and found out that even those who opposed universal healthcare were just as likely to be unsatisfied with the US healthcare system as those who supported it (this, back in 2008). People who oppose universal healthcare usually try to make the issue about social entitlements to the poor as well as an issue of free market capitalism, equating it with “socialized medicine,” and big government “nanny state.” However, if you ask whether the government should provide healthcare to our veterans and senior citizens, even the most hardened conservatives would find it difficult to say no. This is especially true if you consider the fact a lot of senior citizens and veterans make up the conservative base and watch Fox News. So most of the opposition against universal healthcare is strictly ideological.

16. Money driven medicine doesn’t equal good quality care-In the United States, the healthcare system is arranged in a “fee for service” model which doctors get paid for providing services regardless of treatment outcome. It’s not unusual in the United States for doctors to prescribe treatments to patients that could possibly do nothing or be harmful and could hurt their quality of life. We need to understand that what makes a good business model doesn’t always translate into the quality a business has to offer, especially if it pertains to a business that’s supposed to save lives. Sure the insurance company makes money from treatments but so do the drug companies, hospitals, as well as those who make medical instruments and devices. But the fact medical malpractice in America is so common that medical errors kill more Americans per year than car wrecks that it’s big business as well. The people who the healthcare industry makes the most money off of isn’t the richest patients, but the sickest ones, which is why many seniors suffer greatly as they approach the end of their lives. In fact, said that 30,000 Americans die due to “overtreatment” each year as well. Add to that Americans spend more on healthcare than anyone else in the world on a system that discriminates the poor, you can see why nobody in the United States is satisfied with the healthcare they receive.

17. Free market economics don’t lead to greater cost control and effectiveness– despite what many universal healthcare opponents, conservatives, and libertarians may say, free market economics doesn’t necessarily make goods and services any cheaper. Now the healthcare system is driven by two market forces known as demand and the need to make greater profits than the previous year. This is the main reason why healthcare prices increase in the first place. Despite the economic recession that took hold in 2008, health insurance companies increased their profits by 56% in 2009 alone while between 2000-2006 as workers’ wages increased 3.8%, healthcare premiums rose 87%. In 2009, the top 5 health insurance companies in America ended up with a combined profit of $12.2 billion with their executives receiving as much as $200 million in total compensation. While the healthcare system operates on profit motives and competition, we still have people uninsured and costs are out of control as we speak. So much for free market economics.

18. The ER and medical services designed to help the poor are no substitute for having a PCP– a common myth about healthcare in America cited by many universal healthcare opponents is that being uninsured doesn’t mean they can’t receive healthcare for they can go to the ER and that there are plenty of government and private medical practices helping the uninsured. Sure it may be illegal to turn away people from the ER but such care doesn’t provide adequate care to most serious conditions, especially if they were previously undiagnosed. If the uninsured are unable to pay for care in full (which is 2.5 times more than what people with insurance pay), they’re often turned away when they seek follow-up care for urgent medical conditions. Treating a chronic condition requires much more medical care than an Emergency Room visit and lack of follow-ups attributed to being uninsured can delay detection of certain cancers that lead to adverse outcomes. As for the medical providers who do treat the uninsured, how in the hell is an uninsured person supposed to find them? In the US, the term “non-profit hospital” is basically a joke. Besides, free and discounted health services aren’t a common thing. In the US, if you can’t afford a regular source of healthcare like a PCP, then you’re medically screwed.

A 2013 survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation show that 2/3 of Americans regardless of coverage status are worried about being unable to pay their medical bills in the event of a serious accident/illness. Even being insured doesn't provide that security from medical bill troubles.

A 2013 survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation show that 2/3 of Americans regardless of coverage status are worried about being unable to pay their medical bills in the event of a serious accident/illness. Even being insured doesn’t provide that security from medical bill troubles.

19. There’s nothing more stressful in America as unpaid medical bills-in the United States, being concerned with how much you’ll have to pay for medical treatments for serious illnesses, injuries, and/or childbirth isn’t an unusual thing, even if you have health insurance. Since uninsured patients are charged 2.5 times more for care than their insured counterparts, it’s particularly scary for them to think that they’re once serious illness away from death, disability, or financial ruin. Most uninsured usually postpone needed care because they’re simply not confident they could pay for it. 2004 statistics say that they’re over twice as likely to report problems paying medical bills and are almost 3 times as likely to be contacted by a collection agency about them. Even if you have insurance, there’s no guarantee that your coverage will cover the costs that your medical bills demand, even if you’re on an employee-based plan. The fact that more Americans are becoming, “underinsured” really shows that healthcare is becoming less affordable by the year. No sick person in America should worry about paying medical bills once they get better. Add to the fact that more personal bankruptcies in America are caused by medical bills.

A 2014 stat by Vox that says about 201,000 Americans are killed every year due to medical errors that most healthcare providers try to avoid.

A 2014 stat by Vox that says about 201,000 Americans are killed every year due to medical errors that most healthcare providers try to avoid.

20. Medical treatment is more focused on insurance procedures and malpractice liability– as a for-profit system insurance procedures and malpractice liability have a lot of influence on how doctors treat patients. Forbes has reported that 92% of clinicians admit to making some medical decisions based on avoiding lawsuits, as opposed to the best interests of their patients. Patients put a lot of trust in their doctors for a lot of understandable reasons. Most patients want to feel that doctors will think of their best interests and make recommendations to their well-being accordingly. In money driven medicine (a.k.a. for-profit healthcare), you can’t always be sure that caregivers and patients will decide what’s best for the patient’s health. Sometimes decisions are made due to insurance procedures and perhaps on avoiding malpractice lawsuits, which cost lots of money as well as could possibly lead to a doctor losing his or her medical license. Sometimes doctors suggests the treatment that would get the most money, not what the patient needs. In fact, much of the healthcare industry makes its money by having patients spend exorbitant amounts on tests and scans they don’t actually need. Regardless of what doctors think about universal healthcare, most would rather just treat people without having to worry about interference from the medical billing department or the insurance company.

A 2012 infographic from NPR shows that while 56% of Americans have health insurance through their employers, 1 in 3 Americans are in a family that has trouble paying medical bills. Let that sink in.

A 2012 infographic from NPR shows that while 56% of Americans have health insurance through their employers, 1 in 3 Americans are in a family that has trouble paying medical bills. Let that sink in.

21. Most Americans are unsatisfied with the US healthcare system– despite what many people on Fox News may tell you, even the most diehard opponents of Obamacare can admit that the US healthcare system isn’t the best in the world. There are tons of healthcare horror stories in America such as people being charged high bills for cancer treatment, people meeting untimely ends due to not having insurance or the insurance not paying for treatment, dying due to receiving too much treatment, being denied for a preexisting condition, and so much more. About all the documentaries on the US healthcare system I’ve seen, Michael Moore’s Sicko was about the easiest to watch while the Bill Moyers Journal feature of “Money Driven Medicine” during the Obamacare debates was about the hardest. Now these documentaries may have varying degrees of accuracy but there are many Americans have or know someone who’s been screwed the US healthcare system which may range from frustrating to downright devastating. While there may be great contention on whether to have universal healthcare or reform healthcare at all, most Americans can agree that the for-profit healthcare system right now simply isn’t working.

22. Even healthy people can develop serious problems that need treatment– another argument against universal healthcare is that it would make healthy people who take care of themselves pay for burden of those with unhealthy lifestyles. However, while a healthy lifestyle can add years to your life, it’s no guarantee that you’ll live a long and healthy life, which may have more to do with family history and environmental hazards neither of which people have control over. You might also get injured in an accident or get shot at, which also needs serious medical attention. And even some people’s unhealthy lifestyles might also have a lot to do with factors beyond their control like having to work more than one job, occupational hazards, living in a poor neighborhood without a grocery store, bad upbringing, poverty, inadequate education, genetics, and others. Also, there are plenty of children who have serious health conditions as well as disabilities that need medical attention. Should they be denied? Not to mention, seniors and veterans aren’t the healthiest individuals in American society, so should we not pay taxes for their healthcare? I know this may be a bit extreme but we need to understand that there are times when bad health has very little to do with bad lifestyle choices alone. We try not to let natural disasters ruin people’s lives. Why should healthcare be any different?

23. We pay more of a price for not treating people when they should be– I know plenty of people complain about the healthcare system and think that we’ll pay more if we let poor people receive adequate medical treatment. For the uninsured the only outlet of medical care is basically the ER and a visit there is much more expensive than a routine visit to the PCP. Yet, since most PCPs only take insured patients, most uninsured don’t have this option and will postpone necessary treatment for serious illnesses because they simply can’t afford it. As a result, uninsured patients are more likely to be admitted into the ER with an undiagnosed late stage illness than an insured person would. Since an uninsured patient will probably be turned down for follow up, he or she will likely end up readmitted into the Emergency Room multiple times until they die prematurely. The costs add up as well as passed to consumers and insurance companies to foot. People who see a regular care provider are more likely to have any serious illness detected in the early stages as well as be treated for it as soon as possible. When it comes to serious illnesses or injuries, having a regular care provider can result in fewer hospital stays as well as Emergency Room visits, which can save a lot of money in the long term. In addition, providing preventative care to all Americans also saves a lot of costs down the line as well.

24. Most Americans support universal healthcare-despite how vocal Obamacare opponents could get, two thirds of Americans support a universal healthcare system while 90% at least believe that our healthcare system should be reformed. While it’s seen as a mostly Democratic issue, it has support among health care officials, religious leaders, and other major organizations. So this is an issue with a large amount of popular support. The fact that the United States is one of the few industrialized countries without universal healthcare is more due to party politics, healthcare being a multi-billion dollar business, and special interest lobbying. Still, if that’s not a reason for universal healthcare, then I don’t know what is.

Graph on hospital openings and closures between 2000 to 2012. Of course, these numbers only pertain to those participating in Medicare. But then again, most US hospitals do anyway.

Graph on hospital openings and closures between 2000 to 2012. Of course, these numbers only pertain to those participating in Medicare. But then again, most US hospitals do anyway. Yet, while they still happen not that it was a much bigger problem before Obamacare as this graph shows.

25. High medical costs have led to hospitals being shut down and less services to access-Now  I know that hospitals are big players in the healthcare system. Yet, in recent years, the rise of healthcare costs and uninsured during the Bush years has led to a lot of medical establishments being shut down since they can’t measure up to their competitors or couldn’t get enough patients. This has not only created less available healthcare services, it’s also led to job loss and economically devastated communities, especially if it’s the establishment that keeps the town going. This results in people having to travel further for services and longer lines. A for-profit healthcare system may seem like a good business plan in theory, but it also gives hospitals more of an incentive to make profits, which shouldn’t be its main priority. This is why medical costs rise, which makes healthcare less affordable. When healthcare is less affordable, then hospitals receive less patients. This leads many hospitals into a financial loss and eventual shut down. What’s even worse is that many hospital shutdowns happen in the poorest communities with the sickest patients, which is a terrible shame. When there are less services, it’s another reason for high health care costs and more limited availability.

How Medicine Works (According to the Movies)

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Okay, say what you want, but at least he’s a real doctor and in the movies.

As someone with family members in the medical field and as well being related to sports enthusiasts, I tend to know a little bit about medical workings more than I care to know. Not to mention, I know many people who use their health as a conversation piece which is seen as a safe but boring topic. For instance, if I want to know whether someone has health problems, I just want the person to cut to the chase and tell me in the simplest way possible. I don’t want jargon, full details, or anything disgusting or gross. However, as with the concept of guns, Hollywood’s take on medicine and health also doesn’t nearly stack up with reality and here I’ll compile a list why that is. Of course, I won’t list examples from fantasy and science fiction since most of their medicine either comes from the future or comprises of magic. And I won’t list details from horror movies either since there are no such thing as demon possession or vampirism.

1. You could survive tar and feathering without any permanent scars from the incident. (This is probably the most unrealistic thing in Little Big Man in which the townspeople tar and feather Dustin Hoffman. Still, his character survives the incident for 100 years, isn’t seen seeking any medical care, nor does he even have any scarring from the whole thing. In real life, Hoffman’s character wouldn’t have been so lucky. Being tarred and feathered was never a good or easy-to-overcome thing. Physical damage inflicted from the tar varied wildly depending on temperature. If relatively cool, the tar would cause mild irritations to the skin and the worst you could hope for was spending hours of scrubbing to clean off the skin {and remember this would mean on your entire body since you’d be forcibly stripped naked before they put the tar on you}. Sometimes removal would mean agitating the burns and ripping out hair {making a body wax seem like a picnic}. Near boiling {which would be more likely}, the tar could cause life-threatening burns {and will surely leave permanent scars}. And if the tar wasn’t the worst of it, you can suffer fairly serious injuries from being forced to straddle the rail coming from a splintery wooden fence. Still, though tarring and feathering is usually played comically in westerns, what it did to those subject to this treatment is nothing to be laughed at. I mean, everyone would remember what was done to you.)

2. No matter how badly an action hero is injured, he will never end up with permanent and visible scars. (Whereas a real life football player with milder injuries could possibly be out for the rest of the season.)

3. A young woman with terminal illness will grow more beautiful as death approaches. (I’m sorry but dying from a terminal illness doesn’t work that way. I mean just surviving from a near-fatal illness doesn’t really do much for you in the looks department. At best, you’ll probably look like a survivor from a Nazi concentration camp, may need to rely on pain killers, and will soon lose your ability to perform the most basic functions like swallowing. You may even be in a coma on life support surrounded by family members wanting to pull the plug. And if you’re suffering from a fatal illness before the 20th century, well, let’s not go there.)

4. Unprotected sex is perfectly safe and won’t lead to pregnancy as long as the encounter has little to do with the plot. (Seriously, with the kind of sexual lifestyle James Bond has, he’s got to have at least a paternity suit or an STD by now. Of course, he may be using protection off-screen or has had a vasectomy but there’s no way of knowing. Even so, contraceptives aren’t 100% effective. Still, Kirk and Indy each have at least one known child, but seem STD clean otherwise. Then again, Kirk is from the future so this doesn’t apply to him.)

5. Albinos have red eyes and are perfectly capable to shoot at a far distance and drive at night. (Sorry, Dan Brown, but most albinos have blue or slate gray eyes which may appear red tinged. Not to mention, most albinos have very poor vision and are often legally blind. In fact, vision impairment is the main aspect of the diagnostic criteria for albinism. So there’s probably no such thing as an albino assassin.)

6. People who suffer from a constant cough will soon die from the disease that causes it with a short period of time. (Kind of depends on the disease and the time period. Constant coughing isn’t really a big medical issue unless if leads to spitting out blood most of the time. Other than that the most serious diseases I can think of involving this symptom would be TB, whooping cough, or pneumonia. Still, if you have a coughing fit and seem perfectly healthy, you probably have the common cold, the flu, or bronchitis. As with TB sufferers in the 19th century, it may kill you but you’ll survive for a number of years, if it does. If it kills you much quicker, you probably had either pneumonia or lung cancer {and for much of the 19th century, all serious lung diseases were diagnosed as tuberculosis so as how many people actually died from TB is anyone’s guess though it was incurable and contagious}.)

7. An antidote or vaccine will instantly cure a disease with no ill effects. (Actually a vaccine isn’t going to help you fight an illness if you already have it most of the time. A vaccine is a preventive measure used to train your immune system to fight a certain pathogen so if the real thing comes along, they’ll be able squelch it before it gets the chance to infect. Of course, the rabies vaccine may be an exception. As with antidotes, though they may reverse some effects of a poison but not all. And they may not save your life. Nevertheless, they need to be taken as early as possible or before the body sustains so much damage that death is inevitable. Also, tends to be rather expensive. Sometimes there may not even be an antidote if you have a certain kind of poison in your system.)

8. Radiation exposure can give you superpowers. (What it actually gives you are radiation sickness, radiation poisoning, possible congenital mutations to pass to your kids {that may lead to birth defects}, and/or cancer. Many people who worked at nuclear facilities have serious health issues and don’t live too long. Of course, super powerology isn’t based on actual science but you get the idea radiation exposure is no fun at all.)

9. Alternative medicine and herbal remedies can help you just as much as traditional medicine could. (Well, not exactly. Of course, there are some medicinal herbs but they don’t always work 100% of the time. Also, they can carry their share of side-effects just like any other drugs sometimes serious or fatal. Still, you might want to consult your doctor on this one. And if you have no idea of what herb it is or what it does to you, don’t consume it.)

10. Being attacked in the nuts or castration can result in a dramatic voice change from tenor to soprano in males. (Actually while a groin injury can be very painful in men and boys, it will not result in a dramatic voice change, though it might impair reproductive capabilities. As with castration, it depends on the age of the man but it doesn’t change a guy’s voice. Talk to any war veteran who’s had his junk shot off in battle. Chances are they sound as much the same as before. Besides, most of your castrati opera singers during the 17th-18th centuries were castrated before puberty in order to retain their voices. Vocal chords just don’t shrink, boys, so you don’t have to worry about that.)

11. Potassium cyanide kills in seconds. (It takes effect after a few minutes and can be a messy affair involving strong seizures before it kills you through massive apnea and cardiac failure.)

12. Good drugs have no side-effects. (All medicines do, some worse than others. For God’s sake, have you’ve ever seen any pharmaceutical ads? Some of those side-effects just make me not want to take the drug.)

13. All drugs and poisons take effect upon consumption. (It usually takes time for the effect to be felt due to having to travel through the body. Also, matter of of how the drug is taken is a factor. Still, if you take something which doesn’t take effect right away, don’t take another dose whatsoever.)

14. Smoking marijuana can cause you to go into a blind killer rage. (Obviously, even Hollywood doesn’t believe this Reefer Madness nonsense but it probably won’t turn you into a peace loving hippie either. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

15. It’s easy to retain good physical shape regardless of diet and exercise. (Sure they may be in great physical shape but they’re actors with nutritionists and personal trainers. Thus, diet and exercise are very much a factor.)

16. Truth serum can make someone incapable of lying and will always give you complete and accurate information. (Sure it may cause hallucinations, never to shut up, or reduced inhibitions but it won’t make anyone less capable of lying. Using truth serum is a human and civil rights issue and any statements obtained in this manner are inadmissible in court. Thus, they’re more useless than lie detectors.)

17. A person can be revived after a few minutes of CPR and will later have a full recovery. (CPR rarely results in a full recovery since it’s performed when a person has less than a 10% chance of recovery at all. Also, it doesn’t take a few minutes and you shouldn’t give up until either the person starts breathing on their own or when the EMTs arrive. Not to mention, it’s expected for the ribs to break during CPR, which is never seen in film. The victim can also throw up and mouth-to-mouth isn’t even recommended.Still, you might want to call 911 first since CPR has a 2% survival rate on its own.)

18. If CPR fails, then it’s perfectly fine to start striking a patient in the chest in order to restart his or her heart. (It’s called a precordial thump and should be delivered by an expert in a life-threatening rhythm and only attempted once. Also, it should precede CPR and only works for a very short time period {but not in every attempt}.)

19. A proficient swimmer can save a person from drowning by jumping into the water or throwing the victim a buoy. (Only try to save a person from drowning if and only if there are no professional lifeguards around. Not to mention, lifeguards are instructed never to jump into the water or throw the buoy to the victim {but past them}, especially if that person has a possible spinal injury.)

20. When someone has a nosebleed, always put their head back. (You actually risk making them choke or puke from swallowing their own blood. Better to make them lie down if possible {well, it works form me whenever I had nosebleeds as a kid}.)

21. The first thing to do when someone has a foreign object in their bodies is try to remove it as soon as possible. (The object is serving as a plug on the wound and pulling it could kills someone in minutes. Best it should be removed by professionals where infections can be fought off by antibiotics. Also, some people live with bullets for years without any problems like Andrew Jackson.)

22. When someone has hypothermia, it’s best to throw them in hot water. (This would cause a person’s core temperature to shoot up, inviting the colder fluid and extremities in making the person even colder or worse, mess up their heart. Still, a person suffering hypothermia should get warmed up through a warm bath and only if they can get in unassisted. A person suffering from more severe hypothermia should be rushed to the hospital.)

23. Using a an article of clothing as a makeshift tourniquet for a gunshot wound can help stop the bleeding. (This is a very bad idea since the clothing will probably stick to the drying blood and cause other problems when real help arrives. If left on a limb too long can result in it becoming necrotic and falling off. Only should be done if pressure around the wound isn’t working.)

24. Giving birth only takes a few minutes with the baby looking dry and clean as well as little to no mess. Not to mention, the mother is perfectly fine. (Pregnant women can be in labor for hours as well as so exhausting that the mother is either drenched in sweat and red in the face due to exertion as well as passed out due to the pain or pain medicine. Also, it’s a very messy affair complete with amniotic fluids, blood, fecal matter, tearing the placenta, and other bits and fluids. Not to mention, the babies come out covered in bodily fluids and have noticeably deformed heads. Of course, since I have a lot younger cousins, I can say that a cleaned up two day old baby looks much cuter than many other newborn animals. Most of the “newborns” you see on film are usually about 3 months old mostly due to younger babies being more susceptible infections.)

25. You should always try to remove the bullet when someone is shot as well as requires simple tools and little expertise. (Pulling a bullet out is the last thing you want to do for a shooting victim. Even surgeons frequently leave them in while repairing the damage. Still, bullets are mostly harmless when they stop moving and it’s best to remove them after the immediate trauma has already healed. Of course, there are exceptions in which a bullet has a chance to explode or has a part of clothing in the wound which could cause infection.)

26. Anyone can perform a tracheotomy. (No one without an MD should ever attempt this.)

27. Antibiotics can instantly cure any kind of illness. (They are only effective against those caused by bacteria and only if that particular strain is sensitive to that prescribed antibiotic. Still, there are drugs that fight viruses, parasites, and fungus.)

28. A defibrillator will restart a patient’s heart from cardiac arrest, usually when you try the second time. (While it will help improve survival ratios for cardiac arrests, there’s a specific time window in which shock must be applied. If not applied within 4 minutes of onset, odds of successful conversion drop drastically. Also, odds of successful conversion go down the more shock a patient requires. Not to mention, a defibrillator doesn’t restart the heart but stops a dysfunctional heart rhythm in hope that heart’s mechanisms can restore an effective rhythm. A first responder will do this alongside CPR. Modern defibrillators are rubbed together to spread a conductive gel on them, not building up a charge. They also have one-use adhesive pads and don’t make that KACUNK! noise like older models did. And they don’t make the patient jump several inches off the floor.)

29. In case a defibrillator is absent, hooking up a person to a main power source will give the same results. (No it won’t! This is a horrible idea! Doing this is a good way to induce the conditions that need defibrillation so don’t try this. However, if you wish the afflicted person dead anyway, then I’m sure this technique will give them a great sendoff to the choir invisible.)

30. Everyone knows their blood type. (Only those who give blood do and  it’s not a big population. Heck, I don’t even know my own blood type.)

31. Anyone experiencing a fatal illness will exhibit mild symptoms at first only to have the disease get progressively worse after the diagnosis. (Usually by the time one is diagnosed with a fatal disease, the symptoms have progressed enough to be serious. Most people usually try to wait out mild and nondescript symptoms.)

32. Nothing wrong can come from yanking the I.V. once you wake up from a coma. (Yanking the I.V. will put the wound at risk for infection.)

33. If your friend is poisoned by a snake bite, you should always suck out the venom from the puncture wounds. (Don’t ever do this! For one, sucking could cause further infection on the wound, transfer the risk of poison from the victim to yourself, and will only make the wound swell which require another incision increasing bleeding (raising everyone’s risk of infection), an may result in the poison entering the bloodstream faster. Also, people survive the vast majority of venomous snake bites even without treatment. Still, if someone is bitten by a venomous snake bite just try to keep the person calm and prevent them from moving and arrange for them to be transported to a hospital. Sucking the poison can get you both killed on this one.)

34. Sedation only takes a few seconds to knock you out. (It depends on the type of sedation drug which can usually take from a few seconds to a few minutes or even several hours. Dosage is also a factor.)

35. You can knock out a person with a simple blow to a head. (It’s the least reliable way to make someone unconscious. Yet, if you successfully do knock someone out with a blow to the head, you might be in trouble. A blow to the head that causes unconsciousness is also severe enough to cause a skull fracture, concussion, intracranial bleeding, permanent cognitive impairment, amnesia, blindness, personality, change, and even death. Usually lasts for a few seconds but unconsciousness lasting for than a minute usually indicates brain damage which will take months and not years to recover and the injured person will likely have permanent impairment. And if a blow to the head doesn’t make the person unconscious, it will certainly make them very, very angry. Don’t do this! Please remember this is why professional sports has a major issue with head injuries and why people should wear helmets.)

36. You can travel an exotic location, eat the food, drink the water, and not have to spend a long time in the bathroom. (Depends on where you travel. This might apply to Europe and other developed nations, but if you’re in Latin America, Africa, the Middle East, or some other Second or Third World dump, chances are that trying the local cuisine and drinking from the local water supply might result in spending countless hours of your trip on the toilet.)

37. Spending considerable time near the equator or other exotic locations won’t result in you spending some time in bed with a tropical disease. (Seriously, I have no idea why Indiana Jones doesn’t come down with anything. I mean he’s an archaeologist living in the 1930s so it’s not like he’s went through inoculations prior to every trip. For God’s sake, he has to have least gotten a case of malaria from a mosquito bite.)

38. All epileptics suffer from violent convulsions when having a seizure. (There are many different types of seizures that have symptoms ranging from losing consciousness and staring into space for a few seconds, losing control of a limb while maintaining consciousness, to full-blow writhing at the ground, and everything in between.)

39. Seizures are set off by flashing images. (Actually this is called photosensitive epilepsy which consist of 10% of all epileptic cases).

40. All heart attacks start with a shooting, radiating pain later resulting the person to stagger in pain while clutching his chest with face turning bright red before dropping like a stone to the floor unconscious and probably dead. (Heart attacks vary in nature which can range from this to ones you don’t realize you’ve had until an ECG years later discovers the damage left behind. Symptoms can range from fainting, puking, and collapse while a massive heart attack can make the sufferer think he’s about to have a bout with diarrhea, one reason why so many die on the toilet.)